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Author Topic: The Black Dog Thread  (Read 56294 times)

Rately

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #480 on: 03 March, 2020, 08:18:39 AM »
Hi Funt and Rately,

I can completely understand and appreciate where you are both coming from (though in my case, the experiences were with former girlfriends). Anyways, I wish you both all the best and hope that you'se can find the strength and support to deal with what can be a difficult and stressful situation. Cheers, lads and take care.

Cheers to you, Paddy.

Hope all well with you as well, and take care, lad. Same goes to Funt, and all who are active in this thread, or peruse it and maybe don't feel the need to share / vent!

Tjm86

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #481 on: 15 March, 2020, 10:27:47 AM »
With everything else that is going on in the world at the moment this definitely comes under the heading of "First World Problems" but anyway ...

So, a couple of months ago I managed to screw up badly at work.  A colleague had picked a bad day to badger me for something and I didn't react particularly well.  One complaint later and I was told to work from home for the foreseeable future pending an investigation.  Nothing for several months then met with investigator.  Then nothing for several months again ...

Friday - letter arrives telling me I now need to attend a disciplinary meeting to answer an allegation of gross misconduct with the possible termination of employment.  Not so much a 'black dog' moment as a 'black, feral, psychotic, hyper-canine' moment, especially with the BPD.

Union has been involved for a while and my rep was a little surprised.  Now passed up a level.

TBH it feels a little pathetic at the moment worrying about losing job and home.  Keeping rational, avoiding catastrophising, maintaining some degree of equilibrium in the face of ANS-hyper-activation, sleeping properly, eating, avoiding self-medication, all the usual that go with high-threat situations ... just seems stupid when other people are worrying about their own lives and the lives of loved ones.

I feel completely insane for feeling like there is a silver lining to the pandemic, that it is only a job, only a house, only the family home .... These are all things I can come back from.  The more important question is what matters most.

I know that quite a few inhabitants of this board have more than a passing familiarity with the dark mutt.  Everything going on around us is likely to put pressure on our ability to manage it particularly since our already overstretched medical services have to prioritise somewhat brutally.  So here's hoping everyone stays strong. 

I think as well this might be apposite to reflect on the level of support that is often found here.  That anyone feeling overwhelmed remembers and calls in before losing the plot?

Take care folks.

TordelBack

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Re: The Black Dog Thread
« Reply #482 on: 15 March, 2020, 11:02:11 AM »
Wise words, Tjm.

Turns out I'm regettably pre-prepared for many of the features of this awful new world. Through pretty relentless CBD I've got myself into a strange state of emotional numbness this past year, with (for me) very few severe downs - or ups. It's allowed me to keep working, it's made home life more pleasant for my poor family, but it has also meant I've become completely demotivated and socially isolated.

I'm using all my mental energy maintaining necessary work and family relationships so I have given up sport and group hobbies, school community stuff, CoderDojo mentoring, and ceased all interaction with my real-world friends, even my two closest mates. Other than two mandatory work do's I haven't been in a pub since last summer. I've no energy once the essentials are done, and a constant fear that any intense emotion one way or the other will tip me off the balance beam.

I distract myself with childish solo hobbies like this place, painting minis, walks, and that is good, but longterm... it's not sustainable, is it? Right now though, result! ;)

I'd say all my work will be cancelled by the end of the week, meaning shitty unfinished ends for two of the best projects I've ever been involved with, and an end to the most successful client relationships I've had in years. However, I've been here before, I lost a business I grew for 10 years, all our savings, and inherited vast amounts of debt, my reputation becoming an industry byword for failure, but eventually found a good place with a company I liked, and after a few years lost that due to a severe bout of depression... but I survived.

And I will again.

And so will most of us - jobs, careers, money, pride, it's all important, but you can lose it all and still carry on.

All that matters is that we keep our health and that of our loved ones as best we can, and stay alive. But it would be nice to hope for better days.
« Last Edit: 15 March, 2020, 11:05:05 AM by TordelBack »