This forum isn't silly enough. In order to rectify this, I suggest we all find silly things to do, silly things based upon the famously silly Radio 4 panel game, I'm Sorry, I haven't a Crew, or whatever it's called.
In this instance, however, the games will be based on Tharg's mighty organ. Let's hope we can pull it off between us.
To start, I suggest a game of Judge Dredd Film Club, suggestions for films likely to appeal to an audience of Judge Dredd fans. With an entirely justified sense of inevitable futility, I'll start us off with a few insipid suggestions:
Fargo
The Hunt for Dredd October
Giant
Dreddpool
BrokeJack Mountain
Grudfellas
The Clone Ranger
Dr. Joe
The Grud, the Bad and the Ugly
The Devlin's Advocate
The Day the Cursed Earth Stood Still
The Murd Man of Alcatraz
Mad Max Normal
Picnic at Hanging Drokk
Ben Hur, Hur, Hur
Look Who?'s Talking
The Devlin's Advocate
Judge Death in Venice
and, of course, Bring Me the Dredd of Alfredo Garcia
Now, it's over to you. I'll be awarding points for the best answers - and we all know what points mean, right? Drokk all, that's what. Okay then, get on with it...
Mega-City Crescent! Oh, sorry - wrong round ;-)
We'll have a go at Mornington Rad Pit later - if you're good...
McGruder vs. McGruder
Judge Death In Venice
Paint Your H-Wagon
Commando Clergy rules are in effect.
Oops. Missed that, it was a long sharklist! :-X
And...
One Day of Chaos
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Clinic
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Resyk But Were Afraid To Ask
They Shoot Perps, Don't They?
Meet The Drokkers
Stickleback Mountain, surely?
Resyko (I know it's already been done)
Forrest Sump
On The Walter Front
Some Like It Grot
To Kill A Drokking Bird
The Grud-U-Ate
Troggy Balboa
UnFergieven
Mutie Knee On The Bounty, (which surely must have been used in a Strontium Dog story at some point?)
Quote from: M.I.K. on 01 July, 2018, 11:18:00 PM
Resyko (I know it's already been done)
Recycling is encouraged.
All's quiet on the East Meg Front
Definitely, P.J. Maybe
Total Rico.
Apocalypse War Now
The Green Kneepad
The Third Kneepad
Terms of Encubement
My Fair Kneepad
My Beautiful Kneepad
and
Rebel Without A Kneepad
The Cannonball Hot-Dog Run
The Shape Of Walter
Strontium Dog day afternoon
The Mutants Christmas Carol
WALL-TER
Harvey (Rotten)
Munce 2 Society
the Dead Man Walking
Pendulum and the Pit
Eustace Fargo
The Euro-City Connection
Romancing The Stoneyface
Club Dredd
Dredd Sonia
Three Colours: Dredd
Waugh & Peace
True Grot
Song of the Southers
Zragnet
Sex and the City of the Damned
Zombo the Greek
Sump and Sumpability
In Like Finn
Pest Side Story
Great Sneckspectations
Fifty Shades of Slay (he didn't think it too many...)
Fifty Slades of Grey
The Golden Judge Child
The Judges of Madison County
The Drokky Horror Picture Show
8 Dredds in a Duffel Bag
Apocalypse WarGames
How I Won The Apocalypse War
Death Becomes Hershey
Bill & Dredd's Megcellent Adventure
Assault on Sector House 13
The World According to Garp
Apologies for any repetitions - my memory is fallible:
Paris, Texas City
Crazy in Alabama Blimps
A Starborn Thing is Born
There Will Be Blackblood
Star Trek: Nemesis the Warlock
Ro-Jaws 3-D
Mazeworld Runner
Mean Arena Girls
Mad Max Normal 2: The ABC Road Warrior
Button Man II: The Confessions of Harry Potter
The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttonman
Al's Baby Driver
When Harry Twenty Met Sally
Harlem Heroes Nights
Armoured Gideon's Trumpet
Bad City Big Blue
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Battalion Across the 8th Dimension
V for the Bendatti Vendatta
Uhm...
Unamerican Graffiti
Shaun Of The Dead: There's Something About Mary
The Incredibly Strange Creature That Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombo.
This is way too much fun...
Some Like It Hotdog Run
The Wizard of Oz
Judge Dredd: The Deer Hunters Club
13 Angry Men
The Disturbed Digestions Of Doctor Zhivago
The Stainless Steel Rat For All The President's Men
Strontium Dog Day Afternoon
Reservoir Strontium Dogs
Things to do in Denver When You're Dredd
All Quiet on the Chris Weston Front.
Moulin Rogue!
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Tyranny Rex But Were Afraid To Ask
Rita, Sue and Gestapo Bob too.
Dreddy Player One
Dances With Wulfs
I Heartses Huckabees
Stickleback to the Future
Bad Company of Wulfs.
Dante Look Now
Nikolai's Wide Shut
We seem to be straying from the Dredd theme, not that I care. Nor should anyone, really.
