LIMIERICK COMP - VOTING THREAD!!!!!!

[Bad City Blue]

Sincerest contrafibulations, Earthdingalings...

The limerick comp is now done
As usual it was top fun
Some brains are now tired
As their rhymes were inspired
And others were big piles of dung

Anyway, here's all the entries, so pick your top three and remember to specify which entry for those smart arses who wrote more than one. You CAN put more than one from one person in your top three if you want.

Cheers, ears

Bad City Blue

=====================================================

DANDONTDARE

There was a young gunshark called Dexter
Whose girlfriend had told him he vexed her
He asked his mate Finny,
Who's Irish and skinny
Who told him to just funtin' text 'er

THE LEGENDARY SHARK

1)
Short story boss Bad City Blue,
A break took from me and from you,
And when he came back,
He said, "prose we will lack!"
Which is why I am posting this poo.

2)
They sent him through Earth that was cursed,
They made him fight Cal 'til he burst,
He shot his own brother,
He ain't got no mother,
And he always retaliates first!

3)
Though us scribes bring life to this thread,
The Writing Comp has little cred,
We do our small part,
While, over at Art,
The cool kids are killing Judge Dredd.

NAPALMKEV

1)
There once was a soldier named Rogue,
Who suddenly wasn't 'in vogue',
Rebooted too Fuck, but still out of luck -
It's a shame 'cause the character's Gold!

2)
There once was an absence of Tharg
With Vector 13 left  in charge,
Love 'em or hate 'em - but don't ever slate them,
Or you'll be spending some time with Marg

3)
There once was a guy named Savage,
Whose cities - the Volgs would Ravage,
Revolution ahoy!, no more 'clutching a bhoy',
And as much violence as he could manage!


MARDRIOD

1)

There was a young Russian called Nick
Who liked to play many a trick
He often got laid
When he wiggled his blade
And Konstantin thought him a dick


2)
There was a young mutant called Red
Whose eyes might say  "please come to bed"
But if you felt brave
And you courted the grave
You'd probably just end up dead.



BAD CITY BLUE

On routine patrol in the city,
Dredd saw a girl who has so pretty
He said "Abstinence be damned"
As he repeatedly rammed,
His nightstick between her pert titties


SATANIST

1)
There once was a VARK who loved VARK,
Who would VARK every chance he could VARK,
VARK over the VARK,
VARK under the VARK,
VARK VARK VARK VARK VARK VARK VARK!

2)
There once was a dude called Sam Slade,
For the hunting of robots was paid,
Driven mad by pal Hoagy,
Denied a hit from his Stogie,
Then ruined while Millar tried out his trade.


MEJUSTNOW

1)
Joe Dredd, Torquemada, Halo,
Robo-Hunter, Ro-Busters, Defoe,
Anderson: PSI,
Revere, Nikolai,
Shakara, Skizz, Ace Trucking Co.

2)
Here's a Ballad we'd all like to sing,
From The Hoop to a life wandering.
"Where did she go? What did she do?
"Out and Everything."

3)
Ever since PJ was a wee baby
He's always been, well, kinda crazy.
Will Dredd catch the creep
Or will Peej make Joe weep?
Maybe not, but then again, maybe.

ECHIDNA

1)
"I bet you Dredd's got a small weenie"
Says Cass to America Beeny
So at bathtime they sneak in
For some unsanctioned peekin'
She was wrong - "Holy Grud on a greenie!"

2)
There once was a mutie called Blunt
Who went with some humes on a hunt
He came back alone
With a bag full of bones
He'd eaten them all, what a bastard

3)
In time, though Dredd's scowl became grimmer
His crime-fighting skills grew no dimmer
He still totters about
Going deaf, so he shouts
And beating up perps with his zimmer


PETE WELLS

The bloke in the Cursed Earth looked dead,
With burns from his toes to his head!
He had boots a small size,
And bionic eyes!
And I still didn't guess it was Dredd!


GRUGZ

1)
shakara, shakara shakara.
shakara shakara shakara
shakara shakar
shakara shakar
shakara shakara skakara

2)
It made all us wulf fans feel sick.
when bubba killed our man quite quick.
time aint a straight line.
is wulf really fine?
and playing  with der happy stick?


DOG DEEVER

1)
A wily young Juve from Brit-Cit
pretended that he was legit;
Til he littered the sked,
Got caught by Judge Dredd
And now he's deep in the shit.

2)
A Robo-hunter called Slade,
Who'd retired on the cash that he'd made,
Was replaced by his niece,
Til the backgrounds did cease
And her series became quite delayed.

