Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
 

Author Topic: The Letters Beast - Online!  (Read 19538 times)

The Enigmatic Dr X

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 5505
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #75 on: 11 March, 2019, 09:53:53 AM »
Looks like a heart attack on a plate.

(And he should know).
Lock up your spoons!

Buttonman

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 5849
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #76 on: 11 March, 2019, 08:45:48 PM »
Looks like a heart attack on a plate.

(And he should know).

Excuse me I had a ventricular tachycardia - my arteries are clean as a whistle.

A whistle buried in sludge at the bottom of a disused canal but I've never had a heart attack. Not yet anyway!

Proudhuff

  • Member
  • CALL-ME-KENNETH!
  • *****
  • Posts: 13167
  • A minefield of imbeciles and chimps
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #77 on: 13 March, 2019, 11:28:20 AM »
two more letters, and still nothing... bloody amateur!
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

Buttonman

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 5849
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #78 on: 13 March, 2019, 10:30:45 PM »
Three to go Tom! Working on it - sent in a goodie the other day about the preponderance of characters revealing that they had explosive vests on. Gold I tells ya,gold!

Proudhuff

  • Member
  • CALL-ME-KENNETH!
  • *****
  • Posts: 13167
  • A minefield of imbeciles and chimps
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #79 on: 14 March, 2019, 11:39:54 AM »
That's a hook Tharg could resist right? right?
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

Fungus

  • Member
  • Evil Cyborg
  • ****
  • Posts: 2401
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #80 on: 15 March, 2019, 01:36:00 AM »
It was a bit unfortunate to see two strips in a row with exactly the same climax. The main thought I had at the time was: Wow, that hardly ever happens! It's kind of a compliment!

Proudhuff

  • Member
  • CALL-ME-KENNETH!
  • *****
  • Posts: 13167
  • A minefield of imbeciles and chimps
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #81 on: 20 August, 2019, 01:45:10 PM »
two more letters, and still nothing... bloody amateur!

again!
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

Buttonman

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 5849
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #82 on: 17 December, 2019, 08:26:39 PM »


And we’re back! We didn’t want to be, but some fat guy having a mid life crisis kind of committed us. That’s not true, we’ve never actually been gone, as our premium subscribers will attest. We all enjoyed that Letters Symposium in Bognor and the ‘Where Letters dare’ animated series didn’t we?

Anyway enough waffle lets gets down to the serious and exciting business. Right after we assess these letters.

The Christmas Prog delivered a sack load of 7 letters; but was it a sack of delight or a load of something else? Let’s delve in…

We open with Bill Goodwin of Hartlepool, and it’s a good win for Bill as he snags the Letter of the Week laurels in his first outing. 13 Goodwins have held the rank of ‘Letter Published Person’ with Russell ruling the roost on six. He was last sighted in Prog 1865 in 2014 when he too gained the top spot with a ‘photo of some comics‘. Good labelling us. Hartlepool can claim 14 letters in total, with the lead Monkey Hanger being Kenneth Gibson with a paltry 2. He was last seen in Prog 190 in 1980 so a gibbon may have stolen his pencil.

Bill’s letter treads a familiar path but at least he has the good graces to acknowledge the fact. His Mam has bought him the Prog for 40 odd years and, although we detect a slight sense of regret that she didn’t move him on to ‘Razzle’, she seems a good sort. Bill thinks the Prog has made him a better person - self praise is no praise Bill! - but it is a warming opening for the festive edition.

Nick Black of Brighton next, who is another debutant unless he want to claim, and provide evidence for, the Nick Black letter in Prog 225. N.B. that one was from Edgware. Brighton’s most decorated scribe is Sean ‘Mike’ Baldwin who boasts six - Howzat?! He was last seen in Prog 1511 in 2006 so he may have been run out or indeed, over.

Nicks letter is a two inch filler - or a good night as our wife calls it. Nick suggests that Tharg keep the Moore droid chained up - if he could do that Nick, we might have seen book 4 of Halo Jones!

Another newbie next in the shape of David Macdermott from email land. We’re not getting much to work with here! The only close relation we have is T.A. McDermott who seems to be named after our favourite type of film. T.A. saw his only printed effort in Prog 895 in 1994.

David is a bit wordy and takes six lines to say ‘Hi Tharg, I live in Australia and like the Prog’. He likes an adjective, even if it’s a pointless, superfluous and unnecessary adjective that is also perfunctory and annoying. To be fair his enthusiasm washes off the page, as did the dribble we dropped onto it whilst trying to read his breathless prose. More is less, fewer, diminutive, smaller…

Oh good, another newbie! We love them as they keep the letters page alive and they aren’t dull old men who have been writing letters for 30 years! Samuel Brook-Williams has a hyphen and only this letter to his printed pantheon. Of the six other Samuels on the Beast’s database Samuel Maxwell leads with his modest two, the last of which appeared in Meg 123/ V3.20.

Samuel’s first letter will probably be his last as he give Defoe a size ten steel toe capped boot right in the jaffers. Some may say it’s fair comment but not those of us sitting idle on 99 letters. Tharg suggests David re-reads Defoe - maybe that’s good advice, but only if a tab of acid is provided also.