The Andersons of Katie Elder
Justice One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
In the Line of Judge Fire
Kleggend
Nemesister Act
Attack of the Block
It's a Bug (Ugly)'s Life
The Hand that Rocked the Cradlegrave
- We Need to Torque About Kevin O'Neill
- I'm guessing somebody nabbed Dreddpool already, so I'll go for Dreddpool 2
- The Terminator
- The ABC Warriors of Death
- Harry 20 and the Philosopher's Stone
- School of Harry 20 on the High Rock
- The Dredd Shoes
- School of Drokk
- The Grudfather
- The Krool Sea
- The Kano Mutiny
- Drokkula
- The Knucker... and How to Get It
- Monty Python's Life of Brian Bolland
- The Long Good Fr1day
- Bad Company of Wolves
- Star Evelyn Waughs
- John Howard's End
- The Phantom of the Shoppera
- Marlon Shakespeare in Love
Flesh Gordon
Look Who's Torquemada
Strontium Dog Soldiers
The (Iso)Cube
The Color Perp-le
Mutie on the Bounty
The Simping Detective...oh, wait...
Thank Grud that's over. Some of those entries made me feel quite ill, so it seems appropriate to follow it up with a game of Prog Nosis, where contestants describe injuries, illnesses and diseases peculiar to 2000AD readers.
Maladies may include such distressing conditions as:
Twooth decay - storing your progs in a damp cellar
Twooth cavity - a gap in your collection
Samnesia - forgetting all about Slade
Nemecysts - boils on your warlocks
and Tyrannosores - blisters caused by reading Flesh too quickly
Points will be awarded for something or other and the winner will receive this must-have addition to every Squaxx's first aid kit, a 2 litre cask of Judge Palomine Lotion.
Simple as that, so - get on with it, you sick drokkers...
The Screaming Abnett-Dabs - compulsion to pun
Mandroid Flu - so much worse than regular 'flu. If you're a machine to start with
Skizzophrenia - when you see a weird Spielberg version of yourself and conclude multiple personality disorder
Kleptomania - stealing characters from other comics
Thargrophobia - can't leave home without wearing a mask
Aggrophobia - fear or hatred of going to the Aggro Dome
Fargophobia - Hatred of boring stories determined to fill every conceivable remaining detail of a world which has gone unexplained for forty years.
Deep vein Zombosis.
haemordroids - painful anal condition from spending too long sitting at a drawing board
Terror-Tubercolosis - fear of driving in Termight
Trench Future Shock Syndrome - fear of rejection
Kid-Knee Failure - losing the head completely
Halotosis - breath so bad, people keep telling you to "go out"
Walter on the brain
Quinched nerve
Sumps
Trooping cough
Indigoing toenail
Dryrunoea: a particularly painful 12-week illness
- The Jam: Going Underground (inspired by the comic Terror Tube)
- Killer Watt's New Pussycat?
- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Henry Ford
Schicklgruber cell anemia.
Psichosis: the illusory belief that you're a psi-judge
Well, I honestly can't express how inspiring that was. All the points for this round go to Tordelback for having the good sense to avoid getting involved.
The Father of 2000AD, Pat Mills is responsible for some of the comic's most memorable and popular strips from MACH 1, Shako, Slaine, Savage and Flesh to Greysuit, Nemesis the Warlock, Defoe and the ABC Warriors, which included such iconic characters as General Blackblood - of whom it is rumoured Tony Blair was a fan. A soulless and duplicitous automaton programmed with a pathological love of total war, torture and drinking the blood of his countless victims, Tony Blair served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1997 to 2007.
To honour Uncle Pat's love of music, it's time for a round of Pat Mills's Songbook, where contestants suggest songs likely to appeal to the Man Himself.
Titles might include such classics as:
It's Hammerstein Time
Another One Bites the Rust
Axe Me in the Morning
Old One Eye is Back
Penny Slaine
and Fleshdance
No points for this round, obviously, but the winner will receive a sealed box of pure darkness. It's as simple as that, so get on with it, if you want...
Sleep when I'm Deadlock
Put A Grobbendonk On It
Don't Fear The American Reaper
Let It Be (pure, Be Vigilant, BEHAVE)
Accidents Will Happen, Man
Ballad of a Finn Man
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Big Trouble in Little Meg One.
Fast Times at the Academy of Law.
Rex Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Quote from: Mister Pops on 03 July, 2018, 12:03:58 AM
Flesh Gordon
I suspect this might have been done at some point*, although it likely had nothing to do with 2000ad.
*Not speaking from experience.
**No, honest!
(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51V3FYGKCNL._SY445_.jpg)
Well, that was fun.
Moving swiftly along, the time has come for the Twoothy Limericks Round. On the radio, the chairman presents the first line and the contestants complete the Limericks a line at a time, each contestant providing one line each until the poem is completed to rapturous applause and wild laughter from the panel. But who's got time for that, right?
In our version, I'll provide five first lines and it's up to you to build a complete Limerick from the first line, or lines, of your choice. This is a Zero Sum round, meaning that all points will be donated to Virgin Trains in the vain hope that they'll get their act together before the Rapture.
The five first lines are:
Whilst reading Prog One in my bed...
As Bill Savage climbed into his truck...
Tharg went to Quaxxan for Lent...
The perp who sniffed Anderson's bike...
Johnny Alpha, while out on a hunt...
That should keep you busy for a bit, so get on with it while I go for a slash...
Whilst reading Prog One in my Bed,
A Heatseeker round hit me in the head,
The Judges surmised,
from my Twoothy joyride,
that some Zine readers are better off dead.
BOOM! BOOM!
As Bill Savage climbed into his truck,
He discovered the steering wheel stuck,
But the truck then reversed,
And through a Minefield traversed,
Now Bill's the one riding his luck.
