Attempts at the sample scripts

[Nick Shepherd]

Heya Allister, I think you are right about the toilet bowl scene.  It is quite difficult to tell what is going on.  My version is more descriptive of what is going on.  That being said (and at the risk of sounding weird)  toilet bowls aren't actually that big.  This are only big enough for you to sit on so from this view there is actually very little negative space in which to fit the 2 antagonists drowning Klein.  While I think that the view we chose is the most unique I have seen, I am not sure that it is visually viable. 

Also, in the last frame I don't think that you got the perspective quite right.  The left arm of the left assailant doesn't seem to be attached and feels really awkward.  He also seems to big compared to Klein.  The distance between them would only be about a metre or so, so Klein wouldn't be that much smaller.  I know that this will be tough to correct as Klein barely fits in the frame as it is. 

On  a lighter note though, I think that you nailed the perspective on the Academy of Law  building and I love the design for the desks in panel three, really elegant man!

All in all I think that you have alot of talent and you should keep at it!
Sorry if I sound a bit harsh in my criticism.  I am only trying to give the kind of feedback that I would like to recieve. 

Nick

[allistermac]

Hi Nick,
Thanks for the feedback, that last panel was still bugging me which is a sure sign that something's not quite right. It's always good to get another persons opinion to get things moving in the right direction. I'm pretty happy with the way the academy of law panel turned out, it's a vast improvement on my first attempt.

That toilet bowl scene is a tricky one, I like the idea of the shot from inside the bowl looking up but it is almost impossible to pull off without altering the dimensions of the toilet to accommodate the action. When I first visited America I noticed their toilet designs were different and contained a lot more water than their UK counterparts, which makes head dunking possible over there. I've been trying to think of a movie with a scene shot from that perspective that I can hunt out for reference but I've not had any joy yet. I'm sure I've seen it somewhere before. Anyway, thanks for the advice.

[Rorschachs_Journal]

Alister, I think Sin City has the kind of toilet bowl shot you're talking about

[Kev weldon]

Here's my attempt, I'm still not certain if i intend to ink it or not:

http://kevweldon.tumblr.com/post/24970152664/cycleofviolence

I look forward to whatever critiques/advice you guys can give me.

[pauljholden]

It may just be me, but the title of your blog is enough for me to think "is this guy really serious about wanting to work in the comic industry"?

This is a job, potty mouth is one thing in the body of a blog post or when talking to other creators but it's another thing when it's in giant letters and hanging over the front page of your portfolio.

-pj

[Kev weldon]

That's not my actual portfolio but rather my personal blog. I'm still putting my online portfolio together.

[pauljholden]

Well, my point was the giant curse word in the title of a site where you're inviting people to come look at the art - I mean no criticism of you personally.

Up to you, but If I had two identical quality portofolios and googled the artists, the one with the big swear word in the blog title isn't the one I'd be contacting.

-pj
(I have faced a similar problem in the past, there comes a point where, in order to have a job in the industry, you forfeit the right to a "personal" blog, all your opinions will be viewed by people you want to work with and by the readers )

[Kev weldon]

Fair point. I might as well change it, it's not like it's something terribly deep and meaningful to me.

I appreciate the advice and I'm sorry if you thought I was being defensive, I really didn't take it as a personal criticism.

[Bubba Zebill]

you forfeit the right to a "personal" blog, all your opinions will be viewed by people you want to work with and by the readers )

Good advice.

[pauljholden]

I feel like an ass. Now! On to the actual art!

Point 1: You've drawn no feet - except on one panel where you've drawn a dead on shot of the sole of a shoe. This is the kind of things editors notice and suggests that you're not overly comfortable with drawing people standing. Grab a sketch book and get out to a coffee shop and do quick sketches of people walking - have a look at what shoes look like on the ground, coming towards you - they're a fascinating shape when you're seeing them in 3d.

page 1 - panels 2 & 5 you've broken the 180 rule (which is a kind of soft rule when it comes to comics, but even so, probably best to stick with it when you can) - I'd be inclined to flip the angle on panel 2 so Dredd is on the right, that'd keep Dredd shooting looking right.

Panel 2 - the goofy background pic, that, in the last page has a different pose - almost a greek chorus. I'm torn, it appeals to the goofball in me, but it seems a like it belongs in a different strip from this one.

I'd like to see this stuff inked, it's hard to get a reading on the backgrounds because they're so light - some texture & heavy blacks in the inking may make a big difference.

Sorry don't have time to go through the rest!

-pj

[Kev weldon]

I never noticed the thing with the feet - weirdly, since that's not actually an element I have trouble drawing and I hate it when artists do that. I shall bear that in mind on the next pass.