3)
A Celtic axe-wielder called Slaine
Created a stir with his name;
In Ireland it's 'slawn-yɘ'
And 'slainey' in Alba;
It really is quite a pain.


MING

1)
Said Waldo to the good Mister Quinch,
Astride a big bomb on a winch,
If I just pull this trigger,
Will it get any bigger?
Thermonuclear war is a cinch.

2)
On a time hopping bounty hunt number,
Wulf's y-fronts they did burst asunder,
Said ol' Johnny with pride,
As his eyes opened wide,
Mumble mumble something cucumber.


M.I.K

1)
There once was a creature called Zombo,
With a secondary brain in his bumbo.
When eating ice cream,
He'd let out a scream,
'Cos it wasn't just his head that went numbo.

2)
A man with the name Otto Sump,
Had a face like a rotted tree stump.
His unfortunate features,
Were familial in nature,
Their original surname was Trump.


JAMES C

There once was a writer called Mills,
Who made editors run for the hills,
He'd  shout all day long,
(It was called a Mills bomb),
I think now they've  prescribed him some pills.


MIKE D

1)

That bozo called Tharg makes us mad,
And we all hate his miserable rag.
It would be fantastic,
If he choked on his plastic.
Signed, The Dictators of Zrag.

2)
Dredd it is said is a rock,
And so is Johnny the dog.
Well, we think they're wimps,
Leather-clad gimps.
And they stinks like a 'Geusian's jock.

3)
Listen you Tooth reading freaks,
We've been swiping your proggies for weeks.
We tear out the pages,
To wipe up the traces.
But we sometimes get ink on our cheeks.


BAEF

There was a young man named Sump,
Whose face resembled mashed rump,
But now he's at peak,
As Ugly is chic,
So get to his clinic, ya chump!

WOOLY
1)
The Gronk got attacks of the heartses,
Whenever he heard massive fartses.
So if you do a trump,
The Gronk gets the hump,
And bites you in your private partses.

2)
Judge Dredd had been judging all night,
When he found that he needed a shite.
So he popped to the bog,
And crimped off a log,
Then went back to give perps a good fright.

3)
A droid who had made a mistake,
Was being assessed by Mek-Quake.
"Boss man want you dead!",
Said the kill-dozer's head,
As he mashed the poor droid with a rake.

[Albion]

First Place.       Pete Wells
Second Place.   Dandontdare
Third Place.      Mejustnow (1)

[Satanist]

1st - LEGENDARY SHARK (2)
2nd - PETE WELLS
3rd - JAMES C

[Dog Deever]

1st MARDROID (1)
2nd ECHIDNA (2)
3rd WOOLLY (1)

[Eamonn Clarke]

1. Pete Wells
2. Mardroid 2
3. James C

[Minkyboy]

So many corkers just missed out because of slightly imperfect metre.
I'm a stickler.

Not so for formal content though as my choice reflects:

1. MeJustNow 1)

2. Shark 3)

3. Dandontdare

HM Satanist VARK

[Echidna]

1st: MEJUSTNOW 1 (genuinely clever stuff)
2nd: PETE WELLS (especially good when read in a Geordie accent)
3rd: MING 2 (Wulf's cucumber always raises a smile)

Honourable mentions:
DANDONTDARE ("text 'er")
NAPALMKEV 3 ("clutching a bhoy")
MARDROID 1 ("wiggled his blade")
SATANIST 1 ("VARK")
MEJUSTNOW 3 ("Maybe not, but then again, maybe")
GRUGZ 2 ("der happy stick")
DOG DEEVER 2 ("the backgrounds did cease")
M.I.K ("bumbo")
JAMES C ("prescribed him some pills")
BAEF ("mashed rump")
WOOLY 1 ("fartses")

And big fat triple HMs for Mike D and the Shark.

Dishonourable mention: BCB ("pert titties")

[Jacqusie]

1) - SATANIST - Varks a lot!

2) - M.I.K - Numbo Bumbo!

3) - ECHIDNA - Carry on Porkies!

[The Legendary Shark]

  1st MEJUSTNOW (1)
2nd DANDONTDARE
3rd DOG DEEVER (2)

HM 1 - JAMES C
HM 2 - ECHIDNA (1)
HM 3 - GRUGZ (2)

[Woolly]

1st place - The Legendary Shark 2 (reads best in a Clint Eastwood voice)
2nd place - James C
3rd place - DanDontDare

HM - Pete Wells

[Bad City Blue]

1 - Satanist2

2 - Mejustnow3

3 - Dog Deever3