Food has always played a big part in 2000AD. Who can forget the memorable scenes where Judge Dredd and a cadet on final assessment shared a hottie on the slab or Nicolai Dante got his tongue around unfeasible quantities of tuna?
In this round, The Salad of Halo Jones, contestants are invited to suggest meals, snacks or other foodstuffs that might be of interest to 2000AD readers or characters.
I'd give some examples but I can't be arsed. Anyway, you can figure this out without my help, so get on with it...
Judge Bread?
Strontium Hotdog?
Angel Delight
Ma-Ma-Mite
Klegg of Lamb
Devlined Eggs
Judge Death by Chocolate
Bonjo Bons
High Rock Cakes
Blackblood Pudding
Oreo-Jaws
Joe Pineapples Chunks
DeMarcoroons
Sherbet dib dabnetts
Wolfie Smith's crisps
Robo Hunter's Pie
PB&J Maybe
Mayor Byron Ambrosia Creamed Rice
Scrambled Kleggs
Boil-in-the-Bagman rice
Spam-o in a Kano
Indigo Prime rib
Vienna, neice-oise of Dredd salad
Filet-o-Judge Fish
Dan Dare-ylea triangles
Random Lobster bisque
Blackblood pudding
Johnny Alphabetti Spaghetti
Love this thread... The big W will be mining this for years to come :-X
DR & Quiche
And so, as the Nu Earth wormhole approaches the nebula of Thrill Power and the Biro of the Mighty Wagner penetrates the soft and intimate core of Button Man, I see it's almost time to put aside this silliness for the time being. We'll be back later for some more pointless antics when I, or hopefully somebody else, can be bothered think up some new games.
Until then, Tharg's delightful sister, Marg, and I will be reorganising my collection of Megazines. I'll be bagging the Megs themselves while Marg handles my floppies.
But first, there's just time for a game of Star Scams, in which contestants are invited to introduce us to the vacuous media personalities of the future, people who will entertain and amuse the citizens of such places as Mega City One, The Hoop and Termight.
Such luminaries may include the likes of:
Gorgon Ramsey - celebrity chef who takes only the finest ingredients and reduces them to small lumps of solid charcoal
Leonardo Cohen - celebrity inventor who sings mournful dirges about wooden helicopters
Bruise Willis - actor who made a career out of annoying judges
and... Oh, what's the point.
Okay, so that went well.
How about a round of sci-fi limericks? I'll kick us off with...
Randy old Captain James T.,
With an alien girl on each knee,
Went to boldly explore,
Where we've all been before,
And went blind due to Klingon V.D.
Captain Archer of the NX-01,
Had a space age pot to sit on,
It sucked and it buffed,
Played the theme tune when flushed,
And wrapped the captain's logs up in fine chiffon.
Voyager's captain, Kat Janeway,
Had a voice that came out in a strange way,
Like a wasp in a hose,
It buzzed out through her nose,
And made sense in a kind of insane way.
Balding old Captain Jean Luc,
Had a todger shaped quite like a hook,
"I can straighten it out!"
Was Beverly's shout,
But she couldn't and buggered her nook.
Space station Captain Ben Sisko,
Decided to open a disco,
The DJ was Morn,
The doorman a gorn,
In the Starfleet latrine, San Francisco.
Whilst browsing Defiant's data base,
Empress Sato found something quite ace,
Like the rest of her crew,
You'll like it too,
Just point your mouse at this place! (http://www.bennewsam.co.uk/ISIHAC.html)
Okay, I think we can count this as an Irrevocable Breakdown, so well done to the teams.
The scores have reached an extremely interesting stage and so, in an effort to counteract such a thing, how about announcements for late arrivals the Command Centre Ball? To kick off -
Pray sprinkle salt onto your dampened napkins and welcome Mr and Mrs Twars and their daughter, Ann.
Reel it in and welcome Mr and Mrs Raldisle and their daughter, Emma.
Hold onto your valuables as we welcome Mr and Mrs Culback and their son, Ste.
Please be upstanding and mind your heads for Mr and Mrs Goprime and their adventurous son, Indy.
Ladies and gentlemen, kindly cower behind the furniture and welcome Mr and Mrs Seawarriors and their daughter, Abbey.
Pray be upstanding for Mrs Mills and her son.... no, er, that not how it works is it?
32 points for trying but minus 58 for content, which puts you in a virtually unassailable lead.
All the way from France, please be upstanding for her honour, Judge Delors, and her Israeli husband, Chaim
Representing the Danish Kingdom, Ambassador Whett, accompanied by her son, Gert
And in a change to our schedule, welcome newsagents Anne Orbit & Everett Monday
[sfx] Audience applause. [/sfx]
Pray don your complementary helmets and kneepads as I present to you, from Ireland, Mr and Mrs O'Citywun and their rather rough daughter, Meg - accompanied by her cur, Sturth.
With negative scores like this, it's no wonder Samantha has to amuse herself by constantly rubbing them out.
(Flippin' great link there BTW, Sharky!)
Samantha has been aiding me with this thread, being more than happy to share her tips and give me a helping hand behind the scenes, doing her best to make each post stand out and deftly ensuring all our games achieve a happy ending.
(It's a good link, innit? Jack's good but Humph will never be beat. It's also a joy listening to the likes of Willie Rushton again after far too many years.)
All the way from Africa, Mr and Mrs Zintuthefistofdredd and their daughter, Gay.
(Well, if you won't post your own I'm afraid this is the standard you're going to get.)
