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Messages - Buttonman

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Megazine / Re: Meg420 Down on the farm
« on: 20 May, 2020, 09:58:24 AM »

No letters page Buttman!

The last Dreddlines was in Meg 404 - I'd be more surprised if there was one. Sad times.

General / Re: Ultimate Not Wagner Tournament (self-absorbed remix)
« on: 14 May, 2020, 07:43:54 PM »
Bollocks I'm a numb nut.

Stephen Watson (of Paisley)

as he's lost his place in the competition.

Please forgive me you fine example of a man and a writer.

Oh FFS - this is why my ears have been burning - sorry Head & Shoulders complaints department.

If I mentioned that I'd actually appeared in 102 issues would that help? (Reader Profile and Editor mention).

I am happy to put my oeuvre up against many of the greats - bring on 'Invasion 1990' and 'Death Planet' (original only).

Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 09 May, 2020, 06:56:16 PM »
El Sloano in 19th place has written the same number of letters as the two people in joint 20th place.

The deliberate 'Persian flaw' inserted into the table has served its purpose - proof that someone actually reads this!

Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 08 May, 2020, 02:00:53 PM »
Matron! Give my my crayons back now! This has gone on too long!

Yes, your seemingly inexorable fall down the charts must be a cause for concern...

Strange that despite covering 37 scribes not one lady has made the list! Wonder why?!

Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 06 May, 2020, 07:45:20 AM »
oooh, get you letters man with your fancypants '90s-level google image graphics! Somebody's got too much time on their hands.


Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 05 May, 2020, 07:23:08 PM »

Annnd we’re back. Apologies for our caption there - the work experience boy was told not to give the text to the animator whilst wearing his anti-viral mask. Still we’re all keeping well - to be fair we at the Letters Beast have been practising social distancing for a long time before it became fashionable.

It’s been nearly 2 months since we last spoke with the last letters event appearing way back in Prog 2172. These are trying times of course but that’s no excuse. Maybe Tharg got confused about viruses and shut down both his computer and letter box?

Anyway we have a full roster of six letters in Prog 2180 fro the old and the new so let’s dive in…

First up is middle distance runner from the 80’s Peter Elliott of Waterlooville - like the tash.

There have been five Elliotts to grace the Beast with none coming back for a second visit. Our favourite is Sinclair Elliott whose ‘Judge Kylie’ graced Prog 593. Peter is from Waterlooville which is a market town in Hampshire, near Portsmouth. Peter can claim to be the third person with a letter from this town following in the footsteps of the wonderfully named Troy Doyle (Meg 110/V3.7) and Evan Brice (Prog 871). Who’s got too much time on his hands?! Not this blog!

Peter has been reading the Prog since the halcyon days of September 2019 and he’s loving it. His letter does predate the return of ‘Sinister Dexter’ however, so that may change. It’s a jolly, upbeat offering and possibly worthy of  the ‘Letter of the Week’ laurels, in these dark days. Possibly, but not really.

Gee Whiz - next up it’s old hand Gareth Gee of Beeston who makes a bee line for the first column of the page.

Gareth gets his 11th score here and its his 10th in the Prog. He first appeared in Prog 470 in 1986 and his career, and it is a career, has seen two ‘Letters of the Week’. This score sees him up to 31st on the all time scorers list, and he once lived in Radford where ‘Rok of the Reds’ comes from.

Gareth gives a positive overview of all Tharg’s offerings including the Cor!! Special which we though was a bit juvenile. We prefer ‘Krazy’. His letter is enthusiastic and as ‘Tharg bait’ it certainly did its job.

Another new man next in the shape of Ian James of Shrewsbury. Despite an uncommon sounding name Ian is the first of his kind to see print although we did get Ian Barrs-James of India in Prog 352 and Eon James of Leicester in Prog 987.

Ian’s is a small but perfectly formed missive that thanks Tharg for his efforts. Fair play and he says ‘Wow’ regarding Hershey. He doesn’t expand so whether he’s talking about her sad death or her rather sudden resurrection; we’re not clear. Wonder how he’ll take her now that she’s two limbs down?

Tipping point letter award goes to Richard Hall of Sheffield.

Almost interestingly this is the 100th letter to come from Sheffield across all of The Beast’s 10,561 entries. The man who works the filters is off, so we can’t tell you who has the most but it isn’t Richard, as this is his first. Unless there is a 100 way tie, obviously.

Richard has got his priorities all wrong and simpers on about babies and neglecting his Prog reading duties - come on man, get a grip! He gives a blast from the recent past and happily Tharg doesn’t go on about thrill receptors ,oh wait he does. At least he doesn’t say things may explode, which never happens with a magazine apart from this Razzle we once found in a hedge…

Old hand Steve Frame of Caithness next with his second of the year (Prog 2165) and 31st overall.

