The Black Dog Thread

[The Mind of Wolfie Smith]

thanks, guys. this community can clearly often be really genuinely kind. and in an age where kindness is increasingly such a rarity, i'm very grateful.
thank you.

[SmallBlueThing(Reborn)]

Wolfie, that's appalling to hear and you have my deepest, deepest, condolences. Obviously you're not okay at present- who would be?- but I'm glad that in some small way this forum makes things a percentage point easier.

SBT

[broodblik]

Condolences to you and your family Wolfie.

[paddykafka]

Ah, no! So very sorry to read of your father's passing, Wolfie. Sincere condolences to you on your loss. May your Dad RIP.

[Funt Solo]

I work at a school, so this shit* always hits me sort of sideways. My wife works at a school. My kid goes to a school. All these other folk attend school. And all of us are just potential sacrificial victims to the cult of the gun that the US is obsessed with. It's so fucking stupid.

Imagine handing out weapons to every stupid fucker you ever met at school. Imagine the result. That's the US. I know me going on about it on this message board won't solve anything, but it helps to vent it somewhere. Nobody here will listen to it.

*It's a report about another school shooting - something like the 35th this year. Relief that the body count is low, but of course it's not low enough. It should be zero.

[The Mind of Wolfie Smith]

in hell.
i'm sorry.

[The Legendary Shark]

Wolfie?

[paddykafka]

Thinking of ye, Wolfie. (As, I'm sure, many of us on this forum are.) Stay safe, pal.

[Rara Avis]

Anyone heard from TJM? Hopefully he's just taking a break ..

[The Legendary Shark]

Hopefully.

[Dark Jimbo]

Anyone heard from TJM? Hopefully he's just taking a break ..

For what it's worth, I did search death notices and obituaries for Wales, and his name doesn't seem to bring anything up. Hopefully it means that, as you say, he's just stepped back from online stuff.

[Rara Avis]

Thanks Dark Jimbo.

I did that too - well just for Prontypridd and West (?) Glamorgan (where his profile says he's based) but I don't know his name so I was looking for someone with the initials TJM.

Hopefully he'll be back to us soon.

@ Jade, how is your new job going?

[Jade Falcon]

Condolences on your loss Wolfie.

Rara Avis, the job is going not too bad, I'm gaining a bit of confidence but whoever came up with the phrase "The customer is always right" obviously never worked in customer service.

While the job is a good thing, I'm finding myself in wildly varying mood swings, I don't know why.  Today for instance, the job went fairly painlessly, but I'm home and suddenly feeling very strange, very melancholy.

Some might find this a bit funny, but I've been talking to a lady from the Ukraine recently and she has tried to be encouraging.  I find myself thinking that I think I have it hard and she is living in Kharkiv.  She has tried to be supportive, and I have found myself opening up to her, and her to me.

Despite this, I find myself still thinking that the vast majority of my life has been a waste, that I've not accomplished or done anything of any real worth.  At first with the job It has been a struggle to remember what to do, there is so many systems, extension numbers, and the like.  When you tell a customer you have to put them on hold till you put them through and get that they have been waiting a long time...I can sympathise to an extent having been in that situation myself, but theres not much I can do.

As I type this post I just feel....strange, not physically, but again unfocused, mentally tired.  There had been the possibility of a model show tomorrow but that has fell through.  It would have been a day out, yet at the same time I am not bothered because I don't need any more models, its just very confusing.

[Funt Solo]

I tipped over (in the last couple of years) from the desire to collect to the realization that I don't have the time, or sometimes the inclination, to do anything with the stuff I've collected. I have hard copy progs from 1 to 1683, but no time to do anything with the collection. Would it matter if I quietly skipped them and moved on with my life in other ways. Would it make a difference?

On the other hand - there's nothing set in stone that demands that there's a point to our existence beyond just being. It's not as if we get judged afterwards, or there's a points system or something. Here we are. That is all. Any other meaning is just something we're attaching ourselves. Which is also fine.

Also on the other hand - I finally got around to opening up a box of Skaven I've had sitting on a shelf for a year or so. In constructing the Plague Furnace I had a rat ogre left over - so I thought he'd look good skidding down some scree, launching into an attack. My other two rat ogres now need to be bracing this one, and also on rocky outcrops - which led to a hunt for some slate chunks, and a sort of base diorama that jigsaws together to form an imposing unit. Fun. (It's just playing with toys, really. But with an older brain.)

I've started to ideate (you-know-what) again, recently - I'm not sure what's driving that. It's a really sneaky bastard - it just sidles up to me when I'm doing something else and whispers "options, options..." and I'm all like "what the fuck brought you on?" I'm not keen to tell anyone [nearby] because I went through that a few months ago and was all like "cured now - tra la la". It feels fraudulent. Something like imposter syndrome with a side-helping of ennui and a smattering of mid-life crisis.

I'm also sorry for your loss, Wolfie. I can't imagine how it feels.

[Jade Falcon]

By a point to life, I don't mean a high flying job or anything like that.  I used to have a friend who was obsessed with getting management level and upwards jobs.

No, I'm talking about more personal things.  Bar a week during my time in the Air Cadets I've never travelled outside this country, I've barely travelled at all.  I have had no luck in relationships at all, this job has been the first paid job Ive really had.  I don't even have the ambition to have a fancy car, big house etc that some crave, I count myself fairly modest in that regard.  Even if I had the money I don't think I'd be the sort to go out and buy a flash car.  My health throughout the years I think has made me very insular, and when I had the voluntary work in Oxfam bookshop I really enjoyed that being a big reader.

I'll be honest, the intake for this job, I thought I would be out soon, about half are no longer here, perhaps more.