Attempts at the sample scripts

[MenschMaschine]

Hello,everyone...i guess i'm a kind of rookie here, just found out this discussion going on for 2 years now,some really good stuff has popped out here so i thought would be my turn to give a shot to be hammered down into a red spot on the floor. I won't bother you guys with more of Cycle of Violence,belive me i did it...twice. Instead ,a first glimpse on my attempt at Tales of Telguuth script. So unleash hell, folks...criticism and feedbacks are more than welcome.
http://brunostahl.deviantart.com/#/d52xywh

[locustsofdeath!]

A lot of brilliant stuff there, Stahl, particularly the Dredd and Slaine paintings. I dig the sample script - probably the only thing I'd mention is that here and there figures look too staged - in Panel 2 there's seems to be a lack of "movement" of "motion" in the characters. I like it, though!

[CrazyFoxMachine]

I love you Bruno, sir - !

[Jayson]

First time post on the blog. I was showing my art to Matt Smith at the Kapow con and he asked me to draw some pages from the sample scripts. I chose the first script - Cycle of violence. I recently only just discovered that a LOT of other people had already had a go at this script and posted here so I though I would show you my efforts.
Matt saw the first versions and made some comments that I agreed with and these are a revised version that he has not yet seen. Any critique or comments feel - free to say anything.

[Jayson]

[Jayson]

You are welcome to browse my Works blog at...

jasonwilson-folio.blogspot.com

I have done a few things in art and design but this is a far cry from drawing actual comics so I am not shy about any critique of the comic page examples shown here. Always learning.   

Cheers!

J

[Emp edit: Fixing link]

[Pauul]

Welcome to the board, Jayson.

The pages are really well drawn, nice work.

[CrazyFoxMachine]

Jason those kick some arse - ! Really nice colouring as well - lovely amount of detail -

[Greg M.]

That's looking great. Quite a characterful (and faintly disturbing) take on the lad's late mother in the first panel. I agree with CFM re: the colouring - the colour panels on page 4 in particular are smashing.

[Jayson]

Thanks for the kind comments.

The design of the mother - I found the story a little upsetting and disturbing; the violence against children and its effects. So I wanted to add a little ghoulish dark humour by adding an absurb design of the prostitute mother's clothes.
Colours - I think I added too many colour ranges on some of the pages, individual pannels are okay but overall for the full page I should have gone for a more limited muted pallette. I was relatively happy with the first page's colour range overall.

It was a good test and I learned a lot from these six pages, there are lots of elements I know I would improve on for future pages that I did not see at the time.

[Darren Stephens]

Those look great, Jason. Love the vibrant colours. You have a really cool drawing style, too. Good luck with this Re-tweaked version. Let us know what Tharg has to say! 

[Bubba Zebill]

Thanks for the kind comments.
I wanted to add a little ghoulish dark humour by adding an absurb design of the prostitute mother's clothes.

Lovely work Jayson. The colouring is really good. My favourites are the design of the mother in p1. The roof in the final 2 panels of P1, it's great that you got it in in both those frames, claustrophobic and fleshes out the design of the room. I particularly like the panel on p2 in which the cadet takes a beating, the figures and the window, thats a fine frame!

[Jayson]

Thanks for the kind comments.
I wanted to add a little ghoulish dark humour by adding an absurb design of the prostitute mother's clothes.

Lovely work Jayson. The colouring is really good. My favourites are the design of the mother in p1. The roof in the final 2 panels of P1, it's great that you got it in in both those frames, claustrophobic and fleshes out the design of the room. I particularly like the panel on p2 in which the cadet takes a beating, the figures and the window, thats a fine frame!

Thank you.
I tried, however successfully, to give that page a sort of Blade Runner/Ridley Scott feel to the environment by bringing the ceiling down into shot to create a heavy atmosphere by having the reader see the ceiling pressing down onto the characters. I wanted to have light (from above and behind Dredd from the massive window) to make him look vaguely angelic (angel of death) in the eyes of the child, seeing him come in from the light - his hand stretched out to him.
I also wanted the page(s) to look sickly, as if soaked in yellow street lights and smog. The script made me feel queezy so my drawings, which are usually light and airy, came out ugly and murky.

[Jayson]

I also tried to put in shots of windows into the panels behind Klein, to suggest the world beyond. But the windows are usually viewed through slits, as if the world is something he cannot quite connect with or reach - like a prison.

[Bubba Zebill]

I also tried to put in shots of windows into the panels behind Klein, to suggest the world beyond. But the windows are usually viewed through slits, as if the world is something he cannot quite connect with or reach - like a prison.

Those are all smart choice IMO. In some ways it's a drag that so many artists have worked from the same script but the great thing is that we can see so unique versions of that same story.