(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012.jpg)
Annnnnddd...We're back!
Yes, with the Lockerbie bomber dying today and taking our secrets with him, we can finally publish once again. Of course there may be a napkin, diary or stain that could send us back to the Hague, but for now let's don our Empero Isafanni suit, charge the glasses and unveil perhaps the most exciting project in the history of man. Yes, like the space race, all night petrol stations and peanut butter Kit-Kat Chunkies all rolled into one, we proudly announce 'LETTERSENTERTAINYOU : The Road to 10,000'. The Beast has churned the data and we are now less than 150 items of reader input until the monumental mile stone is reached.
From the early dawn of Chris' The Cat' Catto's musings in Prog 8 we have come a long way, with only slight downward deviations (Middenface McDredd), to the heady heights of today with rival letters based fan publications rubbing shoulders with the heavyweights such as The Beast powered LETTERSENTAINYOU. Before it is cruelly cancelled this thread will document each letter, drawing or joke that Tharg sees fit to print with a special prize awarded to the author of the coveted 10K letter.
In the fallow weeks when there are no letters to review we will keep the spirits up with some new exciting features :
NAME THAT DRAWING - A random picture will be posted and no prizes offered for the lucky reader who guesses its title.
HAS MY TOWN HAD ANY LETTERS PRINTED? - Readers nominate their town or that of a friend or relation and the Beast will advise of that place's letters pedigree - a useful feature for gauging property prices and the quality of the schools.
AM I THE BEST BRIAN? : Note everyone can be a Stephen Watson of Paisley, but are YOU the holder of your own name record?
RANDOM LETTERSENTERTAINYOU - A random Prog from the BB (Before Beast) days is nominated and LETERSENTERTAINYOU runs a review of it.[/list]
Right to business. The first publication to scrutinise is MEG 324 which hits us for six with a lovely inside back page Dreddlines. It even has a one line Editor's reply to a letter - they must have know we were reviewing!
First to bat is Matt Crossman of Cambridgeshire who doesn't sound like a cross man at all. He sounds almost happy, like that chap from the books, you know, Mr Topsy-Turvy. Matt likes everything including the free 'Drokk' track that sounded like feedback to us. He almost cries foul on the John Carter article but it's hardly a diatribe and he's soon back on message as he offers love for the movie reviews and Strange & Darke which, to be fair, more seasoned correspondents enjoyed too.
Matt has a full football team and one substitute of letters and is running slightly lopsided with a 7:5 Meg to Prog ratio. He is the King of the Crossmen with Gareth and Ian of Farnborough notching only one each. The Beast notes Gareth who scored in Prog 55 was also from Cambridgeshire - a possible letters sibling? Please advise if it is, as letters sibling are rare - there is usually a weird one and a normal one.
Next up is exotic foreign correspondent Michael Renehan of Indonesia. My Mum went there once. Jakarta? No, she took the plane. Michael is celebrating the extension of his lead in the all Indonesia Letters Championship with this his fourth score. He leads the trailing pack by, er, 4. All his works have graced the Meg with his cherry popper appearing in Meg 267 in 2008. He also hold the 'Renehan' record but lags behind Michael 'futon' Crouch of Naughty Norwich in the Michael reckoning. Sofa's 26 including 'Thatch the Warlock' in Prog 521 doesn't look like being troubled anytime soon.
Michael's letter is basically a quest for clarification on what 'in the nip' means - has he never seen 'Father Ted' or indeed used the internet? The Editor happily answers however and shows that his smutty thesaurus was a wise investment. Michael also thinks 'John Carter' needed something - from the sounds of it two hours of cuts would have been sufficient.
Zack Hawkins sounds like a boy band member from Minnesota and he may well be, but for our purposes he's the writer of letter 9848 on the Beast Database. Zack makes his a double with this offering following his memorable Meg 315 debut. He also becomes the Hawkins daddy doubling the scores of the hapless Marcus, Dave and Tom.
Zack's a tough cookie using only three superlative in his first sentence - I bet Tharg was wincing at that salvo! Zach keeps up the untough love with plaudits for all of the strips including a risible Dredd and a bum Black Museum. Still he likes and isn't afraid of saying so, so fair play to him. Is there no tough critic out there prepared to say it like it is?
Not from the next reader at any rate as we hear the familiar hollow ring of Alan 'Hollo' Holloway reverberate through the halls of Beast Towers. Alan does have some sway around here given he's a Top Ten letter writer with 26 notches on his bedpost, er, keyboard. This is his 16th Meg offering and first of 2012 following a solid 3 in 2011. He first appeared on our radar in Meg 74 (Vol. 2 No. 54) in 1994 and has never had a letter of the week, like Linton Porteous.
Alan bigs up the Dredd and says it was great that if featured superheroes without looking daft. Exsqueeze us? Daft didn't cover it - nonsensical would be a start. Alan likes a bit of the rest but describes the orgy scene in 'Strange & Darke' as 'well freaky' - he's clearly never been to Reflex on a Saturday night.
Rat farts, it's Tom Proudfoot now. Looks like we picked a bad week to reignite the Beast's boilers. Tom scores the longest letter of the issue with a full 6 inches of mirthless drivel. Still size isn't everything as we regularly tell our wife, it's what you do with it that matters. What does Tom do with his? Well that's for the courts to decide. As for his letter where to begin? Nowhere? No we have to be fair and go through it and point out every bit of style, wit and insight...
Tom is 21 today in letters terms. His actual age is not known as the records were destroyed in a Zeppelin attack. He first bothered this particular Beast back in 1983 with a Prog 309 effort. After a childlike drawing in Prog 427 he's been like a pesky gnat over the years with at least 3 published in each year since 2008. This is his second score (in letters terms, he is from Em'bra after all) of 2012 and he's on course to at least match 2011's 4.
We round off on a high with 'Mr Letters' Stephen Watson of Paisley who once again breaks the world record, moving the ceiling to 83 and a lead of two over Crocodile Dunwriting. This makes it a pair for 2012 for Watson and he'll need to move some to break last year's tally of 11. He now has 45 Meg letters to his credit (a record) and 38 in the Prog (not a record). 1999 was the last year we failed to see Mr Watson and at this rate the Knighthood must be a formality.
Watson has a reputation for saying it like it is and this must have gained the respect of the editor who is happy to publish all of the eloquent brickbats which are offered. "Bit Cold" - WHACK, "Old Hat" - SMASH, "Filed under 'Forget'" - KA-POW!. He does add some crème fraiche to the turd pudding by saying the Mark Millar interview was OK before giving a lurid snap shot of his mind's eye as he goes into graphic detail about his Mr Tumnus fixation.
This was a pretty good Dreddlines to get us back in the groove. We end with the Beast at 9851 records and the podium in sight. Please provide your nominations for our exciting new features - it could be your name up in Paintbox lights.
With the Jubilee, Olympics and Eurovision Song Contest on the horizon can The House of Tharg make it to 10,000 Beast entries this year? No chance - ETA November 2013. See you then!
Nice picture ;)
...Aaaaand relax. The Beast is back and all is well.
"His actual age is not known as the records were destroyed in a Zeppelin attack."
Tee hee.
Tharg should ban things more often.
Rejoice! It's back!
FUCK [40% OF] THE MODS.
I take it all back, we've created a monster!
Reported.
Anyone care to clue me in as to why this was banned in the past (assuming it actually was and I'm not just missing the in-joke)?
Buttonman, since you seem to have a disturbingly vast knowledge of the letters pages, can you tell me if any senders of drawings ever grew up to become actually 2000ad artists? I recall seeing one familiar name in an early prog - might even have been "Colin MacNeil," but the dates don't really add up.
Quote from: Syne on 21 May, 2012, 01:42:38 AM
Anyone care to clue me in as to why this was banned in the past (assuming it actually was and I'm not just missing the in-joke)?
Buttonman, since you seem to have a disturbingly vast knowledge of the letters pages, can you tell me if any senders of drawings ever grew up to become actually 2000ad artists? I recall seeing one familiar name in an early prog - might even have been "Colin MacNeil," but the dates don't really add up.
Gordon Rennie's feature for the Class of '79, Letters To The Green Dude.
http://www.2000ad.nu/classof79/website.htm (http://www.2000ad.nu/classof79/website.htm)
Logan's resource is indeed great but alas it's the Least Beast falling 1234 Progs and 324 Megs short of a full analysis. At least it's got pictures though!
This request does however give us a chance to unveil our new feature : Has any 2000ad Creator had a letter or drawing published since Letters to the Green Dude Stopped Counting at Prog 550? We were hoping for a more snappy title but 'Downton Abbey' was taken.
Anyway here we go with Episode 1 of Has any 2000ad Creator had a letter or drawing published since Letters to the Green Dude Stopped Counting at Prog 550?
Greg 'Gregory' Stapes of Dronfield from Prog 606
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/staples.jpg)
One more? OK then. Boo Cook of Lutton from Prog 547 ( GRennie must have done his piece before Boo became a droid)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/boo.jpg)
Welcome back Letters Entertain You!
That Link Prime blurb sent goose bumps up my arm akin to some two bit X-Factor drop-out being name dropped by Kanye West at the Grammys.
NAME THAT DRAWING? easy...Middenface McDredd?
Anything that gets me mentioned in the Meg and the LETTERSENTERTAINYOU in the same week is good by me.
And I'm anything but cross, except I haven't received my free graphic novel yet >:( ;)
Quote from: Mattofthespurs on 22 May, 2012, 07:09:12 PM
Anything that gets me mentioned in the Meg and the LETTERSENTERTAINYOU in the same week is good by me.
And I'm anything but cross, except I haven't received my free graphic novel yet >:( ;)
Me neither but forget that - is Gareth Crossman of Cambridgeshire a relation of yours? The Beast needs to feed on such data.
Not that I know of. Although I'm happy to welcome him to the family if he reads the holy text.
Did your Dad have a bike? :D
What did you call my Mum!!!! >:(
Too far, Proudhuff.
Actually got a GN I didn't already have, so thanks to Tharg for The Restricted Files Vol 2.
About time the letters were returned to the Prog, as you feel like a wally for writing otherwise.
Mine arrived today, too. "Complete Alan Moore Future Shocks" which I've had in my Amazon basket since time immemorial.
Delighted, as they saying goes. Thanks Tharg (almost makes up for the 3 copies of Ballad of Halo Jones).
I got 'Droid Life' - good choice as it's one of the few that I don't have. Restricted Files 3 next time please!
We promised added value with this relaunch and <BLAM> here we go already!
We have received an anonymous donation of the excellent 'Droid Life' book that a lucky correspondent received from Tharg for having a letter printed. He's not ungrateful but he's now read it and isn't allowed to have any more stuff cluttering up the shelf in the bathroom.
We respect the donator's right to privacy but he has agreed to post the question :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/waggCOMP.jpg)
Mmmm! Good question - remember there's more than one way to appear in the Nerve Centre!
All correct replies in this thread at the time of the next LETTERSENTERTAINYOU will be put in a draw or rock, papers, scissors play off. We'll see what happens.
It's time for another new feature (I know, Groan!)
Board at Work
Each week, or possibly never again, we'll have a look and see what the contribution this board makes to the letters page. This week the contribution is MASSIVE with only Michael Renehan of Indonesia being unknown around these parts - Unless you know different! Our chosen few with board names are :
MATT CROSSMAN MATTOFTHESPURS
ZACH HAWKINS HAWKMONGER
ALAN HOLLOWAY ALSKI
TOM PROUDFOOT PROUDHUFF
STEPHEN WATSON BUTTONMAN
About bloody time as well! ;)
I'll have a stab at Wagg, as it was a decent nightclub.
I'm guessing Nestor.
I really must try and get another letter published, as one for brown-nosing almost doesn't count ;)
Competitor number two - Emperor.
It appears we have a Nerve Centre based contest.
Don't dis the brown nose letter - without them Proudhuff would be among the nonletscrot readership!
I can't wait for Butt'man's thesis on the Letter's of Proudhuff: Lies, damn lies and the Beast
Having seen The Beast (and it's operator) in action I can't wait for more!
:D
Yes! It's time for another round of our never popular feature...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/greendude.jpg)
No. 807 : Al Ewing, Prog 1227
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ALEWING1227.jpg)
Tharg is my pimp??! :o
I am the proud owner of a 2000ad cap and a mug, oh hang on, after a brief scan of the room Im relizing I haven't seen my 2000ad mug inwhile...must have been broken and the trauma has made me forget.
Anyway yup I had 2 Dredd drawings printed, both bad and I'm pretty sure they have been brought up here before.
Lee
Quote from: LeeCarter_Artdroid on 02 June, 2012, 03:41:39 PMAnyway yup I had 2 Dredd drawings printed, both bad and I'm pretty sure they have been brought up here before.
Brought up and scans posted I believe. ;)
[edit: And a quick check shows the images have expired:
http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,24636.msg438084.html#msg438084
I must have them around here somewhere... ]
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/GREENLEEHEADER.jpg)
No. 643 : Lee Carter, Prog 758
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/leecarter1Prog758.jpg)
No. 644 : Lee Carter, Prog 822
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/leecarter2Prog822.jpg)
Jesus :)... Blast from the past...good to see he has plenty of ammo, just to say thankfully i kept practising :)
Long live the MONKEY HANGERS :thumbsup:
Lol, aye I got myself banned from Chester zoo as I was from Hartlepool, they didn't have the insurance :D
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/COMP.jpg)
As our six readers are aware LETTERSENTERTAINYOU recently relaunched with a frankly breathtaking competition where the prize was a life changing copy of the 'Droid Life' book. Obviously this massive prize meant an influx of mail that made Blue Peter appeals of the 1970's look frankly shit.
We managed to pare down the entrants to two - the mighty and impressive Emperor and <titter> Proudhuff.
Let's reaquaint ourselves with the question :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/waggCOMP.jpg)
Hmm toughie.
Emperor came up with what must be the right answer 'Nestor'. Great stuff what's the postcode there at your mansion of intellect?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/nestor.jpg)
Oh farts.
Still there's no way Tom will chance upon the correct answer...
Buggeration - send us your address Tom. Well done...
It seems your opinion of Mr Huff might be starting to rub off on me. Stop it or I'll call the police. :-[
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012large48.jpg)
Yes we're back to indulge in this weekend of Diamond celebrations - yes we managed to snag 3 litres of Diamond White cider while the shop keeper was distracted (read : unconscious) so it's all go at Beast Towers.
The celebrations continue as the new digitised Beast now has images, although even our high tech scanner wouldn't read the pishy bits that comprised 'Middenface McDredd'. We enjoyed the first Input page since Prog 1782 and only the third since Prog 1773 - that's barely one a month!
Well we'll work with what we've got so say hello to Prog 1786 and it's 4 large letters. We do like the odd witty one liner but let's see what the non-concise correspondents have to say.
First up it's 'Check my credentials' DR Richard Evans of Colwyn Bay. He may have spent 8 years at university but the dawdling Doc scores only his first Beast entry with this offering - that's assuming he's not the Richard Evans (no 'Dr') of Merseyside of Progs 2005 and 1386 fame.
The Quality Quack gets the Letter of the week berth and waxes lyrical about all the good stuff presently going on in the Prog. He does prophesies the death of Dan Francisco - that'd never happen unless the Mega-City Doctors went on strike - they'd never do that! He loses points for advocating Dredd taking illegal Stookie to keep his youth, but I imagine he'd be forthcoming with the prescription.
Overall this is a lacklustre 'Letter of the Week' but no doubt Tharg is doing a Basil Fawlty and pandering to the educated classes. This is the first letter ever to come out of Colwyn Bay although we did once have a drawing - 'Tharg's Got a Lotta Bottle' from Matthew Miller in Prog 314. Do you want to see it? OK then :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/lottabottle314.jpg)
Hardly worth it was it? Still tough turkey Lottery Funders!
Oh Joy! Next up is Richard Joy of Liverpool whose happy name belies the dull content of his letter. He has an excuse of course - he's both snagged and impregnated a woman! And we though 'Zaucer of Zilk' was far fetched! This ardent fan hasn't read a Prog in two years but is surprised the characters are ageing. Maybe if he cracked a Prog every 100 weeks or so he might have an opinion worth hearing!
This is the happy fellow's first ever letter and he joins the Joy jamboree on one with his chums Shane of Hastings (Prog 451) and Maurice of London (Prog 546). The narrow window of Joy included Joy Wheeler of Kington of Prog 442 notoriety - if she married Robert she'd probably still be Joy Wheeler - chicks these days eh?
Next up is Neil Colquhoun who is our favourite Edinburgh pensmith. In truth he's the only one, as that other guy uses a stolen Argos pencil for his ramblings. Neil gets his football colours here with his 11th offering in a career stretching back to Prog 803 in 1992 when he was living in Stevenson. In truth 11 letters will rank as his 2nd greatest achievement after getting out of Stevenson. Neil has been a consistent correspondent missing out on only 2011 in the last 5 years. He has 1 Meg letter (Meg 281) and is the only Colquhoun to trouble The Beast although we do have 104 'Neils'.
Neil starts his letter with a bit of Dickens but it more like a 'Tale of Two Titties' as he rambles on two fronts, attempting to praise and criticise in equal measure. He 'imagines' the Zilk is dividing readers but chooses not to research the matter by straying to the Message board, resulting in a humiliating '0' for the Board population this week. The rest of the letter is a bit of a ramble and clearly not worth the full column it is allocated. He does get a bit of unfair censure from Tharg who rubbishes his assertion that 'Helter Skelter' is better than 'The Pitt' even though he never said such a thing.
We go to manual for the last letter, in the company of Chris Haynes of West Yorkshire. This cements Chris' place in the 'Half Dozen Club' in a slow process that started so promisingly with the Letter of the Week in Prog 1162. He was last seen in Meg 228 back in 2005 so it's good to have him back in the fold doing the value work. He admits to his lax letter policy by saying it's been a while since he'd written, but was it worth the wait?
Hmmmm. No. He likes the 'Zilk' which is fair enough but 'Flesh' ? Seems a long shot at best. He does offer love for the lovely Denise and encourages Tharg to go into one of his celebrated letters page rants. Lovely stuff.
Although just a foursome we enjoyed this outing that takes our totaliser to 9855 - not long now! (until the 9870s are breached).
Quote from: Buttonman on 05 June, 2012, 09:52:41 AM
Overall this is a lacklustre 'Letter of the Week' but no doubt Tharg is doing a Basil Fawlty and pandering to the educated classes.
That reminds me, are you able to locate a letter from 'Basil the Rat' in a prog about 15-20 years ago?
Extensice searches of the Beast's database shows no matches for the string of 'Basil the Rat' or any variations thereof. Can you conform the reader's real name, town or approximate issue number?
Basil the Rat was the name given, Pontypridd was the town, and it would have been a prog sometime between July and November in 1991...or 1990... Or possibly 1992. I hope that narrows it down a bit?
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 05 June, 2012, 04:21:25 PM
Basil the Rat was the name given, Pontypridd was the town, and it would have been a prog sometime between July and November in 1991...or 1990... Or possibly 1992. I hope that narrows it down a bit?
The Beast triumphs once again despite some questionable input - it was in fact 1993 and 'the Rat' doesn't appear anywhere. Here is the letter from Prog 843 in all its glory :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/basil843.jpg)
Wow. :o. I am seriously impressed.
Sorry for the confusing info - my memory isn't what it used to be. I wrote that letter, and Basil was my pet rat at the time.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No.789 Mark Harrison Prog 198
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/markharrisonpicp198.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No. 662 - Rob Williams Prog 1158
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/robwilliamsletterprog1158.jpg)
So Mr. Rob Williams, you think Balls Brothers was 'crap', do you? Typical fanboy, think you could do so much better than John Wagner. Come on then smartypants, let's see you come up with a funnier strip.
Oh.
Right.
Quote from: TordelBack on 07 June, 2012, 10:20:36 PM
So Mr. Rob Williams, you think Balls Brothers was 'crap', do you? Typical fanboy, think you could do so much better than John Wagner. Come on then smartypants, let's see you come up with a funnier strip.
Oh.
Right.
He also orders Tharg to not make that mistake again. So the big question is: Did he? And, if he did, was it to spite Mr Williams of @aol.com*?
* Which is presumably somewhere in Wales
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green4.jpg)
No.654 - Alan Barnes Prog 370
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/alanbarnespicprog370.jpg)
No.917/2b John Tomlinson Meg 203
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/johntomlinsonlettermeg203.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No.943b : John McCrea Prog 319
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/johnmccreapicprog319.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No. 1,284,502 : Philip Bond Prog 125
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/phillipbondpicProg125.jpg)
Ha, these are great! I had 3 pics printed over the years. One was a runner-up in the Danny Cannon Dredd film poster comp in Prog 555. Another was an Anderson pic and the last was a Dredd "Perp-Busters" GhostBuster ripoff. Can't remeber the prog Numbers on those. :( I'll try and dig them out later. :lol:
Quote from: Darren Stephens on 10 June, 2012, 05:47:44 PM
Ha, these are great! lol:
They certainly are, and forget that LOL the Beast lives for this kind of thing.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green6STEPHENS.jpg)
Colouring in Droid Darren started his 2000ad career with this effort from Prog 555 :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/darren555.jpg)
Some readers have said recently that Dredd's teeth are on the small side - check out the gnashers on this fellow! Also what's happening with that respirator? Runner up? Run out of town would be fairer!
Not to be put off young Darren came back 6 months later with this offering from Prog 583 :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/darren583.jpg)
Some terrible grammar there not to mention some copyright issues.
His last effort came in Prog 615 :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/darrenprog615.jpg)
We quite like this Anderson and it's certainly quite long.
But was this the last we saw of Darren? Normally a Portsmouth man did he travel the 168 miles to Walsall in time to write this letter for Prog 720?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/dareen720let.jpg)
Darren also has 3 Megazine letters to his name - possibly the largest art and letters haul in Beast history!
Nope, the letters not me, but Christ! Fast work finding those pics! And thanks, I haven't seen them in a few years. :D Also, 3 meg letters? I only recall one. Probably me though, heh.
Way to backhandedly challenge The Beast!
Darren's scribing career started with this moribund effort from Meg 62 (Vol 2.42) :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/darrenmeg42.jpg)
He upped the ante with this mighty missive from Meg 98 (Vol 2.78)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/darrenmeg78.jpg)
His last effort was sighted in Meg 107 (Vol3.04)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/darrenmeg107.jpg)
Like his drawing career Darren floundered after 3 letters - still there's nothing to stop you picking your pencil and crayons (unless you have developed some horrible disease, in which case - sympathies). Good luck Darren!
Wow, haha. I have no memory of those last two letters.....terrible! :-[
The Beast, wot a geezer! :P
Who says Care in the Community doesn't work? Just give out free scanners and internet access along with the drugs!!
oh and thanks for the copy of Droid Life and the letter signed by the Mighty Tharg Buttman, straight onto ebay!! :D
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
Cheers Tom, enjoy that £1.20 - may I suggest a paper mask and some disinfectant seeing as Em'bro is under bio-attack?
Let's start the week with a bit of agression from the auteur who brought us 'Letters to the Green Dude'. Creator challenges letters page trolls to a square go? That's the kind of excitement you can expect when the author of 'Letters to the Green Dude' writes to the Green Dude.
No.31 : Gordon Rennie Meg 64 (Vol 2.41)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/remmiemeg62.jpg)
If Gordon is out there perhaps he can tell us how things turned out. Did the resolution play a part in Matt and Slaneo disappearing from the letters landscape?
£1.20 ? better up that reserve price ;)
That GReenie, what a guy! GReenie vs a Sloan? That would be up there with the legendary MightyTrout vs Pete Wolf handbags at Hi-Ex...
Surely Gordon is due another Best New Writer award soon?
Quote from: TordelBack on 11 June, 2012, 03:30:38 PM
Surely Gordon is due another Best New Writer award soon?
If its an Eagle best new writer he's got another few years to put in yet.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No.1102 - Simon Spurrier Prog 1213
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/spurrier1213-2.jpg)
And a special bonus, as it's probably not him...
No.2 - David Lloyd Prog 49
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/davidlloydletterp49.jpg)
I think the thought and responses of Chairman Tharg should be collected and put in a small green book, is the Beast up to that?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 12 June, 2012, 05:08:08 PM
I think the thought and responses of Chairman Tharg should be collected and put in a small green book, is the Beast up to that?
No.
Quote from: Buttonman on 12 June, 2012, 05:12:39 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 12 June, 2012, 05:08:08 PM
I think the thought and responses of Chairman Tharg should be collected and put in a small green book, is the Beast up to that?
No.
A crack in the Beast's armour? :lol:
The Beast's armour is intact. It was conceived and bulit on a dark and stormy night to collate and celebrate readers' input to 2000ad, not to fawn to the Great Green Leader. That's the job of 'The Kraken'!
Following the furious David Lloyd debate, today we launch an exciting new feature :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DROIDORDOPP.jpg)
Yes! For at least a couple of episodes we'll be examining letters that may be from droids or may simply be from people with the same name as a droid. Or maybe pretending to be a droid. Clues may be gleaned from the writing style or some solid detective work, but the question must be answered so that the Beast's databases can be updated. First up :
No.1 Colin Wilson - Droid or Doppelganger?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/colinwilson713.jpg)
Droid or Doppelganger?
is this another compo?
No.
Three no's and you're out
Pretty exciting so far, eh?
Calm down and let those Wilson related arguements fade.
Here's a (nother) goodie :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DROIDORDOPP.jpg)
No. 2 : Matt(hew) Smith Prog 247
Could this be Tharg the Mighty imagining himself as a cooked breakfast from a young age? Maybe it's a proto-timelord. Or just some guy - you decide. Or at least guess.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/mattsmithprog247.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No.3347 : Igor Goldkind Prog 896
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/igorletterProg896.jpg)
Ach that's brilliant! I'd love to know the story behind that one - if it really was Igor poking fun at himself, he should have employed that considerable wit elsewhere!
Am I the only person who liked The Clown then?
Quote from: Colin Zeal on 15 June, 2012, 09:25:28 AM
Am I the only person who liked The Clown then?
Yes you are Igor, I mean Colin.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No.205 : Matthew Badham Prog 1470(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/matthewbadhamletprog1470.jpg)
Well it's our well deserved staff day out to the local Girls' school today so to keep you occupied in our absence we present :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/command.jpg)
The excellent resource Barney lists all 2000ad contributors (http://www.sex-drugs-rock-roll-thefilm.com/?zone=droid&page=index)and rather than waste time on artists or writers let's have a look at the Command Module droids who made the grade. We've hardly heard of these people either but we're scraping the barrel here, and it does give a good insight that getting on the letters page is a sure fire way to securing a minimum wage* gig at the Command Module.
*Actual wages may be less
First up we have Barney Shergold who first presented in Prog 929 and secured 5 Beast entries before being pressganged into Tharg's service. Here is his initial offering :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/barneyshergoldp929.jpg)
Next up is Colin Campbell who managed the mean feat of 2 letters and two drawings between Progs 138 and 336. We've no idea what Colin does in the Command Module but we're guessing it's not design. His effort from Prog 304 attests...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/colincampbell1prog304.jpg)
He did however get a software update for this effort from Prog 336 :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/colincampbell2p336.jpg)
Next up is Tim Jones of Watford who found his way into the Nerve Centre after this offering from Prog 1026 :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/timjonesp1026.jpg)
We finish this indepth profile of the Command Module droids with our own Wakefield Carter who came to Tharg's attention with this Prog 1118 missive :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/wakecarterprog1118.jpg)
The Beast is far too nice at the moment...........
