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General Chat => Off Topic => Topic started by: DavidXBrunt on 18 October, 2004, 07:07:34 AM

Title: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: DavidXBrunt on 18 October, 2004, 07:07:34 AM
A couple of doozies from one of my colleagues this week. I was dicking about dancing to some M-People song - for reasons too long to go into here - and my colleague looked up, and said "Don't you stand there under my nose pulling faces behind my back, Mr. Blunt!".

Earlier in the week she defeated my reasoned, logical arguement that bullying is wrong by stating "We've all commited suicide, Mr. Blunt".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: esoteric ed on 18 October, 2004, 07:28:01 AM
Not a personal experience David, but my brother asked two of his staff "how many quarters are there in a (earth) year?", both said... 3



Ed


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 18 October, 2004, 07:46:33 AM
At games day I had the following conversation with Will Hayes (the forge world sculptor)

m: do you know the size of the base used for the eldar titan?

w: huh?

m: do you know the size of the base used for the eldar titan?

w: you mean the painted one over there?

m: yes, that one

w: yes I do

m: well

W: well what?

m: do you know the size of the base used for the eldar titan?

w: yes

m: what is the size?

w: oh, 160mm


like i'd be interested in whether he knew the size of a base and not want to know its size.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Floyd-the-k on 18 October, 2004, 12:15:30 PM
Dxb, that`s surreal!
Max, that`s annoying, either rude or unfunny and rude.

I`ve had someone tell me that Australia shouldn`t be a republic `because you`d have to change the flag`. Stupid because if I`d like us to be a republic, it`s quite possible I don`t care about changing the flag. Possibly they thought this was funny.

here`s an odd one:

F: You write children`s books. Have you read the Moomin books? They`re really good.
New Zealander Colleage; I haven`t read them. They must be Australian
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Devons Daddy on 18 October, 2004, 01:20:24 PM
stupid,catering industry,customers, its  receipe for success in this arena,QE2 passengers. proving money does not + common sense.

Q/is this is the breakfast buffet chef?
A/yes.
its 8.30 am in the morning. we have freshly fried egg and ommeltte station. bacon eggs,sausges and so on.what do you think it is HIGH TEA?

Q/.so you guys go home at night or stay on board the ship then?
A/no sir we stay on board.
its the third day a sea for a five day atlantic crossing.do you see any very very long range helicopters or fast boats?

Q/do these pork sausages contain meat chef?
A/yes sir i am told we use minced pork in them.
PORK SAUSAGES, say it slowly.
 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Mangamax on 18 October, 2004, 02:36:02 PM
We went on the Eurostar shortly after it opened and, getting back to Ashford "International", got a taxi.
Taxi Driver: "Been on the Eurostar then?"
Me: "Yes"
Taxi Driver: "What's it like then?"
Me: "Well, after a while it gets boring - sort of being on the London Underground"
Taxi Driver: "Guess you could always watch the fish and the ships going by"

The scary thing is i think he actually believed the tunnel was a glass tube going along the bottom of the channel. And we were trusting him to drive us home.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Dudley on 18 October, 2004, 03:52:47 PM
Psycho Killer Sales Boss.

Notorious for having a staff turnover of the equivalent of his entire team every 18 months.

Given to shouting abuse if sales figures weren't on target.  

Luckily, also given to malapropism of the highest order.  Such as...

-  Look, just talk to the face, cos the hand ain't listening!

-  I've always said it, brains baffles bullshit.

-  We need some blue-box thinking here!

etc...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: IndigoPrime on 18 October, 2004, 04:02:27 PM
:: Australia shouldn`t be a republic `because you`d have
:: to change the flag`

In all seriousness, I wonder what such a change would bring. I actually rather like the Australian flag right now. I also wonder whether being a republic would bring any benefits to Australia at all. I used to be all for scrapping the royals and smashing together a republic from the various bits of the UK. Then, after seeing the Americans make a continual hash of the presidency, and Blair going in that route, I'm quite happy to leave things as they are.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Priv8eye on 18 October, 2004, 04:32:17 PM
Gave my mother a CD player and a couple of CD's for her birthday one year.  Was demonstrating how to work the CD player and handle CDs when she asked "when they're finished do you rewind them?"
Title: Jonathan Woss pulls out
Post by: Dudley on 18 October, 2004, 05:01:59 PM
Can't see any reference to this anywhere else, sorry if it's already been mentioned.

Jonathan Woss has wetweated fwom interviewing Gwant Mowwison, and spent much of his wadio show apologising and pleading a pwiow awwangement.  

(This is according to my Mum, who's a regular listener and phoned me afterwards to ask what it was all about.  Apparently Ross did go on and on about it, publicising Winterfest to the best of his ability).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Devons Daddy on 18 October, 2004, 05:31:01 PM
ahh mothers.
mine( batty as a friut cake)

 1983 VHS video recorder new in the house
.
family is watching some movie we hired from the local video store.she notices the time.
asks my father to tape the show for her on ITV which starts any minute now.

while we are watching the video movie so she can watch her show later.


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Tex Hex on 18 October, 2004, 09:27:21 PM

My friends ex once asked us "If you put a bullet in a gun backwards, will it fire out the back and kill you?"

hex

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 18 October, 2004, 11:41:18 PM
Today;
"i can't get the air hose to work for my tyres, ive put a ?1 coin in , but it won't work "

" what you mean this large yellow machine with 3 inch letters saying 'car vacuum cleaner' ?"


"'Gleaner' Oils, is that a 'shell' garage?"," no its a 'Gleaner' garage"  (shit, unless theyre right ? nooo can't be)

Everyday: said to be as i scurry around at the garage in a uniform which says "blah blah Garage" from dawn to dusk, "are you busy at the pottery then?"  "no i'm here, the pottery is shut, its shit, thats why i work here you f*cking cretin"

etc etc etc
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Lobo Baggins on 18 October, 2004, 11:42:34 PM
"We've all commited suicide, Mr. Blunt".

My surname is Sharp, but I also had a boss who insisted on calling me 'Mr. Blunt'.

He thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Twat.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Satanist on 18 October, 2004, 11:55:51 PM
One of my wifes mates actually uttered the words..."Whats a dog?"

Now that has to be the thickest question I've ever heard.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 19 October, 2004, 12:36:48 AM
i also get very cross on a daily basis, when people who know me, who know i'm a fire fighter etc etc, say too me at work, "oh you can't lift that its too heavy", often when i actually have sack of coal/birdnuts/tatties already easily balanced on my head... er yes i am doing, do i look like its difficult ?

so what the feck to they think i do in the brigade? make the coffee while the 'men' haul the people out o burning buildings?

ArGHHHH
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 19 October, 2004, 01:40:12 AM
SO, when a delivery comes in at work, we're supposed to have two people there for safety reasons and quicker unloading. I go out there to help the other guy unload, but then the duty manager pops up and whisks him away, leaving me on me tod. Fine, I think, I can do it myself easily, not my problem if the duty manager woman supersedes company policy. Of course she comes out ten minutes later and asks me why I'm not wearing my yellow coat, then fucks off again... so just who out of all of us is more against our precious company policy, huh bitch? ARGH!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Bico on 19 October, 2004, 01:44:52 AM
All the time - "Do you do glass?"
They ask this of someone in a warehouse with a ten foot sign with the word 'glazing' on it.
Who's standing in front of several thousand sheets of glass.
And cutting glass at the time.
In front of them.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Bico on 19 October, 2004, 01:46:51 AM
And someone who once worked with me asked about Ozzy Osbourne - the one from Bo Selecta:
"Are them his real arms?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Devons Daddy on 19 October, 2004, 05:37:29 PM
my GM today

stop being a lemon and for one be a strawberry Chef.
(???? i think helpedw write the script for dodge ball)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Mr C on 19 October, 2004, 05:42:25 PM
Couple of gems from my co-worker:

Those cossacks don't come cheap.

You must be careful with your bodily fluids these days.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Conexus on 19 October, 2004, 05:44:04 PM
"You must be careful with your bodily fluids these days."

Did your co-worker ever star in Doctor Strangelove ?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Banners on 19 October, 2004, 05:53:07 PM
"What's so fair about Fair Trade bananas? They cost more, they're smaller and don't last as long. Doesn't seem very fair to me."

M@
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Conexus on 19 October, 2004, 07:13:30 PM
They are fair, mr moany, because the growers actualy get a living wage, okay ?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Matt Timson on 19 October, 2004, 08:51:55 PM
"Of course my work's better than yours- I did it on a Mac, not a PC".

I get this a lot from a couple of people who simply cannot draw that well.  No matter what equipment they're using.

:)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Cthulouis on 20 October, 2004, 02:30:13 AM
we were watching the film of War of the Worlds once, and mum looked up and said

"so, when did this happen then?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Banners on 20 October, 2004, 03:10:07 AM
Someone said this to me once...

"They are fair, mr moany, because the growers actualy get a living wage, okay ?"

M@
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Conexus on 20 October, 2004, 03:12:51 AM
sorry, I fail to comprehend how the above is a stupid statement.

Do you get the Daily Mail ?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Banners on 20 October, 2004, 03:18:44 AM
sorry, I fail to comprehend how the above is a stupid statement.

It was a stupid statement becuase this is a thread about stupid things people have said to you. The bananas thing is what someone said to me. Hence my contribution to this thread.

We - being liberated free-thinking superior beings - all know that the "fair" refers to the monies the farmers get, and that's why it was stupid of them to say it.

If the thread had have been entitled "Stupid things you believe" and I'd have posted that, then your rebuke would have been valid.

And no - I don't buy any newspaper that isn't printed on organic, sustainable recycled hemp, through a printing press using totally animal-ingredient free ink, and manned by Union workers on 10% more than minimum wage.

I'm more left-wing than Ryan Giggs, me.

M@
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Conexus on 20 October, 2004, 03:26:04 AM
whoops my bad, didn't spot the quote marks :(, just what was said would have worked (in an idiotic rightwinged viewed way) If the idiot thought labeling fair trade goods fair trade was a stupid thing.

Sorry I thought you were a right wing selfish dick, I need new glasses me. In my experience fair trade 'nanas taste better anyway  
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Banners on 20 October, 2004, 03:28:12 AM
Sorry I thought you were a right wing selfish dick.

Well, I'm a selfish dick, certainly. No-one gets their hands on my sweet-tasting Fair Trade bananas.

;-)

M@
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Bolt-01 on 20 October, 2004, 03:47:14 AM
Taking the topic on a tangent:

A newly qualified nurse was sent over to our stores today for a set of Fallopian tubes. :)

Cue hilarity and laughter.

Bolt-01
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Bico on 20 October, 2004, 03:54:54 AM
Ah, the torturing of the works newbie.  My personal favourites are the classic "go over to 'x' and ask him for a long stand", "go down to the store and get a litre of tartan paint" and the relatively new "get us a bag of screw-holes".

:)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 20 October, 2004, 04:29:15 AM
today , regarding my cold;

"oh well, you'll get over it"

no actually i think i'm scarred for life.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Floyd-the-k on 20 October, 2004, 04:37:56 AM
when I was a union rep, I gave out a survey at work. One person finished it and stared at it with satisfaction, saying

"I completely agree with everything I`ve written here"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: therev on 20 October, 2004, 05:31:05 AM
Dont get me started!
I work in a Jobcentre.
BIG sign outside, lost of posters inside all saying JOBCENTRE.
People come in saying "is this the driving test centre?"
Funt them up their stupid asses.

Grrr!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: DavidXBrunt on 20 October, 2004, 05:38:41 AM
And the same colleage as before said to me today, when I offered to get her an ice cream as it was hot - "No thanks, I don't eat it. It's made from Paint Stripper."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: therev on 20 October, 2004, 06:12:35 AM
eh???
Sounds like they've already been at the paint stripper!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Endjinn on 20 October, 2004, 06:19:34 AM
Working in an off-license-

Old Woman: "Do you sell stamps from New Zealand?"


What. The. Fuck?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: esoteric ed on 20 October, 2004, 07:00:54 AM
heh heh, reminds me of tales from sites my dad and brother used to work on, young apprentices sent out to get a glass hammer or a bucket of steam, the "long stand" also being a classic :-)


Ed

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: test 4 echo on 20 October, 2004, 05:27:00 PM
our works newbie asked for directions to the post office, someone draws her a map...

"that great, but how am i supposed to find my way back?"

its a map dimwit, it works in both directions.

and a mates sister who comes in as he's having a trip down memory lane with his record collection and see's himn turning an LP over...

"what? there's music on both sides?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 20 October, 2004, 06:18:07 PM
One good one which pops up repeatedly which ios said by people ALL OVER THE WORLD (or at least a helluva lot in england) is

"Oh you dont do x"

Which usually pops up when people ask me for cash back at work.

Them-"Can I have 50 quid cash back please"
Me-"Sorry mate, we don't do cash back I'm afraid."
Them-"Oh you don't DO cash back?"
Me-"No we dont do cash back."
Them-"Oh."

I just resent them for having to clarify the fact that we dont do it in their little minds, like its not actually true until they question it. One day its gonna be more like..

T-"I'll have 50 quid cashback plz"
M-"Sorry we dont do cashback"
T-"Oh you dont do cashback?"
M-"Haha! Yes we do actually!"
T-"Oh you DO do cashback?"
M-"No sorry sir we dont do it, sorry."

I resent them for wasting my precious oxygen that I reserve for myself in and around the checkout. Thats MY oxygen dammit and next time you waste it repeating what I have just said i will shove that clubcard up your nose!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: johnnystress on 20 October, 2004, 07:07:48 PM
"A newly qualified nurse was sent over to our stores today for a set of Fallopian tubes. :) "

jaykers! thats a bit worrying!! Did he/she not study the human body at nurse college?
:)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: W. R. Logan on 20 October, 2004, 08:32:28 PM
We used to send new Gunners to the stores for jars of P-155. Still makes me chuckle when I picture them walking back over the tank park with cans of warm steaming liquid.

La Placa Rifa,
W. R. Logan.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Bolt-01 on 20 October, 2004, 10:23:46 PM
She must've done, bless her, but she was nervous :)

