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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 55369 times)

Mister Pops

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #165 on: 18 September, 2017, 09:25:41 PM »
How do you milk a sheep?

Sell the new iphone for a grand
You may quote me on that.

sheridan

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #166 on: 18 September, 2017, 09:39:21 PM »
They were all still alive when I first heard this joke.

Not sure I see how that joke works if they're all alive - the punchline is 'no hope', etc.  (yes, I know, explaining jokes never works!)

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #167 on: 18 September, 2017, 09:43:25 PM »
As Barry Cryer said, "analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog; nobody laughs and the frog dies."

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JamesC

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #168 on: 18 September, 2017, 09:45:37 PM »
What singer never gets gravy down his shirt?


Napkin Cole
(He's dead as well)

Mister Pops

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #169 on: 18 September, 2017, 09:51:32 PM »
Termite walks into a bar and asks " Is the bar tender, here?"
You may quote me on that.

Professor Bear

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #170 on: 18 September, 2017, 10:14:09 PM »
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile on a leash and asks "do you serve humans?"
The bartender instinctively says "Of course." and the man nods toward the crocodile and says "I'll have a pint, and he'll have a human."
The bartender suddenly realises he's in a bad joke and tries to back out "Actually, I just remembered, we don't have any humans today.  I've not even a pygmy back here."
"Just as well."  Says the man "I daren't let him start out on the shorts or he'd fucking wreck this place."

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #171 on: 19 September, 2017, 05:41:35 AM »
Why does Rogue like Magneto?
He's attractive.

von Boom

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #172 on: 19 September, 2017, 04:23:57 PM »
A snail was mugged by a tortoise. When the police asked the snail if he could describe his assailant the snail replied, 'No, it happened too fast.'

Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #173 on: 19 September, 2017, 07:47:06 PM »
What do superheroes put in their drinks?
Just ice.

Hawkmumbler

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #174 on: 20 September, 2017, 08:50:01 PM »
How many Irish men does it take to plant an Acorn?

Tree.

'Zac's not being let into the Emerald isle anytime soon'

TordelBack

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #175 on: 20 September, 2017, 09:26:50 PM »
How many Irish men does it take to plant an Acorn?

Tree.


Ah, but how many does it take to cut down the oak that results?

The same: tree fellers.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #176 on: 21 September, 2017, 10:18:17 AM »
I just got one of those anti-bullying wristbands - stole it off a fat kid.

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Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #177 on: 22 September, 2017, 11:00:07 AM »
How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #178 on: 27 September, 2017, 07:00:53 AM »
Q: If the Queen, Theresa May, Jeremy Corbyn, Nigel Dodds, Vince Cable and Mark Carney are on a ship in the middle of an Atlantic storm and the ship sinks, who is saved?

A: Britain.
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Smith

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #179 on: 27 September, 2017, 09:16:34 AM »
People used to laugh at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian.But nobody's laughing now.