Quote from: Large48 on 16 June, 2012, 04:27:16 PM
The Beast is far too nice at the moment...........
Shut it funny Guy!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DROIDORDOPP.jpg)
No.3 Dave Taylor Prog 189(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/davetaylor189.jpg)
I always thought Mount Droid was an instruction from Tharg!!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No. 3922 Kev F Sutherland (before the 'F') Prog 123
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/kevsutherland123.jpg)
Despite drawing 'The Bash St Kids' for many years this Nerve Centre appearance was the highlight of his life right up until the moment he nearly sold a Dr Who t-shirt to the hard to please Commando Forces.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Picture020.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Picture020.jpg)
'Pete Wells Block entertainment committee meeting'
(notice Radiator hiding in the background)
I sense a high midi-chlorian count in that picture.
Mildly chloroformed, more like.
By the look of the two at the back I suspect its more like a meeting regarding the transfer of the City-Def from (ex) Pete Wells Block to the Gavnin Lehy Beardies Block............
New Megazine Apple pie / Criminal Descendants LETTERSENTERTAINYOU coming soon - why should only the subbers suffer?
In the meantime it's time for a topical
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No. 325 David Baillie Prog 1496
David had his 12th Future Shock published in this week's Prog 1788. That makes it 12 Future Shocks and this letter in the Prog. Going by this week's effort he shot his bolt early ! (Joking!)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/davidbaillie1496.jpg)
I'm pretty sure that French guy who had a couple of Future Shocks published two or three years back also has letters form.
Quote from: The Cosh on 19 June, 2012, 08:19:58 PM
I'm pretty sure that French guy who had a couple of Future Shocks published two or three years back also has letters form.
Please keep your unfounded letters/Nicolas Jean based speculation to yourself!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
Owing to a potential leak in The Beast's database we return with a near instantanious new edition of 'Green Dude Knock Off' as it's known in some parishes.
No. 5808 : Nicolas Jean Prog 1048
Haw-he-haw-he-haw, Allo Allo to our favourite French stylo merchant who penned two TERROR TALES (NOT 'Future Shocks as suggested by the operator of The LEAST!) that appeared in Progs 1598 & 1608. This is the first of his four Nerve Centre entries. Chapeau!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/nicolasjean1048.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012syne.jpg)
Here we go again with another exciting trawl through the Dreddlines letters page.
We get a welcome full page on the inside back cover, but sadly only three letters fill the space. We always enjoy the witty one liners that can fill that moment between 'pinch' and 'wipe' but let's not complain - where else are the greatest letter writers of Her Britannic Majesty's Sceptred Isles celebrated in this month of Jubilee and flukey win over Ukraine? Not in this month's Meg 325 at any rate, with all correspondents having a decidedly foreign flavour. We're all for Meg-Tharg wanting the comic to appear more worldly but he also should remember that it's the Britishness of the letters page that enticed in the colonials in the first place. We blame Tom Proudfoot as his contaminated letter clearly saw it incinerated along with a lot of other more worthy missives.
We open with some Sharp practice as Clive of Australia (India surely?) produces the shortest letter of the trio. Clive is a new man to the Dreddlines section of The Beast although we have seen him once before over in Prog Town - Prog 1600 to be precise. He is not yet the sharpest pin in the cushion but he does equalise with the long time leader Kathryn of Plymouth whose two scores in Progs 565 and 621 saw her hold the premier spot in the Sharp Standings for nigh on 23 years. Still she's had her day, having not scored since 1989 - maybe this is the Sharp kick up the bum she needs?
Ironically Sharp's letter is somewhat dull as he moans about his beloved movie reviews before seeing them cancelled in the Editor's reply. Good going Clive, can you try commenting on 'Samizdat Squad' next please? Clive has a good old time wondering about movie stars, so much so that people have begun wondering about Clive (probably).
Next up is familiar face Grant 'Goggly' Goggans who further cements his 3rd place in the Beast's podium of power. With an Ozzer and Yank in silver and bronze we can only swell with pride that the gold remains in the hands of one of her Majesty's citizens. Maybe only for the next 20 years though as Goggans is catching up fast with this his third offering of 2012. He now has 44 Beast entries and may become only the third reader to pass the fabled 50 mark. Grant's glorious charge started in Prog 1114 with the letter of the week. That was in 1998 and it was a full 10 years before he broke his Dreddlines cherry in Meg 271. He still has an imbalanced Prog to Meg ratio of 33 to 11 but he's slowly redressing the balance as each of his last three offerings have been showcased in the Dredd based journal.
Although more than a column in length Grant does manage to make it seem longer with a wordy exercise in stating the obvious. We're not bitter that our 'Same-as-that Squad' line was not used, but Grant is certainly reading from the same, if slightly more soiled, script. In a massive paragraph he waxes happy over 'Strange and Darke' before a closing massive paragraph where his plea for more Kipling is met with a curt 'No'. He does make exceedingly bad strips, after all.
We close with Doug Butler of USA and you'll be glad to see that we are respecting the 'three use maximum' of our patented 'the Butler did it' gag. Doug has given us plenty of chances to trot that one out with this being his 6th Megazine letter which makes for a grand total of, er, six. He first charted in Meg 309 and he's been the Best Butler since Meg 322 when he took over incumbent Jonny of York whose 4th and last letter was seen in Prog 1380.
Doug is John Carter mad with his name mentioned 7 times in his long letter. We didn't know E.R. was that popular! © Goaty. Given the lack of John Carter knowledge at Beast Towers this letter was a bit of a non-starter. We should have read the John Carter piece in the previous issue but the negative John Carter reviews kind of soured us to all things John Carter. To get on topic there has never been a John Carter letter or drawing published in 2000ad or the Megazine although John Carter of Barrow in Furness did have his profile published in Prog 124. Man what a wash out and the Dreddlines droid even beat us to the Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine pun!
This trio takes the Beast to 9858 entries with 10,000 barely 1000 sleeps away.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DROIDORDOPP.jpg)
No.4 Jim Campbell : Prog 306
Barney has two Jim Campbells so surely this must be one of them - if the writer contacts and calls us an f***ing c*nt we'll know we have our man!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/jimcampbellprog306.jpg)
This kinda runs parallel to 'Droid of Doppelganger'... kinda. A while back I posted this lonely unloved post, something I have repeated time and again since.
http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,27165.msg479270#msg479270 (http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,27165.msg479270#msg479270)
Now I know that isn't in the scope of The Beast, but its an interesting celebratory comic letter writing fact...
... well to me at least...
... no really, I think its cool.
Dear Beastmaster, is it true that Cameron Stewart, Paul Cornell and David Knight all had letters published in Doom Patrol during Grant Morrison's stint on the title?
Quote from: Colin_YNWA on 21 June, 2012, 08:52:05 PM
This kinda runs parallel to 'Droid of Doppelganger'... kinda. A while back I posted this lonely unloved post, something I have repeated time and again since.
http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,27165.msg479270#msg479270 (http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,27165.msg479270#msg479270)
Now I know that isn't in the scope of The Beast, but its an interesting celebratory comic letter writing fact...
... well to me at least...
... no really, I think its cool.
Quote from: The Cosh on 21 June, 2012, 08:56:00 PM
Dear Beastmaster, is it true that Cameron Stewart, Paul Cornell and David Knight all had letters published in Doom Patrol during Grant Morrison's stint on the title?
FFS. French Artisans channeling the ghost of Alan Turing created the Beast over many dark and stormy nights to catalogue and celebrate the contents of Tharg's Nerve Centre and the Dreddlines page. They did not suffer many hardships to be concerned with the improbable actions of Cyber-man fodder and a bunch of pseudo intellectuals pointing out a panel is a satire on Wittgenstein!
Maybe in some nether-dimension there's some uberbeast that can handle this boarder scope. I mean don't get me wrong, your beast is cute and all...
The Beast's all well and good but when it comes to computers, I feel quite confident in stating that I have had more letters published in Electron User magazine than any other boarder.
Quote from: The Cosh on 21 June, 2012, 09:48:41 PM
The Beast's all well and good but when it comes to computers, I feel quite confident in stating that I have had more letters published in Electron User magazine than any other boarder.
We're certainlty not wasting the 100th post of this august thread on such tittle tattle!
Here's a nice picture to celebrate instead :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green3.jpg)
No.100 : Lee Marks Prog 932Lee is as prolific as a droid as he is an artist having has one drawing printed and one Vector 13 story credit from Prog 1117.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/leemarks932.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No.204 : Peter Hogan Prog 970
Not really a find as Peter was replying to a question in his droid guise but when a barrel is being scraped we'll take what we can get.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/peterhogan970.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No. 1257 : Kevin Gill Prog 967
Kevin is clearly a Man in Black with a Vector 13 Fetish. His great Picture of 'Victor 13' in Prog 967 was the forerunner of his three credits all for Vector 13 tales that appeared in Progs 967, 975 and 994.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/kevingill967.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No.3112 : Adrian Salmon : Prog 58
'Green Dude' did have two out of the three Adrian Salmon drawings but they missed Adrian's first ever effort, which appeared in Prog 58. Given the quality of the drawing the omission may have been an editorial choice. No such censorship, er, cherry picking here at The Beast!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/adriansalmonp58.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012proudhuff.jpg)
Ah, swell that chest and get another tattoo; feed the pit-bull and crack some cans - it's a special England for the semis LETTERSENTERTAINYOU. To get us in the mood before the totally probable win over Italy, Tharg has supplied an all St George nerve centre with the Taffs, Jocks, Micks and colonials seen off like so many pavement cafes.
What? Board down...lost on penalties...again! By Nobby Stiles' socks we can't take any more of this at Beast Towers! We thought Wayne Rooney's comedy wig would bag us the final at least. Still let's pick over the smouldering debris of a letters page that offered plenty but delivered like Ashley Cole.
We do get a nice balance of the old and the new with 4 letters in a nice inside the back page Input which finishes off an excellent Prog 1789.
We open with new man Matt Radford of Berks who becomes the second 'Radford' to annoy the Beast following Justin of High Wycombe of Prog 1200 note. Matt's moment of glory is a pretty obvious set up as he wails about the tragedy going on in Dredd's world before asking about the biscuits. He speculates as to the identity of the tea accompanying treat and demands an answer from Tharg who is turn says he doesn't know - mainly because he can't think of a good Dreddworld biscuit pun - that Dogems one made no sense. Well we have one for you Tharg - [spoiler]This content has been deemed worthy and has been sent to Tharg[/spoiler] Matt is the seventh person to have 'Berks' as his address, none of whom have scored a scond hit - what a bunch of first time correspondents!
Next up is a salutary warning for the government - pastry taxes cost lives! In the short while that Greggs couldn't heat up their greasy wares the following correspondent went mental - and tiresome with it. Pete Wells, who thinks he's going up in the world from Sunderland to Tyne and Wear to La-de-da Washington in the space of 5 mirthless letters, was first seen in Megazine 37 (Vol. 2.17) and his last offering, prior to this, was his risible outing in Prog 1704.
Pete loves a bit of 'Grey Area' and mixes his joy with a whimsical fantasy life - or is the one factory left on Teeside blowing toxic gas in your window Pete? His love of all things grey is somewhat undone as he is hardly the harshest of critics. He writes a blog so sycophantic that you have to wipe your screen down after a viewing. I mean look at the cover he described as 'Dangerous, exciting, an old school classic' - pre- school maybe! (actual review may not have existed).
(http://www.2000ad.org/covers/megazine/thumbnails/3.12_thumb.jpg)
Pete goes on about his tentacles and his 'Auntie Greggsnork' whom we met in Inverness - here's a picture of her about to explode out of his belly - sadly the pictures taken thereafter were destroyed by the police.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/hiex2012041.jpg)
Pete's five letters in 20 years outstrips his 3 visits to the gym and two to the bar in the same timeframe.
We move on, after a quick shower, to Nathan 'Finchy' Finch of Gloucestershire. The Finchmeister is a new man who will have to go some way to outstrip 'Gold' Finch David who has a mighty two scores from Progs 840 and 924. Other contenders in the Beast Aviary are A. Sparrow (Prog 865 'The Wings of Justice'),Roger Crow (532 'Corkemada' & 574) and Tim Robins (398 & 490 'Judge Pigg') - an arty lot are our feathered friends!
Nathan 'It's a good name' Finch's letter is another mouth twisting trip through the land of nonsense and the thesaurus of misery. It's hard to gather but we think he stopped reading for a while and now does again. That or he's been sectioned; it really is that unclear. Nathan bribes his way into the Nerve Centre and indeed The Beast by buying loads of back isues and asking about others. The answer 'try the shops' is a miracle of understatement and lateral thinking. Well done Tharg!
Last up is familiar face Jack WainWright of Essex who scores his 10th Beast entry with this effort. He is a relatively late starter despite a name that suggests he's from the Hovis advert era. His first score was in Prog 1558 and he's been a regular since, notching an impressive five in 2011. His birthday cake picture follows a family snap which appeared in Prog 1753 and we have to wonder what we'll get next from the Family Wainwright? Our money's on the dog in a Dredd Helmet. Jack's cake looks nice but it's obviously one of those scanned jobs - how does it rate against the previous Nerve Centre cakes? Check these out and litter the comments, as always, with your furious debates! And don't berate Tharg for using the same caption twice - caption recycling saves lives!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/cake2.jpg)(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/cake1.jpg)
He Beast Totaliser is now at 9862 and counting (slowly).
Ha! I was more excited to see what Steven 'No-Letter-in-Prog-1789' Watson was going to say about my letter than Greenbonce himself! Note how he has to sex up his tired 'column' by printing a photo of a sexy bloke.
Well its care in the community for the blockless.
I'm sure this thread is the main reason I use the forum!
Quote from: Large48 on 26 June, 2012, 06:38:09 PM
I'm sure this thread is the main reason I use the forum!
Me too! And now it's got added hunk!
Quote from: Buttonman on 23 June, 2012, 01:01:46 PM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No. 1257 : Kevin Gill Prog 967
Kevin is clearly a Man in Black with a Vector 13 Fetish. His great Picture of 'Victor 13' in Prog 967 was the forerunner of his three credits all for Vector 13 tales that appeared in Progs 967, 975 and 994.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/kevingill967.jpg)
This must surely be the shortest span between popping your letter page cherry and achieving fame and fortune in the prog, but which came first? Surely Tharg would not allow a droid time to slack off and draw Victor Meldrew in a hat. In fact, it is safe to say, I don't believe it. So did he see the fine letter page effort come in and then sent around a rapid deployment droidification team?
And what a steep trajectory his moment in the prog was. What is Kevin Gill doing now?
Started writing comics?
http://www.coroflot.com/paul_mccaffrey/prison-moon
Online marketing chappie at Titan magazines?
http://titanmagazines.com/pages/contact/
Working for Disney and dying?
http://www.diszine.com/content/disney-directorproducer-kevin-gill-passes-away
Working in the gaming industry and DJing?
http://www.isotopecomics.com/2005/07/takeover-post-9-sunday-sunday-here.html
Wrestling podcaster?
http://totallydriventv.wordpress.com/2012/06/18/voc-wrestling-nation-show-61312-100th-episode/
A tattooist in Sidcup?
http://www.192.com/atoz/business/sidcup-da14/tattoo-artists/kevin-gill/7192b24cb0f7a04040d8fac65ac54ee2cecdb87c/comp/
Beyond the Purview of the Beast, but it shows it can raise more questions than it can answer.
That's some quality stalking right there.
My take was that Tharg said 'Your Vector 13' will be in Prog 967' and our man thought 'I'll send in a picture of Victor Meldrew to celebrate the event and perhaps provoke debate on a not yet existant web board in the future'.
Bit of 'Vector 13' about it all really.
Thanks for the credit, but it was in fact the imfamous Droid E-Wing who said that first. :D
Quote from: Proudhuff on 27 June, 2012, 11:30:27 AM
Thanks for the credit, but it was in fact the imfamous Droid E-Wing who said that first. :D
I know but quoting your quoting makes you look quite the hoo-er.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No. 2316 : Michael Cook Prog 346Michael followed up this great drawing by writing the fan favourite strip 'Dead Meat'.
(http://www.2000ad.org/?zone=thrill&page=profiles&choice=DEADMEAT)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/michaelcook346.jpg)
pot, kettle, black...
When will we three meet again? etc, etc.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No. 321 : Richard McTighe Prog 2000
Richard (http://www.2000ad.org/?zone=droid&page=profiles&choice=RICHARDM) has a fine six credits on the 2000ad roster starting with a Prog 1240 Future Shock. Glad he learned some brevity - that letter never ends!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/richardmctighep2000.jpg)
Quote from: Buttonman on 27 June, 2012, 11:19:12 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 27 June, 2012, 11:30:27 AM
Thanks for the credit, but it was in fact the imfamous Droid E-Wing who said that first. :D
I know but quoting your quoting makes you look quite the hoo-er.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No. 2316 : Michael Cook Prog 346
Michael followed up this great drawing by writing the fan favourite strip 'Dead Meat'.
(http://www.2000ad.org/?zone=thrill&page=profiles&choice=DEADMEAT)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/michaelcook346.jpg)
That was always an odd one, he never had any Future Shocks, just popped up with a series and then was gone. Presumably Tharg was so impressed by his "The Real Robin Hood" in Crisis (with Gary Erskine on art duties) that he was fast-tracked to stardom and he did break out the crayons again for "Pirate Days" in
Trident #6.
http://comicbookdb.com/creator_chron.php?ID=11534
He does have an entry over on the Alien vs Predator wiki:
http://avp.wikia.com/wiki/Michael_Cook
Which directs us to his site:
http://mrmichaelcook.wordpress.com
Where he writes about his lifelong love of the prog but ever mentions his letter page glory, the fool:
http://mrmichaelcook.wordpress.com/2010/07/29/the-little-things/
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No. 1812 : Andrew Ness Prog 1228
If Andrew was in the 80s cartoon series 'The Family Ness' he'd be 'Slothfulness' as he has only one Beast entry and less importantly one Barney entry for his prog 1190 Future Shock 'Space Dust'.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/andrewness1228.jpg)
Emp, butt'man get a room!
Quote from: Proudhuff on 30 June, 2012, 12:56:05 PM
Emp, butt'man get a room!
We have a room, thanks. It's in a Travel Lodge with Lenny Henry and we all laugh at how rubbish your letters are. Hahahahahahahahahah, we all say.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No.6612 : Gary Simpson Prog 1486Simpson eh? New man? Not really. Gary is another of the Beast/Barney tie club with one score on each. His single credit is for a Terror Tale that graced Prog 1281.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/garysimpson1486.jpg)
Quote from: Buttonman on 27 June, 2012, 11:19:12 PM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/michaelcook346.jpg)
Interesting to see Dirty Frank's teddy bear make an early appearance, complete with eyepatch.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DROIDORDOPP-1.jpg)
No.5 : David Perry Prog 146
This one comes under our never popular 'Droid or Doppelganger' feature as it's a more common name and frankly we've loads of the logos lying around with a dwindling supply of stock. New features coming soon!
Anyway David, if it is he, followed up this Prog 146 letter with a slew of three Future Shocks, the first of which appeared in Prog 258.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/davidperry146-1.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No.2671 : Dave Stone Megazine 27 (Vol.2 No.7)
'Armitage' scribe Dave tells it like it is...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/davestonem27.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No.739 : Gary Wilkinson Prog 1327
Gary is another who has a letter and a story credit in the same Prog with his first of three credits appearing in the form of this issues' Terror Tale.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/garywilkinson1327-1.jpg)
Quote from: Buttonman on 30 June, 2012, 04:22:29 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 30 June, 2012, 12:56:05 PM
Emp, butt'man get a room!
We have a room, thanks. It's in a Travel Lodge with Lenny Henry and we all w*nk over how rubbish your letters are aaaa,aaaa,aaaah, we all say.
FTFY
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DROIDORDOPP-1.jpg)
No. 6 : Nick Flynn Prog 1116
We've put this in the 'Droid or Doppelganger' category as the distance between the two achievements means it's unlikely we are concerned with one and the same person. One Nick Flynn has a single Barney credit for an episode of 'Invasion' printed in Prog 34. The other Nick Flynn has three Beast credits starting with this offering from Prog 1116. Could they be one and the same?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/nickflynn1116-1.jpg)
Quote from: Proudhuff on 02 July, 2012, 10:50:33 AM
Quote from: Buttonman on 30 June, 2012, 04:22:29 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 30 June, 2012, 12:56:05 PM
Emp, butt'man get a room!
We have a room, thanks. It's in a Travel Lodge with Lenny Henry and we all w*nk over how rubbish your letters are aaaa,aaaa,aaaah, we all say.
FTFY
I think I prefer Buttonman's version, even if neither have much connection to reality. Apparently, this loose grasp on events is a requirement for record breaking letter writing to Tharg. I will need more drugs.
You are both bang wrong. Lenny advesrtises Premier Inn NOT Travel Lodge. You both fell into my trap like the fascists you are!
Quote from: Buttonman on 02 July, 2012, 09:10:36 PM
You are both bang wrong. Lenny advesrtises Premier Inn NOT Travel Lodge. You both fell into my trap like the fascists you are!
You assume we watch commercial TV channels? The horror :o
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No.77,765 : James Oswald Megazine 62 (Vol.2 No. 42)
James' single Beast entry follows a single Future Shock 'It's a Cold World' which appeared in Prog 865
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/jamesoswaldm62.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
No. 23,465,045 - Alec Worley Megazine 261
Familiar face Alec managed to break his Beast cherry a mere two months before bothering Barney. He has two letter credits and a slightly less impressive 78 credits on Barney.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/alecworleym261.jpg)
Quote from: Buttonman on 03 July, 2012, 07:46:19 AM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/green.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/jamesoswaldm62.jpg)
That first para could be about Buttman!
As for hotels I'll touch nothing below 5 stars and TV with adverts is for the below stairs servants only
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DROIDORDOPP-1.jpg)
No.7 : Alex Stewart Prog 1320
The unusual timeline and common name qualify this one for D.O.D. status. Alex's letter, if it was he, was his first Prog appearance since the last of his 8 Future Shocks appeared in Prog 569.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/alexstewart1320-1.jpg)
This the final scrape of the barrel for our two opening features but fret not! New features are in the pipeline and we're happy to keep delving into our bulging mail sack to answer your queries and feature requests.
Dear Buttman,
Could the Beast handle showing us all the famous mash-ups that readers have sent in?
signed a wellwisher
Where's the list of people whose image has appeared in some of the stories.............
Quote from: Proudhuff on 04 July, 2012, 03:36:39 PM
Dear Buttman,
Could the Beast handle showing us all the famous mash-ups that readers have sent in?
signed a wellwisher
Hmmm, mmmm. Yeah that's a great idea Tom. Really going to have to fast track that one...
Right, let's go with a
quality new idea :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
Yes! Due to no demand whatsoever let's take a trip to the Nerve Centre zoo. Please remember that zoos do have slugs and werewolves and shit. Especially shit.
No.1 Budgie : Prog 360(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/budgieprog360.jpg)
Do any readers have a favourite animal they'd like to see in
Letters Go To the Zoo? Maybe you have fond memories of an old drawing that involved an animal that you'd like to see again? No? well bugger off then.
Quote from: Large48 on 04 July, 2012, 04:47:37 PM
Where's the list of people whose image has appeared in some of the stories.............
I think that is a subject for another thread - there have been ones looking at individual cases (like Roberta's cameo thanks to Carlos and Colin's cheeky drawing of a pregnant locustsofdeath), plus there is a lot of little graffiti mentions to worth flagging. If there isn't already a thread on this then it sounds like you are the man to start it (and if there is a thread like this I can then merge the two - you can't say "merge" without "mmmm").
Is that like saying tits mmmmmm?
Also I want to see more monkey's in hats!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
Monkey you say? How about a pig instead? No offence Large!
No.2 Pig - Prog 490
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/pigprog490.jpg)
Nice mash-up!
We all know the respect and indeed awe the GODS of the letters page enjoy. Women want them and men want them too - they really are that desirable. Of the glorious two dozen who have attained the glory of double digits we all have our favourites, but how did they start out on the road to greatness? Can we tell from their initial offering the legacy that would follow?
Sounds like time for our new feature :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
No.1 Grant Goggans, Cherry Popped Prog 1114
Grant from the US of Stateside is a familiar face in the Letters pantheon with his bronze medal total of 44. Of these he has 11 Megazine credits and 33 Prog, 4 of which were Letters of the Week, like this initial offering.
Please note 'GODS of the Letters Page' will profile random super scribers rather than start at the bottom and work its way up - that format would offer no surprises as to the occupants of the podium positions.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/grantgoggans1114.jpg)
I really liked that "Colonel X" pseudonym that I used to have, back in the Usenet days. I had a letter printed in Dreamwatch around that time that somehow got it "corrected" to Colin Ecks. Also, I think that letter got me a "Reality is the only alternative" mug that my son later smashed on the kitchen floor.
Excellent feedback and insight to the inaugural Letters God feature; thanks Grant!
It's nearly the weekend and time to...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.3 : Elephant Prog 747 (Jumbo, elephant, 747 - a coincidence? no chance!)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/elephantprog747.jpg)
Minimal effort has gone into the 'Judgeification' of Babar in that pic - and where's that badge chain going?
Clare = female
Isn't that cheating bringing in ringers like that?
We agree - girls are rubbish. They totally suck (if you play your cards right).
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.4 : Sheep Prog 743
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/sheepprog743.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.5 : Duck Prog 625
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/daffydreddduckprog625.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
No.2 Craig Grannell Prog 1089
Craig, who is known 'round this Parish, has a decent 15 entries on the Beast that started with this Prog 1089 effort. Inevitably things improved slightly although not by much. His total of 15 comprises of 3 Prog appearances and 13 Megazine. Understandably he's never had a Letter of the Week and was last spotted in Prog 1602.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/craiggrannell1089.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.5 : Wolf Prog 334
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/wolfprog334.jpg)
Its been a while since I was at the zoo but I dont remember the werewolf enclosure?
FFS! This is a special and magical zoo that houses the creatures that have found a home on the Input page!
Just for those who lack the whimsy to enjoy this exciting feature :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/wolf2.jpg)
:lol: :lol:
Man, this thread gets better every week.
If you had just said it was a magical zoo from the off then I wouldnt have misunderstood.
Keep up the good work :)
Groveling apology accepted.
