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General Chat => Off Topic => : The Legendary Shark 01 July, 2018, 07:43:32 PM

: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 July, 2018, 07:43:32 PM
 This forum isn't silly enough. In order to rectify this, I suggest we all find silly things to do, silly things based upon the famously silly Radio 4 panel game, I'm Sorry, I haven't a Crew, or whatever it's called.


In this instance, however, the games will be based on Tharg's mighty organ. Let's hope we can pull it off between us.


To start, I suggest a game of Judge Dredd Film Club, suggestions for films likely to appeal to an audience of Judge Dredd fans. With an entirely justified sense of inevitable futility, I'll start us off with a few insipid suggestions:


Fargo
The Hunt for Dredd October
Giant
Dreddpool
BrokeJack Mountain
Grudfellas
The Clone Ranger
Dr. Joe
The Grud, the Bad and the Ugly
The Devlin's Advocate
The Day the Cursed Earth Stood Still
The Murd Man of Alcatraz
Mad Max Normal
Picnic at Hanging Drokk
Ben Hur, Hur, Hur
Look Who?'s Talking
The Devlin's Advocate
Judge Death in Venice
and, of course, Bring Me the Dredd of Alfredo Garcia


Now, it's over to you. I'll be awarding points for the best answers - and we all know what points mean, right? Drokk all, that's what. Okay then, get on with it...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: sheridan 01 July, 2018, 07:51:48 PM
Mega-City Crescent!  Oh, sorry - wrong round ;-)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 July, 2018, 07:59:40 PM
We'll have a go at Mornington Rad Pit later - if you're good...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 01 July, 2018, 08:05:22 PM
McGruder vs. McGruder
Judge Death In Venice
Paint Your H-Wagon
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Dandontdare 01 July, 2018, 09:18:28 PM
Judge Death in Venice

Judge Death In Venice

Bzzzz - Repetition!

Oh wait, that's a different game
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 July, 2018, 09:28:04 PM

Commando Clergy rules are in effect.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 01 July, 2018, 09:51:27 PM
Oops. Missed that, it was a long sharklist!  :-X

And...
One Day of Chaos
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Clinic
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Resyk But Were Afraid To Ask
They Shoot Perps, Don't They?
Meet The Drokkers

 
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Jim_Campbell 01 July, 2018, 10:33:07 PM
Stickleback Mountain, surely?
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: M.I.K. 01 July, 2018, 11:18:00 PM
Resyko (I know it's already been done)
Forrest Sump
On The Walter Front
Some Like It Grot
To Kill A Drokking Bird
The Grud-U-Ate
Troggy Balboa
UnFergieven
Mutie Knee On The Bounty, (which surely must have been used in a Strontium Dog story at some point?)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 01 July, 2018, 11:20:37 PM
Resyko (I know it's already been done)

Recycling is encouraged.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: rogue69 01 July, 2018, 11:28:55 PM
All's quiet on the East Meg Front
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: von Boom 02 July, 2018, 01:02:46 AM
Definitely, P.J. Maybe
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 08:51:09 AM
Total Rico.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 02 July, 2018, 10:09:54 AM
Apocalypse War Now
The Green Kneepad
The Third Kneepad
Terms of Encubement
My Fair Kneepad
My Beautiful Kneepad
and
Rebel Without A Kneepad
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 10:31:46 AM
The Cannonball Hot-Dog Run
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 10:35:53 AM
The Shape Of Walter
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Modern Panther 02 July, 2018, 11:08:42 AM
Strontium Dog day afternoon
The Mutants Christmas Carol
WALL-TER
Harvey (Rotten)
Munce 2 Society
the Dead Man Walking
Pendulum and the Pit
Eustace Fargo

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Hawkmumbler 02 July, 2018, 11:13:07 AM
The Euro-City Connection
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 12:16:09 PM
Romancing The Stoneyface
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Frank 02 July, 2018, 12:52:49 PM
Total Rico.

Winner.


: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Lobo Baggins 02 July, 2018, 03:27:26 PM
Club Dredd

Dredd Sonia

Three Colours: Dredd

Waugh & Peace

True Grot

Song of the Southers

Zragnet

Sex and the City of the Damned

Zombo the Greek

Sump and Sumpability

In Like Finn

Pest Side Story

Great Sneckspectations

Fifty Shades of Slay (he didn't think it too many...)

