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Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

Started by Bouwel, 10 August, 2009, 11:08:13 AM

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Roger Godpleton

Mum owes me £10.





You give me your number, I call you up
You act like your pussy don't interrupt
I don't have no trouble with you fucking me
But I have a little problem wit you not fucking me
Baby you know I'm gonna take care of you
Cause you say you got my baby, and I know it ain't true
Is it a good thing? no its bad bitch
For good or worse, makes you switch
So I walk on over with my crystal
Bitches, niggas put away your pistols
Dirty wont be having it in this house
Cause bitch I'll cripple your style
Now that you heard my calm voice
You couldn't get another nigga, hoochie wont get moist
If you wanna look good and not be bummy, girl you better give me that money
Aooow...

[hook: Kelis]
Hey, dirty, baby I got your money
Don't your worry, I said hey.
Baby I got your money
[X2]

[verse 2:]
Yo! so I glanced at the girls, girls glanced at me
I whispered in their ear, wanna be with me?
You wanna look pretty though, in my video
Ol' dirty on the hat and I let you all know
Just dance! if you caught up in the holy ghost trance
If you stop! I'm gonna put the killer ants in your pants
I'm the O-D-B as you can see
Every eye, don't you be watching me
I don't want no problems cause I put you down
In the ground where you can not be found
I'm just dirt dog trying to make sum bunny
So give me my streaks and give me my honey
Radio, yes all day, everyday
Recognize I'm a fool and ya love me!
None of you nmph better look at me funny
Nmph you know my name now give me my money!

[hook X2]
Dirty: sing it, sing it girls! (during hook)
Just shake it right now!
Somebody else: if dirty want his money
I think you all should give him his money
Dirty: that's how I like girl

Sexy, sexy, sexy!
Sexy, sexy, sexy!

Sexy, sexy, sexy!
Sexy, sexy, sexy!

[verse 3:]
Yo, yo!
Nigga playing in the club like this all night
Bitches put your ass out let me hold it tight
You looking at my wrist saying "its so nice"
The price bitch is diamonds shining disco light
You better help me solve this problem
Or I'm gonna get this money and rob them
Lucky dig when I won the lotto
Ran up on my car for carrying (ryllos?)
You can call me dirty, and then lift up your skirt
And you want some of this dirty, god made dirt and dirt bust yo ass
Stop annoying me, yeah! I play my music loud
It takes the bastard ol' dirty, to move the crowd
They say he had his dick in his mouth
Eddie Murphy told me that back in the house
But give me my money!
He's only trying to be what following how his dreams make you wanna be, man!

TordelBack


Rog69

#1202
I was told that there was bacon.

"I'm going to my mum's for the day with the girls, there is bacon in the fridge" she said before I left for work on Sunday.

I got home after 12 hours of work spent constantly thinking about the pile of bacon sarnies I would make for my tea, to be enjoyed in an otherwise empty house, accompanied by wine and Playstation.

When I opened the fridge there was no bacon to be found. I looked again as I have a long history of not looking properly but still it evaded me. I even looked a third time, behind all the yoghurt on the top shelf, yet still there was no bacon.

The only other thing I could find to eat was a tin of Disney Princess pasta shapes, so I had that on toast.

My wife and kids returned home soon after, summoned as ever by the "on" button of my magic Playstation. I raised the issue of the Bacon only to be escorted to the fridge and shown the bacon and to be reminded by my wife that I never look properly.

I, Cosh

I've watched ten episodes of Farscape in the last 36 hours and now I feel a bit sick.
We never really die.

Roger Godpleton

Mum responded by telling me that she would have to give me £20 and that I would owe her ten. I didn't even ask for said twenty so I'm in debt and haven't even got the money that I am borrowing yet. I tried getting her back by eating the last of the grapes but there weren't any red ones left and they were starting to go off, meaning that the tart nature of white grapes was exacerbated to an unwelcome degree.
He's only trying to be what following how his dreams make you wanna be, man!

House of Usher

Quote from: Rog69 on 25 January, 2010, 10:28:22 PM
I was told that there was bacon. When I opened the fridge there was no bacon to be found. I raised the issue of the Bacon only to be escorted to the fridge and shown the bacon and to be reminded by my wife that I never look properly.

I have it on good authority, from a lady of the female sex, that that is, quote "a brilliant story" unquote.
STRIKE !!!

