Writing To Tharg

[Dounreay]

"I got a Judge Fire Heroclix"

So did I, and then another. And another. And another. And guess what? Yep, another.

Was there a fire sale of these wee things and Tharg's trying to shift them or what?

Ungrateful old curmugeon that I am, I'd have liked something different please.

There, that's my card marked for all time.

Anybody want to give a good home to three Judge Fires, a Torquemada and a Judge Fear?

Since they've been left abandoned down the side of the sofa these poor wee mass murdering law breakers have been in need of some TLC.

Available for the unbeatable price of nothing.  If you want em, post it here, first come first served.  

[Buttonman]

Fire is definitely the most popular prize and regretably the rubbishest too.

What's your real name Dounreay? People come 'round here all the time claiming 5 plus letters let the verication (and nice introductions!) begin!

[Funt Solo]

::"The first boarder to get a letter containing the words  combine harvester  published on the Input readers' letters page..."

And done.  :)

[Buttonman]

Bloody hell, no prog and a Dundonian pickpocket! Please upload a scan of the alleged winning entry or alternatively wait for the Paisley Reds to get off their arses and deliver some post!

Please provide your reactions in the meantime to your mauling in the Megazine. No chance of a 'Cottage Cheese' double there methinks!

[Funt Solo]

My cottage cheese was edited out of my Meg letter (and, to be fair, forced into it in the first place).  

I'm not sure that counted as a mauling - a long period of (overall) substandard Meg quality accounts for my consistency of mood.  If one looks back further in time (not that anyone should bother) my letters are more positive (if memory serves).  

[Trout]

He's only a pretend Dundonian. He's not local!

I wrote to Tharg last week for only the second time I can remember. I've not been reading this thread, due to its unbelievable size, and now it seems I've been missing a chance at daft contests.

I think I may write to Tharg and demand an end to the letters page. The built-in irony will cause the letters droid to explode!

- Trout

[Buttonman]

It's not that big! Scojo's 'Dredd is a social worker' thread is twice the size and only two weeks old. This is 8 months of graduated nonsense.

I'm sure Tharg would enjoy the irony of a letter asking for no more letters.Do it!

[Mattofthespurs]

Top job Linton :)

[Dark Jimbo]

I have to say, knowing that I may be subject to Button's merciless reviews has been making me put a lot more thought and effort into the few letters I've drafted since this epic project began, rather than rattling off any old embarassing tosh like I used to do (I was young, and foolish, and desired free stuff).

You're raising the bar for all of us, Buttonman!

[Buttonman]

I'd prefer 'firm but fair' to merciless but if a climate of fear increases the quality I'm all for it.

Linton will be duly crowned upon recipt of my prog which is presently fueling the braziers of the striking posties of Paisley. I'd buy a copy from the shops but I have to save up for some rashly offered prizes!

Post strikes should be the catalyst that bring about the digital prog, free for subscribers to download and 50p for the rabble.

[Funt Solo]

I don't need a rashly offered prize - the (self-proclaimed) prestige is enough.

[Buttonman]

"I don't need a rashly offered prize "

If we needed confirmation that you are not a native Dundonian there it is!

Sadly the prize must be awarded to preserve the integrity of the contest. If you PM me your e-mail I'll arrange an Amazon voucher once the claim is verified! You will then have to agree to various promotions and press conferences as not stated in the original T&C.

[Dounreay]

"What's your real name Dounreay?"

After all the...err...interesting things you said about me in your (it has to be grudgingly admitted) excellent letters review column, now you want names and verification!

Ach, you're a hard man to please.    

[Buttonman]

He has one cohort in Caithness, a D.Reay who also has a 50:50 score

Hmmm Dounreay-D.Reay are you Steve 'He's in the' Frame of Caithness fame? Are you also D.Reay?

You need to be a Rebus/Taggart/Morse hybrid in the letters game and that just covers the drinking.

[Dounreay]

Curse you Buttonman!

My homespun country bumpkin deceptions are no match for your big city wiles and icy forensic mind.

Having just spent the last two hours up to my elbows in keech clearing a blocked drain and getting eaten by midges, I come in to find I've been collared.

It's a fair cop gov, I am D.Reay but society's to blame.

As for Steve 'Devilishly handsome, charming, witty, debonair, modest, the toast of the dizzying Caithness society scene' Frame, let us just say my graphic novel collection is coming along nicely.