Dr WTF?! 2012

[CrazyFoxMachine]

Jimbo, Candlish - you boys are in

[judda fett]

Late to the party as usual but I offer my drawing hand.

[Christov]

CAPTION (HAINES): IT ACTUALLY PULSATES FROM TIME TO TIME, DON'T YOU KNOW.

Out of context quotes go go go.

[Pauul]

And my submission is... rejected.

Oh well.

Apparently it wouldn't fit well with the other stories in the anthology, which is fair enough.

My imagination can take me to some strange places.

But if anyone wants to take a read then go ahead (and if anybody can think of any Doctor Who fan publication which the script might be suitable for, please let me know).



PAGE ONE (5 panels)

Panel 1.   Medium long shot of the OLD SHEPHERD as he wanders through a forest, yellow butterflies fluttering around him.

He rests on a wooden staff.

He has a white bushy beard and wears a red cloak.

CAP:   IN THE OLD FOREST.

CAP:   BEFORE TIME.

CAP:   WALKED THE OLD SHEPHERD.

CAP:   HE TALKED TO THE SPIRITS OF THE FOREST AND GAVE WISE COUNCIL TO THE ANIMALS.

TITLE:   IN THE FOREST.

Panel 2.   Long shot of a gathering of the animal clans.

The animals are anthropomorphic, like characters out of 'Wind in the Willows' and they are clothed in suits and other finery.

There are thirteen tribes – all represented by an individual and their attendants.

The tribes are; fox, badger, rabbit, pig, toad, mouse, beaver, bear, mole, otter, squirrel, ferret and hedgehog.

The Old Shepherd stands in the foreground.

CAP:   BUT THERE WAS ALSO DISCORD AMONG THE ANIMALS.

CAP:   THE THIRTEEN TRIBES CAME TO THE SHEPHERD SEEKING A SOLUTION.

Panel 3.   Horizontal panel.

Long shot of the CHAMPION.

He is a thin fox, dressed in an Edwardian suit and cloak matching that of the First Doctor.

The background is a blur of colour.

CAP:   THE SHEPHERD CREATED A CHAMPION.

CAP:   SOMEONE TO GUARD AGAINST THE MONSTERS AND THE BIG BAD WOLVES.

Panel 4.   Horizontal panel.

Long shot of the Champion, as he raised his head.

Gold energy rushes through him and he begins to change.

Te regenerate.

CAP:   HE WOULD BE ONE WITH THE ANIMALS, YET STAND APART.

CAP:   LEADING DIFFERENT LIVES, WEARING DIFFERENT FACES.

Panel 5.  Horizontal panel.

Long shot of the Champion, as he draws his cloak around himself.

He has changed, no longer a fox but plump badger.

CAP:   CHANGING.

CAP:   REGENERATING.


   
PAGE TWO (5 panels)

Panel 1.  Larger panel. Establishing shot of a large blue temple in a forest clearing.

The style echoes Chinese architecture.

A rabbit walks over the grass, carrying a bindle and moving toward the temple.

CAP:   TRAVELLERS WOULD COME FROM THROUGHOUT THE FOREST, SEEKING THE WISDOM OF THE CHAMPION.

Panel 2.   Overhead shot of the Champion as he sits in his throne, mediating between a representatives of the toads and the beavers.

He scratches his chin as he thinks.

The interior of the temple is richly decorated with Japanese room dividers, marble statues and patterned rugs.

The Champion has also changed his clothing; he wears a blue frock coat, decorated waistcoat and cravat.

CAP:   HE WOULD MEDIATE.

Panel 3.  Medium long shot of the Champion as he stands in a village, located in the forest.

He gives a loaf of bread to a hungry mouse child.

CAP:   RIGHT WRONGS.

Panel 4.  Long shot of the Champion as he wields a burning torch, driving back a massive werewolf-like creature.

The Champion is fearless.

CAP:   DEFEAT EVIL.

Panel 5.   Larger panel. Medium long shot of the Champion as he sits on his throne, surrounded by gifts.

CAP:   AND FOR THIS, THE CHAMPION WAS BELOVED BY ALL.


   
PAGE THREE (6 panels)

Panel 1.   Long shot of man-like creatures as they make their ways through the shadowy forest, at night.