Fifty Slades of Grey
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 03:35:54 PM
The Golden Judge Child
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 03:41:28 PM
The Judges of Madison County
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 03:44:39 PM
The Drokky Horror Picture Show
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 03:46:39 PM
8 Dredds in a Duffel Bag
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Tjm86 02 July, 2018, 04:30:02 PM
Apocalypse WarGames
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 04:40:42 PM
How I Won The Apocalypse War
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 04:41:38 PM
Death Becomes Hershey
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 04:45:56 PM
Bill & Dredd's Megcellent Adventure
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Hawkmumbler 02 July, 2018, 05:22:13 PM
Assault on Sector House 13
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: sheridan 02 July, 2018, 05:25:48 PM
The World According to Garp
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 02 July, 2018, 05:26:31 PM
Apologies for any repetitions - my memory is fallible:

Paris, Texas City
Crazy in Alabama Blimps
A Starborn Thing is Born
There Will Be Blackblood
Star Trek: Nemesis the Warlock
Ro-Jaws 3-D
Mazeworld Runner
Mean Arena Girls
Mad Max Normal 2: The ABC Road Warrior
Button Man II: The Confessions of Harry Potter
The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttonman
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 02 July, 2018, 05:52:08 PM
Al's Baby Driver
When Harry Twenty Met Sally
Harlem Heroes Nights
Armoured Gideon's Trumpet
Bad City Big Blue
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Battalion Across the 8th Dimension
V for the Bendatti Vendatta

Uhm...
Unamerican Graffiti
Shaun Of The Dead: There's Something About Mary
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Lobo Baggins 02 July, 2018, 05:57:30 PM
The Incredibly Strange Creature That Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombo.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 02 July, 2018, 06:24:53 PM
This is way too much fun...

Some Like It Hotdog Run
The Wizard of Oz
Judge Dredd: The Deer Hunters Club
13 Angry Men
The Disturbed Digestions Of Doctor Zhivago
The Stainless Steel Rat For All The President's Men
Strontium Dog Day Afternoon
Reservoir Strontium Dogs
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: CalHab 02 July, 2018, 06:35:29 PM
Things to do in Denver When You’re Dredd
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Lobo Baggins 02 July, 2018, 06:42:03 PM
All Quiet on the Chris Weston Front.

Moulin Rogue!
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 02 July, 2018, 06:59:29 PM
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Tyranny Rex But Were Afraid To Ask
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 07:58:42 PM
Rita, Sue and Gestapo Bob too.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 02 July, 2018, 08:03:17 PM
Dreddy Player One
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 02 July, 2018, 08:03:42 PM
Dances With Wulfs
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 02 July, 2018, 08:11:45 PM
I Heartses Huckabees
Stickleback to the Future
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Lobo Baggins 02 July, 2018, 08:28:27 PM
Bad Company of Wulfs.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 02 July, 2018, 09:52:26 PM
Dante Look Now
Nikolai's Wide Shut
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 02 July, 2018, 10:21:16 PM
We seem to be straying from the Dredd theme, not that I care. Nor should anyone, really.

The Andersons of Katie Elder
Justice One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
In the Line of Judge Fire
Kleggend
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Rackle 02 July, 2018, 11:16:39 PM
Nemesister Act
Attack of the Block
It's a Bug (Ugly)'s Life
The Hand that Rocked the Cradlegrave
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: sheridan 02 July, 2018, 11:51:24 PM
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: sheridan 03 July, 2018, 12:03:25 AM
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Mister Pops 03 July, 2018, 12:03:58 AM
Flesh Gordon
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Rackle 03 July, 2018, 12:06:14 AM
Look Who's Torquemada
Strontium Dog Soldiers
The (Iso)Cube
The Color Perp-le
Mutie on the Bounty
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Taryn Tailz 03 July, 2018, 01:09:56 AM
The Simping Detective...oh, wait...
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: sheridan 03 July, 2018, 02:22:05 AM
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 03 July, 2018, 07:23:55 AM
Thank Grud that's over. Some of those entries made me feel quite ill, so it seems appropriate to follow it up with a game of Prog Nosis, where contestants describe injuries, illnesses and diseases peculiar to 2000AD readers.

Maladies may include such distressing conditions as:
Twooth decay - storing your progs in a damp cellar
Twooth cavity - a gap in your collection
Samnesia - forgetting all about Slade
Nemecysts - boils on your warlocks
and Tyrannosores - blisters caused by reading Flesh too quickly

Points will be awarded for something or other and the winner will receive this must-have addition to every Squaxx's first aid kit, a 2 litre cask of Judge Palomine Lotion.