Swallow your rad-pills now and welcome, from the Cursed Earth, Mr and Mrs Gwalk and their retiring son, Lon.
Hide the oil and welcome Mr and Mrs E. Kenneth and their son, Callum.
You knew they were coming - it's Mr and Mrs Division and their creepy son, Si.
Mr and Mrs Tayters-O'Zragg and their son (all together, now), Dick.
Leaving the door in splinters, it's Mr and Mrs Juan and their son, Mack.
And finally, at my own personal invitation, please dry your trews and be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Preciateyourinput and their needy daughter, Ida.
but you're doing so well...
It is nice out, but put it away and welcome Mr and Mrs Andra... and their psychic daughter Cass
Quote from: Proudhuff on 20 October, 2018, 11:45:46 AM
but you're doing so well...
I must admit, I am enjoying playing
with by myself. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts I've still to score.
My lords, ladies and gentlemen, pray don your chem masks and welcome Mr and Mrs Eticinfantryman and their daughter, Jen.
Gentlemen, slip into your diamanté slingback and welcome Mr and Mrs Apples, and their exquisitely coutured child Joepine.
Raise your glasses and unfurl the tarpaulin for Mr and Mrs Aws and their grotty son, Roj.
And hide the nails before welcoming Mr and Mrs Merstein and their son, Ham.
Samantha has been giving lessons on Mornington Crescent recently which my next door neighbour's son, young Jimmy Bates and I have been attending. Though most of the students are doing well, me and young Jimmy just don't seem to be getting the hang of it. This frustrates Samantha, who moans at me and Master Bates constantly in front of the whole class.
So, let's have a quick game of Mornington Crescent using Prog Rules (which mean, as I'm sure you all know, that Green has to be east and diagonals only count alternately (in 1,3,5 pattern) when clockwise gambits are employed).
Who wants to go first...?
I'll go. I've been working on Samantha's opening for a while now, and I'm in for a penny: The High Rock.
Hmm.... Tricky starter move.
Not sure whether this was in the original or revised Prog Rules but here goes: Palais du Boing
Careful now...
HA! Dan Tanna Junction!
You only think that's a good move because it cuts me off from the southern sectors of MC-1 and leaves you with two solid options, Smiley's World and Agartha. But you've forgotten that in the last-but-one revision for online play the option to skip over blocked junctions was reinstated as long as play goes clockwise, meaning I can get directly to Ravenglade Estate!
Oh, well done - you both successfully avoided Rackle's cunning trap, there.
In that case, I'll go for gold and play: Glory Barge on the planet Pwuc
(https://media3.giphy.com/media/QiHPiQ552YJe8/giphy.gif?cid=3640f6095bd076cd5061736e4decb672)
Meme Foul! Go back to The Hoop and miss a turn.
can I come off the naughty step now?
So long as you move yellow countersnatch or north/south, yes. Be careful, though - I've had a lot of pms complaining that the game's in stump but this is not so. There are at least three possible moves that can be made from this point - though none of them is obvious.
Short cut through Otto Sump's emporium to.... Mornington Crescent!
Thank God for that.
(For those of you who are interested, the Blue Team have some points, as do the Harlem Heroes and Side B - so it's all delicately poised at the moment.)
Now, how about a round of Twoothy media club? Books, songs, ditties, magazines, films, tv series and games that might appeal to 2000AD readers.
Dreddy player one?
bring me the Dredd of Alfredo Garcia
gaze into the Fist of Fury
Doctor Hoop.
M.A.C.H. to the Future.
A Matter of Low Life and Judge Death
I Know Where I'm Boing!
Tales of Bachmann
Black Narcis-shuck
I've been re-watching Powell & Pressburger films recently.
Ro-jaws and Hammerstien's .... hold on a minute... how about the meknificent seve.... forget it.
The Cruel A.B.C.
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 31 October, 2018, 02:46:17 PM
Now, how about a round of Twoothy media club? Books, songs, ditties, magazines, films, tv series and games that might appeal to 2000AD readers.
PSI Miami
PSI NY
The Snecksorcist.
A View to a Thrill
The Empire Strikes M.A.C.H.
The Long Good Fr1day.
Rita, Sue, and Gestapo Bob too.
Doctor Kenny Who?
A few Nerve Centre favourites:
We Have to Talk About Kevin O'Neill
The Burt Locker
Who TomFramed Roger Rabbit
The Bolland That Time Forgot.
Rogue Troopers
Ridgway on the River Kwai
Abnett of the Apes
The Unbearable Lightness of Boing (tm)
To The Doghouse
My Ottobiography
Sump Enchanted Evening.
True Grice
The Day the Cursed Earth Stood Still
Attack the Sov Block
Well, this is certainly the thread that keeps on giving, even when nobody wants it.
The next game is sure to be a classic. This one, however, isn't. In "Big Meg Excuses," a citizen tries to explain himself to a judge. I'll start off with the judge's line, the next poster will think up an excuse, the poster after that will give the judge's response, the next poster will give the judge's reply and the poster after that will write the judge's response until we reach a satisfactory conclusion or the whole thing falls apart in the usual fashion.
So, while I take Samantha aside to go over a couple of points, here's the first line:
Judge: Citizen! What are you doing with that cold hottie?
Or, more accurately, judge, citizen, judge, citizen, judge, citizen, judge and so on.
Judge: Citizen! What are you doing with that
cold hottie?
