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Author Topic: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments  (Read 623205 times)

I, Cosh

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8070 on: 02 May, 2018, 04:46:17 pm »
Anyway, it'll get sorted, and thanks all.
Sounds rough but I hope this bit works out.
We never really die.

paddykafka

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8071 on: 02 May, 2018, 06:34:10 pm »
Hi Tordels,

With regard to whipping the staff into shape, the attached image below might serve you as a useful starting point.

Cheers! - Paddy Kafka

https://www.redbubble.com/people/divebargraphics/works/10994810-the-beatings-will-continue-until-morale-improves?p=t-shirt


sheridan

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8072 on: 23 August, 2018, 06:40:27 pm »
Today I had the day off work so that I could attend a friend's funeral.  We have a bar at work (well, in one of the buildings our company is based in) and I'd been there a few times with people from work, usually around pay day, or when somebody was leaving, but Dave was one of the first people from work that I socialised with but didn't actually work with.  The service, and the wake following it, were held at places that Dave had been just two years ago after the death of his best friend Hirdy (another of those people from work who aren't work colleagues).  The two of them were great at music quizzes, and Hirdy was pretty mean at pool.

Professor Bear

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8073 on: 31 August, 2018, 10:53:02 am »
Despite a six foot fence around the garden, a dog has been getting in to my 4yo husky bitch, climbing up the metalwork of the iron gate (also 6 foot) with his big gorilla-like arms.  This is one goofy-looking dog, a mix of what looks like Labrador and some sort of bulldog, I don't think he's actually capable of running in a straight line - shambling as he does in a sort of diagonal gait that constantly has him veering onto the road in front of traffic that barely stops in time - and I admire the effort he puts in to busting a nut, but the maths are terrible for whatever mutant offspring might result from this unholy union even if I could countenance the idea of letting her try to squeeze out a half dozen of those goofy-looking mouth-breathing flat heads: two-odd months to carry pups to term and another 8 weeks before they can leave their mum, by my reckoning that means offloading mongrels at Christmas - it would be quicker to just throw them into the river myself, so... no.
No, I'm afraid I'll have to risk the ire of the DUP* and take her to "visit her cousins in England", which is Irish doggy code for having a doggybortion.
One hundred and seventy facking quid, and I don't even know if the little slag is up the duff in the first place, so it's one hundred and seventy quid on a gamble.  Sure.  Why not?  I have that kind of money laying around.


* Doggy Unionist Party

TordelBack

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8074 on: 31 August, 2018, 11:01:10 am »
You'll make someone a great pimp one day, Bear.


(Although it might be cheaper in the long run to neuter poor Dickhead while you're at it...)

JayzusB.Christ

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8075 on: 31 August, 2018, 11:49:22 am »

No, I'm afraid I'll have to risk the ire of the DUP* and take her to "visit her cousins in England", which is Irish doggy code for having a doggybortion.


Odd to think that the all-too-familar, south-of-the-border, human-equivalent euphemism 'hop on the boat' will never be used again.

“Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest”

Batman's Superior Cousin

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8076 on: 20 March, 2019, 10:02:51 pm »
Whilst walking the dog not 20 minutes age, some lass accused me of touching her arm as I walked past her 20 minutes earlier. She was on the verge of tears while her boyfriend first threatened to call the police, then threaten to ‘deck’ me!!
I can't help but feel that Godpleton's avatar/icon gets more appropriate everyday... - TordelBack
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Dandontdare

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8077 on: 22 March, 2019, 11:14:35 am »
Whilst walking the dog not 20 minutes age, some lass accused me of touching her arm as I walked past her 20 minutes earlier. She was on the verge of tears while her boyfriend first threatened to call the police, then threaten to ‘deck’ me!!

Yeah, that's happened to me, once almost got battered after brushing past someone in a pub. Hope you managed to extricate yourself from the situation safely BSC.

Funt Solo

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8078 on: 22 March, 2019, 05:50:36 pm »
In my hometown local (years ago), the local lads would all sit in one corner, and their significant others would sit in another corner.  All the men in one corner, all the women in the other. They wouldn't communicate at all. (I have no idea where all the non hetero-normative folk were, but I can see how it would be difficult to choose a seat.) 

Then some innocent would wander in, start chatting to what seemed like a corner full of single people, at which point a "Are you trying to chat up my chattel?" style barny would ensue.

Humans: what a bunch of Scunthorpes.  (I was observing all of this from my domain behind the bar ... where the non-humans live.)
fate amenable to change

Tiplodocus

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8079 on: 22 March, 2019, 11:23:22 pm »
The local ne'er-do-wells  keep waving at me in the street when I wear a certain combination of baseball cap and jacket. They keep thinking I look like one of their mates.
Be excellent to each other. And party on!

Tiplodocus

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8080 on: 01 April, 2019, 11:38:02 pm »
I just accidentally trod on a spider in the kitchen and squashed the poor thing flat.

I dunno why but it quite upset me. These accidental things *never* bother me normally.
Be excellent to each other. And party on!

IAMTHESYSTEM

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8081 on: 02 April, 2019, 11:42:01 am »
You're the Terminator sent by time to save humanity from the Spider menace. The Spider's resistance Leader is dead so we salute you Tiplodocus! ;)
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Fungus

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8082 on: 02 April, 2019, 01:44:00 pm »
I'm looking at your avatar. 'Squashed the poor thing flat' was a given  :-\

Proudhuff

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8083 on: 02 April, 2019, 04:24:51 pm »
The local ne'er-do-wells  keep waving at me in the street when I wear a certain combination of baseball cap and jacket. They keep thinking I look like one of their mates.

that's not going to end well  :o
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments
« Reply #8084 on: 02 April, 2019, 05:14:22 pm »

Show them the dead spider to let them know how you crush your enemies...

~~~^~~~~~~~

Be excellent to each other. And party on!

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