Attempts at the sample scripts

[terrapin]

Woh, thats a good crit from PJ - strong critiques like this are what makes this thread so important for us aspiring artists. Good job with the changes youve made so far Alistermac. PJ critted my work on my last sample attempt and it was a real help - look forward to seeing your revised pages.

[pauljholden]

I FINALLY read that script! Yay! (well, the first page) here's my thoughts along with one possible approach to it: http://www.pauljholden.com/blog/2012/05/19/a-cycle-of-violence/

-pj

[Paul_Ridgon]

Just noticed that PJ has drawn up his layouts for page one and (not that I consider myself to be in anywhere near the same league) thought I would do the same before taking it to pencils. Any thoughts/ comments on the layouts gratefully received.

[terrapin]

Hi Paul, tight layouts! I think the point PJ made about the first panel being an establishing shot is important. The image of the murdered woman should linger through the remaining panels on the page I feel. By making the panel bigger you give it more importance and also i think makes the reader look at it for a longer space of time  allowing for an emotional response. The perspective in the second panel works well -I found this tricky. I think if there was a little more space between the two characters it would create more suspense in the scene- no way dredds missing from there. The close up is great but the characters seem to be facing in different directions over the 2nd to 4th panel and it confuses whats happening i think. Hope that is useful.

[terrapin]

I just tried to download the sample script for sorrow hill but was sent to an error page when clicking on the  link. Can anyone send me a working link to the sample scripts?

[a chosen rider]

I just tried to download the sample script for sorrow hill but was sent to an error page when clicking on the  link. Can anyone send me a working link to the sample scripts?

There's a link on the submissions guidelines page here.

[terrapin]

cheers

[Emperor]

I just tried to download the sample script for sorrow hill but was sent to an error page when clicking on the  link. Can anyone send me a working link to the sample scripts?

Thanks for flagging that up - I've updated the link.

[Simon Fraser]

I've been skimming this thread. It's interesting reading. I completely agree with what PJ is saying and having had a look at his version of the layout on page 1 of that script I doubt I could improve on it. Also big props to allistermac for how he's taking the criticism, that's exactly the right attitude to adopt.

My comments are more general in relation to allistermac's pages. There's a general problem with staging and creating a sense of space. Obviously perspective is very important here, but even more important than that is building a sense of 3 dimensional space in your own mind. You do that by drawing real life stuff happening in real life situations. kitchens, subway stations, burger joints, pubs etc. Eventually your brain acquires an understanding of 3 dimensional staging, you will just feel when something is wrong. The time to apply a perspective grid is AFTER you have drawn the rough layout. That may seen counterintuitive, but nothing kills a drawing deader than trying to draw a real space starting from a ruled perspective. Real spaces have a chaos to them that you can apply if you have experience actually drawing from life.

The other thing that I'm having difficulty with if the use of extremely precise and clinical feathering. Unless you need to draw a stainless steel cooking pot there is really very little use for that technique ( put down the Brian Bolland & Cliff Robinson for the time being ). You would be better served by thinking in terms of black and white panel composition. Good black placement will create more sense of weight than any amount of feathering. In fact feathering should be used as sparingly as you can as a way of subtly softening hard edges. Hunt out some Alex Toth artwork. Look at how he composes a panel, how he places black, how he builds drama through composition. You might not get it at first, but everything you need to know is there.

Ok that's enough for now.
Keep at it, determination is a huge part of succeeding in comics.

Simon.

[struthersneil]

Saw PJ's blog post this morning, thought I would give it a go for practise and to start building up a few fresh samples. Some seriously sterling advice on this thread.

So here's mine (page 1 anyway). Took a liberty with the angle in panel 1, but hey.

(Hope this doesn't come out too massive, I'm on my phone with no idea how this'll come out.)



(Edit: used smaller image)

Crits welcome, naturally. Flickr link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/struthersneil/7230370060/sizes/o/

[locustsofdeath!]

Yeah, man. I'm diggin that bit of work.

Love the change in the first panel - the girl looks like she was blown off her feet, expression of surprise left intact. The boy's eye peering down at the blade in 1:4 is great, too. In fact, I feel all of your panels are bold and confident.

If I had to nitpick - and believe me, I like what I see here - is that in 1:2, the perp seems a bit too "stiff" or posed. But overall, great stuff.

[allistermac]

Simon, Thank you for taking a look at my work and your words of wisdom and encouragement. Creating convincing environments is something that I need to work at and practice. I will give my photoshop brushes a rest and go back to a more organic hand drawn approach to shading. I thought it was going to speed up my drawing but it's a lot quicker the old fashioned (right) way.

I've looked at PJ's blog and his approach to drawing the script on his blog which is a great help. It is good to get an insight into how an experienced artist works.

[TordelBack]

What a great place this forum can be.  Detailed critiques by PJ Holden and Simon Fraser, two artists at the top of their game.  Fascinating stuff.

[IAMTHESYSTEM]

Very unique page design. The shadows really give it depth and I'd love to see more.

Only one criticism. Where's Judge Dredds elbow Pads?

[Simon Fraser]

struthersneil - I like this, you're using blacks well to build 3D space, drama and mass. Also you are using different hatching to convey form , but also texture. Well done.

My criticisms are more to do with how you are drawing the characters. I like how you have staged panel 1, but I'm not 100% sure if she is a dead human or a robot/dummy. I want to see a little more death in her face. The way that her muscles would relax after trauma. Experiment in front of a mirror and see what you can come up with.
I'm not seeing enough continuity between shots of the boys face, so that it's not obvious to me that this is the same character in all 3 panels. Also, even though this kid is obviously traumatised, he's still a kid and shouldn't look too monstrous. There should be some innocence left in his face. We need to relate to this kid's pain.

Lastly, I'm not at all convinced by your Dredd. While the figure has a pleasingly meaty bulk It's pretty much off-model. You need to reference that stuff. Also bear in mind that the character has a great deal of physical self-assurance. Though the scene is terrifying there is nothing in Dredd's posture that should suggest fear or uncertainty. If anything his body will have an almost monolithic conviction about it. Stand in front of a full length mirror and think yourself into a Clint Eastwood stance. I tend to go with John Wayne myself because Dredd in my mind moves with a slow and unstoppable intent.

You're doing a lot of things well here. The fact that I'm talking more about character implies that you are fairly solid on the basics.