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Author Topic: Life Spugs because...  (Read 303746 times)

johnnystress

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1335 on: 21 January, 2010, 02:54:52 pm »
Bought a new microwave oven last night- didnt work

Took it back to shop- worked fine

Took it home again -- doesn't work

dammit

Kev Levell

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1336 on: 21 January, 2010, 04:43:08 pm »
Looks like the job I've just finished (that is being paid in Euros) won't be worth what it is now when I finally get paid in 90days.
Just had an estimate for some electrical work, it will cost me £1500, it actually cost me £176 to find that out via an electrical survey and... it might be more subject to further investigation... wasn't that what I just paid you for?
Fuxache...
You wouldn't get much business as an Illustrator if you treated your clients like this: (This is a stereotypical, mildly exaggerated and adapted version of my recent experiences trying to get quotes for some work to be done).
CLIENT CALLS AN ILLUSTRATOR ON THE PHONE.
Client: Hello, I'd like a drawing please.
Illustrator: Hmmm, well, I might be able to come and look at your job in a month... how's that sound?
Client: Any chance of coming out sooner.
Illustrator: I have a special call out charge of £50, is that alright?
Client: Well I suppose, I need the drawing for my wife's birthday in a fortnight.
Illustrator (thinking): KA-CHING!
Illustrator: Ok, I'll come and you can let me know what you want.
Client: Ok
DURING THE MEETING.
Client: I'd really like a picture of my wife taken from this picture... and, could you be a bit kind to her?
Illustrator (thinking): Yeah 'cos she Fugly!
Illustrator: I'll make it as flattering as I can.
Client: Not too much though, it still needs to look like her.
Illustrator: Obviously. (rolling eyes)
Client: So can you do it do you think.
Illustrator: Well, you've got the wrong kind of photo, needs to be at least a 6Mp ref photo, can your wife come to my studio to sit for me in the nude? Also, I'll need £500 now as a deposit for materials.
Client: It was supposed to be a surprise, but, if that's how it has to be to get it right... Does that include the £50 call out?
Illustrator: No, sorry, that's extra.
Illustrator: Oh, and that's before VAT too.
Client: When will the picture be done.
Illustrator: In time for, the what was it? Birthday?
Client: Yes, her Birth..
Illustrator: (interrupting): Yeah, Birthday.
A DAY BEFORE THE BIRTHDAY. PHONE CALL.
Client: Hello, I contacted you a little while ago about a picture for my Wife's birthday...
Illustrator: Yeah?
Client: Yes, well her Birthday is tomorrow, I was just wondering if you'd had a chance to do anything yet.
Illustrator: What was the name again?
Client: >their name<
Illustrator: Aww, yeah, that was the one you was wanting for her birthday wan' it?
Client: Yes, have you done it?
Illustrator: I ran into difficulties, you see your wife had the wrong sort of face and I just couldn't draw her right.
Client: Oh, well what am I supposed to do now?
Illustrator: I could try to work something out for you, but given the time frame, I'll have to charge you a bit more.
Client: How much more?
Illustrator: Well, it's gonna be tight, I'll need to subcontract out some of the final stages to get it done, call it, phew, £500 plus VAT.
TWO DAYS LATER, THE ILLUSTRATOR DELIVERS THIS:
and a bill for £1233.75
You'd never work again.
(This really should have gone in the impediments topic... 'tis not that bad after all)
« Last Edit: 21 January, 2010, 04:45:08 pm by KevLev »

I, Cosh

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1337 on: 21 January, 2010, 06:06:46 pm »
Bought a new microwave oven last night- didnt work

Took it back to shop- worked fine

Took it home again -- doesn't work

dammit
Sounds like a broken socket to me. Just stick a cocktail stick into it until it pops back up. Or a fork.
We never really die.

johnnystress

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1338 on: 21 January, 2010, 06:31:19 pm »
Bought a new microwave oven last night- didnt work

