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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 50877 times)

paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #375 on: 19 October, 2019, 12:32:51 PM »
Far be it for me to try and interpret cymbals but what I’ve read so far chimes with many of the fiddles that your average lyre might try to attempt.

I’m not blowing my own trumpet or looking for gongs.

But the repercussions of this latest rattle will, I fear, leave me stranded in the Bermuda Triangle, with only Tom-Tom and his Zither for company.

sheridan

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #376 on: 05 February, 2020, 10:59:57 PM »
A man is at the funeral of an old friend.  He tentatively approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."  The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain." The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a great deal."

Another man comes up and asks for the same privilege. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Earth." The widow replies, "Thank you, that means the world."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a couple words. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Being alive." The widow replies, "Thank you, he would have liked that."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Infinity" . The widow replies, "Thank you, that means more than you could possibly imagine."

Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Fhqwhgads". The widow replies: "Thanks, you don't know what that means."

Another man comes up and says: “Mind if I say a few words too?” She says: “Please do.” The man clears his throat and says: “The Mariana Trench.” The widow replies: “Thanks, that’s really deep.”

Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a few words too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "water pit". The widow replies: "Thanks, I know you mean well."

Another man approaches the widow and says: “I’m truly sorry for your loss, he was a great man.” The widow replies: “I’m not sure you understand what’s happening here.”

Dandontdare

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #377 on: 06 February, 2020, 12:58:08 AM »
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in and says "do you mind if I say a word?"
The woman says "No, go right ahead".
He stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora", then sits back down.
"Thank you," says the widow, "that means a lot."

somebody has overthought that joke since it did the rounds last year!

I do like a good riff on a theme though. Fhqwhgads is my fave
« Last Edit: 06 February, 2020, 01:04:40 AM by Dandontdare »

Tiplodocus

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #378 on: 06 February, 2020, 09:47:09 AM »
Haha! Those are great.
Be excellent to each other. And party on!

von Boom

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #379 on: 25 February, 2020, 04:50:12 PM »
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines everywhere.

von Boom

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #380 on: 25 February, 2020, 06:15:32 PM »
Did you know that a piranha can devour a child down to the bone in less than 45 seconds?

Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today

paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #381 on: 25 February, 2020, 07:30:23 PM »
I used to work as the manager of a hotel. One day, I threw out an entire Chess club, as I could not stand the sound of Chess Nuts boasting in the open foyer.

Funt Solo

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #382 on: 02 April, 2020, 05:20:07 PM »
Here's one from the 1990 Winter Special, by Jim McCarthy:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kylie.
Kylie who?
That's show business.


Frank would know.