Writing to Tharg 2012 - LETTERSENTERTAINYOU THE ROAD TO 10,000

[Buttonman]

Do you control The Beast? Or does The Beast control you?

What cycle of the moon are we on...

[Hawkmumbler]

Mr Buttonman, coul you inform me which prog's and/ or meg's a Zach Hawkins had his letters published?

What a polite request. Yes indeed we can.

Whrrrr bing!

ZACH   HAWKINS    BOLTON   M315 BOLTON   2011
ZACH   HAWKINS    BOLTON   M324 ENGLAND  2012


You will be pleased to learn that the Hawkins crown is yours alone - the three pretenders are :

MARCUS   HAWKINS     SOMERSET   541      ENGLAND  1987
DAVE   HAWKINS  DAGENHAM   1064   ENGLAND  1997
TOM   HAWKINS     E-MAIL         1199      OTHER       2000


On the 'Zach' front you have one familiar sounding rival :

ZACHARY   ZZIIZ SWANSEA   1148

Thanks very much Mr.Buttonman. And that, Earthlets, it what Squaxx is all about.

[jannerboyuk]

O muttonban hear me!

Who wins: the fine roundhead city of Plymouth or the royalist shitehole called Exeter? Or in other words: the battle of the six fingered letter writers! (Them cuz they're inbred toffs, us cuz the tamar is a radioactive toilet!)

Thank you

[Buttonman]

Man oh man, two letters challanges in 24 hours? It's like a Christmas miracle. Or some wellwishers humouring some shut in at this festive time. Who cares, let's sort out this Exeter/Plymouth set to. First up Plymouth. They started well having a mention in the first ever Nerve Centre in Prog 8. Things have been somewhat fallow since with nothing since 2002. Their total is...47 Beast Hits and they are as follows :

G    ASPINALL           PLYMOUTH   8      
P    ASPINALL           PLYMOUTH   8      
R    GODBEER            PLYMOUTH   92   YES   
MRS    O'TOOLE               PLYMOUTH   170      
GLENN    RUSSELL               PLYMOUTH   185      
ANTONY    DUNKS               PLYMOUTH   188      
GAVIN    LEWINGTON         PLYMOUTH   203      
E J    ROBERTS             PLYMOUTH   218      
ANTHONY DUNKS                PLYMOUTH   273      
CLIVE   MERRIFIELD          PLYMOUTH   286      
LAURIE   JAY                PLYMOUTH   298      
SHAUN   WHITEMAN   PLYMOUTH   M36/V2.16      
SIMON   HEYES                PLYMOUTH   M37/V2.17      
STEFAN   PALMER                PLYMOUTH   M39/V2.19      
STEEV   HOPPER                PLYMOUTH   M59/V2.39      
ALISON   CHAPMAN             PLYMOUTH   M72/V2.52      
D   WATSON                PLYMOUTH   M157/V3.54      
JOHN   CHAPMAN   PLYMOUTH   M192/V4.10      
ANONYMOUS EARTHLET       PLYMOUTH   327      
KEVIN   DAVIDSON   PLYMOUTH   334      
NEIL   MCCONNELL   PLYMOUTH   419      
ANDREW   MURFLEET   PLYMOUTH   433      
DON   DUDLEY                PLYMOUTH   469      
JAY   RANGDALE   PLYMOUTH   470      
JEREMY   BURNETT                PLYMOUTH   507      
JOHN   KITSON                PLYMOUTH   536      
SARAH   KENNY                PLYMOUTH   603      
NAOMI   BROWN                PLYMOUTH   705      
NICK   BOLTON                PLYMOUTH   737      
SIMON   HEYES                PLYMOUTH   748      
TIM   BLANCHE                PLYMOUTH   771      
STEVE   HOPPER                PLYMOUTH   836      
DAVID   COOK                PLYMOUTH   897      
CHRISCELLA HODGE   PLYMOUTH   929      
MARK   FOSTER                PLYMOUTH   961      
PAM   STONEHOUSE   PLYMOUTH   964      
J A   CHAPMAN   PLYMOUTH   1269      
ANDREW   COTTER                PLYMOUTH   196   YES   THE CURSED EARTH MOVIE
ANTHONY  DUNKS                PLYMOUTH   197      CORINTH BATTLE DROID
ANDREW   CONSTANTINOU   PLYMOUTH   245      ROGUE THARG
SHARON   HOCKEDY                PLYMOUTH   534      THARG THE MENACE
KATHRYN   SHARP                PLYMOUTH   621      ROGUE RUNNER II
NICK   WILLIAMS   PLYMOUTH   731      JUDGE DOVE
JAKE   MULFORD                PLYMOUTH   761      KILLER ROBOT
DANNY   SCOTT                PLYMOUTH   826      JUDGE NECK
WILL   BECK                PLYMOUTH   934      ARMOURED GIDEON
LEE   HARRIS                PLYMOUTH   1019      PROFILE

[Buttonman]

Isn't this exciting?

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

Based on the thrill-power of this thread, and some photos of The Mighty One that have recently come to light, I'm calling you out.

You are Tharg and I claim my fiver.