Simple as that, so - get on with it, you sick drokkers...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 03 July, 2018, 09:03:58 AM
The Screaming Abnett-Dabs - compulsion to pun
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 03 July, 2018, 11:20:00 AM
Mandroid Flu - so much worse than regular 'flu. If you're a machine to start with
Skizzophrenia - when you see a weird Spielberg version of yourself and conclude multiple personality disorder
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 03 July, 2018, 12:39:44 PM
Kleptomania - stealing characters from other comics
Thargrophobia - can't leave home without wearing a mask
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: sheridan 03 July, 2018, 01:14:39 PM
Aggrophobia - fear or hatred of going to the Aggro Dome
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: I, Cosh 03 July, 2018, 01:24:05 PM
Fargophobia - Hatred of boring stories determined to fill every conceivable remaining detail of a world which has gone unexplained for forty years.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: M.I.K. 03 July, 2018, 02:46:59 PM
Deep vein Zombosis.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Dandontdare 03 July, 2018, 02:57:55 PM
haemordroids - painful anal condition from spending too long sitting at a drawing board
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Dandontdare 03 July, 2018, 03:00:50 PM
Terror-Tubercolosis - fear of driving in Termight
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 03 July, 2018, 04:03:08 PM
Trench Future Shock Syndrome - fear of rejection
Kid-Knee Failure - losing the head completely
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 03 July, 2018, 04:51:40 PM
Halotosis - breath so bad, people keep telling you to "go out"
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: M.I.K. 03 July, 2018, 04:56:24 PM
Walter on the brain
Quinched nerve
Sumps
Trooping cough
Indigoing toenail
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 03 July, 2018, 06:30:00 PM
Dryrunoea: a particularly painful 12-week illness
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: sheridan 03 July, 2018, 08:13:16 PM
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 03 July, 2018, 08:18:17 PM
Schicklgruber cell anemia.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 03 July, 2018, 08:21:21 PM
Psichosis: the illusory belief that you're a psi-judge
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 06 July, 2018, 05:32:57 PM
Well, I honestly can't express how inspiring that was. All the points for this round go to Tordelback for having the good sense to avoid getting involved.

The Father of 2000AD, Pat Mills is responsible for some of the comic's most memorable and popular strips from MACH 1, Shako, Slaine, Savage and Flesh to Greysuit, Nemesis the Warlock, Defoe and the ABC Warriors, which included such iconic characters as General Blackblood - of whom it is rumoured Tony Blair was a fan. A soulless and duplicitous automaton programmed with a pathological love of total war, torture and drinking the blood of his countless victims, Tony Blair served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1997 to 2007.

To honour Uncle Pat's love of music, it's time for a round of Pat Mills's Songbook, where contestants suggest songs likely to appeal to the Man Himself.

Titles might include such classics as:
It's Hammerstein Time
Another One Bites the Rust
Axe Me in the Morning
Old One Eye is Back
Penny Slaine
and Fleshdance

No points for this round, obviously, but the winner will receive a sealed box of pure darkness. It's as simple as that, so get on with it, if you want...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 06 July, 2018, 07:21:37 PM
Sleep when I'm Deadlock
Put A Grobbendonk On It
Don't Fear The American Reaper
Let It Be (pure, Be Vigilant, BEHAVE)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 06 July, 2018, 09:23:00 PM
Accidents Will Happen, Man
Ballad of a Finn Man
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Dandontdare 06 July, 2018, 09:32:53 PM
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: von Boom 07 July, 2018, 01:21:10 AM
Big Trouble in Little Meg One.
Fast Times at the Academy of Law.
Rex Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Mardroid 07 July, 2018, 05:48:57 PM
Flesh Gordon

I suspect this might have been done at some point*, although it likely had nothing to do with 2000ad.

*Not speaking from experience.

**No, honest!
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 08 July, 2018, 06:40:47 AM
(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51V3FYGKCNL._SY445_.jpg)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 08 July, 2018, 10:30:53 AM


Well, that was fun.

Moving swiftly along, the time has come for the Twoothy Limericks Round. On the radio, the chairman presents the first line and the contestants complete the Limericks a line at a time, each contestant providing one line each until the poem is completed to rapturous applause and wild laughter from the panel. But who's got time for that, right?

In our version, I'll provide five first lines and it's up to you to build a complete Limerick from the first line, or lines, of your choice. This is a Zero Sum round, meaning that all points will be donated to Virgin Trains in the vain hope that they'll get their act together before the Rapture.

The five first lines are:
Whilst reading Prog One in my bed...
As Bill Savage climbed into his truck...
Tharg went to Quaxxan for Lent...
The perp who sniffed Anderson's bike...
Johnny Alpha, while out on a hunt...

