The Black Dog Thread

[Tjm86]

Hey, worth thinking about why you are sharing here.

You say you can't even summon the will to email but you've posted on this here public forum.  That's interaction there, risking yourself.  May feel like nothing but it isn't.

How about just breaking it down and getting the application form?  Even if you do nothing else, it is still a positive step.  Doesn't matter if you don't fill it in, send it in, go to the interview or get the job.  It's an action.

Way too many people don't appreciate how much of a challenge the tiniest step is.  All a bit shit?  Depends on how you are measuring things.  I'd say you aren't giving yourself anywhere near enough credit pal.

[The Legendary Shark]

Hey, worth thinking about why you are sharing here.

You say you can't even summon the will to email but you've posted on this here public forum.  That's interaction there, risking yourself.  May feel like nothing but it isn't.

How about just breaking it down and getting the application form?  Even if you do nothing else, it is still a positive step.  Doesn't matter if you don't fill it in, send it in, go to the interview or get the job.  It's an action.

Way too many people don't appreciate how much of a challenge the tiniest step is.  All a bit shit?  Depends on how you are measuring things.  I'd say you aren't giving yourself anywhere near enough credit pal.

^^^ Entirely this ^^^

Go for it. Fill out the forms. Go to the interviews. When you're offered the job, turn it down with a belly laugh.

[JayzusB.Christ]

After a lot of work I've made my peace with this state of affairs, keep the self-berating to a minimum and even congratulate myself for just keeping on keeping on, but... it's all a bit shit innit?

It most certainly is, sometimes.  It's fucking horrible to suffer from depression and there's no point pretending otherwise.  All I can say is I really hope you get through this particular spell soon.

I take the tablets, as I've said before, and possibly even recommended them to you or other boarders.  I'm beginning to wonder, though, if depression is usually temporary anyway and it just feels like they're working because of that.  I still get horribly down sometimes even with the pills.  It's CBT that's made the most impact for me, all from books, I might add. I ended up having a big argument with my last counsellor and he told me how 'difficult' the session had been for him.  Pretty sure it was harder for me, and I was 60 euro down into the bargain.

 He had helped me in other ways, to be fair, but that particular car crash of a session was enough to convince me that we were done.

[The Legendary Shark]

Although I spent nearly a decade at the bottom of the well, and sometimes feel myself falling back into it, these days (for the most part) I think I've got it under control. Nevertheless, I do feel like a giant fraud posting on this thread.

[Rackle]

Hi, room for a small one on this thread?

I'll keep it short.  I've been diagnosed as depressed since the 1990s and seem to have a bad flare up every 10 years or so where it spirals to the point of being suicidal.  Before last year my really bad patch was in 2010.  Then last September I had a particularly bad episode and had to take a month off work whilst I was seen by the Crisis team. I returned to work but was on reduced hours since (75% of my normal hours).  It seemed to be manageable even though I had been on a waiting list for 18 months for any counselling or therapy, and the antidepressants I was taking this time round seemed to react badly with my epilepsy medication, which in turn turned me into an exhausted husk of a person who has been experiencing memory loss, difficulty in speech and clumsiness.  I was put on long-term sick leave in June after I failed to recognise 2 senior members of staff that attended a training session I was hosting for the database system I managed. Nothing bad specifically happened but it scared me that I didn't recognise senior colleagues.

As of June this year I started attending group therapy and I am going to have to go back on antidepressants again.  I am actively trying to get regular exercise and sunshine - been throwing myself into gardening whilst I've been on sick leave to combine the two and make use of my time.


Cut to today - I've been let go by my workplace because they cannot continue to support me under the recommendations provided by Occupational Health (reduced hours to 75% for a further 6 months and removal of line management responsibilities).  I'm in pieces right now 

[JayzusB.Christ]

Hi, room for a small one on this thread?

Always.

I'm so sorry to hear about today's news. Please hang in there; you said it happens sporadically which means it always improves, even though it never feels like it will.

I know it's not much, but you'll always have us to listen to you; daft pack of obsessive nerds though we are.

[Rackle]

Cheers Jayzus. I have been lurking on this thread for a long time wondering if I should post but today felt especially bad as I lost my job as a result of the Black Dog getting hold of me for long enough that I have been observed by work whilst waiting for therapy and it hurts all the more that I am making so much progress in the last couple of months but it still cost me my job.

Much love and respect to all of you who posted on here so far (and lurkers who have not yet posted).

[DrJomster]

Hang on in there. It will get better. The fact that you can post here even is a good sign.

You still have that progress you mentioned and that’s so important.

Plus, obviously, you like 2000AD, so that’s a massive plus already!

[TordelBack]

Ah Rackle, that's poor. We get endless advice to be open about mental health issues with employers and seek supports, and then when you do it's "sorry, can't". I know from my own experience that losing one job for this reason, and then having to look for another while the same problems persist is absolutely crushingly hard.

The positive side is that you know these things are periodic/cyclical and it WILL get better. Give yourself as much time as you can, remind yourself that the Occupational Health recommendation was totally reasonable, and your employers aren't worth further thought. You'll be back to your full self soon, and they'll still be the ungrateful idiots who lost a good employee - and that'll be someone else's gain.

[Bolt-01]

Rackle - Big hugs.

TB - did you put an application in?

[karlos]

So sorry to read that, Rackles.

No matter what, stay active, physically and mentally, as much as possible.

The sun will shine again.

[The Legendary Shark]

My best to you, Rackle. You didn't let your employers down, they let you down.

[paddykafka]

My best to you, Rackle. You didn't let your employers down, they let you down.

Might it be said that they have let the place go to Rackle ruin?

Hope things work out for you, pal and welcome to the greatest comics forum in the Galaxy!

[Rackle]

Thanks for the support folk, it is helping a lot. As are silly puns - puns are always welcome.

I'm numb today and think I'll leave it till after the weekend before I actively pursue a new job. This weekend I'm going to lick my wounds for a bit and go to a rock night tomorrow just to forget what's happening.

[Proudhuff]

Aw the best Rackle, get out there and rock! then back to the garden, and possibly a book on CBT, I know its helped my son with his black dog.