[Buttonman]

Exeter scores...22

F   ABLETT                EXETER   109                      ENGLAND   1979
ADRIAN   MITCHELL   EXETER   269                      ENGLAND   1982
JOSHUA   HARRIS                EXETER   431                      ENGLAND   1985
FRAN   RITCHIE                EXETER   433                      ENGLAND   1985
FRAN   RITCHIE                EXETER   456                      ENGLAND   1986
HELEN   ARGYROU                EXETER   582                      ENGLAND   1988
SHAUN   WORTHINGTON   EXETER   685                      ENGLAND   1990
CHARLIE   HUTCHINGS   EXETER   790                      ENGLAND   1992
ROBO-LET   STOGIE   EXETER   825                      ENGLAND   1993
NIGEL   COTTERILL   EXETER   833                      ENGLAND   1993
NIGEL   COTTERILL   EXETER   876                      ENGLAND   1994
P J   O'CONNOR   EXETER   887                      ENGLAND   1994
DANE   DIVINE                EXETER   1162                      ENGLAND   1999
ZOE   FURSMAN                EXETER   1167                      ENGLAND   1999
ZOE   FURSMAN                EXETER   1187                      ENGLAND   2000
CRAIG   WHEELER                EXETER   1227                      ENGLAND   2001
SPIKES   JUNIOR                EXETER   122   YES   DREDD AND SPIKES   ENGLAND   1979
SHAKY   KANE                EXETER   126      JUDGE DREDD   ENGLAND   1979
GEORGE   FALLOON                EXETER   474   YES   JUDGE MICK   ENGLAND   1986
CORY   PETERS                EXETER   675      JUDGE SOUL   ENGLAND   1990
C   OLIVER                EXETER   849      DREDD'S SECRET    ENGLAND 1993
DAVID   WALKER                EXETER   2013                      ENGLAND   2012


The always reliable Wikipedia gives Portsmouth's poulation as 258,700 so this translates as one letter for each 5504 inhabitants.BUT Exeter has a population of 111,076 meaning they have one letter for every 5048 people. The Beast therefore declares the royalist shitehole of Exeter to be the inaugral winner of the Beast's 'Battle of the Towns'.

[Frank]

Plus, Exeter numbered Shaky Kane among its inhabitants. It's odd to think that he ever came from anywhere on Earth, let alone that he was a kid.

[SmallBlueThing]

How about Hastings versus Eastbourne?

SBT

[jannerboyuk]

Yeah but Plymouth  (not bleeding Portsmouth!) appears in the comic twice! Once as a radioactive hellhole (realism) in the origin of stront dog and in Finn! So just like the football we thrash exeters sorry ass!

[Buttonman]

How about Hastings versus Eastbourne?

SBT

A clash of the Titans indeed :

STEEV THULIN-HOPPER    HASTINGS   M230
MARCUS TROMMEL                 HASTINGS   415
SHANE JOY                 HASTINGS   451
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER    HASTINGS   1426
PETE THOMSON                 HASTINGS   M260
PETE THOMSON                 HASTINGS   M297
STEEV THULIN-HOPPER    HASTINGS   1704
C ADAM                              HASTINGS   1733
PETE THOMSON                 HASTINGS   2013


KEITH VENESS     EASTBOURNE    173      
JAMES WAITE     EASTBOURNE    M80/V2.60      
CAROLINE HARRIS     EASTBOURNE    503      
PAUL JOHNSON     EASTBOURNE    1115      
STEVE ANDERSON     EASTBOURNE    137   PROFILE
JEREMY WEPENER     EASTBOURNE    191   ROBOT
RICHARD CHADWICK EASTBOURNE    219   ALIEN
MARK BARTON     EASTBOURNE    222   LONG RANGE CRUISER
J SHARDLOW     EASTBOURNE    237   RUBIK'S THARG


Hastings Population = 86,900 / 9 Beast entries = 1 per 9,656 inhabitants
Eastbourne Population = 99,300 / 9 Beast entries = 1 per 11,033 inhabitants.

The winner in The Beast's Battle of the Towns Round 2 is declared as ...Hastings. Interestingly they got one in the current Prog 2013 but they would still have won with 8, albeit with a lower margin of 1 per 10,863 inhabitants.

[Buttonman]

Yeah but Plymouth  (not bleeding Portsmouth!) appears in the comic twice! Once as a radioactive hellhole (realism) in the origin of stront dog and in Finn! So just like the football we thrash exeters sorry ass!

I do apologise for the writer's error - the Beast is flawless and the data shown was for Plymouth although Portsmouth got a mention. It will please you to know that Plymouth pisses all over Portsmouth's total of 23 letters and person to letter ratio of 1:8930.

[SmallBlueThing]

The winner in The Beast's Battle of the Towns Round 2 is declared as ...Hastings. Interestingly they got one in the current Prog 2013 but they would still have won with 8, albeit with a lower margin of 1 per 10,863 inhabitants.

Yay! I shall write to the Observer, as the town could do with a bit of talking up at present! Beating those Eastie bastards always raises a smile! Cheers for that B-Man. Any chance of a quick total of MY letters? Steev/Steve/Thulin/Hopper? Eyethangkew.

SBT

[Buttonman]

You get about a bit Steev - and name changes too. Got a bounty on your ass? No it's a Crunchie.

STEEV   HOPPER              PLYMOUTH                M59/V2.39
STEVE   HOPPER              DUBLIN                M191/V4.9
STEEV   HOPPER              E-MAIL                M207
STEEV   THULIN-HOPPER   HASTINGS    M230
STEVE   HOPPER              PLYMOUTH     836
STEEV   HOPPER              DUBLIN                920
STEEV   HOPPER              E-MAIL                1090   YES
STEEV   THULIN-HOPPER   HASTINGS                1426   YES
STEEV   THULIN-HOPPER   HASTINGS                1704


YES = Letter of the Week

Just one more for a Beast XXX number for quickfind and we only have ZZZ left! Get writing. If you have 10 or more letters and want to know your Beast XXX number do let us know. Tom's is 'PPP' as we know he's keen.

[Spikes]

'Ey up Buttonman, can the Beast tell us who is, in fact, the pride of Humberside?

Is it Grimsby, Cleethorpes, Scunthorpe or mucky Hull*?






Dear grud, please dont let it be Hull