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Y'know what really grinds my gears?

Started by Link Prime, 12 April, 2014, 01:47:44 PM

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Dandontdare

the best tactic for the most extreme examples of managementbollockspeak like 'bandwidth' and 'tracking' is to feign complete incomprehension even if you know what they mean - forcing them to explain what they mean in plain English exposes just how silly they sound, and you can respond with "why don't you just say time?", or a simple, slightly pitying "ah, okay".

TordelBack

Have you blue-skied the long tail on that one, DDD, I mean really done the next-level drill-down before you action it?  Sometimes being buzzword-compliant is mission critical, if we're going to go forward together.

Jim_Campbell

Quote from: TordelBack on 25 September, 2014, 12:04:30 PM
Have you blue-skied the long tail on that one, DDD, I mean really done the next-level drill-down before you action it?  Sometimes being buzzword-compliant is mission critical, if we're going to go forward together.

You've run that up my flagpole, and I'm saluting it.

Cheers

Jim
Stupidly Busy Letterer: Samples. | Blog
Less-Awesome-Artist: Scribbles.

I, Cosh

Quote from: JamesC on 24 September, 2014, 06:31:57 PM
You should make your own up and see if they catch on. If you don't like someone's idea tell them you're going to put it in the fridge or something.
I had one manager (a good guy but a true artist of bullshit) who used to delight in doing exactly this. Sadly, I can't remember any particularly good examples but we'd be in fairly high level meetings and he'd be banging on about "sticking the weasel in the rabbit hutch" or whatever. He would sometimes adopt themes as well: farmyard animals, say, or space exploration. Happy times!
We never really die.

Recrewt

The best mock ones I ever heard were:

Blame-Storming: Similar to brain-storming, a meeting usually held after a major issue to decide who is at fault

Testiculating: When a manager waves his arms around whilst talking b*ll*x

SuperSurfer

Quote from: TordelBack on 25 September, 2014, 02:44:37 AM
Where do you stand on 'grand'?
Don't tend to get that round these parts. It's all a bit more hip where I work most of the time – where every now and then, shop staff will address me, the customer, as "dude" or "fella".

Now that really grinds me gears!


radiator

The exuberant guy who served me in a cafe the other day, when he realised I was English, insisted on showing me his Thom Yorke and Michael Caine impressions. I smiled and nodded but was cringing so hard inside.

Grugz

Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 25 September, 2014, 12:08:53 PM


You've run that up my flagpole, and I'm saluting it.

Cheers

Jim

that sounds filthy.
don't get into an argument with an idiot,he'll drag you down to his level then win with experience!

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Rog69

Until a couple of years ago I used to work for a big company and the whole organisation was infested with the worst kind of wank-word spouting corporate drones.

I had the displeasure of having to take part in a twice weekly conference call with one of the worst examples, a guy so incompetent that he was toxic to anyone who had to work with him, he was universally hated.
If you spoke normally in the conference calls with him he would actually butt in and correct what you said into wank-speak.

We began a project to try to introduce an innocent sounding phrase that was actually the name of a very obscure but very perverted sex act, inception style into his vocabulary by using it around him to refer positively to things. Sadly I left the company before it ever came to fruition. 

Theblazeuk

I don't mind going forwards... when you're talking about changing a standard practice done by loads of people across loads of things, I think it makes sense - i.e. rather than going *back* and changing everything that's already been done to the new revised standards, which is a huge amount of work.

Mind you maybe that only makes sense in my work, big databases of editorial info.

radiator

What's wrong with just saying 'from now on' though?

TordelBack

#521
Quote from: radiator on 25 September, 2014, 03:23:32 PM
The exuberant guy who served me in a cafe the other day, when he realised I was English, insisted on showing me his Thom Yorke and Michael Caine impressions. I smiled and nodded but was cringing so hard inside.

Heh, tables turned!  As any Emerald Islander can tell you, there is a not-insignificant subset of the English race who suffer from a tourettes-like compulsion to put on what they think is their best Jimmy Cricket within 30 seconds of meeting you.

Mind you, a thankfully smaller proportion of Americans like to affect a passable Tom-Cruise-in-Far-and Away, so I suppose you're not the worst.

SuperSurfer

Quote from: TordelBack on 26 September, 2014, 08:08:33 PM
... a tourettes-like compulsion to put on what they think is their best Jimmy Cricket within 30 seconds of meeting you.

I worked with an Italian guy years ago and I asked him if it wound him up that people would constantly talk to him in a mock Italian accent. It was never ending.

That was the 'tipping point'. Next time an art director spoke to him in that way he flipped: "Listen, you don't have to talk to me like I'm a ****ing **** for me to undertand you! I do understand English you know!" which put an end to that.

Mardroid

Hmm. Just yesterday I had a Nigerian student (one who only came over a year or so ago) speaking to me in an effected English accent. Its not something they do in general so I found it noticeable.

My colleague noticed this about him before I did. We had just been talking about him the day before and talking about how he seemed to live in his more confident mate's shadow but would put in his two pence so to speak. I said he  came across quite patronizing when talking to me and she mentioned the put on a fake English accent which never really occurred to me before...(probably because it was pretty bad). Then I get that call today and... boy was she right. Amusingly it came across kinda posh yet he managed a bit of a London twang to.

Grugz

for the third week ion a row my daughter has come home in floods of tears after being made to go swimming, she never felt comfortable in the water (a phobia I share) but is trying to build her confidence by going with her little cousin during the week... the headteacher told her she didn't have to put her face in the water but lied... she has been scared along with a classmate and all the teacher does is make them get out of the little pool and make them go in the big pool! they are made to put their face in the water despite being told she wont tolerate that (even the slighteset bit in her eyes during a shower sends her freaking out. all my wife has got off them is an excuse its part of the curriculum and she has to go...I asked my wife if she gave permission for her to go in the past in the form she sent back and she is sure she didn't give consent for her to go swimming (especially as its off site)
  my wife has tried the nicey approach and just been ignored so I'm going in guns blazing tomorrow to ask for the form we sent in ...

   I may be wrong but if a child is scared of something is it ok to keep making them to do it and upset /scare them?  I'm pretty sure if a child I know who has a phobia of spidery things, if I kept showing them pictures or got a rubber spider and made them hold it I am pretty sure I would be looking for an other job for bullying /abuse  despite my excuse that I'm trying to build their confidence with the spiders ...

  and its always the teachers who don't have kids... >:(  grr angry protective dad......
don't get into an argument with an idiot,he'll drag you down to his level then win with experience!

http://forums.2000adonline.com/index.php/topic,26167.0.html