Bolt-01
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 20 October, 2004, 10:26:02 PM
~~~"Oh you dont do x" ~~~

this really annoys me, some people just don't realise it they have such a patronising negative outlook, it gets peoples hackles up imediately, so people are rude to them, self fufilling prophesy;

eg,
walks into shop; " you don't sell papers do you?"
"yes we do , theyre over there"
"oh.... but you don't have the one IIIII want, in the correct shade of blue with tassles on do you "

liek today a woman marched in then pronounced very loudly to her husband without actually looking at any shelves " they don't have any cakes i like " then stomped out,
we have about 9 metres of shelving with every cake imaginable, 3 metres freshly baked that morning.
Why ? whats the point in them opening their mouths? why ?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: sixmo on 20 October, 2004, 11:29:23 PM
Taxi driver started telling me about a documentary programme he had seen the night before "The plane was half way across the Atlantic and they'd run out of fuel. I didn't see the ending". He then went on to talk about some terrible Frank Skinner gag about identifying aircrash victims from their dental records. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable at this point and asked him to remind me where he was bringing me. "The airport?... oh yeah... that probably wasn't very appropriate...". So, it turns out it wasn't out of mischief that he was freaking me out, it was just him being a bit on the thick side.

Needless to say, he did not get a tip.  

 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Doc_Holliday on 21 October, 2004, 12:01:29 AM
my new id got set up by the I.T. cats in my new job last year, i couldn't sign in to the network though. i had another look and noticed that they'd horribly misspelled my name, putting in a W though there are none in my first or second name.

Called I.T.

an I.T. person came down. she said was i sure i was typing the password correctly. i looked at the screen, pointed, and said "er... there's no W in my name."
and she said...


wait for it...




"Are you sure?"

true story.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: sixmo on 21 October, 2004, 12:39:44 AM
Sadly Doc H, in the world of IT you have actually got to ask these kind of questions, just in case it's the one time you're dealing with some high powered executive type earning loads of kablammos more than you, and they can't spell their own name correctly. (nb. I am in no way suggesting that you can't spell your own name correctly, but I may be suggesting you're some kind of high powered executive, if you like).

I recently had the pleasure to deal with someone who had no understanding of the concepts of date and time. I was trying to get him to change the clock on his PC to the correct time, and he couldn't understand why I was getting upset when he was insisting that the clock was currently reading 28.56AM, and that this time was correct. He also didn't understand that it would be more helpful to change the date to whatever the current date was, as opposed to whatever arbitrary day and year popped into his head right then and there. I also had to remind him what the current date was over and over again,....and the YEAR! Remarkable human being. I still don't know how he manages to put his pants on the right way round every day.



Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 21 October, 2004, 03:00:31 AM
this is not a stupid said thing, but a halarious thing that happened at work related to pant wearing;


i was feeling really ill & coughing painfully, my colluege was feeling in pain , our part time busy body hyper nagging merchandise elderly type lady came down to check we'd checked off a lorry load of groceries properly, when as she bussled about tapping her clip board, ,my male colleuge, noticed something appearing from out of her trouser leg... out popped, yes,

 her pants.


oh how we laughed.



and laughed.


and laughed.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: therev on 21 October, 2004, 03:03:20 AM
Oh one I get from people in other offices every 3rd or 4th phone call...

me: Hello District Payments Team?
them: Is that District Payments Team?

EVERY 10 min's...
EVERY funting day...

From people who are a higher grade than me, know me, speak to me every day and get paid more than me. I pitty da fool who's signing on in South East London, the advisors are thick (90% of the time is down to being over worked and no training + TARGETS but a good proportion are THICK STUPID IDIO...##// Rant Mode continues for another 4 pages...//##....


#ahem#

Sorry works just getting on my tits at the moment. Mind you I did go through a phase of answering the phone as "District Playmates Team", "District Laments?" or (said fast) "Distict Whale-meats Team". Perhaps that confused them.
The joy of being a civil servant.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Tanky on 21 October, 2004, 03:07:06 AM
heh! quality!

My housemate went to the opticians today, seems his contacts are not working for him. So, having had this problem a few times he decides to give the innocent optician a piece of his mind. Optician does a quick test and discovers he's been putting his lenses in back to front AND in the wrong eyes too. So now he has to have the boxes labelled 'left' and 'right'!

bloody idiot!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 21 October, 2004, 03:15:26 AM
ahh rev, i had a fun (not) phone call to district revenues yesterday regarding them deciding theres been an overpayment of HBen upon, recieving my accounts which show an annual LOSS.
  Yes it was a very long call, where i the thick empoverished proll was sustancially more proffessional that the civil servant dealing with me. which is a pain, as i consider it my right to scream & swear like a banshee to these scum-fashists.
 I had to remind her that it was not something to be taken personally and that as the person answering the phone she should be trained to deal with claim appeals & accept responsibility on behalf of her department & if she didnt know how to do that then could i speak to someone who did?  after over half an hour some minute bit of training peeped thru & she remembered "the apology", yes, good girl.
"someone sent you those cheques by accident.....are you saying I made a mistake!?"

very good dear.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Noisybast on 21 October, 2004, 04:15:51 AM
Don't get me started on work-based stupid sayings.



Dammit, you've got me started...


ME: Well-known cable internet company Technical support, Noisybast speaking, can I take your name please?

IDIOT CUSTOMER: Er... John Smith

ME: OK Mr Smith - Can I have your username please?

IC: John Smith

ME: Er, no Mr Smith, I need your cable company username...

IC: Ooooooohhh. smiffy348@theinternet.co.uk?

ME: That's your email address. Your username is printed on the card we sent you.

IC: Oh riiight. I threw that away.

ME: Of course you did. Account number?

IC: No.

ME: Telephone?

IC: 07949...

ME: We don't keep a record of your mobile number. Can I take your land line, please?

IC: Ain't got one.

ME: sob!

and so on...

Link: And on a related note...

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: therev on 21 October, 2004, 04:35:49 AM
Bou'
Yeah I read that on another thread.
:-(

Doesnt surprise me I know in my Department it's a case of "your doing that job, the trainings on the job, now deal with the customer, all the managers are in an all day meeting to discuss what we can do about the staffing problems" but then I work in Inner London Jobcentre and staff turnover is quite high. Especially when we have a fatal stabbing last week outside one of our offices and the poor bloke stumbled into the office and the staff saw everything...times like these I hate being a Union rep' and having to deal with people it was all very grim, anyway I digress, I always applogise THEN ask what I can do to help ;-) think it's the only way really!

Housing Benefit officers are all skum...no actually they are on (usually) shit wages as the company employing them put in the lowest tender as they're employed usually by local council.

In my 14 years working for the Dept' I'd say who more annoying problem clients or other members of staff...50/50 I'd say.



Another one I get alot is "this blokes done no paperwork, I forgot to interview him, the college dont know he's supposed to be starting with them, he's due his money today and I'm off home as I'm part time can you sort it out for me?"
No, your in one office, I'm 10 miles away in another & we're speaking over the phone.
I work on a team of 3 to cover 8 offices and almost 120 other Advisors covering almost 10 thousand clients..DO YER FUNTING JOB YOU...//#RANT Mode kicks in again...and promptly melts #//...
mEsSAgE eNdS
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 21 October, 2004, 07:00:01 AM
ahhh apologies for ;
a) repeating myself, but i am flu-brained, angsty about it & jelly brained not to mention brainless at the mo.

b) being mean about people in a shitty job, cos we can all have shitty jobs & shitty days (but not on my watch soldier!).

thats nasty about the stabbing. sorry to hear you had to deal with that.

still that woman was being ...untrained & unproffesional, so she should have handed me to some uber bitch to deal with , but then the uber bitch has probably told her not to. anyway , i am the reasonable one & even tho i was fuming & upset , I did end the call with a 'Thankyou for your help' , without Tooo much sarcasm.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: test 4 echo on 21 October, 2004, 06:29:51 PM
I had to call a well known cable internet company once....

tech: what operating system are you using?
me: win 98 and 2000 in a dual boot system, and the problem is the same in both.
tech: what? you have one PC with 2 monitors running 98 and 2000 at the same time?
me: is there someone else i can talk to?

Also had reason to call British gas.
Hello, this gas bill you sent me, there must be a mistake.

Really why?

Because there is no gas supply to this property.

Are you sure?

Yes.

What type of cooker do you use?

Electric.

You have heating?

Yes electric, i even have lights that come on when i press a switch.

Well the problem is my computer says you owe us for the gas you used for the last 3 months.

I have a letter here saying you will only connect this property to the gas main if i pay you ?9000. Are you sure I could use gas before i get connected?

Well my computer...etc

Believe it or not it took 7 months and a solicitor to sort this out.


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Dudley on 21 October, 2004, 06:52:17 PM
Them: Hello, Buchanan, Clark and Bastard solicitors, how can I direct your call?

Me: Oh, hi, you've been sending threatening letters to the person who used to live here because they owe your client V-mobile money.

Them: Oh yes, we're getting a court order against you next week.

Me: But I've phoned and written to both you and your client, pointing out that Miss UnfeasiblylongBulgarianname no longer lives here.  I've sent you a copy of our tenancy agreement, I've provided utility bills, and given you the name of the landlord.

Them: Well, I'm afraid that until the lady in question contacts us we have to continue to proceed against you because this is her last known address.

Me: Eh???????
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 21 October, 2004, 06:54:11 PM
Best one at tesco is where you're stood next to the beer/milk/cheese/sugar, and some fop runs up to yer and asks where the beer/milk/cheese/sugar is... a good one, before we got assimilated by tesco and we were still happy Day n Nite, our beer and wine section was right down the middle of the top part of the store, opposite the tills. You pretty much HAVE to look at it if you walk into the shop, unless somehow you could walk into a shop you dont know the layout of, with your eyes closed. And I'm stood at the till counting sheep, some wino bastard wanders in...

"D'yer sell beer, mate?"

I barely nodded in the vague direction of the alcohol,and relished the moment as he slapped his forehead.

Another one was some fool picking up a 4 pack of bud or something, and practically shouting across the shop-

"Four fucking fifty! For one! I aint paying that!"

i didnt even bother to waste my time telling him it was 4 50 (or whatever) for 4 cans not one... yokel.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 21 October, 2004, 07:00:50 PM
back sack and crack

idiots ;-)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Trout on 21 October, 2004, 08:00:28 PM
I once asked a policewoman for directions to Buckingham Palace...

She pointed at the palace behind me.

- Yokel Trout
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 22 October, 2004, 04:35:44 AM
Ok, quick yokel infant child naming contest!

My entries...

Cletus!
Mary-Jo!
Billy-Bob!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 22 October, 2004, 07:31:26 AM
the bible doesnt oppress women, its actually a lot about protecting them, as the weaker sex, dressing 'modestly' & not wearing trousers is for your own protection.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 22 October, 2004, 07:37:54 AM
trousers are far safer. Like a man has ever forced his wazo through a pair of jeans, but lift a dress above a woman's head and you're raping her
(no experiance here, I'd rather the woman wanted me)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 22 October, 2004, 07:39:49 AM
'Ok, quick yokel infant child naming contest'

here's my entry

Mike Donachie

bamn
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 22 October, 2004, 08:00:00 AM
Crap.

Next!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: BrianO on 22 October, 2004, 08:05:00 AM
The woman I work with once used the memorable phrase, after telling me the wrong phone number:

"What's a 6 and a 9 between friends?"

To her credit she then realised what she'd said went a strange red colour and buried her head in the desk.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Matt Timson on 22 October, 2004, 08:05:55 AM
Chimpanzor!

Do I win?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 22 October, 2004, 08:09:54 AM
Its that fucking ape-envy thing again, isnt it?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 22 October, 2004, 05:54:04 PM
do you lot know about the womans name 'Ina' ? have you ever met any Ina's ? its a really common name here, its a gaelic thing, its an appriviated thing, its actually short for;

duncanina
agnusina
jamesina
donaldina

yes youve guessed it, tradition dictates that certain children get their fathers & grandfathers names, the inconvience of them being born girls is sidestepped by the feminine suffix 'Ina'.

Ive never met a Bobina
or a Billy-bobina tho,


yet.

tho there is a family,
Dad is BOB
Dog is BOBaDog
daughter Bobbi
son Rob-Roy
other son....oh, peter.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Matt Timson on 22 October, 2004, 06:04:28 PM
Pffft... Still the original and best, Monkey boy!

;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 22 October, 2004, 11:02:41 PM
Sure, strut around it your tree thinking you are the best, whilst I run the jungle from the shadows...

muahaha.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Matt Timson on 22 October, 2004, 11:12:09 PM
Yeah, yeah- whatever.  Original.  Best.

:)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Bico on 22 October, 2004, 11:34:06 PM
Sorry, Chimpanzor, but unless you too have *MIGHTY* spadger, you're trailing behind.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 22 October, 2004, 11:38:36 PM
hmmm, i dunno maybe the mightyness of such things needs to be judged by an independant & objective panel of psycho hell bitches ?

spadger photos please boys/chimps .
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 22 October, 2004, 11:41:57 PM
don't you mean If he has a *MIGHTY* spadger it'll be trailing behind.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Tanky on 22 October, 2004, 11:56:18 PM
Seconded. i shall fetch the magnifying glass --;p
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Matt Timson on 23 October, 2004, 01:11:26 AM
I make no claims to the length or girth of my spadger; it is mighty only in that it performs all functions required of it to a nigh on superhuman degree.

The same is to be said of my nadgers*, of course.

:)



*my man blobs.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: DavidXBrunt on 23 October, 2004, 06:03:01 AM
Talking to a colleague today, he must be 60 or so. He had an 'Offspring' T-shirt on. I asked him if he was a fan of theirs. He said, and I'm writing this down for posterity,

"Didn't know they were a band, I just found this shirt in a hedge."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 23 October, 2004, 06:40:09 AM
Thats classic, brunto.

As for spadger's, the chimps is perfectly functional and at least one person has attested to satisfaction from its usage.

Plus-- original, not always best. Half life 2 promises to outweigh its predecessor a million to none.

Just like you and me, buddy ;)

unless you're really fat of course, then you would outweigh me...

Hmm, not sure how this is supposed to work.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 23 October, 2004, 06:45:02 AM
'As for spadger's, the chimps is perfectly functional and at least one person has attested to satisfaction from its usage.'

yeah, so only you have got any pleasure from it?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 23 October, 2004, 06:49:22 AM
I'm not argueing

I did say at least one, not at most...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Matt Timson on 23 October, 2004, 06:54:38 AM
Are you still here?  There's no shame in being second best you know.

Sadly for you, not your usual fat arsed, bald, short sighted thirty-something.

;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Floyd-the-k on 23 October, 2004, 10:51:48 AM
 what`s so stupid about not knowing that Offspring are a band? It`s too bad, since they`re terrific, but the guy can`t be expected to know everything


yours happily wearing his Offspring tshirt
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 23 October, 2004, 05:07:50 PM
he found it in a frickin hedge, man! A FRICKIN HEDGE!

Me neither, Eyebrows....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 23 October, 2004, 10:57:46 PM
the best t-shirts are to found in hedges you snobs.  i think the best/ worst found-T i had was 'new kids on the block', i wore it with pride, everyone was very confused, they hadnt met Mr Irony.


stupid things ?
~ okay backround re-cap, i am a part-time firefighter yeah? we put out fires, get people out of burny buildings, climb around on rooves carrying hose jets, clamber into bloodied car wrecks yes?
~ at the mo, we are having a big campaign to get 100% smoke alarm coverage in our area, we were training more this week in fire prevention, home safety assesments, fire plans etc, discussion on methods of best fitting these smoke detectors we will be fitting,
silicon glue versus screws, we have a gitzmo to stick alarms to ceiling with glue... screws are better tho,

divisional officer says " we would rather you didnt use screws because health & safety is not keen for you to be going up step ladders, its not safe"

Link: they save lives you know. test yours now!

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 23 October, 2004, 11:36:17 PM
A round of appluase to the web designer for that "interesting" firey background.

So much for divisional officers and duty managers etc... any form of management actually. Even if they have the skills to do the job, they obviously think that their job description entitles them to work less, earn more and say stupid things for fun...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Moose on 25 October, 2004, 07:12:17 AM
use of word 'actually' in thread title....

grrrrrrrr!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Moose on 25 October, 2004, 07:14:53 AM
use of word 'actually'...ever

Stupid things people have actually said to you.

Stupid things people have said to you...

hmmmmmm...now do they mean the same thing or not?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: mondocoyote on 25 October, 2004, 08:07:27 AM
um, I think you'll find that theres nothing wrong with using actually actually. Its not nerdy at all. I use it all the time.   :-)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Floyd-the-k on 25 October, 2004, 10:05:53 AM
nothing wrong with using `actually`  in the thread title. It indicates disbelief that the people said those stupid things, actually
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Mike Carroll on 25 October, 2004, 11:08:39 AM
This isn't so much a stupid thing that someone has said to me, more a stupid thing that someone did, many years ago...

My new credit card arrived. I went into a petrol station to pay for petrol (naturally enough). I gave the assistant the card, which she swiped through the machine. Moments later, the machine printed out the credit card slip. I signed the slip. The assistant then examined the card to compare the signatures, and noticed that the card hasn't yet been signed. So, right in front of her, I signed the card. She then compared the signature on the card with the one on the slip. Amazingly, the signatures matched!

[Annoyingly, I mentioned this to a friend a couple of years back and he didn't believe me, because - apparently - Mark Lamarr relates a similar experience in one of his concerts. My friend seemed to think that if it happened to Mark Lamarr, it couldn't have also happened to me.]
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 25 October, 2004, 11:35:10 AM
why couldn't it have happened to you?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 25 October, 2004, 11:35:39 PM
Cos it happened to Mark Lamarr first.

The smarmy bastard.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: therev on 26 October, 2004, 04:56:21 AM
"Stupid things people have actually said..."

"Do you want fries with that?"
Was a slack jawed local in that fine "golden teat of America" resurant.
Unfortunatly me and my mate then took the piss out of him (we'd had a shandy), I'd honestly never had anyone say that to me before (I never eat at McD's unless I have to) without making a comment or joking. This bloke was dead-eyed automoton it was quite surreal in a way.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Queen Firey-Bou on 26 October, 2004, 05:14:02 AM
"A round of appluase to the web designer for that "interesting" firey background"

er that was actually me actually, you got a problem with it huh ? HUH ?  You got a problem with firey stuff Huh ?


see the credit card thing... ive done it more than once i'm sure.... mind you maybe they asked to see another card to verify the sig too...or maybe not. actually.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Noisybast on 26 October, 2004, 05:27:28 AM
Yeah, Heh... Fire's cool.
Fire! FIRE! FIRE!
Heh...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 26 October, 2004, 07:05:29 AM



           Fire.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 26 October, 2004, 07:05:57 AM
My web fu is weak.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Max Kon on 26 October, 2004, 08:03:29 AM
ypu use the pointy brakets
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: DavidXBrunt on 27 October, 2004, 05:17:16 AM
"You shouldn't have come into work today Mr. Blunt. You'll make us all ill."

"I'm alright, thanks. I'm not ill."

"Yes you are."

"Er...no, I feel fine."

"You can't just have the day off sick, you have to be a mertyr and infect us all. Disgusting."

"No, really, I'm perfectly well."

"No you're not. Stop lying to me, I can smell illness."

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: chimpanzor on 27 October, 2004, 07:55:29 AM
WTF!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Dudley on 26 August, 2007, 02:26:01 PM
.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Al_Ewing on 26 August, 2007, 04:05:36 PM
"Fuck that film and their ripoff Sandman. That's not the Sandman - the ORIGINAL Sandman is the one Neil Gaiman created! The Master Of Dreams! I refused to watch a film that's got some shitty Sandman that they made up to cash in on the TRUE Sandman etc etc"

It became stupid when I told him what I did for a living and he told me it wasn't a real job and comics were for total losers.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: mogzilla on 27 August, 2007, 02:31:30 PM
A teacher,one of the highly qualified and over-paid head of departments was teaching her class about the stars and sun as part of a science lesson on reflective light and light sources (YAWN)
anyway she told them about the stars being shiny because they reflect the light from the sun...."eerrr,actuallly" sez i.
She forgave me ...after about 3 years.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: mogzilla on 27 August, 2007, 02:37:06 PM
"a newly qualified nurse was sent over to our stores for a set of fallopian tubes"
They tried that with me when i had a brief stint as a student nurse..The "long stand" BUT! one of the third years in our nurses home told me about these shenanigans so i went on an extended break,and later returned with a drip stand i'd found on my travels ,put it up as high as it would go and told the smug cow"this is the longest one i could find"
   She natuarrly had it in for me for the rest of my placement.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 27 August, 2007, 02:44:19 PM
One of the girls at work got very annoyed back when Yorkie brought in its 'Not for Girls' wrappers off the back of that old advert.

'It's not fair,' she'd whine, 'I don't think they should be allowed to discriminate like that. I used to really like Yorkie too.'

They've still got the same wrappers and I don't think she's dared to have one since.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Funt Solo on 27 August, 2007, 02:53:54 PM
Hotel Manager: "You treat this place like a hotel."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Peter Wolf on 27 August, 2007, 03:28:45 PM

  " Who do you think you are !!  ?? " Half  question -  Half exclamation.   A bit of a stupid question i always thought .Do they mean do i think i am someone i am not ? Do they think i think i am myself ? Do they mean am i acting like someone i am not ? Do they think that i have some sort of personality disorder or multiple personality disorder that is constantly changing ? The more you deconstruct that remark , the wider its implications are.


 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 November, 2009, 01:09:13 AM
On a recent weekend trip to London I went to see 'Wicked,' the musical based on the novel that depicts the events of The Wizard of Oz from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Wicked depends for a lot of its impact on the audience's familiarity with L. Frank Baum's original story. How can you get the most out of an entertainment that depends for a lot of its impact on the subversion of a well-known text unless you've had prior acquaintance with that text? Bear in mind The Wizard of Oz is more than a hundred years old, it has been around as a film musical for seventy years and it's on television quite often.

Anyhow, sitting behind a row of teenage girls I heard "who was the little girl with the pigtails the Wicked Witch had imprisoned in her castle?"

:D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Paul faplad Finch on 15 November, 2009, 01:44:30 AM
Why were they even there?

I like this thread mind, not seen it before. It reminds me of the first few weeks at the now defunct builders merchants I worked for.  I got the nail holes and tartan paint gags, which I fail to see how anyone could fall for, but I did slip up with the long stand one. Hands up, they got me.

One other one they got me with was 'sky hook'. I maintain to this day that that isn't a fcking gag. I feel no shame for falling for that one. It sounds like a perfectly reasonable name for a product in a shop that sells 1000's of varities of thingumys and whatsits involved in the construction of houses. I told them that as well, which didn't go down well in a place where you are supposed to accept mental and physical torture without complaint for at least a couple of months as the 'young yt lad'.

Anyway, stupid things people have said to me. A fellow worker at said merchants once told me not to fill the kettle from the hot tap. Because that water  "doesn't have as much oxygen in it" 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: Christov on 15 November, 2009, 02:30:42 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 27 August, 2007, 03:28:45 PM
" Who do you think you are !!  ?? " Half  question -  Half exclamation.

Oh gawwwd, I hate when people say that. I just tell them my name and expect them to shut up.

It works. Well, most of the time anyway.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 15 November, 2009, 02:39:17 AM
Even now after years of being out of the forces, people upon knowing what I did ask me, "did you know (insert name) as he was in the army?" As if I would know every fucker. Jesus I didn't even know half the bods in my own Regiment ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 15 November, 2009, 03:17:06 AM
Somebody once said to me 'my granny lived to be 88 years old! That's amazing! Imagine living to be 44 and realising you still had half your life to go!'

D'OH!

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 15 November, 2009, 12:11:09 PM
QuoteOne other one they got me with was 'sky hook'. I maintain to this day that that isn't a fcking gag.

Used to work on a building site where they did this to one of the other people I was working with. As I watched him walk off in search of the hooks, I thought, 'hmmm, I suspect Sky Hooks don't exist, but that really doesn't work as a joke.'

I really despaired at their sense of humour when they sent the same guy off for a 'long weight'. Then they looked at me and said "hurr hurr, do you see what we've done there, you can't get long weights, how heavy something is isn't the same as what shape it is..." I tried to explain that something can be both long and heavy at the same time, but they just didn't get it.

Thankfully I don't work there any more.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 15 November, 2009, 12:29:01 PM
"Are you in the queue ??"

Well WTF do you think ??

I like to kill time by hanging around in shops with stuff i want to buy and waiting in a line.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 15 November, 2009, 12:41:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 15 November, 2009, 12:29:01 PM
"Are you in the queue ??"

Well WTF do you think ??

I like to kill time by hanging around in shops with stuff i want to buy and waiting in a line.

In fairness, Pete, a lot of people do just sort of hang around at tills and queues, gazing into space. Christ knows why. Then they seem surprised that you've asked whether they're in the queue, despite the fact that they're standing at the end of it (or, sometimes, right in the middle of it).

"No," they reply, blinking stupidly, as if to say 'Why on earth would you think that?'

"Well then, erm, would you mind... y'know, getting out of my way?"

And it's only at this point that they turn, stare at the queue around them with dull, bovine curiosity and realise where they are. "Oh," they say, "sorry. I didn't realise."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 15 November, 2009, 12:57:11 PM
Quote from: Dark Jimbo on 15 November, 2009, 12:41:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 15 November, 2009, 12:29:01 PM
"Are you in the queue ??"

Well WTF do you think ??

I like to kill time by hanging around in shops with stuff i want to buy and waiting in a line.

In fairness, Pete, a lot of people do just sort of hang around at tills and queues, gazing into space. Christ knows why. Then they seem surprised that you've asked whether they're in the queue, despite the fact that they're standing at the end of it (or, sometimes, right in the middle of it).

"No," they reply, blinking stupidly, as if to say 'Why on earth would you think that?'

"Well then, erm, would you mind... y'know, getting out of my way?"

And it's only at this point that they turn, stare at the queue around them with dull, bovine curiosity and realise where they are. "Oh," they say, "sorry. I didn't realise."

Well yes thats very true but its all i could think of.

Most of the stupid things i have had said to me are comments that were posted on another forum.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 November, 2009, 12:58:57 PM
"There is a queue."
>:(
Four words that get my back up every time. Told "there is a queue," I look around, see a pole with a sign on it which reads Please queue here, and say "no there isn't." Really winds me up when people mistake the point at which a queue is expected to form with an actual queue. A queue is a line of people waiting to receive goods or a service.

If I'm the only customer waiting to be served I don't need to queue.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 15 November, 2009, 03:30:48 PM
I work in a call centre that has several different 0845 and 0800 numbers coming in. We get lots of wrong numbers - the benefits/national insurance one is a common one (as is Argos Pet Insurance and the Recycling dept in Newcastle for some bizarre reason) and it never ceases to amaze me that some people simply won't believe you if you tell them they've called the wrong place, or they get arsey at me as if it's somehow MY fault they're too stupid to dial a number correctly.

The height of madness however are those occasional souls who seem to accept that it's the wrong number, but STILL EXPECT YOU TO HELP THEM WITH THEIR QUERY ANYWAY! I was sorely tempted the other day to just make up a National Insurance number for someone as they were very insistent.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 15 November, 2009, 04:45:06 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 15 November, 2009, 12:58:57 PM
"There is a queue."
>:(
Four words that get my back up every time. Told "there is a queue," I look around, see a pole with a sign on it which reads Please queue here, and say "no there isn't."

Good on you for sticking to your guns here!

One of the most sour interactions I ever had with a member of the public was while waiting to use my bank's outside cash point. I and everyone else had queued for ages, very patiently. As soon as I stepped up to the machine, some overweight chav who had been sat on the flat wooden bench next to the cashpoint barked 'Oi! There WAS a queue, mate!'

To which I simply replied 'yes there was - and you weren't even close to being in it.'

I got a round of applause from the guys behind me in the queue. The guy had been camped on that bench for ages, and was clearly just trying to stir up trouble.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 15 November, 2009, 05:02:59 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 15 November, 2009, 03:30:48 PM
... We get lots of wrong numbers... and it never ceases to amaze me that some people simply won't believe you if you tell them they've called the wrong place...

When I was studying some berk called a mate's student house by accident wanting to book a squash court. He really insisted that he did not dial the wrong number, so my mate gave in and booked him in. No doubt the awkward git would've had much fun when he turned up to play his game of squash.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 15 November, 2009, 05:09:07 PM
Idiots who phone you and ask "is Jill there?" (or other person they've failed to get through to) and you say no.  And they either disbelieve you or just hang up.  So bloody rude. 

I delight in phoning them back, pointing out they've just hung up on me and guilt-trip them into apologising.  Huge fun.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 15 November, 2009, 05:16:24 PM
I get quite a few wrong numbers because of my land line number.I have had all sorts calling and wanting this or that but most arent a problem apart from one caller who was trying to call an estate agents who i had never heard of before.After explaining to this caller that i wasnt an estate agent the caller insisted that i should change my number despite the fact i owned that number because i paid BT for it.

So i insisted that the estate agents had better change their number instead and hung up on the caller.

Unbelievable.

Its amazing how rude some people are but if they are i just give them the same back in return.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 18 November, 2009, 10:20:05 PM
A mate played a trick on me once. He answered the phone and it was a wrong number but he said to the caller, "ok, I'll get him" so cue a very confusing short conversation between me and the caller. Good one though.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 19 November, 2009, 12:14:06 AM
At university, my mate's phone number was two transposed digits from a local Chinese restaurant which he ate at all the time and one number different from a girl who originally came from the same tiny village. He was, thus, able to have long meaningful conversations with the many wrong numbers he got.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 21 November, 2009, 06:26:20 PM

Stupid Storky :




storky Reply:
November 20th, 2009 at 11:24 am

WRONG!

Solar forcing accounts for 25% of all observed warming. Most of the remainder is a result of anthropogenic forcings.

I don't see anyone calling for the cancellation of the Copenhagen Climate Conference.

Reply


;D ;D

Climatolagists and Meterologists are struggling to explain why night time temperatures are colder than during the day and why there is more ice present at the north and south poles.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Noisybast on 22 November, 2009, 10:11:23 PM
?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 23 November, 2009, 01:58:13 PM
??

Anyway, last week at the shops, in the car park. My car boot was open and I had placed most of me shopping in it. A car stops and the lady says "Are you leaving?".

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 23 November, 2009, 02:41:01 PM
Apologies as my comment i posted didnt have any context at all.

It was cut and pasted from another forum and the thread was about climate change and "Storky" is an infamous forum user who i was debating/arguing with at the time of posting.

The last sentence in my post was just sarcasm.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 23 November, 2009, 05:22:02 PM
Not actually a stupid thing somebody's said but a stupid thing that somebody's done - a dear chum who shall remain nameless (for fear of reprisals) having chopped some chilies for his evening meal then decided to go and remove his contact lenses. Neighbours reported that he stopped screaming some time the following morning!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 23 November, 2009, 05:27:10 PM
Quote from: wild-seven on 23 November, 2009, 05:22:02 PM
Not actually a stupid thing somebody's said but a stupid thing that somebody's done - a dear chum who shall remain nameless (for fear of reprisals) having chopped some chilies for his evening meal then decided to go and remove his contact lenses. Neighbours reported that he stopped screaming some time the following morning!

Did something similar -- just rubbed the corner of my eye after chopping chillies. The worst thing is that there's a slight pause before the pain starts ... almost exactly enough time for you to think "Now that was a REALLY fucking stupid thing to do." And then, as you say, the screaming ...

Cheers!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 23 November, 2009, 05:40:34 PM
Poor Jim!  You, and Kate's mate, have my sympathies.  Ouch.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 23 November, 2009, 06:00:59 PM
You can tell him the next time you see him!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Daveycandlish on 23 November, 2009, 06:02:04 PM
Not as bad as rubbing your eyes, but picking your nose after chopping chillies isn't a good idea either...

Unless you find sneezing sexually arousing
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 23 November, 2009, 06:30:46 PM
Years ago i ate a whole dried Chilli and it was A G O N Y for about half an hour.I had to keep drinking water and just take the pain .

Never again.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 06:31:59 PM
"Why is vanilla in the middle of neopolitan?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 23 November, 2009, 06:32:40 PM
Other mucus membranes respond similarly, my wife informs me.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Kerrin on 23 November, 2009, 06:34:55 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 06:31:59 PM
"Why is vanilla in the middle of neopolitan?"

There's gotta be something between the pink and the brown.

Is that the time? Must dash.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 23 November, 2009, 06:35:17 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 23 November, 2009, 06:32:40 PM
Other mucus membranes respond similarly, my wife informs me.

GAH!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 23 November, 2009, 07:32:21 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 23 November, 2009, 05:27:10 PM


Did something similar -- just rubbed the corner of my eye after chopping chillies. The worst thing is that there's a slight pause before the pain starts ... almost exactly enough time for you to think "Now that was a REALLY fucking stupid thing to do." And then, as you say, the screaming ...


Being a proponent of the home-made curry, I've done this a couple of times. I couldn't have put this better myself!


Makes me laugh when you go out for a night out, and the macho lads are stood outside the kebab shops daring each other to eat the chillies.

They're pickled, fer gawd's sake! No bite to them at all!!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 23 November, 2009, 08:29:49 PM
Haha! I remember demonstrating how to make a decent chilli, while at work, to my then-new shift partner, the marvellous Becky Smith, from Hastings (I use her name and location so when some day she inevitably googles herself, she's brought here, which will alarm her greatly). I was using chilli POWDER and accidentally rubbed my eye afterwards. About an hour later, I stopped crying and screaming.

A story which would be so much more palatable, if the very next time chilli came up on the menu, I hadn't said to her "do you remember the last time we did this and I rubbed it in my eye?"- then promptly went and did exactly the same thing again.

Mind you, she did once spectacularly try to make mashed potatoes without draining them first- then wondered why she'd made only very watery potato slop.

SBT

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 23 November, 2009, 09:02:37 PM
THE hottest Chilli sauce i have ever had on a Kebab was form Erols Kebab House in Hastings.

The amount of times i used to walk home from the town centre in Hastings after going out for a drink with that chilli sauce burning my mouth out.Their chilli sauce was just ground up chillies and water.

I had a vindaloo a while back from the Curry house along the road that was so hot i just couldnt eat it and gave up halfway through.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 23 November, 2009, 09:18:15 PM
An old wives tale is that a sneeze is one tenth of an Orgasm, Where is that fucking pepper.








V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 23 November, 2009, 09:22:49 PM
My dad once wiped his arse without washing his hands after chopping chillies. His finger went right through the paper and he left several feet off the throne in surprise.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 09:42:47 PM
Why were you watching your dad on the toilet?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 23 November, 2009, 09:55:29 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 09:42:47 PM
Why were you watching your dad on the toilet?
There was nothing on telly in 1986.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 23 November, 2009, 10:04:22 PM
Quote from: The Cosh on 23 November, 2009, 09:55:29 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 09:42:47 PM
Why were you watching your dad on the toilet?
There was nothing on telly in 1986.

That's true Roger- back then we were all round Cosh's place, watching his dad on the bog. Then we'd burn our progs to keep warm. Well, the others did, I just burned my Whizzer & Chips and Buster & Monster Funs, crafitly keeping the progs to one side. That's how I've got a complete set, even now.

Amusingly, I did once lend a copy of prog one to a friend of mine- who then never gave it back. Years later he confessed his dad had used it to "line to toilet wallpaper".

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 23 November, 2009, 10:06:36 PM
Cosh, I'll see your dad's arsehole and raise you my flatmate's cock.

Er. Never mind.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 10:24:07 PM
I was born in 1986.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 23 November, 2009, 10:34:54 PM
Don't worry about it, Roger. We already hated you.
;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 23 November, 2009, 10:38:15 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 10:24:07 PM
I was born in 1986.

Yeah. You see, it really is true about there being nothing on telly that year. I was in that queue, right behind Trout. Ugh. Sloppy eighteenths...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 23 November, 2009, 10:38:49 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 10:24:07 PM
I was born in 1986.

We know. We all watched Cosh's dad give birth to you. FROM HIS ARSE.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 23 November, 2009, 10:40:29 PM
Quote from: His Lordship rac on 23 November, 2009, 10:38:49 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 23 November, 2009, 10:24:07 PM
I was born in 1986.

We know. We all watched Cosh's dad give birth to you. FROM HIS ARSE.

What?? Hang on now - no way! Damn. It was dark. An easy mistake to make.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 23 November, 2009, 10:41:11 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 23 November, 2009, 10:38:15 PM
Ugh. Sloppy eighteenths...

Cool, a gross-out contest between the Lewis Carroll sig and the Don DeLillo sig!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 23 November, 2009, 10:45:04 PM
A very beautiful girl I knew once (Mandy Parsons from Sutton Coldfield) was watching football with me once.  "Why do they wear shorts?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 23 November, 2009, 10:58:10 PM
I think I'll retire the Lewis Carroll quote soon. It's not fresh any more.


Incidentally, I saw some Q.I. the other day. They were discussing the origins of the word 'chortle.' It never existed before Through the Looking Glass.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 23 November, 2009, 11:26:48 PM
I'd just like to convey my thanks to all you lovely board users for the last page and a bit - I have just read it over and I've been crying with laughter!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mark Taylor on 23 November, 2009, 11:47:51 PM
I work in pensions. I get this at work all the time from customers, usually around 27 years old.

"I'd like to withdraw my pension."

A fair proportion of them then proceed not to beleive me when I tell them can't withdraw it because it's a PENSION and they're NOT OLD ENOUGH. ::)

"You can't keep my money from me, it's illegal!"

"Actually, sir, we can't PAY your money to you, it's illegal."

"Well if you won't pay me my money I'm making a complaint, who do I complain to about this?"

"Ummm... try Gordon Brown?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 24 November, 2009, 12:13:20 AM
Quote from: Mark Taylor on 23 November, 2009, 11:47:51 PM


"Ummm... try Gordon Brown?"

Its not surprising that they want their money back.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 24 November, 2009, 03:05:37 AM
Years ago, a friend of my father called up to ask him if he could do an odd job for her. He wasn't about, so I took the call.

He'd told me he was too busy to take on any extra side work for a while, so I explained this to the woman.

'Damn!' She said. 'I'm really in a fix. Do you know anybody else who could do it?'

I thought about it, and suggested another one of my father's friends.

'WHAAAAT!??' She squealed. 'He'll want MONEY for it!'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 24 November, 2009, 08:57:41 AM
This thread is a consistant source of joy.  The idiocy of others never fails to make me smile.....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 24 November, 2009, 09:09:34 AM
Years ago, my otherwise normal, reasonably intelligent father tried to explain to me his theory about the ozone layer.

He believed that it was like a layer of cellophane around the world and the holes in it were caused by rockets sent up by the Americans and Russians which punctured it.

When I asked him about meteorites coming from the other direction, he said that they fix the holes the rockets make.

Thought it best not to bring the subject up again after that.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 24 November, 2009, 11:35:05 AM
One of the labs I worked in a few years ago regularly had students in doing the experimental work for their honors thesis. The level of 'bench' knowledge was frighteningly low for people doing science degrees IMO, but the biscuit was well and truly taken by a Phd student;

Background - in labs there are a few ways to make reagents. They commonly need stirring and plenty of it, so to save your wrist for more important things like posting messages on the 'net, you would use a magnetic stirring plate. You place the glassware on this plate with a magnetic stirring rod inside (they're just small, coated bar magnets)and when you turn the plate on - hey presto! It stirs itself!

If you turn the plate on before any fluids are in the glassware, the 'flea' (as we called them) could bounce about inside the glassware, risking it perhaps smashing or flying out the top.

Said Phd student got his glassware, put in his 'flea'. Placed it on the plate.Turned the plate - cue madly bouncing 'flea'.

He reached in and turned the 'flea' over. I asked him what he was doing and he said; "I'm reversing the polarity so it doesn't bounce about."

He got his doctorate by the way.

M. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: uncle fester on 24 November, 2009, 11:38:53 AM
And now he works on the Large Hadron Collider?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 24 November, 2009, 11:42:34 AM
I couldn't possibly comment.

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 24 November, 2009, 12:05:59 PM
His surname wasn't "Who", was it?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 18 December, 2009, 12:46:30 AM

"Hurricanes, flood, typhoon and droughts we have from time immemorial thought of as the invisible acts of God we can see clearly now as the visible acts of man."

He will add: "The task of politics is to overcome obstacles even when people say they cannot be surmounted. The task of statesmanship is to make the desirable possible, and make ideals real even when critics tell you they are inevitable dreams."

Gordon [Delusional] Brown - 17/12/09

;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 18 December, 2009, 09:55:13 AM
You were talking to Gordon Brown?! Did you get few things off your chest then Peter?  :-*

Where's the first quote from anyway? I think the second is fair enough TBH, maybe a bit quixotic in some peoples eyes but still.

M.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 18 December, 2009, 12:22:47 PM
Quote from: Mikey on 18 December, 2009, 09:55:13 AM
You were talking to Gordon Brown?! Did you get few things off your chest then Peter?  :-*

Where's the first quote from anyway? I think the second is fair enough TBH, maybe a bit quixotic in some peoples eyes but still.

M.



It was from this article :

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/copenhagen-climate-change-confe/6827738/Copenhagen-climate-conference-Britain-could-make-biggest-emissions-cuts.html

The quote is at the foot of the page.

So is mankind now responsible for all the extreme weather since mankind has been around since the stone age ?

Who was responsible for last nights snowfall ?

Is Gordon Brown admitting that weather manipulation/Geo-engineering/HAARP is responsible ?

I just hope insurance companies didnt read the article.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: WoD on 18 December, 2009, 01:24:43 PM
It's not a quote as such though Peter...not until he actually makes the speech at least and actually uses these (rather dumb) words...if he actually does use them.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 December, 2009, 06:42:34 PM
 "Hurricanes, flood, typhoon and droughts we have from time immemorial thought of as the invisible acts of God we can see clearly now as the visible acts of man."

I can see how you could parse this statement so that it just-about made sense, i.e. in the past we thought all natural disasters were God's fault, some of today's can be seen as Man's fault, but boy is that a badly-worded sentence.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 18 December, 2009, 07:38:00 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 18 December, 2009, 06:42:34 PM
"Hurricanes, flood, typhoon and droughts we have from time immemorial thought of as the invisible acts of God we can see clearly now as the visible acts of man."

I can see how you could parse this statement so that it just-about made sense, i.e. in the past we thought all natural disasters were God's fault, some of today's can be seen as Man's fault, but boy is that a badly-worded sentence."



You could also exchange the word "God" to "natural" if the word "God" which is an ambiguous or metaphorical term if it offends your sensibilities and yes i can go along with the "acts of man" comment and i hinted as to why i do because of my previous comment plus many other factors.

Also of course its all conjecture and an assertion [that needs to be backed up with evidence etc etc] to state that all Hurricanes are caused by man for example.Another thing to notice is the use of the word "We" whiich is being used here as a kind of suggestion or Neuro-Linguistics because he is using that word to refer to the collective [Us - everyone] which could be viewed as ...STOP... Well actually i am going to leave this now before my "Scott" syndrome kicks in....

I am sure you know what i mean here. ;)

Its amazing actually how much you can deconstruct something when you think about it a bit.Even a one sentence comment.

He also does this all the time or his speechwriters are totally inept.I read or hear this kind of badly worded and idiotic babble from them all the time.


Quote from: WoD on 18 December, 2009, 01:24:43 PM
It's not a quote as such though Peter...not until he actually makes the speech at least and actually uses these (rather dumb) words...if he actually does use them.

Thats right as i did notice the article stated "He will say.." in regard to these quotes ?? that were added to the end of the article almost like an afterthought."Flood" and "typhoon" being used in the singular rather than the plural may be a journalistic error.

And i used to think that my grammer was poor.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Kerrin on 18 December, 2009, 11:00:30 PM
"You know Holland's in Germany yeah. What language do they speak?"





Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: mogzilla on 18 December, 2009, 11:14:47 PM
Quote from: James Mackay on 21 October, 2004, 06:52:17 PM
Them: Hello, Buchanan, Clark and Bastard solicitors, how can I direct your call?

Me: Oh, hi, you've been sending threatening letters to the person who used to live here because they owe your client V-mobile money.

Them: Oh yes, we're getting a court order against you next week.

Me: But I've phoned and written to both you and your client, pointing out that Miss UnfeasiblylongBulgarianname no longer lives here.  I've sent you a copy of our tenancy agreement, I've provided utility bills, and given you the name of the landlord.

Them: Well, I'm afraid that until the lady in question contacts us we have to continue to proceed against you because this is her last known address.

Me: Eh???????
that reminds me of a recent bout of id theft my wife had when the final demand came for the credit card she'd never had...the numpty had tried contactin the woman at an adress and telephone number that didnt correspond with ours "but we've been unable to contact her" no shit?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 December, 2009, 04:12:15 AM

"War is good for the economy"

I have heard this said so many times directly but its a complete fallacy whichever way you look at it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: O Lucky Stevie! on 19 December, 2009, 05:06:27 AM
"The middle of the page? Is that near the top or at the bottom?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Carroll on 19 December, 2009, 04:04:28 PM
Just remembered a wonderfully stupid thing one of my sister's former boyfriends said to her once...

They were talking (for some now-forgotten reason) about cruelty to animals, and the boyfriend said, "Yeah, man... I'd hate to work in a reservoir."

"Uh, what?"

"You know. Killing all the cows and everything."

My sister immediately twigged that he'd meant to say "abattoir", but of course she wasn't going to let a line like that go without comment. She replied, "What do they drown the cows now?"

Said boyfriend didn't last long, but he was tremendously entertaining from that aspect.

-- Mike

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 29 December, 2009, 07:43:11 PM
"Is Pepsi okay?" or "is Coke okay?" in response to the request "I'll have a cola, please."

Bearing in mind Pepsi and Coke are the two leading brands of cola, and I didn't specify any particular brand, you'd think it would be safe to assume either would do, and that Happy Shopper, Panda Pops and Virgin Cola might be in with a shout as well.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 30 December, 2009, 03:59:11 PM
This one made me think that my mother's stroke was more serious than first thought until I realised that she's like this most of the time.

