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Inevitable "crap music" thread

Started by Professor Bear, 23 April, 2014, 09:00:36 PM

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Definitely Not Mister Pops

Quote from: The Cosh on 08 March, 2016, 11:49:01 PM
Whoops. Looks like I took this shit too seriously.
Quote from: Ollamh Iompróidh on 08 March, 2016, 08:03:08 PM
Quote from: radiator on 08 March, 2016, 06:46:46 PMThe worst one I've ever heard was some girl doing a cover of Straight Outta Compton by NWA in this style. Trying waaaaaaay too hard. Awful.
That's actually a meme from several years back.  The whole point is that it's taking the piss - even Ben Folds was regularly doing a cover of Bitches Ain't Shit at one point.
Did they have memes back then? Both are basically coterminous with Ewan Mcgregor and Scarlett Johannson starring in The Island. I hadn't even signed up to this forum or started reading 2000AD again in 2005.

There were internet memes before then. Like Dancing Baby, and that appeared in Ally McBeal in the late 90s. I think the actual term 'meme' started gaining traction around the time Dick Dawkins God Delusion was published. A quick google reveals that he actual coined the term in The Selfish Gene in 1976, although the word itself didn't become a meme until about a decade ago.
You may quote me on that.

JayzusB.Christ

I've just found out that one song I thought was by James Blunt is by Ed Sheeran. No.  No, no, no, no, no.  All the cartoon tattoos in the world won't save Sheeran when I rule the world.
"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest"

Darren Stephens

Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 09 March, 2016, 11:55:59 AM
I've just found out that one song I thought was by James Blunt is by Ed Sheeran. No.  No, no, no, no, no.  All the cartoon tattoos in the world won't save Sheeran when I rule the world.

I simply can't stand Ed bloody Sheeran, but the young folks seem to lap up his oh so fucking bland "music".
https://www.dscomiccolours.com
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Definitely Not Mister Pops

#93
Quote from: Darren Stephens on 11 March, 2016, 05:13:22 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 09 March, 2016, 11:55:59 AM
I've just found out that one song I thought was by James Blunt is by Ed Sheeran. No.  No, no, no, no, no.  All the cartoon tattoos in the world won't save Sheeran when I rule the world.

I simply can't stand Ed bloody Sheeran, but the young folks seem to lap up his oh so fucking bland "music".

I've been teaching a kid guitar for about a year now. He wanted to learn some Sheeran tunes. I've gotta say, even though I'm not a fan of his music, Sheeran knows his way around a fret board. His tunes are quite instructive for a novice. Not as much much as the Beatles and their contemporaries, but the wee shite has no taste. Still beats teaching his little sister nursery rhymes.
You may quote me on that.

TordelBack

Ed Sheeran's very worst crime is establishing the pudgy potato-headed ginger-facepubes look as potentially fanciable some 30 years too bloody late.

Hawkmumbler

Quote from: Tordelback on 12 March, 2016, 08:53:51 AM
Ed Sheeran's very worst crime is establishing the pudgy potato-headed ginger-facepubes look as potentially fanciable some 30 years too bloody late.
Guilty as charged! To be fair I'm currently turquoise but should probably shave more often.

JayzusB.Christ

Quote from: Tordelback on 12 March, 2016, 08:53:51 AM
Ed Sheeran's very worst crime is establishing the pudgy potato-headed ginger-facepubes look as potentially fanciable some 30 years too bloody late.

The Domhnall-Gleeson-In-A-Car-Crusher look never goes out of style, don't you know, darling.
"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest"

radiator

Guys, end the thread - I have found the actual worst song ever, and that song is 'Play That Song' by Train.

I heard it on the radio the other day and couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. So unbelievably artless,  lazy and cynical that it made my skin crawl. We are literally one step away from the future presented by Demolition Man - where the radio just plays old advertising jingles - becoming reality.

Fungus


Dandontdare

Quote from: radiator on 01 September, 2017, 03:32:30 PM
Guys, end the thread - I have found the actual worst song ever, and that song is 'Play That Song' by Train.

I heard it on the radio the other day and couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. So unbelievably artless,  lazy and cynical that it made my skin crawl. We are literally one step away from the future presented by Demolition Man - where the radio just plays old advertising jingles - becoming reality.