But Judge thats not a cold Hottie its a...
...giant vibrator!
...illegal cigar!
...severely mutated child!
Ah, I give up.
That's the spirit!
Next up is a game of Good News, Bad News where posters alternate between good news and bad news then good news and bad news again, each building on or extrapolating from the last in an inexorable chain.
For example:
Good news - Samantha went swimming.
Bad news - she was charged for the hire of water wings.
Good news - I was allowed to blow them up.
Bad news - they were real water wings and not an innuendo.
And so on.
So, who wants to start us off with the Good News?
Good news: Judge Dredd is feeling relaxed after his standard ten.
Bad news: it was ten executions.
Good news: The executions all involved being punched off a conveyor belt into molten lava.
Arf!
Bad news: just like in Inferno, the perps were immune to molten lava!
Good news: the judges gave one of them, a Sov spy, a rare immunity jab so he could stay alive to be executed later.
BAD NEWS: he was a Sov Dredd clone
Good news: so he ended up nuking himself.
I very nearly enjoyed that and it's made no difference to the scores.
Now for a game of The Last Thing I Remember in which participants recall the last thing they remember before waking up in med-bay. For example, saying, "yes, Nicolai, I'd love to go out for a quiet drink with you."
"It's okay Lob honey, since Brexit us high-powered models are perfectly legal".
'Drive the tank over those bars of soap, Comrade.'
...telling Tharg where he was going wrong.
...asking pat Mills to explain his philosophy ... wait, how long was I in that coma?
'All judges strip to the waist and get digging that tunnel.'
'...I said ALL judges.'
(Thinks: 'JESUS, IT'S WORKED!')
(Faints due to sudden redirection of blood flow.)
'What it was, Doctor, was I'd just got out the bath and the floor was slippy. My Karl Urban doll was on display on a low shelf and ... Sorry? Oh yes, that's spelt jee-oh-aye ...'
(https://i.imgur.com/20qGFUR.png?1)
"Hello Mr Urban. To be honest, I preferred Stallone's version."
"Gene old man, you're getting quite aggressive, I think it's time we got you fixed".
Wulf, where would you this happy stick?... yes Doctor that is a cucumber :-[
"Ah, Judge Dredd. Is that a daystick or are just pleased to..."
Atomic. Bacterial. Chemical? More like Arseholes. Bi...
It's always good to finish games on a high, but we can't wait that long so it's time to move on.
How about a game of Starship Crew's Media Club? Films, songs and books likely to be of interest to the crews of spaceships, like:
A Nightmare on Helm Street
Warp of the Worlds
Warbird on a Wire
The Lightyear of Living Dangerously
A Battlestar is Born
And so on.
The Unbearable Lightness Of Boing
Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Meltdown Man
The Satanic Verdus
Only read your titles and misinterpreted the brief. Never mind.
No problem - nobody reads this thread anyway so all contributions are welcome!
Does "TIE Fight Club" count? [/scraping the barrel for ideas]
It's at least as good as 'X-Wing, Lies and Video Tape."
And for pervie Alien fans, Debbie Does Dallas.
Deathstar becomes her...
Bring me the horsehead nebula of Alfredo Garcia
Lock, Spock and Two Smoking Barrels.
Serenity
Battlestar Galactica
Star Trek
Wait ... I'm missing something, aren't I?
There Will Be Flood
Citizen Kano
The Gorn, the Borg and the Ugly
The Usual Silurians
12 Angry Mon Calamari
Once Upon a Time in The Western Spiral Arm
O Brother Where Oort Thou.
Star Wars.... no wait...
Unborgiven.
The Hunt for Red Dwarf October
Lord of the Things (From Another Planet)
Where Eagle (Transporters) Dare
The Golden Voyager of Sinbad
Worf of the Worlds
Luke Who's Talking
Nerf Herder John Wick (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MrnAJsxL8c)
The Han That Rocks the Cradle
The Quark Knight Rises
Winter's Bones: He's Dead, Jim!
10 The Things I Hate About You
50 First Daleks
Bender's Game
A River Song Runs Through It
Gorn With The Wind
Outstanding.
We could go on but, unfortunately, Samantha will be unable to help me get the posters' points up for the rest of the year because she's meeting with a film producer who's holding a part for her. He says he expects her to make it big.
And so, as the psychologically challenged actor of 2018 steps into the end of year lobby of Scientology and the Wallet of Fools is prised open by the Spirit of Hubbards Past, we'll end the year with a game of Mornington Crescent.
To make it interesting (because nothing's worked so far), we'll be playing Sheldon's Geekorama Variation with the 2000AD Expansion Pack, so anything is possible except for the impossible and stargates, wormholes and transdimensional warps are wild unless a player is in nid, in which case avoiding crossovers becomes academic and back-tracking will only work on alternate diagonals.
As it's the end of the year, there will be a prize - it's this limited edition luxury leather bound cow.
Right then, I'll resurrect this thread next year, despite popular demand, so - off you go...
Muhammad Ali Alley
Perdido Street.
Well that went well...
Darn Tooting Bec
Mornington Crestfallen.
Hello and welcome to the latest resurrection of I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog, the thread that does for this forum what the original Rico Dredd did for the hula-hoop.
As we approach the end of the prologue for the run up to the run up to Christmas 2021, I thought it might be an idea to demonstrate the Festive Spirit by presenting a huge turkey that seems to last forever.