"Those Disney films on BBC1 - what station are they on?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 30 December, 2009, 04:18:39 PM
Quote from: worldshown on 30 December, 2009, 03:59:11 PM
"Those Disney films on BBC1 - what station are they on?"

If you had my monopoly cable provider that'd be a pretty sensible question - they regularly switch the channels different stations are transmitted on without notice making recording programmes a somewhat random affair.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 30 December, 2009, 04:25:51 PM
Nice one, WS.  Remember, board hugs to your ma, ok?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 30 December, 2009, 05:19:50 PM
Overheard just minutes ago by a co-worker browsing a cosmetic catalogue: "Do you have ageing skin?" (I think we ALL do, dear!)

And in a game of twenty quetsions earlier:
"is he dead" - No
"is he alive?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 05 January, 2010, 03:37:46 PM
"So, are frozen turkeys that much cheaper than real ones?"

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 05 January, 2010, 04:40:48 PM
I was on a bus from Camden to Hackney and a young lady started playing some bear good r'n'b tunes from her tiny mobile phone speakers, a chum I was with started visably bristling. Soon he couldn't take it any more 'WOULD YOU MIND AWFULLY TURNING THAT DOWN?', her response 'yeah yeah Ok, but why so aggresive? I is a respectable girl innit'. Luckily she got off at the next stop
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 05 January, 2010, 05:19:39 PM
It was an e-mail rather than spoken word, but a QS just e-mailed this classic response to my  demand for payment of an overdue invoice to me instead of to his similarly-named colleague:

"Should we withhold payment in case these guys go bust?"

Well, if he did he'd certainly be in a position to congratulate himself on  his foresight...

I did enjoy composing my reply.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 05 January, 2010, 06:29:18 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 January, 2010, 05:19:39 PM
It was an e-mail rather than spoken word, but a QS just e-mailed this classic response to my  demand for payment of an overdue invoice to me instead of to his similarly-named colleague:

"Should we withhold payment in case these guys go bust?"

Well, if he did he'd certainly be in a position to congratulate himself on  his foresight...

I did enjoy composing my reply.


"Should you pay me immediately in case you were to be hospitalised ? "
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 05 January, 2010, 07:01:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 05 January, 2010, 06:29:18 PM
"Should you pay me immediately in case you were to be hospitalised ? "

:lol:  Damn it Peter, I'm forwarding all my snarky e-mails to you for review from now on!

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 05 January, 2010, 08:06:42 PM
Of course it would only be right to ask for payment upfront in future if doing any more business with them, citing this email as evidence for your lack of faith.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: bluemeanie on 06 January, 2010, 11:21:19 AM
Girl in work on hearing The Doors - Light My Fire on the radio

"Oh... my ... GOD! I cant beleive they let some crappy rock band ruin that Will Young song"

Another girl on hearing I was going to New York a couple of years back

"Do they have McDonalds over there?"


Arrogant fuck in work on why he didnt know someone in an adjacent office we named
"She must be ugly - ugly people are invisible to me"
but only because I got to shoot back
"so how do you shave?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 06 January, 2010, 11:51:04 AM
Not said to me, but to my friend:
'We shouldn't have to queue like this. We're taxpayers.'
It was the dole queue.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 06 January, 2010, 12:33:54 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 January, 2010, 07:01:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 05 January, 2010, 06:29:18 PM
"Should you pay me immediately in case you were to be hospitalised ? "

:lol:  Damn it Peter, I'm forwarding all my snarky e-mails to you for review from now on!



Anytime !

Bad payers are one of mny pet hates as there is NO excuse not to pay.I havent had that problem for a very long time but should it ever happen again then i wont think twice about convincing them that not paying is a very very bad idea.I am quite happy to intimidate them in whatever way as well.I had to walk someone to a cash machine once as they couldnt be trusted.

I say there is NO excuse not to pay but of course there could be a multitude of reasons why they could withhold payment but i am assuming in this particular case that there havent been any problems with your work and the client is just being stupid and dishonest.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 06 January, 2010, 01:20:20 PM
Rich,

"How do you shave?" is brilliant.  Applause!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 06 January, 2010, 01:39:18 PM
When I came back from the US someone asked me "do they have the Euro over there?"

I'm still reeling from that one.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 07 January, 2010, 02:32:51 PM
Not exactly a real entry for this thread, but something I have to get off my chest:

There's a message board I use. There's a guy there who, pretty much every time he posts, shows what an utter idiot he is. Typical clever-dick student. And yet he insists that everything he says is right, and we're all stupid for saying anything different. So he's stupid AND unpleasant.

Why are these people on the planet? Why can't we all be nice? Why? Why?? WHY?!!??!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 07 January, 2010, 02:37:50 PM
Sheesh HdE, you could have just PM'd me. 

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 07 January, 2010, 07:34:36 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 07 January, 2010, 02:37:50 PM
Sheesh HdE, you could have just PM'd me. 



BWAH HAH HAHA HAAAAH!!! Nice one!  :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Carroll on 09 January, 2010, 10:57:52 AM
Slightly off-topic: it's not something stupid that someone's actually said to me, but it seems to be appearing all the time on the web, and it's very, very stupid (and deliciously ironic)...

(http://www.michaelowencarroll.com/pics/iqtest-orig.jpg)

I've posted my reaction to this here: http://twitpic.com/x9ou4 (http://twitpic.com/x9ou4) (Please re-tweet it to everyone you know - maybe we can shame the advertisers into changing their approach!)

-- Mike
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Bolt-01 on 09 January, 2010, 11:29:07 AM
I may be missing something here, because I'm pretty badly colour blind, but there is NO number in that box is there? So I assume that makes me as thick as pig-shit, yes?

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Kerrin on 09 January, 2010, 11:40:57 AM
No. It's a colour blindness test which some advertising numbnut has decided to label an intelligence test Bolt. Not only a stupid idea but a malicious one too. I seem to remember BMW doing a similar thing a while back.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 09 January, 2010, 11:41:50 AM
There is a number..I see a faint 94 but a stronger 74
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Kerrin on 09 January, 2010, 11:44:50 AM
Yeah, it's 74, but as Bolt is colour blind he won't see anything. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Carroll on 09 January, 2010, 11:51:44 AM
The greenish dots darkened for clarity:
(http://www.michaelowencarroll.com/pics/iqtest-orig-mod.jpg)

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 09 January, 2010, 01:18:42 PM
Why would someone be so stupid to use an observational test as an intelligence test ?

I dont really get what the point of this is at all.I find intelligence/IQ tests to be very annoying in general because the majority of them seem to be based on maths and if you are useless at maths then it implies that you are a complete moron.


Annoying stupid rubbish.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 09 January, 2010, 01:47:36 PM
Agreed. I worked, for a while, with the two guys who wrote a lot of the IQ paperbacks that were popular fifteen or so years ago, designing the actual IQ tests. They were very odd men, whose behaviour I can now see was something indicative of where my later career would take me. Those who know what I do will know what I mean. Perfectly pleasant, they were, just very, very strange.

Basically, once you crack "how to do them", there's no "intelligence" involved, it's just a skill to learn. I regularly score 141plus on IQ tests, and was a member of Mensa for years, simply because I knew how to do them. Believe it or not, I once saw one of these gentlemen fail massively to work a coffee machine and then put his coat on inside out. They also could not grasp "dressing appropriately for the weather".

SBT

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 09 January, 2010, 01:50:13 PM
QuoteYeah, it's 74,

Hey, slow down there, egghead.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 09 January, 2010, 05:04:38 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 09 January, 2010, 01:50:13 PM
QuoteYeah, it's 74,

Hey, slow down there, egghead.

Yeah, it's 74, but
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 09 January, 2010, 05:14:43 PM
Overheard in the greengrocers this morning, a gentleman was informed that he was 10p short, he ferreted around in his pocket for some change and asked 'is it a silver or a bronze coin?'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 09 January, 2010, 05:19:26 PM
Quote from: SmallBlueThing on 09 January, 2010, 01:47:36 PM
Basically, once you crack "how to do them", there's no "intelligence" involved, it's just a skill to learn. I regularly score 141plus on IQ tests, and was a member of Mensa for years, simply because I knew how to do them. Believe it or not, I once saw one of these gentlemen fail massively to work a coffee machine and then put his coat on inside out. They also could not grasp "dressing appropriately for the weather".
SBT

They use this sort of testing for the civil service here. I failed miserably when I did one but was heartened when my girlfriend and her mate- both have masters degrees in law-- also did really bad on them.

As you say they're designed to sort the people who are good at these tests from the people who aren't- and otherwise meaningless
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 09 January, 2010, 05:23:31 PM
I'm pleased to say the only tests I've done in civil service recruitment assessments have been relevant to the job. I wasn't keen on the assessment for senior research staff, which involved having to make recommendations based on documents they deliberately didn't give you enough time to read. At least I know what to expect next time I apply for a senior post.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 09 January, 2010, 05:41:35 PM
QuoteI wasn't keen on the assessment for senior research staff, which involved having to make recommendations based on documents they deliberately didn't give you enough time to read.

Along those lines, there was (what I thought was) a really good test as part of the government Archaeological License oral exam when I took it many years ago.  It was couched in a bit of role-play where the (rather intimidating) four-person panel played the role of a local authority planning board, and threw you a map with three alternative routes for a new road, and asked you to recommend one.  There was a scary few moments where I pored over this map trying to identify the area and dredge my memory about it, then tried to identify and assess sites and areas of potential from the OS mapping background, before copping to what the test was really about:  not making snap decisions without sufficient information because you feel under pressure to do so.  Instead you were supposed to take them through all the steps of further assessment that would be required to give them a proper answer.  Very clever, I thought - more so when I found out how many charlies from my intake had felt obliged to pick a route and argue it.

Mind you, nothing was as awful as the final test, the Tray of Terror: a tea-tray filled with odds and ends that you had to identify, date and provide references/authorities for, which sat on the table throughout the exam under a cloth, menacing you with its unknowability all the while.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 09 January, 2010, 06:12:18 PM
A couple of my faves -

The wife and I were on a plane on approach to the Dominican Republic and I looked through the window down at the clouds and I remarked that I hoped we get some sunshine as I had heard that the weather can be overcast there. The wife looked through the window and said "Well, it's out now and has been most of the way here"
::)


A couple of years back a group of us went out for a carvery meal and we were standing in line to get our food and I overheard the following conversation between the chef and the woman in front of me who was getting served at the time -

Chef - "Hi xxxx, long time no see. How are you?"

Woman - "Fine thanks, I haven't been here for a while, I think the last time was when I was still pregnant"

Chef - "Oooo congratulations, what did you have"

Woman - "The beef I think"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 09 January, 2010, 06:28:01 PM
QuoteChef - "Oooo congratulations, what did you have"

Woman - "The beef I think"

Great first post, Rog!  Arf!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mygrimmbrother on 09 January, 2010, 06:46:20 PM
Idiotic woman boasted at work the other day that she had 'a fifth sense about these things'. I wonder which one she's missing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 09 January, 2010, 08:34:14 PM
Quote from: Rog69 on 09 January, 2010, 06:12:18 PM
Chef - "Oooo congratulations, what did you have"

Woman - "The beef I think"


I think she's a great wit. Must have been taking notes from Oscar Wilde!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 09 January, 2010, 09:30:31 PM
The beef thing.. that's a three panel strip in the guardian in the making. Ha! :-D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 09 January, 2010, 09:38:16 PM
Quote from: wild-seven on 09 January, 2010, 05:14:43 PM
Overheard in the greengrocers this morning, a gentleman was informed that he was 10p short, he ferreted around in his pocket for some change and asked 'is it a silver or a bronze coin?'

In fairness, I have seen this happen when people are from places that use different coins.

The other day someone tried paying me with a euro. He seemed surprised when I chalenged him, but I still think he was just trying to pull a fast one.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 09 January, 2010, 10:21:31 PM
Quote
Yeah, it's 74, but

That's more like it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 09 January, 2010, 11:57:19 PM
Quote from: SmallBlueThing on 09 January, 2010, 01:47:36 PM
Agreed. I worked, for a while, with the two guys who wrote a lot of the IQ paperbacks that were popular fifteen or so years ago, designing the actual IQ tests. They were very odd men, whose behaviour I can now see was something indicative of where my later career would take me. Those who know what I do will know what I mean. Perfectly pleasant, they were, just very, very strange.

Basically, once you crack "how to do them", there's no "intelligence" involved, it's just a skill to learn. I regularly score 141plus on IQ tests, and was a member of Mensa for years, simply because I knew how to do them. Believe it or not, I once saw one of these gentlemen fail massively to work a coffee machine and then put his Anorak on inside out. They also could not grasp "dressing appropriately for the weather".

SBT



:D Just my little joke....

I wonder if they are anally retentive ?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 10 January, 2010, 01:23:23 PM
Quote from: Cthulouis on 09 January, 2010, 09:38:16 PM
Quote from: wild-seven on 09 January, 2010, 05:14:43 PM
Overheard in the greengrocers this morning, a gentleman was informed that he was 10p short, he ferreted around in his pocket for some change and asked 'is it a silver or a bronze coin?'

In fairness, I have seen this happen when people are from places that use different coins.

An American lady who'd just arrived at Heathrow once asked me how many shillings there were in a pound. I explained the whole pound shilling pence thing in great detail, including farthings, bobs and half-crowns.

I just 'forgot' to mention we'd decimalised several decades previously! I only wish I'd been able to see the hilarious misunderstandings that ensued later!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 10 January, 2010, 02:18:03 PM
An American lady who'd just arrived at Heathrow once asked me how many shillings there were in a pound. I explained the whole pound shilling pence thing in great detail, including farthings, bobs and half-crowns.

I just 'forgot' to mention we'd decimalised several decades previously! I only wish I'd been able to see the hilarious misunderstandings that ensued later!
[/quote]

I like it. 

If only i knew/cared about our ancient coinage I'd consider doing this myself were I ever asked (unlikely).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 10 January, 2010, 03:20:32 PM
Quote from: Cthulouis on 09 January, 2010, 09:38:16 PM
Quote from: wild-seven on 09 January, 2010, 05:14:43 PM
Overheard in the greengrocers this morning, a gentleman was informed that he was 10p short, he ferreted around in his pocket for some change and asked 'is it a silver or a bronze coin?'

In fairness, I have seen this happen when people are from places that use different coins.

The other day someone tried paying me with a euro. He seemed surprised when I chalenged him, but I still think he was just trying to pull a fast one.

I got the feeling that this bloke still thought in pounds, shillings and pence...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 10 January, 2010, 05:58:47 PM
I dunno if this really counts as on-topic, but here goes...

While shopping in Tesco one night, I realised I'd saved a pile of money and decided to survey the DVD aisle.

While I was browsing there, an elderly couple there turned up and started rifling through the movies there.

'What about this one?' the old dear said to her husband.

'No.' He said 'My Beautiful Launderette. It's all about poofs!'

'What about this one?' the old lady said.

'No.' The old man said again. 'Cabaret - hff! Poofs again!'

'What about this one, then?' Asked the old lady, adding ' you like westerns, don't you?'

The old man looked at the case for a few seconds and said 'Yes. Let's have this one.'

And off they went to pay for their copy of Brokeback Mountain.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 10 January, 2010, 07:42:36 PM
Genius.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 10 January, 2010, 07:50:07 PM
Incredible! Except that I have faith in your integrity, that sounds totally made up. Well done for being there to witness it!


Pre-Christmas an older couple were rummaging in the DVDs in Asda and couldn't believe the title 'Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus', and wanted to share their amused disbelief with anybody who happened by, and that person happened to be my partner. "What do you make of that then?" the old geezer asked, "Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus!" - "I haven't heard anything good about it, to be honest," she replied.

"No, I wouldn't have thought so," was his response, but he was still obviously delighted to have spotted something so improbable. I wonder what he made of Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 10 January, 2010, 07:53:19 PM
Not said to me, but said near me. Three -- count 'em -- THREE university students at a quiz machine in the pub. "What gas makes up 80% of the Earth's atmosphere? Is it hydrogen?" "Yeah, I reckon it is. Steve?" "Oh, yeah, definitely."

FFS!

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 10 January, 2010, 08:52:26 PM
Those children are our future!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 10 January, 2010, 09:36:27 PM
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 10 January, 2010, 08:52:26 PM
Those children are our future!

I'm quite old and will probably be dead soon. This is the only comfort I can derive from the statement above ...

Cheers!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 10 January, 2010, 10:16:25 PM
Everyone knows that it's helium.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 10 January, 2010, 10:43:38 PM
Still getting over the hilarity that is the homophobic movie night.....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 10 January, 2010, 10:45:21 PM
"Carbon Dioxide is a pollutant"

"Carbon Dioxide is global warming pollution"

:lol:

I have heard or read those stupid comments far too many times.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 10 January, 2010, 11:47:25 PM
Carbon gets released into the atmosphere and taken out again constantly and cyclically. I think the idea is it's not ideal from a human point of view for it all to be released into the atmosphere at the same time.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 11 January, 2010, 12:50:03 AM
Yep. An excess of carbon dioxide is certainly not good whether you want to call it a pollutant or not. Shut yourself in an airtight room and you'll soon find that out, (unless you're a triffid or an aspidistra or something).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 11 January, 2010, 12:55:35 AM
Actually, an excess of oxygen probably wouldn't be very good for plants.

Unless the room was dark, in which case they'd be breathing in the oxygen and breathing out the carbon dioxide and then we'd be back at square one.

Flippin' heck, this ecology stuff is complicated!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 11 January, 2010, 08:46:50 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 10 January, 2010, 07:50:07 PM
Incredible! Except that I have faith in your integrity, that sounds totally made up. Well done for being there to witness it!

It's 100% truth, I assure ya. I truly felt blessed at having borne witness to such an event - one of a few moments in my life where the urge to burst out in uncontrollable laughter was almost too great to resist!

That's yer wacky Devonian pensioners for you!

I have an acquaintance who used to work in a pet shop. An old geezer doddered in one day and walked up to the counter, where he asked her 'what aisle is the soup in?'

'Soup?' She replied 'I'm afraid this is a pet shop, my love. We don't sell soup.'

The old geezer turned around and left, only pausing at the door to mutter 'You can't buy anything in this town!'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 11 January, 2010, 08:49:30 AM
Quote from: M.I.K. on 11 January, 2010, 12:55:35 AM
Actually, an excess of oxygen probably wouldn't be very good for plants.

Wouldn't be very good for us either, because it would make the atmosphere somewhat flammable.

Cheers!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 11 January, 2010, 12:13:54 PM
That's true. Probably just as well it's mostly made up of hydrogen then.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 12:19:58 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 10 January, 2010, 11:47:25 PM
Carbon gets released into the atmosphere and taken out again constantly and cyclically. I think the idea is it's not ideal from a human point of view for it all to be released into the atmosphere at the same time.

Obviously if the atmosphere was composed of 50 percent CO2 it wouldnt be good for anything that breathes oxygen but as it is CO2 is what we breathe out and to label what is a natural component of the atmosphere and is essential to plant life as toxic or a poison or a pollutant is idiotic in the extreme.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 11 January, 2010, 12:55:00 PM
Carbon dioxide can be toxic, as can oxygen if you get too much of it, but if I understand it correctly, that's pretty much irrelevant when it comes to the greenhouse effect anyway because it's the way that it aborbs and emits radiation that's the issue there.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 11 January, 2010, 12:56:42 PM
Quotewacky Devonian pensioners for you!

Jeebus! They were old...


Quotelabel what is a natural component of the atmosphere and is essential to plant life as toxic or a poison or a pollutant is idiotic in the extreme..

Depends on the context Peter. I have heard or read those stupid comments far too many times.  ;)

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 01:05:45 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 12:19:58 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 10 January, 2010, 11:47:25 PM
Carbon gets released into the atmosphere and taken out again constantly and cyclically. I think the idea is it's not ideal from a human point of view for it all to be released into the atmosphere at the same time.

Obviously if the atmosphere was composed of 50 percent CO2 it wouldnt be good for anything that breathes oxygen but as it is CO2 is what we breathe out and to label what is a natural component of the atmosphere and is essential to plant life as toxic or a poison or a pollutant is idiotic in the extreme.

I'ver avoided addressing your ridiculous pronouncements about climate change up to now, but your basic misunderstanding of science really needs correcting.

Increased levels of CO2 in the atmosphere causes temepratures to rise through the 'greenhouse effect'. Whether or not you want to call this "pollution" is purely a matter of semantics.

In the natutal cycle, carbon is released and absorbed constantly by plants and animals and overall levels reamin roughly the same. In the last few centuries however we have unearthed billions of tons of carbon that was permananently locked into fossil fules below ground and realeased all that CO2 into the atmosphere, causing an overall rise, and therefore a rise in temperature.

It really is that simple, the science is very basic and not open to question, and I am amazed and infuriated that special interest groups have sowed so much doubt and misinformation that we, as a planet, are unlikely to ever get enough consensus to do anything about it.

Idiots who argue that climate moves in cycles anyway have no concept of the timescales. Climate does shift naturally over millenia, but what we're seeing now is noticeable change over just a few hundred years. Even if the natural trend is upwards, not addressing fossil-fuel "pollution" is like saying "this boat already has a slow leak, so it won't matter if I kick a big hole in the bottom".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 11 January, 2010, 01:24:47 PM
Whilst I don't disagree with anything you've written, DDD, I'm depressed by the dogmatic insistence of the climate change camp that they must win the argument on climate change.

Rightly or wrongly, the waters have been muddied on the issue and I fail to understand why the anti-climate change camp are not pressed on a far more simple issue:

Is the oil going to run out? Yes or No.

Given that we use long-chain hydrocarbons to make plastics, pharmaceuticals and fertilizer, unless we want to do without computers, medicine and food before the end of this century, would it not be sensible to stop burning the fucking things?

This -- it seems to me -- is a much easier argument to win, and one that it is equally necessary to win. If, as a by-product of winning this argument, climate change slows, reverses, or is in some way mitigated, then you win that argument by default and have a cast iron basis to then move forward with tackling other greenhouse drivers, such as deforestation and intensive agriculture practises.

Climate change is too nebulous a concept to persuade people to give up their precious cars and their holidays on the Costa. Ask them to choose between that and food and medicine shortages, and people's minds focus on the question in an entirely different manner ...

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 11 January, 2010, 02:16:28 PM
 
Quote...would it not be sensible to stop burning the fucking things?

Triffids it is then.

The problem with getting the 'honest folks, we're about to run out of oil' fact across it lies with dear old Malthus.  We're now used to dismissing Malthusian threats (except, apparently, when it comes to immigration) by referring to geometric technological advancement as the way out of arithmetic scarcity - also known as the 'something will come along, just you wait and see' approach.  People genuinely believe that somewhere the boffins are busily coming up with a way to make plastic and petrol out of old copies of the Radio Times, and as long as they don't need to do anything that involves DNA, stem cells or radiation, we're all happy enough to let them get on with it.

It's is if we actually believe the sort of scenario peddled in Armageddon or Deep Impact, that the government are secretly working on a  plan that'll save us all.

You would hope that global economic collapse, endless low-level warfare and utterly inadequate response to even short term natural disasters, never mind climate change, would shake people's faith in the invisible genii who are steering the ship, but hey look my Tesco mobile phone has more computing power than the whole of Apollo-era NASA, so it's all going to be fine.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 02:43:18 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 11 January, 2010, 01:24:47 PM
Whilst I don't disagree with anything you've written, DDD, I'm depressed by the dogmatic insistence of the climate change camp that they must win the argument on climate change.

I think you're right. Even worse than 'climate change' is 'global warming' which doesn't only sound non-scary, it sounds positively cosy! I've lost count of the number of idiots in the last few days who've said either "bring on that global warming" or "this proves global warming is a lie".   Maybe if we started calling it Weather Death or Skies of Doom ...

And when the oil does run out, will we be mining all those wasteful landfill sites for recyclable plastics?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 03:40:26 PM
Take me back to the days when the experts said the Millenium bug would crash the worlds computers, Mad cow disease would kill us all, Avian flu would wipe us all from the face of the earth, Swine flu would do the same and this winter would be mild.
What experts should I believe this time?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 11 January, 2010, 03:40:58 PM
QuoteAnd when the oil does run out, will we be mining all those wasteful landfill sites for recyclable plastics?

Closer than you think.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/environment/article4510201.ece

I've seen film of some landfills in the States where they do this already.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 03:56:31 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 01:05:45 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 12:19:58 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 10 January, 2010, 11:47:25 PM
Carbon gets released into the atmosphere and taken out again constantly and cyclically. I think the idea is it's not ideal from a human point of view for it all to be released into the atmosphere at the same time.

Obviously if the atmosphere was composed of 50 percent CO2 it wouldnt be good for anything that breathes oxygen but as it is CO2 is what we breathe out and to label what is a natural component of the atmosphere and is essential to plant life as toxic or a poison or a pollutant is idiotic in the extreme.

I'ver avoided addressing your ridiculous pronouncements about climate change up to now, but your basic misunderstanding of science really needs correcting.

Increased levels of CO2 in the atmosphere causes temepratures to rise through the 'greenhouse effect'. Whether or not you want to call this "pollution" is purely a matter of semantics.

In the natutal cycle, carbon is released and absorbed constantly by plants and animals and overall levels reamin roughly the same. In the last few centuries however we have unearthed billions of tons of carbon that was permananently locked into fossil fules below ground and realeased all that CO2 into the atmosphere, causing an overall rise, and therefore a rise in temperature.

It really is that simple, the science is very basic and not open to question, and I am amazed and infuriated that special interest groups have sowed so much doubt and misinformation that we, as a planet, are unlikely to ever get enough consensus to do anything about it.

Idiots who argue that climate moves in cycles anyway have no concept of the timescales. Climate does shift naturally over millenia, but what we're seeing now is noticeable change over just a few hundred years. Even if the natural trend is upwards, not addressing fossil-fuel "pollution" is like saying "this boat already has a slow leak, so it won't matter if I kick a big hole in the bottom".

What has your comment got to do with mine ?

My point being is CO2 a poison or a pollutant and the claim that i am exhaling poison ?


Anyway i could argue all the points in your comment because i understand the subject but i might suggest that you get up to date with the debate yourself before you arrogantly claim my understanding of science needs correcting or that "the science isnt open to question" because it is open to question and it is being questioned and the manufactured CO2 "consensus" is collapsing.

Further to the CO2 debate personally i think that despite that being in my opinion a lie there is still every reason to cut down on burning of fossil fuels that produce CO2 and all the other substances that it produces that actually are pollutants [that never ever get talked about] or at least to invest in research and development of alternatives that are clean.There is a need to cut down on pollution and Deforestation etc in general and only an idiot would say there isnt.

I am glad that COP 15 collapsed [with the help of Climategate  :D] and achieved virtually nothing because the revenue that was going to be raised by CO2 taxes was going to end up being paid to the IMF/Bank Of The World with very little of it being allocated to enviromental causes or research and development of clean alternatives to fossil fuels.The funds were going to be used to fund a centralised World Govt infrastructure and dont tell me this is wrong because they openly stated this themselves.

So dont expect "world Leaders" to save the planet because it wont happen because they are incapable and the fundamental problem with the climate change debate is that it has been politicised and one side of the ONGOING scientific debate have been shut out or ignored by the Pro-AGW brigade whose fraudulent and spurious science is now being exposed for what it is.Al Gore and Rothschilds and their Carbon Credit schemes arent going to save the planet.

So there you are.I disagree with the spurious science but i do support the need to cut down on pollution and waste because its just plain common sense to do so.I dont need to shocked into submission by scaremongering and end of the world scenarios and lies or flawed computer models or trend forecasters to do so.

HEMP is a resource that could and should be used as an alternative to fossil fuels because anything that is presently derived from oil can be derived from Hemp as Hemp is a renewable resource.Hemp grows in very poor and dry soil conditions and its cultivation could provide third world countries and even american farmers with a cash crop that could provide them with a steady income that would gradually lift them all out of poverty instead of them all being exploited by the IMF who cripple them all with debt.Hemp cultivation for the above reasons wouldnt need to take land way from agriculture either.

Hemp - Hemp - Hemp - Hemp - Hemp - Hemp ..........

How many more times do i need to say this before it sinks in ?

I also go along with JCs previous comment as well.



Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 11 January, 2010, 04:18:16 PM
http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/carbon+dioxide+poisoning (http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/carbon+dioxide+poisoning)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 11 January, 2010, 04:20:41 PM
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 03:40:26 PM
Take me back to the days when the experts said the Millenium bug would crash the worlds computers,

The Millennium Bug thing makes me cross. "Ooh! Look! Nothing happened! It can't have been true."

Yes, it fucking was true. There were substantial numbers of computer systems that were incapable of recognizing a 4-digit year: you could actually make it happen in any pre-95 version of Windows simply by setting the system clock back by an hour and watch all the files you'd created in the past hour literally disappear from the File Manager. They were still there, but the system refused to acknowledge that they existed because they had been created in the future.

Of course, the odd ancient PC running Windows 3.11 wasn't really the problem: it was the fuck-off great big data servers running COBOL that had been going for 20+ years in institutions like, say, banks that were the problem.

A fantastic effort was expended making sure that these systems were either replaced (or, I suspect in many more cases, bodged) in order to avoid 00-year issues. And here's the thing: it worked. The advice was correct, it was followed, and global data crisis was avoided.

Bah!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 11 January, 2010, 04:43:26 PM
QuoteIs the oil going to run out?...stop burning the fucking things?

Jim - I said something similar to a bloke and he replied 'But the oil won't run out; that's been made up too!'  ::)

Aaaaand we're back on topic!

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:03:55 PM
Where are the answers about the Swine Flu, Avian Flu & Mad Cow disease, Jim?
Plus with the millenium bug I seem to recall that many people took no notice what so ever and nothing happened to their computers, which you answered in your post Jim. That's what I mean't.
Look at it, just over 100 hundred people have died from Variant CJD, I can't remember the exact number who died from Avian flu (it might have been about 2) and Swine flu has not killed anyone as it's been the underlying condition that has done that.
If climate change was all our doing then why doesn't everyone help out and stop buying all these electrical goodies, that's right most people are hypocrites when it will affect their way of life.
If you believe in the Climate issue get rid of your car, get a job within walking ditance to your home, put your children in schools closer to home, buy local produce, don't go abroad on holidays.
Now if all the people who do believe in it do all that I can book a flight abroad and have no queues at the airport :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 January, 2010, 05:18:06 PM
Some evidence does seem to point towards oil being a renewable resource that is being constantly created by inorganic chemical and geological processes deep within the Earth: 

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=38645

If this is true, then the Peak Oil myth is simply another trick by Big Business to introduce a perceived scarcity in order to keep prices as high as possible. Capitalism. Don't you just love it?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 11 January, 2010, 05:19:58 PM
QuoteWhere are the answers about the Swine Flu, Avian Flu & Mad Cow disease,

I think these are good examples of the news media going batshit and ramping up the excitement - that goes equally as well for climate science. A few soundbites here, a reporter walking through a flu virus there and that's yer lot.

IMHO, for a lot of people it's the fact that being interested in environmental matters is traditionally seen as a left wing or liberal concern, successfully portrayed as 'the loony left', which people don't want to be associated with.

Being a big pinko lefty liberal, I just believe any old shite that makes me feel good :D

Will no one think of the polar bears?!  :lol:

M

(edit to add - first oil, or more specifically kerogen, formation is after about 9000 years and that's droplets. I wouldn't call it renewable!)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 05:24:07 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 03:56:31 PM
because it is open to question and it is being questioned and the manufactured CO2 "consensus" is collapsing.

Further to the CO2 debate personally i think that despite that being in my opinion a lie

Which bit exactly is a lie? That if you increase the CO2 content of the atmosphere, then temperature increases? That's basic physics, it can be demonstrated with a glass box and a sun lamp.  Or is it that human industry has increased C02 levels?

The fact that is being questioned does not mean that it is open to question. All kinds of nonsense theories are out there, from creationists, to flat-earthers, to moon-landing deniers, but just cos it's on the internet doesn't give it credibility. In the words of Montgomery Scott: You cannae change the laws of physics, cap'n!


Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:03:55 PM
Where are the answers about the Swine Flu, Avian Flu & Mad Cow disease, Jim?

The point about swine and bird flu were that they are new strains that are highly contagious and spread quickly, and to which almost nobody has dvelopped resistance. If they then combined with one of the really serious strains that tend to kill people, making a lethal AND infectious mutation, we'd be screwed. The science isn't precise, we have no way of knowing exactly what will happen, so we have to go with worst case scenarios and best guesses. And drastic expensive action WAS taken with CjD. Even now they think they've underestimated the 'mad cow timebomb' ticking away in people's brains, but the fact is that if we hadn't radically changed the way we farmed beef, at huge expense, the effects would have been far worse.

Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:03:55 PM
If climate change was all our doing then why doesn't everyone help out and stop buying all these electrical goodies, that's right most people are hypocrites when it will affect their way of life.
If you believe in the Climate issue get rid of your car, get a job within walking ditance to your home, put your children in schools closer to home, buy local produce, don't go abroad on holidays.

errm... yes that's kind of the point. Unless we all start doing some of those things, the problem will only get worse.

It seems the authorities are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If thousands had died from flu, people would be screaming about govenment inaction. If, as with the  millenium bug, they spend a fortune and the fix actually works, they're accused of scare-mongering!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 11 January, 2010, 05:27:25 PM
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:03:55 PM
Where are the answers about the Swine Flu, Avian Flu & Mad Cow disease, Jim?

Did I mention any of them? No, because I don't know anything about 'em!

OTOH, I was involved with the Millennium compliance efforts of a major regional publisher, and I know that was a very real issue.

I'm afraid you'd have to ask someone else about the other stuff!

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:28:49 PM
Don't get me wrong I recycle and I believe in that, we even have our own chickens and vegetable patch. I just don't need some twats living in mansions and flying round the world telling me I should cut down, when they don't!
That Al Gore film was found to have numerous lies in it but look out if you crossed the line and pointed that out. You would be classed as the equal of a Holocaust Denier.

Just seen your post Jim, thanks ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:32:20 PM
I think we've gone and done a massive thread drift and moved into the climate debate.
Anyone want to get us back on track!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 05:39:59 PM
good idea, let's leave the climate, the mad cows, and the flu-ridden livestock well alone!  :D

A stupid thing someone actually said to me:

A young new colleague once asked me for help with the office fax machine, as she couldn't get it to work, so I asked her what she had been doing.
"well I put the letter face down on here" (repeating actions as we went along)
"yes, that's right, what next?"
"then I dial the number, not forgetting to put a nine at the start"
"very good, then what happens"
"well I press start and it goes in.... but look, it just comes straight back out of the bottom!"
She'd sent that fax about half a dozen times by then - God only knows where she thought it was going to go.

And I once persuaded a temp to call another branch and ask them to fax over a couple of dozen blank sheets of paper for the photocopier as we'd run out! Luckilly the person on the other end wasn't as dim and put her right!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 11 January, 2010, 05:41:51 PM
ME!

gonna have to add the twelve year old dr who said in casualty after my brush with ice... "i dont think you've fractured it ...BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR!!!!

and they say the NHS is in trouble...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 11 January, 2010, 05:54:17 PM
Few years back, at work I was showing someone some work on computer screen. She was impressed with the new Apple Macs we had, going on to say that even the mouse looks really smart. It was one of the first Apple versions with laser tracking so they can be used directly on the table top – no need for a mouse mat. Boss chief replied "yes, but the problem is you can't use them with a mouse mat."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 06:15:12 PM
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:28:49 PM
Don't get me wrong I recycle and I believe in that, we even have our own chickens and vegetable patch. I just don't need some twats living in mansions and flying round the world telling me I should cut down, when they don't!
That Al Gore film was found to have numerous lies in it but look out if you crossed the line and pointed that out. You would be classed as the equal of a Holocaust Denier.

Just seen your post Jim, thanks ;)

I have to add a comment to that.\


"Climate Denier"  :lol: :lol: :lol:

Surely thats a comment or term of description that is idiotic in the extreme ?

Is there really such a thing as someone who denies that there is a climate ?

How pathetic.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 07:04:03 PM
On a tangent, Commando Forces has provided the inspiration that adds the twist my short story entry was lacking - cheers CF!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 07:07:57 PM
If you win do I get half the prize ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 11 January, 2010, 07:11:34 PM
Okay, I think this is close to being on topic. I haven't been reading any threads about Avatar as I don't want any spoilers, so this may or may not be accurate, but...

I was talking to some kids about Avatar at work today (aged about 10 ish, I guess), and they gave me the review "Its just a rip off of Halo". I couldn't help but think that wasn't the viewer responce the director was aiming for.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 11 January, 2010, 07:24:17 PM
A friend of mine in the pub; 'I can't drink this, I think it's off - taste it'

me 'it's fine'

him *takes another gulp* 'I know, but IT'S TOO DARK, I can't drink it'

other friend 'but you've drunk it loads of times before'

and on and on and on...

Cthulouis: I know this is totally off topic but do you hustle the b3ta boards? Only someone with the same net-handle has come up with a hideously entertaining question of the week...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 11 January, 2010, 08:14:06 PM
Nope, never even heard of such a board. Good to know I can blame any embarrassing webbage on some other Cthulouis. What was the question?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 11 January, 2010, 08:31:45 PM
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 03:40:26 PM
Take me back to the days when the experts said the Millenium bug would crash the worlds computers

*Ahem* - that wasn't experts. That was jounalists.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 January, 2010, 08:35:07 PM
"It's been nearly six years since we last asked about your worst vomit, so: Tell us tales of what went in, what came out and where it all went after that."

Question posed by Chthonic at b3ta.com here:  http://b3ta.com/questions/vomit2/
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 11 January, 2010, 08:55:22 PM
Er, yeah, that wasn't me :o

This has happenned before?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hegel on 11 January, 2010, 09:43:56 PM
I was a hairdressers in York (just off the Shambles) and I sat down, a little woozy from an all nighter, and ready for a long overdue trim.

The lady came over and cheerily enough started the usual patter as she fiddled and chopped.

She said, "Blimey, you've a lot of hair to cut off."

"Yes, its very voluminous" I replied.

"What? It glows in the dark?" She said.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 11 January, 2010, 09:59:35 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 12:19:58 PM
CO2 is what we breathe out and to label what is a natural component of the atmosphere and is essential to plant life as toxic or a poison or a pollutant is idiotic in the extreme.

Poo is full of nitrogen. It's essential to plant life. Yet, if you dump too much poo in a river, whether it be the run-off from a cow shed or a sewage works, it pollutes the river and kills the fishies, however much certain river-borne plants may like it. Pollution is defined socially, not scientifically.

If I take a shit in a field, it's fertilizer. If I take a shit in a stream it's pollution. That's what pollution is: it's defined by being in the wrong place.

Mary Douglas gives a thorough anthropological dissection of the problem in Purity and Danger (1966).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 11 January, 2010, 10:06:36 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 11 January, 2010, 09:59:35 PM

If I take a shit in a field, it's fertilizer. If I take a shit in a stream it's pollution. That's what pollution is: it's defined by being in the wrong place.


What is it, if you take a shit in someone's mouth?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 11 January, 2010, 10:08:48 PM
Quote from: Garageman on 11 January, 2010, 10:06:36 PM
What is it, if you take a shit in someone's mouth?

I don't know what that's called, but it's almost certainly pollution! I'm sure Mary Douglas would be able to point to a purification ritual to go with that.


Good luck!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 11 January, 2010, 10:15:09 PM
Quote from: Garageman on 11 January, 2010, 10:06:36 PM
What is it, if you take a shit in someone's mouth?

Love?   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxp3zqIqO68
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 11 January, 2010, 10:24:18 PM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 11 January, 2010, 08:35:07 PM
"It's been nearly six years since we last asked about your worst vomit, so: Tell us tales of what went in, what came out and where it all went after that."

Question posed by Chthonic at b3ta.com here:  http://b3ta.com/questions/vomit2/

Aaaah, I'm clearly a massive twat! Sorry  :-[ Does this count as a stupid thing that has been said?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 10:38:00 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 11 January, 2010, 09:59:35 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 12:19:58 PM
CO2 is what we breathe out and to label what is a natural component of the atmosphere and is essential to plant life as toxic or a poison or a pollutant is idiotic in the extreme.

Poo is full of nitrogen. It's essential to plant life. Yet, if you dump too much poo in a river, whether it be the run-off from a cow shed or a sewage works, it pollutes the river and kills the fishies, however much certain river-borne plants may like it. Pollution is defined socially, not scientifically.

If I take a shit in a field, it's fertilizer. If I take a shit in a stream it's pollution. That's what pollution is: it's defined by being in the wrong place.

Mary Douglas gives a thorough anthropological dissection of the problem in Purity and Danger (1966).

So it seems that if CO2 is taken out of its natural context its classified as a poison otherwise its not.

Thats simple enough.Increased CO2 levels stimulate plant growth as has frequently been observed.The Carbon Neutral scheme is a good one as carbon levels created by producing something is offset by planting trees because planting trees is a good idea regardless of the CO2 argument/debate.Plant life grew to 3 or 4 times its present size due to higher CO2 levels during various prehistoric periods.

Pollution is defined scientifically as well as socially in terms of industry and human activity if thats what you mean.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 11:46:17 PM
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 11 January, 2010, 05:28:49 PM
I just don't need some twats living in mansions and flying round the world telling me I should cut down, when they don't!
That Al Gore film was found to have numerous lies in it but look out if you crossed the line and pointed that out. You would be classed as the equal of a Holocaust Denier.

Just seen your post Jim, thanks ;)


What ??

You mean you dont need a load of Lear Jet/Limousine loving Globalist Hypocritical Criminal NWO Filth like George Sore-Ass telling you what you can and cant do in their own inimitable DO as i say - Not as i DO style ??

I dont think i do either.


:lol: :lol: :lol:


Al Gore ??


:lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 11:49:55 PM
but he makes a damn fine underground city.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 12 January, 2010, 01:07:50 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 11 January, 2010, 11:49:55 PM
but he makes a damn fine underground city.

I am going to write a strongly worded letter to Tharg regarding John Wagners inclusion of Al Gore in his Judge Dredd script.

I will not sit here idly while my comic and Judge Dredd is besmirched by that name no matter what its context !!


;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 12 January, 2010, 08:55:34 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 11 January, 2010, 11:46:17 PM

Al Gore ??

:lol: :lol: :lol:

(http://atlmalcontent.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/manbearpig1.jpg)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 14 January, 2010, 10:07:37 AM
I had a tech support call from my Father-in-law a couple of years back, he had bought some re-writeable CD's and couldn't work out how to erase them. I talked him through the process using Nero, and he still said that it didn't work so we ended up going through the process a couple more times but he said that he could still see what he had written on the disc  :-*.
I was starting to scratch my head a bit until he said that he couldn't understand it either as he had used a proper CD pen to write on it  :o.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 15 January, 2010, 05:01:02 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 11 January, 2010, 01:24:47 PM
Given that we use long-chain hydrocarbons to make plastics, pharmaceuticals and fertilizer, unless we want to do without computers, medicine and food before the end of this century, would it not be sensible to stop burning the fucking things?
That ought to be on a t-shirt at the next G8 conference.  If it isn't there's clearly nobody with an eye for a slogan in the enviromentalist camp.  Good points, Jim.

Quote from: House of Usher on 11 January, 2010, 10:08:48 PM
Quote from: Garageman on 11 January, 2010, 10:06:36 PM
What is it, if you take a shit in someone's mouth?
I don't know what that's called, but it's almost certainly pollution! I'm sure Mary Douglas would be able to point to a purification ritual to go with that.
That's what I was gonna say!  Aw.....

Sorry for dragging us back off topic.  Incidentally, I love this thread.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Funt Solo on 15 January, 2010, 08:08:21 PM
Manager at a hotel [shouting incredulously]: "You treat this place like a hotel!"

---

Me: "Oh, the firework displays are synchronized".
Stranger: "Aye, and they're going off at the same time as well".

---

Teacher: "Don't you believe in God?"

---

Irish man: "So, how do the Scottish feel about the English?"

Yes, all Scottish (whatever that means) people feel exactly the same way about all English (whatever that means) people.

---

Woman in shop: "This may sound crazy but I was Scottish in a previous life."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 15 January, 2010, 10:45:12 PM
Just visited a comics forum where one of the newbies weighed in - not for the first time - with his scathingly negative opinions of a book he admits he hasn't even read.

The same forum was also recently graced with a post that emphatically stated that 'some opinions are right, and some opinions are wrong'.

Why do we refer to them, then, as opinions, and not as FACTS?

How do we find these people? HOW?!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 January, 2010, 02:38:05 PM
Me, "Good afternoon. I need to buy some carpet."

Assistant, "What's it for?"

Me, "Walking on."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 17 January, 2010, 09:18:26 AM
A friend of mine was buying his first house some years ago and was being shown around it by the estate agent and she mentioned the vendors.

My friend - What's a Ven Door?

Estate agent - It's the seller of the house.

My friend - There's a Cellar, cool.


After the tour of the house is complete -


My friend - So how do we get down to the Cellar then?

Estate agent - There isn't a Cellar in this house.

My friend - But earlier you said there was one, through the Ven doors.

