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Author Topic: Squaxx Telling Jokes  (Read 29889 times)

paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #285 on: 17 August, 2018, 01:33:37 pm »
A Priest was walking past a pet shop one day when he noticed a sign in the window: "Christian Horse for Sale."

Being that the Priest owned a large farm, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop. The owner took the Priest out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion.

He agreed to allow the Priest to take a "test run."

The Priest grabbed the reins. "Giddyap!"

The horse ignored him.

"No, no," counseled the owner. This is a Christian horse. If you want him to move, you must say, "Praise the Lord!"

The Priest did as he was told, and the horse started off on a leisurely walk. However, he soon found that the horse would not stop.

 "He won't answer to 'Whoa', said the owner. It's "Amen."

The Priest decided that he liked the horse, so he bought him and took him home to his farm in the country. He saddled the horse up again, said, "Praise the Lord," and went riding into the countryside.

Suddenly, the horse saw a snake crossing the path. Frightened, he reared and bolted straight for a cliff. The Priest cried "whoa!" but the horse only ran faster. In vain, he tried one word after another. Finally, he remembered the correct command and screamed "AMEN!!!!!" just as the horse approached the edge of the cliff.

The Priest was so thrilled that his life had been saved that he raised his hands to the sky and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"

QuickQuag

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #286 on: 09 September, 2018, 11:40:01 am »


Q: What did the piece of cheese say when it saw itself in the mirror?





A: "Haloumi"
The views above are entirely my own. And there's the problem.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #287 on: 09 September, 2018, 04:22:25 pm »

King Canute took his new laptop back to PC World for a refund. Apparently, he couldn't get Ctrl+C to work.


JayzusB.Christ

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #288 on: 10 September, 2018, 09:45:49 pm »

King Canute took his new laptop back to PC World for a refund. Apparently, he couldn't get Ctrl+C to work.



Finally the penny drops!
“Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest”

JamesC

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #289 on: 11 September, 2018, 06:01:26 am »
What do we want?

Low flying aeroplane noises!

When do we want them?

Neeeooow!

von Boom

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #290 on: 28 September, 2018, 12:32:50 pm »
My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.

It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

von Boom

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #291 on: 04 October, 2018, 02:25:00 pm »
I took my dog to the park to play frisbee. It was rubbish. I need a flatter dog.

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #292 on: 25 October, 2018, 12:31:08 pm »

I got chatting to this guy at the bus stop. He opened his wallet and showed me a picture of his wife and said, "Isn't she gorgeous?"

"If you think she's gorgeous," I said, "you should see my girlfriend."

"Why? Is she a stunner?"

"No," I said, "she's an optician."


TordelBack

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #293 on: 25 October, 2018, 02:10:21 pm »
Drokk you Sharky, I just spluttered coffee all over me book.

von Boom

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #294 on: 25 October, 2018, 02:19:35 pm »
What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

paddykafka

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #295 on: 26 November, 2018, 12:26:24 pm »
The wife suggested that we play Doctors and Nurses.

So I put her on a trolley for 48 hours and ignored her.

JayzusB.Christ

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #296 on: 26 November, 2018, 04:47:56 pm »
Did you hear about that blind man who fell down that well?
He couldn't see that well.
“Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest”

Tjm86

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #297 on: 26 November, 2018, 06:01:16 pm »
The wife suggested that we play Doctors and Nurses.

So I put her on a trolley for 48 hours and ignored her.

What the hell kind of hospital have you been in where the nurses were able to lie around for 48 hours?

The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #298 on: 26 November, 2018, 08:10:39 pm »

You're obviously not a member of Bupa.


The Legendary Shark

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Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« Reply #299 on: 07 December, 2018, 08:02:58 pm »

My friend asked me how I sneak snacks into the cinema. I just winked and said, "Oh, I have a few Twix up my sleeve."