Virtual Jean – A (hopefully) soon to be web-comic

[Dodsy]

Hi All,
Below is a script I've wrote for a series I've wanted to write for a long time. This is only a teaser for the overall thing, I just wanted to post it online to see what people thought and maybe even generate a little interest (hint hint all you artists out there lol).
So hopefully some of you wouldn't mind giving taking a couple of minutes to give it a read and maybe leave some of your thoughts about it.
Hope you all enjoy:

PAGE ONE

Each panel on this page should run horizontally across the entire length of the page. They should give the impression that we are zooming into the event in the final panel (5). 

1) An establishing panel. This shows The City from high up, think New York but in 50 years time, a big and busy metropolis on the coast but without the obvious landmarks that New York has. Skyscrapers stretch as far as the eye can see but there are still smaller, underdeveloped parts as well. There should be one skyscraper subtly hidden around the centre of the panel. It shouldn't stand out from the rest of the city but this is the building the next couple of panels are going to zoom-in on.

BOX:   "WELCOME TO THE CITY"

2) The image begins to zoom in on The City, on the skyscraper at the centre of the last image in particular.

BOX:   "SURE IT HAS AN OFFICIAL NAME (AND A COUPLE OF UNOFFICIAL ONES) BUT EVERYONE WORLDWIDE THESE DAYS JUST CALLS IT 'THE CITY' "

3) The image is getting even closer to the skyscraper, one window in particular a couple of floors below the top floor. Although we still can't see to clearly inside yet, two people can just be seen through the glass.

BOX:   "THERE IS ALWAYS A LOT OF ACTIVITY HERE, MORE SO NOW THEN EVER BEFORE BUT    THAT'S MAINLY DUE TO THE ARRIVAL OF THE VISITOR AND REVEALING OF HIS 'GRAND    PLAN'."

4) The view finally gets to the window. Inside we can see an official government person, with some medals attached to his jacket, shaking hands with a terrorist. The terrorist should be more Scarface thug than Taliban terrorist; he's looking very cocky about the whole situation.
Behind them on a table are two briefcases, one filled with money and the other has two very powerful looking machine guns inside. Some kind of unofficial arms deal has just gone down. On the other side of the table are a couple of the terrorists buddies, who are watching the deal taking place.

BOX:   "THERE IS EVEN MORE ATTENTION ON THE CITY THEN USUAL. IT'S A PLACE WHERE THE FUTURE IS HAPPENING NOW BUT JUST BECAUSE THE FUTURE IS HAPPENING NOW...

5) A close up of the hand shake between the terrorist and the government agent. The government official has a ring on his hand which shows the American flag, adding insult to injury that he is betraying his country.

BOX:    ...DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERYONE HAS LEARNED FROM THE MISTAKES OF THE PAST'."

PAGE TWO

1) We finally get our first look at Jean. She has abseiled down from the roof of the building and is peeking through the window at the meeting. We are looking over her shoulder so her face is hidden from us, even though we can't see her face it should be clear she is wearing a bandana to disguise herself, her hair is not covered. She's using a high-tech camera to record the meeting, through the display on the camera we can see a close up of the shaking hands, similar to Page 1 Panel 5.

BOX:   "CASE IN POINT: THIS MEETING BETWEEN SENIOUR OFFICER CHRIS BARNES AND ANGELO ESTRADA. ONE IS AN IMPORTANT FIGURE IN THE ARMED FORCES; THE OTHER IS A WANTED TERRORIST."

BOX:   "NEITHER OF WHICH KNOWS THAT THIS MEETING IS CURRENTLY BEING UPLOADED TO    EVERY NEWS SITE ON THE NET, INCLUDING MY OWN BLOG."

2) In the meeting room. There is a flash at the window where Jean is looking in. The sun has caught her camera's lens and given away her position. Everyone in the room has turned to look at her.

