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General Chat => Off Topic => Topic started by: Grugz on 02 January, 2016, 09:54:32 PM

Title: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 02 January, 2016, 09:54:32 PM
... There a few of us on the board who have or are suffering from that nasty little bugger called depression.
I want this thread to be somewhere we can come and talk to fellow like (not in their right) minded chaps and chapesses!
  No nastiness or name calling ,that's what the political threads for ,just come and if you are able vent,rant or just come for a virtual cuppa,choccy bicuit and hug.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 27 January, 2016, 08:30:08 PM
I've chatted with someone who 'Human Givens' helped a lot, so I have got a couple of books on it, they are a bit evangelical for my liking but I'm a dorr east coast Scotsman so I think that of everyone ;)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 January, 2016, 08:55:23 PM
Never heard of that before!  Just checked the website there; I'm always a bit put off by the word 'holistic' but I'm keeping an open mind.  Any chance you could give us a bit more info on it, Proudhuff?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: richerthanyou on 28 January, 2016, 12:52:48 AM
I'm always up for free hugs.

Come and get me :D
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 28 January, 2016, 07:06:59 AM
There was a large black dog in my local pub last night. Cheered me up no end. Ironically, it seems black dogs are an excellent antidote to the Black Dog.

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: richerthanyou on 28 January, 2016, 07:09:37 AM
Could anything be better that listening to the song Black Dog as an actual Black Dog walks into the room?

I don't think so.

-Rich
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 28 January, 2016, 07:17:37 AM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 28 January, 2016, 07:06:59 AM
There was a large black dog in my local pub last night. Cheered me up no end. Ironically, it seems black dogs are an excellent antidote to the Black Dog.

Cheers

Jim
Dogs are in general very theraputic to be around, cats as well. When my two cockers aren't running around like bedlam they're such chilled personalities to just sit and pet when the big bad cloud of anxiety creeps back in.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 28 January, 2016, 11:01:04 AM
I was recently mugged (for attention) by a boxer pup while out on a black dog stroll. The loveliest, ugly little pooch in the world. You couldn't help but laugh.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 28 January, 2016, 12:20:41 PM
Okay, I give in.

I've resisted medication for so many years now, reasoning that I'd be better learning to manage depressive episodes myself than have to depend on a chemical prop, something I've always have a fear of. And to an extent it's been working, I'm better at recognising the signs and communicating them, and trying to at least batten down the hatches before I go under, and serious episodes seem to be further apart and shorter.

But this past few weeks, despite being aware of my rapid descent, and identifying no clear cause whatsoever, I've just kept sliding. I've managed to remain civil to my loved ones, I haven't snapped at anyone,  I've dragged myself into work six days a week and staggered around, but everything else, EVERYTHING else has been a nightmare.  I've been unable to complete the simplest task (including two important contracts that I've now totally screwed) to deal with bills, phonecalls and emails, to prepare a meal, to be remotely supportive or helpful  to friends and family or even respond to them,  to stop feeling like a sucking black pit in my thorax is devouring me every single minute, sleeping or waking. I am effectively dead inside, a lumbering barely-functioning zombie that smiles and says 'good morning' and chats cheerily about the weather (or the Prog) even though everything behind my eyes is a howling wasteland and I'm as much use to those around me as dead battery.

I'm trying every coping mechanism I have ever heard of, or have had any success with in the past, and all it does is turn me into a Potemkin village of a person. I think, finally, I need to go down the chemical route, but I can't even seem to manage tackling that.

Allowing that no-one here is a doctor or an expert, and I'm not going to act on anyone's advice, what are my likely options here once (if) I do approach my GP? What sort of drugs are prescribed these days, and what do they do?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 28 January, 2016, 12:30:21 PM
Quote from: Tordelback on 28 January, 2016, 12:20:41 PM
Allowing that no-one here is a doctor or an expert, and I'm not going to act on anyone's advice, what are my likely options here once (if) I do approach my GP? What sort of drugs are prescribed these days, and what do they do?

You may be waaay past this point, or you may already be using them, but have you tried St Johns Wort tablets? It's not quackery, I promise. I have a friend who's an industrial chemist by trade and refused to try them for years, believing prescription remedies were the only realistic answer (but also refusing to take those as well!) but when I finally persuaded (OK, bullied) him into trying them, his partner commented on the improvement within 24 hours.

It certainly won't do you any harm, and it may take the edge off a little.

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 28 January, 2016, 12:54:39 PM
Cheers Sharky!  No, wait... Jim?  Confess I always assumed St John's Wort was quackery, mentally filed right next to 'homeopathy' (although critically not actually under homeopathy). But sure I'll give it a shot. Right now, I'd scoff communion wafer if I thought it'd help.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 28 January, 2016, 01:24:29 PM
I know how you feel.  I take Lexapro (or a far cheaper non-brand analogue thereof).

I came off it a few years ago, during my blissful few months of travelling Asia; and it was easy in that environment - no withdrawal or anything.  I thought I'd never be depressed again.  I came home, though, to no job, money, home nor crazy but fun Thai girlfriend, and the onset ofboth  a cold Irish winter and middle age, and was plunged into a terrible pit of depression like I'd never had before.  Sometimes it was difficult to even walk a few steps; such was the effort it seemed at the time.  I wanted to die.

Going back on Lexapro helped me to rebuild my life again.  I still take it these days, and while my life is far from a blissful idyll, I haven't been depressed since then - I have aspirations and ambitions and take pleasure in simple things.  To the best of my knowledge hasn't affected me in any adverse way, except for the nuisance factor of having to buy it every month and take it every day.  (It was my mother, also a sufferer, who first recommended medication; when I was in my early 20s - as she says, 'You'd take medication for a sick liver, so why not for a sick mind?'). 

That's my experience anyway; obviously it doesn't work for everyone but it has been a major helping hand in my life.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 28 January, 2016, 01:39:30 PM
Good stuff, JBC, that's exactly the kind of info I'm after. It's hard to believe I'm so fecking ignorant when I've been dealing with this for more than 20 years, and too regularly in the past 10. 

I've only twice visited a GP about it, once in my very early 20s when I was prescribed a 'tonic' containing amphetamines, that I liked entirely too much and actually led me on to taking speed (but that's another story), and again in my late-30s when I was simply advised to knuckle down and 'not let it define your life'. Which I've been trying to do ever since, although quite frankly that's exactly what it has done. When you find yourself binning your phone and sleeping in your car to avoid your own family and friends, as I did a year or so back,  I think that definitions are moot. 

So time for a change.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 28 January, 2016, 01:56:43 PM
Quote from: Tordelback on 28 January, 2016, 12:54:39 PM
Right now, I'd scoff communion wafer if I thought it'd help.

Well, 1.2 Billion Roman Catholics in the world can't be wrong, you know.

But seriously, Tordel, I do hope that you'll get through this latest bout of the Black Dog. I'm not in any position of expertise - bar my own long, ongoing struggle with Chronic Anxiety Disorder and other various mental health gremlins - to offer advice. But if you do feel the necessity to go down the chemical route, just bare in mind that it can cause it's own share of problems with regard to side effects of the medication on some individuals.

If you have a good and sympathetic GP who actually LISTENS to you, then that at least is a good start in terms of appropriate advice and support for your particular circumstances. I wish you all the best in any event and take care.

Cheers - Paddy
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 28 January, 2016, 06:44:27 PM
Thanks Paddy, wise words. I'm not rushing into medication willy nilly wity no thought for side-effects - I've seen plenty of those.  I just want to get a sense of what is out there, after blanking the whole idea for so long. I'm basically giving up the illusion that I'm even holding my ground against this thing that seems intent on laying waste to my life just as I've almost put it back together again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 28 January, 2016, 07:39:53 PM
I had a big bout of depression in the early 00s - my GP referred me to a counsellor, who was a lovely lady but I didn't feel comfortable opening up to a stranger so I only went twice. I took St John's Wort and in time got better - I have no idea how much of that was down to the SJW, but I did some research at the time and found that in clinical trials it was found to make a difference for mild to moderate depression - you can get pills or a liquid solution with an eyedropper from any healthfood shop.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 28 January, 2016, 07:49:15 PM
I've battled the same for years now Tordels and had a bad slump last year.  I've also been keen to avoid meds and went down the St Johns Wort route and, though mild, I can honestly say they made a big difference for me.

If anything, within a few months I found my head getting a bit manic and had to come off them only to find the depression had really eased back again.

Certainly worth a try.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 28 January, 2016, 08:18:56 PM
Quote from: Tordelback on 28 January, 2016, 01:39:30 PM
Good stuff, JBC, that's exactly the kind of info I'm after. It's hard to believe I'm so fecking ignorant when I've been dealing with this for more than 20 years, and too regularly in the past 10. 

I've only twice visited a GP about it, once in my very early 20s when I was prescribed a 'tonic' containing amphetamines, that I liked entirely too much and actually led me on to taking speed (but that's another story), and again in my late-30s when I was simply advised to knuckle down and 'not let it define your life'. Which I've been trying to do ever since, although quite frankly that's exactly what it has done. When you find yourself binning your phone and sleeping in your car to avoid your own family and friends, as I did a year or so back,  I think that definitions are moot. 

So time for a change.

Sound; I really, really hope it works out for you.  I think the medication is generally supposed to be used in conjunction with some kind of CBT course; I haven't done enough of the latter, to be honest, but i have had quite a bit of counselling and it does help.

My GP also told me that my depression doesn't need to define me.  It's a strange one, that:  Does anything really define anyone?  I think I can speak for most of the board here, TB, when I say that you are seen around here as an extremely wise, witty and well-informed contributor - sort of our online Yoda, albeit with a better sense of humour. 

Personally - and without any disrespect to any other boarder; I stay here less because of the shared reading preferences and more because of the large number of fun, interesting and smart people - I genuinely, honestly value your input on this board more than anyone else's.  I've long lost count of the number of times you've opened my mind to new and better ways of thinking about a subject, or somehow plucked the half-formed thoughts from my mind and expressed them in a more articulate and creative way than I ever could.  It's hard for me to equate this intelligent, well-grounded and often hilarious Tordelback with the bleak, self-loathing and lost Tordelback of your own descriptions.

But then, that's the nature of the beast, isn't it?  Most people, I believe, see me as a friendly and upbeat person, and I very often am.  But these people haven't seen me during the bad times, when I've hidden from them on the street because social pleasantries seem empty and stressful, and when I've gone to bed terrified at the prospect of soon having to wake up to another day of misery; wishing I didn't have to wake up at all.

Self-definition doesn't come into it: We're one way sometimes, and another way other times.  Depression by its nature feels inescapable and permanent in a way that my words can't come close to describing, but you won't always be the way you are now.  Believe me when I say, I'm rooting for you.







Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Professor Bear on 28 January, 2016, 08:24:14 PM
If St John's Wort didn't work, big pharma wouldn't have had the government ban homeopaths from selling it.

Don't be afraid to shop around when it comes to brain medicines - especially if you're private and paying through the nose - as I've heard depression sufferers compare notes on meds and the short version of the story is that some meds work for some people yet do sod all for others.  I've heard of forums on the web where people swap medicines (or give them away before they expire), so it might be worth checking out and seeing if there's any mention of experiences others have had on the industry standard meds wherever you live.

And of course: take care of yourself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 29 January, 2016, 09:31:03 AM
Feckin' artists, right bunch of poofs.  And you're still not getting to paint me like one of your French girls.


Cheers, lads.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 29 January, 2016, 11:16:20 AM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 28 January, 2016, 08:18:56 PM
Quote from: Tordelback on 28 January, 2016, 01:39:30 PM
Good stuff, JBC, that's exactly the kind of info I'm after. It's hard to believe I'm so fecking ignorant when I've been dealing with this for more than 20 years, and too regularly in the past 10. 

I've only twice visited a GP about it, once in my very early 20s when I was prescribed a 'tonic' containing amphetamines, that I liked entirely too much and actually led me on to taking speed (but that's another story), and again in my late-30s when I was simply advised to knuckle down and 'not let it define your life'. Which I've been trying to do ever since, although quite frankly that's exactly what it has done. When you find yourself binning your phone and sleeping in your car to avoid your own family and friends, as I did a year or so back,  I think that definitions are moot. 

So time for a change.

Sound; I really, really hope it works out for you.  I think the medication is generally supposed to be used in conjunction with some kind of CBT course; I haven't done enough of the latter, to be honest, but i have had quite a bit of counselling and it does help.

My GP also told me that my depression doesn't need to define me.  It's a strange one, that:  Does anything really define anyone?  I think I can speak for most of the board here, TB, when I say that you are seen around here as an extremely wise, witty and well-informed contributor - sort of our online Yoda, albeit with a better sense of humour. 

Personally - and without any disrespect to any other boarder; I stay here less because of the shared reading preferences and more because of the large number of fun, interesting and smart people - I genuinely, honestly value your input on this board more than anyone else's.  I've long lost count of the number of times you've opened my mind to new and better ways of thinking about a subject, or somehow plucked the half-formed thoughts from my mind and expressed them in a more articulate and creative way than I ever could.  It's hard for me to equate this intelligent, well-grounded and often hilarious Tordelback with the bleak, self-loathing and lost Tordelback of your own descriptions.

But then, that's the nature of the beast, isn't it?  Most people, I believe, see me as a friendly and upbeat person, and I very often am.  But these people haven't seen me during the bad times, when I've hidden from them on the street because social pleasantries seem empty and stressful, and when I've gone to bed terrified at the prospect of soon having to wake up to another day of misery; wishing I didn't have to wake up at all.

Self-definition doesn't come into it: We're one way sometimes, and another way other times.  Depression by its nature feels inescapable and permanent in a way that my words can't come close to describing, but you won't always be the way you are now.  Believe me when I say, I'm rooting for you.

This.

TB during my time on this forum you have impressed the hell out of this septic with doubt God botherer. I too am truly rooting for you fella and saddened to hear of black dog's assaults (BTW I have tried a variety of anti-depressants and can fill you in on my experiences on request).

JB when I joined this forum your welcome and warmth was one of the most conspicuous aspects of my joining and I echo your sentiments about the other good people of the forum.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 January, 2016, 12:38:12 PM
Thanks, Prodigal; and as I've said before, I wish all religious types were as sound as you.

By the way I'm glad this thread finally got going - I felt a wee bit bad for Grugz when he started it with very good intentions, but nobody replied for a long time.  The thing was, there was another thread at the time that had discussed depression at length.

EDIT:  I'll paint you whether you like it or not, TB.  All over with gold paint, like Jill Masterson in Goldfinger.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JPMaybe on 29 January, 2016, 01:42:29 PM
Reading your post TB, my advice would be get to your GP post-fucking-haste and get on the pills.  You'll almost certainly be offered an SSRI, which worked very well for me.  That feeling you describe is still there for me, but (most of the time) much more distant, muted, less intense.  Side-effects wise, all I really had was  some anorgasmia, which wasn't a huge deal- to put it crudely, it meant I could last for ages with my gf of the time.

Therapy wise you'll almost certainly (eventually) get a course of 8-odd CBT sessions.  CBT works very well for some people- personally not so much, annoyingly, but I'd at least give it a go.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 29 January, 2016, 03:40:36 PM
Cbt helped me quite a lot.  The depression still returns and St. John's has been a real blessing, but knowing my triggers thanks to that counselling is a huge help.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 29 January, 2016, 04:55:32 PM
Hi Tordels', sorry to hear about your current situation.  I know how you feel on the medication front.  For a long time I felt pretty much the same.  I think part of that was because of my mothers' experience. 

There are some insanely sound people here and reading there remarks and advice I think they definitely merit serious consideration.  Having been through a CBT course I personally recommend it.  That said, I think it does depend on the counsellor.  I paid for one privately who was great but have also been to two different ones through work who were, not to put too fine a point on it, fecking useless!  As Something Fishy says, knowing triggers is also helpful in finding an effective balance.

The other strategy I have tried is Mindfulness.  I think the worst thing about the Black Dog for me is the spiral.  Feeling depressed or anxious and then getting annoyed about feeling depressed and anxious which makes the depression or anxiety even worse!  Using mindfulness strategies to shift the focus helps me to manage that more effectively.

As with everyone else, I really hope (and as another irritating God botherer, pray) that you find the most effective way for you.  Look after yourself fella.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Old Tankie on 29 January, 2016, 06:36:33 PM
Counselling helped me when my illness started kicking in big time, maybe worth giving it a go.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Leigh S on 29 January, 2016, 07:04:40 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 29 January, 2016, 04:55:32 PM
Hi Tordels', sorry to hear about your current situation.  I know how you feel on the medication front.  For a long time I felt pretty much the same.  I think part of that was because of my mothers' experience. 


This was my experience - my mother was on valium and in and out of institutes during my childhood, and my older brother followed suit in his mid to late teens. 

My reaction to my own feelings of depression was always to never even acknowledge them - seeking help had not seemed to help the rest of my family, so I determined to get on with it - keep my head down, stay out of situations that would heighten feelings of cripplingly low self worth, avoid drink or anything that might make me lose control.  As I was left holding the fort when my mom then dad buggered off then giving in to it didnt seem an option at all. 

The first half of the 90s pretty much passed me by.  I remember people at work would joke about how I never left my bedroom, and I kind of built a character around it that and joked along with them. 

I met my wife at work and even when we started going out, I wouldnt drink and didnt really enjoy socialising - partly I would be worrying about what wwas happening at home, and partially was I didn't really have anything in common with the people I knew at the time (don't like sports, leering & wasnt drinking) - I've asked her why she put up with me, but she said I was funny and thoughtful and all the horrible stuff (both the practical goings on fending off bailiffs or breakdowns at home and the inside feelings of worthlessness) I kept away from her and friends. 

It has only been recently, many years after extricating myself from a lot of the worries I had, setting up home, having a family of my own and finding a bunch of friends that I am happy to want to socialise with (the geeks have united!), that I have understood just how ill I was back then. Ironically, having this realisation only in the past few years seemed to bring the depression back to the point it nearly knocked me out properly.

I can't give any advice - I was made to go the the GP, but didnt follow up on chasing my own therapy (strange that!). Medication still feels like something that I have seen people use to deaden their disquiet, when maybe their disquiet should have been acted on.  The one thing I did wrong was not to let it get too much for me, and I'm not sure I havent seen people get a prescription rather than (for example) ditch the partner they knew they didn't love or carry on hiding from the world. That said, I wouldn't deter anyone else - I have a friend was always very resistant to the idea of taking drugs, until his anxiety went through the roof and now he is a proudish user.

Anyway, as others have said, it is very sobering to see boarders here who are so articulate, funny and engaging posting here - I'm taking that as a sign you can't have one without the other!  :)



Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 29 January, 2016, 09:05:17 PM
its nice to see people using this thread as I was afraid it was getting filed in the "nice idea but no thanks "drawer.

   I haven't tried the st johns wort or even heard about it so may have to give it a go. For me anti depressants have been a life saver ,used to be on fluoxetine but now am on sertraline which seems to keep me ticking along without any side effects (unless you count the fact that it seems to surpress dreams,or at least my ability to know about it) was on mirtazapine briefly but that stuff had a weird effect on my legs! very uncomfortable restlessness/ache/cramp .
   Also one of the main things causing my problems is coming to an end,work has agreed to look at the dismissal for ill health option which is a damn good idea according to my gp who has agreed to do a report. i'll get 3 months at full pay plus holidays as my notice which is better than the zero I'm on at the moment...then when I get better I can look for something less complicated and political maybe join a care agency and work more locally and actually care for people instead of the move to admin monkey I was getting. 20 years down the pan but I did make a very good and long lasting friendship out of it.

  tordels, whatever you decide consider giving the tabs a try at least, I didn't like taking them but they do help...counselling also helped but it ony really works if you get someone you can talk to one I had was a lovely lady called Ingrid but I did have one who was a bit of a patronising hippy who for some reason reminded me of the woman from poltergeist (the little one "this house is clean")
  they did try to make me do a cbt computer therapy course I lasted two sessions before I taught my dog  some swear words and nearly threw the laptop out of the window...it was very ...acted.like one of those naff course videos you may have been forced to watch.
stay strong folks....
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: richerthanyou on 31 January, 2016, 03:10:56 AM
It's Sunday. I hate Sundays. The most depressing day of the week. Even worse is I have things to do and I have no motivation to do them. Even though I know they are important. It's annoying knowing that the majority of boarders are asleep right now (or down the pub) so the chance of a reply any time soon in minimal. The thing is I'm not even doing anything. My motivation is so low that I can't even be bothered getting up and putting on a movie or reading a book. Or playing guitar. I could quite easily just lay here and wait to fall asleep. The only reason I'm on here now is because the computer is right next to my bed so I can lay on my bed and type.

Does anyone else here suffer worse on a Sunday? Perhaps I should get a weekend job to keep me busy and take my mind off being bored/depressed.

There are so many things I could be doing and a few more that I must be doing today, and yet my body just says eh.

Anyway enough moaning from me. I know that if I give it long enough it will pass. It's not like I'm going to top myself. I wouldn't have the motivation even if I wanted to.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 31 January, 2016, 04:50:36 PM
I'm so sorry, but I couldn't help thinking of this....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RTJ4vHoYUs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RTJ4vHoYUs)


Maybe some kind of activity rather than a job; hillwalking or somesuch?  Walking the hills with friends helped me a bit during my bad spells.  Have to say; I love Sundays these days - Right now they're my only day off; and I really enjoy the freedom to do what I want and go where I want.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 31 January, 2016, 05:02:28 PM
Quote from: richerthanyou on 31 January, 2016, 03:10:56 AM

Does anyone else here suffer worse on a Sunday? Perhaps I should get a weekend job to keep me busy and take my mind off being bored/depressed.

Sunday nights are routinely harrowing/sleepless for me - often because my job is very changeable and I'm deeply anxious about what Monday might bring. Having a very active day often does assist with that as you deplete the energy you'd spend getting wired. Only problem there: I'm extremely lazy so I often have mental energy by the bucketload.

IT'S A VICIOUS CYCLE.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 31 January, 2016, 05:25:26 PM
Also it's heartening to see so many folk articulating their experiences on this thread. You may not feel like it, but just writing it down and expressing what you're feeling in words is a huge part of the battle. It solidifies it, contextualizes it - stops it from becoming a howling vortex of conflicting feelings in your mind alone.

On that note I found CBT personally deeply effective when confronting a build of bullshit thinking - if you can flexibly identify and dismiss the thoughts as they occur to you, you can head off attacks quite effectively. Then - we all get it differently but this thread is a good start to get people writing it down. Don't stay silent, you are not alone!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 31 January, 2016, 05:43:44 PM
The black dog sits on my chest often.
things that 'normal' people love that fills me with dread:
1. party songs...Oh what a night etc...can render me more alone than a depressing radiohead/joy division/morrisey song
2. anything associated with a Sunday kills me (top 40, songs of praise, heartbeat et al)
3. there is so much mor but i'm self medicating so....
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 31 January, 2016, 06:52:52 PM
Quote from: richerthanyou on 31 January, 2016, 03:10:56 AM
Does anyone else here suffer worse on a Sunday? Perhaps I should get a weekend job to keep me busy and take my mind off being bored/depressed.

I find Sunday afternoon / evening is when the anxiety spike is most likely to happen.  Usually it is all the things I had planned for the weekend but didn't get round to doing because actually I do need a break at some point and working non stop generally tends to lead to melt down.  I think the cultural norm now of working until you drop is probably part of the reason for the explosion in mental health issues over the last few years.

Personally I'm trying to condition myself into accepting that not only is it acceptable to actually spend time at the weekend on non work related activities but it is in fact a responsibility because otherwise I'm going to end up burning out.  I find that some mindless film or novel helps.  That and Camomile tea on a Sunday evening!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: richerthanyou on 14 February, 2016, 01:04:03 AM
So much to do. This is my last weekend before I move away and I haven't done any packing yet. I haven't even got somewhere to live yet. To most normal people the answers are obvious, but to be honest, I could just lay around all day listening to the chirping of the birds. And no, it's not because I'm a lazy sod!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 14 February, 2016, 02:45:49 PM
I bloody love Sunday, me! Possibly my favourite day of the week. My calendar triggers aren't really day-related but date-related; New Years and Valentines Day (and occassionally my birthday).

This was the first year that I can remember that I didn't fall into a black hole of depression at New Years', though, so I'm hoping that the same holds true of today.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 15 February, 2016, 09:30:41 AM
Just three and a half hours' work in the last fortnight, so I'm now a week behind in the rent for my shed for the first time. That seems like a terrible milestone. Dreams - nightmares really - riffing on the cast out of home/family/society/world theme. The solicitor was expecting a reply from the police before Christmas but I haven't heard from him since, despite a couple of polite emails of inquiry I sent. Watching, helpless, as wider society sleepwalks into serfdom, war and ruin.

The pull of the black hole is becoming tangible again, the foetid breath of the Black Dog on the nape of my neck.

But, health-wise I'm okay and I have a small core of good and reliable friends.

I will not give in to this darkness again. I'll piss into the black hole until it chokes and kick the Black Dog in the nuts, send it scampering away yelping, tail between its legs. Fuck depression. Fuck anxiety. Whatever comes, I'll plant my feet and face it. Square my shoulders and resist it or let it flow past me. No medication. No drugs. Just me, small and insignificant, and all the inner power I can muster.

I will not yield to the darkness again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Mardroid on 15 February, 2016, 09:34:44 PM
That's the spirit Shark!
Just don't be afraid to talk to those good and reliable friends.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 February, 2016, 02:03:37 PM
Hope you're ok, Shark.

Me, I've had pretty much no free time for the last three months, even in the evenings, other than a week or so at Christmas (which was nice but a bit stressful in its own way).  It's finally really getting me down.  I didn't start a business for this - I want a life again. I can't even remember who I am any more.

To be fair; I'm nearly done with the heavy work; just one more week of it.  I'm also at a low ebb because I was very ill all weekend and still am a bit (not at all unconncected with the fact that I work almost all my waking hours and sleep little).  Hopefully once this last week is out of the way I'll remember what kind of person I am when I'm not working.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 16 February, 2016, 02:22:46 PM
Aye, stand your ground, Sharky. More than I can manage at any rate.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 16 February, 2016, 02:35:38 PM
Something I found as a good remedy for the daily visit from the black dog is little acts of kindness. Helping a mother struggling down some stairs with a pram, holding a door open that extra few seconds for an elderly gentleman, generously tipping barista's (Lord knows they need it) to the best of your ability.

Helping other people feel better, even nay especially complete strangers can often be the elevating factor of your day.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 16 February, 2016, 02:45:11 PM
Quote from: Tordelback on 16 February, 2016, 02:22:46 PM
Aye, stand your ground, Sharky. More than I can manage at any rate.

Any appreciable difference with St Johns Wort, TB?

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 16 February, 2016, 04:54:56 PM
Haven't even given it a try yet Jim, thanks muchly for the reminder. Hard-won resolution to take action led to frustrating and unproductive engagement with my GP which so far has amounted to an exercise in appointment-making, and left me even more dispirited. Patience, patience. Luckily my main contract at the moment requires only the vaguest semblance of shambling life from me, buying my life in hourly chunks of mere presence and occasional grunts, or I'd be even more fecked. As to all my other responsibilities, it doesn't bear describing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dog Deever on 16 February, 2016, 05:00:16 PM
Quote from: CrazyFoxMachine on 31 January, 2016, 05:25:26 PM
On that note I found CBT personally deeply effective when confronting a build of bullshit thinking

Worked for me on a personal level too. The pills kept me from landing up in jail though 'happy pills' were not happy in any way- it was an emotional flatline where I really did not give two hoots what I said or how it was received, but it did stop me from becoming violently aggressive, which was one of the main causes of much of my anxiety.
I was frustrated by the psychiatrists lack of willingness too talk about anything, but Occy Health fixed me up with six weeks CBT at an hour a week, on the phone- despite the shitness of this setup, I couldn't have turned the corner without it. I (typically) didn't even do the homework you're meant to do but it still worked. (That and constantly having to piss sitting down, leaning as far forward as possible to force it out of me, which I think is within the range of possible fluoxetine side effects. That couldn't last, I felt like I was going to rupture my bladder! Comical.)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 February, 2016, 06:21:41 PM
Thanks, chaps. Sorry I didn't reply sooner.

Helping others helps me, too. Just last week I stopped to help up a pensioner who fell over at a bus stop whilst a few others just kept walking. She was upset at having no money to pay me for my kindness but after I said, "Old lass, I don't need paying for doing the right thing," she got a tear in her eye and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Another bloke, who I vaguely know, also stopped and gave her a lift home in his van. I felt ten feet tall after that little act of kindness. Definitely powerful medicine.

I think getting out, taking the dog for a walk, especially with a friend, is also good for me.

One thing that might help others is how to deal with "dark thoughts." I used to get these a lot - you know the kind of thing, imagining punching someone or hurting yourself - and then worrying about them for ages after. I realised they're just random thoughts, everyone has them. Now I just shrug and say to myself, "it's just a thought, it doesn't mean anything," and let it go. I own my thoughts, or try to. Appreciate the "good" ones and cast the "bad" ones aside.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 February, 2016, 08:02:34 PM
Quote from: Tordelback on 16 February, 2016, 04:54:56 PMHard-won resolution to take action led to frustrating and unproductive engagement with my GP which so far has amounted to an exercise in appointment-making

Doesn't sound too helpful.  Maybe you need a new GP?  The last guy who prescribed my Lexapro was very understanding.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 16 February, 2016, 08:39:02 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 16 February, 2016, 06:21:41 PM
One thing that might help others is how to deal with "dark thoughts." I used to get these a lot - you know the kind of thing, imagining punching someone or hurting yourself - and then worrying about them for ages after. I realised they're just random thoughts, everyone has them. Now I just shrug and say to myself, "it's just a thought, it doesn't mean anything," and let it go. I own my thoughts, or try to. Appreciate the "good" ones and cast the "bad" ones aside.

An old friend of mine who was forever locked in a battle with the dark mutt once told me the phrase "a thoughtie isn't a naughty" - which is as weirdly illogical and cheesy as it is bizarrely unforgettable and quite comforting. Your bad thoughts can't hurt other people - only yourself and nor can they drive you to do things. Therefore attaching guilt or anxiety to them - when they're ephemeral things that never solidify - is a pointless exercise.

In terms of hard-won resolution turning to frustration - don't let that determination ebb away when the solutions aren't immediately forthcoming TB. More than likely what'll help you won't take the form you were envisioning in the first place!

Glad CBT did the job for you DD - it sets you up for the longer game by making you break apart negative things as they're occurring and not letting them grow in you. Someone once said that thought patterns are like unofficial footpaths forged into grassy fields, and you'll naturally follow the most indented route. The more you trudge along the negative path, the more permanent it becomes. You are surrounded by grass, and new trails can always be made. (Insert pretense-shattering oops-there's-the-farmer-you're-trespassing reference here)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 24 February, 2016, 05:01:45 PM
I had a rather peculiar feeling this morning, and it cast something of a shadow over my day. It's been 3 years to the day since I quite college. Most of my friends are in their final year of uni, and i'm still just kind of bumming about trying to decide what to do with my life. I mean, I recently got into a job I enjoy even if it is a simple bar job, i'm studdying through the OU for a career I enjoy, I just got back off a fantastic diving weekend. I'm happy.

So why is it I still regret not working hard enough at college? Why do I still regret packing in the towel despite all the health issues it was causing me? Why do I feel so old despite only being 20 and well within my pervue not knowing what I should do with the rest of my life? After thinking all this I just kind of felt...empty. And very tired.

Like I forgot what the point to any of it was. And that scarred me a little.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 24 February, 2016, 05:14:48 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 24 February, 2016, 05:01:45 PM
I had a rather peculiar feeling this morning, and it cast something of a shadow over my day. It's been 3 years to the day since I quite college. Most of my friends are in their final year of uni, and i'm still just kind of bumming about trying to decide what to do with my life.

Take it from someone who has been to Uni, Hawk - 80% of those folks still don't know what they want to do with their lives either, they were just trying to put off the real world for another three years.

A few people from my course went straight on to higher education (Masters degrees, etc); everyone else started suffering that same overwhelming, existential panic (that 'Oh shit, what now?!' feeling) as the third year crawled inexorably towards its end.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 24 February, 2016, 05:21:51 PM
Maybe because of unreasonable top-down societal pressure. You know, all those parasites in the upper echelons who call you a failure because you don't have the "qualifications" to pay them oodles of tax money. Screw 'em. It's your life, live it your way - not theirs.

Never forget that you are a being of infinite worth and potential. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 24 February, 2016, 05:37:50 PM
I think it's as simple and primal as fear of the unknown - at certain moments in life you're aware of a yawning mist-filled chasm suddenly opening beneath your feet labelled 'the future'. It's one whopping great mystery and you're about to fall straight into it. Who wouldn't panic just a bit?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 24 February, 2016, 07:31:16 PM
Quote from: CrazyFoxMachine on 16 February, 2016, 08:39:02 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 16 February, 2016, 06:21:41 PM
One thing that might help others is how to deal with "dark thoughts." I used to get these a lot - you know the kind of thing, imagining punching someone or hurting yourself - and then worrying about them for ages after. I realised they're just random thoughts, everyone has them. Now I just shrug and say to myself, "it's just a thought, it doesn't mean anything," and let it go. I own my thoughts, or try to. Appreciate the "good" ones and cast the "bad" ones aside.

An old friend of mine who was forever locked in a battle with the dark mutt once told me the phrase "a thoughtie isn't a naughty" - which is as weirdly illogical and cheesy as it is bizarrely unforgettable and quite comforting. Your bad thoughts can't hurt other people - only yourself and nor can they drive you to do things. Therefore attaching guilt or anxiety to them - when they're ephemeral things that never solidify - is a pointless exercise.

In terms of hard-won resolution turning to frustration - don't let that determination ebb away when the solutions aren't immediately forthcoming TB. More than likely what'll help you won't take the form you were envisioning in the first place!

Glad CBT did the job for you DD - it sets you up for the longer game by making you break apart negative things as they're occurring and not letting them grow in you. Someone once said that thought patterns are like unofficial footpaths forged into grassy fields, and you'll naturally follow the most indented route. The more you trudge along the negative path, the more permanent it becomes. You are surrounded by grass, and new trails can always be made. (Insert pretense-shattering oops-there's-the-farmer-you're-trespassing reference here)

I'd back this 100%.  I think the most pernicious aspect of the hound is the guilt and anger that is connected with how we end up thinking about our thinking.  Getting angry and frustrated with ourselves is way too easy and ultimately counterproductive.  The best strategy I've come across is the defusion technique of 'radio angry' or 'the old black memory show'.  Every time I catch one of those thoughts or memories I run the stupid presenter voice.  It shifts the thought or memory into a silly perspective and helps it lose its power.  Sounds really stupid but is I find it incredibly effective.  Still have the thoughts / memories but don't fuse with them so much any more or for as long.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 09 March, 2016, 04:46:49 PM
The Black Dog made an unwelcome visit again this week. I've been all too aware recently if my disintegrating social life. Work leaves me so emotionally exhausted that I hardly leave the house, and all my close friend have been out of touch for some time now. Added to that...I'm just incredibly lonely. I'm surrounded by people but at the same time feel like I'm completely isolated. Most of my dive buddies are at least twice my age and lovely as they are the age bracket shows. I've even considered looking at shared accommodation just to alleviate it a little. I like doing things alone, but it's starting to get to the point where I'm shutting myself off from everyone else, and I can't let myself do that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 09 March, 2016, 04:59:15 PM
Sorry to hear that, Hawkie. At least you've got us - which is less than ideal, I know, but better than nothing. Have a look in the local paper, maybe, and see if there are any clubs or something you fancy having a go at. Reading circles, rambling clubs or whatever. Try something new, meet new people. Just a suggestion. Chin up, fella, and I hope things improve for you soon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 09 March, 2016, 05:19:01 PM
Yes, thank you Sharky. This place is honestly a massive godsend, easily the most laid back forum I've ever been a member of, and a member of...5 years*? Jeez, I feel old.

*The next one would be a cult cinema forum for two years. Jumped ship when one mid went crazy and started handing suspensions out like candy.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 09 March, 2016, 05:21:30 PM
Feckoff candy? Bandy?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 09 March, 2016, 05:49:23 PM
Advice that I can't follow but is the best advice i can give to anyone suffering.  'DON't SELF MEDICATE"
GIVE IT ALL UP!!!!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 09 March, 2016, 06:03:17 PM
Agree with that. Haven't had a joint since last October/November(ish) and feel miles better for it. I don't drink* due to my job, so that's also good.
.
*I'm not tee-total, sometimes I'll have a drink with friends but very rarely.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 09 March, 2016, 06:33:56 PM
I don't have much choice - I've just been diagnosed with angina so will have to give up my beloved pipe and cut down the beer. I'm worried that this will lead to depression and/or stress. I do find myself getting stressed and irritable whenever I take a break from the weed - with it, I can look at the world's shittiness with mellow bemusement, rather than  getting mightily  wound up by it all. I gave up alcohol completely for a few years after a bout of acute pancreatitis in 2001 and got pretty depressed after that. It was such a joy when I could start again!

I can't complain - I've had decades of good food, beer, fags and drugs, and had an absolute ball, so if I now need to pay the piper and get healthier, it's only fair
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 09 March, 2016, 07:02:46 PM
Sorry to hear about the diagnosis, DDD, be well, okay? I need people of your calibre shouting at me on various threads hereabouts!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 09 March, 2016, 07:29:15 PM
Best wishes Ddd.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 09 March, 2016, 08:06:05 PM
Best of luck, DDD; hope it all works out. I lead a pretty unhealthy life too and am not getting any younger; i think I'll have to sort myself out soon before I'm forced to.

Also, best of luck to you too HM; I know what it's like.  I was extremely shy and lonely when I was young, but in my thirties my social life suddenly improved vastly (mainly due to my job at the time teaching English to foreigners).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 10 March, 2016, 11:27:19 AM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 09 March, 2016, 04:46:49 PM
The Black Dog made an unwelcome visit again this week. I've been all too aware recently if my disintegrating social life. Work leaves me so emotionally exhausted that I hardly leave the house, and all my close friend have been out of touch for some time now. Added to that...I'm just incredibly lonely. I'm surrounded by people but at the same time feel like I'm completely isolated. Most of my dive buddies are at least twice my age and lovely as they are the age bracket shows. I've even considered looking at shared accommodation just to alleviate it a little. I like doing things alone, but it's starting to get to the point where I'm shutting myself off from everyone else, and I can't let myself do that.

Hawk I just wanted to echo Sharky's sentiments and wish you the best fella. I totally agree that this place is a good place.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: richerthanyou on 12 March, 2016, 07:17:33 PM
Off to see the brain doctor next week. Apparently as a student I get 10 sessions free. So here's hoping they can cure me by then :D

I feel sorry for whoever gets me though. They have never had anyone this messed up in there before
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 13 March, 2016, 08:07:07 AM
Quote from: richerthanyou on 12 March, 2016, 07:17:33 PM
I feel sorry for whoever gets me though. They have never had anyone this messed up in there before

Had the 'pleasure' of a work allocated counsellor once before.  Her comment at the end of the last session was the she had never worked with anyone as difficult before.  :o
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 13 March, 2016, 09:50:10 AM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 13 March, 2016, 08:07:07 AM
Quote from: richerthanyou on 12 March, 2016, 07:17:33 PM
I feel sorry for whoever gets me though. They have never had anyone this messed up in there before

Had the 'pleasure' of a work allocated counsellor once before.  Her comment at the end of the last session was the she had never worked with anyone as difficult before.  :o
I had the complete opposit after 10 weeks of counselling, apparently I was one of the more open and easy to work with. It was those weeks I realised that as bad as my problems are, I have a home, a functioning family (of gobshites), hobbies to keep me busy and job experience and opportunities. I might not be in an ideal position, but i'm grateful i'm not in a worse one.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 13 March, 2016, 11:53:05 AM
Aye, one of my colleagues at work has a son with Leukemia.  Kind of puts in perspective.

I do think it was just that she was the wrong counsellor for me.  Tried a different one a few years later and it was far more effective.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 15 March, 2016, 06:27:23 PM
been plagued by black hound this week or more and have discovered I have trichosomething mania as I have been cutting and pulling out my hair,more so recently,so am now down to the and desperately trying to combat the urge  to mess with it ,a peek on the interwebs shows I'm not alone despite feeling it but I haven't found any good advice on how to control the urge to pull/cut,my wife's "just don't do it" isn't as simple as it sounds.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Taryn Tailz on 17 March, 2016, 05:13:36 PM
Don't know if this suits the black dog thread (although the contents of a recently locked thread upset me a fair bit) but:

I've just been given my official referral to the Gender Identity Clinic in Glasgow. So I guess this is my coming out as transgender on the forum. 'eek'

Gonna be dropping the name Tim and taking the name Taryn soon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 17 March, 2016, 05:24:42 PM
Nice name!

I'm sure this won't be an easy journey, but hopefully the benefits and peace of mind will far outweigh the inevitable difficulties and shitty attitudes you will face. All the best with that!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: von Boom on 17 March, 2016, 05:27:35 PM
Quote from: Tim Tailz on 17 March, 2016, 05:13:36 PM
Don't know if this suits the black dog thread (although the contents of a recently locked thread upset me a fair bit) but:

I've just been given my official referral to the Gender Identity Clinic in Glasgow. So I guess this is my coming out as transgender on the forum. 'eek'

Gonna be dropping the name Tim and taking the name Taryn soon.

Gutsy. It's your skin and you should live in it the best way that makes you happy. I hope it all goes well for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Old Tankie on 17 March, 2016, 05:29:51 PM
All the very best.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 17 March, 2016, 05:39:36 PM
QuoteDon't know if this suits the black dog thread (although the contents of a recently locked thread upset me a fair bit) but:

I've just been given my official referral to the Gender Identity Clinic in Glasgow. So I guess this is my coming out as transgender on the forum. 'eek'

Gonna be dropping the name Tim and taking the name Taryn soon.

indeed, all the best. just be patient with people who cant wrap their head around it. not everyone cis is a monster...we sometimes need a little clarification or a nudge in the right direction.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Taryn Tailz on 17 March, 2016, 05:47:32 PM
Thanks everyone. I must say I've had nothing but positive reactions so far, including from my family, so I'm doing well so far. :P

Without going tmi, I'm only intending on going on Hormone Replacement...so know surgery for me. :P I believe that's a fairly common choice though.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: richerthanyou on 17 March, 2016, 05:52:46 PM
Nice to hear Taryn. Good luck on your journey  :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 17 March, 2016, 07:32:58 PM
Ditto.  And apologies for the 'fella' earlier on the other thread. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Taryn Tailz on 17 March, 2016, 07:47:52 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 17 March, 2016, 07:32:58 PM
Ditto.  And apologies for the 'fella' earlier on the other thread.

Oh, no worries there at all. You weren't to know when you wrote that, plus I still look like a man anyway. ;)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Darren Stephens on 17 March, 2016, 08:23:27 PM
Extremely brave of you Taryn, all the best pal. ;)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 17 March, 2016, 09:57:30 PM
Aye, good luck to you. It's not something I understand but, by God, I can see and admire the bravery of it. Great bunch of folk on here to be supportive and sympathetic, too.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 17 March, 2016, 10:49:11 PM
Best of luck mate, always impressive to see people taking steps to be more the person they know they should be. I can't even get round to changing my avatar!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 17 March, 2016, 10:54:27 PM
Quote from: Taryn Tailz (formerly Tim) on 17 March, 2016, 05:47:32 PM
Thanks everyone. I must say I've had nothing but positive reactions so far, including from my family, so I'm doing well so far. :P

Without going tmi, I'm only intending on going on Hormone Replacement...so know surgery for me. :P I believe that's a fairly common choice though.

Fair play; hope it all goes well and I'm glad you're getting such support.  And Taryn is a much cooler name than Tim... touch of Game of Thrones about it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 18 March, 2016, 08:00:51 AM
Best o' look Taryn, I know from experience it's not an easy journey (my sister is a transgender youth) but if you don't come out the otherside a radient, confident and over all joyous individual as a result of it then sod the nay sayers!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Colin YNWA on 18 March, 2016, 08:32:52 AM
Good luck Taryn. Hope everything goes okay and you get were you want and need to be.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Mattofthespurs on 18 March, 2016, 09:02:32 AM
Best of luck.
Hope it all goes well.  :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 18 March, 2016, 09:40:45 AM
aye, all the best :D
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Steve Green on 18 March, 2016, 11:05:03 AM
Best wishes Taryn!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: flip-r mk2 on 18 March, 2016, 12:40:07 PM
Good luck Taryn :)

filippo
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Taryn Tailz on 18 March, 2016, 01:13:26 PM
Thank you all so much for the kind words. :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 March, 2016, 01:21:46 PM
Quote from: Taryn Tailz (formerly Tim) on 18 March, 2016, 01:13:26 PM
Thank you all so much for the kind words. :)

Just wondering, was this something you always knew you were going to go through with sooner or later? No need to answer if you don't want to, I'm just a bit ignorant of such things and am curious.

In any case, as i said, I'm very happy for you and wish you the best with it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Taryn Tailz on 18 March, 2016, 01:30:13 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 18 March, 2016, 01:21:46 PM
Quote from: Taryn Tailz (formerly Tim) on 18 March, 2016, 01:13:26 PM
Thank you all so much for the kind words. :)

Just wondering, was this something you always knew you were going to go through with sooner or later? No need to answer if you don't want to, I'm just a bit ignorant of such things and am curious.

In any case, as i said, I'm very happy for you and wish you the best with it.

It was something I've suspected for the last three or four years, but have only recently come to terms with. I can look back to childhood and see signs of Gender Dysphoria, and through my whole life in fact, but it wasn't until I was about 22 (I'm 25 now) that I started to work out what was wrong. It's kind of strange to say that you know something's wrong but can't put your finger on it, but that's exactly how the first twenty odd years of my life felt.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 March, 2016, 01:37:43 PM
Ok, thanks a million. Like i say,  i was just curious because i don't know much about this topic (despite having lived for a while in thailand where it's very much a part of everyday life)  and i really appreciate your interesting response.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 18 March, 2016, 01:42:34 PM
Absolute best wishes.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM
Sorry to add to the thread but..

I've been feeling pretty worthless for some time now. I've lost track with so many friends, just because I don't know what to say to them if I were to get in touch.

I hate my drawing. I've got no grasp of action, perspective, or anything other than someone just stood there. Doing nothing.

I never post any more, thinking my views are just irrelevent. I've missed the last couple of art/story votes due to moping instead of paying attention to dates.
I never even enter the art comps any more - they were my sole reason for drawing at one point!

I live in a friend's flat, I own nothing but a computer, some comics/books and a bed. No savings, and hitting 40 in a couple of weeks. Single too.


It's funny, but it's taken me a week of staring at a computer screen to raise the balls to type all this!
I also hope no-one sees this as a cry for help - think of it as me coming to terms with my issues and trying to start sorting them out.

One thing though - does St John's Wort really have an effect? If I can just get some good feeling and energy back...


And my heartfelt hopes, wishes and love to all other members having a rough time. I do think of you all, even if I don't post to let you know it.
To quote Ringo: "Peace and love, peace and love"  :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 March, 2016, 07:35:02 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM

I also hope no-one sees this as a cry for help - think of it as me coming to terms with my issues and trying to start sorting them out.

Sorry but what is wrong with wanting a bit of help?  There is nowt wrong with wanting someone to give you a bit of support and encouragement.

Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM
One thing though - does St John's Wort really have an effect? If I can just get some good feeling and energy back...

Personally I go with Rescue Remedy which does help me.  I don't care if it is a placebo because it has the desired effect.

Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM
I've lost track with so many friends, just because I don't know what to say to them if I were to get in touch.

Maybe it is worth reaching out to a few old friends with a bit of a 'hello' and seeing where it goes.  Those that are worth knowing will always be supportive.

Hang in there.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 18 March, 2016, 07:53:26 PM
Woolly, you are not alone and you are most certainly not worthless. You are a being of infinite worth and potential. You may not believe that right now - but I do.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 08:26:18 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 18 March, 2016, 07:35:02 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM

I also hope no-one sees this as a cry for help - think of it as me coming to terms with my issues and trying to start sorting them out.

Sorry but what is wrong with wanting a bit of help?  There is nowt wrong with wanting someone to give you a bit of support and encouragement.


You're absolutely right, I just want to attempt beating this thing myself first.
I love doing things for other people - I just want to start doing them for myself sometimes.*


*Christ, but that sounds selfish! Wasn't meant to!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 08:28:08 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 18 March, 2016, 07:53:26 PM
Woolly, you are not alone and you are most certainly not worthless. You are a being of infinite worth and potential. You may not believe that right now - but I do.

Thanks Sharky. I'll get there, just need to stop having such a low opinion of myself.
It comes and goes - this ones just lasted a fair bit of time, i guess.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 18 March, 2016, 08:28:30 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM
Sorry to add to the thread but..

I've been feeling pretty worthless for some time now. I've lost track with so many friends, just because I don't know what to say to them if I were to get in touch.

I hate my drawing. I've got no grasp of action, perspective, or anything other than someone just stood there. Doing nothing.

I never post any more, thinking my views are just irrelevent. I've missed the last couple of art/story votes due to moping instead of paying attention to dates.
I never even enter the art comps any more - they were my sole reason for drawing at one point!

I live in a friend's flat, I own nothing but a computer, some comics/books and a bed. No savings, and hitting 40 in a couple of weeks. Single too.


It's funny, but it's taken me a week of staring at a computer screen to raise the balls to type all this!
I also hope no-one sees this as a cry for help - think of it as me coming to terms with my issues and trying to start sorting them out.

One thing though - does St John's Wort really have an effect? If I can just get some good feeling and energy back...


And my heartfelt hopes, wishes and love to all other members having a rough time. I do think of you all, even if I don't post to let you know it.
To quote Ringo: "Peace and love, peace and love"  :)

Got to be worth a try. It's doesn't work for everyone, but it's not quackery:

"The researchers conclude that the preparations of St. John's wort tested in these studies are superior to placebo and as effective as standard antidepressants in people with major depression. They also have fewer side effects than standard antidepressants."

NHS Source (http://www.nhs.uk/news/2008/10October/Pages/StJohn'swortanddepression.aspx)

I take one tablet a day, and up it to two or occasionally three (maximum allowed dose on the tablets I use) when the dark hound starts really scratching at the door. It's hard to prove a negative (ie: what state I would have been in otherwise) but I certainly notice a difference when I don't take it.

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 March, 2016, 08:40:04 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM
I live in a friend's flat, I own nothing but a computer, some comics/books and a bed. No savings, and hitting 40 in a couple of weeks. Single too.


Every single word of that was true for me last year.  Things have got much better, though i didn't really believe they would at the time.  I'm pretty sure they will for you as well.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 08:49:11 PM
I wrote all this as a form of catharthis, but the quick and genuine responses here have warmed the cockles* no end! Thankyou again. Really does help to know that I'm not alone in this, just wish I had some good advice for the rest of you. But then this is the nicest, most reasoned part of the interweb, so we must be doing something right  :)

I'll give the St Johns Wort a try, thanks again for the info on that.
With any luck, you may see me on the art threads again with (gasp) new material!


*No, not those cockles...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 March, 2016, 08:55:32 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 08:26:18 PM

You're absolutely right, I just want to attempt beating this thing myself first.
I love doing things for other people - I just want to start doing them for myself sometimes.*


*Christ, but that sounds selfish! Wasn't meant to!

Didn't the Bard say 'No Man is an island'?  Drawing on support from others is still 'doing it yourself'.  You choose to accept their support.  If you accept it, that is an action on your part and so is doing it for yourself.  That is not 'selfish' that is responsible.

I'm also going to echo Sharkey's comments.  Accept your own self worth.  It is greater than you think.  You have something to offer and are an individual of value.  The radio 'worthless' station is just one of many.  Just because you hear that broadcast does not mean that you have to accept it.  Thank it for it's commentary and tune in to a new one.

I know you don't believe it right now but you are strong enough.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 18 March, 2016, 09:03:21 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 18 March, 2016, 08:55:32 PM
Didn't the Bard say 'No Man is an island'?

No. But John Donne did. (http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/meditation17.php)* :-)

Cheers!

Jim

*See also: "...Never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." He could turn a phrase, that Donne.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 18 March, 2016, 09:16:30 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM
I hate my drawing. I've got no grasp of action, perspective, or anything other than someone just stood there. Doing nothing.

Huh. Art really is one of the most expressive, cathartic, emotionally uplifting things a human can do - but when it all goes wrong it can just be the absolute worst, can't it? I've been sunk into a few minor depressions in my time because my art's going badly - don't know if a down mood has a negative impact on the art, or a loss of art mojo brings on the mood. Either way, they seem to quickly feed each other and start an inexorable downward spiral. I end up feeling that my whole life thus far has been pretty much wasted, and that every drawing I've ever done was worthless.

Suffice to say Woolly that since I joined the board in 2005 your art has been in the top three of those boarders' styles who I've most, and most consistently, envied. You're good, fella! I hope you find a way out of the slump and see your way to picking up a pencil again soon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 19 March, 2016, 04:45:47 AM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 18 March, 2016, 09:03:21 PM

No. But John Donne did. (http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/meditation17.php)* :-)

Cheers!

Jim


Ah, ta.  Not far off then.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: richerthanyou on 20 March, 2016, 08:03:49 AM
The depression is getting worse.

But I did find a place selling mint condition discworld books at half the retail price so I'm filling the gaps in my collection.

so life isn't all bad.

Once I run out of books to read I'll be well stuffed mind.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 20 March, 2016, 09:11:07 AM
Hang in there, Richer. You can defeat the dog.
.
Buying stuff, collecting stuff, though, is just a short term patch. The more you have, the more you want, it's a vicious circle. Not what most people want to hear, I know, but I speak from experience. I lost just about everything and, after a time, started to feel happier than I ever have. Sure, sometimes I get down, but not as far down and not for as long.
.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 20 March, 2016, 01:04:12 PM
Quote from: richerthanyou on 20 March, 2016, 08:03:49 AM
The depression is getting worse.

But I did find a place selling mint condition discworld books at half the retail price so I'm filling the gaps in my collection.

so life isn't all bad.

Once I run out of books to read I'll be well stuffed mind.

Have you made it to the counselling sessions yet?  I know you were booked in for a few sessions.  Got to be more helpful than just buying stuff.  As Sharky says, owning stuff just to complete collections will not make you happy. 

  But by all means buy them because you want to read them; I remember through one of my worst episodes I trawled through most of Joyce's stuff (as well as books that show you how to make some sense of Joyce's stuff).  A horrible time but the books took my mind off things slightly and ultimately my life was enriched for it.  I'm not sure I'd ever manage Ulysses when I'm otherwise enjoying life.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 20 March, 2016, 01:28:56 PM
JBC is correct, of course. Read and read and read some more, fill your mind with new information and fresh perspectives. It's the contents of the books that's important, not the books themselves.
.
Gawd, but that sounds pompous! Works for me, though.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Woolly on 20 March, 2016, 09:16:43 PM
Quote from: Dark Jimbo on 18 March, 2016, 09:16:30 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 18 March, 2016, 07:22:01 PM
I hate my drawing. I've got no grasp of action, perspective, or anything other than someone just stood there. Doing nothing.

Huh. Art really is one of the most expressive, cathartic, emotionally uplifting things a human can do - but when it all goes wrong it can just be the absolute worst, can't it? I've been sunk into a few minor depressions in my time because my art's going badly - don't know if a down mood has a negative impact on the art, or a loss of art mojo brings on the mood. Either way, they seem to quickly feed each other and start an inexorable downward spiral. I end up feeling that my whole life thus far has been pretty much wasted, and that every drawing I've ever done was worthless.


You've really hit the nail on the head there Jimbo. And thanks for the compliments - for what it's worth I don't think i deserve it, but I'll try to! (if you get my meaning)

Richarthanyou - I too have spent way too much time attaching any happiness to material things - books, films, games - and been depressed when i don't have anything new to distract me.
The encouragement here has inspired me to try and draw something new, regardless what it is.
Have you tried writing?
Just thinking, if you can't find any more books to fill the gaps, maybe try your own?

Best wishes all.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 21 March, 2016, 10:46:50 AM
If you are wanting and able to read,draw etc then you're doing well,i lost count how many times I picked up a book or switched a film on only to think"can't be bothered" this included just going out of the house unless I have to (which I do today) and also explains the trich return after a few days of leaving it alone.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 March, 2016, 04:38:09 PM
When I said I had a patch of land in the 'drokking fantastic' thread, it turned out I was wrong. What I have is a far lighter bank account and a knowledge of how property scammers work.

I'm going to focus on the positives in my life; having berated myself at length already for being so stupid. Life lesson: If it sounds too good to be true, it is.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Old Tankie on 29 March, 2016, 05:27:51 PM
Sorry to hear that, all the best for the future.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 29 March, 2016, 05:34:57 PM
Ah shit. I hope those bastards get arse cancer.

Wish I could do something to help. There's a double bunk in my shack. You'd be welcome to the top one if it wasn't filled with books, powdered milk and washing.

Seriously, I'm just... I don't have the words, JBC, I just don't. F*cking pricks.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 29 March, 2016, 07:35:42 PM
Like TLS says, there just aren't the words JBC.  It is galling that such people 'appear' to get away with this sort of thing.  I hope you've got some evidence of what went on for the authorities.

Love the way your handling it mind.  I can imagine all the recriminations and crap that would be going through my head if I were in the same position.

As Pratchett said (and is enshrined on my classroom door):  Nil Illigitimo Carborundum.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 March, 2016, 09:15:25 PM
Thanks, guys.  All I have are his bank account details; going to give them to the police tomorrow though I don't hold out much hope. 

I have a place to live, thankfully; sharing an apartment - not ideal at my age but it could be a lot worse.  Fortunately I didn't give notice or anything.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 29 March, 2016, 09:21:28 PM
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same...

Good to see you're not despairing, JBC. My thoughts are with you and your level-headed attitude is a lesson to us all.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 March, 2016, 09:26:42 PM
The reason I put it on this thread is because I've been expecting to spiral off into depression over the incident ; but it hasn't happened yet.

  When I discovered I'd been ripped off, I had just returned from the funeral of an old schoolfriend's 37-year-old wife who died of cancer and left him with two young children to bring up on his own.  Another (very close) friend of mine is battling what was skin cancer and has now developed into a brain tumour.  It kind of puts my problems into perspective -  The money can be made again and I'll get over the disappointment and humiliation.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 30 March, 2016, 09:34:02 AM
That has to be bang to rights JBC.  One of my colleagues at school has a 14 year old son who has been diagnosed with Leukemia.  She has spent most of the past year or so back and forth to hospital with him.  She remains resolutely upbeat even though there are times when she wants to crumble.

Nietzsche put it nicely didn't he: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."  I'm firmly of the view that it is only a failure / mistake if we let it cripple us.  If we can pick ourselves up again, dust ourselves off and throw ourselves back into the fray then we can count it victory.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Professor Bear on 30 March, 2016, 12:27:52 PM
One good thing to come out of the Troubles is that there are plenty of bored kneebreakers about, JBC, so if you're willing to put in a bit of detective work and track the scammer down, you can probably get one to beat your money out of him.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 30 March, 2016, 02:57:00 PM
Heh. What's more they'll all be on holidays down south here for the Rising centenary.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 30 March, 2016, 10:41:53 PM
Sorry to hear it Jayzus.  There really are some horrible cretins around.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 31 March, 2016, 11:45:43 AM
Horrible to read this. Useless but best wishes mate.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 31 March, 2016, 12:40:32 PM
JBC hope there is a good outcome for you, and you nail the bastards: nothing wrong with a wee bit revenge and having a 3 min hate each morning.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 31 March, 2016, 07:21:25 PM
Thank you very much, guys.  I've pretty much got over the worst of it already, though hopefully the old bill will dig something up on him - it would be nice to know he wasn't going to try it with anyone else.  That said, it was largely my own fault for being so naive.  He really, really sounded like a decent and genuine sort and totally took me in - that's the nature of the beast, I suppose. 

Proudhuff, funny you should mention a three-minute hate - I try to meditate for ten minutes most mornings but since that have been devoting the 10 minutes to feeling the disappointment and anger as intensely as I can, so that it doesn't bubble under in my subconscious all day.  Seems to be working, so far.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 07 May, 2016, 06:59:19 PM
Dr said here ya go have 20mg of fluoxetine. each time I've gone back all they've doe is raise it to 30mg, now I'm on forty. all l the bloody stuff does is give me heartburn.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 08 May, 2016, 09:09:03 AM
The great Susan Calman had some interesting things to say about dealing with her own depression, which she refers to as the 'crab of hate', in weekend Woman's Hour (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b078w96r). May have to grab the related book.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 11 May, 2016, 01:46:43 PM
having a bad time recently,manifesting itself in the hair cutting /pulling... I feel shit. want desperately not to do it but cant,so have very short hair now after too numerous trips to the barber to sort out the mess I made.just want to leave it alone and let it grow which wasn't a problem before but is at the moment,i know it doesn't sound very serious or black doggish ,but it is to me. just wish someone had better advice than "just shave it off" or "just stop doing it".. :-[
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 May, 2016, 03:47:43 PM
It sounds pretty fucking serious to me, Grugz.  Sorry to hear you're going through this; I hope you can somehow find a solution.  Have you looked for professional help about it? 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 11 May, 2016, 08:39:58 PM
I'm awaiting counselling and "cbt" (though I hope tp god it aint the computerised session I had to before-the dog learnt several new swear words and we nearly found out if the laptop could fly) .

thing is when I look in the mirror it looks all even etc but when I touch it I feel stray long bits not matching the rest and so start snipping but I wonder if my fingers are tricking me as sometimes one bit feels long with the right fingers doesn't with the left...or that could just be my addled brain. :(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 May, 2016, 02:56:31 AM
The only advice I can think of is obvious and simplistic, so I won't insult your intelligence by giving it.

Hang in there, Grugzie, you're not alone and people do care about you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 12 May, 2016, 11:33:09 AM
A mate of milady has had that exact problem Grugz - it became such a grim learned habit that she began to tear huge bloody patches of her hair out as she slept. After many years of counselling (and some innovative unremovable sleep-mittens) she's gradually weaned herself to plucking a single hair a day - which she now, mercifully, occasionally forgets to do. So she has consequentially regrown her full head of hair.

Yer not alone sir, and it WILL get better but it won't be instantaneous - but one day all this will seem like a strange strange phase.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Theblazeuk on 12 May, 2016, 12:36:21 PM
This may be shit advice and if so I'm sorry, but would wearing a hat help at all? Not the right time of year for it I know but if it's unconscious compulsion maybe the act of your fingers hitting it might disrupt the subconscious enough to help prevent it.

A beanie or something
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 19 May, 2016, 10:05:27 AM
While I'm waiting for "far Harbor" to download I wanted to share that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (not the "they're here!" one) but I have been unemployed now for a few weeks and have started to feel albeit slightly,the stress beginning to lift ,I am having less sleepless nights though that still happens and my ibs is seemingly starting to settle down...apologies if you're eating ,but I had the biggest solidest "normal" poo last night in ages and to be fair,no matter how weird it sounds, I enjoyed it! considering the last one was in hospital dosed up on morphine and was painful..this was bliss... ;)
   I haven't cut or pulled my hair for a few days so hopefully I can carry on.winning.

  I know things have got to me in the past ,even on here and let certain people affect my normally easy going personality which is why I killed mogzilla and returned as grugz (despite some hiccups). Now, I have more time with the wife and daughter ,I'm not coming home in grumps or upset and taking it out on them, my lass has become more of a daddy's girl now which is fab!

  So, everyone who uses this thread ,or doesn't,but has depression etc) hang in there, even if it doesn't feel like it YOU can beat it...

  and now I'm off to pillage and murder stuff in the new fallout dlc.

peace .
xxx
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 19 May, 2016, 10:19:54 AM
Good man, Grugz!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 19 May, 2016, 11:32:34 AM
Good man G!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 19 May, 2016, 11:52:37 AM
Great to hear, Grugzie!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Old Tankie on 19 May, 2016, 03:06:32 PM
Good to hear.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Taryn Tailz on 19 May, 2016, 06:22:36 PM
One of the girls who attended my trans support group just died. She was only in her twenties. I didn't know her well, but still... :(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 19 May, 2016, 06:35:57 PM
There are never any decent words.  Just because we don't know people well, doesn't mean they don't affect us in some way.  I always think it is one of the ways we honour those who pass away.  The hole they leave is an acknowledgement that they were someone and they mattered.

Kind of puts my failed job interview in perspective.

Hang in there.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 20 May, 2016, 01:54:19 PM
Quote from: Taryn Tailz (formerly Tim) on 19 May, 2016, 06:22:36 PM
One of the girls who attended my trans support group just died. She was only in her twenties. I didn't know her well, but still... :(

Really sorry to hear that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 20 May, 2016, 02:52:38 PM
So young. That really sucks, Taryn, sorry to hear it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 12 July, 2016, 10:57:39 AM
I recently did an online questionnaire (on a respectable mental health site, not a shitty Facebook link) and it would seem very likely that I have some form of ADHD.  Having looked into it, I realise it explains a lot about me (extreme absent-mindedness, financial wastefulness, procrastination, depression, lack of punctuality - the list goes on).  I also realise now that my mother very probably has an undiagnosed case of it too, which is where I get it - fortunately for her, and me, she's married to my father, a very reliable, punctual and sensible man.

I haven't had it professionally diagnosed yet but I kind of hope it's true - At least I've finally accepted it's an intrinsic part of my personality, for better or worse.  I realise it will never be cured but have started trying to work around it rather than trying to fix it.  Does anyone else have any experience, advice, etc?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 July, 2016, 12:16:38 PM
It just means you're human, JBC. I think you trying to work with it, to accept it and fold it into the incomprehensibly complex and wonderful organism that is you is entirely the right way to go. If you attempt to have it "diagnosed" it will be seen as a problem for which medication is required. Regarding it as a problem with yourself (so long as it's not hurting you or anyone else) will just make it worse. Regarding it as an aspect of yourself will make it a potential strength, imho.

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have." Doris Mortman.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 12 July, 2016, 03:01:27 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 12 July, 2016, 12:16:38 PM
. If you attempt to have it "diagnosed" it will be seen as a problem for which medication is required. ...

Regarding it as an aspect of yourself will make it a potential strength, imho.


Thanks, Sharky; with you on the second part all the way.

Not so much the first part, though, I have to say - I used to suffer from anxiety-related panic attacks, and it's precisely because they were diagnosed by professionals that I recognise them for what they are and don't get them any more.  Also, medicine for psychological problems isn't always a bad thing IMO - it stopped me from having suicidal thoughts, for one thing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 12 July, 2016, 04:59:18 PM
Aye Jayzus, hope you can find something that helps you get through this time!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 July, 2016, 06:36:51 PM
My experience is just different from yours, JBC, that's all. I used to suffer from anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks as well and was medicated for a long time. I found the medication robbed me of myself and decided to try a different approach without meds. This worked for me but I in no way suggest it would work for everyone. Horses for courses and all that.

Whatever you decide, though, you have my understanding and support.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 12 July, 2016, 06:40:52 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 12 July, 2016, 10:57:39 AM
I haven't had it professionally diagnosed yet but I kind of hope it's true - At least I've finally accepted it's an intrinsic part of my personality, for better or worse.  I realise it will never be cured but have started trying to work around it rather than trying to fix it. 

I've found Steve Redgrave's line about Diabetes having to live with him both helpful and amusing.  TBH the last week or so has been pretty shitty and yesterday was the icing on cake as anyone who has been following the news about a language teacher's court case in Ipswich might appreciate.  The biggest challenge I find is changing my relationship with effects.  Personally I've found mindfulness very effective for helping to manage and limit the duration of episodes.  I'm not saying it is for everyone but the non judgemental awareness seems to be incredibly useful.  Perhaps rather than working around it, working with it?  Adopting an exploratory posture and simply being curious about the sensations? 

The other technique that I have found useful for the 'mind worm' (bit like ear worm but with all those greatest hits about how shit you are) is treating them like radio stations.  Takes a bit of practice and can sometimes require multiple repetitions but acknowledging the thought stream with, "ah, heard this station before, let's find something better," works for me.  Someone likened the mind to a puppy being toilet trained, have to keep bringing it back to where you want it.

I have a major thing about medication, partly because of family experience.  There are others I know who speak very positively about the experience.  Ultimately you have to make the decision that feels most comfortable for you.  All I would say on that score is that doctors seem a damn sight better at advising and guiding on that matter these days.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 12 July, 2016, 11:50:04 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 12 July, 2016, 04:59:18 PM
Aye Jayzus, hope you can find something that helps you get through this time!

Cheers, HM, but it's not like this is a sudden crisis or anything - it's an inconvenience I've had my whole life and never realised before.  Now I have some idea of why I'm the way I am I can look into doing something about it.

Tjm, thanks too - I've been trying to practice mindfulness for years and have had some successes with it.  I've started repeating mantras in my head, telling myself to remember things I need and keep things in general order - it seems to be making a difference so far, I'm pleased to say.

Sharky - thanks again for your support.  Really, I'm fine, though - just in the process of making a few small adjustments to make life more manageable.

I don't think I need any more medication.  I already take a fairly low dosage of Lexapro for depression - I haven't had hardcore, debilitating depression in years, and just over a tenner a month (with no noticeable side effects whatsoever) is a small price to pay for relative peace of mind.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Eric Plumrose on 13 July, 2016, 10:29:00 AM
Currently going through one of my milder manic modes, hence my engaging online far more than I usually care to. I just wanna comment, comment, comment and I fucking hate it. Just let me lurk, already.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 13 July, 2016, 01:28:23 PM
Hang in there, Eric.  It'll pass
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 15 July, 2016, 11:06:21 AM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 12 July, 2016, 10:57:39 AM
I recently did an online questionnaire (on a respectable mental health site, not a shitty Facebook link) and it would seem very likely that I have some form of ADHD.  Having looked into it, I realise it explains a lot about me (extreme absent-mindedness, financial wastefulness, procrastination, depression, lack of punctuality - the list goes on).  I also realise now that my mother very probably has an undiagnosed case of it too, which is where I get it - fortunately for her, and me, she's married to my father, a very reliable, punctual and sensible man.

I haven't had it professionally diagnosed yet but I kind of hope it's true - At least I've finally accepted it's an intrinsic part of my personality, for better or worse.  I realise it will never be cured but have started trying to work around it rather than trying to fix it.  Does anyone else have any experience, advice, etc?

JB best wishes with all this. As a youth worker I developed and was involved in focused work with ADHD young people. I was basically asked to develop it with no background in in it whatsoever and had to involve myself in a huge bit of research and cross organisational work with other youth work providers and health professionals.

Anyhoo mate-take care and the very best to you.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 15 July, 2016, 10:37:53 PM
Thanks very much, Prodigal.  I should point out that I still haven't actually been diagnosed as having it, but it does seem very likely now that I know what the symptoms are.  Since I learned about it recently I've made some fairly big improvements in my life already (mostly by just getting myself in the habit of repeated mental memos).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 13 October, 2016, 02:01:50 PM
I'm back to feeling incredibly lethargic and ultimately aimless right now. My attempts at finding work have proved fruitless, the money I save over the summer is running out fast, and I don't have a clue what i'm doing with my life right now.

Eh, maybe todays just a bad day, but for the first time in a good while I woke up with a very cynicle feeling of 'I just can't be fucking bothered'.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 13 October, 2016, 07:51:38 PM
I had a big long post, Hawkie, all about living your life your way and not giving in to the idea that your life is a race or a route march and going your own way and not letting the bastards grind you down and find time to have some fun and all shit like that. Anyway, it was trite and obvious so I deleted it.