Why did you make me listen to that? I lasted 32 seconds - it's got to be ironically bad surely?

And speaking of ad jingles could someone please shoot whoever does that bloody Oreo song

radiator

#100
QuoteWhy did you make me listen to that? I lasted 32 seconds - it's got to be ironically bad surely?

Haha. I didn't link to it because I didn't want my Youtube recommendations tainted by searching for it!

Did you make it to the chorus though? That's where the real jawdropping awfulness really becomes apparent.

Dandontdare

I gave up when the smug twat hat-thief began Fame-dancing down the steps. Urrrgh

sheridan

Quote from: Mister Pops on 09 March, 2016, 04:22:05 AM
Quote from: The Cosh on 08 March, 2016, 11:49:01 PM
Whoops. Looks like I took this shit too seriously.
Quote from: Ollamh Iompróidh on 08 March, 2016, 08:03:08 PM
Quote from: radiator on 08 March, 2016, 06:46:46 PMThe worst one I've ever heard was some girl doing a cover of Straight Outta Compton by NWA in this style. Trying waaaaaaay too hard. Awful.
That's actually a meme from several years back.  The whole point is that it's taking the piss - even Ben Folds was regularly doing a cover of Bitches Ain't Shit at one point.
Did they have memes back then? Both are basically coterminous with Ewan Mcgregor and Scarlett Johannson starring in The Island. I hadn't even signed up to this forum or started reading 2000AD again in 2005.

There were internet memes before then. Like Dancing Baby, and that appeared in Ally McBeal in the late 90s. I think the actual term 'meme' started gaining traction around the time Dick Dawkins God Delusion was published. A quick google reveals that he actual coined the term in The Selfish Gene in 1976, although the word itself didn't become a meme until about a decade ago.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that internet memes had become popular enough that they were being spoofed/stolen for adverts by that point.  The Hampster Dance is nearly 20 years old...

Professor Bear

I'm sorry, but you're not even trying if that even registers on your list of worst songs, never mind topping it.

Dragging up the past here, but the worst song ever recorded is the Counting Crows cover of Joni "oh you've met her?  Is she really as awful as they say?" Mitchell's Big Yellow Taxi, which is so jaw-droppingly terrible it is amazing it was released at all, most likely only because they'd roped in a female vocalist - Vanessa Carlton - who was pretty well-known in soft pop-rock circles of the time, so it couldn't just go on the shelf - though it was an unlisted track in most versions of the band's album.

If you don't know the original, it's the kind of post-60s whimsy that you simply couldn't get away with in a modern pop song but which the context of the times could justify.  The song addresses typical hippy concerns such as the rapid spread of urban areas, the destruction of the rainforests, environmentalism, and eventually all these are revealed as metaphorical musings on the transient nature of happiness with the lyrics
"late last night I heard a screen door slam
and a big yellow taxi took away my old man"
The entire song is structured around this moment, from the basic premise to the melody to the actual title of the song itself, but the lead singer of Counting Crows didn't want people to think he was gay, so he changed the lyrics to "took my girl away" - "away" does not rhyme with "slam", just FYI, though ironically it does actually rhyme with "gay".
Anyway, flubbing a song for a No Homo would be amazing all on its own, but as mentioned above, the band's management had actually foreseen this scenario unfolding and drafted in a relatively famous female co-vocalist for the track who could sing those very lines - except that would have made the male singer out to be the bad guy within the hypothetical paradigm of the lyrics, and he also didn't want anyone else to be the focus of the song by singing the bit about the Big Yellow Taxi anyway, so for good measure Vanessa Carlton doesn't actually sing any lyrics at all, but you can see her in the MV doing scat singing on the chorus.

And just so you don't think I'm letting a single duff note inform my opinion of a song that might actually be good if only you could listen to it and judge for yourself: HERE IS THE COVER VERSION and may God have mercy on your soul.

radiator

That's wretched, no doubt about it, but nowhere near as offensively bad as the Train song to my ears, which, if you haven't heard the chorus - is a cover of 'Heart and Soul' aka the song Tom Hanks plays on the floor piano in Big aka literally the first song that you learn to play on the piano as a child.

It's essentially a band covering a nursery rhyme, with a straight face, and released by a major record label as the lead single to their new album. It's pathetic.