Next magical zoo offering :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.6 : Slug Prog 540
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/snailprog540.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
No.3 : Alex Frith - Cherry Popped Prog 1283
Alex has been a regular correspondent notching up a total of 16 Beast enrties following this Prog 1283 debut in 2002. In the years since he has only failed to chart in 2005 and 2009, but as we have not seen him since 2011's Prog 1756 he may soon add 2012 to his roll of shame. His 16 letters include a healthy 3 Letters of the Week and his split is an imbalanced 13:3 Prog to Meg ratio.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/alexfrith1283.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.7 : Rabbit Prog 654
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/dreddbugsbunnyprog654.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
No.4 Dave 'Bolt01' Evans - Cherry Popped Prog 1316
Dave is a familiar face to 2000ad fandom as he's inevitably pimping his homemade comics to all and sundry. He's less well known to followers of the Beast, only just attaining 'God' status with his 12 offerings to date. He was last seen back in Meg 274 in 2008 and his ratio is 9 to 3 in favour of the prog. He had one Letter of the week to date (Prog 1365) and presently languishes at position 15 on the all time Beast standings...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/daveevans1316.jpg)
...he is however trying and our spy camera managed to spot him trying to break his Writers' Block. Top tip Dave, don't start every letter with 'Dear Tharg, I have a garage full of home made comics...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/bolto1.jpg)
He's going to run out of animals soon.
And a snail is not a slug.
Quote from: Dandontdare on 10 July, 2012, 10:24:53 PM
He's going to run out of animals soon.
And a snail is not a slug.
Yeh buttonmoon. The clue is in the picture.
V
It was a comment on the housing slump actually. We all know a slug is a snail that has been evicted. Like this fella :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.8 - Slug : Prog 679
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/slugprog679.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.9 - Another Rabbit : Prog 600
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/rabbitprog600.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.10 : Another Rabbit Prog 610
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/rabbitprog610.jpg)
Well they are meant to breed quickly.........
Magical zoo? where's the unicorns?
Step away from the joint Tom.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.11 : Another Rabbit Prog 615
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/rabbitprog615.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012large48.jpg)
Here we are again for another exciting trawl through the 2000ad Letters Page coming live from Prog 1792. In a surprising turn of events we enjoyed a hearty six letters from the flag ship title but saw none in the first Dreddlines free Megazine since Meg 321 - Dusty Bin for them!
The full inside back cover was a welcome mix of the old and new and of the dry and hilariously funny. We open with Letter of the Week writer John Bainbridge of Ontario, Canada. This might be John's first letter but he may lay claim to the John Bainbridge letter from Prog 785 in 1992. That scriber came from Southdown so let's see the immigration papers John! This is only the 14th Letter from Canada and the leader remains Nick Klie on 4, his last seeing the light in Meg 308.
This is a pretty poor Letter of the Week in fact it's F*£% S@*&. Sorry cat got on the keyboard there we meant 'flippin' shoddy'. John doesn't like bad sweary words and worries kids may get a naughty repertoire from the Prog. Frankly most of the kids we talk to don't need much in the way of sweary tuition. The little shits.
Berth two is ably filled by Richard Kavanagh who has a mighty 25 Beast entries all of which have appeared in the Prog. He began his Letters career in 2000's Prog 1197 and has 3 Letters of the Week laurels to impress the girls with. Richard's letter isn't his best and is too gushy to be seen as quality content. He likes his Day of Chaos and ABC warriors although he kind of backtracks by implying 'The Volgan War' was rubbish but isn't brave enough to come out and say it. He ends on an ellipse which suggests that there's more to come. Let's hope it's better than what proceeded it!
Next up and another fan of the ellipse is...Mike Williams of Dorset who is another potential first timer or long term absentee - can he be the same Mike Williams of Abington of Prog 156 fame? In any event Mike secures the coveted 63rd Williams letter and begins (or maybe continues) his quest to overhaul the leader Luke Williams on 4 who was last seen in Prog 1782. Mike apologises for a pun that doesn't exist and worries that some of his Dreddworld favourites have had a day off. He then comes up with the worst super villain mash up ever which Tharg thankfully glosses over.
Oh good, it's time for the peak of the page now in the shape of 'Mr Letters' Stephen Watson of Paisley. Stephen has the shortest letter on the page but like the funny bit at the end of the news it is the highlight. His biscuit puns that were removed from our previous edition for being, and we quote, 'too good' are gut bustlingly funny and maybe we should just stop the reviews here? Oh go on then. Watson stretches his Beast record by three to a mighty 84 and his Prog total to 39. He still lags behind the Ozzer on the Prog front but he'll make up that 14 deficit in 10 or 12 years.
We get Wood next as Benjamin makes his third appearance overall and his first in the Prog. Big Wood remains Richard on 13. Woody does the old run through the Prog routine and loves it all. He confesses to being turned by a cartoon woman vampire. There's not a lot to say really so we'll just be as harsh a critic as Ben and say smashing, super, great.
We close this bumper edition in the company of Mike Richards of Swansea who breaks his duck with this offering. The Richards Queen is Eleanor who has a mighty two Prog appearances from issues 654 and 796. On the Swansea front the leader remains Howard Ingham who had an impressive spurt of three in the near consecutive Progs 1189, 1191 (LofW) and 1192 - we'd love to know the story behind that sequence of events!
Mike assumes he knows the inner workings of all readers' minds which has to be a worrying place to be. He too enjoys his Day of Chaos and has realised that things may change for good. Everything changes but you Mike!
A pretty good run of letters here and this bounty takes us up to 9868 on the Beast totaliser. Not long to go now!
Another succinct round-up Buttonman, Let's hope TMO keeps those Letters pages going- they normally have more quality content than a Durham Red / Cadet Anderson strip.
The end of the road to 10,000 is almost in sight, I certainly hope 'Paisley's favourite son' is sending enough weekly correspondence to ensure he tastefully features in that landmark Prog.
Very kind Link - Cheers.
At the present rate of exchange the 10,000 mark is still probably 18 months away - by the every drawing and letter will have been rehashed - twice!
I do write in to the Prog most weeks and to every Meg - my audience of three would expect no less!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
No.5 : Scott Ferguson - Cherry Popped Prog 794
Often refered to as 'Scotland's other great writer' Scott has a decent 21 scores on the Beast database and splits these somewhat evenly with 8 in the Meg and 13 in the Prog. He has two Letter of the Week crowns and was last seen in 2011's Prog 1794
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/scottferguson794.jpg)
So Beastie,
What's the shortest letter ever written?
The one above - unless you know differently (no prizes).
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.12 - Yet another Rabbit Prog 618
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/rabbitprog618.jpg)
Maybe you should separate these as Letters go to the warren.
V
with a sound track by Chas 'n' Dave
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
No.6 - Alan 'Hollo' Holloway - Cherry Popped Prog 872
Alan is a 'Top 5' lettersmith with his 26 Beast hits. Following this 1994 opener he has rattled out 16 Megazine letters and 10 in the Prog. He has zero Letters of the Week crowns and was last seen this year in Meg 324.
He is last noted as being a resident of Weston Super Mare but has also abided in Yatton, Bristol and 'e-mail'.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/alanholloway872.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No13. : Rat - Prog 600
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ratprog600.jpg)
oh I see what they're doing, might try that, nowlet's see, Middenpus and...hmmmm
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.14 : Warthog - Prog 430
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/warthogprog430.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
No.7 Floyd Kermode - Cherry Popped Prog 1102
A long term holder of the Ultimate Letter God title Floyd has fallen from view in recent months surfacing only to take part in a recent newspaper feature profiling the Nerve Centre great and good - and Tom Proudfoot.
Floyd was first spotted with this Prog 1102 offering and was a near constant for several moments as he notched up his once thought to be invincible 81 scores.He last scored in 2009's Prog 2010 and he holds the Prog record of 53 along side his 28 Meg letters and boasts six letter of the week crowns.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/floydkermode1102.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.15 - Hedgehog Prog 541
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/hedgehogprog541.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.16 : Hog - Prog 624
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/hogstrontiumprog624.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo.jpg)
Well as a special treat for our 4000th post let's have a delve into the Beast's dark recesses and see what plum we pick out...
Oh Christ.
No.8 - Tom Proudfoot Cherry Popped 1912 Prog 309
Many people believe that Tom first appeared on the scene, like so many unwelcome Jehovah Witnesses, with his lamentable 'Middenface McDredd' from Prog 427.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/mcdreddProg427.jpg)
But alas he's so old he managed a tiddler a full two years before that horrid event in Prog 309.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/tomproudfoot309.jpg)
This letter is the undoubted highlight of Tom's 21 Beast entries mainly for Tharg's witty and left field take on his funny name. Tom's 21 is made up of 14 Meg letters and 7 from the Prog. Understandably he doesn't have a Letter of the Week crown (or much hair) and was last seen in the all too recent Meg 324.
Despite the evidence of his letters he does have some talents and is the East Coast raffle champion, recently securing two top prizes that he gave away for favours undisclosed. Gave us a fridge magnet too. Lovely man.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/hiex2012067.jpg)
A post dedicated to Prouhuff!?!
That's like the Berlin Wall coming down or the end of Apartheid! A momentous day, sniff!
That brought a tear to my jap's eye
Which one of you fekkers hacked my account?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.17 : Horse - Prog 228
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/horseprog228.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo-1.jpg)
No.9 - Jack Wainwright Cherry Popped Prog 1558
Jack is the latest addition to the Beast's 'God' club, a status confered upon those who attain their 10th entry. Jack's Beast code is the coveted 'JJJ' and he gained his credentials in a short span of 331 Progs.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/jackwainwright1789.jpg)
Buttonman; have you ever considered a season dedicated to him. I'm sure he must have had enough rantingly insane letters published to keep you going for a week of posts. Just in case you're still not convinced: it would really piss people off.
You must think I'm a very sad man with nothing better to do with my time than annoy people with letters from those best not mentioned.
With that put to bed, here is the first in our new series of letters from people who have names like chocolate manufacturers. This chap has only one letter to his name, dating from Prog 1099.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/sandn.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.18 : Tharguar, er, Jaguar - Prog 254
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/jaguarprog254.jpg)
A post about TP?
My this thread has gone downhill in recent days.............
:'(
Quote from: Buttonman on 14 July, 2012, 06:14:58 PM
Berth two is ably filled by Richard Kavanagh who has a mighty 25 Beast entries all of which have appeared in the Prog. He began his Letters career in 2000's Prog 1197 and has 3 Letters of the Week laurels to impress the girls with. Richard's letter isn't his best and is too gushy to be seen as quality content. He likes his Day of Chaos and ABC warriors although he kind of backtracks by implying 'The Volgan War' was rubbish but isn't brave enough to come out and say it. He ends on an ellipse which suggests that there's more to come. Let's hope it's better than what proceeded it!
Mr. Kavanagh recently employed Link Prime Investigations to check over the pertinent email sent to Thrill Towers. It seems a Trolling minion of The Mighty One added that concluding and superfluous ellipse of their own inane accord. Editorial censorship of ass-kissing letters is almost expected, but adding content to portray an innocent "Friend of Tharg" as an illiterate tramp is 'V for Vendetta' type stuff.
Whoa! We're through the looking glass here people!
We've all had worthy content edited out but adding punctuation to make a writer seem...dramatic? Say it ain't so Joe!
I call for a Queen's commission on all things letters based - call Kavanagh Q.C.!
Quote from: Buttonman on 25 July, 2012, 09:01:18 PM
Whoa! We're through the looking glass here people!
We've all had worthy content edited out but adding punctuation to make a writer seem...dramatic? Say it ain't so Joe!
I call for a Queen's commission on all things letters based - call Kavanagh Q.C.!
(Un)Interesting Kavanagh QC factoid #1: despite his Celtic heritage, he actually once swore fealty to Her Royal Majesty in order to become a member of The Worshipful Company of Spectacle Makers, and therefore gain 'Freedom to the City' of London. He has yet to wield his supposed right to urinate in public on London's smog filled streets with legal impunity.
As not many people blog about their letters I thought I'd flag this up:
QuoteJust found this, i'm starting to see a Nemesis Theme here, 2000 a.d Letters page...I was about 13 when I sent this in, I received a phonecall from my best mate James, telling me I had won an LRD (a mug)...Couldn't have been more excited... I started my small Press Comic company after this boost...leading on the to the "glory road" of appearing at Caption and UKCAC as a 'creator' and selling 10 whole comics....note that Tharg had an e-mail "number". I went to the same school as Glen Fabry (he was two years above) and assumed that by sharing an art teacher, I'd have the same success...twas'nt to be...although I did get to work on Angels of Deception with Ian Churchill (on covers) which takes pride and place in a box in storage...which I now have to get back to cleaning before I set off...
http://frazer-brown.tumblr.com/post/27550889101/just-found-this-im-starting-to-see-a-nemesis
It flags up how important the letters page is.
Good find Emp - here is the drawing in all its glory so Frazer can have another blog entry 'The Day I scored a Beast/Input double'.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/nem.jpg)
The Beast can authenticate Frazer's tale with this drawing appearing in Prog 908. We can also exclusively reveal that Fraser also had a letter printed in Megazine No.6 waaay back in 1991.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.19 : Lemming - Prog 782
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/lemmingprog782.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo-1.jpg)
No.10 - Kevin Barry Cherry Popped Prog 1106
Kevin boasts a lucky 13 Beast hits which started with this effort from 1998. He has since been consistent but never prestigious with his 13th not seeing the printers until 2011's Prog 1751. His ratio is 8 Prog to 5 Meg with one Letter of the Week crown to his name.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/kevinbarry1106.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.20 : Lizard - Prog 172
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/lizardprog172.jpg)
Dear Letters, How many Hotshots has the Mighty One now sent?
Signed,
A.Wellwisher
We'll pass your request to the relevant department Tom. (the bin that is! Hahahahahah)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo-1.jpg)
No.11 : Linton Porteous - Cherry Popped Prog 1131
Late of this manor Linton 'Funt Solo' Porteous managed a fine 25 letters between Progs 1131 and 1560 before disappearing from the Beast's gaze. He has a balanced 13 : 12 ratio in favour of the Megazine and has never had a Letter of the Week. Interesting fact - He was named after Alan Partridge's favourite Travel Tavern.
He sits just off the podium in 4th place on the Beast's all time standings.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/lintonporteous1131.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.21 : Mouse - Prog 358
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/mouseprog358.jpg)
Quote from: Dandontdare on 10 July, 2012, 10:24:53 PM
He's going to run out of animals soon.
Okay, so I was wrong.
Please God make it stop. :o
People often fill our bulging sack with the same sad tale - 'Oh LETTERSENTERTAINYOU, I write as poorly as Tom Proudfoot but I don't have nuddie photos of Tharg, like he does - how can I get printed?'
'Write better letters', would be out wise counsel.
For those unable to muster a coherent sentence or have the ability to conjure up the bon mots we all know and love it, the gifts of Tharg are the things of a madman's dreams. Until now!
Yes you have entered our exciting new feature :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
Yes! This totally original feature, not to be confused with any knock offs, will delve into one anonymous reader's cellar of Letters based items from prizes to letters to...well letters and prizes is enough.
Let us begin with a blast from the present...
Cellar Delve One - The Prize of Today
For several years now Tharg has been giving his non-Letter of the Week correspondents a Heroclix figure. We've never really worked out what these are used for, but to looks like some kind of game as the base clicks around to give different values. Some of these are more familiar than others with 'Judge Fire' being a near certain award for over a year. Tharg seems to have finally exhausted his supply but still has his own cellar full of 'Stix' and 'Brit-Cit Judge'.
The prize, which normally comes on the Monday following the Saturday publication (for subbers), comes in a hand written envelope with the letter and Heroclix stuffed in. The Heroclix, in this case 'Stix', comes in a black plastic container stapled into a polythene bag. This offers no protection whatsoever and this often leads to 'figure/base detachment' which can render the valuable prize item as near worthless. Fig .1 shows the opened prize package :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters005.jpg)
In this case our lucky winner received a 'Stix', here he is in close up. Fig. 2
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters003.jpg)
To give a sense of scale here is Stix shown against a medium sized cat. Fig. 3 :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters004.jpg)
Every prize comes with a letter signed by Tharg and this signature has stayed the same for the last 10 years - proof positive that Tharg is real and not some one who is on a two decade long Youth Training Scheme. Fig. 4 shows a close up of the text and signature.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters002.jpg)
To close here is a shot of the letter, envelope and Stix all together. Note the pen on the side - this reader is keen to start on his next exciting letter! Fig.5
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters001.jpg)
Tune in again for future instalments where prizes from letters past will fill you with awe and no doubt envy. And respect.
Hey, I like that completely original idea BM. Fancy doing 2000AD Letters Uncovered, where we get to see the letters in their original state before Tharg types them up? You could totally kiss the arse of each letter writer too!
Quote from: Dandontdare on 29 July, 2012, 01:43:01 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 10 July, 2012, 10:24:53 PM
He's going to run out of animals soon.
Okay, so I was wrong.
Please God make it stop. :o
Shut it you!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.22 : Hamster Prog 549(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/hamsterprog549.jpg)
Quote from: Pete Wells on 29 July, 2012, 05:03:02 PM
Hey, I like that completely original idea BM. Fancy doing 2000AD Letters Uncovered, where we get to see the letters in their original state before Tharg types them up? You could totally kiss the arse of each letter writer too!
Stop reading our brain waves.
I told you not to take off the tinfoil hat
Quote from: Buttonman on 29 July, 2012, 02:28:58 PM(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
This is everything that is wrong with writing letters to comics nowadays ;)
Quote from: Pete Wells on 29 July, 2012, 05:03:02 PM
Hey, I like that completely original idea BM. Fancy doing 2000AD Letters Uncovered, where we get to see the letters in their original state before Tharg types them up? You could totally kiss the arse of each letter writer too!
I've got one of mine that is untouched with a bit of writing on from Tharg as he tried to correct me on a bit of film trivia, especially as it was a military film :lol: :lol: :lol:
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 30 July, 2012, 07:52:48 PM
Quote from: Buttonman on 29 July, 2012, 02:28:58 PM(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
This is everything that is wrong with writing letters to comics nowadays ;)
Well that's clearly a falsehood. What about the questions unanswered by Tharg? The Proudfoot infestation? The 1 in 3 Input page appearance ratio?
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 30 July, 2012, 07:56:20 PM
Quote from: Pete Wells on 29 July, 2012, 05:03:02 PM
Hey, I like that completely original idea BM. Fancy doing 2000AD Letters Uncovered, where we get to see the letters in their original state before Tharg types them up? You could totally kiss the arse of each letter writer too!
I've got one of mine that is untouched with a bit of writing on from Tharg as he tried to correct me on a bit of film trivia, especially as it was a military film :lol: :lol: :lol:
Don't sell yourself short CF - your almost respectable Beast entry reads :
JOHN BURDIS MAIDSTONE M80/V2.60
JOHN BURDIS MAIDSTONE 935
JOHN BURDIS MAIDSTONE 943
JOHN BURDIS KENT 2008
JOHN BURDIS MAIDSTONE 1631
JOHN BURDIS MAIDSTONE 1677
We should have a thread to review this thread. Both would be shit. :)
Quote from: Trout on 30 July, 2012, 09:43:09 PM
We should have a thread to review this thread. Both would be shit. :)
Hmm, Hmm, interesting viewpoint - and one you have to consider seriously seeing as it comes from the journalist who broke the Pulitzer winning 'Perth Firework Show To Go With a Bang' story. I'll just run the Beast to ensure your comments come from a place of insight and wisdom...
Whrrrrr Bing!
MIKE DONACHIE PERTH 2007
MIKE DONACHIE PERTH 2008
MIKE DONACHIE PERTH 1572
MIKE DONACHIE PERTH M276
MIKE DONACHIE PERTH 1681
MIKE DONACHIE PERTH M314
<Snigger> That doesn't even beat Commando Forces! Run along now, I hear someone was charged £2.50 for a scone and cup of tea. It's a disgrace!
Ah, it's so easy to push your buttons. Why don't you write a long column about how you've achieved some letter-writing record that you made up yourself? :lol:
Way ahead of you Fishy - 'Dredd Letter Days' is on Tharg's desk as we speak. It's been in the same spot for the last five years, but I digress - time for some more Dandontdare baiting...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.23 : Stork - Prog 92
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/storkprog92.jpg)
A bird delivers a hume so a rocket delivers a droid? what are you a creationist?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 31 July, 2012, 06:41:41 PM
A bird delivers a hume so a rocket delivers a droid? what are you a creationist?
I, like Tharg, only post the drawings; the readers can draw their own conclusions. But everyone knows robots come from rockets!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo-1.jpg)
No.12 : Richard Kavanagh -Cherry Popped Prog 1197'Friend of the Thread' Richard dominated the last decade scoring a heady 25 between this 2000 effort and his last, which we enjoyed recently in Prog 1792. The feat is all the more remarkable when you note all letters have been in the Prog and 3 of them were Letters of the Week.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/richardkavanagh1197.jpg)
Gods of the Letters Page:
If Paisleys favorite son is the current Champion of Capua, Floyd Kermode a stern Doctore, one would have to consider Richard Kavanagh a worthy Crixus.
My time will come old man- the irresistible 93.5% hit rate will ensure it. TMO is compelled to print Quality Correspondence!
The standard ranking is 'Larry' 'Curly' and 'Moe'.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.24 : Toad - Prog 203
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/toadprog203.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
Cellar Dive 2 - Drinks on Tharg
Tharg has varied his prize offerings over the years and one of the best was the 'LRD' or 'Liquid Refreshment Dispenser'. This was offered for a brief while around the 800 Progs era and we've chosen a completely random winner from this period to illustrate this great piece, from Prog 835:
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog835.jpg)
Mmm good one. The LRD came in a polystyrne cube and without a Thargian congratulatory letter. The LRD featured ABC Warrior Joe Pineapples and may have been an exclusive for letter writers only - anyone else get one through the grubby medium of the shops?
The LRD is shown on its two sides to demonstrate the full thrill-powered image.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters008.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters009.jpg)
can't wait til the tshirts are shown here modelled by the new slim Buttman!!
Quote from: Proudhuff on 03 August, 2012, 12:54:13 PM
can't wait til the tshirts are shown here modelled by the new slim Buttman!!
I don't think Tharg has ever given t-shirts as prizes? He did the yellow McMahon and the Macneil 'America' shirts as subbers gifts but never as letter prizes. Unless YOU (not you Tom) know differently.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.25 : Duck - Prog 625(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/tyrannyduckprog625.jpg)
I had a couple of Dredd sweatshirt...things as gifts. Black with a badge on the chest. Maybe that's what he's refering to? :D
That's not a T-shirt, so you can get away with that ;)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo-1.jpg)
No.13 : Simon Spurrier Cherry Popped Prog 1156
Simon enjoyed a great, but brief, letter writing career before he fell from view to do some other stuff, details unknown. After this Prog 1156 opener Simon had a quickfire 11 before bowing out with his Prog 1213 score. Si enjoyed 9 Prog letters to his Meg 2 and scored 2 Letters of the Week.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/sispurrier1156.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.26 : Whale - Prog 265
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/whaleprog265.jpg)
They must have some very odd zoos in Paisely...
its one big zoo :D
Quote from: Proudhuff on 05 August, 2012, 03:19:14 PM
its one big zoo :D
A sexy zoo.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.27 : Fish - Prog 830(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/fishprog830.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
Cellar Dive 3 : Buggeration!
Between Progs 987 and 1058 Tharg gave his less articulate readers the chance to see their name in print by showcasing 'Reader Profiles'. These were culled from the small forms readers included with their Nerve Centre submissions in which they ranked the stories and gave a score. Here is an excellent example from a random reader :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog1050Profile.jpg)
Mmm fabulous. As well as the glory the reader was sent a copy of the "excellent" game 'Banzai Bug' :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/banzai-bug-cover.jpg)
More important than this long forgotten game (this PC illiterate reader never played it and sold it for £10 to Gamestation in Glasgow!) was the congratulatory letter from Tharg. This had an 'Egmont' letterhead rather than 2000ad and Tharg's signature has an unusual flourish on the 'G' - work experience boy strikes again?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters024.jpg)
Come back soon for a possibly less good trip into the only Cellar that matters; and the one that doesn't manufacture its own relics!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.28 : Frog - Prog 370
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/frogprog370.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.29 : Prog 558 - Cat
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/catprog588.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo-1.jpg)
No.14 : Michael Crouch - Cherry Popped Prog 521
Michael is the highest scoring lettersmith who, to our knowledge, has never had a presence on the 2000adonline message board. He lies in joint 5th place with a healthy 26 scores and, impressively, this includes 3 drawings - and good ones too - not like Middenface McDredd. Indeed Michael is the only Letter God to pop his cherry with a drawing, scoring waaay back in Prog 521 with this topical effort :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/michaelcrouchpic521.jpg)
It took a few years for his first letter to appear, but appear it did, in Prog 859 :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/michaelcrouchlet859.jpg)
His ratio is 16 Prog to 10 Megazine and he has 4 Letter of the Week crowns. He was last spotted in Meg 317 in 2011 and we don't think we've seen the last of the Naughty Norwich notarist.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.30 : Bear - Prog 582
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/bearprog582.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DAVIDLETTERMAN2.jpg)
The first reader content in 2000ad was revealed to an eager audience in Prog 8, and on that day a trend was set. The first flurry of letters and drawings contained the artwork of two Davids - Cummings and Jenkins. The first letter soon followed in Prog 12 from David Izzard; but the question has remained ever since - who holds the title of David the Letterman?
Yes! You have stumbled upon our exciting new feature : 'Who is David the Letterman'. To date 302 'David' letters have appeared in the Prog and Megazine and the quest for glory has been long and painful. Obviously 'Letter God' David Evans will win, but there is still...wait...this just coming in...he'd been disqualified! Yes, David 'Call me Dave' has been disqualified for disloyalty to David, the most heinous charge in the David Letterman quest.
In truth Dave was doomed from the off using the casual moniker in his first Beast entry which appeared in Prog 1316 in 2002. He got his act together and gained his first 'David' Score in Prog 1391 in 2004 but fell back into his 'Dave' ways in 2007's Prog 1527 and remained off the true path in his last appearance in Megazine 274 in 2008.
With that tawdry business taken care of, we can begin the countdown. To keep it exciting as always we'll do it in reverse order. Of the 303 Davids logged on The Beast 230 were single entry Davids with the other 73 being multiple scorers.
As the 230 singletons could be flukes or Daves using their Sunday names we'll gloss over them and head straight into the two-fers. These are Aitken, Brooks, Finch, Forbes, Fulford-Brown, Griffiths, Goodwin, Hollick, Leach, Leonard, Morris, Patrick, Rees, Simpson and Smith.
Come back soon for the three baggers which will be dealt with in even greater detail, and all you Davids out there, get your letters in soon the positions could easily change. Although it's a bit unlikely.
No tears now, but this is the last visit, for now, to :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/ZOOLOGO.jpg)
No.31 : Cat AND Dog - Prog 354
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/catanddogprog354.jpg)
The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. A candle made of poo probably doesn't burn very long either mind.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012monk.jpg)
Well what a weekend of glory that was. Podium positions abounded and the laurels and plaudits fell from the sky. We are of course referring to the Paisley pie eating contest, but some letters got printed too.
We kick off with a slightly dry, themed Input page from Prog 1796. Tharg obviously wanted a balanced appraisal of the Nikolai Dante legacy but then forgot and printed four fawning missives that declared it to be the best strip of all time beating even 'The Gambols' and 'George and Lynne' instead.