Let's start with a round of Grotty Grotto - the Christmas presents you asked for and the disappointing substitutes you actually got. For example:
I asked for "The Beatles Anthology" but got "The I-Spy Book of Insects."
I asked for a Land Raider but got a wheelbarrow full of weedkiller.
I asked for a Millennium Falcon but got an ageing budgie.
I asked for a Judge's Helmet but got John Deed's foreskin.
You can do better, surely...
I wanted a Christmas gobble and all I got was a turkey sandwich....
I wanted a Bio-Chip and all I got was an organic potato.
I asked for Brainbiter and got a cerebral parasite.
I asked for a night stick and got ... nah, better not.
I asked for a Judge's helmet and got ... uh, can't really say that.
I asked for a Soulsucker and got ... erm ...
Der happy stick?
I asked for a graphic novel and got a sketch of a belly button.
Tharg's fragrant sister, Marg, has been visiting me at the Sharkshed quite regularly of late. I've been cooking earthlet cuisine for her to help her adjust to living on dear old Terra. Last week she particularly enjoyed my beef in Guinness but is very much looking forward to this week when she can try my tongue in cider.
In the meantime, Marg suggests we fill the lull between competitions with a few rounds of silliness, starting with Squaxx's Film Club - which films would appeal to 2000AD readers?
The Hunt for Dredd October
Durham Red Dawn
Flash Rennie
Lawmasters of the Universe
The Time-Twisters Machine
There are clearly funnier ones out there. Can you find them? Because I'm buggered if I can.
Halo Jones and the Temple of Doom?
Bad Company For Life?
Back to the Future-Shocks
The Cruel A.B.C.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Halos.
Death Race 2000AD
Scarface Trucking Co
M.A.C.H. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
Silent Dry Running
Thor: RagnaRok of the Reds.
Fr1day the 13th*
* note the '1'.
All Quiet On The Eastern Front.
The Grudge-Father.
Oh...
Th1rt3en Angry Men
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Company)
Grudfellas
Nest Flew Over the Knucker's Lair
Saving Private Leviathan
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 18 October, 2022, 10:31:21 AM
Durham Red Dawn
And its sequel, Strontium Dog Day Afternoon
Stickleback to the Future
Indigo Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Al's Baby's Day Out
The Ballad of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Babe Race 2001: A Space Odyssey
Bring me the Meg of Alfredo Garcia.
Any Given Wednesday.
Kelly's Harlem Heroes
Wulf of Wall Street
Look Who's Torquemada-ing
My Best Fiend of the Eastern Front's Wedding
Starship Rogue Troopers
Judge Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Imperial Falcon Crest
Judge Death Becomes Her
Nemesister Act
Natural Born Thrillers
Ben Hur-Hur-Hur
Jumpin' Judge Jack Flash
Giant
The Gronk Trousers
The League of Extraordinary Fatties
P.J maybe baby.
QuoteWulf of Wall Street
I want the rights to this movie.
I see Michael Douglas as the old cucumber.
Quote from: JWare on 20 October, 2022, 03:38:49 PM
QuoteWulf of Wall Street
I want the rights to this movie.
I see Michael Douglas as the old cucumber.
He certainly likes der happystick!
All done?
Sunak or Later.
It's always good to end a good round on a winner. Still, maybe next time.
A quick totting up of the points makes for interesting reading but has little difference on the overall standings, except for Proudhuff who's showing stiff resolve at the rear and JWare who's taking the penultimate position with a hungry expression.
It's interesting how words change over time, evolving in meaning as the decades pass, so that modern words are often a country mile away from their original definition. For example, most people don't know that the word truss derives from the Old French word trousse, the original definition of which is, "a structure consisting of one or more triangular units made from straight beams of wood or metal, which is used to support a structure such as a roof or bridge," but today simply means "whoosh."
Can the contestants think of any contemporary words that might have different meanings in any of the 2000AD futures (or pasts, or parallels)?
***
Example: (The Cursed Earth); "plenty of testicles."
Savagery: (Volgan occupied Britain); "cage for rebels."
Bulletin: (Downlode); "engaged in a gunfight."
Abundant: (Volgan occupied Britain); "Volgan Army Catering Division Chief Baker."
There are clearly funnier ones out there...
Whet: (Kingdom); joyfully splattered with the gore of one's enemies.
Liquourish: (MC1); synthahol.
Roguish: (Nu-Earth); a bit like a G.I.
Harrier: (Wagnerverse); more like a Button Man.
Stickler: (Stickleback); being particularly concerned with appearing as if one has a complex spinal deformity.
Helm: (Rogue Trooper); Do nothing of value whatsoever.
Bix (Bartonian) - to be both entertaining and annoying in equal parts. For example: The cat is eating my Birthday cake. What a Bix up!
Actually, reading Shark's brief, I've Bixed the that up somewhat. Ignore!
Kindred - Rico and Vienna.
Kinship - a particularly annoying vessel.
Skip Tracer (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/skip%20tracer): someone who never does their job.
A Matter of Life and Dredger
Megadose - (MC1); condition caught from a slabwalker.
Introducing the canine couple Mr & Mrs king and their whet-behind-the-ears son Dom
Quote from: zombemybabynow on 01 November, 2022, 02:58:46 PM
Introducing the canine couple Mr & Mrs king and their whet-behind-the-ears son Dom
sb over way around! :-[
This is going spectacularly well.
What are the 2000AD terms for these games, anyway?