That should keep you busy for a bit, so get on with it while I go for a slash...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: IAMTHESYSTEM 08 July, 2018, 10:46:35 AM
Whilst reading Prog One in my Bed,
A Heatseeker round hit me in the head,
The Judges surmised,
from my Twoothy joyride,
that some Zine readers are better off dead.
BOOM! BOOM!
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: IAMTHESYSTEM 08 July, 2018, 11:28:37 AM
As Bill Savage climbed into his truck,
He discovered the steering wheel stuck,
But the truck then reversed,
And through a Minefield traversed, 
Now Bill's the one riding his luck.


: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 11 July, 2018, 09:07:08 PM
Food has always played a big part in 2000AD. Who can forget the memorable scenes where Judge Dredd and a cadet on final assessment shared a hottie on the slab or Nicolai Dante got his tongue around unfeasible quantities of tuna?

In this round, The Salad of Halo Jones, contestants are invited to suggest meals, snacks or other foodstuffs that might be of interest to 2000AD readers or characters.

I'd give some examples but I can't be arsed. Anyway, you can figure this out without my help, so get on with it...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: IAMTHESYSTEM 11 July, 2018, 09:51:27 PM
Judge Bread?

Strontium Hotdog?
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 11 July, 2018, 10:32:48 PM
Angel Delight
Ma-Ma-Mite
Klegg of Lamb
Devlined Eggs
Judge Death by Chocolate
Bonjo Bons
High Rock Cakes
Blackblood Pudding
Oreo-Jaws
Joe Pineapples Chunks
DeMarcoroons
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 12 July, 2018, 07:50:20 AM
Sherbet dib dabnetts
Wolfie Smith's crisps
Robo Hunter's Pie
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: DaveGYNWA 12 July, 2018, 08:25:30 AM
PB&J Maybe
Mayor Byron Ambrosia Creamed Rice
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: AlexF 12 July, 2018, 09:17:36 AM
Scrambled Kleggs
Boil-in-the-Bagman rice
Spam-o in a Kano
Indigo Prime rib
Vienna, neice-oise of Dredd salad
Filet-o-Judge Fish
Dan Dare-ylea triangles
Random Lobster bisque
Blackblood pudding
Johnny Alphabetti Spaghetti

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 12 July, 2018, 01:54:38 PM
Love this thread... The big W will be mining this for years to come  :-X
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Dandontdare 12 July, 2018, 04:15:10 PM
DR & Quiche
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 14 July, 2018, 06:52:52 AM

And so, as the Nu Earth wormhole approaches the nebula of Thrill Power and the Biro of the Mighty Wagner penetrates the soft and intimate core of Button Man, I see it's almost time to put aside this silliness for the time being. We'll be back later for some more pointless antics when I, or hopefully somebody else, can be bothered think up some new games.

Until then, Tharg's delightful sister, Marg, and I will be reorganising my collection of Megazines. I'll be bagging the Megs themselves while Marg handles my floppies.

But first, there's just time for a game of Star Scams, in which contestants are invited to introduce us to the vacuous media personalities of the future, people who will entertain and amuse the citizens of such places as Mega City One, The Hoop and Termight.

Such luminaries may include the likes of:

Gorgon Ramsey - celebrity chef who takes only the finest ingredients and reduces them to small lumps of solid charcoal
Leonardo Cohen - celebrity inventor who sings mournful dirges about wooden helicopters
Bruise Willis - actor who made a career out of annoying judges
and... Oh, what's the point.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 07 October, 2018, 08:19:58 PM
Okay, so that went well.

How about a round of sci-fi limericks? I'll kick us off with...

Randy old Captain James T.,
With an alien girl on each knee,
Went to boldly explore,
Where we've all been before,
And went blind due to Klingon V.D.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 08 October, 2018, 06:47:48 PM

Captain Archer of the NX-01,
Had a space age pot to sit on,
It sucked and it buffed,
Played the theme tune when flushed,
And wrapped the captain's logs up in fine chiffon.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 08 October, 2018, 07:22:36 PM

Voyager's captain, Kat Janeway,
Had a voice that came out in a strange way,
Like a wasp in a hose,
It buzzed out through her nose,
And made sense in a kind of insane way.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 08 October, 2018, 07:38:37 PM

Balding old Captain Jean Luc,
Had a todger shaped quite like a hook,
"I can straighten it out!"
Was Beverly's shout,
But she couldn't and buggered her nook.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 08 October, 2018, 07:53:29 PM

Space station Captain Ben Sisko,
Decided to open a disco,
The DJ was Morn,
The doorman a gorn,
In the Starfleet latrine, San Francisco.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 13 October, 2018, 04:53:50 PM

Whilst browsing Defiant's data base,
Empress Sato found something quite ace,
Like the rest of her crew,
You'll like it too,
Just point your mouse at  this place! (http://www.bennewsam.co.uk/ISIHAC.html)

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 16 October, 2018, 06:40:13 AM
Okay, I think we can count this as an Irrevocable Breakdown, so well done to the teams.