We can exclusively reveal that the strip was not universally loved, as this reader profile from Prog 1050 wittily attests.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog1050Profile.jpg)
We open with Neil Colquhoun of Edinburgh whom we regard as the premier Edinburgh letter smith - well there's not much in the way of competition, to be fair. Neil was first printed in Prog 803 when he lived in Stevenson. He has 12 letters to his name and has 11 Prog credits to a single Meg score. This is his first letter of the week and his second score of 2012, following his Prog 1786 opener. His letter here is a bit gushy and, to be honest, a bit highbrow - away and analyse Proust elsewhere, Poindexter!
Andrew Melia of Stockport is up next and thanks Tharg for having the courage to end a strip on a high note - tell that to 'Mean Team'! Andrew celebrates his first ever letter here with this effort, and we can be assured that his next will be better. He claims the 32nd letter from Stockport and has a long way to go to overhaul long term leader Glen Hattersly on 7. He was last seen in Prog 1452 in 2005 so make hay when the sun shines, Andy. He fairs better in the 'Melia' stakes and now shares the top spot on 1 with Martin of Sutton who had his glory moment in Prog 577 in 1988.
Beatrix Potter's tale of Jonathan Fisher is up next and sadly it's the same old Dante love in. To be fair Jonathan sounds a nice bloke albeit a bit mental as he single handedly runs Co Antrim's 2000ad Street Team. He buys Progs by the armful and distributes them to the thrill-less like a later day Scrooge on Christmas morning. His keenness and enthusiasm shines through his gushing letter and he secures the coveted LETTERSENTERTAINYOU 'Mail of the Mag' award. This is Jonathan's sixth letter to see print after he opened with the lesser 'Letter of the Week' award in Prog 1606. His previous score was in Prog 2012 and he lags behind Tom/Thomas of Huddersfield in the 'Fisher' stakes by a single score.
The Dante love in ends with David Page of Glasgow who tries to cement his claim to our never popular 'David Letterman' award. We won't give David's tally here however, as the cat was sick on our list. David is the self styled 'Monarch' and on this evidence he's the King of Crappy Letters. He threatens to keep writing his Dante blog, news that will, no doubt, keep his two readers happy (any tips to get us to that level David?). David has never has a Letter of the Week (or a Mail of the Mag) and was previously spotted in Meg 300.
Off to Megazine 327 now where we get a far more varied selection of letters and the quality, in places, is far higher.
We start off with Alun Rundle of Newport who has identified 'a craze of reviewing' - as Heisenberg would say 'Stay out of my territory'. Alan runs through the strips like a dose of salts pointing out the obvious and offering no meaningful commentary. He does however get the supreme accolade of a scolding from the editor - top marks Alun! Alun has 6 letters to his name stretching back to Meg 170 (Vol. 3.67) in 2000. Prior to this we saw him twice in 2011, lastly in Prog 1759. He stays ahead of the other Rundle boy, Richard of Clacton on Sea, who languishes on his single Prog 1040 score.
Next up is Trevor Vallender of The Isle of Wight who must have been busy on the internet prior to writing in as he was unable to put his comic down. Trevor's letter doesn't ring true as he likes 'Samizdat Squad' and 'The Adjudicators' shurly shum mistake? He has the enthusiasm of a Parkhurst escapee in Benidorm but needs to pare back the compliments - we'd hate to see him let loose on something good! We can be kind though as it is Trevor's first letter to see print and, as we all know, your letters teeth don't get sharp until letter 3. Trevor is the 12th Trevor to see print with none ever making it a brace. The last we saw was Trevor Donnelly in Prog 1411 in 2004. This is only the 4th Isle of Wight letter ever but one of them did come from Waldo Dobbs Jnr. (Prog 519)
Another new man steps up next in the shape of Jonathan McEvoy of London. This is the 625th London score but we're not listing them. This is the second McEvoy to see print following some guy, Guy McEvoy of Prog 715 fame. Jonathan's letter cleverly explains why words are different from pictures and we thank him for the insight.
Who wrote the penultimate letter in this week's LETTERSENTERTAINYOU? Yes, once again, the Butler did it. Doug Butler of USA has scored 8 Beast hits since his Meg 309 debut and he's set to match 2011's four, with three already in the bag for 2012. The Butlers have an illustrious letters history with Tony a passenger on the Letters Mayflower - Prog 8 - when he had his splendid drawing of 'Zundig' printed.
Last up it's that man again, Stephen Watson of Paisley, scoring his 85th letter hit. This is his 46th Megazine letter and beats a familiar path of giving an opinion on each strip in order - ground breaking stuff! He threads his letter with political comment and stinging brickbats - take that 'Sameasthat Squad'! He secretly hopes to have 100 letters one day and thinks that's a totally healthy ambition. So there Dr Renwick! And your pills!
This welcome salvo of nine letters takes the Beast totaliser up to an all time high of 9877 and with this momentum we look forward to celebrating letter 10,000 just in time for the Rio Olympics (closing ceremony).
Hmm.... :lol:
Yeah the stonings shall come some day mister Watson...liking curse of the spider queen and the grail war over dante...I oughta invent time travel just to beat 26 year old you over the head with my clue stick
just kidding!
incidently theres now a list of the first fourteen episodes of too cool to kill here
http://thrillpoweroverdose.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/nikolai-dante-too-cool-to-kill.html
Yes I am pimping here! come be my third reader you will not regret it!
will you stop at 100?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 14 August, 2012, 04:55:15 PM
will you stop at 100?
Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you Tom? I'll retire when the comics folds or the muse leaves me and neither of them is happening any time soon. With that in mind let's have another exciting trip into the soon to be answered and totally not pointless question :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DAVIDLETTERMAN2.jpg)
The following people are
NOT David the Letterman.
David Hardy - 3 Beast Entries Progs 595, 1114, 1268
David DeVries - 3 Beast Entries Progs 1041, 1103, 1176
David Cook - 3 Beast Entries Progs 264, 370 & 897
Can you feel the excitement building? Hmmm, This pun based feature was at best ill advised but will of course continue to the painful end. Come back soon. Or at all - we'll be here!
My memory fades, but was there not a letter from Harry Harrison printed on a special page around the time that the first adaptation of The Stainless Steel Rat appeared? Could The Beast fix it for us to read that again?
Your lettering skills may have faded but the memonry still smoulders. The Beast says :
HARRY HARRISON DUBLIN Prog 148 IRELAND 1980
Alas the Beast archive is presently being refurbished and the attic is so far away - anyone got a copy handy so we can celebrate the great man's crowning acievement?
Quote from: Buttonman on 15 August, 2012, 07:59:56 PM
Anyone got a copy handy so we can celebrate the great man's crowning acievement?
(http://i.imgur.com/iZc98.jpg)
The Beast fails and must beg for help - it's like the G4S of the comic correspondence world.
Great to see that Harry was reading the comic adaptation though!
Dan, Dan, Dan, DAN! Are we not all children of the Beast? Does the Beast not permeate the lives of us all? By faking Beast impotence we have uncovered a new friend of the Beast in Judge Jack who has shown that more than one person can stick content on this thread.
Well done Judge Jack and shame on you Dandondare who has missed the groundswell of post Olympics pride and can do attitudes.
Quote from: Dandontdare on 15 August, 2012, 09:07:49 PM
The Beast fails and must beg for help - it's like the G4S of the comic correspondence world.
Quote from: Buttonman on 15 August, 2012, 09:31:38 PM
shame on you Dandondare who has missed the groundswell of post Olympics pride and can do attitudes.
Indeed. Only too happy to help out 'the beast', ;)
(http://i.imgur.com/R3Bup.jpg)
Crawler
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
Cellar Dive 4 : Postcards With An Edge
For a prolonged period around the 1200-1350 Prog range Tharg rewarded his winning letter writers with an action figure. This was a halcyon period with the well appointed figues (more about them next time) delighting and encouraging readers in equal measure. Let's have a look at a random letter thus rewarded :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog1277.jpg)
Super. We understand this excited reader told all of his friends and prospective girlfriends about the delights about to come his way. Imagine the confusion which greeted the arrival of this slim packet ...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters019.jpg)
That's gonna be one skinny action figure! The truth soon was out...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters020.jpg)
Those Zragian bastards! Let's see the letter and envolope together so we can get an idea of the scale - sorry girls and stalkers - he's moved since then :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters018.jpg)
All was not lost however, the cheaper and easier to post gift of a set of 'exclusive' postcards was a nice consolation. They were well produced and glossy. They remain unsent in 'The Cellar'.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters017.jpg)
Come back soon for another exciting dive!
Don't they look nice. I have a few of mine signed ;)
Hmm "Stephen Watson of Glasgow" - was this the brief period when you got ideas above your station, passing yourself off as living in the Big Meg, before being exiled back to your usual hab-zone?
Quote from: Dandontdare on 17 August, 2012, 08:35:52 PM
Hmm "Stephen Watson of Glasgow" - was this the brief period when you got ideas above your station, passing yourself off as living in the Big Meg, before being exiled back to your usual hab-zone?
Hmm mmm an interesting challenge there Dan. Unlike most people I have actually changed addresses over the years before reaching the pinacle of my present Paisley domicile.
As a proto Letters God I scribed from my garret in the roof space of my parents' house in Stepps, near Glasgow. The first tirumph followed after 43 misfires :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog559-1.jpg)
As my letters riches amassed I was able to move out to my batchelor pad in Dennistoun in the East end of Glasgow. The hedonistic lifestyle lead to such manic missives as follows :
After seven years of happiness I got married to my Buddy wife. More happiness ensued as is demonstrated herewith :
Bah - stupid Photobucket freeze - here's your owed letters :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog1232-1.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog1364.jpg)
As compensation/a bonus look at this one where Tharg though I was 'Steve'!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog1229.jpg)
AHHH this is the dull repetative part of the thread.
V
Quote from: vzzbux on 17 August, 2012, 10:08:23 PM
AHHH this is the dull repetative part of the thread.
I think you're about 17 pages late on that one.
Quote from: Buttonman on 17 August, 2012, 09:52:58 PM
Hmm mmm an interesting challenge there Dan. Unlike most people I have actually changed addresses over the years before reaching the pinacle of my present Paisley domicile.
HA - I piss on your present ... oh no wait... deja vu!
The Thread that goes on giving... unfortunately
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
Cellar Dive 5 : Figure It Out
Before the recession ushered in the age of Heroclix Tharg used to dole out full sized action figures - with accessories! These weren't for the run of the mill letters of course, and were reserved for the hollowed recipients of the Letter of the Week crown. A random sample may read thus :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog1232-1.jpg)
The prize arrived in a Jiffy bag with a congratulatory letter wrapped around it with a rubber band. The letter looks exactly like this :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters028.jpg)
This lucky winner receiced the 'Slaine' model which was a lovely and well crafted item. It came with a scale 'Ukko' (now lost) as well as a big axe and cape. Here's the fellow in close up :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters014.jpg)
This full sized picture shows that the build quality wasn't all it could be and Slaine lost a leg during only slightly robust play :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters013.jpg)
This fine figure served as a desk mascot for the lucky winner and now sees out its retirement as a cat toy :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters016.jpg)
This reader tells us this was possibly the best prize from Tharg and one that retains its good mono-ped looks all these years later.
How on earth did he lose a leg :o
He thought two legs too many.
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 20 August, 2012, 08:56:21 AM
How on earth did he lose a leg :o
Swinging that axe about, bloody dangerous!!
Questions to the Beast..................
Following on from some thread about some bloke that made some film, we get down to the important stuff!
1. Was there letters in the previous US published comics?
2. Will there be letters in the new US published comic?
Feel free to add your own underneath and the usual smart and comic replies will be deleted to keep this thread constant!
I know that me and SBT had a letter published in the DC stuff. That's a letter each, before anyone asks.
The Beast is UK-centric and doesn't recognise DC Dredd as 'canon'. You'll be wanting your letters in 'The Oldie' and 'The Fraggle Rock Comic' in next!
What about Dez Skinn's Warrior?
What about Starlord and Tornado?
:-*
Don't forget Zarjaz and Dogbreath ;)
The Victor?
What about the Dandy :'(
Shut it you shower. The Beast will remain devoted to 2000ad and The Megazine and will not be watered down with the inclusion of lesser titles.
Apart from select cuts from the 1982 Eagle :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/eagleletter.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/aaletgodlogo-1.jpg)
No.15 : Steve Frame - Cherry Popped Prog 1478
Scott has all the credentials to a true letters god and perhaps even reach the lofty heights of second best in Scotland. Alas his workrate is not all it could be with only one letter troubling the Beast since 2010 (Prog 1769). He may have found girls or something but the lad needs to get his priorities straight. He has an enviable 21 scores with an impressive 7 of these letters of the week including his cherry popper.
His total includes a cheeky brace under the nom de plume 'D Raey', a play on his board name 'Dounraey', and it's these kind of antics that we are missing, for now.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/steveframe1478.jpg)
Yeah, what about Dark Horse's Dredd/Aliens: Incubus, does having a letter in that count? But it's okay cf, i'll sign yours next time i see you if you like. Or you might like to get me and wake and/or logan to double-sign it, as i think one of those fine chaps was alongside me in that magnifcent issue.
SBT
Quote from: SmallBlueThing on 21 August, 2012, 10:28:06 PM
Yeah, what about Dark Horse's Dredd/Aliens: Incubus, does having a letter in that count? But it's okay cf, i'll sign yours next time i see you if you like. Or you might like to get me and wake and/or logan to double-sign it, as i think one of those fine chaps was alongside me in that magnifcent issue.
SBT
I was paid to write a small 150 word piece for the Dredd/Aliens comics and also had a letter printed.
Now that's the way to write letters. Anything to say Buttonman?
Quote from: Buttonman on 21 August, 2012, 09:17:49 PM
No.15 : Steve Frame - Cherry Popped Prog 1478
Scott has all the credentials to a true letters god and
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/steveframe1478.jpg)
Who the hell is Scott?
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 22 August, 2012, 08:03:41 AM
Now that's the way to write letters. Anything to say Buttonman?
Isn't writing stuff for money a tad vulgur? Writing them for small plastic toys is all the more classy.
Quote from: Proudhuff on 22 August, 2012, 12:08:51 PM
Who the hell is Scott?
I knew you'd spot that howler Tom! Made the classic mistake of mixing up my 'SF's - Steve Frame and Scott Ferguson - I managed to modify the title but was too late to change the remaining 'Scott' - I'm under a lot of pressure you know!
With this bombshell how can we be sure of any data in the mighty beast any more. Today Steve/Scott, tomorrow Gregory or Maude.
Quote from: James Stacey on 23 August, 2012, 09:26:04 AM
With this bombshell how can we be sure of any data in the mighty beast any more. Today Steve/Scott, tomorrow Gregory or Maude.
its true, for all we know that Step Hen of Paisley could be using duds to top up his 'winning' score.
The Beast is infallible but alas his operator has the odd 'moment'.
Quote from: Buttonman on 23 August, 2012, 04:18:30 PM
The Beast is infallible but alas his operator has the odd 'moment'.
Pah, a bad workman often blames his erm... self.
Quote from: Buttonman on 23 August, 2012, 04:18:30 PM
The Beast is infallible but alas his operator has the odd 'moment'.
You could type better if you would stop masturbating.
This is everything that is wrong with comic letter collating via computer keyboard fingers interface today :lol:
Quote from: Trout on 23 August, 2012, 05:06:34 PM
Quote from: Buttonman on 23 August, 2012, 04:18:30 PM
The Beast is infallible but alas his operator has the odd 'moment'.
You could type better if you would stop masturbating.
I could do a lot of things better if I stopped mmmmm uurrghh ahhh.
What was the question?
Dear 'The Beast' were I too start a serious letter writing campaign what competition would I face from the south Wales area (assuming data collated was correctly inputed)
Dear Beast,
Can we have a breakdown of who wrote the most letters for each of the different sizes of the Prog?
Many thanks
Stats-r-us
Quote from: Large48 on 23 August, 2012, 07:12:05 PM
Can we have a breakdown of who wrote the most letters for each of the different sizes of the Prog?
No we bloody well cannot.
Quote from: James Stacey on 23 August, 2012, 06:02:14 PM
Dear 'The Beast' were I too start a serious letter writing campaign what competition would I face from the south Wales area (knowing as I do that the data correctly is inputed)
Hmm Hmm and excellent question and indeed test of the Beast's powers - and not before time we might add. James has inadvertantly stumbled upon our exciting new feature :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/princewales.jpg)
Yes for five exciting episodes we will settle those age old arguments over who is the greatest Welsh Wordsmith.
The first Welsh Letter was penned by the luminous Julian Howarth in Prog 42. He was never seen again, possibly because some Nationalists burnt down his cottage. Wales was the last of the home nations to break its letter writing cherry and it has punched below its weight ever since. Accounting for 4.9% of the UK population Wales holds a feeble 324 Beast entries - a near negligible 3.3% of the total. Scotland by comparison makes up 8.3% of the population yet boasts 9.6% of The Beast's wealth. It's not as bad as England however which has a laughable 68% share of The Beast's total against a population of 84%.
Anyway the original questioner demanded to know what it would take to be the Top Taff (he actually asks about South Wales but south of where?). The answer is 'Not much', even from his lowly starting total of zero. The Beast reveals 36 leek loving lads and lassies have two or more letters and we'll open this great feature by listing all the twofers. They appear in surname order and we're not ranking on drawings, Letters of the Week etc.
Two Leeks go to :
MEL BASS GWYNEDD 664 & 843
RODGER BRIDGES GWYNEDD 993 & 1087
M BURTON WREXHAM 819 & 825
JASON CHANNING GWENT 107 & 176
GARY DOBBS SOUTH WALES M209 & M222
STEPHEN HILL DYFED 277 & 432
JOHN HUGHS CLWYD 788 & 838
MARK JONES GWYNEDD 733 & 794
JONATHAN JONES GWYNEDD 743 & 805
DAVID KNEATH SWANSEA 1395 & 1507
JOHN MIERS CARDIFF M13 & M79
TANYA MORGAN BARRY 148 & 360
RICHARD MORRIS DYFED M124 & M226
SIMON NURSE PORT TALBOT 761 & 762
SIMON O'SHEA SWANSEA 209 & 248
DBJ PARKER RHYL 994 & 1004
NICOLA PHILLIPS CLWYD 523 & 955
ELEANOR RICHARDS GLAMORGAN 654 & 796
TIM ROBINS CARDIFF 398 & 490
KP ROGERS CARDIFF M21 & 777
JESSICA SALISBURY GWYNEDD M73 & 960
RK SHORLEY S GLAMORGAN 617 & 620
RICHARD THOMAS DYFED 851 & 861
Random musings :
* Lotta ladies - like it.
* Lot of Gwynedd letters - thrill power in that there water
* Simon Nurse with two in a row and then nothing - a story to be told!
* No Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Come back soon for more Welsh action and the answer to your reasonable question in only 4 episodes time!
I'm still waiting for the all-Irish "Top o' the Mornin" Lettersentertainyou feature.
I wonder which letter writer has the longest name!
Also from how many countries have we had letters printed from and which are from the lowest and highest locations on the planet?
Do you have gender statistics? I'd be interested in the proportion of men to women in the letters page.
Yes, we are determined to take up all your spare time... forever. :lol:
What are the age stats of all the letter writers, when they wrote their letters and now ;)
somebody once wrote a letter that was quite funny. I think it was about Judge Dredd. Can you help?
I liked that letter where the wag asked Tharg why there was a Rosette of Sirius on the front of his telephone, and Tharg replied "Well, hardy-har!" What prog was that in?
Dear Beast, can you tell us how many letters from each country?
If not why not?!?!?!? you can be replaced with a Spectrum!
Calm now children. The Road to 10,000 will be long and arduous and all of your questions will be answered in time. Your favourite features will follow soon but alas we've got to use up the crappy ones we're saddled with first.
With that in mind it's time for another exciting episode of...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DAVIDLETTERMAN2.jpg)
The following people are NOT David the Letterman.
DAVID STONE 4 Beast Entries Progs 51 124 829 & 1628
DAVID GRENFELL 4 Beast Entries Progs 819 824 836 & MEG 40
DAVID TOBIN 4 Beast Entries Progs 1197 1201 1215 & MEG 175
That's all for now come back for more excitement soon.
I want a recount on that Dave Stone geezer!
I reckon its a ringer!
Quote from: Large48 on 24 August, 2012, 08:17:33 PM
I want a recount on that Dave Stone geezer!
I reckon its a ringer!
He has a long pedigree and uncommon name but as they are all from the London area the Beast has allowed him his claim to the David Letterman throne - and then deemed it unworthy.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012comm.jpg)
Well here we go again for an another exciting rollercoaster of letters and...well some letters.
Prog 1798 sees the third letters page of the 1790's a real golden harvest of missives not seen since the halcyon days of the 1780's when we also had three. Can Tharg make it four next week? Tune in then, to find out.
For now we'll disseminate the five exciting epistles that make up the inside back page Input feature.
We open with M. Casey McCarty who shares the same first name as M. Night Shymalan and M C Hammer. It is his first letter and, unsurprisingly, the first letter from any Casey McCarty. We did have a Casey Omen of Coventry in Prog 807 and Antonio Carty of Ireland who claims the distinction of being LETTERSENTERTAINYOU's first ever use of the hard fought Sci-Fi Specials data following his Dredd strip in the 1986 Sci-Fi Special. M. wins the Letter of the Week crown due to being American and therefore more sexy than the rest of us. His letter says he only has 'iffy access' to 2000ad which we take to be a reference to Demonoid being down. He flashes the bucks by bragging about his big book order and is justly rewarded with - another book.
We cross the border to the slightly less sexy Canada in the company of Nick Klie (do you say that as 'Klee' or 'Kli'?) who scores his 5th letter on the Beast's totem pole. Nick debuted in Meg 264 and his last appearance, prior to this, was in Meg 308. Of the other 9 Canadian letters no reader has more than a single entry. He does have a challenger in John Bainbridge of Ontario however, who laid down his first moose head in the recent Prog 1792. Nick's letter is a billet-doux to the venerable Mr Wagner and although it's mostly fair comment he does go on a bit. Greatest writer of all time? Pfft, the Beast says 'Uhn-Noh' - not even a reader profile for Mr W.
We get Wood once again in letter three but enough of Xhamster, let's see what Benjamin Wood has to say. Hmmm shouldn't have bothered. Benjamin uses the redundant "I wanted to write" as an opener and then to compound the crime he trots out "so I felt I had to write" in the same paragraph. He has more redundancies than Aviva! (bailiffs soon to Beast Towers!) but at least he's positive and keen. Benjamin's on the button for the 3rd time this year and has a foursome in total to his name. He isn't the strongest Wood however, that honour goes to Richard of Radlett who sits on a proud 13.
Best Hall in Britain? It ain't the Albert Hall, it's Kevin Hall of East Lothian who clocks up his 15th score with this offering. He opened his account in 1996's Prog 977 and this is his second 2012 score following his Prog 1764 effort. We need to talk about Kevin as well, as Mr Hall secures his hold on the all-Kevin title over Kevin Barry of Maidstone who languishes on 13. He was last seen in Prog 1751 - a Prog which also featured Kevin Hall! Spooky or what? Kevin goes for a trip through the Prog and he loves a lot. He sees hidden depth in 'Debris' and empathises with the evil killer Ichabod - well that's the East Coasters for you.
We end somewhat meekly with Ozzer Paul Meek bringing up the rear with his unexpected 'G'day' salutation. It appears that a dingo ran off with Paul's Progs as he's not seen an issue in 20 years. We think it's fine that these 'Dead Meat' avoiders are allowed to return without censure and talk of making them sit through all of 'Henry Moon : Survivor' are somewhat harsh. Paul has browsed the odd Prog between sheep dips and has finally taken the plunge to rejoin the ranks. The letter could have done with a stiff edit - even the writer gets bored half way through - Yadda yadda! Paul is the first ever Meek to make the grade but we did have a Martin Meeks in Prog 724 with his 'Judge Frankie Howerd' and a Shy Clare of Manchester in Prog 294. We have not had anyone trouble the Beast with the names 'Bashful' or 'Too scared to write'.
Well that's going to do it for this outing which takes us to 9882 on the Beast Countometer. Not long now - to our holidays on September 11th wish us luck!
Well the Green Git has done it to us again - less than a week before the release of the LETTERSENTERTAINYOU Movie we get rewarded with no new content to discuss. Well at least it's proof that he's running scared; and why not? The superior cast of Paul Hogan as Floyd Kermode, Clive Owen as Stephen Watson of Paisley and the ghost of Kenneth Williams as Tom Proudfoot would make any rival producer shake in his snake skin boots.
Still we can still have fun with some of our well loved features. As a special treat we offer today a special 'Brown Saturday' where you get two for the price of none. First up let's take a trip to the valleys with :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/princewales.jpg)
The holders of THREE Golden Leeks are :
SARJU ATKAR - POWYS - 987, 982 & 1021
ALISTAIR CLARK - COLWYN - MEGS 105, 148 & 154
GERAINT DAVIES - PENARTH - 134, 199 & 312
ROBERT HYDE - CARDIFF - MEGS 91, 104 & Prog 942
HOWARD INGHAM - SWANSEA - 1189, 1191 & 1192
STUART OWEN - POWYS - 981, 1120 & 1152
By the land of my fathers where have the ladies all gone? Interesting career from Howard there, he could've been a contender if he kept that rate up.
Come back later for the exciting list of the Four-fathers - amazingly there are four of them!
Just time to have another inquisition in the quest to learn...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DAVIDLETTERMAN2.jpg)
The following people are NOT David the Letterman.
DAVID BLAIR 5 Beast Entries Progs 263, 1262, 1318, 1341, 1406
DAVID WIGGINS 6 Beast Entries Progs 901, 918, 1004, 1022, 1030 & MEG 135
DAVID BROOKES 6 Beast Entries Progs 1453, 1493, 1502, 1521, 2006 & 2009
Can the excitement get any more pronounced? No, but we'll be back later. Probably.
since when was Batman Welsh?
Someone help Dan here? Difference between made up people and actors who play them? Anyone? Bueller?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
Cellar Dive 6 : Birth of a Legend
Back, before the dawn of time, and indeed Heroclix, Tharg rewarded his chosen lettersmiths with cold hard cash. When this fledgling writer broker his cherry with this breathtaking effort back in Prog 559 (30 January 1988) he was rewarded with £5 - a massive £11.05 in today's money. Let's see what Tharg's largess bought him back in the day...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/Prog559-1.jpg)
This excited yoof, a mere 16 at the time, waited on the postman each day, waiting for Tharg to make good on his promise. His father offered to sub him the cash so he could spend it on Spangles and gin but it was not the money that interested him, it was his first Letter from Tharg. Eventually the thrill powered missive was delivered.
The £5.00 came in the form of a postal order which was soon spent, with the purchases long since eaten/set on fire/released into the wild.
The Thargian letter itself arrived around two weeks after the publication of the letter in an envelope post marked 16th February 1988. The postage cost a mere 13p and it was posted in London SE1. Let's have a look at both the letter and envelope:
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters021.jpg)
The envelope has suffered tha ravages of 29 Scottish winters - but the hand typed and pasted on address panel still sits proudly attached to the envelope - sorry girls, he's since moved.