My best to you, Hawkie. I know you'll find your way.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 13 October, 2016, 09:01:12 PM
didn't you have a job lined up?  I'm a bit like that at the moment ,in a cant be arsed mood sometimes don't even get dressed or eat. maybe its just a blip hawk, hang in there,things do have a way of working out.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 14 October, 2016, 06:17:59 PM
Thanks chaps. Sadly not, Grugz, only interviews. I'm sure something will come up...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 14 October, 2016, 07:27:26 PM
I can sympathise Hawk.  It's a nightmare when it kicks in.  I'm working through the terror's at the moment.  One class at school is giving me a hell of a runaround and nothing is working.  It's kicking off the bottom line something chronic.  Two days until I have to face them again and already I'm starting to fret.  This is bonkers!  Anyway, hope you pull out soon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 14 October, 2016, 09:24:04 PM
Hate that feeling, Hawk, and I speak as one who has just eaten an entire tub of humous while watching board game reviews on YouTube, despite having twenty million pressing things that need doing. Sometimes it all seems a bit pointless, but you know this'll pass, and you job hunt will pay off eventually.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 15 October, 2016, 01:42:43 AM
you ate humous?  I didn't realise things had gotten so bad!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 15 October, 2016, 08:03:44 AM
Hearing's going, thought the wife asked if I fancied tasty chicks peeing in the tub. Hey, it's Friday night, thought I.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 15 October, 2016, 10:04:02 AM
i assume there are spcialist websites for that...if only thryllseeker was still here,i bet he had a link!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Woolly on 15 October, 2016, 07:42:05 PM
For what it's worth, I truly enjoy the occasional day spent without trousers and watching crap on youtube  :thumbsup: I can't stand humous though.

Had a bad day on this thread a while back, took the advice given (thanks especially to Jim for his suggestion) and think I'm feeling a bit better these days. Certainly still have the bad days, but now see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for once. Still not quite drawing yet, but I'm finding myself thinking about drawing more often, so...

Wish I had some good advice for my fellow jobseekers on the board - I'm lucky to be working, but hate the place I'm at if I'm honest. Just taking a break from writing a lengthy 'suitability for the job' bit for a temp position with the council. Which is why this post reads a bit like a massive brain fart.

Sorry, I've really added nothing.
As you were!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 October, 2016, 12:43:21 AM
Life sure is complex. Mine's like a mad god's game of Tetris, sometimes. One where the shuttle isn't going to launch at the end. One that ends with an unusually succinct fart and not a ding-a-ling fanfare.

God but I'm tired.

My life's in the toilet. Maybe not all the way in but at least clinging to the seat. I mostly enjoy my job but what the heck, man. I'm fifty years old and got nothing to show for it except scars. I live in a shed. With a dog. And some spiders.

I can turn my back on the things I believe in and go back, or not. That question plagues me. I never wanted to be here. I wanted to live in a big house with a big family, a big dog and a big car. That was all. Nothing fancy. But instead I got this. Pisses me off, so it does. Gets me down. Black dog comes snapping at the back of my brain and he brings his Bitch Queen with him; Self-doubt, to snuffle about in my hind-brain.

Times like this I go back to first principles. Start with the fundamentals; to be, or not to be. I'm firmly in the to be camp. Feeling a bit better now because that's a positive answer. Question Two, what kind of to be do I want my to be to be? Then it all turns to shit because I don't know and I'm back where I started. Living in a shed with a Jack Russel and some lousy spiders.

And then I count my blessings; at least I've got a shed to live in, some people haven't even got that; I'm relatively healthy but supremely unfit, lots of people are medically knackered; I have a job, the randomness of it a joy and a pain, too many people don't even... Wait a minute, are these measly things the best blessings I can think of? My lazy-arsed attitude to exercise, a job and a shed with a Jack Russel and some spiders in it? Ffs.

But that's one more day of sticking to my path, wherever it might lead on its way to that last great hole in the world. Another one chalked up. No unusually succinct fart today.

God but I'm tired.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 16 October, 2016, 01:13:30 PM
Stay gold, Sharky, I want to give some advice the same way you've often given ME but sadly I'm not so wise.

Chin up fellow, we'll all get there eventually.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 October, 2016, 01:19:53 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 16 October, 2016, 12:43:21 AM

But that's one more day of sticking to my path, wherever it might lead on its way to that last great hole in the world.

I know what you mean - I really hadn't planned to be single, financially struggling and sharing an apartment at 41.  I hadn't really planned anything really; I never wanted to be a middle-aged man so I shut it out of my mind when I was younger. 

But then I think back to 4 years ago, when I was penniless in Beijing, living in a hostel room with 12 other people and spending my days racing round the city from one low-paid job to the next as an illegal worker.  I think of my brother, who now lives full-time in hospital looking after his terminally ill baby.  And my best mate, whose skin cancer has spread to his brain and devastated his health (and appearance for that matter).  And indeed all the people in Aleppo watching their families die and their home city being turned to rubble. 

Things could be a whole lot worse, when you think of it.





Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 16 October, 2016, 01:57:58 PM
Feel for you Sharky - it's easy to look at your life and wonder quite how far below even the most modest expectations it is. And in your situation I imagine it's easier than it is for most of us. However, as Jayzus says you don't have to look far to see the flipside, how immeasurably better your life is than for so many others.

I've been struggling with the usual feelings of crushing inadequacy myself as  an upturn in work brings me back into contact with my career contemporaries (now as a distant underling), who almost universally appear to be thriving in well-paid interesting pensionable jobs while I earn the same as a third-year apprentice at 45, and for 7 years have done nothing but service my debts: 'luckily' this has been balanced by my attempts to support one of my best mates, whose life has completely imploded after a sudden bereavement and the knock-on effects that appear to have torn his remaining family apart. It doesn't prevent me berating myself for my own gross failures and derelicitions, but listening to such awful grief and almost instant isolation in someone who I would previously have considered very popular socially and the definition of comfortable certainly forces me to have some perspective.

None of which helps you there Sharky, and there is little advice more trite that 'Count your blessings', but well, sometimes it can help. Easy to say when not facing into another winter in the shed, I know.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: ZenArcade on 16 October, 2016, 02:28:39 PM
Sorry to hear if this guys....It sounds dreadful. Z

PS posted a wee pic on Threadjacking...hopefully to cheer the Shark up!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 October, 2016, 04:14:23 PM
Thanks, chaps.

I hate whining like this but sometimes it helps to get this crap into words, to pin it down. I think Bill's death might have hit me harder than I realised but I'm pretty sure I'll bounce back. That's what we humans tend to do, I think. Besides, if it wasn't for feeling miserable I wouldn't appreciate the happiness.

Look at that, I must be on my way back if I can see the bright side of misery!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 16 October, 2016, 04:23:30 PM
 I am a firm believer in fate/karma etc and think that things do happen for a reason , I lost my job was drowning in debt and ready to catch the bus at one particularly low point. Now, still unemployed but thanks to iva debt free, not known as grumpy dad and am closer to my daughter than ever before (even if our constant teasing each other winds my wife up)  my health is still at a low though not as life threatening as it was last year and my wifes health is slowly getting worse but I always (now) have to see a bright future .


  but failing all that have a gander


  http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/16/mans-penis-amputated-after-using-bottle-as-a-sex-toy-6195227/

there always someone worse off. to quote a cliché !

  hang in there fellas.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Modern Panther on 16 October, 2016, 05:28:21 PM
I've been trying for a while to type a comment voicing support.  I know though, that the last thing anyone wants to hear when they're low is some bloke saying "hey, express your feeling, man.  It'll help", like some internet based hippy.

Truth is though, that it does.  The lie that is depression swirls around inside your head until it becomes the truth.  It wasn't until I was sat down and essentially forced into telling someone how shitty I felt everyday that I was able to realise that, although being sad is sometimes a perfectly reasonable response, that doesn't mean that it had to dominate my life.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Radbacker on 18 October, 2016, 03:30:13 PM
well after 25 yrs as a pretty heavy Weed Smoker I've giotten help to get off the stuff, shit its hard and now my mind is reminding me of all the shit things about life that led me to spending the last 25 years in a stoned stupour (i was generally stonned form the minute i got up to the time i went to bed).  I;ve been using it as a fall back to beat depression and various other issues (stress, sadness and social anxiety, who'd have thiunk weed made me less paranoid! i seem to have ignored for 26years (its' awfully hard to stay stressed over anything when your buzzing it all just floats away (sure its still there when you straighten out but thats why i stayued stoned for 25 years).  Well i now have a lovely wife and a baby on the way it really is time to stop being a miserable 16 year old and f^&ken grow up.
Docs given me some nice meds to help with the depression and a pack of Vals to help with the stress (the Vals are only a 30 pack and thats all I'm getting but it should be ample to help get through the first few weeks to help kill that anxiety i get in public, and wait for the proper meds to kick in last thing i want is to replac one mionkey on my back with another.
So big Pharma have finaly got me off the unnregulated happy stuff that they get no cut from and now i'm probably goung to be slave to their drugs but hey if it keeps the missus happy (and me ahppy too I supose) thats the way to go, also way cheaper $30 for month supply compaired to $500 per month on the green. i am hoping afte ra bit of counceling to help me find myself proeprly (when you've been smoking hardcore for 25 years you kind of becom eRadbacker the stonner i dont seem to have any other person I am butr thats what i've got to find and hoping the counciling will help me achieve that.
Anyway needed to get that off my back, good luck tyo everyone else it took me years to get the help but thats really what you need in the situations you simply can not deal with this sort of problem yourself professional help is needed.

CU Radbacker
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 18 October, 2016, 03:47:02 PM
nice one rads, hope you manage to kick the vile stuff for good
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 18 October, 2016, 03:50:18 PM
Wow, that's an impressive change to make RB!  500 a month, even in Aus Dollars/Stirling, that was quite a habit!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 October, 2016, 11:39:08 PM
Fecking hell, it certainly is.  Sometimes it's Small Pharma that's ripping you off.

I've never quite understood how people can use weed to treat depression (though I know plenty who do) - for me it tends to make my brain race way too fast, overthink everything, get paranoid  and wish it could unstone itself as quickly as possible.  It took me many years of smoking it to realise that though.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 19 October, 2016, 12:26:01 AM
Good luck Rads, and congratulations on impending babyness!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Radbacker on 19 October, 2016, 12:27:41 AM
Thanks guys, yeah it was alot but sometimes it was alot more (this stuff cost a bundle in OZ I used to by Ounces of the stuff thinking it would save me some $ but then i'd just smoke twice as much) I still functioned, still worked, buying a house a car etc so I didn't really see it as a problem till recently.  The bub on the way really opened my eyes up I just hope i haven't damaged my realationship with my wife too much befor ei made the choice.

CU Radbacker
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 28 October, 2016, 09:12:23 AM
Oh FFS.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 28 October, 2016, 09:36:36 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 28 October, 2016, 09:12:23 AM
Oh FFS.
What's up Tordels old boy?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 28 October, 2016, 12:32:48 PM
You okay, Tordels?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 28 October, 2016, 03:51:44 PM
Just the pup of eternal bleakness sinking its needlesharps into my ankle. Been doing well staying just ahead of it these past months, admittedly with a large expenditure of energy on the subject, but as of this morning I've apparently fallen far enough behind to get bit. Trivial triggers as usual. Onwards.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 28 October, 2016, 04:21:19 PM
And most importantly... upwards. :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 28 October, 2016, 04:41:11 PM
Just remember as well that sometimes it is perfectly 'natural' to feel crappy and don't beat yourself up over it.  Nothing worse than the negative feedback loop of

"oh shit, I feel useless" > " I shouldn't feel useless, I'm useless" > "Oh FFS I feel useless cos I can't stop feeling useless ... " > ad infinitum.

Sorry, I think I stopped talking to you Tordels old chap and started talking to myself!  Anyhoo, hang in there pal.  Might not be all right, but at least it will be.  If that makes sense.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 28 October, 2016, 05:40:11 PM
Peace and strength to you, Tordels.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 28 October, 2016, 06:05:40 PM
aye, wot he said tordels.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 October, 2016, 12:00:19 AM
Thoughts are with you, Tordelback. Nothing we can say can make you feel better, but I really hope you do, soon
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 29 October, 2016, 08:40:13 AM
Cheers gents.  Keeping some perspective.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 29 October, 2016, 11:51:40 AM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 29 October, 2016, 12:00:19 AM
Thoughts are with you, Tordelback. Nothing we can say can make you feel better, but I really hope you do, soon

This.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 November, 2016, 12:25:26 PM
I'm feeling it creeping up on me and I don't know what to do.  I've been struggling financially - but (with the help of my father) have taken a loan out to buy a boat to l live on.  I was delighted for weeks but now look around and everyone has families, kids, mortgages, a steady income, holidays abroad.  I'm single; I'm attracted to women who are unavailable, and I have little or nothing to offer them anyway.  All I can see is middle age, financial instability and loneliness.  I take the tablets but sometimes the depression is stronger.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 06 November, 2016, 02:11:29 PM
I can fully sympathise with the feelings that your situation can generate JBC.  I've finally decided to make an appointment to see the doctor about the anxiety and depression that seems to have spiked in the last two months.  It's a combination of the change of job, an incredibly challenging class and an underlying condition. 

I guess what I am saying is that I can fully appreciate where you are coming from. It is not easy, in fact it can be bloody hard at times.  The emotions feel like they are overwhelming and you wish it would just stop.  It is hard to be optimistic when there doesn't seem much to be optimistic about.

Don't make the mistake of thinking your life is any less because it doesn't have the same as those around you.  They probably look at you and your independence with envy, locked into jobs they hate and one pay check away from financial disaster.  They're probably on pins about what they would do if they lost their job tomorrow.  Most people are bloody good actors!

All I can say is hang in there pal.  It doesn't get easier but you do get through it.  Plenty of folks here are rooting for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 06 November, 2016, 04:27:28 PM
I'm rooting for you too, JBC.

I feel much the same way. I've been sitting here trying to think of something useful to write, something not reading like either self-pity or self-righteousness. Nothing doing, sorry. Not sure if anything I could possibly write would be of help anyway. What works for me (and let's face it, what works for me doesn't always work for me) probably won't work for you. After all, I don't even have a map of the path I'm on so I'm hardly qualified to give other people directions.

I suppose, really, the only help I can give is of the slimmest consequence. I am adrift on the same ocean. I think we all are. Most people are anchored together in a big, fragile web. Sometimes the anchors break free and we are at the mercy of the Tides. The only things to do then are stay afloat, keep a beady eye on the tiger in the lifeboat with you and look for a place to drop anchor. Just turn her into the waves and press on. This storm, too, shall pass.

I remember once going with my Dad to work. He was driving a tipper lorry for a motorway maintenance firm and I'd be about sixteen or seventeen at the time. I was bored so my Dad gave me to one of the sand depot's JCB drivers for the rest of the day. I don't remember the JCB driver's name. He was old and sly and Irish and gave me a crash course in JCB driving. At one point, atop the high sand-pile, the JCB started to topple over, unbalanced by a crumbling edge and a full front bucket. I felt sure we were doomed but the JCB Driver simply swivelled the cab and extended the back actor to balance the machine out. He looked down at me, dead rollie clamped in his sly mouth, and said something I never forgot.

"It's not the way the wind blows but how the sails are set."

He then f*ucked off for a rest-of-the-day tea-break and left me to do his job; filling tippers and husbanding the sand pile. I loved it.

Anyway. Ocean, wind blows, sail-set. Most important, though; not alone. We're lucky our lifeboats have internet connections.

Looks like I settled for self-righteous. Sorry about that.


Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 November, 2016, 04:40:19 PM
Thanks a million, tjm.  You're right, of course; the grass is always greener etc.  Being totally honest what led to this particular episode was getting to know a girl I really liked and got on incredibly well with; and starting to fall for her despite knowing that she has a family of her own that I would never break up (even if she had any intention of it, which she doesn't).  I looked at how her husband can provide for her and their kids in a way that I couldn't possibly do, and started to feel very inadequate.  And then crushingly lonely with it. I'm 41 and still haven't grown out of clubs, parties and festivals (and she is pretty much the same, but can switch it off and go back to being a mother and wife the next day, while I wake up still thinking I'm 21).
These are the things that my mind fixates itself on, and spirals out of control.  I rarely have real, deep romantic feelings for anyone, but when I do it always leads to pain and suffering in the end.  It's why I've generally remained single, but that's no real defence.

EDIT - just seen your post now, Sharky.  Thanks so much.  It took me a while to work out the meaning of the driver's words, but now I see what he meant.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 06 November, 2016, 06:02:13 PM
Ah - so there's a woman involved.

Well, that's me officially out of my depth.

My love life can be summed up in three Nerd Moments. First, in the film Excalibur, Merlin tells Arthur something like, "Hearth and home, wife and family - these things are not for you." I always felt these things were not for me, either - not because I have some species of Arthurian Destiny but precisely the opposite. And now I look about and realise that I was correct, for what right would I have to drag a partner down the path I have taken? No right. No right at all.

The second Nerd Moment comes from City Slickers and the story of Curly's perfect love. The story, as far as I recall, goes as follows: Curly is out riding the range. He's got many miles behind him and many miles to go. He's tired, hungry, thirsty. So he rides towards a remote farmstead to buy or beg a meal but, as he rides up, he sees the most beautiful woman he could imagine pegging out the washing. In that moment, in that pose, in that light - she was perfect. So Curly turned and rode away. Having experienced perfection, he knew nothing could improve on it. I too have had my perfect moment - in my case, a perfect month - and nothing could improve on it. I've stopped looking because there's no point. Like Captain Kirk (Nerd Moment 2a), I've always known I'll die alone.

However...

Nerd Moment Number Three is from Babylon 5, I think from the In the Beginning t.v. movie. A lowly palace servant girl, touched by Emperor Londo's confessional story, reaches out a hand to him. Londo almost doesn't recognise the gesture and when he does it saddens him. "Dear Lady," he says, or words to this effect, "I would like nothing better than to walk with you on a beach. Somewhere. For just a few minutes. Strange," he continues, the matchless Peter Jurasik projecting oceans of regret, "to have come so far and to want so little."

Me too, Londo. I'd like to walk on that beach, somewhere, hand-in-hand with that dear lady, for just a few minutes. Sometimes, I think I'd give everything for that. But - anything more than that walk? I don't think so. I mean, she's going to have to be a Hell of a woman to counteract all three and a half of my Nerd Moments and, as I'm far from being a Hell of a man, not very choosy. Every time a pretty woman smiles at me (and "pretty" means more than just looks) I get a brief fulfilment of the Beach Fantasy. I could fall in love with almost any woman who smiled at me once with her eyes. I hear most men are soppy like that.

Even though there exist a great many reasons why I do, and indeed should, live alone, I am not without a human soul. I'd say that I'm content to be single up to 90% of the time. That 10%, though, can be tough. I've got nobody to f*ck about hoovering and faffing about when I'm trying to read a book but, conversely, nobody to say, "hey, listen to this sentence," to, either. And, sometimes, it would be joy to spend a cold winter's night in the shed cuddled up to a warm woman with hot eyes. An independently rich libertarian pole-dancer, ideally. 

What was I saying? Oh right. Women: I can't help you when it comes to women. From what I've seen, when it comes to women there isn't a single bloke who isn't out of his depth. That's why I have my three and a half Nerd Moments, they're like a makeshift lifejacket.

None of which is very helpful, I guess.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 06 November, 2016, 06:54:41 PM
I can relate JBC, albeit from long ago.  Personally I've been blessed with an insanely understanding and supportive wife of over 20 years.  She has put up with the ups and downs of my condition and stabilised me in ways that I cannot even begin to thank her for.  In my youth I had similar experiences to the ones you describe and can recall how it felt.  You have my heartfelt sympathies. 

What I would say though is to take her friendship as the gift that it is and focus on that aspect of it.  She obviously sees something of value in you that means she wants to spend time with you, values you as a human being.  And if push comes to shove just remember Gabriel Garcia Marquez' "Love in the Time of Cholera."  The perfect book for the unrequited lover!

Love TLS' JCB anecdote.  Another cracker!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Heath C Ackley on 06 November, 2016, 07:23:33 PM
I hope things get better JBC I really do. I recently suffered a break-up that left me lonely, temporarily parted from two kids - though not mine by blood but always in my heart - and homeless. If it wasn't for the support of my family and friends I would be living in my car and in a very sorry state.

A close family member suffers from depression and I know how much of a struggle things can be.

I (hopefully) should be moving into a flat next weekend but starting again at my age is going to be hard. I've faced dark times before and I'm determined not to fall into that pit again.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 November, 2016, 08:08:27 PM
Thanks, guys, I appreciate all the support, I really do.  Really, my problems are nothing compared to what other people suffer (as I pointed out myself earlier in the thread).  But it's really nice to have this thread to discuss things with people who understand.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 07 November, 2016, 11:28:30 AM
Ach Jayzus, sorry to hear you're struggling. I'm outrageously lucky enough to have the wife-and-2.5-kids (well, the eldest is a bit pudgy...), and thank feck for that because I'd be dead in a ditch long since without them, but this is the thing about depression: all that good fortune doesn't matter a jot.  In fact, my very darkest moments are almost always about the degree to which I am a complete disaster as a husband and father, and how I've ruined their lives with my ongoing uselessness, and everyone would be better off if... well, you can fill in the rest.

What you might imagine as a major measure of success in life, a wonderful wife and children, is the very stick depression beats me with, and the obstacle I find hardest to get past when I'm climbing back to 'normal' - because those shortcomings have been further worsened by whatever episode I'm caught up in.

Point of anecdote, depression is not an artefact of a hard life, or level of real-world tribulation endured. It's stuff what is broke in your noggin.

Right now I'm just disturbed by Sharkie identifying with Emperor Molari, a genocidal despot by any measure...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: I, Cosh on 07 November, 2016, 11:38:07 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 07 November, 2016, 11:28:30 AM
Right now I'm just disturbed by Sharkie identifying with Emperor Molari, a genocidal despot by any measure...
Great hair though.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 07 November, 2016, 11:41:37 AM
J you're one of the most decent fellas I have never met. Best wishes to you fella. I wish I had more-if I had I would direct it your way in a heartbeat.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bat King on 07 November, 2016, 12:15:18 PM
I'm struggling at the moment.  Thought Bubble was a lovely island of freedom from it - but that's gone and I'm back where I was.

Currently it's my physical health causing most coffee my depression. I've been very ill with three months in Hospital earlier this year, many on here know about that. It isn't essential to know what is wrong but you can read the gory facts here  (https://judgetutorsemple.wordpress.com/2016/07/24/dont-take-your-health-for-granted-mh-potential-triggers-crisis-surgery-death-eating-disorders/)

I'm still in a mess physically though much stronger and mostly back at work (off sick today due to physical issue and more so the depression it is causing).

I long to be normal and in this physical sense there is such a normal that people can expect to have.

But I know I have Depression and I know it is a fickle thing.  Like Tordel I often get bouts of depression about my kids, who are the best thing in my life. I had custody of them after my divorce and if I hadn't I'd never have made it.

I often feel my mental illness has ruined my childrens' lives.  They don't. I dwell on minute details, of single events where I think I failed them. They don't. Not only don't they dwell on those events they don't even remember them or do remember and don't think I did anything wrong.

There are a few that I know did affect them and oddly I cope with those better. I say 'oddly' but those ones have been addressed, so I guess that's why I cope with those better. They are very small in number and the ones that torture me are far more in number.

So I know that my Depression isn't always based on things that are real. Though the big bit at the moment is... Sadly neither of those things helpn when I'm in a full blown Depression...

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 November, 2016, 01:42:57 PM
Thanks again, all.  I've tried to write words of support on this thread for other people in the past, but often felt that nothing I could say could ease their depression.  But in my case, your posts really have helped me.  I appreciate it.  It's true of course that depression is something wrong with your own mind rather than outside ills - my brother, as I've mentioned before, is living in a hospital caring for his terminally ill baby, and though his life is falling apart, he doesn't suffer depression as I know it.

Bat King; I really hope your mental and physical health improves soon. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 07 November, 2016, 07:52:32 PM
Quote from: Bat King on 07 November, 2016, 12:15:18 PM
I dwell on minute details, of single events where I think I failed them. They don't. Not only don't they dwell on those events they don't even remember them or do remember and don't think I did anything wrong.


This is probably the worst part of depression etc, the amplification of errors.  What we see as a major catastrophe is for others a minor blip / normal event.  It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it what it is like.  Nor is it easy to explain the emotional accompaniment.

I personally think this is where therapies like CBT have it right, or at least do for me, where they focus on a more balanced analysis of events that try to offload the emotional baggage.  I think the same is true of thankfulness exercises where we do spend a bit of time reviewing things that we have to be grateful for.  Kids is definitely one for my money. 

Thought Bubble isn't gone Bats, it's just over for this year.  If nothing else you still have the memories and those are just as real as anything else in your head.  Savour them while they are still fresh perhaps?

My biggest challenge is changing my relationship with the anxiety / depression effects of my condition.  Treating it as an interesting visitor, distancing from it and simply letting it be there.  Rather than the old feedback loop that led to some very interesting places.  Today was another roller coaster of terror / anxiety but I got to the end of it.  I hope your (and JBC's) day looks a little brighter with hindsight.

There's an odd song that keeps looping around my head from time to time.  I can't for the life of me remember what film I remember it from but it seems to fit at times.  I remembered enough of the lyrics to be able to track it down:

QuoteI Just Want To Celebrate another day of living,
I Just Want To Celebrate, another day of life.
I put my faith in the people, but the people let me down,
So I turn the other way and carry on anyhow.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 07 November, 2016, 09:22:13 PM
Watch it, Tordels - I have access to mass-drivers, you know...

Is quipping okay on this thread? I don't know if quipping's okay on this thread. I hope so, because even though this is a seriously serious thread it could sure use a chuckle now and then.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 07 November, 2016, 10:14:55 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 07 November, 2016, 09:22:13 PM
Watch it, Tordels - I have access to mass-drivers, you know...

(http://img2.thejournal.ie/inline/2059148/original/?width=630&version=2059148)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 November, 2016, 10:48:31 PM
Tordelback wins five more internets to add to his collection.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Grugz on 07 November, 2016, 11:29:14 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 07 November, 2016, 09:22:13 PM
Watch it, Tordels - I have access to mass-drivers, you know...

Is quipping okay on this thread? I don't know if quipping's okay on this thread. I hope so, because even though this is a seriously serious thread it could sure use a chuckle now and then.

  aye quipping is fine, I've been accused of making light of illness before and y'know what I have and would do again, its often better to try and make fun of life especially your own or the alternative is feeling sorry for yourself and letting the black mutt gnaw your leg off (been there got the t-shirt) and ranting and telling everyone with your tales of woe helps too just don't bottle nowt up, again I know that doesn't help!

  I was accused of being selfish and good at playing the victim in the past, I was upset at that but thinking about it ,yes I am and sod you cos if its being selfish to want to get you back to being you however you do it then be so.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Eric Plumrose on 09 November, 2016, 06:22:52 PM
So. Precedent Trump. Takes the edge of Bricksit. For now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 09 November, 2016, 08:19:40 PM
I know.  I was already beginning to hate the world I was waking up to every morning. Now I hate it more.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Theblazeuk on 10 November, 2016, 11:29:51 AM
Yeah, I woke up this morning with anxiety about my wife's health, money and what kind of future we're heading towards for the first time in ages. Not really something I suffer from.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 10 November, 2016, 11:46:43 AM
Shit. Hope you don't get it too bad, blaze. I'd forgotten just how dreadful the anxiety / depression vicious circle is. 
Me, I've been trying to eat and sleep well, and have avoided alcohol for a few days (I'm normally a very frequent, if not always heavy, drinker). I also had a long chat on the phone last night with a friend and fellow sufferer. I'm beginning to feel just a tiny bit better (or at least less terrible). Hopefully I'll continue to improve.

I hope everyone else here is doing OK. These are grim times and it's not easy to keep things together.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 23 February, 2017, 11:58:11 AM
6 Ways to Deal with Panic Attacks. (http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/6-ways-to-deal-with-panic-attacks)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 23 February, 2017, 12:20:25 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 23 February, 2017, 11:58:11 AM
6 Ways to Deal with Panic Attacks. (http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/6-ways-to-deal-with-panic-attacks)

Something very amusing about this appearing next to your Shark avatar!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 23 February, 2017, 12:30:56 PM
Heh, I am Captain Dichotomy!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 23 February, 2017, 01:45:34 PM
I think I might have seen that one before.  Also, having just started with Citalopram for anxiety I've discovered that one of the things that they do is ..... wait for it ..... increase your anxiety!  And don't get me started on some of the other side effects.   :-*
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 23 February, 2017, 03:30:26 PM
I felt better after going off all the drugs and starting with meditation and mindfulness instead. The second major beneficial factor in my ongoing recovery was the alteration of my mindset. I decided not to rely on the government (and I can hear the groans from here but hear me out) or its lackeys. The thing is, I'd spent all my life relying on the systems put in place by government to sort out my problems for me but they obviously weren't working on any but the most trivial and basic levels. I'd go to the state-sanctioned doctor and he'd give me the state-sanctioned diagnosis of "depression and anxiety" and immediately give me state-sanctioned drugs produced by state-sanctioned companies. The upshot of this was that the drugs robbed me of myself and made things worse, somehow hiding what was wrong with me behind a chemical fog rather than offering anything like a cure - masking the symptoms instead of curing the dis-ease. So I f*cked them off, all of them, and after a truly miserable and terrifying few months emerged stronger, clearer and more self-confident than I've ever been. I know that it's incredibly unpopular and quite possibly insulting to say, but in the simplest terms I did nothing more than "pull myself together." I stand up for myself, now, and it's amazing how many people hate or deride me for it - which you'd think would make things worse but, strangely, has completely the opposite effect. It makes me feel strong and confident to stand, as much as I can, without support. YMMV but it definitely worked for me.

Our modern society, it seems to me, relies way, way, way too much on chemical solutions when simple exercise and decent diet can do so much for all kinds of maladies and diseases. When it comes to surgeries, I think modern medicine verges on the miraculous because, sadly, surgical techniques have advanced so far because of warfare. We are almost wizards when it comes to putting damaged bodies back together. The drugs side, however, is driven by profit and therefore far less advanced. A psychiatrist once told me that my condition was due to a "chemical imbalance in the brain." When I asked him which chemicals were out of balance, and how he could tell without drawing and analysing a sample of cerebro-spinal fluid, he was flummoxed. His plan was to chuck artificial chemicals into my brain, the most complex organ I possess, at random until I felt better. That was the point when it became clear to me that most modern pharmaceuticals are little better than snake oil.

The above is not medical advice. The above is merely my personal experience and opinion.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 23 February, 2017, 03:40:51 PM
Thing is, I've been round the houses with mindfulness and meditation and so forth.  Last year has been a little too interesting despite constant efforts to 'pull meself together'.  Glad to hear that your way worked for you mind.  I'm just trying to figure out how to get past this.  Mind you the roots are about thirty years old so I think trying to sort it out in a matter of months might be a tad optimistic.  This is going to take time and effort.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 23 February, 2017, 04:39:49 PM
I hope you don't think I was telling you to pull yourself together - I really wasn't - it's just the only way I can simply explain how I approached the problem myself. 7 billion people = 7 billion solutions.

I'm always here, on the other end of a PM or eMail, if ever you need me.

Invitation open to all.

M.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 23 February, 2017, 04:49:15 PM
Cheers pal, no not at all.  I know better than that.  Biggest problem with text based communication, it misses out so much of human communication!!!!!

I'm with you 100%  What works for you / me may not work for someone else.  I've fought off the meds for a long time but am at the point where I need to explore them as an option.  Just need some help to clear out the old mine field (nearly typed mind field then interestingly enough).

I'm really glad your way worked for you.  Like wise too.

T
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 23 February, 2017, 05:08:52 PM
I love this forum.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 11:09:44 AM
I'm going downhill again. I hate it.  I was romantically involved with a woman for precisely 2 weeks (though we have had a flirtatious, affectionate kind of friendship for over twenty years) and it hasn't worked out, and I feel ridiculous for being hit so hard by it. She made me feel more alive than I had been in years and now it's over I see how empty my life has been for so long.  How would I react if it had been a long-term relationship? These are the reasons I normally don't get involved.  Relationships have always led to pain and misery for me.
So far this year my best friend has died and so has my baby niece, and only this tiny relationship breakup has led me to true depression.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 27 April, 2017, 11:36:14 AM
So sorry to hear that, JBC.

Not wanting to sound all Marjorie Proops but, are you sure it's over? Two weeks is a mere explosion of time, nowhere near long enough to get to know someone - especially a female woman of the mysterious sex. Couldn't you at least remain friends? A relationship doesn't have to be all or nothing. I have a few female friends, a couple of them ex-lovers, and I find being with them most enjoyable - they're always trying to pair me off with "someone they know."

I know it hurts but don't let it grind you down, mate. You're not stupid or cruel, so far as I can tell, and that's worth a lot. You are a being of infinite worth and potential - all you have to do is believe it (chicks dig self-belief...) - and don't cut all ties because it didn't work out. Be friends, if you can, I think you'll find it's worth it.

Okay, pop-psych gobbledegook over. Be well, my friend, my heart is with you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 27 April, 2017, 11:57:34 AM
JB once again I wish I had magic words but I don't. All I can do is to show solidarity and wish you well as you wade through the trenches.

Please know that you are not alone and you are genuinely being thought of mate (if you are still going to Enniskillen I will buy you one there).



Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 12:31:07 PM
Thank you very much, guys. Sharky, I will remain friends with her; I have known her most of my adult life and I don't really want to throw that away right now.  We finshed on very good terms (if not on my terms) and I would hate to throw our friendship away.

Prodigal, thank you so much - I'm not sure I'll make it to Enniskillen now; money is a bit tight, but we'll see what happens.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Steven Denton on 27 April, 2017, 12:35:10 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 23 February, 2017, 01:45:34 PM
I think I might have seen that one before.  Also, having just started with Citalopram for anxiety I've discovered that one of the things that they do is ..... wait for it ..... increase your anxiety!  And don't get me started on some of the other side effects.   :-*

I was prescribed Citalopram and after it settled in (took about two weeks) it actually seemed to do me some good.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Steven Denton on 27 April, 2017, 12:51:58 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 11:09:44 AM
I'm going downhill again. I hate it.  I was romantically involved with a woman for precisely 2 weeks (though we have had a flirtatious, affectionate kind of friendship for over twenty years) and it hasn't worked out, and I feel ridiculous for being hit so hard by it. She made me feel more alive than I had been in years and now it's over I see how empty my life has been for so long.  How would I react if it had been a long-term relationship? These are the reasons I normally don't get involved.  Relationships have always led to pain and misery for me.
So far this year my best friend has died and so has my baby niece, and only this tiny relationship breakup has led me to true depression.

It doesn't sound like a tiny breakup to me.

Dating is emotionally unforgiving, I have been surprised by how hard the sudden rejection of women I don't even really know after a couple of dates has hit me, even if I'm not that interested! I spend weeks wondering what I did wrong, if there is something fundamentally unattractive about me as a person, if I'm too old for dating, if I'll ever find any one. It's an over reaction and it tends to subside relatively quickly.

You have had a terrible year and emotions are cumulative not compartmentalised. what you are feeling is likely the sum total of your grief and depression. Emotional peaks and troughs don't follow logical rules so you should never beat yourself up about being more upset over something than another thing.



Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 27 April, 2017, 12:57:47 PM
Quote from: Steven Denton on 27 April, 2017, 12:51:58 PM
You have had a terrible year and emotions are cumulative not compartmentalised. what you are feeling is likely the sum total of your grief and depression. Emotional peaks and troughs don't follow logical rules so you should never beat yourself up about being more upset over something than another thing.

Can't do better than what Steve said here!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 27 April, 2017, 01:02:44 PM
Yes, Steve hits the nail on the head there. Go easy on yourself, JBC, you've had a shit time of it lately, and personally I can't imagine (or recall) any relationship SNAFU more horrible than a failed romance with a good friend.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 27 April, 2017, 01:17:45 PM
Quote from: Dark Jimbo on 27 April, 2017, 12:57:47 PM
Quote from: Steven Denton on 27 April, 2017, 12:51:58 PM
You have had a terrible year and emotions are cumulative not compartmentalised. what you are feeling is likely the sum total of your grief and depression. Emotional peaks and troughs don't follow logical rules so you should never beat yourself up about being more upset over something than another thing.

Can't do better than what Steve said here!

Having been through a bit and in a similar kinda thing myself  JBC, the above is spot on. The important thing is to  keep talking and feeding to good positive side of you and dont give the dark wolf any scraps of emotions to play with.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 02:45:03 PM
Thank you very much, your support really does help.  Steven, I think you are probably right and you have very accurately described how my mind is working right now.  After months and months being surrounded by illness, death and people who have been affected by it I am only trying now to piece a social life back together. The woman in question proved to be a huge ray of sunshine in what has been a very dark period for me and I feel it all the more now our brief affair is over.

She herself had a massive breakup last year which devastated her (I know this because I met her soon after it happened) , and also last year was nearly driven to suicide by chronic back pain (which seems to have abated somewhat but will probably never go away completely).  But I can't help blaming myself.  I wanted it to work, I knew there was always a spark between us and now it's gone and I don't really know why.

Thanks for listening to me, I can't help feeling like it's self-indulgent moping but I don't really know where else I can share it.  Who would have thought a website about a sci-fi comic could provide such support?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Steven Denton on 27 April, 2017, 03:25:28 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 02:45:03 PM

Thanks for listening to me, I can't help feeling like it's self-indulgent moping but I don't really know where else I can share it.  Who would have thought a website about a sci-fi comic could provide such support?

A website about a sci-fi comic is exactly where I would go for support. Most of us are cut from a similar cloth.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 03:46:17 PM
True enough.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 27 April, 2017, 06:08:26 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 02:45:03 PM
But I can't help blaming myself.  I wanted it to work, I knew there was always a spark between us and now it's gone and I don't really know why.


This is the most natural reaction in the world, particularly when you invest so much of yourself in it.  As you say, life has been pretty relentless for you this year so that brief and ecstatic period must have felt wonderful, making the sudden crumbling all the more challenging.  Just remember to be kind with yourself over how you are feeling so you don't get sucked in to the cycle of 'I'm feeling shitty but I shouldn't feel shitty so I feel even more ...'  (ah, you know what I mean!)

I do also wonder, considering that it appears to have come out of left field and this is based on some of your additional information, if some of this is about her difficulties.  This could be nerves based on past experience, you mentioned the break up last year and she is cautious about committing too deeply.  She may just need to develop a stronger trust in you, not because of you but because of her, in which case she is setting out a bit of a less intense relationship for a time to acclimatise.

Of course I could be completely wrong about this since I haven't the first clue about women.  Having been married for over 20 years I can safely use the back hundredth of a first class stamp to write everything I am sure about.  So feel free to completely and utterly ignore this!

PS - nowt wrong with a bit of moping.  In fact based on your responses I wouldn't consider it that at all, more reaching out to the similarly afflicted!

PPS - was thinking that this thread had been quiet for a while.  Nowt since Feb.  We must be doing okay.  (says the man who had a meltdown today as well!)  ::) 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 08:36:44 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 27 April, 2017, 06:08:26 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 02:45:03 PM
But I can't help blaming myself.  I wanted it to work, I knew there was always a spark between us and now it's gone and I don't really know why.


This is the most natural reaction in the world, particularly when you invest so much of yourself in it.  As you say, life has been pretty relentless for you this year so that brief and ecstatic period must have felt wonderful, making the sudden crumbling all the more challenging.  Just remember to be kind with yourself over how you are feeling so you don't get sucked in to the cycle of 'I'm feeling shitty but I shouldn't feel shitty so I feel even more ...'  (ah, you know what I mean!)

I do also wonder, considering that it appears to have come out of left field and this is based on some of your additional information, if some of this is about her difficulties.  This could be nerves based on past experience, you mentioned the break up last year and she is cautious about committing too deeply.  She may just need to develop a stronger trust in you, not because of you but because of her, in which case she is setting out a bit of a less intense relationship for a time to acclimatise.

Of course I could be completely wrong about this since I haven't the first clue about women.  Having been married for over 20 years I can safely use the back hundredth of a first class stamp to write everything I am sure about.  So feel free to completely and utterly ignore this!

PS - nowt wrong with a bit of moping.  In fact based on your responses I wouldn't consider it that at all, more reaching out to the similarly afflicted!

PPS - was thinking that this thread had been quiet for a while.  Nowt since Feb.  We must be doing okay.  (says the man who had a meltdown today as well!)  ::)

Thank you for your kind words. All of these messages of support really help, honestly. I don't really know who else to talk to - i cant afford counselling right now and despite having a loving family, I'm not especially close to them and we don't talk much about personal issues. It's the Irish way, unfortunately.

I don't really think she wants a relationship beyond friendship to be honest, and i don't want to chase a lost cause (believe me, I've done it before, and it was a disaster).

In a way she was a major part of my best years - she was there the first night i became a raver kid and she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. She is still beautiful 22 years later and a lot of best memories are wrapped up in her so maybe that's why it feels like I'm losing much more than a couple of fun dates.

Thanks again to you, Tim, and everyone else here - it genuinely is a huge comfort to have like-minded people who listen and care.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 27 April, 2017, 09:30:03 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 08:36:44 PM

Thank you for your kind words. All of these messages of support really help, honestly. I don't really know who else to talk to - i cant afford counselling right now and despite having a loving family, I'm not especially close to them and we don't talk much about personal issues. It's the Irish way, unfortunately.


I'm not sure any of us are that close to family, or that it is particularly healthy.  Personally I find that I have to give my mother a wide berth unless I want a trigger event. That said, she is potentially more screwed up than me (if the is at all possible) so there is no surprise there.

Counsellors are worth their weight in gold if they are good, otherwise they're about as much use as a chocolate fireguard.  Again, having met with both ...

Sometimes all we need to do is sound off and unload, with someone actually validating us as human beings.  A simple acknowledgement of the authenticity of our pain, a recognition of the challenges that we face and a validation of our struggles. 

When we find someone that we feel is accepting of who we are, warts and all, then that is a blessing beyond comparison.  Mainly because it is all so rare.  That is something that is hard to let go of.

Personally I love both the self awareness and the self respect that you have in allowing this lass to be honest with you, as hard as it is.  That takes a lot of courage.  It also shows a lot of love for her, that you value her friendship more than anything else and want to give her what she needs.  Maybe that will allow this to evolve into something that meets your needs as well but in a way that you can't see right now.

Lots of folks with you pal, and at the risk of putting myself in the firing line considering some of the sentiments expressed on this site (fully understanding why), praying for you as well.  Stay safe my friend.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 April, 2017, 09:44:56 PM
Thanks again, you're a true gentleman.

I hope you got over your meltdown today too! If you want to talk about it I owe you a listening ear.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 09 May, 2017, 09:49:26 PM
I've been reading through this thread and my heart goes out to all squaxx who have been suffering, or are currently suffering, from this bloody shite.
I've not been on the board for a good while, largely because my own black dog took a chunk out of me a few years ago and left me less of a person. Even now, after six months of talking therapy, Sertraline, a new wife and a baby on the way, I'm still nowhere near where I should be.
Tordleback's description above is on the money for me as well- I just bumble through my life, with nothing really making a difference, essentially waiting for it all to stop.
I'm very lucky that my wife is a mental health professional and cuts me lots of slack/ helps me through, but after 25 years of this (close to half my life!) I see no real chance of "getting better".
Anyway, to all who are living with it: keep going. Get tablets. Talk to a professional. Do all the stuff they tell you- exercise, get fresh air, eat well, don't drink, stop smoking. Do whatever it takes. And use this forum as a sounding board if necessary- experience tells me there are often splendid people here.

SBT(r)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 10 May, 2017, 06:32:37 AM
Welcome back, SBT! I'd echo everything you say except for the bit about tablets - but that's just because I feel much better without them. Also, take time out to smell the roses - watch a sunset, contemplate the stars, listen to the birds - all that real stuff about our wonderful world. Thumb your nose at all those artificial problems - the ones made by people - from time to time.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 10 May, 2017, 10:17:22 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 10 May, 2017, 06:32:37 AM
Welcome back, SBT! I'd echo everything you say except for the bit about tablets - but that's just because I feel much better without them. Also, take time out to smell the roses - watch a sunset, contemplate the stars, listen to the birds - all that real stuff about our wonderful world. Thumb your nose at all those artificial problems - the ones made by people - from time to time.

I feel better with the tablets, personally.  But they're not the be-all and end-all - mindfulness and CBT techniques are essential if your brain is faulty like mine, but medication is a very useful crutch and has possibly saved my life in the past.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Prodigal2 on 10 May, 2017, 10:49:47 AM
I hope this doesn't sound like meaningless gush, but this forum has been a fantastic fringe benefit in all sorts of ways for this old duffer when he picked up a copy of 2000AD a few years back.

A quality, quality place this.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 10 May, 2017, 11:12:59 AM
I wouldn't tell anyone not to take the tablets, just to be clear. Personally, I wasn't convinced of their efficacy and decided that taking them wasn't for me - a decision I do not regret. Anyone who finds them useful finds them useful and that's that. I suppose there are as many approaches to beating depression as there are brains, we each have to find our own path through it.

Mindfulness is also a great asset in the arsenal against the Shady Woofer.

Glad you like this place, Prodigal - it can get a bit lively and "claws-out" on certain threads from time to time but we're (mostly) decent enough folk!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 10 May, 2017, 11:15:57 AM
Welcome back, Steev! Amazed and delighted hear you and your missus are with sprog, you're a braver man than I to be adding to what already seems like a veritable  Brady Bunch of joy at our advanced stage of decrepitude.

I teeter repeatedly on the edge of the medication route, and am still terrified of it, but to be honest I think the idea that it's there if I can't hack it through cognitive shenanigans and continual teeth-gritting is a massive comfort: and one fostered by advice and accounts on this very thread.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 10 May, 2017, 02:35:12 PM
Ah, thanks guys. Yeah, nice to be back. And yeah, another sprogling to add to the six we already have between us. Hey ho. Maybe it'll be a girl this time.
Regarding medication, I should have said "take meds if they work for you", obviously. Personally, they do for me (although this time they have proved problematic), but if you choose other ways to deal with this hideous horror then, basically, whatever works- as long as it does.
I remember some times, back when I wasn't dealing with it all very well, that contact with Board members (either here, on fb, or in the flesh) was close to being all that got me through the day. The benefits of this forum can be massively underappreciated.
SBT
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 10 May, 2017, 02:39:55 PM
SBT ! great to have you back, :wave:
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 10 May, 2017, 05:43:08 PM
Welcome back SBT. You have been missed, old boy.

And congrats on the impending newbie, too.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SuperSurfer on 10 May, 2017, 10:53:18 PM
Great to have you back, SBT.

You know that you have to recite the full Ace Trucking poem so you can be accepted back into our gang.

"I was boiling down the mainlane shrugging jeckyl by the mil..."
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 11 May, 2017, 06:19:36 PM
Well i've been battle the black dog again myself recently, as those who know me on the faceybooks know. This is at present however a strange kind of anxiety i've not felt before, it's kind of like melancholy, but what i'm so sad about i'm not sure. By all intents and purposes my life has never been better. Full time, well paid work with a good employer, a small but close circle of friends who I love dearly, good marks in Uni and a bunch of muppets online whom i'm eternally grateful to have listen to me spill my heart out without any kinda of snark or hate to concern me.

So why can't I shake this feeling of the blues? Am I missing something, forgetting something, a subconscious realization that all these years trying to cure my condition turned up for nought? I can't decide. To those who know me through social media are quite likely aware I laid out a little concise post about how my autism, anxiety and depression have cohabited for decades, and the cocktail of insanity it drove me to for years after. I feel like i'm starting to get over that ridge in my life and things are looking OK, maybe this melancholy is my mind reacting to me actually being NICE to myself. I don't know.

Emotions are still obviously not the forte of one with autism, it would seem.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 11 May, 2017, 06:29:13 PM
The blues ain't nothing but a good man feeling bad
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 11 May, 2017, 06:33:33 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 11 May, 2017, 06:19:36 PMThis is at present however a strange kind of anxiety i've not felt before, it's kind of like melancholy, but what i'm so sad about i'm not sure. By all intents and purposes my life has never been better.

The Bard has your back, Hawky:  "In sooth, I know not why I am so sad.  It wearies me; you say it wearies you. But how I caught it, found it, or came by it, what stuff 'tis made of, whereof it is born, I am to learn.
And such a want-wit sadness makes of me, that I have much ado to know myself".  All you need is to bankrupt a Jew and marry his daughter off to your best mate and you'll be right as rain, just like Antonio.

Don't think what you describe has much to do with autism specifically: sounds sadly like all-too-familiar vanilla depression to me, in that I could have written that post myself (although obviously not in as cool and youthful a fashion).  Shit though it is, there is the Actual Reality that when you get through this spell (and you will) you should still have all those good things waiting for you. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 May, 2017, 07:25:52 PM
There's so much wrong with the world, so much suffering and dis-ease, so much bullshit and fog, that when things are okay for me it can make me blue like that. It's not guilt, exactly, not feeling unworthy of the good in my life when so many are mired in shit - it's more like realising how little it takes to cheer me up and how little it takes to cheer anyone up. I want everyone to have that little and I think it's knowing that they either overlook it or have it withheld from them that makes my happiness turn blue.

And then I think, "drokk 'em, I'm gonna enjoy my happy anyway. Ain't no sin in that."
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 May, 2017, 11:13:03 PM
Hard to know what advice to give to you, HM, other than to wait till it passes - awful as it is, it will pass.  Not quite through my own spell yet but I'm getting there; things don't seem quite as terrible as they did a week or two back, and I've had days that I've actually more or less enjoyed despite the hovering black clouds.  I hope you get out the other side too.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 May, 2017, 03:04:24 PM
How Baking, Cooking & Other Daily Activities Help Promote Happiness and Alleviate Depression and Anxiety. (http://www.openculture.com/2017/05/how-baking-cooking-other-daily-activities-help-promote-happiness-and-alleviate-depression-and-anxiety.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+OpenCulture+%28Open+Culture%29)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 May, 2017, 10:05:13 PM
3 Toxic Thinking Habits That Feed Your Insecurity. (http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/3-toxic-thinking-habits-that-feed-your-insecurity?utm_source=QDT20170512&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=quickanddirtytips)

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 16 May, 2017, 08:50:26 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 11 May, 2017, 06:19:36 PM
So why can't I shake this feeling of the blues? Am I missing something, forgetting something, a subconscious realization that all these years trying to cure my condition turned up for nought? I can't decide.

Sorry, Hawkie, just noticed this one.  Partially due to my own meltdown which has now landed me in trouble with my Head.  (note to all, secondary teaching and BPD are not a good combination at times!).  This is something that I can relate to.  Sometimes it just feels like the other shoe is going to drop at any moment?

For me the hyper vigilance that I used to survive as a nipper carried through to adult life and only in the last few years as I've been dealing with the fallout of my school experience has it started to shift.  The thing is though, shifting it after nearly 30 years is not easy.  I'm learning how amazingly flexible the human brain can be but also how long it can take to rewire pathways that have been embedded for that long.  Not impossible but damn difficult.  What I'm trying to say is that for me, the 'blue' feeling is sometimes a learned habit that I'm working on shifting.  Does that make sense?

I find as well that it helps to reframe, in fact I've stumbled across research recently that has looked at reappraisal / reframing as a simple technique for anxiety.  I know that I'm going to have slip ups from time to time (last couple of weeks being a classic case in point!) but I'm trying to teach myself to view them as learning experiences, pick out what I can from them and just ignore them / shrug them off if there is nothing new there.

Have a little compassion on yourself fella.  Sometimes it is good to just 'feel' and let it roll.  That avoids the feedback loop that triggers the anxiety to boot.

PS - you don't have to just have Autism to struggle with emotions!  You might also want to have a look at Lisa Feldman Barrett's book "How Emotions are Made" for a different perspective.  Her theory of constructed emotion is interesting.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Andy Lambert on 18 May, 2017, 10:55:27 PM
Well now... funny the threads you come across when you venture out of the usual area you've stayed in.

As a depression sufferer myself, it's lovely to find a place here where people can share their thoughts, concerns and support.
I'm not exactly in the best place at the moment but my mind set is generally okay at present. I have been taking medication though I've stopped lately... I've come to wonder if the 'flatness' one feels on prescription drugs is actually any better than the depression itself. You might feel the lows sometimes, but you sometimes get to feel the highs too. Anti-depressants tend to suppress any feeling, which obviously is a good thing when you feel like shit. It could blow up in my face at any time though - something could trigger a dark spell and I won't be drugged up to deal with it.

My current concerns are more about anxiety and a lack of confidence, but at least the black dog itself is keeping a discreet distance for the time being.

I sincerely hope everyone here who's suffered or is currently suffering is finding the support they need, and if I'm able to help in any way, I will.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 29 May, 2017, 10:33:47 AM
It's great to see that this thread has been so quiet for so long.  Hope that means that things are going okay for folks.  Personally, this year has gone from bad to worse and it is interesting to see exactly how extreme the anxiety can get.  Having told my line manager about my difficulties seems to have made matters worse rather than better.  Currently this feels exactly the same as it did back at St Georges.  Sort of come full circle.

Work is now going to hell in a hand basket and even with half term terror is the only way to describe the current state.  I guess having the letter through the post about capability on saturday was not the most helpful.  Union on the case too but have to wait until I get back to see what is happening next. 

At the moment it is all I can do to keep from doing anything really stupid but I know that is not going to help.  Concentrating on anything at all is a chore and a half so I'm just taking things in small doses.  The littlest thing can set me off, dropping something even ...

Sorry for being so down.  I know that this will pass but I just need to get it out there.  Like I say, glad that everyone else is doing okay right now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 29 May, 2017, 11:21:38 AM
Strength and love to you, Tjm. Don't feel too lonely in your difficulties, silence doesn't necessarily mean all is well. That can be the worst part, sometimes, imagining that everyone else is okay and it's only me in this damnable black fog. I'm not suggesting that other people being in a similar place should cheer you up, of course, but that plenty of us know and understand.

And never, ever apologise for being down - certainly not on this thread.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 29 May, 2017, 12:13:33 PM
cheers pal.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 May, 2017, 02:02:21 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 29 May, 2017, 11:21:38 AM
Strength and love to you, Tjm. Don't feel too lonely in your difficulties, silence doesn't necessarily mean all is well. That can be the worst part, sometimes, imagining that everyone else is okay and it's only me in this damnable black fog. I'm not suggesting that other people being in a similar place should cheer you up, of course, but that plenty of us know and understand.

And never, ever apologise for being down - certainly not on this thread.

What the Shark said
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 05 June, 2017, 06:39:32 AM
My wife pointed out something that I hadn't realised, the timing of the anxiety increase.  As bad as it has been this year, the last few weeks have been an order of magnitude greater than I have experienced in a long time.  Up to and including full blown anxiety attacks that have come out of the blue for no discernible reason.  Except it appears that there may be a reason; the new medication and the dosage increase.  Going with an adjustment back down reduced the effect and left things manageable.  The anxiety is still there but at a far lower level.  Superb!

On the plus side at least now I've some idea of why I went so completely off the rails.  Just wish I'd twigged sooner.  Granted there is an underlying reason for the anxiety but not at the levels I was experiencing.  So, back to the docs again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 February, 2018, 07:23:22 AM
The Real Causes Of Depression Have Been Discovered, And They're Not What You Think. (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/opinion-hari-depression-causes_us_5a6a144de4b0ddb658c46a21?ncid=engmodushpmg00000004)


Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 11 February, 2018, 11:30:10 AM
At the risk of sounding glib in response to the author of this article; no s*** Sherlock!

Or perhaps it's just the case that if you've spent the best part of thirty odd years dealing with that then it just seems obvious.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 February, 2018, 11:36:44 AM
I agree. Obvious to sufferers but maybe not so much to partners, doctors and the wider public - many of whom still believe in the "broken brain" myth.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 11 February, 2018, 12:23:13 PM
Or in the case of a hell of a lot of employers, the 'just bloody awkward' myth.  In regards to partners, I must have been particularly blessed in that regard.  I don't know that I'd still be here if it wasn't for my wife. 


As an aside:  Never, ever, ever, ever, ever disclose to your line manager that you have a mental health problem.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: DrJomster on 11 February, 2018, 10:12:48 PM
Hang on in there, good people. It will get better.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Eric Plumrose on 14 February, 2018, 10:40:55 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 11 February, 2018, 07:23:22 AM
The Real Causes Of Depression Have Been Discovered, And They're Not What You Think. (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/opinion-hari-depression-causes_us_5a6a144de4b0ddb658c46a21?ncid=engmodushpmg00000004)

Ah, damn. The author uses the 'c' word.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 17 April, 2018, 09:00:53 PM
I know it's been a while since this thread has seen any traffic and it seems like I'm the most frequent flier here.  Regrettably my condition seems to be putting the boot in my working life.  A meeting with OH ended with a single refrain; 'have you considered resignation?'  Yes, I have.  Thanks for the vote of encouragement.

All I can say is, I am so glad that so many fellow travellers on this thread have been absent for so long.  Hope that is an indicator of how well things are going.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 17 April, 2018, 09:26:00 PM
Don't listen to them. You are a being of infinite worth and potential and I for one feel privileged to share this community with you.

Strength and love to you, Sir, strength and love.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Theblazeuk on 18 April, 2018, 02:16:37 AM
Well don't think you're the only one at all Tjm! I'm fluctuating wildly between thinking I can get things back on track and utterly despairing it of it all. A pattern closely tied to my wife's health in both mental and physical terms.

At the moment work is still an escape of sorts for me, though it's hard to muster up the will to carry on 70% of the time. Anyway - just so you know you're not alone, whether it's in terms of moral support or just other people flying the darker skies.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 18 April, 2018, 09:23:06 AM
Tjm86-

Don't let other people tell you what you should do. I don't know you, or your situation, but don't let yourself be isolated. Communication is key- even if it is just wittering on here about comics. Communication is the key.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 18 April, 2018, 12:12:56 PM
Bolt is spot on.  Talk, talk, talk.  It's when this dark shit echoes and rebounds in your own skull that it amplifies to unbearable levels: let it out into the light and air where it can fuck off.

Equally importantly Tjm, it's never just you.  Been feeling the nip of many sharp canines at the cuffs of my trousers this past while too, but have been managing to keep it at that irritating but still-functional level, hence I haven't been making use of this thread lately (prefering to rant on about Star Wars, and rebut bigots on social media as a release valve).  Although I have come as close as drafting and deleting posts more than once. Reasoning: we're not there yet, and maybe never again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 April, 2018, 01:38:27 PM
Thanks folks.  Blaze, here's to hoping for a positive resolution for you and your wife.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 18 April, 2018, 05:03:13 PM
You're a trooper, Tim!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 19 April, 2018, 10:06:36 PM
I'm going to repeat my appreciation for folks on this board.  Thank you for your support, I will wear it always.  Ironically today I had an interview for a job and was successful.  I had to demonstrate my skills and the feedback I received was that I was 'a strong practitioner'.  So the gaslighting by my current employer has been demonstrated for what it was and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.  I'm going to let my union sort that one out.

To those who, like me recently, have felt the pull of the dark canine I guess I would say; look up and see what colour the sky is.  My thanks to those who have offered the voice of reason (Jimbo / TLS/ Bolt in particular).  I just hope and pray that fellow travellers draw comfort and support as I have (again Blaze, I'm thinking of you and your wife).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 19 April, 2018, 10:56:55 PM
Great news on the interview, Tjm, and congratulations. You are obviously too good for the other place!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 28 April, 2018, 09:47:02 AM
Urrrgh, kicking this pup back from the threshold repeatedly is so damn tiring.  Successful so far these past months, but flippineck, it takes up a lot of time and attention: I feel like I have to actively concentrate on everything I'm thinking and doing and constantly steer myself back on track - 'mindfulness' sounds like such a peaceful zenlike state, but brother, it ain't that at all.

But still - keeping on keeping on, well worth it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 28 April, 2018, 10:33:29 AM
Sorry to hear the dark hound is still nipping at you, Tordels, but glad you're keeping it at bay.

I'm always a bit wary of throwing in my two pennies here because it's different for everybody. Before I lost everything, and whilst I was in the process of losing it, Funky Fido was ever present in my life, its teeth at my throat. Since then, however, it's only made fleeting appearances of a much weaker character.

I would never be so trite as to claim I'm "cured" but the fact is, in my case at least, things can get almost unbelievably better. I wish I knew "the secret" so I could pass it on to you good people.

Perhaps, though, you might take some heart from my experience and know that the Black Dog is not invincible.

Strength and love to you, Tordels, and to all you magnificent dog wrestlers - I salute you!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 28 April, 2018, 10:57:01 AM
I don't think there is a 'secret' as such and ultimately we are all individuals.  We may experience the puppy in different ways and there may be commonalities.  I've found, along with several other friends who manage their conditions, that sharing things we've tried is helpful.  Even if it is something that we've tried, there might be something different about their way that changes things.

TLS is bang on mind, the Dark Canine is not invincible, just bloody persistent!  Annoyingly so, as you say.  I'd also agree on the twee appearance of mindfulness.  I find it helpful to remember that I'm not actually trying to lose the anxiety or depression, rather to come to an accommodation with it that makes it manageable and allows me to function.

I think that is the benefit to the crisis state that I've been working through the last couple of weeks. (which was escalated again yesterday when my old employer decided to change the terms of the provisional settlement!)  At least it's giving my skills a damn good workout.  Way I figure it, if I can get through this crap then I might stand a fighting chance.

Anyways.  I'm going to repeat my appreciation to all who have expressed support.  My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who is currently working with Animal Control, so to speak, and that they do pull through.  Tordels signed it off bang on!

"Thankfully persistence is a great substitute for talent."  Steve Martin.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Colin Zeal on 29 May, 2018, 09:31:50 PM
I have had many periods of the black dog. All of which I convince myself aren't really that bad so why bother asking for help or talking to anyone. That attitude doesn't help anyone so my only advice to someone on this subject would be not to hide, be so proud/macho that you think other people are having it worse than you are and you will be fine in the morning. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

That's as much as I have said on this topic in a long time and I will probably leave this thread alone now but reading the previous messages has helped me a lot so thanks to all of you that have posted.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 06 June, 2018, 05:58:06 PM
I move from the dog sitting on me to it barking at me to go for things. Rapid cycling. I have the pills but the hyper stuff helps me in work. win/lose always. Not taking lithium for anyone.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 07 June, 2018, 10:38:03 AM
I've been struggling with the dark beast for years as many folks these parts know through my incessant moaning, but the last 10 months or so have been a peculiar time for my mental health. I lost my last stable job around then, lovely situation it was too, and it was a time where I discovered a close relative was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Throw in a treacherous period in my social life and it was basically some of the worst weeks of my life. It's weird how it's panned out since and I honestly thought i'd be fairing worse than i am. I've had a few short lived jobs I was not sad to see the back off, corporate exploitation of young workers is an all to real reality folks, i've now become a part time carer for my sickened relative, she's coping with the treatment very well and ultimately we're just trying to help her last few months be as stable and happy as possible, and i've found myself surrounded by a new and accepting circle of friends who are far more supportive and endearing to mt situations that the last where. I used to get so worked up on reaching a kind of happiness I only really imagined that when things fell apart it was a struggle to pick myself up again. But honestly it's been a worthwhile experience to learn about valuing life and choosing wisely whom to share your love with.

'Soppy bollocks add infinitive'
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 07 June, 2018, 12:12:00 PM
Good to hear you're coping better, Hawkie, and more power to you.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 07 June, 2018, 01:22:29 PM
I hear what you're saying Hawkie.  I can't claim to have gone through anything anywhere near as bad as what you seem to have.  Although having said that I don't think we do ourselves or anyone else a favour in trying to claim to achieved the worst situation possible.  Our experiences are personal and it is we that have to navigate them.  Anything that attempts to invalidate the impact on us and our ability to cope is just plain wrong.  So it's great to hear how things are going.

It's amazing how things pan out when they do fall apart isn't it?  Now that my union has negotiated a mutual departure things are wrapping up nicely and I've been able to cut myself free from that experience.  Like you, I've also been able to support ill relatives. We don't get that time back do we?  I don't think we truly appreciate how much of a gift it is (although it might not seem it at the time).

I would agree completely with your closing statement about valuing and choosing.  Here's to hoping that the quality of life you're experiencing at present carries you and your family through.  All the best.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 07 June, 2018, 05:03:50 PM
Well wishes Hawkie
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 09 June, 2018, 04:44:27 PM
I'm sorry and will regret this outpouring no doubt...but I'm not doing very well. I have had a lot of fun on this forum...even though you all punctuate better than me. #feelingsorryformeyself
#ignore
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 09 June, 2018, 05:34:00 PM
Strength and love to you, Auxlen, I hope things improve for you soon.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 09 June, 2018, 06:31:22 PM
What TLS said, Auxlen, hang in there pal.  Too many of us have been there and can fully appreciate where you're coming from.  Nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself , it's perfectly normal.  No way you're going to get ignored round these parts when you pop your head in for help.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 09 June, 2018, 11:27:42 PM
Quote from: auxlen on 09 June, 2018, 04:44:27 PM
I'm sorry and will regret this outpouring no doubt...but I'm not doing very well. I have had a lot of fun on this forum...even though you all punctuate better than me. #feelingsorryformeyself
#ignore

No need for regrets, you're talking to people who know exactly how you feel.  All I can say is, it doesn't last forever
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 10 June, 2018, 09:23:21 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 09 June, 2018, 11:27:42 PM
Quote from: auxlen on 09 June, 2018, 04:44:27 PM
I'm sorry and will regret this outpouring no doubt...but I'm not doing very well. I have had a lot of fun on this forum...even though you all punctuate better than me. #feelingsorryformeyself
#ignore

No need for regrets, you're talking to people who know exactly how you feel.  All I can say is, it doesn't last forever

S'right.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 13 June, 2018, 09:38:46 PM
I stayed away for a few days ecause I vaguely recalled I had posted here and was sure I'd made a fool of myself. Your comments (and a private message) gave me strength...and seriously, Thanks for taking the time to respond. helped considerably.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 15 September, 2018, 12:49:39 AM
It's been some time since I needed to vent over this here thread, but recently i've been feeling very The worst for wear. I'm exhausted constantly, demotivated, and just generally fatigued. The black dog is nipping at my ankles and the worst part is, I know its daft. I'm doing OK, working long but generally rewarding hours, just passed my honours with a 2:1, i'm surrounded by some of the best friends I've ever had, but somedays it just takes one thing, and again the next.

It probably doesn't help matters this morning I was informed by my family that our cat of 25 years, Spud, has passed on. It so daft that i've been feeling glum today over a silly old, mostly blind cat. But I still feel like i've lost an old friend.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 15 September, 2018, 02:49:20 AM
My dog, Rupert, was put down while I was away from home and it still upsets me to think about it.  It was best for him because he'd lost the use of his back legs. Still, he was a part of the family for years and it's natural to mourn the loss. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 15 September, 2018, 06:40:20 AM

Best wishes to you, Hawkie - losing a beloved pet always leaves me in bits. It's not daft at all, it's entirely natural.



Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 15 September, 2018, 07:24:51 AM
All best wishes to you, Hawk. Losing a cat, after 25 years, is devastating. When my old Spooky went- at 20- it knocked me off my feet.
Hoping you cope with this immensely difficult time and use everything you know to move on through it.
SBT
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 15 September, 2018, 08:48:33 AM
Really sorry to hear that, Hawk.  I'm a cat person too and I know what it's like to lose one.  Thoughts are with you.
By the way, at 25 Spud must surely have been one of the oldest cats in the world.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 15 September, 2018, 09:14:33 AM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 15 September, 2018, 12:49:39 AM
It probably doesn't help matters this morning I was informed by my family that our cat of 25 years, Spud, has passed on. It so daft that i've been feeling glum today over a silly old, mostly blind cat.

Not a bit of it.  My 20-year old three-legged cat died in her sleep two months ago and I'm still feeling sad about it.  She was so old that when she was a kitten she chewed the lightsabre of my brand new Mace Windu free mail-away Episode One promotional figure!  Or to put it another way,  so much a part of our lives. TBH I'm still not over the loss of my dog four years ago.

That's just how it is, don't feel bad about feeling bad. My every sympathy, Hawkie.

But congrats on the 2:1!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 15 September, 2018, 09:31:33 PM
Aye, congrats.  Not a small achievement at all.

Don't beat yourself up about how things are affecting you.  I think it's fair to say that we all know how easy it is to be tripped by the most innocuous event, sometimes without us even realising it has happened.  It's easy to feel guilty for feeling down when actually there are perfectly valid reasons for it.

The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster for me too.  Finally back in work after six months, it's been quite an emotional experience.  It's hard to let go of the experiences of the last two years and simply see this as a fresh start.  Keeping things in perspective and remembering that whatever the validity of the criticisms I faced, the methods employed were unjustified at best ... Still, it does shape my perception at present.  Then I remember that this is a different situation and feel guilty / annoyed at myself.  Then I remember: "Small moves."

To all who are still moving forward with this baggage, stay strong guys.  To all who have provided supportive voices, thanks.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 16 September, 2018, 01:37:46 PM
Given that cats are my favourite creatures on the planet, I can completely empathise with how you feel. My sympathies and all the best to you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 17 September, 2018, 02:21:52 PM
Congrats on the 2.1, Hawkster and sorry for the loss.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 22 September, 2018, 12:36:05 AM
aaargh - typed a long essay about not going to thought bubble and then lost it - cant be arsed retyping
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 22 September, 2018, 10:16:20 AM
No worries, DDD, hope all is ok with you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 22 September, 2018, 02:05:15 PM
QuoteI think it's fair to say that we all know how easy it is to be tripped by the most innocuous event, sometimes without us even realising it has happened.

So true..all keep well.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 24 September, 2018, 10:49:49 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 22 September, 2018, 10:16:20 AM
No worries, DDD, hope all is ok with you.

Yeah cheers JBC I'm fine - in fact, half of my drunken rambling was apologising to those who suffer from genuine depression for taking up their thread with my petty moodswings.

In a nutshell, I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I just seem to be sorely lacking enthusiasm for anything at the moment- progs go unread all week, box-sets unwatched for months, I'm eating sandwiches and junk because I can't be arsed cooking etc. Although I did have a bit of a cold on Friday, I probably would have been fine at Thought Bubble, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't be bothered going - this surprised me somewhat in hindsight, because it's my favourite con, I always have a good time and I haven't missed one for years. I haven't even been out for a drink or meal with my mates for weeks.

Don't fret though, I'm seeing the NT Macbeth in a couple of weeks with my best friend, and have my great nephew's christening too - Those should snap me out of it, I've just been spending too much time alone lately.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 25 September, 2018, 08:32:45 PM
Aye, was going through a similar spell for a lot of last year, veering between the lethargic type of apathy you speak of and full-on depression.

Doesn't sound like you're only having petty mood swings though; sounds like you're actually suffering. Hope the upcoming social events do the trick for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 25 September, 2018, 09:39:12 PM

Aye, nothing I can add, I know, except my heartfelt support and best wishes. It might give some comfort to know that, after over a decade of the loneliest black I've ever known, which I spent like Achilles sulking in his tent, things got immeasurably better for me. The last few years have been virtually dog-free for me and I no longer live in fear of its return.

Things can get better. If you believe nothing else I say (and why would you?), you can at least believe that.

Peace and love, my darlings, peace and love.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 26 September, 2018, 06:36:57 PM
The Beeb says eat well (https://www.bbc.com/news/health-45641628).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 January, 2019, 05:03:08 PM
Alright, time to get this out in the open.  I'm veering towards the black pit again; not quite there but I am terrified of reaching it.  My anxiety level is much higher than normal and I feel bleak about the future.

I've been following a CBT book (Feeling Good, by David Burns) for the last week or so and trying (with some success and a few lapses) to keep up the exercises. I also went to a counsellor last week (not for the first time) and I felt good for the rest of the day but am relapsing.