With four first timers now out of the way we hit a rich seam of familiar faces with the Beast Marks ™ getting larger with each successive scriber - and some people suggest Tharg doesn’t read this column! Alistair Coleman of Fleet kicks us off with his 4th offering. That’s not too many but he only started out in Prog 2093 in 2018. He’s as keen as mustard!

Alistair say the Dredd tale ‘Guatemala’ was “spot on” - We must have missed that robot revolution on the news! What? ‘allegory? Wasn’t that an Austin car in the 1970’s? David’s letter could be a tiny bit racist with his sweeping comments about all those south of the equator but he flashes his credentials so we’ll give him a pass. We read the Daily Mail too.

David Walker of Exeter pops up next for his 8th outing - we’d have hoped by now he’d have learned you don’t need to start a quick note with ‘Just a quick note’ - that’s obvious and a waste of a few words that could be better spent asking for ‘Cannon Fodder’ to come back.  We digress, David may be on the cusp of a Beast identifier tag, conferred on those with 10 or more letters to their name. But is he the David Walker of Derby from Prog 314 in 1983? Evidence and a £20 appeal fee to the usual place please David.

David enjoys ‘Hope Under Fire’ - we’re saving that for when we can read it in a oner so we’ll take his recommendation on board.

Last up is David, Feliks and Oskar Rees with their ‘now traditional’ offering of Lego creations. These are lovely and David kindly offers to help others with custom builds. What a nice man. We don’t recognise a single cube from the sets we used to get - blue two pin one, that’s your lot.

This is the 10th letter David has had his name on but unfortunately 8 are joint efforts so under the Beast rules he doesn’t qualify for entry to the Beast ‘Hot Top Ten’. Oh go on then - David is hereby awarded the latest place on the Beast All Time Sheet with Tom Proud foot within easy catching distance.



Overall a nice and worthwhile letters page. Strange that all the named places were in England apart from Norway who are destined to beat Scotland in the Euro playoffs next year. It’s a conspiracy! Look at this great letter from an anonymous Jock scribe that failed to meet the cut - a conspiracy I tells ya!

<Beast Master : Edit that shit>

I've not been the biggest fan of the talking heads extravaganza 'Brink', but I was pulled in a bit this week with the swearing fines being dished out. Was it just me or did everyone read the 'One Dollar Fine' captions in Nigel Hawthorne's voice? 'Demolition Man' - there was a film! A decent warm up to the Stallone Dredd film which was <One dollar fine> <One dollar fine>.

See you on the next publication date or later if we get banned (again).

Happy Holidays!


sheridan

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 5387
    • View Profile
    • Wilde Wood
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #83 on: 18 December, 2019, 12:49:38 PM »
we’d have hoped by now he’d have learned you don’t need to start a quick note with ‘Just a quick note’ - that’s obvious and a waste of a few words that could be better spent asking for ‘Cannon Fodder’ to come back.


But which of the writers would produce series three?

Proudhuff

  • Member
  • CALL-ME-KENNETH!
  • *****
  • Posts: 13167
  • A minefield of imbeciles and chimps
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #84 on: 18 December, 2019, 01:24:09 PM »
'but it is a warming opening for the festive edition.'

Well we all would like that... :-X
But everybody else is overwhelmed by indifference and the promise of an early bed

Richard

  • Member
  • Evil Cyborg
  • ****
  • Posts: 2485
  • Beast Code WWW
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #85 on: 18 December, 2019, 02:48:26 PM »
Hi Buttonman,

I had a letter in prog 2140, but my count hasn't increased.

WWW

Buttonman

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 5849
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #86 on: 18 December, 2019, 04:00:44 PM »
Hi Buttonman,

I had a letter in prog 2140, but my count hasn't increased.

WWW

Are you Richard Wood? I though you be the Kavanagh variety! The letter is logged but not credited to you as the address is 'Willesden' whereas previous efforts have had 'London' 'Redlett' and 'Hertfordshire' - are you claiming all of these? We will look at sentence construction, grammar etc.!

Richard

  • Member
  • Evil Cyborg
  • ****
  • Posts: 2485
  • Beast Code WWW
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #87 on: 18 December, 2019, 04:26:16 PM »
Yes I claim all of those addresses! Radlett is in Hertfordshire and Willesden is in London (I moved).

Buttonman

  • Member
  • Bionic Fingers
  • *****
  • Posts: 5849
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #88 on: 18 December, 2019, 04:59:47 PM »
Yes I claim all of those addresses! Radlett is in Hertfordshire and Willesden is in London (I moved).

Well do remember to update us on your movements - the Beast isn't psychic!

That's the next upgrade!

Records updated!

Richard

  • Member
  • Evil Cyborg
  • ****
  • Posts: 2485
  • Beast Code WWW
    • View Profile
Re: The Letters Beast - Online!
« Reply #89 on: 18 December, 2019, 05:05:27 PM »
Thank you!