The letter itself was well worth the wait :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters022.jpg)
The letter is on a fine grade of paper with a 'Fleetway Publications' letterhead. It is so old the phone number is 01-620 0939 and something called a 'fax' is also mentioned. It is testament to the times that such contact information was given as the modern equivalent makes no hint that contact is encouraged.
It could be suggested that the letter is of the stock variety with even the amount of the prize not mentioned " an unspecified amount as the Galactic exchange rates are prone to fluctuation" it opines. The signature is also printed on but the recipient likes to think it was printed just for him. Nowadays you may only get a Heroclix but at least the work experience boy scribbles a real 'Tharg' on the congratulatory letter in magic marker.
Come back soon for an even less exciting cellar delve.
559? a late developer eh?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 10 September, 2012, 02:51:28 PM
559? a late developer eh?
We weren't all blessed enough to be born in the reign of Victoria Tom!
Due to the abject failure of the
LETTERSENTERTAINYOU Movie we are heading off to Spain for a couple of weeks. Frankly the reviews were shocking, we mean "The non-thinking man's Keith Lemon movie" is just nit picking at best.
Anyway we may not be back. A country where throwing 5 people off a building counts as greater entertainment than a film about people writing into a comic is frankly one we have to reconsider living in. Actually we'll be back on the 25th - Mrs Grimshaw at the D.S.S. is most unforgiving.
Anyway with the break in mind we shall take this opportunity to clear the decks of our never popular features starting with the sheep bothering ...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/princewales.jpg)
The holders of
FOUR Golden Leeks are :
JAMES BARRY - CARDIFF - 952, 967, 977, 1031.
IAN BROWN - NORTH WALES - M298, 1685, 1738, 1741.
JULIAN MERRIMAN - GWENT - 138, 170, 377, 521.
LUKE WILLIAMS - LLANELLI - 1606, M313, M323, 1782.
The holder of FIVE Golden Leeks is :
ALUN RUNDLE - NEWPORT - M170, M205, M213, 1741, 1759 & M327
And the WINNER is, the holder of SEVEN GOLDEN LEEKS is: Wait, it's a tie, how exciting :
RICHARD ROBERTS - PONTYPRIDD - M235, M229, M261, M274, M306, M309 & M320
MARK WOODLAND - PONTYCLUN - 1460, M188, 1081, 1197, 1206, 1296 & 1393
So there you go, the tale of the valleys is complete with a feeble 7 running the pit / choir / Max Boyce fan club. Come back soon when we make casual racism stereotypes of our Irish friends.
Next up :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/DAVIDLETTERMAN2.jpg)
It's David 'the Monarch' Page, or KING DAVID as this feature maybe should have been called. David looks down on his namesakes with a hefty 8 . Well done David. Next up : 'Simon Letterman - The Quest continues'. David's record claimers are : 2008, 1570, M269, M271, 1587, M277, M300 & 1796.
Adios amigos and Tom too.
Hasta la vista, Paisley.
Curse you WoD. I may have to break out the crayons
Hasn't Spain suffered enough without sending our ex-cons out there? Shirley that's what OZ is for?
That casual racism is infectious!
He says it's a holiday but really he's been sectioned.
Being sectioned would be a holiday fi Paisley :D
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012dandont.jpg)
Well we have returned from Spain having successfully educated our cousins in the art of 'La carta' as they are want to say. We return to a healthy six-bagger on the Input page of Prog 1802, with the first movie feedback starting to filter through.
We open with Mat Wale of Sheffield who completes the not unusual feat of breaking his letters duck with the coveted 'Letter of the Week' - whether he can complete the difficult second letter remains to be seen but this is an OK opening salvo. Mat is a bit of a friend of Uncle Sam as he refers to 'the stands' and 'gassing up the car' - frankly these Americanisms suck! Mat was a bit surprised that the people who turned up at a 2000ad signing were happy to talk about 2000ad, but it's a positive note and clearly one from someone who hasn't met the real weirdo fans that dress up, harass creators etc.
Sheffield presently has 98 letter scores with the steel man being David Brookes with his high 5 - he was last spotted in Prog 2008, so Mat has a chance to reduce the deficit.
Ask any 2000ad fan their favourite content of the last few years and they are bound to say 'The 86ers'. No not that derivative space opera thing, we're talking about the great 86 letters of Stephen Watson of Paisley. He scores his 5th of 2012 and unusually for him he has been more successful in the Prog recently leaning 3 to 2 in the weekly's favour. The letter opens with a humorous bon mot as Watson suggests he wasn't advised of the 'Dredd 3D' film - before revealing he knew all along and thought it great - what a wag! That's 'wag'. He does close on a kind of sucking up note telling Tharg anything he does is fine by him, but it is so there.
Andrew Honan scores his third letter next but it's more like 2.2 give the brief content. He made more of an effort in his Meg 318 and Prog 1759 offerings. Tharg answers the lazy letter in a lazy style offering up that catchphrase - Good work Sir that'll learn him!
Next up is Jack Wainwright who is fast becoming a letters page fixture. His offering here, his 11th, is a bit short and merely restates some comic graffiti he saw - who is he really? Nigel Rees? This is Jack's second letter of 2012 following the photo of his cake in Prog 1789 - get some original content Jack - the recycling centre is closed!
Controversy reigns next as a lady writes in. Zoe Arnold-Bennett was a bit offended by some smut in Lenny Zero. Tharg wisely answers in the 'Listen Love' mode and tells here there will be something else along soon to take the place of the smut. The board has been awash with criticism of Tharg for his brush off but having read the letter it seems like fair comment to us. The Dandy is still being printed (for now) if you fancy something less saucy - although that Minnie is a Minx! (or is that the Beano?)
This was Zoe's, first and possibly last, letter and she falls in just behind the Zoe leader, Fursman of Exeter whom we saw in Progs 1167 and 1187.
Last up it's the Godfather of the letters page Tom Hagen, er , Hogan. This is Tom's first letter and he is the 6th Hogan to score a single. Of the six we like Chief Rabbit Ester Hogan of Bath from Prog 336 best - sorry other Hogans. Tom sets Tharg up well for some 'Coming Events' news but will sadly be waiting for his Cabs for the foreseeable future.
This excellent six pack takes us up to 9888 on the Beast totaliser with the long awaited 9900's almost in sight - give it to Christmas!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSCELLAR.jpg)
Cellar Dive 7 - Everything Must Go
Sadly due to a malicious copyright claim the wondrous Cellar of Letters Based Tat has had to close its doors. Like Jimmy Savile it's getting out while the going is good. Avenge our death!
In typically classy style, we close with a fire sale of the best tat we have.
First up isn't actually to do with letters, although it did once contain Progs that contained letters so that's all good. When the Cellar started to get its Progs direct rather than brave the masses at WH Smiths they arrived in these fine McMahon adorned plastic sleeves. They didn't last long before the Prog was shamefully hidden in a plain paper envelope. Nowadays the Prog arrives in a transparent envelope with no picture but at least the postman, and possibly passing chicks, know that you are cool once again.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters026.jpg)
And in close up - he's moved, sorry girls.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters027.jpg)
Once you have received your prize the first thing to check that it is indeed Tharg who has deemed you worthy. This selection of congratulatory letters shows that his signature hasn't changed in 20 years so it's all true.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters006.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters025.jpg)
The letter logo has been consistent for many years now, although the address has changed - let's look at the evolving letterhead and locations of the Nerve Centre Spaceship (also proven true) :
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters007.jpg)
Once you have satisfied yourself that Tharg has chosen you, (not you, me, but you get the idea) the last excitement is to see what prize you have been granted. Sometimes Tharg loves you less and you get a , let's be kind, less in demand book. These are fine volumes, but are often tomes that have since been superseded and perhaps have novelty value at best. One for a disliked nephew's Christmas or stick 'em on eBay - that's a healthy three quid right there...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters010.jpg)
Happily Tharg's once seemingly inexhaustible supply of that Judge Anderson books has breathed its last, and he now offers current books that you really like getting such as this lot - can you spot the deliberate mistake?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/CellarofLetters011-1.jpg)
So there we have it. An exciting trip into the world of letters writing and grubbing for prizes all in 7 amazing episodes. Check back soon for our new and original features 'Letters Uncovered' and 'Letters World' by Sheepy.
Well done lawyers, I have finally managed to end this shameful episode that has brought me to the brink, of what I can't say!
By the way, I shall be giving Pete the contact number of 'Killem and Weep', before you ruin his reputation :lol:
We Love Lettersentertainyou.........
Can't we mount a come back campaign already?
Just think, it's keeping him off the streets mixing with 'normal'ish people!
Quote from: Large48 on 03 October, 2012, 09:38:55 AM
We Love Lettersentertainyou.........
Can't we mount a come back campaign already?
Just think, it's keeping him off the streets mixing with 'normal'ish people!
What a nice Guy. Don't worry LETTERSENTERTAINYOU lives on forever, only the tat Cellar has now closed its doors - well until something new is uncovered in the 'Attic of Excitement!...
I'd quite like to see a Everything Comes Back To LettersEntertainYou. You could even do a podcast with Proudhuff, though I fear the Southern Softie Contingent would have problems understanding you...
Quote from: Pete Wells on 03 October, 2012, 08:38:15 PM
I'd quite like to see a Everything Comes Back To LettersEntertainYou. You could even do a podcast with Proudhuff, though I fear the Southern Softie Contingent would have problems understanding you...
Wouldn't that just be two old blokes growling at each other?
getaefeckyarradge!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/letters2012comm.jpg)
...and we're back. Of course we are, tales of our demise came from an Edinburgh pensioner who lost his methadone prescription; but happily he's since been sedated. Lettersentertainyou remains in rude health (bum, tits, fanny) despite the underperformance of the Lettersentertainyou movie. We say underperformance, which is true in money terms, but if you look at the new blood it has unleashed on the Input page you will truly realise that the mortgaging of our cat was not a foolhardy enterprise. Of the five letters printed at least three are debut offerings and only one reader has more than a brace. Good on you Tharg! sweep away the old guard and celebrate the youth with their witty and insightful comments. <rustle rustle> oh well at least it'll keep them off the streets.
We open our Prog 1804 review in typical style with the Letter of the Week, with the laurels heading to Mark Lewis in e-mail land. It is a pain in the bum all this e-mail nonsense - whatever happened to 'You must include your full postal address'? Mark may be the first of our new writers although we did have a Mark Lewis from Taunton back in Prog 983 in 1996. Mark does state he's been a reader for 18 years but his common name coupled with the lack of address means we cannot credit him with the earlier score unless he comes forward with evidence to support the claim.
His letter here is great stuff - he says he's "been reading 2000ad for 18 years" - we're a bit slow at this reading lark too Mark, but you'll speed up one day! Mark tells a happy tale of hating the Stallone film with his girlfriend and then enjoying the Urban one with his girlfriend. He doesn't say if it was the same girlfriend - if it is, he has commitment issues. Perhaps he could post photos of all the ladies involved so we could verify their enjoyment of said films?
Next up we have Mutie Al of Bournemouth. What ever happened to using your proper name when writing into comics? Mutie doesn't have any previous scores although Allan Mutie of Blackburn was sighted in Prog 689. We can also confirm no one with the initials 'AJ' is among the 29 letters from Bournemouth. Mutie uses seven words when one would do but we think the gist of his letter is that the film met his impossibly high standards. His hobby is 'tearing films to shreds' and no doubt Spielberg, Lucas et all sit quivering as he peruses their latest offerings with a face full of nachos. He hopes the "film's message soon sinks in" -yeah kids, don't take fictional drugs or get slung off high buildings - that stuff really screws you up.
We move on to another citizen of e-mail land next (they don't make the Beast's job any easier you know!) in the shape of Rob Wootton. Rob is another cherry popper this Prog and the first 'Wootton' to make the grade. We did have a letter from David Birkett (how's the guide dog?) from Wootton in Prog 436 but that's a place not a name. Speaking of names Robin is the first Robin since Robin Bedford who scored in Prog 1200 back in 2000ad. Rob gets a bit excitable and says Dredd 3D is the best film ever - surely he must have seen 'Confessions of a Pop Performer'? He goes on to moan about the crappy print quality in a recent Dredd strip and Tharg doesn't disappoint by trotting out the good old 'Send them to Mek-Quake' line.
Next up is the only pedigree chum on the page with Owen Edwards of Durham (note the full name and address - a pro!) who scores his lucky seventh hit on the Beast totaliser. Owen was last seen in Prog 1685 and boasts a career dating back to Prog 1312 in 2002. Owen tries to start a fight in an empty room by claiming 'Brass Sun' is taking pops at religion and that's a bit passé - a bit like saying things are a bit passé. We thought 'Brass Sun' was about people living in a big clock, but Owen has looked down from his high horse and decided it's saying 'stop going to the church jumble sale'. Tharg engages to some degree but you can almost hear the sound of his space boots as he backs away.
We close with Cameron Bell of Rugby, another new man/woman who enjoys the 'tail end tiddler' or 'filler spot' as we like to call it. The soundest Bell is of course Simon of Swindon with his 3 spanning a short pile of Progs between 820 and 878. This is the first ever letter from a Cameron although there have been two drawings, our favourite being Cameron Doyle's 'Judge Simpson' from Prog 704 in 1990. Cameron writes to announce he/she has been reading for 3 months and loving it and in her/his spare time she/he enjoys counting days.
All in all this was a fine letters page which only lacked the comforting stability of someone with 85+ letter scores to make it perfect.
This five bagger takes us to a grand total of 9893 with the fabled 9900 a baw hair away.
LETTERSENTERTAINYOU... it's all a bit jaded after the thrill of the THARG CODE, isn't it? better up your game Buddyboy ;)
Forget that nonsense Tom.
Undeniably it's a fun ruse - but does it have the Beast's longevity?
Consider this - 35 letters over a bunch of forgettable comics?
Keep it real - that's nothing.
Realistically we have to look at one thing - legacy.
Is it something people will remember?
Go ahead, think about it.
His plan, although a jolly jape is lacking in substance.
Tomorrow's chip wrappers that's what they amount to.
Overall, I'm glad the Tharg Code enjoyed its brief day in the sun.
Furthermore the man involved seems a genuine mental and he has entertained us somewhat.
Frankly, I feel the Beast has nothing to worry about.
Bollocks too!
Dear Beast,
Having bought the re-launched Eagle back in the 80's, i seem to remember a reader asking if anybody had ever wrote into the comic, and then had gone on to be famous. This seemed to capture the imagination of the editorial, but unfortunatley after looking through the archives, all they could dig up was future likely lad Rodney Bewes.
With this in mind, and for no other reason than idle curiosity, does the Beast have a list of people that wrote into 2000ad, and then went onto to be popstars or summat?
Quote from: Judge Jack on 09 October, 2012, 08:24:00 PM
Dear Beast,
Having bought the re-launched Eagle back in the 80's, i seem to remember a reader asking if anybody had ever wrote into the comic, and then had gone on to be famous. This seemed to capture the imagination of the editorial, but unfortunatley after looking through the archives, all they could dig up was future likely lad Rodney Bewes.
With this in mind, and for no other reason than idle curiosity, does the Beast have a list of people that wrote into 2000ad, and then went onto to be popstars or summat?
An excellent and polite request - not before time! The Beast has scoured its mighty databases and can find nothing for Rodney Bewes - we did however find this nugget from that bloke out of 'The Manic Street Preachers' before he went and got himself lost.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/acemanic.jpg)
Is that it? Nobody else?
Yes - we apologise for the dearth of celebrity letters but alas Gore Vidal couldn't cut the mustard. The previous 20 odd pages of this thread does celebrate the many artists and writers who appeared in the input page before ascending to Droid grace.
We did unearth this chap but the naysayers said 'Nay'.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/pegg.jpg)
Quote from: Buttonman on 09 October, 2012, 09:40:54 PM
Yes - we apologise for the dearth of celebrity letters but alas Gore Vidal couldn't cut the mustard.
:D
All thanks, of course, to the beast for coming up with the goods yet again.
Suprised that more yet-to-be-famous peeps hadnt wrote in over the years, but at least Richey made the effort.
So the Eagle and 2000ad are neck and neck. Will it stay that way?
Quote from: Judge Jack on 09 October, 2012, 08:24:00 PM
Dear Beast,
Having bought the re-launched Eagle back in the 80's, i seem to remember a reader asking if anybody had ever wrote into the comic, and then had gone on to be famous. This seemed to capture the imagination of the editorial, but unfortunatley after looking through the archives, all they could dig up was future likely lad Rodney Bewes.
With this in mind, and for no other reason than idle curiosity, does the Beast have a list of people that wrote into 2000ad, and then went onto to be popstars or summat?
Does Butt'man pay you to ask stuff like this? It's like the planted question at PMQs when some arselicking backbencher asks if the PM agrees that the NHS is getting better and better. Tsk!
Or, is it more like poking some half-dead creature with a stick just to see if it's still making sounds?
Quote from: Dandontdare on 09 October, 2012, 10:26:04 PM
Or, is it more like poking some half-dead creature with a stick just to see if it's still making sounds?
We are back to those two old blokes again aren't we?
Quote from: Buttonman on 09 October, 2012, 06:19:23 PM
Forget that nonsense Tom.
Undeniably it's a fun ruse - but does it have the Beast's longevity?
Consider this - 35 letters over a bunch of forgettable comics?
Keep it real - that's nothing.
Realistically we have to look at one thing - legacy.
Is it something people will remember?
Go ahead, think about it.
His plan, although a jolly jape is lacking in substance.
Tomorrow's chip wrappers that's what they amount to.
Overall, I'm glad the Tharg Code enjoyed its brief day in the sun.
Furthermore the man involved seems a genuine mental and he has entertained us somewhat.
Frankly, I feel the Beast has nothing to worry about.
Bollocks too!
you should send that to DC/Marvel
Oh Dandontdare, you are both mean and cynical.
It was a genuine query regarding something ive occasionally mused upon. And the Beast came through in grand style.
And if Buttonman wants to quote that ringing endorsement, then he may.
UPDATE:
Talking about famous types writing in to the prog, didnt broadcaster Andrew Collins have a drawing printed in an early prog? Has he slipped through the Beast's net?
Quote from: Judge Jack on 10 October, 2012, 06:53:30 PM
And if Buttonman wants to quote that ringing endorsement, then he may. - No pitched endorsements accepted!UPDATE:
Talking about famous types writing in to the prog, didnt broadcaster Andrew Collins have a drawing printed in an early prog? Has he slipped through the Beast's net?
You're taking the definition of 'celebrity' a bit far there Shirley? Of course the Beast has observed this contributor but to be honest I'd grade someone who as appeared and won a tea time quiz show, 'Weakest Link' for example, as a higher value specimen than this non-entity. Still the Beast gives the punters what they want. Whrrr ting!
ANDREW COLLINS SOMERSET 1435
ANDREW COLLINS UNKNOWN 25 ALIENS MONTAGE
Dear Beast,
As you are the one and only repository of all things inky on paper type stuff, I'll ask the following question:
Who has written to 2000 AD that has then gone on to be a bd person?
I fank you!
Quote from: Large48 on 11 October, 2012, 04:53:18 PM
Dear Beast,
As you are the one and only repository of all things inky on paper type stuff, I'll ask the following question:
Who has written to 2000 AD that has then gone on to be a bd person?
I fank you!
Dan E. Cannon?
Quote from: Buttonman on 09 October, 2012, 08:56:48 PM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/acemanic.jpg)
I suppose Richard Edwards is a common enough name, but Blackwood's such a small place that its presence in the address line removes any doubt regarding the identity of the artist. Would it be possible to identify my own artistic contributions to the most important page in the prog merely from the name of the tiny village that gives me my username? Is Sauchie the equivalent of a googlewhack, as far as badly drawn and not very funny readers' art is concerned?
Quote from: Buttonman on 10 October, 2012, 07:50:26 PM
Quote from: Judge Jack on 10 October, 2012, 06:53:30 PM
And if Buttonman wants to quote that ringing endorsement, then he may. - No pitched endorsements accepted!UPDATE:
Talking about famous types writing in to the prog, didnt broadcaster Andrew Collins have a drawing printed in an early prog? Has he slipped through the Beast's net?
You're taking the definition of 'celebrity' a bit far there Shirley? Of course the Beast has observed this contributor but to be honest I'd grade someone who as appeared and won a tea time quiz show, 'Weakest Link' for example, as a higher value specimen than this non-entity. Still the Beast gives the punters what they want. Whrrr ting!
ANDREW COLLINS SOMERSET 1435
ANDREW COLLINS UNKNOWN 25 ALIENS MONTAGE
I can heartliy recommend Collins' three autobiographies "Where Did It All Go So Right", "Heaven nows I'm Miserable Now" and "That's Me In The Corner". All are very entertaining, and I feel that this qualifies him over us minor celebs who won the Weaest Link (and The Crystal Maze, and Brainteaser).
Quote from: sauchie on 12 October, 2012, 08:13:19 PM
Is Sauchie the equivalent of a googlewhack, as far as badly drawn and not very funny readers' art is concerned?
Sauchie has a short and ancient history of drawing but no letters have ever appearer from its dark recesses:
SETH PARKEN SAUCHIE 633 SLAINE THE ADVERTISING GIMMICK
JOAN FERGUSON SAUCHIE 930 ROGUE TAXI DRIVER
Come friendly bombs...
Quote from: Buttonman on 13 October, 2012, 10:04:54 AM
Quote from: sauchie on 12 October, 2012, 08:13:19 PM
Is Sauchie the equivalent of a googlewhack, as far as badly drawn and not very funny readers' art is concerned?
Sauchie has a short and ancient history of drawing but no letters have ever appearer from its dark recesses:
SETH PARKEN SAUCHIE 633 SLAINE THE ADVERTISING GIMMICK
JOAN FERGUSON SAUCHIE 930 ROGUE TAXI DRIVER
Both me. I remembered
Speakeasy doing a feature on droids who'd had their poorly conceived juvenalia printed in the prog, and cunningly concealed my identity to avoid similar exposure once I'd taken my rightful place at Tharg's side. Using the name of a character from
Cell Block H as a pseudonym is a giveaway that I was a student by 1995. Cheers,
Buttoneer.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxstacey.jpg)
We are indeed back. Tharg's plan to keep the Megazine on the shelf an extra week means our schedule is all screwed up. We are heading off to Belgium on Monday to see Scotland thrash the waffle eaters so forgive us if this outing falls to a consensus rating of only 'Fantastic'.
Megazine 329's Dreddlines page opens in fantastic form with that man again , Stephen Watson of Paisley scoring his 87th printed letter across both comics. This gives him a lead of 6 over his nearest challenger and the safe knowledge that he could stop writing for a month and not be overtaken. Unless someone gets multiple entire in one issue, and if that happened we'd probably invent a disqualification rule.
Watson's letter isn't his best although it does have some Olympic quality gushing. It's essentially the exact same letter he had printed in last week's Prog so at least you can't knock him for consistency. His letter is a marvellous distillation of many message board comments and he thanks Tharg for the Skizz book he received.
Next up is Greg Griffith of London who scores his first Beast hit with this brief summary of the previous letter. Greg too felt the Dredd film was great and was glad it didn't attract a 'Disney audience' - sadly in America is was 'Disney go' ('does not go' for our non Cal-Hab readers). He mentions 'double whammy' with no irony, but at least Meg Tharg has one new reader. Greg is only the second Griffith to see print following in the footsteps of 'A. Griffith' from Prog 147. Their rival clan 'Griffiths' does a lot better with 'M. Griffiths' leading the way on 9 - not big on the first names these Griffi are they?
Benjamin Wood rises next with his fifth printed letter and 4th of 2012. He was last seen in Prog 1798 and broke his cherry in Meg 315. Ben's flaccid offering is a quick in and out affair with a nod to the film, the Case Files and he's gone.
Forum friend Alan 'Hollo' Holloway drops by next and gets off the movie and onto a bit of Dickens. He enjoyed 'Great Executions' and praises 'Taylor' the man with no first name or even a droid appellation. Holloway closes with 'Arsom' - no such made up fan name for this dull offering though! Holloway is in the pantheon of Letters great (lowest podium) with his score of 27, with this his second of 2012 following a Meg 324 debut. He has 3 in each of 2008, 2009 and 2011 but none in 2010 - too busy arsoming about then we guess.
Who wrote the last letter? Yes, once again we're going to trot out the 'Butler did it' line because it's so great. Doug Butler of USA is becoming a Meg staple with this his 4th in 2012. He has 8 score in total, all Meg, which is somewhat impressive as he didn't get off the mark until Meg 309. His letter here opens with an annoying surplus of exclamation marks! Which are a bit tiring! He pushes the praise a bit far when he lauds 'Sameasthat Squad' as "decent" but you can't fault that enthusiasm! He's been watching Dredd adverts on the telly so no doubt we can look forward to his review next Meg! We're betting on "Great!!!!".
A nice back page five fold here that take us within a breath of the last 100 on the road to 10,000. 9898 is the score and at this rate we could see the 10K hit in 18 months - can you feel the excitement mount?
PAH. You go on about your flawless system.
I do believe a famous footballer designed a team for The Mean Arena in Prog 249 (unconfirmed of course).
V
The Beast knows all :
ROBERT BARRY DAGENHAM 249 THE DAGENHAM DRAGONS
MICHAEL OWEN ELLESMERE PORT 249 ELLESMERE PORT ELEPHANTS
NEIL KELLY CHESHAM 249 CHESHAM CHARGERS
RICHARD TIPTON STANLEY COMMON 249 THE DERBYSHIRE DEVILS
As we all know Dickie Tipton had a great career with St Mirren.
The footballer Michael Owen was just over 2 years old in February 1982
Quote from: sauchie on 14 October, 2012, 09:38:22 PM
The footballer Michael Owen was just over 2 years old in February 1982
Yeh it makes you wonder why he didn't become an artist with talent like that at just 2. Instead of earning millions sitting on the sidelines.
V
Anyone seen my mojo?
Pray......for.....Mojo....
Weren't they using MOJO as a drug in Dredd 3D?
(http://thumbs.anyclip.com/t7tyLURnt/tmb_2232_480.jpg)
(http://viralvideopalace.com/wp-content/uploads/mvbthumbs/img_5786_judge-dredd-viral-trailer-say-no-to-slow-mo.jpg)
V
Buttonman - can you find any letters from Dave (or David) Wynn at any point in the history of 2000AD? There might be two.
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 17 October, 2012, 10:13:08 AM
Buttonman - can you find any letters from Dave (or David) Wynn at any point in the history of 2000AD? There might be two.
The only thing wrong with this fine request is a possibilty being left that the Beast might not succeed - as if that could ever happen!
Whrrrrrrr - bing!
DAVID WYNN CARDIFF Prog 942
DAVE WYNN E-MAIL Prog 1327
You found them - cool! What did they say?!
Sorry, one question per customer - next!
What did the letters from David and Dave Wynn say?
Quaequam Blag! There's a joker in every pack, as The Mighty One is want to say.
One more to my total in the Magazine this month. :D
Quote from: Buttonman on 18 October, 2012, 09:10:47 PM
Quaequam Blag! There's a joker in every pack, as The Mighty One is want to say.
Cop out! I sense failure to recover said letters!!! Is this a first? Have we finally beaten The beast!?! Oh happy day!