The scores have reached an extremely interesting stage and so, in an effort to counteract such a thing, how about announcements for late arrivals the Command Centre Ball? To kick off -

Pray sprinkle salt onto your dampened napkins and welcome Mr and Mrs Twars and their daughter, Ann.

Reel it in and welcome Mr and Mrs Raldisle and their daughter, Emma.

Hold onto your valuables as we welcome Mr and Mrs Culback and their son, Ste.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 16 October, 2018, 12:47:21 PM

Please be upstanding and mind your heads for Mr and Mrs Goprime and their adventurous son, Indy.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 16 October, 2018, 12:52:43 PM

Ladies and gentlemen, kindly cower behind the furniture and welcome Mr and Mrs Seawarriors and their daughter, Abbey.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 16 October, 2018, 04:47:53 PM
Pray be upstanding for Mrs Mills and her son.... no, er, that not how it works is it?
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 16 October, 2018, 09:11:03 PM

32 points for trying but minus 58 for content, which puts you in a virtually unassailable lead.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Frank 16 October, 2018, 10:15:29 PM

All the way from France, please be upstanding for her honour, Judge Delors, and her Israeli husband, Chaim

Representing the Danish Kingdom, Ambassador Whett, accompanied by her son, Gert

And in a change to our schedule, welcome newsagents Anne Orbit & Everett Monday


: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 October, 2018, 06:15:38 AM

[sfx] Audience applause. [/sfx]


: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 October, 2018, 12:18:06 PM

Pray don your complementary helmets and kneepads as I present to you, from Ireland, Mr and Mrs O'Citywun and their rather rough daughter, Meg - accompanied by her cur, Sturth.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: TordelBack 17 October, 2018, 12:34:06 PM
With negative scores like this, it's no wonder Samantha has to amuse herself by constantly rubbing them out. 


(Flippin' great link there BTW, Sharky!)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 October, 2018, 02:50:27 PM

Samantha has been aiding me with this thread, being more than happy to share her tips and give me a helping hand behind the scenes, doing her best to make each post stand out and deftly ensuring all our games achieve a happy ending.

(It's a good link, innit? Jack's good but Humph will never be beat. It's also a joy listening to the likes of Willie Rushton again after far too many years.)

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 October, 2018, 04:49:53 PM

All the way from Africa, Mr and Mrs Zintuthefistofdredd and their daughter, Gay.

(Well, if you won't post your own I'm afraid this is the standard you're going to get.)

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 October, 2018, 05:02:27 PM

Swallow your rad-pills now and welcome, from the Cursed Earth, Mr and Mrs Gwalk and their retiring son, Lon.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 October, 2018, 05:15:19 PM

Hide the oil and welcome Mr and Mrs E. Kenneth and their son, Callum.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 October, 2018, 05:36:36 PM

You knew they were coming - it's Mr and Mrs Division and their creepy son, Si.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 18 October, 2018, 06:33:45 AM

Mr and Mrs Tayters-O'Zragg and their son (all together, now), Dick.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 18 October, 2018, 06:49:37 AM

Leaving the door in splinters, it's Mr and Mrs Juan and their son, Mack.

And finally, at my own personal invitation, please dry your trews and be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Preciateyourinput and their needy daughter, Ida.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 20 October, 2018, 11:45:46 AM
but you're doing so well...
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 20 October, 2018, 11:49:09 AM

It is nice out, but put it away and welcome Mr and Mrs Andra... and their psychic daughter Cass
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 20 October, 2018, 12:24:06 PM
but you're doing so well...

I must admit, I am enjoying playing with by myself. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts I've still to score.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 20 October, 2018, 12:30:48 PM

My lords, ladies and gentlemen, pray don your chem masks and welcome Mr and Mrs Eticinfantryman and their daughter, Jen.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 20 October, 2018, 04:02:18 PM
Gentlemen, slip into your diamanté slingback and welcome Mr and Mrs Apples, and their exquisitely coutured child Joepine.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 23 October, 2018, 07:06:25 AM

Raise your glasses and unfurl the tarpaulin for Mr and Mrs Aws and their grotty son, Roj.