Took it back to shop- worked fine

Took it home again -- doesn't work

dammit
Sounds like a broken socket to me. Just stick a cocktail stick into it until it pops back up. Or a fork.

tried it in a few sockets- didnt think of sticking a fork in any of them though :)

In the end I exchanged it- the new one is so smart its intimidating


love the "Im your wife" tale of woe

SmallBlueThing

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1339 on: 22 January, 2010, 04:09:09 pm »
...it's Friday, I still don't have last week's prog yet, I haven't been on the Internet all week, my wife is sick, I'm broke, it's looking likely that I'll have to pull out of Hi-Ex because we need the money to get her to Canada (which has suddenly become rather vital, due to family stuff), I have a headache, I've had to contact the local council's Antisocial Behavior department due to the neighbours at work, resulting in a horrible few days, my youngest son is sick, the CD I ordered ages ago seems to have got lost in the post, and the piece of work I wanted to do with a writer-bloke known to some of you may have fallen through simply because of the unintended consequences of all the above.

Spugs? It's sneckin' drokkin' funtin' no hee hee an' no mistake.

SBT
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Dandontdare

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1340 on: 22 January, 2010, 04:24:41 pm »
Holy crap SBT, that's a lot of different spugginess all at once. Look on the bright side though, if we have  a certain allocation of good events and shitty events, wouldn't you rather get all that crap out of the way in one shitty month, followed by unadulterated good times, or have at least one shitty thing happening all the time?

Really hope you can still make Hi-ex.

Proudhuff

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1341 on: 22 January, 2010, 04:33:06 pm »
Bought a new microwave oven last night- didnt work

Took it back to shop- worked fine

Took it home again -- doesn't work

dammit
Sounds like a broken socket to me. Just stick a cocktail stick into it until it pops back up. Or a fork.

put some cheese in the back and the socket that should do the trick.
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

COMMANDO FORCES

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1342 on: 22 January, 2010, 05:52:25 pm »
Sorry to hear that about your better half and youngest SBT, hope it all turns out well soon.

wild-seven

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1343 on: 22 January, 2010, 07:52:51 pm »
SBT - that sucks big balls, hope your nearest and dearest feel better soon and I hope you can still make it to Hi-Ex
I was going to procrastinate but I think I'll leave it till tomorrow

Pete Wells

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1344 on: 22 January, 2010, 08:20:37 pm »
Sorry to hear all that SBT, hope it all works out soon.

As for me, I'm sitting in casualty with really knacking ribs after a head on smash with a drink driver. It was 5.50pm, she was more than twice over the limit and had two bairns in the car. Thankfully they're okay.

My car is totally written off, Happy days!

COMMANDO FORCES

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1345 on: 22 January, 2010, 08:23:50 pm »
Bad stuff Pete, what new car you gonna get along with all those private commissions. Once you are better, obviously ;)

Pete Wells

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1346 on: 22 January, 2010, 10:25:52 pm »
Hey guys I'm home with a nice new  broken rib, ouch.  S'nice getting loads of gentle cuddles off everyone and being appreciated just for being here. Thanks for all the messages of support you lovely lot!

Banners

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1347 on: 23 January, 2010, 12:14:53 am »
Bloody hell, Pete. Take it easy... You too, SBT.

M@

Jim_Campbell

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1348 on: 23 January, 2010, 12:26:00 am »
SBT - that sucks big balls, hope your nearest and dearest feel better soon and I hope you can still make it to Hi-Ex

Not sure if getting your big balls sucked actually qualifies for the "Spugs" thread, TBH!

Cheers

Jim
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JOE SOAP

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Re: Life Spugs because...
« Reply #1349 on: 23 January, 2010, 12:29:44 am »
SBT - that sucks big balls, hope your nearest and dearest feel better soon and I hope you can still make it to Hi-Ex

Not sure if getting your big balls sucked actually qualifies for the "Spugs" thread, TBH!

Cheers

Jim


It does if you have no penis.