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 19 October, 2012, 12:22:36 PM
Cop out! I sense failure to recover said letters!!! Is this a first? Have we finally beaten The beast!?! Oh happy day!
Does the Guinness book of hit singles play you the records? Does Halliwell's Film guide show you the movies? Of course not. It's not The Beast's job to spew out letters verbatim but to show the stats and encourage the reading and indeed writing of letters past and present.
Oh the irony - a thread dedicated to clocking 10,000 letters ticked past it's own 10,000 milestone unheralded while Tharg sat on his letters pile! Nothing since mid October just when those 'Thin Ice' award nominations are getting pondered! Don't worry we had Tharg over (see Advent calendar for the 3rd) and I think we have an understanding.
Buttonman, I had two letters published in Tooth back in the previous century. Could you do me the greatest of services and advise what progs they appeared in? Under the name of 'Craig Calvert'. Many thanks!
(PS - I downloaded some form of The Beast many years ago for the above purpose - but encountered difficulty getting it to run.)
Yes Craig, the previous downloadable beast proved somewhat unwieldy - maybe because it was a database rather than a spreadsheet and it was crappily formated but there you go. Anywayhow here we go..
Whrrr bing!
CRAIG CALVERT AUSTRALIA 835 OVERSEAS 1993
CRAIG CALVERT AUSTRALIA 1296 OVERSEAS 2002
Interestingly you share the 'Calvert' crown with Tony of London who scored a quick double in Progs 1115 and 1132. He actually outranks you as his 1132 was a Letter of the Week. Must try harder!
Many thanks! Blimey, hasn't time flown.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxjack.jpg)
Well, at last we are back. The first letters since Prog 1804 were finally printed in the year end Prog 2013. We are grateful for this bounty of twelve letters, but none for over a month? - and that includes the Megazine? The Jimmy Savile fan club was seeing more letters than us in November! As regular subscribers will attest, a high level deal was brokered with Tharg to end the letter famine, and he can be seen here in this LETTERSENTERTAINYOU exclusive image.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/thargchristmas006.jpg)
We won't ramble on with an exciting preamble as we have a dozen letters to critique. And some green face pain to remove.
We open up with the familiar face of Alex Frith who nets his 17th letter crown with this Letter of the Week offering. Alex now boasts 4 Letters of the Week titles and this is his first letter of 2012 following a brace in 2011. He has a lopsided score of 14:3 in favour of the Prog. Alex letter wrings all the life it can out of reproduction metaphor and frankly this effort is fit only for the abortionist's dustbin. His lack of planning means he sounds like Columbo adding in 'Just one more thing' twice in a row and if it wasn't for the fawning this wouldn't have had its ass slapped by the mid wife. And to think a superior letter using the word 'Tri-mendous' went unused!
David Walker is up next and he basically points out he's understood that three strips had the same plot. Well done David, walker to the top of the class! We'll be gentle as this is David's first letter - assuming the David Walker of Derby of Prog 314 fame isn't him. The best 'Walker' is Phil on 5 but he hasn't been seen since Prog 902 so there's every chance that David can Walker up the charts.
We all take a beating next as Rodney King of Nottingham steps up. Dave, sorry Rodney, is no plonker in the letters stakes as this is his 4th. His first was back in Prog 1112 and he stretches his 'Rodney' lead over Rodney Moffit of Co Tyrone who languishes on the two he scored in short order in Progs 810 and 813. Rodney's letter is basically a 'Director's Cut' of the one before it and he does go a bit OTT in the thrill-power overload reaction stakes. Calm down Rodders, this time next year we'll have nearly 10,000 letters printed.
Another man with 4 letters to his name is Andrew Honan who marks his third entry on the Beast of 2012 with this offering. The only other 'Honan' on the Beast's mighty database is Mark who appeared in Prog 196. Andrew is another cheerleader for the imperious 'Trifecta' and makes like Ron Burgandy in telling Tharg to 'Stay Classy' or something like it.
Dan! Dan! Dan! Pollard next, a well kent face with a dozen Beast hits to his name. This is Dan's second letter of 2012 following up his 1773 opener and his footprint goes back to 1999's Prog 1150. Dan's letter is all over the shop with reminisces and Mills bombing all happening. On the positive side it sounds like his real ale quest has been a total success!
The half way mark is met with Mabs Ahmed at the wheel. His letter has the refreshing tone of a new writer, which he is. The Beast only has three Ahmeds with the probable siblings Waheed and Naveed of Bristol the other entrants with their Prog 629 and 685 drawings. The letter has real enthusiasm and although he talks a lot about 'Dick' we can forgive as it's the Philip K variety and not the Proudhuff.
Another new man next in the shape of Stephen Cooke. Do too many Cookes spoil the broth? Maybe so as we have 9 in total and not one has managed to follow up their initial offering. The last Cooke we had whip something up for us was Gary who had the Letter of the Week in Prog 1323 back in 2003. Stephen (nice name BTW) writes to tell us he's got an Ipad. Many congratulations there Stephen.
We get back to familiar territory next with Ashley Beeching managing to break that dreaded impasse of 18 letters with this his n-n-n-nineteenth. Ashley just managed to squeeze this one in ensuring that 2012 wouldn't be a blank year for him - remember The Beast logs publication date so Prog 2013 is a 2012 edition. Ashley won't match his 2011 and 2010 scores of 3 however or even his 2009 and 2008 scores of 2 and 4 respectively for that matter. Ashley waxes on about the Dredd film and the fact he has a Blu-Ray player. He also likes a lot of what is going on in the Prog and finishes with some excellent fawning - a getting a letter printed ABC - textbook!
The bad news for Ashley is just when he matched Steve Frame's 19 letters the Caithness cad goes and adds on of his own. Steve's 20th is his second of 2012 following his Prog 1769 opus. Steve likes these year end free for alls having been previously spotted in Progs 2008 and 2009. Some of the big hitters don't like to involve themselves in these bloated affairs saving their wise words for a more pared back forum. Steve delivers Tharg a couple of seasonal brickbats knocking lumps out of a couple of thrills. The rest is a bit bland although he does out himself as a fan of filth and where's the harm in that?
Jeez this thing goes on and on...
We have Pete 'Nucky' Thomson next with his first Prog offering following his twofer in the Meg - Megs 260 and 297 if you must know. Renfrew man Scott remains the King of the Thomson clan with his sprightly 6. Pete from Hastings may have a battle on his hands if he wants to convince the general readership that the ABCs is the best thing since self stamped envelopes but you can't knock that enthusiasm.
Mike 'It's not 'Silver' it's 'Sivier'' next who make his first and possibly last Input page appearance with a suggestion that everyone is laughing at Tharg. 'Who are these people?' Tharg rightly asks. If an alien can't run a comic out of a spaceship without being laughed at I fear for the world. They'll be saying dressing up as an alien comics editor and scaring the cat is laughable next!
Last, and thank God for that, is Jay Scott of USA. Jay is a new man to the fold and bubbles with excitement over his new found love for the Prog. He uses our favourite word 'drivel' and gives Tharg the chance to pimp his wares. There no need for Jay to be a blue Jay but he needs to move some to catch up with Jay leader Jay Niland who sits atop the pile of a hefty 3. His last was in Prog 1553 so get scribbling while he slumbers New Jay.
Well that's all from us (thank Christ) for now. The Beast has finally clocked up some new hits and now reads 9910. Only 90 to go until the Road to 10,000 is fully travelled. Who's all excited? Everyone? Great!
Quote from: Buttonman on 09 December, 2012, 08:25:23 PM
And some green face pain to remove.
Has the beast been inspired by recent events in the prog and is now planning its very own Bachmann style coup d'etat?
And who will be our Smiley?
Fancy a biscuit?
Mr Buttonman, coul you inform me which prog's and/ or meg's a Zach Hawkins had his letters published?
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 10 December, 2012, 01:00:05 PM
Mr Buttonman, coul you inform me which prog's and/ or meg's a Zach Hawkins had his letters published?
What a polite request. Yes indeed we can.
Whrrrr bing!
ZACH HAWKINS BOLTON M315 BOLTON 2011
ZACH HAWKINS BOLTON M324 ENGLAND 2012
You will be pleased to learn that the Hawkins crown is yours alone - the three pretenders are :
MARCUS HAWKINS SOMERSET 541 ENGLAND 1987
DAVE HAWKINS DAGENHAM 1064 ENGLAND 1997
TOM HAWKINS E-MAIL 1199 OTHER 2000
On the 'Zach' front you have one familiar sounding rival :
ZACHARY ZZIIZ SWANSEA 1148
Do you control The Beast? Or does The Beast control you?
Quote from: The Enigmatic Dr X on 10 December, 2012, 06:59:42 PM
Do you control The Beast? Or does The Beast control you?
What cycle of the moon are we on...
Quote from: Buttonman on 10 December, 2012, 06:00:01 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 10 December, 2012, 01:00:05 PM
Mr Buttonman, coul you inform me which prog's and/ or meg's a Zach Hawkins had his letters published?
What a polite request. Yes indeed we can.
Whrrrr bing!
ZACH HAWKINS BOLTON M315 BOLTON 2011
ZACH HAWKINS BOLTON M324 ENGLAND 2012
You will be pleased to learn that the Hawkins crown is yours alone - the three pretenders are :
MARCUS HAWKINS SOMERSET 541 ENGLAND 1987
DAVE HAWKINS DAGENHAM 1064 ENGLAND 1997
TOM HAWKINS E-MAIL 1199 OTHER 2000
On the 'Zach' front you have one familiar sounding rival :
ZACHARY ZZIIZ SWANSEA 1148
Thanks very much Mr.Buttonman. And that, Earthlets, it what Squaxx is all about.
O muttonban hear me!
Who wins: the fine roundhead city of Plymouth or the royalist shitehole called Exeter? Or in other words: the battle of the six fingered letter writers! (Them cuz they're inbred toffs, us cuz the tamar is a radioactive toilet!)
Thank you
Man oh man, two letters challanges in 24 hours? It's like a Christmas miracle. Or some wellwishers humouring some shut in at this festive time. Who cares, let's sort out this Exeter/Plymouth set to. First up Plymouth. They started well having a mention in the first ever Nerve Centre in Prog 8. Things have been somewhat fallow since with nothing since 2002. Their total is...47 Beast Hits and they are as follows :
G ASPINALL PLYMOUTH 8
P ASPINALL PLYMOUTH 8
R GODBEER PLYMOUTH 92 YES
MRS O'TOOLE PLYMOUTH 170
GLENN RUSSELL PLYMOUTH 185
ANTONY DUNKS PLYMOUTH 188
GAVIN LEWINGTON PLYMOUTH 203
E J ROBERTS PLYMOUTH 218
ANTHONY DUNKS PLYMOUTH 273
CLIVE MERRIFIELD PLYMOUTH 286
LAURIE JAY PLYMOUTH 298
SHAUN WHITEMAN PLYMOUTH M36/V2.16
SIMON HEYES PLYMOUTH M37/V2.17
STEFAN PALMER PLYMOUTH M39/V2.19
STEEV HOPPER PLYMOUTH M59/V2.39
ALISON CHAPMAN PLYMOUTH M72/V2.52
D WATSON PLYMOUTH M157/V3.54
JOHN CHAPMAN PLYMOUTH M192/V4.10
ANONYMOUS EARTHLET PLYMOUTH 327
KEVIN DAVIDSON PLYMOUTH 334
NEIL MCCONNELL PLYMOUTH 419
ANDREW MURFLEET PLYMOUTH 433
DON DUDLEY PLYMOUTH 469
JAY RANGDALE PLYMOUTH 470
JEREMY BURNETT PLYMOUTH 507
JOHN KITSON PLYMOUTH 536
SARAH KENNY PLYMOUTH 603
NAOMI BROWN PLYMOUTH 705
NICK BOLTON PLYMOUTH 737
SIMON HEYES PLYMOUTH 748
TIM BLANCHE PLYMOUTH 771
STEVE HOPPER PLYMOUTH 836
DAVID COOK PLYMOUTH 897
CHRISCELLA HODGE PLYMOUTH 929
MARK FOSTER PLYMOUTH 961
PAM STONEHOUSE PLYMOUTH 964
J A CHAPMAN PLYMOUTH 1269
ANDREW COTTER PLYMOUTH 196 YES THE CURSED EARTH MOVIE
ANTHONY DUNKS PLYMOUTH 197 CORINTH BATTLE DROID
ANDREW CONSTANTINOU PLYMOUTH 245 ROGUE THARG
SHARON HOCKEDY PLYMOUTH 534 THARG THE MENACE
KATHRYN SHARP PLYMOUTH 621 ROGUE RUNNER II
NICK WILLIAMS PLYMOUTH 731 JUDGE DOVE
JAKE MULFORD PLYMOUTH 761 KILLER ROBOT
DANNY SCOTT PLYMOUTH 826 JUDGE NECK
WILL BECK PLYMOUTH 934 ARMOURED GIDEON
LEE HARRIS PLYMOUTH 1019 PROFILE
Isn't this exciting?
Based on the thrill-power of this thread, and some photos of The Mighty One that have recently come to light, I'm calling you out.
You are Tharg and I claim my fiver.
Exeter scores...22
F ABLETT EXETER 109 ENGLAND 1979
ADRIAN MITCHELL EXETER 269 ENGLAND 1982
JOSHUA HARRIS EXETER 431 ENGLAND 1985
FRAN RITCHIE EXETER 433 ENGLAND 1985
FRAN RITCHIE EXETER 456 ENGLAND 1986
HELEN ARGYROU EXETER 582 ENGLAND 1988
SHAUN WORTHINGTON EXETER 685 ENGLAND 1990
CHARLIE HUTCHINGS EXETER 790 ENGLAND 1992
ROBO-LET STOGIE EXETER 825 ENGLAND 1993
NIGEL COTTERILL EXETER 833 ENGLAND 1993
NIGEL COTTERILL EXETER 876 ENGLAND 1994
P J O'CONNOR EXETER 887 ENGLAND 1994
DANE DIVINE EXETER 1162 ENGLAND 1999
ZOE FURSMAN EXETER 1167 ENGLAND 1999
ZOE FURSMAN EXETER 1187 ENGLAND 2000
CRAIG WHEELER EXETER 1227 ENGLAND 2001
SPIKES JUNIOR EXETER 122 YES DREDD AND SPIKES ENGLAND 1979
SHAKY KANE EXETER 126 JUDGE DREDD ENGLAND 1979
GEORGE FALLOON EXETER 474 YES JUDGE MICK ENGLAND 1986
CORY PETERS EXETER 675 JUDGE SOUL ENGLAND 1990
C OLIVER EXETER 849 DREDD'S SECRET ENGLAND 1993
DAVID WALKER EXETER 2013 ENGLAND 2012
The always reliable Wikipedia gives Portsmouth's poulation as 258,700 so this translates as one letter for each 5504 inhabitants.BUT Exeter has a population of 111,076 meaning they have one letter for every 5048 people. The Beast therefore declares the royalist shitehole of Exeter to be the inaugral winner of the Beast's 'Battle of the Towns'.
Plus, Exeter numbered Shaky Kane among its inhabitants. It's odd to think that he ever came from anywhere on Earth, let alone that he was a kid.
How about Hastings versus Eastbourne?
SBT
Yeah but Plymouth (not bleeding Portsmouth!) appears in the comic twice! Once as a radioactive hellhole (realism) in the origin of stront dog and in Finn! So just like the football we thrash exeters sorry ass!
Quote from: SmallBlueThing on 10 December, 2012, 09:37:05 PM
How about Hastings versus Eastbourne?
SBT
A clash of the Titans indeed :
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS M230
MARCUS TROMMEL HASTINGS 415
SHANE JOY HASTINGS 451
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS 1426
PETE THOMSON HASTINGS M260
PETE THOMSON HASTINGS M297
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS 1704
C ADAM HASTINGS 1733
PETE THOMSON HASTINGS 2013
KEITH VENESS EASTBOURNE 173
JAMES WAITE EASTBOURNE M80/V2.60
CAROLINE HARRIS EASTBOURNE 503
PAUL JOHNSON EASTBOURNE 1115
STEVE ANDERSON EASTBOURNE 137 PROFILE
JEREMY WEPENER EASTBOURNE 191 ROBOT
RICHARD CHADWICK EASTBOURNE 219 ALIEN
MARK BARTON EASTBOURNE 222 LONG RANGE CRUISER
J SHARDLOW EASTBOURNE 237 RUBIK'S THARG
Hastings Population = 86,900 / 9 Beast entries = 1 per 9,656 inhabitants
Eastbourne Population = 99,300 / 9 Beast entries = 1 per 11,033 inhabitants.
The winner in The Beast's Battle of the Towns Round 2 is declared as ...
Hastings. Interestingly they got one in the current Prog 2013 but they would still have won with 8, albeit with a lower margin of 1 per 10,863 inhabitants.
Quote from: jannerboyuk on 10 December, 2012, 09:45:01 PM
Yeah but Plymouth (not bleeding Portsmouth!) appears in the comic twice! Once as a radioactive hellhole (realism) in the origin of stront dog and in Finn! So just like the football we thrash exeters sorry ass!
I do apologise for the writer's error - the Beast is flawless and the data shown was for Plymouth although Portsmouth got a mention. It will please you to know that Plymouth pisses all over Portsmouth's total of 23 letters and person to letter ratio of 1:8930.
Quote from: Buttonman on 10 December, 2012, 09:56:24 PM
The winner in The Beast's Battle of the Towns Round 2 is declared as ...Hastings. Interestingly they got one in the current Prog 2013 but they would still have won with 8, albeit with a lower margin of 1 per 10,863 inhabitants.
Yay! I shall write to the Observer, as the town could do with a bit of talking up at present! Beating those Eastie bastards always raises a smile! Cheers for that B-Man. Any chance of a quick total of MY letters? Steev/Steve/Thulin/Hopper? Eyethangkew.
SBT
You get about a bit Steev - and name changes too. Got a bounty on your ass? No it's a Crunchie.
STEEV HOPPER PLYMOUTH M59/V2.39
STEVE HOPPER DUBLIN M191/V4.9
STEEV HOPPER E-MAIL M207
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS M230
STEVE HOPPER PLYMOUTH 836
STEEV HOPPER DUBLIN 920
STEEV HOPPER E-MAIL 1090 YES
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS 1426 YES
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS 1704
YES = Letter of the Week
Just one more for a Beast XXX number for quickfind and we only have ZZZ left! Get writing. If you have 10 or more letters and want to know your Beast XXX number do let us know. Tom's is 'PPP' as we know he's keen.
'Ey up Buttonman, can the Beast tell us who is, in fact, the pride of Humberside?
Is it Grimsby, Cleethorpes, Scunthorpe or mucky Hull*?
Dear grud, please dont let it be Hull
And....it's Hull!
I'm not listing them all as I fear people are trying to steal the Beast by installments!
Those score on the windswept doors are :
Hull - 37 letters / population of 256,100 = 6922 people per letter
Grimsby - 11 letters / population of 87,574 = 7961 people per letter
Cleethorpes - 4 letters / population of 31,853 = 7963 people per letter
Scunthorpe - 3 letters / population of 72,514 - 24,171 people per letter and two of them were from one guy, Ben Coulbrook! - Thrill sucker central!
Pshaw. All this crowing over which rundown former treacle mining outpost has had the most letters printed reminds me that the only time I've heard most of these places mentioned before is on Crimewatch.
Let's have some real, meaningful data out of the Beast. As you know, many Scottish and Irish surnames share common prefixes. So let the people know: who is the Big Mac of Tharg's postbag and who's the Lord O'Letters?
Quote from: Buttonman on 10 December, 2012, 11:00:03 PM
And....it's Hull!
Fuck, :(
Still our Fish 'n' Chips are better, and thats the main thing.
Quote from: Buttonman on 10 December, 2012, 11:00:03 PM
Scunthorpe - 3 letters / population of 72,514 - 24,171 people per letter and two of them were from one guy, Ben Coulbrook! - Thrill sucker central!
Cant argue about
Scunny though, ;)
Quote from: The Cosh on 10 December, 2012, 11:07:28 PM
Let's have some real, meaningful data out of the Beast. As you know, many Scottish and Irish surnames share common prefixes. So let the people know: who is the Big Mac of Tharg's postbag and who's the Lord O'Letters?
Not as many as you'd suspect out there with just over 300 Mcs and Macs.
The 'Mc' crown goes to
GORDON MCLEAN PAISLEY 1123
GORDON MCLEAN E-MAIL 1124
GORDON MCLEAN PAISLEY 1126
GORDON MCLEAN GREENOCK 1128
GORDON MCLEAN GREENOCK 1139
GORDON MCLEAN GREENOCK 1170
GORDON MCLEAN SCOTLAND 1246
GORDON MCLEAN SCOTLAND 1268
GORDON MCLEAN SCOTLAND 1270
while the 'Mac' attack is lead by our very own :
JAMES MACKAY SOMMERSET M253
JAMES MACKAY GLASGOW 1489
JAMES MACKAY LONDON M225
JAMES MACKAY LONDON M229
JAMES MACKAY LONDON 1385
JAMES MACKAY CYPRUS 1529
JAMES MACKAY CYPRUS 1552
JAMES MACKAY CYPRUS M265
JAMES MACKAY CYPRUS 2008
Page 5 in General and 46 days since anything to write about! I guess in Monty Python style I should say 'Ittt'ssssssssss....'
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxstacey.jpg)
And, finally, we're back. The first letters of 2013 have now surfaced in Prog 1817, with the Prog famine going back to Prog 1804 excluding the year end Prog 2013. A sorry state of affairs we trust you'll agree, but we'll leave the blame allocation and name calling to the Royal Commission and get on with this jolly six pack.
We open with D.A.R.Y.L. Smith of Lincoln who indulges in a flight of fancy where he sees a future coloured by all things 2000ad. What a fantasist - we all know Progs in 2017 will be nothing but letters discussing other letters. D.A.R.Y.L.'s effort is a fun bit of whimsy and Tharg tries to get in on the act too. Maybe not vintage 'Letter of the Week' territory but we're just glad we can take the dust off the Beast. This effort doubles D.A.R.Y.L.'s previous score of one which was achieved in Prog 1220 in 2000. The D.A.R.Y.L. Daddy is of course D.A.R.Y.L. Johnston of Japan who scored a quick five between Progs 1287 - 1508.
Is there a doctor in the house? Yes there is - our resident physician Dr Richard Evans who is also netting himself a brace today - we fist saw his credentials in Prog 1786 when he got the Letter of the Week laurels. There is a second Richard Evans who offers no qualifications. The impostor hails from Merseyside and was seen in Progs 1386 and 2005. The good doctor enjoyed 'Trifecta' and lists the reasons why. He worries that his 'thrill circuits' may be damaged and wonder if the BMA should have another look at his anatomy exam?
We're not going to do the 'getting Wood' gag again so the notes on Benjamin Wood's letter may be brief. He has kept us busy of late with 4 entries in 2012 upping his total to its present 6.His first appearance was in Meg 315. Ben also enjoyed 'Trifecta' but bemoans the overlong 'Ack-Ack macaque. Tharg strikes him down for saying 5 pages out of 100 isn't too long but we have to side with Ben as five pages is too long for an advert. He doesn't like 'The Red Seas' and this seems a common theme among many correspondents - dry dock for this old sea dog!
Luke Williams of Llanelli next and he gets a high five for this effort - his fifth. He was last seen in Prog 1782 and boasts a career dating back to Prog 1606 in 2008. We don't care for his disrespectful 'Thargy' or for the content which is grudging in its brief praise. He follows the trend of dissing 'The Red Seas but is happy with his three familiar bedfellows of Joe, Bill and Johnny.
He's big, he's tall, the writing is on the wall for Kevin Hall. He scores for the 16th time with this effort and has a career dating back to Prog 977 in 1996. Tharg gives his address as the specific 'Scotland' but we know he hails from Haddington, or at least did once. His effort is a bit full on with more adjectives that you could shake a big, fraggin' stick at. Kevin guarantees print by offering Tharg an easy platform to lay out his board-de-thrills and by loving the lot, even 'The Dread Seas'.
We close things out with Nigel Houghton of Suffolk who pops his cherry with this offering. Nigels have a proud Beast history with Nigels Holmes, Cotterill and Robinson all on 2, trailing Nigel Lee on 4. Overall we have 39 Nigels in the pantheon of glory that is the Beast. Nigel writes to thanks someone for delivering his Prog. We don't have any 'Matthew's in Suffolk so it may be this good Samaritan hasn't been published - beware of people delivering your Progs Nigel!
We enjoyed the novelty of a letters page and hope this ends the fallow period we've endured. This sextet brings the Beast totaliser to 9916 with the road to 10,000 looking cracked and weed covered - its day will come!
Quote from: Buttonman on 26 January, 2013, 04:04:30 PM
We enjoyed the novelty of a letters page and hope this ends the fallow period we've endured. This sextet brings the Beast totaliser to 9916 with the road to 10,000 looking cracked and weed covered - its day will come!
So
that's what the thread title refers to.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxdan.jpg)
And we're back. The food scandal can't touch us - there will always be 100% bullshit in LETTERSENTERTAINYOU none of that horse sense or pig ignorance here.
We return with a modest 4 letters but at least they take up the full inside back page of Prog 1821 so no complaints there on this our 36th anniversary (of our 5th birthday).
We open in fine Letter of the Week style with James Burns of Ayrshire who has brought his kids Nathan (it's a good name) and Aaron. James hails from darkest Ayrshire and has done so for each of his 4 printed letters. Obviously being careful not to name the town in case he gets an influx of groupies and nutters! I'm betting on Mauchline.
James' letter is the stuff Tharg loves - comic buyer teaches kids to buy comic, golden. James sounds like he hasn't read the rebooted 'Flesh' tales and hankers back to this long lost thrill - busted! Tharg glosses over this for some promo work, so all is well. The Ayrshire Bard hols the Burns record with the lovely named Stephen of Cork close behind on two. There are only 15 Burns letters on the Beast - boo-urns to the lot of them!
Jason Cook of Weston Super Mare next. Sorry make that 'James M Cook' in case we mistake him for the seafaring Captain, no doubt. James doesn't believe that too many Cooks spoil the Beast as this is the 35th Cook letter to see print, albeit the first from Jason's pen. John (4) and David (3) are the top table cooks but Jason will soon catch them up at this rate of one letter in each of the last one Prog.
Jason follows the opening letter's lead with a 'return to the fold' missive with kids and his late Mum added to the mix. A lovely tale of a life well lived. Wait, 31! He's but a boy - we buy comics older than him!
The longest letter of the issue is penned by Jack Harvey of Cumbria and it really is Harvey's Cream. Not really but there isn't a product called 'Harvey's it's alright' is there? Jack is on his third score here if he is the same Jack Harvey late of Liverpool who notched a quick double in Progs 1470 and 1476.
His effort here is a bit long winded and politically correct even if he says it isn't. He says 2000ad should have more gay characters - who says it doesn't? Have we ever seen Robo-Hunter, Bad Jack Keller or Ding-Dong Dooley make love to a lady? Of course we haven't - we are interested in fighting and spaceships not where they park their pink torpedoes! Obviously Tharg has to walk a dangerous line but we'd have like to have him say that the made up people are of indeterminate sexuality and don't you have bigger issues to worry about.