 

[Jon]

Hi Kev,

Welcome to the board. I hope you'll forgive me for going hot on the heels of PJ; I'm pretty much in the same boat as you as I'm only just finishing up on my first 'proper' strip right now. And, in the interests of full disclosure, my submission to 2000AD was squarely and soundly rejected. So I'm certainly no expert, and I can't give nearly the same level of expertise as PJ.

That said I have come to attempting to draw comics having worked as a commercial artist for a few years, and there are one or two basics that I feel until you overcome are making the whole thing difficult to appraise as a whole.

1. Consistency. Your approach seems to veer a little from realisticish to cartoonish. The shot of the child particularly in panel 1, page 2 feels a little Muppet Show.

2. Perspective and grounding. A couple of examples where this particularly stands out. Page 2, panel 4 in the cubicle scene - it feels a little like he's being accosted by a dwarf and a giant. Likewise page 3, panel 4 and page 4, panel 5 - those street scenes just don't quite sit right, and the perspective feels very harsh, almost fish-eye in the first. That may be what you're after, but even so, a second look probably wouldn't go amiss.

3. Details. Page 1, panel 5. Dredd's gun barrel seems a bit limp? It's an easy fix, and it would help no end. Also the legs of the Academy of Law seem to hang over or obscure the steps. Would the architect have intended that? Again, I think a second look could help here.

4. Lastly - anatomy - and man, will you get sick of hearing this! But it's eternally true for anybody who wants to produce figurative work, and you'll probably never stop learning (and making mistakes). I think you still need to do quite a lot of work in this area as at the moment it really just doesn't come across as something you're completely comfortable with.

I sincerely hope none of this comes across as unduly harsh. There's clearly ability there, I think you just need a little longer to refine it. Rather than diving into inking I'd be tempted to use what you've got as preliminary boards, and maybe redraw the lot. Really look at each panel, and make sure that what you want to convey is there. Is it the best POV? Is it clear what's happening? And with some of the more difficult poses try and find some reference that's as close as possible to what you've drawn to double-check against. Failing everything else, photograph yourself. If nothing else, it's a useful exercise.

One thing I've found enormously useful is to get in touch with some of the writers/ artists and small-press guys here, and see if you can do some work with them. You get to work closely with the writers and really make sure you're both agreeing on what's been put across. The one or two I've worked with so far are especially shit hot and the story-telling side of things, and will really help you get the best out of panel placement, action and making sure you can get the sodding speech bubbles in. And, you know, you get your work seen in the mean time.

Anyway, whatever you decide, all the very best with your endeavours. Look forward to seeing your stuff develop.

[Kev weldon]

All very useful stuff and exactly the type of critiques I was hoping for! I'm happy to say I don't disagree with any of it either. Frankly these pages were rushed so as to have them ready in time for Kapow so it's not up to my usual standard anyway.

[pauljholden]

I don't want to sound like I'm picking on you here, but there's a couple of things:

If this isn't your best / most recent work then you're wasting your time and ours.

If you ever use the phrase "this isn't up to my usual standard" during a portfolio review then, I'm afraid any editor will dismiss you as not being very serious about what you're doing (or, possibly a fantasist - the ONE thing they wont do is think "oh this guy probably draws amazingly well, but, for some reason only bought his rushed artwork with him")

If you don't have enough time to do 6 pages to the best of your ability then do 3 - believe me, 3 amazingly good finished pages are worth any amount of half finished pages.

Sorry if this is coming across as ranty - but I've treated this thread as an actual portfolio review so tend to treat every post/poster as such. (though, actually, honestly, if you'd said that to me in an actual portfolio queue I'd've nodded sagely and waited for you to walk away before rolling my eyes and tsking)

[pauljholden]

Portfolio advice from 2005: http://www.pauljholden.com/blog/2005/02/05/portfolio-2/

There's more in the blog post, but here's a relevant paragraph.

Make sure the work is complete. If you want to only show pencils, that's fine (although 2000AD would probably prefer pencils and inks – ymmv). If you're showing inks make sure you have pencils of the pages with you (and make sure the pencils you're showing are by a pro – inking over your own stuff or another non-pro [don't like the word amateur] is a bad idea – it's best if it's work the editor is already familiar with). I've seen lots of work where the work is superb but incomplete (pencils half finished or just abandoned – pages with incredibly detailed figures but no backgrounds either pencilled or inked) and trust me on this one, that bloke in the queue who is nowhere near as good as you but has completed pages, and is easy going *will* work before you – if you don't finish your artwork.