And hide the nails before welcoming Mr and Mrs Merstein and their son, Ham.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 23 October, 2018, 07:16:07 AM

Samantha has been giving lessons on Mornington Crescent recently which my next door neighbour's son, young Jimmy Bates and I have been attending. Though most of the students are doing well, me and young Jimmy just don't seem to be getting the hang of it. This frustrates Samantha, who moans at me and Master Bates constantly in front of the whole class.

So, let's have a quick game of Mornington Crescent using Prog Rules (which mean, as I'm sure you all know, that Green has to be east and diagonals only count alternately (in 1,3,5 pattern) when clockwise gambits are employed).

Who wants to go first...?

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: TordelBack 23 October, 2018, 08:28:50 AM
I'll go. I've been working on Samantha's opening for a while now, and I'm in for a penny: The High Rock.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Rackle 23 October, 2018, 09:09:38 AM
Hmm.... Tricky starter move.
Not sure whether this was in the original or revised Prog Rules but here goes: Palais du Boing
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 23 October, 2018, 09:53:06 AM

Careful now...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 23 October, 2018, 12:42:47 PM
HA! Dan Tanna Junction!
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: TordelBack 23 October, 2018, 12:51:17 PM
You only think that's a good move because it cuts me off from the southern sectors of MC-1 and leaves you with two solid options, Smiley's World and Agartha.  But you've forgotten that in the last-but-one revision for online play the option to skip over blocked junctions was reinstated as long as play goes clockwise, meaning I can get directly to Ravenglade Estate! 
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 23 October, 2018, 12:52:58 PM

Oh, well done - you both successfully avoided Rackle's cunning trap, there.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 23 October, 2018, 03:40:25 PM
In that case, I'll go for gold and play: Glory Barge on the planet Pwuc
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 24 October, 2018, 02:44:44 PM
(https://media3.giphy.com/media/QiHPiQ552YJe8/giphy.gif?cid=3640f6095bd076cd5061736e4decb672)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 24 October, 2018, 06:25:47 PM

Meme Foul! Go back to The Hoop and miss a turn.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 30 October, 2018, 04:11:20 PM
can I come off the naughty step now?
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 30 October, 2018, 04:37:21 PM

So long as you move yellow countersnatch or north/south, yes. Be careful, though - I've had a lot of pms complaining that the game's in stump but this is not so. There are at least three possible moves that can be made from this point - though none of them is obvious.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 31 October, 2018, 01:56:43 PM
Short cut through Otto Sump's emporium to.... Mornington Crescent!
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 31 October, 2018, 02:46:17 PM
Thank God for that.

(For those of you who are interested, the Blue Team have some points, as do the Harlem Heroes and Side B - so it's all delicately poised at the moment.)


Now, how about a round of Twoothy media club? Books, songs, ditties, magazines, films, tv series and games that might appeal to 2000AD readers.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 31 October, 2018, 03:09:40 PM
Dreddy player one?
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 31 October, 2018, 03:11:23 PM
bring me the Dredd of Alfredo Garcia
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 31 October, 2018, 03:11:59 PM
gaze into the Fist of Fury
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 31 October, 2018, 04:45:40 PM

Doctor Hoop.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 31 October, 2018, 04:46:47 PM

M.A.C.H. to the Future.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: CalHab 01 November, 2018, 08:10:30 AM
A Matter of Low Life and Judge Death
I Know Where I'm Boing!
Tales of Bachmann
Black Narcis-shuck

I've been re-watching Powell & Pressburger films recently.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 01 November, 2018, 12:42:31 PM
Ro-jaws and Hammerstien's .... hold on a minute... how about the meknificent seve.... forget it.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 November, 2018, 12:49:05 PM

The Cruel A.B.C.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: DaveGYNWA 01 November, 2018, 04:57:57 PM
Now, how about a round of Twoothy media club? Books, songs, ditties, magazines, films, tv series and games that might appeal to 2000AD readers.

PSI Miami
PSI NY
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 01 November, 2018, 05:43:49 PM
The Snecksorcist.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 01 November, 2018, 05:46:31 PM
A View to a Thrill
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 November, 2018, 06:08:00 PM

The Empire Strikes M.A.C.H.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 November, 2018, 06:27:08 PM

The Long Good Fr1day.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Woolly 01 November, 2018, 06:50:53 PM
Rita, Sue, and Gestapo Bob too.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 November, 2018, 06:58:14 PM

Doctor Kenny Who?

