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Given current events, I hope you will forgive me for this necropost.

The book.

The charity.

Thanks, John. Seriously thinking of writing some sort of something about this place...

A tempting idea, Jim, but we'd have to hire a wood-chipper. Even if we did that, Dug would probably gum up the inner doings so we'd get a bill for repairs. Then the bloody police would no doubt stick their oars in and make things worse, as is their wont. Still, it's the thought that counts - and that thought counts as alluring...

Maybe one day Dug will thank me for teaching him how not to get clocked (he moves like he's used to it).

Volunteers often come to help out on the campsite, dozens, maybe scores in the eight years I've been indentured here. Their reasons are various but usually it's to satisfy some species of visa or to holiday-work around the country. I don't remember most of them but a few stand out. Valeria from Argentina, who blagged my copy of 1984; Aurelian from France, who had two bedrooms at home, one for his bed and one for his comics; Frank from England, who stole my tub of tea candles. A few nameless volunteers also stand out; the Buddhists from Italy who left after a week because using spades and trowels was dangerous for worms, the couple from Switzerland who left after a few days because the husband was too long to fit in the caravan's bed, and the young girl from Germany who left screaming within an hour after encountering a British spider. The majority of them have been interesting, friendly and honest with very few bad apples. It's fun to meet them and, as they generally stay for just a few weeks, the volunteers aren't here long enough to get on anybody's nerves.

Three months ago, Dug* from the Isle of Man** arrived. He's fairly short, has a massive but neatly trimmed black beard, insists on wearing a shapeless woolly hat that make him look like a gnome, and thinks Bitcoin is going to make him rich. We should have known there was going to be trouble when he spent the first three weeks locked inside his caravan virtually 24/7 because of an alleged leaky window seal. Dug had to, he said, maintain constant vigilance in case the molecules of rainwater he showed us submerged the caravan's electrical systems and sizzled him to death in his sleep. He went through uncounted kitchen rolls and it took a full three coats of Heavy Duty Industrial Oil Rig Strength Waterproofing Compound before he was satisfied and finally got to work. And, boy, did he get to work.

His job was to cut back a hedge from the fences in the top field. Just a couple of feet, we told him, just enough to make room for renewing the fences. Armed with a handsaw and a pair of secateurs, he went wild. He cut back the hedges and trees so much it looked like the place had been bombed. He also picked up every branch and twig, piling them into heaps all over the place. And instead of piling the cut wood onto bonfires as he'd been instructed to do, Dug threw about half of it into the main ditch on the other side of the fence. When I pointed out the error of his ways he grumbled a bit but didn't argue with me.

And then the next day he carried on doing exactly the same thing. I asked him why he was throwing branches into the ditch and his reply was - no word of a lie - that the bits he was sawing off were too heavy to put over the fence. I made the obvious suggestion to saw off smaller bits and he went ballistic, storming off to his caravan to begin a two day vigil for drips. Then he stopped sulking and went back to work, doing exactly the same thing again only this time with the added bonus of tearing down a section of barbed wire because it was getting in his way. One would have thought that removing the fence would at least afford Dug the opportunity to pile his cut branches in the proper place but no, into the ditch they continued to go. It took Igor*, my fellow slave, and me nearly a week to tidy up after Dug and fix the fence. Dug didn't want to help us pull his lumber out of the deep main ditch due to health and safety concerns.

Now, for some unfathomable reason, the Boss has set Dug to clearing the fences around the campsite and he's just doing the same thing all over again. He's like the cartoon Tasmanian Devil leaving a trail of naked trees and devastation in his wake. I pleaded with him to do the job as he'd been asked to do it and he stormed off again, shouting that I had no right to talk to him like that. He didn't sulk for long this time but over the next few days brought every branch, twig, bramble and weed away from the no-man's-land between the wire fence and the drainage ditches. With these things, which he was instructed to either leave or put on the bonfire, Dug has filled every ton bag and wheelie-bin we possess. Now, running out of space, he's filled every empty coal sack and stuffed the woodshed with damp, rotten, oversized and pest-encrusted lumps of tree and thorny bush. I can't get at the wood in the woodshed for wood. And the bin men aren't coming for another six days.

I asked him why he hadn't put all this crap on the bonfire and he said it was because the bonfire was in a very muddy field he didn't like the look of. Prompted to elucidate, he mumbled something about health and safety and then conjured up another storm to sail off in when I tried to explain that all this unnecessary detritus would have to be moved. Honestly, it's like talking to a quivering hand-grenade.

Anyway, Dug's getting on my nerves and I just wanted to vent a bit.



TL;DR - Some people get on my wick.


*Not his real name.
**Not his real home.

Humans don't inherit the Earth, the Earth inherits the humans.

Well, you have to admire his sticktoitiveness, I guess.

I find it a good exercise to replace any catch-all nouns in a headline (immigrants, asylum seekers, Catholics, Americans, etc.) with the word "humans" and see if it still makes sense. 

I agree with Funt that the left/right paradigm is an oversimplification - but I would go further and say that it is so simple as to be virtually useless except as a tool for social control. For example, one side might want higher taxes and the other side might want lower taxes but neither side questions the legitimacy of or alternatives to taxation. Each side rests on the fundamental assumption that whichever prevails assumes power over everyone. Governments actually act as a buffer between the ruling/owning classes and the masses. In order to keep the status quo in place, governments divide into left and right wings to present to the public, so we can squabble over how we'd best like to be oppressed and exploited.

I know, I know. Shut up, Sharky.

[Boston Legal]

I do so love Boston Legal, despite its flaws. The last time I watched it was maybe five or six years ago and I remember thinking then that it was like the secret love child of Crown Court and The Benny Hill Show. The shenanigans surrounding the Victorian steam-powered orgasm machine spring to mind (more often than is probably healthy, to be frank). 

It's one of those shows I can forgive a lot because of all the reasons Jim mentions, it's an old friend to me, warts and all. The Shatner/Bergen/Spader dynamic is delightful, Mark Valley getting teased as a Ken doll is kinda cool and I will always be indebted to the much-missed Rene Auberjonois, whose character in this show taught me the word "fungible." Then there is Rhona Mitra, with whom I am eternally and hopelessly in love.

I like this idea.

I'm back in, but when I try to change my profile I can't because "403 Forbidden."

Credo!

Happy anniversary to you both, and I wish you many more. xx

I heard Johnny Depp would be playing Purity Brown...

Who would lend Nemesis a good voice, though? Hugo Weaving? Anthony Hopkins? Alan Carr?

...the small ones like yours are harmless of course...

Well, I didn't expect this thread to win any comedy awards but neither did I expect it to trigger existential crises.

Sorry about that.

Speaking at AnimoCon in California last week, Tim Burton reportedly teased audiences with the subject of his next-but-one film project; "There's a writer called Pat Mills, from the UK, who wrote about an alien freedom fighter back in the 70s. All I can say is that we're in negotiations." Burton further hinted that stop-motion genius Phil Tippett may also be involved because he "lost a bet." The script is currently on its fourth draft (due to 'creative concerns') and pre-production is due to begin sometime in late 2025 or early 2026. Full details can be found here: animasaurus.Rex.com/news/2077612