I've never really done proper CBT - does anybody have experience of it?  It seems too good to be true but maybe that's just my own negative perspective.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 06 January, 2019, 05:29:09 PM

I don't know what CBT is but I hope it can help you. My best to you JBC, strength and love - we're all here for you, all on your side, you are valued and not alone.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 January, 2019, 05:31:16 PM
Thank you, Sharky, I appreciate it.  CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy; I have never really understood it before but am starting to get a grasp on it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 06 January, 2019, 06:52:24 PM
I have a relative who's training to be a high school counselor, and I asked them about CBT.  They said it was very highly regarded, in that there are lots of studies one can point to where the technique has been efficacious.

Interestingly, they also pointed out that a counseling technique often isn't as important as the relationship between the counselor and the counseled.  So: if you have a positive relationship with your counselor (or have a good feeling about the book), then the technique they're using will probably prove effective (whether it's CBT or Freudian psychoanalysis).

That dynamic ties into the idea of CBT itself, where how you feel effects how you think, which effects what you do.  Like wot is in this diagram:

(https://i.imgur.com/LzSFCbM.png)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 06 January, 2019, 06:52:55 PM
Hi JBC, like many other folks in these parts, I can appreciate where you are coming from.  The worst thing about the dark pooch is its unerring ability to jump out on you when you're least expecting it.  Knowing what the worst aspects are is more of a challenge than experiencing them.

CBT is quite popular with primary care specialists these days and like Funt says, it has a large body of supportive research behind it.  In a lot of studies it has generally been found to be more effective than medication in long term treatment.

Possibly it's popularity is because it puts a lot of responsibility on the patient, it is cheap and easy to implement anywhere.  It's built on the idea that it is how we think about our feelings that is part of the issue with regards to chronic anxiety / depression.  Something happens, we think about it in a set way which triggers negative feelings and we're off and running.  Standard examples are along the lines of someone walks past you and ignore you, you assume that they are snubbing you which reinforces negative thoughts about yourself ...

I guess one of the advantages of the approach is it focuses less on underlying cause and more on dealing with present manifestation, if that makes sense.  No talking for hours about how your mother used to treat you (I finally get that scene in Blade Runner), more about what went through your mind when someone upset you and how else to think about it.

I've been using it for a few years now, along with Dialectic Behaviour Therapy, which is an extension of it, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (another CBT variant) with varying degrees of success.  I find some of the ideas from ACT quite helpful when I'm spiking.  Harris points out that one thing we have a really nasty habit of is giving ourselves grief when we feel low or anxious.  Anyone else we would be supportive of, but ourselves we give a damn good shoeing!  The one person we most need to be compassionate with is the last person we ever are with ...)

One really useful method is 'distancing'.  So if I'm starting to spike, I begin with a simple thought .. "Oh, I'm feeling anxious (whatever)".  This is the start of a chain  "I've just noticed ... "  "I've realised that I've just noticed .." "I'm now thinking about the fact that I realised that I've just noticed ..." and so on.  Each chain puts a bit more distance between me and my anxiety and allows it to ease off.  It tends to work better than my old tendency to ruminate, try and figure out why I'm feeling the way I am and plowing headlong into meltdown ...

Connected to this, I use his other idea about accepting that is the way I feel at that point, that it is only a feeling that will pass and that it is actually okay to feel crappy sometimes.

I'd love to be able to say it is a guaranteed method but it does work with practice.  Remember that you've only been playing around with this for a week, you are not alone and there are plenty of folks here willing to offer support of different types, that you are likely to be riding a rollercoaster for the next few days but not alone.

By all means PM if you need to.  In the meantime, what Sharky said ...

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Professor Bear on 06 January, 2019, 06:56:20 PM
My insights into mental health begin and end with the observation that if brain medicine doesn't have "LOL" in the name, it maybe won't make you happy, IE: Propranolol is likely great stuff, but cetirizine hydrochloride probably less so.
I hope you give CBT a decent go, JBC.  Irish mental health - as a state of being as well as a public service - is a fucking disaster area, but I've seen mates who've had variable results with CBT ranging from "no effect" to "miraculous turnaround."  It doesn't work for everyone, but give it a good fist and look after yourself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 January, 2019, 07:04:23 PM
Thank you, everyone. It's really good to have all your support and advice.  This thread is excellent.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 January, 2019, 07:13:59 PM
What has triggered this episode is anxiety over a relationship yet again, or a potential one to be more specific.  I won't go into it now but that's always what drives me to the edge.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: DrJomster on 06 January, 2019, 10:45:03 PM
I hope things get better JBC.

Have you tried one of those mental health apps like Calm? Some of them get quite good reviews.

White noise apps might help too. They have things like breaking waves sounds which can be helpful, running stream sounds and so forth. They can be a helpful background noise.

Mobile phone games can be helpful too, if you lose yourself in pottering up through the levels it can distract you from real life.

Hope that's helpful. All the best.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: DrJomster on 06 January, 2019, 11:40:46 PM
Wanted to rephrase that last bit if that's ok...

Mobile phone games can provide a sort of neutral space to wait out other things, I've found, not just real life but thoughts too. And after a bit of waiting out those other things, sometimes they don't feel as difficult.

J
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 07 January, 2019, 06:44:19 AM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 06 January, 2019, 07:13:59 PM
What has triggered this episode is anxiety over a relationship yet again, or a potential one to be more specific. 

Quite possibly this is where CBT might be helpful, in terms of reframing what is happening.  The worst thing about relationships is that we invest a lot of ourselves in them and when the other party doesn't reciprocate in the way that we hope we see it as a reflection on us. 

Alternative interpretations can ease the impact a little:

- you are too important for the individual to risk losing in their life if the relationship doesn't work out.
- they are not in a place where the relationship is something they could cope with right now.
- they have similar baggage to you and the relationship could actually be the worst thing ever for both of you (been there, got the scars ...)
- their head is firmly ensconced in their alimentary canal.

Of course we could come out with all the usual platitudes about how important relationships really are but we know they are all complete codswallop!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 January, 2019, 08:19:41 AM
Thank you, all these things really do help.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 07 January, 2019, 05:52:22 PM
Hope things improve for you Jayz.

My current battle with clinical depression got severe again this time last year.  It's not been easy but for me meds have been a help and CBT was also helpful.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 January, 2019, 03:43:19 PM
Thanks, Fishy.  Hope you continue to improve.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 09 January, 2019, 12:41:40 PM
cheers Jayz.  Going to be taking a long career break from april.  Needed to do it for ages and simply not healing just doing the same shit over and over.  have saved and saved ready for it so it's time.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 09 January, 2019, 02:39:03 PM

Sounds good, Fishy - enjoy!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 09 January, 2019, 06:30:21 PM
Cheers Sharky.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 09 January, 2019, 08:10:32 PM
Hi Jayzus, just wanted to wish you the best with your current situation and hope things work out for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 09 January, 2019, 09:35:04 PM
Thanks so much,  paddy. Think I'm getting some kind of perspective again, very slowly but surely.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Smith on 15 January, 2019, 08:02:42 AM
-wrong thread,if somebody could erase this post-
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 15 January, 2019, 05:57:45 PM
JBC, hope it all goes your way, CBT does work for some folks and well, other not so good, well worth a try, anything that helps. For me when I went through a dark stage recently, some here will know what I'm on about, Human Givens helped me: I don't agree with some of their claims, but their stuff on dreams and brain activity helped me cower the black dug back into its kennel. 

https://www.hgi.org.uk/resources/delve-our-extensive-library/depression/why-we-dream-forget-i-dont-dream (https://www.hgi.org.uk/resources/delve-our-extensive-library/depression/why-we-dream-forget-i-dont-dream)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 24 February, 2019, 02:36:07 PM
I was going tp dig out some posts I made 18 months ago in the midst of a deep depression I felt I was never going to escape from.

But felt it best not to dredge up the past, and just wish everyone a happy sunday, a cold beer and a comic maybe, and an assurance that whatever shit the black dog is dragging you through, it will get better.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 24 February, 2019, 02:57:26 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 24 February, 2019, 02:36:07 PM
... just wish everyone a happy sunday, a cold beer and a comic maybe, and an assurance that whatever shit the black dog is dragging you through, it will get better.

As Stan Lee used to say " 'nuff said!"
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 24 February, 2019, 03:05:53 PM

Feeling a little bit down myself, recently. Perfectly natural under the circs, I'm told, so hoping to push through it soon.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 26 February, 2019, 09:37:21 PM
Of course,  Sharky. Hope it doesn't last too long
.

Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 24 February, 2019, 02:36:07 PM
I was going tp dig out some posts I made 18 months ago in the midst of a deep depression I felt I was never going to escape from.

But felt it best not to dredge up the past, and just wish everyone a happy sunday, a cold beer and a comic maybe, and an assurance that whatever shit the black dog is dragging you through, it will get better.

What he said.   I've been dredging through a lot of David Burns books since my last episode, and have found When Panic Attacks to be the most helpful. I'd avoided it at first, thinking it was about panic attacks, which I learned to overcome a long time ago.

This book does take a lot of work and commitment but somehow I've stuck with it - also been listening to his podcasts which are also helpful in fleshing out the methods and showing them in action.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 26 February, 2019, 10:55:05 PM

Thanks, JBC. Back in my shed on the farm, now, surrounded by trees and birdsong and sunshine, got my dog back from the folks who were taking care of him and comforted by the well-wishes of my friends and neighbours. The Black Dog can't last long under those conditions!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 27 February, 2019, 03:20:26 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 26 February, 2019, 10:55:05 PM
surrounded by trees and birdsong and sunshine

Oh, man: I need to get me some of that.  Glad things are on the up and up for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 27 February, 2019, 09:20:45 AM

Thanks, FS - I'm typing this in a meadow, walking the dog in the sunshine and listening to the birds. It's good for what ails you and no mistake - hope you can get some, too. I hope we all can!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 27 February, 2019, 09:28:13 AM
Heaven...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rately on 27 February, 2019, 01:22:57 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 27 February, 2019, 09:28:13 AM
Heaven...

Lovely view.

Hope all well with you, chaps, and the black dog is at arms length!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 27 February, 2019, 07:48:22 PM
Not been here for while...that fecking hound is killing me...i'm drinking too much, sleeping too little and written a  novel that makes UK people puke but US citizens swoon (a 100 copies sold 99 in the US). anyone else have a drink yourself to death clause in their marriage vows they want to activate...


IGNOIRE MEH

drunk and pathetic...sorry
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 27 February, 2019, 08:09:42 PM

You've written a novel and sold copies - that's no mean feat.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 01 March, 2019, 09:44:01 PM
Quote from: auxlen on 27 February, 2019, 07:48:22 PM
Not been here for while...that fecking hound is killing me...i'm drinking too much, sleeping too little and written a  novel that makes UK people puke but US citizens swoon (a 100 copies sold 99 in the US). anyone else have a drink yourself to death clause in their marriage vows they want to activate...


IGNOIRE MEH

drunk and pathetic...sorry

I'm a boozer as well,  but without a novel that people buy.  You're doing ok
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 06 March, 2019, 07:53:25 PM

I may have spoken too soon. Starting to obsess about my heart-stopping moments. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: M.I.K. on 06 March, 2019, 10:11:45 PM
If you're worried about the apparent lack of afterlife/near death experience/cool hallucination, (delete according to personal belief system), I wouldn't. From what I understand, that can sometimes take a while to get started.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 06 March, 2019, 10:40:29 PM

Thanks, M.I.K., that's not really it, though. It's hard to explain but it's like there was nothing to it - no regrets, no fear, no fighting for life, no importance - nothing. It's like I didn't care and now I find myself thinking things like, 'if it happens again I'll just go off somewhere and let it happen.' How can I not care anymore? That's just wrong but... what's the point of me? If dying's so easy, and so easy to accept, what good is my life? What difference does anything I do make?

I'm sorry - not making any sense.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 06 March, 2019, 10:53:11 PM
"Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iNx3rKkwJQ)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: M.I.K. on 06 March, 2019, 11:40:13 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 06 March, 2019, 10:40:29 PM
I'm sorry - not making any sense.

You're making total sense. If all those Howard the Duck comics I read when I was little taught me anything, it's how to recognise an existential crisis when I see one. I'm not sure what advice to give you though, other than what Funt posted and also to avoid people with bells for heads.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 07 March, 2019, 01:20:20 AM
I was chatting with a therapy student about this topic and they suggested existential crisis therapy as something to look into.  Assuming this is our one go around the mulberry bush, and given that we don't control many aspects of life, then what is it we do have control over, and what do we want to do with that?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 07 March, 2019, 07:46:38 AM

Thanks, chaps, your perspectives are very helpful. I'm hopeful that this odd mood of mine will pass and that I can avoid falling to the black dog proper. I thought I'd defeated it for good but here it is again, apparently with some new (to me) tricks. I guess all I can do is face it and growl back.

I went back to work yesterday, nearly two weeks early, just doing light stuff. This is helping because I was feeling weak and useless, unable to concentrate on or muster any enthusiasm for writing (I wanted to write some scripts for Zarjaz and maybe some short stories while I had the time but nothing came).

Anyway, thanks again for listening to my whining and taking the time to help - it's much appreciated.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 March, 2019, 08:02:52 AM
Sharky, my recent massive trawl through David Burns' CBT material led me to this podcast here.  Although he explains it far better than me, it would seem that the identity is an illusion anyway, and your apathy and confusion is probably a result of another, unconscious problem.

Not that I have a clue what's going on in your mind, but it may be worth looking at.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/feelinggood.com/2016/11/06/podcast-6-ask-david-identity-crisis-finding-a-cbt-therapist-love-me-the-way-i-am/amp/ (https://www.google.com/amp/s/feelinggood.com/2016/11/06/podcast-6-ask-david-identity-crisis-finding-a-cbt-therapist-love-me-the-way-i-am/amp/)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 07 March, 2019, 10:45:16 AM

Thanks, JBC - I'll download that today!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 March, 2019, 03:06:20 PM
Good man. It describes a very specific case about a teenage girl so I don't know how helpful it'll be, but hopefully you'll get something out of it. I have listened to nearly all his podcasts since I discovered him after Christmas; I thought it all sounded a bit silly at first but it's proved fairly helpful.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: DrJomster on 07 March, 2019, 10:04:34 PM
Something I find really helpful is finding the right radio station. Getting that mix of music you can lose yourself in and the right mix of presenters can really help tide you over until things pass a bit. These days there's radio iPlayer, BBC sounds and other internet radio goodies to choose from. For me it's 6 Music, but maybe that's an age thing!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 14 May, 2019, 12:01:17 PM
It's been a funny time the last 6 weeks. I up and quit my last bar job over a pay dispute that never got resolved. I was fortunately not out of a job for long, two weeks at my current employer and it's amazing how enjoyable a hospitality position can be when the pay is above minimum, hours are consistent and management competent and supportive.

Uni has been putting me through the ringer recently as well. Work on my Honours is fun but i'm finding it really tough to motivate myself into a routine.

But there is some good news. I put in an offer and a 5 year plan for a rent-to-buy new build in Manchester and after 4 years of trying to get myself on the property ladder my offer was accepted. I move in in September.

So yeah. A very strange time of sometimes painfully drawn out progress but progress nonetheless.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 15 May, 2019, 12:57:04 PM
That's grand news Hawkster!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 15 May, 2019, 04:55:48 PM
Hey, sorry I sometimes lose the plot on here...it helps to vent (even though I am mortified the next day). Thanks for your patience. :-[
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 16 May, 2019, 07:13:23 AM
Quote from: auxlen on 15 May, 2019, 04:55:48 PM
Hey, sorry I sometimes lose the plot on here...it helps to vent (even though I am mortified the next day). Thanks for your patience. :-[
That's what this thread is for!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 May, 2019, 10:14:27 AM

S'right.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 16 May, 2019, 12:05:21 PM
Quote from: Bolt-01 on 15 May, 2019, 12:57:04 PM
That's grand news Hawkster!

Thanks a bunch Dave, when i'm set up the Bolt clan are always welcome in Hawk Block!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 16 May, 2019, 03:51:26 PM
We'll take you up on that!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 May, 2019, 07:03:54 PM

Glad you're on the up, Hawkie.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 May, 2019, 07:42:52 PM
Fair play. Took me till my 40s to own my own place, and that's a only a boat.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 May, 2019, 11:10:25 PM

I've never owned my own place. Even now, I live in somebody else's shed.

The worst part is that I can't figure out whether this makes me a winner or a loser...

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 17 May, 2019, 12:39:43 AM
I think it depends on how comfy you feel in the shed.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 17 May, 2019, 01:00:18 AM

That's very wise, FS, thank you!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 18 May, 2019, 11:56:58 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 16 May, 2019, 07:03:54 PM

Glad you're on the up, Hawkie.
Many thanks El Sharko, and a shed is a fine home for a boarder such as yourself. Adds a layer of Moore mystic.  ;)

Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 16 May, 2019, 07:42:52 PM
Fair play. Took me till my 40s to own my own place, and that's a only a boat.
It was a punt, and needed a character reference and proof of steady income. All fair enough, but it's a long term plan. The property market is a nightmare even with so many empty houses and flats. It's honestly been a great source of anxiety for me for awhile.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 18 May, 2019, 12:40:13 PM

I haven't been able to write anything for months. All my enthusiasm's gone :(

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 May, 2019, 04:58:26 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 18 May, 2019, 12:40:13 PM

I haven't been able to write anything for months. All my enthusiasm's gone :(

I'm still feeling the benefits of David Burns' books, and they've given me a bit more enthusiasm for life.  His methods take time and a lot of hard work but they're the best self-help system I've found (and by grud I've tried a lot).

One personal benefit is that they've stopped me being attracted to a woman I knew was bad news.  That may not sound like much but it's improved my life hugely.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: IAMTHESYSTEM on 19 May, 2019, 01:50:02 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 18 May, 2019, 12:40:13 PM

I haven't been able to write anything for months. All my enthusiasm's gone :(

Hell, no LS. I'm reading On Writing by Stephen King of IT, Salem's Lot, Carrie and a squillion other Horror tales fame, and he states that stories are like fossils, a bit rare but if you keep looking you'll find one. So you might find you're having a break at the moment then that bonkers tale will come together when you least expect it. Keep the faith Sharky!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rately on 20 May, 2019, 03:15:47 PM
Quote from: IAMTHESYSTEM on 19 May, 2019, 01:50:02 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 18 May, 2019, 12:40:13 PM

I haven't been able to write anything for months. All my enthusiasm's gone :(

Hell, no LS. I'm reading On Writing by Stephen King of IT, Salem's Lot, Carrie and a squillion other Horror tales fame, and he states that stories are like fossils, a bit rare but if you keep looking you'll find one. So you might find you're having a break at the moment then that bonkers tale will come together when you least expect it. Keep the faith Sharky!

On Writing is absolutely superb. I'll have to add that to my Kindle list so i can have  a re-read.

Keep on keepin' on, Sharky!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 21 May, 2019, 11:26:25 AM
Hope you get your mojo back when the time is right and it's makes you feel your best, Sharkers. Bring back the monthly writing comp I say!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 21 May, 2019, 12:14:15 PM

Thanks, chaps :)

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Something Fishy on 21 May, 2019, 09:10:42 PM
Hope your energy comes back Shark.

I can only speak from experience but a very long break from working this year really allowed me to heal and get  some energy back and I've been able to get back to it, albeit part time (and had been very poorly this past year or two).  Don't give up hope mate.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 22 May, 2019, 03:43:13 PM
Hi Sharky,

I tried pasting a couple of suitably inspiring and humorous meme images for you but - probably owing to my own technical ineptitude, lol - it wasn't possible. So below are a couple of links / addresses to them instead.

Hope you find your Mojo again soon and all the best - Paddy


http://itsbloggerintime.com/wp-content/uploads/ktz/funny-motivational-quotes-memes-with-meme-quo-flickr-2-37teqxc0fmfoonkgwoiayy.jpg


https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTcxmMn9QfftrInRLYSn_dfx9HBlnuJWcxgJdWmMzxQXAsC_w4r


Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Theblazeuk on 22 May, 2019, 04:08:43 PM
(http://itsbloggerintime.com/wp-content/uploads/ktz/funny-motivational-quotes-memes-with-meme-quo-flickr-2-37teqxc0fmfoonkgwoiayy.jpg)

(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTcxmMn9QfftrInRLYSn_dfx9HBlnuJWcxgJdWmMzxQXAsC_w4r)


Happy to support some of the ol' supportive shitpost.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 22 May, 2019, 07:06:00 PM

Ha, thanks, guys.

Hoping to be back on the words before long.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 18 June, 2019, 02:01:35 AM
Mental health has been very squiffy these last few weeks. A lot of late (early?) finishes at work throwing my sleep pattern out of the window, a few too many close calls and extensions to assignments at Uni having me believing i'm not good enough, sudden and inexplicable bouts of crying and anxiety, an unhealthy obsession with the fact i'm fast approaching another year of what feels like no progress, age, comparing myself to other people I barely know, and a profound sense of melancholy.

The worst of the black dogs hasn't returned but it's been on the mind, with nearly 2 years cut free i'm not eager to break a record.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 June, 2019, 05:24:03 AM
There must be something in the air at the moment.  If you would like help proof reading assignments give us a shout (I know this year is pretty much over but still ... )

The worst thing about the canine is that it requires diligence to keep it at bay.  That takes energy and effort.  That drains.  It doesn't produce the full on effects when you've been at it for a while but it doesn't help either.

Have a bit of self compassion.  You've achieved more than you give yourself credit for.  One thing I've learned over the years as well comparing myself with people I hardly know is that when I do get to know them better their lives aren't anywhere near as great as I thought.  You'll probably find you've made miles more progress than some of them.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 June, 2019, 04:11:47 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 18 June, 2019, 02:01:35 AM
Mental health has been very squiffy these last few weeks. A lot of late (early?) finishes at work throwing my sleep pattern out of the window, a few too many close calls and extensions to assignments at Uni having me believing i'm not good enough, sudden and inexplicable bouts of crying and anxiety, an unhealthy obsession with the fact i'm fast approaching another year of what feels like no progress, age, comparing myself to other people I barely know, and a profound sense of melancholy.

The worst of the black dogs hasn't returned but it's been on the mind, with nearly 2 years cut free i'm not eager to break a record.

Hang in there. It feels like it's going to last forever but it won't.

I'm also a demon for comparing myself to other people.  Have found CBT helpful (specifically David Burns' stuff which I mentioned before; it all looked a bit ridiculous when I looked at it first but it's really helped, way more than medication).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 18 June, 2019, 04:26:17 PM
Hey Shark, hope things improve and you start word hunting again, keep moving forward, its the only way.

Hawk, stick to the path, its like an oil tanker turning, those gradual improvement all add up, look where you were years ago and where you are now... and the best bit of advice I ever got: Don't beat yourself up, there's a world out there trying to do that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 18 June, 2019, 05:57:18 PM
Thanks, Huffy - I did write a Dredd script but it's dire. Still, at least it's words on a page, which is something.

My best to you, Hawkie - I'm sure you'll get through it, especially with the support of your fellow Squaxx.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 June, 2019, 08:44:46 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 18 June, 2019, 04:26:17 PM
Don't beat yourself up, there's a world out there trying to do that.

I like that one, thank you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 19 June, 2019, 12:43:13 AM
Thanks guys, it's a rough time right now and I don't feel completely in control. I've been musing if there's a connection between the systematic programming of 'Higher Education = Happiness' in schools under the Blairites in schools during the early 2000's is linked to the chronic anxiety, depression, general dependency on having to constantly have a clear direction or else your a failure mindset.

It's like i've never known a time where I wasn't working towards some kind of qualification and for all the good I believe it will bring me in future, in the short term 'cramming' culture has only brought me misery.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: MacabreMagpie on 25 June, 2019, 08:30:05 PM
This year has been a bit rough, for the last couple of months at least. I can just about manage my mental health when it's low but one unfortunate outcome is I seem to be isolating myself more than I ever have before.... I have lots of friends, luckily, but I've had no desire to be social or even meetup with anyone for a long time now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 July, 2019, 05:03:05 PM
Sorry to hear that. Maybe you should start looking for professional help? There are good ones out there, particularly the CBT ones in my limited experience.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 23 July, 2019, 03:53:42 PM
I've had a few rough years, and this year has been the roughest I can remember. I'm not sure I have the strength to go any further to be honest. I think, after many close calls, I'm just about at the end of the line.
I had hoped that certain medical issues being resolved would enable me to turn a corner. However, while that's certainly been the case in regards to part of it, I've managed to push a certain person so far out of my life that they no longer give a toss about me. I can't cope with that and have no skills to draw upon with which to handle it.
My best plan (the only one that doesn't involve the obvious solution that we don't like to name in case we appear needy or drama queeny) is to cut all ties with everybody and everything, burn all my bridges and physically move far away from the people I know, to "start again". So I reckon that's what I will do, whether immediately or after the next eight months of living hell that I am contractually obliged to live through. I have no idea what my mood/ mental health will be like come next March, but it's spiralling downward every day at present and I'm not holding out for a last minute reprieve.
As far as meds/ cbt/ lifestyle changes go- I've done them all, continue to do them all, and none help one iota. 
Seriously considering developing an addiction just to allow myself a few months of much-needed escape from reality. Life cannot possibly be any worse.
SBT
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 23 July, 2019, 04:04:06 PM
You may not have the skills pal but there may be someone round here that has some idea.

I think a lot of us get the frustration that the endless round of strategies being touted as a golden solution that don't quite turn out the way we'd hoped generates.  Maybe the fresh start is the right idea.  Maybe it is possible to achieve a fresh start where you are.  Maybe you haven't fucked up that relationship is badly as you think.

Don't do anything rash pal.  Support is here if you want it.  We may be crap at advice and about as politically correct as Boris Johnson but we'll at least give you a hearing if you need it / want it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 23 July, 2019, 04:30:05 PM
Regarding the person you have estranged - don't give up hope or cut ties, people and attitudes do change over time; and I'd advise that whilst you may have accepted that they don't want anything to do with you right now, make sure they're aware that the door is always open to future reconciliation. (My brother is currently in bits because his eldest son has cut off all contact and he never sees his granddaughter, but he is taking pains not to try to argue him round and make things worse, just leave the door open)

I'd avoid any rash bridge-burning actions.

Best of luck mate!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Robin Low on 23 July, 2019, 07:16:37 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 18 June, 2019, 05:57:18 PM
I did write a Dredd script but it's dire.

Are you sure it is? It's all too easy to think something's rubbish and abandon it too soon - that's my usual trick. But you go back to it in a month or so and you may find it isn't as bad as you thought. Or it's fixable. Or reading it afresh triggers a new idea or a different way of doing it.

Just getting something down on paper is a significant achievement, so be proud of that.

Regards,

Robin
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 23 July, 2019, 09:37:10 PM
I'm sorry to hear of what you've gone through and are going through, SBT.  I wish I had a way to help you but I don't.  All I can say is I really hope life gets better for you, and this thread is always here - it's not much, but the people here know what the black dog is like.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 23 July, 2019, 09:56:14 PM
Damn, SBT I know you've had it unbelievably rough these past years, but that's a heartbreaking situation. I'm the last one to give advice about seeking help, I hardly ever do it and never for any useful length of time, but maybe some kind of professional mediation might be worth a shot?  Addressing the relationship specifically, rather than any mental health issues, which you've obviously worked as hard as you can at.

Here I go talking about myself like the terrible listener I am, but I only suggest that it's worth a try because I'm pretty much estranged from one of my brothers for decades now, and I often wonder how much that influenced his decision to emigrate to Oz. While we can be fully civil when we have to, it still hurts like hell: I know it's one of the underlying causes/triggers of my chronic depression. I wish we'd tried every avenue to sort out our differences 30 years ago, instead of cutting each other off. I'd hate to think of you pursing the same course.

That said, I always keep the 'going far away and starting again' option firmly in mind when things seem at their absolute bleakest, as a viable alternative to the other thing.  Never, ever the other thing.  So I hear you on that score.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 23 July, 2019, 10:11:56 PM
Sorry for your troubles, SBT.  I don't have anything helpful to say, I'm afraid: sometimes life throws us curve-balls and there just doesn't seem like a good way of dealing with them. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 25 July, 2019, 07:06:40 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, SBT, and I could tell you what I'd do or have done but I doubt that'll help because I'm weird. Us Black Doggers are all here for you, though, and while none of us can fully understand your specific situation, I think we can all empathise.

We're here for you and, hopefully, that'll be enough. Please, please, don't suffer the darkness on your own. Come to us whenever you need - because we love you.

***

Robin - thanks, Mate. I'm still struggling but my mojo seems to be reviving a bit.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: DrJomster on 25 July, 2019, 08:24:18 PM
Really sorry to hear things are tough SBT. I know you've said you've done all the lifestyle changes but can I double check on two?

Getting a dog has been really helpful for some people. Great for companionship and getting you out and about to walk them. Amazingly good for playing Fetch with too!

The other thing is regular exercise, maybe to your favourite music, radio station or podcast. Takes you away from things. Walking, jogging whatever, just quite a lot of it and regularly.

Hope you feel better soon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Woolly on 25 July, 2019, 09:30:34 PM
I can't add much that hasn't already been said, but...
Avoid burning bridges - I honestly don't recommend it.
Talk to a professional - start with your GP. They'll probably want to talk other meds, but one-on-one counseling is maybe going to be a better choice for you.

Finally, remember that you're one of us. Some of us may post more often than others, some of us may give better advice than others, but you're one of us.

We're here, we're like you, and if it comes down to it we'll organise a meet up, a pint, and a group hug. Just don't give in to this shit.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 25 July, 2019, 09:54:17 PM
Quote from: Woolly on 25 July, 2019, 09:30:34 PM
We're here, we're like you...

Speak for yourself!  This is a man who wiped his arse with a slug!  A slug.

;)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 25 July, 2019, 10:40:18 PM

What calibre?

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 26 July, 2019, 02:26:24 PM
Thank you, everyone. I mean it. Its here that I feel secure enough to talk about these things, not Facebook, nowhere else. The last couple of days have been... tough. Thankfully, today is a little brighter. Or would be if not for the sudden storms and rain, obviously. But my head is in a slightly better place today at least.

This place gets a lot of stick elsewhere on the net. But it really is the very best. 

SBT
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 26 July, 2019, 03:19:38 PM

Good to see you starting to come up again, SBT.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 26 July, 2019, 04:30:42 PM
Don't knock a good storm there!  Nowt better than a real barnstormer to clear the air and the cobwebs.  This week's was a doozy.  Lot's of rolling thunder, stuttering lightning and torrential rain.  Lighting up the night something fierce.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: von Boom on 26 July, 2019, 05:20:34 PM
Quote from: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 26 July, 2019, 02:26:24 PM
Thank you, everyone. I mean it. Its here that I feel secure enough to talk about these things, not Facebook, nowhere else. The last couple of days have been... tough. Thankfully, today is a little brighter. Or would be if not for the sudden storms and rain, obviously. But my head is in a slightly better place today at least.

This place gets a lot of stick elsewhere on the net. But it really is the very best. 

SBT
I can't imagine anyone wanting to give this place stick. A good bath certainly...

Seriously, though, glad to hear things are bit brighter for you. Keep well.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 26 July, 2019, 08:55:05 PM
SBT, I wish I could give genuinely helpful practical advice, but I can't, beyond reiterating that you've got mates and things won't always look this shit.

As for all the well-meaning but crap advice out there...

(https://i.imgur.com/74zx9mW.jpg)

(credit: Cyanide & Happiness @ explosm.net)


Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 27 July, 2019, 11:57:22 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 26 July, 2019, 08:55:05 PM
SBT, I wish I could give genuinely helpful practical advice, but I can't, beyond reiterating that you've got mates and things won't always look this shit.

As for all the well-meaning but crap advice out there...

(https://i.imgur.com/74zx9mW.jpg)

(credit: Cyanide & Happiness @ explosm.net)


Perfect!

I've been reading a lot about CBT recently, and listening to the Feeling Good podcast.  It's slow and painstaking work  but I believe it's had results, for me at least.

One thing I've learned, and kind of knew already but found it helpful to see in print, is that depression gives you a distorted view of the past and the future.  It tricks you into thinking that life has never been happy and never will be. It's not advice, but it's an observation I found useful.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Professor Bear on 16 August, 2019, 01:31:31 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/ypsqvNG/depression.png)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 16 August, 2019, 02:19:53 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 27 July, 2019, 11:57:22 AM
.... depression gives you a distorted view of the past and the future.  It tricks you into thinking that life has never been happy and never will be.

The really annoying thing about depression and associated conditions is that it can cripple your trust in your self.  There is nothing more annoying than second-guessing yourself and your thinking because you are worried that it is mania rather than a productive insight.  So on top of the effort that it takes to work yourself around a problem you also have to work around your distrust.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 18 August, 2019, 06:40:13 PM
Is it normal to be afraid of grief? Like it's something thats been going through my head a lot lately. We all assume it's just mortality we're afraid of, but I don't think so. I'm not afraid of death, for certain members of my family I feel they're waiting for that release, death comes to all, so it doesn't scare me. But grief? Grief is this awful, visceral thing I don't feel often, but when I do it's when i've lost someone close. And thats the biggest fear in my life, and something thats kept me up at night a lot over the years. The terrifying inevitability of grief.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 18 August, 2019, 07:17:25 PM
Grief and Fear (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/201509/grief-and-fear)

I'm always surprised by my grief - it's never where I think it should be.  And I have problems being around people who are grieving, and usually distance myself from them.  I think this is tied to the slow death of my girlfriend's mum to cancer, back when I was still a young man.  I had a bit of a break down at the funeral.  Probably my avoidance of engagement with other people's grief is something to do with defending myself against that visceral hurt.

When my granny (who I wasn't very close to and only met a few times) colleagues were surprised at my lack of grief.  But when Iain Banks died it knocked me around: I just burst into tears (which doesn't happen often these days).  I still haven't read The Quarry because I'm still mourning, I think. Carlos was the other one.  I think sometimes we don't realize we have heroes until they're gone.

So, yes: I think it's normal to be afraid of grief.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 18 August, 2019, 07:23:57 PM
I hear ya Hawkie, and I think it's very common. I spend a lot of dark moments contemplating the inevitable loss of various loved ones, and reflecting on past losses, and (utterly selfishly) it's often my own resulting grief that occupies me most. As for my own death, it's really just all the things I've left unfinished and people I've failed at that worry me; other than that just feed me to the pigs and move on.  But terror of the pain of inescapable loss, that's the biggie.

Quote from: Funt Solo on 18 August, 2019, 07:17:25 PM
I still haven't read The Quarry because I'm still mourning, I think.

That makes (at the very least) two of us. Also Terry Pratchett's The Shepherd's Crown.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 24 August, 2019, 09:56:54 AM
Good mate (who is painfully familiar with my strengths and weakneses) encouraging, nay, nagging me to go for a public-facing plum of a job that she reckons I have a fair chance of getting.

But I know that I couldn't actually do it, couldn't keep my head up long enough to get through the long application process, never mind be consistent throughyears of day-to-day interaction with people. It's all I can do to get out of bed and go out to do the simplest of work largely on my own, can't even answer the phone or reply to emails many days. I turned down the chance ofa simpler, nicer job last year because it filled me with terror of letting people down again.

After a lot of work I've made my peace with this state of affairs, keep the self-berating to a minimum and even congratulate myself for just keeping on keeping on, but... it's all a bit shit innit?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 24 August, 2019, 10:07:05 AM
TB, congratulate yourself for just keeping on keeping on, choose to count yer blessing, limbs and health, feed the good wolf not the negative one, and annoy the fuck out of anyone you dislike, its what keep me going >:(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 24 August, 2019, 12:34:36 PM
Hey, worth thinking about why you are sharing here.

You say you can't even summon the will to email but you've posted on this here public forum.  That's interaction there, risking yourself.  May feel like nothing but it isn't.

How about just breaking it down and getting the application form?  Even if you do nothing else, it is still a positive step.  Doesn't matter if you don't fill it in, send it in, go to the interview or get the job.  It's an action.

Way too many people don't appreciate how much of a challenge the tiniest step is.  All a bit shit?  Depends on how you are measuring things.  I'd say you aren't giving yourself anywhere near enough credit pal.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 24 August, 2019, 04:40:06 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 24 August, 2019, 12:34:36 PM
Hey, worth thinking about why you are sharing here.

You say you can't even summon the will to email but you've posted on this here public forum.  That's interaction there, risking yourself.  May feel like nothing but it isn't.

How about just breaking it down and getting the application form?  Even if you do nothing else, it is still a positive step.  Doesn't matter if you don't fill it in, send it in, go to the interview or get the job.  It's an action.

Way too many people don't appreciate how much of a challenge the tiniest step is.  All a bit shit?  Depends on how you are measuring things.  I'd say you aren't giving yourself anywhere near enough credit pal.

^^^ Entirely this ^^^

Go for it. Fill out the forms. Go to the interviews. When you're offered the job, turn it down with a belly laugh.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 24 August, 2019, 07:46:15 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 24 August, 2019, 09:56:54 AM
After a lot of work I've made my peace with this state of affairs, keep the self-berating to a minimum and even congratulate myself for just keeping on keeping on, but... it's all a bit shit innit?

It most certainly is, sometimes.  It's fucking horrible to suffer from depression and there's no point pretending otherwise.  All I can say is I really hope you get through this particular spell soon.

I take the tablets, as I've said before, and possibly even recommended them to you or other boarders.  I'm beginning to wonder, though, if depression is usually temporary anyway and it just feels like they're working because of that.  I still get horribly down sometimes even with the pills.  It's CBT that's made the most impact for me, all from books, I might add. I ended up having a big argument with my last counsellor and he told me how 'difficult' the session had been for him.  Pretty sure it was harder for me, and I was 60 euro down into the bargain.

He had helped me in other ways, to be fair, but that particular car crash of a session was enough to convince me that we were done.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 24 August, 2019, 09:13:10 PM

Although I spent nearly a decade at the bottom of the well, and sometimes feel myself falling back into it, these days (for the most part) I think I've got it under control. Nevertheless, I do feel like a giant fraud posting on this thread.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rackle on 11 September, 2019, 07:14:50 PM
Hi, room for a small one on this thread?

I'll keep it short.  I've been diagnosed as depressed since the 1990s and seem to have a bad flare up every 10 years or so where it spirals to the point of being suicidal.  Before last year my really bad patch was in 2010.  Then last September I had a particularly bad episode and had to take a month off work whilst I was seen by the Crisis team. I returned to work but was on reduced hours since (75% of my normal hours).  It seemed to be manageable even though I had been on a waiting list for 18 months for any counselling or therapy, and the antidepressants I was taking this time round seemed to react badly with my epilepsy medication, which in turn turned me into an exhausted husk of a person who has been experiencing memory loss, difficulty in speech and clumsiness.  I was put on long-term sick leave in June after I failed to recognise 2 senior members of staff that attended a training session I was hosting for the database system I managed. Nothing bad specifically happened but it scared me that I didn't recognise senior colleagues.

As of June this year I started attending group therapy and I am going to have to go back on antidepressants again.  I am actively trying to get regular exercise and sunshine - been throwing myself into gardening whilst I've been on sick leave to combine the two and make use of my time.


Cut to today - I've been let go by my workplace because they cannot continue to support me under the recommendations provided by Occupational Health (reduced hours to 75% for a further 6 months and removal of line management responsibilities).  I'm in pieces right now  :'(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 September, 2019, 09:30:24 PM
Quote from: Rackle on 11 September, 2019, 07:14:50 PM
Hi, room for a small one on this thread?


Always.

I'm so sorry to hear about today's news. Please hang in there; you said it happens sporadically which means it always improves, even though it never feels like it will.

I know it's not much, but you'll always have us to listen to you; daft pack of obsessive nerds though we are.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rackle on 11 September, 2019, 10:16:10 PM
Cheers Jayzus. I have been lurking on this thread for a long time wondering if I should post but today felt especially bad as I lost my job as a result of the Black Dog getting hold of me for long enough that I have been observed by work whilst waiting for therapy and it hurts all the more that I am making so much progress in the last couple of months but it still cost me my job.

Much love and respect to all of you who posted on here so far (and lurkers who have not yet posted).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: DrJomster on 11 September, 2019, 10:40:33 PM
Hang on in there. It will get better. The fact that you can post here even is a good sign.

You still have that progress you mentioned and that's so important.

Plus, obviously, you like 2000AD, so that's a massive plus already!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 12 September, 2019, 07:48:26 AM
Ah Rackle, that's poor. We get endless advice to be open about mental health issues with employers and seek supports, and then when you do it's "sorry, can't". I know from my own experience that losing one job for this reason, and then having to look for another while the same problems persist is absolutely crushingly hard.

The positive side is that you know these things are periodic/cyclical and it WILL get better. Give yourself as much time as you can, remind yourself that the Occupational Health recommendation was totally reasonable, and your employers aren't worth further thought. You'll be back to your full self soon, and they'll still be the ungrateful idiots who lost a good employee - and that'll be someone else's gain.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 12 September, 2019, 09:07:50 AM
Rackle - Big hugs.

TB - did you put an application in?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: karlos on 12 September, 2019, 01:01:52 PM
So sorry to read that, Rackles.

No matter what, stay active, physically and mentally, as much as possible.

The sun will shine again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 September, 2019, 02:53:42 PM

My best to you, Rackle. You didn't let your employers down, they let you down.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 12 September, 2019, 08:08:15 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 12 September, 2019, 02:53:42 PM

My best to you, Rackle. You didn't let your employers down, they let you down.

Might it be said that they have let the place go to Rackle ruin? :)

Hope things work out for you, pal and welcome to the greatest comics forum in the Galaxy!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rackle on 12 September, 2019, 09:54:54 PM
Thanks for the support folk, it is helping a lot. As are silly puns - puns are always welcome.

I'm numb today and think I'll leave it till after the weekend before I actively pursue a new job. This weekend I'm going to lick my wounds for a bit and go to a rock night tomorrow just to forget what's happening.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 13 September, 2019, 11:14:15 AM
Aw the best Rackle, get out there and rock! then back to the garden, and possibly a book on CBT, I know its helped my son with his black dog.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 13 September, 2019, 01:12:20 PM
Been feeling a little....void, recently. The whole job situation, lack of money, concerns about canceling plans, general feeling of isolation.

Nowhere near the worst i've felt in recent years but just frustrating.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 13 September, 2019, 10:11:25 PM
Hang in there, lad. These things don't last.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 16 September, 2019, 02:19:23 PM
Hawk - only natural to be a bit flat after the heightened states of anticipation lately.

Just look back at all you have sorted lately and wonder at how awesome you really are (That's how I get through the day!)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 17 September, 2019, 01:25:14 PM
Seconded, look back and compare where you are now, what you've achieved and how far you've come in a few short years.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 17 September, 2019, 02:44:56 PM

Thirded.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 18 September, 2019, 10:39:40 PM
Thanks lads, feeling better after a weekend away and time with friends, onwards as ever.

I've been contemplating trying CBD oil as a way of helping deal with anxiety, I know vaping looks dumb as shit but short of not knowing who the fuck would sell the....lets say medicinal herb alternative i've heard a lot of positive stuff out of using it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 19 September, 2019, 10:16:01 PM
Worth a shot I suppose.  I tried some a while ago; I must say the biggest buzz was the utterly beautiful Russian model* putting it on my tongue**.

*Friend of a friend. Only dates rich guys.

** Don't. You're better than that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 20 September, 2019, 01:44:24 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 19 September, 2019, 10:16:01 PM


** Don't. You're better than that.


I'm not.

Phwooooaaarrr!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 20 September, 2019, 04:48:12 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 19 September, 2019, 10:16:01 PM
... I must say the biggest buzz was the utterly beautiful Russian model* putting it on my tongue**.

The only problem with reading some of these on the most recent posts threads is that sometimes you miss what the post was in relation to.

Missing that context made for some real headscratching in regard to this post and what 'it' was .... :o :o :o
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 20 September, 2019, 07:01:35 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 20 September, 2019, 01:44:24 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 19 September, 2019, 10:16:01 PM


** Don't. You're better than that.


I'm not.

Phwooooaaarrr!

Me either.

Fnarr fnarr! Woof woof!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 21 September, 2019, 10:31:15 PM
I take it back. You really aren't better than that.  :D
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 14 October, 2019, 07:06:44 AM
Well, this has been a bit of a left-field experience.

Last week was a heavy one with lots going on both with the family (youngest daughter performing at Welsh Millennium Centre) and work (two kids and one parent taking a pop).  Thought I'd weathered it okay.  Bit shaky Friday but got through weekend.

So this morning has come as more than a shock.  Something triggered a cascade and I went from being okay and sorting stuff out for the day to being a quivering wreck trying my best not to wake up the street by screaming my head off which is what I wanted to do.

See this is what I hate about BPD.  How easy it is to swing between states for no apparent reason.  I hate not trusting myself when I have interesting ideas that I think might be helpful.  I hate mild dark thoughts triggering a depressive episode that leaves me incoherent.  I hate being a burden to those around me and inconveniencing people because I can't function properly.  Most of all I hate myself but I'm not sure that is about the BPD.

Sorry, rambling and ranting.  I know it will pass and I will stabilise again.  I know that this will happen again for no clear reason.  Just going to ride it out, accept that it is what it is and pull myself together when it passes.

:|
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: karlos on 14 October, 2019, 12:55:21 PM
It's good to share and get it off your chest, Tjm86.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 14 October, 2019, 02:12:52 PM
Not much consolation Tjm86, but you described all that absolutely brilliantly. I was nodding so hard reading it that I think I pulled something in my neck. Think of it like a Star Trek episode where we discover we're all having the same dream: Spock/Data/Sisko/the Doctor would conclude that this means it can't be our particular personal failings, rather it's a hostile alien presence in our minds. And I say beam it back where it came from as often as necessary.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 14 October, 2019, 02:51:32 PM
A nice analogy, Tordels and I hope that you get over this current life hurdle, Tjm86. All the best to you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 14 October, 2019, 06:57:10 PM
Life can be entirely overwhelming at times. I read recently that being overwhelmed and underwhelmed both derive from being whelmed, which, unfortunately, also means being overwhelmed. But, (a few) people have started using whelmed to mean neither over or under but rather in a steady state.

Q: How are you?
A: Whelmed.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 14 October, 2019, 07:07:34 PM

Heh, I am definitely going to use that.

"How was your meal, Sir?"

"Whelming."

The possibilities are endless...

Hope you tame that dog again soon, Tjm, we're all rootin' for you.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 14 October, 2019, 07:12:23 PM
Thanks guys.  I've taken the day to ride it out.  Still a little flaky but nothing like this morning.

Onwards and upwards.   :-[


As for the 'whelmed' debate, I'll refer you to "10 Things I Hate About You."

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?"

"I think you can in Europe."
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 03 November, 2019, 05:56:03 PM
Been away for a long while. things were good but I've been cut off from a med that helped me keep my weight down and moderate my drinking. now I've put on 4 stone again and resumed drinking too much. trying to not drink in November. I still have to take clients out which is a ball ache.
my writing is still keeping from the end times. each time I get a review or a download helps me. ridiculous I know but it's true. pity the reader like the violent stuff of mine which is hard to write (as in takes it out of me). I wrote YA novel as a palette cleanser and I have sold 1 copy.
thanks for listening.
also i still refuse to capitalize (only do so in books and even then under protest)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 03 November, 2019, 06:49:44 PM

Why do you refuse to capitalise?

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 04 November, 2019, 02:54:03 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 03 November, 2019, 06:49:44 PM
Why do you refuse to capitalise?

Because he's a socialist! B'dum tish! (I'll get me coat...)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 18 November, 2019, 11:56:45 PM
As if my evening wasn't bad enough - watching the Republic of Ireland soccer team consigned to play-off's for the chance to be in the Euro 2020 Soccer championship after a 1-1 Draw to Denmark - I returned home to hear WWIII taking place in the flats above me.

Once again, the psychotic, violent, alcoholic girlfriend of one the the guys up there was engaged in a manic, screaming, physical altercation with one of the other inhabitants of this not-so-happy-little-Eden in which I am currently forced through economic circumstances to reside.

I have no earthly idea what set off the latest barney - it doesn't take all that much between these particular pair of fuckwits, to be honest - and nor do I particularly care. Only a little less than a couple of months ago, this same woman physically assaulted her boyfriend - who also lives in one of the flats here - to the extent that the cuts and bruises she inflicted upon him were readily visible. And this was the SECOND TIME that she had done this. He swore then that he would have nothing further to do with her and that was the end of the relationship as far as he was concerned. And of course, after a few weeks he took her back and she has resorted back to her usual ways (surprise! surprise!).

I have already told him that I want nothing further to do with this creature or the manic, nasty, unhinged freaks that inhabit her singularly horrible world. (And if you saw some of the yolks that she associates with - one of them a cowardly, woman-beating psychotic young thug - then you would readily understand why).

What particularly aggrieves me, is the fact that there is a couple with a two-year old child in the flat beside me in this house who also have to deal with this kind of insanity.

It is obvious to me, that the only reason this man keeps taking this waste of oxygen back into his life, is because he would rather tolerate any sort of abuse than face up to inevitable loneliness.

A part of me thinks that Dredd was right.

"Love? There oughta be a Law against it."

Sorry if I'm rambling, but I heard this is a good place for that kind of thing.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 19 November, 2019, 09:03:44 AM
Ugh, what a horrid situation. We've been blessed with a succession of top-notch neighbours since I moved out to the fringes of much-maligned Jobstown (the poor woman next door recently apologised for her wee one's night terrors disturbing us - FFS, like we're the ones suffering there!) but I experienced something similar back in leafy D6 and it was not nice. Powerlessly listening to others destroying themselves and others day-in day-out is an awful business.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 03 December, 2019, 07:26:21 PM
A cousin of mine took advantage of having been issued with a sidearm and attempting a 9mm trepanning.

Right now I'm trying to find a reason not to envy him.

Trusting in an employer, taking a risk on explaining what it is like to live with BPD(EU).
Then having a line manager fuck you over?

Sorry folks.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 December, 2019, 01:42:02 PM
Sorry to hear about your cousin, tjm,  and your own situation.  You assume that people are decent souls like you, but very often they aren't.  Hope you get through this soon
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: karlos on 06 December, 2019, 01:59:49 PM
Tjm86 - apologies if this seems like a pat answer, but are you in a union where you work?  If so, have you explained the situation to them?

If there's any health and well being assistance on offer at work, as well - I'm certainly not saying this will make everything better as if by magic, but it might alleviate work based unhappiness, which, in turn, could make you feel better overall.

I had a hard time at work but I slowly, slowly got there. 

Good luck.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 06 December, 2019, 07:16:05 PM
Thanks both.  The union are on the case for me so I'm leaving things alone.  Visit to Occy Health resulted in their insistence that I go back to my GP after I mentioned the melt down of the other night.  After about 2 minutes discussion with my GP it was suggested that an increase in meds might be advisable so now I'm rattling around more than I have been for a while but I guess that is better than the alternative. 

I guess more than owt else I'm just annoyed at the whole situation which could have been completely avoided with a little bit of common sense (on my part as much as anything else!).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 16 December, 2019, 11:51:44 PM
So something happened today I never expected nor hoped would happen.

I had an anxiety attack. Nothing new, not had one in a year but still, yet it was the worst i'd ever experienced, to the degree that mid work shift I was physically paralysed by the experience and was made physically unwell by the psychological trauma. Long story short, I ended up admitting myself to Manchester North General due to just how unwell the experience had made me, and after a consultation and 5 hours of waiting it turns out not only do I have depression, anxiety, and imposter syndrome but also PTSD, and will now be on a prescription to deal with such.

So yeah. Not a great festive season thus far.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: karlos on 17 December, 2019, 08:44:10 AM
Hang in there, Hawkmumbler.

The fact that you are talking about it is very positive.

You are not alone. Even when it feels like you are.

This time of year always exacerbates the lows, I think.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 17 December, 2019, 09:02:24 AM
Hawk - the whole clan will be thinking well for you. Not the same as a big funt-off hug followed by a couple of hours of talking rubbish, and generally enjoying your fine company, but it's the best I can do for now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 17 December, 2019, 11:17:57 AM
keep talking Hawk, its the best thing (along with medical help), have a close pal who's PTSD really affected her, but  with time, support and gradually reducing meds came out the other side, hang in there.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 17 December, 2019, 11:56:00 AM
What they said - keep on keeping on buddy, we're all rooting for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 17 December, 2019, 12:48:34 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 16 December, 2019, 11:51:44 PM
So something happened today I never expected nor hoped would happen.

I had an anxiety attack. Nothing new, not had one in a year but still, yet it was the worst i'd ever experienced, to the degree that mid work shift I was physically paralysed by the experience and was made physically unwell by the psychological trauma. Long story short, I ended up admitting myself to Manchester North General due to just how unwell the experience had made me, and after a consultation and 5 hours of waiting it turns out not only do I have depression, anxiety, and imposter syndrome but also PTSD, and will now be on a prescription to deal with such.

So yeah. Not a great festive season thus far.

Aw, man. That's rough.  I've been through the depression and anxiety attacks (maybe it's the meds, or maybe a much deeper understanding of how to deal with them, but I stopped getting the latter twenty years ago) .

As for Imposter Syndrome,  I remember reading once that everybody has it, particularly the more successful types. 

But that's probably unhelpful.  Please take care of yourself and I really hope you're all good when the festive season starts in earnest.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 17 December, 2019, 01:51:30 PM
You'll get past this Hawkie, like the footsore old campaigner you are.  Mightily impressed that you had the balls and the presence of mind to head straight for medical help: that's the way to do it. Barely fought off a sudden assault of the wibbly wobblies myself on Monday, maybe it's partly the time of year.

Sending good thoughts your way even if you can't muster any of your own. This too shall pass.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 17 December, 2019, 01:53:14 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 17 December, 2019, 01:51:30 PM
Mightily impressed that you had the balls and the presence of mind to head straight for medical help: that's the way to do it.

Aye, truly impressive! Not sure I'd have dared (well, I never did)!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 17 December, 2019, 03:36:51 PM
Thanks lads, particularly the Bolt house, made me smile and miss you lot some that did.

It all feels a bit silly now, after the consultation, and after I got home and just tried to relax a bit, it all suddenly started to make sense how this new diagnosis basically explains most of my mental ailments and poor emotional health.

Hopefully the medicine does it's job and i'll go another year without an episode like this, as I said, they're far less frequent than they once where.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 17 December, 2019, 04:50:22 PM
I wanted to post something, thought that I had nothing worthwhile to say that could actually help so avoided it but still wanted to offer some support. It's a bit like giving someone a stale biscuit and some lukewarm tea and telling them "chin up".
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 17 December, 2019, 05:46:59 PM

My best to you, Hawkie - not that you need it, I'm certain you'll prevail.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 17 December, 2019, 06:38:21 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 17 December, 2019, 03:36:51 PM
.... it all suddenly started to make sense how this new diagnosis basically explains most of my mental ailments and poor emotional health.

Worth bearing that in mind Hawkie.  Sometimes it can feel like its emotions and what have you that are in control or rather out of control.  Confusing as hell when it comes out of left field and doesn't seem to make sense.

Just don't make the mistake of thinking you are your diagnosis.  You have a diagnosis, there is a massive difference.  Make sure you keep badgering your GP about Primary Care as well.  Meds helps manage but a good Primary Care Team can make a world of difference.

The worst thing about blips is feeling guilty as hell after them, like you've somehow let everyone down.  Like you say, its been a while since something like this has happened.  They may well happen again.  Not your fault so don't beat yourself up over it (anyone else want to chime in here with the old "yeah, easier said than done line ...").  If you really need it I'm sure we can round up a couple of volunteers to do it for you!   ;)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 05 February, 2020, 05:38:31 PM
I've been a bit down, recently. There's this loose idea running around in my head like an excited puppy, knocking things over and widdling in corners. Two years ago I had a heart attack in January. Last year I had one in February. This year...

.

It's daft, and I know it's daft, but that puppy just won't sit still. Every time I bend down to pick something up, every time I fill a shovel or drive a spade into the ground the puppy is always there, reminding me that this could be the thing that's going to kill me. It's really rather disconcerting.

I was noodling on this quite deeply the other day. I usually listen to podcasts or audiobooks or lectures while I'm working but on this day I left the ear buds out. The day was calm and sunny, but cool, and the birds were in fine throat. I tried to listen but was working in the front garden by the main road so their concert intermittently disappeared under the weight of a tractor's growl, a truck's roar or a motorbike's squeal. And I grumbled and wished the traffic would dry up so I could listen to the birds and not have to think about the fact that this impending bad mood could be the bad mood that's going to kill me.

It felt like a tipping point, nudging me into the darkness, because suddenly, on top of my frustrations, bad mood and impending death, my back ached, my nose bubbled and my fingers glowed with cold.

The Spent Twins chose that moment to sweep down the path in their precious 4x4. Zoe and Chloe Spent live on the farm in a small and extremely cluttered caravan. Eroded by life, they move through it as if shouldering into the teeth of a gale, pulling various damages and infirmities after them. Their faces, non-identical but disturbingly close, are so care worn as to be practically unreadable. They look like they've been helping Sisyphus. And they sometimes pick me stuff up from Iceland.

Zoe's window sweeps down and she glares out at me. "There's some strawberries in the 'fridge for you," she says. She hacks a glob of phlegm out of the window, sweeps it closed and then powers the precious 4x4 onto the main road and away.

The birdsong returned, for a while, before being destroyed by a rasping red delivery van. I found myself wrestling with a stubborn root that just might prove to be...

I sighed. Nothing had changed. Except... Except now there were strawberries.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 05 February, 2020, 06:16:04 PM
Shark - I don't think I have anything useful to say (other than strawberries are good) but that was a very poetic post you made!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: von Boom on 05 February, 2020, 06:41:26 PM
Sharky, I had a similar feeling of impending doom for years. My father died days before his 50th birthday and that stuck with me. As each year passed this feeling grew in frequency and intensity. My 49th was a year long see-saw of emotion wondering if the same thing would happen to me. Fortunately my 50th came and went and I'm still here.

I can't give any advice to help with that feeling but I can understand it and hope for you that nothing comes of it. At least you have strawberries.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 05 February, 2020, 06:43:50 PM
Best wishes to you, Sharky. Am all too familiar with that dark, canine fecker so I hope you'll be alright. Take care, mate!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 05 February, 2020, 06:46:09 PM
Once, when feeling very low, I would pick the one thing that I felt made life worth living for to get me to step into the next day.  It's something of a first-world idea, I suppose (and happened a long while ago): the only thing I remember being on it was Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.

But then there's that saying: it's the small things in life. Strawberries are better.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 05 February, 2020, 07:15:38 PM
I used to love crunchy nut corn flakes!  Though strawberries are definitely going to be a thing now!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 05 February, 2020, 07:48:26 PM

Cheers, everyone.

I used to be invulnerable, you know? I kinda miss that feeling, is all.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 05 February, 2020, 09:14:55 PM
That is indeed a lovely piece of writing, Sharky. I believe you could write a good autobiography - I'm not even being sarcastic or anything; you've had an interesting life and have a nice prose style.

While I haven't been heavily depressed for a long time, I know it can strike at any moment so I'm undergoing CBT through Skype. So far so good - I'm not there yet but I feel a bit of a shift and I think it's the most, if not the only, effective form of therapy I've had. (The last guy I had began to do my head in with meandering platitudes and I found myself suddenly channeling Rorschach, until he finally understood just how dark my mind was and how empty I saw my horizons at that time.  At that point he realised he had nothing.  I went back once and he was still struggling so that was it for me.)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 07 February, 2020, 11:57:36 PM

That's very kind of you to say, JBC, thanks. I haven't had an interesting life, though - it's bored the shit outta me!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 February, 2020, 12:38:15 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 07 February, 2020, 11:57:36 PM

That's very kind of you to say, JBC, thanks. I haven't had an interesting life, though - it's bored the shit outta me!

I'm reminded of this, which I haven't read since school: http://homepage.eircom.net/~odyssey/Quotes/Written/Epic.html (http://homepage.eircom.net/~odyssey/Quotes/Written/Epic.html)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 08 February, 2020, 01:59:50 PM
Have to love Kavanagh, the cantankerous old drunk.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 08 February, 2020, 06:51:11 PM
While not quite up to the standard of Patrick Kavanagh, I thought that the following Limerick might give ye a laugh, Sharky.

"There was a Young Man from Firrban,
Whose Rhymes they never did scan.
When asked why this was so,
He said: 'I don't know. I just always try to make the last line as long as I possibly can.' "

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 08 February, 2020, 07:46:52 PM

Thanks for the encouragement, chaps!



"I made the Iliad from such A local row," - now you've been and gone and done it - you got me thinking...


Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 February, 2020, 07:50:15 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 08 February, 2020, 07:46:52 PM

Thanks for the encouragement, chaps!



"I made the Iliad from such A local row," - now you've been and gone and done it - you got me thinking...

Job done, then  :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 02 March, 2020, 02:40:12 AM
I have someone in my family who suffers from mental illness, and, even though I try to be supportive they often lash out (in writing and verbally: not physically) and blame me (and others) for their woes, when (like I said) we're consistently supportive.  It's really tiring and upsetting to deal with because their problems are so all-consuming that they never have any empathy. They never ask how we are. I love them and I feel for them: but I don't like the way they treat me. They threatened suicide today and said it would be my fault.

I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 02 March, 2020, 06:47:06 AM
Sorry to hear that.  Sounds incredibly rough.  We have something similar but sadly it's my elderly parents that bear the brunt of it, and nothing close to the suicide threats.  Hope you're managing ok; sounds like you are though.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 02 March, 2020, 09:32:55 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 02 March, 2020, 02:40:12 AM
I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.

It is actually appropriate not to be fine.  That is not being unsupportive but rather being honest.  Anyone would be affected by what you describe, not to mention exhausted.  Being told that potentially someone could be 'responsible' for an attempt to take one's life is going to be distressing no matter how resilient you are.  Please don't feel bad about how it is affecting you.

I don't know if this is relevant but based on what you describe, it sounds a little so.  (https://www.projectairstrategy.org/content/groups/public/@web/@project-air/documents/doc/uow247525.pdf)  Self-care is essential for anyone who is involved to a significant degree with someone with a mental health condition (MHC).

Part of the problem with a number of MHC's is that "Emotional Literacy / Awareness" can be impaired.  It's not so much a case of a lack of empathy as an inability to mentalise, to appreciate the emotional landscape of others.  This can sometimes be a result of being overwhelmed by their own emotions.  Unfortunately it can also impair thinking.  The 'fight / flight / freeze' response to threat tends to focus awareness with pinpoint inaccuracy.

Take care of yourself.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rately on 02 March, 2020, 09:42:48 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 02 March, 2020, 02:40:12 AM
I have someone in my family who suffers from mental illness, and, even though I try to be supportive they often lash out (in writing and verbally: not physically) and blame me (and others) for their woes, when (like I said) we're consistently supportive.  It's really tiring and upsetting to deal with because their problems are so all-consuming that they never have any empathy. They never ask how we are. I love them and I feel for them: but I don't like the way they treat me. They threatened suicide today and said it would be my fault.

I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.

Funt, you are not alone. You have just literally just typed out the very situation I am in with a very loved member of my family. At the moments when I, and my wife should have been at our happiest, this person has lashed out, written and verbal, threatened suicide, and embarrassed us in front of other people. Besides that, my parents are suffering, and their advanced years shouldn't be spent dealing with this.

It's awful, and I always desperately search for a way to somehow cover for this person, and take the blame myself even when I realise it will cause ructions with my partner. I'm trying my best to limit the interaction, but when you love someone so much,. and spend many minutes of every hour in your day worrying, it really does impact your own mood and mental health.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 02 March, 2020, 06:40:01 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 02 March, 2020, 09:32:55 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 02 March, 2020, 02:40:12 AM
I'm fine: I just wanted to write that down somewhere ... neutral.

It's not so much a case of a lack of empathy as an inability to mentalise, to appreciate the emotional landscape of others.

Thanks for that clarification: it's one of the key things I try to keep at the forefront when I'm trying to work through it - that they're not being Machiavellian - they're lacking an ability.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 02 March, 2020, 07:30:05 PM
It isn't easy to keep in mind and I think it is something that is not always fully appreciated.  There is a growing body of work on "Emotional Intelligence" that comes at it from different directions.  Peter Fonagy's work is quite interesting, particularly where he looks at Borderline Personality Disorder [hence the link I included earlier]. 

I will reiterate what you will see quite a bit of in these parts: look after yourself and feel free to share as much as you want.  We're crap at advice but great at providing insight into what it is like on the patient side of the fence.   ;) 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 02 March, 2020, 08:01:18 PM
Hi Funt and Rately,

I can completely understand and appreciate where you are both coming from (though in my case, the experiences were with former girlfriends). Anyways, I wish you both all the best and hope that you'se can find the strength and support to deal with what can be a difficult and stressful situation. Cheers, lads and take care. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rately on 03 March, 2020, 08:18:39 AM
Quote from: paddykafka on 02 March, 2020, 08:01:18 PM
Hi Funt and Rately,

I can completely understand and appreciate where you are both coming from (though in my case, the experiences were with former girlfriends). Anyways, I wish you both all the best and hope that you'se can find the strength and support to deal with what can be a difficult and stressful situation. Cheers, lads and take care.

Cheers to you, Paddy.

Hope all well with you as well, and take care, lad. Same goes to Funt, and all who are active in this thread, or peruse it and maybe don't feel the need to share / vent!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 15 March, 2020, 10:27:47 AM
With everything else that is going on in the world at the moment this definitely comes under the heading of "First World Problems" but anyway ...

So, a couple of months ago I managed to screw up badly at work.  A colleague had picked a bad day to badger me for something and I didn't react particularly well.  One complaint later and I was told to work from home for the foreseeable future pending an investigation.  Nothing for several months then met with investigator.  Then nothing for several months again ...

Friday - letter arrives telling me I now need to attend a disciplinary meeting to answer an allegation of gross misconduct with the possible termination of employment.  Not so much a 'black dog' moment as a 'black, feral, psychotic, hyper-canine' moment, especially with the BPD.

Union has been involved for a while and my rep was a little surprised.  Now passed up a level.

TBH it feels a little pathetic at the moment worrying about losing job and home.  Keeping rational, avoiding catastrophising, maintaining some degree of equilibrium in the face of ANS-hyper-activation, sleeping properly, eating, avoiding self-medication, all the usual that go with high-threat situations ... just seems stupid when other people are worrying about their own lives and the lives of loved ones.

I feel completely insane for feeling like there is a silver lining to the pandemic, that it is only a job, only a house, only the family home .... These are all things I can come back from.  The more important question is what matters most.

I know that quite a few inhabitants of this board have more than a passing familiarity with the dark mutt.  Everything going on around us is likely to put pressure on our ability to manage it particularly since our already overstretched medical services have to prioritise somewhat brutally.  So here's hoping everyone stays strong. 

I think as well this might be apposite to reflect on the level of support that is often found here.  That anyone feeling overwhelmed remembers and calls in before losing the plot?

Take care folks.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 15 March, 2020, 11:02:11 AM
Wise words, Tjm.

Turns out I'm regettably pre-prepared for many of the features of this awful new world. Through pretty relentless CBD I've got myself into a strange state of emotional numbness this past year, with (for me) very few severe downs - or ups. It's allowed me to keep working, it's made home life more pleasant for my poor family, but it has also meant I've become completely demotivated and socially isolated.

I'm using all my mental energy maintaining necessary work and family relationships so I have given up sport and group hobbies, school community stuff, CoderDojo mentoring, and ceased all interaction with my real-world friends, even my two closest mates. Other than two mandatory work do's I haven't been in a pub since last summer. I've no energy once the essentials are done, and a constant fear that any intense emotion one way or the other will tip me off the balance beam.

I distract myself with childish solo hobbies like this place, painting minis, walks, and that is good, but longterm... it's not sustainable, is it? Right now though, result! ;)

I'd say all my work will be cancelled by the end of the week, meaning shitty unfinished ends for two of the best projects I've ever been involved with, and an end to the most successful client relationships I've had in years. However, I've been here before, I lost a business I grew for 10 years, all our savings, and inherited vast amounts of debt, my reputation becoming an industry byword for failure, but eventually found a good place with a company I liked, and after a few years lost that due to a severe bout of depression... but I survived.

And I will again.

And so will most of us - jobs, careers, money, pride, it's all important, but you can lose it all and still carry on.

All that matters is that we keep our health and that of our loved ones as best we can, and stay alive. But it would be nice to hope for better days.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 October, 2020, 02:09:30 PM
Fuck fuck fuckitty fuck fuck. Fuck. Fucking teaching!

Fuck.

Why not just let all the students who don't want to learn anything fuck off - we could film them in the wilderness, trying to fend for themselves but being miserably inept because even though they're too cool for school all that means actually is that they're just pathetically inept and get eaten by passing bears as they desperately try to carve miniatures for D&D out of bark with their teeth.

I was them. Now I teach them. It's a curse!

And breathe.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 October, 2020, 02:47:15 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 29 October, 2020, 02:09:30 PM
Fuck fuck fuckitty fuck fuck. Fuck. Fucking teaching!

Fuck.

Why not just let all the students who don't want to learn anything fuck off - we could film them in the wilderness, trying to fend for themselves but being miserably inept because even though they're too cool for school all that means actually is that they're just pathetically inept and get eaten by passing bears as they desperately try to carve miniatures for D&D out of bark with their teeth.

I was them. Now I teach them. It's a curse!

And breathe.

It truly is soul-destroying, teaching people who don't want to learn.  I'm guessing it's kids or teenagers in your case; in mine it's been visa students who have to attend a minimum number of hours to comply with immigration guidelines.  It's all been online for me over the last 5 months, which makes it way easier to shut out the gobshites and focus on the people who actually care.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Professor Bear on 29 October, 2020, 04:34:50 PM
A Canadian expat wot I followed on that there Youtube lives in Japan and supports herself via - and I am quoting exactly - "teachering English".
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 October, 2020, 06:20:03 PM
I would far prefer teachering to teaching, I'm sure.

Finding a bit of zen now. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things how engaged (my high school students) are. They turned up - that's a bonus. Many of them have difficult issues to contend with. And it's possible to be successful at things whilst not being successful by the measures of a state-run school system.

I know all that. And I'm still employed. Everything is fine. Tra la la.

(*Just feeling at a low ebb, is all*)

---

One of my students (this is all on Zoom) has an adult in the same room who insists on listening to the television AT THIS VOLUME while the class is going on. I asked the student if there was any chance of convincing the adult to turn it down a bit (or wear headphones, or go outside and do something else instead - like in Why Don't You?) but was met with a rather chilling "Oh, I do not have any control over that." Not even worth asking. Asking would cause friction best avoided.

So many shitheads in the world.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tiplodocus on 17 December, 2020, 09:37:58 PM
I've ignored this thread for a long time but decided to dip in to do some research as someone I'm close to is suffering a bit.

I'm not far through it but just want to say from what I've read so far; Thank You.  Sharing all of this stuff, your feelings and what works and what doesn't work has already been greatly uplifting.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 17 December, 2020, 11:05:43 PM
I'm trying to figure out my place in my wider family at the moment - and trying to step back from being too judgmental.

Like, my father-in-law has been frustrating me, because he doesn't take Covid seriously enough by my standards, but I recently found out that he's frustrated with his son, who's adopted some conspiracy theories and finds it impossible not to constantly proselytize.

So, it's all levels and layers. And you can't control other people.

I was able to reach back in here and send those PDFs (about conspiratorial vs. conventional thinking, and another one about how to get scientific information out through the noise) over to my F-I-L - the ones that shaolin_monkey shared a while back.

Maybe that'll help a bit.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 December, 2020, 07:35:49 AM
It's quite encouraging that this thread has not seen too much traffic for a while.  No doubt quite a few regulars are feeling it right now.  This has been a year of challenges unlike anything I think many of us have ever faced.  That is on top of many of the usual challenges.

Speaking personally, right now is quite a dark place.  It is requiring resources that I don't always feel that I have.  That said, I get up each morning, I get on with things, I go to bed at the end of each day having achieved things.