Estate agent -  ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 17 January, 2010, 10:14:06 AM
Rog, have you thought about a career in stand-up?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 17 January, 2010, 01:05:36 PM
Not said to me, but my father in law, arriving at a train station.

"When's the next train to Liverpool Street?"

"You've just missed it"

Another one from him, upon ordering a cup of Bovril in a cafe;

"Do you want sugar?"

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 17 January, 2010, 03:52:57 PM
Someone told me that recently at their workplace a member of the public had an appointment and brought along her sister who had her twelve year-old daughter with her.

This mother and daughter took a disliking to an Asian woman (around mid-twenties) who was minding her own business. For no other reason than their racist tendencies the mother and daughter (who had no business at the office) started having a go at the Asian woman, telling her that she "shouldn't be in this country."

The 12-year-old was cursing away and kicked the chair the Asian woman was sitting on resulting in the Asian woman falling and slightly cutting her hand. Ironically the 12-year-old junior racist was talking in a kind of Ali G accent.

The Asian woman responded by calling the woman a "honky".

Staff intervened and separated them and told the woman and daughter to get out. The response of the trouble maker to the member of staff:

"You're a racialist because you're telling us to go and letting that p*ki stay!"

Beggars belief.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 17 January, 2010, 04:09:12 PM
Yep. That's truly stupid.

Had an experience in my day job a few months back where I was asked to do some work for a retired gent on a council estate. I turned up, started work, and was assaulted with a completely unprovoked tirade about how 'the blacks, Indians and pakis have ruined the country'.

To which I replied 'Yes. Yes they have. Just look at all the pimply, wasted, unemployable no-hopers on this estate who have been deprived of jobs by hard-working immigrants. I'm sure you'd all be doctors and electricians if not for them. The bloody cheek of them, coming over here, working in healthcare, cancer research and all that! I bet you're incensed that it's their taxes that pay for your neighbours to sit at home watching porn and dealing drugs all day!'

I cannot abide racism.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 17 January, 2010, 04:19:41 PM
Years ago I heard:
"They [immigrants] get flash cars and what do we get? Nothing!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 19 January, 2010, 04:24:41 PM
I was just thinking about this one, out of the mouth of the most unbelievably dumb girl I've ever gone out with:

'How would you feel if I went on a date with somebody else?'

Doesn't really take much working out, does it?

That stupid bimbo got dumped like the retard she was!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 19 January, 2010, 04:47:11 PM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 17 January, 2010, 04:19:41 PM
Years ago I heard:
"They [immigrants] get flash cars and what do we get? Nothing!"

Ah, it never gets old.  A phenomenally lazy digger driver on a site I've been working on launched into his anti-immigrant rant the other day.  "They talk about a recession, but look at every petrol station in the country - nothing but Poles".  Weren't they all staffed by Eastern Europeans in the boom years as well, when we had full employment, and nobody else would do those crappy jobs because everyone was a property developer?  "Yeah, but now there's masses of unemployment, and those bastards are still there".   I thought they were all going to flee home with their pockets full of handouts once the money dried up, the lousy gits.  How dare they continue to pay taxes, onto the Dole with the lot of them!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Huey2 on 19 January, 2010, 07:37:56 PM
Sister in law on a trip around the Natural History Museum: "Those stuffed animals, are they lifesize?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 19 January, 2010, 11:54:25 PM
On the whole bigotry / racism thing, I gotta say - it never ceases to amaze me what boundless hypocrisy some of these people come out with.

I once had a very heated discussion with a business owner, who was trying to have it that soaring crime figures, social unrest and the decline in values in the UK was down to the influx of 'darkies and Muslims'.

Three months later, the guy did a bunk from his business, disappeared from his home, apparently owing thousands of pounds in debts and unpaid rent. He'd been 'looking after' a large quantity of expensive goods for several of his associates too, all of which had vanished with him, likely sold off.

What is THAT about?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 21 January, 2010, 11:38:20 PM
Not directed AT me... but overheard.(In an IRISH accent !) While I was looking round York museum this child clearly board started skipping.
Father: "Kaylee! Stand still and walk with us!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 22 January, 2010, 11:58:21 AM
Ah, the crazy Irish! You've got to love 'em and the mad things they do say! The accent makes things so much more stupid!

'That dog's wild tame'

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 22 January, 2010, 12:12:31 PM
Rapid, horse, rapid.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 22 January, 2010, 01:30:26 PM
 :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 23 January, 2010, 08:44:14 PM
General saying of the youth.

"I ain't done nothing wrong"

So by your own admission you are up to no good.





V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 24 January, 2010, 10:46:59 PM
Couple of days ago, I was trying to tell someone something. The response:

"Look, I don't want to know! No one ever tells me anything, I never know what's going on. I don't want to know!"

Exasperating to say the least. I raised my voice. I later received an apology.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 25 January, 2010, 03:27:42 PM
Gosh, that used to be my Dad's response to everything! It's self fulfilling ignorance. Noone tells you anything because you always bat like you don't give a hoot about others opinions, you old buzzard!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 30 January, 2010, 02:20:57 PM
Just mentioned this on another thread by accident. 

Me: "Can I have a plain black filter coffee please?"

Hard-up Lawyer: "Would you like milk in that?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 30 January, 2010, 03:50:50 PM
He dreamt of one day becoming a barrister, but ended up a barista. Sad but true*.  ::)





* Although admittedly, mostly just true.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goatilocks on 30 January, 2010, 09:21:06 PM
My Mum died back in 1996, aged 52. At the time, I was working nights in a petrol station. A couple of months later I was training a 20-year old rugger-bugger (wanna-be rugby player). He knew about my mother's passing, and probed me about it.

I told him how after her brain haemorrhage she slipped into a coma and was dead two days later. I told him of my disbelief of seeing her slip away - anyone who has lost someone will understand this feeling of complete helplessness.

"I know exactly what you mean," he replied, seriously, "I was playing a rugby game one day and scored a fooking great try, only it was disallowed. I couldn't believe it was happening to me ..!"

He was supposed to be with me until 7am - I sent him home at 3.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 31 January, 2010, 01:24:16 AM
...Which reminds me of my deep seated hatred of rugby players.

Which is a tenuous link to this:

I was out drinking one night with some friends, who had invied some rugby-loving twonk out with them. We all got talking about our pets. I mentioned my father's budgerigar, possibly the most intelligent, funny creature I've ever had the pleasure to know. It had just died.

I was telling the guys about the little fella's antics. Crazy little critter actually used to have little call-and-response conversations with people. Not actual words, mind, just sounds. You could even play that childish game with him where you try to interrupt each other just as you're about to say something!

'Pfft!' declared Captain Twonkster. 'THAT'S not personality! Take my dog - why, I was walking him down on the beach the other day, and he went in the sea, and then ran back ashore and jumped into a complete stranger's car!'

No sir. That's not personality. That's just a poorly trained, stupid mutt. And possibly I'd add, one that is desperate for a new owner, if his deeds are anything to judge him by.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goatilocks on 31 January, 2010, 11:46:27 AM
Quote from: HdE on 31 January, 2010, 01:24:16 AMNo sir. That's not personality. That's just a poorly trained, stupid mutt. And possibly I'd add, one that is desperate for a new owner, if his deeds are anything to judge him by.

:lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 31 January, 2010, 11:47:36 AM
I'm always in disbelief reading this thread.  

Goaty, that's a vile experience.  Can't add anything to that.  I'm sure I'd have decked him and I'm NOT a violent man.  At all.

HdE, you now have me imagining the dog pleading with the owner of the car to drive off at top speed while his idiotic owner slowly closes in on the car.  "Take me home, PLEASE?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 31 January, 2010, 12:39:54 PM
Bah! Rugby. What's that, apart from one great big, institutionalized Freudian ego-defence mechanism? It's repressed homosexuality.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 31 January, 2010, 01:05:52 PM
Who was left out of the team then, eh?  :D

M
(ex loose head)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 31 January, 2010, 01:47:18 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 31 January, 2010, 12:39:54 PM
Bah! Rugby. What's that, apart from one great big, institutionalized Freudian ego-defence mechanism? It's repressed homosexuality.

After the game they have the group showering to look forward to !
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 31 January, 2010, 02:46:38 PM
QuoteAfter the game they have the group showering to look forward to !

I'm working on the site of a new sports pavillion (basically just changing rooms), and having to attend the odd dull project meeting where everybody tells lies and the client nods and smiles and occasionally looks worried.  Before Christmas there was interminable talk about boiler capacities and electricity requirement for two sets of showers.   They were allowing 30 litres of hot water per person per shower, so trying to keep myself awake, I reckoned they'd need 900 litres of water per game (average of 15 people per team, two teams= 30 x 30 = 900).  But no - apparently 500 litres capacity is way more than adequate.   The QS informs us that (statistically) this is because only about half of players shower after each game, with that falling to as few as a third of away players if they're travelling from  outside the county. Smelly buggers indeed.

And here's the depressing bit:  If it's a girls' team, that (apparently) falls to 10% for away teams.  That's one or two women per team.

This (literally) pours cold water on much of my adolescence.  All the hellish games of rugby I was forced to play as a kid, and throughout the mildewy lukewarm showers afterwards, the only thing that kept me going was the idea that somewhere else in the sports building there was almost certainly an entire girls' team frolicking naked in (no doubt) perfumed steam in Police Academy fashion.  Come to think of it, this probably belongs in the Childhood Naivety thread.

I can't help wondering if the QS was just telling Porkies (geddit) to keep the spec down, because in my own current 'sport' of dinghy racing shower takeup is 100%, and the main motivation for doing well in any given race is to get to the showers before the water runs out...  


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 31 January, 2010, 03:05:05 PM
It's only BARELY repressed.  At least from my experience of uni rugby teams it was (had the misfortune to share accomodation with a rugby player in my first year - never met such a meatheaded moron in my life).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 31 January, 2010, 03:29:19 PM
Quote"Yeah, but now there's masses of unemployment, and those bastards are still there".   I thought they were all going to flee home with their pockets full of handouts once the money dried up, the lousy gits.

Yep, there's nobody stupider than an opinionated racist. There's another popular racist myth about immigrant mothers leaving their baby-buggies at bus-stops because the government will give them another one as soon as they get off.  A guy I know has seen 'loads of buggies' discarded.  Me bollix, he has.  Is it really worth leaving the kid buggy-less until the application process for a new one goes through EVERY TIME you get on the bus, rather than the much, much simpler option of folding it up and lifting it on?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 31 January, 2010, 03:32:46 PM
There's no other kind of racist.  Sadly we can't ship them back where they came from because The Bigoted Republic of Moronia is a fictional nation.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 31 January, 2010, 03:35:35 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 31 January, 2010, 03:29:19 PM
There's another popular racist myth about immigrant mothers leaving their baby-buggies at bus-stops because the government will give them another one as soon as they get off.  

My own mother believes that one, trotting it out and tutting loudly when I told her how much our own baby buggy cost.  Apparently the black ones don't even have to use the bus, as they get given people-carriers to put all their hordes of children in, whereas tax-paying folk like us have to squeeze all of us and the dog into a Micra.  My Mum's generally a lovely person, but the racist crap she absorbs and repeats is very depressing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 31 January, 2010, 04:04:12 PM
Guy I know:

"You know those posh girls like Paris Hilton? They carry those little dogs around in their hand-bags right? You know what they use them for?  That's right they get them to lick them out!"

Me:

::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 31 January, 2010, 04:42:53 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 31 January, 2010, 02:46:38 PM
apparently 500 litres capacity is way more than adequate... because only about half of players shower after each game, with that falling to as few as a third of away players if they're travelling from  outside the county. Smelly buggers indeed.

Argh, the smelly bastards! And what's worse, the visitors all go back home together in a warm coach!!! Ewwwwww! And greeted by frowning, pursed-lipped wives and girlfriends at the other end, no doubt. With a hot bath running. Of course, not showering after exercize saves time. I used to get away with it when I worked in a small office with just one other person (I smelled hardly at all!), but in the open plan office where I work now there'll be no getting away with it. There's one guy who stinks to high heaven every day to a radius of about 20 desks but I don't think he's the sporty type. I think he's just averse to soap and deodorant.

Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 31 January, 2010, 03:29:19 PM
There's another popular racist myth about immigrant mothers leaving their baby-buggies at bus-stops because the government will give them another one as soon as they get off.

Quote from: TordelBack on 31 January, 2010, 03:35:35 PM
My own mother believes that one, trotting it out and tutting loudly when I told her how much our own baby buggy cost.

This myth must be a localized one. I don't think I'd hear that one round here because we have buses that drop on hydraulics to meet the kerb and there's pushchair accommodation on board, so you don't even have to collapse a buggy, you can just wheel it on.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 31 January, 2010, 04:46:35 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 31 January, 2010, 12:39:54 PM
Bah! Rugby. What's that, apart from one great big, institutionalized Freudian ego-defence mechanism? It's repressed homosexuality.

And yet, perversely, so many of them still find the time to engage in heterosexual intercourse when there's a faint possibility of destroying somebody's marriage or burgeoning relationship.

Am I saying all rugby players are scum? No. Just the ones I've met. ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 31 January, 2010, 04:50:05 PM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 31 January, 2010, 03:32:46 PM
There's no other kind of racist.  Sadly we can't ship them back where they came from because The Bigoted Republic of Moronia is a fictional nation.

Wha-? NO WONDER I COULDN'T FIND IT ON THE BLOODY MAP!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 31 January, 2010, 09:05:10 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 31 January, 2010, 04:42:53 PM


Argh, the smelly bastards! And what's worse, the visitors all go back home together in a warm coach!!! Ewwwwww! And greeted by frowning, pursed-lipped wives and girlfriends at the other end, no doubt. With a hot bath running. Of course, not showering after exercize saves time. I used to get away with it when I worked in a small office with just one other person (I smelled hardly at all!), but in the open plan office where I work now there'll be no getting away with it. There's one guy who stinks to high heaven every day to a radius of about 20 desks but I don't think he's the sporty type. I think he's just averse to soap and deodorant.



I used to be a member of a health club and i never used to bother washing after working out partly because i dont sweat very much and never smell and partly because i couldnt stand the rank smell of the shower room however the showers were individual cubicles which was good because i dont very much like open showers very much as i have had bad experiences with those from when i was living in London and renovating flats as there were extended periods when i had no bathroom as it had just been ripped out.

I quite enjoy cold showers sometimes too as its exhilerating.

I know that rank stale musty smell that you get from someone who doesnt wash themselves or their clothes.Yuk.

I was forced to play Rugby at school but i had no interest in it whatsoever.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 31 January, 2010, 10:28:15 PM
I sweat loads when I'm exercizing, but it's a fresh sweat smell!  :lol:

(like new-mown hay  :D )

If I can't be bothered to shower at work I (used to) wipe it off, spray deodorant and change clothes. Quite genuinely, running for the bus or sitting in a hot meeting room is going to make my pits smell worse than after vigorous exercize.

Now I'm on flexi-time and my hair's shorter I've no reason to skip showering. No-one cares what time I get back to my desk and it doesn't matter if my hair gets wet at work any more.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 31 January, 2010, 10:36:05 PM
Quoteit doesn't matter if my hair gets wet at work any more.

What if it's dirty plant water that gets in your hair when they make you buy flowers everyday with my taxes?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 31 January, 2010, 10:48:19 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 31 January, 2010, 10:36:05 PM
Quoteit doesn't matter if my hair gets wet at work any more.

What if it's dirty plant water that gets in your hair when they make you buy flowers everyday with my taxes?

Would that be the bouquets we routinely hand out to economic migrants on production of a stamped claim form for a lost baby stroller? Nope, not my job. And by the way, they carry the flowers in a carrier bag, low to the ground, not over the shoulder on a brickie's hod, so my hair would be quite safe from assault by algified bacterial soup whichever way you look at it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 31 January, 2010, 10:57:24 PM
One day the florists will get sick of you getting free flowers and they will call Daniel Hannwateran in to strike a blow for liberty by propping a water bucket on the door so that it falls on you when you saunter in, throwing your governmental weight around.

PS - I don't actually hate House of Usher.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 01 February, 2010, 12:18:09 AM
Technically I don't have governmental weight to throw around because I work for a branch of the civil service that has nominal independence but statutorily provides a service to government and the public.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 01 February, 2010, 01:16:02 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 01 February, 2010, 12:18:09 AM
Technically I don't have governmental weight to throw around because I work for a branch of the civil service that has nominal independence but statutorily provides a service to government and the public.

So... does that mean you can help me get my £8.00 'handling fee' back from Royal Mail? It IS an unlawful fee, after all...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 01 February, 2010, 01:40:47 AM
'A' service, not just 'any' service.  ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 February, 2010, 06:48:06 AM
Quote'A' service, not just 'any' service

Ah, that service! Hush-hush, wink-wink.  We'll all be nicer to you from now on, 'U'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goatilocks on 01 February, 2010, 11:16:02 AM
I was out with a couple of mates on Saturday night and talk soon swung to a particularly nasty murder case here in Ireland:

http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/0129/cawleyc.html

Here was a guy who bludgeoned his wife, left her bleeding to death and hid his bloody clothes in the attic (!)

One of the guys I was with turned round and said, "I heard she (the wife) gave him an awful time - she was contantly nagging him; mental abuse an' all that."

It never fails to amaze me how even in the face of extreme violence towards women misogynist pricks will defend their fellow man ...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 01 February, 2010, 05:55:12 PM
I overheard at work today a manager explaining some new process to one of his minions and he said he would have it printed off and marinated for everyone.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 February, 2010, 05:56:00 PM
QuoteHere was a guy who bludgeoned his wife, left her bleeding to death and hid his bloody clothes in the attic (!)

I partcularly liked his defense - if he'd meant to kill her by bashing her skull in with a brick, he wouldn't have done it on the decking where they could be seen from the lane.  And anyway, she was nagging him about not putting food out for the robins, and not (as you might imagine) the fact that he was shagging someone else.  Could happen to anyone, really.

What a piece of shit.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 03 February, 2010, 07:25:07 PM
Crap, I'm double-posting, ah well.

Just got a text message from a site foreman from Cavan who I'm working with at the moment, and discovered he texts EXACTLY as he talks, and I quote:

"De machen will b dere in de monin".

(Translation: The machine will be there in the morning)

Can't decide if he's a genius or a total eejit.   
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 03 February, 2010, 11:58:44 PM
I heard at work about an Irish contact called Keith, who used to tut about the London office being unable to say his name properly. His name's not 'Keef' after all. "No, of course not," said a Welsh colleague with perfect received English pronunciation, "it's obviously pronounced 'Keith'."

Keith then paused, non-plussed, not entirely certain that was right either. I am informed he pronounces his own name, quite correctly, as Keit'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goatilocks on 04 February, 2010, 10:59:15 AM
According to Dylan Moran, the English 'do' the Irish:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4MwblcGZbI&feature=related
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 04 February, 2010, 05:39:30 PM
I have a friend who won't look at my DeviantArt page because ''deviant' is a bad word'.

Actually more charming than stupid. ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 04 February, 2010, 05:48:28 PM
Quote from: HdE on 04 February, 2010, 05:39:30 PM
I have a friend who won't look at my DeviantArt page because ''deviant' is a bad word'.

Actually more charming than stupid. ;)

I have never been quite sure why its called DeviantArt anyway unless it was something that came out of the tattoo subculture.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 04 February, 2010, 10:02:43 PM
I'm just releived she didn't say ' i won't look at your DeviantArt page because your work is sh*t!'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 14 February, 2010, 10:25:18 AM
Me: "ah such a display of rapier sharp wit"

Them: "and there's no-one rapier than me"

Me: ".........!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 14 February, 2010, 12:10:58 PM
Anon: "Jesus hasn't got a green face and a fucking telephone dial glued to his forehead!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 14 February, 2010, 01:24:41 PM
Not so much what was said to me but it was a notice in a curry house window it said and I quote "Try our curry's you'll never get better"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 14 February, 2010, 04:03:52 PM
Quote from: wild-seven on 14 February, 2010, 10:25:18 AM
Me: "ah such a display of rapier sharp wit"

Them: "and there's no-one rapier than me"

Me: ".........!"

I say, that's jolly clever, albeit very sinister. Is it not what they meant to say?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 14 February, 2010, 07:04:06 PM
Reminds me of Sam Goldwyn's comment on a Hollywood script having 'warmth and charmth'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 14 February, 2010, 08:53:04 PM
The Keith thing reminds me of the conversation I had with a guy from Limerick, where I tried to explain to him that the words "Death" and "Debt" do not in fact sound the same.


The Irish equivalent of this boards Waugh/War debate I suppose
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 14 February, 2010, 10:03:15 PM
Waugh?  What's he good for?  Absolutely elegant biting satire.  Waugh.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Devons Daddy on 15 February, 2010, 04:28:16 AM
I work in a private club. not a member you cant come in, unless your a friend and with the member,

standing on the board walk, chinese new year,place is fully booked, person in front of me demanding to be given a table,
his finest use of words

I AM A MEMBER YOU KNOW!

see first sentance to truly understand how stupid this statement is!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 February, 2010, 08:56:18 PM
I hate places like that.  ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goatilocks on 15 February, 2010, 09:10:42 PM
I bought myself a bathrobe yesterday in our local supermarket. I was wearing my hoody, and was wondering should I go for large or extra large.

"Try it on," said the peroxide blonde shelf packer.

"I'll take my top off," I suggested.

"Just your hoody," she replies, seriously believing I was going to take my tshirt off as well ...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 February, 2010, 09:13:12 PM
Quote from: Goatilocks on 15 February, 2010, 09:10:42 PM
"Just your hoody," she replies, seriously believing I was going to take my tshirt off as well ...

F***ing moron. I hope she remembers to breathe!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 February, 2010, 03:32:43 AM
I sometimes think the assistants in clothes shops are among the thickest creatures on the planet.

An assistant in a shoe shop once asked me if I needed assistance. I pointed out a display shoe that had caught my eye and asked 'Could I buy a pair in size 9, please?'

'of course,' she replied, adding 'We don't sell shoes individually'

I'm eternally grateful to her for clarifying that. I'd been so confused all the other times I'd asked to buy a shoe and found an IDENTICAL ONE FOR THE OTHER FOOT WAS IN THE BOX!  ::)

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 16 February, 2010, 12:45:17 PM
What?  NO!

Someone should be told!  What can be done?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 16 February, 2010, 12:58:20 PM
I need to word this one carefully; I live in a small country full of angry people. I'm paraphrasing, but the response it accurate.

Me:'No, you couldn't dig up that hill. It's a protected area, especially that hill.'

Person 'So, if I drove up that steep slope and the tractor went over and I died, it would be murder.'

Me:  :|

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: pauljholden on 16 February, 2010, 01:39:12 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 15 February, 2010, 09:13:12 PM
Quote from: Goatilocks on 15 February, 2010, 09:10:42 PM
"Just your hoody," she replies, seriously believing I was going to take my tshirt off as well ...

F***ing moron. I hope she remembers to breathe!

Yeah, I think you're forgetting that she MAY have already had a customer who did disrobe ...

I remember reading a work contract with the usual vague things about what you should/shouldn't do and one clause was so specific I asked why (it was to do with personal hygiene) and was told that, yeah, it had been an issue before...

-pj
ps not saying she's not thick, but ... you know... some of her customers may have been thicker...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 February, 2010, 02:53:15 PM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 16 February, 2010, 12:45:17 PM
What?  NO!

Someone should be told!  What can be done?

I know. Shocking state of affairs. We shoul dbe able to walk into a shoe shop and mix and match, no? ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 16 February, 2010, 10:53:03 PM
It's the one-legged cunts I feel sorry for.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 17 February, 2010, 12:33:38 AM
Damn, can't find the clip I wanted on YouTube....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 17 February, 2010, 12:35:03 AM
Please tell me it's not directly related to the exact wording of Cosh's last post?!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 17 February, 2010, 01:46:17 AM
Not to me, but a receptionist – oh, I mean 'office manager' – where a mate once worked thinks that the popular frothy coffee drink is called a "cuppa chino."

I worked in a company where we commissioned an illustration which had to be all multicultural, so it had black people, oriental people, asians, person in wheelchair etc. This was shown to another client who commented: "yes, but you haven't got any people with glasses."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 17 February, 2010, 11:27:58 AM
Quote from: The Doctor Alt 8 on 17 February, 2010, 12:33:38 AM
Damn, can't find the clip I wanted on YouTube....

Was it the Not the Nine O'clock News sketch in which a bunch of one-legged shoplifters clean out the display racks in front of a shoe shop?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tweak72 on 17 February, 2010, 12:17:07 PM
Customer: "Why was I not informed that my application form was lost in the post??"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 17 February, 2010, 05:53:13 PM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 17 February, 2010, 01:46:17 AM
Not to me, but a receptionist – oh, I mean 'office manager' – where a mate once worked thinks that the popular frothy coffee drink is called a "cuppa chino."

I have a lady friend who I meet every weekend for a cup of coffee and a chit-chat. My joke when I go to the bar has been to order a garlic bread and a 'two steaming mugs of Al Pacino'.

Most of the staff chuckle at this, but one new girl a couple of weeks back found it very confusing. She spent ages looking at the chalkboard menu, and would have asked one of her colleagues for help if I hadn't stopped her. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 17 February, 2010, 06:29:33 PM
A lady I know who goes by the name of Misty used to run a pub and had the job of training a new member of bar staff; the first customer of the day asked her for a St Clements which is orange juice and bitter lemon

*scene goes all misty (arf!) and wavey*

Newby Barmaid: What's a St Clements?

Misty: Orange juice and bitter lemon

Newby Barmaid: what lemon?

Misty: Bitter Lemon

Newby Barmaid: Oh right, how much?

Misty: How much what?

Newby Barmaid: How much is a bit?

Misty: *slow dawning realisation* No, I said BITTER lemon

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 17 February, 2010, 06:42:31 PM
"That which we consider to be true art is that which we consider not art at all"

:-\ :-* :lol: :crazy: :rolleyes: :eh:

I hope that the wording of the above quote is correct as i memorised it but i will double check it on Thursday just to be sure.

Anyway i spotted this nonsense written on a big sign outside a pub next to Brighton Station.Its not the first time i have read this sign before and read it lots of times and each time i read it i think WTF is it trying to say ? but today while having a break i was contemplating it for a bit longer .....

Its trying to say something profound but to me its just preudo intellectual/philosophical twaddle that just doesnt make any sense at all.

If i consider or think about or whatever that which i consider to be "true art"[never thought of art in terms of wether it is true or not but i have questioned the validity of conceptual art] which could be anything from 2000ad art to Turner to the Bloomsbury Group or whoever or anything at all that is a creative medium that involves self expression in what ever way then after further consideration and some other indeterminate thought and reasoning processes i consider it to be "not Art at all".

How does this happen ? How did i get from A to B ?

Why would i consider that art is not art ?

If art is no longer art then does something else become art instead ?

What does it become if i dont consider it to be art ?

Or since i am only considering something then i could consider that this quote is BS.



Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 17 February, 2010, 06:59:44 PM
Quote from: Tweak72 on 17 February, 2010, 12:17:07 PM
Customer: "Why was I not informed that my application form was lost in the post??"


Dammit, Tweak. That gave me a flashback to when I worked at HBOS.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 17 February, 2010, 07:06:39 PM
HE ADMITS IT.

STONE THE FAT CAT!

*kidding, natch*
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 17 February, 2010, 07:11:46 PM
Lol. I was nowhere near that level of responsibility. My job there was rejecting credit card applications.

Although, proir to that, I was working for Lloyds TSB.

See the pattern yet?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 17 February, 2010, 07:13:03 PM
More stupidity from today :

I went into a shop to buy a can of drink and just before paying i noticed some kind of oatmeal/muesli bar that has Maple syrup in it so i thought i would have a bit of that as i love maple syrup and the price label clearly said 35p on the shelf so i went to pay and they said it was 1.30 something so i questioned it as 70p + 35p doesnt add up to over 1.35 so they said the oatbar was 65p so i said no its not as the price label clearly says 35p and they said "its price marked !" so i said yes i can see its price marked and it says 35p and you can see it for yourself and they said "its because its price marked !" so i said oh FFS this is just going around in circles and just paid for the can of drink.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 17 February, 2010, 07:17:42 PM
Twonks.

Repeating yourself if someone isn't understanding your job-specific jargon, is NOT HELPFUL, it's obtuse, rude and annoying.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 17 February, 2010, 07:53:13 PM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 17 February, 2010, 01:46:17 AM
it had black people, oriental people, asians, person in wheelchair etc. This was shown to another client who commented: "yes, but you haven't got any people with glasses."

But I thought there already was somebody Chinese.


What?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 17 February, 2010, 07:54:12 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 17 February, 2010, 11:27:58 AM
Quote from: The Doctor Alt 8 on 17 February, 2010, 12:33:38 AM
Damn, can't find the clip I wanted on YouTube....

Was it the Not the Nine O'clock News sketch in which a bunch of one-legged shoplifters clean out the display racks in front of a shoe shop?

Yep... that was the one....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 17 February, 2010, 07:54:38 PM
Roger should be showing up any second to call you racist, ush.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 17 February, 2010, 09:02:43 PM
This is gold!

Quote from: Peter Wolf on 17 February, 2010, 06:42:31 PM
"That which we consider to be true art is that which we consider not art at all"

:-\ :-* :lol: :crazy: :rolleyes: :eh:


I see pretentious crap like this on Deviant Art all the time - generally in the signature lines of posts from jumped up kids who think it's acceptable to lob snotball sarcasm and scathing put-downs on artworks that people have doubtless toiled over for some considerable time.

The tragic-comic thing about this is, the rubbish they post is never even ONE TENTH as artfully worded as the claptrap they've quoted! It's usually some variant on 'YOOOO SUUUUCK! GO DIE!' or whatever.

Sort of exposes what a sham the whole business of hiding behind a flowery turn of phrase is.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 18 February, 2010, 06:23:37 PM
Quote from: HdE on 17 February, 2010, 09:02:43 PM
This is gold!

Quote from: Peter Wolf on 17 February, 2010, 06:42:31 PM
"That which we consider to be true art is that which we consider not art at all"

:-\ :-* :lol: :crazy: :rolleyes: :eh:


I see pretentious crap like this on Deviant Art all the time - generally in the signature lines of posts from jumped up kids who think it's acceptable to lob snotball sarcasm and scathing put-downs on artworks that people have doubtless toiled over for some considerable time.

The tragic-comic thing about this is, the rubbish they post is never even ONE TENTH as artfully worded as the claptrap they've quoted! It's usually some variant on 'YOOOO SUUUUCK! GO DIE!' or whatever.

Sort of exposes what a sham the whole business of hiding behind a flowery turn of phrase is.

This is the correct quote :

"That which we consider to be true art is that which appears not to be art at all"

Not quite the same as what i misquoted but its just as stupid.

Seems like this time i consider something that is not art as being "True art".

This quote is attributable to "Il Castiglione" whoever that is but quite honestly i could just sit here and type that kind of shit myself.The pub is on a corner and this quote is on both sides of the big building.Why i just dont know........

I also wouldnt ever consider posting art on Deviantart whenever i start posting finished art online.Not my kind of place.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 18 February, 2010, 07:56:22 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 18 February, 2010, 06:23:37 PM

I also wouldnt ever consider posting art on Deviantart whenever i start posting finished art online.Not my kind of place.

I'm intrigued as to why that would be. There's honestly a huge diversity of different personalities and art forms there. It's brilliant for networking.

It's just that - as my earlier comment suggests - there's always a few snark-mongers there to sour things.

And trust me - if any of you guys want to read some TRULY stupid stuff, go take a look at some of the misinformed rubbish that the cool kids think passes for critique!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 18 February, 2010, 09:09:25 PM
Quote from: HdE on 18 February, 2010, 07:56:22 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 18 February, 2010, 06:23:37 PM

I also wouldnt ever consider posting art on Deviantart whenever i start posting finished art online.Not my kind of place.

I'm intrigued as to why that would be. There's honestly a huge diversity of different personalities and art forms there. It's brilliant for networking.

It's just that - as my earlier comment suggests - there's always a few snark-mongers there to sour things.

And trust me - if any of you guys want to read some TRULY stupid stuff, go take a look at some of the misinformed rubbish that the cool kids think passes for critique!

I just dont like the look of the place and feel of it at all.I find it too big and impersonal but who knows i might change my mind a bit in time.....

I had a look at the traditional art section and just now and there are a few pieces that have been posted that are in the same style and vein as my own work so that was encouraging as i didnt really feel that it was an appropriate venue to show off my work.

But trust me the snark mongers wont be a problem to me if i do join up.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 18 February, 2010, 10:27:27 PM
Me, I'm put off by all the Tony Hart's Gallery Puff-the-Magic-Dragons, Warhammer 40k knock-offs, and tracings of Judge Anderson with tentacles for arms.

A pity, because there's a lot of good stuff on there too.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 19 February, 2010, 06:00:25 PM
Personally, I reckon Deviant Art is the tops for networking with other artists. It's absolutely true that there's a good whack of facebook style silliness that goes on there, and you do have to actively search for people who are actually WORTH networking with.

Overall, I'd recommend it. Even if you only set up a small little hub of watchers and friends. Heck, I gratefully receive any and all who want to peruse my page and comment.

G'waaan! Treat yerselves to a shiny new DA account! What's the worst that could happen?

(Uh... don't answer that...)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 February, 2010, 09:11:34 PM
Quote from: HdE on 19 February, 2010, 06:00:25 PM
, and you do have to actively search for people who are actually WORTH networking with.



I find i have to do that a lot in life anyway so its nothing new.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 25 February, 2010, 02:01:54 PM
Just recently I've noticed an increasing amount of professional artists on DA.

It does take a long time to filter out the crap though - there's a lot of kids on there but hey, live and let live.

I'm wondering if that art quote is supposed to mean if it looks like loads of effort was made then it isn't quite right as you are noticing the craft and not the art. If it looks effortless is it art?... maybe....

Still bobbins though.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 25 February, 2010, 03:51:52 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 25 February, 2010, 02:01:54 PM
Just recently I've noticed an increasing amount of professional artists on DA.

It does take a long time to filter out the crap though - there's a lot of kids on there but hey, live and let live.

I'm wondering if that art quote is supposed to mean if it looks like loads of effort was made then it isn't quite right as you are noticing the craft and not the art. If it looks effortless is it art?... maybe....

Still bobbins though.

I just gave up trying to deconstruct what that quote was meant to mean.I had a go but i had to stop as it was pointless.

It was the very fact that there was some very professional artwork on show that has changed my mind about DA.If there is more professional art on DA it should be easy to find because its probably going to be uploaded into the right categories.DA is a pain sometimes because it seems to take forever for a page to download.I just clicked on "Traditional Art" and i go to another website to finish typing a comment that is long and 10 minutes later its still buffering.Try again later i guess......
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 25 February, 2010, 04:14:47 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 25 February, 2010, 02:01:54 PM

Still bobbins though.

That it is. In fact, for my money, it's the worst kind of pretentious crap anybody can spout.

There IS a huge problem on DA with clueless chuzzwozzers setting themselves up as critics, and voicing horribly undiplomatic opinions on work that was done by unskilled artists.

I blame all these shows like The X Factor and whatnot. They seem to push the idea that people are either naturally gifted at something from birth or they aren't, shouldn't even attempt it and are almost certainly stupid for trying.

Basically, DA's great if you can filter out the twonks.

Oh, and Simon Cowell is nowhere to be seen there. Works for me!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 25 February, 2010, 04:48:08 PM
Quote from: HdE on 25 February, 2010, 04:14:47 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 25 February, 2010, 02:01:54 PM

Still bobbins though.

That it is. In fact, for my money, it's the worst kind of pretentious crap anybody can spout.

There IS a huge problem on DA with clueless chuzzwozzers setting themselves up as critics, and voicing horribly undiplomatic opinions on work that was done by unskilled artists.

I blame all these shows like The X Factor and whatnot. They seem to push the idea that people are either naturally gifted at something from birth or they aren't, shouldn't even attempt it and are almost certainly stupid for trying.

Basically, DA's great if you can filter out the twonks.

Oh, and Simon Cowell is nowhere to be seen there. Works for me!

The thing that gets me about this quote isnt the quote itself because its just another bit of inane drivel and its unimportant but its why this pub feels the need to have two very large boards on the wall outside as if there is something important or life changing about it like its a proclamation and in this sense i find it irritating.

Funny enough the pub itself which is called the Grand Central bar i have never been inside this pub in the 15 years i have lived here as there is something uninviting about it.The pub has an upstairs theatre or arts venue which kind of explains the inane quote.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 25 February, 2010, 05:40:41 PM
Whoopsie - I totally missed the fact that you were talking about the inscription on the pub! I was laying into the pretentious uber-student mankwater kids on DA!  :-[
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 28 February, 2010, 01:05:42 PM
Quote from: HdE on 25 February, 2010, 04:14:47 PM
chuzzwozzers

Love that insult!  I think 2000AD and its readership must be the most creative insulters and swearers since Shakespeare. :)

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 28 February, 2010, 02:32:29 PM
Having read your post, SG, I'm tempted to try and live up to it. 

Sadly the best *I* can come up with is "bumpiece" or "poo-eater" - hardly Shakespeare.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 28 February, 2010, 04:13:51 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 28 February, 2010, 01:05:42 PM
Quote from: HdE on 25 February, 2010, 04:14:47 PM
chuzzwozzers

Love that insult!  I think 2000AD and its readership must be the most creative insulters and swearers since Shakespeare. :)



Sadly, I can't take credit for it. It comes from an old episode of The Simpsons.

Still, I do think we should see the term coined for broader use!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 01 March, 2010, 09:25:20 AM
I don't see why not. It's a perfectly cromulent word
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Gavin_Leahy_Block on 01 March, 2010, 09:29:04 AM
You really know how to embiggen this thread, don't you.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 March, 2010, 09:49:41 AM
Silence, you pack of quijibos.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 01 March, 2010, 10:18:47 AM
Mr. Plow!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 01 March, 2010, 05:32:56 PM
Goodness - the rapacity for verbosity demonstrated here renders me quiescent in awe - to the very point of osequity, in fact!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 01 March, 2010, 06:50:12 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 01 March, 2010, 10:18:47 AM
Mr. Plow!

:D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 02 March, 2010, 09:36:16 PM
"Snow is not temperature"

What the idiot that said this to me was saying was more snow is not indicative of cooling and that warming of the climate = MORE snow.



I said to them that they could conduct their own experiment that proves that snow is dependent on colder/freezing temperatures and is frozen water.Just fill up a bowl of water and place it in a working freezer and some time later it will have frozen then take it out of the freezer and place next to a heat source and it will melt.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 02 March, 2010, 09:40:54 PM
Um, could he be referring to more evaporation=more precipitation? Warm, wet air mass meets cold dry one etc

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 02 March, 2010, 09:46:00 PM
QuoteJust fill up a bowl of water and place it in a working freezer and some time later it will have frozen then take it out of the freezer and place next to a heat source and it will melt.

As Ben Goldacre would say, I think you'll find it's a bit more complicated than that.  Snowfall only occurs between specific temperature bands and humidity levels, and more specifically in connection with particular airflow patterns.  It's quite possible for an increase in temperature and/or humidity to increase snowfall, and equally for a drop to result in less.  

Interesting to note the news about massively increased snowfall in Antarctica over the last few decades possibly correlating with the long term drought in southern Australia.  


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 02 March, 2010, 09:51:56 PM
...and it follows that it can actually be too cold to snow...

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 02 March, 2010, 09:53:49 PM
'This is the rain that gets you wet'
Said my mate the other day.







V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 02 March, 2010, 09:59:58 PM
I guess some folks get turned on by the strangest things, eh?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goatilocks on 02 March, 2010, 10:06:35 PM
Quote from: vzzbux on 02 March, 2010, 09:53:49 PM
'This is the rain that gets you wet'
Said my mate the other day.

:lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 02 March, 2010, 10:11:28 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 02 March, 2010, 09:36:16 PM
What the idiot that said this to me was saying was more snow is not indicative of cooling and that warming of the climate = MORE snow.

You really haven't looked into this very much, have you? One of the hypothesised effects of warming in the oceans is disruption of the Atlantic Conveyor, which gives rise to the Gulf Stream and is the reason why we have quite a temperate climate given our latitude.

Loss of the Gulf Stream would give us a climate much more like Canada -- Calgary is on the same latitude as London. Warsaw and Kiev are within one degree. So, it's not really as far-fetched as it sounds that an effect of global warming might be a substantial cooling in the UK.

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 02 March, 2010, 10:14:37 PM
What Jim said.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 02 March, 2010, 11:06:57 PM
Yeah - I've seen THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.  And if you keep using fossil fuels, you will be chased down a corridor by cold air.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 02 March, 2010, 11:12:49 PM
Quote from: Mikey on 02 March, 2010, 09:40:54 PM
Um, could he be referring to more evaporation=more precipitation? Warm, wet air mass meets cold dry one etc

M.

It was something along those lines [correct in itself] but i didnt bother to cut and paste the entire comment.The comment was also pointing out that snow is precipitation which is perfectly obvious.

Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 02 March, 2010, 10:11:28 PM


You really haven't looked into this very much, have you? One of the hypothesised effects of warming in the oceans is disruption of the Atlantic Conveyor, which gives rise to the Gulf Stream and is the reason why we have quite a temperate climate given our latitude.

Loss of the Gulf Stream would give us a climate much more like Canada -- Calgary is on the same latitude as London. Warsaw and Kiev are within one degree. So, it's not really as far-fetched as it sounds that an effect of global warming might be a substantial cooling in the UK.

Cheers

Jim

Oh yes i have but i am not disagreeing with your comment otherwise.
[except i would have used the term "climate change" instead of "Global warming" but lets not go there.]

The idiot i am talking about would still not admit that in our neck of the woods and the US amongst many others has been significantly colder with more snow and instead was trying to assert that this last winter here and in the US was one of the warmest.Even the MET office say that this last winter in the UK has been the coldest for 30 yrs.

This was the context of my comment.

T

Quote from: Mikey on 02 March, 2010, 09:51:56 PM
...and it follows that it can actually be too cold to snow...

M.

True.

"Climate deniers"   :lol:

Who denies that there is a climate ?

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 03 March, 2010, 11:06:30 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 02 March, 2010, 11:12:49 PM

...was trying to assert that this last winter here and in the US was one of the warmest.Even the MET office say that this last winter in the UK has been the coldest for 30 yrs.

This was the context of my comment.


Well you didn't say that did you?

AFAIR the whole shutting down of North Atlantic Deep Water formation isn't a real concern currently - although as Jim said it's a possibilty and evidence indicates it has happened in the past - the wonderfully named Heinrich events and the Younger Dryas cold snap.

M.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 03 March, 2010, 12:17:52 PM
Quote"Climate deniers"

The tendency for ladies to wear thinner stockings in warmer countries?

The Younger Dryas (or the Nahanagan stadial in my part of the world) is a truly scary event.  If you're ever lucky enough to visit lovely Lough Bray Lower in the Wicklow mountains, just above Glencree valley and below the plateau of the Sally Gap, you can walk along the morraine from where a glacier reformed in a corrie that at that point had been a lake for 10,000 years and scoured and pushed all the rock at its base into a huge mound that retains the present lake.  On a wider front the rapid onset of associated drought conditions in the Near East are often seen as the push that tipped human societies into relying on agriculture, which turned out to be pretty much a one-way trip.  Such a tiny blip in the scale of things, but monumental in its effects.  Bastard hunter-gatherers and their SUVs.




Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 03 March, 2010, 02:21:11 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 03 March, 2010, 12:17:52 PM
The Younger Dryas (or the Nahanagan stadial in my part of the world) is a truly scary event.

You got that right - on such things the world is made indeed.

QuoteIf you're ever lucky enough to visit lovely Lough Bray Lower in the Wicklow mountains, just above Glencree valley and below the plateau of the Sally Gap, you can walk along the morraine from where a glacier reformed in a corrie that at that point had been a lake for 10,000 years and scoured and pushed all the rock at its base into a huge mound that retains the present lake.

I take it the dam is stable? :o I've never spent any time in the Wicklow Hills, much to my shame...


M.




Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 03 March, 2010, 03:11:57 PM
Quote from: Mikey on 03 March, 2010, 11:06:30 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 02 March, 2010, 11:12:49 PM

...was trying to assert that this last winter here and in the US was one of the warmest.Even the MET office say that this last winter in the UK has been the coldest for 30 yrs.

This was the context of my comment.



Well you didn't say that did you?

Yes i realised that when i posted my second comment

AFAIR the whole shutting down of North Atlantic Deep Water formation isn't a real concern currently - although as Jim said it's a possibilty and evidence indicates it has happened in the past - the wonderfully named Heinrich events and the Younger Dryas cold snap.

M.



http://wattsupwiththat.com/2010/02/04/january-uah-global-temperature-warmest/

I recommend the above website and the above article is about January being the warmest on record.


Yes i realised that when i posted my second comment.I wasnt really thinking about what i was saying because i was still stressed because of the parking ticket fiasco.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 03 March, 2010, 06:53:07 PM
Well, a new personal best was set today in the 'something stupid somebody said to HdE' stakes.

Specifically, the comment was 'Oi! What the f*** are YOU lookin' at?!!' screeched at me (and several other bystanders) from across the road as some piece of living excrement was beating the living daylights out of his teenage girlfriend.

I just turned a corner in my town, and there it was, all going on in front of a small band of intimidated onlookers. Thankfully the police arrived and dealt with the situation promptly.

I would have thought it was OBVIOUS what I and everyone else was looking at. A degenerate.

Sometimes people make me sick.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 03 March, 2010, 07:28:33 PM
My instinctive reaction would have been to answer "a complete CWORD" and tear his face off. 