Roger Godpleton

They are all in on it together, those women. They must be controlled with drugs. I shall call off this program if my demands are met.
He's only trying to be what following how his dreams make you wanna be, man!

SuperSurfer

Quote from: House of Usher on 26 January, 2010, 12:32:09 AM
Quote from: Rog69 on 25 January, 2010, 10:28:22 PM
I was told that there was bacon. When I opened the fridge there was no bacon to be found. I raised the issue of the Bacon only to be escorted to the fridge and shown the bacon and to be reminded by my wife that I never look properly.
I have it on good authority, from a lady of the female sex, that that is, quote "a brilliant story" unquote.

But isn't the usual routine that the lady of the manor puts things where they don't belong and that's why we fellas can't find stuff? To quote a stand-up comedian I once saw: "You're eating a sandwich, you put it down on the table, next thing it's in a box in the loft."

Rog69

Quote from: SuperSurfer on 26 January, 2010, 11:42:38 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 26 January, 2010, 12:32:09 AM
Quote from: Rog69 on 25 January, 2010, 10:28:22 PM
I was told that there was bacon. When I opened the fridge there was no bacon to be found. I raised the issue of the Bacon only to be escorted to the fridge and shown the bacon and to be reminded by my wife that I never look properly.
I have it on good authority, from a lady of the female sex, that that is, quote "a brilliant story" unquote.

But isn't the usual routine that the lady of the manor puts things where they don't belong and that's why we fellas can't find stuff? To quote a stand-up comedian I once saw: "You're eating a sandwich, you put it down on the table, next thing it's in a box in the loft."

Absolutely, and in my defense the bacon was actually at the very bottom of the fridge with all the veg, with a packet of leeks on top of it!

TordelBack

 
Quote...and in my defense the bacon was actually at the very bottom of the fridge with all the veg...

Well really.  Who'd think of looking for food in the Veg compartment?

Mikey

Yeah, it's not real food like meat.

I have to get up really early tommorrow and I'm already tired!

M

PS
QuoteWimper.
...

Said Godders when he realised he didn't know 'creme fraiche' comes from shops, not his mom's dugs as she told him.
To tell the truth, you can all get screwed.

Hoagy

I'm in a waiting room, awaiting eye surgery. And it looks like its gonna a be a while. Noone is talking but time would pass  quicker if we did. I'm hungry and too grumpy and enstranged from anyone here to start a conversation. Gad it may be hours. And I am rubbish at holding conversations with people I don't know and don't know if I have anything in commen with. There's this portly gent who looks at me willing me to  speak and a man around my age smiling courteously at me but my law has wired itself up. 
"bULLshit Mr Hand man!"
"Man, you come right out of a comic book. "
Previously Krombasher.

https://www.deviantart.com/fantasticabstract

WoD

Quote from: House of Usher on 26 January, 2010, 12:32:09 AM
Quote from: Rog69 on 25 January, 2010, 10:28:22 PM
I was told that there was bacon. When I opened the fridge there was no bacon to be found. I raised the issue of the Bacon only to be escorted to the fridge and shown the bacon and to be reminded by my wife that I never look properly.

I have it on good authority, from a lady of the female sex, that that is, quote "a brilliant story" unquote.

Not mentioning it to my lady...it will just add to the 'man-look' theory she has!

Peter Wolf

My new neighbours who have rented the house next door are yet another rude and uncommunicative couple.One half of the couple,although i am not exactly sure wether its a mother and son or a couple [not thats its my business and i am not interested anyway] knocks on my door this morning to ask if the car parked outside the house that belongs to a cleaner who is working next door is mine.

"Is that your car outside ?"

No politeness whatsoever.Just a discourteous beardy little shit with an offhand manner who i dont like the look of so i just answered with a "No" and closed the door. :D

Previously a few days ago i said hello and i was just blanked by him so i will ignore them in future however they are quiet on the whole so thats fine by me.

Worthing Bazaar - A fete worse than death

VinceBot

Quote from: The Cosh on 25 January, 2010, 10:34:31 PM
I've watched ten episodes of Farscape in the last 36 hours and now I feel a bit sick.

Did you see the trippy mirrors one, or the trippy 3 dimensions one with different colours? They always bend my brain.


Quote from: TordelBack on 26 January, 2010, 12:21:41 PM
Who'd think of looking for food in the Veg compartment?

TordelBack, denier of veg as food.