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The only TB script available from the TB site is the current one. I'm not going to TB this year, but I haven't tried drawing up these scripts before so wanted to give them a go.

Just bumping this to see if anyone can help, submission window is open again and want to get something done.

Does anyone have copies of the scripts used for previous Thought Bubble competitions? I'm getting a sample package together before the submission window closes and would like to do a couple of them but can no longer find them and the computer I had them saved on has long since died. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Just noticed that PJ has drawn up his layouts for page one and (not that I consider myself to be in anywhere near the same league) thought I would do the same before taking it to pencils. Any thoughts/ comments on the layouts gratefully received.

I'm always looking for writers to collaborate with, feel free to look at my Deviant Art portfolio and let me know if you're interested... http://paul-ridgon.deviantart.com/gallery/

[I'm struck by a couple of things: lack of decent amount of room for panels/dialogue - you really need to leave about a quarter of the panel as breathing space for text - this is to give the letterer options and the lack of decent establishing shot - putting dredd, the woman, the kid et all in context.]

Thanks for taking the time to go over my stuff PJ, I really appreciate it.  I'll respond to your points in order...

I'm struck by a couple of things: lack of decent amount of room for panels/dialogue - you really need to leave about a quarter of the panel as breathing space for text - this is to give the letterer options and the lack of decent establishing shot - putting dredd, the woman, the kid et all in context.

On reflection, I agree completely.  The text in the script doesn't seem to be too heavy and as it's all (with the exception of panels 3 and 4 ) captioned, I thought that the placement could be a little free-er.  Rookie error I guess.

Panel 1 will require very careful placement for the caption to not overlap the figure.


Yeah, I see that now.  The beauty of Photoshop (or Manga Studio in this case) is that I can reduce her down with relative ease to allow more room.

Panel 2 - if the captions go to the top left, will sit on top of Dredd's leg - reducing an already vague leg shape into a mostly meaningless green lump - so the captions will have to go to the top right - not always the best location for captions. (and I'm assuming that's Dredd's leg, could be another Judge? Who knows...) Also: the Room looks grotty - but is it a room? an underground bunker? a massive lift? Who knows - there's not enough there to sell it as anything other than 'box shaped location with graffiti'.

With reference to the look of the location, I struggled with that myself.  What I didn't want it to look like was something out of Dredd meets Cosby just with a smashed coffee table and maybe a ripped soda.  I wanted it to look like a drug den, to really show the background of Klein Jr.  On reflection, yep, I over did the graffiti and maybe I could use more furniture (of some description) in the apartment.


Panel 3 - captions/dialogue will have to overlap the face - or fall off panel and the stark black background, has the effect of making this look like it might be a flashback.


There is (as you've no doubt seen already) very little dialogue in this panel and, while there's not much room, it should be sufficient.  I do agree with the black borders, I'd probably get rid of them and just have the eyes floating.]


Panel 4 - has a reasonable space for text, though still feels very cramped owing to the cropping around the child's face.

This was very deliberate.  I wanted to give the impression of claustrophobia for both the Kleins, Snr that he was facing off against Dredd and couldn't possibly escape and Jnr because he needed to get out from his destructive father.


BTW: If the script calls for a specific angle, then do it - figure out another way to build the tension you want - don't forget, Tharg is going to see this page A LOT - yours will stand out, but it'll be for the wrong reason. (Also: if you manage to catch a break, and get a gig and you become the artist who disregards scripts - writers won't want to work with you - and a lot of work comes via writer recommendations)

Ordinarily, in the past when I've had an idea for a panel change, I've never done it without first discussing it with both the writer and editor and will always bow to their needs for the piece.  Here I didn't really have that opportunity.  I understand what you're saying though.

(And, to prove it's not all bad: that's some pretty impressive figure drawing on panel 1)
-pj

In all honesty Paul, nothing of what you've said is bad, it's helped me a lot and pointed out some weaknesses that I probably saw in the piece subconsciously anyway.

I'm going to be at Bristol from tomorrow, would you mind if I showed you some more of my stuff over a beer?

Thanks again for the comments!

Well what instantly strikes me, in comparison to the strip posted above, is where does the title banner fit in the opening panels?

Fair point well made, but there's ample space in the last panel for title and credits...  In all honesty, while it wasn't that I didn't think about it, as there's no specific format that says the title and credits have to go in the first panel, I figured I'd have them fit in where there was room (which just happens to be the last, as yet incomplete,panel). 

The panel choices (particularly panel 2) differ slightly from what is asked for in the script because I wanted to build the tension more in this page, almost going for a spaghetti western stand off feeling, culminating in the money shot in panel 5.  That is why I went for a low angle in panel 2 rather than the scripted high angle as it shows (I feel) more threat.  High shots generally detach the viewer from the action and I really want to immerse them in it.