So for anyone and everyone that is feeling close to being overwhelmed right now can I say, as I think quite a few others here would also, that I really do get it.  Perhaps a few reminders of some of the hard-won wisdom of boarders is worth drawing on right now:

- we are all valued and appreciated by someone.  Might now be many, might not always be obvious, but worth bearing in mind.
- booze is not helpful, even though it sometimes feels like it is (especially mixed with medication .... fun stuff!)
- being informed is helpful but obsessively watching and reading news is not. 
- exercise, sleep and eating properly ... ( ... some day ...)
- CBT / DBT / ACT / Mindfulness are all helpful (for those not familiar with DBT it is an extension of CBT for those with a BPD diagnosis.  There are some helpful additional strategies there, especially around catastrophising.  Worth a look.)
- distraction with small pleasures is important.  Hobbies are your friend.
- prioritise contact with helpful people.  Like Funt says, we can't control others.  Sometimes their views, attitudes and behaviours can add to problems, especially around self-identity if we are talking about relatives.  Possibly one advantage of the social-distancing right now is that there is a helpful ready made excuse, although it does cut both ways.
- pick out positives in situations (that means you too, TJM86!).  Remember that we don't see the full picture quite often, especially when other people are involved.

I'm sure I've missed quite a few bits that folks have shared over the years.  Like Tiplodocus says though, this is a thread that always gets a response and it is always supportive.  It's not uncommon to find yourself on the receiving end of a PM check in.  So I guess that brings me to the last one for now ...

- if you feeling it, no matter how pathetic you feel it is and you are, please speak to someone.  What you are feeling is real and valid, it is in no way pathetic.  Everyone is feeling it right now.  Everyone is struggling.  Anyone would be hard pressed to cope.  Oh, and those that look like they are coping?  Quite often that is an Oscar nomination performance that comes undone with spectacular results.

Take care folks.  Stay safe.  Stay strong.  Stay Alert (Britain needs 'lerts'!) ... and the first post-pandemic Lawless con needs to be on everyone's list.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 18 December, 2020, 08:15:32 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 17 December, 2019, 04:50:22 PM
I wanted to post something, thought that I had nothing worthwhile to say that could actually help so avoided it but still wanted to offer some support. It's a bit like giving someone a stale biscuit and some lukewarm tea and telling them "chin up".


I mean... if you have a stale biscuit then a cup of tea (lukewarm or otherwise) in which to dunk it is just the thing to make it more palatable.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 18 December, 2020, 09:02:47 AM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 18 December, 2020, 07:35:49 AM
Take care folks.  Stay safe.  Stay strong.  Stay Alert (Britain needs 'lerts'!) ... and the first post-pandemic Lawless con needs to be on everyone's list.

That old joke came to mind last night - I saw a 'beware' road sign and wondered why 'be aware' got turned in to 'beware' while 'be alert' hasn't turned in to 'belert'.

Back to the usual service!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 December, 2020, 12:20:11 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 17 December, 2020, 11:05:43 PM
I was able to reach back in here and send those PDFs (about conspiratorial vs. conventional thinking, and another one about how to get scientific information out through the noise) over to my F-I-L - the ones that shaolin_monkey shared a while back.

Maybe that'll help a bit.

Can you post a link to that for me too? A lot of people I know could benefit.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 18 December, 2020, 03:37:17 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 18 December, 2020, 12:20:11 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 17 December, 2020, 11:05:43 PM
I was able to reach back in here and send those PDFs (about conspiratorial vs. conventional thinking, and another one about how to get scientific information out through the noise) over to my F-I-L - the ones that shaolin_monkey shared a while back.

Maybe that'll help a bit.

Can you post a link to that for me too? A lot of people I know could benefit.

The Debunking Handbook 2020 (https://www.climatechangecommunication.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/DebunkingHandbook2020.pdf)

The Conspiracy Theory Handbook (https://www.climatechangecommunication.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/ConspiracyTheoryHandbook.pdf)


Although it should be noted that these documents vibrate at a frequency designed to attune your mind to the synaptic pulses of the star gods of Sirius.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 December, 2020, 05:25:12 PM
I wouldn't have it any other way! Thanks for that, though, looks like interesting and useful stuff
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rately on 19 January, 2021, 10:02:50 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 18 December, 2020, 03:37:17 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 18 December, 2020, 12:20:11 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 17 December, 2020, 11:05:43 PM
I was able to reach back in here and send those PDFs (about conspiratorial vs. conventional thinking, and another one about how to get scientific information out through the noise) over to my F-I-L - the ones that shaolin_monkey shared a while back.

Maybe that'll help a bit.

Can you post a link to that for me too? A lot of people I know could benefit.

The Debunking Handbook 2020 (https://www.climatechangecommunication.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/DebunkingHandbook2020.pdf)

The Conspiracy Theory Handbook (https://www.climatechangecommunication.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/ConspiracyTheoryHandbook.pdf)


Although it should be noted that these documents vibrate at a frequency designed to attune your mind to the synaptic pulses of the star gods of Sirius.

Fantastic stuff, Funt.

I'll be forwarding these to a few friends and family, as well as maybe leaving a few at our Reception Desk in work. Be as helpful for some of the staff, never mind the customers.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 19 January, 2021, 11:36:31 AM
After a rather uncomfortable discussion with someone I considered a friend, I've decided to remove myself from social media for at least the tenure of the present lockdown circumstances.

It's become abundantly clear to me I've been using it as a crutch in the absence of actual socializing through these incredibly lonely and stressful times and that's had a deeply detrimental effect on how I behave. I've been living vicariously through others, and that's never a good thing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 19 January, 2021, 11:45:45 AM
You aren't the only one doing exactly the same crutch-thing, HM. I trust social media abstinence doesn't include this place, we're barely social at all. Be careful not to swap fake-socialisation for actual-isolation.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 19 January, 2021, 12:00:59 PM
Oh of course I'll be sticking around, and I appreciate the very true fact I'm not alone in exploiting this particular coping mechanism.

But it's time to step back from it, for awhile at least, and perhaps retreat a little more into myself. I don't want to potentially alienate myself or anyone else.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 19 January, 2021, 12:10:07 PM

We're here if you need us, Hawkie.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Magnetica on 19 January, 2021, 01:49:54 PM
I've had a couple of horrible experiences on social media, including one last week where I made what I thought was a reasonable comment about a sporting event and got a volley of abuse from someone else who basically made an ad hominem attack on me saying I didn't know what I was talking about rather than addressing my actual point. When I then tried to defend what I had said, whilst trying to address the points being made and not the character of the person making the comment, it just descended into a mess with others joining in.

I have decided to limit where I post (mostly) to here and a couple of 2000AD Facebook pages where (hopefully) I'm quite well know to the regulars.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dandontdare on 19 January, 2021, 08:10:25 PM
sorry to hear that Z - I'm sometimes glad I grew up before all that bollox, it's easier for me to ignore it, but it's so all pervasive that I imagine it's hard to cut oneself off. I use FB solely to follow one singer who did some lovely lockdown gigs on it, but this place is the closest I get to social media really, and it suits me. Oh and whoring for likes with my brilliantly witty comments on imgur (Personal best: 138, personal worst: -50).

When HOME and the Gasworks reopen, we'll have that pint that Boris keeps cancelling!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 19 January, 2021, 08:18:54 PM
Sweet Jovus- I can't wait to see (most of) you lot again and share a beer or 5.

Hawk - you take care and feel free to contact me whenever. You've got my number.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: von Boom on 19 January, 2021, 08:59:08 PM
Remember, Hawk, you might be isolated at the moment but you're not alone with a group like this board. Keep well.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 19 January, 2021, 09:01:52 PM
For what it is worth, Hawk, in my experience there are enough mad, bad and thoroughly unpleasant people out there in the real world without going online to actively seek them out, lol. (This forum and its membership is, needless to say, one of the few and happy exceptions to that.) Hope that things go well for you and all the best.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 19 January, 2021, 09:15:31 PM
It's an absolute blight and I'd sooner be without it. Facebook is only useful for the messenger function which is better than most text based alternatives.

Cheers lads, sorry to grumble over so little.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rately on 19 January, 2021, 09:38:17 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 19 January, 2021, 09:15:31 PM
It's an absolute blight and I'd sooner be without it. Facebook is only useful for the messenger function which is better than most text based alternatives.

Cheers lads, sorry to grumble over so little.
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 19 January, 2021, 09:15:31 PM
It's an absolute blight and I'd sooner be without it. Facebook is only useful for the messenger function which is better than most text based alternatives.

Cheers lads, sorry to grumble over so little.

Better to get it out and off your chest, fella!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 20 January, 2021, 09:22:17 AM
Aye, grumble away. That's what this thread is here for.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Smith on 20 January, 2021, 10:03:21 AM
Yeah,social media can be anxiety inducing. You see all these fake perfect lives everyone else has and you start thinking everyone is doing better then you...

Speaking of social media,we could start a 2000AD Fediverse node,that seems to be the way of the future. Idk, probably a stupid idea.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 20 January, 2021, 10:48:13 AM

I don't have the facilities any more but this would seem like a fine time to resurrect the Wednesday Night Chat. The "Rowdy Yates Block Citizens' Yap Shop" account should still be archived on PalTalk if anyone wants to use it, just PM me for the password.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 05 February, 2021, 08:25:53 PM
My situation at the moment is bad, very bad and I feel just getting worse.  I've suffered from ill health starting at the age of 10.  Within a short time I was in a serious car crash and my grandfather died.  After that I was diagnosed with epilepsy which took many years to get under any sort of stable control.

For many years, and indeed to a certain extent still, I have been extremely withdrawn, I found getting a job next to impossible except for a short term call centre position I hated, as it was pressure selling (timeshares), that wasn't what I was told it was going to be, cold calling really can get you down.

Anyway, I've also had health problems with my heart.  Fast forward and five years ago my mother died suddenly and painfully with bowel cancer.  I was on DLA and with the benefit reforms PIP said I had no health problems.  Taking 25-30 pills a day sure doesn't seem like no health problems.  I'm trying to struggle to live on £75 a week and have cut everything to the bone.  Most of the day I don't even have heating on except for hot water.

Depression set in a few years ago and has been steadily getting worse.  I was on Sertraline for a year and felt no positive effects at all.  I feel I have just turned 50 (on January 13th) and I have done nothing with my life, achieved nothing, have nothing worthwhile to live for.  I have had no relationships, no job bar that crappy call centre, I'm living very much hand to mouth and I see no end in sight.  I've already tried suicide twice and find myself contemplating it on a daily basis.  It's silly though, I want to end it, but in a painless way.

I have very little family, a brother I see occasionally, two other brothers I haven't seen in years, one doesn't want to know me for some reason best known to himself, and one was an alcoholic the last time I saw him about six years ago and he only ever appeared when he wanted something.

To try and solve the work issue a few years back I started voluntary work in an Oxfam bookshop as I am an avid reader and have a lot of interest in stuff like graphic novels (obviously), fantasy, sci fi, history both world and local, and various other things.  The management now are to be frank incompetent and keep wanting insane prices.  A prime example was on the Oxfam webshop for instance, one of the phone book editions of Nemesis they wanted £35 for and it had been reduced from over £100, this wasn't a signed edition or anything.  That was from a different shop but is a sign of the sheer greed.  DVD's that used to sell at 4 for £1 they now want £2 each for.  Staff are getting increasingly treated like dirt there, and I feel that our opinions arent even valued.  To be frank its not fun.  Working there was increasing my stress.

Other factors have been lack of proper sleep, or a poor sleep pattern, the sheer cold where I have been wearing four or five layers of clothes and sitting with my duvet in the living room.  I feel I don't have a life and that it barely qualifies as an existence, and its one I want no part of.  I've had people say "Oh its Covid", but I'm saying its not bloody Covid as I was feeling like this before Covid and I admit that's not helping.  I had tried to get help from a counsellor but they were absolutely useless (after six months of waiting) and on the second appointment said "Do you want to continue or give up", encouraging, huh?

I had people say try and join a club, which is difficult at the moment, but even then last year I tried an art club and I couldn't even afford the fee.  Living in such a narrow margin.

This is a bit of an incoherent rant, but I'm just typing it up as I see it.  I just see no reason to go on, nothing to live for and if someone on the street casually says "Things will get better", "Cheer up", or "Buck up", I feel like I will scream.....
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 05 February, 2021, 09:15:08 PM
I am still holding a grudge against a complete stranger who told me "Smile! It may never happen!" in 1995.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 05 February, 2021, 09:58:00 PM

I have been there, Jade. I know that's no consolation and that our experiences are different and I can't truly understand - but the feelings I do.

I somehow, with help where I could get it, found within myself the strength and perspective to turn around. I didn't find that inner strength all at once, like being struck by a divine thunderbolt, but uncovered it bit by bit, like an amateur archaeologist. Everybody has that strength in them, somewhere. The trick for me was not deciding where to look, but whether to look at all.

Look for that strength and you will find it. One of the books that helped me begin to sort myself out (as nobody was going to do it for me), and still provides guidance in trying times, is the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. Sounds terribly dusty and highbrow, I know, but it ain't.

All my best to you, Jade - never forget that you are a being of infinite value and potential, and that everyone hereabouts thinks you're very cool. xx

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Bolt-01 on 06 February, 2021, 08:52:15 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 05 February, 2021, 09:58:00 PM
All my best to you, Jade - never forget that you are a being of infinite value and potential, and that everyone hereabouts thinks you're very cool. xx

What he said. Feel free to rant about anything you need to; you may not get many responses but you will be read.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 06 February, 2021, 10:36:55 AM
Jade,

thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts.  TBH your post came across as reasoned and eloquent.  Not sure why you thought it was an incoherent rant (actually not true, I can fully appreciate that at any single point in time we can feel like nothing we do or say is of value ...)

It strikes me from what you are saying that you are an incredibly resilient person.  This might seem odd to you but consider what you have come through.  The fact that you reach out like this in this space speaks to your strength and ability.  You list a lot of challenging experiences there.  To keep on after all that is, I would politely suggest, no mean feat.

I know exactly what you mean about counselling.  Like you, I've had experiences that simply increased despair.  Good counselling is incredibly hard to find.  At the moment it is bizarre as it is all conducted by phone if you are lucky to get on the list. 

I wish I could offer more than words of encouragement and support.  The only thing I would say is if you do feel like you are contemplating extreme actions please, please, please shout out here.  There are lots of people who are willing to try and find ways of supporting meaningfully.  Possibly as there are so many who can relate / have personal experience of this.

Take care, focus on small victories ... and what Sharkey said!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 06 February, 2021, 11:39:49 AM
Thoughts go out to you, Jade. That's an all round rotten situation. You've every reason to be down coping with all that, you're obviously a tough nut to get through at all, and rest assured you're far from the only one to look at 50 this year and think "fuck, I've had my shot and I missed". I wouldn't think we're even in the minority.

It's a trivial aside, but I fancy myself a connoisseur of the charity shop bookshelves and Oxfam are truly unique in their unrealistic pricing: someone somewhere up the chain has a spreadsheet pegged against eBay/Amazon Buy It Nows and can't see past it, and that seems to filter down into most shops. Maybe a change of charity if there are other options down your way, even if it drifts away from a pure bookshop.

I won't be so ignorant as to tell you that things will get automatically better, no-one can say that, but there absolutely will be little things you can find to enjoy again: the days will get brighter and warmer and you'll be there to feel to the sun on your face, dip your feet in a stream, read a book under a tree and laugh at some awful Abnett pun. Like the other lads say, grab onto the smallest victories when they present themselves. That's pretty much all there ever is or was.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 February, 2021, 12:22:30 PM
I can only really say I'm really sorry about your situation, Jade, and as an occasional sufferer and full-time antidepressant taker, I can totally understand why you'd feel depressed. 

I worked in telesales before too; selling a crap banking insurance product, and I felt guilty about the rare sale I made - it was absolutely soul-crushing.  I remember once commuting for about 45 minutes, getting to the gates of the call centre and realising I just couldn't go in, and then turning around and going home.  I managed to scrape myself together enough to go in the next day, and nobody noticed I'd been missing.

But that's by the by.  There probably isn't much I can say to help you, but I just hope your situation improves as soon as possible.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: dweezil2 on 06 February, 2021, 12:43:31 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 05 February, 2021, 09:15:08 PM
I am still holding a grudge against a complete stranger who told me "Smile! It may never happen!" in 1995.

I was told that once and fired back that it already has!!!!  :lol:
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 07 February, 2021, 11:38:18 PM
Resilient might be a way of putting it, but I'm increasingly thinking that what is the sense of surviving if life is barely an existence with nothing to look forward to.  I'm now frequently not waking up till the afternoon, my sleep is away to hell.  The flat is an absolute mess and I keep thinking I'll try tidying up but I lack the energy, the will or the motivation to do so.

I had a phone call for a PIP assessment the other day and they didn't even have my information that I had passed on and the useless ATOS individual was very ...arrogant and aggresive saying it wouldn't make a difference, so what did I fill in a 40+ page form for then FFS.  I really think its been decided to fail anyway as ATOS are nothing but a bunch of box tickers.

I've tried phoning Samaritans and Breathing space in the double digit counts and its no use, its just a case of what's the point.  No family, noone close, little money and I am so damned cold.  It's no use going to my doctor because with all the COVID stuff, it's going to be hard enough to get an appointment, and all that will be suggested is pills that don't solve any of the issues.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 08 February, 2021, 03:32:56 AM
I wonder about the medication part - a relative of mine was on what I would describe as coping medication (rather than curative), but was trying to find a way to get off it, because they wanted to come out of the other end. I wasn't sure if that approach was realistic, or was going to help or hinder them. Might there be a sense that, as with something like insulin injections - that there's a lifetime of it ahead and that's just the way the land lies? It's probably different in each case, I imagine.

Sorry - that's probably not helpful. I've been coming to terms with my new knee - and there's this sense that I have to accept that it's just not going to ever get back to the way it was before I wounded it - so I think in those terms now. Coincidentally, my brother smashed his ankle, so he's never going to skateboard again. There are all these different ways of something being life-changing - it's kind of where my mind's at just now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 February, 2021, 08:02:09 AM
It's a tricky one.  I've taken anti-depressants pretty much every day for at least 15 years, with a gap of about 6 months when I went travelling and was loving life - when I came back the depression hit me like a train and the dose was upped.

After lots of CBT I halved my dose - didn't say anything to the doctor or anything; breaking my tablets in half also halves the cost.  I found then an online CBT group where we practise the techniques we've learned on each other, and I'm starting to feel, for the first time in years, that I might not need to take happy-pills for the rest of my life.

As you say, different in each case, though.  By the way my introduction to CBT was the Feeling Good podcast hosted by Dr David Burns.  It took me months to either understand the techniques or feel convinced, but it's been very helpful - his last book, Feeling Great, is well worth a read.  I've also had online CBT, which was way, way more valuable than all the talk therapy I had in the past.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 08 February, 2021, 04:45:53 PM
I feel that all the therapy won't solve the loneliness problems which were bad enough pre Covid not to mention the financial side. I've also got to be extra careful with medication that I'm on about eight different sorts of medication for other issues that might cause conflicts.

Feeling worse lately with sleeping problems as well and a lack of focus and no enjoyment in anything. It's hard to describe, but it just doesn't feel like a life, not even an existence.

As to the charity shop side, I only volunteered there because it was a bookshop, I've no real interest in a general one as most have only a few books as a sideline
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 08 February, 2021, 08:10:27 PM
That's an interesting coincidence - my relative who suffers from an ongoing mental illness also found some solace in charity shop work, but then had a bit of a low period where customers were triggering some quite extreme negative responses.  Unfortunately, I'm not much help as relatives also trigger similar response.

On a more positive note, they've found comfort in a few things (some of which I know about by stalking their Instragram) - photography, their dog and a long-term gardening project. It's not as if they're "fixed" (whatever on Earth that could even mean) but there are these lights in the darkness.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 February, 2021, 08:19:41 PM
I do know what it's like to have no enjoyment in anything; and when your life feels utterly empty and hopeless.  The CBT has got me over the worst of it, and I hope the effects continue, but it truly is awful.

I'm not saying this will be the case for anybody else, but my CBT therapist was all about sorting out loneliness - with her help, I'd managed to cram in loads and loads of social activities (mainly through Meetups) and was actually getting a bit exhausted with meeting so many new people.  Of course, 2020 put an abrupt stop to it all, though I have managed to continue a few of the Meetup groups through Zoom.

But this is in no way an attempt to try to give unsolicited advice or anything, as I'm in no position to help anyone with their mental health; just talking about my own experiences. Of course what's worked for other people is not going to work for everyone; and back when I was at my lowest point, I don't think I would have been able for any of that socialising.  All I can say is, my heart goes out to you, FC, and while it's not much, you're always welcome to spill your heart out on this thread.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 07 April, 2021, 11:32:30 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 07 February, 2021, 11:38:18 PM
Resilient might be a way of putting it, but I'm increasingly thinking that what is the sense of surviving if life is barely an existence with nothing to look forward to.  I'm now frequently not waking up till the afternoon, my sleep is away to hell.  The flat is an absolute mess and I keep thinking I'll try tidying up but I lack the energy, the will or the motivation to do so.


I've a few friends with this issue (wanting to tidy up their home but the task is too daunting).  One method that's come up is that every time they go in to another room they take an item with them (an item that belongs in the other room, naturally).  It's not much, but it's more than nothing.


QuoteI had a phone call for a PIP assessment the other day and they didn't even have my information that I had passed on and the useless ATOS individual was very ...arrogant and aggresive saying it wouldn't make a difference, so what did I fill in a 40+ page form for then FFS.  I really think its been decided to fail anyway as ATOS are nothing but a bunch of box tickers.


You're right - they have decided to fail a certain amount of cases.  Try appealing - they count on those who have failed the assessment not having the motivation to go through the appeals process, but once the case gets looked at properly you'll probably get PIP - a massive 76% of appeals succeed, which just highlights how heartless ASOS are in the first place.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 07 April, 2021, 12:01:18 PM
Regarding online meetups, can't say I've heard of PalTalk before and from the website it looks like something has to be downloaded, which I'm loathe to do.

However, the Southern Contingent (which met four or so times a year outside of lockdown) has had semi-regular meetups online.  I won't post the meeting ID and passcode in a public forum, but the next meeting is on this Sunday at 16:00 UTC+01 - which I think means 16:00 BST?  It's on Zoom, but I think there's a browser version so you have to download anything to join a Zoom meeting (unless you already have Zoom installed, of course).

Message me (preferably on Saturday or on Sunday morning) and I can share the meeting details.  Spambots need not apply.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 09 May, 2021, 10:30:37 PM
Now seems like a good time to remind people that this thread exists.


Bump!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 10 May, 2021, 07:40:57 AM

Would it be a good idea to pin this thread? The last thing anyone needs when the world is piling on top of one is to go searching for it.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 10 May, 2021, 04:37:34 PM
Something on the BBC, today, that might be a help to people: Mental health: Can you tell if someone is struggling? (https://www.bbc.com/news/health-57013126)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 11 May, 2021, 05:01:55 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 10 May, 2021, 07:40:57 AM

Would it be a good idea to pin this thread? The last thing anyone needs when the world is piling on top of one is to go searching for it.

TBH considering that every once in a while it gets picked up again and everyone piles in, it might not be absolutely necessary.  Then again right now considering:

a) events of the sort discussed elsewhere can sometimes trigger;
b) the number of boarders with MH issues

that might not be the worst idea in the world.  It's scary at the moment, there's lots to fret over, it doesn't look like it's going to get any easier any time soon.

I think it's safe to say that this thread will be watched closely for a while, especially with the 'please talk first' admonition.  For anyone who is wondering, folks in these parts have probably about as much knowledge about managing mental health as your local GP's surgery combined, if not more.  Plus the added benefit of having walked the walk, so to speak.  Rebellion could make a fortune if they ever decided to market the forum as a counselling service.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rackle on 11 May, 2021, 05:15:31 PM
I've not posted for a while but I have been lurking.
This felt important enough to make me want to come out of hiding for a moment and add another voice.

It may feel like you can't talk to anyone about your situation or feelings but please, please don't suffer in silence. I too will gladly offer an impartial ear.
If it wasn't for my group (talk) therapy which I have been attending for the last couple of years I don't know how far into my depression I would have lapsed.

There is no shame at all in reaching out for help. I have called the Samaritans during my lunch break several times just to be able to talk to someone I specifically don't know so that I could talk more openly about the difficulties and demons I have been facing, knowing that they will not be able to fix them for me, but they will listen to me without judgement.


If friends and family don't seem to understand or be there for you, people in this thread are 100% here for one another as we all know how difficult it can be when dealing with anxiety, depression, BPD and other mental health issues. We believe you and we care about you.

Hang in there and please don't feel like we won't listen.
You do matter.

I know it's a forum of people I barely know, but this thread has helped bouy me up through some dark patches in the last couple of years, and I can't thank you enough.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 May, 2021, 06:06:21 PM
Glad we were able to offer a tiny bit of help, Rackle.  Also great to hear from you again!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 May, 2021, 01:18:45 AM
Well had my PIP phone call yesterday and to be honest I'm not at all hopeful....

Also recently had a phone call from the DWP in which they suggested switching benefits.  I stated that I didn't want to as it takes 5 weeks.  They said due to the way its paid I would be without money for 'only' two weeks.  What planet do these people bloody live in....

Living day to day is hard enough.  I know someone said that I should stop my 2000ad book, but I hardly think a single fortnightly book is going to cause a major dent, also a friend suggested I sell a lot of the books I have that I have got over the years on Zippit.  I bet most of those I would be lucky to get pennies for, and essentially that means stripping the house down for a few days grace...

Another suggestion was to try and get a GP appointment and they might get me a pyschiatrist.  Considering I had to wait six months for a useless counsellor who had no interest, you'll excuse me if I'm sceptical.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 12 May, 2021, 06:08:20 AM
Unfortunately the DWP call centre drones are working from a script and cannot deviate.  It's the policymakers that are at fault.  IDS' fist pump during a commons budget announcement says it all.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 May, 2021, 04:50:11 PM
I've found this book more helpful than most counsellors I've been to.  I listen to the writer's podcasts obsessively too, and have built up a small arsenal of anti-depression/anxiety techniques.

(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61CUGr3h5bL.jpg)

I did need an online CBT therapist to get me through the first couple of weeks of the Covid lockdown, though, I must admit - my anxiety levels were through the roof.  One session had me feeling a whole lot better, and I haven't felt a whole lot of anxiety since. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 16 May, 2021, 10:14:50 PM
A prime example of the futility of switching benefits.  I have checked my bank and have about £5 to last an entire week after bills are paid.  The DWP suggests switching in which case I get the exact same pittance to live on, have to wait two weeks and the only suggestion they can come up with is a loan which puts you into debt right away.  The bank suggests an overdraft or credit card, none of which are solutions and just make the problem worse.

I've tried cutting absolutely everything, it got to the stage that throughout winter I wasn't even turning my heating on.  When I go for shopping I go to Aldi and buy own brand stuff from them, not that there's anything wrong with their own brand items.  I like fish, and I tried the packaged 'ready meal' style but to be frank a lot of the time it feels like absolute crap and buying fresh from a fishmongers or a counter from another supermarket is prohibitive.  I've cut everything I can, I'm on the cheapest energy plan I can think, my internet is about the cheapest, my phone plan is as well, I don't even have a TV licence now not any subscription service.  I've had my PIP assessment which to be honest I'm not hopeful about and I don't see how its possible to exist on £75 a week.  My thoughts are getting extremely black again and really.....there's no way forward.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 May, 2021, 09:56:17 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 16 May, 2021, 10:14:50 PM
My thoughts are getting extremely black again and really.....there's no way forward.

That is something that a lot of us can relate to.  There is a way forward and with all due respect, you do matter.  We may not be able to do much but what we can do, we will.  [sorry, this from someone who has recently descended into the depths ... "stare into the abyss and the abyss will stare back into you..." and scared the living daylights out of a lot of folks around me]

Arguably you have taken a step forward, sharing here.  You're absolutely right to be frustrated and angry with DWP and your bank, neither of which are suggesting options that help.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 18 May, 2021, 11:06:29 PM
Yeah - sorry things are tough, JF.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 19 May, 2021, 01:53:13 AM
I'm kinda pissed but not with the bank at the same time, they really can't do anything else.  They're just giving the only suggestions they can and also understand that I don't want an overdraft.  Really my only vice is my 2000ad book.  I dont drink, I don't smoke, I don't go out (well I didn't when Covid wasn't a thing), and the employment situation which is bad at the best of times in this area is obviously even worse due to the number of businesses that have gone under.  Sleep is another problem, with me often not able to have a proper sleep pattern and that's causing other effects, including an ever worsening migraine and just feelings of malaise.  I've been thinking in phoning the Samaritans but really I never found them to be much help in the long term, though I know they try their best.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 19 May, 2021, 07:12:42 AM

I've been in that hole and it's bad. The route I took to get out was hard and frightening, but get out I did. I wouldn't recommended my route for everyone but there are others, and they're all scary. The first steps are the hardest and the most scary.

But you can do it because you are a being of infinite worth and potential. Start with that fact and rise up from there.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: TordelBack on 19 May, 2021, 10:52:27 AM
Ooof, Jade Falcon, you really get knocked about. To see someone so negatively affected by a system that should exist only to help them through exactly these situations is upsetting. It's not right. 

As the Shark says, you are a being of worth irrespective of how you are made to feel by your material circumstance, things can get better that this for you, even if you can't see the path yet. I wish I could offer any useful advice, but know at least that there are a lot of us on a similar road and we understand.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 19 May, 2021, 01:09:39 PM
I've started a thread (https://forums.2000ad.com/index.php?topic=47591) to schedule a video / audio / real-time text chat.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 19 May, 2021, 02:55:58 PM
I've been ranting about my own relatively minor problems on the Life Spugs thread and have missed this.  Jade - that sounds incredibly difficult.  The people who say that money doesn't matter are the people who have never been without it.  I really hope things will improve for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 02 June, 2021, 09:36:55 PM
Well I got my PIP results yesterday, null point as they say in Eurovision.  What makes it even worse is that its full of exaggerations and lies.  Stuff like saying I can plan a journey and use a satnav.  I have an old car, I've never owned a satnav, I've never used one, I've never even borrowed one.  I can plan a basic journey because I'm 50 years old and I've lived in the same area all my life, so I know the area fairly well.

I don't know if anyone here knows Ayrshire in Scotland but it hasn't changed too much in terms of transport layout over the years, not drastically anyway, not like say the centre of Glasgow in the 50s and 60s.

Saying I go to the supermarket and go round quickly is apparently a negative, what I was trying to say was I go in, get exactly what I need and out ASAP, not hang around.  It seems every statement is treated the wrong way.  I was on the phone to the DWP and tried to set them straight but I'll see how that goes.

Also, I tried to go back to the Oxfam book shop, but the manager refused to take me back.  Apparently I'm 'unreliable and untrustworthy' and I disrespected her which is all false.  She says I walked out twice.  Once in one of my particular bad moments I said I wasn't coming back but worked the rest of the day, someone I worked with asked me to come in and help when they were swamped.  In the 4 years I've worked there, I've only been off twice, once for a couple of weeks due to being immobile with a knee problem, once when I was in hospital due to various problems.  I specifically wanted to work there as its a bookshop and I'm not really interested in general charity shop work..ho hum.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 02 June, 2021, 09:52:18 PM
The specific reference to satnav seems a bit odd - as if the person who wrote the generic text for the responses was quite privileged. At least, it sounds like it was a generic response.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 03 June, 2021, 06:51:53 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 02 June, 2021, 09:36:55 PM
Well I got my PIP results yesterday, null point as they say in Eurovision.  What makes it even worse is that its full of exaggerations and lies.  Stuff like saying I can plan a journey and use a satnav ...

Not entirely sure what point they're trying to make with stuff like that.  Just because someone has a mental health condition diagnosis that doesn't mean that they are 'cognitively challenged'.  Not to mention the fact that a journey may well be considered 'safe' if it can be done in a way that minimises 'risk'.

That is the biggest frustration when trying to cope with officialdom in its various guises.  I've no doubt that the official that wrote the report would take issue with your characterisation of the content as 'exaggerations and lies' but that is an entirely valid personal perspective. 

At the end of the day it looks like they've responded in a way that invalidates your perspective, experience and the way it affects you.  To describe that as 'unhelpful' is an understatement of epic proportions.  Anyone would be distressed by such treatment.

I'm assuming that you are going to appeal the decision?  Certainly I hope you do.  It's worth bearing in mind that the reported success rate is around 75%.  Hope it works out.   
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 10 June, 2021, 07:41:51 AM
Sorry for bringing first world problems into things.  I'm ashamed to say that compared to a lot of folks round these parts my issues don't even begin to compare.  That said, considering what has happened to one well-regarded forumite and the admonitions to reach out following that, please excuse some ramblings / ranting / ...

I think it is fair to say that my ability to manage my BPD has never been great, despite all efforts.  I suppose turning around a lifetime's behavioural habits is ambitious to say the least for most people, never mind the psychologically compromised.  Even before Covid things had gone badly with a colleague setting me off after a particularly bad day then triggering a disciplinary action.

Since September things have gone from bad to worse with Covid-secure methods making teaching untenable.  The colleague in question has not accepted the results of the disciplinary and has acted in a way that makes this clear.  Meetings have been unpleasant to say the least and even moving around school is challenging to avoid 'uncomfortable' crossings.

Adding in the redundancy situation has been pretty much the final straw.  Given that attempts to address the impact of the colleague's behaviour have pretty much proven fruitless together with a strong suggestion (probably accurate) from my union that the selection process would land on me anyway, it seemed prudent to take the enhanced offer rather than the likely alternative.

So sitting in the departmental meeting last night listening to the rest gleefully discussing the sets that they would like to teach from September was 'unhelpful' to say the least.  Having slipped slowly down into the darkness during the course of the year and resuming NLSI (much to my wife's distress when she realised where the blood was coming from) I find myself now enviously reflecting on my cousin's success with his 9mm trepanning.

Having been through different forms of cognitive, psychotherepeutic and chemical treatments without any success (in some cases the opposite) it is becoming increasingly challenging to avoid considering options to follow his course.  Whilst I'm fairly confident that I can withstand the temptation, it is becoming something of a challenge.

My GP has been great (or rather the selection of GP's that I've dealt with over the last year or so) as has Primary Care and even Secondary Care.  I'm now waiting on the next stage in what seems to be a futile effort to work with me.  Given the situation with NHS workload I'm having to be patient there.

In the meantime I'm trying to ride this rollercoaster as best I can, minimise its impact on those around me and function as best I can.  I get the frustration and exasperation of those I have to work with.  I feel it too.  I'm just not sure its fair to inflict me on those around me.  Then again I do recognise that this is a problem at my level.  As I say, managing the BPD right now is possibly a little more challenging than I give myself credit for.


Anyway, my apologies for the long and rambling post.  The greater probability is that i will continue fighting through this and come out the other side.  I am fortunate to have a wife who knows me better than I do, recognises many of the warning signs and is able to help me manage the extremes.  That said, i feel guilty for giving her that burden.  Vicious circle, I know.  I know that there are fellow boarders who are in a far worse situation and facing far greater challenges.  Hence feeling more than a little annoyed with myself.

Right now I'm just focusing on getting through the day.  I'm pretty sure I will but the darkness is disturbing.  For those who do get this far, thanks for your patience.  For those who do feel this way and are struggling as well.  Please, reach out.  Sorry. Thanks.  F*** ...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Trooper McFad on 10 June, 2021, 09:20:45 AM
Tjm86 there's no shame or apologies needed in using this thread to get things off your chest and if it helps then all the better.
I can't offer any practical advice on your situation other than there will be people on this board that understand your situation and may offer better support or advice than I ever could.
Sounds you have a great support and love in your home. Stay strong.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 10 June, 2021, 03:01:39 PM
Hey tjm86. It's always a pleasure to have you on the board and I'm sorry to hear that you're having troubles. Your story reminded me of the time I got put onto a 50% contract, and then got asked at the staff meeting to come up with a positive story. Me being me, I pointed out how inappropriate I felt that was. Best wishes, any road.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 10 June, 2021, 04:32:46 PM
So sorry to hear of your recent difficulties, TJM86. Just to echo what Trooper & Funt said, you've no need to feel like you're burdening any of us with your problems - that's what this thread is for.

(And upsetting issues in your work-place can in no way be dismissed as 1st World problems. It is entirely normal that you - or anyone else, for that matter - would feel bent out of shape by current events. And as you've probably noticed over the years, quite a few of us on this forum have had our own share of bad experiences in the work-place; so we can certainly understand what you're going through. Needless to say, that also applies to mental health challenges and all the grief that can give rise to, as well.)

Anyways, I hope that you'll not have to weather this particular storm for too long, and that Fortuna will soon meet you on the upswing again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 June, 2021, 07:32:33 AM
I'm pdate, I got my appeal results in and got Pip for the next six or seven years, even better it was backdated to October last year. It's a substantial amount but I'm going to be careful and not go mad.

Without sounding like a moan it's not really helping the loneliness, depression or bad sleep, but it's nice to be able to get shopping without being anxious as to whether I can afford it or worrying whether I have money for the next week
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Trooper McFad on 14 June, 2021, 10:52:43 AM
Falcon glad to hear you have gotten past that insidious hurdle. It will now allow you to focus on other issues. If we can now get out of the pandemic to allow help to start filtering through.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 14 June, 2021, 04:56:41 PM
Great news, Falcon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 June, 2021, 06:08:58 PM
Great stuff - glad to hear it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 17 June, 2021, 08:44:36 AM
Fantastic news Falcon, its a shame you where even in the position to need to appeal in the first place but i'm delighted you got the outcome you deserved.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 28 June, 2021, 11:07:05 AM
Not entirely certain where I should post this but the domain of the Black Dog feels as good as any.
I've decided to go dry for awhile. Not indefinite teetotalism, but certainly a good long cold turkey. I don't think I'm alone in the last year in drinking more than is probably wise, it was a staple activity of the trapped. But certainly in the last two months, with a lot of things in life causing great deals of stress and anguish, I've found myself hitting the bottle harder than is wise. Often this manifests simply as a 'oh fuck, what a day, pass me a six pack' which is honestly a slippery slope, and I just got tired of waking up with a hangover on a work day. I used to be pretty disciplined in this regard, so the goal is to get back to that mentality before taking another sip. Could be months, could be years. I don't know, but certainly I knew I had to enforce some kind of change.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 28 June, 2021, 11:31:32 AM
The first step is recognising that you (could) have a problem, so good luck in reducing alcohol intake!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 28 June, 2021, 11:50:55 AM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 28 June, 2021, 11:07:05 AM
I don't think I'm alone in the last year in drinking more than is probably wise, it was a staple activity of the trapped. But certainly in the last two months, with a lot of things in life causing great deals of stress and anguish, I've found myself hitting the bottle harder than is wise.

Nope, most definitely not.  Like you, I've seen a sharp uptick in 'self-medicating' of late.  Not the best when I consider the dangerous side effects, particularly if I'm heading for the 'spiral'.

So here's a challenge ... how long can we go?  Start the clock today?  First target - get through to next Monday? You up for it?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 28 June, 2021, 05:47:59 PM

Black dog bit me hard today. Walking around like nothing matters. Everyone sleepwalking into a monstrous dark future, lost in lies, half-truths and fear. Fear everywhere, leading the world by the nose. Nobody wants to look, nobody wants to listen. Found myself thinking that if today my heart finally did give out and I moved on, wouldn't be a bad thing. Least I'll miss all the horrors in store. Haven't felt so hopeless, so lost, in nearly a decade. Hard to stay focused. Hard not to brood. Do not want to slip back into that darkness I felt before but it's like a flood. Not sure how much longer I can stay afloat. Talking to a couple of trusted people helped a bit. Not much. Got to hang on, though. Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 28 June, 2021, 06:16:37 PM
Sorry to hear you're feeling blue, Shark. You do write very well, I notice. Where I am, we are having a record-breaking heat wave, and my keyboard is getting tacky from all the chem-sprays they use in the building these days. I'm worried about my wife and daughter, who went up river camping a couple of days ago, outside of cell range. I mean - I'm sure they'll be fine, but it doesn't stop me from worrying.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 28 June, 2021, 08:19:25 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 28 June, 2021, 05:47:59 PM
Got to hang on, though. Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.

Small point but you're here posting.  That has to be a major step on the road to victory.

Think of it this way, who else is going to keep us in check with heckling over the evils of 'big guvvment' or the joys of contracting 5G when you go for your jab?  [ironically with the conspiracy theory spread being closed down we've got nowhere to debate the admission by various guvvments that actually it might not have been so bash** crazy (excuse the pun) after all!]  You've got to stick around just to be able to say "I told you so" when everything comes crashing down!!!!!!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 28 June, 2021, 10:05:24 PM
I may not always agree with you, Sharky (unless it's about 2000ad), but you're one of the good guys and I'd miss you if you weren't on the board.  Hang on in there, you'll get through this even if it feels like you won't.

I've learned quite a bit about my brain from online CBT.  It's taken me a shit load of time and cost me a fiar but of money but I think, finally, I'm just about starting to find the tools to deal with depression and anxiety.  It's been a lot of hard work though, and continues to be.  It's ridiculous that our own brains can be our worst enemy but there you go.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 29 June, 2021, 12:33:23 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 28 June, 2021, 06:16:37 PM
I'm worried about my wife and daughter, who went up river camping a couple of days ago, outside of cell range. I mean - I'm sure they'll be fine, but it doesn't stop me from worrying.

Nah - you should be worried about the rest of the world.  No film ever started with people going on a trip outside of contact with the outside world had them come back to a civilisation that hadn't fallen!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 29 June, 2021, 06:07:25 PM
Well it's been a wee while since I posted here and this seems...... petty, but I'm still feeling bad.  While my immediate financial side is sorted I still feel utterly down and lost. I am suffering from extreme sleep problems, and still extreme loneliness.  There's no way past it, I've got models I could build but can't muster the will or energy to do it, ditto with reading or movies. I've got three issues of the collection still shrink wrapped. It's the old adage of money doesn't solve everything. I mean it's a relief to get groceries without worrying about whether I can afford it or not but that's not everything.

There's no real point in trying to get help from the mental health team.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 June, 2021, 06:09:46 PM
May I ask what type of models you're building?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 29 June, 2021, 06:48:43 PM
It's easier to list my stash that I've built up over the years

https://www.scalemates.com/profiles/mate.php?id=49931&p=stash
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 June, 2021, 07:12:49 PM
That's an eclectic mix. I was always really intimidated by these kinds of models, although I ended up having some luck with fantasy minis.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 June, 2021, 07:17:11 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 28 June, 2021, 10:05:24 PM
I may not always agree with you, Sharky (unless it's about 2000ad), but you're one of the good guys and I'd miss you if you weren't on the board.  Hang on in there, you'll get through this even if it feels like you won't.

I've learned quite a bit about my brain from online CBT.  It's taken me a shit load of time and cost me a fiar but of money but I think, finally, I'm just about starting to find the tools to deal with depression and anxiety. 

* a fair bit of money, that is.  Sorry.  I just wish I'd found CBT first and avoided all the rubbish therapists.  Talk, talk, talk - it's a good way to know yourself, sure, but it doesn't help you fix yourself. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 30 June, 2021, 12:48:59 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 28 June, 2021, 05:47:59 PM

Black dog bit me hard today. Walking around like nothing matters. Everyone sleepwalking into a monstrous dark future, lost in lies, half-truths and fear. Fear everywhere, leading the world by the nose. Nobody wants to look, nobody wants to listen. Found myself thinking that if today my heart finally did give out and I moved on, wouldn't be a bad thing. Least I'll miss all the horrors in store. Haven't felt so hopeless, so lost, in nearly a decade. Hard to stay focused. Hard not to brood. Do not want to slip back into that darkness I felt before but it's like a flood. Not sure how much longer I can stay afloat. Talking to a couple of trusted people helped a bit. Not much. Got to hang on, though. Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.

Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 01 July, 2021, 12:52:03 PM
Thanks, guys, I'm glad you're here.

There's a guy who lives on site who's quite high up in the NHS Mental Health Department. Dumb as I can be, I never even thought of speaking to him until yesterday. It was actually quite difficult to raise the topic with him as I do consider him a friend but, in the end, I selfishly decided that I might as well "use this resource" to help myself. And, after an uncharacteristically reticent approach from me, he was all too willing to listen.

The astonishing part (and the reason why I'm posting this here) was that the very act of asking him for a little help was deeply cathartic. He said he'd see me after work for a chat, and at the time I asked him that was nine hours away. During that time, however, the darkness lifted immeasurably. I think that I was extremely worried that I'd fall back into the pit it took me over a decade to climb out of the last time, but this time there was a big difference. I could talk to a guy I trust.

Last time, I think, it seemed to me that there was no way out - friends and family just wouldn't understand (even if I hadn't been too embarrassed to tell them about it) and the professionals I saw just regarded me as another anonymous case number requiring some chemical or other. This time, to my complete surprise, it was as if there was an unlocked door that I only had to open to step out of the dark. And so I did.

We had a fairly lengthy and, I think most importantly, relaxed conversation in his little office. I made some connections I'd never thought about before and found his perspectives and questions both relevant and revealing. How lucky I am in my life - to be living in a minor Eden during this Time of Madness and also to have a friend who is a MH professional. It sometimes feels like there actually might be some kind of higher shenanigans going on behind our lives.

Of course, I'm not saying that I've finally killed the old Malignant Mutt, but I think I might just have given it a good slapping - and all I had to do was something I usually have absolutely no problem with but this time was initially very, very hard and uncomfortable for me: to open my mouth. I guess I never really believed the answer could be so simple.

Beat it. Did it before, did it again. Did it again. Had to.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Trooper McFad on 01 July, 2021, 01:00:45 PM
Glad to hear you found an outlet are over this hill. Hopefully future hills don't become mountains.

Stay strong and keep on slapping that dog down.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 01 July, 2021, 01:07:37 PM
So glad you done that, keep on keeping on!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 01 July, 2021, 01:16:06 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 28 June, 2021, 05:47:59 PM

Black dog bit me hard today. Walking around like nothing matters. Everyone sleepwalking into a monstrous dark future, lost in lies, half-truths and fear. Fear everywhere, leading the world by the nose. Nobody wants to look, nobody wants to listen. Found myself thinking that if today my heart finally did give out and I moved on, wouldn't be a bad thing. Least I'll miss all the horrors in store. Haven't felt so hopeless, so lost, in nearly a decade. Hard to stay focused. Hard not to brood. Do not want to slip back into that darkness I felt before but it's like a flood. Not sure how much longer I can stay afloat. Talking to a couple of trusted people helped a bit. Not much. Got to hang on, though. Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.

you described my periodical monthly ventures. The worst of all, I know I am doomed to be like that until my heart stops beating.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 01 July, 2021, 10:28:53 PM
I really feel guilty about the way I'm feeling, I mean I've solved my financial issues, but the fact is that I still feel that life isn't worth a damn.  It's nice to be able to go to the supermarket and not have to worry about my shopping, not that I go over the top anyway.

No, the fact is that I've reached 50 years old and life just doesn't seem worth a damn.  I've no significant other, practically no family and every day feels the same as the next, even before Covid happened and turned that up to max.

I tried to get back to Oxfam for a few hours a week and the manager said that I wasn't basically respectful or trustworthy.  I really felt like venting on her, for one thing there was a time she had hauled me into the office accusing me of being rude to a post office staff member and that they had had a complaint, turned out it wasn't me but she never bothered getting her facts right.  I wish there was another charity bookshop, but nope.

I still have extreme fatigue and sleep problems.  I didn't get up till 3pm approximately, and was lying semi awake for a while before that, but just felt there was nothing to get up for.  The house is a mess and any time I try to get some tidying up done I get only a little done and just feel beat mentally and physically.

Really, what is the point in it all, life just stinks, and I am increasingly thinking I'd be better of out of it because there's nothing to look forward to.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Trooper McFad on 01 July, 2021, 11:19:57 PM
Jade I can't tell you that life doesn't stink. At times it does. I too have reached the 1/2 century & I've asked myself why and what's the point many times over the last decade and I'm fortunate enough to have someone to share these feelings with.
I don't know you or your daily toils but what helps me are the small things that keep me believing it is worth keeping going. For me things like tasting my first ripe strawberry of the season or buttering up the freshly cooked garden tatties or simple things like a good cup of tea in the morning (some mornings I get the timing wrong and it's shite) or when I get a chance to sit on a park bench closing my eyes with the sun on my face. I take these as good things and worth trying to repeat.

The world can be an overwhelming, complicated and shitty place but when looked at simply it can be fantastic. I hope you can find the small things that work for you. Stay strong and you will get through this.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 01 July, 2021, 11:59:25 PM
The worst thing about this is when you loose interest in all things you loved and let the apathy swallows you whole. At the top of that are sleeping problems. I figured that perhaps the only way to fix that is to drop all your medics, and change your life severely. Maybe traveling around the globe.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 02 July, 2021, 05:35:32 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 01 July, 2021, 10:28:53 PM
I really feel guilty about the way I'm feeling, I mean I've solved my financial issues, but the fact is that I still feel that life isn't worth a damn. 

TBH these are feelings that I can relate to Jade.  I feel a little like I'm in denial with the redundancy at the moment.  Trying to job hunt right now is a major uphill struggle.  I'm losing the fight with self medication.  The SSRI's are playing havoc with sleep and leaving me feeling fatigued all day.  Hyper-vigilance, over-reactivity, hyper-sensitivity, anger, fear, resentment, ...

I wish I could tell you that there is an easy solution, that there is a quick way to turn all this around.  I mean, I get the way the Oxfam manager made you feel (BTW, that wasn't you making comments about customers speaking Welsh in the Hay on Wye store, was it? ... no, didn't think so.  That illustrates nicely some of the issues around Oxfam volunteer management, I think).  I have the same things thrown back at me.  The frustration is that it is actually fear, anxiety and depression but it gets interpreted as being 'rude' or uncooperative.

Perhaps its worth thinking about different volunteering options to the (if I'm completely honest, a little uppity and above themselves) Oxfam?  Given your love of books, perhaps another option might be contacting a local care home and seeing if you can offer a reading service for residents?

I'd also like to say "don't feel guilty ... " but then I'd be a massive hypocrite on that score.  In all honesty that is natural.  It feels at times like we're supposed to feel great and amazing all the time these days.  One of the practices of Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (an extension of CBT designed for people with BPD) is 'radical acceptance' ... trying to simply 'accept' and be in whatever the circumstances are.  It isn't easy but then again it does help a bit.

Thanks for sharing your feelings though and your honesty.  Personally I find it a little helpful when this thread gets an outing.  There's a degree of 'normalising' that helps to make the crap more manageable, if that makes sense?  It also helps to process what is going on and make sense of things (as much as is ever possible).

Take care, my friend.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 02 July, 2021, 11:49:46 AM
Quote from: Trooper McFad on 01 July, 2021, 11:19:57 PM

The world can be an overwhelming, complicated and shitty place but when looked at simply it can be fantastic. I hope you can find the small things that work for you. Stay strong and you will get through this.


Exactly this.

If nothing matters then nothing's worth worrying about. One of the perspectives that generally helps me, even though it's a little morbid, is that one day I'll be dead. Maybe that day's today, maybe it's tomorrow or decades from now. But it's not now. Now is all I've got, so I may as well do my best to appreciate and enjoy it. Doesn't always work, sure, but it does so more often than not.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 02 July, 2021, 12:41:30 PM
Glad you've found someone to talk things through, Sharky. 

I've just finished an hour of online CBT - it's in the early stages, but it seems to me that I often feel more miserable and hopeless after the sessions than I did when I started, having brought up all the negative thoughts and beliefs that I generally distract myself from.   But as I say, it's early doors, and we haven't even moved on to any actual CBT techniques yet other than pinpointing exactly what the issue is.

Also, your comment about a little piece of Eden reminded me of how much I already have - just this week I got my new paddled down the canal to a little ring-fort (hadn't realised it was that till someone told me; it's just a circle of  trees in the middle of a field) and lit myself a little campfire to cook on and drank a beer.  If I was a multi-billionaire I think I'd still be doing exactly the same things.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 02 July, 2021, 01:03:44 PM

Sounds great, JBC. It really is the little things, isn't it? Camp fires are incredible - so many people come to the site and sit around them with drinks and mates. That's been going on for tens of thousands of years and it's still wonderful. If mankind had a symbol, I think the campfire would be it. Raise a tinnie to me the next time you do that, for my spirit will be with you!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 02 July, 2021, 03:36:36 PM
Quote from: milstar on 01 July, 2021, 11:59:25 PM
The worst thing about this is when you loose interest in all things you loved and let the apathy swallows you whole. At the top of that are sleeping problems. I figured that perhaps the only way to fix that is to drop all your medics, and change your life severely. Maybe traveling around the globe.

I guess you mean drop the meds?

Sure, and I might end up dead because of it because I'm on so much, though the way I'm feeling that might not be such a bad thing.

As to travel, I'm unemployed, even with the lump sum pip gave me health insurance is prohibitive, and I have to tell the DWP if I'm leaving the country for any length of time and not to mention Cocos restrictions.

Sorry if that comes off as a bit sarcastic but it is what it is, and really, traveling on my own holds no appeal.

I've got an appointment with the mental health practitioner at my GP on Monday but I'm really not expecting anything beyond the usual happy pills suggestion.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 02 July, 2021, 05:38:35 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 02 July, 2021, 03:36:36 PM
Quote from: milstar on 01 July, 2021, 11:59:25 PM
The worst thing about this is when you loose interest in all things you loved and let the apathy swallows you whole. At the top of that are sleeping problems. I figured that perhaps the only way to fix that is to drop all your medics, and change your life severely. Maybe traveling around the globe.

I guess you mean drop the meds?

Sure, and I might end up dead because of it because I'm on so much, though the way I'm feeling that might not be such a bad thing.

As to travel, I'm unemployed, even with the lump sum pip gave me health insurance is prohibitive, and I have to tell the DWP if I'm leaving the country for any length of time and not to mention Cocos restrictions.

Sorry if that comes off as a bit sarcastic but it is what it is, and really, traveling on my own holds no appeal.

I've got an appointment with the mental health practitioner at my GP on Monday but I'm really not expecting anything beyond the usual happy pills suggestion.

I say, the ideal would be if you spend all your life without medication. No drug influx in your body that seduce your mind. The tough ofcourse is when you are hooked on them, and it's not easy to bring yourself on the cold turkey level. I dunno, change something in your life that at least would take your mind off your problems for a considerable time being. Maybe a new hobby or something. Not necessarily traveling. Though in my experience traveling alleviates my issues a bit.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 02 July, 2021, 08:03:07 PM
Quote from: milstar on 02 July, 2021, 05:38:35 PM
I say, the ideal would be if you spend all your life without medication. No drug influx in your body that seduce your mind. The tough ofcourse is when you are hooked on them, and it's not easy to bring yourself on the cold turkey level. I dunno, change something in your life that at least would take your mind off your problems for a considerable time being. Maybe a new hobby or something. Not necessarily traveling. Though in my experience traveling alleviates my issues a bit.

The trouble is that the meds I'm on, most of them are not optional.  I'm on anti-convulsants (Epilim), I'm on blood thinners, Metaformin for diabetes, blood pressure pills and beta blockers to name a few.  I'm also on painkillers for migraines though the strength of those has been lessened as I've been on them for a long time, but a good chunk of them is not really an option.  I've refused anti depressants before as they don't really solve the problem and don't want more pills.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 03 July, 2021, 11:47:29 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 02 July, 2021, 08:03:07 PM
The trouble is that the meds I'm on, most of them are not optional.  I'm on anti-convulsants (Epilim), I'm on blood thinners, Metaformin for diabetes, blood pressure pills and beta blockers to name a few.  I'm also on painkillers for migraines though the strength of those has been lessened as I've been on them for a long time, but a good chunk of them is not really an option.  I've refused anti depressants before as they don't really solve the problem and don't want more pills.

Well, I hope that you'll be well.  Like I said, the ideal life would be without meds, but sometimes it is not meant to be. I had anti-depressants too, but I ditched them as well, as they don't finish the job. As it is, unfortunately, mental issues are the toughest and barely any shrink in existence is a wizard to make  them go away. That is why I said that every man should find something to do, hobby, traveling, creative work, anything that would help 'em ease the pain.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 03 July, 2021, 02:09:07 PM
Though everything you mentioned helps, I'd argue that a good CBT therapist is the most effective weapon against depression, or failing that, a good CBT self-help system.  I've said it before, ad nauseum probably, but this book was my introduction to TEAM CBT and I've become somewhat obsessed with the system since. finding it extremely helpful in attacking the underlying beliefs that caused my depression and anxiety.

https://www.amazon.com/Days-Self-Esteem-David-Burns-M-D/dp/0688094554 (https://www.amazon.com/Days-Self-Esteem-David-Burns-M-D/dp/0688094554)

The therapist I am working with online uses this system - so far it's just been about me pinpointing the exact problems I want to attack and the thoughts / beliefs that have led to them; so I can't really say if the online stuff is effective.  I'll keep you all posted.

Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 02 July, 2021, 01:03:44 PM

Sounds great, JBC. It really is the little things, isn't it? Camp fires are incredible - so many people come to the site and sit around them with drinks and mates. That's been going on for tens of thousands of years and it's still wonderful. If mankind had a symbol, I think the campfire would be it. Raise a tinnie to me the next time you do that, for my spirit will be with you!

I most certainly will.  It was meant to be today, but the Irish weather had other ideas.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Trooper McFad on 03 July, 2021, 02:15:56 PM
Quote from: milstar on 03 July, 2021, 11:47:29 AM
......That is why I said that every man should find something to do, hobby, traveling, creative work, anything that would help 'em ease the pain.

I have to agree milstar during lockdown and trying not to think about the crap that was and still going on is when I really got stuck into my attempts at 2000AD model making this helped fill the gaps left from being unable to do the football coaching which takes up a lot of my time (my wife says too much).
It is escapism and a tool that works for me.

If you are able to Jade any Interest/hobby that you take up can let you escape those dark thoughts. Don't think the first thing you try is the "one" you may have to try a few things.
I hope you can find something and stay positive.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 03 July, 2021, 08:54:45 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 03 July, 2021, 02:09:07 PM

Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 02 July, 2021, 01:03:44 PM

Sounds great, JBC. It really is the little things, isn't it? Camp fires are incredible - so many people come to the site and sit around them with drinks and mates. That's been going on for tens of thousands of years and it's still wonderful. If mankind had a symbol, I think the campfire would be it. Raise a tinnie to me the next time you do that, for my spirit will be with you!

I most certainly will.  It was meant to be today, but the Irish weather had other ideas.

Nope, I'm wrong - it's turned out nice again. So here I am in my ring fort, beside the campfire watching the sun go down. And drinking a beer - here's to you, Sharky.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 03 July, 2021, 11:09:47 PM
Quote from: Trooper McFad on 03 July, 2021, 02:15:56 PM
If you are able to Jade any Interest/hobby that you take up can let you escape those dark thoughts. Don't think the first thing you try is the "one" you may have to try a few things.
I hope you can find something and stay positive.

That's the thing, I've tried the models, watching DVD's, reading.  I had hoped that I could go back to the bookshop but the manager has been a total pain yet any time I am in there I can see stuff that is being done wrong.  To elaborate she is manager of a standard shop and a separate bookshop.  I suspect there's some sort of personal malicious reason, but proving it...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 04 July, 2021, 07:48:30 AM

Thunderstorms here - but cheers to you too, JBC. Cheers to us all!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 04 July, 2021, 07:04:51 PM
Only just caught up Sharky. I know saying 'nothing but good vibes' doesn't help but let it be known in spite of, or indeed often because of, your caustic and alternative views of a great deal of topics I find considerable solace in your presence on this forum and hope you ride out this valley unto the next peak, good sir. You deserve nothing less.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 05 July, 2021, 10:57:11 PM
Well, I got an appointment with my GP's mental health nurse, and not to sound negative, but it was a complete waste of time.  Just saying things like "You've got to focus", that's the damned point, I CAN'T 'just focus', I'm having major sleep problems and life just feels hopeless.  She says "you can change that", well gee, why didn't I think of that, I guess its just that damned easy.

Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 06 July, 2021, 12:19:35 AM

I know that feeling, Jade, I truly do.

The annoying thing is that they're right, but in the wrong way. They want you to focus their way. They want you to depend on them for answers, because they think their way is the only way. It ain't.

Everybody hereabouts knows that I'm out there. I don't really give much credence to what people think of me, or to how people think I should think. It's nice to be accepted, sure, nice to be part of the gang, easy to join in with the groupthink. But feck that. I am who I am and I think what I think. And so are you.

I can't tell you what to do or who to be, that's entirely up to you. All I can tell you is what I did. I said "feck you" to the people who thought I should think like them. It cost me everything I owned, more or less. It cost me friends and family. It cost me security and my home. It cost me money. It cost me all the sh*t that doesn't mean much. But it saved my soul.

I said feck you to the people who thought I should jump through hoops to claim benefits. That cost me my home and my government income. It cost me my stuff - my hundreds of books, my entire collection of 2000AD from 1977 to 2015, all my graphic novels, my telly and dvd collection, my 'fridge, my bed, my clothes, my bath (oh! How I miss my bath!) and even many of my friends. Saying no, I will not depend on your good graces any more cost me everything. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I wouldn't recommend anyone do the same thing because it's terrifying. Truly terrifying. And hard. So very, very hard. For me, though, it was worth it.

Now I live in a shed with a Jack Russell and some spiders. I work too hard for too little. But that's the price I pay to be free of those who would control me just because they believe it is their right to do so. I do it this way because I believe that this kind of suffering is right for me, because this kind of suffering aligns with my view of the world. I would rather be exploited than an exploiter.

I don't recommend that you do it my way. Do it your way. Pretend, if you want, to do it their way. Tell them what they want to hear. Present yourself as the hopeless peasant they believe you to be. Stroke their egos. Make them feel like they're your saviours. Be the hopeless dependent they want you to be, if that gets you what you want. They don't need to know that you're in charge - they wouldn't believe it anyway.

You are a being of infinite worth and potential.

They will never believe that, but they are wrong. So feck 'em. Screw 'em for every penny you can get, if you want. It's their system, and they believe in it, so use that against them. Feed their delusions and they'll lap it up.

Hopeless? Bullsh*t. Hope is the last thing to die.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 06 July, 2021, 12:02:03 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 05 July, 2021, 10:57:11 PM
Well, I got an appointment with my GP's mental health nurse, and not to sound negative, but it was a complete waste of time.  Just saying things like "You've got to focus", that's the damned point, I CAN'T 'just focus', I'm having major sleep problems and life just feels hopeless.  She says "you can change that", well gee, why didn't I think of that, I guess its just that damned easy.

Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless.

Yep... this sounds all too familiar. To me, it was "find a job". Well, I did and it didn't fix all my problems except less time for spare. Yet, when I think about it, isn't a sort of inspiring thing that you are alive? With every second that goes by, that your heart keeps beating. Like in Full Metal Jacket, when Pvt Joker says "I am in a world of shit, but I am alive". The problem with the shrinks is that they are not inside your head and are taught to mechanically say things from a psychology textbook.
You Jade, gotta find some hook to be onto. It's tough, but at least try. Perhaps you do something creative and use your life as inspiration. Like Van Gogh. Although I defo not suggest to whittle your ear in the process, but I suppose his paintings helped him to cope with life.

This Shark's post is so spot-on! To the letter.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 July, 2021, 03:32:10 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 05 July, 2021, 10:57:11 PM
Well, I got an appointment with my GP's mental health nurse, and not to sound negative, but it was a complete waste of time.  Just saying things like "You've got to focus", that's the damned point, I CAN'T 'just focus', I'm having major sleep problems and life just feels hopeless.  She says "you can change that", well gee, why didn't I think of that, I guess its just that damned easy.

Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless.

Well that is bollox, pure and simple.  Having gone through my fair share of therapists, I think I can safely say that this person is rubbish at her job.  I hope you told her as much - I'm certainly very quick to tell therapists these days when they're not helping.  I'm not a very confrontational person, but I made one counsellor VERY angry and defensive a few years ago, and he was sure to tell me how difficult he'd found the session.   Fair enough, mate, but I'm 60 euro down (more, counting lost work time) and you're 60 up, and you haven't even helped me for it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 11 July, 2021, 11:26:27 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 05 July, 2021, 10:57:11 PM
Well, I got an appointment with my GP's mental health nurse, ...

That may well have been half the problem.  I foolishly agreed to something similar from our GP while waiting for various referrals to grind through the system.  It took about thirty seconds to realise that a) she was more out of her depth than Boris Johnson and b) I was better educated regarding different therapeutic approaches than she was (granted having lived longer with a mental health condition than she had full stop probably didn't help here there ...)

If you do figure out "how to focus" then please let us know.  Better yet, consider marketing it, that will solve all your money woes!  It's always great how some of these numpties trot out these platitudes. 

It's like the current 'wellbeing fad' in work.  Apparently just asking "what can I do to help" is enough to solve all your woes.  Given that the problems are largely of the inquisitors creation, they have no intention of changing tack and they are not really that serious, the best answer is generally "nothing."

I'm with Jayzus on the CBT front, of all the low-rent options out there it is the best available.  I know I've mentioned the variant, DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) before which is an offshoot for the far more 'interesting' BPD.  The other approach that I've come across and that has some interesting aspects to is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

An advantage of both of these approaches over many therapeutic strategies is that they don't try to 'fix' you so much as try to help you develop a different relationship with circumstances.

Mind you, it sounds like JBC has also come across a therapist similar to one that I dealt with a number of years ago.  Her parting comment was that she had never worked with a client as difficult as me.  Not completely surprising now that I think of how utterly out of her depth she was but still, a nice parting memory ...

As for 'hopeless', worth considering that you are still posting here.  That is not the sign of someone who has given up all hope.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 July, 2021, 04:42:17 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 11 July, 2021, 11:26:27 AM
Her parting comment was that she had never worked with a client as difficult as me.  Not completely surprising now that I think of how utterly out of her depth she was but still, a nice parting memory ...

   

Unbelievable.  You'd have to wonder what kind of jobs these people thought they were training for, if they were hoping to avoid difficult and negative clients. That's what depression is:  it's fucking difficult, and fucking negative.  Any thoughts or opinions that the therapist doesn't like dealing with are the same ones that the patient / client has to live with, 24/7.

I started with an online CBT therapist early last year and while it was helpful, she tended to stray from technique to technique without me feeling that the main issue was being addressed.

Recently I switched to another online therapist who uses the TEAM CBT technique, which I've found more helpful - a lot of time is spent pinpointing the precise issue before any techniques are used, and the client is expected to rate and review the therapy session after it's finished, to inform the therapist of any mistakes he's made. This is an incredibly brave move on the therapist's part, imo, and a refreshing change from having to argue with a counsellor about how well they think they understand you.

So far so good anyway, still a while away from recovery but I feel I'm making progress.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 11 July, 2021, 07:11:29 PM
Aye, I find it baffling considering how much is made of the therapeutic relationship by some writers (Rogers tops the list in that respect).

The only thing I think I can say in her defence though is that she was employed as one of these 'work related' counsellors and I think she went at it that way.  No surprise then that she was out of her depth.

Still, better than my corporal down the Falklands who asked what was wrong with me then freaked out when I actually told him!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 July, 2021, 07:49:12 PM
I remember, back in the Dark Days, when the caring NHS sent a couple of mental health professionals to see me. I was reluctant, however the caring NHS convinced me of the necessity for this meeting by informing me that I could either comply or lose my benefits. And so, alas, I reluctantly agreed to this meeting as being one more pointless shrink in the chain of bureaucratic healthcare.

It turned out to be two shrinks in the chain, not to let a mildly amusing pun go to waste without a fight, when a brace of them fetched up on my doorstep. The first was an older man with the air of an over-tired surgeon who's just realised his wristwatch has gone missing and a younger one in a smart, sombre suit offset by a jaunty tie.

The older one asked me what the problem was and so I told him. This transpired to be a waste of time.

"Your brain chemistry is out of balance," he said vaguely, opening his briefcase and retrieving a prescription pad.

"Which ones?" I asked.

He paused, having clicked his ballpoint in the air. "What?"

"Which chemicals?" I asked. "How will you determine this? Analysis of blood or spinal fluid, perhaps?"

"Well," he said, "that is something that will become clear as we progress. In these cases, it is customary to begin with a few milligrams of happyclappozine."

"So," I said, "your plan is to tip random chemicals into my brain until you hit upon some efficacious formula?"

He clicked his pen again and rested it on top of his undespoiled prescription pad. "I wouldn't put it quite in those terms but, essentially, yes."

"I'd rather not," I said. "If we're going to be tipping chemicals into me I'd rather have some idea of the nature of the imbalance in the first place. Just going at it randomly may make things worse."

"Look," the hitherto silent younger one said with a not quite sincere smile, "why do you think I'm here?"

I shrugged. "Looks good on your cv," I said. "Spending a few years in the trenches will help you get that plum job later on, shrinking the idle rich, so that you can live in a big house and drive around in a flashy motor. BMW maybe. Or a Lexus."

He looked at the reflection of his own face, thrown back at him from the limpid depths of his meticulously polished shoes, and said not another word.

They left, having first settled on a diagnosis of depression unlikely to be remedied by pharmacological means.

I could have told them that and saved the caring NHS a small but undoubtedly precious splinter of time and money.


(Embellished but essentially true story.)

I guess I gained my strength to escape from resisting their hapless interference. Although I didn't realise it at the time, standing up and pushing back gave me energy in the same way that bowing and kneeling sapped it.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 July, 2021, 04:13:24 AM
Well the mental health nurse said that she had 16 years experience.  I don't think she is assigned solely to that practice but probably rotates around two or three practices in the area, then again I may be wrong as it was fairly easy to get an appointment.

I tried to mention what had happened before with the mental health team but she kept brushing that off and saying she had no access to the detailed records (or what seemed to be any interest in it).  She just came away with the usual flannel, try new hobbies, try exercise etc, but this was after saying that I have shitty sleep patterns and most days I don't feel I have the motivation nor energy to even go out, or to get out of bed at a reasonable time.

Before volunteering at the Oxfam bookshop I had practically no self confidence and it had helped a lot there even if I was feeling down a lot of the time, but to have that...person....downright reject me coming back has undone a lot of that, although I've decided to try and volunteer elsewhere I no longer feel anywhere near as sure of myself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 12 July, 2021, 12:43:47 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 12 July, 2021, 04:13:24 AM
Well the mental health nurse said that she had 16 years experience.  I don't think she is assigned solely to that practice but probably rotates around two or three practices in the area, then again I may be wrong as it was fairly easy to get an appointment.

The counsellor who I had the most problems with (and had the most problems with me) had had decades of experience, and made sure to tell me as much when I dared to disagree with his advice.

It's like teachers, I suppose.  We all had crap teachers who'd been in the business all their lives and had no interest or skill in educating kids.

Jade, I'll send you a PM if that's ok.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 12 July, 2021, 07:21:12 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 12 July, 2021, 04:13:24 AM
Before volunteering at the Oxfam bookshop I had practically no self confidence and it had helped a lot there even if I was feeling down a lot of the time, but to have that...person....downright reject me coming back has undone a lot of that, although I've decided to try and volunteer elsewhere I no longer feel anywhere near as sure of myself.

TBH Jade, that is something I can relate to on so many levels.  It feels like you have a passion for literature that needs to be realised.  For someone with 'pseudo-management' experience to question that ... that is where I can understand the issue.

Can I offer a counter to that?  This is one dimension of you.  Has she rejected you or is she challenged by your knowledge / experience (consider that for years Oxfam has been ripped off by collectors with more knowledge than they have, yet they have not so much failed to capitalise on that as tried to emulate it and ended up castigated for that ...)

Turn that around though ... how else could you share that knowledge / passion?  What would a blog of the books you found interesting look like?  This branch of Oxfam is not interested in your skills / knowledge?  Well, you've an audience here who would like to know more ...  How about we look at ways of turning it into a viable business blog?  [plus it has the added advantage of giving you distance from folks and the potential anxiety-inducing experience of dealing with customers].