Their eyes glow red and they carry axes.

CAP:   BUT THEN, THROUGH THE NIGHT A GREATER DARKNESS CAME.

Panel 2.   Low angle. Medium close up on one of the woodsmen.

They wear flat caps, tatty coats and scarves (as might be worn by bandits) which cover the bottom of their faces.

Where their face should be visible is only darkness, except for their evil red eyes.

CAP:   THE WOODSMEN MARCHED OUT OF THE SHADOW LANDS, SEEKING TO CLAIM THE FOREST AS THEIR OWN.

Panel 3.  Medium long shot of a rabbit as he explains the situation to the Champion inside the temple.

CAP:   THE ANIMALS CALLED ON THEIR CHAMPION.

Panel 4.  Long shot of the Champion, as he marches away from the temple – a sword fixed to his belt.

CAP:   AND HE MARCHED OUT TO FACE THE THREAT.

Panel 5.  Long shot of the Champion, as he wields his sword against a woodsman's axe.

As they duel, other woodsmen attempt to chop down trees behind them.

CAP:   THE CHAMPION FOUGHT.

CAP:   AND WON.

Panel 6.   Long shot of the Champion as he stands among the ruins the next morning.

Trees have been felled and homes ruined.

CAP:   BUT THE DARKNESS WOULD RETURN.

CAP:   AGAIN.

CAP:   AND AGAIN.


   
PAGE FOUR (5 panels)

Panel 1.   Establishing shot of a stone circle as a group of animals march toward it.

CAP:   THE ANIMALS MARCHED TO THE STONE CIRCLE, SEEKING SALVATION.

Panel 2.   Long shot of the Old Shepherd as he lies at the centre of the circle, resting on a stone slab.

His eyes are closes, his face peaceful.

All of the animals gather around the sleeping Shepherd.

CAP:   THEY CAME TO THE PLACE OF SLUMBERING AND AWOKE THE SHEPHERD.

Panel 3.  Medium long shot of the Shepherd as he cries out, holding out his staff.

Lightning flashes in the background behind him.

CAP:   A GREAT ANGER WAS RISEN IN THE SHEPHERD.

CAP:   HE MARSHALLED HIS FORCES AND PREPARED FOR WAR.

Panel 4.  Establishing shot of a factory as it turns out mechanical war machines.

The factory belches out smoke into the air and all around the trees have been chopped down to fuel the fires of the furnaces.

CAP:   THE SHEPHERD CREATED FACTORIES, WHICH IN TURN BUILT WAR MACHINES TO AID IN THE FIGHT.

Panel 5.  Larger panel.

Extreme long shot of the battlefield at the two sides race toward each other.

On one side; the animals and their war machines.

On the other; the woodsmen and their axes.

CAP:   BOTH SIDES FOUGHT.

CAP:   AND THE FOREST BURNED.


   
PAGE FIVE (6 panels)

Panel 1.   Long shot of the Champion as he stands watching the forest burn.

Rear view.

As the trees burn, spirits escape from them – rising screaming into the air.

CAP:   THE CHAMPION WATCHED, HELPLESS TO HALT THE BATTLING HORDE.

Panel 2.   Close on the Champion as a tear gathers at the corner of his eye.

CAP:   THE CHAMPION WEPT AND THE SPIRITS OF THE FOREST WEPT WITH HIM.

Panel 3.   Medium close up on the Champion as the tear falls from his eye.

CAP:   A TEAR FELL FROM THE CHAMPION'S EYE AND THE POWER OF THE FOREST WAS AWAKENED.

Panel 4.  Close on the tear as both sides of the conflicts are gathered and placed within the drop of water.

Still they battle, intent on destroying each other.

CAP:   THEY TOOK THE HORDE AND PLACED THEM WITHIN THE TEAR – SEALED AWAY UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

Panel 5.   Medium long shot of the Champion as he looks around.

Rain falls from the sky, extinguishing the fires from the forest.

CAP:   THE RAIN CAME AND THE CHAMPION STOOD IN THE FOREST.

CAP:   ALONE.

Panel 6.   Long shot of the Champion as he wanders away through the forest – fading away.

CAP:   AND SO THE CHAMPION ABANDONNED HIS HOME.

