You know you're an auld bugger when...

[The Legendary Shark]

In bumine Parted et Fingered et Sphincterus Sancti.

[Old Tankie]

Get your blood suger checked and have a PSA check, you're getting to a dodgy age!

[Mardroid]

Yes, always good to check your blood pressure too. My Dad went to the doctors for something else a few hours are back, and had a check up when offered only to find it was sky high! Scary thing is, he felt fine.

You don't always get the headaches etc associated with high BP.

My last check up was couple of years ago. I was fine apart from my cholesterol being slightly too high. "But that's quite normal" said the doctor. (Not that that's a good thing. I think a large proportion of people have that issue!) Something I was supposed to manage with the correct diet... But I can't say I've really done that .

[auxlen]

When you count alcohol units....

[auxlen]

also...*sheds a tear* I've started an 8 page thread....it's not a  Goaty thread but I'm still moved.

[JayzusB.Christ]

A visit to the doctor includes the doctor wearing you like a hand puppet.

I've only had the pleasure once. The worse thing was, the doctor brought all his mates round to watch, with a bag of cans and a GoPro.

No part of the second sentence happened but I was kind of traumatised for the rest of the day.

[The Legendary Shark]

I once had a pilonidal sinus, otherwise known as "Jeep-Driver's Bottom," in which a hair grows into the body in the cleft between the buttocks causing a painful abscess. They cure it by digging the abscess out and leaving a hole. This hole cannot be stitched up and has to heal from the inside out, meaning that every day the hole has to be packed with bandages. This packing process hurts like a bastard.
.
The first day I'm lying on my belly with my bare arse in the air having this done, grinding my teeth and trying not to scream like a little girl, when a dozen trainee doctors swept in to observe this "unusual condition." One of these trainees asked how deep the hole was and the teaching doctor said, 'let's see. Nurse, a moment?' She moved aside and the teaching doctor poked the blunt end of a pencil into the bloody hole and measured off the depth with his thumb, showing it to the trainees who all stroked their chins and hummed and ahed with a great deal of solemnity.
.
The second day, about four hundred student nurses came to watch my bum. As the procedure continued with me gripping the bed head bars so tightly my knuckles nearly popped and trying to act all 'pain? What pain?' one of the student nurses took pity and asked the Matron, 'shall I hold his hand?'
.
Result! I thought. Unfortunately, the Matron said, 'don't be daft, he'll break your fingers.'
.
After which I insisted, unusual condition or not, no more damned spectators.
.
The joke at the mini-bus firm where I worked was, and this will no doubt resonate here too, that I was so full of shit I'd grown another arse hole.
.
You know you're an auld bugger when you find you hold dozens of similar medical anecdotes.
.

[von Boom]

Truly, that is an auld bugger's story...

You win this thread Sharkie. Well played.

[The Legendary Shark]

Heh, that's the first and only time my backside ever won anything
.
Remind me* one day to tell you the story of the wart I once had on my willy.
.
.
*Don't, obviously.

[JayzusB.Christ]

You're a walking Viz strip, Sharky.

[Hawkmumbler]

"Theres a hole in my arse!"

[ThryllSeekyr]

I imagine that story would be great way to afford some peace from your cell-mates if you ever go to prison.

No offence intended to you, of course.

[The Legendary Shark]

Well. That's me not getting much sleep tonight...

[ThryllSeekyr]

Oh, wasn't insinuating you are crooked or I'm that enthusiastic about anybody on this forum. It's just that your problem reminds me like a old story about some fellow prison inmate who got the words Rock Hudson was here! tattoed on his butt just to keep the literate inmates from trying to back door him after dropping the soap in the shower room.

Not that I'm insinuating anything about that either......It's just some odd story association of my own.

I know what it's like to let people know about embarrassing personal problem if you remember I mentioned mine earlier.

[The Legendary Shark]

No offence taken, Thrylls. I actually had a good chuckle at your post.