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Author Topic: Extinction - comments please  (Read 2038 times)

Conexus

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Extinction - comments please
« on: 27 July, 2004, 10:52:01 pm »
Well, it's not quite a script. It's the very beginning of a story of sentient dinosaurs that I will turn into a script,( but writing it out this way helps me visualise better what I should write in the description part of the script)

p.s. I realise that there are elements here that I would be able to translate direct to script, but they fit here I think, and will probably beable to be put elswhere in the script in what ever form.


Extinction


Feemar?s giant reptilian eyes looked down on the plains of Makdara, for one last, final time a herd of Anatotitans browsed peacefully on the bushes; their wide beaks stripping down the foliage. A T-Rex prowled in the distance down wind of the beasts, hoping for an easy kill. An infant Anatotitan managed to loose itself from the herd. It?s mother bellowed out a desperate cry. It was too late. The Rex was already racing towards the Anatotitan; it was as good as dead. Camouflage was no good at this distance.
Feemar turned her browny yellow scale and feathered head in disgust- not out of squeamishness, she?d make a pretty poor hunter if she felt ill at the sight of blood ? It was the way Rexes tore away at their food so ungraciously. - The Anatotian?s screams lasted far longer than necessary, it made her glad that Rexes where first and foremost scavengers.

She was kidding herself; even the Rex?s performance was more pleasant than the other, far more prominent thought going through her mind. She ran her three clawed hand through her dull coloured head plume and sighed. In a few months a comet would hit the Earth. In a month her and a select group of her species would have left the planet, to be perhaps the last ever representatives of the orb she called ?home?.
Her long maw snapped as a dragonfly flew past, but it was only instinct, the insect was on the wrong side of the glass

3?2?1 The rocket blasted off, its destination the great space ark, already in orbit.
The ancestors of her people hunted Insects and shrews as they hurried to escape the great reptiles that thundered above them, now they hurried to escape, just as their ancestors did, but escape from something that, if anything, was most dangerous to the great reptiles that had thundered above them.  

She turned around to see her fellow passenger. The one sitting beside her was small and had a bright green and red crop of feathers on his head. She needn?t have had looked to find out he was a male
?Hello, my name?s Rooko?? She didn?t respond ?I could help looking at your, err, beautiful large golden eyes. I was wondering, err, if you?d, erhm??
?If you?re trying to charm your way into fertilising my eggs, forget it,? said Feemar
?Male who stutter after every word aren?t my type, I?m afraid?
Rooko?s eye grew even larger than usual and his eyes grew wide
?Madam, I am the senior biologist for this mission! I was merely trying to break the ice. When you first came aboard you were a million miles away.?
?Was I? Sorry? replied Feemar ?My name?s Feemar, I?ll be the senior anthropologist for this mission.? They nodded as a way of greeting.
?One other thing, Rooko? said Feemar  ?I?m guessing you don?t get out much??
?There you would be wrong, I do an extensive amount of field work? The biologist replied haughtily.
?I mean out with the boys and girls,? Feemar explained ??cause what said to me just then, that was mating talk?
?Ohh, err??
Rooko blushed, making his cheeks almost as bright as his plume    

Max Kon

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Re: Extinction - comments please...
« Reply #1 on: 28 July, 2004, 03:10:54 am »
cool! send mr comics, unless you already have.

how about 'stop the world we want to get off' as a title.

send me comics. grr!

Bico

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Re: Extinction - comments please.....
« Reply #2 on: 28 July, 2004, 04:31:54 am »
Ist gut.  Me like.

Erm... this is probably the last thing you want to hear, after mentioning the whole Extinction/Xtinct thing elsewhere, but it sounds like the backstory to an episode of Star Trek: Voyager, that had aliens who turned out to be evolved from dinosaurs, who left Earth before the big asteroid wiped out their civilisation.  Don't worry, though, I'm sure your story will be much different than that - as long as the descendants of the characters in your story don't meet a woman doing a bad Captain Kirk impression by way of Honour Blackman, you should be alright.

Seriously, though, it's good so far.  Any more?

Mikey

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Re: Extinction - comments please...
« Reply #3 on: 28 July, 2004, 02:51:16 pm »
Is it intended as hard SF type stuff?

If it is-blushing wouldn't work.Feemar sounds like she descended from insectivore stock-IIRC the bipedal Theropods were kinda smartish,so maybe a more likey source for sentients?