I can't not get involved with that sort of thing if it happens in front of me.  Good to know the cops showed up, but sadly the silly mare probably won't press charges.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 03 March, 2010, 08:17:07 PM
I'll admit my first reaction was to wade in and smack the little turd into next week. If a bystander hadn't told me the police were already on their way, I may just have.

Thing is with those situations, you never know the full story. I mean, was the attack unprovoked? What were the circumstances leading up to it? was the guy justifiably angry about something, and just expressing it in completely the wrong way?

Alternatively, was everything exactly as it seemed at first glance - some waste-of-space chav tearing strips out of his completely innocent girlfriend? You could literally go mad thinking about it.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 08 March, 2010, 07:39:11 PM
Overheard today on one of those daytime smug - irritating and nondescript couple search for a new home programmes:


"4 bedrooms inside the property".This was said 3 or 4 times by one of the faceless presenters.

Where the fuck else are they going to be ?

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 08 March, 2010, 11:10:43 PM
Today, in pitch darkness during a performance of The Rocky Horror Show, by a theatre usher, "you're not allowed to take pictures."

Reply: "We don't have a camera. And I really don't think you should be talking to patrons during a performance. I'm trying to watch a show. You're being disrespectful to the audience and disrespectful to the performers."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 09 March, 2010, 12:47:09 AM
This is my favourite thread.

And:  they have ushers at the Rocky Horror now?  Oh Brave New World!  (tries not to visualise our very own Usher in suspenders)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 09 March, 2010, 08:48:27 AM
My girlfriend's workmate...

*Did you hear the Queen Mother has Alzheimer's?

^Isn't she dead?

*No, but she's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease

(a bit more arguing)

^Do you mean Margaret Thatcher?

*Yes, The Queen Mother

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 09 March, 2010, 11:28:21 AM
That is beyond moronic...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 09 March, 2010, 05:18:33 PM
Yeah. Kinda reminded me of that Family Guy where Peter walks into the KFC and asks to speak to the Colonel.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 09 March, 2010, 10:32:56 PM
Not something that's actually been said to me but Spotify just reminded me of this: "Verbal masturbation in their guarded bureaucratic wombs."

I like a bit of Marillion as much as the next man, but that line's been reducing me and my mates to fits of giggles since we were about fourteen.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 09 March, 2010, 10:58:51 PM
Why have I never listened to Marillion before?  Apart from disliking everything I've heard, I mean?  WHY?

With lyrics like that they ought to be compulsory listening.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 10 March, 2010, 01:24:13 AM
Marillion are great!

That line comes from 'Forgotten Sons' from their debut album 'Script For A Jester's Tear' - which is actually quite a fun album. Nicely '1980s' and bonkers with it!

People who don't dig Steve Rothery's guitar skills leave me astounded and full of feelings of pity for them. :(
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 10 March, 2010, 11:40:33 AM

Not a massive fan of Marillion but i quite like Clutching At Straws which i have been listening to on Youtube



This garbage was brought to my attention today and it fits the remit of the thread.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIAFHjL3ZMg&feature=player_embedded
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 10 March, 2010, 11:52:43 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 10 March, 2010, 11:40:33 AM
Not a massive fan of Marillion but i quite like Clutching At Straws which i have been listening to on Youtube

I think 'Clutching' is their best album by a comfortable distance -- shorn of most of the pompous excess and a great deal of the pretensions that dragged down their earlier work, it gets in there and just delivers a collection of damn fine songs. I thought it was an album that promised future greatness ... so, of course, Fish left.

Quote
This garbage was brought to my attention today and it fits the remit of the thread.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIAFHjL3ZMg&feature=player_embedded

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 10 March, 2010, 01:17:21 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 10 March, 2010, 11:52:43 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 10 March, 2010, 11:40:33 AM
Not a massive fan of Marillion but i quite like Clutching At Straws which i have been listening to on Youtube

I think 'Clutching' is their best album by a comfortable distance -- shorn of most of the pompous excess and a great deal of the pretensions that dragged down their earlier work, it gets in there and just delivers a collection of damn fine songs. I thought it was an album that promised future greatness ... so, of course, Fish left.

Quote
This garbage was brought to my attention today and it fits the remit of the thread.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIAFHjL3ZMg&feature=player_embedded

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

Jim

My thoughts exactly.

And

My thoughts exactly.


Great vocalist was Fish.I wasnt too mad on their earlier more Prog rock influenced style.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 10 March, 2010, 01:31:57 PM
Decent singer, dreadful lyricist, big lad.

Last night's trip down memory lane confirmed that Fugazi was my favourite album, although I didn't get as far as Clutching at Straws which I remember listening to a terrible copy of in my Walkman.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 10 March, 2010, 10:28:06 PM
Gnng... Fugazi sends me to sleep.

Clutching at Straws is an absolute powerhouse album! Always did love 'Torch Song' and the opening medley.

After clicking the YouTube link, I'm now convinced everyone in my county is a terrorist.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 10 March, 2010, 10:45:18 PM
Marillion was one of my first ever gigs, at Lancaster Uni on the Fugazi tour. It was my first that wasn't all seated or in a field. Got right down the front - had no idea before then  that being jostled around by hundreds of sweaty people while your ears almost bleed could be so much fun.

Lost interest in them not long after, as my tastes moved away from prog towards the Clash, Dylan and reggae
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 11 March, 2010, 12:50:07 AM
Not to me, but woman in front of me being served in sandwich place yesterday, when asked by member of staff if she wants a bag:

"What, to carry it in?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Banners on 22 March, 2010, 09:36:04 PM
"Is York in Yorkshire?"

M@
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 22 March, 2010, 09:51:22 PM
Three older teenagers on the bus this evening spent 5 minutes arguing over whether you see lightning before or after thunder.  I had to stick my fingers in my ears and hum after a while, so I missed the resolution.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 22 March, 2010, 11:31:45 PM
This one's frikkin' fantastic!

My old man was telling me about two youngsters I know. One is the daughter of a pig ignorant twat while the other is your typical vacant pretty-boy. Apparently, they just decided they'd start going out.

He'd asked the girl how they were getting on.

'Oh, really well,' She had said ' We've got so much in common. It's like we click on every level. Because we both work in finance, and we both like The X Factor.'

I wish them a blissfully happy lifetime of wedded bliss.

And compulsory sterilization!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 22 March, 2010, 11:40:06 PM
Quote from: HdE on 22 March, 2010, 11:31:45 PM
Because we both work in finance, and we both like The X Factor

Yep, that's got every level covered, I reckon. I can't think of anything they've left out!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 22 March, 2010, 11:47:08 PM
Quote from: HdE on 22 March, 2010, 11:31:45 PM


He'd asked the girl how they were getting on.

'Oh, really well,' She had said ' We've got so much in common. It's like we click on every level. Because we both work in finance, and we both like The X Factor.'

I wish them a blissfully happy lifetime of wedded bliss.

And compulsory sterilization!

I wish them a blissfully happy lifetime of ignorance.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 23 March, 2010, 09:47:15 AM
I can't believe I missed all the Marillion stuff two weeks ago.

Wavy lines time...

Back in the mid 90s when I was a student and was also involved in hospital radio, Fish did a series of short gigs and signings in HMV to promote a single ("Fortunes of War", I think). Having nothing better to do when he played Cardiff, I went to see him there and bumped into a friend from the radio station. Ian had brought his state-of-the-art Walkman with him hidden between his jacket and green-and-white striped T-shirt to record the gig, which considering Fish's stance on bootleggers was a bit of a risk.

So, a few minutes later, Fish and his band come out into the shop and start tuning up. Ian clumsily reaches into his jacket to start the Walkman. Fish sees him fidgeting and walks straight up to him, towering over him by a good twelve inches. Ian starts shitting himself. I start shitting myself through guilt by association. After a few seconds silence, Fish says "Och, I thought you were wearing a Celtic top. You could stand at the back if you were."

When I saw Ian later at the studio he admitted that he had panicked and pressed record and pause at the same time thus recording nothing.

I do have another story about Fish taking the piss out of Marillion's "Brave" album at a soundcheck in Newport, but I'll save that for another occasion.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 23 March, 2010, 11:04:04 AM
Wow.  Maybe we need a fish thread?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 23 March, 2010, 01:09:37 PM
annoying loud chav slapper with pink phone on the bus

"She's WELL fat, she looks like she's 10 moths pregnant"

*pause*

"What? Really? Whoops!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 23 March, 2010, 01:21:09 PM
Here's one I NEVER get tired of repeating.

Went to a student party years ago, and overheard some pillock mouthing off thus:

'No, no. The problem in Ethiopia ISN'T famine. It's EDUCATION. Yah. There's PLENTY of food. It's just that nobody out there knows how to cook it.'

Now do you see why I hate students? ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 23 March, 2010, 02:04:19 PM
I hate students who're just doing it because their parents bullied them into it despite all academic evidence to the contrary.  Hated them when I was at uni, hate them more now. 

Twats.

Oh, i've probably said this before but this cracker was overheard by a friend in a Swansea chip shop:

"Do you love me?"

"What do you mean "do you love me? - I fucks you, I buys you chips - OF COURSE I loves you."

Expect them on the Jeremy Kyle show tomorrow
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 23 March, 2010, 02:17:17 PM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 23 March, 2010, 02:04:19 PM
I hate students who're just doing it because their parents bullied them into it despite all academic evidence to the contrary.  Hated them when I was at uni, hate them more now. 

Twats.

What? Poor bastards who are doubtless utterly miserable having been forced into an environment to which they are completely unsuited because of {possibly) unreasonable parental expectation and a desire and the part of the child not to disappoint?

Oh, yeah, they're certainly deserving of your contempt, Mike. What total bastards.

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 23 March, 2010, 02:20:39 PM
Point.  But they're bloody murder to be around.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 23 March, 2010, 06:37:02 PM
We can't really generalise. Some students are hard-working guys and gals with a set of definite ideas about what they're trying to achieve.

It's the hippy-dippy, superior, know-it-all - know-sod-all types that infuriate me.

My little quote from earlier, at the student party, was just one of any number of howlers I heard that night. It was that type of crowd - young folks with heads full of facts and crazy concepts, but no common sense or wisdom to temper them with.

Some of those guys I knew grew out of that - and I do think it's a certain stage in young people's development - but others didn't.




Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Daveycandlish on 23 March, 2010, 06:53:03 PM
Quote"Do you love me?"

"What do you mean "do you love me? - I fucks you, I buys you chips - OF COURSE I loves you."

That's pretty much what Bill Sykes says to Nancy in Oliver Twist. Before he pans her head to a bloody pulp. And with less chips involved.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 23 March, 2010, 06:54:18 PM
I wasn't intending to generalise to the degree it came across.  It's partly a maturity thing and, being a mature student at the time, I found the most immature ones were the ones who did it because it was "something to do/puts off deciding on a career" and who did the bare minimum work.  They'd invariably be your neighbours throwing parties every night until all hours and looking at you puzzled when you asked them if there'd be a chance of any quiet.  FOr them university = drinking and not being under your parents' thumbs.  Those folks would wind ANYONE up, happily they were rarer than I'd thought BEFORE I went to university.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 23 March, 2010, 08:22:16 PM
Worth reciting a true story off the back of that, Mike.

When I signed on for college, to study art (or so I thought - they wanted me to do more geography and physical education than any actual artwork, it seemed) the guy who interviewed me before granting my place told me TO MY FACE how reluctant he was to take on art students, because 'they're the biggest bunch of bluffers'. He also asked me bluntly 'If we give you this place, are you going to turn up?'

I was appalled.

That's the sad thing. Certain type of student make it harder for others.

As it happens, I attended college on my first day, saw my timetable of studies, stood up, declared that it was a waste of my time, walked out and never looked back.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 23 March, 2010, 11:20:27 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 23 March, 2010, 02:17:17 PM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 23 March, 2010, 02:04:19 PM
I hate students who're just doing it because their parents bullied them into it despite all academic evidence to the contrary.  Hated them when I was at uni, hate them more now.

What? Poor bastards who are doubtless utterly miserable having been forced into an environment to which they are completely unsuited because of {possibly) unreasonable parental expectation and a desire and the part of the child not to disappoint?

On the other hand, they have left home, they've got money in their pocket, and they've got the opportunity to do more or less anything they want. So they could stay at university and get in the way of people who are actually there to study, or they could go out into the world and start earning a living. There are always choices. I don't recognize the circumstances under which somebody aged 18 has to do what their parents tell them. I kept the peace at home only in order to keep a roof over my head until the day I had a university place to go to which meant I could leave. If I hadn't had to study to get to university I'd have got a job and moved out sooner.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 24 March, 2010, 01:30:26 AM
Quote from: HdE on 23 March, 2010, 08:22:16 PM
...how reluctant he was to take on art students, because 'they're the biggest bunch of bluffers'.
As an art student many moons ago I would hear from non-art type friends about all the free time they would have in between lectures and that they would go in to uni/polytechnic on only so many days a week. As for us lot, most evenings we would carry on working on our projects until the caretakers would chuck us out.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 24 March, 2010, 08:14:03 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 23 March, 2010, 11:20:27 PM
I don't recognize the circumstances under which somebody aged 18 has to do what their parents tell them.

I didn't ask you to. Wanting to please your parents is not the same thing as "[having] to do what their parents tell them."

It was absolutely expected that I would go to University, and I had no clue what else I would do if I didn't go, so, not wanting to disappoint my parents and lacking any viable alternative, I went. Hated pretty much every fucking minute of it and got a mediocre degree that has done me little or no good in the twenty years since.

I'm not saying there aren't some/a lot of waster scumbags, merely observing that ending up at university because of your parents' expectations of you doesn't automatically make you one.

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 24 March, 2010, 09:09:33 AM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 24 March, 2010, 01:30:26 AM
As an art student many moons ago I would hear from non-art type friends about all the free time they would have in between lectures and that they would go in to uni/polytechnic on only so many days a week.

That 'free time' was supposed to be spent in the library or the lab, exactly as you spent yours on projects.  When I still frequented such places, it was a huge problem with students that they believed that the courses with less class-time were 'easy' (by analogy with school, one assumes), when in fact those were the ones that required the most time spent on independent learning, and offered the least spoon-feeding.  Beware the course that only has one lecture a week!  

Unfortunately as the years go by there seem to be less and less consequences for doing no independent work whatsoever - gone are the days with half my classmates would have to drag themselves home from New York or London in the middle of the summer to re-sit failed exams, or face an extra year's 'qualifier' course to be allowed to do a post-grad degree because they only scraped a Pass way back in First Year when they didn't know they were interested.  Now it's online notes and transferrable credits and attendance records.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: uncle fester on 24 March, 2010, 09:13:28 AM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 24 March, 2010, 01:30:26 AM
As an art student many moons ago I would hear from non-art type friends about all the free time they would have in between lectures and that they would go in to uni/polytechnic on only so many days a week. As for us lot, most evenings we would carry on working on our projects until the caretakers would chuck us out.

That's ringing some bells here too. I thought the concept of an 'all-nighter' meant work for years afterwards.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Devons Daddy on 24 March, 2010, 09:46:43 AM
In alaska,whilst i was working on a criuse ship,
passenger asks, so the staff they all stay on board then after work or they go home?

you have to smile and walk away.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 24 March, 2010, 12:41:38 PM
I wasn't an art student and did indeed have the fabled "DAYS OFF" and "LONG BREAKS".

Except they weren't.  I spent MANY long nights in the library or at my computer or reading in the living room (or if it was sunny in the park over the road) - there was a LOT of unsctructured time filled with work but because I enjoyed it (mostly - archaeological theory still gives me nightmares), it didn't always FEEL like work. 

I still ended up (with all that "free time"), adding together all that time AND my classes, pulling 50+ hour weeks for most weeks - often in AND out of term time.  And 16 hours work at a checkout on top so I could pay the rent.  The two or three visits to the pub for a pint with my mates each week was the most visible part of student life, but far from representative (for me at least).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 24 March, 2010, 01:28:25 PM
Mmmm, similar story here.  I worked an average 20 hours a week in a restaurant, which when added to scheduled classes was already a full 'working week', and then the actual work started - despite the part-time work, I was very dependent on bursaries and scholarships to cover my fees (which were almost exactly my annual earnings), so needed to keep getting the marks.  I remember having to ditch one 'student' activity after another to make time until the only college-type events I was attending were specifically related to my courses (field trips, conferences), and then endure constant slagging from my kitchen workmates over my lazy student lifestyle.  These gibes continued for four years until my git of a thesis supervisor came into the restaurant one night and spotted me in my stripy apron and silly paper hat, and asked me none-too-quietly "Could you not find a more suitable job?", which earned me a temporary pass from angered staff.  Not to say I didn't enjoy the whole college thing hugely throughout, but it certainly wasn't a doddle (it was however nothing on the workload I experienced my first-and-only year as a lecturer, which was literally 18 hours a day 7 days a week, and the hardest job I have ever had).

Of course unless I have formed a completely mistaken impression of Mr. Gloady, both of us were pretty interested in what we were studying, so it probably makes a difference...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Enigmatic Dr X on 24 March, 2010, 01:38:36 PM
I have a "friend". He did a law degree and in January to May of his fourth year I he had a single lecture in a week: 10am to 12noon on a Tuesday and that was it.

The idea was that he would be in the library all the time, not playing C&C:Red Alert.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 24 March, 2010, 01:42:46 PM
Tordelback, you've got me pegged EXACTLY right.  Phew.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 24 March, 2010, 01:46:09 PM
Mrs Mikey is doing research at the minute and doing some teaching too. She was advised not to give the students assignments as 'it's very hard on them', and not to expect them to turn up for marked course related seminars.  One joker wanted to swap groups because the seminar was at 10:00 and 'that's a bit early for me'!I shit you not.

Most of the students aren't interested in the slightest - same as most of my friends who went to Uni while I worked full time and studied part time. But they to a man were from more comfortable backgrounds than me and had parents who could support them - I didn't.

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 24 March, 2010, 02:11:18 PM
Same here, Mikey.  I was the first person in my entire family to go to uni - my dad didn't even notch up more than a year in SCHOOL for Cod's sake (there was ploughing to be done and one of the Christian Brothers hit his little brother so he decked him and never went back).  My folks had bugger all so if I was going to make it I had to support myself AND prove to my mum (my dad had died by this point) that I wasn't making a mistake in not staying in full-time (and reasonably well-paid) work.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 24 March, 2010, 02:18:04 PM
Hmm, I wonder is there a pattern here - I was the first person in my family too, and while my parents were keen that I would go to college they hoped I'd do something employable, like law or accountancy, whereas I just wanted to get away from education as fast as I could.  When I conspicuously failed to get into college anyway, got a crap job, and then after six months announced I was going to re-sit my exams and do archaeology of all esoteric things, they required a lot of convincing.  About three years' worth in fact.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 24 March, 2010, 03:10:24 PM
I've just read over my post and it sounds a bit 'I went to the university of life' - it wasn't meant to! (I'm the first in my family to have a degree too.)

To drag this back towards topic and in consideration of MG and TB, I get this variations of this quite a lot;

'Oh, you're a geologist?. I love Time Team and all that!'

sigh

M.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 24 March, 2010, 03:32:34 PM
Wow.  That's a good one.

Most people look blankly at you when you try to give them the pop culture reference of Time Team and I'm invariably forced to mention Ms Croft & Mr Jones (ie something that bears NO resemblance to the actual field).  Of course, it's a good way to winnow out idiots.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Carroll on 24 March, 2010, 03:43:16 PM
Just had a phone conversation with one of those annoying people of the sort who still think it's funny to make jokes about the quality of airline food. He was greatly amusing only himself as he kept going on about how cold the winter had been: "I mean, you'd think with all this global warming", etc.

Eventually I was able to get him to shut up long enough for me to point out that, yes, the winter was cold, but that doesn't mean that global warming is a myth. First, it's more properly known as "climate change", and, second, the key word in "global warming" is not "warming."

I doubt I'll ever get through to him, though. This is a guy who genuinely believes that the world's oil supplies will never run out because "plants and things keep dying and making more oil." (The logical response of "that takes millions of years" doesn't work because, you see, there are millions of plants. Apparently in his head the millions of plants cancels out the millions of years. Therefore: inexhaustible supplies of oil!)

-- Mike
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 24 March, 2010, 05:09:59 PM
why do you phone these people up?  :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 24 March, 2010, 05:31:31 PM
Quote from: Mikey on 24 March, 2010, 03:10:24 PM
'Oh, you're a geologist?. !'

The worlds favourite geologist

(http://myweb.stedwards.edu/jlehman/randy.jpg)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 25 March, 2010, 01:01:09 PM
Peter Wolf Reply:
March 24th, 2010 at 7:42 pm

You should not drink distilled water as it is mineral free and will therefore extract minerals from your body and cause mineral deficiencies and lead to further ill health.

Better off using a carbon block filter as this will extract chemicals and contaminents but not the mineral content.


Reply/stupid comment :


Dragon's Eye Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 12:12 am

"@"Peter Wolf":

You don't know diddley about water, do you???

That is a tired, worn out old lie from the pharmaceutical companies and the pro-Fluoride groups!!!! Adulterated TAP water, with all the Fluoride and Chlor-Amines will tap far more of the minerals from your body than ordinary, distilled water!!!!

Geez! That's the dumbest thing I've seen on this bulletin all day!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, Right! Distilled is sooooo dangerous to you?!?!?!?!?!? ** SARCASM **

GROW UP AND GET SOME FACTS BEFORE MAKING SUCH AN ASSININE STATEMENT AND MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF TOO!!!!"

::)  :lol:

Peter Wolf Reply:
March 25th, 2010 at 5:25 am

WHERE did i say anything about "Adulterated tap water" being better for you than "ordinary distilled water" ?

I didnt.

Neither are healthy in the long term.


What i should have said was distilled water is NOT healthy on a long term basis because it is stripped of its mineral content which is why i suggested filtered water instead as an alternative because carbon filters strip out/absorb all the filth and contaminants WITHOUT stripping the water of its mineral content.

Reverse osmosis filters also strip the mineral content of tap water but it will also remove nitrates etc.

Chlorine will evaporate from a bottle of tap water over 24 hours if its left open but fluoride wont and as far as i know carbon filters are the only way to remove fluoride.

You didnt read my comment properly as there is no way on earth i would say drinking adulterated unfiltered tap water is good for you.

Its even better if you can find a source of clean natural spring water.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 25 March, 2010, 01:23:14 PM
I'm confused...how does distilled water extract minerals from your body? I mean, more than unfiltered water does?

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 25 March, 2010, 02:06:59 PM
Uh-oh, all this talk of minerals has roused the rockhound.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 25 March, 2010, 02:09:41 PM
I barely did any work on my University of London MA and I still passed.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 25 March, 2010, 02:24:09 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 25 March, 2010, 02:09:41 PM
I barely did any work on my University of London MA and I still passed.

Not surprised when the whole faculty was sleeping with.... Ach, forget it, I haven't the heart for it anymore.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 25 March, 2010, 02:24:51 PM
Distilled water [neutral ph] is completely unnatural[unless you count rainwater but very little rainwater is essentially pure]  and upon exposure to CO2 in the air it begins to acidify into Carbonic acid and it also attracts and flushes out minerals and nutrients as well as toxins from the body but you can compensate for this by eating grains and dairy products and vegetables etc.

Apparently it doesnt leach minerals and nutrients that are already absorbed into cell structures but it will flush out anything that hasnt been absorbed by cells or what cant be absorbed or what is surplus or what has been expelled or what hasnt been absorbed......yet.

So although it will flush out impurities and toxins that have been ingested it will also by default also flush out nutrients/minerals at the same time if you drink distilled water after eating so you will actually lose the nutritional value of what you have eaten to a certain extent so this will ultimately lead to depletion in the long term because if you drink mineral free water which by default will flush out unabsorbed/unused minerals to a certain extent that means there is a net decrease in your intake of minerals in the long term.Distilled water doesnt discriminate between unabsorbed minerals and toxins and anything else as it goes through the body.

So it makes sense to drink mineral rich carbon block filtered water instead which was my original point.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 25 March, 2010, 07:02:53 PM
That sounds like water to me!

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 25 March, 2010, 07:22:31 PM
Hmm. While I'm no expert on this topic, my partner, who is a biologist, agrees with me that distilled water vs regular tap water can't have an effect of removing nutrients from your body. Whatever you drink will be absorbed through your colon and into your bloodstream. From there it passes through your kidneys. Your kidneys do the job of keeping or excreting nutrients and waste products from the bloodstream, so they're not particularly fussed about the mineral content or otherwise of the water you drink.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 08 April, 2010, 01:45:50 PM
Quote from: Mikey on 03 March, 2010, 11:06:30 AM
AFAIR the whole shutting down of North Atlantic Deep Water formation isn't a real concern currently - although as Jim said it's a possibilty and evidence indicates it has happened in the past - the wonderfully named Heinrich events and the Younger Dryas cold snap.

Interesting new theory about post-glacial cold snaps here:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/04/100407-ice-age-extinction-comet-meteor-shower/

Shakes fist at the sky!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 08 April, 2010, 01:59:10 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 08 April, 2010, 01:45:50 PM
Interesting new theory about post-glacial cold snaps here:

Digression, but interesting link off the sidebar of that page:

Yikes! (http://blogs.nationalgeographic.com/blogs/news/chiefeditor/2010/03/bathynomus-giganteus-terrifying-sea-beast.html)

Cheers!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 08 April, 2010, 02:34:19 PM
Do you see Tordelback? DO YOU SEE? You blamed the Bedrock SUVs like the rest of the Neanderthal liberal aurochs.

On topic; A friend of Mrs Mikey got chatting to a potential date on 'Gaydar'. Said friend asked what the person was currently doing, to which she replied "I'm at the hsptl. They think I'm schizo or bi polar.LOL!"


M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 08 April, 2010, 03:04:47 PM
Confessing mental illness or personality disorder as a chat up line?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 10 April, 2010, 07:46:07 AM
Here's a recent one somebody said to me:

'I come to your web page to continue this discussion, and you accuse me of trolling?'

Well, yes I do. Because when the discussion consists of you telling me via a succession of wall-length messages explaining, rudely, how I'm wrong and you're right, long after I asked you if we could agree to disagree and stated that the discussion was over, THAT IS TROLLING! 

I swear the internet breeds 'em!


Might I take this opportunity to say how nice I've found all you fine 2000 AD boarders to be? You guys are a dream to converse with. :)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Robin Low on 10 April, 2010, 10:00:28 AM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 08 April, 2010, 01:59:10 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 08 April, 2010, 01:45:50 PM
Interesting new theory about post-glacial cold snaps here:

Digression, but interesting link off the sidebar of that page:

Yikes! (http://blogs.nationalgeographic.com/blogs/news/chiefeditor/2010/03/bathynomus-giganteus-terrifying-sea-beast.html)

Funnily enough, this one cropped up on yog-sothoth.com. Think of it as a pubic louse of Cthulhu.

Regards

Robin
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 11 April, 2010, 11:07:51 PM
Spotted a letter in the Mirror extolling the virtues of Brian Cox and it ended with "If my science teacher had been like him I might have paid attention." Uh, yeah, fuck you. Maybe you might have learnt something interesting, like how fuckin' magnets work.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Something Fishy on 11 April, 2010, 11:26:50 PM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 24 March, 2010, 02:11:18 PM
Same here, Mikey.  I was the first person in my entire family to go to uni - my dad didn't even notch up more than a year in SCHOOL for Cod's sake (there was ploughing to be done and one of the Christian Brothers hit his little brother so he decked him and never went back).  My folks had bugger all so if I was going to make it I had to support myself AND prove to my mum (my dad had died by this point) that I wasn't making a mistake in not staying in full-time (and reasonably well-paid) work.

Me too.  Dad was a gardener and Mum has been disabled for years.  They were also divorced.  So, back before EMA's, I had to work 30 hours a week in order to pay Mum keep so I could go to FE College.  By the time i got to Uni I was determined I was never blowing this chance to do something our family hasn't done and make something of myself.  Never looked back I'm pleased to say and the work ethic served me well i think.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 12 April, 2010, 07:57:53 AM
I had a university work colleague who would go on about it being a big deal that she was the first woman in her family to have gone to university. Four generations of her family had gone to university, and she couldn't see why it was anything of a big deal if someone was the first person in their family to have gone to university full stop. "But I'm a woman," she would say, "that's an even bigger achievement. You're a man - men have always gone to university."

Hmm. Not in my family they haven't.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 12 April, 2010, 08:24:56 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 12 April, 2010, 07:57:53 AM
"You're a man - men have always gone to university."

Ha, tell that to my Dad.  He'd have loved to have gone, and would have made a great academic too, but instead spent 42 years working for the same company, and loathing every minute.  Still, since retiring for health reasons he's become a specialist tour guide, which meant study, exams, researching stuff and then waffling all day to a captive audience about nothing of any consequence for minimum wage, so you could say he's living the dream!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 12 April, 2010, 11:46:17 AM
Quote from: HdE on 10 April, 2010, 07:46:07 AM
Here's a recent one somebody said to me:

'I come to your web page to continue this discussion, and you accuse me of trolling?'

Well, yes I do. Because when the discussion consists of you telling me via a succession of wall-length messages explaining, rudely, how I'm wrong and you're right, long after I asked you if we could agree to disagree and stated that the discussion was over, THAT IS TROLLING! 

I swear the internet breeds 'em!





I just had one of those on another forum.Endless Wall length comments with a condescending tone and know it all attitude - I am right even if i am wrong type thing.Also ignoring the topic in question and always steering the topic over to their for profit website/scam which they were too tight to pay advertising space for.

He just would not accept the definition of treason and the context was Bilderberg.

This individual would argue with an empty room or failing that themselves.

I just got sick and tired of it in the end and one thing led to another and now they have left the forum and i cant even recall a particular quote as there were so many.

I had another one of these a while back and this one said "I am going to grind you into the ground"  :lol: :lol:

Too bad it was the other way around.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 12 April, 2010, 03:25:46 PM
They're friggin' hilarious, ain't they, Peter!

What makes me laugh is that the silly fool in question got all incensed because I did the following:

I didn't respond to the off-topic, rude, unprovoked remark the person made in the discussion thread.

I politely but firmly messaged the individual privately to tell them that I disagreed with their comments, and found them discourteous, but that  there was no reason for us to fall out over it.

Then, the same individual starts sending the wall length messages to my inbox, which I responded to by simply saying 'please don't clog up my inbox. I'm very busy, and I already stated that I don't wish to continue this discussion'.

THEN the troll starts posting the same line of condescending, superior (and factually incorrect) nonsense on a feature I wrote on my DA page! So, being as it's a feature of the site, I simply hid the messages and posted a simple firm warning NOT to do it again.

What happens? I get messages from my DA watchers telling me how the person has posted a load of stuff on their own page about what a snotty, arrogant, nasty little man I am, and how my failure to agree with them means I must be this and that... It's HILARIOUS! These folks have no idea how they come across, or how much better they could be using their time. It's put a great big cheshire grin on my face!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 12 April, 2010, 11:11:56 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 12 April, 2010, 08:24:56 AM
Still, since retiring for health reasons he's become a specialist tour guide, which meant study, exams, researching stuff and then waffling all day to a captive audience about nothing of any consequence for minimum wage, so you could say he's living the dream!


Chip off the old block eh?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 13 April, 2010, 08:09:52 PM
Three Doctor Who fans in their late thirties chatting.

First Doctor Who fan: There's vampires in the new series apparently.
Second: They've done vampires in Doctor Who before, haven't they?
Third: Yeah, twice.
First Doctor Who Fan: Was 'The Horror of Fang Rock' one of them?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 April, 2010, 08:22:01 PM
Quote from: Garageman on 12 April, 2010, 11:11:56 PM
Chip off the old block eh?

:lol:

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Something Fishy on 13 April, 2010, 11:47:15 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 12 April, 2010, 07:57:53 AM
I had a university work colleague who would go on about it being a big deal that she was the first woman in her family to have gone to university. Four generations of her family had gone to university, and she couldn't see why it was anything of a big deal if someone was the first person in their family to have gone to university full stop. "But I'm a woman," she would say, "that's an even bigger achievement. You're a man - men have always gone to university."

Hmm. Not in my family they haven't.

Indeed, from my Dads background they barely went to school.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 14 April, 2010, 01:17:56 AM


Quote from: HdE on 12 April, 2010, 03:25:46 PM
They're friggin' hilarious, ain't they, Peter!




Not related to a comment i made but on another forum someone just tried to win an argument and failed.Once they realised this they resorted to splitting hairs over the meaning of the word "Heriditary" and the fact that the 3rd most popular usage being tradition that was chosen meant that the writer of the comment was wrong simply because they used the third most popular usage of the word !!

Just unbelievable  ::) :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 14 April, 2010, 05:37:36 PM
It's the dogged determination to not let something go, the need to ABSOLUTELY have the final say, and the way they get so worked up about it that makes me cackle hysterically.

Just found out I'm now the subject of somebody's DA journal after the aforementioned incident. That makes me smile from ear to ear!

I wonder if the individual in question has even READ the policies and agreements on that site? Pretty sure they'd be cruising for a ban if I reported it.

But naw - it's mostly just funny! ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 15 April, 2010, 12:34:22 AM
Quote from: HdE on 14 April, 2010, 05:37:36 PM
It's the dogged determination to not let something go, the need to ABSOLUTELY have the final say, and the way they get so worked up about it that makes me cackle hysterically.

Just found out I'm now the subject of somebody's DA journal after the aforementioned incident. That makes me smile from ear to ear!

I wonder if the individual in question has even READ the policies and agreements on that site? Pretty sure they'd be cruising for a ban if I reported it.

But naw - it's mostly just funny! ;)

The Troll i talked about before is back again.

I should clarify what i said before about him leaving the forum.First of all its not my forum so i cant remove anyone but when i said he had left he did for a short while because i gave him such a hard time and destroyed his arguments and made him look stupid so he retreated for a bit but now he is BACK !! and even after scrolling down one thread [a comments section linked to an article] all i could see was @SUFAQ.com - SUFAQ.com - SUFAQ.com - SUFAQ.com and on and on and on it went with the same kind of comment each time saying the same thing over and over again...........

He is actually sick in the head partly because he is consistently obsessed with another commenter and refers to him by name in every comment and if you know which buttons to press he reacts because he cant control himself at all  :lol:

He is not dissimilar to Scott/Scojo in many respects.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 15 April, 2010, 07:20:07 AM
Quote from: HdE on 14 April, 2010, 05:37:36 PM
...the need to ABSOLUTELY have the final say....

No, you're quite obviously wrong about that.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 April, 2010, 12:09:49 AM
No YOU'RE wrong!

[Scurries off to write DA journal about how Tordelback RUINED EVERYTHING, FOREVAAAAHHH!]
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 16 April, 2010, 11:45:04 AM
Well I read that this one guy said this thing that one time, and that pretty much proved that YOU'RE wroo-o-o-ng, and probably a dirty pediatrician too so STFU.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 April, 2010, 06:34:51 PM
No Tordelback, YOU can STFU, because I read this thing that some guy wrote in connection to something a friend of his said to somebody else who heard it from their flatmate's sister's boyfriend's Jedi Master, and when you look up the definition of that word on the online encyclopedia, it states CLEARLY that robots have sex, or whatever it was we were supposedly arguing about! So I'm right, and YOU'RE wrong, and so is everybody, including the legions of people that agree with you, even though I'm the only one saying different! ;)

(Heh! I think we need a 'fake argument' thread where we can all vent like this all the time!)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 16 April, 2010, 06:50:38 PM
Since when do robots have sex ??

They dont because it dosent happen and if you cant remember what you are arguing about then HOW do you know everyone else is wrong ??

You DONT know so how can you say you can ?

You only want a fake argument thread so it doesnt matter if you are wrong and thats because you dont like being wrong even though you wont admit it !!

*

Its all such a cliche but its true
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 April, 2010, 09:29:20 PM
Hahahaaa! GENIUS reply Pete!

BTW - I dare you to get into the 'do robots have sex?' thing on ANY Transformers discussion board. You simply wouldn't credit the reaction it provokes. ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 17 April, 2010, 12:37:36 AM
Ah, the Transformers fandom. Giving new meaning to such terms as "Plug and Play", "Interfacing", and "Spark Sex".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 17 April, 2010, 03:02:41 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 16 April, 2010, 06:50:38 PM
Since when do robots have sex ??

Directed by one of Tharg's minor droids: All is Full of Love (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjAoBKagWQA)

I sometimes wish I could be a love-robot that Bjork abused and discarded. I'd always have the RAM.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 17 April, 2010, 08:29:14 PM
Quote from: Cthulouis on 17 April, 2010, 12:37:36 AM
Ah, the Transformers fandom. Giving new meaning to such terms as "Plug and Play", "Interfacing", and "Spark Sex".

Oddly enough, I've never actually seen those terms used on any of the message boards.

But believe me - the debate DOES happen. And regularly. To the point where its merest mention can prompt site moderators to lock down threads and issue site bans. I've seen it happen.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 19 April, 2010, 06:04:13 PM
My girlfriend is into the fandom on livejournal, so maybe it is only they who use these terms.

They have "Views" about Starscream and sex. Or so I've been told.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 19 April, 2010, 06:39:02 PM
I was once accused of inventing the concept of Alan Whicker by a chum who just flat out didn't believe he existed (because he'd never heard of him) - I was reminded of this whilst watching Monty Python, I really should stuff that episode up his....+++CARRIER LOST+++
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 20 April, 2010, 02:21:41 AM
I had a similar experience talking to a guy once about the Land Speed Record.

Apparently, Coniston Water doesn't exist, and it would be silly to call it the Land Speed Record if it involved a body of water.   ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 20 April, 2010, 10:01:45 AM
Quote from: wild-seven on 19 April, 2010, 06:39:02 PM
I was once accused of inventing the concept of Alan Whicker by a chum who just flat out didn't believe he existed (because he'd never heard of him) - I was reminded of this whilst watching Monty Python, I really should stuff that episode up his....+++CARRIER LOST+++

More understandably perhaps, I was met with disbelief when explaining The Mighty Boosh to a couple of Japanese manga artists at HiEx.
They refused to believe I wasn't making it all up... the pink head with tentacles, the talking gorilla, tweed untility suits, slap bass jazz fusion, the Hitcher etc...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: uncle fester on 20 April, 2010, 10:04:20 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 20 April, 2010, 10:01:45 AM
They refused to believe I wasn't making it all up... the pink head with tentacles, the talking gorilla, tweed untility suits, slap bass jazz fusion, the Hitcher etc...

When I first saw the Mighty Boosh I thought my own brain was making it up and playing tricks on me. Then the 'Eels' song started...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 20 April, 2010, 03:15:29 PM
Never, EVER mention tentacles to manga artists.

Trust me on this. Please.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mygrimmbrother on 20 April, 2010, 03:34:30 PM
Quote from: uncle fester on 20 April, 2010, 10:04:20 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 20 April, 2010, 10:01:45 AM
They refused to believe I wasn't making it all up... the pink head with tentacles, the talking gorilla, tweed untility suits, slap bass jazz fusion, the Hitcher etc...

When I first saw the Mighty Boosh I thought my own brain was making it up and playing tricks on me. Then the 'Eels' song started...

That was my first episode too!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 20 April, 2010, 03:50:11 PM
Quote from: mygrimmbrother on 20 April, 2010, 03:34:30 PM
Quote from: uncle fester on 20 April, 2010, 10:04:20 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 20 April, 2010, 10:01:45 AM
They refused to believe I wasn't making it all up... the pink head with tentacles, the talking gorilla, tweed untility suits, slap bass jazz fusion, the Hitcher etc...

When I first saw the Mighty Boosh I thought my own brain was making it up and playing tricks on me. Then the 'Eels' song started...

That was my first episode too!

And mine!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 20 April, 2010, 03:53:04 PM
Told this tale before and I daresay I'll tell it again:  

A girl I was in college with insisted that 'cheese' was a brand name (of the Cheese corporation, one presumes), and that the product in its raw unbranded state was called 'cheeze'.  A flourish of the dictionary failed to move her - it was, of course, in error.  She knew, because her father was an English teacher.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 20 April, 2010, 06:33:49 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 20 April, 2010, 03:53:04 PM
She knew, because her father was an English teacher.

One with a cruel sense of humour where his idiot daughter was concerned, it would seem ...

Chee(r)s!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: reddevilggg on 22 April, 2010, 03:23:22 PM

I want a mirror as a desktop wallpaper, i've tried scanning a mirror, but i didn't work!!!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 22 April, 2010, 06:17:01 PM
 :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 22 April, 2010, 07:03:14 PM
Quote from: reddevilggg on 22 April, 2010, 03:23:22 PM

I want a mirror as a desktop wallpaper, i've tried scanning a mirror, but i didn't work!!!!

I can see why you'd want that - that guy who's always in the mirror is a veritable Adonis.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 23 April, 2010, 12:04:05 AM
If the guy in my mirror is Adonis, i hate to see what his Venus looks like!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 23 April, 2010, 01:48:43 AM
You shouldn't be looking at another man's Venus anyway, via a mirror or otherwise.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 23 April, 2010, 11:02:33 AM
Quote from: M.I.K. on 23 April, 2010, 01:48:43 AM
You shouldn't be looking at another man's Venus anyway, via a mirror or otherwise.

ah, the toilets in Heaven, the night club not the place...

Someone once asked me: Do you want another drink? WTF!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 23 April, 2010, 05:26:40 PM
Quote from: M.I.K. on 23 April, 2010, 01:48:43 AM
You shouldn't be looking at another man's Venus anyway, via a mirror or otherwise.

How did i KNOW that would draw a remark or two? ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 29 April, 2010, 01:16:48 AM
On the subject of discrimination:

"Why hasnt there ever been a mentally handicapped [US] President?"

Someone clearly hasnt been paying attention or has been living on a different planet to mine.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 29 April, 2010, 02:06:14 PM
Poor GWB, look at his little face.  It's almost like he understands.....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 29 April, 2010, 09:39:34 PM
Any sentence that begins "I'm not being funny, but..."

Actually it's almost always true, as what comes out of their mouth next may be jaw-droppingly awful, but it's rarely funny.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 01 May, 2010, 06:05:06 PM
"Because if we make a mess of the economy now,we are in deep trouble"

:lol: :lol:

Labour election campaign soundbite.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 18 May, 2010, 11:03:17 PM
Yesterday around 8.30pm (still light might I add) I was wandering home from Saino's and got accosted by some drunken girls hanging around outside their house (I must just have that shout-at-me-in-public face) and it went a little something like this:

"Hey mate. Hey mate" (usually takes a couple of goes to get my attention as I long ago tuned out people shouting at me in the street)

"The way you walk, you should be in the army" (people seem intrigued by the way I walk which has been described as "looking like I'm on my way to murder someone")

"Are you in the army?" (no I'm not)

"Do you want to see my pussy?" (now there is a loaded question*)

"Its black and..." (as I marched off round the corner)

* What do you say to that?


Unfortunately, as they had a couple of lads with them I suspect any reply could have put me on a path to a kicking. So probably best I said nothing. Still I do wonder what would have happened, at the very least it'd have made the local newspaper ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 19 May, 2010, 01:16:32 AM
Ok my mum just woke up she was asleep in the chair and went into the kitchen to get her cigarettes and started to laugh when I asked her why she was laughing she told me she just tried to light it with a knife that was on the side. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 01:42:36 AM
Quote from: Emperor on 18 May, 2010, 11:03:17 PM


"Do you want to see my pussy?" (now there is a loaded question*)

"Its black and..." (as I marched off round the corner)

* What do you say to that?



Unfortunately, as they had a couple of lads with them I suspect any reply could have put me on a path to a kicking. So probably best I said nothing. Still I do wonder what would have happened, at the very least it'd have made the local newspaper ;)

"I can already see you are a C***" would have sufficed.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 19 May, 2010, 03:03:24 AM
I just popped over here from Deviant Art, where the most stupid thing I've heard in ages is being said by a number of people: 'Oooh! We love this new site layout! Isn't it marvellous!'

NO IT ISN'T.

DA has devolved in my opinion over the last few months from good to tolerable, to spyware-infested garbage and now utterly unbearable. I can't check my inbox without IE crashing, without fail.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 19 May, 2010, 08:34:42 AM
After years of persisting with IE out of shear laziness (and somehow wanting to NOT be the sanctimonious twerps you see all over the net extolling the virtues of a browser or a piece of software based purely on "it's not Microsoft") I finally snapped the other week and tried Chrome.  Barely a crash on sites that would regularly cause IE to faint and collapse like a girl in a corset.

And Peter, while I would have almost certainly THOUGHT what you said in Emperor's situation, I'd not have said it.  My sense of self-preservation is way too developed.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 19 May, 2010, 08:44:32 AM
Quote from: HdE on 19 May, 2010, 03:03:24 AM
NO IT ISN'T.

meh - it works alright for me. Although this morning I just got sent another fluckring LLAMA BADGE. I wouldn't mind if they expressed anything about my artwork. They've visited my page alright - just to click the 'give a llama' button. JUST TO RECEIVE A FLUCKRING LLAMA FROM ME.

The worst thing is a lot of them are good artists, who obviously are really involved in the DA community thing and want to climb llamaranks for whatever the FLUCK that means.

It's like you've set up an exhibition and some bugger wanders in off the street and demands a BJ and doesn't look at any of the pictures on the walls when you naively accept. I proudly haven't given a llama for a month. Fluck the fluckring fluckerers - !
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 10:51:11 AM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 19 May, 2010, 08:34:42 AM
After years of persisting with IE out of shear laziness (and somehow wanting to NOT be the sanctimonious twerps you see all over the net extolling the virtues of a browser or a piece of software based purely on "it's not Microsoft") I finally snapped the other week and tried Chrome.  Barely a crash on sites that would regularly cause IE to faint and collapse like a girl in a corset.

And Peter, while I would have almost certainly THOUGHT what you said in Emperor's situation, I'd not have said it.  My sense of self-preservation is way too developed.

Microsoft IE.

:lol: :lol:

