Attempts at the sample scripts

[markofthedead]

[markofthedead]

page 2

[markofthedead]

page 3

[markofthedead]

page 4

[markofthedead]

page 5

[Bubba Zebill]

page 5

I like the graphic nature of these pages.

[pauljholden]

It's interesting and graphic and bold. Feel like it's not quite comics though, more a series of illustrations. They're a little too spartan too - there's no sense of place, inside and outside locations are identical limboesque white rooms- and often the lighting doesn't match up (which isn't that big a deal, but when you're leaning so heavily on dramatic lighting when it conflicts it looks very wrong - the shadow of the old guy with the hat [last panel page 2], for example, appears to be from light cast behind him, yet the shadow on him and the other figure seems to be coming from the far right).

Where you've left a piece of art open to have the reader fill in the rest (a good strategy!) you've left out the background [page 5, tier 3 last panel for example]-which means they've got to do a lot of work to picture what it is they're looking. The effect is that the art looks incomplete. The diamond rectangle on this page further hightens that - it looks like a panel that's missing, rather than the window they're looking out of?

So, my advice (for what it's worth) is: more backgrounds, remove lines where you feel the reader can make the leap and maybe don't lean so heavy on photo ref (I may be wrong, but page 5 third tier panel 1 looks like Sylvester McCoy, but he doesn't look like Sylvester McCoy anywhere else...)

-pj

[markofthedead]

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. It was Sylvester McCoy, I used him for the priest throughout but only one panel ended up looking like him :-) The photo reference comment certainly does identify one of my major shortcomings.

[Steven Austin]

Hi Mark,

I like the strength in the images but feel that the pictoral narrative lacks flow - largely I think because the images do feel as though they have been lifted from photographs - perhaps a little too literal in that respect.

Love the heavy shadow work on the figures but defo concur with PJ that the panels need more background work - doesn't have to be too detailed but enough to give the reader a sense of the characters belonging - somewhere.

With such heavy shadow on the characters and very little behind them, the story feels as though its playing out on a stage with heavy back-lighting and very few props. I think this is especially true on the first and last panels of page 2 and again on the first panel of page 4 where you (or the writer) have opted for one long panel but you have just placed a floating head in the middle.

The page that feels 'most' complete is page 5 I think - where apart from the confusing diamond in the centre it has a sense of 'almost' being complete.

I would really like to see this again further down the road - could be very cool.

[Phuz]

page 5

I agree, your use of photo reference is way too direct.

Personally I never use photo ref directly. I do sketches of the reference material, and then put the reference material away. Next I do more sketches of the original sketches, then sometimes sketches of the sketches of the original sketches.

This filters out the direct influence of the reference material but keeps the essence.

[markofthedead]

Hi,

Thanks for the feedback I really appreciate it.

I can see lots of good advice on how to improve. The photo reference stuff certainly is too obvious, I think I've always been influenced by 2000 AD artists like David Roach, Arthur Ransom, Glen Fabry etc who have a realistic style (not that I'm anywhere near as good as them!) but it's something I need to work on.

I also definitely need to work on being less static and storytelling. (BTW: the confusing diamond panel is meant to be just a blank panel in the script where the characters are transported to the alternate dimension, but I should have made all black as it just looks empty as a "white flash")

Thanks everyone

[markofthedead]

*Ranson*  (Shakes fist at auto correct spelling)

[Danbell]

Is that Alan Moore on page 2?

[markofthedead]

Hi,
No it isn't

[Jon]

Gah, too much Sorrowhill in a row?

Ah well, thought I'd have a (nother) crack at this as I fizzled out the first time round. Wanted to get more done, but I have to go make a giant snail now.