Just to list what we've already covered (apologies if I've missed out any more thrilling suggestions already):
- I'm Sorry I Haven't a Prog (courtesy of Shark, original name I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue)
- Mornington Crestfallen (Mornington Crescent)
- Prog Nosis (Shark again, don't think it's a direct translation of an ISIHAC game, though very slight resemblance to Medical Complaints)
- Twoothy Limericks (original version simply called Limericks)
- Star Scams (no direct parallel)
- Twothy Media Club (Themed Film/Book Clubs)
- Big Meg Excuses (no parallel?)
- Good News, Bad News (direct translation)
- Grotty Grotto (don't think I ever heard this in ISIHAC)
- Uxbridge English Dictionary/New Definitions - my suggestion for the thrill-powered version of this might be Uxbridge Meggish Dictionary?
Well done to The Legendary Shark for coming up with a few original rounds which feel like they should have been genuine ISIHAC rounds!
Perusing the list of ISIHAC games (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_games_on_I%27m_Sorry_I_Haven%27t_a_Clue), here's a few I think might translate well to this board:
- GI Blues (original game Blues - starts with the line "I work up this morning" and continues along an appropriate topic)
- Call My Bluff (a common word is given, contestants have to come up with 'convincing' definitions)
- Censored Quote (original game Censored Song - 2000ad version to pick a quote and censor one of the words - "Gaze in to the fist of Dredd" could become "Gaze in to the of Dredd")
- Double Feature (original version produces economical versions of famous films or TV shows - Seven Samurai could become Six Samurai, or combines multiple films in to one, The Magnificent Seven Dwarves for Seven Samurai - 2000AD versions could be ABC Warriors becoming ABC Warrior, f'rinstance)
- Good News, Bad News (does this need explanation?)
- Historical Headlines (how modern newspapers would report on 2000AD events)
- Last Episode (one line that ends a long-running series)
- Quote... Misquote (take a famous 2000AD quote to which we would probably all know the end, but, uh, misquote the end)
- Sound Charades (I can imagine this would work though on the board contestants would pick their own series or story - creating a sometimes convoluted story or sketch to result in a pun)*
* now I'm just trying to think what the 2000AD versions of Hamish and Dougal would be - I'm going to guess that Middenface would take one of the spots
(none of this meant to interrupt the current game of Uxbridge English/Meggish Dictionary - or to pre-empt any ideas that Sharky might already have)
Thanks, Sheridan. You've made many good suggestions and I'm happy that you enjoy this little modest version of the hilarious and venerable ISIHaC - from which this thread differs in only two ways.
I have every episode of ISIHaC on my 'phone, hundreds of the buggers, and I periodically fall into them while I'm working. I'm currently with Humph and regulars like Willie Rushton - Samantha has only just made her debut. I think most, if not all of the games I came up with are based on a Clue game - I think Big Meg Excuses was a short-lived Clue round called "Excuses," where one contestant would begin with something like, "why are you in my bathtub with my wife?" and the next would have to come up with a plausible excuse, and Grotty Grotto was based on a game called, maybe, Disappointing Christmas Presents, where one contestant would ask for a Christmas present and the next would provide a disappointing replacement, for example, "I'd like a Beatles album," "Here's the I-Spy Book of Insects," iIrc, anyway.
Anyway, it's quite hard to come up with Clueish games for an internet thread that few people read, fewer people post in, and nobody understands - but that's all part of the fun! - so thank you for your suggestions, they are much appreciated. From now on you will be this thread's Mrs Trellis of North Wales, and God help you.
Right now I've got to go and take Marg to visit her new American gentleman friend. He's a cattle trader, and as Marg is keen to buy a prime example, she's been saving up. Excitingly, she'll soon be in a position to receive her first Texan Longhorn.
So, we'll continue with this round of Uxbridge Twoothish Dictionary until Marg and I get back and everybody's had more than enough, then we'll move on to one of your suggestions.
Finnish (Millsverse) - a bit like a pagan warlock eco-terrorist.
Riconascence : noun; the creation of a practically identical clone, often of an evil nature.
Beeny-baby (MC1): A child of morally suspect parentage.
synthesizer: (Flesh); false teeth for a dinosaur.
synthesized: (Flesh); eaten by a dinosaur with false teeth.
Harking back to the thread on catchphrases:
Knife: (Fr1day Rogue-verse); shoot
Sumptuous (MC1) : An expensive but hideous looking meal.
Presumptuous (MC1) : The ingredients for an expensive but hideous looking meal.
Regene (IRL): re-read Kingdom.
Snazzy (Alan Moore's oeuvre): seemingly sensible but disastrously ineffectual in practice.
Another exciting round, and I'm sure you're all eager to know the scores.
Marg tells me she has to nip out now as she's been invited to an exclusive club to meet a group of aristocrats. She's very excited to see where all the big knobs hang out. She says at such a posh function she and the other girls will probably end up trying to speak with plums in their mouths.
So, while she's away enjoying that and we all await the Return of the Competitions, how about a game of Censored Quote, as suggested by Mr Sheridan of the North Hemisphere. Mr Sheridan writes, "Dear Pat, did you know that in dinosaur times there was enough oxygen in the atmosphere to render the entire human population of the Earth stoned? Anyway, think on - and let's have more quotes; preferably censored."
Okay, then, Mr Sheridan (and with a due sense of inevitable futility), let's censor some Twoothy quotes!*
For example:
"BZZT into the fist of Dredd!"
