Attempts at the sample scripts

[Reddragonuk]

I thought I'd take a stab at this, I tried to avoid looking through the thread which may have been a mistake but I just wanted to try my own take on it from fresh. I'd do a lot different second time around, some of the anatomy and shots I chose don't quite gel and I'd maybe hand paint and take longer so less had to be done in photoshop as some exteriors around the characters and alterations are a bit severe. It's all learning and I'd love to hear your thoughts and appreciate any help.

[CrazyFoxMachine]

Some nice greytones throughout here - what I would say is there's an overwhelming amount of odd-scaling like you've put the image in and stretched it or squeezed unnaturally to fit into the panel confines. Looks mighty strange.

[Reddragonuk]

Hi. Thank you for the feedback and I agree about the scaling. Some panels I drew larger seperatly to get more clarity or detail in but rookie mistake it seems to conflict with the layouts in places. I maybe able to re jig it somehow.

[Reddragonuk]

I've done a bit of playing around with pages with panels I could see that were a bit off. I think I got them all, I hope it looks less squished now.

[pauljholden]

Gah, wrote a big post, and safari on the (old) iPad ate it (wouldn't have happened on my lovely new iPad, but wife and kids took it on holiday with them ...)

You need to fix the stretch characters, I'd suggest redrawing all of it using a lightbox or similar technique, and also introducing a LOT more variety in your composition. Almost every panel has the same focus point (dead centre of the panel) and it looks like you've drawn every panel in isolation without consideration for how a page will read.

Some people can pull that off, but, it's a lot easier to draw a page on a page.

http://www.idrawdigital.com/2009/11/tutorial-composition-and-page-layout/

[Reddragonuk]

Thanks Mr Holden I appreciate that you took time to write it out,I hate it when you lose big posts. I can see what youre saying about the compositions. I will study that link and get a bit more variety next attempt. In all honesty I wish id done thos years ago but I never had the confidence in my ability.

Thanks again for all help thus far.

[Reddragonuk]

I took what you all said on board and I've come up with this version, I altered the layouts so they are more varied now and I think maybe the only panel where its a little stillted is from the Dredd close up to the mirror reflection panel, thinking maybe the background of the Dredd panel should be all white to help it flow into the sillouette shot and maybe the shadow figure should be a little closer. Not sure.


Please let me know what you think, I appreciate the feedback I've had and I think this version is an improvement due to that.













Thank you

[Karl Stephan]

Anybody get any feedback from Tharg lately?

[allistermac]

Hi Sparkonaut,
I sent my submission into Tharg at the beginning of July. I'll let you know if and when I get any feedback.

[Karl Stephan]

Please do. It would be good to have a trail of feedback on here straight from the Quaxxann's mouth 

[Bubba Zebill]

Anybody get any feedback from Tharg lately?

Hi Sparkonaut,

Yes, I did. So if you are waiting for a response I have proof the mighty one does personally get back to artists who submit work. I sent a re-worked version of pages posted here, I took on various points by people on this thread. I must say I was surprised it was not a form letter, he went in to detail on what he thought about the pages, a rare thing IMO. But Tharg, he no like.

I'm now working on a Dredd story for Zarjaz to be published in January 2013 (of which a detail can be seen as my avatar here). Good luck with your submission Sparkonaut, make a breakthrough pal!

BTW - I sent various probes out that month of which 2000AD was just one and It yielded plenty.
"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need" - The Rolling Stones

[markchilly]

Hey Guys!

Decided to have a go at PF. Heres the rough pencils for page one, boy am I outa practice!!

[Karl Stephan]

Anybody get any feedback from Tharg lately?

I'm now working on a Dredd story for Zarjaz to be published in January 2013 (of which a detail can be seen as my avatar here). Good luck with your submission Sparkonaut, make a breakthrough pal!

Nice

As for me, I'll get back on the horse with a fresh sub one of these fine days.

[Karl Stephan]

I like it, Mark. A good ink job over that (minus the distortion of course) will look rather grand, I think.

[markchilly]

Thanks, Going to change the last panel, I don't think it works. I like the flow of the rest of the page but that last panel isn't working for me.