A Question For Men

[The Doctor Alt 8]

Ok gentlemen I have a question for you.
Two nights ago I was returning home from Adrian's when this "gentleman" approches me asking to spare him a minute. As he was outside a multi occupied home I thought that he wanted my help to get inside as no one  was answering his plea.

Nope. HE just straight up asked me for sex.

A man. at lest 10 years my junior asked me for sex.

Tried to convince me I had a nice body. (I don't I have this thing called a mirror)

Also thought my... private parts would be a sweet as strawberry cheesecake.

Kept my head down and prayed he wouldn't turn violent.

Mercyfully he took the hint that I was not interested.

My question. What the hell was he thinking? Seriously dose this approach with complete strange women ever work?
(and even if it did, would you seriously copulate with a woman you didn't know and actually thought such a preposition was sufficient for her to think that you were a potential partner?

Curious minds need to know....

[Tjm86]

Speaking as possibly an unrepresentative member of the male population of this country I think my response to this is fairly simple ...

Have you reported this incident to the police / local media?  The reason I ask this question is because this is disturbing on several levels:

• he has approached a lone female in an isolated place
• he has engaged in inappropriate conversations of a sexual nature
• he has actively propositioned

Granted (and, as you say 'mercifully'), he has withdrawn in the face of a negative reaction on this occasion but if this is an escalation of predatory sexual behaviour then this might not be the case going forward.

On the off chance that this is an indicator of poor judgement then the appearance of a report might shock him into introspection.  If it is a case of mental health issues then possibly someone might recognise his description and take steps to monitor him more closely.

My big concern though is, as I said above, there are a number of disturbing features of this encounter that might suggest growing confidence in predation.  Having managed to navigate this encounter 'successfully' (by which I mean, made the approach and withdrawn without consequence) he might escalate the behaviour in the next encounter with serious consequences for the individual who next comes into contact with him.

It is worth thinking about the fact that although this might be an isolated encounter for yourself, it might not be from his point of view.  You have no idea what else he has been doing or who else he has approached.  Maybe I am being alarmist but I would rather police time was wasted flagging up something like this so that this behaviour could be challenged before it had serious and life-altering consequences for someone. 

[JamesC]

If I were you I'd certainly think about reporting it.

I can't believe he thought this behaviour would be seen as anything other than frightening. It feels to me like he wanted to scare or shock you more than anything.
Sounds like a horrible experience.

[Greg M.]

Yes, this is harassment designed to intimidate. Report it.

[TordelBack]

Appalling predatory behaviour, I'm truly sorry you had this experience. Report the fucker, no question in my mind that he's done it before and he'll do it again, and maybe with someone more vulnerable than you proved to be.

[JayzusB.Christ]

What they said.  He's a scumbag.

[shaolin_monkey]

From my point of view, this is entirely unacceptable, and it must have been very frightening for you. However, us men don't experience this a lot ourselves, so I'm not sure how useful it is for me to discuss it.


From the professional point of view of my partner, who has worked for Women's Aid, and is currently a safeguarding officer focussing on the health and safety of women and children, this happens to women A LOT.

From a personal point of view, my partner has been confronted with this type of behaviour several times herself.

Her thoughts on these matters are blunt. These are the actions of a sexual predator. Report it immediately to the police.

[The Doctor Alt 8]

If I could be certain of what he looked like then I would have reported it. But I don't want to potentially cause trouble for innocents. I didn't look at him because doing so might have been seen as encouraging. You have to be careful about looking strangers in the face around here. It can be perceived as a challenge.

[Greg M.]

You could give them the time and the place and any details you do have - including his specific comments - even if you don't have much of a physical description. They may be able to cross-reference it with other incidents. Like everyone else says, there's no way this is one-off behaviour.

[Tjm86]

If I could be certain of what he looked like then I would have reported it. But I don't want to potentially cause trouble for innocents.

Doesn't matter.  If he has form already then the details might gel with someone they are already interested in. 
Let's face it though, the police won't go on a wild goose chase.  They've not got the resources for that.

This is why I suggested mentioning it to the local press as well.  If this isn't the first time then someone else might come forward with more information to add and stop him before he does some serious harm. 

If it was a drunken / 'innocent' / mentally disturbed mistake then reading about it in the papers might be enough to scare some 'sense' into the plank.

Ultimately whilst I get that you are concerned about the risk to 'innocent' individuals, at the risk of being alarmist, what about the risk to innocent victims if he does escalate?

Sorry but having witnessed first hand the dangers of unchecked predatory sexual behaviour I would rather risk someone spending a few uncomfortable hours in a police interview room than the rest of their life trying to get past a serious sexual assault.  (On the plus side the bar steward died in prison but not until he had spent forty odd years wrecking countless other lives because management thought it best to sweep it under the carpet ...)

[judgeurko]

What vile behaviour. I do remember a few years ago a recurring theme on the night bus, men seeking out women sat on their own & propositioning them as well as manhandling them!

As others have said I would report it if you are able.

[Woolly]

I can't even begin to try and understand what an experience like this must feel like, I really hope you're ok after that.

Please inform the police - you can make a complaint anonymously if you wish (the police will ask for your details, but you don't have to give them, and they're cool with that)
Doesn't matter if you can describe the guy or not - you know the address he was at, and whoever lives there may like to know this information too (assuming it's not the creep himself who lives there).

[von Boom]

I can't expound any further than to say that that sort of behaviour is shocking. Report it to the police immediately. You may have been very lucky, the next lady might not be. This is predation pure and simple despite the 'soft' approach.

[The Doctor Alt 8]

Well you guys raise some good points. Perhaps I am more stunned that this has happened that I haven't thought though the ramifications.

Good job I didn't tell you about this that happened just over a year ago at 4pm in the morning...

Ten minutes ago I answered a knock on the door. Standing there was a black man claiming to come from a company called dark chocolate.


He said he was a ladies masseuse... although he made it clear that that he was actually a male sex worker.
Also said his services had been paid for in advance.
He even commented (favorably) upon the size of my breasts)

I explained that I hadn't called him and would never do so and suggested alternative addresses

I asked Adrian at the time if this MO fitted anyone on his radar (As he volunteers for a mental health charity but he said no.

Honestly these things don't usually happen to me.... problbly why I am net used to handling them...

[TordelBack]

I think you handle them extremely well, Doc. I just wish you didn't have to.