CAP:   HE SLIPPED THROUGH THE VALE OF REALITY AND WANDERED FOREVER ONWARDS.

BOTTOM CAP:   FIN.

[Alski]

Pretty cool story, but I can see how it isn't what WTF is looking for.

Mine was rejected, so i wrote another!

[locustsofdeath!]

Ah, so Owen's being a cut-throat bastard-type editor this go-round, is he? Excellent!

Pauul, seems to me your script seems more a "trailer" for a story rather than an actual story. Doesn't mean there aren't cool bits in it, but there was a lot of telling rather than showing. Is this the reason it was rejected?

[clavell]

Pauul, seems to me your script seems more a "trailer" for a story rather than an actual story. Doesn't mean there aren't cool bits in it, but there was a lot of telling rather than showing. Is this the reason it was rejected?

I have to agree with this. It's like a setup for something very epic. Or a backstory that gets hinted at during the champions wanderings. Good effort though.

- C

[Cthulouis]

I liked it. Time war as a legend passed on by the animals. Liked the Bad Wolf Reference.

[Pauul]

Apparently there was too much symbolism and melodrama (?).

Owen suggested if I could strip out all the symbolism and remove the ending and come up with something else then it might be useable... but that in itself would involve cutting out almost everything I had written and starting pretty much from scratch.

And honestly, I really couldn't think of a more conventional way to end the story.

I was kinda trying to strip the Doctor Who mythos down to it's most basic elements and build a new story upon it, but the only way it'd make sense is if I did it as an origin story.

So, yeah, the feeling that this is just a prelude to a greater legend is kinda what I was going for.

But I think the fact that it was an origin story was another reason it was rejected as well.

I did want to go with the feeling of a legend/myth/fairytale which is why there isn't any dialogue but yeah, I can understand why people might find that less enjoyable.

Oh well, I gave it my best.

[locustsofdeath!]

Pauul, I'm not trying to be rude - but you're coming across as a whiner. The editor - in this case Owen - has an idea what he wants his magazine to be, and if he gave you suggestions that would make your story useable, either discuss it with him privately and make the changes, or don't make the changes and move. Coming onto a public forum and questioning the guy you want to work for is NOT the way to go, especially when the editors of several other small press magazines frequent the boards.

And I know Owen - he's a great chap. I'm sure he was quite friendly when letting you down. There are other small press editors that will lay into your script...if it's worth it. Take the advice and use it. Ask the editor for an even more in-depth analysis of your work, and you'll usually get it. At this level, the small press, you can do that. Trust me, once you start submitting to the next level, the paying level, man, those guys can be brutal. And if you get rejected and then turn around and whine on a public forum about them...you probably won't get much published after that. Again, I'm not trying to be rude, lad. But your last few posts are not the way to go.

Take my advice for what it's worth. Or don't take it at all. ...

[Pauul]

Locusts, you just asked me why it was rejected.

I was attempting to answer the question that you asked me and nothing else.

There was a lot of symbolism is my script and it was an origin story.

I really couldn't think of a way to strip those elements out successfully.

Those are the reasons it was rejected.

I am working with other editors and I realise that there is a need to be brutal.

If I can think of a way to use critcism to better a script, I will.

In this case I really just couldn't think of a method to make the story work.

And that's why Owen rejected my script and he was completely right to do so.

As for my reason for posting in the first place, well, further criticism is useful to me as a writer and it might help others learn from my storytelling mistakes.

[locustsofdeath!]

Well, judging by this thread I'm sure you'll take us through every step on your journey to success. Good luck.

[Emperor]

Personally, I think it should have a Doctor in it.

You could try punting the script over to Vworp Vworp or looking up another Dr Who fanzine (I suppose there must be some others), as it might be a better fit there.

[Pauul]

I think you're right about the lack of a Doctor, it does make it difficult to place elsewhere.

Although it does give me an idea about a framing device...

Thank you, Emperor. Your advice is invaluable, as always.

So, Alski, what was your initial submission about?

[Emperor]

I think you're right about the lack of a Doctor, it does make it difficult to place elsewhere.

Although it does give me an idea about a framing device...

I was wondering about using a framing device, you could then pull back and reveal it is a Doctor telling the story to... End on a twist.