This takes Steve into fourth spot on the all time list - on his own! Eat that 30 letters/5th place Richard Kavanagh. Steve was first sighted in 2004’s Prog 1411 and has a league topping 8 Letters of the week.

Steve flashes his credentials by revealing that he’s read a book - and it isn’t even a ‘Garfield’ one! The Brainiac talks about stuff before giving ‘Sinister Dexter’ a well place boot in the jaffers. Tharg rises above this and refuses to acknowledge the comment in favour of bigging up ‘Survival Geeks’, which is nice of him.

We close with Chris Browning of Todmorden which gives us the chance to use our ‘Browning Version’ line. We haven’t read it but Greta Scacchi was in the film. Lovely, but nothing for the lads in that one - sorry lads.

Todmorden has only a quarter of the population of Waterlooville but also has three heralded scribes in its hall of fame. Step forward Christopher Gill (Prog 469) and Marcus Ward who gave us his ‘Thrill Spasm’ in Prog 525 - I hope he cleaned up after himself.

This is Chris' 14th letter which takes him to the giddy heights of 23rd = on the Beast all time list. He was last seen in Prog 2165, an epic that also saw Steve Frame's entry as noted above!

Chris lauds a Dredd story for being ‘prescient’ - Ah knooo he was gonna say that! Actually Gareth Gee used ‘prescient’ too - if only someone could have foreseen this! Anyway it’s a decent closer but lacking the chuckle we like from the last letter on the page. Like the ‘funny’ bit at the end of the news:

 ‘And finally…there is no cure - Good night!’.

General / Re: The Second Best Future Shock* of All Time…?
« on: 02 May, 2020, 05:35:53 PM »
Candy and the Catchman published in prog 491.

Grant Morrison and John Ridgeway - great world building for a one and done and a fine twist - I was that soldier!

Off Topic / Re: 500 Days of Slimmer - and Some Other Crap Too...
« on: 01 May, 2020, 07:02:40 PM »
Bah! Did you ever start a pointless, self-indulgent thread and then have your weak plans of glory scuppered by a global pandemic? Me too.

Lose Weight : No chances Frances. Resolved to do a 6 month boot camp once I am freed from this bondage. And the lock down. No gym and the snacking, drinking and takeaways are off the scale. Managed to convince myself it's for the good of the nation, so that's good

Update the Lettersentertainyou thread : Done! Well there have been no letters since Prog 2172. I know Tharg is in lock down but has his letterbox been sealed shut too?!

Average 12,500 steps a day : Naw. Getting about 5k in. Only beat 10k once in a month. Do go for a walk most days but probably 3-4 miles at best. Used to walk to this pub in Kilmacolm which was 10 miles away - hardly worth the effort now!

Get 105 Letters Printed : - In a previous (possibly drunken) post I was claiming 101. Sadly it's only 100. I have written in a couple but, as has been recorded, Tharg ain't printing nuffin.

Pass ACII : Hurrah! Passed Strategic Claims Management :

That sucker was budgeted for a year but I saw it off in a month. Good old lock down. Now on 'Marketing Insurance Products' for the prize. I've already completed the three assignments so hopefully this one will be crossed off next month.

Get on TV Again : Nothing happening although quite fancy this 'Beat the Chasers' show - £20k for 40 seconds looks a total gimmie!

Bag 50 Munros in total : No Munros within 1 mile of my house unfortunately.

Well a mixed and largely depressing bag. See you all on June 1st for hopefully the end of lock down, some meaningful progress and maybe even Buttonman ACII.

Stay safe!

Off Topic / Re: Pub Quiz Questions
« on: 19 April, 2020, 11:53:46 AM »
In the song 'Love Shack' what make of car do the B52s have?

In 'Fairy tale of New York' at what price did the horse win at?

Film & TV / Re: That gum you like is going to come back in style -
« on: 18 April, 2020, 12:21:59 AM »
Haha - it was less than a fiver all in and I hear he has wine!

Film & TV / Re: That gum you like is going to come back in style -
« on: 17 April, 2020, 03:55:30 PM »
Cheers for the link - sent one to my brother.

Off Topic / Re: Yes I was away...
« on: 02 April, 2020, 06:22:21 PM »
I think it's correct that sex tourists are quarantined on their return to our fair shores.

Oh, on a different subject I see Tom's back too!

Hope it's OK in your iso-cube we have missed...whatever it is that you offer!

Off Topic / Re: 500 Days of Slimmer - and Some Other Crap Too...
« on: 01 April, 2020, 03:06:43 PM »
Well that's that ruined! God laughs when men make plans. Bit of a holding pattern this month but that will change from now - well tomorrow! 1 year today until I hit the half century.

