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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 49811 times)

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #150 on: 14 September, 2017, 05:17:41 pm »
I'm going to have to take the batteries out of this carbon monoxide alarm; all that beeping's giving me a headache.

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The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #151 on: 15 September, 2017, 09:06:01 am »
I just met an old friend who moved away decades ago. Over a coffee he came out to me as a cross-dresser, saying that he now has a Wigan address.

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Eamonn Clarke

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #152 on: 15 September, 2017, 04:16:36 pm »
From a fairly recent novel:
the punchline is
"The parrot whispered in the vicar's ear, 'If i might just ask, sir, what did the chicken do?' "

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Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #153 on: 15 September, 2017, 04:44:54 pm »
I just met an old friend who moved away decades ago. Over a coffee he came out to me as a cross-dresser, saying that he now has a Wigan address.

#DadJokes

Dandontdare

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #154 on: 15 September, 2017, 06:39:20 pm »
From a fairly recent novel:
the punchline is
"The parrot whispered in the vicar's ear, 'If i might just ask, sir, what did the chicken do?' "

Want the rest?

YES!

Two retired colonels in a gentleman's club. One says "it's Woom - W-O-O-M". The other says "Nonsense, it's WHUME". The waitress serving them says "sorry to butt in gentlemen, but it's womb W-O-M-B". The first chap sniffs and says "and have you ever HEARD an elephant fart madam?"

Professor Bear

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #155 on: 15 September, 2017, 08:09:45 pm »
You shouldn't generalise about people: Hitler was a vegetarian, but that doesn't mean all Nazis are cunts.

Eamonn Clarke

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #156 on: 16 September, 2017, 03:33:33 pm »
A vicar was left a parrot by one of his parishioners but was embarrassed to find that all the parrot did was swear, loudly and frequently. He tried covering the cage with a cloth but the swearing got even louder.
In desperation he placed the cage in the cupboard and closed the door, but the parrot just grew louder and the words it used even more offensive.

Eventually, at the end of his tether with the foul fowl he took the bird from its cage and in desperation opened his freezer door, thrust the parrot inside and closed the door. Listening at the door of his fridge freezer he heard the parrot pour forth every obscenity the vicar had ever encountered and several he hadn't. But after a minute the bird went quiet.

Tentatively the vicar opened the freezer door and the parrot hopped out, ran up the vicar's arm and whispered in his ear:
"I'm terribly sorry, sir. I promise you will never hear another offensive word from me."

The parrot paused and then added:
"But if I might just ask, sir. What exactly did the chicken do?"

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #157 on: 18 September, 2017, 06:02:28 am »
What do you call Batman when he skips church?

Christian Bale.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #158 on: 18 September, 2017, 07:30:27 am »
What do you call Batman when he skips church?

Christian Bale.

#DadJokes :p

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Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #159 on: 18 September, 2017, 09:49:41 am »
Very much so.

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #160 on: 18 September, 2017, 03:05:13 pm »
We used to have Johnny Cash,Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.No we have no cah,no jobs and no hope.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #161 on: 18 September, 2017, 03:14:44 pm »
I remember that one as Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder (no Cash, no Hope and no bloody Wonder).

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Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #162 on: 18 September, 2017, 04:14:05 pm »
Well,we lost Jobs in the meantime.

sheridan

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #163 on: 18 September, 2017, 08:45:29 pm »
Well,we lost Jobs in the meantime.

Not to mention that Stevie Wonder is still, y'know, alive?

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #164 on: 18 September, 2017, 09:02:32 pm »
They were all still alive when I first heard this joke.

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