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Dandontdare 01 November, 2018, 07:11:20 PM
A few Nerve Centre favourites:

We Have to Talk About Kevin O'Neill
The Burt Locker
Who TomFramed Roger Rabbit
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 01 November, 2018, 07:32:34 PM

The Bolland That Time Forgot.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: DaveGYNWA 02 November, 2018, 09:48:14 AM
Rogue Troopers
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: CalHab 02 November, 2018, 10:14:21 AM
Ridgway on the River Kwai
Abnett of the Apes
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 02 November, 2018, 10:23:13 AM
The Unbearable Lightness of Boing (tm)
To The Doghouse
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Fungus 03 November, 2018, 12:53:32 AM
My Ottobiography
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 03 November, 2018, 06:09:58 AM

Sump Enchanted Evening.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: CalHab 05 November, 2018, 08:15:19 AM
True Grice
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: CalHab 05 November, 2018, 08:27:33 AM
The Day the Cursed Earth Stood Still
Attack the Sov Block
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 10 November, 2018, 12:54:30 PM

Well, this is certainly the thread that keeps on giving, even when nobody wants it.

The next game is sure to be a classic. This one, however, isn't. In "Big Meg Excuses," a citizen tries to explain himself to a judge. I'll start off with the judge's line, the next poster will think up an excuse, the poster after that will give the judge's response, the next poster will give the judge's reply and the poster after that will write the judge's response until we reach a satisfactory conclusion or the whole thing falls apart in the usual fashion.

So, while I take Samantha aside to go over a couple of points, here's the first line:

Judge: Citizen! What are you doing with that cold hottie?

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 10 November, 2018, 12:56:45 PM
Or, more accurately, judge, citizen, judge, citizen, judge, citizen, judge and so on.


Judge: Citizen! What are you doing with that
cold hottie?

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 12 November, 2018, 11:20:33 AM
But Judge thats not a cold Hottie its a...
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 12 November, 2018, 11:32:53 PM
...giant vibrator!

...illegal cigar!

...severely mutated child!

Ah, I give up.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 13 November, 2018, 06:22:15 AM
That's the spirit!

Next up is a game of Good News, Bad News where posters alternate between good news and bad news then good news and bad news again, each building on or extrapolating from the last in an inexorable chain.

For example:

Good news - Samantha went swimming.
Bad news - she was charged for the hire of water wings.
Good news - I was allowed to blow them up.
Bad news - they were real water wings and not an innuendo.
And so on.

So, who wants to start us off with the Good News?

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 13 November, 2018, 02:48:44 PM
Good news: Judge Dredd is feeling relaxed after his standard ten.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 14 November, 2018, 02:54:40 PM

Bad news: it was ten executions.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: TordelBack 14 November, 2018, 03:31:19 PM
Good news: The executions all involved being punched off a conveyor belt into molten lava.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: JayzusB.Christ 14 November, 2018, 05:30:05 PM
Arf!
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 14 November, 2018, 06:53:26 PM
Bad news: just like in Inferno, the perps were immune to molten lava!
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: JayzusB.Christ 14 November, 2018, 07:22:28 PM
Good news: the judges gave one of them, a Sov spy, a rare immunity jab so he could stay alive to be executed later.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 17 November, 2018, 04:19:33 PM
BAD NEWS: he was a Sov Dredd clone
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 17 November, 2018, 05:19:38 PM

Good news: so he ended up nuking himself.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 19 November, 2018, 07:57:27 AM

I very nearly enjoyed that and it's made no difference to the scores.

Now for a game of The Last Thing I Remember in which participants recall the last thing they remember before waking up in med-bay. For example, saying, "yes, Nicolai, I'd love to go out for a quiet drink with you."

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: TordelBack 19 November, 2018, 01:08:01 PM
"It's okay Lob honey, since Brexit us high-powered models are perfectly legal".
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: JayzusB.Christ 19 November, 2018, 04:57:19 PM
'Drive the tank over those bars of soap, Comrade.'
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 19 November, 2018, 04:59:56 PM

...telling Tharg where he was going wrong.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Dandontdare 19 November, 2018, 05:15:42 PM
...asking pat Mills to explain his philosophy ... wait, how long was I in that coma?
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: JayzusB.Christ 19 November, 2018, 06:02:29 PM
'All judges strip to the waist and get digging that tunnel.'
'...I said ALL judges.'
(Thinks: 'JESUS, IT'S WORKED!')
(Faints due to sudden redirection of blood flow.)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Frank 19 November, 2018, 07:14:23 PM

'What it was, Doctor, was I'd just got out the bath and the floor was slippy. My Karl Urban doll was on display on a low shelf and  ...  Sorry? Oh yes, that's spelt jee-oh-aye ...'

(https://i.imgur.com/20qGFUR.png?1)


: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 20 November, 2018, 03:08:12 PM

"Hello Mr Urban. To be honest, I preferred Stallone's version."

