And we’re back and it’s a big Happy, er, 13th January from all of us here at Beast Towers. Alas normal service was provided by the Royal Mail who decided that two weeks into the New Year was the best time to deliver the Christmas Prog to our eager hands. This one always has letters, not least to allow that Lego man in Norway to parade his wares. Thanks to Simon at the subs department who refunded our money and provided a digital copy the very day before the actual Prog arrived. By this time we’d been fleeced £8.50 for a copy on eBay! The ‘Buttonman Beast’ copy has been returned to the Nerve Centre - hopefully a collector’s piece for some young subber or some potential DNA evidence, if nothing else.
Anyway enough of our Prog locating travails, let’s get right to the slightly stale letters which will be reheated by puns and poor banter.
First up with the Letter of the Week, is familiar face Steev Hopper. Steev will he hopping happy with this, his third top ranked offering and possibly his 10th overall. As all Beast devotees know the 10th offering awards a Beast identifier code but is our ‘Steev’ the same as the ‘Steve Hopper’ of Dublin and Plymouth who has two entries in the Beast codex in Progs 836 and Meg 191? If Steev could present evidence including a note from his parent or guardian we will consider his admission to the Pantheon of Champions.
Steev’s letter is what we in the letters community refer to as a ’shooty in’ . Every letter writer and his dog and his dog’s friend will have sent Tharg a note congratulating him on a near seamless service during the pandemic. Although that did include ‘The Order’ and some questionable postal choices, the service has been great and it was an obvious topic for letter submission. To be fair, Steev’s effort is decent. Steev has enjoyed ‘The Out’ and ‘Hook-Jaw’ and thanks Tharg for not running some second rate strips or old reprints. These points are up for debate, but they are well made and come from a position of honesty and one of ‘I want a graphic novel this bad’.
Next up we get double teamed by David and Stephanie Walker of Exeter. This couple can boast ten Beast entries between them but alas , no Beast Code can be awarded at present. Stephanie had sole credit in her Prog 2136 effort, so we have individual scores of 8.5 to David and 1.5 to Stephanie. If this decision causes marital discord, so be it. No doubt this will be the Exeter Chiefs talking point at their breakfast bar or indeed pillows. David’s 8.5 includes an entry from Prog 314 when he was in Derby - is this the same scriber? We say nay, unless evidence can be provided to the contrary.
The letter is a bit strange in that it has co-signatories but has the frequent use of ‘I’. Is this a fly attempt to get two prizes from the verdant one? If the personal pronouns don’t show up the fallacy of the joint signature, the content surely does - two people to say to give someone a pat on the back about a shark tale? The ten-year old daughter could have managed this on her own, and maybe she did!
Stan Wilks of Barnstaple next, with his first effort to see print. It’s also the first letter from Barnstaple and the first letter from a ‘Stan’. Stan’s a name we don’t see much of any more - a bit like Ethelred or Adolf. There has been one other ‘Wilks’ in the shape of Matt who holds the Wilks crown with his mighty two from Progs 1026 and 1073 from the halcyon days of 1997.
Stan likes an adjective, with ‘zarjaz’, ‘scintillating’ and ‘unexpected’ all making early appearances in his flowery, uninventive and laboured letter. He goes on to say ‘Hook-Jaw is ‘tight’, ‘gorgeous’ and ‘intriguing’ . He ends by showing he likes American things now by saying the creators have “hit a home run”. Gee-Whiz that’s fierce commentary!
Another newbie next in the shape of Chris Allen of Thailand. Chris claims to have had a letter printed in Prog 578 and The Beast can corroborate this claim. He was living in Rugby then in the far off days of 1988, when lady-boys and green curries would be the subjects of a madman’s dreams. This is also the first letter on the list from Thailand, although there have been loads of ‘Allens’ and a mighty 275 ‘Chris’ or ‘Christopher’s.
Chris starts in annoying fashion with a ‘Howzit going’ followed by an insult to our Emerald Editor. His letter is a trip through his attic as he recounts his one time letter glory and about his receipt of an original Pat Mills script. We just hope Pat doesn’t catch wind of this unauthorised use of his characters and writing. Chris should probably send a cheque, just to be sure.
Good first name, Stephen Parry next from e-mailland. This is Stephen’s fourth appearance with the previous three giving his location as ‘Birmingham’. Don’t hide your roots Stephen , you have Duran Duran and Barry off ‘Auf Wiedersehen Pet’ to be proud of. Stephen’s first appearance was in Prog 1976 in 2016 and he now has half the total of ‘Parry’ leader Na (Nigel) who’s 8th and whose last appearance to date was in Prog 2124 in 2019.
Stephen talks up the ‘Regened’ issues which is probably a wise move if you want to see print. He likes Abelard Snazz stories - don’t we all, but the Dillon/Moore ones surely? He closes by giving a big shout out to the letterers, calling them ‘unsung heroes’. He also throws in the colourists as an afterthought too - what about the printer and the guy who forgets to deliver the issue for a month ? They deserve something too!
Not long now. Luther Davies next and we wished we watched the show as there are probably some puns to be had. <looks at Wikipedia> Luther Elbas his way onto the page with a Ruth(Wilson)less attack on correct numbering that will make many readers (Mark) Cross. His structure is poor as he starts with offering a double but ends up with a three-bagger; each more positive than the last - it’ll never catch on.
Luther is from e-mailland also but we know he lives, or used to live, in Chipping Norton possibly alongside Jeremy Clarkson. In that vein his letter is like a rocket ship driven by a maniac - on steroids!
Last up is the familiar Norwegian family gathering of David, Oskar and Feliks Rees who celebrate their 11th entry on the Beast all-time table and cement their /// identifier code - they are only participants who have added to their tally this issue. David first appeared in a Letter of the Week offering in 2010’s Prog 1677 and the family’s Lego and model offerings have been a staple of the Christmas issue since 2014. That’s seven Christmases in a row and at this rate they are only 89 festive seasons away from hitting the top slot (jointly).
In true 2020 style their offering this year is a digital one, rather than an actual build. It’s pretty nice but we’d prefer something solid that we could break by Boxing Day, or by Valentine’s Day if it was delivered by Royal Mail.
Overall a jolly festive offering of seven letters that brightened a dull mid January day. This was the first letters sighting in 10 Progs and an untold number of Megs so let’s hope Tharg’s New Year resolution is to get the letters page back to being a weekly offering.
Happy (Chinese) New Year!