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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 21027 times)

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #240 on: 28 March, 2018, 02:48:41 pm »
Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to
Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he
suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker
tells the American diplomats accompanying
him, ‘You can have him shipped home for $
50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy
Land for just $100.’
The American diplomats go into a corner to
discuss for a few minutes. They return with
their answer to the undertaker and tell him
they want Donald Trump shipped home. The
undertaker is puzzled and asks, ‘Why would you
spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it
would be wonderful to be buried here and you
would spend only $100?
The American diplomats reply, ‘Long ago a man
died here, was buried here, and three days
later he rose from the dead. We just can’t take
the risk.'


The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #241 on: 31 March, 2018, 05:08:12 pm »
"Why is my sister called Teresa?"

"Because your Mother loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter."

"Cool, thanks, Dad."

"No problem, Alan."


Colin YNWA

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #242 on: 31 March, 2018, 06:19:14 pm »
Took me a while but I got there...

TordelBack

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #243 on: 31 March, 2018, 07:50:24 pm »
Took me a while but I got there...

Bit of lube speeds things up.

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #244 on: 31 March, 2018, 08:47:55 pm »

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #245 on: 03 April, 2018, 12:50:00 pm »
... mind you, it took me a while to work it out too.   :o

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #246 on: 03 April, 2018, 02:44:09 pm »
... mind you, it took me a while to work it out too.   :o

Bit of lube would have ensured it slid out more easily...


Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #247 on: 03 April, 2018, 02:49:23 pm »
Version I knew was
-Mom,why is my cousin named Rose?
-Because your aunt likes flowers
-What do you like,mom?
-Oh shut up,Richard

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #248 on: 03 April, 2018, 02:54:20 pm »
Now that is Tricky!

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #249 on: 16 June, 2018, 06:17:24 am »
I was watching the Women's Beach Volleyball
Championship last night and within minutes there was a horrific wrist injury. I should be all right in a few days though.


Hawkmumbler

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #250 on: 16 June, 2018, 01:20:36 pm »
A catholic priest begins his day at the confessional.
A voice waivers through from the other booth, "Forgive me father for I have sinned".
"It's alright my child, god will forgive you, just tell me what you have done."
"I have beaten children, father, prayed on them and abused them."
Oh, thought the priest, this could be serious. "Go on.." he implored.
"I once thrashed a child till his back flowed with blood, broke the wrist of another, and and disfigured a young girl..."
"Good grief!" said the priest, sliding the confessional panel open to reveal a Nun.

"Oh thank goodness it's you sister! I thought there was a psychopath in the church!"

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #251 on: 17 June, 2018, 03:20:53 pm »

Got an email from a bored housewife, 32, looking for some action.
I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy


paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #252 on: 29 June, 2018, 02:04:16 pm »
I fell off me bike yesterday. Spent ages looking for a thread called "Life is a series of Minor ImPEDALments."

sheridan

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #253 on: 29 June, 2018, 03:26:23 pm »
I fell off me bike yesterday. Spent ages looking for a thread called "Life is a series of Minor ImPEDALments."

On the off-chance that isn't just an excuse for a pun - hope you (and bike) are both doing well!

paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #254 on: 29 June, 2018, 03:33:18 pm »
Ah, thanks Sheridan! Very kind of you. But yes, it was just a purely invented excuse for a pun. The bike is fine, even if it's owner is in the midst of middle-aged decrepitude.  :lol:Appreciate the thought though. (I'm now feeling a bit like Bart Simpson in the episode where he pretends that he's trapped down a well, lol.)

Cheers!