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: TordelBack 20 November, 2018, 03:11:32 PM
"Gene old man, you're getting quite aggressive, I think it's time we got you fixed".
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 20 November, 2018, 03:16:49 PM
Wulf, where would you this happy stick?... yes Doctor that is a cucumber  :-[
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 26 November, 2018, 09:03:08 PM

"Ah, Judge Dredd. Is that a daystick or are just pleased to..."

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 26 November, 2018, 10:12:01 PM
Atomic. Bacterial. Chemical?  More like Arseholes. Bi...
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 07 December, 2018, 08:16:35 PM

It's always good to finish games on a high, but we can't wait that long so it's time to move on.

How about a game of Starship Crew's Media Club? Films, songs and books likely to be of interest to the crews of spaceships, like:

A Nightmare on Helm Street
Warp of the Worlds
Warbird on a Wire
The Lightyear of Living Dangerously
A Battlestar is Born

And so on.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Frank 07 December, 2018, 08:54:01 PM

The Unbearable Lightness Of Boing

Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Meltdown Man

The Satanic Verdus



: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Frank 07 December, 2018, 09:11:57 PM

Only read your titles and misinterpreted the brief. Never mind.


: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 07 December, 2018, 11:47:06 PM

No problem - nobody reads this thread anyway so all contributions are welcome!

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Rackle 10 December, 2018, 08:26:33 PM
Does "TIE Fight Club" count? [/scraping the barrel for ideas]
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 10 December, 2018, 08:33:19 PM

It's at least as good as 'X-Wing, Lies and Video Tape."

And for pervie Alien fans, Debbie Does Dallas.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 11 December, 2018, 12:45:33 PM
Deathstar becomes her...
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 11 December, 2018, 12:47:26 PM
Bring me the horsehead nebula of Alfredo Garcia
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: JayzusB.Christ 11 December, 2018, 05:41:58 PM
Lock, Spock and Two Smoking Barrels.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 11 December, 2018, 07:02:40 PM
Serenity
Battlestar Galactica
Star Trek


Wait ... I'm missing something, aren't I?
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 11 December, 2018, 07:24:53 PM
There Will Be Flood
Citizen Kano
The Gorn, the Borg and the Ugly
The Usual Silurians
12 Angry Mon Calamari
Once Upon a Time in The Western Spiral Arm
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: JayzusB.Christ 11 December, 2018, 09:49:44 PM
O Brother Where Oort Thou.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 12 December, 2018, 02:35:53 PM
Star Wars.... no wait...
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 12 December, 2018, 03:48:12 PM
Unborgiven.
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Rackle 12 December, 2018, 06:27:15 PM
The Hunt for Red Dwarf October
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 12 December, 2018, 06:44:17 PM
Lord of the Things (From Another Planet)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 12 December, 2018, 07:07:37 PM
Where Eagle (Transporters) Dare
The Golden Voyager of Sinbad
Worf of the Worlds
Luke Who's Talking
Nerf Herder John Wick (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MrnAJsxL8c)
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 13 December, 2018, 01:40:35 AM
The Han That Rocks the Cradle
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 13 December, 2018, 07:21:32 PM
The Quark Knight Rises
Winter's Bones: He's Dead, Jim!
10 The Things I Hate About You
50 First Daleks
Bender's Game
A River Song Runs Through It
Gorn With The Wind
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 20 December, 2018, 04:41:24 PM

Outstanding.

We could go on but, unfortunately, Samantha will be unable to help me get the posters' points up for the rest of the year because she's meeting with a film producer who's holding a part for her. He says he expects her to make it big.

And so, as the psychologically challenged actor of 2018 steps into the end of year lobby of Scientology and the Wallet of Fools is prised open by the Spirit of Hubbards Past, we'll end the year with a game of Mornington Crescent.

To make it interesting (because nothing's worked so far), we'll be playing Sheldon's Geekorama Variation with the 2000AD Expansion Pack, so anything is possible except for the impossible and stargates, wormholes and transdimensional warps are wild unless a player is in nid, in which case avoiding crossovers becomes academic and back-tracking will only work on alternate diagonals.

As it's the end of the year, there will be a prize - it's this limited edition luxury leather bound cow.

Right then, I'll resurrect this thread next year, despite popular demand, so - off you go...

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Funt Solo 21 December, 2018, 04:38:04 AM
Muhammad Ali Alley
: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: The Legendary Shark 24 December, 2018, 07:45:07 PM

Perdido Street.

: Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Prog
: Proudhuff 08 January, 2019, 03:00:32 PM
Well that went well...

Darn Tooting Bec