This 'person' may have many reasons for dealing with you the way that they did.  That does not delegitimise the effect on you.  The question now is how can we help you to turn things around.  I think your knowledge and love of books is an asset we need to work with.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 12 July, 2021, 07:32:42 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 11 July, 2021, 07:49:12 PM

"Well," he said, "that is something that will become clear as we progress. In these cases, it is customary to begin with a few milligrams of happyclappozine."


See when you dig into the history of pharmaceutical approaches to mental health, this little anecdote strays from 'mildly amusing' to 'terrifyingly accurate'.  The simple truth of the matter is that very few anti-anxiolotics were specifically designed.  They are generally happy accidents as a result of anti-arthritic or other medications.

For most patients, the trial and error approach of even the likes of SSRI's is down to the fact that even the manufacturers are not sure about the efficacy.  The evidence base actually resembles a dart board used by your local blind association darts team.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 July, 2021, 08:41:33 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 12 July, 2021, 07:21:12 PM
TBH Jade, that is something I can relate to on so many levels.  It feels like you have a passion for literature that needs to be realised.  For someone with 'pseudo-management' experience to question that ... that is where I can understand the issue.

Can I offer a counter to that?  This is one dimension of you.  Has she rejected you or is she challenged by your knowledge / experience (consider that for years Oxfam has been ripped off by collectors with more knowledge than they have, yet they have not so much failed to capitalise on that as tried to emulate it and ended up castigated for that ...)

Turn that around though ... how else could you share that knowledge / passion?  What would a blog of the books you found interesting look like?  This branch of Oxfam is not interested in your skills / knowledge?  Well, you've an audience here who would like to know more ...  How about we look at ways of turning it into a viable business blog?  [plus it has the added advantage of giving you distance from folks and the potential anxiety-inducing experience of dealing with customers].

This 'person' may have many reasons for dealing with you the way that they did.  That does not delegitimise the effect on you.  The question now is how can we help you to turn things around.  I think your knowledge and love of books is an asset we need to work with.

They seem to be all over the place.  They had a small pile of kits in the shop.  They wanted £35 for an old 1970's mould Airfix Saab Viggen, granted it was a rerelease, but there are newer kits cheaper.  I'm not saying I know it all, when I joined I learned a lot of authors I wasn't familiar with.  The fiction is divided in adult anyway, into Crime and General.  There's also a Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror section.  Their policy on hardbacks was not to keep standard ones too long, and I persuaded the first manager I had to relax that on Sci-Fi and Fantasy as there are often long running series like the Ben Bova Planets series, Wheel of Time etc, not to mention series like Discorld, and that SF and Fantasy don't have anywhere near the sheer amount that the other genres do.

Now the shop is in havoc.  Books on local history for example are ones I would put in the window as they generally sold quickly, ditto with specialist military, books on Clyde Steamers etc, but now its so, to use a Scots word, dreich.  Not to mention prices are going up.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 18 July, 2021, 08:10:19 PM
I remember this as one of the greatest inspirational speeches, regardless the form and context.

(https://i.imgur.com/c0dhxyQ.jpg)

Even with all drawbacks in life, I believe there is always a reason to move forward. I mean, look at me, I was deeply sorrowful two weeks ago over the ending of Bioshock Infinite the main and both eps. And such things can make an impact on me (like Spiderman Night Gwen Stacy Died), but I figured I shouldn't feel fucked up over such trite bollocks. Life is more richful and diverse than that. Bottom line, there's always a reason to move forward. If there's not, create one.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 24 July, 2021, 09:41:08 PM
Last week got even worse, I popped into the bookshop to have a look.  The woman I used to work with said there was a bag with some stuff that was for the main shop, could i take it over, (basically across the car park).

When I did so, the assistant manager said "You can't do that, you're not a volunteer" etc.

Later I wish I had said "You f***ing made that plain", but instead I just walked out shaking my head.

I've decided I'm going to raise a formal complaint with Oxfam.  That pair of muppets were going on about how I apparently wasn't 'respectful', well, pardon my language, but fuck it, that goes both ways.  Continually feeling like you're being treated like something they've scraped off their shoes is not bloody on.

Oxfam really is downright insane with prices, for instance a Robert Opie jigsaw, priced at £15, that is insane for a used jigsaw.

Another thing that had got me about that mental health nurse was the first thing she said to me was "I've been in this job for 16 years", which seemed to be an instant dismissal and a case of "I know it all".  I still can't get proper sleep patterns despite trying desperately and just feel totally off.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 25 July, 2021, 12:22:08 PM
Much as it galls, Jade, saying nothing was the best course.  Worth remember the old adage: "never argue with an idiot.  They bring you down to their level then beat you by using their superior experience."

As for the AM's comment, well unless you were paid to carry the bag across the car park then yes you were a volunteer.  The idiocy of the remark doesn't bear thinking about.

Oxfam seem to be doing a good job at the moment of putting the backs up people across the country.  As we've said before, you aren't the first person to complain about this.

... and as for the MH nurse, sheesh!  I hate that one ... "been there, done that, got the t-shirt ..."  It's up there with the line of questioning that sounds sincere but makes you feel like you're apparently making everything up or it's all in your head (okay, yes, I know!).

BTW ... if you do figure out how to get a proper sleep pattern going can you let us in on your secret?  You know, before you market it and make your fortune so you can buy your own bookshop and 'volunteer' in it?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 25 July, 2021, 06:32:17 PM
One more comment about the nurse, I had said that life got to the stage that each day you wonder what the point is in going on, what is there to look forward to etc, and I mentioned how twice I'd attempted to end it.  Somehow it came up in the conversation that due to me getting my PIP, I had taken my old VW into the garage to get a drivers side wing replaced due to bad rust.

You know what she said

"If life is worthless and you want to end it, why did you put your car in for repair?"

Speechless.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 25 July, 2021, 06:34:55 PM
Speechless?  Try "absolutely bloody livid!"  WTFH is she doing in that job?   :o
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 25 July, 2021, 06:51:17 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 25 July, 2021, 06:34:55 PM

WTFH is she doing in that job?   :o


Collecting a pay-cheque.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 11 August, 2021, 08:25:01 PM
Well I decided to try and apply for another voluntary position in the Ayrshire Hospice.  The charity shops are apparently crying out for volunteers, the interview seemed to go well and the manager seemed nice but said the form had to go to their head office.

Today I get an email saying I'm rejected.  What the f**k is wrong with these people?  I suspect that they have went to Oxfam despite me providing two other references and that manager has said something negative.

I'm going to try and get feedback and if I find out that is what happened, I think I'll be having words.  That piece of scum shouldn't be in a job like that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 August, 2021, 10:05:34 PM

How to Start Your Own Charity in 9 Simple Steps. (https://www.startingbusiness.com/blog/start-charity)

Set up a charity GOV.UK (https://www.gov.uk/setting-up-charity)

Ten steps to starting your own charity - Guardian Careers (https://www.theguardian.com/careers/ten-steps-starting-own-charity)

How to decide whether to start a charity (https://knowhow.ncvo.org.uk/how-to/how-to-get-started-guide)

How to set up a charity (CC21a) GOV.UK (https://www.gov.uk/guidance/how-to-set-up-a-charity-cc21a)

Screw Oxfam. Do it yourself, only better.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 11 August, 2021, 11:32:08 PM
Unfortunately that doesn't help with the situation, it's loathsome that this 'manager' could be telling lies about me and I want the record set straight.  I'm going to put a formal complaint into Oxfam head office because that idiot couldn't run a bath.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 August, 2021, 12:42:27 AM

To offer a counterpoint to that - in my experience, formal complaints take a lot of time, energy and emotion for very little (if any) satisfaction. You could pour your energies into that, sure - and if you do I wish you all the best - or you could treat it with the contempt such things deserve and concentrate on something more worthy instead. You have brains and talent and a need to do something worthwhile and positive. Don't let those swampwombles drag you down into their loathsome mire, they aren't worth the effort. Find something that is.


Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 August, 2021, 01:58:07 AM
Well it's not just that, if she is telling lies that are affecting any further opportunities I take extreme issue with that.  That's possibly harmful.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 August, 2021, 09:54:55 AM

I get that, I really do. I had police from Skelmersdale station do the same to me and it is deeply irritating and damaging. Thing is, people in power have friends who are in power so that when evidence like actual cctv footage from inside Skelmersdale police station that would have shown exactly what happened mysteriously became unavailable for viewing in "court" and suchlike, nobody was interested. I tied myself up in angry knots over that for a year and more but all it achieved was more irritation.

If your nemesis is telling lies, she's not going to admit it and it's going to be your word against hers in a world where your word means nothing. I wouldn't blame you for trying to right this wrong - I've spent enough of my own time attempting the same thing, after all - but my advice would be to let it go for now, which is hard, and to use that energy for something positive. If you were to start your own charity, and even if it only becomes locally and moderately successful, you'll get a chance to swipe back through press interviews and your eventual OBE acceptance speech - then you can publicly forgive her and thank her for providing the impetus behind your work. She'll hate that.

Revenge is best served old.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 14 August, 2021, 08:06:09 PM
Well, I've just given yet another CBT therapist the heave-ho.  He was polite and respectful, yes, but something didn't quite click.  I realise empathy is hugely important and is a very difficult thing to master, but I finally realised that empathy for him was basically me expressing something that was bothering me, then him paraphrasing what I had said, and adding 'That must be very (insert relevant emotion) / I imagine that is (insert relevant emotion)'.  Essentially the communication version of '20. GOTO 10.'

I realised that yesterday's session was my last one when I expressed unhappiness that we were about 7 sessions in and I still didn't feel we had done any real work on the negative thoughts I had written down weeks ago. The response was, pretty much, 'Yes, I can see that you want to move on and get some more work done on your thoughts, and it's taken a long time.  That must be very annoying and frustrating.'   Just.. no. Enough is enough.

I'm part of an online group of non-professionals who treat each other with exactly the same methods as that therapist.  They're way better at it, and it's free.  So I'll stick with them in future, I think.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 15 August, 2021, 04:34:36 PM

I hope you find what you're looking for, JBC.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 15 August, 2021, 09:22:29 PM
I think the experience I had with my counsellor is pretty much the same as JBC's, I just couldn't describe it very well.  I really wonder what is going on in the mental health side.  I mean what's the sense in seeing my GP if the mental health nurse is hopeless, I don't want pills which don't solve the problems and might react badly with the battery of medications that I'm on, and the counsellors for the area seem hopeless.

This might sound rather nasty and spiteful, but I get the impression that if you were a drug user that had a long criminal record and were pretty unrepentant you'd get a more sympathetic ear.  The latest thing I'm having problems with on top of the depression, or perhaps because of it is a really bad sleep pattern, yet I can predict the GP will suggest sleeping pills.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 26 August, 2021, 08:51:13 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 15 August, 2021, 09:22:29 PM
I think the experience I had with my counsellor is pretty much the same as JBC's, I just couldn't describe it very well.

I probably should point out that the counsellor I was talking about sent me a very respectful email when I told him I wasn't continuing with it.  A nice fella but he just wasn't the therapist for me - it might sound ridiculous but I like a bit of a laugh despite my dark periods and I found him to be very serious and stern.  I'm not the easiest therapist's client in the world either - I've had one guy literally grunt in frustration as I told him that what he was saying didn't make sense to me.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 27 August, 2021, 07:03:47 AM
In all honesty these are fair points.  Sometimes it is hard to define what it is about a counsellor that makes it work or not.  Some ineffable quality that in some respects is totally unique.

Some of this is down to the therapist's particular approach / theoretical frame.  Quite often if a therapist is trained in CBT for instance then they can be quite procedural.  They see therapy as about 'reprogramming' almost and sometimes struggle to understand 'resistance' / difficulties.

The best therapists I've worked with tend to be more integrationist in their approaches.  They recognise the power and benefit of cognitive approaches but also the need to tackle issues from other perspectives.  So there may be a touch of psychoanalysis for instance when difficulties emerge.

Medication is also a massive mine-field.  Leaving aside the lead-in times as some like SSRI's take to start having an 'effect', some of the immediate effects are great fun!  In the short term they can actually spike anxiety, never mind the disruption to sleep. 

When you look into the development of most medications used in the treatment of mental health, a lot of them were originally developed for completely different purposes.  The discovery that they could aid treatment of mental health conditions was a 'happy accident' in some cases.

Personally I've been fortunate with my GP in that they often get a lot of these issues.  We've had to explore a number of options to get to a point where we've found ones that 'work' however imperfectly that might be.  They are also incredibly leery of sleeping pills because of the risks involved.  Then again, so am I.

I've found that the only real option when it comes to insomnia is to accept that I will sleep when I sleep.  If it's not happening then I don't fight it, just accept it and simply rest.  9 times out of 10 this results in my dropping off anyway now.  Once upon a time I would just get up and get on with stuff.  Got a lot of work done but when I crashed, boy did I crash!

Jade / JaybusB, I know it isn't much but just keep in mind that there are plenty of folks in these parts that can offer support of a limited kind.  Possibly because of the direct, personal experience many have had.  There will always be a supportive response when you (or anyone else for that matter) needs it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: auxlen on 30 August, 2021, 06:01:10 PM
Every morning the black dog sits on my chest and I can't breathe. After a few hours, he shifts himself but I lose valuable time and risk the ire of my employer.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 30 August, 2021, 07:18:29 PM

Here's a blast from the past about my black dog nightmare,

Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 28 January, 2014, 06:53:38 PM

I think I may have had two "sleep paralysis" experiences after reading this thread. Both of them centred around a monstrous black 'dog' thing with long shaggy fur, wet snarling teeth and burning red eyes.

It was the earlier mention of 'boundless kinetic energy' that struck a chord with me because that's a perfect description of how this thing moved - it seemed to be doing a "wall-of-death" around the room, halfway up the walls, at a phenomenal speed whilst also seeming to be everywhere at once. Curiously, its hideous, screaming face was *always* snarling directly at me and it was howling like a hurricane through a cathedral. The sheer unbridled motion of the thing seemed to be the force keeping me down and unable to breathe. The first time it happened was absolutely terrifying - I thought I'd died in my sleep and was being dragged to Hell!

The second time it happened was no less terrifying but in this instance I got mad and started howling back at the thing until it simply dissipated. I have the uncomfortable feeling that I might have been actually howling like an enraged gorilla when I woke up.

This was some time ago now and it hasn't been back.


I treated the black dog like a normal dog and overwhelmed it - like that bit in the Hulk film when Banner defeats his dad by saying something like, "You want my anger? Well take it! Take it all! Graaaah!" Maybe you could try that, or something similar.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 15 October, 2021, 04:58:22 PM
@Jade Falcon, you haven't updated in a while. I hope things have improved for you. You too Jaysus.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 16 October, 2021, 02:43:21 AM
I got volunteer work in the local Hospice shop, but to be honest I'm not really enjoying it nearly as much as I did the bookshop as that was my specialty so to speak.

Financial worries are no longer a thing which is a big help but I'm still feeling pretty bad mentally.  My sleep patterns are still away to hell, I'm often not getting to sleep till anywhere between 4-6 in the morning and sleeping a good part of the day and I hate that.  I'm still essentially alone and at times feel like I'm going mad, but its no use at all going to my GP or asking for further help as the previous mental health didn't help at all.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 16 October, 2021, 09:00:20 AM
Good morning Jade, some small improvement on your circumstances here but overall still not in a great space. I'm very sorry to hear that. Like everyone else on this forum I have also struggled with depression at times in my life so you're not alone in what you're feeling even though you are alone generally in your life. I've been there too and found that ironically and to quote Marilyn Robinson that 'solitude is a great balm for loneliness'.  That worked for me but everyone is different. The other thing that worked and still works is exercise - how would you feel about joining a gym or taking up a sport, sorry if you have already written about this. For your sleep I read you don't want to take sleeping tablets but there are studies that show upping your magnesium intake can help you sleep better:

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/magnesium

Are you a part of any online groups ? It's not the same as real life but it could be a start.

Sorry again if I am being captain obvious here. I understand that life can sometimes be completely overwhelming; my mantra in these times 'one day at a time, one thing at a time'

I hope these words are some comfort to you; I'll be sure to check in on you again.

Please know that we are all rooting for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 17 October, 2021, 04:28:06 AM
I'm not really a sports person, I never have been, I don't even have any interest in sports activities on the TV never mind participating. :)

As to sleeping pills, the main reason I don't want them is that I'm on so many pills already, 25-30 a day that there'd be a chance they might react and I just don't want to take the chance.  I've got tons of stuff to read, dvd's to watch, but sometimes I just don't feel like it.  The way I feel is that I'm 50 and I've had a totally wasted life with noone to share it with, no job, health issues both physical and mental and basically feel I'm the prime example of what the yanks would call a loser.  I've got material possessions but these don't make you happy in themselves.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 17 October, 2021, 08:31:56 AM
TBH I think you're wise to be cautious about sleeping pills, Jade.  A responsible GP would be leery of prescribing them too and certainly not long term because of addiction issues.  As you say though, interaction with other medications is another reason to steer clear.

As for the way that you are feeling, it's far too easy to get into that mindset. I wonder if the priorities of our culture are at the back of this.  If you haven't had a world changing career, the right sort of family and all the right sort of possessions then somehow that makes you a failure ...

The thing is there is no easy way out of this rut.  People can come up with all the fancy words and phrases but sometimes it is just like water off a duck's back.  You don't want to hear it because it feels like complete and utter bollocks.

A lot of the talking therapies feel like cheap plasters that don't do a hell of a lot of good.  They talk about 'disconfirming thoughts' or reframing.  Sometimes it needs something more.  Unfortunately mental health support services are so overstretched with the new 'mental health awareness' that support comes way too late. 

It drives me nuts at times when I hear kids talking about 'being stressed' or 'depressed' when in truth they're often just over-reacting to a little bit of pressure or difficulty.  An awful lot of the time they haven't got a scooby what real mental health conditions are like.


Jade, I hope I'm able to phrase this correctly and get across what I mean.  You say that you feel like you've wasted your life and that you are a loser.  Those are legitimate feelings and you can give arguments in support of them.  That is not the same as saying that they are based on totally accurate interpretations. 

You mention mental and physical health issues.  These are monumental challenges individually never mind in combination.  Those of us that fight either of them find it overwhelming at times.  Fighting both at the same time?  Anyone would and does struggle with that.  It might be worth being a bit fairer on yourself, don't you think?

Your health issues make it difficult / borderline impossible to work yet you still do.  It might only be voluntary work at the moment but it is still something.  Especially given some of the crap that you put up with before.  Granted it is not where you would prefer to be but again you are pushing yourself.  There are so many others that just roll over in your position and give up completely. 

It feels a little like there is a banked fire inside you if that makes sense?  You know that you have more to give but working around some of the issues makes it difficult to figure out how to do so.  Yet you keep on pushing through it.  You've had a crap time but you've picked yourself up and tried a different tack.  Again, that is a massive difference to how some others would handle it.

Personally I think you've done amazingly all things considered.  You've managed to find alternative voluntary work, managed to get finances stabilised, taking a sensible approach to medication, keeping in touch here, ... These might seem small things to some folks but I think it is fair to say that a lot of us around here can actually appreciate the magnitude of these achievements.

In the meantime take care of yourself as best you can and please, check in here regularly.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 17 October, 2021, 12:24:31 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 17 October, 2021, 04:28:06 AM
I'm not really a sports person, I never have been, I don't even have any interest in sports activities on the TV never mind participating. :)

You don't have to play a sport exactly - walking and running are solo activities. It's the act itself that's beneficial. If you have a gym nearby they may do classes (spinning or boxercise) which could provide the social outlet you are looking for. It's worth considering for the benefits because truthfully probably no one likes working out - the best feeling is when it's done.

As TJM has pointed out you're far more resilient that you give yourself credit for.

It seems part of the issue is that you had vision for your future and life has not turned out how you expected.  You are now trying to reconcile the life you wanted with the life you have and it is a bitter pill to swallow. There's nothing wrong with you for being alone; it's just the way it works out for some people me included. I went through what you're going through and now that I'm on the other end I'm happy being by myself and just doing my own thing.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 17 October, 2021, 07:13:42 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 17 October, 2021, 08:31:56 AM
TBH I think you're wise to be cautious about sleeping pills, Jade.  A responsible GP would be leery of prescribing them too and certainly not long term because of addiction issues.  As you say though, interaction with other medications is another reason to steer clear.

Well I'm on, Ramipril (two doses), Epixipan, Epilim, Metaformin, Dixogin, Bisoprolol, Furosemide, Omeprazole and Co-Codomol.  All that together doesn't help matters.  As well as being on Gaviscon for digestion issues as and when needed.

Regarding job goals, it wasn't as if I was overly ambitious.  When I was in my teens my big thing was that I wanted to join the RAF, but epilepsy put paid to that.  I used to have a friend who was always into applying for management and supervisory style roles, I wasn't the Arnold Rimmer type who wanted to go up the ziggurat lickety split so to say.  I would have been happy with a fairly modest life, but the whole thing about being alone has really recently hit me and its something that has, without trying to be dramatic consumed me.

I find that walking alone for example just makes me dwell on things even more if that makes sense.

I'm still bitter at the way that b**ch at Oxfam wouldn't have me back.  I took time off because I was feeling really bad emotionally and she says I have walked out twice which is a lie.  She says she has records which can be faked, meanwhile she is downright incompetent and abrasive.  The constant hopeless feelings really do get bad.  For instance with the 2000ad collection I had a pile of them sitting unread because I just couldn't find the interest to read them. 

The house is a mess and despite trying to clear it up its futile as I just feel off and wonder what the point is anyway.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 17 October, 2021, 07:39:35 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 17 October, 2021, 07:13:42 PM
I'm still bitter at the way that b**ch at Oxfam wouldn't have me back.  I took time off because I was feeling really bad emotionally and she says I have walked out twice which is a lie. 

I can seriously relate to that Jade.  I'm out of work myself at the moment.  I took redundancy after a colleague made an allegation against me that left me on suspension for months.  When it was finally sorted out I had to try and get back into things with her totally excluding me from anything. 

In the end it got to the point where it just wasn't worth trying and when they pulled the 'we have to make someone redundant' stunt I figured I'd take it.  It wasn't just a case of management not being willing to deal with it to my mind.

Considering what the last employer did as well I decided it just wasn't worth the hassle of sticking with that line of work any longer.  Having faced a series of malicious allegations, verbal abuse by the head, head of department stealing books, abuse from students and parents and being sealed up in a board room to face 'disciplinary discussions' this time round was certainly milder but I just cannot be bothered with that anymore. 

So feeling bitter and resentful about someone making allegations is something that I can certainly sympathise with.  The thing is though, I've come to the point where actually the only person this is hurting is me.  So I'm trying to let it go which is not easy at all.

I'm still conflicted about deciding to give up on a career that I've spent nearly 20 years on but if it is going to kill me then f*** it.  The redundancy is giving me a few months breathing space so I'm using it.  Some days I don't want to get out of bed.  Quite often if I do get out I get midway through the day and the meds send me back.  I swing from feeling a total failure to being fairly stoic about what is happening.  Quite often I find at the moment that I just have to force my way through.  Just get on with it even though it feels pointless. 

I've secured a job with the ONS but I'm waiting on vetting at the moment and praying that the medical doesn't screw it up for me.  Then again I'm also terrified about actually starting over again and f***ing up again.

I don't think that there are any easy answers.  Anyone who tries to sell you on that is a con artist in my book.  I do think that Rara has a point though about taking one day at a time.  Also worth remembering that there are folks that are here for you if you need it.  I think most of us are just as screwed up although Sharkey has to win the prize for blowing himself up!

Take care pal.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 17 October, 2021, 09:27:12 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 17 October, 2021, 07:39:35 PM
I'm still conflicted about deciding to give up on a career that I've spent nearly 20 years on but if it is going to kill me then f*** it.

My dad quit a teaching career that he unreservedly loved for the same reasons. It bought him maybe an extra fifteen years of life.

Don't feel bad about making the best decision for you. We're encouraged to define our lives in terms of our profession, but that's bollocks. Don't feel bad about your choice — if it's killing you, then you've absolutely made the right decision.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 17 October, 2021, 10:42:15 PM
*board being supportive is nice*
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 October, 2021, 07:40:32 AM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 17 October, 2021, 09:27:12 PM
We're encouraged to define our lives in terms of our profession, but that's bollocks. Don't feel bad about your choice — if it's killing you, then you've absolutely made the right decision.

Thanks Jim, that's a fair point.  If I remember rightly there has been research into teacher post-retirement life expectancy that basically says it is measured in months if you go to retirement age.

Like I say, I feel conflicted because I invested so much in it.  Right now though it means I can invest in my family.  Mother in law just being told she can't drive because of her eyesight has hit her and my wife hard.  This way I'm available at the drop of a hat. 

Youngest just started comp.  She can do clubs because I can fetch her home after.  Couldn't before.  So my wife is so much calmer about everything.  Plus I'm not fighting down the BPD cascade so everyone is happier.

Oh and Funt, on the point of support from the forum this does seem to be the one time when everyone comes together.  We may not agree on politics, Regened or vaccination but when it comes to mental health everyone is on the same page.  Probably because so many of us have first hand experience.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 18 October, 2021, 06:54:16 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 18 October, 2021, 07:40:32 AM
Oh and Funt, on the point of support from the forum this does seem to be the one time when everyone comes together.  We may not agree on politics, Regened or vaccination but when it comes to mental health everyone is on the same page.  Probably because so many of us have first hand experience.

I often avoid responding on this thread because I think of myself as a bit of a social klutz, and can't often think of anything helpful to say that isn't just about me - but I was saying to my wife how proud I was of how supportive everyone was being here.

[I did say more, but then deleted it because it was about me. Summary: some of the struggles with teaching resonate - I'm in decade three.]
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 18 October, 2021, 07:40:32 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 15 October, 2021, 04:58:22 PM
@Jade Falcon, you haven't updated in a while. I hope things have improved for you. You too Jaysus.

Sorry, I totally missed this. I've banged on in other threads about my boat (also home) burning down recently and taking pretty much all my possessions with it, and I was waiting for the depression to hit me like a steam train.  It never did though - all I lost were things, but not people. And people have been incredibly compassionate and helpful in a way that reduced me to tears more than once (I'll never forgot the little boy from a few boats up finding a 20c coin from the bit of wreckage that was on the towpath and handing it to me the morning I got out of hospital).

Jade, I really hope you're doing OK. You too, tjm, and Jim is spot on - the idea of being a better person because of how much work you do is utter bollocks.  In fact the idea of being worthwhile, or not worthwhile, at all is also bollocks - took me a few discussions with my online group to truly, properly get that and believe it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 19 October, 2021, 06:10:24 PM
I did see something about that somewhere but I thought you were joking about having a Viking funeral.

I can't even begin to imagine how you felt / feel about that.

I'm glad you're ok! And then you had a tumble off your bike after that didn't you?

I won't ask you to go over the terrible details again - is there anything you need I could help with? We're both in Ireland, right?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 19 October, 2021, 09:27:22 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 19 October, 2021, 06:10:24 PM
I did see something about that somewhere but I thought you were joking about having a Viking funeral.

Well, he has posted in the past about how Wulf Sterhhammer is his real hero and that is how he wants to be interred.  So perhaps someone heard about that?

[please engage irony / sarcasm / humour circuits ....]
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 19 October, 2021, 11:18:12 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 19 October, 2021, 06:10:24 PM
I did see something about that somewhere but I thought you were joking about having a Viking funeral.

I can't even begin to imagine how you felt / feel about that.

I'm glad you're ok! And then you had a tumble off your bike after that didn't you?

I won't ask you to go over the terrible details again - is there anything you need I could help with? We're both in Ireland, right?

The bike fall was before that - it hasn't been my year...
I'm ok now though, thanks a million for your kind offer all the same.  Hopefully we will catch up sometime though, and have some prog-related craic.

Don't remember the Viking funeral thing - sounds like a case of 'be careful what you wish for' though :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 20 October, 2021, 06:28:21 AM
No it hasn't been your year but hopefully things will pick up for you in 2022.

Sounds good to me - I'm in Dublin city, not sure where you're located.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 20 October, 2021, 12:29:50 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 18 October, 2021, 07:40:32 AM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 17 October, 2021, 09:27:12 PM
We're encouraged to define our lives in terms of our profession, but that's bollocks. Don't feel bad about your choice — if it's killing you, then you've absolutely made the right decision.

Thanks Jim, that's a fair point.  If I remember rightly there has been research into teacher post-retirement life expectancy that basically says it is measured in months if you go to retirement age.


That seems unlikely?  "research from the Office of National Statistics shows that male and female teachers are likely to live to 83 and 86 respectively. (current retirement age is somewhere between 65 and 68 depending on your date of birth).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 20 October, 2021, 12:32:54 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 19 October, 2021, 11:18:12 PM
Don't remember the Viking funeral thing - sounds like a case of 'be careful what you wish for' though :)


I had a friend who had a Viking funeral.  His ashes were put in a ship on Tate Hill Sands, Whitby (site of many a beach party) and three women fired burning arrows at the ship until it caught fire.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 20 October, 2021, 12:35:33 PM
I'm planning on going the Sean Lock route, to be cremated and have my ashes blown into Tony Blairs eyes.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 20 October, 2021, 02:22:22 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 20 October, 2021, 06:28:21 AM
No it hasn't been your year but hopefully things will pick up for you in 2022.

Sounds good to me - I'm in Dublin city, not sure where you're located.

Just outside, between Celbridge and Newcastle, but a wee bit all over the shop at the moment  - staying in a caravan in a neighbour's yard, but a friend is building a wooden cabin on his land and is going to rent it out to me.  Stay in touch anyway and we'll sort something out for sure.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 20 October, 2021, 03:25:58 PM
No probz, I'm up to my oxters until mid Nov with college stuff so no rush.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 20 October, 2021, 06:50:01 PM
Quote from: sheridan on 20 October, 2021, 12:32:54 PM
I had a friend who had a Viking funeral.  His ashes were put in a ship on Tate Hill Sands, Whitby (site of many a beach party) and three women fired burning arrows at the ship until it caught fire.

One of my earliest 'online' friends (from the heady days of Usenet, no less) did something similar. (https://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/7162015.goths-arrange-viking-send-off-mps-brother/)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 20 October, 2021, 11:33:27 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 20 October, 2021, 06:50:01 PM
Quote from: sheridan on 20 October, 2021, 12:32:54 PM
I had a friend who had a Viking funeral.  His ashes were put in a ship on Tate Hill Sands, Whitby (site of many a beach party) and three women fired burning arrows at the ship until it caught fire.

One of my earliest 'online' friends (from the heady days of Usenet, no less) did something similar. (https://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/7162015.goths-arrange-viking-send-off-mps-brother/)

Yes, Tal was my friend - I last saw him at one of his Whitby parties in October, in November he died.

Lembit managed to mention Tal in the House of Commons (under the name Endel (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/4460498.stm)).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 22 October, 2021, 03:49:08 PM
Well today makes me feel even worse. I was in the bookshop as a customer. The snotty assistant manager from the other shop came in and said I was in the backshop against regulations. I wasn't, my toe might have been over the line. She said I was wholly in the back, I said 'whatever', I just wasn't in the mood for a confrontation, and she said not to come back and left.

I suddenly felt unwell, pounding headache, unsteady on my feet and generally light headed. One of the volunteers said I should sit down, and offered to call an ambulance. I declined but sat there for a time until the deputy manager returned. She looked at me as if I was something that she had scraped off her shoe and told me to leave. The volunteer mentioned nearly needing an ambulance but she totally ignored her and told me to leave again barring me from both shops.

I have never been barred from anywhere before, and for some possibly irrational reason I'm not happy leaving it there, that pair of bitches said they also informed the area manager.

This I feel is getting into victimisation territory.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 22 October, 2021, 03:56:44 PM
I know you're angry, upset and frustrated, and may well have every reason to be so, but I was wondering if it had occurred to you that they may be frightened of you. You keep using the word "bitch" to describe women you disagree with, and seem very angry with them. I wonder if you come across as angry and aggressive in person. I have no idea, but your stories suggest it's a possibility. Have you considered giving them some space so that they feel safe?

I realize my questions may not be welcome, but I'm uncomfortable not saying anything at this stage.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 22 October, 2021, 04:08:34 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 22 October, 2021, 03:56:44 PM
I know you're angry, upset and frustrated, and may well have every reason to be so, but I was wondering if it had occurred to you that they may be frightened of you. You keep using the word "bitch" to describe women you disagree with, and seem very angry with them. I wonder if you come across as angry and aggressive in person. I have no idea, but your stories suggest it's a possibility. Have you considered giving them some space so that they feel safe?

I realize my questions may not be welcome, but I'm uncomfortable not saying anything at this stage.

Far from it, when I first left due to depression, customers said they would miss me.

We have lost a lot of volunteers, and there were constant talks of respect, which is fair enough but when it only goes one way....

I don't use the word bitch verbally, and I only feel this way about the management. Our first manager was a woman who was hard, but fair, she wouldn't ask you to do something she wouldn't be willing to do herself.  The only time I might have seemed a bit ticked off was one time there was a customer who was very abrupt with me, so I asked her if I had said or done something wrong, she said no I was very polite, so it was possible she was having a bad day, was in a hurry or was perhaps feeling unwell. I was there for over three and a half years and no one ever complained
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 22 October, 2021, 06:39:01 PM
Thanks for explaining more. I'm very aware that I'm not there on the ground with you, and don't know you particularly well, so it's difficult for me to imagine what's happening without jumping to conclusions.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 22 October, 2021, 09:10:19 PM
Sorry for your mishap, Jade. Humans are sundry and all.
I can't say anything that'll help your condition, Jade. I don't have a magic wand, so I can only say try to think positive. Depression is a nasty bitch; hence, try to avoid things that make you depressive, at least those that make you personally depressive. Maybe to try traveling around the world, I don't know what else to say to you. Actually, the best advice I could give to you is to make some major changes in your life. Try something new (well, traveling is one of them). Until then, I'll repeat what someone wrote here already - post on the forum regularly.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 23 October, 2021, 02:39:22 AM
No problem Funt Dog, I can understand what you mean.  It seems being polite with them makes you a mug.  We used to have a supervisor who got a job with the local council.  I asked to go for supervisor (still unpaid) training.  At that time I was working 24 hours a week.  All day Monday, Friday, Tuesday morning and Thursday afternoon.  I was told at the time by the Jobcentre I would have to cut hours to a maximum of 16 otherwise my benefits could be affected.  It seems this rule is no longer in place, but I digress.  I was looked at as if I had made a bad joke and then told I would have to work more hours and do hours in the 'general' store.  I mentioned the DWP restriction but it was said "Who will know", I wasn't about to risk it.

Quote from: milstar on 22 October, 2021, 09:10:19 PM
Sorry for your mishap, Jade. Humans are sundry and all.
I can't say anything that'll help your condition, Jade. I don't have a magic wand, so I can only say try to think positive. Depression is a nasty bitch; hence, try to avoid things that make you depressive, at least those that make you personally depressive. Maybe to try traveling around the world, I don't know what else to say to you. Actually, the best advice I could give to you is to make some major changes in your life. Try something new (well, traveling is one of them). Until then, I'll repeat what someone wrote here already - post on the forum regularly.

Unfortunately changing things seems to be easier said than done.  Travel probably isn't feasible for a number of reasons.  Being on benefits means the DWP want you at hand, understandably, but secondly, my health would probably mean health insurance would be crippling, no pun intended.  My late mum had got money some years back and proposed a trip to New York, a place I long have wanted to see, and for the two of us, health cover would be then £1800 +, before anything else.

I think what gets me is the lying, back when I tried to get back in they insisted I had walked out twice, which I still contend.  They said they had records, but its strange that if they have records they can't back up their assertion.

It's been bothering me all night.  I went to see Dune with some friends, and found that despite waiting weeks for this film and enjoying it, at moments I found my concentration slipping and dwelling on it.  I've had an almost continual migraine since the incident which refuses to go despite use of Co-Codomol.  I have stress related epilepsy and am worried it might trigger a fit..or worse.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 23 October, 2021, 02:53:36 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 22 October, 2021, 03:56:44 PM
I know you're angry, upset and frustrated, and may well have every reason to be so, but I was wondering if it had occurred to you that they may be frightened of you. You keep using the word "bitch" to describe women you disagree with, and seem very angry with them. I wonder if you come across as angry and aggressive in person. I have no idea, but your stories suggest it's a possibility. Have you considered giving them some space so that they feel safe?

I realize my questions may not be welcome, but I'm uncomfortable not saying anything at this stage.

I think you need to reflect on this post Mister Funt. When someone reaches out and shares their anguish and mental health problems, is it appropriate to scold them for their choice of words and then suggest that maybe the problem is they're not a nice person? That might not have been you're intent but it certainly reads that way to me.

Quote from: Funt Solo on 22 October, 2021, 06:39:01 PM
...I'm very aware that I'm not there on the ground with you, and don't know you particularly well, so it's difficult for me to imagine what's happening without jumping to conclusions.

You are definitely free to jump to any conclusion you like. You are also free evaluate how appropriate it is to share those conclusions.

Jade Falcon, I can't offer you any advice other than you don't have to justify your feelings to random strangers on the internet. It's good that you can vent here.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 23 October, 2021, 03:21:27 AM
Quote from: Mister Pops on 23 October, 2021, 02:53:36 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 22 October, 2021, 06:39:01 PM
...I'm very aware that I'm not there on the ground with you, and don't know you particularly well, so it's difficult for me to imagine what's happening without jumping to conclusions.
You are definitely free to jump to any conclusion you like. You are also free evaluate how appropriate it is to share those conclusions.

Well, that's what I did. I did evaluate how appropriate it would be. And I struggled with the decision of whether or not to post - entirely aware of the notion that someone sharing their struggles isn't best served by someone coming along and trying to undermine them. (Not actually my motive, of course.)

On the other hand, I work in a profession where sometimes the inability of some folk with a diagnosed mental condition to be able to divine their way through a social situation can lead to them lashing out inappropriately and placing other folk in danger.

So, in a situation where I'm wondering what the case is, and where misogynistic terminology, directed at a specific individual is being used repeatedly, and, well, with the things that happen in the news, and in my work place - it just felt like saying nothing was a worse option than saying something.

And Jade Falcon didn't seem too bothered about setting me straight, so (on balance) I'm glad I spoke up, even though I was nervous about doing so. Your mileage may vary.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 23 October, 2021, 05:21:57 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 23 October, 2021, 02:39:22 AM
No problem Funt Dog, I can understand what you mean.  It seems being polite with them makes you a mug. 

I get what you mean Jade but I am going to politely disagree with you.  That may well be how they choose to interpret it but that says more about them than you.  Behaving with respect and courtesy in the face of utterly unreasonable behaviour and actions speaks to reason and morality.

Funt does make a valid point as well about how mental health conditions can trigger 'unhelpful' behaviour that those around us find distressing.  Unfortunately I'm speaking from experience here which is one of the reasons why I try to monitor my emotional landscape closely. 

Having failed to do so in the past led to an extreme outburst that I actually only remember vaguely although I am fully aware of how inappropriate it was.  In retrospect it was a long time coming but there were plenty of indicators during the days leading up to it that I should have been more aware of. 

I would say that it is fair to ask the question about how our emotional landscape affects our behaviour.  I know that I can be abrupt and terse when I am struggling.  Fortunately I have people around me who know me well enough to call me out on it, or rather they ask how things are which helps since it gives me an external reference to how things are.

Jade is understandably struggling with the impact of the behaviour of this individual on an important aspect of his life.  I personally think that anyone would find it hard to manage the strong emotions that such an experience elicits.  What he describes regarding how it affected something as simple as watching a film is incredibly commonplace.

Mind you, we do have a tendency to avoid language that is deemed offensive.  We don't have many females habituating these parts but right now the issue of how males interact is a hot topic for obvious reasons.

Is it 'scolding' or is it subtle support in probing use?  Again I'm going to speak personally here but if Funt had asked me a similar question to that he posed to Jade in the way that he did then I would have taken it as support. 

I do also think that this is one of the reasons why this is such a pleasant and safe space.  There is community moderation of these issues quite a lot of the time that makes people feel like they can highlight things that affect them.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 23 October, 2021, 02:37:29 PM
I don't think Jade here is that dangerous than could frighten some people. We all lash out, for sure, and I had my share of altercations with the folks of both gender. From what I understood from Jade's posts, he has a problem with depression, lack of sleeping and migraine attacks do not help either. But there are people with more severe mental problems and whom any sort of altercation could lead to some undesired consequence, either for yourself or the other. The truth is, very few people do get to feel or know what others do feel or know. And when the conflict is unavoidable...what then? I like to think there were situations when I went plain nuts, and quite uncalled for. Then again, I've been in situation where I somehow managed to control myself. I mean, I hated my math teacher and I nearly cursed at her when I got F once, like "go fuck yourself, twat", only because she said it's difficult to get F in her class. And I hated math.

Quote from: Jade Falcon on 23 October, 2021, 02:39:22 AM
Unfortunately changing things seems to be easier said than done.  Travel probably isn't feasible for a number of reasons.  Being on benefits means the DWP want you at hand, understandably, but secondly, my health would probably mean health insurance would be crippling, no pun intended.  My late mum had got money some years back and proposed a trip to New York, a place I long have wanted to see, and for the two of us, health cover would be then £1800 +, before anything else.


Is there some way Jade you could earn some quick quid on the side, some extra job or anything? Obviously, I am not suggesting any nefarious activities, but some job in the spare time, that still leaves you with some free time, and some money as well.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 23 October, 2021, 03:33:17 PM
It's not the money, as I got a substantial back payment when I got PIP, but just that it is such an amount. I also don't want to squander it. I laid out on a few things initially, a repair on my car, a new razor, new mattress, but I don't want to go mad.

Basically I think this woman was spoiling for a fight. I wasn't in the back, she said I was, not wanting a confrontation I said whatever, and that gets me barred. I feel ill and take a seat and despite her being told that there had nearly been an ambulance called, she didn't give a shot and still told me to leave.

It's also the slanderous way she's went on that is hurting, I might direct a complaint to Oxfam itself, but considering they've had bigger scandals they seem almost like teflon.

Constantly going on about how staff and customers should be treated and then outright ignoring that self same directive stinks and is hypocrisy of the highest order.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: blackmocco on 23 October, 2021, 10:45:00 PM
I think you should move on. Seems like that choice has now been made for you anyway but engaging with these people who clearly cause you stress and angst is only going to cause you more stress and angst. They were dicks who you feel treated you badly so why even go back in there? Break the cycle. Find somewhere else to shop. Put that energy towards something good for yourself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 24 October, 2021, 02:22:41 AM
I know this sounds irrational, but I can't just 'let it go', its like an itch, I feel I have to do something.  I want to make a complaint, or at least try to, because I just don't think it's right that these two scum get away with treating people like this.  I know this really might not sound right, but it just seems, they wouldn't let me back in, but that wasn't enough, they had to humiliate me.  Enough is enough, I'm not going to take their crap lying down.

Bah, I know it sounds futile, it sounds stupid, but I just feel I've got to do...something.

Also, there aren't any other bookshops nearby, other charity shops have the usual token selection.

Sorry, a bit of a rant, but I'm not in the best frame of mind right now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 24 October, 2021, 02:59:56 AM
Sorry, that last post sounds a bit harsh (I couldn't see a way to edit the post hence the double), I just find it frustrating.  If there's any justice, karma or whatever, they'll have payback for their actions because honestly I can't fathom how they've kept their positions.

When I started we had one manager, as mentioned before.  The next one struggled, but at least tried and was approachable, but then there was a manager and deputy and it seemed that they did worse in terms of attendance, in terms of people skills and a lot of other things.

I enjoyed my time at the bookshop for a long time and then it suddenly went downhill.  It is hard to describe just how much.

My work at the hispice isn't as enjoyable as the bookshop was at it's best, but at least I feel that I'm doing something.  Maybe with luck they might expand their book section.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 24 October, 2021, 05:09:04 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 24 October, 2021, 02:59:56 AM
Maybe with luck they might expand their book section.

Have you suggested that? They may not have thought of it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 24 October, 2021, 09:20:31 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 24 October, 2021, 02:22:41 AM
I know this sounds irrational, but I can't just 'let it go', its like an itch, I feel I have to do something. 

Sorry, a bit of a rant, but I'm not in the best frame of mind right now.

Nope, it sounds perfectly normal.  We live in a society that values 'justice' even if it rarely lives up to those ideals.  From a very early age we want things to be 'fair' and get upset when they aren't.  Think about the outrage over Cummings' behaviour during lockdown.

Quote from: blackmocco on 23 October, 2021, 10:45:00 PM
I think you should move on.

... having said that, this is a positive suggestion albeit easier said than done.  Different people take different amounts of time to 'let go' of grievances and negative experiences.  Considering everything else Jade is dealing with, it does feel a little like he's doing a pretty good job on this front.

In fact I would argue that by taking advantage of this place to vent and seek support he is doing exactly that.  He has been able to express his feelings about the way it has affected him without fear of judgement. 

Quite often we struggle to let go of things because we don't actually have that opportunity.  It needs time, space and a supportive place to move the process forward.

Quote from: Jade Falcon on 24 October, 2021, 02:59:56 AM
Maybe with luck they might expand their book section.

Funt's right.  You clearly have the skills, knowledge and experience necessary to make that happen.  Oxfam currently have a monopoly in this area that needs to be challenged. 

Worst case scenario they say they are happy with things the way they are and you've lost nothing.  Best case they let you run with it and you have something to work on.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: milstar on 24 October, 2021, 11:07:14 AM
Definitely file a complaint, Jade. Ofcourse, I know less than you and you know the best so the choice is all yours. But I think that every once in a while, these companies have to be challenged. Maybe it'll be fruitless effort, but maybe it'll inspire other people to do the same.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 26 October, 2021, 10:01:04 PM
I'm trying to think of how to file a complaint.  There is an email and a phone number.  I somehow think a phone call would be useless, but at the same time I'm not sure.

The one who banned me also said that the area manager had been informed which complicates things more as her spreading lies and misinformation will make things very difficult.

The sheer fact is that for some time that place as well as being a good place to get good books was a boon to me.  I got a big confidence booster, I felt I was making a contribution, that I was valued.

Then when that pair arrived it got increasingly toxic, I think on Friday I had a bit of a panic attack, but the thing that is enraging me more is the sheer lies that is being spread.  What was happening was almost tantamount to workplace bullying, and later when I was out, harassment.  It seems that they were spoiling for a fight, along with what my former collegue says about the atmosphere being very sinister.  Example, volunteers are not allowed to change a window display.  I live on the Clyde Coast, and quite often if we had a donation of say, local history books and books about Clyde built ships, that would go in the window as those sort of things were popular, but it seems volunteer initiative is being stifled and its more of a "yes m'am, no m'am, three bags full".  There's talk of treating people with respect, but in my opinion it has to go both ways, you can't treat people like dirt and expect them to worship the ground you walk on.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 26 October, 2021, 10:12:24 PM

Oxfam whistleblowing policy. (https://www.oxfam.org.uk/about-us/tackling-abuse-information-and-updates/speak-up/)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 27 October, 2021, 06:56:08 PM
Could you file a GDPR request and ask for copies of any documents relating to your employment there?

You should at least be able to get your personnel file, no?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 04 November, 2021, 01:00:57 AM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 27 October, 2021, 06:56:08 PM
Could you file a GDPR request and ask for copies of any documents relating to your employment there?

You should at least be able to get your personnel file, no?

That I don't know, I have a feeling the two 'people' in charge are poisoning the well by making comments (probably untrue ones) to the area manager. 

This entire week has been pretty depressing and I can't, no matter how hard I try, seem to get the damn thing out of my head.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 04 November, 2021, 01:39:59 PM
I don't think you would request this from either the store managers or the area manager - you could send a request directly to the Legal Department although it's likely that an organisation like Oxfam has a department / dedicated staff that deal directly with GDPR.

It's totally understandable that you're feeling victimised in this situation - the quintessential unfairness of it all is evident from what you've told us and how it has affected you. I also tend to become hyper focused on issues that bother me until my mind finds someway to help me make peace with the situation and move on.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 04 November, 2021, 03:00:47 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 04 November, 2021, 01:39:59 PM
I don't think you would request this from either the store managers or the area manager - you could send a request directly to the Legal Department although it's likely that an organisation like Oxfam has a department / dedicated staff that deal directly with GDPR.


Make a DSAR - Data Subject Access Request (https://ico.org.uk/for-organisations/guide-to-data-protection/guide-to-the-general-data-protection-regulation-gdpr/individual-rights/right-of-access/) - they're legally obliged to respond.  Considering the difficulties Oxfam has had recently I'd expect they have a Data Officer who would deal with such requests (I don't imagine an organisation of Oxfam's size wouldn't have had one prior to the high profile cases, but they'd definately have someone in place now).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 05 November, 2021, 06:29:11 PM
I'm feeling pretty close to resigning - and, for some reason, my mind always takes that a step further and suggests that the ultimate panacea would be just to resign from life. But then I feel like a fraud because I'm not that committed or wedded to any particular idea. Anyway - it's proving to be a difficult semester.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 05 November, 2021, 06:39:53 PM

Quote from: Funt Solo on 05 November, 2021, 06:29:11 PM

...the ultimate panacea would be just to resign from life.


Please don't.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tiplodocus on 05 November, 2021, 08:05:26 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 05 November, 2021, 06:29:11 PM
I'm feeling pretty close to resigning - and, for some reason, my mind always takes that a step further and suggests that the ultimate panacea would be just to resign from life. But then I feel like a fraud because I'm not that committed or wedded to any particular idea. Anyway - it's proving to be a difficult semester.

Yeah, don't, please. This would be a bad thing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: I, Cosh on 05 November, 2021, 11:50:56 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 05 November, 2021, 06:29:11 PM
I'm feeling pretty close to resigning - and, for some reason, my mind always takes that a step further and suggests that the ultimate panacea would be just to resign from life. But then I feel like a fraud because I'm not that committed or wedded to any particular idea. Anyway - it's proving to be a difficult semester.
I don't often com in this thread but I sincerely hope this is just a fleeting thought that you're not planning to follow up. You can always talk to someone, even me if you need to. Although the topic would mostly be data structures.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 06 November, 2021, 03:22:17 AM
Thanks - I think I just need to think about some practical means of a career shift. And get some sleep.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 06 November, 2021, 10:10:05 AM
If your job is getting to you that much; it's really not worth it. Just quit.

However if you have obligations like rent and mortgage it's probably not that easy. Would you consider making an appointment with local recruiters to see what jobs (outside) education match your skills. It might just make you feel a little better if you feel like you have options.

Alternatively you can look for jobs that interest you online, see where your skills match and what you might need to do to upskill and move into a role you want.

I have always enjoyed your commentaries here; they are well-balanced, sensitive, funny or illustrative where applicable. You are also unafraid to hold a mirror up to others and ask them to examine their ideas in a way that is encouraging and supportive. This forum is certainly all the better for your input. Don't give up ..
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 06 November, 2021, 11:43:51 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 05 November, 2021, 06:29:11 PM
... But then I feel like a fraud because I'm not that committed or wedded to any particular idea. Anyway - it's proving to be a difficult semester.

Funt, I feel your pain my friend.  The last two years were an absolute blessed nightmare one way or another.  Taking the redundancy was the most terrifying thing I ever did considering the commitments I have.

There are still times when I find myself questioning the decision but at the same time stepping away has provided space.  So that darkness that you talk about, that quite a few of us are acquainted with, is lifting slowly.

I know quite a few folks now who have decided that teaching is just not worth it any more.  They've taken the plunge and leapt into far better places.

The biggest challenge though has been pulling together to start the job search process again.  That took an alrighty effort after everything.  Just taking things one step at a time was all I could do.  Eventually it worked out (although Civil Service security vetting is a pain!)

Take care.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 November, 2021, 03:24:55 PM
 Hope you're OK, Funt. You're one of the good guys. I'll be very happy to chat to you on zoom or whatever if you need to offload.  (I'm part of an online therapy group - I'm not necessarily any GOOD at it, but I'm used to it.)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 06 November, 2021, 04:23:09 PM
I must admit to feeling very down lately. The winter months are ones I loathe, and my flat is quite cold. Sleep patterns are getting worse and nothing is giving any satisfaction or glint of happiness any more.

I had someone on from the Jobcentre saying how there's plenty jobs and 'perhaps I should consider retraining' for the nth time, how bloody frustrating.

Life is just holding no appeal with being on my own and no prospect of that changing and the whole Oxfam farce has been the final straw. My model club has started meeting again but I just can't get the energy or motivation to do anything. I just wonder what is the point of it all.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 06 November, 2021, 05:26:36 PM

I quite enjoy the winter. Working outside, as I do, in the cold and the wet and the gales and the frost makes me feel somehow more human; and returning home to my shed, putting the heater on, making a brew and a chicken ding, then sitting back to watch a film or a series, or write something, or draw something, or just sitting and thinking sometimes for hours on end, generally gives me satisfaction. I was wet through and freezing cold when I got in today, but now I'm warm and dry and fed and writing this drivel, and I'm content. I find it's the little things that make me happy. The big things just tend to frustrate and annoy.

As to what the point of it all might be, who knows? People immeasurably smarter than me have been pondering that question forever and we're still no nearer an answer. I suspect that there is no objective point to any of it (what's the point of a stone, or a mountain*, or a planet, or a star, or a galaxy, or a universe?) and that we must each find our own subjective point. I think that the point of my life is simply to live it and experience it - and maybe to write a bit, when I can be arsed. That might not sound very grand or inspirational but it suffices for me.

I learned long ago that I can't change the world as I have neither the power nor the right to do so. The only world I have any power or right to change is my world, and then it's a largely internal change anyway. Maybe that's the point, who knows? Certainly not me. My point is, if I made a point of not doing anything until I figure out what the point is, I'd get to a point where I'd never do anything - and what would be the point of that?

One of the few things I have figured out is that nobody can make me happy, angry, depressed, etc., except me. So when these emotions come up I have to own them and deal with them myself as best I can, sometimes through internal analysis and sometimes through talking about it but most often through a combination of the two. All my emotions are inside me all the time. I just have to learn how to bring out the ones I enjoy and deal with the ones I don't. Which is not easy but by no means impossible.

I know this doesn't help you, Jade, because it's my own subjective view, but maybe you can find some germ of coping in my nonsense that might help you figure out your own path because, in the final analysis, we are each of us on our own and must learn to live with ourselves.


*Yeah, yeah, I know - the point of a mountain is the summit, unless it has a flat top, of course, which makes it doubly pointless.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 06 November, 2021, 10:34:05 PM
Thanks all for words of support - I'm very lucky to have some helpers around when it feels like I can't quite manage to balance everything out. Mental health issues always remind me of this sketch (https://youtu.be/GHySYPTbFLM). (Bit racist, tho.)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 05 February, 2022, 12:43:39 AM
An update...

Depression has got ever worse.  My flat is bloody freezing and shouldn't be classed as fit for human habitation with how cold it is in winter.  I try not to use the heating because of the way energy prices have gone and now they seem to have shot up.

Add to that, I'm with Bulb which is in special Government administration.

My sleep patterns are ever worsening, sometimes not getting to sleep till 7 in the morning.  There is nothing worth getting up for and on Thursday I got a phone call.

I had been diagnosed as aneamic though the doctor seems puzzled as to why as I don't smoke, drink or do drugs outside of prescription medication.  The GP had referred me to get both a colonoscopy and an endocoscopy.  I said no to either as I find myself gaggin when at the dentist, never mind a camera down the throat and I just feel revulsion at the idea of one going elsewhere.

Now I'm wondering, is this cancer?  I'm torn, I feel I don't want to know as it seems every time you go to the doctors all that is found is that there is more wrong.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 05 February, 2022, 07:07:04 AM
I wish there was more we can offer than words of support.  It's most likely zero consolation for you that I can relate on the sleep front.  What's more frustrating, as you probably can attest, is feeling knackered but not able to get off to sleep.

I'm guessing as well that with everything going on right now your appetite is up the spout too?  Either not eating or so infrequently that it might as well be the same?  That might possibly explain some of the symptoms?

Can definitely sympathise with regard to worries about what the docs will turn up next.  Don't know if there is a right of wrong answer on knowing but can certainly relate.

Nowhere near your problems but made the mistake of trying to get back into work.  Three weeks of supply teaching and I tipped myself into crisis mode.  Shame, humiliation, embarrassment, ... total lack of coherent thought, ... "hello darkness my old friend ..." F***ing idiot!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 05 February, 2022, 07:12:43 AM

Fwiw, problems can't be addressed until they're identified, and a little brief discomfort is (to me) worth it in order to get to the truth.

Whatever you decide, though, I'm sure we're all with you, Jade.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 05 February, 2022, 07:18:24 AM

You don't strike me as a "f***ing idiot," TJM. These are worrying and trying times for all of us, Mate, and I think you should be proud of the fact that you had the courage to get back to work. Maybe you just need to allow yourself some time to readjust and re-acclimatize to the situation.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 February, 2022, 03:00:27 PM
Sorry, haven't checked into this thread for a while.   I have learned the hard way that my words of encouragement do absolutely nothing to help people who are feeling depressed, just as very few people have been able to help me when I was depressed (I'm the type who hates conflict, but once ended up telling a therapist that what he was saying was 'bullshit', and I don't regret it).

But all I can say is I'm sorry that you've been suffering, Jade and Funt.  I really hope that you guys can get through it
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 07 February, 2022, 07:27:45 AM
I don't know.  One thing I've learnt on this thread is that there is always someone who can help with a well placed comment.  At the very least there is a degree of affirmation / validation that steers clear of valorising the experience.

Maybe it is the fact that so many folks around these parts know:

- it is bloody hard coping with the dog at times;
- sometimes you just need to vent without being told you're being daft / pathetic etc;
- the last thing you want is someone telling you it is all in your head (okay, so it may be but it is also in my neck, chest, arms, legs ... oh, and while it is in my head it is screwing up my ability to think so badly ...)
- it's draining ...

So no, JBC, I wouldn't say that your words of encouragement do nothing to help.  Oh, and I know what you mean about medics / therapists being about as much use as a chocolate fireguard at times!

... and Sharkey, thanks for that.  I am stepping back a bit, accepting what has happened and trying to regroup.  I'm hoping that the panic will ease off sometime soon.  hey ho.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 February, 2022, 05:33:39 PM
Thanks Tjm! I suppose I was clumsily trying to make the point that trying to help people never worked for me, or indeed trying to cheer people up. What I learned (mainly through pissing people off) was that just listening is more useful.

Hope you're coping OK too by the way.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 07 February, 2022, 06:56:41 PM
I think I'm in quite a good spot at the moment. I've been trying a few things to take my mind of my ... I'm going to call it a mid-life crisis. I've been trying a plan to increase my amount of exercise - trying to mend my wobbly knee. Physical strife is another thing on the pile of things I'm not currently enjoying in life. So, I figure if I can take some pressure off there, or at least make some in-roads, it can't hurt. (Literally, it often does hurt, but ... long term goals.)

I'm also trying to keep work in work, and not let it come home. Teaching has a tendency to dominate the mental landscape - and I'm not really enjoying it anymore as a profession. I had a bit of a breakthrough when I realized that I could just give up the job. Not an easy decision - because the job provides a lot of practical benefits, and I should be thankful to have a job etc. But - I had reached a stage where the pressure of work felt so insurmountable that offing myself had become the only other option I could see. While I still sometimes drift in that direction, I also have some other things on the table, which I think is healthier.

So - definitely feeling trapped in a job I've started to despise, but I know there are multiple paths I can choose if I need to. Including visiting a doctor (being really careful what I tell them so I don't get sectioned) and taking a bit of a break. Also, it was sunny yesterday - which helps me a lot. I haven't really managed to get this down about things since my mid-20s - a quarter of a century ago. On reflection, I'm glad that, then, I didn't step off.

Best wishes to everyone.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 07 February, 2022, 07:34:53 PM

Any time, TJM. I'm glad you're getting to grips with that slippery old mutt and I'll always be here for you - and not just me, either.

Funt, I know you and I don't get on too well on other threads but on this one, you're my Brother - and you'd best be around to butt heads with me for a long, long time to come. We're fecking monsters, you and me. I mean, look around - who the Hell's gonna' mess with us?

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 07 February, 2022, 07:59:20 PM
Shark - we do battle sometimes, but we also have a lot in common. I sometimes think if I dialed back to one of my younger selves, we'd be in total agreement. The bit the Internet is missing is the "fuck it, pass the spliff" part.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 February, 2022, 08:09:16 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 07 February, 2022, 07:34:53 PM. I mean, look around - who the Hell's gonna' mess with us?

Er... the board moderators? 😜

Sorry. Glad things are better for you, Funt.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 07 February, 2022, 08:47:22 PM

Heh, point.
Spliffs all 'round!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 February, 2022, 10:02:31 PM
You're on :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 08 February, 2022, 02:55:06 AM
Thanks all for the kind words.  I've been reassured by my brother that its nothing really to worry about as he has had the same thing a few times.

I suppose I just am paranoid, especially as my mum died with bowel cancer and I was worried about the same thing. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 08 February, 2022, 09:25:12 AM
Paranoid?  If there is a history of cancer in the family then surely that is reasonable vigilance?  Increases the chances of anything being caught at an early stage and treated.

I know what you mean about teaching Funt.  The demands and expectations have gotten seriously deranged in the last few years.  Then the pandemic kicked in and everything really went crazy.  I don't think people fully appreciate the damage it has done to education or the length of time it is going to take to sort out.

Personally, my mistake was forgetting one of my main triggers: humiliation.  It was something close to a miracle that the only thing that happened was I tipped myself into crisis mode.  That could have been so much worse.  So I can fully relate to the impact it is having on you.  I do hope you manage a decent shift.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 09 February, 2022, 02:10:09 AM
Well, apparently I'm pretty severely anaemic, my hemoglobin levels are low, about 93.  I'll go for the endoscopy and colonoscopy.

I wonder if this could be related to my bad sleep patterns and total lack of energy.

I just feel that I have nothing to live for, I find life itself a drag with nothing to look forward to on any day and there's no end in sight.  There seems no point in going back to the GP's about it nor the long waiting time for the so called experts, especially during this time.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 09 February, 2022, 07:06:54 AM

According to the various anemia websites I've glanced at, lack of energy and disturbed sleep are indeed symptoms of that condition, as well as depression. I think it's great that you gathered your energies enough to go and get a diagnosis - the first step is always the hardest and now there's a definite path for you towards recovery.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 26 February, 2022, 05:31:18 PM
I really don't know how to phrase this without it sounding self deprecating or demeaning to those potentially still suffering from similar issues, particularly in a week where the hydra of social and political wrath appears to have raised its many heads simultaneously. But in a week of said discourse, I've just been reminded its been 5 years this week since I walked out on a truly horrid, toxic relationship and stopped SH'ing.

Not saying there haven't been times in those some 60 months where I haven't been tempted to let the knives do the talking again but it hasn't happened. And that feels like a small victory in a week of truly horrible stuff.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 26 February, 2022, 09:15:07 PM
Good work, Hawk. Nothing wrong with celebrating the victories.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 26 February, 2022, 10:01:56 PM
 For sure. One of the most important things I've learned myself is how to get out of toxic relationships, though in my b case it was (so-called) friendships rather than romantic relationships. 

Personally I did it through learning to be a bit more assertive and a bit less passive.  I've mentioned before how i told a therapist that he was talking bullshit, but it was because he was telling me that being passive was fine* despite the fact that I'd told him over and over again that passivity was exactly what was causing my problems.

I'm a bit drunk, but essentially, yeah, celebrate leaving shitty relationships behind. It's important .


*when he finally said that 'passive' was a 'trigger word' for me, I realised that he was one of those toxic friends and got the fuck out.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 27 February, 2022, 12:23:24 PM
I reckon that you made the right decision there, Jayzus.

Over the years, I have likewise found myself having to give a number of toxic individuals the old heave-ho, for the benefit of my own head. (Granted, I'm now practically a hermit, but omelettes, eggs, scrambling and all that.  :) )

Best of luck and cheers to all of ye who've had reason to post here in recent times.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 28 February, 2022, 01:55:22 PM
small incremental victories all add together... virtuous upward spiral done in baby steps, is the way out of the quagmire. Its only by looking back you see where you've been and how far you've come. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 12 March, 2022, 08:11:15 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 26 February, 2022, 10:01:56 PM
*when he finally said that 'passive' was a 'trigger word' for me, I realised that he was one of those toxic friends and got the fuck out.

You will never be able to explain yourself to people who are committed to not understanding you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 March, 2022, 10:45:51 PM
I had my endoscopy and colonoscopy a week ago...well, not quite.

The one down the throat went ok, though a week later I still have a sore throat and I was gagging instantly.

The other one, the laxative didn't work and they had to do a preliinary probe to see if everything was clear, and it turns out it wasn't.  Even only slightly in was extremely uncomfortable and I have been feeling poorly since.

I got a phone call trying to reschedule for another one and.....I REALLY don't want it but the phone call keeps pressuring you.  Hell, I heard a doctors name mentioned and was told this was the guy at hospital who had referred me for a colonoscopy, why the hell is this the first time I am hearing that?  I really don't want this again as the little bit was bad enough.  I know somethings apparently wrong but surely there must be another way.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 15 March, 2022, 05:40:13 PM
Jade these things are unpleasant but worthwhile. It's only a few moments of discomfort. You can do this.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 17 March, 2022, 02:04:45 AM
That might be true, but the preliminary probe was bad enough albeit without sedation because of the laxative not working and I really don't think I want the same doctor as I have no confidence in him.  I just have an irrational fear of hospitals.

Even the prior preparation was bad enough, the laxative drink was vile and I had to go in without eating anything, come the actual time I was famished and felt nauseous.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 17 March, 2022, 10:21:10 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 17 March, 2022, 02:04:45 AM
I just have an irrational fear of hospitals.

Sorry, given the utter incompetence of so many in the medical profession I'm going to call you on this.  Fearing hospitals / doctors who can cause so much pain / damage is anything but irrational.  I've seen so much damage / harm done by those with that qualification it doesn't bear thinking about.

On the flip side, assuming that that level of incompetence is universal is a little different.  One thing I've learnt over the years is that nurses are a far better bet for any form of test.  If it involves piercing skin, even more so.

This is speaking as someone who passes out under the wrong circumstances with needles.  Yet nurses have a 100% track record of taking blood / vaccinations without my lateral inversion.  If anyone needs to stab me for any reason I will always ask for a nurse.

Mind you, I've an irrational fear of people in particular and take pretty much any comment as criticism so maybe I'm not best placed to comment.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 16 April, 2022, 11:38:02 AM
Jade apologies for the delayed response - how are you doing?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 16 April, 2022, 10:27:01 PM
I (reluctantly) the other day set an appointment for a second colonoscopy.  What I REALLY didn't like was the constant badgering on the phone of "So you don't want it?" or "Do you want it" without giving you a chance to even breath.  I finally said that No, I didn't WANT it, but it was a case of needing it.

Meanwhile I'd had to get an ultrasound on my liver and blood tests.  The ultrasound was quick and no bother, the blood tests less so because I've got deep veins.  Finally the results came through as clear and apparently I dont have to go for the second colonoscopy now.

I'm still feeling really down emotionally though, just a constant feeling of real hopelessness in life.  I can't seem to concentrate on much.  I've decided to do a clear out of DVD's that I picked up dirt cheap from the charity shops because there's no way I'll get the chance to watch them all and I can't seem to find the mood.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 24 April, 2022, 01:13:51 PM
That's great news about the colonoscopy! I'm glad to hear you won't have to go through that again.

Depression is such a universal experience and yet so unique for each person who experiences it.

If I recall correctly you don't want to go down the medication route and your local NHS doesn't provide good support services for mental health issues.

What would help?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 24 April, 2022, 03:31:14 PM
Good news on the physical issues. Hope this will clear a path to work on the mental ones.   If it's any help at all, and it may not be, I was part of an online International cbt group till last year and got loads out of it. It's still going on every Saturday afternoon and it's free - pm me if you want to get in touch with them. I found the techniques used far more helpful than most therapists I paid through the nose for.

On a slightly different topic, one thing I personally have been finding very helpful lately is the CBT concept of action coming before motivation.  Which means that I'm not doing what I used to do and waiting for the right mood to do some cbt homework but just doing it when I don't feel like it.

Another thing I've been doing is just minimising my commitment to 5 minutes,  with CBT or anything else.if I feel like doing more, great, but if I don't , I've still fulfilled my goal.

Not saying this in an attempt to help anyone, just filling you all in on my own progress.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 24 April, 2022, 05:31:31 PM
I like that idea of a five minute commitment, JB - getting started on things is often a stumbling block for me.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 24 April, 2022, 06:47:46 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 24 April, 2022, 05:31:31 PM
I like that idea of a five minute commitment, JB - getting started on things is often a stumbling block for me.
Me too... I've procrastinated things for over 20 years in fact.  Hopefully this will help me get things done.   It doesn't have to be time periods, it can be steps (turn on my computer / put on my running shoes etc).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 24 April, 2022, 08:35:27 PM
No, time blocking is something I find really useful too.  I tend to use my countdown timer quite a bit to help with it.

It's strange how useless therapists can be at times.  Something we've mentioned quite a few times over the years IIRC.  Even when they draw on the same set of techniques from CBT (but please, no 'mindfulness' ... chewing a raisin to death does nothing for me ...)

A couple of approaches that have grown out of CBT that I've found helpful are DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).  DBT has a handy set of resources for dealing with split thinking / catastrophising for instance.  ACT has techniques that can help with 'surges', something I find really helpful for avoiding 'the cascade' as I call it (you know, start feeling a bit wobbly ... something 'unhelpful happens' ... anxiety starts to spike ... start getting manic / reactive ... light blue touch paper and stand well back ...)

As for support groups ... strange as it sounds, this place is the best I've come across ...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 24 April, 2022, 08:57:55 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 24 April, 2022, 08:35:27 PM
As for support groups ... strange as it sounds, this place is the best I've come across ...

It's fecking brilliant alright.

As far as mindfulness goes - yeah, my experiences have been quite similar.  Meditation is clearly a good mental exercise but it does not get rid of the underlying beliefs that cause negative thoughts, which in turn cause depression and anxiety.

I've harped on ad nauseum about it before, but Dr David Burns' version of CBT is the only kind of self-help that has ever worked for me.  I got into it through his podcast ('Feeling Good') - thought it was just more trite shite at first but stuck with it and slowly began to understand what he was doing.  When I actually bought one of his books and did the exercises, it did the trick far quicker and more effectively than the fairly dire therapist I was paying for at the time.  It was through his stuff that I found the online group.

If nothing else, a book costs less than 1% of a course of therapy, and the podcasts are free.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 28 April, 2022, 04:44:27 PM
Some unexpectedly brilliant mental health advice here. (Not all of it of course).

https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2022/04/27/whats-the-weirdest-advice-youve-heard-that-is-strangely-effective-30-proper-game-changers/ (https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2022/04/27/whats-the-weirdest-advice-youve-heard-that-is-strangely-effective-30-proper-game-changers/)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 17 May, 2022, 10:12:23 PM
Depression seems to be getting worse again.  I have an old 2006 VW Golf, a couple of months ago I spent a bit trying to solve water leakage problems that were coming into the drivers and passengers front footwell.  Now, it's back, making me feel that the money spent was a total waste.

Add to that I just feel down.  I started going to a local church after going to a jobclub being run from there.  I got friendly with a woman there, and a few times offered to give her a lift home when she had missed her bus or the weather wasn't great.  I wasn't trying to come on to her and I said that basically I just wanted some friendship (she has a boyfriend anyway), but now, I seem to be getting the cold shoulder or maybe I'm just imagining it.

