Attempts at the sample scripts

[terrapin]

thanks for the encouragement darren! Ive been playing around seeing how these pages might look coloured - its a quick paint but its the colour scheme i had in mind - what does everyone think?

[The Legendary Shark]

Wow, that really pops.

[Emperor]

Tharg will want to see your B&W work, so while colouring is never a bad idea, don't rely on it.

[Darren Stephens]

Tharg will want to see your B&W work, so while colouring is never a bad idea, don't rely on it.

Too true. Having said that, I love those muted colours. Very nicely done.

[terrapin]

I revised the first page of my karn foul eye submission using photoshop. I also made a few layout changes after pj holdens crit. Ive posted below the new page, id like to know what people think.

[Emperor]

Yeah I think that works better - it makes elements in the second panel pop nicely, it gives the picture more depth too.

[staticgirl]

Yes I like that and the first panel is lovely.

[terrapin]

cheers, i think its a big improvement on the first effort. The advice on this thread has helped me no end so thanks for the comments!

[allistermac]

Judge Dredd - Cycle Of Violence: Pages 1 & 2.

This is a submission I have been working on, I'm a long time fan of 2000 AD and I've long dreamed of seeing my work printed between its covers. I'll get the next 2 pages up here in a couple of days. I'm thinking of adding background detail to the panels on page 1. I am going to re-do the 5th panel on page 2 as it deviates from the script. Any feedback or comments would be gratefully received, I'd like to hear what you guys think before finalising and submitting my artwork to Tharg.

I have a deviant art gallery set up with more examples of my illustrations.
http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/

[TordelBack]

Complete non-creative here with a consumer's-eye view.

There's a lot there to like, particularly the clever use of computer shading to support some nice designs (the classroom desks, for example, a very nice panel all round), some dramatic action poses and a good take on the cadet uniform.  There's a classic Robin Smith feel to some of the inking, and you look like you've deliberately drawn for B&W rather than colour, which is always a bonus for me.

However (deep breath, look away now), it does suffer from inconsistencies which stall the flow (for me), and which I imagine are the result of solving new (to you) problems with each panel.  For example, it's hard to reconcile Young Travolta in Pg1 Pn3 with Young Van Gogh in Pg2 Pn1., never mind The Visible Man in Pg. 2 Pn 4. - faces in general seem dropped-in rather than part of the characters, and that immediately distracts me by forcing me to think about who I'm looking at each time.

There are easier-to-fix puzzles that also distract: on Pg 1 why does Dredd cast a shadow but nobody else does?  Why is Mom wearing a bikini?  What sort of shattered coffee table produces an A3-size amount of thick plate glass but nothing else? 

More specifically and hopefully constructively, I'd ask you to think about why my eye is drawn to that very lonely cactus instead of the knife in Pg 1 Pn 2?  This is your chance to set the scene, to let us know we're in a future hab in MC-1 and what the stakes of the encounter are: instead I find myself looking at blank wall and what might be the corner of my own living room (and despite all that blank space, there's still nowhere for the logo and credits to go).  Dredd's gun points at nothing in particular, and nor does the shard of glass that's the focus of this scene: the lines of the two weapons converge in blank space somewhere above the Dad's face and I find my eye drifting up there and then wandering back down to that drab succulent which lurks at the convergence point of all the other lines in the panel, completely missing the action and defusing the tension. 

So what I'm trying to say is you may need to think about the composition in terms of what it is you want me to look at and take away, and work around that.  In offering up these criticisms please understand that I have trouble drawing convincing stick-men and I could never produce anything resembling these pages, so I'm approaching it purely as a potential reader who'd like to see more of what you can do. 

[Jon]

Judge Dredd - Cycle Of Violence: Pages 1 & 2.

This is a submission I have been working on, I'm a long time fan of 2000 AD and I've long dreamed of seeing my work printed between its covers. I'll get the next 2 pages up here in a couple of days. I'm thinking of adding background detail to the panels on page 1. I am going to re-do the 5th panel on page 2 as it deviates from the script. Any feedback or comments would be gratefully received, I'd like to hear what you guys think before finalising and submitting my artwork to Tharg.

I have a deviant art gallery set up with more examples of my illustrations.
http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/

Hi!

Showing a lot of potential, I think. I like your Dredd in the last panel of page 1.

A couple of suggestions;

I can't remember the script, but had the girl had fallen through a table or something? I think some evidence of why there's glass underneath her would be useful, otherwise it just feels a bit odd.

The perspective feels a bit off in places, especially in the last panel of page 2. Somehow everything feels a bit close to the floor.

Good start though. Be interested to see the rest.

[allistermac]

Hi,

TordelBack and Jon, thank you very much for taking the time to look at my work and for the constructive criticism. I think you've both hit the nail on the head about the things that could be improved in the pages I've produced so far.

Creating these pages has been a steep learning curve and has given me even more respect for established 2000AD artists.