Of course,I'm picking nits-your story intrigued me greatly and I would love to find out more,so I wold say you're onto a good thing.

Keep us posted!

M.
To tell the truth, you can all get screwed.

Conexus

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Re: Extinction - comments please.....
« Reply #4 on: 30 July, 2004, 06:35:24 pm »
Now in script form
Mikey. 1.it's not intended to be hard sci fi
2. If you mean you think there decended from dinos akin to raptors and troodons, you're right, just from a smaller species that hunted small mammals and insects (see my design a dino thread for a better idea)
3. Some people reckon dinosaurs where warm blooded- that's my excuse anyway

Extinction Script Part 1.


P1.
1. View through a circular, rocket widow. View out onto a Cretaceous pasture (no grass but lots of shrubs and those low growing stumpy palms.) A herd of Anatotitans (hefty built duck billed dinosaurs without crests) are busy grazing, adults on the outside, infants in the middle. There is a faint reflection in the mirror of Feemar (she has a face like a small meat eating dinosaur e.g. a raptor, but has large slit pupiled eyes and a small dull coloured tuft of feathers on the top of her head. Her eyes should be the most prominent part of the reflection.
CAPTION: IN A FEW MONTHS, WON?T BE LIKE THIS?

2. Wide view of pasture, an infant has separated from the herd, grazing on the edge of a hill. Head of a T-Rex behind hill
CAPTION: IN A FEW MONTHS, WHEN THE COMET COMES

3. Infant under shadow of the Rex.

4. Anatotitans running away in foreground close up of head of Anatotitan looking back hollering.
CAPTION: HEY MOMMA, WHY YOU CRYING?

5. Same view point as panel 1- but view of Rex tearing up the infant
CAPTION: IN A FEW MONTHS YOU?LL REALISE HE?S ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES

P2

1. View of Feemar still standing by the window, but facing inside the rocket. Hands clasping a bar just underneath the window behind her, head hung low.
FEEMAR: AND WE?RE THE REALLY LUCKY ONES
ROOKO (VOICE): INDEED, IF THE COMET?S ERRATIC ORBIT HADN?T BEEN SPOTTED BY THAT PILOGOIAN, WE?D HAVE HAD IT TOO

2.View Feemar looking at Rooko, who looks like Feemar but about a head smaller and has a bright green and red crop of feathers on his head, slightly bowed.
FEEMAR: I, I WAS JUST THINKING ALOUD
ROOKO: OH, ERR?
FEEMAR: IT?S OK, NO BIGGIE

2. View of Feemar and Rooko looking at each other, head shot

3. Similar view to panel two, but heads could be in slightly different positions
ROOKO: MY NAME IS ROOKO, ERR, I COULDN?T HELP, ERM NOTICING YOUR BEAUTIFUL GOLD EYES?

4.And 5. Should be opposite each other

3.View of Feemar, mouth open, showing teeth, eyes slightly closed ? clearly angry
FEEMAR: IF YOU?RE TRYING TO CHARM YOUR WAY INTO FERTILLISING MY EGGS FORGET IT! MALES WHO STUTTER AFTER EVERY WORD AREN?T MY TYPE.


4.Rooko, head held up high, arms folded
ROOKO: MADAM, I AM THE SENIOR BIOLOGIST FOR THIS MISSION! I WAS MERELY TRYING TO BREAK THE ICE.UNTIL JUST NOW YOU WERE A MILLION MILES AWAY.?

6. View of Rooko and Feemar, Feemar looking down slightly and scratching her head plume.
FEEMAR: WAS I REALLY? SORRY. THE NAME?S FEEMAR, SENIOR ANTHROPOLOGIST

7. View just of Feemar and Rooko, shaking hands
PILOT (VOICE) PASSANGERS, STRAP YOURSELVES IN AND PREPARE FOR LIFT OFF

8. View of Feemar and Rooko strapped in, Rooko looking at Feemar
FEEMAR: ONE THING, I?M GUESSING YOU DON?T GET OUT MUCH
ROOKO: ???
FEEMAR: JUST WHAT YOU SAID BACK THEN, THAT WAS MATING TALK

9. Rooko?s head hung low, looking down and blushing
ROOKO: OHH, ERR?



Conexus

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Re: Extinction - comments please.....
« Reply #5 on: 30 July, 2004, 09:37:02 pm »
...And more script bring an end to the first episode.

