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Author Topic: Threadjacking!  (Read 485682 times)

TordelBack

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6210 on: 07 September, 2018, 11:15:09 am »
I found an Unkar Plutt figure in Tescos yesterday (did you know you can get the Prog in some Tescos now?), and now I amuse myself (and only myself) by having him rate everything in Portions in a garbled Simon Pegg voice.  Dinner last night was worth... 2 and a quarter portions, whereas my daughter's room tidying efforts were worth... 1 half portion. 

I'm never bored, it's a gift.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6211 on: 11 September, 2018, 08:28:06 am »
 A few days ago I did something to my lower back, lifting up an empty bucket ffs, which made life something of a chore. Whimperings accompanied all my tasks thereafter. Even when the day was done I had to cross a pain barrier to simply get into or out of my chair. Those who know will know and those who do not should count themselves blessed. It was also an ordeal to get comfy. It was so unfair, I wailed at the Multiverse in general, for pains inflicted during working hours to follow me back into My Time. Not cricket at all. Should be ashamed of itself. Quite ashamed.

 
The Multiverse must have heard me because, just as I got comfy, something I'd eaten decided that it wanted out. Now. Ordinarily, this species of intestinal emergency is inconvenient but manageable – all I have to do is leave my shed, climb over a fence and waddle a hundred yards to the toilet block – but this time the odds were stacked against me.

 
I hauled myself up slowly, painfully, and made it about half-way before my back locked. “Ouch,” I said, and, “oh dear,” and things similar as I stood, clenching everything capable of being clenched. The situation seemed insurmountable as it was but then the Multiverse decided to throw in a punchline in the form of a vicious grip of cramp in my inner thigh. At this point, I'm not ashamed to say that there were a few tears – though whether of pain, fear or misery, I'll let you decide.

 
I could turn this story into a long, drawn-out thrillathon describing how I got from being frozen, cramped and on the verge of a faecal eruption to the toilet block and back but I'm sure your imaginations are up to it (especially the tricky fence-climbing manoeuvre ). I will say that, after about an hour of agonized faffing, the situation was resolved with little damage and a minimum of stains.

 
In these troubled times, I thought a story about triumphing over a situation of such dire circumstance might be somewhat uplifting.
 
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IAMTHESYSTEM

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6212 on: 11 September, 2018, 09:11:53 am »
I was about to say 'Shit, Sharky!' but that would be wildly inappropriate. It sounds like you've pulled your Lumbars and you'll need prescription medicine to reduce the inflammation. Book a Doctor's appointment at once Shark. Are there any walk-in Medical Centres near you? A bad quip I know but it sounds like you've got to see a medic pronto.
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The Legendary Shark

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6213 on: 11 September, 2018, 10:21:43 am »

S'okay, IATS, a couple of days taking it easy and dangling from door jambs seems to have done the trick.

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IAMTHESYSTEM

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6214 on: 11 September, 2018, 11:29:50 am »

S'okay, IATS, a couple of days taking it easy and dangling from door jambs seems to have done the trick.

Oh good. Glad you're on the mend.
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Bolt-01

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6215 on: 11 September, 2018, 02:31:58 pm »
Back pain is just the absolute worst. Glad to read you are on the mend, Sharkster.

Trout

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6216 on: 12 September, 2018, 12:11:44 am »
I also am glad you're feeling better, but I'd ask you to go back a step or two in your story.

I'm going to regret this, but... you have to climb over a fence to use a toilet? Is your life being written by the ghost of Johnny Speight?

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6217 on: 12 September, 2018, 05:58:28 am »
Heh, I don't have to climb over a fence, there is a gate but it can be awkward to open. (The fence surrounds my shed cabin, to keep it separate from the rest of the campsite.)

Thanks all for your concern - my back's a lot better now, just a bit stiff.
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TordelBack

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6218 on: 12 September, 2018, 09:26:10 am »
..there is a gate but it can be awkward to open. (The fence surrounds my shed cabin, to keep it separate from the rest of the campsite.)

Hmmm, is this a high fence,  spikey bits on the top, 'Do Not Feed The Shark' signs, that sort of thing...? 

Glad to hear the back's feeling better, mind yersel'.

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6219 on: 12 September, 2018, 10:27:27 am »

The machine gun nests are my biggest worry...

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Hawkmumbler

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6220 on: 12 September, 2018, 10:46:42 am »

The machine gun nests are my biggest worry...
This wouldn't be a worry if the Sharks had guns...

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6221 on: 12 September, 2018, 10:57:52 am »

Yer darn tootin'.

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Trout

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6222 on: 13 September, 2018, 02:24:12 am »
Or "lasers".

Proudhuff

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6223 on: 13 September, 2018, 12:39:39 pm »
Sharks mounted with lasers were always a great idea....

Sharkie, sorry to hear about you're back your back. I've been prodding the soft underbelly of  Europe for the last few weeks but an back now and will get an ThrillAid package in the post to you tomorrow  :thumbsup:

But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

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Re: Threadjacking!
« Reply #6224 on: 13 September, 2018, 12:55:01 pm »

You're a good bloke, Huffy, thanks  :)

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