Attempts at the sample scripts

[terrapin]

I know nobody has posted here for a while, but ive been reading through the posts and its been great to read. The crits have been really constructive. Here is page one of my attempt at the colossal wealth of karn foul eye id love to get some crits on it

[Karl Stephan]

Good tips and awesome work all round, especially Radiator!

[pauljholden]

I know nobody has posted here for a while, but ive been reading through the posts and its been great to read. The crits have been really constructive. Here is page one of my attempt at the colossal wealth of karn foul eye id love to get some crits on it

Hello, couple of quick thoughts, first though this is too low a res for me to get terribly in depth on advice (and fantasy isn't my preferred genre) so feel free to ignore.

Panel 1: nice establishing shot - BUT! The left hand and right hand side are really fighting with each other for attention. If it was me, and unless the script called for it, I'd lose EVERYTHING on the left - it's a distraction from the proper establishment of the ship and the port town (and the dragonfly and another critter are so isolated from the stuff on the right that it's hard to know if they're very close or just massive - a crime I've committed in the past, so I knowof where I speak). I'd replace the left with more ocean, that'll draw your eye across to the port - and leave loads of room for title, captions and credits. Letterers will love you for it.

Panel 2

It's hard to get a sense of this place, the perspective seems off, and it's a bit amorphous - steps leading down into ... ? what or where, I don't know. Lots of interesting people (plenty of imagination, which is good), and the focus is on the big figure walking in with - I guess - someone tied up in a sack. It may be the inking or the lack of resolution, but it's hard to tell whether the punk on the right is looking at him or just generally looking around. Get everyone's attention focused on that guy more. All eyes on him.

Inking has a lot of variety to it, which is great, but it's a little unfocused - need to concentrate on figuring out the best way to render different textures with it - those sloppy strokes on the steps aren't needed.

Panel 3 - good action panel. Could turn the angle you're viewing it a little towards us, so that, for example, our view is closer to the guy being hit than the guy doing the hitting, that'll give it much more oopmh.

Panel 4 - again, texture in the inking, the background here looks like bags, but is it misshapen rocks? Hard to know. Watch out for what you're cropping and any accidental tangents- the jug/cup in the right corner is a perfect square (and the top of it is running parallel to the top of the table)

-pj
ps Good blog on tangets http://curiousoldlibrary.blogspot.com/2011/10/schweizer-guide-to-spotting-tangents.html

[Bubba Zebill]

As PJ points out, the sides are fighting for attention and the beastie is causing all sorts of probs. I'm building on PJ's points here which are spot on, adding more sea is one solution to panel 1. However you could also fill it in black, silhouette the bushes. That way you'd up the drama, keep those leaves and ferns, suggest a cove, increase the sweep of the eye. The 'golden mean' always applies so the balance should also be adjusted. I would bring in more darkness...hopefully that would please letterers. This draws the eye to the pub and then diagonally to the interior club wielder dude. As for your beastie...you could keep it but if it were me I'd try and hide it. Let the reader find it buried in the darkness, that way it won't undermine the flow and will be a boon for the reader who finds it on a second reading, leaves and wings are similar, so finding tiny claws and a beak amongst those leaves might be a way to be visible but understated. Will Eisner was a master of balance, looking at his work is invaluable. Anyway, good luck - takes guts putting your work up for crits, hope you don't mind my scribbling over your work.

[pauljholden]

As PJ points out, the sides are fighting for attention and the beastie is causing all sorts of probs. I'm building on PJ's points here which are spot on, adding more sea is one solution to panel 1. However you could also fill it in black, silhouette the bushes. That way you'd up the drama, keep those leaves and ferns, suggest a cove, increase the sweep of the eye. The 'golden mean' always applies so the balance should also be adjusted. I would bring in more darkness...hopefully that would please letterers. This draws the eye to the pub and then diagonally to the interior club wielder dude. As for your beastie...you could keep it but if it were me I'd try and hide it. Let the reader find it buried in the darkness, that way it won't undermine the flow and will be a boon for the reader who finds it on a second reading, leaves and wings are similar, so finding tiny claws and a beak amongst those leaves might be a way to be visible but understated. Will Eisner was a master of balance, looking at his work is invaluable. Anyway, good luck - takes guts putting your work up for crits, hope you don't mind my scribbling over your work.

What he said.

[terrapin]

Firstly thanks for the crits, to get advice like this especially from an established comic artist is amazing. I have read through your points PJ and what you say makes sense. I know the work needed improvements but I couldnt pinpoint where it was lacking. Here is the second and third page - I look forward to hearing what you think

[terrapin]

Thanks for the advice opipop and no i dont mind your scribbling at all, it was useful to see. Will Eisner is an artist i definately need to study more!

[Bubba Zebill]

Hey, no problem, Anytime. In terms of difficulty I'd say the comic artist has it harder than any other visual artist. Perhaps with the exception of animators...IMO if you do this with any skill, grit and for any length of time - you got balls. Good luck in the new year!

[terrapin]

Heres the last 2 pages. I got a reply from my submission today saying i show potential but need to work more on my inking technique. I think i am loosing alot from the pencils by over inking my work, too much black. Id love to hear what other improvements i could make to these pages so please dont hold back on the crits. Happy new year fellow earthlets!

[Pauul]

Congrats on getting a reply.

I'm sure with practice your artwork with be up to professional standards in no time.

Good luck.

[Bubba Zebill]

BTW...To everyone who offered critique and comment of my COV pages: I went back and reworked them, introducing suggestions that you made. At some point I will upload them again, but in the meantime thanks to everyone. Your suggestions made the pages stronger and helped eliminate blindspots.

[mrstu]

theres some great stuff here

[Alski]

theres some great stuff here

As long as you don't re write the scripts and pass them off as your own... 

[Nick Shepherd]

Hi,
I have been working on a Judge Dredd submission at the moment using the 2000ad sample script and have a question about Dredds uniform.  The only Judge Dredd I have is the Batman Judge Dredd files and it seems that Dredds uniform changes depending on the artist.  They each have their own take on the character varying shoulder pads, knee pads, etc.  I was just wondering which Dredd I should use as the character design for my sample.  Is there a standard Dredd design?  Same goes with his weapons and the Academy of Law?
Would you be able to direct me to some links showing which Dredd I should draw?
Cheers!

[pauljholden]

One of the joys of Dredd is that you CAN make him your own.

Try not to ape any other artist too closely - at least in terms of drawing style - though there's no harm in picking your favourite bits from various interpretations of Dredd and smushing them together.

Good luck!