P3.

1. Wide shot of rocket in space, flying towards the vast Space Ark.

2.  View inside the Space Ark Tall regal female looking Reptari, some scales and feathers white with age. Smaller and younger male by her side. Looking at an e-book type thing. Foresters, small brown green Reptari are scuttling about in the background spanners etc. in their belts.
MEEDOAR (FEMALE): ARE WE READY TO GO YET?
TIMODO (MALE): NOT YET, YOUR MAJESTY, WE STILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR A FEW MORE SPECIALISTS.

2. Similar  view as 2, but a male Forester has bumped into Meedoar at about thigh height, she is looking down on the forester, and Timodo is looking in the same direction as well.
MEEDOAR: WHY YOU LITTLE?
TIMODO: HE?S A FORESTER, AN ENGINEER. THEY?LL BE LOOKING AFTER THE STATE OF THE SHIP WHILE THE REST OF US WILL BE IN DEEP FREEZE

3.View of Forester cowering under the shadow of Meedoar.
FORESTER: SORRY YOUR HIGHNESS?
TIMODO (VOICE): THEY ARE VITAL, YOUR MAJESTY
MEEDOAR: BUT IF THERE ARE TOO MANY, IT?S JUST A WASTE OF OXYGEN, A WASTE OF FOOD, A WASTE OF TIME.

3. Meedoar shoots the Forester

4. Foresters nearby look up, Meedoar looking at them
MEEDOAR: NOW YOU LITTLE STINKBALLS KNOW WHAT?S COMING TO YOU IF YOU STEP OUT OF LINE. BACK TO WORK!
 
5. View of foresters muttering to themselves.

P4.

1. Large View of rocket in air lock, huge door into the ship open, foresters scurrying about.
COMPUTER: IT IS SAFE TO EXIT THE ROCKET NOW

2. View of Feemar and Rooko stepping down the rockets outside ladder onto the air lock?s floor.

3. Feemar and Rooko looking through the huge door should be huge, dwarfing them.
ROOKO: IT IS CERTAINLY, ERR, BIG, ISN?T IT?
FEEMAR: YEP BIG, THAT?S CERTAINLY A WORD TO DESCRIBE IT. COME ON WE NEED TO REGISTER

4. Rooko and Feemar walking along a corridor, Rooko nearly bumps into a forester Timodo is quickly walking the opposite direction to meet them
ROOKO: OHH, SORRY, I DIDN?T MEAN?

5. Same view but Timodo closer.  Feemar bends over to whisper something in Rooko?s ear.  

6. Same view, but Timodo right in front of them, e- book in hand.
TIMODO: ARE YOU ROOKO, HEAD BIOLOGIST AND FEEMAR, HEAD ANTHROPOLOGIST
FEEMAR: YES
ROOKO: YES

6. Close up of Timodo, holding out the e-book thing
TIMODO: WELL, I?LL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR FINGERPRINT?S WORD FOR IT, JUST PRESS YOUR HAND DOWN ON THE SCREEN. ONE AT A TIME, HE HE!

P5.

1. View Timodo looking at e-book.
TIMODO: WHADYA KNOW WE?VE GOT A FULL HOUSE! WE CAN FINALLY SET SAIL. COME ON I?LL TAKE YOU TO THE FREEZE CHAMBERS.

2. View of Feemar looking out of a window at Earth. (Late cretaceous so north and south America should be separate, with North America joined to Europe at the top. Africa should be much closer to South America and India should be an island not far off Africa. Australia should be part of Antarctica, and both the poles should be green)
FEEMAR: WAIT! CAN I JUST STAY HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE?

3. Feemar?s eye view looking at Earth should be reflection like in the first panel on the first page.
CAPTION: HEY FEEMAR, WHY CRYING?
TIMODO (VOICE): SURE WHY NOT?

4. View of Space Ark blasting away.
CAPTION: SOME TIME YOU?LL REALISE YOU?RE ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES
TIMODO (VOICE): ... IT?S NOT AS IF WE?RE IN A RUSH TO GET ANYWHERE! HE HE!    

Conexus

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Re: Extinction - comments please.....
« Reply #6 on: 31 July, 2004, 03:56:26 pm »
bumping up