I'm not really particularly enjoying the voluntary work at the hospice, to be honest I miss the book shop, both browsing in it and working in it because I'm such a book nerd.  I'm still REALLY pissed about being banned unjustly.  I can't seem to focus my mind on anything very easily, and although I've read a few graphic novels I can't seem to focus on any of my actual fiction novels.  There's an art club apparently going to start but not till autumn this year and every day is just empty and meaningless.

Still finding it very hard to get a proper sleep pattern.  I don't think there would be much point going to the doctors as I imagine the first thing offered would be sleeping pills, which on top of all I take anyway is just not desirable.  I just find existence meaningless and if I could find a quick way out tomorrow would probably elect for it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 18 May, 2022, 06:48:06 AM
Must be something in the air, Jade.  I had a meltdown yesterday on the way in to work (trying again, had a few good weeks ...) and had to pull over the car.  Even then I couldn't bring it back down, certainly not enough to risk a day in work.  In the end I managed to fetch in and told them I'd been sick on the way in (kind of true ...) so they sent me home.

So, it's very easy to understand how you feel about the book shop situation.  That's not the sort of thing you shake off easily, especially as it was something that gave you so much.  It might also explain why you're sensitive to the way this lass has been behaving.  Even if it is nothing and you're seeing things through the lens of your experiences, it's still difficult.

Churches can be funny places, too.  They're incredibly open to new faces to start off with at times.  Everyone is almost effusive in their greetings.  Then you become a familiar face and there's almost a sense of "job done" but where do you fit?  In some respects that's when you find out how genuinely welcome the place is.  Not to mention finding out how many members have as many problems as yourself!

I know you say that the docs are probably not going to be much use going back to (or even getting an appointment with right now ...) but given the symptoms you describe it might be worth it.  I know that the last time I started making some of the comments you've included here I was told that this came under their heading of crisis even though I didn't think so myself.

In the meantime though could you please keep checking in here?  Just so we can support you through this.  Remember, we're crap at advice, don't have the first clue about how to manage mental health problems (mis-management ... now that we're experts at!) are about as medically qualified as barber surgeons and are prone to off-the-wall jokes that are about as amusing as watching Nadine Dorries gazing longingly at Johnson (okay, that is funny in a rather disturbing kind of way).

What we can do though is be here for you.  Lend an ear.  Help you sift through thoughts if you want.  Talk complete and utter crap.  Argue the minutae of Dredd until your brain oozes  out of your ears.  Whatever ...

Take care, pal.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 18 May, 2022, 10:33:47 AM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 18 May, 2022, 06:48:06 AM
In the meantime though could you please keep checking in here?  Just so we can support you through this.  Remember, we're crap at advice, don't have the first clue about how to manage mental health problems (mis-management ... now that we're experts at!) are about as medically qualified as barber surgeons and are prone to off-the-wall jokes that are about as amusing as watching Nadine Dorries gazing longingly at Johnson (okay, that is funny in a rather disturbing kind of way).

What we can do though is be here for you.  Lend an ear.  Help you sift through thoughts if you want.  Talk complete and utter crap.  Argue the minutae of Dredd until your brain oozes  out of your ears.  Whatever ...

Take care, pal.

Very much this. I don't have any solutions to offer for anything, but please feel that you always have a place here to vent, or complain, or just dump a load of feelings. I may not comment much, but I do read, and I do sympathise, for whatever little that is worth.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 24 May, 2022, 07:08:04 PM
Okay, so I'm not going to go with my usual round of garbage here.  Or maybe it is.  What I mean is that I just want to recount a few things and see where they lead.

So, the last decade has been 'interesting' to say the least, what with trying to get to grips with legacy issues and all.  This has led to total burnout, an imploding career and unemployment.  Fortunately the latter was on the heels of a relatively generous redundancy offer that for some strange reason my erstwhile employer did not want to acknowledge as 'redundancy' (perhaps they should have thought about that before putting it in writing but hey ho ...).

An offer from another employer seemed to offer hope but 8 months on it turned out that 'vetting' turned me down.  So of a sudden it was back to being totally f*****.  Trying to find alternative employment at this age has turned out to be a bit more of a challenge.  Consequently a return to the 'career' that has led to this impasse was called for (teaching).

First attempt worked okay until another burnout situation.  Needed to walk before implosion.

Second attempt led to 'underemployment'  (tip:  don't try working as a TA when you've got teaching experience ...)  Okay for a while until the 'cost of living crisis' escalated.

Third attempt is still ongoing.  Shift from secondary to primary (including nursery and infants).  To say that the kids are carrying baggage is to be generous in the extreme.  Current school's response was "what, you want to come back?" which was a little disturbing to say the least.  To say that some of the classes I've been working with are 'interesting' is more than a little generous.

What I find myself reflecting on more than anything is how much I've learnt in such a short space of time.  Today I was accused of being "the most understanding teacher" a child had encountered.  Baffling to say the least.  The difference that being considered an utter failure makes though ... It is liberating to be able to focus on the kids needs, knowing that no-one has any positive opinion about me.  I'm a supply teacher.  If the kids aren't killing each other that's a bonus (and yes I know how disturbing that idea is).  I find myself reflecting on a line from Band of Brothers about a soldier needing to accept that they are dead ...

Something about our culture is fundamentally wrong.  Always having to 'improve' but within a very narrow set of parameters.  I would say that I utterly failed as a teacher today on one level but massively succeeded on another level as a human being.  Which one is more important?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 24 May, 2022, 07:16:46 PM

Being human.

I know a guy with no teaching experience who charges twenty quid an hour for one-on-one maths and physics tutoring. The pandemic worked out for some folk, it seems...

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 24 May, 2022, 07:30:56 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 24 May, 2022, 07:08:04 PM
Something about our culture is fundamentally wrong.  Always having to 'improve' but within a very narrow set of parameters.  I would say that I utterly failed as a teacher today on one level but massively succeeded on another level as a human being.  Which one is more important?

Teaching (or just, working in a school) I find to be continually challenging and confounding. There are just so many parameters to consider. The other day one of my students was doubled over in pain - turned out they were hunger pangs - they'd had no breakfast or lunch. I'm trying to teach them complex computer interactions - they're starving. What is success now?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 07 June, 2022, 11:21:54 AM
Well. You guys know me, but I'll start from the bottom.

My names Zac, and I'm a functioning alcoholic.

My case isn't nearly as bad as some folks out there, but its a demon on my back nonetheless. And I want it gone.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 07 June, 2022, 03:30:38 PM
A close member of my family is also a functioning alcoholic - a conclusion they came to after a chat with their doctor. And then a close friend of the family is also a functioning alcoholic. They're both at different stages - one has accepted it and is on the wagon, and one doesn't accept it and isn't.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 June, 2022, 05:05:29 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 07 June, 2022, 11:21:54 AM
Well. You guys know me, but I'll start from the bottom.

My names Zac, and I'm a functioning alcoholic.

My case isn't nearly as bad as some folks out there, but its a demon on my back nonetheless. And I want it gone.

Could you give us a few more details?  Think I'm not a million miles away myself. Things got a wee bit out of hand during lockdown but I've reined it in a lot since.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 07 June, 2022, 06:08:54 PM
Well. I can go days and weeks without a drink really, my habit is nowhere near as bad as it once was. But that has only served to highlight my relationship with the dram, its use as a social crutch, the 'oh, its been a rough day, time for a six pack' mentality. Thing is back when I worked hospitality I could sort of twistedly justify it, that job DROVE me to the bottle to tolerate the horrid quality of life. These days i'm on a steady work schedule, that I can plan a day around, and that makes the occasional lapse into excess drinking for a week or two at a time feel that much more embarrassing. What good is it being lucid two weeks of the month when you're getting black out drunk two or three times a week for the other two weeks of the month? Its still a bad relationship to have, and one I don't see being conducive with where I am and where I want to go in life.

So it's me or the bottle, and oh that drought, but I'm backing myself in this matter.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 June, 2022, 06:35:22 PM
I get you now.  Me, I'm more a beer of an evening type, though it's pretty much every evening.  Might even have another, or a whiskey to chase it down.   But during lockdown, there was barely an evening I didn't go to bed at least a bit shitfaced, so things are a lot better now.  I'm back doing martial arts, which is a good reason not to be hungover and tired, so I've been on the relative straight and narrow.

But the good thing is you're calling it out for what it is.  My mate's uncle used to drink twelve pints of Guinness every night.  His sister, who he lived with, refused to entertain the notion that he might be an alcoholic - Alcoholics to her were homeless dropouts, and her brother ran a successful small business. It caught up with him, of course, and he died before his time.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 17 June, 2022, 06:53:07 PM
In either the case of bereavement or terrible news (in this case, a close relative with a terminal cancer diagnosis), I find myself at a loss. Everything I can think of to say seems trite and ill-fitting, and often I end up unable to say anything.

You know you have those people who seem to be able to give off-the-cuff speeches at family occasions, or know exactly what to say when news is bad - I seem to be the polar opposite of that. Like Mr. Glass to Bruce Willis's David Dunn.

---

Also, coincidentally, I'm catastrophizing - which I recognize is my mental health struggling. It's that whole "they'd be better off without me" idea. I know what it is. I'm just feeling low. Things will pick up. It's the end of semester, my birthday was disappointing - my ego got bruised. When I start to spiral, I want to avoid bringing that negativity to others, so then I start to separate - which reinforces the notion of removal.

Anyway, blah. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 17 June, 2022, 07:11:26 PM
Given that I quite often suffer from "Foot-in-mouth" disease, I tend to exercise extreme caution when someone discloses a bereavement.  A simple "Oh, I'm sorry.  How are you doing?" tends to be quite a safe way to handle the flow of such conversations and point in the direction of any appropriate follow up. 

Sorry to hear that you're not having the best time of things right now either, Funt.  Know what you mean about crap birthdays.  TBH I find them hard / annoying.  Then again I think that is the legacy of boarding school when a birthday was the perfect opportunity to really f*** you over (well, a bit of a special reason ... not like some of the bar-stewards ever really needed a reason ...)  Has caused disagreements in the past.

Can also relate to catastrophising and isolating.  Particularly when the cascade kicks in.  Hope you are able to ride it out and we catch you on the flip side.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 17 June, 2022, 10:38:25 PM
My condolences Mister Funt. At the risk of sounding patronizing, it seems to me that your reaction to this shite thing that happened is perfectly valid and it's good that you're confronting it. There's no right way to grieve.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 17 June, 2022, 11:25:30 PM
I'm sorry to hear it too, Funt.  I'm a fucking disaster too when it comes to saying the right thing in situations like that.  I still cringe at my last words to my late best mate, who was coherent but no longer responsive - I can't remember exactly what I said but it just wasn't good enough. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 18 June, 2022, 07:36:49 AM
Quote from: Mister Pops on 17 June, 2022, 10:38:25 PM
My condolences Mister Funt. At the risk of sounding patronizing, it seems to me that your reaction to this shite thing that happened is perfectly valid and it's good that you're confronting it. There's no right way to grieve.

Most definitely this.

For more than half of my life I've been of the feeling that grief is mostly self-pity in that I won't have this person in my life any more, which is a perfectly valid feeling. It must be balanced, though, with the feeling of joy that I was privileged enough to have had this person in my life at all. Of course, one can't very well start proselytizing this opinion to grieving relatives and so I tend to be just as awkward as most other people in such situations - stumbling through expressions of sympathy which, although heartfelt, seem little more than inadequate platitudes.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 18 June, 2022, 07:18:21 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 17 June, 2022, 06:53:07 PM
It's that whole "they'd be better off without me" idea.

You don't get to make that decision for other people.

It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment. Try to practice kindness and patience towards yourself.

And there's no right thing to say in these circumstances so don't beat yourself up kiddo!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 19 June, 2022, 03:19:06 AM
Thanks all ... it helps to be able to spout in a safe space.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 19 June, 2022, 08:32:16 AM
I'm a big believer in routine and exercise. Find some that works for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 21 June, 2022, 10:09:55 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 19 June, 2022, 03:19:06 AM
Thanks all ... it helps to be able to spout in a safe space.

Thoughts and best wishes to you and all our fellow Squaxx who are going through tough times.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 21 June, 2022, 05:42:07 PM
I'm finding myself in a major emotional slump again.

I just can't seem to get a good healthy sleep pattern going. The house is a tip and has been for months. Every time I vow to tidy up I get a short burst of energy and then feel emotionally and physically drained.  Tidying up isn't helped by the fact that bin collection isn't that great.

I'm also not particularly enjoying parts of my new work at the hospice charity. The management are great, but one volunteer has declared that they and they only are in charge of the books, and they aren't in at the same day as me. The reason given is that the books are a mess, that's not down to me, it's customers coming in and leaving them lying all over the place.

I'm finding it hard to focus and feel so damned alone and really don't want to go on. Add to that that I badly twisted my ankle about three weeks ago and it is still painful. I don't feel there's any use seeing the doctor or trying mental health after a less than positive experience. I'm even finding it difficult to focus on reading, I've got about four or five of the 2000ad books still sealed.

I got a final reminder in yesterday to tax my car and I had to go looking for the logbook. While doing that I came across an envelope with a pile of birth, death and marriage certificates for myself and my parents. Perhaps unwisely I ended up looking at my mum's death certificate and seeing truly for the first time what the cause of death was, I'm still not sure I understand.

Result, all over my flat is still a mess and I want to tackle it but lack the will, the energy to do it because I feel what's it all for. At the end of the day tidy or messy my life is still a waste and meaningless. I remember an argument I had with a former friend. He kept throwing insults my way 'for fun' and I just wouldn't take it any more. This was about 20 years ago, he said back then I'd be a lonely sad b*****d and it seems he was right. I just don't know what else to say at the moment.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 21 June, 2022, 06:20:49 PM

Try breaking the house-tidying into smaller bits, one area or job at a time, so you're not faced with doing the whole place all at once. One step at a time. Maybe start by giving yourself an hour one or two days a week, once you start seeing results it'll encourage you to add another hour here and there - and treat yourself once your hour is done. Might help.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 21 June, 2022, 08:57:44 PM
Hi Jade - sorry to hear you twisted your ankle. I injured my knee a couple of years ago and it's still giving me trouble. I'm also taking a break (I assume a short one) from reading my 2000AD's. I found myself just drifting into other things. Figure I'll get back to them at some point. I seem to recall that Jayzus said he was off his 2000 AD a while back as well.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 21 June, 2022, 10:31:37 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 21 June, 2022, 06:20:49 PM

Try breaking the house-tidying into smaller bits, one area or job at a time, so you're not faced with doing the whole place all at once. One step at a time. Maybe start by giving yourself an hour one or two days a week, once you start seeing results it'll encourage you to add another hour here and there - and treat yourself once your hour is done. Might help.

That's the thing, I can spend a while on it, and it seems as if I make absolutely no progress.  I realise that attitude is counter productive, but that's how it is.  I just am sick of life in general, I see no way forward.  As mentioned before I was on the mental health team and a mental health nurse, neither proved to be much use.  The nurse especially was very condescending.

The experience in the Hospice shop is discouraging as well.  This woman who has set herself up as the authority doesn't actually seem to do much and its totally illogical if there is a huge gap in the shelf and stuff sitting in the back doing nothing.

I went to my model club tonight but nearly didn't, I didn't really feel like it but decided to force myself. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 22 June, 2022, 07:38:26 AM

I've been where you are, Jade, truly. For almost a decade.

In the end I decided that waiting for the authorities to help was the biggest waste of my time imaginable and took control of myself. It's a very daunting thing to do and a very hard thing to do but I did it and haven't looked back. I know this doesn't help you much but it does demonstrate that there is a productive way out and I'm sure you'll find yours. The first step, in my experience, is to discard all thoughts of what other people might think your life is worth and to value it for yourself, on your own terms. Never forget that you are a being of infinite worth and potential and that the meaning of your life needn't be objective. One has to find one's own meaning and not give a f*ck about how other people measure such things (unless they chime with one's own views and needs, in which case simply fold them in to one's personal philosophy).

And congratulations on going to your model club, that's a Big Win for you at this stage.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 23 June, 2022, 06:44:44 AM
The fact that you are cleaning at all and are now back in a workplace setting is huge progress on where you were a few months back so although things seem overwhelming you actually are making progress.

It may seem like you're getting nowhere (with the cleaning) but even twenty to thirty minutes a day will lead to a huge improvement over time - keep it up!

Re: the work issue: try not to get hyper focused on this, ultimately it's just stressing you out and you have enough on your plate.

It's worrying to hear you say you see no way forward. I think maybe in the past you had an idea about what a successful future meant to you and now you're here in the future and things haven't worked out as planned. Instead of accepting this as some sort of failure on your part maybe try re-imagining your idea of success. As Picard said you can do everything right and still fail - this is not weakness; this is life. What kind of life can you imagine for yourself where you are alone but content?

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 25 June, 2022, 01:52:41 AM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 23 June, 2022, 06:44:44 AM
Re: the work issue: try not to get hyper focused on this, ultimately it's just stressing you out and you have enough on your plate.

It's worrying to hear you say you see no way forward. I think maybe in the past you had an idea about what a successful future meant to you and now you're here in the future and things haven't worked out as planned. Instead of accepting this as some sort of failure on your part maybe try re-imagining your idea of success. As Picard said you can do everything right and still fail - this is not weakness; this is life. What kind of life can you imagine for yourself where you are alone but content?

The thing that gets me about the work side is that the one who has set herself up as the one in charge doesn't really know her stuff.  She lets excess stock build up in the back till its piled up disorganised and is nearly dangerous.  It makes no sense if the bookshelf is half empty and there is stuff there to put out and she doesn't want anyone else to do it.

As to personal life, that's the thing that's getting me.  I just can't look forward to a life on my own, I don't find myself having as much pleasure in the things I used to do at home alone like reading or using the computer.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 27 June, 2022, 07:07:15 PM
I know, it's really frustrating working with someone who's process makes no sense but it's not worth getting worked up over. If you can't make improvements there find something else to put your energy into. That whole thing about you can't control people but you can can control how you react to them. Maybe make it a long term goal ?

But you have to.

I'm not saying that you'll never meet someone and get your happily ever after, I genuinely wish that you, but it may not be on the cards for a while. In the meantime you can work on building a life for yourself that you are happy with and when you finally meet someone you'll have a lot to offer them.

What are women looking for? At the most basic level, women are looking for men that can take care of themselves so a man that can cook, cleans his house and takes care of himself (showers daily and wears clean well fitted clothes).

If you only focused on these three things you may start to feel better about yourself and your life and you can figure out the next bit when you're ready.

Not enjoying things you used to is a symptom of depression so don't worry you will enjoy your old hobbies again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 17 July, 2022, 10:59:02 PM
The continuing tribulations noisy neighbours. 

This was the second complaint I put in.  Apparently he didn't realise that he was making noise, but stomping across the floor like a yeti on steroids is ridiculous. EVERY goddamn door including internal doors and windows gets slammed shut.  He has a kid that runs around for hours on end and there are times the hoover is on about 3 or 4 times a week, the washing machine on late at night.

I am starting to think this is being done quite deliberately.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 18 July, 2022, 07:12:08 AM

Keep a log for future reference.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 18 July, 2022, 09:53:42 AM
Really sorry to hear you have neighbour issues Jade. I had problems with noisy neighbours in my old place. In the end we took the decision to sell the house and take a massive financial hit - not solely down to noise levels - but Shark's advice is good, try and log the incidents if you can, especially if you are reporting this to a third party. The more detailed log the better.

I don't know your neighbours, but based on my experience they may not be deliberately antagonising you, just ignorant. My old neighbours would offer apologies if challenged, but it never stopped their behaviour because they were unthinking. I've also had a complaint about me - many years ago my brother and I shared a flat and our neighbour below worked shifts and hated us putting our washing machine on. We weren't doing anything wrong (we had to wash our clothes sometimes) but when they spoke to us, we agreed to try and do our washing at specific times to help them out. I'm not sure if you can speak to your neighbours or if it is too far gone?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 18 July, 2022, 12:21:28 PM
As some folk on this board will be aware of, I had my own horrible experience with noisy neighbours a couple of years back. (It only ended - after five months of unbridled misery! - when the wretched creature responsible for most of the trouble, fell down the stairs drunk and broke a bone in her neck, thus putting a stop to her gallop.)

So I can empathise completely with you, Jade.

In addition to endorsing what Sharky and Barrington Boots have suggested, I would also advise you to contact your local Citizen's Advice / Information centre, to find out what options - however limited - you might have in dealing with this problem. I presume that will depend on your own circumstances, as in, whether you are renting or own your home; whether your neighbours are living in private or council housing etc.

I wish you all the best and hope that your problem will be resolved soon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 18 July, 2022, 11:33:59 PM
Well this is the second time I reported him.  With the depression and other anxiety issues I don't feel up to a personal confrontation.  I am with a housing association and I did say that I wasn't sure if it was malice or accidental as basically I didn't know if he had carpeting or instead had vinyl or laminate flooring.  Apparently he says he couldn't afford flooring (but can afford a big TV). He said he would make an effort but after a couple of days back to what it was like before.  There is NO need to slam windows shut, or to do the same with doors like linen cupboards.  I excuse noise with the hoover to an extent because unlike say a TV or music system there is no volume control, and that doesn't last long anyway.

Someone suggested moving, but I don't see why I should.  Secondly, as I'm on my own I'd have to wait for a vacant property or an exchange and the chances are I would be in another flat, possibly one not even as good, or worse.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 19 July, 2022, 01:00:16 AM
My wife's been using mold-able wax earplugs to drown out the noise of the busy road near our house. A bit cheaper than noise-canceling headphones, but a bit more effective than normal sponge earplugs.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 19 July, 2022, 04:39:17 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 19 July, 2022, 01:00:16 AM
My wife's been using mold-able wax earplugs to drown out the noise of the busy road near our house. A bit cheaper than noise-canceling headphones, but a bit more effective than normal sponge earplugs.

There are grants in England for double glazing to replace windows and doors near busy roads and motorways, I was looking at the Govt website only the other day, doesn't apply in Jockland unfortunately.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 19 July, 2022, 06:17:22 PM
Sorry to hear about it, Jade.  I've had noisy neighbours and it's genuinely soul-crushing.  I really hope you can get it sorted.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 20 July, 2022, 11:55:15 AM
Been in a bit of a funk for the majority of this week.
I keep getting what I can only describe as existential vertigo. The realisation i'm so bound up in so many elements of life that i've let an entire decade slip me by. I got an email showing I graduated school ten years ago almost to the day and just stopped and sat still for an hour straight wondering just what I had done with that time. Will the remaining 5 or 6 decades of my life be just like that one? Will it slip away from me before I have time to do anything meaningful with it? Will I ever have the time or resources to DO anything meaningful with it. Where am I going and what am I doing, and do I have any say in either?

I need a holiday, first off. Not had a break from the grind in nearly 8 years. That at least I know I can do. Hopefully it helps.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 20 July, 2022, 03:28:14 PM
I saw a science piece on the BBC the other day that was explaining how we lay down memories - and if it's an exciting experience (mostly this just means: new) then we effectively record it in our brains in more detail - like the equivalent of more frames-per-second.

They used this to explain why, when you're a kid, the summers seems to last forever (because most of the things we are experiencing are new), but when you're a 'dult, a year can seem sometimes to blip past in a flash (because most of the things we experience are not new).

One of the take homes was this idea that if you want life to stretch, you need to seek out new experiences. (I'm not advocating that as a salve - just repeating what the 'cast had been saying.)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 20 July, 2022, 04:24:47 PM
Enjoy yourself, its later than you think...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 21 July, 2022, 03:19:39 PM
It's true. I remember my few months in Thailand, when time seemed to crawl by, even though I was having the time of my life. Since then I feel like ten years have passed in a couple of months. Time to start organising some new experiences, I think.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 22 July, 2022, 12:24:17 AM
I was just doing a bit of a spring-clean (in the summer), and found some mental health cards that mini-Solo (10) created for me a few months ago. Each features the character "ice cream goat" (half goat, half ice cream) and a pithy piece of motivational advice:

- "You can do it! I know you can!"
- "It is okay to be sad, just you can be happy too."
- "When you are sad, think of cute things. It helps you not be sad."
- "Say a nice thing and it will make you feel nice."
- "If you are mad, remember that it is temporary."
- "When you are sad, think of the stuff you like."
- "No matter how big your problems are you are big enough to deal with them."
- "Breathe in, breathe out. If you did not just do that then poop to you."
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 22 July, 2022, 12:26:36 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 22 July, 2022, 12:24:17 AM
...
- "It is okay to be sad, ..."


Best mental health advice ever
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 22 July, 2022, 07:33:11 AM
Now I really want to see what Ice Cream Goat looks like.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 22 July, 2022, 09:48:35 AM
There's something so beautifully simplistic about those, I'm tempted to make them for myself (although I also would like to see this fabled Ice Cream Goat)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 29 July, 2022, 11:45:01 AM
I've been struggling a lot with bad dreams these last few months. I'm in a bit of a cycle where I fall asleep, exhausted, but awake 4 hours later having had a nightmare and then lie awake until the alarm goes, re-living it.

Usually these dreams are about death - sometimes my parents, but more often either my wife's or my own - and not about the actual event (where I get crushed by a fridge or something) but the terrible aftermath: wandering around a house bereft of its former occupant yet full of the things that made up their day to day lives. Another often recurring one I have is that my house catches on fire and I'm unable to rescue my cat: later I find him all burned black, hiding under something, just a little charred husk in his shape. I often wake up in tears.

I'm pretty sure I'm processing grief: my father-in-law passed away at the start of the year and my best friends Dad, who I'd known for decades, also died a few months later. I've done my best to support two people I really love and the effect the bereavement has had on them has been dreadful to watch. I do wonder if, in doing so I've swallowed my own feelings a bit and this is how things are coming out.

Anyway, I'm also pretty sure this will pass. I know I shouldn't, but I feel guilty just giving voice to this given these bereavements have impacted others more than me - but I just wanted to write this down somewhere and it's been helpful to do so.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 July, 2022, 04:36:36 PM
Sorry for your loss, Barrington.

I often reflect on my own experiences when I'm told about others. Earlier this year I was struggling with insomnia - which sounds like a similar pattern to yours but without the abundant nightmares. Once I'd woken up in the middle of the night, there was no more sleep. It's a bit difficult to know for sure whether that was due to a period of acute anxiety and depression, or the other way around. Probably a bit of a spiral - lack of sleep usually doesn't help with mental health. When the anxiety was somewhat alleviated, the sleeping pattern improved. I did end up on meds for a bit - that, and some counseling. I found (in my situation, where I had started to casually ideate suicide) that seeking help was necessary. Up until that point in life I'd always self-managed.

---

Mini-Solo has drawn an Ice Cream Goat for the board ... I just need to get it scanned.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 July, 2022, 04:58:12 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/Thp7ojk.jpg)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 30 July, 2022, 09:49:02 AM
(Applause)

Love it. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 01 August, 2022, 11:20:54 AM
Thanks Funt.
I love the Ice Cream Goat! I'll print it up and stick it by my desk!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 05 August, 2022, 11:20:02 AM
You can imagine Ice Cream Goat becoming huge in Japan, much like the Geek Pie hairstyle.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 28 August, 2022, 10:10:18 AM
Just checking in Jade, how are things?

Hope everyone is well.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 29 August, 2022, 08:19:28 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 28 August, 2022, 10:10:18 AM
Just checking in Jade, how are things?

Hope everyone is well.

Really, not that great, I've been feeling pretty terrible and emotionally and physically drained.  I just can't seem to find the energy to find any joy in life anymore.  I'm being taken off of Co-Codomol, apparently they were meant to be a short term thing only, I've been on them for 30 years.  Now charity shops are starting to get Christmas cards in, and for various reasons I hate the Christmas season.  I just feel that life is a waste and wish there was a quick and painless way out.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 29 August, 2022, 09:29:16 PM

Stick with it, Jade. You'll make things better as you go.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 29 August, 2022, 10:00:32 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 29 August, 2022, 09:29:16 PM

Stick with it, Jade. You'll make things better as you go.

Really, it doesn't feel that way...

Take tonight for instance, I'm staring at my screen, I can't feel focused on any one thing.  Not enough to play a game, nor to switch off and watch TV as most of the stuff on it is crap now, nor read a book.  I'm unemployed, but not one of the scroungers, I put in 19 applications in one week and got barely a reply.  The only possible opening was at a meat factory but the conditions sounded lousy.  12 hour shifts, you got docked pay for using the toilet, and the wage was about £9.75 an hour. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 01 September, 2022, 08:42:16 PM
Last year I ditched the smartphone for good, this year i'm hoping to ween myself away from social media also. Discord and forums gets a pass, naturally, they're not even in the same hemisphere as the evil blue sites. Really can do with keeping that sort of influence out of my life entirely, they're not good for my health.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 01 September, 2022, 09:06:04 PM

I've got a really cheap smartphone but I've taken all the internet stuff off it (browser, apps and whatnot). Now it's just a 'phone and a Walkman and a router for my laptop. Gave up on Facetube and all such bollix even before that. Earlier still, broadcast tv went for a Burton. I'm much happier now.

Jade, all I can tell you is what I went through. For a decade I was where you are now and the root of my problem was, I think, twofold. First, abandonment issues; I felt abandoned by the world and its ruthless and unfeeling systems. Second was fear of the same. It was hard and unpalatable to come to the realisation that being abandoned by the system was actually a good thing as it allowed me to live on my own terms and not get sucked in to the tyranny which expected me only to be its slave. The fear was harder to shake off but shake it off I did, although it meant I had to plunge into and through the fear by not capitulating to the enslavers who think they own and run this world and everything in it. It was a hard and often terrifying journey but I'm glad I took it because now I'm free of much of the inhumane programming that used to dictate my every thought, emotion, and action. I wish I could tell you that there's an easy way through it, but I never found one and I'm not sure such a path even exists. I believe, however, that the strength and will to prevail are within you - all you have to do is find them.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 01 September, 2022, 09:10:26 PM
I can highly recommend getting off the social media. Ditched it all about five years and haven't missed it all. I've heard it has just got worse, and the pandemic/lock downs massively exacerbated it. Just use whatsapp to keep in touch with the people I need to keep in touch with, and curated a reddit account which is mostly animals acting like eejits. Just like the Shark, my phone is mostly just a sophisticated walkman.

For years now, the big social media sites have been driving engagement by making people angry and sad, encouraging outrage and righteous indignation.

For years now I have been comparing social media sites to meatspace social settings. If your local library didn't have a problem with people harassing women and minorities on their premises, you would boycott it as soon as you found out. If a bar doesn't have a problem with nazis using their premises to meet up, then it's a nazi bar and you don't go there.

I wouldn't bother weening off it. Yeet it out the window as the young ones say.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 02 September, 2022, 07:42:21 AM
I've pretty much been pulling myself away from them for a year and change now, if it wasn't for the fact i'd like to keep contact with as many global friends of mine as possible who might not use Whatsapp/Discord, i'd chuck them all instantly. I do think more people are starting to wake up to how much these sites have shaped our lives, largely for the worse, over the last decade and a half.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 02 September, 2022, 06:20:27 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 29 August, 2022, 08:19:28 PM
Really, not that great, I've been feeling pretty terrible and emotionally and physically drained.  I just can't seem to find the energy to find any joy in life anymore.  I'm being taken off of Co-Codomol, apparently they were meant to be a short term thing only, I've been on them for 30 years.  Now charity shops are starting to get Christmas cards in, and for various reasons I hate the Christmas season.  I just feel that life is a waste and wish there was a quick and painless way out.

I'm not a fan of Christmas either so I feel you. I'm afraid I have no advice to offer you; you've heard it all at this stage. Just go easy on yourself. I really hope better days are coming for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 02 September, 2022, 10:48:53 PM
Regarding Social Media, I'm on Facebook solely.  I use it mainly for some modelling groups, some related groups like the Black Hole movie, Space 1999 etc and to keep in touch with old school friends.  Some of the general threads from groups can be very toxic.

Despite being Scottish I am not a fan of the SNP and I've seen messages like "People like you will be dealt with", or "I'm a traitor", or "Leave Scotland for the true Scots" etc.  That sort of talk gets depressing so I now try to avoid it.

Although recently I got a little accomplishment of my own.  I do voluntary work in the Ayrshire Hospice.  They had donated to them a 1st edition, 1978 print of Dungeons and Dragons box set.  Multiple listings on ebay were over £200 with no dice in fair condition.  This had the dice in a sealed bag, Module B1 (Before B2 Keep on the Borderlands) which was a royalties issue.  The other staff didn't know what they had and deferred to me, they put it out at £100.

Some chancer tried to say two dice were missing and it wasn't an early edition.  I asked him what dice, he wouldn't answer.  And he stated that there were copies at £40 (why not buy it then).  It apparently sold on my day off, two days after being put out.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 02 September, 2022, 11:49:33 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 02 September, 2022, 10:48:53 PM
Regarding Social Media, I'm on Facebook solely.  I use it mainly for some modelling groups, some related groups like the Black Hole movie, Space 1999 etc and to keep in touch with old school friends.  Some of the general threads from groups can be very toxic.

As I said, these sites appear to promote outrage and righteous indignation. If the groups on there are as toxic as you say, you might want to consider smaller more obscure fan-sites to indulge your interests. Like here, but for Space 1999 or whatever.

Quote from: Jade Falcon on 02 September, 2022, 10:48:53 PM
I've seen messages like "People like you will be dealt with", or "I'm a traitor", or "Leave Scotland for the true Scots" etc...

No true Scotsman would be posting that sort of nonsense ;)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 04 September, 2022, 05:47:23 PM
I went to my brothers silver wedding anniversary last night.  It was in a pub, loud music, very loud but at least the songs themselves werent bad.  I have been feeling down for a while and yesterday was even worse before I even got there.  There were a lot of people there, most of whom I didn't even know.

I don't do pubs and loud music really.  I can't drink due to health issues, plus I was driving anyway.  I felt very much alone in a crowded room if that makes sense.  I've even got to the stage of looking up suicide methods online.  I had once considered hanging, but I'm an amateur student of history with specific interest in the second world war era and I'd what could happen when there were botched hangings like those at Nuremberg (look up Sergeant John C Woods on Wikipedia and you'll know what I mean).

I just can't seem to focus attention on anything.  Reading, TV, even just lying in bed gets me thinking ill thoughts.  I just feel that if this is life I want no part of it.  Its complicated and very personal to explain further but I just see no worthwhile future.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 04 September, 2022, 06:54:04 PM


116 123

CALL NOW.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 04 September, 2022, 07:10:17 PM
Leggy Shark is absolutely correct, Falcon. Call that number right this minute.

Speaking as someone who has suffered from the kind of horrors you so eloquently describe for much of his adult life, I know the 'calming thrill' of "looking up suicide methods online", and further the inherent perceived stability that "having it all planned out, right to the smallest detail", gives you.

I was shocked, shocked I say, when I explained all that to a psychiatric professional, and his response to my "but I guess everyone has their death planned out, don't they?" was "No, they do not." Because it is a strong sign that all is not well and you need help. I did. It took me ages to get to the point where I don't, routinely, every bloody day, calm my anxious thoughts with a run-through of my demise.

And now that I don't, I see how wrong, and crazy, it was. And I can use that word, because I know crazy and in all likelihood one day I will feel it again.

But it's not right and it's no way to exist. So ring that number, find out that you are not alone, that it's not all there is and you can change it. It might feel like a comfortable, reassuring, 'safe place' to ponder your end like that. But it's called Morbid Rumination and, as I once explained to my wife in a moment of unforeseen and accidental clarity, "it's the brain fooling you because depression wants you dead". You can beat your brain, train it, whip the fucker into shape. But it's hard, and it's a slog.

Remember, even if this Board is your only outlet- it s an outlet nonetheless. Use it. There are fewer fuckers here than you'd expect from a comics forum and I've never seen anyone belittled for their mental health. That's bloody gold that is. And when you find gold, you don't let it go until you've got it in the bank.

Ring that number.

SBT
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 04 September, 2022, 08:05:24 PM
While I appreciate the Samaritans number, I have already phoned them on a double digit number of times.  While the people are well meaning, its like the whole thing that used to be said about a chinese meal, "In half an hour you feel hungry again".  I found that upon putting the phone down, in no time at all I was feeling as bad, sometimes worse than ever.

Pre lockdown I waited months to see a counsellor.  There were a few monthly meetings where this guy who honestly looked like the father from Viz's The Modern Parents, lounged back in chair and was very quiet...it was hard to describe.  Come lockdown he made a few phone calls then said that he was ceasing the sessions for...reasons.

Later I made an appointment with the GP practice mental health nurse who stated that she had been in the profession for 16 years and basically, knew what she was talking about.  Her advice, just change my life.

I had previously been on Sertraline for a year with no positive results and since I'm on a crapload of other meds wanted off them.

Part of the problem is that I feel so alone, I have no wife, no girlfriend, few people that I could call close.  I spend much of my time alone and that just eats at me. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 04 September, 2022, 08:22:41 PM

You are not alone. We're here for you.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 04 September, 2022, 08:38:28 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 04 September, 2022, 08:05:24 PM
Part of the problem is that I feel so alone, I have no wife, no girlfriend, few people that I could call close.  I spend much of my time alone and that just eats at me.

If you don't mind my suggesting, Jade, but having followed quite a lot of your posts on your situation - and please bare in mind, this is only my own personal impression based upon what I've read - loneliness seems to be actually quite a significant issue for you. Perhaps if you could find a way to address that in some small way, it might help in taking you out of yourself. It might be a distraction at least from the dark thoughts you are having. (And as someone with chronic Social Anxiety, I can relate all too well to your last sentence. But if that particular condition is not an issue for you, well there are the obvious first steps that I'm sure you have heard suggested - Meet-Up groups, hobbies etc. It all depends upon what your comfort zone is. The main thing is to take that first step. Not saying that it will be a panacea for all your ills of course, but if you think it would help, then it's worth a go if you're feeling up to it. All the best and take care - Paddy)

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 09 September, 2022, 09:47:44 PM
Now I have an email from the charity I work at saying they want a meeting to

Concerns related to your welfare and appearance
Concerns related to your performance
Agree next steps regarding volunteering with the *charity name blocked*

I went in yesterday, a little late due to bad sleep and a thumping sore head and really bad back pain.  I was asked to sort out bags upon bags of vinyl singles on the shop floor into decades but when doing so I was getting in the customers way.  I moved to the back after doing the first batch and the manager didn't seem happy about me being there, and said "Do what you want, I wont argue with you", but I moved regardless.

I don't know if its that, or something else, but I'm sodding volunteering, I am not paid, no expenses (there really isn't any) and I dont even take a break.  This has got me really stressed as I don't know what this is about or the possible outcomes.  As to improving performance, I'm not meant to lift heavy weights, but I do what I can.  There is stuff I have no knowledge of that I'm trying to figure out..
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 10 September, 2022, 11:19:21 AM
This could be a good thing Jade, they're clearly concerned about you. If you're honest with them they might be able to help you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 10 September, 2022, 08:06:51 PM
It's a fair point Rara but I'm a little disconcerted about the fact that they've emailed rather than having a quiet word.  I'm also a little perplexed by the manager's handling of the way Jade tackled the assigned job.

Jade is right, this is voluntary work with no cost to the charity.  Without volunteers the charity would not be able to open the shop (Oxfam in Cardiff was closed the other day when I was in town for precisely this reason!)

Sorting out large quantities of singles into decade batches requires space.  TBH asking for it to be done on the shop floor in the first place was a bit daft.  Why get maerdy about moving to a place where it is less likely to be an obstacle for people?

Jade, it may be an idea to ask for someone to be in with you.  If you're anything like me this is a situation that sets off my hyper-vigilance.  It sounds a little like you're starting to catastrophise too.  Unfortunately, given what you have outlined here, those are not completely unreasonable. 

For the time being, it might be an idea to agree to the meeting but ask them to stagger it so that you have time to process what they are telling you first before discussing a way forward.  I'm guessing that right now you're not in the best head space for in depth discussions about actions.  You need to be able to come to terms with how it makes you feel first.

For the meantime Jade, please keep on posting.  We're all more than happy to lend an ear and do what we can to help you get through whatever this is.  You'd think with the recruitment issues companies are facing right now, charities would be a little more circumspect about what they need to do.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Eric Plumrose on 10 September, 2022, 10:11:28 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 04 September, 2022, 08:05:24 PM
While I appreciate the Samaritans number . . . its like the whole thing that used to be said about a chinese meal, "In half an hour you feel hungry again".

For those unaware, Samaritans aren't trained counsellors (trained, yes, but not as counsellors), which is why they don't give advice (individual volunteers might, inadvertently, but it isn't the organisation's policy and is actively discouraged).

As Jade says, 'you feel hungry again' half an hour after (which can be true for a lot of callers), but the point of Samaritans is to be there for callers in the moment.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 11 September, 2022, 09:38:49 AM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 10 September, 2022, 08:06:51 PM

Jade is right, this is voluntary work with no cost to the charity.  Without volunteers the charity would not be able to open the shop (Oxfam in Cardiff was closed the other day when I was in town for precisely this reason!)

Sorting out large quantities of singles into decade batches requires space.  TBH asking for it to be done on the shop floor in the first place was a bit daft.  Why get maerdy about moving to a place where it is less likely to be an obstacle for people?


While that's very true any job, whether paid or voluntary, requires you to present yourself in a particular manner (clean and wearing clean clothes) public facing or not. Jade has before mentioned struggling with housework and I'm wondering if this has spread to other areas leading to the "Concerns related to your welfare and appearance". Granted that on the morning in question he was a tad late, had slept badly and dressed in a hurry but if this is a regular occurrence it might prompt others to ask 'Is everything ok?'

I absolutely agree with you on floor work, Jade has spoken about having a bad back but also mentions that he does what he can however this raises the "Concerns related to your performance". No one with a bad back should be kneeling on a floor bent over sorting through things. Jade you are not obliged to set yourself on fire to keep anyone warm; if there are things you shouldn't do because it will aggravate your back then don't do them.

I'm sure this is just a catch-up / check-in. I have them all the time with my boss and yet every time I see the notification I think "Oh no, I'm getting fired". We all associate being called in to talk to the boss as a bad thing and it usually isn't. Try not to overthink this and as always we're here for you.



Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 September, 2022, 03:09:43 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 11 September, 2022, 09:38:49 AM

I'm sure this is just a catch-up / check-in. I have them all the time with my boss and yet every time I see the notification I think "Oh no, I'm getting fired". We all associate being called in to talk to the boss as a bad thing and it usually isn't. Try not to overthink this and as always we're here for you.

As a natural-born catastrophiser, I completely agree with this - I get a sense of genuine dread and all the physical symptoms associated therewith every time I get a phone call from a number I don't recognise, or an official-looking letter.  Looking back, not one of them has had any effect on my current quality of life.  I'm working on it though; sorry to bang on ad nauseum about Dr David Burns but understanding his list of the cognitive distortions that lead to anxiety and depression have had a hugely positive effect on me. 

Catastrophising, or 'all-or-nothing thinking', is the idea that an event in the future will lead to absolute 100% disaster, rather than life's usual mix of positives and negatives.  Not saying this will work for anyone else, but I've found that writing down the absolute worst possible scenario and rehearsing it mentally makes me realise it won't be anything I really can't handle.

About ten years ago, when I was at a very low ebb in life (wracked with anxiety and sleep deprivation while being broke and working illegally in Beijing during a time of crackdown on illegal immigration), I wrote a list of my fears for the future.  I found them again years later and discovered that not one of them had come to pass.  The most awful things that actually happened - e.g. the fire last year that destroyed my home and nearly all my possessions, and which came close to killing me - were things I hadn't anticipated at all.  And even then, life went on with its normal ups and downs.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 11 September, 2022, 05:11:01 PM
I DO have a pile of washing that needs doing, however I have a lot of clean clothing, so I'm ok there.

Its again, the fact that this happened on a Friday, I seem to have this sort of thing happen a lot.  Dental problems, feeling ill etc, and nothing can be done.  There was a contact number in the email that I phoned back, and...answer phone.  I mentioned that I could not attend the meeting, and could I hear what this was all about, especially as I suffer from depression and anxiety.

Guess what, no response.  I tried phoning the shop on Saturday and today, the manager is not in.  I try to do things that aren't really mentioned.  I volunteered to take waste cardboard to the recycling centre in my car, and despite my car being a VW Golf, its not a small amount, it was two or three car fulls.  We were short of change, I volunteered to go to the post office.  They got an early D&D set in, I got them a valuation.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 11 September, 2022, 08:37:53 PM
When do they want to see you?

I think if it was something bad they would want to speak to you straight away so this sounds like a catch up. If the manager is not in the shop when you are it's totally normal that she would send an email to arrange something. And these things are always done face to face if she's not seeing you in person regularly.

The list Jayzus suggested sounds really helpful. If you can identify what you're anxious about it might help alleviate your anxiety.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 September, 2022, 10:04:30 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 11 September, 2022, 08:37:53 PM
When do they want to see you?

I think if it was something bad they would want to speak to you straight away so this sounds like a catch up. If the manager is not in the shop when you are it's totally normal that she would send an email to arrange something. And these things are always done face to face if she's not seeing you in person regularly.

The list Jayzus suggested sounds really helpful. If you can identify what you're anxious about it might help alleviate your anxiety.

Here's that list, if anyone's interested.  It's only a part of the CBT system I use but it's probably the most effective, in my case at least.  Also, it doesn't work if you just do it mentally - the thought has to be written down, and the distortions (and reasons for associating them) beside it.  I don't know why it has to be written, but I do know that's the only way it'll work.

http://www.pacwrc.pitt.edu/curriculum/313_MngngImpctTrmtcStrssChldWlfrPrfssnl/hndts/HO15_ThnkngAbtThnkng.pdf (http://www.pacwrc.pitt.edu/curriculum/313_MngngImpctTrmtcStrssChldWlfrPrfssnl/hndts/HO15_ThnkngAbtThnkng.pdf)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 September, 2022, 02:16:10 AM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 11 September, 2022, 08:37:53 PM
When do they want to see you?

I think if it was something bad they would want to speak to you straight away so this sounds like a catch up. If the manager is not in the shop when you are it's totally normal that she would send an email to arrange something. And these things are always done face to face if she's not seeing you in person regularly.

The list Jayzus suggested sounds really helpful. If you can identify what you're anxious about it might help alleviate your anxiety.

I work there on a Thursday from 12:30 to 5pm.  On Friday, I checked my emails at night saying they wanted to see me on Tuesday.  A note was said that they wanted to know if I could attent ASAP.  The manager was there with me on Thursday.  Its just worrisome that this has been done on Friday, it almost seems a bit sneaky, but my imagination is running ahead of me.  Its been the only thing I can think of since Friday, with all sorts of worst case scenarios.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 12 September, 2022, 08:09:12 AM
What are the worst case scenarios? What do you think they'll say that's so bad?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 September, 2022, 11:44:40 PM
If I'm honest, I don't know.  It could be anything, it could be nothing.  I tried phoning the shop manager today in the morning and got abruptly told to phone back later as she was dealing with admin stuff,.  I phoned later and no answer.  An email from the HR said it was a supportive talk and just repeated the concerns part after saying they did not know I had anxiety issues.  However, there was no elaboration on what exactly this means.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 13 September, 2022, 06:28:34 PM
Honestly Jade it just sounds like they've noticed you're struggling and want to talk to you about it. It doesn't sound like you're in any "trouble" (if that's what you were worried about).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 13 September, 2022, 06:41:02 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 02 September, 2022, 10:48:53 PM
Regarding Social Media, I'm on Facebook solely.  I use it mainly for some modelling groups, some related groups like the Black Hole movie, Space 1999 etc


Speaking of Space 1999, am I right in thinking that today is the anniversary of the day of that nuclear explosion on the moon?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 13 September, 2022, 07:22:57 PM
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/67/S99-Y2-Cast.jpg)

- Clutch me!

- Clutch me!

- No clutch for me, huh?

Only 311 people in the moonbase. Awkward.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 September, 2022, 12:19:27 AM
I've been unemployed for the vast majority of my life due to a variety of factors, mainly ill health.  I am not someone who is one of the idle unemployed, I'm not the popular caricature that some like to project, sitting drinking booze, or whatever.

I wanted to work, but was never lucky except for a month in a shady call centre doing cold calls (that was not the original job description).  I've been sending out applications where I dont think I even have a chance...

Now it seems my luck might have changed.  I got a job offer.  Granted, its minimum wage, and its full time in a call centre, not what I would have liked ideally, but its a start.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 14 September, 2022, 08:13:48 AM
Jade that is fantastic news and well done!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 14 September, 2022, 05:36:29 PM
Nice work, Jade. Onwards and upwards
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 September, 2022, 07:49:03 PM
It is good news, but I'm filling out all the papers needed and its a sod proving you are who you are.  One is a proof of identity, and my birth certificate has a different surname because my Mum was seperated from her first husband at the time.  I've never been known by any other name but the other name.  I would have thought that especially nowadays this sort of thing is more common than not, but I just can't find something to back it up.

Another grim spot is my car.  I have spent a fair bit on it recently.  Its a 2006 VW Golf, mechanically very reliable but its suffering from constant water leaks.  I must have spent nearly a grand on it and I'm starting to think its throwing good money after bad.  The car has low mileage for its age, just over 70000, and is otherwise fine.  However there has been water coming in the passenger side, it gets fixed, the drivers side feels like a mangrove swamp, its fixed, then the passenger side front and back is bad again, rinse (literally) and repeat.  Unfortunately used car sales are ridiculous and I only have an automatic licence.  Perhaps it might be better trying to see if I can get my manual licence.  Getting a cheaper car is near impossible now unless you want one that has been beaten to death.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 14 September, 2022, 09:00:55 PM
Can't you use your drivers license as proof of identity?

That sounds awful - what have they fixed? Have they replaced the window or seal around the door?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 September, 2022, 10:03:24 PM
The drivers licence was a photographic proof section.

This other is a long list of eligible documents, covering if you come from Jersey, Isle of Man etc, and most of them are passport related.  I don't have a passport.

The car itself.  In total, it has had both footwells drained, the pollen filter replaced, the door seals checked, the sunroof drains checked and other things.  It just seems as soon as one thing is done the other acts up.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 29 September, 2022, 07:13:04 AM
Goodby, Farewell and Amen.

Finally decided to stop pissing into the wind.  Fed up bouncing from one fuck up to the next.  Time for the black pill.

Good luck to all. hope things go better for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Colin YNWA on 29 September, 2022, 08:07:52 AM
Tjm86 please fella talk to some one. I'll pm my phone number as even though we don't know yeah other personally I want you to know you can talk to me about whatever you need to to avoid having those thoughts.

I am here for you and I'm sure others are too. Please talk to us.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 29 September, 2022, 09:31:30 AM
Ah please TJM, talk to someone, drop a DM if you're not comfortable putting it out in a public platform.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 29 September, 2022, 08:29:30 PM

Concerned about this.

Talk to us, Tjm86.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 30 September, 2022, 09:57:31 AM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 29 September, 2022, 09:31:30 AM
Ah please TJM, talk to someone, drop a DM if you're not comfortable putting it out in a public platform.

Absolutely - please be safe, TJM, and as the man says, send a DM if you want.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 30 September, 2022, 10:43:09 AM
To echo what the other guys said above, concerned for you Tjm.
You don't know me personally, if it's easier to talk to someone like that (I know sometimes it can be) then I'm happy to listen.
Please take care of yourself.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 30 September, 2022, 03:04:20 PM
Can't add much more than what other folk here have already said, TJM. Just hope you managed to pull yourself back from the darkness. Take care and all the best.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 30 September, 2022, 04:12:37 PM
So, not wanting to pry, but anybody got any response from TJM?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Colin YNWA on 30 September, 2022, 04:23:32 PM
Sadly not yet for me.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 30 September, 2022, 10:59:56 PM
Nor me I'm afraid
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 04 October, 2022, 10:52:40 PM
Has anyone heard from TJM?   It's very worrying. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 05 October, 2022, 03:26:49 PM
Nothing, sadly. :(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 05 October, 2022, 09:41:07 PM
Shite.  Really hope it's not what it sounds like.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 06 October, 2022, 10:35:40 AM
worrying news 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 13 October, 2022, 05:30:39 PM
Well, my fear and concern re my housing situation would appear to have been justified.

The new landlord was around today - I was out when he arrived but was updated on events by a couple of the other tenants - and he  was talking about fire safety laws, and using that as an excuse to renovate the building. He said that he would be giving us six months notice, and after renovations he would be re-letting the house ( and increasing the rent, which in all likelihood will make it unaffordable for myself and those of us here.)

So much for my former landlord's assurances. Clearly, whatever contract is going to be signed between them isn't - as the saying goes - worth the paper it's written on.

So basically, I'm fucked.

I spent two months homeless before, and given the way things are now, the chances of my finding anywhere else to live are next to impossible. My already pre-existing depression and anxiety are through the roof now.

I would rather be dead than have to wind up in a fucking homeless shelter or hostel, with all the horror that entails. Some years ago, my uncle - a gentle and timid soul, with similar issues as myself - found himself in the same awful position. He ended up knocking back a bottle of whiskey and drowning himself in the Liffey.

I'm already beginning to think that it might be  time to join him.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 13 October, 2022, 06:45:01 PM

Don't begin to think that, PK.

When I lost my home and most of my stuff it was hard and depressing but also liberating. Now I live in a shed on the campsite where I work, surrounded by trees and nature. Honestly, I've never been happier even though I'm permanently skint. One lesson I learned is that the less stuff I have, the less stuff I need - because all that crap I used to own was actually owning me.

I'm not saying it's easy to live in a shed with very little money, but then It's by no means intolerable either. A way will present itself, you just have to look out for it.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 13 October, 2022, 06:51:12 PM
Am I bananas to suggest council housing as a solution? I realize I don't know your particular circumstances, or about local availability, or whether it's practical - but perhaps something to look into?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 13 October, 2022, 07:55:43 PM
Paddy if you are based in Ireland (which I think you are) you have my sympathies ; the housing market is impossible here.

You should be aware of your rights as a tenant; the landlord must serve you notice in writing and because you've lived there for 13 years he must give you no less than 224 days notice.

There's info here: https://www.rtb.ie/ending-a-tenancy/notices-of-termination

And you can contact Threshold if you need further assurances. I realise you're probably well aware of this but just in case.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 14 October, 2022, 11:48:43 AM
Hi folks. Many thanks for your replies and just to take them in order.

RE Legendary Shark: Amongst my various possessions, the most valued and precious to me are my collection of books - numbering well over a thousand - and comics, graphic novels etc, of which there are well over three thousand. They are my literal comfort and security blanket from, and against, the world. Just being around them fills me with infinite pleasure, peace and a sense of calm and well-being. When you are a socially isolated, virtual recluse like me, that means so much, and without them I would feel truly and utterly broken. The very thought of losing them fills me with utter dread and despair!

RE Funt Solo: Yep, I've been on the council housing list for the last thirteen years. Based on my current position on the three Area Housing Lists within Dublin City, and extrapolating from the last time that I checked my placement two years ago, it will be, respectively 2, 2 & 3 years before I will even eligible to be considered for placement.

Despite my long-standing, clinically diagnosed conditions of Depression and Anxiety Disorder - as a result of which, I have been on Invalidity Pension for the last couple of years - I am not considered as a Medical Priority. And being a single, childless, middle-aged male, I am basically at the bottom of the pecking order. This was pretty much confirmed to me by a council official with whom I spoke to. And also a social worker who interviewed me in hospital, as I recovered from a suicide attempt, that was brought on by the stress incurred by the awful, five months of Anti-Social behaviour by two individuals here in the house, back in 2020. (And about which I have previously written of on the 2000AD forum.)

A Dublin City Councillor - who had said he would look into my situation - did not even afford me the simple courtesy of an acknowledgement when I filled him in on what had been happening at the time. Despite the email I sent him - which included a signed and dated letter & petition, from myself and the other tenants to the landlord, outlining what was going on at the time - I heard absolutely nothing back from him, and my phone calls and voice messages were equally ignored.

I enquired with another council official about the possibility of my being transferred to some other, say for example, rural county or council, and was told that I would just be put onto the end of their lists. My mental health conditions would also be a disadvantage when it comes to sourcing appropriate accommodation. I have personally seen what some of the council estates are like, and they ain't nice to say the least of it.

Not forgetting, that on account of my head-problems, I would be an immediate and obvious target for some of the more feral and unpleasant younger folk in those areas. I used to know a guy, with similar issues as myself, who was driven utterly and wholly demented for a couple of years by a number of such individuals. The abuse included daily insults and homophobic slurs, the word "Queer" daubed frequently upon the wall of his flat, and bricks being thrown through his window. He wasn't even gay! Just the fact that he was, in their eyes "different" was enough to make him a target. (The poor man's corpse was discovered on his couch, two days after he died from a heart-attack. I think that it is safe to say, that the constant stress he endured did not help him.)

RE Rara Avis: As you correctly surmised - and which my reply above shows - I am indeed in Ireland. "Impossible" is the mildest term I could think of to describe the housing situation in this country. I believe that the current, official homeless figure is edging towards 11,000 (and that doesn't even include the many who are couch-surfing, forced to live in cars, back with their parents etc). So between that and the ever-spiralling rental costs - which is pushing many of those, who, like myself, are dependent on Rent Supplement or the Housing Assistance Payment out of the market - the chances of finding somewhere to live are pretty much zero.

Thanks for that info from Threshold. Alas, I doubt that will make any difference to the amoral sociopath who  has taken over as the new landlord. He has already been fined by the Residential Tenancy Board, on account of his previous illegal eviction of another tenant from a different property (which he also bought from our former landlord). He has made his contempt for the RTB abundantly clear, and most likely will already have factored any other potential fines as simply part of the business.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind, that he will do all that he can to make life as unpleasant as possible for myself and the other sitting tenants here. And in any event, all that he has to do is raise our current rents to such unsustainable levels that we will simply not be able to afford them. Quite frankly, he is a thoroughly unpleasant individual, who sees us all as nothing but impediments to his avarice. And with the distressing physical ill-health I am currently experiencing - and have been for the last few months - allied with my various head problems, I'm honestly not sure that I would be able to cope.

I will certainly look into getting legal advice from the likes of Threshold etc. But things being what they are, the future is looking, to say the least of it, unpleasant and uncertain. Forgive me if I've rambled on a bit. I haven't slept at all since yesterday, and two bouts of internal bleeding - which I suffered as a direct physiological reaction, within thirty minutes of getting the bad news - have left me a bit all-at-sea.

Thanks again to you all for your kindness and support. It is much appreciated.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 14 October, 2022, 12:46:22 PM
Apols for the double post but just to clarify re the Dublin City Council, if there was suitable accommodation in a safe, quiet environment I would happily avail of it. But things being what they are, there is no guarantee on that front, when and if ever such a place became available.

Thanks again and cheers.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 14 October, 2022, 03:28:07 PM
Christ Paddy sorry to hear that, I'm hoping you get some sort of relief from all that, sounds horrendous.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 14 October, 2022, 04:21:54 PM
Thanks, Proudhuff.

Just as a quick update. I asked the two blokes who spoke with the new guy yesterday, to relay their impressions - based on the conversation which they had with him - of what was going on to the old landlord, who, as I mentioned earlier, had assured us that all would be well, that as part of the agreement between him and the  new guy, we would be kept in situ and nothing would change with regard to our current situation. But if what they were told by the new bloke is anything to go by - and which would seem to be in direct contradiction to what the former landlord said - then the future looks far from rosy.

One of them hemmed and hawed and thought that it would make no difference at this stage. (And he might well be correct, but fer Christ's sake at least make the effort, if only for the sake of clarity!) He suggested that I mention it myself to the old landlord, but as I replied, there's no point in me trying to relate a conversation which I heard second-hand. I wasn't bloody well there at the time and he is obviously in a better position to explain what went on, the words used and the nuances that he took from the conversation.

The other bloke wanted to wait until we receive an official letter from the new guy, which apparently is due sometime next week, and will clarify what his future intentions are, and our position will be. I just straight out told them both, that it was up to them so, as to what they wanted to do and that I would be having absolutely no further involvement in the matter. I texted the former landlord and suggested that he speak directly to them (and for the same reason as I suggested they speak directly to him).

I am beyond the point of frustration now, as it seems impossible to get any sort of clarity from ANYONE as to what-exactly-the-hell-is-going-on!

I led the charge when it came to trying to tackle the anti-social behaviour which previously took place here. I have done what I can with regard to this current problem. As far as I'm concerned now, the only person I'm going to be thinking of as regards this house and all pertaining to it, is MYSELF alone.

Cheers again and all the best to yourself, Proudhuff and the rest of you kind, decent folk here.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 15 October, 2022, 11:22:16 AM
Quote from: paddykafka on 14 October, 2022, 11:48:43 AM
I will certainly look into getting legal advice from the likes of Threshold etc. But things being what they are, the future is looking, to say the least of it, unpleasant and uncertain. Forgive me if I've rambled on a bit. I haven't slept at all since yesterday, and two bouts of internal bleeding - which I suffered as a direct physiological reaction, within thirty minutes of getting the bad news - have left me a bit all-at-sea.

Thanks again to you all for your kindness and support. It is much appreciated.

There is absolutely nothing to forgive - this is entirely the purpose of this thread.  Thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 15 October, 2022, 12:18:44 PM
Quote from: paddykafka on 14 October, 2022, 04:21:54 PM
As far as I'm concerned now, the only person I'm going to be thinking of as regards this house and all pertaining to it, is MYSELF alone.

This is absolutely the best course of action. Self care isn't selfish and if the other tenants haven't been helpful in the past don't put yourself out for them.

If you're on good terms with your previous landlord then maybe ask if there's a written agreement about tenants remaining in situ post sale or if anything regarding your tenancies were discussed / agreed. It might be worth a shot.

Please keep us posted and be assured that listening to your troubles are no burden.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 15 October, 2022, 03:08:05 PM
Cheers once again Rara (and also to yourself, Sheridan).

According to my now former landlord (FL) - when he broke the news to me on Wednesday - safeguards with regard to us tenants, would indeed be included, as part of the sale agreement between himself and his successor. At my request, he said that he would provide me next week, with a copy of the sale contract / agreement to allay my concerns.

But as I said earlier, what I am hearing from the two tenants who spoke to the new guy, would appear to contradict what the old landlord told me. And the fact that the new landlord seemed reluctant to confirm what the FL told me - and instead talked of Fire Safety legislation as justification to carry out renovations, how he was only required to give us six months notice, how he could get new tenants in and at higher rents etc - when they brought the issue up with him, has left me in some doubt as to our collective future.

I mean, he could simply have said to us: "Ah yeah. You will be fine. No need to worry. You'll all be kept here as before. Nothing is going to change regarding your situation. The rent will stay as it was."

That he made no effort at all to assuage our concerns has given me pause for thought. It may well be that he agreed to the FL's request with regard to our welfare, but thinks that he has found a loophole through Fire Safety legislation to get around the provisions in said contract. (Effectively pulling the wool over the FL's eyes.)

Or, worst case scenario, the FL was just telling us tenants what we would like to hear. I would like to think - given the up-to-now excellent relationship and experience I had with him over the last thirteen years- that this is not the case, and that he genuinely has done all that he can with regard to our welfare.

I'll just have to wait and see. Hopefully, over the next week or so, we will get to see exactly what the future holds for us all. Thanks again and, for sure, I'll keep ye all up to date when I get further news and confirmation of our situation.

Cheers and all the best - Paddy
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 15 October, 2022, 08:13:37 PM
It certainly sounds like he is using the fire safety regulations to boot you out and get new tenants in at jacked up prices. The contract between him and your former landlord could be crucial to you - I really hope he provides it. Considering the building has been rented for the past 13 years I assume it's already up to code and might only need moderate work to modernise it.

Here are the regulations for rented properties in Ireland : https://ipoa.ie/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Housing-Standards-2019.pdf

From the landlords association : https://ipoa.ie/fire-safety-in-rentals/


Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 17 October, 2022, 09:58:25 AM
Thanks for that info, Rara. Much appreciated.

The link below, gives some idea, as to the insurmountable difficulty facing renters like myself, who are dependent upon state support - to whatever degree - when it comes to affording the insane rents, now being charged by landlords in this country.

https://www.thejournal.ie/hap-properties-report-5894975-Oct2022/

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 23 October, 2022, 05:18:21 PM
Been thinking I might go back to therapy, for a little while.

Its not about any one thing, not really. I'm not feeling particularly down right now and indeed have felt at my most stable for quite some years.

Its more a...general sense that something is wrong. And I'm uncertain how I could begin to put it into words. Its as if something clicked in my head recently on a subconscious level, a moment where you see yourself through the looking glass, or have an out of body experience in a moment of deep contemplation.
And you realize something is broken.
But you've been carrying this broken piece around for so long you don't even know what it is, or how it ended up that way, or what it was like before it was broken.
It's not fatigue or depression or anything of that sort, but a generally underlying sense of disquiet.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Mind of Wolfie Smith on 23 October, 2022, 06:08:17 PM
my father died today, too young, out of nowhere.
he was a brilliant and beautiful man. he died too young. he was my rock. he was my best friend. he was my carer (i am moderately disabled). he was made of love.
everything, everything, everything, sucks.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JohnW on 23 October, 2022, 06:15:39 PM
My sincere condolences
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Trooper McFad on 23 October, 2022, 06:41:01 PM
Sorry to hear that sad sad news my sincerest condolences. Words are not enough at this moment please take care and I hope you have others around you at this time. 🙁
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Mind of Wolfie Smith on 23 October, 2022, 07:02:17 PM
thank you both.
nothing really matters, not in the end, except love.
we are all so very fragile.
hold those you love so very close. today. not tomorrow. let them know.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JohnW on 23 October, 2022, 07:07:27 PM
Can't disagree with that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 23 October, 2022, 07:17:28 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 23 October, 2022, 05:18:21 PM
Been thinking I might go back to therapy, for a little while.

Its not about any one thing, not really. I'm not feeling particularly down right now and indeed have felt at my most stable for quite some years.

You absolutely should. I read a quote from someone recently about how things don't change from day to day but today can be very different from where you were a year or two ago. Therapy is just for crisis it's also a safe space to think about things and say them out loud.

My condolences to Wolfie Smith. Having lost my own father I can empathise but I'm utterly at a loss at what to say except I'm sorry that this has happened to you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 23 October, 2022, 07:19:36 PM

My heartfelt sympathies, Wolfie. Dads are great. Losing them sucks bad. I laughed a lot with My Dad, that's what I remember most.

*

You're a smart guy, Hawkie - I'm sure you'll figure out a way forward.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 23 October, 2022, 10:28:23 PM
Oh fuck. I'm so sorry, Wolfie.  I can't think of anything to say that won't sound trite and clichéd but I'm really really sorry and I hope you'll be OK.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Mind of Wolfie Smith on 23 October, 2022, 10:49:41 PM
thanks, guys. this community can clearly often be really genuinely kind. and in an age where kindness is increasingly such a rarity, i'm very grateful.
thank you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: SmallBlueThing(Reborn) on 23 October, 2022, 11:40:11 PM
Wolfie, that's appalling to hear and you have my deepest, deepest, condolences. Obviously you're not okay at present- who would be?- but I'm glad that in some small way this forum makes things a percentage point easier.

SBT
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: broodblik on 24 October, 2022, 04:26:29 AM
Condolences to you and your family Wolfie.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 24 October, 2022, 10:50:26 AM
Ah, no! So very sorry to read of your father's passing, Wolfie. Sincere condolences to you on your loss. May your Dad RIP.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 24 October, 2022, 10:57:29 PM
I work at a school, so this shit* (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-63375659) always hits me sort of sideways. My wife works at a school. My kid goes to a school. All these other folk attend school. And all of us are just potential sacrificial victims to the cult of the gun that the US is obsessed with. It's so fucking stupid.

Imagine handing out weapons to every stupid fucker you ever met at school. Imagine the result. That's the US. I know me going on about it on this message board won't solve anything, but it helps to vent it somewhere. Nobody here will listen to it.

*It's a report about another school shooting - something like the 35th this year. Relief that the body count is low, but of course it's not low enough. It should be zero.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Mind of Wolfie Smith on 25 October, 2022, 10:19:45 PM
in hell.
i'm sorry.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 26 October, 2022, 06:58:28 AM

Wolfie?

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 26 October, 2022, 04:17:37 PM
Thinking of ye, Wolfie. (As, I'm sure, many of us on this forum are.) Stay safe, pal.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 26 October, 2022, 07:48:07 PM
Anyone heard from TJM? Hopefully he's just taking a break ..
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 26 October, 2022, 08:07:14 PM

Hopefully.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 27 October, 2022, 10:15:38 AM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 26 October, 2022, 07:48:07 PM
Anyone heard from TJM? Hopefully he's just taking a break ..

For what it's worth, I did search death notices and obituaries for Wales, and his name doesn't seem to bring anything up. Hopefully it means that, as you say, he's just stepped back from online stuff.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 27 October, 2022, 06:01:55 PM
Thanks Dark Jimbo.

I did that too - well just for Prontypridd and West (?) Glamorgan (where his profile says he's based) but I don't know his name so I was looking for someone with the initials TJM.

Hopefully he'll be back to us soon.

@ Jade, how is your new job going?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 28 October, 2022, 08:42:34 PM
Condolences on your loss Wolfie.

Rara Avis, the job is going not too bad, I'm gaining a bit of confidence but whoever came up with the phrase "The customer is always right" obviously never worked in customer service.

While the job is a good thing, I'm finding myself in wildly varying mood swings, I don't know why.  Today for instance, the job went fairly painlessly, but I'm home and suddenly feeling very strange, very melancholy.

Some might find this a bit funny, but I've been talking to a lady from the Ukraine recently and she has tried to be encouraging.  I find myself thinking that I think I have it hard and she is living in Kharkiv.  She has tried to be supportive, and I have found myself opening up to her, and her to me.

Despite this, I find myself still thinking that the vast majority of my life has been a waste, that I've not accomplished or done anything of any real worth.  At first with the job It has been a struggle to remember what to do, there is so many systems, extension numbers, and the like.  When you tell a customer you have to put them on hold till you put them through and get that they have been waiting a long time...I can sympathise to an extent having been in that situation myself, but theres not much I can do.

As I type this post I just feel....strange, not physically, but again unfocused, mentally tired.  There had been the possibility of a model show tomorrow but that has fell through.  It would have been a day out, yet at the same time I am not bothered because I don't need any more models, its just very confusing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 28 October, 2022, 10:22:58 PM
I tipped over (in the last couple of years) from the desire to collect to the realization that I don't have the time, or sometimes the inclination, to do anything with the stuff I've collected. I have hard copy progs from 1 to 1683, but no time to do anything with the collection. Would it matter if I quietly skipped them and moved on with my life in other ways. Would it make a difference?

On the other hand - there's nothing set in stone that demands that there's a point to our existence beyond just being. It's not as if we get judged afterwards, or there's a points system or something. Here we are. That is all. Any other meaning is just something we're attaching ourselves. Which is also fine.

Also on the other hand - I finally got around to opening up a box of Skaven I've had sitting on a shelf for a year or so. In constructing the Plague Furnace I had a rat ogre left over - so I thought he'd look good skidding down some scree, launching into an attack. My other two rat ogres now need to be bracing this one, and also on rocky outcrops - which led to a hunt for some slate chunks, and a sort of base diorama that jigsaws together to form an imposing unit. Fun. (It's just playing with toys, really. But with an older brain.)

I've started to ideate (you-know-what) again, recently - I'm not sure what's driving that. It's a really sneaky bastard - it just sidles up to me when I'm doing something else and whispers "options, options..." and I'm all like "what the fuck brought you on?" I'm not keen to tell anyone [nearby] because I went through that a few months ago and was all like "cured now - tra la la". It feels fraudulent. Something like imposter syndrome with a side-helping of ennui and a smattering of mid-life crisis.

I'm also sorry for your loss, Wolfie. I can't imagine how it feels.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 28 October, 2022, 10:47:08 PM
By a point to life, I don't mean a high flying job or anything like that.  I used to have a friend who was obsessed with getting management level and upwards jobs.