BOX:   "THAT IS, NEITHER OF THEM WOULD KNOW IF THE SUN DIDN'T CATCH ON MY CAMERA'S LENS     AND GIVE AWAY MY POSITION TO EVERYONE IN THE DAMN ROOM!"

3) Jean begins using her harness to travel towards the roof at speed. Below her and through the window we can see some of the goons from the meeting already on their way out the door to try and catch her.

BOX:   OK, NOW I'VE GOT TO BE QUICK. SOME OF THOSE GUYS WHERE ALREADY ON THERE    WAY TO THE ROOF, GOOD LUCK TRYING TO BEAT ME THERE.

4) Jean gets to the roof, just as the first goon to get there burst through a door.

BOX:   SORRY GUYS BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE QUICKER THAN THAT. THERE IS A REASON WHY I RANK AS ONE OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

5) Jean makes a run for the far side of the roof. Behind her we can see the goons starting to give chase. Jeans face is still obscured by the bandana.

BOX:   "SO, WHO AM I? JUST IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW"

6) Jean leaps from the roof.

PAGE THREE

1) Whilst leaping through the air, between buildings, the bandana flies off Jean revealing her face for the first time.

BOX:   "I'M VIRTUAL JEAN"

2) Jean lands on the next building's roof in a parkour style front roll. Behind her we can see two of the goons already making the jump to follow her.

BOX:   "I'M ONE OF THE BEST FREELANCE UNDERCOVER REPORTERS IN THE WORLD."

BOX:   "AS I'M ABOUT TO PROVE TO THESE GUYS"

3) Jean glances to her side and we see for the first time the Flying Jail. Jean knows she's nearly home free when she's close to it.

BOX:   "OH YE, THAT BIG THING FLOATING IN THE SKY? THAT'S 'THE VISITORS' SHIP OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE JAIL IN THE SKY, AMONGST SOME OTHER NAMES. THEY NEVER REALLY BOTHERED TO GIVE IT AN OFFICIAL NAME."

BOX:   "WHEN I'M THIS CLOSE TO IT I KNOW I'M NEARLY HOME FREE."

4) Jean ducks behind an air vent on the roof of the building she is on. The original skyscraper can be seen in the background and should give a sense of how far the chase has gone. One of the goons is pointing out where Jean has hidden to the rest.

BOX:      "ALTHOUGH THOSE GUYS DON'T KNOW IT YET."

GOON 1:   SHE WENT BEHIND THE VENT.

GOON 2:   WE'VE GOT YOU NOW BITCH!

5) A couple of the goons approach where Jean has hidden. Ready to grab her, we see the vent from over the goons' shoulder so we can't see Jean in this panel.

GOON 1:   NOWHERE TO HIDE...

PAGE FOUR

1) The first goon jumps around the vent with his gun aimed but Jean is nowhere to be seen.

GOON 1:   GOT YA...

2) The reader sees that Jean has already climbed down the side of the building and is climbing into one of the windows only a floor or two below the roof. Above her the goons are shouting that they can't find her.

GOON 1 (OFF PANEL): SHIT! FIND HER! NOW!

BOX:   "THAT WAS WAY TO CLOSE JEAN. I THOUGHT I'D HAVE LOST THEM LONG            BEFORE I GOT BACK HERE."

3) Jean has her legs through the window but her top half is still sticking out. In the room the reader can see the boot and leg of someone that Jean hasn't notices yet.

BOX:   "NOT THAT IT MATTERS NOW, THEY'LL HAVE OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT          SOON ENOUGH"

BOX:   "THE VIDEO SHOULD BE BEING BROADCAST WORLD WIDE BY NOW. TIME TO          PUT MY FEET UP WITHOUT ANY MORE NASTY SURPRISES"

4) A big reveal panel of Raxel as Jean turns around and is startled by his presence.

RAXEL:      SO YOU'RE THE 'WORLD FAMOUS' VIRTUAL JEAN?

RAXEL:      HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO REPORT ON A REAL STORY?

BOX:   TO BE CONTINUED...