"Because I hate BZZT."
" BZZT this off, Twinkletoes!"
There are plainly funnier ones out there. Your task, should you choose to accept it, is to find them...
*Although we will accept quotes from the wider sci-fi/fantasy genres and sources if you can't think of any Twoothy ones. Points will be deducted for non-Twoothy quotes, though, so you have been warned.
"Gaze into the BZZT of Dredd" surely works better?
Ten points deducted for challenging the chairman. You are now in Mills and can't go again until you throw a six.
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 16 November, 2022, 05:00:40 PM
Ten points deducted for BZZT the chairman.
Meta entry.
---
Fr1day: Let's BZZT!
Boy Georgy: I'm too cool to BZZT!
BZZT the oranges, Marlon!
---
Yes, I'm just mining the catchphrases thread for material.
"I BZZT! the Law!"
As chairman, it's my responsibility to cover the more obvious ones so that contestants may shine more wittily.
"Your mouth is full of BZZT!"
Brink: BZZT!
Enjoy your BZZT! spinner, Earthlet.
Where do I stand? I'll tell you where I stand. I stand four-square for justice. I stand for discipline, good order and the rigid BZZT of the law - and Grud help any limp-wrist liberals who say any different.
"KISS MY BZZT!"
Quote from: M.I.K. on 20 November, 2022, 02:17:05 PM
Where do I stand? I'll tell you where I stand. I stand four-square for justice. I stand for discipline, good order and the rigid BZZT of the law - and Grud help any limp-wrist liberals who say any different.
"and Grud help any limp-
BZZT liberals who say any different."
BZZT! me up, Scotty!*
*Chairman loses extra points for a non-Twoothy quote and unconscionable inaccuracy.**
**And gains double points for honesty.***
***And because he's chairman.
When are the competitions coming back?
Just wondering.
Only this is getting a bit unnerving.
Anyway - "In a city of eight hundred million desperate citizens, he is the BZZT!
Any more?
Okay, rather than continue this rollercoaster, let's step things up a bit by going all Blanketty Blank on this thread's ass.
Blanketty Blank was a game show in history where the contestants had to guess what words had been blanked out of sentences. How to explain it simply? Well, if one imagines a sentence as a milk bottle and the words contained in the sentence as the milk, then there is something satisfying about that. However, the more milk, or words, are removed from the bottle, or sentence, the less satisfying it becomes; the bottle, or sentence, streaked with old milk, or residual punctuation, with just a few words, or milk, at the bottom of the bottle, or sentence, or even nothing nothing more than a dry film with things growing in it, or French. In this game, I will give you a bottle of milk, or sentence, with some of the milk, or words, emptied out. The purpose of the game is for you, the contestants, to replace the missing milk, or words, with any fluids, or words, you have at hand (but not milk, the original words - because that would be smart-arsed. And nobody loves a smart arse. (What does nobody love...? ooookayyy....) in order to make the milk bottle, or sentence, full again.
That's a very simple explanation, but I'm sure you can fill in the blanks for yourselves.
Right then, here's your first sentence:
"Giant, Slim and Hairy are the only players to survive the road crash! They've had to bring in a rookie, a veteran and two [spoiler]BLANK or BLANKS[/spoiler] to make up the squad!"
"Giant, Slim and Hairy are the only players to survive the road crash! They've had to bring in a rookie, a veteran and two tonnes of munce to make up the squad!"
"Sam C. Slade. The C stands for BZZT!"
Whoops - wrong game.
Don't sweat it - we need all the posts we can get...
What for?
Do you extract essential nutrients from them?
Collect enough posts and you can send away for a Rick Random figure with Eagle Eyes?
Knit them all together to make a Coat of Many Posts?
Posts mean prizes! What do posts mean...?
Forgive me. I am merely, in the idiom of my people, feck-arsing around. It's a rainy Sunday evening and I'm too idle to do much else than derail an honest thread.
You are doing the Lord's work, sir. Do please carry on.
There's nothing honest about this thread - half my material's pinched and the other half isn't funny either.
Not sure if we're still playing this game but I've been thinking about it all weekend:
"Giant, Slim and Hairy are the only players to survive the road crash! They've had to bring in a rookie, a veteran and two:
otters in tiny, adorable Harlem Hero kits
pints of lager and a packet of crisps
Slim hairy giants
and a half men
...to make up the squad!"
Liz Trust clones
remember her?
You know, every time I see this thread I can't help wondering if it is a reference to postal delays (still not seen last week's prog ...)
Not exactly, although this thread's increasing lack of relevance and sporadic random posts were directly inspired by the Royal Mail.
"Giant, Slim and Hairy are the only players to survive the road crash! They've had to bring in a rookie, a veteran and two billion credits in public funding to make up the squad!"
in my pants
Good Grud, is this thread still alive? Okay, after a quick rummage in my pants, I've found another selection for you all to play about with:
"If by some chance you manage to survive this, return to the city. Tell them what has happened. Tell them I died doing my [spoiler]BLANK or BLANKS[/spoiler]."
(The first person to suggest "nails" will be taken out back and shot.)
But 'nails' is perfect, dammit.
Tell them I died doing my laundry.
Tell them I died doing my Fred Astaire impression.
Tell them I died doing my nut.
I would have thought "your ma" would be the most obvious.
Tell them I died doing my best to not die.
Tell them I died doing my 11,100th post on a thread nobody reads.