How i hate Microsoft and Bill Gates.Absolute complete Cack.

As for the Emporer situation i would more than likely have ignored as well as ignore being shouted at in the street.I did respond to it once though years and years ago as i was feeling irritable.I wont go into that though other than to say that the culprit [one of a group of 6] who was shouting abuse ended up virtually in tears.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 19 May, 2010, 10:55:22 AM
I'm still new to DA- i joined last year but only recently got around to uplaoding anything

So..what  the fuck is this Llama stuff about then?


Anyway, stupid stuff people said...

As the quality of (my) life here in the Emerald Isle deteriorates I mentioned to my band that I may have to emigrate at the end of the year

One of the guys says "we'll schedule a farewell gig..it can be your swan lake" and did a little pas de deux

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: uncle fester on 19 May, 2010, 11:45:43 AM
Swan Lake  :lol: Bless 'em for trying eh?



And no, I have no idea what those llama badges are either.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 01:11:20 PM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 19 May, 2010, 08:34:42 AM


And Peter, while I would have almost certainly THOUGHT what you said in Emperor's situation, I'd not have said it.  My sense of self-preservation is way too developed.

I wonder if it was Mrs.Slocum/Molly Sugden ?

"I want to go home and stroke my pussy"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 19 May, 2010, 01:33:55 PM
Molly Sugden getting pissed at a bus stop? A scandalous suggestion!

I just discovered a clip on youtube from one of those Ibiza documentaries from a couple of years back - it shows one of my workmates getting very drunk and fired from her job as a rep. Top quotes include "I might wee mysel' I'm that bladdered!" and "I couldn't go in that bar 'cos they keep calling me orange" These have now become the office catchphrases - poor lass is mortified.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 19 May, 2010, 01:52:56 PM
"Someone's been making allegations...and I know who the alligator is!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 02:49:44 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 10:51:11 AMAs for the Emporer situation i would more than likely have ignored as well as ignore being shouted at in the street.I did respond to it once though years and years ago as i was feeling irritable.I wont go into that though other than to say that the culprit [one of a group of 6] who was shouting abuse ended up virtually in tears.

Yes I responded to it once when I was 11ish and it didn't work out so well. On our walk home from school some 14-15 year-old girl from the rougher local school would walk past us in the opposite direction and say something like "Hello sexy" so we decided to say something witty back like "Hello smelly" and about a week later she was with two older lads (with skinheads if memory serves), one grabbed my friend menacingly and the other headbutted me (even though I'm pretty sure it was my friend doing most of it because he was, and still is, a cheeky bar steward who was once caught by the police riding a giant bee home from the pub). I couldn't see straight and had to be helped home. So I've never really engaged with street harassment since (as I get a lot of it I'd have probably gotten into a lot more fights than I have - although I never lost one since that headbutting and I'd argue I didn't stand much of a chance as it came out of the blue ;) ).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 19 May, 2010, 03:46:37 PM
"Hours of work are between 7am and 11pm, Monday to Sunday. We haven't worked out the exact shifts yet. Hourly rate is £6.20. How does that sound?"

It sounds like you don't want to employ someone that's got over ten years experience, that's what it sounds like.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 05:22:19 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 02:49:44 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 10:51:11 AMAs for the Emporer situation i would more than likely have ignored as well as ignore being shouted at in the street.I did respond to it once though years and years ago as i was feeling irritable.I wont go into that though other than to say that the culprit [one of a group of 6] who was shouting abuse ended up virtually in tears.

Yes I responded to it once when I was 11ish and it didn't work out so well. On our walk home from school some 14-15 year-old girl from the rougher local school would walk past us in the opposite direction and say something like "Hello sexy" so we decided to say something witty back like "Hello smelly" and about a week later she was with two older lads (with skinheads if memory serves), one grabbed my friend menacingly and the other headbutted me (even though I'm pretty sure it was my friend doing most of it because he was, and still is, a cheeky bar steward who was once caught by the police riding a giant bee home from the pub). I couldn't see straight and had to be helped home. So I've never really engaged with street harassment since (as I get a lot of it I'd have probably gotten into a lot more fights than I have - although I never lost one since that headbutting and I'd argue I didn't stand much of a chance as it came out of the blue ;) ).

Why do you get a lot of it ?

I hardly get any and apart from the above mentioned incident the only other instance was a Geezer + Girlfriend who deliberately wouldnt move out of the way so i shoved past them and he shouts out "OI !! OI!!".I just completely ignored it and went on my way as i wasnt really interested in it.Nonsense.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 05:43:07 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 05:22:19 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 02:49:44 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 10:51:11 AMAs for the Emporer situation i would more than likely have ignored as well as ignore being shouted at in the street.I did respond to it once though years and years ago as i was feeling irritable.I wont go into that though other than to say that the culprit [one of a group of 6] who was shouting abuse ended up virtually in tears.

Yes I responded to it once when I was 11ish and it didn't work out so well. On our walk home from school some 14-15 year-old girl from the rougher local school would walk past us in the opposite direction and say something like "Hello sexy" so we decided to say something witty back like "Hello smelly" and about a week later she was with two older lads (with skinheads if memory serves), one grabbed my friend menacingly and the other headbutted me (even though I'm pretty sure it was my friend doing most of it because he was, and still is, a cheeky bar steward who was once caught by the police riding a giant bee home from the pub). I couldn't see straight and had to be helped home. So I've never really engaged with street harassment since (as I get a lot of it I'd have probably gotten into a lot more fights than I have - although I never lost one since that headbutting and I'd argue I didn't stand much of a chance as it came out of the blue ;) ).

Why do you get a lot of it ?

Gently dodging the double entendre... yes. I'm pretty sure I mentioned it somewhere around here (earlier in this thread perhaps) but I was out and about during the day with female friends on a couple of occasions and they were rather taken aback by the sheer number of strangers shouting things at me in the street (I suspect it'd not happen as often if you are with a few other guys). After a while you can spot it coming too when someone gets that excited look in their eye and they start nudging their friends. For example, once by the crossing near the Adelphi in the middle of Liverpool a white van full of builders was passing by and the guy in the passenger seat bellowed "Don't they have barbers where you come from, boy?" and a few years later miles I saw another white van full of builders approaching as I waited to cross the road and I could see the driver and passenger getting excited, so when the passenger started winding his window down I knew something was coming. The he bellows "Don't they have barbers where you come from, boy?" and, as the drove off, he had a very smug look on his face because of the incredibly original. It might be a Liverpool thing (everyone thinks their a comedian?) as I can't think I get shouted at much elsewhere.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 19 May, 2010, 05:49:55 PM
I used to get the exact same line

then I cut my hair and dyed it green

"GREEN HAIR" was the new witticism I became used to
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 19 May, 2010, 05:54:06 PM
On the subject of hair...

Not to me, but when I was a student in Bristol a friend, who had dyed his hair purple was called by a bunch of 1980s casuals passing him in the street a "perrple 'aired c***!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 06:04:44 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 05:43:07 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 05:22:19 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 02:49:44 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 10:51:11 AMAs for the Emporer situation i would more than likely have ignored as well as ignore being shouted at in the street.I did respond to it once though years and years ago as i was feeling irritable.I wont go into that though other than to say that the culprit [one of a group of 6] who was shouting abuse ended up virtually in tears.

Yes I responded to it once when I was 11ish and it didn't work out so well. On our walk home from school some 14-15 year-old girl from the rougher local school would walk past us in the opposite direction and say something like "Hello sexy" so we decided to say something witty back like "Hello smelly" and about a week later she was with two older lads (with skinheads if memory serves), one grabbed my friend menacingly and the other headbutted me (even though I'm pretty sure it was my friend doing most of it because he was, and still is, a cheeky bar steward who was once caught by the police riding a giant bee home from the pub). I couldn't see straight and had to be helped home. So I've never really engaged with street harassment since (as I get a lot of it I'd have probably gotten into a lot more fights than I have - although I never lost one since that headbutting and I'd argue I didn't stand much of a chance as it came out of the blue ;) ).

Why do you get a lot of it ?

Gently dodging the double entendre... yes. I'm pretty sure I mentioned it somewhere around here (earlier in this thread perhaps) but I was out and about during the day with female friends on a couple of occasions and they were rather taken aback by the sheer number of strangers shouting things at me in the street (I suspect it'd not happen as often if you are with a few other guys). After a while you can spot it coming too when someone gets that excited look in their eye and they start nudging their friends. For example, once by the crossing near the Adelphi in the middle of Liverpool a white van full of builders was passing by and the guy in the passenger seat bellowed "Don't they have barbers where you come from, boy?" and a few years later miles I saw another white van full of builders approaching as I waited to cross the road and I could see the driver and passenger getting excited, so when the passenger started winding his window down I knew something was coming. The he bellows "Don't they have barbers where you come from, boy?" and, as the drove off, he had a very smug look on his face because of the incredibly original. It might be a Liverpool thing (everyone thinks their a comedian?) as I can't think I get shouted at much elsewhere.

So you get shouted at because you have long hair ?

Thats what i ascertained from your post.

Some woman who looked like a scrubber shouted out "Why dont you fuck off back to where you came from !!" when i was walking a cross the road.

:lol: :lol:

This was in the vicinity of Spitalfields Market in the East End of London.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 19 May, 2010, 06:07:15 PM
Oh I get no end of twatty haircomments - not so much in Sheffield but in my home town almost constantly.

MY HOME TOWN OF GLASTONBURY.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 19 May, 2010, 06:42:11 PM
Quote from: johnnystress on 19 May, 2010, 01:52:56 PM
"Someone's been making allegations...and I know who the alligator is!"

Reminds me of the pithy line from Ed Wood: 'There's been a murder! And somebody's responsible!'


I'm over my DA grumpiness now by the way, chums and pals. Had myself a massive case of net-rage last night.

Still have no ideas about the llamas though. ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 19 May, 2010, 07:48:38 PM
Regarding weird chatter from random hooers in the street - once, many moons ago, I was waiting for a bus.  A girl who couldn't have been older than 14 came up to me, bold as brass, and asked me out.  It was a weekday around 4pm.  She was in her school uniform.  I responded without thinking "Er, I'm old enough to be your dad" or some such nonsense that just fell out of my mouth.

"You funtin' paedo wanker!"

Er, surely if I'd said "sure, let's do it" I'd have been that.  Very odd.  These days I ignore anyone talking to me on the street.  If they FORCE my attention I glare at them.  Never EVER respond well to "OI" or whistles.  I'm not your mate OR your dog you fucker. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 08:34:34 PM
Quote from: Mike Gloady on 19 May, 2010, 08:34:42 AM

And Peter, while I would have almost certainly THOUGHT what you said in Emperor's situation, I'd not have said it.  My sense of self-preservation is way too developed.

I forgot to say that the reason why i reacted in that situation was because a line was crossed where some people should not go as i will not tolerate being publically humiliated in the street in front of others with abuse like "ARE YOU FUCKING QUEER ??" amongst other things which i wont type without some kind of payback.The idiot who shouted it was holding two opened cans of Tennants Extra so for starters i knocked them out of his hands.The cans flew up into the air and then i did the necessary.

After it was over he was almost crying and he said "Why did you pick on me for i didnt do nothing" !!.

Unbelievable.

When my back was turned one of his friends he was with punched me in the ear which didnt do himself any favors at all.

Belligerant overconfident scum have to be taught a lesson they wont forget in a hurry.They thought that they were safe or untouchable because there were 6 of them.Not so.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 19 May, 2010, 08:52:17 PM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 19 May, 2010, 05:54:06 PM
Not to me, but when I was a student in Bristol a friend, who had dyed his hair purple was called by a bunch of 1980s casuals passing him in the street a "perrple 'aired c***!"

A friend of mine had his hair dyed red -- given that he was almost white-blond to begin with, it was very, very red. One day, whilst waiting for a bus, a child of about five came bombing down the road on his tricycle, misjudged a turn and took a spill. My mate knelt down to see if the kid was OK, only for the child to respond "Fuck off, Wonderhair!" and pedal off again at full pelt.

Cheers!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 19 May, 2010, 08:55:05 PM
WONDERHAIR.

It's not exactly Shakespeare is it?  But I like it. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 20 May, 2010, 12:37:02 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 06:04:44 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 05:43:07 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 05:22:19 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 19 May, 2010, 02:49:44 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 19 May, 2010, 10:51:11 AMAs for the Emporer situation i would more than likely have ignored as well as ignore being shouted at in the street.I did respond to it once though years and years ago as i was feeling irritable.I wont go into that though other than to say that the culprit [one of a group of 6] who was shouting abuse ended up virtually in tears.

Yes I responded to it once when I was 11ish and it didn't work out so well. On our walk home from school some 14-15 year-old girl from the rougher local school would walk past us in the opposite direction and say something like "Hello sexy" so we decided to say something witty back like "Hello smelly" and about a week later she was with two older lads (with skinheads if memory serves), one grabbed my friend menacingly and the other headbutted me (even though I'm pretty sure it was my friend doing most of it because he was, and still is, a cheeky bar steward who was once caught by the police riding a giant bee home from the pub). I couldn't see straight and had to be helped home. So I've never really engaged with street harassment since (as I get a lot of it I'd have probably gotten into a lot more fights than I have - although I never lost one since that headbutting and I'd argue I didn't stand much of a chance as it came out of the blue ;) ).

Why do you get a lot of it ?

Gently dodging the double entendre... yes. I'm pretty sure I mentioned it somewhere around here (earlier in this thread perhaps) but I was out and about during the day with female friends on a couple of occasions and they were rather taken aback by the sheer number of strangers shouting things at me in the street (I suspect it'd not happen as often if you are with a few other guys). After a while you can spot it coming too when someone gets that excited look in their eye and they start nudging their friends. For example, once by the crossing near the Adelphi in the middle of Liverpool a white van full of builders was passing by and the guy in the passenger seat bellowed "Don't they have barbers where you come from, boy?" and a few years later miles I saw another white van full of builders approaching as I waited to cross the road and I could see the driver and passenger getting excited, so when the passenger started winding his window down I knew something was coming. The he bellows "Don't they have barbers where you come from, boy?" and, as the drove off, he had a very smug look on his face because of the incredibly original. It might be a Liverpool thing (everyone thinks their a comedian?) as I can't think I get shouted at much elsewhere.

So you get shouted at because you have long hair ?

Thats what i ascertained from your post.

Not necessarily, that was just one example of the way people's comments are rarely as original. The story that starts all this was to do with the way I walk (although I'm sure if I hadn't been wearing a hooded top it might well have been. Equally there is a running joke in the family over my resemblance to Mark Calaway (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Calaway) and for quite a while I used to have kids following me down the street chanting "Undertaker" and "Ministry of Darkness." I can never predict the angle of attack.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 20 May, 2010, 01:49:20 AM
Quote from: Emperor on 20 May, 2010, 12:37:02 AM
t. Equally there is a running joke in the family over my resemblance to Mark Calaway (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Calaway) and for quite a while I used to have kids following me down the street chanting "Undertaker" and "Ministry of Darkness." I can never predict the angle of attack.

Well what can i say !

;)

I didnt even know who Mark Calaway was until i just looked.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 20 May, 2010, 04:06:15 AM
I'm often surprised and disappointed at the ease with which some folks make mocking comments against people for the sole purpose of having a laugh at their expense.

Reminds me of a time I was doing some work for somebody living on the opposite side of my road. I had to carry a few light tools back and forth from my flat to their house a few times. No hardship, because it's only a short distance and it was all easy stuff to carry.

Problem was, there's a local pub right in between the two properties. It was summertime, so the drinkers were all camped out front drinking and enjoying the sun. Two tradesmen were perched at one of the pub's outside tables, watching me scurry back and forth with the tools, and on my second trip they started to make rude, profanity-laden comments.

'Better get yourself a car, you stupid c***!' one of them said after my second trip past them. Kind of unnecessary, but easy to ignore. Except, he said the same thing TWICE after that when I was to-ing and fro-ing. Then, on my last trip past them, one of them said 'Aaaah! F*ckin' clueless twat! He's forgotten MORE tools! Wankaaaah!'

I was sort of pissed off that these in-bred knobwads couldn't work out the situation. After the final insult, I dropped my tools and leaned over the pub's railing to speak to them. The exchange went:

'Clueless twat, am I? Stupid c***, am I?'

Despite obviously being in their forties, they giggled like schoolboys.

'Yeah, we think so!' One of them said, clearly thinking the situation was hilarious.

'Maybe I'll have to have a word with your boss about that, then.' I said.

'And how are you going to do that, then?' the other guy asked me, still giggling.

'Because, ' I said, 'however much a stupid c*** you think I am, I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO INSULT MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC WHILE I'M STILL WEARING MY COMPANY OVERALLS!'

Their company logo was stitched into their work clothes, complete with contact telehone number!  :lol: They both went white as a sheet!

Their boss was quite interested to hear what I had to say when I called their office the following day!

Nobody flucks with HdE!  :D

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 20 May, 2010, 01:24:06 PM
Oh man... that is dumb
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 20 May, 2010, 02:11:53 PM
Nice work HdE!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 20 May, 2010, 02:49:37 PM
Why do you need a car to move tools across the road ?

:lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: wild-seven on 20 May, 2010, 05:17:52 PM
HdE - I bow down in awe!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Gloady on 20 May, 2010, 05:24:43 PM
Good use of knobwads too.  Should have mentioned that before.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 20 May, 2010, 05:25:12 PM
You should have just walked up to them and said "I'll be back," wandered off, got into your car and drove at high speed towards both of these twats and crushed them to death.
I reckon you could plead provocation, social issues, etc and get a small fine from the courts and then just get on with your life  :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 20 May, 2010, 06:53:26 PM
Commando forces - you have just WON THE INTERNET, as the cool kids say these days!

Interestingly enough, and I'm happy to share this with all you fine board users, you CAN be prosecuted for such behaviour under UK law. I believe you can even claim for compensation!

I assume this doesn't happen very often though, as understandably it's going to be a huge faff. A case has to be brought to bear, witnesses, all the associated hassle etc.

And Mike - thanks for complimenting my creative use of 'knobwads' - which is a sentence I never EVER imagined I would type into an online forum!   :D

All of you people are beautiful!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 20 May, 2010, 07:13:59 PM
Quote from: HdE on 20 May, 2010, 04:06:15 AM


Their company logo was stitched into their work clothes, complete with contact telehone number!  :lol: They both went white as a sheet!





Add "How are my Stupidity/Courtesy levels today ? - Please report any problems to - " to the above.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 20 May, 2010, 09:35:28 PM
I remember calling the company and wondering if I'd be greeted with one of those service list thingies. You know:

'If you're calling to arrange a visit from one of our employess, press 1.'

'If you're calling to confirm details of a work in progress, press 2.'

'If you're calling because one of our employees has called you a stupid c***, and you'd like for him to lose his job so that he can spend the next few months at home reflecting on his inadequacies as a human being,  press 3.'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 21 May, 2010, 12:25:43 AM
Today, from the teenagers...

'Oi, Shakespeare!'


I'm walking home from town at sunset in black jeans and a white shirt with cufflinks, holding a mobile phone in one hand.

'Shakespeare.'  ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 21 May, 2010, 12:47:41 AM
And after all that effort you put in to looking like Thom Yorke circa 1993 and all. ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 21 May, 2010, 01:15:25 AM
Surprisingly literate oiks you have down your way. Or maybe they've just seen a tenner before.

No resemblance at all. Especially not the beard.

(http://www.opentoengland.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/shakespeare.gif)
HoU sporting a fetching new earring
(http://i910.photobucket.com/albums/ac305/EdgarAlienPoe/Simms3.jpg)
The Bard of Avon in a publicity shoot for his bloodthirsty new shocker Titus Andronicus.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 21 May, 2010, 01:19:15 AM
Quote from: HdE on 20 May, 2010, 09:35:28 PM
I remember calling the company and wondering if I'd be greeted with one of those service list thingies. You know:

'If you're calling to arrange a visit from one of our employess, press 1.'

'If you're calling to confirm details of a work in progress, press 2.'

'If you're calling because one of our employees has called you a stupid c***, and you'd like for him to lose his job so that he can spend the next few months at home reflecting on his inadequacies as a human being,  press 4.'

"If you want to give a low level company employee or even one of the principles of the company a severe bollocking  - press 3"

"Do you want to listen to horrible music while you wait for your call to be answered  - press 1-2-3- or 4"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 22 June, 2010, 11:50:24 AM
"Canada is a totally independent country"

This is laughable  :lol: as Canada is a protectorate of the Crown [Saxe-Coburg-Gotha] as its part of the Commonwealth.

Whats that picture of that is on one side of their coinage and notes then ??

They earnt or were given the right to govern themselves to a certain extent but thats it not to mention that they are not self governing anymore for various reasons that i wont go into.

Anyway it was the most obnoxious offensive Blowhard telling me i need to go back to school along with various juvenile insults but i told them to stop wasting my time and theirs and go and look it up.The fact is they dont own their own country or their banking system or their resources.

Stupid arse.

:lol: :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 16 October, 2010, 02:43:45 PM
call centre numpty : "why have you joined a debt management company?"


why?

for a giggle innit?

the golf club wouldnt let me join

the mother's union was full.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 16 October, 2010, 02:52:54 PM
Quote from: mogzilla on 16 October, 2010, 02:43:45 PM
call centre numpty : "why have you joined a debt management company?"


why?

for a giggle innit?

the golf club wouldnt let me join

the mother's union was full.



Heh. I was once that numpty. I had a horrible, horrible job taking insurance payments from Americans by phone and believe me, we were given little information - I had to tell a few people they were joining debt management companies without knowing what a debt management company was. I also didn't know at the time what remortgaging or a checking account was,  yet had to discuss them at length with customers.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Devons Daddy on 17 October, 2010, 05:50:26 AM
Little girl pulled from pool near death by drowning incident.(saturday very scarry. sort her out call ambulance, she is screaming to call her father, we let her, as you do, the person meant to be looking after her, then takes me to task for allowing her to call the parents. he said he should be the one to do so.

i ask why he did not? his response,
MY WIFE INVITED HER, MY WIFE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO TELL HER MOTHER, YOU TELL HER SHE CANT CALL ANYONE!!DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

he then states, I EARN MORE THEN YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD LISTEM TO ME.

happy to say little girl is ok,. the guy needs counseling.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 17 October, 2010, 07:55:59 AM
That's bloody terrible, and im glad she's ok. And while he seems like an absolute tosspot, remember that shock can do funny things to you. And if that was exacerbated by guilt, then im really not surprised.
But all the same, knob.
Glad you're okay too David.
SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 17 October, 2010, 01:47:11 PM
Quote from: Devons Daddy on 17 October, 2010, 05:50:26 AM
he then states, I EARN MORE THEN YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME.

Does not surprise me one bit. You must have met his sort before. Ex-pat colonies must be full of them.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 20 October, 2010, 02:12:53 AM
How do you fix the economy and reduce the deficit by printing more cash out of nothing that is charged to the taxpayer therefore increasing the debt/defecit payable by the taxpayer ?

Thats stupid.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 20 October, 2010, 03:32:46 AM
 :-[You're shit at sex.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 26 January, 2011, 06:14:22 PM
last night on the bus a girl passed out i was at the back so didnt realise she was actually unconcious til i noticed the old fella holding her up at which point i interviened getting her on the floor ,recovery pos checking the abc etc when a woman piped up "i know her" so some one asked whats her name is she epileptic etc? to which the woman replied "oh i dont know ,i know she works in morrisons"
helpful,its these little things that can make the difference between life and death.

   i am mad at myself for not getting up as soon as it happened but when the fat beardy bloke got up first announcing he was a first aider i foolishly assumed things where in hand...i did have to insist three times to the elderly folk that no,she wasnt better sat up unconcious with her head forward restricting her airway !
  luckily she was one of those skinny lases as i had to get her safely to the floor on me own .
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 26 January, 2011, 08:27:20 PM
Quote from: mogzilla on 26 January, 2011, 06:14:22 PM
 i am mad at myself for not getting up as soon as it happened but when the fat beardy bloke got up first announcing he was a first aider i foolishly assumed things where in hand...

i did have to insist three times to the elderly folk that no,she wasnt better sat up unconcious with her head forward restricting her airway !

That's understandable enough. He did say he was a 'first aider' after all, and you can only take his word for it. At least when you saw he wasn't doing the right thing you acted! A lot of people wouldn't.


Quoteluckily she was one of those skinny lases as i had to get her safely to the floor on me own .

Let's hope she was okay. I assume the driver was notified and she was taken to hospital?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 26 January, 2011, 08:31:05 PM
yes,luckily we were just down the road from the ambulance station so they were quick.she was coming to enough to give her name to the paramedic but looked awful on her way on to the ambulance.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 26 January, 2011, 08:34:30 PM
Hats off to you, Mogzilla.

Talking of stupid, a girl at work was talking about patting people on the head being a very pessimistic thing to do. She meant patronizing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 26 January, 2011, 08:48:23 PM
sick of people bugging us at lunchtime (barring emergencies obviously) one of the nurses in our team made a sign saying "press here for attention" and coloured a circle in black...the amount of people who pressed it  :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 26 January, 2011, 09:59:36 PM
That is bloody brilliant!

One of my customers called me up today wanting to cancel my services. They made the obligatory pop 'we just can't wait for you to turn up. the job needs doing. So we've booked someone else.'

That makes me mad, as the reason they haven't seen me is because I need good weather conditions to work in. We've had 3 weeks of dangerous, icy conditions, followed by a sustained period of heavy rain. It's been impossible to work.

I couldn't reseist asking them about the new fella they hired. 'Oh, we haven't seen him yet,' they said 'but then the weather's been so bad I expect he hasn't had an opportunity to get to us.'

Stupid pricks. And I told them so.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 26 January, 2011, 11:16:03 PM
That's fucked up.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 26 January, 2011, 11:52:01 PM
Tell me a bout it.

I love being self employed. it means I can tell those arseholes EXACTLY what I think of them.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 30 January, 2011, 03:29:11 PM
Not said to me directly, but overheard at the graphic novels section of waterstones earlier today.
A young (16ish) girl and a boy who would clearly do anything to get in her knickers were hanging around the manga. She was VERY well spoken.
She: "well, im glad he's been expelled, he deserved it for calling me posh. Im so not posh, i just know how to speak. And anyway, how can i be posh, half of my family are Scottish."
SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 31 January, 2011, 02:52:43 AM
With that level of brain power, she surely got humped within an inch of her life mere seconds afterwards.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: strontium_dog_90 on 31 January, 2011, 10:12:19 AM
Not something actually said, but something pinned up in my wall at work: "anyone caught behind the till will be reprimanded, very loudly, on the shop floor, in front of customers." Yep. Fantastic and professional behaviour. This on top of trying to make staff pretty much harass customers and then try to sell them a bunch of rubbish that they don't really want. And they wonder why everyone prefers to do their shopping online these days . . .
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 31 January, 2011, 04:35:40 PM
Quote from: strontium_dog_90 on 31 January, 2011, 10:12:19 AM
Not something actually said, but something pinned up in my wall at work: "anyone caught behind the till will be reprimanded, very loudly, on the shop floor, in front of customers." Yep. Fantastic and professional behaviour. This on top of trying to make staff pretty much harass customers and then try to sell them a bunch of rubbish that they don't really want. And they wonder why everyone prefers to do their shopping online these days . . .

I don't think berating staff in front of customers and other staff is allowed anywhere in any workplace. The management could be dragged through hot coals, legally, if not then it is just bad practice. That is why the One to One system was introduced for disciplinaries.





V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 31 January, 2011, 07:21:51 PM
Too right.

I've been self employed for so long now, if I went into employment and had to face that kind of crap I reckon I'd murder somebody.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 31 January, 2011, 08:15:07 PM
how can you sell stuff if youre not behind the till?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 31 January, 2011, 09:41:07 PM
Quote from: strontium_dog_90 on 31 January, 2011, 10:12:19 AM
This on top of trying to make staff pretty much harass customers and then try to sell them a bunch of rubbish that they don't really want.

Sounds like WHSmith. And PC World. And Dixons/Currys.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 31 January, 2011, 10:51:37 PM
Quote from: mogzilla on 31 January, 2011, 08:15:07 PM
how can you sell stuff if youre not behind the till?

I also thought this.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: strontium_dog_90 on 01 February, 2011, 08:56:19 AM
Quote from: mogzilla on 31 January, 2011, 08:15:07 PM
how can you sell stuff if youre not behind the till?

It's part of their insinuation - they being the permanent members of staff - that any newbie is a lazy moron incapable of doing anything, who will stand around behind the till doing nothing if no customers are about. Pretty offensive, really.



[/quote]

I don't think berating staff in front of customers and other staff is allowed anywhere in any workplace. The management could be dragged through hot coals, legally, if not then it is just bad practice. That is why the One to One system was introduced for disciplinaries.





V
[/quote]

My thoughts, too . . .but when you're a new person at work, what can you do?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 01 February, 2011, 09:14:38 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 31 January, 2011, 09:41:07 PM
Quote from: strontium_dog_90 on 31 January, 2011, 10:12:19 AM
This on top of trying to make staff pretty much harass customers and then try to sell them a bunch of rubbish that they don't really want.

Sounds like WHSmith. And PC World. And Dixons/Currys.

Games Workshop.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 February, 2011, 09:50:06 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 01 February, 2011, 09:14:38 AM
Games Workshop.

Ugh, yes.  My son loves board games, and is completely entranced by the battles going on in the GW shop in town.  However, every time we go in I have to put up with non-stop patter from at least one, sometimes three, members of staff.  

Each time I try to stop them before they start, explain that (a). I have played numerous versions of Warhammer since it was just an article at the back of the Citadel catalogue but (b). have no time or money these days and (c). was in here last week, so I need neither an explanation nor an Eldar Warlock Titan today thank you (but I might buy some paints), and my son is four, and while he does love to watch the games and it's got to be giving him an interest for the  not-too-distant future, which is surely good for all concerned, he is not going to be buying the 8th Edition rules right now.  In short, we're just looking.

But on and on it goes, to the point that I now have to be dragged in there.  That's me, complaining bitterly about going into a games shop to watch a wargame with my son.  Not the best marketing result ever.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 01 February, 2011, 10:05:01 AM
QuoteBut on and on it goes, to the point that I now have to be dragged in there.  That's me, complaining bitterly about going into a games shop to watch a wargame with my son.  Not the best marketing result ever.

Yup- I'm in the same boat. My two like looking at the painted figures and watching the guys playing in the shop.
But the worst one was when we went in before Christmas last year and the fucking staff started to explain to my eight year old how he could make up a wish list in the shop and his dad could buy it for him...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: strontium_dog_90 on 01 February, 2011, 04:52:17 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 01 February, 2011, 10:05:01 AM
QuoteBut on and on it goes, to the point that I now have to be dragged in there.  That's me, complaining bitterly about going into a games shop to watch a wargame with my son.  Not the best marketing result ever.

Yup- I'm in the same boat. My two like looking at the painted figures and watching the guys playing in the shop.
But the worst one was when we went in before Christmas last year and the fucking staff started to explain to my eight year old how he could make up a wish list in the shop and his dad could buy it for him...


God, that's absolutely awful. I thought we were bad at my place, where each customer gets greeted by four members of staff one after another on a slow day, but that takes some beating.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 February, 2011, 05:00:52 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 01 February, 2011, 10:05:01 AM
But the worst one was when we went in before Christmas last year and the fucking staff started to explain to my eight year old how he could make up a wish list in the shop and his dad could buy it for him...

Ay Caramba!  I've enough trouble explaining how Santa can't make AT-ATs.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Colin Zeal on 01 February, 2011, 05:04:27 PM
My last trip to a GW put me off as well. I hadn't been to one since I stopped playing 40k more than ten years ago and was basically having a stroll down memory lane. I told this to the member of staff who pounced on me within four seconds of walking through the door but that wasn't enough to stop him pointing out to me all the new Space Marine models. I took one look at the prices and told him there was no chance of me getting back into playing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 01 February, 2011, 05:40:38 PM
When are the idiots who run these businesses going to click on to the fact that CUSTOMERS DON'T LIKE TO BE HARRASSED?

I attended a convention last year where I met an online friend from the Netherlands. We headed into town to get a bite to eat one lunchtime, and we stopped outside one curry house to look at the menu in the window. Every single member of staff in the building was suddenly staring back at us through the window, all lined up and standing to attention like a bunch of meerkats. And we hadn't even gone inside!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: strontium_dog_90 on 01 February, 2011, 05:43:31 PM
Quote from: HdE on 01 February, 2011, 05:40:38 PM
When are the idiots who run these businesses going to click on to the fact that CUSTOMERS DON'T LIKE TO BE HARRASSED?

I attended a convention last year where I met an online friend from the Netherlands. We headed into town to get a bite to eat one lunchtime, and we stopped outside one curry house to look at the menu in the window. Every single member of staff in the building was suddenly staring back at us through the window, all lined up and standing to attention like a bunch of meerkats. And we hadn't even gone inside!

I wish the idiots that run my place read this forum. We try to tell the bosses all the time that customers don't like this form of service, and the fact that we have so much repeat custom shows the way we were doing things before were just fine. But none of this logic must penetrate the walls of their mansions, sadly.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 February, 2011, 05:54:33 PM
Quote from: Colin Zeal on 01 February, 2011, 05:04:27 PM
...but that wasn't enough to stop him pointing out to me all the new Space Marine models. I took one look at the prices and told him there was no chance of me getting back into playing.

The reality is that left to my own devices in a GW shop I might well buy a nice LotR hobbit mini to go with the Prancing Pony set I've been assembling over the last 20 years, and heaven knows maybe some paint to finish off the checked trousers in that Celt war party that's been languishing in my shed since Horned God was in the Prog.  But when I feel I'm just being pressurised into getting back into 'the hobby', which is impossible in so many ways, I just run.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 01 February, 2011, 06:09:14 PM
Strangely, this reminds me of the restaurant at Tate Modern. Firstly, when I'm at an art gallery or a museum, I want a cafe, not a flipping restaurant. At Tate Modern you have to go right to the top floor for a cafe, a cramped and unloved space - actually, that could describe the gallery rooms themselves, but that's another story - an unloved space, where all the other plebby, provincial, poor people huddle together around tables strewn with discarded packaging and empty paper cups because there are too few staff to clear tables as well as serve customers. Nobody has time to empty the bins either.

But in the restaurant, for the benefit of the metroplitan, middle class customer they actually want to attract (no riff-riff!), you have to Wait To Be Seated. On no account should you presume to sit yourself down, take the weight off your feet and peruse the menu to see if you fancy ordering from it. No! Customers will wait to be seated, with undue ceremony by a besuited specimen whose presence serves no particular purpose when the point is to refresh yourself quickly and get back to looking at art. Only then will you be given a look at the menu, at which point you will see there's nothing you really fancy, coffee doesn't even appear on it, and you weren't planning on spending that much on lunch anyway. At that point, if you get up and walk out after being seated by a man in a suit it's going to seem discourteous if you get up and just walk out. Discourteous it is, then.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 01 February, 2011, 06:54:00 PM
To be fair to  Games Workshop, I haven't had much occasion to shop there since pre-warhammer days, but whenever I walk past I always wonder how the business can ever make money since it seems to be  free games venue with no actual shopping going on.

I did go in Christmas before last to find a decent paint set as a present for my nephew, and the staff couldn't have been more helpful.

Totally agree about the Tate Modern though. Why art galleries are unable to deliver simple good value food never ceases to amaze me - I guess they rely so much on the revenue, they go for the most profitable route - better to make huge mark up on a few posh customers than feed the masses with little profit margin.

I also feel bad about avoiding a local grocer because the owner is too friendly - how sad is that? He's a lovely bloke but insists on interrogating you about how your day's going, what you're up to etc, so I tend not to go in.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 01 February, 2011, 06:55:25 PM
The staff at GW have no intrest in you or what you are doing, they are simply there to flog tat.
This time last year i was busy collecting old citadel Dredd figures and painting em up for a game. In 5 days i was in the same store 3 times to buy various paints and the same guy asked me the same question every time...."What are you painting?"

Mate of mine solved the GW harrassment when taking his 13yr old son in by stating to the kid in a loud whisper that he would "pull the spine out of the next geek" in a GW uniform that talked to him.

Never been bothered since.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Big Man on 01 February, 2011, 08:05:02 PM
I've been called a white Paki by a drunk punter at a nightclub that I used to work in.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: klute on 01 February, 2011, 09:34:13 PM
My big fat gypsy wedding......"I'm not dumb i just can't read"    its bad enough being asked to watch it!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 01 February, 2011, 10:16:52 PM
evryone who has to ask if i want a brew!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 04 February, 2011, 01:45:12 AM
"WHAT? You don't like Dire Straits?!!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: exilewood on 04 February, 2011, 01:56:08 AM
Why did you say that? NO-ONE likes Dire Straits. Do they?



Oh...wait. I see.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 04 February, 2011, 02:17:45 AM
Priced a new job today, and the client said 'Yeah, sure. We'll have you if you can do it for less than twenty quid.'

So I looked the work over, and said 'I reckon it'll come in at about eighteen'.

The client said 'So, can you do it for less than twenty then?'

I dunno if he was stupid or just deaf.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: exilewood on 04 February, 2011, 02:40:14 AM
Someone just said to me - "what's that Hitchcock film called, with all the birds in it?" Classic.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 04 February, 2011, 08:32:30 AM
Just got off the phone with a customer -

Customer - One of our machines is down, the PC has gotten corrupt (ie we didn't shut it down properly yet again), I burned the disk image you made to a DVD but I can't get the PC to read it.

Me - That's because the PC only has a CD drive, it won't read DVD's. I'll be with you by lunch time anyway and I can sort it out for you then.

Customer - OK, I'll keep trying the DVD until you get here then ::).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 04 February, 2011, 08:50:08 AM
Quote from: HdE on 04 February, 2011, 02:17:45 AM
The client said 'So, can you do it for less than twenty then?'

I'm having a barney with a client currently, who claims my original quotation was 'confusing' (it wasn't, unless multiplication is confusing - it was an hourly rate and a maximum number of hours), and thus doesn't want to pay me the full amount (despite being charged less than the estimate because we finished well within the budgeted time).  

He asked for a reduction to enable 'immediate payment', and as we need the money urgently, I agreed to knock off a random sum.  He came back and said that he wasn't happy with the hourly rate (which he had agreed to in writing).  I asked what would he be happy with, and he named a new lower hourly rate. A quick mental sum suggested that multiplying this by the number of hours would mean knocking off less than half the reduction I'd already offered him.  

I cheerily agreed, and he said "there now, doesn't hurt to be reasonable, does it?".  It really doesn't, you prat.  This innumerate wally is a senior architect, BTW.  Maybe their Institute's CPD programme should offer Remedial Maths.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 04 February, 2011, 09:52:08 AM
I had forgotten this one...

In pub, about the time of the Hale-Bopp comet appearance in our skies, I innocently asked the landlord if he'd had a chance to see it this fine evening. His reply;

"Comets? I don't believe in any of that shite."

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Carroll on 04 February, 2011, 11:02:37 AM
Reading about over-eager store-staff experiences reminded me of this:

I called in to Game (Liffey Valley, Dublin) just before Christmas. Went straight to the tiny mid-floor display of PC games because I don't have a PlayStation, X-Box,  Wii or a Puu or any of that stuff, and as I was browsing a a member of staff zoomed up to me.

"Is there anything I can help you with today?" she asked.

"No, I'm just browsing, thanks," I said as I moved away to check out the other side of the display.

So I reached the other side of the display - it's not far, maybe two metres - and within seconds the same assistant appeared beside me. "Is there anything I can help you with today?"

"Er, nothing's come to mind since you asked me when I was standing over there just now."

It's not that she said anything particularly stupid, just that it was clear she'd instantly dismissed me as soon as she realised I didn't want help. I didn't even make an impression in her short-term memory... Quite a blow to the ego, that was!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: GordonR on 04 February, 2011, 11:07:38 AM
Quote from: exilewood on 04 February, 2011, 02:40:14 AM
Someone just said to me - "what's that Hitchcock film called, with all the birds in it?" Classic.

Not necessarily that stupid.  There's a major birds thing going on in Psycho.

http://blogs.setonhill.edu/SweaNightingale/2009/09/the_relevance_of_birds_in_psyc.html

I'll also point out the name of the character in it played by Janet Leigh.....Marion Crane.

- some ponce with a Film Studies degree
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 04 February, 2011, 11:08:58 AM
Im not so bothered about over eager staff, it's the opposite i find infuriating, as anyone who's ever played a fun game of 'chase the staff member' in a Boots, Morrisons, HMV or Tescos will attest. They may as well just play the benny hill theme over the instore speakers and have done with it.
SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 04 February, 2011, 12:37:12 PM
A lot of shops have a contradictory policy regarding customer service. On the one hand there are penalties that can lead up to disciplinary proceedings if you don't greet every customer who comes within hearing range and ask them how you may serve them. On the other hand employees can get admonished for spending too much time with the customers when they should be tidying up, refilling shelves, doing price checks and rearranging the shop fittings.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 04 February, 2011, 12:41:06 PM
Quote from: exilewood on 04 February, 2011, 02:40:14 AM
Someone just said to me - "what's that Hitchcock film called, with all the birds in it?" Classic.

Maybe he's played House of the Dead: Overkill and didn't get the joke, so now he needs to know what the film was called in order to understand why the joke was(n't) funny.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: EddieHitler on 04 February, 2011, 01:53:26 PM
Usually any thing I have said to myself whilst looking in the mirror or whilst talking to myself on the tube.  :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 04 February, 2011, 01:59:33 PM
Quote from: charleswalter1860 on 04 February, 2011, 01:53:26 PM
Usually any thing I have said to myself whilst looking in the mirror or whilst talking to myself on the tube.  :D

I tend to say very sensible things to myself.  Unfortunately I never listen.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 04 February, 2011, 02:44:41 PM
Its the only intelligent conversation I can get. From myself.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 04 February, 2011, 02:55:50 PM
Quote from: Mike Carroll on 04 February, 2011, 11:02:37 AM

It's not that she said anything particularly stupid, just that it was clear she'd instantly dismissed me as soon as she realised I didn't want help. I didn't even make an impression in her short-term memory... Quite a blow to the ego, that was!



Use it Mike, get even and put it in the next Dredd one-shot.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 04 February, 2011, 10:46:28 PM
QuoteMy big fat gypsy wedding......"I'm not dumb i just can't read" 

To be fair, while there were many prehistoric attitudes on display in the program, and definitely one or two guyswho were several clothes pegs short of a basket, at least two of the girls being interviewed were not actually stupid, just un-educated. There is a big difference.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 07 February, 2011, 02:43:21 AM
Someone I know heard this one at work recently:

"Is France abroad?"

(This was like a real gut punch as the person who said it has a pretty high position and shall we say there are allegations that this person got their job due to nepotism. This is not at a private company by the way and it's probably best I don't say more though I might in the Life Spugs thread.)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 07 February, 2011, 10:56:11 AM
During my brief Civil Service employment I was surprised at how many whole families were employed by the organisation I worked for. I'll bet there were opportunities to pull a few strings here and there.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 10 February, 2011, 01:33:10 PM
And as a current Snivil Serpent I can confirm it's still the same. These days it's not so often that the relative can pull strings as just alert the other family members of opportunities that others would miss and use their knowledge of the organisation's business to prime the family member for the interview.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Colin Zeal on 10 February, 2011, 02:48:45 PM
During a pub quiz recently, one of the questions asked if the first person to cross the Channel by plane had flown from England to France or France to England. My mate confidently said it was from France, because it's nearer than it is from England to France.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: noodles on 10 February, 2011, 06:50:59 PM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 07 February, 2011, 02:43:21 AM
Someone I know heard this one at work recently:

"Is France abroad?"

(This was like a real gut punch as the person who said it has a pretty high position and shall we say there are allegations that this person got their job due to nepotism. This is not at a private company by the way and it's probably best I don't say more though I might in the Life Spugs thread.)

I remember in Student Community Action at Uni about 15 years ago when we were offered an youth exchange trip to the Gaza Strip, our Dear Esteemed Leader (studying for a degree believe it or not) asked where it was exactly. The reply of 'coastal Mediterranean' caused him to grin enthusiastically and exclaim, 'Oh, I love the South of France!'

I mean WTF!?!?! :o

He then actually tried to get Yasser Arafat to wear a university baseball cap (which to be fair, worked.)

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 10 February, 2011, 07:21:31 PM
letter in today's Metro advocating relaxing Britain's gun laws: "more guns means less crime"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 25 February, 2011, 02:44:55 PM
I thought this was an urban myth, but I actually heard someone say "LOL" in a cnversation yesterday. A bunch of tenage mums were passing and one was saying "she thinks I don't know who she is, LOL". I didn't realise people actuially SAID that.

This has made the 21st century just that little bit more real to me, which is quite depressing. I hope to mentally withdraw back to the 70s as soon as possible.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Bolt-01 on 25 February, 2011, 03:10:08 PM
Hah, Mini-Bolt uses it as well. I'm not sure if he means it in an ironic way thouogh...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Carroll on 25 February, 2011, 03:13:57 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 25 February, 2011, 02:44:55 PM