We close with Richard Tromans of London who gives us very little to work with. This is his first letter and as you'd expect he's the first of his ilk to grace the Beast. He also comes from that London and all we can offer is that there have been 628 London letters and three from Londonderry.
Richard continues the theme of letters 1 & 2 with a nostalgia fest which is fine given it's a birthday Prog. He talks us through the strips and asks Tharg to keep it up - always good advice.
These letters were a bit too similar for our liking but given the recent famine - Dreddlines we're looking at you! - we'll take what we can get. With these treats the Beast slowly clocks up to 9920 hits with the Road to 10,000 now a mess of weeds and pissed up tramps.
Ok, so just managed to get hold of Warrior Number 26 from Feb 1985.
Now on the Dispatches (letters) page there is one from a certain T. Proudfoot (of this parish?) from Edinburgh.
He goes on to "put it to them", that certain of the covers "are considered fantasy wanks for so many pimpled illiterates".
Well lets hope he grew out of the pimples...................... :lol:
And where has this thread gone!!!!!!
:(
The thread is where it has always been - dusty and unloved 10 pages back.
We are presemtly retooling towards the 10,000 letter mark but the glacial pace of publication has robbed of us some momentum.
We are presently at 9947 and shall count down the last fifty no matter how long they string it out for!
Quote from: Large48 on 18 June, 2013, 10:43:24 PM
Ok, so just managed to get hold of Warrior Number 26 from Feb 1985.
Now on the Dispatches (letters) page there is one from a certain T. Proudfoot (of this parish?) from Edinburgh.
He goes on to "put it to them", that certain of the covers "are considered fantasy wanks for so many pimpled illiterates".
In other news, the BBC are planning to launch a second television channel. Do keep up old bean!
Quote from: The Cosh on 28 March, 2010, 06:52:51 PM
Also reading Warrior which, being an anthology, ranges from the great to the mediocre, with almost nothing actively bad. It even has a range of articles on aspects of comics which verge on the interesting and a letter from one T Proudfoot decrying T'n'A covers.
Ah Cosh, you are making the assumption I actually read this old tosh and don't keep bring it back from the dead to help community projects in specific parts of Scotland!
Good ole Buttonman. :)
Quote from: Large48 on 19 June, 2013, 08:58:44 AM
Ah Cosh, you are making the assumption I actually read this old tosh and don't keep bring it back from the dead to help community projects in specific parts of Scotland!
Ha. Nice to see your funding hasn't been cut. Some things are too important even in these times of austerity.
Thanks letter fans, the co-ordination of the Proudhuff Missive Archives goes on apace with the recent re-discovering of the ORIGINAL letters from Tharg announcing the now legendary 'Middenface-McDredd' illustration and the publishing of the now infamous 'Anderson's heels' letter.
There may even be an opportunity to buy these unique item via ebay but only if any drinking sprees social events need funding.
Do you do commissions or do you only draw the dole?
Quote from: Buttonman on 19 June, 2013, 11:37:09 PM
Do you do commissions or do you only draw the dole?
ah, how nice it is to hear that arcane joke again, got any more?
My dog has no nose...
Quote from: Buttonman on 22 June, 2013, 06:21:12 PM
My dog has no nose...
Jamaica?
Come on old bean where is the scathing pithy round up or missives we know and lurve?
Hold your breath Tom (I know you don't have many left) and we'll publish as soon as Tharg sees fit to give us some subject matter. Failing that I'll see you at the Variety Bar where we can workshop your (lack of) talents!
Quote from: Buttonman on 24 June, 2013, 07:40:18 PM
Hold your breath Tom (I know you don't have many left) and we'll publish as soon as Tharg sees fit to give us some subject matter. Failing that I'll see you at the Variety Bar where we can workshop my (lack of) drinking skills
FTFY
Get a Glaswegian Skag den room you two.
Oooft! is anything would unite the Edinburghers and the Weegies it's a challenge from the Micks! Better warn the Variety to reinforce their plate glass window. It could end up like the end of Blazing Saddles!
Apologies for the racial ribbing.
I'm fully aware there're plenty of Scot lunatics on the board, so I better watch my alcohol loosened tongue.
Wouldn't want to end up *choke* battered.
(http://padresteve.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/blazing-saddles-the-french-mistake.jpg?w=500)
They've hit a Buddy!!! Come on girls!"
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxsauchie.jpg)
And we're back for the final push towards the 10,000th piece of Nerve Centre and Dreddlines content. At the present rate of exchange we're hoping for a 2013 finale but rest assured we'll be here even if have to finance the latter postings via our pension in Euro-Bucks. To be fair Prog 1839 upped the game with a mighty 7 missives. At this rate we could be done in time for our Summer holidays to Letter-con but we've been burned before.
The 7 letters were a bit sparse in content but we'll take what we get. First up is Carl Jones of Wiltshire who notches up his first Beast score with this Letter of the Week. There are 70 Joneses in the Beast database which is a lot less than some other popular surnames - Watson for example. Carl brags that he's managed to procreate and has shown his comic to the Boy. It's like 'The Wonder Years' all over. Wait the Boy got bored - next!
Eamonn Clarke of Cambs is up next and he's another first timer. There are 4 Eamonns on the Beast each with one letter to their name, the last being Mr Coody of Waterford in Prog 922 from 1995. Eamonn like the Gunheadz too and wants more. Tharg obliges. It's a beautiful moment.
Bernard Duggan of the good old USA works his magic next and he's another new man - what about the old guard who wrote in about that Dredd question on 'The Chase'? There are 3 Duggans on The Beast with the last to show being Matt in Meg V.4.3. Bern asks for more Slaine and gets some - drat and double drat!
The 4th new man is Mark Sexton of Oz who doubles the number of Sextons on The Beast overnight. He matches the score of John of Cork who popped his cherry in Prog 147. Mark likes Zombo and Tharg agrees.
At last we have a returning customer in the shape of Neil Edmond of that London who now boasts a mighty 2. Mark is the first Edmond on The Beast although some Edmonds have made the grade. Mark was previously seen in Prog 2011. Mark also likes Zombo in a letter that is frankly a waste of space - I mean they said 'Metro City One' that's real news!
Next up is a real lettersmith in the shape of Steve Frame of Caithness who notches a credible 22nd score with this offering. Steve has been quiet of late with his last showing in Prog 2013. Steve shows his experience and scores a free Heroclix by asking Tharg how he can get a Prog without a thrill-merchant. Tharg of course hits it out the park and everyone is happy. Apart from the poor reader who needs a wash after reading the exchange.
Last up is another new man in the shape of Lee Smith of e-mailland who has daubed some paint on his helmet. Nice work if you can get it. Lee looks like he lives with his mum given the wall art in his home. No problem there Lee - all the more bucks for that roller-skating career! There are 114 Smiths on The Beast meaning they kick the asses of their long time rivals, the Joneses.
This full page takes the Beast to 9954 entries and the elusive 10,000 within our grasp - well if we turn into Mr Fantastic overnight - which we might!
Come on old bean where is the scathing pithy round up on missives we know and lurve?
Quote from: Buttonman on 30 June, 2013, 10:38:23 PM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxsauchie.jpg)
Next up is a real lettersmith in the shape of Steve Frame of Caithness who notches a credible 22nd score with this offering. Steve has been quiet of late with his last showing in Prog 2013. Steve shows his experience and scores a free Heroclix by asking Tharg how he can get a Prog without a thrill-merchant. Tharg of course hits it out the park and everyone is happy. Apart from the poor reader who needs a wash after reading the exchange.
Your publication (without specific proof of ownership) of an original phrase I first conceived in the eighties means I intend to involve you in a protracted legal dispute which prevents anyone else reading this thread. Good luck interesting them in paying £100 a pop for your 'limited' edition hardcover (of 'just' 1000 copies).
Reading the sickening description of one hand greasing the palm of the other (above) makes me wonder what the other most popular ways for any aspiring letter hack to see their name in print might be? Praising a universally loathed thrill (especially if it's written by the editor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_McKenzie)), and asking whether a strip (which you know will be returning to the comic soon) will be returning are always safe bets, but I'm sure you know more.
This is the kind of knowledge not easily contained in an excel spreadsheet, and might involve hours of essentially pointless labour on your part.
Grud, the Lettersentertainyou of yore was far superior to the watered down fayre we get these days. Gone are the incisive casual insults, hot-shot dodging repartee and all-round thin-ice skating.
It's the 'Action' of letters review threads.
The Beast will not be tamed! Comment is free but facts are priceless. Smutty innuendo is 2p a pound.
The Beast can recognise letter writing tropes with the 'love it' the most popular followed by the 'When is XXX coming back' and 'why can't I get a Prog on Mercury anymore?'. The most sickening is the 'Ho-ho am frae Embro gies a wee plastic guy...'.
The whole thing does get to Tharg as he demonstarted at Christmas with is fading skin and double chin...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/thargchristmas041.jpg)
(http://i1131.photobucket.com/albums/m560/Nexus-wookie/20130914_112435.jpg)
I finally had the chance to frame the letters from Tharg up on my wall for getting my letter published in prog 2013, and Letter of the week in prog 1827! Incidentally, B'man never got to review that prog on here. :(
I do love it how the forum is littered with insanity and I add myself to that particular group ;)
Sane is so boring! It's good to have a little mad in you! :D
were is the little shiney pussed garbage shute anyway?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 14 September, 2013, 02:05:53 PM
were is the little shiney pussed garbage shute anyway?
Eating his way round America again to fuel his other thread, I believe.
I hear he's standing in for Adam Richman on Half a Man vs. Food.
Quote from: Mabs on 14 September, 2013, 12:13:20 PM
I finally had the chance to frame the letters from Tharg up on my wall for getting my letter published in prog 2013, and Letter of the week in prog 1827! Incidentally, B'man never got to review that prog on here. :(
Very impressive Mabs.
I was thinking about getting all of my
Letters from Tharg framed, but China told me they didn't even have enough glass to cover my 'Letters of the Week'. ;)
I think he's playing hard to get, waiting until there is an outcry about the 100.000 letter
Sweet wall hangings Mabs - I had to get a new wing to Watson Towers for mine but it has paid dividends in otherways. Wall to wall flange.
I am indeed in America spreading the word and creating content for future letters - Dredd takes on Pollos Hermanos for one. Back a week today when the onslaught will begin.
Quote from: Buttonman on 24 July, 2013, 08:06:46 AM
The whole thing does get to Tharg as he demonstarted at Christmas with is fading skin and double chin...
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/thargchristmas041.jpg)
If that's a typo, it's a very apt one indeed.
Thank you Link and B'man! And Link, it'd be quite a sight seeing all your letters from Tharg framed up on the wall, side by side! China might get stretched but you should go ahead and do it IMHO! ;)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxalski.jpg)
Well we're back for the season finale. The road to 10,000 items of published reader content has been long and arduous - and it's not over yet. We started out 18 months ago and lost interest with a lot, sorry all, of our readership when it became clear that the last 150 letters would be hard won with the same dull faces and repetitive jokes dulling up every moment.
But no more! Revitalized by a sea of Red Bull and some dubious injections we're back to see this melon farmer finished. With 20 odd to go we were ready for the off, but 8 Progless weeks and several Dreddline free Megs have seen this quest move into it's third year. Happily the season ending Prog 2014 delivered some seasonal joy with seven letter smiths getting a chance to shine. No old faces here; it's a Proudhuff free zone. Some newbies and a high scorer of 13 demand that the content must be fresh and exciting. Well let's have a look...
As tradition dictates we open with the Letter of the Week which comes from the good Doctor Coffey - must be a good man to see about my insomnia! Doc Cof enjoys his first letter here and to snag the top berth suggests Tharg likes to make out he's got a professional readership. The letter is distinctly de-caf as the Doc points out Tharg's artists are doing some online picture research. Tharg tries to make it into a witty two hander but we ain't buying. Two sugars and good night.
The Tall Coffey is Graham of Co Kildare with three all of which were drawings, culminating with Prog 822's 'Rock n' Roll Judge'
Next up is Dave Stone of Sussex who may also be a first time printee or he could be David Stone of Crawley or of Sudbury, or Ramsgate or Maidstone or London. Frankly there are so many Dave and David Stones the Beast would need Armitage to sort it out! Dave runs through what most feel is a fallow run of stories but pronounces them all great. From the impenetrable 'Damnation Station' to the scruffy daubings of 'Flesh' he loves the lot. Season of goodwill or not it sounds like the egg nog must be running low at his house!
Stephen Duffy of Edinburgh (Boo! Hiss!) gives us his life story next in a meandering letter that sprawls across three columns. Brevity may be the soul of wit but there's none of that here as we get a grand tale of reading a comic, not reading a comic and then reading it again. That was a regular three act rollercoaster! Tintin seems like a nice bloke and his claim to have never written can be partially validated by news that this was his first offering to see print.
We welcome a lady next in the form of Jenny Cox and of course we are far too gallant to make fun of her name. OK then - ha-ha were you named after Forrest Gump's boat?! Jenny has her first printed letter in this Prog and she's a long way from the Big Cox, Will of Australia who sit on 13 and is the old man of this nerve centre. We remember the days when 50 plus men were filling the page and we're not talking about Tom's age! Jenny likes Jesus and Aquila and blowing her student loan on comics - you go girl! The jauntiest Jenny is Jenny Scott of the Isle of Tiree who scored a decent five that ended with her last in Prog 1393 in 2004.
Doug Butler next and the Butler almost didn't do it in 2013 but managed this last gasp entry to make his mark on the year. Doug was formerly a Meg only man with his previous eight hits all appearing on the Dreddline pages. Nice the Prog is reaching the colonies at last! Doug gets his comics by the pack so his letter is a broad overview that allows Tharg to get a couple of plugs in, so well done all.
John Ware of Ireland bags the penultimate spot with his 7th letter his first since Meg 318. He started out in 2010's Meg304 so has a decent hit rate although his double digits badge is still a year off at this rate. John is another fan of Jesus but this time of the Renaldo version. It is nice to see some old guard chat now and again -more fun than all these kids with their interweb nonsense.
Last up <hurrah!> is Pete Nixon who is another who may be claiming his first score or his second if he's the Peter Nixon of Reading we enjoyed in 2001's Meg 177. Pete buys his Prog by the pixel and enjoys the one hand experience - well that's the internet for you. He also talks of 'exploding' so we better cut it short on that note.
This septet sees the Beast clunk its way to 9987 entries - a mere 13 away from the promised land of 10,000. Get writing now - at the present rate of exchange we're barely six months away from the end of the quest!
A warm welcome back to Paisleys finest- we actually did miss this thread y'know!
I wondered where you'd gotten to!!
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 11 December, 2013, 10:08:13 AM
I wondered where you'd gotten to!!
he's out on bail now and has to stay in during hours of darkness hence the keyboard bashing
Still as good as anything in the Prog. ;)
Quote from: Buttonman on 10 December, 2013, 04:42:09 PM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxalski.jpg)
This septet sees the Beast clunk its way to 9987 entries - a mere 13 away from the promised land of 10,000.
The latest Dreddlines shirley has cut into this total? :o oh the tension you could cut it with a pair of nail clippers
WEHT Buttonman? :o
Ooooft this totally passed me by as I was in NYC with Smeato (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Smeaton_%28born_1976%29).
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/smeato_zps74c9835e.jpg)
The Beast did not sleep and these were added giving a tantalizing total of 9992.
ASHLEY BEECHING KENT M343
ALLAN BENZIES EDINBURGH M343
MABS AHMED LONDON M343
REED BEEBE USA M343
DOUG BUTLER USA M343
Two Progs over the holiday period made us wonder if Tharg has stockpiled his strips meaning that no letters could possibly appear as they would not yet have been written at the time of printing.
Still 8 to go. Whoa! I've got two in the post as it were and a spectacular prize (Subbers Slaine Beanie) has been lined up for the writer of the fabled letter 10,000. Could it be you?!
Cor! I'm really chuffed to see my name near the summit! I must be number 9990?! Wow. Good luck to the guy/ gal who wins letter 10,000, dead excited! :)
who had the 2000 letter in 2000ad?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 07 January, 2014, 02:08:34 PM
who had the 2000 letter in 2000ad?
The Beast does not discriminate - Dreddlines and 2000ad get equal billing - the 2000th Beast entry goes to the improbably named :
KEN TROUSERS MITCHAM M160/V3.57 ENGLAND 1999
Hmm. I don't want to call the Beast's accuracy into question but are you really trying to tell us that there were only 2000 letters printed in the first 22 years but there have been (so nearly) 8000 more in the last 14?
I would respectfully suggest that the Beast is arbitrarily sorting entries on a different basis, possibly forename, and the 2000th missive to be wrenched gleefully from Tharg's bulging sack would've been sometime around Prog 417.
The question which was not asked was 'who had the 2000th letter in 2000ad' - The Beast wasn't programmed with Progs 1,2, 3 etc. but rather those that were nearest the attic hatch when the Beast was born. Mr Trousers has the 2000th entry on the Beast but the actual 2000th letter will remain a mystery until I manage to tame the Beast and sort the info in the required manner. Cosh, you're an IT dude fancy the task?
Quote from: Buttonman on 09 January, 2014, 07:24:46 AM
The question which was not asked was 'who had the 2000th letter in 2000ad'
Yes, it was!
Quote from: Proudhuff on 07 January, 2014, 02:08:34 PM
who had the 2000 letter in 2000ad?
Quote from: Buttonman on 09 January, 2014, 07:24:46 AM... the actual 2000th letter will remain a mystery until I manage to tame the Beast and sort the info in the required manner. Cosh, you're an IT dude fancy the task?
Anything to help in this greatest of enterprises. I'll see if I still have that old version you sent me a while ago.
Preliminary findings just in and it seems that my initial estimate was some way out. First a caveat around the data source. This investigation was carried out on a grizzled grandparent of today's Beast, with the last recorded Prog being 1527, so who knows what could be missing? It did, however, corroborate the Ken Trousers theory. Or, at least, it would've if it wasn't for the fact that Buttonman had forgotten to take his header row into account. Ken may be on row 2000, but the 2000th entry belongs, of course, to Rob Hawthorne of USA.
But what of the real deal, I hear you cry. Well, I can exclusively reveal that the 2000th letter to Tharg was the second of four to feature in Prog 591. Based on the assumption that the Paisley Postal Pervert entered the letters in the order they were printed (although photographic evidence would be appreciated) I have great pleasure in awarding this prize to Mr Anthony Bush of Newcastle upon Tyne.
Finally BM's tapdancing Castle has found his statistical McWhirter, although hopefully not quite so far to the right.
Quote from: TordelBack on 10 January, 2014, 08:02:46 AM
Finally BM's tapdancing Castle has found his statistical McWhirter, although hopefully not quite so far to the right.
Try having a beer with them. The chat is
scintillating
Cheers Cosh! Nice to have independent verification of the Beast's power. It was Mr Trousers as the question was :
QuoteWhat is the content of the 2000th line of the Beast
I've e-mailed you the current version - you still using that AOL one? - please produce reams of statistical data for my amusement and that of two others.
The Beast always lists the Letter of the Week first and then the letters top to bottom then left to right!
I wish my name was Ken Trousers. Hmmm...
Quote from: TordelBack on 10 January, 2014, 08:02:46 AM
Finally BM's tapdancing Castle has found his statistical McWhirter, although hopefully not quite so far to the right.
And doesn't play trumpet.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/xxstacey.jpg)
As long haired Swedish rockers 'Europe' once said we're all Prisoners of Paradise. Sadly that doesn't fit our current situation and they've so many hits that we don't have time to sort through them. Guess we better have a Last Look at Eden as the hairy rockers also yelled.
Well it's the final countdown (well last before the last if you are being pedantic) in the quest to reach 10,000 items of reader content in 2000ad and the Megazine. Prog 1865 brought us five more notches on the bed post leaving us at 9997 marks on The Beast's coat. On the next letters page the third entry will get the title for the ages as well as an exclusive gift (still a subbers Slaine beanie). We don't doubt the winning letter has already been written and has been squirted over to the printers. Next Dreddlines is where the smart money is going. Who will triumph? Who be snubbed despite having the most letters printed ever? These question can wait until our next encounter - for now let's see what fell just short of the Temple of Dreams...
First up it's the Letter of the Week and what a letter it is. Russell Goodwin of Gillingham is the super scribe who has had the revolutionary idea of piling up his comics and photographing them. He doesn't even have a full run! - it looks like what The Beast spits up after breakfast. We suspect Tharg only included it so he could use his 'A case of the piles' title although we would have preferred 'Incomplete Collection on Floor'. As his modest heap suggests Russell is a long time reader and writer having first come to our attention in Megazine 181 (V3.78) and notching up a total of six score to date. He gets about too, with his previous letter in Prog 1272 stating he was in Japan.
Next up it's an embarrassment of Riches with Luke Riches of e-mail land giving us an insight into what's in his cigarettes. He witters on about fishes and even distracts Tharg enough to mention 'Dead Meat' <shudder>.This is Luke's first letter with his nearest namesake on The Beast being 'Richie Richiest' of Prog 1326 fame. On the other side of the financial fence we have 'Skint Student' who drew D.R. Edd for his supper way back in Prog 367.
More familiar territory next with Albert's brother, Kevin Hall of East Lothian. Kevin has 17 Beast hits and has last seen in Prog 1817.he has been a frequent contributor with 2007 his last year to draw a blank. Kevin waxes enthusiastically about Prog 2104 before asking Tharg about his Christmas. The letter is a bit too sycophantic for our tastes and it has an almost Proudfoot air of crawling. That's the East coast for you - salt,sauce and sycophancy!
Another Scot next in the shape of James Burns but alas it's more Rotten Burns than Rabbie Burns. He does however get extra points for using the correct form of address and is the only writer in this Nerve Centre to begin 'Dear Tharg' rather than all that 'Thargy Poo' nonsense. James likes the ABC Warriors and secures his berth by asking Tharg about a well heralded project. This is likely to be James' 6th letter although the Beast also has another of his name hailing from Wishaw. If he wants to claim that one too we'll need handwriting samples and £5. James has tried to hide his middle names of Nathan Aaron since they appeared in his Letter of the Week outing in Prog 1821 but The Beast never forgets.
Last in line is James Purdie, who for the first time in his 10 outings gives his middle name as 'Mosh'. Presumably that was to lay claim to the cake photo that he sent in. It looks very nice but we imagine you'd be crapping gold bars for weeks afterwards. This is the fourth 200ad cake following tasty offerings in Progs 982, 1728 and 1789. Here's pictures of two of them seeing as you've read this far.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/cake1.jpg)
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/cake2.jpg)
Mosh is another long term Beast botherer with his first letter appearing in 1995's Prog 941. His hit rate is 8 Prog and 2 Meg with a decent 3 Letters of the Week.
So we close with 3 letters to go until the Beast can hibernate until 2055's 'Road to 20,000'. Can you hold back your excitement?! Well try!
The Ken Trousers theory. I would love to read that Wagner's Dredd tale.
I'm not sure if this has been asked and answered and I've just forgotten being a dozy git and all BUT have you got a letter in competing for the 10,000th slot.
The perfect end to this tale would of course be if Molch-R or some such had picked up on all this magnificent nonsense and had a word with Tharg and 'award' the 'prize' to shall we say the most deserving.
Of course that might all be a bit Hollywood as ending go but a bit of me wants it to happen.
i don't think I'll have one in, my subbie ran aground on the rocks of Xmas spending and has yet to be refloated, so Im way behind with my missives. Having said that none of my other recent arrows have hit the board so, looks like I'm out.
meanwhile Butt'man will have been using up the green ink by the barrel ::)
Two arrows are in flight! One a general retread of the Meg and the other is yet another 'Do you know it's nearly 10,000 items of reader content...' I'd be happy with an evil Tharg setting me down as letter 10,001 - first of the next 10K!
I'm off to Swansea for the Swans v Cardiff game and am not back until Monday. I trust no one will steal my thunder by making any 10,000th letter style comments until my return?! It's today - the Beast grumbled late into the night. Or it may have been that kebab.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/BEASTFINAL_zpsfd8d1778.png)
Well here we are; the final instalment of LETTERSENTERTAINYOU : The Road to 10,000 has finally arrived. When this project began nearly two years and 18,880 page views ago who could have imagined it would have taken so long? Not us at Beast Central or those in our dwindling readership that's for sure. If you look back over 441 posts the early optimism quickly fades into a petty squabble of name calling and recriminations. It's little wonder that Tharg saw fit to blackball the many, many worthy letters that heralded this project and the oncoming milestone of 10,000 items of reader content in 2000ad and The Judge Dredd Megazine.
The Green Git. We're going to write in and tell him off. That'll learn him.
Anyway the great day has finally arrived although the Betelgeusian Bugger tried to throw us off by going for the rare mid-Prog Nerve Centre. Fortunately we still had three quid of our lottery funding left to buy a copy rather than complete only our usual back page only scan on the floor of WH Smiths.
The last Nerve Centre on the Road to 10,000 offered a conundrum to those looking to award the laurels of the subbers only Slaine Beanie hat, given the Letter of the Week occupied an unusual lower first column position. Obviously our regular readers (Hi Tom!) will know the Letter of the Week always gets recorded first on The Beast with the stragglers following on the standard left to right manner.
First up in the illustrious Prog 1868 is the strangely named Jac ap Harri who sounds like an unfunny anagram. The boy is only 9, so kudos for getting your first ever letter in this issue. He's created a boxy Minecraft Dredd and although we've no idea what that is well done anyway. Jac ap hails from Doncaster the home of 24 letters including 5 from current leader Jason Tyrer who was last spotted in Meg 294 in 2010.
In bridesmaid spot we have Alun Rundle of Newport who clocks up a near magnificent 7th with this offering. Alun was first sighted in Meg 170 (Vol 3.67) in 2000 and was last spotted in 2012's Meg 327. Alun was clearly excited at his appearance on this letters page for the ages and his Dredd critique is all over the place. He likes Grey Area and gives the most obvious insights on Alpha before going all sour on Sweet.
Pah-Pah-De-Pah. Next up is the Letter of Dreams. The one we've all being vying for. The 10,000th letter in the 36 years that Tharg has allowed terrans to blight and enlight his organ. The winner is, the medic with the marker, the quack with the crayons, yes, it's Dr Richard Evans of Conwy. We know some readers will suggest Tharg gave this prime spot to the Welsh Warbler as his qualifications will offer some class to the many Tweets and toilet wall daubings celebrating this event, but we disagree. Dickie has had at least 6 letters published plus a possible other two if he is the same as his moniker sharer (no 'Dr' though')from Merseyside who had letters in Progs 1385 and 2005.
Doc Doom wins the exclusive LETTERSENTERTAINYOU Slaine Beanie and can claim his prize if he adds a post to this thread along the lines of 'Give me my beanie, I'm a doctor, dammit!' Please also clear up the Merseyside riddle, thanks.
The letter that wins the prize and the glory is a run of the mill, run through the stories and we guess that's appropriate given 75% of all letters share this format. Richie Rich closes by bragging about his 4 Heroclix collection...some writer's cats have eaten more than that! We're not upset.
Well that's us done. Paul Harris of Kent starts the next 10,000 with his 8th and Jamie Brackell of Orpington scores his second following a 1694 debut.
