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Squaxx Telling Jokes

Started by The Legendary Shark, 22 November, 2014, 09:12:18 AM

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von Boom

A Roman walked into a bar, held up two fingers and said, "Five beers please."

JayzusB.Christ

You laugh,  but I remember my first day in Beijing when a shopkeeper held up crossed fingers expectantly.  I learned later that the Chinese symbol for 10 looks like an X
"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest"

sheridan

Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 08 March, 2019, 05:32:33 PM
You laugh,  but I remember my first day in Beijing when a shopkeeper held up crossed fingers expectantly.  I learned later that the Chinese symbol for 10 looks like an X

Never knew that:


Dandontdare

Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 08 March, 2019, 05:32:33 PM
You laugh,  but I remember my first day in Beijing when a shopkeeper held up crossed fingers expectantly.  I learned later that the Chinese symbol for 10 looks like an X

I was a teaching assistant in a French school during my degree, and often used the "OK" sign to signal approval, but the class seemed perturbed - turns out, that circular gesture means 'nul' (zero) in France - Instead of being encouraging at their English efforts, I was gesturing *you're rubbish"

Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 07 March, 2019, 07:04:51 PM
A double meaning walks into a bar and kills ten people.  Pun in, ten dead.

Anyone I meet for the next few months is getting that!  :lol:

paddykafka

What do you get when you cross Harrison Ford with a Dwarf?

Han So-Low.

Tjm86

Quote from: paddykafka on 13 March, 2019, 08:28:44 PM
What do you get when you cross Harrison Ford with a Dwarf?

Han So-Low.

Sorry, sizest jokes are not allowed ...

Dandontdare

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in and says "do you mind if I say a word?"
The woman says "No, go right ahead".
He stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora", then sits back down.
"Thank you," says the widow, "that means a lot."

Dandontdare

I mixed up the words "Yakuza" and Jacuzzi".

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

The Legendary Shark


A Norse walks into a Cockney pub and the landlord says, "Why the long boat?"

[move]~~~^~~~~~~~[/move]




Tjm86


sheridan

Quote from: Tjm86 on 28 May, 2019, 09:43:53 PM
Nope, don't get it.

The traditional joke is "A horse walks into a bar, the barkeep says 'why the long face?'" (coz horses have long faces, innit?)

Cockney rhyming slang for face is boat, as in boatrace.

Norsemen or vikings travelled around in longboats.

Rackle

Thanks to this thread, Sheridan is reading them out aloud to me and doing his best Tim vine or Milton Jones impersonation.

Please make him stop!  ::) :lol:

Tjm86

Quote from: sheridan on 29 May, 2019, 01:28:42 AM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 28 May, 2019, 09:43:53 PM
Nope, don't get it.

The traditional joke is "A horse walks into a bar, the barkeep says 'why the long face?'" (coz horses have long faces, innit?)

Cockney rhyming slang for face is boat, as in boatrace.

Norsemen or vikings travelled around in longboats.


Ah, thank you.  Knowing the horse joke of old, the 'longboat' bit lost me.

Shows how far my family have fallen from their days in the East end that this went straight over my head.   :-[

Kudos then, a well constructed if incredibly subtle pun.

The Legendary Shark


Police recruiters have again lowered the i.q. requirement.

The plod thickens...

[move]~~~^~~~~~~~[/move]




paddykafka

I brought a lovely lesbian couple back home with me last night.

This morning they bought me a Rolex.

I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.