I thought this was an urban myth, but I actually heard someone say "LOL" in a cnversation yesterday. A bunch of tenage mums were passing and one was saying "she thinks I don't know who she is, LOL". I didn't realise people actuially SAID that.

A friend of mine once said "Sigh" during a conversation. I think she meant it ironically...

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: davethomson on 25 February, 2011, 03:17:38 PM
Someone once said "lollersaurus" to me. Much like Bolt I was confused as to whether it was ironic or not, so I kicked him in the nuts just to be safe.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 25 February, 2011, 03:19:12 PM
To be honest, the whole thing about people saying "LOL" or "El Oh El", etc, doesn't surprise me one bit. I similarly often say "AIEEEEEEE" pronounced "Eye-eeeeee!" when on rollercoasters, "Budda budda budda" when using a pretend machine gun, and have said "Whew" more than once- all because of comics. Comics being my number one source of fun as a child- before masturbation and the Internet.

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 25 February, 2011, 03:19:18 PM
Quote from: davethomson on 25 February, 2011, 03:17:38 PM
Someone once said "lollersaurus" to me. Much like Bolt I was confused as to whether it was ironic or not, so I kicked him in the nuts just to be safe.

And you said, "Dad- I warned you..."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Misanthrope on 25 February, 2011, 03:21:11 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 25 February, 2011, 02:44:55 PM
I thought this was an urban myth, but I actually heard someone say "LOL" in a cnversation yesterday. A bunch of tenage mums were passing and one was saying "she thinks I don't know who she is, LOL". I didn't realise people actuially SAID that.

This has made the 21st century just that little bit more real to me, which is quite depressing. I hope to mentally withdraw back to the 70s as soon as possible.

A nephew of mine actually speaks whole sentences in text speak. Instead of 'be right back' he genuinely says 'burb'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 25 February, 2011, 05:23:45 PM
Err what the gurramm hell is a super-moderator? And can I use it to rhyme with
Isolator?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Greg M. on 25 February, 2011, 05:31:03 PM
I'm a teacher, and trust me, kids use this MSN / text-speak all the time in their actual speech. They're constantly saying 'Lol' when things amuse 'em. "If you think it's funny, just laugh!" I tell 'em.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 25 February, 2011, 05:42:11 PM
Quote from: Krombasher on 25 February, 2011, 05:23:45 PM
Err what the gurramm hell is a super-moderator? And can I use it to rhyme with
Isolator?

You can if you want!
It means I now have to ability to block spammers, rather than just removing their posts.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 25 February, 2011, 05:51:09 PM
Careful RAC, with a title like that it's only a matter of time before CyberLeader2000 starts collecting you.  No danger of him asking you out, mind.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 25 February, 2011, 05:59:08 PM
QuoteNo danger of him asking you out, mind.

You're a cruel man. I respect that.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 25 February, 2011, 06:03:04 PM
Not so much stupid, but a mixed metaphor that a colleague of mine used the other day.

"The engine was purring like a kitten in a sewing machine".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 25 February, 2011, 06:13:18 PM
The worst thing I caught myself saying/doing was "BURRRRRP" whilst actually burping.





V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 26 February, 2011, 01:00:10 AM
Quote from: vzzbux on 25 February, 2011, 06:13:18 PM
The worst thing I caught myself saying/doing was "BURRRRRP" whilst actually burping.
V

That's not stupid modern text speak, that's just good old fashioned onomatopoeia. Try telling that to a teenager though
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SquashedFly on 26 February, 2011, 01:27:49 AM
Someone today in a radio course I was doing didn't know how to spell DJ'ing, They didn't know what a J was and had to be shown. Then she still put DG'ing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mygrimmbrother on 26 February, 2011, 01:43:53 AM
At a wedding reception last weekend:

Pissed woman: Pint of fosters and a glass of white wine please.

Barmaid: small, medium or large?

Pissed woman: What's cheapest?

Barmaid: (masking smile) Small.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 26 February, 2011, 11:37:51 AM
Quote from: mygrimmbrother on 26 February, 2011, 01:43:53 AM
At a wedding reception last weekend:

Pissed woman: Pint of fosters and a glass of white wine please.

Barmaid: small, medium or large?

Pissed woman: What's cheapest?

Barmaid: (masking smile) Small.

I think I'll be stealing that!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 27 February, 2011, 08:48:00 PM
It's not that stupid - one of the others could have been on special offer. :)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 28 February, 2011, 07:22:24 PM
Gettoutahea with yer damned common-sense logic!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 28 February, 2011, 11:32:29 PM
Not sure where this belongs but in the office, people were chatting about someone with the surname Boyle. 

"You know, his name is thingy Boyle". 
"No, can't remember."
"Like the bloke in the film CRY FREEDOM?"
"Oh yeah, JIMMY Boyle."

The bank of desks beind me at work are *always* coming up with statements of fact like this. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 01 March, 2011, 10:51:42 PM
lisa at work "did you see that thing on the radio?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Ignatzmonster on 01 March, 2011, 11:13:31 PM
Quote from: mygrimmbrother on 26 February, 2011, 01:43:53 AM
At a wedding reception last weekend:

Pissed woman: Pint of fosters and a glass of white wine please.

Barmaid: small, medium or large?

Pissed woman: What's cheapest?

Barmaid: (masking smile) Small.

God I love the drunk. Thanks GrimmBro. That made my afternoon.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 02 March, 2011, 12:17:11 AM
I had a shave, but my face said "I still have beard on me. Quite a bit, in fact."


YOU do better next time.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Brigantian on 02 March, 2011, 12:32:47 PM
We were just talking about old school comedians / entertainers and we mentioned Norman Wisdom. My colleague suggested that a junior member of staff would not know who he was. The young chap said he indeed did not know of Norman Wisdom but he knew who Norman Bates was. Who is he we asked. "FatBoy Slim" he replied. "He's a DJ". Priceless.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 02 March, 2011, 12:49:54 PM
You've come a long way, Mother.

Or


Better living through taxidermy.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: EddieHitler on 02 March, 2011, 03:11:46 PM
"All you will feel is a tiny scratch Mr Brown"

Yeah right! then the nurse impales a bloody sharp needle into my posterior.

Now have a bruise the size of a swimming pool....not a happy bunny.

GREAT BIG WHOPPERS PEOPLE HAVE ACTUALLY SAID TO YOU!

And relax......


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 02 March, 2011, 03:31:36 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 02 March, 2011, 12:49:54 PM
You've come a long way, Mother.

Or


Better living through taxidermy.

Tordelback is today's winner. Bravo, sir!

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 02 March, 2011, 07:48:32 PM
One of the boys from WESTLIFE on The ONE Show asked "How long does it take to grow a vegetable?".

No, really.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: strontium_dog_90 on 03 March, 2011, 02:41:33 PM
Quote from: Tiplodocus on 02 March, 2011, 07:48:32 PM
One of the boys from WESTLIFE on The ONE Show asked "How long does it take to grow a vegetable?".

No, really.

Probably to be expected from them, though, really.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 03 March, 2011, 06:31:52 PM
Quote from: Tiplodocus on 02 March, 2011, 07:48:32 PM
One of the boys from WESTLIFE on The ONE Show asked "How long does it take to grow a vegetable?".

No, really.

The answer should have been, "Well what age are you?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Michaelvk on 04 March, 2011, 08:31:45 AM
Quote from: Emp on 03 March, 2011, 06:31:52 PM
Quote from: Tiplodocus on 02 March, 2011, 07:48:32 PM
One of the boys from WESTLIFE on The ONE Show asked "How long does it take to grow a vegetable?".

No, really.

The answer should have been, "Well what age are you?"

You know what the hardest part is when cooking a vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair into the pot..
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: muti-scum on 07 March, 2011, 11:04:05 PM
Drokk You you Drokkin Funtwipe!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Brigantian on 08 March, 2011, 10:50:22 AM
Quote from: Michaelvk on 04 March, 2011, 08:31:45 AM
Quote from: Emp on 03 March, 2011, 06:31:52 PM
Quote from: Tiplodocus on 02 March, 2011, 07:48:32 PM
One of the boys from WESTLIFE on The ONE Show asked "How long does it take to grow a vegetable?".

No, really.

The answer should have been, "Well what age are you?"

You know what the hardest part is when cooking a vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair into the pot..
Ouch!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 08 March, 2011, 01:54:37 PM
This doesn't count as something said to me but another board has just had a chat about the same thing and these two made me spit crumbs on my keyboard:

QuoteAdmin Type – You make your own bread? Have you got one of them bread making machines?
Me – No, I make it by hand
AT – You make it by hand? I thought you were supposed to make it with one of them bread making machines.
Me – No, I make it by hand.
AT – No, I'm sure I read somewhere that you had to make it with one of them bread making machines
Woman at Next Desk – No, you mix it by hand before you put it in the oven. How do you think they made bread before bread making machines were invented?
AT – Did they have bread in those days?

and

QuoteOnce I had to clarify to a team member that they didn't have
to kill the sheep to get the wool.

HAHAHAHHAHA!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: zombemybabynow on 08 March, 2011, 04:54:55 PM
AT - sounds like my best mate, who's an unintentional comic genius
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 10 March, 2011, 01:35:38 PM
b3ta.com have been at it too. Guess there's a lot of people close to going postal in crap jobs out there:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/stupidcolleagues/
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 11 March, 2011, 07:29:50 AM
Not to me, but to one of the managers in work yesterday whilst doing interviews.

"Can you tell us about your last job?"
"Yes."

silence

"Are you going to?"
"No."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 11 March, 2011, 09:13:54 AM
I say, good for the interviewee. The manager was clearly asking the wrong questions. He should have said "please tell us about your last job" if he wanted to know anything about it. I'm presuming the candidate didn't want the job anyway. He probably only applied to demonstrate to the Job Centre that he'd been actively applying for jobs.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 11 March, 2011, 10:47:12 PM
"Do you really think earthquakes and volcanoes can be explained by geology? Do you think it can all be explained by convergent ley lines, then? Don't you think God has the power to cause earthquakes and they're a sign of his wrath?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 12 March, 2011, 11:41:30 AM
o I felt like punching my mate yesterday we were watching the news report about japan and I said its amazing what natere can do and what was is respons at seeing a town geting washed away this was his respons and I kid you not " how many playstachion 3 and nintendow wii's do you think were washed away" and im like you do relises hunderreds of people lost there lives he just could not seem to see the biger picher
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 12 March, 2011, 11:45:09 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 11 March, 2011, 10:47:12 PM
"Do you really think earthquakes and volcanoes can be explained by geology? Do you think it can all be explained by convergent ley lines, then? Don't you think God has the power to cause earthquakes and they're a sign of his wrath?"


Ush, always with the god-shit. Repent you hirsuit blasphemer. Whatever about sun-flares having an apparent effect on the earth's magnetosphere, the god stuff boggles the thought-box.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 12 March, 2011, 03:19:48 PM
"I've never cooked sprouts before. I don't even know how you cook them. I suppose you must have to just boil them for hours."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Christov on 13 March, 2011, 05:40:24 PM
"The earthquake in Japan is karma for Pearl Harbour"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 13 March, 2011, 05:50:31 PM
"The earthquake was caused by the moon coming too close to the earth"

"We shouldn't send any help to the Japanese because of Pearl Harbour/what they did to the British POWs in WW2" (delete as applicable)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 13 March, 2011, 06:03:53 PM
 >:(

All these fuckin twats talking shite about the earthquake! This, this is why it's important to pore over the apparent discrepancies in Flesh  :)

M.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 March, 2011, 07:04:18 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 13 March, 2011, 05:50:31 PM
"We shouldn't send any help to the Japanese because of Pearl Harbour/what they did to the British POWs in WW2" (delete as applicable)

I move to infect the entire white population of the Americas with smallpox.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 13 March, 2011, 07:26:00 PM
Tit for tat? That sounds like this:

(http://www.william-blake.org/Illustrations-of-the-Book-of-Job--Satan-smiting-Job-with-Sore-Boils,-1825.jpg)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Brigantian on 13 March, 2011, 07:41:08 PM
Quote from: Cyberleader2000 on 12 March, 2011, 11:41:30 AM
o I felt like punching my mate yesterday we were watching the news report about japan and I said its amazing what natere can do and what was is respons at seeing a town geting washed away this was his respons and I kid you not " how many playstachion 3 and nintendow wii's do you think were washed away" and im like you do relises hunderreds of people lost there lives he just could not seem to see the biger picher
Your mate is very funny and I would suggest under-appreciated. Could just be my sick sense of humour, but he made me laugh.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 13 March, 2011, 08:11:19 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 13 March, 2011, 07:04:18 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 13 March, 2011, 05:50:31 PM
"We shouldn't send any help to the Japanese because of Pearl Harbour/what they did to the British POWs in WW2" (delete as applicable)

I move to infect the entire white population of the Americas with smallpox.

Looking at those quotes from the other thread it is the entire board not just the white population.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jared Katooie on 13 March, 2011, 09:16:11 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 11 March, 2011, 10:47:12 PM
"Do you really think earthquakes and volcanoes can be explained by geology? Do you think it can all be explained by convergent ley lines, then? Don't you think God has the power to cause earthquakes and they're a sign of his wrath?"

Reminds me of this (http://www.elftor.com/elftor.php?number=195).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 March, 2011, 09:20:46 PM
Quote from: vzzbux on 13 March, 2011, 08:11:19 PM
Looking at those quotes from the other thread it is the entire board not just the white population.

Didn't mean to imply I thought any sort of retaliation against white America was in order, simply pointing out the futility of asserting, never mind punishing, historical guilt - in the long run no group of people are innocent.  We're all of us only here because we're the descendants of victors in life's petty resource squabbles.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 13 March, 2011, 09:21:53 PM
Thanks, Jared. Thank you so much.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 13 March, 2011, 09:23:22 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 13 March, 2011, 09:20:46 PM
We're all of us only here because we're the descendants of victors in life's petty resource squabbles.

By 'victors' do you mean 'monkeys'?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Kerrin on 13 March, 2011, 09:30:15 PM
Quote from: Jared Katooie on 13 March, 2011, 09:16:11 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 11 March, 2011, 10:47:12 PM
"Do you really think earthquakes and volcanoes can be explained by geology? Do you think it can all be explained by convergent ley lines, then? Don't you think God has the power to cause earthquakes and they're a sign of his wrath?"

Reminds me of this (http://www.elftor.com/elftor.php?number=195).

GENIUS.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 March, 2011, 09:33:05 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 13 March, 2011, 09:23:22 PM
By 'victors' do you mean 'monkeys'?

Well, a common monkey-like ancestor which we share with monkeys, yes, in part.

Why have I never heard of Elftor, that's a great little cartoon.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 13 March, 2011, 09:40:38 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 13 March, 2011, 09:33:05 PM
Well, a common monkey-like ancestor which we share with monkeys, yes, in part.

Pedant. You knew I didn't literally mean monkeys!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 13 March, 2011, 09:43:16 PM
Are these monkeys wearing hats?




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 March, 2011, 09:46:43 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 13 March, 2011, 09:40:38 PM
Pedant. You knew I didn't literally mean monkeys!

Pedantry is next to godliness. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 13 March, 2011, 09:49:56 PM
Shouldn't that be Pedantriness?
If it isn't a word, it is now.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cthulouis on 14 March, 2011, 10:53:44 PM
Quote from: vzzbux on 13 March, 2011, 09:43:16 PM
Are these monkeys wearing hats?

Maybe, is a fez a hat?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 15 March, 2011, 12:45:59 PM
Overheard in our canteen:

"Haggis on the menu? Oh yeah, it is St. Patrick's Day on Thursday."

They were not joking.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Banners on 15 March, 2011, 01:33:25 PM
I just bought a sandwich. A meal deal with drinks and crisps was an extra £1.20 and I didn't want them...

SHOP: Would you like a meal deal?

ME: No thank you.

SHOP: Why?

"Why"...?!? Okay, not so much stupid, but certainly rude. Sheesh...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 March, 2011, 02:25:55 PM
"What's a bath sheet?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Keef Monkey on 15 March, 2011, 02:30:49 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 15 March, 2011, 02:25:55 PM
"What's a bath sheet?"

I had to google that, I've always pronounced it towel. Learn something new everyday!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 March, 2011, 02:32:49 PM
Quote from: Keef Monkey on 15 March, 2011, 02:30:49 PM
I had to google that, I've always pronounced it towel. Learn something new everyday!

If you had been asked to get one for a customer order, from the bathroom aisle, I dare say you'd have been able to find one without help, especially seeing as they are available in a range of colours.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 15 March, 2011, 02:34:18 PM
I've NEVER heard the term "bath sheet" in my life!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 March, 2011, 02:43:50 PM
Can of worms. Open.  ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 15 March, 2011, 02:54:47 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 15 March, 2011, 02:34:18 PM
I've NEVER heard the term "bath sheet" in my life!

He's posh as fuck is our Ush.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 March, 2011, 03:16:22 PM
I'm imagining not many men round these parts get involved in home furnishing decisions. It's generally considered the ladies' domain, isn't it? I spend too much time at home, obviously.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 15 March, 2011, 04:28:45 PM
Too much time at home, relaxing in your housecoat or smoking jacket, sitting upon your chaise, tutting politely over various anomalies in carboniferous dating, while sipping absinthe, i'll wager.

SBT
Title: Re: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Noisybast on 15 March, 2011, 04:42:50 PM
I own several bath sheets. One of them is "aqua".

Or, as I like to put it: pass me my big blue towel.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 15 March, 2011, 04:46:21 PM
Don't listen to them Ush, so long as you bring your domestic expertise to bear on Search/Destroy agency armour and holsters your masculinity and earthy roots aren't in question.  I bet that cabin on Smiley's World was well stocked with bath sheets.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 March, 2011, 04:50:18 PM
Aqua wouldn't go with my bathroom, the colour of which I'd describe as 'salmon,' with white ceramic and black glass tiles. I think we tend to call the bath sheets big towels or just bath towels, since we don't actually have any bath towels - just hand towels and bath sheets.

And a little domestic expertise goes a long way.


* How far is it to Smiley's World, just out of interest?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 16 March, 2011, 10:45:23 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 15 March, 2011, 02:54:47 PM
He's posh as fuck is our Ush.

He might well be, but as a man of fiercely working class roots I can reveal that the term bath sheet was always used at home - bath towels were fluffy, expensive and the domain of the bourgoise, so had no place in a working man's household. Thin, hard and scratchy bath sheets built the character that built the nation! They, quite literally, make you red.

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 16 March, 2011, 02:32:38 PM
Stupid things people have actually said to you...

"Try and get that done as quickly as you can. I've got another job for you to do once you've finished that."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 16 March, 2011, 02:45:39 PM
The Wife - "What are you doing in there?"

Me - "I'm having a great big poo"

The wife - "I didn't want to know that!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 16 March, 2011, 02:50:39 PM
Quote from: Rog69 on 16 March, 2011, 02:45:39 PM
The Wife - "What are you doing in there?"

Me - "I'm having a great big poo"

The wife - "I didn't want to know that!"

Well, that rather depends on which room you were in when she asked... you might have been in the wardrobe or something.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 16 March, 2011, 04:05:43 PM
 :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 16 March, 2011, 04:46:50 PM
Customer: Have you got any superglue?

Me: Yes we have. What do you need it for?

Customer: My skirting board has come off and I need to stick it back on again.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: worldshown on 05 April, 2011, 06:16:37 PM
"Ukuleles? Tha's wot koala bears eat, innit?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SMOKESCREEN:ED:9 on 05 April, 2011, 08:11:36 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 15 March, 2011, 04:50:18 PM
the colour of which I'd describe as 'salmon,'

Sounds FFFishy to me. ba booom tshhhhhhhhh  :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Something Fishy on 06 April, 2011, 09:19:42 AM
You called?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SMOKESCREEN:ED:9 on 06 April, 2011, 11:52:49 AM
Quote from: Something Fishy on 06 April, 2011, 09:19:42 AM
You called?

No! And get your fillets off the rug, It's 12th century Persian.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Something Fishy on 06 April, 2011, 12:31:46 PM
 :lol:

i'll just shuffle back below then.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 06 April, 2011, 12:54:40 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 12 March, 2011, 03:19:48 PM
"I've never cooked sprouts before. I don't even know how you cook them. I suppose you must have to just boil them for hours."

Then you throw them away.

This it the correct proceduer with sprouts
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 06 April, 2011, 01:24:55 PM
No you give them to me. All the sprouts.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 06 April, 2011, 01:48:51 PM
Such power cannot be left in the handss of one person
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 06 April, 2011, 04:19:51 PM
Someone was muttering something to me about how the Scots, who get free education in Scotland come down here and get stuff for free without working and yet they go on about independence. Or something like that. He totally lost me and I switched off.

He knows all this because his mate told him.

(This is the guy who asked me once if they use the Euro in the US. Classic comment.)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SMOKESCREEN:ED:9 on 06 April, 2011, 04:48:27 PM
Quote from: Something Fishy on 06 April, 2011, 12:31:46 PM
:lol:

i'll just shuffle back below then.

I did laugh at this.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 06 April, 2011, 06:09:15 PM
On being given a list of things to do, including a visual health and safety check, the following was said to me today: "I cant do this, does this house even HAVE a roof? I know it's got tiles, but isnt that the attic? Besides, i cant tick things off because im not good at writing."
I should point out that i did not interview or employ this person.

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 06 April, 2011, 07:03:01 PM
Quote from: The Doctor Alt 8 on 06 April, 2011, 01:48:51 PM
Such power cannot be left in the handss of one person

which is why i'm here...gimme sprouts!!!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 10 April, 2011, 12:28:33 AM
You can't handle the sprouts!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 22 April, 2011, 06:58:28 PM
I was in Currys this afternoon and couldn't help but overhear a rather neddy-looking couple having a go at a couple of the staff. They were hopping mad that, having spent a considerable sum of money on a 3D telly, the programmes remained stubbornly 2D.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 22 April, 2011, 10:38:32 PM
I'd completely forgotten about this conversation until I recently bumped into someone who worked with me in the same office at the time of this exchange...

Them: So... you went to University, then?

Me: Yes. For three years.

Them: What did you study?

Me: English.

Them: What? Like spelling?

Yes. That's right. I spent three years learning spelling. Really, really difficult words.

(Of course, this predates the irony that is the current difficulty of finding a graduate capable of spelling simple words or grasping basic grammar.)

Jesus...

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 12 May, 2011, 08:27:10 PM
My eldest son received a hospital appointent letter today, out of the blue, cancelling his previous appointment (which we hadn't made and of which we knew nothing) and replacing it with one at the same time on the same day in the same place, with the suspiciously named "DR. A. LOCUM".

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Robin Low on 12 May, 2011, 09:50:08 PM
Quote from: SmallBlueThing on 12 May, 2011, 08:27:10 PM
My eldest son received a hospital appointent letter today, out of the blue, cancelling his previous appointment (which we hadn't made and of which we knew nothing) and replacing it with one at the same time on the same day in the same place, with the suspiciously named "DR. A. LOCUM".

I once thought our hospital had acquired a new consultant by the name of Combgast until I twigged it was the infrequently used abbreviation code for Combined Gastroenterology.

(Rather sadly, google yields nothing for combgast. It sounds like a surname that really ought to exist, especially when you pronounce it koom-ghast.)

Regards

Robin
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 13 May, 2011, 01:32:56 PM
Yes, it's spelt Combgast... but is actually pronounced "Thoat wabbler-Mangrove"

(Sorry couldn't resist Python reference)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: zombemybabynow on 13 May, 2011, 01:49:24 PM
asked my mate neil what he had for dinner;

"was going to go out in a bit so just made toasted bread with cheese"

"so you had cheese on toast then?"

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Banners on 13 May, 2011, 05:07:55 PM
'Any chance you can quickly knock up an HTML version of the brochure?'

...!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 May, 2011, 05:28:50 PM
Quote from: Banners on 13 May, 2011, 05:07:55 PM
'Any chance you can quickly knock up an HTML version of the brochure?'

Be even worse if it was wearing full plate.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 13 May, 2011, 06:29:54 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 22 April, 2011, 10:38:32 PM
(Of course, this predates the irony that is the current difficulty of finding a graduate capable of spelling simple words or grasping basic grammar.)

I find it quite perplexing that employers persist in trying to employ recent graduates who can't spell and then moaning about it rather than showing a bit of imagination and recruiting graduates from two decades ago who can (or even more imagination: non-graduates who can spell, because they exist too).


Back on topic:

"Graduates have got all these qualifications on paper but no commonsense." - this from a man who puts up a rota on a Friday night and then rings round on Saturday to ask people why they aren't in work, when he put the rota up on the noticeboard the night before, after they had gone home or when they hadn't been in since Wednesday.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 May, 2011, 06:51:16 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 13 May, 2011, 06:29:54 PM
...showing a bit of imagination and recruiting graduates from two decades ago who can [spell]

Anyone in mind there, Ush?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 13 May, 2011, 08:34:11 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 13 May, 2011, 06:51:16 PM
Anyone in mind there, Ush?

Always.  :P
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 18 May, 2011, 07:08:15 PM
Not actually said to me, but...

On 'The One Show,' tonight (*spits*)
- discussion about getting points on your licence for speeding -

Jo Brand: "After I got my rally driver's licence I went a bit mental on the roads."

Welsh Girl: "Brilliant."


Er, no. Not brilliant. Jo Brand wasn't suggesting she'd done anything very clever, just got a bit carried away and briefly irresponsible.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 18 May, 2011, 07:30:42 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 18 May, 2011, 07:08:15 PM
Not actually said to me, but...

On 'The One Show,' tonight (*spits*)
- discussion about getting points on your licence for speeding -

Jo Brand: "After I got my rally driver's licence I went a bit mental on the roads."

Welsh Girl: "Brilliant."


Er, no. Not brilliant. Jo Brand wasn't suggesting she'd done anything very clever, just got a bit carried away and briefly irresponsible.

If that Welsh girl ever has to say anything that deviates from her script it's 'brilliant'.

She has no sense whatsoever when interviewing. I like it when she asks someone a question that they've already answered as part of their response to the previous question. It's 'brilliant'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 18 May, 2011, 07:49:14 PM
My favourite overheard quote from the train to Bristol - dim girl student with that annoying upwards inflexion that makes everything sound like a question:
"We had a rabbit? And it was, like, gay? 'Cos it raped my gerbil to death?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 18 May, 2011, 08:47:02 PM
Not said to me but whoever said 'Yes' to commissioning 'Life of Riley' - a dogshit sitcom on BBC at the mo.
It seems to be another of these smug middle class shitcoms that the BBC excels in. Its reinforcing the idea that the typical British family is run by a dim witted man who is under the illusion that he has some control while he's actually a foil for the jokes of his hateful 'smart, sassy' wife (who is actually in control of everything) and his vile smart arse children.

Who is this shit aimed at? Divorced single mothers on anti-depressants is my guess.


I think I'll forward this to 'Points of View'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 18 May, 2011, 09:47:05 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 18 May, 2011, 08:47:02 PM
Who is this shit aimed at? Divorced single mothers on anti-depressants is my guess.

Retired people is mine.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 May, 2011, 09:54:33 PM
I like the way that JamesC's and Usher's avatars appear to be interacting as if they were contestants on Blankety Blank.  Classes up the joint something fierce.

And yes, the few seconds I saw of Life of Riley were unutterably shite, although I believe the genre of the oblivious impotent father is a venerable one.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 18 May, 2011, 09:59:25 PM
My avatar presents to each of you...



(http://thefinanser.co.uk/.a/6a01053620481c970b011570309e6a970b-800wi)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 May, 2011, 10:07:38 PM
The Les Dawson version?  Cheap, Joe, cheap.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 18 May, 2011, 10:10:33 PM


Just cos you don't have one.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 19 May, 2011, 01:39:09 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 18 May, 2011, 07:49:14 PM
My favourite overheard quote from the train to Bristol - dim girl student with that annoying upwards inflexion that makes everything sound like a question:
"We had a rabbit? And it was, like, gay? 'Cos it raped my gerbil to death?

That's one of the best posts I ever saw here!

My aunt is visiting at the moment, and she demanded that we watch a DVD tonight. She decided on Iron Man.

Dear. Sweet. Holy. Mother. Of. Mercy. I had to explain FIVE TIMES that Iron Man isn't a robot, he's a guy in a mechanical suit. She just didn't get it. Even when it cuts to Robert Downey Jr. in the suit's interior, she was saying 'Well where is he, then? What's all that computer stuff? What's that got to do with the robot?'

All this from someone who could maybe, JUST maybe pick that stuff up if she didn't gab ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE BLOODY MOVIE!!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: uncle fester on 19 May, 2011, 08:39:59 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 18 May, 2011, 09:54:33 PM
I like the way that JamesC's and Usher's avatars appear to be interacting as if they were contestants on Blankety Blank.  Classes up the joint something fierce.

Post Of The Week :)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 19 May, 2011, 12:37:49 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 18 May, 2011, 09:54:33 PM
I like the way that JamesC's and Usher's avatars appear to be interacting as if they were contestants on Blankety Blank.  Classes up the joint something fierce.

When this came up yesterday I couldn't help imagining the contestant's eager face turn to disappointment when JamesC and I turned over the card and it read either 'single mothers' or 'retired people.' There might have been a point to be had from either one, but it's no good if they were going for a clean sweep.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 19 May, 2011, 12:42:27 PM
Ha ha!
Thanks for the cheque book and pen. I'll put it with my Jim'll Fix It badge and Dusty Bin! :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 27 May, 2011, 09:47:09 AM
"Like rag to a bull."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 27 May, 2011, 09:32:34 PM
"OOOO My phone socket isn't working".
Try powering up you phone you dip shit.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 27 May, 2011, 10:12:30 PM
Opened the front door today in response to someone knocking (as you do).

POSTMAN: Ah, so yer in. ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mudcrab on 27 May, 2011, 10:49:26 PM
Girl at work does that "OMG, you know what I saw" pseudo-confidential information sort of thing, saying "xxxxxx was reading Al Jazeera!", as if he had some... I dunno what the fuck she thought but wow, ignorance!

Still, I'm sure some would look at the BBC the same way  :lol:

Ah, I don't even know if that's funny, or shouldn't be. I do pay my licence though.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 27 May, 2011, 11:30:38 PM
Asked my aunt today what the appeal of that bloody annoying 'made In Chelsea' TV show was.

'I like to see what's going on in the lives of real people' came the reply.

I don't even know where to begin with that one.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 28 May, 2011, 02:58:52 PM
Quote from: HdE on 27 May, 2011, 11:30:38 PM
'I like to see what's going on in the lives of real people' came the reply.

Super!   :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dark Jimbo on 28 May, 2011, 05:00:19 PM
A chavvy girl talking overheard talking about personality vacuum Jordan and all the flak she was getting for her latest affair or something:

'I don't think it's fair, really. Even Hannibal Lecter didn't get that much hate mail, did he?'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 06 June, 2011, 05:41:35 PM
"What good has all that knowledge done you?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 06 June, 2011, 06:03:18 PM
Quote from: Krombasher on 06 June, 2011, 05:41:35 PM
"What good has all that knowledge done you?"

I have no answer for that one.  :-\
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 06 June, 2011, 07:05:51 PM
Neither did I. Its a bit like asking, "what good has all that water done you?" Except that it's impossible to drown in just a cup of knowledge.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 09 June, 2011, 09:01:25 PM
"Sokodu." As in "how many sokodu puzzle books have we got on the shelf?"

Every single time.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 15 June, 2011, 06:40:20 PM
Not so much stupid as poorly timed...


Herself: "If you want to get dinner on you can have yours now and I'll have mine warmed up later."
Me: "No, I won't have mine now - I'm making a stir-fry, you can't have that warmed up. Anyway, I'm having a cocktail."
Herself: "I'm expecting another student to arrive any minute."
Me: "In that case I'd better get my booze sorted out!" (the drinks cabinet is in the teaching room) "oh, it's okay: I've got white rum, grenadine and limes here in the kitchen."
Herself: (whispering) "I've still got a student with me whose parents haven't picked her up yet."


Still, not as bad as the time I came home in the mid-afternoon with the shopping and announced:

"They didn't have any of the cheap vodka!" which was met with "Okay. I'm teaching just at the minute."

:-\ :-[ :-X
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 June, 2011, 12:15:09 AM
Apparently, suggesting ways to improve the community atmosphere of a certain web forum I used to use sits ill with one guy who started posting there just a few weeks ago.

'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?' He rails. In spite of the fact that during the TWO YEARS I've been posting there I've witnessed dozens of flame wars, suspensions of user accounts, calls from site admins for users to behave themselves and such.

I'm genuinely surprised at the inability some folks have to see problems when they're right in front of them.

Oh, and apparently, suggestions to help improve the atmosphere there are my attempt to 'spread misinformation' and 'stop people from posting' there.

What a knob.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 17 June, 2011, 10:36:19 PM
Not actually said to me, but heard on the news tonight:

A school teacher, interviewed about strike action being taken by her colleagues, says "I'm not striking myself; I'm working. But I support them 100%."

No you don't. You're undermining their strike by working. If you can't understand a simple logical proposition like that then you've no business being a teacher.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 17 June, 2011, 10:42:49 PM
That reminds me of a news story when teachers at a school went on strike because of a distuptive pupil and someone decided to ask the pupils what they thought of the situation.

This was a pupils response:

"Those'uns need to get in there an teach us'uns!"

Yes...yes they do :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 17 June, 2011, 11:11:35 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 17 June, 2011, 10:36:19 PM
Not actually said to me, but heard on the news tonight:

A school teacher, interviewed about strike action being taken by her colleagues, says "I'm not striking myself; I'm working. But I support them 100%."

No you don't. You're undermining their strike by working. If you can't understand a simple logical proposition like that then you've no business being a teacher.

This boggles me. Did she think SCAB was a term of endearment?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 17 June, 2011, 11:29:25 PM
I remember my old man explaining this to me when there was a major strike in his work 20 years ago.  He vehemently disagreed with the demands of a union that represented many of his colleagues, and had argued against both cause and strike, but once the decision was made, he refused to cross the picket, despite being told that anyone at his grade would be fired automatically if they didn't show up for work.  He was duly fired, and furious about it, cursing the union from morning to night.  However the numbers of people that followed this line were sufficient that the company eventually had to cave, and he was reinstated without any loss of status.  As he put it, specific unions tend to act like grasping self-serving shits just like any other quasi-political group, but the principle of a union has to be supported by individual actions, no matter what.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 17 June, 2011, 11:30:10 PM
NM
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 18 June, 2011, 12:03:53 AM
"I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy automatically scrolling down the page, past your comment, as I always do."

Go back up the page to read my comment that you just scrolled past without thinking instead of asking that i repeat what i just said.If i hadnt said something then you wouldnt have been able to scroll past my comment.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: pauljholden on 22 June, 2011, 01:48:21 PM
My mate Jim, who should REALLY know a lot better said this:

"I see Chris Pine who played scotty in the star trek movie is playing Dredd".

I think the ONLY think that's correct about that sentence is "Star Trek". It's like something your mum would say.

I have terminated our friendship.

-pj
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 22 June, 2011, 11:24:29 PM
My wife would have said "Star Wars" movie, just to make it even more wrong.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 22 June, 2011, 11:49:54 PM
Quote from: pauljholden on 22 June, 2011, 01:48:21 PMI have terminated our friendship.


What's it like having no friends?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Eric Plumrose on 22 June, 2011, 11:59:59 PM
Quote from: pauljholden on 22 June, 2011, 01:48:21 PMI think the ONLY think that's correct about that sentence is "Star Trek".

Hmm. I'd say even that's up for debate.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: pauljholden on 23 June, 2011, 12:13:32 AM
Quote from: pauljholden on 22 June, 2011, 01:48:21 PMI have terminated our friendship.
What's it like having no friends?
[/quote]

I have more than one friend. No ... wait, I *HAD* more than one friend.
-pj
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: klute on 25 June, 2011, 02:54:25 PM
I overheard some one say they were as fit as a flea.I've heard fit as a butchers dog and fit as a fiddle  but fit as a flea is a first.......
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 25 June, 2011, 03:59:06 PM
"Fit as a flea" is an old saying round these parts. Does it go at least as far back as ww1, and did i recently read it in charley's war? I forget. But yeah, 'butchers dog' is the newcomer to me- its only reached my ears as an adult.
SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 25 June, 2011, 04:29:57 PM
"Fit as a flea" makes a hell of a lot more sense than "fit as a fiddle". Fleas can jump 200 times their own body length. Fiddles can't.

I only know of the butcher's dog saying 'cos of that advert a few years back.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 25 June, 2011, 04:44:22 PM
You made me curious

''fit as a fiddle''
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/40250.html

Origin

Of course the 'fiddle' here is the colloquial name for violin. 'Fit' didn't originally mean healthy and energetic, in the sense it is often used nowadays to describe the inhabitants of gyms. When this phrase was coined 'fit' was used to mean 'suitable, seemly', in the way we now might say 'fit for purpose'.

Thomas Dekker, in The batchelars banquet, 1603 referred to 'as fine as a fiddle':

"Then comes downe mistresse Nurse as fine as a farthing fiddle, in her petticoate and kertle."

Not long afterwards, in 1616, there's W. Haughton's English-men for my Money, which includes:

"This is excellent ynfayth [in faith], as fit as a fiddle."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 27 June, 2011, 03:52:47 PM
While we're on the subject of sayings, there's a couple of alternative sayings that me and a friend used to regularly argue about, except I can no longer remember exactly which side we were each on.

Is it "see a pin and pick it up/all the day you'll have good luck" OR "see a penny, pick it up... etc"?

And is it "stranger things happen at sea" or "worse things happen at sea"?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 27 June, 2011, 04:09:59 PM
Penny and worse, down here. Though 'stranger...' is something I've heard, and it means something else. The first is to cheer somebody up, the second to comment upon weird shit.

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 27 June, 2011, 06:22:58 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 27 June, 2011, 03:52:47 PM
While we're on the subject of sayings, there's a couple of alternative sayings that me and a friend used to regularly argue about, except I can no longer remember exactly which side we were each on.

Is it "see a pin and pick it up/all the day you'll have good luck" OR "see a penny, pick it up... etc"?

And is it "stranger things happen at sea" or "worse things happen at sea"?

I have been picking pennies up for years and i never have any good luck afterwards.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 27 June, 2011, 06:28:47 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 27 June, 2011, 06:22:58 PM
I have been picking pennies up for years and i never have any good luck afterwards.

Ha'pennies, on the other hand...!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 27 June, 2011, 06:58:37 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 27 June, 2011, 06:28:47 PM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 27 June, 2011, 06:22:58 PM
I have been picking pennies up for years and i never have any good luck afterwards.

Ha'pennies, on the other hand...!

I posted that in haste as there are two types of 1878 halfpennies and one is more valueable than the other and i cant work out the difference.I didnt realise that it was of a scarce date when i bought it but i always see boxes of pennies and halfpennies at boot fairs etc and i always go through them.The vast majority of victorian copper is worn out with no detail but if they are not and the detail is still crisp like new then they are worth quite a bit.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 27 June, 2011, 07:35:46 PM
Pin (which I'm pretty sure is the original phrase), and worse (ditto, although stranger things have indeed been known to occur at sea also).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 30 June, 2011, 09:46:36 PM
I just watched a video of ignorant people in London being asked questions by We Are Change and one of those who was asked if they knew what the Magna Carta is answered that it was something to do with the Da Vinci Code.Another answered the same question that it was something to do with "division and trading".:lol: :lol:


At 1.05 seconds in i paused the video as i had seen enough.


It was very funny but at the same time its disturbing and depressing and tragic that apparently educated people can be so utterly ignorant and the peculiar thing is its all a big joke to them all as they seem to find it all very amusing and the reason they are so happy is because they are ignorant and dumbed down and in some ways i envy them as i wish i was as stupid and ignorant and unwordly as they are.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 30 June, 2011, 10:28:45 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNZosqiJISs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNZosqiJISs)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 30 June, 2011, 11:24:20 PM
I've never forgiven her for betraying Chira.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 01 July, 2011, 09:14:49 AM
"Is this a smart phone?"    :|


I don't ****ing know! I don't know what a smart phone even is! It's not my department. If you want a smart phone, buy a sodding smart phone. Don't just pick up one product and wish it had the properties of a different product, because wishful thinking isn't going to transfer the properties of one product onto a different one.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 July, 2011, 09:21:16 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 01 July, 2011, 09:14:49 AM
I don't know what a smart phone even is! It's not my department.

Bleedin' jobsworths.  Time to get you on to a commission-only basis, young man.


ALTERNATIVE RESPONSE:

"Why yes Sir, I think it looks very smart indeed.  Positively formal, if Sir doesn't resent me making the observation".  (Tugs forelock and backs away)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 01 July, 2011, 09:28:05 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 01 July, 2011, 09:21:16 AM
(Tugs forelock and backs away pivots on one heel, turning smartly away from customer, walks to the back of the counter and busies self with pile of paperwork in the corner or security tagging expensive merchandise)

Fixed that for you!

Incidentally, 'jobsworth'? moi? I'll have you know... etc.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 01 July, 2011, 10:20:04 PM
I have no idea what a smart phone is but presumably if your phone isnt a smart phone its a stupid or not so smart phone.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 05 July, 2011, 08:59:20 PM
I know this thread is called Stupid things people have actually said to you but I said something prety bone headed yesterday. I was talking to a friend about about car alarms (why I managed to get on to that subject is beyound me) any way I was saying how I did not think any one on oure streat had a car alarm and what I ment to say was "I dont think any one here has alarms on there cars but what I atachilky said was "I dont think any one here has cars on there alarms"  :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 05 July, 2011, 09:31:36 PM
I do that kind of time all the stuff
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 06 July, 2011, 08:41:45 PM
Shit foir brains skateboarder managed to direct their skateboard under the front wheel of my bike on the seafront cycle path on the way home this evening.I used some F words etc and shit for brains skateboarder said " Dude ! there is no need for that kind of language !".There is every need for that kind of fucking language and again the shit for brains grinning cretin said the exact same thing and then said "this is a skateboard path as welll as a cycle path !"

I had to say no more and leave before something happened  >:( >:(

As if cyclists going from A to B want some juvenile shit for brains skateboarder getting themselves and their skateboard under their wheels.Absolutely absurdly stupid.Its not a skateboard path and it never has been.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 06 July, 2011, 10:07:54 PM
Always carry a shiv.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 06 July, 2011, 10:12:52 PM
Quote from: JOE SOAP on 06 July, 2011, 10:07:54 PM
Always carry a shiv.

But for Grud's sake get her a more durable uniform.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 06 July, 2011, 10:20:16 PM
and for Grud's-sake bring cigarettes otherwise you may get arse-marauded by Steo in C-Wing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 10 July, 2011, 02:06:31 AM
Quote from: King Trout on 10 July, 2011, 12:57:13 AM
Quote from: Peter Wolf on 07 July, 2011, 09:55:37 PM
Quote from: Goaty on 07 July, 2011, 05:00:59 PM
News of the World!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Its good to have some good news for once.One down - more to go............

Think of all those trees that will be saved.

Sensitive.

It's none too bright an attitude for right-wing extremists like you, though, Peter. Usually, national newspapers are the only forum where anyone takes you seriously.

- Trout

Since you wont retract your petty minded and vindictive and incorrect statement that you chose to leave in an obitury thread i will correct it and point out that its complete crap.My comment is no different to many other comments regarding the NOW and Murdoch yet you chose to single me out and not only that but you chose to slander.

Is my comment any less sensitive than all of the others ?

Why is my comment "None too bright" then Fishface ?

BTW i do realise that "Right -wing extremist" is a typical and well used term of abuse from those such as yourself of your mentality and political outlook.Anyone that opposes your own worldview is a "right wing extremist".

National newspapers are one of the forums that i dont take seriously or not Murdoch rags that i am glad to see the back of and if thats insensitive then you can stuff it.

Try not to wet the bed.



Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 10 July, 2011, 02:39:47 PM
"Since you wont retract your petty minded and vindictive and incorrect statement"

You didn't ask me to, Einstein.

"you chose to single me out"

You tend to do that yourself with your conduct. You come across as wound a little too tight.

"you chose to slander"

It's not slander. It's my opinion, which I am entitled to express. The law of defamation allows me to. I would also suggest that we have plenty of evidence on this website that you are indeed a right-wing extremist. Therefore it is true and cannot be slander.
By the way, you mean "libel". Slander is verbal defamation. Libel is published material.

"Why is my comment "None too bright" then Fishface ?"

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow.

"your mentality and political outlook"

You know nothing about me. I don't get involved in your political rantings on this board. I tend to talk about comics, not politics. It's a comics board, even though you ignore that and shout your nonsense as loudly as you can, while you seek attention.

Anyone that opposes your own worldview is a "right wing extremist".

No, people who oppose my worldview are people who are different from me. I respect their opinions.
A right-wing extremist is someone who rants about empires and emperors and pulls craziness out of the air whenever he feels like it. That would be you, then. You strange man.

National newspapers are one of the forums that i dont take seriously.

Ah, get blacklisted, did you? You probably shouldn't have used green ink.

Try not to wet the bed.

Now you're hurting my feelings.  :D


I remember when this site was about comics. Why do we allow people like Peter Wolf to fill it with shit? Does he even read 2000AD?

- Trout
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Peter Wolf on 10 July, 2011, 03:49:35 PM
Quote from: King Trout on 10 July, 2011, 02:39:47 PM
"Since you wont retract your petty minded and vindictive and incorrect statement"

You didn't ask me to, Einstein.

"you chose to single me out"

You tend to do that yourself with your conduct. You come across as wound a little too tight.

"you chose to slander"

It's not slander. It's my opinion, which I am entitled to express. The law of defamation allows me to. I would also suggest that we have plenty of evidence on this website that you are indeed a right-wing extremist. Therefore it is true and cannot be slander.
By the way, you mean "libel". Slander is verbal defamation. Libel is published material.

"Why is my comment "None too bright" then Fishface ?"

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow.

"your mentality and political outlook"

You know nothing about me. I don't get involved in your political rantings on this board. I tend to talk about comics, not politics. It's a comics board, even though you ignore that and shout your nonsense as loudly as you can, while you seek attention.

Anyone that opposes your own worldview is a "right wing extremist".

No, people who oppose my worldview are people who are different from me. I respect their opinions.
A right-wing extremist is someone who rants about empires and emperors and pulls craziness out of the air whenever he feels like it. That would be you, then. You strange man.

National newspapers are one of the forums that i dont take seriously.