The Beast's boilers will now be dimmed and only data requests will be provided. All letters will however be recorded and maybe one day the Road to 20,000 can be trod.
Good night and good letter writing luck. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGmAmJFUvzM)
Sniff! Say it ain't the end of erm... what was it called again?
Bah, bad show for the green git not giving the Paisley one the 10,000th letter though.
Just for you Pete here's the 10,000th letter that never was -I dropped hints and everything!
Dear Tharg,
Following the excellent Prog 2014 and Meg 343 you have now allowed 9992 of reader content to grace your publications. These include letters, drawings, jokes ('Ro-Jaws & Hammerstein's Laugh-in') and character designs across the Prog, Megazine, Sci-fi specials and annuals.
The letters page has been the one constant throughout your quest to bring thrill-power to the masses and although strips such as 'Savage' and 'Flesh' have been re-booted and remain, only the readers' ramblings have remained the same.
Well maybe not the same. Over the years the letters have matured, along with your readership, with inquiries about the fluctuating price of the Prog on Mercury morphing to cute snaps of the Squaxx's offspring digesting their own first tastes of your magic product.
The frequency of the letters pages has varied with it being a near permanent fixture in the Megazine for many years to a sparse offering appearing every half dozen issues or so.
Personally I've always written in and will continue to do so. I pays my money so I'll vent my opinions, foul or otherwise. My monitoring of the letters page shows an even mix between the old stagers and those who score their first hit, which suggests a healthy and vibrant letter writing culture remains.
With 10,000 items of reader content on the horizon I hope you enjoy a moment's satisfaction on another success - no one writes letters any more - except to you!
All the best
B'man
Well that'll always be the 10,000th letter in my eyes, you mad bastard.
Quote from: Pete Wells on 12 February, 2014, 10:22:36 PM
Bah, bad show for the green git not giving the Paisley one the 10,000th letter though.
Betelguesan [spoiler]cunt[/spoiler].
Buttonman; I salute your courage, strength and indefatigability. You're a funny guy, and you've managed to make what has turned into the dullest part of the prog entertaining again, with your combination of scathing deconstruction and obvious genuine enthusiasm for your chosen subject. You was robbed, neebs - SACK THE BOARD.
Well now all we have to do is sit patiently and wait for 'The Complete Letter Files' dedicated to Mr B Man ... I fear it might be a long wait but hey Dave Sim did it didn't he... not that we use him as a guide of course...
For shame Mighty One, for shame.
You see what happens Thargy? you see what happens ?
(http://10minuteramble.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/lebowski_stranger.jpg)
his is what happens when you F*** Buttman in the Letter page!
Tears to a glass eye Fellas! No, it would have been too pat, too predictable, too damn satisfying. I'll keep my record haul of Heroclix, my fond memories of Proudhuff free Nerve Centres and dodder quietly into letter legend.
Actually... better write in to tell Tharg about your disloyalty...
Why stop? I love this thread.
10,000 is an arbitrary threshold. A meaningless number no more symmetrical or poignant that any other. (And try typing that last sentence without a spell-checker!)
I bet you forgot to count the letters in the specials.
What are you people told about checking your facts?! Too much maple syrup I feel. The Beast has all SF Special letters,drawings and character designs on its database. We await the challenge!
so its not the 10k letter, its the 10k missive?
If pictures and emails were counted the thread is misnamed or the winner is a fraud!
Recount! Umpire!
Calm down ladies. The Beast has always logged all reader content to Tharg and this includes drawings, jokes, models, team names for 'Mean Arena', Slaine Trap competition entries etc.'Letters' is shorthand for 'correspondence' and we don't discriminate. Well obviously any child can draw a 'Middenface McDredd' (even in their 40's) but we all know the real talent in in penning 80 letters plus over a 20 year period.
To nail Fishface's ghost to the coffin here is a small smattering of the Beast that proves his inflammatory statement bang wrong.
MOTHER EARTH UNKNOWN SFS81 GRONK TOY
ALAN ROWLES LONDON SFS82 DREDD MODEL + THRILLSUCKERS
PAUL SIGERSON GLASGOW SFS82 LAWMASTER MODEL
NIGEL ALLEYNE UNKNOWN SFS82 THE PUPPETS OF DEATH
ROBIN WEBB CRAWLEY SFS82 DEATH'S DOOR
TONY MICHON SUTTON SFS82 JUDGE DEATH'S FRIENDS
MICHAEL CRAMPTON CLIFTON SFS82 DREDD V FEAR
Quote from: Buttonman on 14 February, 2014, 07:11:08 PM
PAUL SIGERSON GLASGOW SFS82 LAWMASTER MODEL
As in the creator of
Deadline's awful
The Groovy Vicar strip? Ephemera like this surely proves the utility of both The Beast and its operator.
Quote from: sauchie olympics on 14 February, 2014, 07:22:48 PM
Quote from: Buttonman on 14 February, 2014, 07:11:08 PM
PAUL SIGERSON GLASGOW SFS82 LAWMASTER MODEL
As in the creator of Deadline's awful The Groovy Vicar strip? Ephemera like this surely proves the utility of both The Beast and its operator.
Nay, sir. It proves the
requirement.
Plus, for the love of God, think of Paisley. It has enough dribbling psychos stalking its streets without adding another. And if he doesn't have this thread, then what does Buttonman have?
We owe it to the community at large to keep this going.
I'll get you next time, Paisley's Penelope Pitstop.
Quote from: The Enigmatic Dr X on 14 February, 2014, 07:53:48 PMAnd if he doesn't have this thread, then what does Buttonman have?
Food (http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,37151.0.html)
No claim from the good doc for the Slaine Beanie. If no claim is registered on this thread in 7 days the prize will be forfeited and a new letters based competition will be started!
can't wait...
I've misread this entire thread I thought it was about the 100,000 letter not some come lightly 10,000.
Buttonman get a move on, only another 90,000 (ish) to go!
Well done to Robbie Carnegie ho had a letter in today's Prog 1873 - he first scored in Prog 84 in 1978! A 36 year footprint!
Quote from: Buttonman on 15 March, 2014, 03:08:24 PM
Well done to Robbie Carnegie ho had a letter in today's Prog 1873 - he first scored in Prog 84 in 1978! A 36 year footprint!
What, no
Carnegie Hall-of- fame pun?
We come here for the quips, not the score-line.
He may be so old that he's more Carnegie Smelly than Deli but this effort marks a 36 Large for the Buxton Marksman.<sigh> I've not been well...
Robbie here! Thanks for the support, guys. I also had a run of letters in the 90s when Tharg was freer with his free gifts (I had a good supply of hats, badges, mugs etc) - maybe this'll be the start of many more. Must shower now ...
I hope the shower wasn't a reference to being named on this thread! It's the most fragrant place on the web. let's check that claim of "a run of letters in the 90s"...
R CARNEGIE CHICHESTER 84 ENGLAND 1978
ROBBIE CARNEGIE CHICHESTER M69/V2.49 ENGLAND 1994
ROBBIE CARNEGIE CHICHESTER M118/V3.15 ENGLAND 1996
ROBBIE CARNEGIE CHICHESTER 842 ENGLAND 1993
ROBBIE CARNEGIE CHICHESTER 910 ENGLAND 1994
ROBBIE CARNEGIE CHICHESTER 1021 ENGLAND 1996
ROBBIE CARNEGIE CHICHESTER 1060 ENGLAND 1997
ROBBIE CARNEGIE BUXTON 1873 ENGLAND 2014
Is 6 a run? Well OK then - a score of 8 in 36 years could be seen as a bit on the slow side but they keep on coming!
Ignore him Robbie he just wishes he was in as early as you... or me :-X
A late resurrection for no one's favourite thread - I got a PM request from Betel and all Beast Business must be done in open court.
We're data gathering at present but confidence is high!
Get back to amusingly slagging letter writers while you're at it!
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERS20114.jpg)
Well that was a short retirement! As you have probably read in the Daily Sport we have been called back to Beast Towers to address the potentially fatal decline in Letters Page standards. Many believed that 'The Road to 10,000' would signal a glorious future for the Letters Page with quality guaranteed by the renewed focus on standards and the spotlight afforded by LETTERSENTERTAINYOU. Can it be so bad? Let's take a look at today's new Prog, number 1887 and find out.
First up it's the 'Letter of the Week' which is bound to be good. Even better it's written by Canuck journalist Mike Donachie who broke the hard hitting, Pulitzer Prize winning, 'Fireworks Show Goes With a Bang'. But wait! This is ass kissing horseshit! Sorry, moose shit. Mike has put down his 'Oor Wulie' Annual to run a rule over the frankly misfiring Summer Special and what do you know? He loves every word.
No 'Overpriced Scone Scandal' diatribe here, Fishy Features lets go with both barrels - sadly each is filled with nothing but maple syrup. "When You said 'special' you really meant it" <vomit>. Nothing wrong with some fan boy love but this is the letters page equivalent of rimming a tramp and paying him for the privilege. At one point we felt journalistic integrity may be saved : "Four big hits out of six" - here it comes, two big slaggings for some balance - but no. "The other two worked well too"! A more brazen attempt at a free graphic novel we've not seen this side of Proudhuff Villas.
Oh well, things are bound to improve with a visit from the good Doctor, Rich Evans of Colwyn Bay. Rich didn't always live here nor did he always flash his credentials - he used to be plain old 'Richard Evans of Merseyside' back in his Prog 1386 debut. He now has ten letters on The Beast database as well as the coveted 10,000th letter award. Time to claim the prize has now expired BTW and we took the unloved Slaine beanie up Ben Nevis instead.
Rich blocks up almost all of the centre column of the page with a long ramble that starts with 'We're not worthy' which was funny about 20 years ago. He too loves the Sci-Fi special and focuses on Simon Davis' work that he claims is "his best ever" guess those guys giving out the portrait awards will have to reconsider then! He then calls three strips "good bad and ugly" but won't say which is which - valuable creator feedback right there!
Phil Dixon of Worcestershire fills up the small spot left over by Dr Why with a cry for more 'Outlier' - isn't there a rule against writers sending letters under a pseudonym? This is Phil's second letter following a Prog 1850 debut. He's still got some ground to cover to be 'The Big Dixon' as Tim is the runaway leader on 7- he was last seen in Prog 1232 however, so make hay while the sun shines, Phil.
Our only debutant next, with John McNeill of London breaking his duck. He's also the only 'McNeill' ever to score and matches his rivals the 'McNeil's who also boast a solitary score from Michael of Perth (the traitorous fish used to live here!) in Meg 87/V2.67.
John's letter is basis stuff and ruined by a typo "keep the edgy" - that used to mean 'keep a look out' but here it's nonsensical. Never mind, John's message is clear - keep the pretty pictures coming.
We close out with Ross Teagle who hits us for six with this offering. Ross first appeared in Meg 87/ V2.67 which was the same issue that featured in the paragraph above - what's the odds on that then! Ross has moved about from Bournemouth, to Poole to his current home of 'Email'. This is his second score of 2014 following his entry in the Dreddlines of M345. He's be on track for a top five finish for the year but we're not doing that anymore as ours have all been filed in the bin!
Ross' letter is another love in with 'Grey Area' being misnamed or something. Would he prefer 'Alien customs disputes of the future'? hmm that's gold. He's likes most stuff including the fine 'Traumatown' but is looking forward to the 'exposition' - does he mean 'conclusion' or is he suggesting the first few episodes lacked any narrative at all?
Right that's it. 5 letters and barely a naysayer amongst them - it's like they cloned Proudhuff and covered the page in honey. Where are the slaggings? The dissenters? Those that can't understand 'Indigo Prime' or those that think 'Grey Area' should fade to black. C'mon Tharg give us some balance!
Quote from: Buttonman on 21 June, 2014, 06:57:27 PMNothing wrong with some fan boy love but this is the letters page equivalent of rimming a tramp and paying him for the privilege.
I swear to Grud I am crying with laughter here. :lol:
I was creased double on the couch and dropped the tablet twice as I was reading that tour de force. Buttonman's brush with death has seen him return with his powers increased sevenfold - like Christopher Walken in that film with the kid who falls through the ice. I'd be prepared to put up with fawning letters from Trout and Huff every week if it meant more KTT worthy material like that.
Wow. This is where anonymity rules; if my gibbering childish letters to Tharg were ever traced by the NSA BM I don't want to see the results :o
That is priceless, I'll have to get a letter published just to be a component part of a critique of the calibre set out above! Z :lol: :lol:
Cheers Fellas - always helps when it's a familiar face in the sights!
Quote from: Fungus on 21 June, 2014, 10:00:02 PM
Wow. This is where anonymity rules; if my gibbering childish letters to Tharg were ever traced by the NSA BM I don't want to see the results :o
Hmmm, multiple letters? Paisley? You must be MICHAEL SELLAR, DAVID COCHRANE, GORDON MCLEAN or STEPHEN WATSON (unlikely).
You are a witch.
Quote from: Buttonman on 21 June, 2014, 10:32:19 PM
Hmmm, multiple letters? Paisley? You must be MICHAEL SELLAR, DAVID COCHRANE, GORDON MCLEAN or STEPHEN WATSON (unlikely)
This is like one of those Dredd stories where Roffman helps identify the killers because of the meal they choose on their getaway flight or the tread on their car tyres. Actually, Buttonman reminds me of Roffman in
many ways.
Quote from: Sauchie on 21 June, 2014, 10:42:22 PM
Quote from: Buttonman on 21 June, 2014, 10:32:19 PM
Hmmm, multiple letters? Paisley? You must be MICHAEL SELLAR, DAVID COCHRANE, GORDON MCLEAN or STEPHEN WATSON (unlikely)
This is like one of those Dredd stories where Roffman helps identify the killers because of the meal they choose on their getaway flight or the tread on their car tyres. Actually, Buttonman reminds me of Roffman in many ways.
:)
So anyway, BM's first choice is correct. If I had something heavy to hide, this would be EXCELLENT! *
*
terrifying
Hmmm. I feel like I should review the review of my review. It seemed, to me, like a turd that wouldn't flush, keeping its Paisley-incarcerated creator, sweating and panicky, in an elderly aunt's downstairs loo while she politely taps on the door, inquiring after his welfare.
Part of journalistic integrity is knowing how to be objective. In this thread, Buttonman seems to think that people who have different opinions from him are simply wrong. That's not how it works. So his review is flawed, like a fake diamond hidden in the rectum of a desperate refugee with no hope of surviving in Broken Britain.
I also feel his review is poorly-punctuated and over-written, with puzzling paragraph choices and several examples of risky legal moves. Its desperation is visible in every word, as if the writer has chosen to attack the very letters he wishes he could emulate, if only Tharg had not banned him from the page for excessively masturbating through the Nerve Centre's letterbox.
- Trout
Quote from: Trout on 22 June, 2014, 01:45:22 AM
if only Tharg had not banned him from the page for excessively masturbating through the Nerve Centre's letterbox.
Can we ever comprehend the alien mind? The fact that they permit
any level of onanistic review shows how very different we are.
MICHAEL SELLAR was the long shot - two in Progs 269 and 299 and nothing since! You couldda been a contender!
Trout : The Beast thanks you for your lyrical feedback, apart from the low blow about punctuation. We, do our; best under (trying) circumstances~. Our copy has to reach the press 4 days before the Prog hits the newsstands for chrissakes!
HURR HURR. I just want to be like you!
Quote from: Fungus on 22 June, 2014, 02:29:08 AM
Quote from: Trout on 22 June, 2014, 01:45:22 AM
if only Tharg had not banned him from the page for excessively masturbating through the Nerve Centre's letterbox.
Can we ever comprehend the alien mind? The fact that they permit any level of onanistic review shows how very different we are.
an acc
excessively? does that mean there is an acceptable level?
Normal service has resumed.
And it's good!
Quote from: Buttonman on 21 June, 2014, 06:57:27 PM
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERS20114.jpg)
it's like they cloned Proudhuff and covered the page in honey.
That's the Memsabib's fantasy right there!
I'd forgotten how distracting this thread always was (and should continue to be!)
What was that about rimming a tramp again?
Thought I could taste deep fried Mars Bar............. :o
Did I realy say that thing in the banner? It's not normal that I'm so observant.
Sorry for the necro-post but I created this goodness for another thread and it should be accessible to all the letters archivists out there. This is correct as of 28/01/2015 (today).
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/LETTERSALLTIMEbest_zpsdf314c38.png)
What no column for drawings in the nerve centre? ;)
Dear Powers-That-Be; please allow this hilarious thread to continue uncensored.
Quote from: Proudhuff on 29 January, 2015, 10:34:31 AM
What no column for drawings in the nerve centre? ;)
You should be grateful that I allow £10 drawings as Letters of the Week (they match the Letter of the Week Prize) for if I didn't you'd have none. And deservedly so!
Quote from: Buttonman on 29 January, 2015, 06:06:15 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 29 January, 2015, 10:34:31 AM
What no column for drawings in the nerve centre? ;)
You should be grateful that I allow £10 drawings as Letters of the Week (they match the Letter of the Week Prize) for if I didn't you'd have none. And deservedly so!
ah the green eyed monster...
This thread has been reactivated as a letters based duel has been agreed.
The Location : Lawgiver 2 (well the letters page really)
The Combatants : Alan 'Hollo' Holloway (27 Letters) Stephen 'buttonman' Watson (87 Letters)
The Challenge :
Stephen Watson I'll be there Hollo - we can talk letters. Yesterday at 18:42 · Like
Alan Holloway I haven't written any for yonks Yesterday at 18:51 · Like
Stephen Watson I don't know how many you have written but you were last published in Meg 329 in 2012. Maybe we could discuss what's went wrong? Said he last published in...Meg 329!
Yesterday at 19:07 · Like · 1
Steve Hargett You need to push the button, man.
Yesterday at 19:12 · Like
Alan Holloway I will bloody well write again now 23 hrs · Like · 1
Stephen Watson And we have a contest! 23 hrs · Like · 1
Alan Holloway Right , Mr Paisley... Let's see who gets one before the con 20 hrs · Like
Usual rules of letters combat apply. Letters of the Week top standard Letters. Page position irrelevant as is length of letter. In the event of a tie most total letters win. Anyone else want to get involved?
Extra point for sneaking in some kind of abusive acrostic?
A jibe at your fellow contestants would be good - Hollow ending...hmmm...needs work...
I am quite proud of my 'push the button, man' comment :)
I was pushed but I push back x 2!
Quote from: Buttonman on 09 February, 2015, 08:45:41 PM
Anyone else want to get involved?
Wi' yo momma!
The Die is Cast.
Drokk, I can't contain the excitement!
It's a 3 way people!
Richard Kavanagh - 28 Letters
Alan Holloway - Letters - 27 Letters
Stephen Watson 87 -Letters
A clash of the titans! Any more for any more? Deadline for entries is next Prog/Meg publication date. All content (C) Stig Indsutries writer's own.
Where's Floyd the K when you need him. Z
Big news on the LETTERSENTERTAINYOU all time letters and drawings published leader board, with Richard 'Link Prime' Kavanagh jumping from 6th= to 4th outright by virtue of his Letter of the Week. Richard is a long term supporter of the Beast and its ailing operator, so well done Richard! He only needs 15 more to unseat Grant Goggans for a top 3 berth and 58 for the outright lead. A long way to go but he is the pony with form!
Never has the trivial news of letter quantities brought so much joy. And not only cos Mr Link is one of my favourite posters here.
Quote from: Tordelback on 09 February, 2015, 09:32:36 PM
Extra point for sneaking in some kind of abusive acrostic?
If I had have known he was going to attempt to drop dead the day after I sent this letter, I probably would've left out the "finger on the button" line... ::)
This week's Prog (1930 : Trojan Hearse) has five letters and they are all from first timers! Some may say this is a good thing as it shows the new blood coming to the Prog and indeed Beast but c'mon! Surely tired old rhetoric and nit picking has its place too?!
Can't really moan - haven't written in a month...
Is Tornado included in the database (sorry, haven't gone through 34 pages of comments to check)?
Quote from: sheridan on 27 May, 2015, 09:37:46 PM
Is Tornado included in the database (sorry, haven't gone through 34 pages of comments to check)?
No - Only once it came under the hand of Tharg did Tornado readers enjoy the glow of Beast coverage.
In other news letters gurus Stephen Watson (Rank :1) and Alan Holloway (Rank :7 ) had a write off at Lawgiver 2. The missives were carefully scribbled on the back of menus and are being sent to Tharg. Hopefully Hollo took scans as there's no way they are getting published.
Photo credit Iz McAuliffe
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/lettersoff_zpsn41jpt6g.jpg)
They are on their way to the Nerve Centre by carrier pterodactyl as we speak
I boiled your letter down to the basics Buttoman, bwah ha ha ha haaaa
Tharg will see trough that obvious forgery - my handwriting is way worse.
Quote from: Bad City Blue on 28 May, 2015, 10:38:04 AM
I boiled your letter down to the basics Buttoman, bwah ha ha ha haaaa
Could Stephen 'Sniveling suck-butt' Watson
ever pen such a negative missive?
et tu Link!
Fear not, beloved Caesar; Senator Goggins must first be despatched.
Quote from: Link Prime on 29 May, 2015, 12:14:10 PM
Quote from: Bad City Blue on 28 May, 2015, 10:38:04 AM
I boiled your letter down to the basics Buttoman, bwah ha ha ha haaaa
Could Stephen 'Sniveling suck-butt' Watson ever pen such a negative missive?
Not for nothing is he known as 'Green Tongue'
First update in a while. The Beast never rests. A new entry from Matt Crossman and Steve 'Dounraey' Frames maintains his assault on the 7th place berth currently occupied by Alan 'No Letters of the Week' Holloway.
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/BEAST%2028%20JAN%2016_zpsdgh4ov73.jpg)
Floyd why have you deserted us?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 29 January, 2016, 12:17:04 PM
Floyd why have you deserted us?
I'm willing on Ashley Beeching so that you are knocked out of the top ten and into the letters wilderness!
It does suck that I never won letter of the week
Quote from: Bad City Blue on 29 January, 2016, 03:07:15 PM
It does suck that I never won letter of the week
TMO is a fair judge!
Quote from: Buttonman on 29 January, 2016, 01:32:46 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 29 January, 2016, 12:17:04 PM
Floyd why have you deserted us?
I'm willing on Ashley Beeching so that you are knocked out of the top ten and into the letters wilderness!
Once Matron gives me back the green ink pot, you'll be sorry young whippersnapper!
Yes Tom, we're all very scared. Keep taking the pills!
Back to the subject of recently published letter writer (zing!).
The Meg and Prog this week saw letters in each and a letter in each for Kevin Barry.
Alan 'Hollo' Holloway also broke into a share of fifth place with his 29th missive - will the berth be all his sometime soon?
Overall leader Stephen Watson extended his lead to a mighty 9 with his 90th published piece of correspondence. Can the 'impossible 100' be now possible? Well his pacemaker has a 5 year battery so who knows?
(http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/BEAST%2015%20FEB_zps2m92ewoq.png)
Shirley Si Spurrier's stories count as something?
Oh dear! You didn't notice Mike Morgan is on twice! Retracted!
Quote from: Buttonman on 15 February, 2016, 09:53:10 PM
Oh dear! You didn't notice Mike Morgan is on twice! Retracted!
Oh, we noticed alright.
I'm still trying to figure out the "Beast Code".
So many unanswered questions, such as Stephen 'X-Rated' Watson's connection to Matthew 'Mr. Money Bags' Crossman.
Quote from: Link Prime on 18 February, 2016, 10:33:41 AM
Quote from: Buttonman on 15 February, 2016, 09:53:10 PM
Oh dear! You didn't notice Mike Morgan is on twice! Retracted!
Oh, we noticed alright.
I'm still trying to figure out the "Beast Code".
So many unanswered questions, such as Stephen 'X-Rated' Watson's connection to Matthew 'Mr. Money Bags' Crossman.
TLAs?
Quote from: Proudhuff on 18 February, 2016, 11:07:20 AM
Quote from: Link Prime on 18 February, 2016, 10:33:41 AM
Quote from: Buttonman on 15 February, 2016, 09:53:10 PM
Oh dear! You didn't notice Mike Morgan is on twice! Retracted!
Oh, we noticed alright.
I'm still trying to figure out the "Beast Code".
So many unanswered questions, such as Stephen 'X-Rated' Watson's connection to Matthew 'Mr. Money Bags' Crossman.
TLAs?
FKU :lol:
You guys do know thatbsort FK is going to come out of his extended period of reflection on Skellig Michael and out post your candy asses back to nowheres's ville.Z ;)
Now can't get the image of postie Huff proffering a heroclix in outstretched hand to a bearded hooded Floyd as the camera spins around them...
Beast codes are assigned randomly so enable easy sorting - lots of common names out there like Proudfoot so all verified letters from the same writer are tagged with the appropriate code so their efforts can be pulled up at short notice. £ and ! were only added once the alphabet was exhausted.
Floyd better get a move on as 100 letters is the beginning of the age of Aquarius when the Beast is put out to pasture and I can ruminate over a life well spent.
Quote from: Buttonman on 10 December, 2012, 09:56:24 PM
Quote from: SmallBlueThing on 10 December, 2012, 09:37:05 PM
How about Hastings versus Eastbourne?
SBT
A clash of the Titans indeed :
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS M230
MARCUS TROMMEL HASTINGS 415
SHANE JOY HASTINGS 451
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS 1426
PETE THOMSON HASTINGS M260
PETE THOMSON HASTINGS M297
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER HASTINGS 1704
C ADAM HASTINGS 1733
PETE THOMSON HASTINGS 2013
KEITH VENESS EASTBOURNE 173
JAMES WAITE EASTBOURNE M80/V2.60
CAROLINE HARRIS EASTBOURNE 503
PAUL JOHNSON EASTBOURNE 1115
STEVE ANDERSON EASTBOURNE 137 PROFILE
JEREMY WEPENER EASTBOURNE 191 ROBOT
RICHARD CHADWICK EASTBOURNE 219 ALIEN
MARK BARTON EASTBOURNE 222 LONG RANGE CRUISER
J SHARDLOW EASTBOURNE 237 RUBIK'S THARG
Hastings Population = 86,900 / 9 Beast entries = 1 per 9,656 inhabitants
Eastbourne Population = 99,300 / 9 Beast entries = 1 per 11,033 inhabitants.
The winner in The Beast's Battle of the Towns Round 2 is declared as ...Hastings. Interestingly they got one in the current Prog 2013 but they would still have won with 8, albeit with a lower margin of 1 per 10,863 inhabitants.
Wow - I am the "J Shardlow of Eastbourne" that drew that Rubik's Tharg - unfortunately I no longer have the Prog. Can you post a scan of that picture ? It would be amazing to see it again after so many decades!
Quote from: jshardlo on 26 June, 2019, 01:51:45 PM
I am the "J Shardlow of Eastbourne" that drew that Rubik's Tharg - unfortunately I no longer have the Prog. Can you post a scan of that picture ? It would be amazing to see it again after so many decades!
(https://i.imgur.com/Trc7v9h.png?1)
Better quality image here (https://i.imgur.com/Trc7v9h.png?1)
Thanks. That's a real blast from the past!
Nice - what did you spend Tharg's fiver on?