Main Menu

The Political Thread

Started by The Legendary Shark, 09 April, 2010, 03:59:03 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Tjm86

If anyone has not yet checked today's political news could I provide the following strong trigger warning:

today's developments may produce strong feelings of nausea, revulsion, terror, existential-angst, an overwhelming desire to defenestrate the device being used to view the news and could possibly induce suicidal tendencies.  The Samaritans are on standby and have enlisted additional staff to cope with anticipated demand.

Also, request to moderators; could this thread please be renamed "The Black Dog Thread?"

Thanks

TordelBack


Tjm86

I'm actually thinking of going and watching a few movies just to take my mind off things.  I'm trying to decide between:

On The Beach
Threads
The Day After Tomorrow
The Day the Earth Caught Fire
The Day After
Defcon 4
By Dawn's Early Light
Deep Impact

or
Dr Strangelove

TordelBack

Try A Boy and his Dog.  At least it has a happy ending.

sheridan

Quote from: TordelBack on 23 July, 2019, 01:36:10 PM
Try A Boy and his Dog.  At least it has a happy ending.

Is that the one with the [spoiler]bestiality[/spoiler]?

TordelBack

#15800
Quote from: sheridan on 23 July, 2019, 01:56:50 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 23 July, 2019, 01:36:10 PM
Try A Boy and his Dog.  At least it has a happy ending.

Is that the one with the [spoiler]bestiality[/spoiler]?

Asking for a friend, eh? 

Nah, not that I remember - sperm-milking machines and cannibalism, mainly. Although to be honest, I suspect we'd be lucky if there are sperm-milking machines in our future hellscape, and not just endless wankers.

JayzusB.Christ

Quote"The extraordinary thing is that it looks as though he will now be in 10 Downing Street for three years, and without a mandate from the British people. No one elected Boris Johnson as Prime Minister..."

- Gordon Brown

Hang on, wait a minute. I've got that wrong.

Quote"The extraordinary thing is that it looks as though he will now be in 10 Downing Street for three years, and without a mandate from the British people. No one elected Gordon Brown as Prime Minister..."

- Boris Johnson
"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest"

The Legendary Shark


That's it.

I'm done.

There is nothing left for me to say except, 'I rest my case.'

[move]~~~^~~~~~~~[/move]




Frank


BY JEREMY VINE   /  17 JUNE 2019

With four minutes to go, Boris Johnson ran in. I was already concerned ― maybe more concerned than Boris. It was an awards ceremony at the Hilton, Park Lane. The room was packed with financial people in bow ties. It was a couple of years before Johnson became Mayor of London. At this point he was a backbench Conservative MP and newspaper columnist. Right now he was due to make a funny speech.

In four minutes.

There I was, at 9.26pm, sitting with a tableload of London bankers, trying to answer their questions. "Will Boris actually arrive?" "Is he normally this late?" "Has he got lost?"

Suddenly ― BOOM. A rush of wind from an opened door, a golden mop, a heave of body and dinner jacket onto the chair next to mine, and the breathless question, at 9.28pm:

"JEREMY. Where exactly AM I?"

"Its the Securitisation Awards, Boris."

He said, "Right-o. And who is speaking?"

"You are."

"Good God," he cried. "When?"

I looked at my watch. "Um ― pretty much now."

I noticed we now had the attention of the whole table.

Boris asked for a sheet of paper. Someone produced a piece of A4, the reverse side of our menu for the night. He laid it on his thigh, below the tablecloth.

"Anyone got a pen?" he said. "Quick!"

A biro slid across the table. Very quickly, taking it, the future Mayor of London and Foreign Secretary began to write what looked like a plan for a speech. It was now past nine-thirty.

Looking at the scrap of paper I could make out very little of what his scrawl said. There seemed to be about ten words. There was one at the very top that I could make out:

SHEEP

and then, a few inches below that, another in capitals:

SHARK

but I could not read the rest of the scrawl. Boris harrumphed and groaned, as if straining at an idea. Then his arm was tugged and I heard the announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome MP and journalist, Boris Johnson, to the stage."

Applause.

I pressed my palms into my trouser legs, ready for the catastrophe. And then I noticed ― he had accidentally left his page of notes on the table. Could I run up with them? It would be too obvious. He was already at the podium.

"Ladies and gentlemen ― errrrrrrrr," he began.

" ― errrrr, Welcome to THE International. Errrrr ― "

The catastrophe had happened. He did not know, could not remember, what event he was at. This is one of the biggest fears any speaker has, forgetting where they are.

Johnson then did a crazy thing. To find out where he was, he very obviously turned around and looked at the large logo projected at the back of the stage.

" ― to the International SECURITISATION Awards! YES!" he cried triumphantly, and to my amazement it brought the house down. There was a huge cheer. Everyone realised this was not going to be a normal speech. The chaos had descended on us, we were in it, and we were going to enjoy it.

"SHEEP," he began. He started a story about his uncle's farm and how OUTRAGEOUS it was that they couldn't bury animals that had JUST died, as they used to do back in the sixties, seventies and eighties. No, he said, EU regulations meant an abattoir had to be involved. "One died today. A SHEEP. And my uncle had to RING a fellow at an abattoir fifty MILES away. His name was Mick ― no, it was Jim ― no, sorry, MARGARET, that was it, MARGARET ... "

People were now, not just roaring with laughter, but listening. He continued.

