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Bow down to King Trout, your rightful lord and master, you pretender, you usurper, you wretch!

And so on.

Going into the dusty, almost forgotten area of old, mostly broken arcade machines way in the back of the Skegness cinema, and popping 10p into Wardner, playing it from start to finish and getting on the Top Ten hi-score table.

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Seeing what you can get away with in Halo:

- on the island, in that bunker where the door closes and becomes a part of later cut scenes - if you're quick, you can drive a Warthog down there and block the door open with it.  It's not locked now!

- on the island, with a cunning combination of grenades, warthogs and the rocket launcher, you can get a warthog up on top of the island and drive around.

- when facing a huge force you have to battle through to get hold of a flyer, just race through ignoring all threats, grab the flyer, head on up to the bridge, out of range, and take them all out with the sniper rifle.  (You don't need to - but it's fun.)

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Joint Operations: Typhoon Rising

- getting on the roof of a hut in the middle of the enemy spawn point with a silenced MP5 and a bazooka, right next to their helicopter pad.

- walking back to base through the hills after a helicopter crash, to see (the backs of) a five-man enemy sniper team sneaking up on my team.  They rocked, they rolled - they all died.

- watching a twin-rotor copter flying towards me with a tank on top of it - firing wildly - as a jeep drove out of the back hatch and plummeted earthwards.

(There's nothing like war where nobody has a plan, everyone is heavily armed and there is no fear of death.)

The demo for Alien vs. Predator (by Rebellion, just in case there are others) still stands out as one of the most atmospheric (and pant-wetting) computer game experiences ever.

With the volume turned up FAR TOO LOUD on my justified and ancient Mu Mu speakers, and curtains drawn, you could hear the thrum of generators.

I was standing there, at the entrance to a dark coridoor, with sputtering emergency lighting flashing intermitent red, and a motion sensor going "bip!  bip!  bip!"

Then an alien appeared on the ceiling, practically on top of me, I fired off a burst into it's body as it launced itself at me, and then the acid spray hit.

::"Burns' art was far superior to Fraser's"

Your mouth is full of wrong.

My orang utan doesn't like war or horror movies, or anything really with too much overt, realistic, physical violence, but was very happy to be introduced to Star Wars and Top Secret.

On the other hand, she likes very stagey musicals, which I'd rather pull my own teeth out than watch.

::"I honestly do not see why anyone with any sort of imagination would find it 'hilarious'."

I watched that one in the cinema in Glasgow, with my sister's family.  It was packed with kids, and the entire cohort erupted in laughter during that scene.

Not "taking the piss" laughter, either.  It was just, obviously, genuinely funny.

She died of a broken heart!

(Oh, for frog's bake!)

And:

Proto-Vader: "I've been having some doubts."
Proto-Emperor: "Kill lots of children."
Proto-Vader: "Okay then."

Yeah, sure - a great movie.

I read the stuff from Aintitcool.  It sounds shit.

I hear that Lucas basically invented the technology required to manage his quiff.  Before Lucas, that magnitude of quiff simply wasn't possible.  He's currently working on a time machine, so that it's possible to go back in time and make sure that his quiff is up to scratch throughout all his incarnations on this earth.  (Plus, he's apparently going to work it so that his mother comes first during his conception scene.)

Batman - The Dark Knight Returns

Maybe not the best if I sat and read it today - but that's not the point - it was the best when I first read it.  I mean, Watchmen's a classic and all, and really, under the hood, far more intelligent, but it's a bit dry in comparison.

You know - what are you going to watch - Schindler's List or Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Ah - yes - Scarlet Traces - The Great Game - that's the one.  The minute I see it on a shelf, it's all mine.

I'm waiting (hopefully) for a collected edition of Gutsville.  Oh, and that one about the martians - the sequel to the one in the Megazine.  By the same artist who did the one about the dinosaurs shagging and killing off humans.  Is that collected yet?  Published?

There's all these intelligent apes, right - all (despite the stringent anti-mutie laws) allowed to live in MC-1.  So, they'd interbreed with humans, wouldn't they?  How come there's been no Romeo & Juliet stylee Don Uggy Apelino's daughter romantically involved with Two-Time Tony's son?

I'm still confused about the mostly missing, and yet highly popular Cursed Earth Koburn.  I mean, you look at something like Sin Dex or Nikolai Dante in the weekly - an instant hit with readers so the editorial run and run with them.  

Another fairly dire Megazine.

JD in Tribal.  I was reading this and thinking "hasn't this been done before", and then the author goes ahead and admits it.  It's the same story we had a few issues ago, but with rad scorpions.  Talk about money for old rope.  And - MC-1 realism - the Judges just allow a gang of scorpion/human hybrids to wander around in the city, do they?  I don't think so.  Pish.

The whole Big Robots thing is just odd.  I mean, it's just not easy to take it in any way seriously. And the colours in the art were just horrible.  It's like MC-1 constructed out of anaemic puke.

Various articles done better in specialist magazines that are built for purpose, small press knocking exactly zero socks off, reprint and other pathetic-excuse-for-a-comic padding.  Snafu.

JD, BoS III - creator takes piss out of reader for most of a year.  The sad part about this is, the writer of this shit got paid, and I'm donating money to his further adventures of egomania.

Finally, Fink.  Remember when Fink Angel first turned up, he was actually quite disturbing.  Like Judge Death?  And now he's like a comedy cadaver.  Like Judge Death.  Tales from the Black Museum - comedy.  The Black Atlantic - comedy.  The Angel Gang - comedy.  Fuck off!  Give us some drama.

Nice Bolland pic.

Prog 1558 - 28 pages of new comic for £1.90
Meg 263 - 30 pages of new (paid for) comic for £2.99