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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 29907 times)

Dandontdare

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #300 on: 07 December, 2018, 09:17:22 pm »


My friend asked me how I sneak snacks into the cinema. I just winked and said, "Oh, I have a few Twix up my sleeve."

ooo, good one - that's got to be a Tim Vine, a comedian I love, but feel sorry for: he spends months crafting a show with hundreds of one-liners, embarks on a 30 day tour and gig #1 is a triumph. By gig #2, all his best lines have been retweeted and gone viral, and by gig #30, the audience are sitting there thinking "I've heard that.And this is the man responsible for:

Exit signs? They're on the way out!

Black Beauty? Now there's a dark horse!

Velcro? What a rip-off!

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said you just can't let it go can you?

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes

So I said to a Scottsman 'did you have terrible spots as a kid?' He said 'ac ne'

Do you ever get that when you're half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, 'I'm not as hungry as I thought I was'

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The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #301 on: 07 December, 2018, 11:49:03 pm »

Ha, brilliant!