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Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

Started by Bouwel, 10 August, 2009, 11:08:13 AM

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House of Usher

This thread's getting too depressing. The bendy screwdrivers were funny though.
STRIKE !!!

Peter Wolf

I remember the speakers that were being sold on the street out of the back of white vans.I cant remember the name of the make of them exactly but they were sold as "studio monitors" which made them sound like top end equipment and expensive but they were sold cheap.
Worthing Bazaar - A fete worse than death

Kerrin

I always have a great laugh when these traveling "salesmen" turn up on the business estate where I work. There's nothing like haggling an Irish gentleman (and I'm sorry, but virtually all of the guys we get doing this are Irish, bar the Italian guy who can't go home with his boot still full of leather jackets or his boss will feed him to the fishes) down from £300 for his brand new petrol mower, which he'll have to pay VAT on if he takes it back to Ireland, sob, and in the shops would cost you a grand, to £60! And then realising you've left your wallet at home. Doh.

We get them all, lawnmowers, power tools, cutlery, carpets, clothing, stereos, you name it. The best one so far is the guy who was selling mini quad bikes. We feigned interest and got him to start one up. He eventually managed this with some fantastic swearing and then shot off round the yard only to discover, no brakes! Oh no, calamity, he was so busy looking at the bars, trying to work out why he couldn't stop that he clipped the back of his own van and flipped the quad bike. After checking he wasn't seriously injured (and we were fairly sure he wasn't due to the amount of continued swearing) we all wandered off laughing heartily.

Always good sport.


worldshown

Stories of dodgy salesmen always remind me of this incident.

Years ago when I was working in a pub in Cardiff, we had a temporary manager forced upon us (the previous manager having been discovered conkers deep in a barmaid and thrown out by his wife, thus invalidating their contract with the brewery).

This temporary manager used to allow one of his mates to come into the pub to flog suitcases full of dodgy watches, videos, perfumes and such.

One night, the manager bought one of these £5 "Lorex" watches and spent the rest of the evening singing its praises to anyone that would listen. "Just like the real thing. You can't tell them apart. Only a fiver. Bargain...". That sort of thing.

Next night, I came in to do my shift to find said manager reassembling the watch in the lounge whilst cursing out his mate under his breath.


uncle fester

Quote from: worldshown on 18 September, 2009, 11:59:51 AM
having been discovered conkers deep in a barmaid

Expressive use of language is one of my favourite things in life :)

Mike Gloady

Quote from: House of Usher on 18 September, 2009, 12:38:22 AMThis thread's getting too depressing. The bendy screwdrivers were funny though.
i liked them too. Dreadfully amusing. Because some insufferable invertebrate from a happy clappy church is visiting in the room next to my mum's in the hospice. He's got an acoustic 12 string guitar and he's here talking about, and i quote "my friend - and yours *wink* Our Lord Jesus Christ *winning, pension book siphoning smile, applause, choirs of angels*". He ahemed outside my mum's open door. She shot him a look that'd curdle milk. He ran. At least the Catholics have the decency to be po faced, mysterious and dour about it.
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Trout

I was slightly perturbed to be handed a note about a church service - basically a recruiting thing - at Rose's nursery today. It's a local school, and she's been going for barely a month. It just seemed... wrong. I know it's the community and everything, but I don't think they should be recruiting people at a council-run school.

Why is this a minor impediment? I found it a slight inconvenience to have to put the note in the bin.

- Trout

Mike Gloady

That's vile, Trout. 

Of course I'm of the opinion that things like faith schools are the worst kind of insidious brain-washing of formative psyches so I probably WOULD agree with you there. 
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Matt Timson

Being invited to a church service is vile?

I'm not big on the church- but it's hardly the crime of the century is it?
Pffft...

Satanist

Quote from: Matt Timson on 18 September, 2009, 11:27:15 PM
Being invited to a church service is vile?

I'm not big on the church- but it's hardly the crime of the century is it?

Well my adopted son Damien kicks up a right fuss whenever I try and take him :)

Oh and I hurt my thumb slightly today while moving furniture.BAH!
Hmm, just pretend I wrote something witty eh?

Trout

Yeah, I think "vile" is going too far. It's only a minor impediment and a slight sense of unease.

Dandontdare

They say religion is like a big dog - if it's yours, it gives comfort and security; if it's someone else's it can be scary; and in either event it should be kept away from small children.

Bouwel

I'm yet to have religion crap on the floor or hump my leg, but I see where you're going with the analogy.

Not a vast fan of religion myself.

-Bouwel-
-A person's mind can be changed by reading information on the internet. The nature of this change will be from having no opinion to having a wrong opinion-

TordelBack

I like this analogy.  I like the bit where it gives me permission to castrate religion so it doesn't go around being aggressive and making little religions.

Mike Gloady

Quote from: Dandontdare on 19 September, 2009, 04:18:14 PM
They say religion is like a big dog - if it's yours, it gives comfort and security; if it's someone else's it can be scary; and in either event it should be kept away from small children.
A friend of mine says religion is a bit like a big winkle - fun to have but you'll get in trouble if you ram it down people's throats.
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