Okay, I've given crits and now it's time to get some.  Here's the WIP for page one of Cycle of Violence.  With the exception of a little tidying up of the inks in panel 4 (and obviously Dredd in panel 5) the page is almost complete.  I tried to go for more of a crack/ meth house when designing the apartment (I've been watching a lot of Breaking Bad lately) and wanted to go for more squalor than has been previously shown.  One of the things I've noticed with other versions of this script that have been posted is that mum and dad Klein (and the apartment to a degree) don't look that bad.  The inference I got from the script is that dad is a junkie and mum hooks to provide him with a fix and this is what I was trying to get across.

Anyway, enough explanation, rip me a new one!

Something that hasn't been mentioned and I feel is pertinent, is the convention circuit.  This enables you to to get some face time with the editor(s) that you want to see.  It will also give you an opportunity for more immediate feedback on your work and the opportunity to show your stuff to pros who can also give you pointers.  I can't recommend the convention (or expo here in then UK) scene enough for networking and getting to know people in the industry or, more importantly maybe, getting yourself known by the people in the industry.

Not bad, not too bad at all.  I kinda agree with what Jim said about giving the artist a little room to put some of themselves into the strip, but in my experience, writers are more than happy to accommodate the artist if they have a better way of doing things.

My major criticism is also one of the stories biggest strengths.  It leaves me wanting more.  In much the same way as I felt when 'The Truman Show' ended, the end of this story is really the beginning.  I now want to know where Adam is going to go with his purpose.

It's a very tight script indeed and when I've freed up a little time, I may very well take a stab at drawing this.

That's a good opening page.

Agreed, you've got some strong imagery going on there, really easy for an artist to know what it is you want.  Can't wait to see more!

The pages have some really good strengths but also a few flaws which are quite distracting.  Your storytelling seems quite strong, but it's hampered by poor angle choices in places.  All your panels seem to by drawn from a straight on or slightly above angle.  There are quite a few anatomy problems, and you've got some serious proportion issues, both in your figure work and perspective (page 2 panel 5 is a perfect example of this, the figures in the background seem to be on an entirely different plane to the foreground figures).

Your figures suffer from a stiffness too, they all look 'staged' kinda like the old photo strips that you used to get in girls magazines in the 80s (or in tabloid problem pages).  Also, your faces don't have a great deal of variation.  This may be a design decision, but if not, it would be nice to have them looking different.

Finally, your panel layouts are kind of awkward in places.  Pages 2 and 3, panels 1 and 2, there's no need for panles 1 to not sit on the same gutter as panel 2, there's nothing happening in the extraneous part of panel two, so adding a little extra depth the panel 1 couldn't hurt leaving a little more breathing room for dialogue (this is particularly important in page 3 where there's very little dead space in panel 1).  There's a similar thing with page 3 panels 3 and 4, as a layout it just looks a little muddled and is a little confusing.  I'm not saying that you should be sticking to a grid pattern layout, but if you're going to have oddly shaped panels have a reason for it and don't over use it.  Also, sometimes it's nice to not have a background in the panel, it's not necessary in every panel and it let's your figures breath a little.  Of course, if you're going for a claustrophopbic feeling in your page, overwhelming the panel with background will do this very nicely

This sounds very harsh and I don't mean it to.  If I had more time I'd go into more depth and give you a panel by panel breakdown but I've almost finished by lunch break now.  If I get time in the next day or two, I'll try and give a more in depth crit.

Mine doesn't involve any of those things - cause it's not being done!!! Who'd thought drawing anus pipelines and phallic smokestacks wasn't a desirable gig for an artist? Ha!

I'm sensing a theme amongst the writers here...[

Don't know if I've got the time to do it right now, but I'd love to take a look at it...

As Jim said, the definitions kind of get blurred when you work digitally.  Using traditional methods, I always worked extremely tightly right from the off, producing pencils that I only really needed to ink because of smudges and the fact the board was pretty mucky.  Now, like a number of other pros who work digitally, I can rough everything out more loosely than I ever did traditionally and what would have originally been my pencils are now my inks.

As has been said, it does take some getting used to, and I'm a lot slower than I'd like to be, but I know that once everything clicks into place, my workflow speed will increase exponentially.

As has been said before, once you get the initial outlay covered, there's very little expense.  No more importing blue line bristol from the States, buying pens and leads, not to mention the space that is saved.

When Brian Bolland recommended going digital to me, I wasn't convinced, but once I gave it a serious try, I'd never go back.

Sorry, we've gone a little off topic here...