No, I'm talking about more personal things.  Bar a week during my time in the Air Cadets I've never travelled outside this country, I've barely travelled at all.  I have had no luck in relationships at all, this job has been the first paid job Ive really had.  I don't even have the ambition to have a fancy car, big house etc that some crave, I count myself fairly modest in that regard.  Even if I had the money I don't think I'd be the sort to go out and buy a flash car.  My health throughout the years I think has made me very insular, and when I had the voluntary work in Oxfam bookshop I really enjoyed that being a big reader.

I'll be honest, the intake for this job, I thought I would be out soon, about half are no longer here, perhaps more.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 October, 2022, 12:13:05 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 28 October, 2022, 10:22:58 PM
I tipped over (in the last couple of years) from the desire to collect to the realization that I don't have the time, or sometimes the inclination, to do anything with the stuff I've collected. I have hard copy progs from 1 to 1683, but no time to do anything with the collection. Would it matter if I quietly skipped them and moved on with my life in other ways. Would it make a difference?

On the other hand - there's nothing set in stone that demands that there's a point to our existence beyond just being. It's not as if we get judged afterwards, or there's a points system or something. Here we are. That is all. Any other meaning is just something we're attaching ourselves. Which is also fine.

Also on the other hand - I finally got around to opening up a box of Skaven I've had sitting on a shelf for a year or so. In constructing the Plague Furnace I had a rat ogre left over - so I thought he'd look good skidding down some scree, launching into an attack. My other two rat ogres now need to be bracing this one, and also on rocky outcrops - which led to a hunt for some slate chunks, and a sort of base diorama that jigsaws together to form an imposing unit. Fun. (It's just playing with toys, really. But with an older brain.)

I've started to ideate (you-know-what) again, recently - I'm not sure what's driving that. It's a really sneaky bastard - it just sidles up to me when I'm doing something else and whispers "options, options..." and I'm all like "what the fuck brought you on?" I'm not keen to tell anyone [nearby] because I went through that a few months ago and was all like "cured now - tra la la". It feels fraudulent. Something like imposter syndrome with a side-helping of ennui and a smattering of mid-life crisis.

I may have misunderstood what you meant here, and please tell me if I have, but here's my tuppenceworth.

The 'all better now, I'll never be depressed again' thing is, according to the CBT techniques I've been trawling through for years, the same cognitive distortion that causes depression itself.

It's known in the system I use as 'All-or-nothing thinking' and works both ways.   When you're depressed, and believe me I have been, your brain fraudulently tells you that nothing will ever be good again, and indeed any good times you've had in the past were just an illusion of some sorts to cover up the constant bleakness.

When you're cured for whatever reason, the distorted thought arises again, in this case in reverse - 'I'm fine now, and it's all chips and gravy from here on in. '  Then when you inevitably relapse, instead of using whatever techniques you used the first time to get through the depression, you give up even trying.

It took me extensive written work to convince myself that life isn't complete darkness or complete light. It's a mix of his and bad, for everyone.   But life has been a little bit easier since the work I did started to seep into my thinking

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 October, 2022, 12:44:39 PM
*a mix of good and bad
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 October, 2022, 05:02:01 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 29 October, 2022, 12:44:39 PM
*a mix of good and bad

Oh, of course! I mean - it's really helpful that you spelled that out. Like, part of me knew the truth of that but it's helpful to have a reminder. For some reason, it's really obvious with my knee injury - my knee's never going to be 100% - it's never going to have the strength it once had - but I can make incremental improvements. When people seem incredulous that it still bothers me years after my surgery I think "well, duh, it's not as if I can grow another meniscus".

When it comes to mental health, it might help to think along similar lines. It's not a binary switch.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 29 October, 2022, 05:40:00 PM
My Ukrainian friend was trained as a pyschiatrist (sp?), and when I mentioned last night that I was feeling vile mentally, though not physically, she said it could partially be the whole autumn thing bringing on a form of depression.  I'm also not very up on the whole so called festive season for reasons I've mentioned before.  Also, it was the end of the week, this was the first week I was on the phones without buddying, which is when someone sits with you and helps through the procedures.  I had relatively few troublesome calls, but perhaps this will improve as I get used to it.

I can't go into details of the job, but its a dual monitor setup, which is new to me, and there are so many screens have to be often, keeping track of everything, especially at first is a task in itself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 29 October, 2022, 07:19:45 PM
SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. That reminds me that I should go out for a walk - my work is mainly on computers, and because I'm a teacher that results in lots of homework, so lots of screen time.

Quote from: Jade Falcon on 29 October, 2022, 05:40:00 PM
I can't go into details of the job, but its a dual monitor setup, which is new to me, and there are so many screens have to be often, keeping track of everything, especially at first is a task in itself.

I have a three-monitor setup, which is good for spreading stuff out, but sometimes it gets on top of me (just the baffling confusion of windows and priorities) and I can feel my agitation and anxiety start to spike. I think recognizing that I'm starting to lose control is a good thing - because then I can back off from it a little. Usually there's an additional time stressor involved as well.

Going for a walk now...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 30 October, 2022, 12:54:26 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 29 October, 2022, 05:02:01 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 29 October, 2022, 12:44:39 PM
*a mix of good and bad

Oh, of course! I mean - it's really helpful that you spelled that out. Like, part of me knew the truth of that but it's helpful to have a reminder. For some reason, it's really obvious with my knee injury - my knee's never going to be 100% - it's never going to have the strength it once had - but I can make incremental improvements. When people seem incredulous that it still bothers me years after my surgery I think "well, duh, it's not as if I can grow another meniscus".

When it comes to mental health, it might help to think along similar lines. It's not a binary switch.

Right there with you - I got a knee injury in a motorbike accident a couple of years ago.  It'll never be right again but what's the worst that can happen?  I'll probably need a knee replacement sometime, but feck it, I have insurance. 

But yeah, the all-or-nothing delusion, and a delusion it certainly is, has been the cause of all my episodes of depression, and working through it all on paper has been the only thing that's worked.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 31 October, 2022, 01:11:55 PM
I am officially in Hell!

So last Tuesday -as I suspected was inevitable - the New Landlord (NL) gave myself and the other tenants here in the house, official written notice of termination of tenancy. This, despite previously signing a contract with the Old Landlord (OL), which stipulated that the property was sold as a going concern, and that "the purchasers have been informed of your continuing tenancy in the property".  2

The same written notice was also given to the Residential Tenancies Board (RTB). It would take far too long to go into all the  paperwork involved, but suffice to say, the reason he is using is that he intends too substantially refurbish or renovate the gaff, and that, for various health & safety legislations outlined in the document, the work can not safely be carried out with the current  tenants in situ. It is expected that the work will take 4 -6 months to complete.

He, the NL, was ever so apologetic and nicey-nicey about it, saying that he would do his best to find us alternative accommodation via other estate agents etc; that he would help us out if we needed a few extra bob towards the costs of a new deposit etc. To which I felt like saying: "Go and ask me bollix!"

For starters, he has already been cited by the RTB for the illegal eviction, and withholding of a deposit, from a former tenant of another property that he also bought from the OL. He still owes the OL four and a half grand from the sale of the house I'm in, and by going back on his word to the OL, has proven himself to be an absolute and utter liar. And I'm supposed to believe a fucking word out of this amoral weasel's mouth?!

Given that then - as now - I am currently sick as a dog, and had a doctor's appointment within the next half hour, I could not bring myself to start getting into all this.

So off I go to the Doc I go. When I went in and he asked how things were, the first thing I stated was that I had just been given a notice of eviction, and so was not feeling really all that great actually. Do you think he  expressed any sort of empathy at all? Even so much as a "sorry to hear that"? Nah! Just: "So what can I do for you?"

Well, I had previously asked him for a referral to a private hospital for a medical procedure. (Which I would have to pay for myself, on account of the public health waiting list being so insanely long.) However, thanks to inaccurate and incomplete information received from said hospital, it transpired that the costs for the procedure were too much over and above what they initially quoted. So I tried a different hospital, and got a definitive quote from them that was still within my budget. All that I required was a second referral from my doc to this hospital and I could expect an appointment within a little over three weeks or so.

Pretty straightforward, you would think, eh? But no! This fucking wanker of a so-called doctor, rounded on me and started berating me, saying that he other patients to be considering, and did I think he had nothing better to be doing than sending off five referrals to other hospitals for me!?

It took every single ounce of restraint that I had, not to punch his fucking lights out on the spot. I've just been given notice of eviction, I'm extremely ill, trying desperately to get the medical help that I urgently need, and this mother-fucker of a quack is giving me a hard time?! Well, I literally snarled back at him: "I'm not asking you for FIVE referrals! I'm only asking you for the one! And it specifically states on their website, that the referral needs to come from the GP themselves!"

The miserable bastard sighed, grudgingly printed off the original referral - with a couple of handwritten corrections to the new hospital - and I gave it to his staff member to email off. (There's a good reason that my nickname for that leech is "Doctor No"!)

And then, to cap off a not so wonderful couple of days, last Thursday evening, I got severe food-poisoning - quite possibly salmonella! - that resulted in my having to call an ambulance and be brought off to hospital. (From whence I am writing my current tale of woe.) I am, at present, in a ward that includes some poor old git who sounds lie he's got a permanent death rattle going on, two women who are blabbing loudly and far too often on their phones, to say nothing of all the high beeps and bops of machinery that you would expect in such a setting. Which, for the introverted, extremely noise-sensitive recluse that I am, is little short of Hell.

Because of it being a Bank Holiday, whatever diagnosis and treatment I could receive has been delayed by two days. About the only upside is, that the the staff / docs here might be able to confirm just what is wrong with me and see about a cure.

Of course by that stage, it is entirely possible that I will have gone completely mad! I guess I'll have to see what happens first...

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JohnW on 31 October, 2022, 02:08:56 PM
Jesus, Paddy, but you have my sympathy.
I have no real business intruding on this thread, as my problems – thank Christ – do not include the Black Dog. Nevertheless, I can hardly be on this forum and read your post with bland silence.
So again, my sympathy.
John
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 31 October, 2022, 03:22:54 PM
Christ on a lawmaster, absolutely wretched.
Let us know if any level of community of reach is required, paddy, this couldn't and shouldn't stand.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 31 October, 2022, 05:12:26 PM
My god, that's the pits. Thoughts are with you, Paddy.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 02 November, 2022, 12:25:58 AM
Jesus Paddy, dont you have the equivalent of a Citizens Advice, though in truth a lot of these bodies do seem to be essentially toothless.

As to myself...I don't know.  I want to stick this job out for experience if nothing else, but I find myself partially physically exhausted but very mentally.  Seven and a half hours of customer calls is very draining.  A large number of them are okay, balance enquiries, questions about debits etc.

However, you get the ones that are unhappy.  I'm basic customer service, I'm new, so I've been told we shouldn't try to run before we walk.  It's when you get someone that you have to say you have to transfer them to another line for example.  The time some spend arguing, they could be through to the correct place.

It's just what seems to be a rather draining job, its minimum wage, and while we're told there are prospects for training up into other departments or indeed promotion, I can't see it happening for me.

Don't get me wrong, its better than being on the dole, even with still retaining my pip.  I must be saving quite a bit on utility bills being out most of the day, though increased use of my car means more fuel.

That's another thing, I've had the VW Golf for a few years.  It's a 2006 vehicle, but low mileage, about 74k.  I've been getting a constant problem of water leakages in the floor.  If it's not one side, its the other, (or both).  While mechanically reliable, I'm rapidly loosing faith in it, and wondering if its a case of too much money with ultimately no results.  However the used car market at the moment is downright toxic with silly money for vehicles that are well over 100k miles.

When I'm home I find myself extremely unfocused and unable to concentrate.  I've been rereading the 2000ad collection and its taken me 4 or 5 nights to get through a single Robo Hunter book.

Add to that my Ukrainian friend, she lives in Kharkiv, and I told her that I worry about her with what is happening, and she said I shouldn't as she's perfectly capable of looking after herself, but I can't help it.  I find myself at times being anxious.

The doctors tried to get me to go for a colonoscopy, and I refused, I just feel I don't want to know, so they sent out a self test kit which just turns my stomach to even think about.

I know it must sound like I'm complaining about nothing.  I don't know, I'm just not feeling 'it', my happiness hasn't increased.  I'm very nervous about this job, just so worried if I screw up.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 02 November, 2022, 11:45:35 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 02 November, 2022, 12:25:58 AM
Jesus Paddy, dont you have the equivalent of a Citizens Advice, though in truth a lot of these bodies do seem to be essentially toothless.

I rang them over two weeks ago, was told that they would get back to me in a couple of days. Still haven't heard a word back from them. And because of changes made as a result of Covid *- a convenient excuse for the Board to change how the service is run - there would appear to be problems in relation to staffing, which I would assume is having an impact on the efficiency of the service. And hence why I haven't been given a call back. But hey-ho, that's par for the course in this sodding country, on so many levels.

In any event, I'm too mentally and physically fucked right now to be bothered. Just got out of hospital last night and I'm feeling lower than I can recall in years. Will give more of an update when I'm up to it.

Thanks to all you folk for your kindness and support, as ever. Hope you'll be feeling a bit better at some stage, Jade.

Cheers.

*https://www.rte.ie/news/ireland/2022/0901/1319987-citizens-information/
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 02 November, 2022, 10:37:45 PM
So far I've been working Monday to Friday, now this week I'm working Saturday and there's a Wednesday off.  Some might prefer the week to be split like that, but I don't know if I do.  I don't have a choice in the shift patterns anyway.

Anyway, the one day had horrendous weather, I had to get my Flu and Covid booster shot.  For some reason I had to reschedule my appointment and the municipal hall that I got my first two shots in couldn't seem to take appointments.  I was three or four months into next year.  Instead I had to go to an airport terminal, Prestwick, if anyone has heard of it.  So on a very dreich day I went out when I didn't really feel up to it.

That's another thing, I'd like to get hold of the braindead sod who decided it was a good idea to replace normal bins with wheelie bins especially in an area literally spitting distance from the sea.  We were meant to get the larger communal ones, but that never happened.

Today I've felt physically and mentally drained, I'm just anxious, and I have no bloody notion of going in tomorrow, but I know I've no choice.  I will probably be ok once in though.  The thing is that the first half of the day seems to go in fairly quickly for the most part.  The latter part drags, and the last hour seems to last forever.  Then its driving home that takes about half to three quarters of an hour on a road that is not particularly wonderful.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 03 November, 2022, 06:09:15 PM
Quote from: paddykafka on 02 November, 2022, 11:45:35 AM

Paddy you need to get onto Threshold who can advise you of your rights and open a case with the RTB asap.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 03 November, 2022, 07:53:59 PM
Quote from: Dark Jimbo on 27 October, 2022, 10:15:38 AM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 26 October, 2022, 07:48:07 PM
Anyone heard from TJM? Hopefully he's just taking a break ..

For what it's worth, I did search death notices and obituaries for Wales, and his name doesn't seem to bring anything up. Hopefully it means that, as you say, he's just stepped back from online stuff.

Sorry for causing any consternation.  Last month or so (hell, last few years ... okay, decades ...) has not been great.  Wife has threatened to call police a couple of times because she was worried about my reactivity.  Didn't fully appreciate how bad things had gotten. 

TBH I'm still not completely clear why I descended so badly.  Possibly with trying to sort out medication (SSRI's not worked great) alongside the general background right now.  That on top of trying to move forward after redundancy, failed job searches and starting off afresh in a completely new field ... I don't know.  I never cope with change particularly well and there has been too much recently ...

Thanks for the concern though.  Right now I'm just plodding forward, despite the recent crisis.  Reading some of the crap folks are dealing with I feel like I'm being incredibly selfish since I don't think I'm dealing with anything even approaching the worst others are dealing with right now.  Just a bit of a meltdown after thirty odd years of failing to cope with BPD (or whatever it is I am dealing with ... you know medics ...)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 03 November, 2022, 08:15:18 PM

Glad you're okay, Tjm. Things are always less horrible when there are people to lean on - even spooky virtual people on some realm that doesn't really exist - so don't apologize. Lean.

Good to have you back.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Trooper McFad on 03 November, 2022, 08:35:37 PM
So glad to hear you're back. Just spout your shit on here and someone will have dealt with something similar and offer support.
It's definitely good to talk.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 03 November, 2022, 11:20:39 PM
Glad to hear from you TJM.  I wouldn't worry about feeling that people have it worse, I think that can be the fault of so many mental health practicioners, some seem to think there's a one or two sizes fits all solution.

Pills, or generic therapy with rather dismissive solutions that often don't really help.

Even contacts like the Samaritans or Breathing Space aren't much help beyond possibly a few minutes, despite their best intentions.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 04 November, 2022, 08:53:58 AM
Really good to hear from you TJM.

Feeling depressed isn't comparable, please don't feel guilty thinking others have it worse so your feelings are less viable.
I don't comment much on this thread, I feel others say things better than I, but if you want to give voice to some pain and share the burden a little, we are here for you.

That goes for anyone here going through hell right now. Love to all you guys.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Colin YNWA on 04 November, 2022, 08:56:18 AM
So glad to see you back TJM.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 04 November, 2022, 11:14:52 AM
Welcome back, TJM and all the best to you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: broodblik on 04 November, 2022, 11:41:26 AM
Also glad to hear from you again TJM
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 04 November, 2022, 11:53:00 AM
Now that is a relief, take care TJM.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 04 November, 2022, 02:59:02 PM
Aye what they said, good to see you here, and like the Shark says lean. Its not a weakness its a joy.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 05 November, 2022, 10:01:28 AM
What great news to wake up to! I'm so glad you're back TJM.

Suffering isn't a competition and your struggles and the effect they have on you are just as valid as anyone else's. It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate right now; just remember that we're all here for you and feel free to vent about anything anytime.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 05 November, 2022, 10:10:38 PM
Very pleased to see you posting again, TJM.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 10 November, 2022, 09:37:19 AM
I've had a pretty horrid week on the whole, pretty much nothing has gone right for me in any regards and in certain regards it looks like I could stand to lose a lot of time and money. Ended up going to dark places, figuratively speaking.

Then literally, I went for a night walk. I used to do them a lot a decade or so ago, helped with exam stress. I really can't emphasise how curative they can be. Visit any busy place or street, anywhere you associate with your anxieties or stresses even in the smallest of ways, at 3 in the morning and you will see how unimportant it really is. It's one of the most cathartic therapies you can self-prescribe.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 10 November, 2022, 06:19:28 PM
Relieved and glad to see you back, Tjm. HM, glad you could find a bit of relief too.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 10 November, 2022, 07:21:53 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 10 November, 2022, 09:37:19 AM
Visit any busy place or street, anywhere you associate with your anxieties or stresses even in the smallest of ways, at 3 in the morning and you will see how unimportant it really is. It's one of the most cathartic therapies you can self-prescribe.

That's really interesting. I used to work hospitality in Aviemore, and it was a bit like living in an episode of Eastenders - so could get quite stressful. I remember the feeling, whenever I managed to get a bus out of there for a little while, how all the cares would just slide away with the passing miles. They only mattered there.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 12 November, 2022, 12:32:51 AM
Well I'm slowly adjusting to my job, the Line manager said yesterday I was a lot better and more confident which was morale boosting.  Obviously not perfect as there had been people there for years.

Add in today there is news of a pay rise.  Only about 80 pence an hour extra, but over a thirty seven and a half hour week, its a nice unexpected addition.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 12 November, 2022, 01:52:09 PM
Glad to hear it. 80p extra an hour doesn't sound too shabby to me - it should add up to a tidy little bit of pocket money at the end of the week.  (Sadly, I've never been able to get past my university-born habit of calculating unexpected cash sums in terms of numbers of pints, but there's definitely a reasonable trip to the boozer there if that's your thing.)

Personally I've been struggling a lot with stress and anxiety since an obnoxious, arrogant student joined my English class a couple of weeks ago. After days of mental exhaustion trying to work out how to contain his bad attitude and simultaneously deliver a good class to the students who actually give a fuck, I finally outlined my difficulties to my boss in writing.

On hearing of his behaviour, she sent me a voice message calling him a 'shit', a 'bastard' and a 'sociopath', all of which I can now admit to myself are accurate, and expelled him there and then.

He'll have a lot of wrangling and stress himself now dealing with trying to find a new school to satisfy immigration, which I wouldn't wish on him at all, but I have to admit I'm hugely relieved.  I've had a literal headache for 4 days straight that painkillers wouldn't shift but it's finally easing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 16 November, 2022, 09:40:35 AM
Glad to hear that you got that problem sorted, JBC. He sounded like a right prick and you're well rid of him. Also good that you have a supportive boss who was willing to act swiftly on your behalf. (If only all bosses were like that!)

RE: Hawkmumbler - Sorry to hear about your troubles and it's good to know that you've found a remedy of sorts. Hope that things will improve for you.

RE: Rara Avis - Belated thanks for your support and advice on Threshold. I do plan on touching base with them at some point in the near future. Recent and more unfortunate health events - about which I will post at some other stage - have held me up from contacting them. But when I'm back to something approaching normality, I do plan on reaching out for their support.

RE: Jade Falcon - Delighted for you on your pay rise. Just think of all the more Tooth products that you'll be able to spend your hard-earned Galactic Groats upon!  :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 November, 2022, 08:18:40 PM
Quote from: paddykafka on 16 November, 2022, 09:40:35 AM
Glad to hear that you got that problem sorted, JBC. He sounded like a right prick and you're well rid of him. Also good that you have a supportive boss who was willing to act swiftly on your behalf. (If only all bosses were like that!)


Thanks, Paddy. You're one of the good guys too. Yeah, I'm really lucky to have such a great boss - she's a tiny elderly woman but hard as nails and fiercely protective of her staff, as we are of her.

I'm only part-time, the rest of my time is spent flailing about desperately trying to run my business, but it's amazing how one bad apple can take over your whole waking life - though I suppose nobody knows that better than you :(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 18 November, 2022, 08:16:14 PM
Not a good day on the job at all.  We're expected on average to service a call every few minutes, with some exceptions.  I got a couple of argumentative sods, one was online for 53 minutes.  I find it mentally draining, especially sittingin front of a twin monitor setup for seven and a half hours.

I really don't think I'm cut out for this job, there's so much to try and remember, so much to take in and the potential for a major mistake is just too much.

Now my shifts next week involve starting at 7 in the morning.  I like to allow myself an hour for driving up to take into account traffic, bad weather conditions and other factors like road works or being stuck behind a tractor or slow truck.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 19 November, 2022, 12:05:20 AM
It's fecking hard, alright, the whole call centre thing.  I used to be absolutely exhausted at the end of a day on the phones.  Hope you can stick it out, though, and keep the momentum going now you're making some money.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 20 November, 2022, 11:42:42 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 18 November, 2022, 08:16:14 PM
I really don't think I'm cut out for this job, there's so much to try and remember, so much to take in and the potential for a major mistake is just too much.

Jade go easy on yourself, you're not expected to remember it all after only 3 months. Also, making mistakes is part of the learning process. They are going to happen and it's not going to be the end of the world.

@ Paddy, any news on the homefront?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 20 November, 2022, 03:38:11 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 20 November, 2022, 11:42:42 AM

@ Paddy, any news on the homefront?

Hi Rara Avis,
Well, as far as the home front goes, one of the  chaps - in one of the flats upstairs - has already  left the house and found accommodation through a former landlady of his. He had no sooner gone, than the new landlord (NL) aka Scumbag, had the builders in, ripping up the floorboards and basically gutting the place.

This caused much annoyance to the unfortunate English chap who resides in the flat directly below. He works night shifts, and then sleeps from early morning 'till late afternoon. So you can just imagine how pissed off he was. (Not, of course, that the NL would give a shit!)  In addition to this, the water in the flat above him was twice disconnected – which effectively meant that his water supply was also cut off. And to add insult to injury, when it was restored, there was a leak which came through his ceiling. Did the NL apologise for all this inconvenience? Did he heck as like!

Between the works being carried out in the basement flat and the one upstairs, the house is now effectively a building site. It is worth noting that the patently dubious reason which NL gave for evicting us all from here was Health & Safety legislation. In that, it would not be safe for refurbishment and renovations to be carried out in the house, while we tenants were still residing here. It does not appear to be something with which he is overly concerned about at the present time.

Due to health complications – which may or may not be related to my current ongoing illness – I had to once again, go back into hospital, this time for surgery. I had fired my former GP - whom I nicknamed "Doctor No", on account of his unpleasant, negative attitude - and switched to a lovely lady doctor in the same practice.  I swear, that woman showed me more empathy and kindness in the fifteen minutes I was with her, than "Doctor No" had displayed in the years I knew him!

It was on her advice – and with a referral letter from her - that I went back to the hospital. This meant once again spending more hours in A&E then many hours afterwards on a trolley in a corridor -with all the stress this entails - before being given a bed in a ward. I was put on the emergency list for surgery and had to wait for two days – during which time I was leaking pus and in some amount of pain and discomfort - before I was operated upon.

(Not having my laptop with me this time around, I was bored witless for want of distraction!)

A couple of days after discharge, I got to see a Public Health Nurse (PHN) for a change of dressing upon the wound. (Interestingly enough, when I related my bad experiences with "Doctor No" to the PHN, she said that she had previously received bad reports from other patients about him).

So as things currently stand, I am still in recovery mode, and not in much shape at the present time, to be dealing with my accommodation dilemma. With any luck – current illness notwithstanding -  I'll be recovered enough within the next week or so, to be in a position where I can begin to address it.

But I figure that the best and wisest course, is to get my physical health back to some sort of normality first. (I'm still waiting on confirmation from the private hospital for an appointment to carry out the medical procedure / test that will, hopefully, identify what the hell is ultimately wrong with me).

Thanks again to yourself, Rara, and all ye other Squaxx for your ongoing support and kindness. I'll keep ye all updated in the near future.

Cheers! - Paddy Kafka
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 22 November, 2022, 07:24:22 PM

Hi all.

I wanted to bang on about aphantasia (and thank you to M.I.K. for putting a word to it, which springboarded my research) for a bit because it's really knocked me for six and is threatening - but only threatening - to let slip the dogs of black, and so this seemed the correct venue. I hope you'll forgive me in advance, I have the feeling this might go on for a bit.

For all my life, the first fifty five years of it at any rate, I was firmly of the belief that when people said things like "picture, in your mind's eye, a horse," they were being rhetorical. It was just a saying. People couldn't really see images of horses with their eyes shut. They were just describing the awareness of the idea of a horse. To actually see a horse that isn't there is impossible. Nobody can do that.

Then I found out that most people actually can do that, to varying degrees. At the far end of the bell curve is hyperphantasia, where people's mental images are virtually indistinguishable from the real thing, so much so that some people have actual trouble distinguishing the real from the imagined. Hyperphantasia effects a surprising 10-15% of the population of the planet. Most people fall behind to varying degrees, their mental imagery ranging from sharp and bright to fuzzy and dark and all points in between until you get to my lot. I've seen estimates that between 1-3% to 1-5% of the population has aphantasia - the total inability to form a mental image. That's me, that is. When I close my eyes, it's just dark with a faint background hiss of muted, multicoloured static. Sometimes there's an image in that, but it's random and entirely the same thing as seeing a face in a tree or a fish in a cloud - I didn't, and indeed couldn't, conjour that "image" up in the static of my mind any more than I could conjour it up in a tree or in a cloud.

Then I found out that just about everyone else on Earth has a superpower. Except me.

It was... well, I'm not sure what it was. Disappointing doesn't cover it but devastated is too much.

I can't imagine how forming actual images in my head might have changed my life. If I could see the face of a loved one at a traumatic, or joyous time - instead of darkness. If I could have seen the beauty of mathematics and physics and art in my mind's eye, instead of darkness, would I have learned more? If I could see Rufus Muldoon in my head, would the stories I write about him on the Squaxx Telling Stories thread be better?

There also seems to be an effect on my memory, as well. It is episodic and objective, and in no particular order. While doing resarch for Jikan, I read something about Samurai beliefs in which memories were described as being like autumn leaves strewn on the forest floor, which is what my memories are like. They're all perfectly retreivable but they're not in order, and I never re-live them. Never see what I saw, hear what I heard, feel what I felt. I know what I saw, heard and felt but can't recreate them. My memories are like photographs. I know what's on every one of those photographs to the finest detail but they're locked in a drawer and I don't have the key, so I'll never see them again.

It's the same with everything. If I'm writing a science fiction story, I can create a spaceport in my mind. I know the planet it's on, the colour of sky it's under, the surrounding terrain, the materials of its construction, the types of ships coming and going, and everything. But I can't see it. I can't visualise it. I just had a quick re-read of my short story Gods are Patient but Monsters Endure (on the above mentioned thread), because it's one of my favourites and never fails to move me at the end. It still moved me, still made me smile, I still enjoyed the emulation of Lord Dunsany - but in a world of envisioners, is it just rubbish? For all of my life I've enjoyed writing, but am I just throwing blurry photographs at cinemagoers? It's all very confusing.

Okay. I'm sorry. This was all a bit self-indulgent and probably not very clear - but please, just try to picture, if you can, a complete abscence of pictures in your mind. Forever.

It has to be said that there are a few advantages to aphantasia. We are less likely to hallucinate. We tend to get through p.t.s.d. better because there aren't traumatic images playing back in our heads all the time (although traumatic ideas can go around and around, I guess darkness is less distracting to the healing process). We tend to get over emotional traumas more quickly for similar reasons. That's about it, though, as far as I can tell.

I have to admit that learning I have aphantasia has been a bit of a blow. As if my political views, grinding poverty, and advancing age weren't enough, now this.

I have never felt more of an outsider than I do right now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: M.I.K. on 22 November, 2022, 08:09:47 PM
Wikipedia has a short list of notable people with aphantasia...

Ed Catmull, co-founder of Pixar & former president of Walt Disney Animation Studios.
James Harkin, British podcaster and television writer.
Richard Herring, British comedian and podcaster.
Glen Keane, animator, author, and illustrator.
Lynne Kelly, writer on mnemonics and memory techniques.
Mark Lawrence, fantasy author.
Yoon Ha Lee, science fiction author.
Laura Lexx, comedian.
Derek Parfit, British philosopher.
Blake Ross, co-creator of the web browser Mozilla Firefox.
Michelle Sagara, fantasy author.

Dunno about you, but I see a bit of a pattern there, (not literally, that actually is a figure of speech - although now I've said that I'm picturing a sort of vague tartan, but I don't think that relates to anything except perhaps my inherent Scottishness).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 22 November, 2022, 08:21:30 PM

Thanks, M.I.K., though I've only heard of a couple of those it is a heartening list.

This... thing has dropped on me like a ball of wet fish. At 55, now 56, my entire worldview has shifted. Again. Everything I know has to be re-evaluated and I'm feeling pretty unsure of myself at the moment.

I'm working to push through it, come to terms with it. Nothing, after all, has changed quantitatively. but that qualitative shift is a bitch.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 24 November, 2022, 02:11:14 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 18 November, 2022, 08:16:14 PM
Not a good day on the job at all.  We're expected on average to service a call every few minutes, with some exceptions.  I got a couple of argumentative sods, one was online for 53 minutes.  I find it mentally draining, especially sittingin front of a twin monitor setup for seven and a half hours.

I'm in much the same spot right now, jade. Which is a shame as I do like this job very much, I just don't think i'm cut out for it. After 6 months including a 3 month extension to my probation, i'm still not hitting the targets the crew are expecting of me (lots of small mistakes accumulating together, rather than not hitting call quotas. And bare in mind i've never had any call centre experience before this.).

Really concerned I wont pass my probation, which will hurt a lot as it'll effectively torpedo my moving out plans (potentially standing to lose a lot of money, paid the deposit but they wont care if I can't keep up monthly payments) as well as my holiday in Feb, the first holiday i'll have taken in nearly 8 years.

Feeling very dejected and tired right about now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 24 November, 2022, 05:25:52 PM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 24 November, 2022, 02:11:14 PM
Feeling very dejected and tired right about now.

Having previously worked in a call centre for my sins - and they must have been many! - oodles of years ago, I can understand, Hawkmumbler, only too well what you mean. Fingers crossed, that Fortuna will favour you for the better soon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 24 November, 2022, 08:02:25 PM
I remember a few weeks into my old call centre job I got up, got the bus to work from the other side of town, arrived at the door of the office, realised I didn't have the heart to go in, turned round and went home. I got it together a bit the next day and made it into the office, and realised no one had even noticed.  I was trying to sell a very shitty insurance product that I didn't really understand, and I think I only sold one - in hindsight I wish I hadn't. 

It was an exploitative, insidious business and I would have been insulted myself had it been offered to me.   Any time I've been offered an unsolicited sale since, I've quoted a gruff-sounding Scot I'd read my phone pitch to once: 'You're wasting your time. '

Which of course is not to say that there's anything wrong with call centres - I just worked in a particularly shitty one for a particularly shitty business.  Hope you lads have better days ahead at your ones.

Sharky, sorry to hear about this odd bit of news you've had.   It's something that I hadn't heard of before and don't quite understand - for me it just doesn't seem to tally with your very imaginative fiction, your evocative drawing and, indeed, the incredibly vivid dreams you describe to us.

I believe you totally, though, of course - it's your brain, not mine.  Hope you can come to terms with the whole thing and find a bit of peace.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 24 November, 2022, 08:46:05 PM
Well apparently my probation period isnt over.  I'm not great at sleeping and despite getting a better sleep pattern usually about half way through the day I start to feel my eyes are very heavy and almost cross eyed at times.

Add to that the fact I was on JSA and PIP before, and now I'm on full time work which is great, but I got a summary of what the council tax is.  If I'm reading one of these forms right the SOB's are wanting about £450 for three or four months.  My rent of course will shoot up and I'm starting to wonder if its really worth it.  Its not that I don't want to work, but I'm wondering if its really worth it.  I'm doing a round trip of about 20 miles a day, and I wonder with deductions if I really am going to be any better off.  Not to mention I stagger in every night feeling drained.  I know my problems are miniscule, but I really need to see someone to figure out if this is even worth doing.

The biggest bloody insult with the council tax is I put my green wheelie bin out today, desperately needing lifted and the sods haven't even been round yet.  What use is paying council tax if you don't get any bloody services worth a bugger.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 26 November, 2022, 08:37:25 PM

Thanks, JBC, that's kind of you to say.

I would like to talk about it some more but this is not the venue.

I spilled it all out on this thread because I was scared the whole thing might overwhelm me and send me into another of those God-awful shadow spirals. But I don't think that's going to happen, thanks in no small part to this thread. It was like having a rock to cling on to during what seems to have been a swell, not a storm. So the thread did it's job.

Thanks to you all.

x

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 01 December, 2022, 11:23:25 AM
Hope it works out for you Sharkie, even just naming a thing can help at times.
Jade hope your work eases and you get some rest.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 03 December, 2022, 10:14:10 PM
Work is okay....not great.  I'm not against the full time hours, indeed, trying to find a full time job is a job in itself, many are higher rate of pay but part time, and even then many firms want silly qualifications and/or experience.  What I don't appreciate is sometimes the way people go on.  I had one, without going into details told me my attitude was disgusting and was continually shouting and swearing down the phone at me.  I couldn't do what they wanted due to bank processes and was getting dogs abuse for it.  I finally told them that if they continued swearing I would terminate the call which I did but I felt myself in a mini panic attack afterwards.  Also, later that night when I went home, I usually talk with my Ukrainian friend but I messaged her saying I wouldn't be online, I was all shivers from the cold and basically felt vile.

It might have been a 24 hour bug, but I went under the covers at the back of 9 and didn't get up till early afternoon.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 04 December, 2022, 01:03:58 PM
I've done some time in a job like yours and you 100% did the right thing with that caller Jade. It's not unusual to feel stressed after being forced into a confrontation with someone unpleasant and to want to withdraw from the world, too.
The person you spoke to likely wasn't angry at you, but was taking out their frustration on you - likely a build up of anger and frustration over dozens of other stresses on their life. They may even have regretted being awful to you.

I'm sorry you had a rotten evening after. If you're feeling strung out and upset again, you can come here and unload a bit.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 04 December, 2022, 01:47:49 PM
Yep, been there myself with sweary and irate callers.  In the call centre where I worked, an unwritten part of the job description was human shield for the company executives.

And yeah, you did exactly the right thing, even if you didn't like doing it. I remember saying the same thing, almost word for word, to one or two of my customers. You shouldn't have to be verbally abused for company decisions you didn't make yourself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 10 December, 2022, 08:12:24 AM
Well I got 'feedback' yesterday on a call that I had done and was told that there would be a more or less black mark on my record.  I had got a caller who was irate and was personally insulting and whne I mildly responded I was told that the person had said I made him feel like a criminal.

At this point I had been put on the floor with very little confidence (a fact I had stated), I was still having sleeping difficulties, in fact I still do.  I've found out the entirety of new week is a 7am start. for a job that is just over 10 miles away.  Which doesn't sound far, but thats as the crow flies, because my car needs defrosting in the morning (including in the inside because of a busted heater motor), not to mention I have an MOT failure and it seems that trying to find a time slot to get that fixed as well as the heater is going to be near night impossible.

I've been informed of my housing benefit was stopped because I apparently didn't inform anyone of my status which is a downright lie and my JSA is (obviously) stopped.  I have been given a rent bill which I paid half of, notice that my small flat is going to be about £400 a month, god knows what my council tax is going to be and I'm really starting to wonder if its worthwhile.  Yesterday I came home, I had forgotten my morning pills which are about 10 pills, and I felt absolutely lousy.  I collapsed into bed at about 9pm and didn't wake up till about 6 this morning.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 13 December, 2022, 07:40:12 PM
Sorry if I sound like I'm complaining.  Saturdays regular shift was bad because the boiler packed up.  Two days later and it still felt like a Soviet icebreaker.

So yesterday I'm feeling really rough, shivering constantly, coughing, the sniffles, sore throat and I go to Tescos and pick up some Lemon drinks, soothers and other things.  I'm limited in what I can take due to my other medication.  Later in the night I feel absolutely hellish.  My head feels literally like its exploding, I'm painful all over, freezing even with the heating on.  I decide to go to bed early in the back of 8 thinking in might also help for the early start.

This morning I wake up feeling even worse (i've only just fully got out of bed because I'm feeling really stiff and painful in bed).  I had a phonecall at the back of 7 asking why I wasn't in.  I must have sounded like a sandpaper board, but I have the most awful feeling that 1, this is going to be a black mark, and that 2 I will have to work a sick day off again.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 14 December, 2022, 09:23:40 AM
As you are clearly unwell, Jade, are you surely not entitled to take sick leave, and then furnish your employer with a doctor's note upon your return to work? I'm sure that neither your colleagues, nor immediate on-site management, would appreciate you turning up with what could potentially be a communicable illness.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 December, 2022, 11:49:43 AM
Today my car wouldn't start and with a 7am start I had to spend 40 quid on a taxi to avoid a rocket from the boss. Oh and I'm apparently not doing calls properly, it just seems a no damned win situation.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 14 December, 2022, 12:34:50 PM
Quote from: paddykafka on 14 December, 2022, 09:23:40 AM
As you are clearly unwell, Jade, are you surely not entitled to take sick leave, and then furnish your employer with a doctor's note upon your return to work? I'm sure that neither your colleagues, nor immediate on-site management, would appreciate you turning up with what could potentially be a communicable illness.

This. Irrefutably this.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 16 December, 2022, 07:43:02 PM
I'm not panicing.  I have taken 4 days off.  I have a car that won't start.  I will have to beg a jump start and hope that works.  I now have had a horrible thought.  I have been having problems with the car for about a year with water ingress in various places.  I am already not the best of health, and I am wondering if the colder climate has made dampness worse, and combined it with ice, not to mention the starting problems, if it has agitated my health.  I know a lot of people are suffering from cold and flu related ailments at the moment even before COVID, but it can't be normal to be drivign with a heavy winter jacket, three layers of clothing, a scarf and gloves and still feel cold surely??

I fear I'm going to lose this job, or at the very least have some sort of black mark.  I don't particularly like it, but its a damn job and this isn't a great start for me.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 18 December, 2022, 10:20:31 AM
There is  a terrible cold / flu going about at the moment. I have had it for two weeks now and had to get an antibiotic from the doctor - this thing has legs ... but I do feel much better and I have a week off at Xmas so at least I have that to look forward to.

Jade that doesn't sound normal about your car at all and it sounds like it's time to trade it in and get a new one.

Re: your job. It sounds like you're very anxious about your performance. Try and figure out what's making you anxious and how you can alleviate it. We know you're in a high stress job (the staff turnover rate you mentioned is a huge red flag) so you will need to come up with some coping strategies.

Why do you think you're going to lose your job and what actions can you take to prevent it?

You know you can always quit?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 18 December, 2022, 03:50:55 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 18 December, 2022, 10:20:31 AM
There is  a terrible cold / flu going about at the moment. I have had it for two weeks now and had to get an antibiotic from the doctor - this thing has legs ... but I do feel much better and I have a week off at Xmas so at least I have that to look forward to.

Jade that doesn't sound normal about your car at all and it sounds like it's time to trade it in and get a new one.

Re: your job. It sounds like you're very anxious about your performance. Try and figure out what's making you anxious and how you can alleviate it. We know you're in a high stress job (the staff turnover rate you mentioned is a huge red flag) so you will need to come up with some coping strategies.

Why do you think you're going to lose your job and what actions can you take to prevent it?

You know you can always quit?

It seems that calls are always monitored and you're not meant to be on calls long, but there are times its near unavoidable.  It's easy for the manager to say what should be done as she's been there a number of years, I've been there only a couple of months.  I've been told I'm still on a probationary period.  It always feels that every time I feel like I've taken a step forward, suddenly something appears that there is two steps back.

Jobs of any type aren't overly common, full time jobs even less so.  I don't want to quit as it wouldn't be a good look after so many years of unemployment.  Some there say its a good job, but while I'm not the power hungry ambitious type, its a job that I can't really see having much variety day in, day out, and promotion or even 'mobility' aspects look very limited.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 18 December, 2022, 04:41:11 PM
Sure but if you can stick it out you can think about getting a new car in the new year. Maybe a trip to see your Ukrainian friend when things stabilise? Or even some savings in the bank ?

I have worked in customer service roles and it's really hard to be nice to people when they are being abusive to you. You know of course it's not you personally but often as the person on the front lines you're getting it in the face.

I found that if I didn't get adversarial with people on the phone and instead said 'OMG I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm going to do everything I can to help you today' even if I didn't mean it but sounded like I did or even a 'Yes I would be annoyed about that too, let's see if we can fix that real quick' that it made that kind of work less stressful for me. You're still going to have the odd CU Next Tuesday but the odd one is more manageable than every other one.

Is this helpful?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 18 December, 2022, 05:27:20 PM
I can't wait for the new year.  There's a Saab locally, low mileage, looks in decent condition.  Petrol, and MPG won't be as good as my VW Golf, but if its a lot more watertight which is something that seems to be a never ending problem, and the ever increasing price of diesel, the economy might be offset.

I have planned to visit her, assuming everything stabilises sometime.  I do get some people say that they are just venting and they know its not me personally.  I think my general health is making me feel a lot worse.  Its hard to concentrate hard on calls when you have a pounding headache, a really sore throat and generally feel like crap.  I don't think its so much a bad workplace, not great, but I'm still learning and want to make a good impression.  I did have what was called a vulnerable customer and it took longer than it really should but was told I handled it well and it was where there were exceptions obviously.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Mind of Wolfie Smith on 20 December, 2022, 10:54:43 PM
hi guys. i'm still here. i hardly know how or why. i'm falling and failing all the time.

my dad died at the end of october. i am in a terrible situation. i was never close to my dad until the last 2 years.
2 years ago a really bad stroke - in my 40s - left me unable to walk properly, or even sometimes think properly. but it's not woeisme because I survived, just.
and then my dad became a giant. he became my hero, my carer and my best friend. he came to see me for 2 or 3 hours every afternoon. he told me about his life and he asked about mine. we wrote a mad book about consciousness together.

and then he died. he was a healthy man, but he was weakened by covid and life.

the tiny rest of my selfish and dysfunctional family ignored me from that day to this. no-one has even asked me how i am. they tried to exclude me from the funeral. i am utterly alone. i am bereft. i am unable.

i exist for kindness and empathy. but i am in a world that has precious little of either and does not care.
i do not know how to go on - physically, mentally or spiritually.
and yet you go on. to paraphrase beckett.

i don't think i have written a more self-centred set of nonsense in my life.
and yet i have. to paraphrase beckett.

hello.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 21 December, 2022, 07:36:28 AM
Good morning Wolfie,

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling.

This time of year can be really hard on people especially if you don't have a strong support network anyway and doubly so on those who have experienced a loss.

What you are going through and have gone through sounds completely overwhelming.

I am at a loss at what to say other than . please keep going on ..
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 21 December, 2022, 12:19:12 PM
Wolfie - on this thread everything should be self-centred (or answering other people's self-centred posts) but nothing is nonsense.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 21 December, 2022, 12:50:08 PM

Sheridan hits the nail on the head, Wolfie.

I can only imagine what you are going through and am painfully aware that no words of mine can solve anything for you, though I wish I possessed that power. All I can say is that I have passed through the darkness, survived it and been strengthened by it. I am far from the only one. It was people who saved me - ordinary, unremarkable, wonderful people; just like the people on this thread. If we can offer you nothing else, we can offer you hope. Huge, dauntless, powerful hope.

And a place to be self-centered.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 24 December, 2022, 02:34:23 PM
Quote from: The Mind of Wolfie Smith on 20 December, 2022, 10:54:43 PM

and yet you go on. to paraphrase beckett.

i don't think i have written a more self-centred set of nonsense in my life.
and yet i have. to paraphrase beckett.

hello.

Just wanted to say welcome back, Wolfie! I can't add much more in the way of wisdom to what the rest of the good folk on this forum have already said, except to say that I'm glad to hear that you're still with us. This time of year is especially rotten when you're feeling down but I hope that, somehow, you'll find a way to get through the tough times you've experienced and keep on keeping on. All the best and kind regards - Paddy Kafka.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 24 December, 2022, 11:42:37 PM
Quote from: sheridan on 21 December, 2022, 12:19:12 PM
Wolfie - on this thread everything should be self-centred (or answering other people's self-centred posts) but nothing is nonsense.

What he said.  Nice to have you back, Wolfie.  I really hope you find a way to cope with this.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 26 December, 2022, 12:46:40 AM
I tried going back to work a few days beforhand, and have felt worse..

Today was a day of extreme discomfort, nausea, headaches, coughing and others.  I fear I am not long for this job, I was told my absences were one block and if it had been much longer there would be discussions about my attendence.  Yesterday I phoned in sick and I was coughing uncontrollebly every couple of seconds.

I got the Saab, which seems a lot better  but my bank balance is lower than I would like, so my trip to Ukraine might be on hold, though that would depend on the war ending.  Also, I need a passport as well as all the planning.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 02 January, 2023, 10:36:16 AM
How is everyone after Xmas and NY?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 03 January, 2023, 06:50:04 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 02 January, 2023, 10:36:16 AM
How is everyone after Xmas and NY?

The day after St Stephen's Day, the new landlord had people lining up outside the house, to view the newly refurbished basement "Studio" flat and similarly refurbished "Studio" upstairs. (In actuality, they are small, self-contained, one-roomed bedsits with a small separate bathroom. The rental asking price for each - as advertised online - was, respectively, €1,600 and €1,675 per month.Both adverts have now been taken down as he has already found tenants willing to pay that much.)

"Absolutely fucking disgusting" does not even begin to describe this state of affairs. And given that this is the general situation with regard to housing these days, my chances of finding anywhere to live within the private rented sector in this country, are now precisely Zero.

A word of advice to any Squaxx thinking of moving to the Emerald Isle for work, study, the furtherance of a relationship - or any other reason - are quite simply this: DON'T! Because as far as finding accommodation in this country goes, unless you are earning very big groats indeed, then you are well and truly snecked!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 03 January, 2023, 07:14:11 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 02 January, 2023, 10:36:16 AM
How is everyone after Xmas and NY?

My savings are vastly depleted.  Granted some of which has been my reckless spending but I was looking today and have come to the conclusion that working a full time job that I hate is actually worse for me financially as well as mentally.

The problem with the job is that you are directed to make each call as short as possible while doing everything you can in a tiny period of time to fulfill the customer wishes and be polite, precise, and exacting.  Then get told you are overdoing it.

Meanwhile someone seems to spend the day typing peoples names and putting "Long Call?" after it.

I've been told I had one block of sickness and another might lead to a review of my commitment especially as I'm still on probationary period, but I still feel sick albeit not quite as bad.

Meanwhile the extra I was getting with my wages is chewed up by rent and council tax increases, with council tax going from something like £24 a month when I was on JSA to £147.  Rent has been similiarly affected.  I had thought to get a nice little nest egg when in fact the reverse has happened.

To get an idea how this company can be viewed and to show I'm not a 'lone whiner', here are some reviews

https://www.simplyhired.co.uk/company/Teleperformance
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 January, 2023, 06:54:35 PM
Quote from: paddykafka on 03 January, 2023, 06:50:04 PM

A word of advice to any Squaxx thinking of moving to the Emerald Isle for work, study, the furtherance of a relationship - or any other reason - are quite simply this: DON'T! Because as far as finding accommodation in this country goes, unless you are earning very big groats indeed, then you are well and truly snecked!

I would have to second that I'm afraid.  If I hadn't had good friends who helped me out (specifically by building a cabin on their land to rent to me after my boat went tits up) I would be, as the man says, snecked.  Hope you get sorted somehow, Paddy.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 07 January, 2023, 01:02:47 PM
Thanks, Jayzus and much appreciated, as always.

To give an idea of how truly bad things are, two of the other tenants here - both of whom are working and in receipt of Housing Assistance Payment - have checked out, respectively, over 60 and 50 adverts for rented accommodation. Neither of them has received so much as a single, solitary reply back. Like, not even the chance of viewing a bloody place.

What chance does a bloke like me, on Invalidity Pension, possibly have in this scenario?

To say that I feel constantly anxious and depressed as regards to my future, is an understatement.

https://www.thejournal.ie/homelessness-ireland-4-5962540-Jan2023/



Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 13 January, 2023, 10:06:05 PM
And more updates from the salt mines...my 16 days of non avoidable sickness where I would have been no use at all is costing me big time.  I am on SSP for that time, £95 a week.  It doesn't even cover my rent, never mind council tax, food, utilities etc, plus this has apparently pushed me to the upper acceptable absence limit where I would be regarded as to whether I'm fit for work...

I can't quit without somewhere else to go, but I feel this is a major effect on my mental health, an adverse one. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 14 January, 2023, 06:40:29 PM
Like the Wu Tang said "The glorious days is gone and everybody's doin' bad"

I'm not in the best form myself the last while. My job has been really stressful and things recently ended with someone I had been dating. I know that it's for the best and they weren't the right person for me but it still stings. I have a pretty hectic year ahead of me with work and studies but I'm just feeling so anxious at the moment seasoned with bouts of melancholy. I hate feeling this way and I know that in the words of an ancient Persian philosopher this too will pass but life has just lost it's sparkle at the moment.

Thanks Jade and Paddy for the updates; I had hoped that the new year might bring better news.

I guess we're all in the same boat to varying degrees so deep breath and one day at a time and one thing at a time.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 January, 2023, 09:47:54 PM
Well its not all bad news, I've been talking to my friend for some time, and she is keen for us to meet face to face, but it will have to be when the madness in Ukraine ends.  I have to remind myself that some people have it worse off.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 15 January, 2023, 05:36:26 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 14 January, 2023, 06:40:29 PM

I guess we're all in the same boat to varying degrees so deep breath and one day at a time and one thing at a time.

Sorry to hear that you're having a bad time of it, Rara. Hope that things improve for you in the near future.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 15 January, 2023, 07:38:56 PM
Thanks Paddy, I know I'll be ok in a few months but just have to go through the next few months.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 01 February, 2023, 02:00:09 PM
Well, just when I thought that things couldn't get much worse - they have.

As I am on an Invalidity Pension, the bulk of the weekly rent - which I had been paying to the former landlord - was covered by what is called the Rent Supplement Scheme. (The rest was covered by myself through a weekly contribution from my pension.)

For whatever reasons, it took the new landlord (NL) about seven weeks before he got around to reapplying for a new rent supplement (which was necessitated by there being a change of landlord). It took him the same amount of time before he came looking for the same weekly contribution from myself. (I had wisely set aside this amount each week, and duly paid him a lump sum to cover said costs. I also, at his request, set up a standing order to pay him that same weekly contribution on an ongoing basis.)

It was near mid-December, before NL finally submitted the completed forms to the Department of Social Protection. And it was not until the second week of January, that I received a letter from that same department advising me to apply for what is called the Housing Assistance Payment (HAP) from Dublin City Council. So I filled in my application form, which the landlord submitted with his own, as he said he needed to speak with the HAP office first himself beforehand.

Yesterday I got a call from the HAP office to clarify a couple of details, mainly in relation to the amount of rent that I had been paying. I got another call from them this morning. It turns out that, because the amount of rent which the NL is now looking for per week is almost double what I had previously paying, and therefore well above the 2% Rent Pressure Zone (RPZ), that HAP cannot accept the application. They suggested that I call Threshold - a Housing Advice organisation, to get a figure per week from them that will be within the RPZ limits and to see what my options are.

When I rang him today to give him the bad news, the NL went ballistic and is now insisting that I personally have to pay him the 3,000 euros that he figures is owed in rent arrears. (It seems that my honesty in stating what my former rent was, when HAP phoned me, contradicted what he had put down on the form which he submitted.) He made it clear - in very strident terms! - that he will not deal with Threshold and what he thought of them. He started ranting about how he has staff and a mortgage to pay and his own pressures to deal with. There was even mention made by him of getting solicitors involved!

So because of delays and screw-up's that were not at all of my making - and for which I am not at all at fault - I am now going to be hounded by the NL for the three grand. And I'm still not in a position where my weekly rent situation has been even sorted out going forward. The NL said that he's going to drop by in a couple of days to discuss the issue. Needless to say, my already preexisting anxiety levels have now gone through the roof!

As if I didn't have enough worries to be dealing with already. All that I am going to be faced with now is ongoing and horrible stress and conflict with the NL. Honestly, if Euthanasia was a legal and viable option in this country, at this point in time, I think that I would happily take it. 'Cause my rotten excuse for a life just seems to get worse by the day and not worth the bother anymore.  :(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JohnW on 01 February, 2023, 07:13:46 PM
I'm no one to give advice, Paddy, but if the NL is being cavalier with the state bureaucracy, then I would think you have good grounds to withdraw behind your health issues and let the landlord do his 'discussing' with your solicitor.

Stay in the fight, because sometimes the fight is all there is.

(I feel a fraud intruding on this thread, but your post has been up for bloody hours and you deserve better than silence.)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 01 February, 2023, 09:29:02 PM
Quote from: paddykafka on 01 February, 2023, 02:00:09 PM
Well, just when I thought that things couldn't get much worse - they have.

As I am on an Invalidity Pension, the bulk of the weekly rent - which I had been paying to the former landlord - was covered by what is called the Rent Supplement Scheme. (The rest was covered by myself through a weekly contribution from my pension.)

For whatever reasons, it took the new landlord (NL) about seven weeks before he got around to reapplying for a new rent supplement (which was necessitated by there being a change of landlord). It took him the same amount of time before he came looking for the same weekly contribution from myself. (I had wisely set aside this amount each week, and duly paid him a lump sum to cover said costs. I also, at his request, set up a standing order to pay him that same weekly contribution on an ongoing basis.)

It was near mid-December, before NL finally submitted the completed forms to the Department of Social Protection. And it was not until the second week of January, that I received a letter from that same department advising me to apply for what is called the Housing Assistance Payment (HAP) from Dublin City Council. So I filled in my application form, which the landlord submitted with his own, as he said he needed to speak with the HAP office first himself beforehand.

Yesterday I got a call from the HAP office to clarify a couple of details, mainly in relation to the amount of rent that I had been paying. I got another call from them this morning. It turns out that, because the amount of rent which the NL is now looking for per week is almost double what I had previously paying, and therefore well above the 2% Rent Pressure Zone (RPZ), that HAP cannot accept the application. They suggested that I call Threshold - a Housing Advice organisation, to get a figure per week from them that will be within the RPZ limits and to see what my options are.

When I rang him today to give him the bad news, the NL went ballistic and is now insisting that I personally have to pay him the 3,000 euros that he figures is owed in rent arrears. (It seems that my honesty in stating what my former rent was, when HAP phoned me, contradicted what he had put down on the form which he submitted.) He made it clear - in very strident terms! - that he will not deal with Threshold and what he thought of them. He started ranting about how he has staff and a mortgage to pay and his own pressures to deal with. There was even mention made by him of getting solicitors involved!

So because of delays and screw-up's that were not at all of my making - and for which I am not at all at fault - I am now going to be hounded by the NL for the three grand. And I'm still not in a position where my weekly rent situation has been even sorted out going forward. The NL said that he's going to drop by in a couple of days to discuss the issue. Needless to say, my already preexisting anxiety levels have now gone through the roof!

As if I didn't have enough worries to be dealing with already. All that I am going to be faced with now is ongoing and horrible stress and conflict with the NL. Honestly, if Euthanasia was a legal and viable option in this country, at this point in time, I think that I would happily take it. 'Cause my rotten excuse for a life just seems to get worse by the day and not worth the bother anymore.  :(
#

Oh man, I'm so sorry, Paddy.  I wish I knew how to help you but I don't.  Things are spiralling out of control in this city - the fact that landlords can get away this this kind of bullshit is terrifying.  I've said it before but I really, really hope things work out for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 01 February, 2023, 10:12:00 PM

I feel your pain, Paddy, having endured a somewhat similar situation. It was a terrifying time (coming after a decade of being a "depression and anxiety" shut-in) and my choices were also die, give up, or fight. You know which one I chose, you know how hard it was, and you know I "lost." I still think I chose the best option, though, and I'd choose it again in a heartbeat.

The point is that I found reserves of strength in me underneath all that socially imposed "you're worthless" bullshit that I never knew I had. You have those reserves, too. We all do. Tap into them, if you can, and raise your head high enough to look the world in the eye. Just doing that is enough for a start. You can build up towards telling it to "f*ck off" later.

All power to you, Mate. You got this.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 02 February, 2023, 06:00:34 PM
Don't despair Paddy, you don't need to deal with him you or feel threatened. You can open a case with the RTB and they can deal with it. They have a rent calculator on their website and you can use it work out exactly how much he is allowed to increase your rent by. The max he is allowed to increase it by was 4% but this is now linked to the rate of inflation so it may be lower. Don't deal with him in person unless you can record the conversation as he may try and bully you into accepting this agreement or threaten eviction (I'm not sure what the legality of recording conversations is in Ireland but I think it's allowed). Keep all your correspondence and submit it all with your case. Try and get everything in writing.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 02 February, 2023, 06:44:47 PM

Rara gives good advice. I'd always be up front about recording; no recording, no interview. If they won't say it on tape, they'll have to say it in writing.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 06 February, 2023, 02:41:55 PM
Thanks once again for all your support and advice, folks.

I've spoken to a chap in Citizens Information, and it seems that I will be able to claim back the rent arrears through either the rent supplement office or community welfare. It might take a bit of time for the process to go through, but as I've stated, the delay was not of my making - the fault with that lies entirely with the new landlord - and the CI guy confirmed that I am not personally liable for the arrears. Whether the prick of a landlord will be content to wait for that due process to take place is, of course, another matter...

In any event, I've a meeting with the CI guy this week and he is going to advise and assist me with the process. I can also reapply for the Housing Assistance Payment, albeit at the rent level which I was previously paying, and not the inflated figure that the NL was looking for. He probably won't be too happy about that either but that's his tough luck. The law is on my side in this instance.

(Interestingly enough, I had a conversation a couple of days ago, with a guy from the local branch of the Community Action Tenants Union. It turns out that they have had previous dealings themselves with the creepy NL and they too agreed that he is a nasty piece of work. Anyway I am now a paid up member with them so they will be a good resource to call upon if needed.)

Fingers crossed this whole business will be sorted out soon. If I could get out of this place tomorrow and away from that nasty, manipulative swine of a landlord, I would happily do so. Anyways, I'll keep ye all updated as things develop. Cheers again to ye all!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 February, 2023, 02:49:33 PM
Was just about to check in on you here, Paddy.  Glad there's some kind of chink of light - onwards and upwards. 

Of course, not all landlords are wankers (without wishing to rub it in, mine is an absolute gentleman), but it seems a disproportionate number of them are.  Hope you can get some distance between yourself and this prick as soon as possible.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 22 February, 2023, 04:59:10 PM
I just learned today that both the chap in the flat across from me, and the young lady in the flat beside me, have both found alternative accommodation, and will be gone from here in a couple of weeks. (In his case, it means moving into an even tinier flat than the one he is currently in, and the lady herself will have to flat-share. She's not mad about the idea but given how things are in the rental market at the moment, she feels that she doesn't have much choice).

So if previous history is anything to go by, in a couple of weeks time, this house will once more be turned into a building site, as refurbishment and renovation of the two flats takes place. Which means approximately two months of yours truly being subjected to the noise of drilling, banging, angle grinding and all the various sounds associated with the process. (It was bad enough when the work was being carried out on the basement and top flats. This time 'round it will be right fucking beside and across the hall from  me!)

That's going to do wonders for my profound noise-sensitivity and intolerance issues.

Whilst I am happy that both people have found somewhere - hopefully more secure - to live, on a personal level, I am absolutely dreading the two months of daily disruption and aural torture that lies ahead of me.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 24 February, 2023, 07:15:49 PM
Paddy have you contacted Threshold and / or the RTB?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 24 February, 2023, 10:21:34 PM
Hi Rara. Yeah, the last time when the the renovations were ongoing - and I was trying to confirm the validity of the termination notice (which Threshold confirmed was valid*) - I asked the lady whom I spoke to in Threshold if he could legally do all this work in the house, while us tenants were still there. She said that he could do as he liked with the vacant flats. So then, as with the immediate future, we had, and will have, no choice but to put up with the noise and disruption.

In other news, a housing charity called Alone that I recently made contact with, rang today to inform me that there was nothing they could do to assist me. As I'm still under sixty years old, I don't qualify for any direct help which they might be able to offer. The nice lady whom I spoke with, did give me the contact number for an official in Dublin City Council's housing allocations office. She suggested that I give him a call, explain my situation and also to mention my mental health issues and the impact all this stress is having upon me.

The thing is though, when I spoke with another official some time back in DCC, with regard to my placings on the three area lists, I specifically asked if those same issues might have some bearing on my ranking - as in pushing me up on the list - and was told that they would not. Apparently, I don't meet the criteria for being considered as sufficiently disabled enough in their eyes, so as to be given extra consideration.

Before Xmas last year, I was in touch with a DCC councellor - with whom I am vaguely acquainted- and he said that he would see what he could do with regard to my situation (something about sending off letters and updating me when he heard something). I called him again recently but he still had no news for me. So it's really just a waiting game at the moment, the uncertainty of which has my nerves in tatters.

As regards getting the rent arrears situation sorted out - which, it is worth remembering, was not in any way my fault and completely outside of my control - I finally got the necessary documents from the landlord. I'm hoping that will be sufficient to satisfy the folk in the Department of Social Protection as to the legitimacy of my tenancy and that they'll pay the amount due. When I meet up with the chap in Citizens Information next week I'll have a better idea. He seems confident that will be the case, but I'll rest easier when I get confirmation from the DSP themselves.

Assuming that the news is good, I can then set about reapplying for the Housing Assistance Payment to cover the ongoing rent costs (with all the fun and games that entails, lol.) In the meantime - more out of hope than expectation - I'll give the official in DCC - who Alone recommended - a call to see if there's anything that can be done in terms of sorting me out with a place to live.

Quite honestly, with all the stress that I have been under these last few months, the current worries that I have, and the ever-approaching prospect and fear of being made homeless, it is a wonder that I have not completely cracked and wound up running naked around the streets, while babbling and screaming hysterically.

*According to one of the other tenants, a solicitor for another charity who Alone put him in touch with, seems to think that - for complex legal reasons which I neither understand nor could explain -the termination notice which we all received, might not actually be legally valid. If that was indeed the case, then I assume that the landlord would have to issue us all with a new and legally valid one. Which, I presume, could only be effective from the date it is issued (thus effectively giving us all an extra few months of tenancy time). Time will tell what the story is with that issue.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 24 February, 2023, 11:19:01 PM
PS & Apols for the double post.

As if I didn't have enough to be dealing with, in the last few minutes I just discovered that I have a mouse in the flat. There I was, watching the snooker, when I spotted the little fecker scuttling under the telly. I thought at first that I was having hallucinations from the anxiety medication that I'm on. But no, there he was, as large - in as much as a mouse can be considered large - as life and scurrying away into hiding.

The curious thing is, I have recently been creating a D&D character with the Urchin background, who has a pet mouse called "Benjy".

And who says that the Universe does not have a sense of humour?  :lol:
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 25 February, 2023, 02:55:07 PM
(https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/azmPrAb_700b.jpg)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 26 February, 2023, 08:08:48 AM
Morning Paddy, I don't envy you this all sounds incredibly stressful. At least it sounds like you've got things under control. Keep the chin up!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 26 February, 2023, 01:58:04 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 26 February, 2023, 08:08:48 AMMorning Paddy, I don't envy you this all sounds incredibly stressful. At least it sounds like you've got things under control. Keep the chin up!

Thanks, Rara.

I at least managed to solve the problem with regard to my new and unwanted flat-mate. I bought one of those humane mouse-traps yesterday and set it last night. At silly'o clock this morning, I was woken up by the sound of the mouse going bonkers in the trap. So off I trudged out of the house and, at a reasonable distance away, I released the little git into the wild whilst humming to the tune of "Born Free".  :D
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 26 February, 2023, 04:59:31 PM
I know this is pretty pathetic compared to Paddy's trials right now but had a nasty run in with someone delivering charity clothing collection bags this afternoon and it has set me off something chronic.  He handed the bag to me on the drive, since I didn't want it I just dumped it in the bin. 

Maybe not the most diplomatic of actions but his response was incredibly disturbing.  After asking why I did that he proceeded to swear and threaten to physically assault me.  So now left with the unsettling thought that there is some lunatic wondering around, knowing exactly where I live and a disturbingly violent streak.

What a wonderful end to a day ... <scared out of his skull emoji>
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 26 February, 2023, 05:28:39 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 26 February, 2023, 04:59:31 PMWhat a wonderful end to a day ... <scared out of his skull emoji>

Not pathetic at all, mate. If that creep is working for a bonafide charity - as opposed to some of they bogey ones that go around - then there should be a contact number on the bag. In which case you should call them ASAP and report him. It might soften his cough and make him think twice about any ill-intentions he could harbour towards you. Might be worth giving the cops a buzz as well. Hope you'll be okay anyway. All the best and take care.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 27 February, 2023, 02:51:54 PM
Thanks.  Just to cap it all off I was told by my employer that I am "at risk of redundancy" as the company seeks savings to ride out its current problems.  My job is being eliminated and at present there are no other vacancies available (given the size of the company that is hardly surprising).

 :-*
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 27 February, 2023, 11:23:09 PM
Just when I thought that I had solved my rodent issue, tonight I saw TWO of the little bastards scurrying around, brazen as you like, with not a care in the world. So my flat is now officially infested! I've sent the landlord an email to let him know what the problem is, and I'm hoping that he'll have pest control out tomorrow. To say that I am fucking freaking out right now is an understatement. I can hear them scampering around behind the fridge and furniture as I type this out. When is this awful nightmare I am currently going through ever going to end?!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 02 March, 2023, 08:11:33 PM
Okay so this probably comes under the heading of "first world issues" so please feel free to be as honest as possible.  Coping with a mother-in-law with stage-1 cancer (potentially minor and to be fair to NHS Wales who are allegedly utterly incompetent, caught early and treated early but obviously troubling for wife), a "risk of redundancy" situation (which means I need to be looking for a new job but hey-ho) and a daughter facing bullying issues at school that might possibly be a fraction of my own experience but at the same time there is no way in hell I'm willing to accept any child of mine experiencing anything even remotely similar.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 03 March, 2023, 07:17:06 AM
First world or not that sounds like a hell of a stressful situation. Please remember that this thread is not a competition for who is in the worst situation. Compassion and empathy can still be shown to two people in two entirely different situations. Even if you think that other people have it worse than you; you're still allowed to feel helpless, overwhelmed, sad, stressed out and you don't need to quantify or qualify those feelings.

A first world issue would be that the bluetooth is not working in my Bugatti or my new range rover won't fit in the garage so this is as far from a first world problem as I can imagine.

Keep us posted on the situation; we're all rooting for you and the family.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 03 March, 2023, 09:42:05 AM
Rara talks a huge amount of sense on this thread.

Sounds like you have a lot of pressure right now Tjm. Please keep us updated. We might not be able to help, but we can listen and support.
Same for you Paddy. Very dark times. I'd love to say something more helpful, but it would sound trite. Much love out to you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 03 March, 2023, 03:15:19 PM
Quote from: Barrington Boots on 03 March, 2023, 09:42:05 AMRara talks a huge amount of sense on this thread.

Sounds like you have a lot of pressure right now Tjm. Please keep us updated. We might not be able to help, but we can listen and support.
Same for you Paddy. Very dark times. I'd love to say something more helpful, but it would sound trite. Much love out to you.

Thanks for your kind words and support, Barrington. They are much appreciated.

And to TJM86, I hope that things will get better for yourself and your family in the near future.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 03 March, 2023, 06:13:29 PM
Quote from: Barrington Boots on 03 March, 2023, 09:42:05 AMRara talks a huge amount of sense on this thread.

/quote]

Are my posts on other threads nonsense?  :lol:
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 04 March, 2023, 04:27:40 AM
Thanks folks.  I think this is about the only place I feel like I can 'vent' without being judged.  Then again I guess we are a little sensitive to the dangers of letting things get out of control.

At the moment I'm just taking things one day at a time.  MIL's treatment seems to be going okay.  The next stage is probably going to be the worst for her, grafting skin from her forehead across her nose and then waiting for the graft to take.  All I can do for her and my wife is accompany her to appointments and talk nonsense to keep her mind occupied.

Waiting on panel for daughter to move school.  Not that we don't trust the current school, just that when these things start they take on a life of their own.  More importantly though, quite a few of her friends from primary go there.  So actually, it is more of a positive move to be closer (eldest off to Uni this year so actually a good time) and to have a stronger support network.

Keeping up with the job searching.  Sometimes it seems a bit pointless but hacking away at it.  Determined not to let the past defeat me even though there seem to be more days when it is winning than not.

As for you Paddy, I'm hoping that your situation works itself out for the better.  The way landlords operate is reprehensible at the best of times and it seems like you've got an utter bar-steward there.  Wish there was something more we could offer than just empathy and words.   :(
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 04 March, 2023, 09:08:43 PM
Still at Teleperformance, still hating it.  The irregular work pattern gets to me.  One week I've been starting 7 or 8 in the morning.  I like to leave at least an hour early to account for traffic.  Other times it's 10:30, next week its 12:30, so I'm not getting a great work pattern, my sleep is suffering and I'm finding it hard to stay awake at work.

I was on Co-Codomol for 30 years, apparently a mistake by the doctors as its meant to be a short term thing and I was getting weaned onto regular paracetomol.  My headaches are flaring up again, sitting in front of a twin monitor setup.  I just can't get on with the job, it only takes one confrontational phone call to set me off, and when some git calls you a "fucking idiot" for obeying bank practices, or hassles you for other stuff.

Add to that, we had one power mad little shit supervising one day, harassing people if they were in Work ready for a few seconds.  I had to take Epilim and he was on my case.  I was told that was what my free time was for.  There have been a number of occasions I just want to walk out the door in disgust.  I fear my depression is coming back in spades.

A workmate said it didn't bother him starting early, but he literally lives 10 minutes away.  I've also found out that there are only 2 of us left from our original intake and there's no wonder there's such a high turnaround.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 12 March, 2023, 04:18:36 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 04 March, 2023, 09:08:43 PMI had to take Epilim and he was on my case.  I was told that was what my free time was for.]