"Which is why my political hero is the Mayor from JAWS."

Laughter.

"Yes. Because he KEPT THE BEACHES OPEN."

More guffawing around me. He spoke as if every sentence had only just occurred to him, and each new thought came as a surprise.

"Yes, he REPUDIATED, he FORESWORE and he ABROGATED all these silly regulations on health and safety and declared that the people should SWIM! SWIM!"

More uproar.

"Now, I accept," he went on in an uncertain tone, "that as a result some small children were eaten by a shark. But how much more pleasure did the MAJORITY get from those beaches as a result of the boldness of the Mayor in Jaws?"

Brilliant. The whole room is hooting and cheering. It no longer matters that Boris has no script, no plan, no idea of what event he is attending, and that he seems to be taking the whole thing off the top of his head.

I realise that I am in the presence of genius.

Something about the chaos of it ― the reality, I suppose ― was utterly joyful. The idea that this was the opposite of a politician, that suddenly we had an MP in front of us who was utterly real, who had come without a script or an agenda and then forgotten, not just the name of the event but his whole speech and the punchline to his funniest story ― I watched in awe.

Finally he said, "Right-o. Jeremy VINE is out here and he will be presenting the ― " (looks behind him again) " ― International Securitisation Awards ― " (cheering because he has said the name a second time) " ― and I ACTUALLY have some of those very trophies here." He starts handling one of the glass awards. "I suppose you could call this, not really an award, but a sort of elongated lozenge."

Laughter. A wave. Cheering. Applause.

I did something I have never done before. Ditched all the funny things I had planned to say as a warm-up to the awards, because I realised what I was saying could not be even faintly amusing after that. I had been completely blown off the stage.

I thought about that night for a long time. During the Blair years, we got used to a way of presenting information that was so mechanically smooth, so professional, that in the end we stopped believing any of it. This mastery of the message eventually backfired completely and came to be known as spin.

Was Boris, with his total lack of varnish, part of the new wave?

Eighteen months after the marvellous securitisation night, I arrived at an awards ceremony for a totally different industry.

"Is someone else speaking?" I asked.

"Boris Johnson," the organiser said, a frown appearing on her brow. "Do you know where he is?"

And here we were again. He was due to speak at nine-thirty. He arrived seven or eight minutes before the actual moment, heaving and laughing himself into the chair beside me.

"Jeremy," he said, "what is this?"

I told him. Others at the table helped. Did they have a pen, paper? Both were produced. A better ballpoint this time, and the back of the menu again. I watched, fascinated, as Boris pulled the paper tight across his thigh and wrote a few words ― yes, SHEEP was definitely one ― in a barely-legible scrawl.

Then he was on.

"It is wonderful, and a privilege, to be here at ― oh goodness."

Laughter.

He turns, reads if off the screen.

Shocked expression, as if ― that has honestly never happened before, my God, I am so sorry, how embarrassing to forget which awards I am at.

Louder laughter. The hair everywhere.

Into the tirade about the uncle who is not allowed to dispose of a dead sheep on his farm and had to call the man at the abattoir. "I can't remember his name. Mick ― no, Jim. No. Hang on. It was MARGARET ... "

Then to the Mayor from Jaws, who kept the beaches open.

A moment's pause. "I do accept that some small children were eaten by a shark as a result ...

https://reaction.life/jeremy-vine-my-boris-story/




paddykafka

I think this song perfectly describes the current situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aItpjF5vXc


The Legendary Shark


I've just been listening to the latest Mindscape podcast, concerning democracy, and heard an intriguing idea. What if we were to establish a Third House, made up of randomly chosen "ordinary" people from throughout the UK to be a part of the governmental system?

What do you all think of this idea?

[move]~~~^~~~~~~~[/move]




Proudhuff

 Only f it replaced the Lords. And how soon before 'parties' moved in, after all they are a handy short hand, and as seen recently you currently vote for the individual not the party they are a member of, so it could be argued this currently happens?
DDT did a job on me

IndigoPrime

How would a third house function? What input would it have? Would it be able to veto policy? The notion of random people being a roadblock is interesting. And I don't mean that in a positive way.

There are other options. The Greens, for example, are big into the idea of citizen assemblies (to assist/advise) and also 'committee government'. The latter probably sounds horrendous – government by committee, but their thinking is government should be more collaborative, and whipping should be omitted entirely.

As for our second house, I hate it in principle, but in reality it's done a lot more in recent years to protect our rights than the Commons. In part, this has been down to the Lords thinking about the long game, rather than whatever will get them elected in five years or fewer. There's something in that, although the manner in which Lords are appointed is clearly outrageous, as is the fact bishops have reserved/mandated places there.

The Legendary Shark


All valid concerns, which I share.

The Irish Citizens' Assembly did lead to positive outcomes on same sex marriage and abortion - which only proves, of course, the potential of such a house.

I think it's possible, with the proper safeguards, processes and "powers,"* such a House of Citizens could provide a useful check on government.


*Sorry, I just had to put quotation marks around that word :D

[move]~~~^~~~~~~~[/move]




Professor Bear

Quote from: Proudhuff on 01 August, 2019, 10:44:43 AMand as seen recently you currently vote for the individual not the party they are a member of

I'm not sure about that, as most places would vote for a turd in a bowl if someone stuck a party rosette on it.  There's a reason most MPs who go independent after being elected on a party ticket don't call by-elections.