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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 30332 times)

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #195 on: 09 November, 2017, 10:39:54 am »
An old Russian proverb:
Everything they told us about communism was a lie,but everything they told us about capitalism turned out to be true.

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #196 on: 09 November, 2017, 11:16:40 am »
That one's not a joke.

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #197 on: 09 November, 2017, 11:55:57 am »
That one's not a joke.
Its a super-realistic humor.  :|

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #198 on: 13 November, 2017, 08:41:59 am »
How many men does it take to defend France?
Nobody knows,they never tried.

Bolt-01

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #199 on: 16 November, 2017, 03:45:33 pm »
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.

He reduced altitude to try to figure out where he was when he spotted a woman below. He descended further and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I appear to be a little off course. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

Amazed by what she said, the balloonist stated "You must be in Information Technology!"

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is that I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below smiled and responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

sheridan

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #200 on: 16 November, 2017, 05:51:33 pm »
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.
(snip)
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Always a classic - also told about Engineering Corps and Officers.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #201 on: 19 November, 2017, 02:43:22 pm »
My script for Toy Story 4 focuses on Andy's mum's toys, which are also called Woody and Buzz.


Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #202 on: 19 November, 2017, 03:36:13 pm »
So where does Mr Potato head fit in?

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #203 on: 19 November, 2017, 04:28:49 pm »
That's Granny's toy.


The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #204 on: 24 November, 2017, 07:38:36 pm »
Amazon really are useless. I ordered four Kindles and they sent me a Two Ronnies dvd.


TordelBack

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #205 on: 24 November, 2017, 10:48:33 pm »
Amazon really are useless. I ordered four Kindles and they sent me a Two Ronnies dvd.

 :lol: Now that's a good 'un.

Angry Vince

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #206 on: 25 November, 2017, 01:26:57 am »
Amazon really are useless. I ordered four Kindles and they sent me a Two Ronnies dvd.

Bloody hell, took me a minute, but damn that is funny!
Angry Vince: One Man Against the World! (So far the world is winning 96:0)

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #207 on: 25 November, 2017, 08:57:32 am »
You have to be really careful here too, reading it on the 'recent post' thread.  If you miss which thread it really is on then brain takes a bit of time to engage.

Hats off sir, that is a cracker!   :lol:

Colin YNWA

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #208 on: 25 November, 2017, 10:07:21 pm »
Overheard this today at my daughters 'performing art' show this afternoon.

What does The Doctor (Who) have for starters when he goes pizza?

Dalek bread.

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #209 on: 24 December, 2017, 04:20:48 pm »
There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.