SHUT THE FUCK UP

[Eric Plumrose]

As I said this afternoon to the latest offender (this time during SAW VI), I really can't remember the last time I didn't have to ask someone to shut up (my exact words). He immediately took offence to my phrasing (or rather, he had to show some face in front of his girlfriend but without actually kicking off), although on a technicality it was the young man himself who said I was telling him to 'shut up', I merely agreeing with him.

Now, yes. I should have been more polite about it. I could have been more polite, certainly. Thing is, I've lost all patience for it. Unlikely as it was, I really don't care if this just happened to be that one time he and his girlfriend thought it perfectly okay to have an ongoing conversation for the first fifteen minutes.

Even if (as he protested) they were talking about the film (continuously, of course), there's a far better time to analyze it (this is the latest instalment of the SAW franchise, we're talking about) and it ain't during the film itself.

I've no idea if it's indeed the case but there seems to be this attitude nowadays that the cinema is just another place to hang out. It's disrespectful to ask one person to refrain from talking throughout yet perfectly fine to spoil another's enjoyment of the film; the film itself, I presume, no longer being the reason for going to the cinema in the first place.

[House of Usher]

*applauds* (but not until the end credits start rolling, of course.)

[WoD]

agree...but...SAW???

[Roger Godpleton]

If we were allowed to throw those absurdly obese soft drinks at offenders then sales would skyrocket.

[SuperSurfer]

Yeah, the cinema pisses me off 'cos of all that crap. There is always some giant blocking my view, some prickfuck talking, some moron rustling popcorn or bag of sweets or some idiot pressing their foot against the back of my chair. And what really riles me is when jerkovs shut up during the action scenes and then natter during the 'boring' talky sequences.

[Peter Wolf]

Yeah, the cinema pisses me off 'cos of all that crap. There is always some giant blocking my view, some prickfuck talking, some moron rustling popcorn or bag of sweets or some idiot pressing their foot against the back of my chair. And what really riles me is when jerkovs shut up during the action scenes and then natter during the 'boring' talky sequences.

People are like overgrown children and a friend who is a psychologist calls them Kidults.

[Buttonman]

I shouted 'Hoi' and did the put the phone down gesture to a man during 'Get Smart'. That showed him.

I also asked two woman to be quiet during 'The Passion of the Christ' only to be told "it's got subtitles". That told me.

I don't go to the cinema very much any more mostly because I'm a tightly coiled spring throughout just waiting for any infraction so I can let loose my 'shhhhh'.

People are arse holes. Not just in cinemas but that's where it's most apparent.

[Hoagy]

Arse holes need to be penetrated.

[Peter Wolf]

There ought to be seperate screenings for them so i dont have to sit with them.They should be segregated.

[Professor Bear]

I'm not sure why you need to be polite about it - the rules usually flash up on the screen before every film, and turning off your phone and not speaking during the movie are up there.

Kids in matinees seem able to keep their gob shut even when they're hopped up on sugar, so why we're expected to tolerate less than that from adults escapes me.

[Mardroid]

Arse holes need to be penetrated.

That would certainly tell them. Heeeelllooo! Just think of the amount of closed mouths (and sphincters) at the threat of buggery. Perhaps a sound activated 'tool' under their small trapdoor equipped chairs should be installed.

Might spoil peoples' concentration on the film though. Not to mention the risk of the passing of wind due to an involuntary clenching of the bowels causing an, erm, activation. (It would have to be set for particular volumes I guess.)

And there's the risk of a joker turning up with a ventriloquist act...

[Mike Gloady]

Morons who talk during films or who indulge in over-the-top smoochery (I don't object to DISCREET smoochery - i.e. if I don't notice) should just be killed.  Apparently the police let you off and if it DOES go to court, it's always ruled as "Entirely Justifiable Homicide by a Just and Noble Hero of the People".

That's true.  Honest. 

Ok, it's not.  But it should be.

[Graham Pearce]

Every cinema chain should enforce Adam and Joe's Cinema manifesto http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/adamandjoe/2009/09/cinema-manifesto.shtml

[Mike Gloady]

Oh god yes!  HOW had I forgotten that?  It was only a few weeks ago....

[COMMANDO FORCES]

I think people like us (that is people who like to watch a film without being disturbed) should be allowed to take a frying pan into the pictures.
Once these twats start yapping you can then go over to them and place it between them and smash it against their heads, back and forth, until they get the message. You then calmly go back to your own seat and enjoy the movie!
My Star Trek experience (the latest in a long line of horrendous experiences) was the final nail in the coffin for me and I don't think I will ever go to see a film at the pictures again.