Lose Weight : Moved house last month and have yet to unpack the scales. I think I'll be static - lack of takeaways and Greggs offset by more wine and comfort eating. Gym shut and lack of steps not helping either. Will make changes from tomorrow!

Update Blogs regularly : Backburner. Concentrated on exams and the overtime. Have been watching old TV shows like 'Sports Night' and 'Britain's Got The Pop Factor'. I'm putting that down to comfort in a time of crisis rather than being lazy.

Update the Lettersentertainyou thread : Success! One letters page saw one review completed and wasn't it a cracker?

Average 12,500 steps a day : The lockdown has kept me at the 5-6000 range for much of the month. The average will suffer after cresting 10k for 13 days in a row.

Get 105 Letters Printed : - Sat at 101 - I imagine letters won't be a priority for a homeworking Tharg even when they should be for National morale!

Pass ACII : Submitted all 3 assignments for 'Strategic Claims Management' a month ago and results are awaited. Should be here by next entry. Already looking at 'Marketing Insurance Products and Services'.

Get on TV Again : Strangely no one is recruiting!

Bag 50 Munros in total : Had a farewell trip to the non Munro status 'The Cobbler' - didn't summit due to snow and laziness.!

Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 10 March, 2020, 05:31:20 PM »
Marvellous! Being a digital subscriber, I haven't got this week's prog yet, and have just read here that I got my letter published! Can't wait until midnight now! (In fact, I'll definitely get a paper copy as well.) How many letters published before they let you have a crack at Dredd? Anyone?

Ooh can we deduce you to be Jim Proctor? In the moment letters feedback! Glad we didn't go for that Harvey Proctor gag! Well done on reaching the top of the heap, for this week at least!

Announcements / Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« on: 09 March, 2020, 11:34:11 PM »

And we’re back. Like the most virulent of viruses we can’t be put down and we’ve been panic buying toilet roll before it became fashionable.

Prog 2172 sees a featst of 6 letters for us to decipher and we better get on with it as Beast Towers is moving across the landing tomorrow. The creaking mainframe may not make it and neither might the laptop. Avenge us both.

We open with Jim Proctor of Bristol who snags his second Beast entry following his 2018 debut in Prog 2101. Jim gets a bit astrophysical and bemoans the poor old Vector 13 Men in Black - we quite liked them! Better than that Grant Morrison offering that’s for sure! Jim gets his first ‘Letter of the Week ‘ plaudits here and it’s a fair offering, with a bit of research and some nostalgia! A winning formula!

Another fledgling writer next in the shape of Rob Kirby from Hitchen. Rob’s debut was more than a decade ago in meg 289 in 2009 and he was previously seen in Prog 1992 in 2016. Little and often will win the race Rob! Well as long as everyone else is wiped out in the plague, that is. Rob says ‘Brink’ is “Without a doubt…the standout feature”. We’ll he’s bang wrong there. We preferred ‘Mean Team’ when Ding-Dong Dooley was in it.

Next up is a potential new scribe in the shape of Michael Colman of Leeds. We did have someone of the same name scoring in Prog 1905 in 2014 but that one was from London. Usual claiming criteria apply Michael - a fiver and it’s yours! Michael is a fan of Zilk and Vex - so are we, but only as Scrabble words!

Simon Gardener of London next who complete a full over of six published letters with this outing. His first was in Prog 2015 in 2017 (confusing) and he was last sighted in Prog 2104 in 2018 (less confusing). Simon is short and sweet (we saw his Tinder profile) and he liked that Dredd ‘Bloopy’ strip. We thought it OK but that latent psi stuff has been done to death.

Old hand Craig Grannell of Hants next and a triumphant result it is as Craig claims 10th spot on the Beast all time list on his own! The long held tie on 24 is finally broken with Craig at last hitting the quarter century after first being printed in Prog 1089 in 1998. He has been prolific lately but has tapered off - 4 in 2017, 3 in 2018, 2 in 2019 and this one in 2020. Break the cycle Craig! Just one to match the dancing doctor Rich Evans on 26. Craig picks some low hanging fruit by praising the ‘Regened ‘ special - but The Gronk? C’mon!

Last up is Phil and Oscar from Burham on Sea. At first we thought it was Oskar of the Norwegian Lego builders but this is a new mine(craft) of excitement. It’s actually not - Minecraft appeared in the Letters page back in Prog 1868 in 2014 with a credit for Jac Ap Harri. A first offering from the Airey crew and a colour picture to boot - good start (if you like that kind of thing).

So, six letters on a nice layout on the inside back page - good job - just need more than one every couple of months please!

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