While I don't have the full details, that sounds like an offence (on his part) that his superiors might take very seriously.  I would imagine telling someone they can't take essential medication would be against most company's rules, if not downright illegal.

I've worked in a call centre too, and also had a nasty little-Hitler type as a supervisor.  It's generally a promotion that does not require any special skills or qualifications, just longevity within the call centre, and it's a magnet for bullies looking to abuse the tiny morsel of power that they think they have. While I found it very difficult to go against my default passive, conflict-avoiding nature, I found that stating my rights completely changed my supervisor's attitude towards me.

Not saying it'll work that way for you, but it sounds like you have the option of reporting him too.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 14 March, 2023, 01:32:06 PM
So things have just taken a decided turn for the weird, as regards to my ongoing struggles with the New Landlord (NL).

To briefly recap previous events.

When the original landlord informed me that the property was being sold, as I am on Rent Supplement from the Department of Social Protection (DSP), I specifically asked him if I needed to reapply for it, but was told no, I didn't have to worry about that. It would be sorted out between him and the N/L.

Fast forward seven weeks or so, to when the N/L asked me for contact details for the Rents Unit in the DSP. I asked him if he wanted to make contact with them myself, but he said no, he would organize that himself. He also took on the responsibility to order the application forms for the Rent Supplement, and to return the completed ones himself, as he was scanning them through by email.

When I was giving him my completed form as the tenant - along with the supporting documents that I had to provide, like proof of social welfare payments, proof of address, bank statements etc - I pointed out to him that the Rents Unit would need proof of tenancy, like a Tenancy Agreement and also proof of payment, as in bank statements showing payment to him or a rent book. He said that he would sort that out.

Around the second week of January, I received a letter from the DSP, saying that they had received the application and would get back to me in due course. As I mentioned in a previous post here, they subsequently rejected the application because, hey-ho, it did not include the documents which would show proof of tenancy and payment - the very documents which the NL had said he would organize!

So on the advice of the chap in Citizen's Information (CI) - , the N/L agreed to provide a Tenancy Agreement, which he duly did in a few days, and I ordered bank statements which would show my weekly contribution to the rent being paid out of my account. The most concerning thing I found in the TA was that the N/L was looking for a deposit that was five times in excess of that which I paid to the former landlord. As the N/L had already received that deposit from the former landlord - and by law cannot ask for more than a months rent as a deposit - the TA as it then stood would not pass muster with the Rents Unit. (And I was damned if I was going to put myself in hock for that amount to the N/L!)

Additionally, because my bank statements did not show who my weekly deduction was going to - and again on the advice of CI - I phoned the N/L and asked if he could fill in a Rent Book - which I bought myself - that would show proof of payments to him, and thus satisfy the requirements of the Rents Unit. He went absolutely ballistic! "This is going on too long! When am I getting my rent?! My mortgage is paying your rent!" I explained why the rent book was needed and asked if he could call by to fill it in. "I'm away this week. Fill it in yourself!" I pointed out that, as the landlord, he would need to sign beside the payments. "Sign them yourself! I don't give a fuck anymore! I just want me rent!"

Now as I have no experience as a landlord - and thus no idea what the requirements are when it comes to completing a rent book - I again sought advice from CI. Due to various delays - the CI officer's limited availability, the fact that he was also busy with other clients, and also because my earlier queries to him went unread into his spam folder - it was last Friday before the CI officer could fully clarify - in the form of an emailed letter to me - what needed to be changed in the TA, how I needed to fill in the rent book correctly, and the reason why it had to be the NL who signed off on the payments.

I promptly completed the rent book in as much as I could and forwarded a scanned copy of it to the NL, along with an explanation of what needed to be done and why. And in a separate email, I forwarded on the letter from CI to him, which demonstrated why the changes were needed and as proof of my efforts to ensure that the documents would meet the requirements of the Rents Unit in the DSP.

This morning I saw the N/L as he was at the house and asked if he had received the emails I sent him. He said that he had but did not understand what they were about. (It was pretty bloody clear and blindingly obvious what they were about!) On the off-chance that he had not gotten them, I had printed out the emails and attached documents, all of which I handed to him. He looked at me and the pages with other contempt and disdain, as though I had just handed him a pair of soiled jocks. "What's all this? I'm not reading through these. I'm just bored with all this now. You're going in June, aren't you? I think I'm just going to leave it now."

He then folded the pages in half and just walked away.

I wouldn't mind, but I have been sweating buckets for the last two weeks. I have been an absolute nervous wreck on account of all the stress this has been causing me. And the N/L did not show so much as a smidgen of gratitude or appreciation for the efforts which I had made on his behalf. After months of hassle and aggravation from him - without the slightest acknowledgement that he was to blame for the delay in getting the back rent - he has decided that he is not going to bother looking for the money anymore. He really is utterly impossible to deal with!

So now I'm going to focus all my efforts on finding somewhere else to live - no mean feat, given how things are currently in the rental market - and getting as far from that man as I can. To take a leaf out of his book, I don't give a fuck anymore, either.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 14 March, 2023, 03:18:35 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 12 March, 2023, 04:18:36 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 04 March, 2023, 09:08:43 PMI had to take Epilim and he was on my case.  I was told that was what my free time was for.]

While I don't have the full details, that sounds like an offence (on his part) that his superiors might take very seriously.  I would imagine telling someone they can't take essential medication would be against most company's rules, if not downright illegal.

Certainly sounds like a case can be made on equality legislation grounds (whatever the local variant is).

QuoteI've worked in a call centre too, and also had a nasty little-Hitler type as a supervisor.  It's generally a promotion that does not require any special skills or qualifications, just longevity within the call centre, and it's a magnet for bullies looking to abuse the tiny morsel of power that they think they have.

When I was working in call centres it was heavily hinted to me that I might be promoted to supervisor if I stayed there.  I'd been there for less than a month at that point.  Longevity was the main factor and it didn't even need to be that long.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 14 March, 2023, 06:40:04 PM
Paddy, sorry if you've answered this before but have you contacted Threshold or opened a case with the RTB?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 15 March, 2023, 07:59:23 AM
So last year, around about this time actually I think, I began to articulate my worries about what I considered a worrying trajectory for my relationship with alcohol; namely the fact I was basically a high functioning alcoholic. I didn't do anything about it because, foolishly, I thought I could control it.
I couldn't. I've said and done stupid things while drunk (I think we all have, but specifically speaking I don't like WHO I became when drunk. That Zac was an arrogant, rude individual I don't wish to associate with). And have genuine regrets as a result of it.

About six weeks ago I started to do something about it, and have now been six weeks sober. This might not seem like a lot but it's likely the longest I've been sober since I was 14. God I miss a drink some days, but I don't lament the time I'm claiming back from it to focus elsewhere. I'm getting a lot more writing done these days, which is nice.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit self congratulatory, especially when I can see others are struggling in this here same thread. It's just nice for once to feel something is going right.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 15 March, 2023, 09:33:11 AM
That's fantastic stuff Hawk. Huge amounts of respect to you for taking control of the situation like that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 15 March, 2023, 09:53:58 AM

Don't feel guilty for doing well, Hawkie. Congratulations on your achievement and more power to you!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 15 March, 2023, 01:18:54 PM
Quote from: Rara Avis on 14 March, 2023, 06:40:04 PMPaddy, sorry if you've answered this before but have you contacted Threshold or opened a case with the RTB?

Hi Rara and thanks again.

Yep, I was in touch with Threshold last week. There's nothing they can do as regards my being evicted, as the termination notice is valid. The best they can advise is that I inform Dublin City Council (DCC) with regard to applying for Homeless Housing Assisted Payment (HAP), and see what they can do in terms of sourcing accommodation for me.

I spoke with a lady from the Simon Community yesterday and their advice was pretty much the same. They can't do anything themselves directly to help, as it is DCC which decides who is a priority case first. The housing charity Alone said more or less the same, and they can't do anything for me anyway, as they only deal with folk who are 60+ years of age.

The Dublin City councillor with whom I have been in touch with, has had no word back so far, as regards the letters he sent out in an effort to help me. Also, when I was in hospital in mid-November of last year, the social worker with whom I spoke to, said that she would refer me to one of her colleagues in the local primary care centre, to see if they could advocate for me in some way. As I have heard nothing back so far, I called into the centre yesterday, myself, and left my details for them to contact me. I'm not holding my breath while I wait for them to get back to me.

Trying to get any sort of meaningful help or support in this country, is like trying to light a match in a hurricane. 

At this point - with just over twelve weeks to go before my eviction date - I am quite frankly terrified as to what the future holds for me. Between the stress I have endured as a result of the NL's horrible treatment of me, and the impending threat of being made homeless, I am getting closer to the point, where a fatal heart attack, stroke or brain hemorrhage would be a welcome release from the daily misery that I am going through. 

With regards to the whole Rent Supplement fiasco - and the New Landlord's (N/L) role in it - while I am legally liable for the rent, the fact that he has failed - and, as of yesterday, now outright refused - to comply with the process, means that I could take a case against him through the Workplace Commission on the grounds of discrimination. (Because he is essentially denying me access to a social welfare entitlement.) But that would take a long, loooong time to be processed. To give two examples: the lady whom I spoke to in Threshold is currently dealing with a case dating from August of last year, and the chap in Citizens Information has been dealing with a case dating back to May of last year.

While technically the N/L could pursue me through the RTB for the back rent due to him - outside of my own weekly contributions - the CI guy thinks that I would have a defensible case, given that I have complied with all my obligations in terms of the Rent Supplement application process and the N/L has failed so dismally as regards his.

As regards my taking action against the N/L through the RTB, aside from if he refuses to pay me back my deposit, there's not much else they can do for me. It is possible that, because of the obnoxious attitude and behavior he has displayed towards me thus far, that the N/L might be seen to be in breach of the Residential Tenancies Act, as regards to my entitlement to Peaceful & Exclusive Occupation. But as there are no witnesses to what has happened, it would be very difficult to prove anything.

In the meantime - and as I predicted - the house has once more been turned into a building site, and I am again being subjected on a daily basis from 9-5, to the sounds of drilling, hammering, banging, angle grinding etc from the flat beside me, and also from the one across the hall.

Oh, and two weeks after I informed the N/L about the mice infestation, he has still done absolutely nothing about it. And I doubt if he has any intentions of addressing the problem either. (I could raise the issue with DCC but to be honest, by the time they get 'round to doing anything, I will most likely be either dead or out of here altogether.) As it is, I have now taken to just staying in my bedroom from about 9pm onward. The critters might well have found a new home since I saw them last week. (Scarily enough, I thought that I could hear them in the bedroom itself. It might just be my imagination over-reacting.) But considering the ever deteriorating state of my mental health, if I was to see any more of them scampering about the place, I think that what little sanity that I have left would desert me entirely.   

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 13 April, 2023, 10:33:51 AM
Not having a great one folks. Funny, yesterday was all sunshine and rainbows, felt fantastic.
And today I just feel like the most loathsome sack of wasted cum on the planet, and everything sucks.

Wonder if I should get myself tested, it surely isn't normal to experience such sudden, frequent, and violent shifts in mood.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 13 April, 2023, 12:09:59 PM

I love you, Hawkie.

Maybe that's not much, but it's not nothing.

Sometimes, on a sunny day, a cloud scuds overhead and the world can seem plunged into gloom, the whole feel of the day changes, gets a little darker and a little colder. Just as quick, the cloud is gone. Hope your cloud's gone soon, too.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 14 April, 2023, 08:59:42 AM
Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 13 April, 2023, 10:33:51 AMWonder if I should get myself tested, it surely isn't normal to experience such sudden, frequent, and violent shifts in mood.

Well, as someone with a diagnosis for BPD(EU), I'd be tempted to say "yes, it is."  Also a little frightening when it happens, so I feel for you.

I can't offer any advice.  All I can say is that I've tried to focus on the fact that these swings often have no discernible apparent cause but are temporary.  This means letting go of any possible 'trigger' and just accepting them for what they are as well as that whatever it is will change soon enough. 

This is half-inched from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (a version of CBT aimed at individuals with a BPD diagnosis), a method called "radical acceptance."  As a rule it tends to work, in fact I'm having to employ it this week off the back of one of these swings.

BTW: you're not even close to being the "most loathsome sack of wasted cum on the planet."  I can think of plenty of contenders for that accolade. 

If we were to merely limit ourselves to the UK then we could go with Johnson, Braverman, Hunt, Gove, Rees-Mogg, Farage or that muppet from that pub with the gollywog toys and a casual dress sense that extends to far-right-group-wear ... Are you in that league?  I think not!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sheridan on 14 April, 2023, 09:16:16 AM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 14 April, 2023, 08:59:42 AMIf we were to merely limit ourselves to the UK then we could go with Johnson, Braverman, Hunt, Gove, Rees-Mogg, Farage or that muppet from that pub with the gollywog toys and a casual dress sense that extends to far-right-group-wear ... Are you in that league?  I think not!

OH yes, the one who plays with their black dolls - by stringing them up by the necks (and avoiding any doubt as to their racist tendencies by references to lynching in Mississippi.  Though then denied they were racist, somehow).
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 14 April, 2023, 03:33:28 PM
Hawkie:  This is what I've heard called the great con of depression: it tricks you into believing nothing will ever be good because nothing has ever been good.  Been there more than once: it feels like anything you've enjoyed before the depression was just an illusion.

Being in a thankfully non-depressed period right now, I can see that it's the depressed thoughts that are illusory: life is indeed sometimes terrible, but it's sometimes great. Most of the time, though, it's somewhere in between.

That probably isn't a huge help to you right now but it did help me a bit to realise that depression distorts your thoughts.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 28 April, 2023, 10:53:29 PM
I guess JBC that there is another school of thought.  Or Maybe it is a case of the school of thought is somewhat inexperienced.

I get that thought processes can be distorted.  Then again, experience can also substantiate thought processes. 

Sorry but it is hard to put this straight.  The idea that someone is utterly worthless.  That they are a complete waste of space.  Contempt is not even close to describing how they should be viewed.  There is no way to describe how useless the are ...

Depression may well be a con.  Then again there are a hell of a lot of con artists out there that make depression look like an amateur ...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 April, 2023, 08:00:49 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 28 April, 2023, 10:53:29 PMI guess JBC that there is another school of thought.  Or Maybe it is a case of the school of thought is somewhat inexperienced.
 ...

I have to admit I'm not quite following your line of thought here, but the school of thought I mentioned definitely does not come from a lack of experience. I learned it from Dr David Burns, a psychotherapist with over 50 years of experience, and who is the only self-help author whose methods cured my own depression.  (Thanks to the Internet I've got to know him a bit since discovering his work, and he's a man who definitely knows his proverbial stomm.)

Your second paragraph has me very confused.  Are you saying that a person is right when they think this?  In Hawkmumbler's case I would say it's very much a distorted thought - while I don't know him personally I believe this forum is a better place for his contributions.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 April, 2023, 08:11:04 PM
Sorry, I meant your third paragraph, not your second.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 29 April, 2023, 08:30:29 PM
Sorry, you're right.  It was poorly worded.  What I was trying to say is that sometimes thoughts about lack of worth, general pessimism about circumstances and scope for change are based in experience.

The third paragraph is dire and I can only apologise.  My point was that this is how people are sometimes viewed and treated.  When you are on the receiving end of that kind of treatment it becomes the basis of robust self-beliefs that are hard to shift.

I get what you're saying about depression creating cognitive distortions.  The full range of circumstances that can lead to depression is incredibly broad and there are numerous circumstances where your position is probably far more appropriate than mine.  In Hawkie's case it may most likely be the case.

I guess my point is that this is not always the case.  Sometimes depressive thinking is based on empirical evidence.  That requires a different approach to tackling it.  In those circumstances the 'con artists' are those that have created such mindsets through their behaviour and treatment.

Thanks for mentioning Dr Burns.  Sounds like someone worth looking into.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 April, 2023, 11:39:34 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 29 April, 2023, 08:30:29 PMI guess my point is that this is not always the case.  Sometimes depressive thinking is based on empirical evidence.  That requires a different approach to tackling it.  In those circumstances the 'con artists' are those that have created such mindsets through their behaviour and treatment.




I think my point is that even if the thoughts are caused by other people's treatment (and believe me, I've had my fair share of being treated as worthless), it still does not make the thoughts true.  By examining the thought, through skilful use of whatever CBT techniques you're used to, it will usually fall apart.

The techniques I use distinguish between negative thoughts and self-defeating beliefs.  The latter are neither correct nor incorrect, but are a kind of guiding system for the mind and create those negative thoughts.  The beliefs, unlike the thoughts, are always there but often unconscious, and must be gradually uncovered and put into words before the patient can start working on a more helpful set of beliefs.

Personally I was very sceptical about David Burns' stuff when I encountered it first - it sounded way too simplistic and twee.  However, I later realised he was just using very accessible language to describe very profound ideas.  He might not be for everyone but for me his books and podcasts just blew all other self-help material out of the water.  Also he's a lovely guy to chat to!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 30 April, 2023, 07:53:32 AM
That's a fair point.  I guess I'm just distinguishing the root causes of such beliefs.  If they are based in certain types of treatment / activity then unpicking them can sometimes be more challenging.

I like CBT (although I find BDT more useful for specific / personal reasons).  It has a sound basis and can be easily applied.  Sometimes though it needs supplementing to get a better understanding of the distorted cognitions that underpin problems.

Perhaps this is where I sometimes find myself troubled by how CBT is currently being delivered.  Short group courses that skim very briefly over the core ideas and teach a couple of simple techniques. 

Not that this is inappropriate in all cases.  Just that quite often it is a bit of a sticking plaster for more complex cases.  Unfortunately right now it seems that this is about as much as many people can hope for.

It seems like we are pretty much on the same page in terms of some of this stuff.  The only real point of departure seems to be how far CBT is effective.  As you say, mistreatment is regrettably incredibly commonplace. 

There are degrees though, some of which are horrendously extreme.  At key formative points in an individual's life this can have significant neurological implications.  In those cases, the cognitions are more resistant to CBT techniques.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 30 April, 2023, 12:06:24 PM
Yeah, I'm with you now.  I've had a course of CBT (not the aforementioned Burns method) and I found that the therapist was just flying ahead with techniques without waiting for me to get past the first stumbling blocks.  I often found myself resisting what she was trying to get me to accept, some of which went against beliefs that I either didn't know at that point I had, or did know and had no intention of changing. 

For example, she told me to write down my desires and let 'the universe' deliver - My main thing would be world peace and an end to hunger and ecological destruction, but I don't see the fecking universe doing much about those things.  Sorry to bang on again about my favourite self-help author but I found his  TEAM CBT exercises far more useful in helping me uncover my own resistance to change before attempting to change.

I hadn't heard of BDT before, I'm glad it's working for you.  I'll have a look into it.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 30 April, 2023, 01:38:18 PM
DBT, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, is an offshoot of CBT.  Designed for people with a diagnosis for Borderline Personality (Emotionally Unstable) Disorder.

Because the condition involves insanely wild emotional swings, hyper-anxiety and depression it focuses on ways of coping with these aspects as well.  Things like "mood-surfing" come into play.  There is a strong focus on distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness since the condition also often leads to misinterpretation of other people's actions and behaviours.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 30 April, 2023, 04:34:28 PM
Sounds interesting, and very useful. Glad it's working for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 04 May, 2023, 09:53:26 PM
The ongoing saga of my job.  I'm finding myself being upskilled, using a backup system which is designed for Windows XP.  Its very slow to load, but this is hitting my handling time for calls, and now I'm getting flak for that.

Meanwhile, I have a neighbour who is still being an inconsiderate cocknugget all hours of the day, and my sleep patterns are irregular.  I have been late for the 6th time since I started which means I face a disciplinary in the near future which is not doing my stress levels any good.

The irregular hours aren't helping, and of course having to deal with some absolute gits as customers..

Add to that, the fact that working I feel I'm financially worse off than when I was on JSA and PIP.  I went from paying no rent to paying full whack, I knew I'd have to pay rent of course, I wasn't naive.  Ditto with council tax, fuel costs as I drive up five days over seven, 20 miles approx a day.  I now find I'm not doing so well financially.  There's little prospect for real advancement in a financial sense.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 28 June, 2023, 06:55:09 PM
Well, i'm doing pretty good right now, all things considered on both a personal and cosmic level.

And I hope, considering this here thread has been quiet for shy of two months now, that all here are doing just fine too.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 28 June, 2023, 07:49:00 PM

Glad to hear that, Hawkie! I'm feeling pretty chipper myself, at the moment. Here's to the Good Times!

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 29 June, 2023, 02:21:03 PM
To Hawkmumbler & Sharkie: Glad to hear that yer both doing well. Onwards and upwards, as the saying goes.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 June, 2023, 10:31:59 PM
Aye, I'll second that. How are you doing yourself, Paddy?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 30 June, 2023, 10:35:50 PM
I'm going to second, (third, whatever ..) the vote for those talking about how well folks are doing.  In particular, that Jade is doing well.

Personally I'm really struggling but only because the latest round of treatment has set off so many landmines it is unreal.

That might need a bit of qualification as a positive though.  I want to deal with this sh**. I need to. Right now this is about connecting past with present.  For those amongst us familiar with trauma, (hopefully incredibly few of us), being able to integrate those experiences and self is incredibly important.

Personally I'm looking at recent experiences from the point of view of "ok, this is difficult but it is nice to be struggling without thinking about putting an end to it all .." Admittedly a close run thing but even said, ...


It's great to hear that so many of us (former Black Doggers) are doing so well.  I can appreciate Jade's frustration and hope that things are erring more towards the positive.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 01 July, 2023, 06:51:42 AM

My best to you, Tjm. I hope your treatments go smoothly and that you can take them in your stride.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 01 July, 2023, 02:10:17 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 29 June, 2023, 10:31:59 PMAye, I'll second that. How are you doing yourself, Paddy?

Hi Jayzus.

Well I'm now into my third week of over-holding my tenancy, after the end date of my Notice of Termination of Residency has lapsed. Surprisingly enough, the landlord has not been in contact with me so far. Considering the antagonistic attitude which he has previously displayed towards those tenants* who have already chosen to overhold, I'm all the time waiting for that ominous 'knock on the door'. I can only presume that he has decided to go down the legal route with the Residential Tenancy Board and have me evicted that way. It is a nerve-wrangling time for me, to be sure and frankly, a horrible way to be living.

The efforts of the Dublin City Councillor these last few months to secure accommodation for me have, alas, failed to bear fruit. In the meantime, I've been in touch with DCC's Homeless Central Placement Service. They have referred me to their Senior Citizens Team - talk about feeling old, lol! - and said that I could expect to receive a call from them. That was three weeks ago and, so far, I've heard nothing from them.

I've also been in touch with DCC's Housing Allocations department. Acting on their advice, I submitted a Disability / Medical information form which was filled in by my psychiatrist and social worker, along with supporting letters and documents that I thought might be relevant. The people I spoke to reckoned that it might help in pushing me up the list as a priority case.


But when I rang back to find out when I could expect my next appointment with Housing Allocations, I was told that, because of a backlog in processing the forms, it could be up to another three months before I am evaluated and given a further appointment. And so the anxious wait goes on!

Threshold are also liaising with Dublin City Council on my behalf. DCC gave them a small list of properties from it's Choice Based Lettings (CBL) scheme, of which I might be eligible for some of them. So I've applied for three one-bed units from the list that I thought might be suitable for my needs. (Given the large amount of personal possessions which I have - which includes almost a thousand books and over two thousand comics and graphic novels - as adequate space goes, a bedsit would just not cut it for me.)

My concern is that, without yet having been evaluated with regards to the form which I gave to DCC, that I will not be considered as a priority case by whoever makes these decisions, and thus that I will be passed over. (Bearing in mind that, as the link below shows, I'm just one of approx 12, 500 other poor sods in the same position - and worse - than me.) I just seem to be bumping into one hurdle after another.

Anyways, thanks for thinking of me Jayzus. Much appreciated. Fingers crossed that something comes up for me. It's not for want of trying on my part. Oh, and I'm still at war with the mice in my flat. If there was to be a movie poster of my life of recent times, the tag-line would read: "Mouse-Wars 2 - This time it's personal!"

https://www.thejournal.ie/homelessness-figures-ireland-6106594-Jun2023/

*This refers to the other tenants who received their Notice of Termination at the same time as I did. Not to the newer tenants who have since moved in and whom he is currently fleecing. (To give an example, the bedsit beside me now costs a staggering €1,650 per month!)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 01 July, 2023, 03:02:08 PM
ah feck, Paddy, you've been through the wars and no mistake.  I really hope something works out.  Sometimes I forget how lucky I am, despite my modest accommodation.

I do understand the mouse issue - when I lived on the boat they were regular visitors.  I tried my very best to get rid of them without killing them but finally went back to the old school mousetraps.  Rats were another issue - they chewed up my clothes and my furniture but wwirdly seemed to move out when they realised I was a permanent resident.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 01 July, 2023, 04:24:52 PM

That sucks, Paddy, as I know from different but similar experience. Waiting for the "authorities" was a waste of time, for me, and my advice would be to start looking in other directions; maybe get a caravan or something. I know what you mean about all your stuff, I lost thousands (literally) of books, comics, magazines, as well as clothes, appliances, tools... the list goes on and was heartbreaking at the time. I'm sorry I can't be more positive but, as far as the "authorities" go, we're on our own.

On the plus side, going through all that made me stronger and less attached to physical things.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 02 July, 2023, 07:29:56 AM
It is painful to be able to do nothing more than send best wishes Paddy.  The lack of resources and the attitudes of landlords seems to be a growingly familiar problem wherever you are.  It's hard to believe we're nearly to the middle of the 21st Century and apparently going backwards as a society.

Here's hoping that this gets resolved fairly quickly and in your favour.  All the best sir.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 02 July, 2023, 11:13:29 AM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 02 July, 2023, 07:29:56 AMHere's hoping that this gets resolved fairly quickly and in your favour.  All the best sir.

Thanks, TJM86 for your kind words and support, and likewise to Jayzus and Sharkie. It means a lot and is always appreciated. Cheers!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 02 July, 2023, 11:32:38 AM
PS & Apols for double post.

@Sharkie  I don't know how to drive so a caravan isn't an option for me. Also, finding one large enough for my needs would, I imagine, be problematic.

BUT if I was to live in a caravan, it amuses me to think that it would be the one featured in the link below. (It's from a much beloved Irish TV children's programme that was very popular back when I were a nipper. Get a load of those state-of-the-art special effects, lol.  :D )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9oSFevDK_0

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 02 July, 2023, 03:56:00 PM
That very wagon was designed by my old Production Design tutor from art college.  He showed us the original designs and took us to meet Eugene Lambert from the show, who gave us a puppetry demonstration using Judge the Dog.

He also worked on Mary Shelley's Frankensteim, which is a weird bit of O'Brien & Godmother / Robert de Niro crossover trivia.

Anyway once again I really hope you get it sorted soon.  Would a boat be an option?  That's what I did (until the fecker exploded, but that is rare and it's a nice if busy lifestyle)..
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 02 July, 2023, 06:13:56 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 02 July, 2023, 03:56:00 PMWould a boat be an option?  That's what I did (until the fecker exploded, but that is rare and it's a nice if busy lifestyle)..


Well, just out of curiosity, I googled Done Deal for the price of barges. The cheapest one I could find was €30,000 which is so far out of my price range, that I may as well be googling for a space flight on one of Musk's or Branson's contraptions. Further googling revealed that, among the minor little challenges I would have to contend with - apart from explosions! - are the facts that" Boats leak, batteries run flat and the water attracts mice and rats." So yeah, that's a hard pass for me, I'm afraid to say.  :lol:

Anyway's, as with a caravan, there would be the issue of adequate space and security, allied with my advancing age, increasing decrepitude and utter lack of experience in all aquatic matters. And with my luck being what it is, I'm as likely as not to fall of the vessel and drown.  :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 02 July, 2023, 06:19:47 PM
Fair enough- to be honest it's not the easiest life and you do need to be somewhat able-bodied to carry out necessary duties.

My little boat cost me 16 grand (my dad took out a loan and I paid him back monthly) but with all the maintenance and improvements I probably paid another 10 on top of that. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 02 July, 2023, 06:41:34 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 02 July, 2023, 06:19:47 PMFair enough- to be honest it's not the easiest life and you do need to be somewhat able-bodied to carry out necessary duties.

A quick google of the online Thesaurus revealed 171 different words to describe the opposite of being "able-bodied". Needless to say, the overwhelming majority of them could reasonably apply to myself.  :)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 02 July, 2023, 07:44:15 PM

Would there be any chance of sharing a place with similarly challenged people to cut down on costs? How about a commune or something like that? Many campsites over here have big static caravans for purchase or long-term rent but they tend to be snapped up pretty quickly. You can't be the only person in such a position, maybe seek out others and figure out solutions between you? 

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 03 July, 2023, 02:52:31 PM
I've had waaaay too many bad experiences over the years house-sharing with people, to even consider that as an option. The few months I spent with my last ever girlfriend, 16 years ago, being a case in point. (She turned out to be a psychotic, bullying control freak, and when we split up I ended up being homeless for seven weeks. I swore then, that I would never put myself at such risk ever again and I have kept that vow ever since.)

Fact of the matter is - at least in my case - when you have a chronic anxiety disorder as I do, then you may as well have a target painted on your back for the attention of all the nasty, bullying and aggressive fuck-wits that seem to comprise a significantly large percentage of the population. As a consequence, I tend to avoid people now - for as I have learned, in many areas of life over the years, most of them are not to be trusted - and keep my interactions with them to a minimum.

Anyhow, as a middle-aged 'ould git with social anxiety - I can't even hold a conversation without the crutch of alcohol - I'm not exactly inundated with offers, be they romantic, platonic or otherwise. I've gotten so used to living alone and spending virtually most of the time in isolation, that I simply do not have the energy or social skills necessary to be around other people for very long. To be sure, it's a lonely-as-fuck way to exist. But I'm realistic enough to know that is how things are going to be. And at least when I'm alone I'm safe.

I just had a phone call from the landlord today. He was asking what the story was and if I was moving out. Obviously I did not have any good news for him. So he's calling over to me later in the week to 'have a talk'. That should be interesting. I am so fucking pissed off and fed up with this constant daily stress and anxiety! I'm at the stage now where, if I was to feel the symptoms of a fatal stroke or heart attack coming on, I'm honestly not sure if I would even bother seeking medical attention. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 13 July, 2023, 06:26:55 AM
Admittedly this doesn't really apply to folks here and potentially more a 'in the news' post.  That said, amidst all the furore over the Huw Edwards revelations, one thing seems to be being seriously glossed over.

His wife comments that he has now been admitted to Inpatient Mental Health Hospital care for the foreseeable future.  Given the challenges accessing mental health Outpatient care, this requires a serious level of risk to either him or those around him (more likely him).

In short, the Sun and the rest of the media appear to have (and I admit to speculating here) driven him to a suicidal nervous breakdown.  Why this is not being acknowledged by the press is baffling.

It really does reiterate the point that there is absolutely zero consideration for the impact of the sort of reporting that goes on these days, never mind the toxicity of social media (Twitter seems to have become some sort of radioactive sludge-pit of bile and abuse these days). 

I'm not for a moment defending any alleged actions and behaviours the man may or may not have engaged in.  Just commenting on what this suggests to me.

What I would say though is that I do hope that everyone is keeping well, managing in the face of whatever challenges they are facing (or even better, starting to overcome them) and knows where to come in times of need.  It sure as hell feels like we need it right now!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 20 July, 2023, 02:22:58 PM
I'm finally making an effort to come off my meds and rely on my own CBT written work.  Last time ended in a total meltdown but i feel I have a lot more stability and CBT resources in my life these days.

Withdrawal feels like occasional giant bees flying through my head (only those who have experience will get it) but I'd reduced my intake significantly already so it's not the full-on swarm it used to be.

I'll see how it goes anyway, if nothing else it'll save a bit of money on GPs and prescriptions in the short term.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 20 July, 2023, 05:05:45 PM

Rooting for you, JBC.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Proudhuff on 20 July, 2023, 05:39:20 PM
Good luck JBC!!
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 20 July, 2023, 06:20:14 PM
Thanks, guys, really appreciate it.  Last time I came off them I was living the life of Reilly in Thailand, till I came home and realised I was broke, jobless, forced to live with my parents at the age of 37 and realising I there was no way I could live that life again.

These days, I have a nice little wooden cabin in a place where I used to travel to just to enjoy the scenery, a job I don't mind, and a bit of money (not loads, but my rent is cheap).  I listen to David Burns' CBT podcast every week and have a bucketload of tools with which to do battle with the Dark Side.  So, fingers crossed.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 20 July, 2023, 06:25:03 PM
All the best in your endeavors, JBC. You're one of the good guys, so you deserve good things.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 20 July, 2023, 06:26:41 PM
Don't think people fully appreciate how challenging it can be to wean yourself off medication for mental health conditions.  Even messing up dosage a day or so can be an absolute nightmare.

So here's to your success in this endeavour.  Just pace yourself and do it sensibly.  Accept that there are going to be bad days as well as insanely bad days!  In the long run though I've no doubt you'll be successful.

Personally not even close to there yet.  Much more settled now that I'm out of teaching but I finally got to the top of the waiting list for the next round of psych-treatment.  With some of the stuff that's digging up right now it probably isn't a good idea to start messing with the meds.

Anyway, glad to hear things are on the up.  Stay safe, sir ...
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 21 July, 2023, 08:33:43 AM
Thank you all, you're the best and I love you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: paddykafka on 23 July, 2023, 02:06:24 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 21 July, 2023, 08:33:43 AMThank you all, you're the best and I love you.

Wishing both yourself and TJM86 all the best in your respective struggles. Hope that the days ahead will be smooth ones.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 23 July, 2023, 03:14:38 PM
Right back at you, sir.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 30 October, 2023, 07:04:56 PM
The latest....I finally, maybe foolishly chucked in my job....

It was an accumulation of things.  Ever increasing targets, security measures, and other things like constant headaches, poor sleep patterns, depression etc.

I was pulled up and given a written warning due to absences.  The final point was last week when driving up to work, the car engine just starting sputtering.  I've no knowledge of car mechanics but I knew it wasn't just a flat battery, and I'm always paranoid about making sure the proper fuel is going in.  I foolishly and mistakingly let my MOT expire so my breakdown cover with my insurance wouldn't cover a callout.  I had to pay for a tow.  I then found out that it would be at least two and a half weeks before I could get an MOT and check out of the car to see what is wrong.  My work was not sympathetic, expecting me to get there no matter what.  Some of the starting times are before buses are available for part of the journey, and there is no damned way I was paying £40 each way daily for a taxi.  I just, finally told them I was quitting.  I don't have a job to go to but I have been putting a lot of applications in but I have mentally had enough.  My health, both mentally and physically has been suffering majorly.  I have tried telling them this, but I was told this had happened before that it was in 'peaks and troughs', thats part of how depression and anxiety work.  I was told there was support...yes, podcasts and sodding webinars, nothing worthwhile.

Now, now I don't know.....
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 30 October, 2023, 07:53:22 PM
Additionally, I have been there just over a year.  I am the only one of my intake still there.  There is a constant high turnover.  For a company operating from the UK I wondered why so many of the new starts had foreign sounding names.  This is not being racist, but it turns out that a lot of the people they are taking on are college and uni starts, so I suspect some are foreign students.  That's not a reflection on them, its more on the company as they are being trained less time than I was and then being put on the floor pretty unprepared.  We were expected to mentor new starts, in other words do some of the training teams work for them, yet we were getting nothing extra.

When I have said before that I didn't feel up to the job I was told my written work was excellent, this is stuff like tech reports, suspicious call reports, account closures, yet at the same time I would get criticised for taking time to put in the work,  I have a feeling I was getting told that to persuade me to stay as there is such a high attrition in the company.

I was told it's a good job, it doesn't feel that way, and yet, i should have felt lucky to be in a full time job, but I didn't.  I have a fairly dull life, but I have missed a dental appointment, my flu and covid booster, my MOT, and my boiler servicing due to being unable to plan round this.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 30 October, 2023, 09:18:32 PM

It might have sucked, Jade, but it's all valuable experience that'll help you get something better. 

All power to you.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 02 November, 2023, 10:53:28 PM
I just feel support was lacking.  They loved to parrot the "Great Place to Work" thing, and all the corporate speak.  Honestly, reading some of their corporate emails was enough to make your eyes glaze over, say in 2000 words what could be summarised in 20.

Anyway, it was mentioned that they would support people, and that if you were thinking of leaving there would be possible contact with a retention team as they wished to keep people.  Yet, what could they do.  They couldn't alter wages, they couldn't alter shift patterns, and more and more were getting piled on us with no extra. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 02 November, 2023, 11:16:16 PM
For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision.  I've always thought that if half your waking hours are taken up with a soul destroying job, you might be better off broke for a while.  That said, I don't have kids to feed, but I think you said you don't either, Jade.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 10:38:56 AM
Just been thinking recently about therapists I've seen over the years - sometimes, there's no one on earth that winds me up more and brings out the worst in me. I've shocked myself by the harshness of my own words when I know a therapist is talking shit.

Things That Have Pissed Me Off:

Telling me that a passive nature is a good thing, despite my telling him repeatedly of times people bullied and manipulated me because I wasn't assertive enough.  Then, after I literally told him that was bullshit, saying 'passive' must be a 'trigger word' for me.

Repeatedly just rephrasing my words and adding 'That must be (insert emotion)', again and again and again, and not really much else. Empathy isn't a Spectrum 48k program, my friend.

Telling me to list the things I want, and the 'universe' will provide them.  I challenge her at length to explain exactly what that means, as I want practical solutions and don't believe in magic.  Finally she says she means 'people'. People and the universe are not synonymous.

Saying about 2 sentences for the whole hour, and otherwise just sitting there looking at me.  Do you really need training for that?

I don't know why, but these things really, really get under my skin and I can't get them out of my head.  Maybe because of the cost - these people cost a lot of money and in my opinion really, really need to be worth it. 

The first guy mentioned told me how 'difficult' he'd found one session with me. The Spirit of the Staircase still haunts me about that one - what's also difficult is coming out of a therapy session feeling worse than you went in, and considerably poorer into the bargain.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 03 November, 2023, 10:58:15 AM

Therapists. Hmph. They're all loopy to begin with.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 03 November, 2023, 02:19:07 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 10:38:56 AMTelling me to list the things I want, and the 'universe' will provide them.

You don't need a therapist to tell you this hokum - the very rich and successful Jim Carrey can tell you that for nothing - and does, all over YouTube. (His theoretical musings don't seem to consider that there are lots of John Carey's out there who didn't get the gig they dreamed of, for whatever reason - part of which will simply be happenstance.)

Mind you - positive self talk is (one assumes) demonstrably better than negative self talk, just in terms of being able to face the day. I think there's evidence for that. Not that you asked. Just musing.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 04:51:56 PM
The 'universe is Santa Claus' thing is, to my mind at least, for people who can't quite get past a culturally-ingrained belief in a benevolent god, but aren't ready to admit it to themselves. It's not just Jim Carrey, it's that whole 'The Secret' industry and all who expound it.  There's a whole lot of financial success to be had in telling people things that they want to be true.

When the above-mentioned professional CBT therapist started trying to lead me down that path, my heart sank and I immediately told her as much.  It was from that point on her methods began to stop working for me - unconsciously or no, the waters had been sullied with bullshit for me, and I suppose I just gave up.

  Of course, there's nothing wrong with writing down some goals to work towards, but that's the whole point - you WORK towards them.  You can believe all you like, but you need to DO something, and even then you might not get the result you want.  My best mate fully believed he had recovered from his cancer, as the tests had shown as much. He was dead within a year. 

Also, funny how the Law of Attraction only seems to apply to middle-class types from peaceful, affluent countries.  If only famine- and war-stricken countries really could just collectively believe their way out of their problems.  No doubt the true believers can explain that one away somehow, but I'm not buying it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 03 November, 2023, 05:39:31 PM
"If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy."

Terry Pratchett
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 05:57:32 PM
(Applause)

I knew a guy whose ambition was to literally make the history books. Part of his strategy was walking through the most affluent neighborhood in Dublin, in the belief he could literally absorb wealth and power through his eyes into his subconscious.

He was also an incredibly unreliable worker and routinely missed days when he was needed, leaving no way to contact him.

Last I heard, sadly, he had just survived a suicide attempt and was thankfully getting help.  I've lost touch but I hope he's ok

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 06:07:37 PM
Sorry, I should point out the applause was for the Terry Pratchett quote, not for anything that happened to the poor guy I was talking about.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 03 November, 2023, 06:10:53 PM
(Applause)

And death rained down upon them!

 :D
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 07:26:57 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo [R] on 03 November, 2023, 06:10:53 PM(Applause)

And death rained down upon them!

 :D

Well, I don't have a major challenge with that!
(Sorry, just trying to make my vocabulary deflect pro... I mean, challenges.)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 03 November, 2023, 09:34:14 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 07:26:57 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo [R] on 03 November, 2023, 06:10:53 PM(Applause)

And death rained down upon them!

 :D

Well, I don't have a major challenge with that!
(Sorry, just trying to make my vocabulary deflect pro... I mean, challenges.)

I don't like that sort of language policing. The mathemetician in me relishes a good problem, and a challenge sounds like some mo'erfucker wants too throw hands. CTRL-A Find+Replace isn't a mental health strategy.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: M.I.K. on 03 November, 2023, 10:19:50 PM
Aye, it sounds worse to me. Problems can be solved and challenges lost.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 03 November, 2023, 11:18:56 PM
I remember being at a therapist pre-Covid, hopeless it was
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 04 November, 2023, 02:12:08 AM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 10:38:56 AMJust been thinking recently about therapists I've seen over the years - sometimes, there's no one on earth that winds me up more and brings out the worst in me.

Mrs. Solo wanted me to pass on a recommendation for the Huberman Lab podcast. From what Mrs. Solo told me, Huberman supports proven methods (as in, studied for efficacy)- and she sees it as a useful free resource.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 04 November, 2023, 07:34:47 AM

Also, read a good book. I recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (https://dailystoic.com/meditations-marcus-aurelius/).

"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way."

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 04 November, 2023, 09:11:25 AM
Quote from: Funt Solo [R] on 04 November, 2023, 02:12:08 AM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 03 November, 2023, 10:38:56 AMJust been thinking recently about therapists I've seen over the years - sometimes, there's no one on earth that winds me up more and brings out the worst in me.

Mrs. Solo wanted me to pass on a recommendation for the Huberman Lab podcast. From what Mrs. Solo told me, Huberman supports proven methods (as in, studied for efficacy)- and she sees it as a useful free resource.


Thank you very much, and thanks to Mrs Solo too. I'll definitely check it out. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sintec on 07 November, 2023, 09:24:40 AM
Long time lurker on this thread but finally gonna break the ice and post as (for better or worse) things seem to have reached some kind of crescendo. Have been mentally checked out of my own life for the what feels like forever, think it's been 2+ years at this point. Finally got the wake up call I needed when my partner told me she needed more and was going to leave if I didn't sort myself out. It's been a struggle and we're still on pretty rocky ground all things told. Right now I'm just trying to work out what a new me looks like. It's scary af. Just really wish I'd been able to hear her long before it got to this point. She's been eternally patient with me and my mental health over the years and I feel like an idiot for letting things get to this point. Can't turn back the clock though.

Anyway got a first appointment with a therapist later this week. Always felt it'd be a waste of time so never bothered, will see I guess. Tbh right now it'd just be good to talk through all this shit with someone who isn't involved.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 08 November, 2023, 04:13:13 AM
I quit a day before I got paid, and did get my next wage.  The question is, I had to work for a month before I got my first pay, so am I due another wage?  Another thing...I applied for UC, and it will be about a month before I get anything, and I have the grand total of about £220 in my account and another £250 in a savings account...

I haven't eaten anything substantial for two days, and just don't feel good...I'm slipping into a deeper depression..
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 November, 2023, 01:04:59 PM
Quote from: sintec on 07 November, 2023, 09:24:40 AMLong time lurker on this thread but finally gonna break the ice and post as (for better or worse) things seem to have reached some kind of crescendo. Have been mentally checked out of my own life for the what feels like forever, think it's been 2+ years at this point. Finally got the wake up call I needed when my partner told me she needed more and was going to leave if I didn't sort myself out. It's been a struggle and we're still on pretty rocky ground all things told. Right now I'm just trying to work out what a new me looks like. It's scary af. Just really wish I'd been able to hear her long before it got to this point. She's been eternally patient with me and my mental health over the years and I feel like an idiot for letting things get to this point. Can't turn back the clock though.

Anyway got a first appointment with a therapist later this week. Always felt it'd be a waste of time so never bothered, will see I guess. Tbh right now it'd just be good to talk through all this shit with someone who isn't involved.

Always happy to see someone share their shitty experiences here. I really hope the therapy goes well - and if it doesn't, don't forget there are plenty of other therapists will suit you better.

Jade, really hope things work out for you too.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: karlos on 08 November, 2023, 02:23:36 PM
Jade Falcon, I've been exactly where you are.

It all sounds like clichés but honestly hang in there.

Things like applying for UC, that is a positive step.

Pick up the phone, speak to a friend or family member.

Just chat with someone.

I know words from a stranger might not mean anything at all right now, but take some time for yourself.

And yes, if you worked a month in hand, you are owed that.

Look after yourself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 10 November, 2023, 10:14:58 PM
I emailed the company about the weeks lying time and got back a letter written in pure corporate which said nothing at all.  This company is really bad for this crap, not being able to give a plain answer.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 10 November, 2023, 10:50:47 PM
You could amuse yourself by forcing them to continue the mail chain. Just throw their own empty corporate language back in their faces. Just waste their time and energy. Feck ye could get chatgpt to compose the emails for you. It won't achieve anything but you might find it satisfying
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 27 November, 2023, 08:19:37 PM
Well...late November and mixed news.  I'm not being sanctioned by DWP for leaving work, but I won't get a penny till December 12-14 approx.  Meanwhile I have bills and a rapidly dwindling savings.

The garage that said they would look at my car in a week and a half at 27th October have not even moved it from the spot it was sitting it.  I CAN'T do without it.  I don't at the moment have anything in the house, and I'm making sure I'm not using heating to save bills.

This year is going to be even worse than usual....what's the sense in carrying on
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 27 November, 2023, 09:23:00 PM

The sense in carrying on?

I used to worry a lot. Every setback was a disaster, every frustration a calamity. It got to the point where every piece of mail I received had the potential to bring everything to ruin. There was no hope. The light at the end of the tunnel was probably a train coming. All I saw ahead of me was doom piled upon doom.

So I did the only logical thing and had a heart attack.

Recovering in the cardio ward, I noticed two types of people. Type One people were all, "Oh my God! Oh Jesus Christ! I've just had a heart attack! That's it! My life is over! I'm finished! Noooooooo!" Type Two people, on the other hand, be like, "Oh my God! Oh Jesus Christ! I've just had a heart attack! And I'm still alive! Woo-hoo!" I consciously decided to add myself to the Type Two camp and my life since has been noticeably more tolerable - enjoyable, even - despite (and arguably bolstered by) my subsequent Adventures in Law and losing my home and just about all my worldly possessions. Good, hard lessons all. And here I am, still standing and still laughing, thank God.

So, what's the sense in carrying on? I don't know, but it's definitely there. For me, it was shedding fear (not altogether, to be sure, but largely). For you? Again, I don't know - but you'll find it.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 27 November, 2023, 09:55:38 PM
Well sorry if that sounded over dramatic, but I really am at the point I don't know what to do..

The UC team say that its possible to get an advance payment, but that puts you into debt right away.  Someone suggested that instead of going to the supermarket I get it home delivered, but I have to book about three days in advance, and there's a £6 delivery charge.

There's the woes of heating.  I'm at the moment sitting with a fleece jacket and a scarf on.  Whoever built these bloody flats obviously thought they would be perfect as iceboxes in the winter.  The time that I was working was meant to be a time of self improvement, a big thing....instead it was the start of a continuous downward spiral.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 28 November, 2023, 04:00:02 AM
Hi Jade - sorry to hear that you're cold! I was once living in Halls of Residence and because my mum's an emotion-vampire that struggles with acute jealousy, I had decided not to visit her that Christmas. I did, though, still have a demented sense of loyalty, and so had also refused an offer to spend Christmas with my dad - because I knew she'd hate that and make noises about it. So, I stayed in the Halls. You weren't supposed to, though, so they'd turned the heating off to save money. So I was wrapped up in all my clothes, breath steaming, watching shit on the tele and all alone with nobody to talk to. I'd told myself beforehand that it wouldn't be so bad - but it was fucking shit. So, I'm sorry to hear you're cold.

Not that you asked for any help - but I'm sorry as well that my empathy probably isn't any.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 28 November, 2023, 07:10:48 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 27 November, 2023, 09:23:00 PMSo, what's the sense in carrying on? I don't know, but it's definitely there. For me, it was shedding fear (not altogether, to be sure, but largely). For you? Again, I don't know - but you'll find it.

I get this.  At the moment I'm cratering again.  There's no real reason I can put my finger on behind it but about three times in the last month or so I've gotten quite aggressive with myself.  Last time my wife was threatening to call the police and have me sectioned.

When I get asked by docs about attempts one of the questions they ask is what stops me.  I can't really answer that except to say 'cowardice'.  Not really a sensible answer I know but then again not a particularly sensible situation so ...

Can't really explain why I keep pushing at this except to say that I do.  I feel like a failure a hell of a lot of the time but then I stop and take on board some of the things people point out; I'm still here and still fighting, failure isn't the ending it's sometimes made out to be, I've managed to pick myself up countless times after these 'failures' ... It's hard to explain why that eventually connects as well.

I mean, if you'd asked me a year or so ago, I would have said that I was completely washed up.  Now I've got a decent job that is starting to push me back in the right direction.  Leaving aside the current cratering and extreme self-destructiveness, things are improving.  If I can get past whatever this is, maybe I can get another foot up the ladder.

I don't know if there is a simple, magic answer.  I don't think there is.  I mean, I know for me this is going to be a lifelong battle.  There are going to be times like this when things are dark and dangerous but not always.  At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself right now.  As Sharkey says, sometimes you just make a choice to join Group 2 for some reason that escapes definition.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 30 November, 2023, 08:22:07 PM
Somethings not right.  I worked a month before being paid, I estimate I still should have had a month's pay or partial pay due.  They say there more deductions than earnings therefore I'm due nothing.  Not to mention I had about three weeks unused paid holiday.

Something isn't right, I think a visit to Citizens Advice might be in order
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 03 December, 2023, 12:06:05 AM
Well even further down the last couple of days.  As everyone knows, gone are the days there was a jobcentre in most towns.  I had to travel to the local one about 45 minutes bus ride away.  First off the bus was late but a fair bit.  It was bitterly cold despite wearing a T-shirt, Jumper, fleece, scarf, gloves and a heavy winter jacket.  Going to the jobcentre I was constantly out of breath and had a rather worrying chest pain.  Finishing there I decided to pick up a small shopping and then get the bus home.  The blasted bus service was all over the place.  After over an hour of standing in the bitter cold I was ready to collapse, literally.  When I got home I just wanted to curl up and lie down.  So I went to bed, fully clothed and with a hot water bottle and still had shivering all night.

Add to that, recently I had a phone damaged from Tesco and got a replacement.  Due to various things I incurred a £125 charge on it.  This was to be refunded when the damaged unit was refunded, all fair.  So yesterday I thought I had at least a small margin.  The council has taken £110 council tax, for the second time since putting in for UC.  Due to the lack of speed of bureacracy, i just dont know how I can survive.  Christmas is always bad because of the anniversary of my mum taking ill and dying, but this year is going to be worse.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 03 December, 2023, 08:38:13 AM

Get to the doctor's, Jade, get that breathlessness and chest pain checked out.

Do it Now.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 December, 2023, 06:23:29 PM
Now I've got my ex-work at me claiming they overpaid me.  Which considering I still had holiday entitlement I doubt.  They said I owe them £24 and that If I don't pay they'll take it to a 'collection agency that will add charges'

This is a company that claimed to be in the top five great places to work and continually bombarded you with messages full of corporate speak bullshit about how wonderful they were.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Funt Solo on 14 December, 2023, 06:42:26 PM
On the face of it that sounds like some bullshit (from your ex-employers). I suppose if it was happening to me I'd be doing two things - one is checking my facts and the other is contacting the Citizen's Advice Bureau (if that's still a thing). Probably the CAB would also want to know the facts, which is why that's first in the list.

When I worked in hotels, I'd often be in situations where they were underpaying me and I had to have my data all straight before I confronted them because otherwise they'd just bullshit me.

(24 quid is such a small amount for a company of nearly any size - I'm surprised that they're even bringing it up, to be honest. )
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 14 December, 2023, 07:15:54 PM

Tell your ex-work that you charge £25 for each letter of theirs you have to deal with (admin costs). They therefore owe you £1.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 15 December, 2023, 07:04:19 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 14 December, 2023, 06:23:29 PMNow I've got my ex-work at me claiming they overpaid me.  Which considering I still had holiday entitlement I doubt.  They said I owe them £24 and that If I don't pay they'll take it to a 'collection agency that will add charges'


Well if nothing else, ask them to provide proof of the debt, how it is calculated and what it is for.  Also ask them for details of the holidays you took and your total entitlement.  Any outstanding entitlement should have been paid with your final salary so if it isn't there, they are in debt, not you.

TBH I had something similar when I left the RAF.  The mattress I was issued was in an almighty state but the block corporal didn't record that so they tried to charge me for it.  I argued with them, refused to pay and nothing ever came of it.

The amount they would have to pay a collection agency far outstrips the debt in question so I'm a little baffled that they are wasting their time and money.  Then again, as you say, this is a company that invokes double speak to pretend to be a quality employer (stop that laughing at the back!)
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 15 December, 2023, 10:00:00 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 14 December, 2023, 07:15:54 PMTell your ex-work that you charge £25 for each letter of theirs you have to deal with (admin costs). They therefore owe you £1.



As funny as this is, and if not intended as a joke I'm sure Sharks intentions are earnest, I'd discourage Jade from taking such action. Declaring you charge an admin fee could be taken as grounds for operating a for-profit business and could leave him open to litigation, a stress I'm sure he could do without.

TJM and Funt offer salient advise here, Jade. Demand receipts proving the debt they allege, take it to CAB (goodness knows they pulled my fat out the the fryer enough times) and propose the question already raised here, for the sake of £24 is the cost of raising a debt collector really worth it? It's a valid question, and often times pointing out the dubious qualities of the fallacy they're leaning on is enough to get most to back off.

Are you part of a union, Jade? You might not be in the right place to consider it at the moment, materially or emotionally, but it's absolutely something to consider for the future.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 15 December, 2023, 10:24:19 AM
Just to echo what Hawk says above (and the posters he is recommending)

Many years ago I headed up a complaints team for a national electricity supplier and we sent a guy a threatening baliffs-are-coming type letter for an outstanding debt of 28p. He sent us a letter back with 2p sellotaped to it proposing to pay by monthly installments. We cancelled the debt.

It's a funny little story but the real takeaway is that the chase letter was part of an automated process, and we were instructed to write off any debt below a certain level if challenged because it just wasn't worth our time pursuing it. For £24 I'd be very surprised if they go after you in way they're stating Jade.
I would also recommend as a first step to check in with CAB and then write to your ex-employer asking for receipts and evidence. Keep the tone polite and professional, and keep a copy of the letter (email as well, if possible). I'm sure some of us here can help out with that should you need it.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 15 December, 2023, 01:01:55 PM

What Barry said is the best opening - request proof of the alleged debt (and don't just accept claims presented in a letter). Don't say anything like, "I'm not paying this," because it acknowledges the existence of the alleged debt. All you should do at this stage is request proof. Then, if they start giving you the runaround, give them notice that unless they provide sufficient proof then you'll have to charge them £25 per letter (your time is precious and you need to spend it looking for employment and not engaging with dubious claims and spending money on stamps, type of thing). If they respond after this, they're agreeing to your terms for contact. (The idea is not to get paid but to set up a counter-claim if this ever goes to court - and you must be reasonably sure that you're in the right, of course, before letting it get so far.) For £24 though, I very much doubt they'll pursue it with much vigour. You only have to exchange a few letters before their bean-counters step in, at which point they'll either give up or risk doubling down - and you setting up an obvious counter-claim from the start should factor into their decision.

Although none of what I've written here should be construed as actual legal advice, it is a suggestion for a possible strategy. You'll have to read up a bit on contract law and debt, or instruct a solicitor, if you want to go this way. All I can say is that I've had some success in the past with this approach. It bears repeating - don't refuse to pay. If they can prove to your satisfaction that you do owe this money and are obliged to pay, then you must agree to settle the alleged debt right from the start (again, setting up your reasonable and honourable approach from the beginning should this ever get anywhere near a court, which I doubt it will) provided they can prove to your satisfaction that the alleged debt was actually incurred in the first place. Keep the ball in their court for as long as you can.

Most probably, I think, they'll sell the debt with a bundle of others to a "debt collection agency," which is fine. They'll run in hard to start with but will probably soon give up over such a trifling amount. It's generally just a battle of nerves with these guys. 

Me taking up these scary battles in the past was a big factor in overcoming the supremacy of my personal Black Dog. Small victories mean a lot. (But keep £24 to one side, though, just in case...)

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 26 December, 2023, 09:35:13 PM
Christmas...bah humbug.  This has been an even worse time than usual.  I just don't feel up to going on.  I had a fit the other night which always makes me feel bad.  The house is freezing and I got a minor scare when my power company tried to claim that I had used nearly £400 of heating in a month, turns out THAT was an error on their part, it was £31, not much difference.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Tjm86 on 27 December, 2023, 08:36:39 AM
Isn't it nice to know how competent these companies can be?  :-\ Not sure they appreciate how much of a challenge dealing with a letter like that can be.  Anyone would freak out at something like that, especially when they wrap it up in heavy-handed legalese as well ... "If you do not pay the full amount within 5 minutes of this letter being posted through your door we will send in the bailiff to take full payment in a manner that will make Shylock look utterly reasonable ..."

Wish we could offer more than best-wishes and support.  Would say that if you do think of anything specific that would help then please sing out.  In the meantime, keep on updating up with your situation and know that there are folks out there that do give a damn about you and want to see you get on.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 29 December, 2023, 04:22:25 PM
That's brutal, Jade. There's not much I can say you help but I really hope things get better for you.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 30 December, 2023, 01:37:41 AM
Just not feeling it, the last week or so has just been grinding.  It's a relief the bill got sorted out, but I'm just tired of life to be honest.  This has been the worst Christmas in a long time and there's still new year to go.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Fortnight on 30 December, 2023, 01:52:50 AM
If cold is a problem, get a onesie! £26 and I'm not kidding, it's amazing. A onesie, a pair of hiking socks and soft cuddly slippers. My heating is still set on 'summer'.

Last year I was spending £80 a week to top-up on gas alone. I've only topped up twice this winter so far.

Seriously. A onesie. What you lose in dignity you more than make up for in warmth and comfort.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 30 December, 2023, 12:44:42 PM
Using about three or four layers of clothing already including thick thermal socks and a fleece jacket.  I've also got nearly a fortnight till money comes in and very little in the house.  I don't even eat that much in a day, one meal a day if you're lucky.  It doesn't help that where I live essentially has one supermarket, we've been told there's a Lidls coming, but I don't think they're as cheap as they used to be, and the Morrisons that's here seems to have prices continually going up every time you go in.  It's got to the stage that own brands aren't even really that much cheaper than name brands now for some items which is ridiculous.

I'm a pretty picky eater, so even going to food banks is pretty useless as it would be a waste of the items there.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 03 January, 2024, 10:27:46 PM
Well a small bit of good news, the local council have some sort of one time grant, and I'm eligible for one of £250 within about a week.  I'm still short, but I can survive.  My flat is a mess so I've been trying to do a little tidying up.  The kitchen is more or less tidy and I cleared out a mass of old paperwork some of which dated back 7 or 8 years.  I looked at the stacks of DVD's and paperbacks I'd got from the charity shops cheap and wondered how many I'd get round to watching, watch again, or read.  Today I took two bags for life full to a local charity.  I suppose with the state of my finances I COULD have taken them to a CEX but for what you get is it really worth it?
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 12 February, 2024, 05:52:02 PM
Had one of ose days on the beat where you just want to scream into the facef anyone that will listen.
One of those gruelling experiences where you tow the line in every respect but nonetheless still manage to apparently do everything wrong and nobody is happy with you.
Fuck 'em, I wasn't feeling particularly great in the first place but now I'm just straight up hacked off.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 February, 2024, 07:05:16 PM
Other people can be hard to put up with but most of 'em mean well. When folk get me down, I try to remember the words of Marcus Aurelius:

Quote"Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy-body, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. But I who have seen the nature of the good that it is beautiful, and of the bad that it is ugly, and the nature of him who does wrong, that it is akin to me, not only of the same blood or seed, but that it participates in the same intelligence and the same portion of the divinity, I can neither be injured by any of them, for no one can fix on me what is ugly, nor can I be angry with my kinsman, nor hate him, For we are made for co-operation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth. To act against one another then is contrary to nature; and it is acting against one another to be vexed and to turn away."

Which I usually condense to something like, "some of the people I meet today are going to act like arseholes, but that doesn't mean I have to join in."

Hope you can keep your chin up, Hawkie. You are a being of infinite worth and potential, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sintec on 14 February, 2024, 02:39:28 PM
Well attempts to save my relationship were made and failed (see post from back in November). I now find myself living alone surrounded by boxes of comics/records/books/boardgames. Trying hard not to slip back into the depression I spent most of last year escaping (and which was a contributary factor to the breakup). Going to miss her so much but it's undeniable that things weren't working anymore and it's probably true we'll be better off apart. It's just very hard to accept that truth right now.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Barrington Boots on 14 February, 2024, 03:04:06 PM
Hey Sintec. Sorry to hear that your relationship went that way. It may sound hollow when you're on the sharp end of things, but I this can really be the start of a new chapter for you, even if you feel directionless or lost right now. It sounds like you made real headway battling your depression and that's a big thing.

If you need to talk to (or at) anyone without judgement, I (and others here) are around.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 14 February, 2024, 04:35:22 PM
Really sorry to hear it, Sintec. There are very few things more difficult to deal with and I really hope you can cope ok.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sintec on 14 February, 2024, 05:03:57 PM
I seem to be doing alright right now which is weirding me out a bit tbh. Have been really busy organising a house move at short notice though so I suspect part of that is being distracted by all the mundane stuff.

Have moved to be close to a bunch of old friends and it has been really great reconnecting with people. Got plans for some regular film nights and music sessions to keep myself busy and to try and avoid sinking back into hermit mode. Therapist has also been helpful to vent at and talk through all the chaos over the past few weeks. Glad I established that connection before it all fell apart. Trying to stay positive and view it as a new start rather than an ending.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 14 February, 2024, 08:03:54 PM
Fair play, Sintec. Glad you're getting through it.

I stopped taking medication last year and was doing great for a while, then overwork from my own business and pent-up frustrations with my employee job hit me like a steam train.

The anxiety was horrendous over Christmas, especially when the rest of my family (siblings and elderly parents, no partner or kids here) were getting into the spirit of things, which added guilt to the mix as I tried in vain to gon along with it.

 I eventually met my boss and spilled my guts out over all the work problems and I think she has made an effort to improve things - it's painfully slow but I have a bit of hope. I still feel incredibly stressed sometimes at work but I'm not quite as fearful about going in in the morning.

I've never experienced work burnout before but it's truly horrible. I kept thinking of poor old Brett Reins and the awful effects overwork had on him, which made me even more anxious and scared.

But I'm getting better - haven't started the medication again yet but I'll give myself time.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 15 February, 2024, 08:08:09 AM
*Brett Ewins
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: sintec on 15 February, 2024, 01:06:43 PM
Glad to hear it's getting better Jayzus. It's horrid to dread going into work.

Overwork was another factor leading to everything going tits up for me so can definitely relate there. I'm being much more strict with myself now about maintaining a decent work life balance. Not going to slip back into doing constant overtime to hit arbitrary deadlines. It wasn't healthy for me or my relationship with my partner.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 15 February, 2024, 01:57:27 PM
Good to hear it - been working on a similar balance myself.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 19 February, 2024, 06:39:32 PM
Meanwhile I'm getting increasingly irritated by my noisy b*****d of an upstairs neighbour.  Stomping back and forth all f***ing day non stop. I've put in four complaints and my useless housing officer says he has said he doesn't realise he's doing it.  He's got to be goddamn lying and my nerves are getting very bloody frayed
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 25 February, 2024, 07:44:12 PM
Sorry for the moaning, the saga of my neighbour has been getting ever worse.  All sodding day every day, its like the guy never stops stomping across the floor...

Since my housing officer has decided they're not interested, is there any further recourse in a situation like this...its got to the stage, that no exaggeration, I was fantasising stabbing the git....and that is NOT me, and it's worrying me that I'm thinking like that.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 25 February, 2024, 08:26:10 PM

Maybe make a recording and take it to the CAB or one of those "first hour free" vampires solicitors or your local parish council or something. Or, the hardest option, can you talk to the guy? Maybe over a cuppa or a pint?

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 26 February, 2024, 04:48:50 AM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 25 February, 2024, 07:44:12 PMSorry for the moaning, the saga of my neighbour has been getting ever worse.  All sodding day every day, its like the guy never stops stomping across the floor...

Since my housing officer has decided they're not interested, is there any further recourse in a situation like this...its got to the stage, that no exaggeration, I was fantasising stabbing the git....and that is NOT me, and it's worrying me that I'm thinking like that.

I'm really sorry to hear it. I've had more than one neighbour like that and I have to admit I understand the fantasies you're having às I had similar ones
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 26 February, 2024, 08:47:10 PM
I have had four complaints in about him, and the last time apparently he said "He didn't realise he was doing it".  The housing isn't interested and repeated that.  I answered that he must either be stupid or lying then.  When you can hear absolutely every damn footstep stomping across the floor its beyond a joke.

There used to be a young woman with her daughter living in the same apartment.  There were some noises from the daughter but no more than you would expect, plus her mother was constantly apologising even when I said there was no need and sometimes a small amount of noise from music, but again, nothing more than you would expect. 
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 26 February, 2024, 10:07:44 PM
Urgh! My absolute worse nightmare, my sympathies Jade.
I sometimes get anxious I make too much noise, I live on the top floor of a low rise and only share a wall with one neighbour, and a hallway with another. But its the people below me I worry for, loud footsteps, the weekly washing machine cycle, I even took the time the check with the residents right below me when I got stereo speakers that it wasn't too loud. It's not hard to not be a dick about such things especially when you've already been made aware of noise disruption concerns.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Rara Avis on 27 February, 2024, 07:50:05 PM
Hello chaps!

It's been a while I know but my last year of college and that.

Sorry to hear that things have not been going well for some of you.

Life is just an absolute shit show sometimes.

I can second Marcus Aurelias, you can find it here: https://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html

Worth dipping in and out of.

Hope everyones week picks up xx
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 01 March, 2024, 06:45:05 PM
All week, its been the noisy swine from hell.  I've not been sleeping at all well, not regular sleep patterns anyway and I got up early in the morning to go to the bathroom.

What happened, two seconds after the toilet flushes...stomp stomp stomp from upstairs, as if he's doing it quite deliberately.

Then all damned day that I'm actually shouting upstairs.  I got to the point that I phoned the housing office and was going to ask to speak to someone apart from my housing officer about it, but the office was shut...so I guess I've got the weekend to look forward to.

I'm also short on money, so I can't even take a trip out the house and go somewhere to get a change.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 01 March, 2024, 10:48:21 PM
Aw man, I'm so sorry. Been through similar before, it's hell on earth for me.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 14 March, 2024, 02:46:09 AM
Today...even worse, he's damned well deliberately stamping now, I'm sure of it.....

I'm going to phone my housing office tomorrow, demand to speak with someone else and say.......I don't know, but if something isn't done, I fear I'll do something because I'm getting severe stress, anxiety headaches and even mild chest pains lately.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 24 March, 2024, 06:41:07 PM
Went to the housing office...apparently he suffers from stress, hence why he's pacing...

Today...its worse than ever...continual non stop.  The fuckwit was even pouring water out the windows from upstairs, good job I wasn't outside and when he closed the windows it sounded more like a SWAT team had barged in..

I can't take any more, I'm going to end up doing something if I don't watch because right now i want to kill him
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 24 March, 2024, 07:15:49 PM

Can you swap flats?

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 24 March, 2024, 07:22:45 PM
I don't know, but I don't see why I should have the stress, expense and inconvenience of moving.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 24 March, 2024, 08:47:32 PM

I was trying to imagine something a little more constructive than homicidal thoughts. Swapping obviously wouldn't be the ideal solution but it's a possibility that would at the very least alleviate your current situation. If you can't talk to the guy and come to some other understanding between you then you're going to have to think of something else. Maybe buy him a pair of big, fluffy slippers or a strip of thick carpet for him to pace on - try to get him to recognise your needs by recognising his.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Jade Falcon on 25 March, 2024, 03:05:17 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 24 March, 2024, 08:47:32 PMI was trying to imagine something a little more constructive than homicidal thoughts. Swapping obviously wouldn't be the ideal solution but it's a possibility that would at the very least alleviate your current situation. If you can't talk to the guy and come to some other understanding between you then you're going to have to think of something else. Maybe buy him a pair of big, fluffy slippers or a strip of thick carpet for him to pace on - try to get him to recognise your needs by recognising his.



Sorry to sound snippy earlier, I realise you're trying to help, but its hard to think rational in this situation.  I've had three complaints put in about him and he's still like this, so its making me think its not even accidental, its malicious and frankly I don't see why I should move or put myself out and the scumbags are the ones that get away.
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 25 March, 2024, 03:20:13 PM
Maybe not the optimal solution (and where not for your clear distress most would consider an extreme solution) but have you considered adding acoustic foam panels to your ceiling? The same kind used in studio recording, they're designed to keep external noise from intruding during recording so if you get the right sort they could do the trick at least for now?
You don't even have to go crazy and go corner to corner, there's specific models you can get that function as sound sinks. (https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0BL77WPX6/ref=sspa_dk_detail_4?psc=1&pd_rd_i=B0BL77WPX6&pd_rd_w=3hItX&content-id=amzn1.sym.84ea1bf1-65a8-4363-b8f5-f0df58cbb686&pf_rd_p=84ea1bf1-65a8-4363-b8f5-f0df58cbb686&pf_rd_r=KMPN2AB2BDKP10W6WJC7&pd_rd_wg=LE5bs&pd_rd_r=58578882-3629-4fad-842c-cc7180c58d8a&s=diy&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9kZXRhaWw)
Place a section in the most offending of areas and that could dampen most of the noise, maybe? Please note, I'm absolutely no expert in any of this, it just occurred to me that if these work well enough in an semi-industrial setting for dividing walls maybe they would work to dampen noise leaks from upstairs neighbours. Maybe this is all bollocks and I've wasted your time by having you read this, but any idea seems better than homicidal thoughts
Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: M.I.K. on 25 March, 2024, 05:51:58 PM
Quote from: Jade Falcon on 25 March, 2024, 03:05:17 PMI've had three complaints put in about him and he's still like this, so its making me think its not even accidental,

If it's genuinely stress that causing him to pace, it's likely not only that he can't help doing it, but that any confrontations or attempts to get him to stop could make him even more stressed, leading to him doing it all the more.

It's the same counterproductive principal as smacking a child to get them to stop crying. It just makes things worse.

But aye, I'd probably be looking into some kind of soundproofing, like Hawkmumbler suggests.

Title: Re: The Black Dog Thread
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 28 March, 2024, 10:48:56 AM
How to Soundproof a Ceiling. (https://www.quietmyhouse.com/soundproof-a-ceiling-from-noisy-neighbors/)