I have attached the 3rd page. Once again it is work in progress, the last panel still need a fair bit of work. I'd be interested to hear any more feedback.

[Rorschachs_Journal]

Hi Allister,

Overall, in a nutshell that is some GREAT art! I really like your lines, they're really crisp and clean. I can't offer you the kind of indepth advice/criticism that an artist can but I can tell you what I like. I can see your attention to detail with the oldskool Lawgiver being used by Dredd on page one then the modern version (is it mk 2) being used Klein later on. I liked that! I also like the Travolta-esque look you gave young Klein. The one criticism I could give to some other attempts I've seen at this script is that young Klein looks a bit generic and the lack of fear on his face doesn't really come across. But with your take on him it does. In fact, there's a bit of Brian Bolland about that close up!

Also, some of the framing and positioning you use reminds of Mick Austin's old stuff (Haven't seen any of his art for years though) some of the expressions do too. Page three, panel 1 is a good example. - take all that as a compliment by the way! I loved his art! With the right colouring your art could own!

[Emperor]

Thanks for showing it - as I've said before that last panel on page 1 is almost designed to catch people out and I think that you've come up with a good solution and it is a fine Dredd.

Anyway I think the above comments are good, a few quick thoughts in addition:

• It is what Tharg says to most new artists - work on your anatomy. There aren't any examples of it going terribly wrong but in page 1, panel 2 Dredd's centre of gravity is way off, he is either about to fall flat on his arse or is practising to enter the annual Justice Department limbo dancing contest. It is the most basic advice and the most important - if you think you've nailed it, keep working on it. Don't be afraid to take photos of yourself in poses to get all the angles and proportions right.


• Some of your backgrounds look empty, which can make it difficult to put the figures in context


• You've got a lot of fine shading linework in there but I'm going to guess it is some kind of automated process (possibly in Manga Studio) and the problem with that is that there is always the temptation to overuse it (like lens flare when people first got their hands on Photoshop) and it can also look a little... sterile as they are of very uniform size and spacing - the bottom 4 panels of the second page are good examples of both of those (it is bordering on being similar to the optical illusions where the image is static but seems to move). All that before an example of where it seems to have gone wrong in the first panel of the third page - if you are going for one of those manga-style starburst of lines to denote action then they'd tend to radiate from a common point, which these don't do, the area between the shoulder pad and the righthand side of the panel being especially noticeably wrong.

I activated your account, so had time for a good nose around your work and, to be honest, I prefer your cleaner line:
http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4ane6i

Or where the crosshatching is more handdrawn:
http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4andnv

Or you use a different kind of texture:
http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4o33o7

Which can be tricky as it is then designed to look good when coloured and Tharg wants to see B&W:

http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4andwn
http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4nu6m4

My suggestion would be to go with the cleaner line but use greytones to the shape, solidity, depth and texture you need. For example your Hulk pencils are tasty:

http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=48#/d49115z

But the inking is a little too harsh:

http://allistermac.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24#/d4911tg

Don't go over the top with it (as some folks do tend to lay it on a little heavy), keep it light like the shading you did on the woman in the Cthulhu picture which worked really well. It should also give you a much better effect when coloured too. For an example of how that might work take a look at Simone Bianchi's inkwashes, which when coloured give a very... painterly effect:

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=simone+bianchi+inkwash&tbm=isch
http://simonebianchi.deviantart.com/gallery/

Improve the anatomy and the shading, throw in plenty of practice, and you'll be laughing

[allistermac]

Rorschachs_Journal, thank you for looking at my work and the undeserved praise. Surely comparing my work to the mighty Brian Bolland is considered blasphemy!

Emperor, you have raised some very good points that I will definitely need to address before I submit my work. I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your insights.

I agree that I have a lot of work to do on my shading technique. I am currently making the transition from traditional to digital inking which sometimes feels like learning to draw again with the wrong hand. I have been using Photoshop and have created a number of brushes which I have been using to shade, which has contributed to the loss of the more organic feel that is displayed in the pics with the hand drawn crosshatching. I currently reside in Sydney so I figured I'd better go down the digital route if I'm ever to hope to get work for 2000 AD in the future.

I am starting to see the benefits in laying out drawings digitally and the more I practice the quicker and easier it becomes. Saying that I started these pages the traditional way with pencil on Bristol Board before scanning them and taking them into Photoshop.

I have attached the final 2 panels from page 6 which I created from scratch digitally a couple of days ago, I've been a lot more sparing with the crosshatching, probably because it is unfinished and I will be tempted go over the top once I go to work on Dredd.

I'll get the next 3 pages, as they stand, up here shortly. The feedback I've been getting has been invaluable and really helps. Thank you for the link to Simone Bianchi by the way. I loved his work on Astonishing X-Men with Warren Ellis. Sorry if mentioning spandex wearing superheros on the 2000 AD forum is a faux par.