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Author Topic: The Older Dads Thread  (Read 1063 times)

Mattofthespurs

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #15 on: 07 March, 2019, 08:50:05 am »
Congratulations!

I was 35 going on 16 when my only child was born. Steep learning curve but I would not change it for the World. My entire life until that point seems rather pointless until then.

Sure you'll have some tough moments. The feeding in the middle of the night is not as bad as some make out. You get used to it and generally it doesn't last long. Toilet training was our biggest challenge. Took 3 months and nearly every night there was an episode but again you kind of get used to it. She would change the bedding (which we had got out earlier) and I would clean the lad up. This we got down to a fine art and could do it in less than 5 minutes in the end.

But the rewards far, far outweigh and minor bumps in the road. They are far too numerable to mention and having a child really does (or did in my experience) change your life for the better.

Enjoy it. I honestly think it's the best thing a person (or people I should say) can do.

Krakajac

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #16 on: 07 March, 2019, 09:22:26 am »
Thank you all for your responses - very heartening to read about your experiences.  I’ve got the best part of 8 months to come to terms with it all!  Just need some time for it all to sink in! :)

CalHab

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #17 on: 07 March, 2019, 09:51:11 am »
Sure you'll have some tough moments. The feeding in the middle of the night is not as bad as some make out. You get used to it and generally it doesn't last long. Toilet training was our biggest challenge. Took 3 months and nearly every night there was an episode but again you kind of get used to it. She would change the bedding (which we had got out earlier) and I would clean the lad up. This we got down to a fine art and could do it in less than 5 minutes in the end.

To provide a contrast, toilet training wasn't too bad for my young one. The sleepless nights, on the other hand, played havoc with our sanity and emotions!

They're all different.

One other, serious point. You need to keep an eye on your other half. Post-natal depression is very real and rarely diagnosed. Health Visitors and GPs tend to focus their limited resources and time on a handful of parents in dire straits. If your partner needs help it will likely be you that needs to speak up. This was brushed over in the ante-natal classes I attended.

Krakajac

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #18 on: 07 March, 2019, 10:27:15 am »
Cheers - I’ll be sure to do so.

Mattofthespurs

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #19 on: 07 March, 2019, 03:51:41 pm »
I would add to that by saying that it's easy for fathers to go a little off the rails too.

Things change, temporarily thankfully, and sometimes it can be difficult for mothers and fathers to get their head around it and settle into some semblance of regime.

I'm fairly sure that in 95% of cases of parenthood that things generally go pretty swimmingly with only the odd, minor bump in the road.

People have been doing it for a few years now and have coped pretty well. And we've only had Google for about 20 years of that ;)

SIP

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #20 on: 07 March, 2019, 04:02:56 pm »

Sure you'll have some tough moments. The feeding in the middle of the night is not as bad as some make out. You get used to it and generally it doesn't last long. Toilet training was our biggest challenge. Took 3 months and nearly every night there was an episode but again you kind of get used to it.

Ha ha, both of my children were 7 before they slept through their first night.....and they overlapped. So, 10 years without an unbroken night! And sleep deprivation is TORTURE!

BUT

Being a parent pretty much is my reason for being so I certainly wouldn't change it. I'd do it again 😊

Proudhuff

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #21 on: 07 March, 2019, 05:34:16 pm »
K, talk to a counsellor. Even if it’s just to sort out how you feel.
For me, (57)  this issue has raised its head in my life and the thought of going the teenage years, which with two totally different boys, when I’m drawing a pension is/was beyond me.
You need to factor in your health, your partners health and support network, within your family, community and finances, it’s easy for Rod Stewart, Paul Welles etc as they have a team of people and nannies,
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

Proudhuff

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #22 on: 07 March, 2019, 06:19:29 pm »
Weller.
Sorry to sound a bit negative, but if you consider all that, and things are still looking rosey, Brilliant!  :D
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

Trout

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #23 on: 08 March, 2019, 12:57:41 am »
There's never an idea time to become a parent and pretty much every parent does their best. The fact you're asking the question shows a good attitude. Congratulations and good luck!  :)

DaveGYNWA

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #24 on: 18 March, 2019, 11:11:36 am »
Ha ha, both of my children were 7 before they slept through their first night.....and they overlapped. So, 10 years without an unbroken night! And sleep deprivation is TORTURE!

Our first daughter was an absolute star with regards to sleeping - 6 weeks in and she did a full night, and it never changed from then onwards.

Then our second came along and decided that she wasn't going to do a full night until she was 3 and a half.

hippynumber1

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #25 on: 18 March, 2019, 12:03:25 pm »
Hi Krakajac

I was 49 when my son was born so you’re definitely not alone and I can appreciate some of what you’re feeling. My dad died of cancer when I was 28 and I made a conscious decision at that point to never have children because I didn’t want to cause anyone that level of emotional pain. Things change, we grow and we had a beautiful baby boy on January 1st 2016. He changed my world. He has brought so much joy to our lives and every day is a learning experience with him. We forget the simple joys of rain and puddles and beetles and running and grass and the moon and so much more and he has brought it all back. Sometimes I want to cry just because I love him so much. But there is always that shadow of “I’ve got 20 years for him, if I’m lucky.” Like some others have said though, I don’t resent giving him my time for one second like some younger dads might; I’ve done with my galavanting and I can give everything to him. However many years I have with him I’m going to try to make them his happiest and in doing so they’ll be mine too.

In short, it’s natural to worry about it and sometimes it will make you cry, but that’s okay and you’ll both be fine. Xx

Mattofthespurs

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #26 on: 18 March, 2019, 05:12:20 pm »
Beautiful post Hippy dude.

And completely true.

An hour spent in their company is a delight. Any longer is a real gift.

Colin YNWA

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #27 on: 18 March, 2019, 05:55:42 pm »
Beautiful post Hippy dude.

Yeah... is it dusty in here... or maybe its my hayfever.

To dispell this lovelyness its as I sit here and watch my two fight over Mario Cart and slices of pepper I also remember that they are getting kicked out at 18 with a breakdown of how much they owe me in cold hard cash!

Krakajac

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Re: The Older Dads Thread
« Reply #28 on: 19 March, 2019, 05:17:33 am »
Thanks again, guys - and also for your post Hippy - that’s exactly what I needed to hear! :)

The initial shock has passed - but still having some issues, which I’m working through. :)