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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 20902 times)

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #270 on: 29 July, 2018, 01:20:20 pm »

I'm just around the corner from being on the verge of beginning to think about whether I need to contemplate discussing my possible attendance at the planning stage of this proposed event.


Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #271 on: 29 July, 2018, 02:12:44 pm »
Well, I was considering wether to look at planning for my attendance but I figured that since the date and venue had not been set yet I'd leave it for now.  I'll come back later once I've finished rearranging my shelves and see if there is anything firmer.  Well, maybe.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #272 on: 03 August, 2018, 02:55:12 pm »
A dog walks into a butcher's shop and the butcher
 asks him"what do you want?"
The dog points to
 steak in a glass case.
"How many pounds?"
The dog barks twice.
"Anything else?"
The dog points to some pork chops and barks
four times so the butcher wraps up a two
 pound steak and four pork chops and places the
bag in the dog's mouth.
He then takes money from a purse tied around
the dog's neck and sees him out.
A customer who has been watching in
amazement follows the dog to a house several
streets away where it rings the bell to be let in.
As the owner appears at the door the customer
says, "What a remarkable dog!"
"Remarkable?" says the owner "That's the third
time this week he's forgotten his keys."



The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #273 on: 09 August, 2018, 10:10:12 am »
How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis ladder.

paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #274 on: 09 August, 2018, 12:14:30 pm »
So Bob is drinking in his local pub when his old friend, Bill - who has been studying Psychology in America for a few years - shows up out of the blue. Bill tries to explain to Bob how the Freudian Slip works.

"I was getting on a bus going to Pittsburgh. The driver taking the fares was a lady with large breasts and I mistakenly asked her for a ticket to Tittsburgh. Well that is an example of the Freudian Slip."

"Ah, Jaysus," says Bob. "Now I get what you mean. Why only last week, meself and the wife were having breakfast, and I meant to say 'Darling, could you pass the salt, please?' but instead I said: 'Ya feckin' bitch! You've ruined me life!' "

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #275 on: 09 August, 2018, 12:46:07 pm »

How many pedants does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because the lightbulb is not changed, it is replaced.


M.I.K.

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #276 on: 09 August, 2018, 04:01:52 pm »

How many pedants does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because the lightbulb is not changed, it is replaced.

Nope. Not having that.

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #277 on: 09 August, 2018, 06:20:07 pm »
Absolutely.  It is not 'replaced' at all.  More accurately, an operational lightbulb is substituted for a defunct lightbulb.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #278 on: 09 August, 2018, 06:52:26 pm »

The lightbulb has already changed, from an operational state to a non-operational state - in the case of defunction. Therefore, in this case, it is only after the lightbulb has changed from one state to another that it is replaced. Similarly, unchanged lightbulbs can also be replaced with other unchanged lightbulbs, in the case of replacing a clear one with a pearl or coloured one or a bulb of one wattage for a different wattage. In neither case is the lightbulb changed, in colour or wattage, but replaced. In both cases, however, the ambience provided by the replaced lightbulb can change significantly, which can lead to a better chance of getting one's leg over. In my case, however, I have found that the optimal chance of a legover comes from the complete absence of any form of lighting whatsoever, heavy blackout curtains and access to liberal quantities of strong drink...


paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #279 on: 09 August, 2018, 07:02:25 pm »
How many Feminists does it take to change a Lightbulb?

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!"

Funt Solo

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #280 on: 09 August, 2018, 07:23:58 pm »
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

It's a hardware issue.


The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #281 on: 10 August, 2018, 12:41:06 am »

How many judges does it take to change a lightbulb?

You lookin' for a fat lip, Creep?


TordelBack

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #282 on: 10 August, 2018, 07:36:07 am »
How many muties does it take to change a light bulb?


None, they glow in the dark.

JamesC

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #283 on: 10 August, 2018, 08:10:54 am »
It's not the lightbulb that needs to change, it's society.

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #284 on: 10 August, 2018, 08:40:35 am »
This is of course predicated on the assumption that these are in fact 'light bulbs'.  This is a common fallacy.  They are actually 'dark suckers', hoovering up any dark in the vicinity of the said devices.  Higher rated dark suckers are able to more rapidly remove any dark from a given location which is why areas seem brighter.  Obviously they have a limited capacity and once they become full are no longer able to suck dark.  This is clearly indicated by the big dark patch that appears to indicate the need for a new dark sucker.