Ah, get blacklisted, did you? You probably shouldn't have used green ink.

Try not to wet the bed.

Now you're hurting my feelings.  :D


I remember when this site was about comics. Why do we allow people like Peter Wolf to fill it with shit? Does he even read 2000AD?

- Trout

I didnt expect you to retract the comment even if i did ask you.

As for being a "right wing extremist" you had better to cite some of the evidence that you talk about to back up your opinion.As far as i understand it "right wing extremism" consists of Racism and Nationalism and anti - immigration etc and unfortunately for you i dont fit that description and further to that there is no evidence to support your "opinion" anywhere either here or elsewhere online.Thats a very harsh opinion to have of someone to throw around on a public forum without any evidence to back it up especially if others who read that comment jump to conclusions after reading it.

If you say its an "opinion" then you dont sound like you are absolutely certain which makes it libellous so you really ought to know better as you are on thin ice.You have a right to slander but you also have a right to face the consequences of slandering and i am going to get advice on this and i am prepared to act on that advice.

If you want to continue to slander and libel then feel free but i can and will warn you not to after talking to a lawyer about it so its your choice.........

This is both slander and libel as its verbal defamation that you have published.

"you know nothing about me"

You know nothing about me other than what i type and what i want you to know so it seems that i cant comment about yourself but you can comment about myself with comments that are based on your own personal prejudices.

"while you seek attention"

Whats the point in typing a comment if its not to seek attention ?

"No people who oppose my worldview are people who are different to me.I respect their opinions"

Thats interesting because i am being treated with complete and utter disrespect by you at present and its not the first time either so that makes you a complete hypocrite.You dont seem to understand what the definition of a right wing extremist is either judging by the utter tripe that you just posted to explain your thinking.Followed by another comment that proves that i am being prejudiced against by yourself.

"aah get blacklisted did you etc"

Not possible since i have never registered myself as a member of any newspaper comments section but again you think you know better.I often read the comments left by others.Nor have i ever written to a newspaper or signed up to any newspaper forum.

"sensitive".  Thats ironic since you chose to post a libellous/slanderous comment in an RIP thread right after someone else posted a comment to mark the passingt of their girlfriends mother which in my mind is totally insensitive and disrespectful and whats more you posted that comment with a view to getting a reaction that you knew you would get which is why i directed you here instead rather than there.

"I remember when this site was about comics. Why do we allow people like Peter Wolf to fill it with shit? Does he even read 2000AD?"

Last time you tried this shit you and i were banned temporarily* and i was only banned as well to make it fair as it was more about your back seat moderation that was the problem.Its not up to you what is allowed here and if there is a problem with my presence here then its up to the admin and owners of the website to point it out and so far they havent.So in the meantime start your own fucking forum if you want to decide what is and isnt allowed.

*I even got an email from one of the admin afterwards that was supportive btw.

This website still is about comics etc and i already have admitted that despite my interest in comics which is limited i talk about politics too much but in places where you can easily avoid my comments if you choose to.

Finally reading between the lines i know exactly what is going onbetween yourselves and what prompted this reaction from yourself and if you or anyone else wants to continue this in person instead of being on the end of an internet connection then you will have to wait until next March then we will see what you are made of and how far you want to push your luck.

If you have any commonsense then you will not continue with anymore of this BS.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 10 July, 2011, 03:51:47 PM
Yawn.

Do you read 2000AD?

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 10 July, 2011, 05:17:24 PM
Can we move this back to the "truth" thread? - that's a nice quarantined area where people can rant, if that's their thang,  without bothering the rest of us.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 10 July, 2011, 05:21:46 PM
Starks against Tullys?  Who would have thought it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 10 July, 2011, 05:47:18 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 10 July, 2011, 05:17:24 PM
Can we move this back to the "truth" thread? - that's a nice quarantined area where people can rant, if that's their thang,  without bothering the rest of us.

I agree. That's why I started the Truth? thread in the first place and now I'm feeling guilty for having it spill over into the most inappropriate of threads. I apologise for that. I may not have thrown the grenade, but I certainly provided it.

Anyway, a stupid thing I once said to a carpet shop owner that got me thrown out of her shop:

Me: "I need a piece of carpet 11 feet by 5 feet."

Owner: "What's it for?"

Me: "Walking on."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 10 July, 2011, 05:51:36 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 10 July, 2011, 05:17:24 PM
Can we move this back to the "truth" thread? - that's a nice quarantined area where people can rant, if that's their thang,  without bothering the rest of us.

Yes this seems to have spilled over from a couple of threads.

However, even in another thread, I'd suggest people take this kind of thing to PM or just add the person to ignore. It appears to be getting into the realm of issuing physical threats and that is a pretty quick way to getting banned (and if there has been any goading the ban hammer may strike more widely).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 10 July, 2011, 06:23:33 PM
Hi, Emperor. I've never read the "truth" thread but will post any further comments there.

Thus far, my participation in any threads (a total of two) has been limited to replies to Peter's earlier posts.

As a long-standing member of this board, and a responsible individual, I'm happy to comply with the code of conduct and any instructions from the mods. However, I will continue to post opinions.

Many thanks

- Trout
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 10 July, 2011, 08:36:06 PM
Peter, stop reading between the lines. You're crap at it. I'm pretty certain there is no secret conspiracy against you involving members of this forum.   

Trout, your response to what Peter actually said at the time seemed unwarranted and very much like an attempt to provoke a reaction in the middle of a thread which Peter had enough sense to realise was an inappropriate place to have an argument. Even if this was not your intention, it was pretty soddin' obvious that an argument was a possibility. You did not come across as the responsible individual you claim to be,

Now will somebody please start a conversation about biscuits or something.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 10 July, 2011, 08:46:09 PM
I have never heard anyone say a stupid thing about cheese yet. Have any of you?





V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 10 July, 2011, 08:50:59 PM
There hasn't been a regicide in this parallel for over 300 years.  Could MIK be a Firefrost operative?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 10 July, 2011, 09:47:48 PM
He's a disruptor.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 11 July, 2011, 12:11:02 AM
I'm just being objective and neutral like Norris McWhirter or Godzilla.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 11 July, 2011, 12:40:26 AM
I always saw you more as...


(http://images.wikia.com/godzilla/images/d/dc/Godzooky.jpg)


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 11 July, 2011, 02:17:15 AM
I have more fingers than Godzuki and a smaller tail.

Other than that, yeah, fair enough.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 11 July, 2011, 07:47:24 AM
I will never understand what possessed anyone to add Godzooki to that cartoon (unless it was a bid for immortality, even if of the forever in infamy kind) - a magnificent theme song ruined for a start. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrQjr6KAJvU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrQjr6KAJvU)

Why oh ye Gods, why?

OTHOH MIK's Richard O' Sullivan Dick Turpin had a credits sequence that was infinitely better than the show.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 11 July, 2011, 04:22:43 PM
Quoteyou will have to wait until next March then we will see what you are made of and how far you want to push your luck.

mmmm- see, I don't like this for many reasons.
Threats of violence and attempts at online bullying make me rather mad.
And if someone is threatening to 'see what someone is made of' next March, whcih could only be at Hi-Ex, then I am fucking furious.

Peter- I am incandescent with rage over this. I hate to say it, but you are not welcome at our event.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 11 July, 2011, 04:49:02 PM
'if you or anyone else wants to continue this in person instead of being on the end of an internet connection then you will have to wait until next March then we will see what you are made of and how far you want to push your luck'

Well that won't sour the sweet Inverness air will it? I just hope your Dad's bigger than his Dad
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Minkyboy on 11 July, 2011, 05:12:52 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 11 July, 2011, 04:49:02 PM
Well that won't sour the sweet Inverness air will it? I just hope your Dad's bigger than his Dad

My dad is morbidly obese and puffs and pants getting off the sofa.
Does that count for anything?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Old Tankie on 11 July, 2011, 05:30:15 PM
Many years ago, at the last minute, my lad asked me to take him to a job interview.  It was bloody inconvenient but, as all you mums and dads on here will know, you'll do anything for the nippers.  So, a mad dash from Peterborough over to Leicester to pick him up ensued.  He comes flying out of his student digs, jumps in the car, and off we go.  About a mile down the road, I say, "What's the exact address, then?"  He pulls a tatty scrap of paper out of his pocket, looks at it, and says, "P.O. Box 36." 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 11 July, 2011, 06:33:22 PM
Helping drag this back on topic...

Quote from: vzzbux on 10 July, 2011, 08:46:09 PM
I have never heard anyone say a stupid thing about cheese yet. Have any of you?

I knew someone who had a Dutch parent or grandparent and insisted on pronouncing everything "properly" - the type that'd tell you it isn't Vincent Van Goch, but Van Hhhoooochhh (pronounced as if you were clearing your throat ready to lob a phlegmy one at someone). He once expressed disappointed in a failed cheese shopping trip when an assistant at the cheese shop looked at him mystified when he tried to ask for some Hhhoyda. I assume he'd have had more success compromising slightly and asking for Gouda, and I'd imagine he'd have stood a good chance of getting all fromaged up if he'd asked for "that Dutch cheese that isn't Edam."

I'd also imagine if I'd have been there when someone suggested rolling a large cheese down a hill and chasing it, then I'd have declared the entire venture stupid and I'd have been vindicated in that thanks to all the cheese-chasing accidents. Being stupid doesn't mean it isn't funny laughing at people seriously injuring themselves in the pursuit of cheese, but it is still stupid.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 11 July, 2011, 06:57:23 PM
Classic Dutch cheese:
(http://www.businessweek.com/careers/workingparents/blog/archives/dutch%20children.jpg)

I drove a party to Gouda when I was a coach driver. It took me ages to find the cheese factory and then when we got there discovered that the factory was closed for three months. We were not told this until what transpired to be the factory janitor took us all inside to gaze at rack upon rack of empty cheese shelves.

"No cheese," he said, "factory cheese shop also closed. You go home now?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 12 July, 2011, 11:07:41 AM
The 2000AD Forum is clearly the best for Dutch Cheese related anecdotes! *hearts*
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 12 July, 2011, 11:22:20 AM
Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 11 July, 2011, 06:57:23 PM
Classic Dutch cheese:
(http://www.businessweek.com/careers/workingparents/blog/archives/dutch%20children.jpg)

I drove a party to Gouda when I was a coach driver. It took me ages to find the cheese factory and then when we got there discovered that the factory was closed for three months. We were not told this until what transpired to be the factory janitor took us all inside to gaze at rack upon rack of empty cheese shelves.

"No cheese," he said, "factory cheese shop also closed. You go home now?"

That's one of the saddest things I have ever read- it's like a League of Gentlemen sketch!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 12 July, 2011, 12:20:19 PM
That's not the worst of it. That very evening one of my passengers suffered a stroke (it was a coach-load of pensioners) but his wife didn't tell anyone until the morning because she thought he'd have "slept it off." I went with the man and his wife to the Dutch hospital in an ambulance that sounded like an ice cream van and sat in a boring waiting room full of Dutch magazines for about five hours until a huge male nurse entered and said, "we've stabilized your father for now." When I explained that he was my passenger, not my father, he all but threw me out of the waiting room which was for family only.

The man and his wife were later flown home on an air ambulance but unfortunately he died on the way. I had to hitch-hike back to the hotel to face a bunch of angry pensioners demanding to know where I'd been and why they'd missed their day out to Delft. (The elderly man I'd hastily explained the situation to as I was leaving on the ambulance apparently completely forgot about talking to me that morning.)

Coach driving - it's an adventure!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 12 July, 2011, 12:26:33 PM
Brilliant!

Well, tragic (sad face)... but brilliant!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 12 July, 2011, 02:02:54 PM
No cheese for old sharks. Beats No Country for Old Men by a wide margin.

I'm sure the words "No cheese. You go home now" ring in his ears to this very day, partly because it is also what that woman in the offie said that time, but that is another story...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 12 July, 2011, 08:11:28 PM
We have a Polish national working with us and one of the new trainee's said
"That Marius, He speaks fluent Polish, You should hear him with some of the Polish customers".
I doubt he will live that down for a while.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 13 July, 2011, 10:56:47 AM
My mate had a friend from Oregon staying with his family last week and they took her out for a day out. They live in the West country and were passing the river Severn.

"You can see Wales over there!" my friend said.
"Oh we have loads of those back home," she said.
:)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 14 July, 2011, 01:32:12 PM
At my girlfriends' place of work the staff were asked to fill in a report.

In the section ''Name a factor that is hindering your work'' one guy wrote ''The Polish''
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 14 July, 2011, 01:45:42 PM
was he the floor cleaner  or just racist?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Steve Green on 14 July, 2011, 01:52:24 PM
Don't try to sleep off a stroke. Noted.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 14 July, 2011, 02:48:07 PM
 "No cheese. You go home now"

(http://www.lazygamer.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/4435a4e63f8b_C243/wallace_gromit_cheese.jpg)


You should write to Nick Park he'd make a complete film out of that!

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 14 July, 2011, 04:58:19 PM
A complete tool over on another message board posted a couple of days back - at the end of a disgusting personal attack on another regular user - 'I I don't know why I bother posting this. The fascist mods here will only delete it!'

Which kinda made me think, 'Yeah, Why DID you bother posting that vile trash, you blithering little asswipe?'

Of course, I had the good manners not to post that.

Apart from... just there. Ahem.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 14 July, 2011, 05:15:28 PM
Those Fascist Mods are nasty pieces of work, always clashing with the Communist Rockers on Brighton Reich.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 15 July, 2011, 09:12:10 PM
Okay - who's up for watching Quadrophenia now?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 15 July, 2011, 09:46:03 PM
Quote from: HdE on 15 July, 2011, 09:12:10 PM
Okay - who's up for watching Quadrophenia now?
Oh yeh just to see Leslie Ash get hammered up a back alley.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Something Fishy on 15 July, 2011, 11:12:24 PM
Quote from: vzzbux on 15 July, 2011, 09:46:03 PM
Quote from: HdE on 15 July, 2011, 09:12:10 PM
Okay - who's up for watching Quadrophenia now?
Oh yeh just to see Leslie Ash get hammered up a back alley.




V
:lol:  Best part of the film.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Legendary Shark on 16 July, 2011, 12:13:33 AM
The web just said said something stupid to me on Facebook:

(http://i.imgur.com/97Vle.jpg)

Expert clinicians they may be, but expert anatomists they sure ain't.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 27 July, 2011, 09:08:45 AM
There's an ongoing problem with theft at the place I go sailing from, so the other evening no-one was surprised to hear a 30-something woman exclaim that her bag was missing.  A small group formed around her offering the usual assistances and consolations.

"Was there much in it?"
"My cards, my purse, my glasses, everything".
"That's awful.  Where had you left it?"
"Right there", she said, pointing at spot by the wall in the public-accessible corridor, rather than the key-coded changing rooms.
"In the corridor?"
"Yes, I put it there when I went out sailing this morning".
"You left your bag in the public corridor for the whole day?  Why did you do that?".
"Well the sign said:  'Don't leave anything valuable in the changing rooms'". 

The group quickly dispersed.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 27 July, 2011, 09:25:49 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 27 July, 2011, 09:08:45 AM
There's an ongoing problem with theft at the place I go sailing from, so the other evening no-one was surprised to hear a 30-something woman exclaim that her bag was missing.  A small group formed around her offering the usual assistances and consolations.

"Was there much in it?"
"My cards, my purse, my glasses, everything".
"That's awful.  Where had you left it?"
"Right there", she said, pointing at spot by the wall in the public-accessible corridor, rather than the key-coded changing rooms.
"In the corridor?"
"Yes, I put it there when I went out sailing this morning".
"You left your bag in the public corridor for the whole day?  Why did you do that?".
"Well the sign said:  'Don't leave anything valuable in the changing rooms'". 

The group quickly dispersed.

Man, I wished I lived in a Douglas Adams book too!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 27 July, 2011, 10:15:39 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 27 July, 2011, 09:25:49 AM
Man, I wished I lived in a Douglas Adams book too!

The scary thing is that that's as close to verbatim as I could make it.  As soon as she delivered her unintentional punchline, the collective mood instantly switched from helpful concern to a sudden desire to be elsewhere - a simultaneous turning on heels, with only a slight pause for open-mouthed gawping. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: mogzilla on 27 July, 2011, 02:30:41 PM
i nearly weed a bit when i read it :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mike Carroll on 26 August, 2011, 12:21:23 PM
Here's one I discovered yesterday while browsing the reviews of my books on Amazon:

QuoteI cant give a review of the book because i cant read it. The reason why is that i don't have room for any more books in my shelves. When I downloaded the first one I thought it was an amazing book and couldn't wait for the second one. Imagine my surprise and annoyance when I discovered that it isn't available for download. Which is why I ask why isn't the second one. I have listened to the preview and find the voice of the narrator to be very annoying. So ill say this. When they make it available for download ill give a proper review.

The book in question is Quantum Prophecy: The Gathering (US title of the second novel in the series). I can see why this makes sense to the reviewer, but why did he have to give it a one-star review? Does he give one-star reviews to ALL the books he hasn't read? No, just mine. :(

-- Mike
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 26 August, 2011, 12:25:23 PM
That's dickery of the highest order.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Colin Zeal on 26 August, 2011, 12:41:55 PM
Can we include ourselves in this thread as I said something rather silly the other night. Quiz in the local pub, tie-breaker for a pot of around £80. "Finish the title of the recently released film; Cowboys and ....."
ME: Indians! It's going to be a while before my team let me forget about that one.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 19 September, 2011, 05:55:38 PM
"Duffed anyone else up lately?!"

This is what I have to hear shouted out very loud to me, every single time I go to the gym by one of the instructors, ever since I told him about an incident a couple of years ago.

Oh well, guess it's better than being asked if anyone duffed me up lately (he types, tempting fate).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 21 September, 2011, 03:34:25 PM
Just saw this on Google+


One of my students yesterday gave a presentation in class and she said that the Vietnam War took place in France during the 1930's. She sincerely meant it and when I explained that it wasn't true her response was simply, "Well its a good thing I'm a photography major and not an art major."

Note: she was talking about this photo taken by Henri Cartier-Bresson.
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-FsqvZ4BvOP8/TnnTSZgjyjI/AAAAAAAABEg/e8R563lqu7Q/w402/cartier-bresson-hyeres1.jpg)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: J3D1 on 21 September, 2011, 04:21:17 PM
"Here, somebody take that knife off him before he hangs himself with it!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 21 September, 2011, 05:09:12 PM
Me - "have I got any clean T-shirts anywhere"

Wife - "Yes, the one with Lenny Hendrix on it is in your drawer"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SpetsnaZ99 on 22 September, 2011, 06:41:27 AM
The other night enjoying an excellent chinese take away with my girlfriend i remarked on how beautiful the spare ribs were and i wished i knew where they got them from...

my girlfriend remarked in absolute seriousness 'Chickens'

truth...

i despair, i really do
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 22 September, 2011, 10:43:19 PM
Because I'm REALLY on a roll with this one...

I caught somebody on Deviant Art commenting ona  piece of fan work with: 'if I don't tell this guy (as rudely as possible, naturally) that his writing stinks, he's never going to know he needs to improve, is he?'

I find that not only INCREDIBLY STUPID but also ASTOUNDINGLY OBNOXIOUS. I've never met an artist or writer yet who didn't take a great deal of interest in their own standard of craftsmanship.

The lame-brained justification these trollboys offer for their inability to practice good manners often amuses me. And makes me sad. Inside. For the human race.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 28 September, 2011, 06:05:49 PM
Sadly not said to me but brought up in conversation about stupid people......the quote goes something like this.

"i used to grow my own vegetables, spuds,carrots the lot. Never got any cabbages though they just turned into this mass of leaves on the surface."

::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 11 October, 2011, 09:48:14 PM
I got one my mum wanted to uses the toliet befor me because she thort I was going for a dump and I was not any way a argument came up about who would get to uses the toliet first and I know she ment to ask dirfent qustion but when I said I wanted to pee she said why do you need to pee..... then she relised what she had said I know she wanted to ask why shoud I go first but to ask me why I need to pee I had to arncer did you realy just arsk that isent it ovious dure
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 11 October, 2011, 10:07:49 PM
Quote from: Cyberleader2000 on 11 October, 2011, 09:48:14 PM
isent it ovious dure

Yes. It is very ovious.

Cyberleader 2000: the gift that keeps on giving. Wow.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 11 October, 2011, 10:28:51 PM
Captain Ovious.
'You Ha Ha Ha Ha'.
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5700511/captain-ovious-ep-2




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 12 October, 2011, 01:53:53 AM
"Are you going to draw Doctor Spock?" [From Star Trek]
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 14 October, 2011, 11:07:19 PM
OK I kid you not on this I have just got a message on youtube from some one called TheHi4896 and this was his message
QuoteHi Cyber Leader i was just wondering if you could give me the optimus prime cybertron toy of yours if could or could not please message me back!

now to put it into context how amazed I was to be asked this heres A quick look at how much they go for on ebay boxed mine is unboxed but in mint condichion and still has the box it would problay go for roufley £30 to £50 less thans this http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Transformers-Galaxy-Force-Cybertron-Optimus-Prime-/310337910612?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item484194b754
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Devons Daddy on 17 October, 2011, 05:05:04 AM
Wedding show geusts,considering hosting their wedding at the club,.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THE TRAFFIC ON THE ROADS THAT DAY?
I dont want to be delayed.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 24 October, 2011, 04:04:05 PM
At the risk of sounding like a Readers' Digest letters page:

One of my colleagues was teaching a class on computer program design.  One of the lads was not paying attention so he asked him, "Do you know what pseudo-code is?"  His geniune answer was "Is it that thing in the back of the newspaper with the numbers?"

Another time the same colleague asked a group to name a computer-based device used by banks.  One girl suggested "cashpoint".  The tutor then said, "Yes, but I'm thinking of the name Americans use for them."  A lad put his hand up: "Is it [strong Texan accent] caaashpoint?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Teivion on 24 October, 2011, 05:39:51 PM
Following on from the student goofs, the best one I ever had was while I worked at one of Londons Premier International Art Schools (Its just moved to Kings X, if you want to guess.).....teaching BA students product design model making.
Its not so much a 'said' but 'did', and it still makes me laugh, about three years on.


One of the International students came up to me one day, and asked to have something to smooth off the edge of a plastic square she had just cut out.
I handed her a suitable file, and off she went on her merry way.
I walked past her about 5 minutes later.






She had clamped the square into a vice ( good) but was happily beating the edge of the plastic square with the file, like a hammer.

'It doesnt work very well'  she said.
::)

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 26 October, 2011, 05:29:49 PM
 :D

reminds me of this

http://www.sitepoint.com/forums/showthread.php?158731-Irish-jokes-here...&s=9b78dfc91d5e0ba1ebfb4723183bd64e&p=1148773&viewfull=1#post1148773
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 27 October, 2011, 05:59:22 PM
Not said to me but something I overheard yesterday-

Mark just asked me if I speak Urdu, so I told him no. He then asked me what Indian languages I do speak and I told him none, he asked me how come so I told him it's because I'm from fucking Portugal.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 31 October, 2011, 11:28:00 PM
This wasn't actually said to me, but I overheard a schoolgirl say this to her mates at the bus-stop.

Talking about Sponge-Bob:

"All the others are fish except him. It's like someone just dropped a sponge in the sea..."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Noisybast on 01 November, 2011, 11:30:43 AM
I managed to involve myself in the best idiot conversation I've had for a while on Saturday. Out in town, dressed as the Wolf Man, I spotted a girl dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. A light went on in my head and the following exchange ensued:

Me: Don't I know your Granny?
Her (panic-stricken, to a friend): What's he talking about? He says he knows me Granny! I don't even know him!
Me: No, y'see, you're Little Red Riding Hood, and I'm a Wol...
      Never mind - I thought you were somebody else.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 01 November, 2011, 11:44:56 AM
Last night, while answering the door to trick or treaters, I had a chav girl with her family ask me, quite stright faced, if she could "have some of my pumpkins". When I said no, she actually seemed quite put out!

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Noisybast on 01 November, 2011, 04:07:38 PM
I trust you pointed her in the direction of the nearest Tesco where they've got loads of the bloody things! :)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 01 November, 2011, 08:16:39 PM
I had to waste time out of my evening tonight to go and see one of my customers after he'd called to say he was unhappy with work I'd done for him.

Turns out, when I arrived, he wasn't unhappy with the WORK at all. He was unhappy that he'd had to wait for me to get to him.  And yes, fair does, I'm late getting to him. And his neighbour. A fact which they both pissed and moaned about at length.

But the thing is, you see, I'm late because my grandma has been in and out of hospital since April. We were told TWICE that we should prepare ourselves for the worst. It's been a time of unparalleled difficulty for my family. We have her back home now, and she's stable, but she needs a LOT of care. EVERYTHING else, including work, has had to take second place. Which I explained to the guy.

"Well I'm very sorry," he said "but that's not good enough. Consider the contract cancelled."

Now, not only is that stupid, but it's also deeply callous and offensive. And I told him so.

ALL of you boarders reading this: Don't be this guy. Ever. At any stage in your lives. 

I feel so angry at this guy's attitude that I want to go and fling a brick through his window.

What an asshole.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 01 November, 2011, 09:43:43 PM
HDE. Do it.
I have a black book and when customers piss me off I write their addresses in it, wait two weeks then snip their cable services. I then wait until it has been recified then snip it again. After that I am satisfied.
I get fed up with arse holes just being awkward for the sake of it.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 01 November, 2011, 10:44:50 PM
Vzzbux, if I EVER meet you in the flesh, I am gonna buy you a whole CRATE of beer!

I've actually typed up a very succinct, matter of-fact-letter which lays out quite clearly why I am so appalled at his attitude, and I'll be posting it tomorrow, direct to his door.

I don't approve of tit-for-tat reprisals against people who have done wrong, but BLOODY HELL do I understand what brings out the urge! There is simply NO NEED for people to act like 24 Karat plated dicks in the way they do.

I fear for society sometimes, when I see how easily and how gleefully certain arseholes act towards people they have in theri own minds tried, convicted and condemned.

Sod this shit. I'm gonna concentrate on my comics now! 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 05 December, 2011, 09:55:33 PM
In Eason's bookshop, The Square, Tallaght this afternoon:

Customer:  "Excuse me, I'm looking for a book".
Assistant:  "Of course, what's it called?".
Customer: "'8 Mile' - it's Eminem's autobiography"
Assistant: "Don't see it here... who's it by?"

And the punchline: 

Customer:  "I don't know".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 10 December, 2011, 12:05:12 AM
I'm not sure if this qualifies as stupid or annoying. I suspect both.

There's a massive cooker at the college that I work which is disconnected. As they want to use it for a party next week one of my colleagues called up a company that deals with such things to get it refitted. She assumed it was a gas cooker and so that was the company she called.

Turns out it isn't a gas cooker. It's electric. Now, that's not the stupid thing. It's an easy enough mistake to make if you're not technically minded. I thought it was a gas cooker myself, particularly when I saw the great big piping on the back and the style of the hubs. Just a mistake, that's all.

Anyway, the powers that be realised in due time and one of the other admin lasses called them up to cancel, then booked an electrician for today.

Today, the phone rings and, I happen to be manning* the desk. "You called for a gas cooker to be fitted today?" says the woman on the other end.
"We cancelled it." I replied.
"No you didn't or it would have appeared in our books."

More was said, but in the end, she was sarcastic and rude and put down the phone. Talk about irritating. That's the stupid bit. Just assuming that they're the one in the right because the 'books say so' and that we're messing them around. It couldn't be that the person who took our cancellation call, oh, didn't update their information? (That person was rude to the lass who called to cancel too.)

Pretty small potatoes but it bothered me a bit, particularly as I was the last person to speak with them.

*Should that be 'personning' if we want to be politically correct? 'Humanning?' There's three people in our administration team and I'm the only guy. Heh.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Eric Plumrose on 10 December, 2011, 09:21:12 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 December, 2011, 09:55:33 PMCustomer: "'8 Mile' - it's Eminem's autobiography"

Which reminds me. Why do such books often contain the subheading 'My autobiography'?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 10 December, 2011, 05:01:15 PM
Here's one for all you self employed types out there - oh, and anyone generally lacking in common sense:

Today, I was approached by one of my customers in my day job, and told 'Hey, buddy - listen: One of our friends is in a bit of finacial trouble. So we're gonna ask him to do the job each every month instead. Not sure how it'll work out, but he needs the cash. Is that okay?'

to which my reply - because this is actually the THIRD time I've heard this since the start of December, and I'm having such woes with my day job that I'm already at the end of my tether - was:

'No. It's really NOT okay. Because *I* need the cash. Newsflash: the more halfwits show up taking work away from me like this, the harder it gets for me to stay in business. Each time I lose money like this, it threatens my livelihood. It's money I don't have for food. For my rent. For my internet connection, which I need to keep my other work going. And here's the thing - your friend? I doubt he's trained to do what I do. I doubt he's capable. And because you're friends, I doubt he'll do the job on a reliable basis. That's how these thinghs work out, trust me.'

Sometimes, Joe Public really needs to get a clue.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 11 December, 2011, 01:13:09 AM
Not really stupid because it's just automated interweb doodahs, but according to some internet link I can "Get local answers for dodger stadium flag burning near Milton Keynes."


That's Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 11 December, 2011, 02:19:09 AM
Quote from: Eric Plumrose on 10 December, 2011, 09:21:12 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 December, 2011, 09:55:33 PMCustomer: "'8 Mile' - it's Eminem's autobiography"
Which reminds me. Why do such books often contain the subheading 'My autobiography'?

The double-irony being that the book was undoubtedly penned by a ghostwriter anyway.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 11 December, 2011, 06:56:35 PM
Quote from: A.Cow on 11 December, 2011, 02:19:09 AM
Quote from: Eric Plumrose on 10 December, 2011, 09:21:12 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 December, 2011, 09:55:33 PMCustomer: "'8 Mile' - it's Eminem's autobiography"
Which reminds me. Why do such books often contain the subheading 'My autobiography'?

The double-irony being that the book was undoubtedly penned by a ghostwriter anyway.

Because black people are all illiterate, right?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 11 December, 2011, 07:11:39 PM
Eminem's black? :/

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 13 December, 2011, 01:36:53 AM
My missus had this conversation earlier this evening with the girl on the pharmacy counter in Asda:

Wife: "Have you got any Calpol?"
Girl:   "Is it for you?"
Wife: "No, it's for my daughter. It's not made for adults."
Girl:   "What's your daughter's date of birth?"
Wife: "[xx]/[xx]/99"
Girl:   "Is that 1999?"
Wife: "Well it wouldn't be 2099, would it?"
Girl:   "Oh yeah. So she's in school at the moment?"
Wife: "Not at half-past six she isn't."
Girl:   "Right, I'll just check.  Oh ... no, we haven't got any Calpol at the moment."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Buddy on 16 December, 2011, 12:56:26 AM
Similar pharmacy story....

Me: Can I have (insert medicine thing here, can't remember exactly what it was), it's for my son.
Woman: What age is your son.
Me: 9
Woman: Oh this is for 10 and over, I don't think I can let you have it.
Me: It's his birthday tomorrow, He'll be 10 then. (it really was, I wasn't just saying that to wind her up).
Woman: Mmm I'm still not sure I can let him have it.
Me: OK, give it to me now and I won't give him any until tomorrow, when he's 10.
Woman: OK.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 18 December, 2011, 07:13:14 PM
thats simpile it was what was said on twitter last night people repeating lines from this blasted advert http://www.takaratomy.co.jp/products/gigapudding/
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Minkyboy on 28 December, 2011, 11:09:38 PM
We were back at the rural in-laws for 5 days at Christmas.

1.
So we had been there for a couple of hours kids running all over the house, our two 4 year olds and our 2 year old, when the Father in law says, "Oh do you think I should move my air-rifle , it's leant up loaded on the landing." When we kicked off about it he said "It's just a pellet."

2.
Christmas day and the younglings had got down from the table ages before the rest of us. I went upstairs for a slash and found weird blue gravel and chicken feed all over the landing and leading into the toilet. It ended at a small red bucket full of the stuff. Sinking feeling in my gut I went down to ask the mother-in-law, yes it was rat poison and the kids had been 'playing' with it unsupervised for 30 mins. So a couple of hours of phoning and waiting on NHS Direct later and we were somewhat reassured. Few days later and all is well. But the mother-in-law kept saying, "I don't understand how they got hold of it."
Well you left sparkly blue rat poison in a child's, bright red, sand castle bucket in the middle of the conservatory, that's how.

Good to be home.





Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 28 December, 2011, 11:52:26 PM
  ^ :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: StrayCatBlues on 29 December, 2011, 11:09:14 PM
I work as a vet nurse... I actually get asked for repeat prescriptions of those ''little white ones'' around three or four times a week. :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 10 January, 2012, 05:35:43 PM
The continuity guy on Quest said of Mummy Autopsy: "Next we find out if some mummies were victims of murder or human sacrifice."



I do not wish to be someone who readily breaks into accusations of moral relativism and such, but aren't murder and human sacrifice tantamount to the same thing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 10 January, 2012, 08:09:19 PM
Sometimes human sacrifice can be voluntary.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 10 January, 2012, 08:19:30 PM
Quote from: vzzbux on 10 January, 2012, 08:09:19 PM
Sometimes human sacrifice can be voluntary.

...your Honour.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 10 January, 2012, 08:24:56 PM
7/7. 9/11.
They are just a tiny fraction of the modern era alone.




V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: ICONIC_TM on 14 January, 2012, 10:53:39 PM
Watching A TV Game Show Called Point Less The Other Day, I

Heard A Girl Contestant Say, Mongolia Must Be A Big Place

Coz I Read A Book About Mongolia And It Took Six Chapters

To Get There. :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Satanist on 16 January, 2012, 01:12:49 AM
Did Friday the 13th come about because of the film?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richard on 17 January, 2012, 06:47:28 PM
Everything Ed Milliband has ever said since he learned to talk.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Gonk on 17 January, 2012, 07:09:15 PM
Hey faggot! where's the nearest McDonalds?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 18 January, 2012, 01:56:32 AM
When I was waiting at the bus stop last week after work in the cold, a car of young guys shot past, and one shouted

"BUS BANKER!*"

Kinda stupid, annoying and (I'll admit) amusing. I suspect he'd been watching The Inbetweeners.

*The word wasn't actually 'banker' but there are some swear words I won't repeat.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 January, 2012, 02:24:12 AM
Quote from: Mardroid on 18 January, 2012, 01:56:32 AM
*The word wasn't actually 'banker' but there are some swear words I won't repeat.

Worse than 'banker'?  :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 18 January, 2012, 09:48:17 AM
woman holding up a magazine:

This says two pound on it, is it free? 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 18 January, 2012, 10:52:34 AM
Where are the Rothkos, Jim? Where is the room with all the Rothkos?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 18 January, 2012, 06:53:19 PM
One of my day job customers called my cellphone number today, several months after very rudely telling me he did not need my services anymore and would be hiring a friend's son to do the work.

Today, he told me 'I cancelled you in late autumn, and told you my friend's son would be doing the job, you may recall. Unfortunately he's not very good, so I'd like you to put me back on your records.'

Note that there was no hint of apology, please or thank you.

Well, I'm not normally like this, but I told him to f**k off.

Why would I take back a customer who has so capably proven that he's going to be difficult? For the measly money I'd earn on that, I'd rather not have the stress.

Point of common sense: If you're rude to tradesmen, you blot your copybook with them. End of.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: ICONIC_TM on 18 January, 2012, 07:43:19 PM
You are an arse therefore i must kick you!    :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 18 January, 2012, 08:35:50 PM
Quote from: MARVELMAGPIE on 18 January, 2012, 07:43:19 PM
You are an arse therefore i must kick you!    :lol:

Innit! :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 18 January, 2012, 11:57:51 PM
Jim, can you do the sound on my computer.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Davek on 19 January, 2012, 10:50:43 AM
Something I said to a shop assistant when giving my girlfriends number to arrange delivery for something:

'I'll give you my girlfriend's number, she's available anytime'

:-[
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 19 January, 2012, 02:47:52 PM
not actually said to or by me, but porky bell-end lookalike Greg Wallace said "true dat" without a hint of irony when talking to ferret-faced food-botherer John Torrode on Masterchef this week.

Twat.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: ICONIC_TM on 19 January, 2012, 02:52:52 PM
porky bell-end Twat ferret-faced food-botherer!

Nice Word Use  :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spaceghost on 19 January, 2012, 05:46:12 PM
Quote from: Mardroid on 18 January, 2012, 01:56:32 AM
When I was waiting at the bus stop last week after work in the cold, a car of young guys shot past, and one shouted

"BUS BANKER!*"

Kinda stupid, annoying and (I'll admit) amusing. I suspect he'd been watching The Inbetweeners.

*The word wasn't actually 'banker' but there are some swear words I won't repeat.

It's ok to say it now, it's been on Countdown - http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/01/19/countdown-wanker-blooper-video_n_1215326.html?ref=uk
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Gonk on 19 January, 2012, 06:02:03 PM
...."You can't cheat the system...." some nameless jobsworth at the Inland Revenue told me after investigating my income tax contributions.

Well I wish someone would tell Fred "the shred" Godwin that. That guy is a total banker. Or do I mean wonker?  No, I got it now : a total  ####  is what I meant to say.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: ICONIC_TM on 19 January, 2012, 06:09:41 PM
I heard this one a few years back,

Seeing as your so full of shite, You should get a job on a help desk.  :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 16 March, 2012, 11:06:06 PM
You could start a new thread exclusively about Stupid Things Sports Pundits Have Actually Said on TV.

Mick McCarthy produced a peach during a recent cup tie. 0-0 at half time, Mick McCarthy is aske; if you were the manager, what would you be telling your team in the dressing room?

Mick McCarthy replies (in his authoritive Yorkshireman accent):

'Just keep playing Football'

This man has been allowed to manage both multimillionaire and international clubs.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 17 March, 2012, 12:50:14 AM
Quote from: pops1983 on 16 March, 2012, 11:06:06 PM
Mick McCarthy replies (in his authoritive Yorkshireman accent):

Is this person real?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Gonk on 17 March, 2012, 12:15:19 PM
We're in this together.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 17 March, 2012, 06:44:57 PM
This afternoon whilst watching the rugby:

Pundit A: What does Scotland have to do to win this game?

Thinks I: Score more points?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 17 March, 2012, 07:14:39 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 17 March, 2012, 06:44:57 PM
This afternoon whilst watching the rugby:

Pundit A: What does Scotland have to do to win this game?

Thinks I: Score more points?

Also: not be shit.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 28 March, 2012, 12:50:49 PM
I'm dressed as George Harrison in Segeant Pepper outfit (though it did also look uncannilly like Colonel Gaddafi) and someone asks: "here did you get your Doctor Pepper outfit?"

On my own stupidity:
I only just realised that the great jazz trumpeter and the all round radio broadcasting wit Humphrey Littleton were actually the same bloke. Doh.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 28 March, 2012, 12:55:44 PM
(http://images.wikia.com/dadsarmy/images/b/bb/DA-AL172348.jpg)
Stupid Boy!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Judo on 28 March, 2012, 01:15:45 PM
I was talking about that one thing a good looking perspective partner says that makes them instantly not the elusive 'One'.

Me - when asked a guy what his favourite film ever was he said Saw V. Like SRSLY its not even the best *saw* never mind the best film. Also when asked what he does when not exercising he said 'whatver'. Whatever isn't a hobby.

A couple friends noted there's as 'belfasts in scotland' and 'protestanism came before catholosism'. Dont dick stupid or whatever corresponding phrase you wish to use x
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SpetsnaZ99 on 28 March, 2012, 01:37:22 PM
have you been on the voddy and smokes again, cos i didn't understand any of that. ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Judo on 28 March, 2012, 01:52:24 PM
what's not to understand? Saw 5 is a shit film, belfast is not in scotland and protestants being 'protesting catholics' certainly did not come before catholocism.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 28 March, 2012, 01:54:55 PM
Quote from: Judo on 28 March, 2012, 01:15:45 PM
I was talking about that one thing a good looking perspective partner says that makes them instantly not the elusive 'One'.

Me - when asked a guy what his favourite film ever was he said Saw V. Like SRSLY its not even the best *saw* never mind the best film. Also when asked what he does when not exercising he said 'whatver'. Whatever isn't a hobby.

A couple friends noted there's as 'belfasts in scotland' and 'protestanism came before catholosism'. Dont dick stupid or whatever corresponding phrase you wish to use x


I once dumped a girl because she'd never heard of the Middle East.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 28 March, 2012, 01:57:23 PM
Quote from: Judo on 28 March, 2012, 01:15:45 PM
A couple friends noted there's as 'belfasts in scotland' and 'protestanism came before catholosism'. Dont dick stupid or whatever corresponding phrase you wish to use x

Actually the main beliefs of protestantism* probably do pre-date Catholicism... but you're not wrong. They weren't called protestants back then.

*Salvation through grace, rather than works, and 'The Just Shall Live by Faith'. All actually written in the Bible hundreds of years before the Catholic Church appeared. Not that Catholics don't believe in those ideas too, but they put a lot more emphasis on salvation through works, absolution, etc.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 28 March, 2012, 02:21:06 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 28 March, 2012, 01:54:55 PM
I once dumped a girl because she'd never heard of the Middle East.

Funny - I once dumped a girl after she asked me 'would it be okay with you if I went on a date with somebody else?'

Surely THAT'S got to be a candidate for one of the stupidest things anyone can say to another person?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SpetsnaZ99 on 28 March, 2012, 02:32:49 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 28 March, 2012, 01:54:55 PM
I once dumped a girl because she'd never heard of the Middle East.

I once dumped a girl when she tried the classic "Its not you its me" line...
I then said 'yeah i know, it is you' and walked off
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: GordyM on 28 March, 2012, 02:50:26 PM
My sister: "Satsuma? Is that those fat Japanese guys that fight each other?"

I think I'm adopted.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 28 March, 2012, 06:36:18 PM
Quote from: Tiplodocus on 28 March, 2012, 12:50:49 PM
I only just realised that the great jazz trumpeter and the all round radio broadcasting wit Humphrey Littleton were actually the same bloke. Doh.

That made my day, that did!   :lol:

Some great ones in this thread today!  'Satsuma' alone was worth logging on for...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 28 March, 2012, 07:29:48 PM
Quote from: SpetsnaZ99 on 28 March, 2012, 02:32:49 PM

I once dumped a girl when she tried the classic "Its not you its me" line...
I then said 'yeah i know, it is you' and walked off

I like your style!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 28 March, 2012, 07:32:06 PM
My friends and I were discussing the news/politics and one of my mate's girlfriends asked "Who are Kofi and Anne?" presumably impressed that two people were jointly running the UN at the time.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 28 March, 2012, 08:43:03 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 28 March, 2012, 07:32:06 PM
My friends and I were discussing the news/politics and one of my mate's girlfriends asked "Who are Kofi and Anne?" presumably impressed that two people were jointly running the UN at the time.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 28 March, 2012, 08:45:08 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 28 March, 2012, 07:32:06 PM
My friends and I were discussing the news/politics and one of my mate's girlfriends asked "Who are Kofi and Anne?" presumably impressed that two people were jointly running the UN at the time.

This thread may now be closed. Ne plus ultra.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 28 March, 2012, 10:17:52 PM
It's been over a decade but just saying "Who are Kofi and Anne?" still gets a laugh amongst my mates.



Another stupid thing I was reminded of in chat tonight - quite a few people say they won't watch films with subtitles and perhaps they are slow readers and don't want to admit it, but I knew someone who said that they'd never watch a black and white film, which seems perverse.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: GordyM on 29 March, 2012, 12:55:09 PM
I was at a gig at the Cathouse in Glasgow. There's a lassie at the bar showing off her new Nirvana t-shirt to her friend. It has Kurt Cobain's face on it with "1967 - 1994" and she's talking about how he's a great loss who'll never be replaced. Then she asks her friend, "When are they touring again?" Dear Lord...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Judo on 29 March, 2012, 04:20:03 PM
that does sound like catty x
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: GordyM on 30 March, 2012, 02:04:20 PM
Aye. Never boring. :D

This is my friend Gary's finest moment:

Swedish girl in a pub: "Hi, I'm Heidi."

Gary: "Hi, I'm Seek-y."

Her face soured up when we all fell about dying with laughter. Poor lassie quickly walked away.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 02 April, 2012, 12:03:49 PM
Few years ago were in a car chatting about going to clubs and someone mentioned they went to the Fridge in Brixton.

One person in the car: "What, what... you actually went IN the fridge!?"

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 02 April, 2012, 10:44:40 PM
A friend of mine and his wife were being shown around a house by an estate agent, my friend had to ask his wife what a vendor was after he heard the estate agent using the phrase. His wife told him that it meant the seller.

At the end of being shown around my friend asked if he could see the cellar, the agent told him the house didn't have one so he asked hew why she had said there were ven doors, thinking that they were the doors you have over the entrance to a cellar.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Onlyverysmall on 02 April, 2012, 11:10:08 PM
My mate thought 'Dawn of the Dead' was a sister film to 'Shaun of the Dead' about a girl called Dawn.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 02 April, 2012, 11:17:28 PM
Quote from: Emperor on 28 March, 2012, 10:17:52 PMI knew someone who said that they'd never watch a black and white film, which seems perverse.

I used to work with a bloke who said the same thing.  He also thought - because one day I made the mistake of trying to explain what the Cold War was and at some point mentioned that the Americans tried to make a space laser to shoot down missiles and they called it the Star Wars programme - that the first three Star Wars movies were partly based upon historical events "but set in the present, like Romeo and Juliet", while the prequels were entirely fictional and this was why one of our co-workers hated them so much.
To be fair, he was a young lad and I don't think he was stupid as much as he just didn't care.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 02 April, 2012, 11:25:01 PM
Had he ever seen Star Wars?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 02 April, 2012, 11:38:24 PM
Quote from: JOE SOAP on 02 April, 2012, 11:25:01 PM
Had he ever seen Star Wars?

That's the one with Ronald Reagan in, right?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 03 April, 2012, 01:21:16 AM
Quote from: JOE SOAP on 02 April, 2012, 11:25:01 PM
Had he ever seen Star Wars?

Yes.  In retrospect I should have been slightly more proud of making him believe this than making him believe that the Trotters' van from Only Fools was a recycled Thunderbird 4.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 03 April, 2012, 02:09:44 AM
Your mom is a recycled Thunderbird 4.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 03 April, 2012, 02:24:27 AM
That's what your mom said.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 12 April, 2012, 06:33:30 PM
"The girl at reception said that parking was free. Does that mean I don't have to pay for it?"

(http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/554/facepalm.jpg)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 03 May, 2012, 11:12:25 AM
Please find below the latest gems from my government-mandated 'Becoming A More Compliant Drone' unemployment course.  There's a whole book to be written on absurdities from this Tuesday's classes alone, but I'll restrict myself to just two.  Please do not take this thread as a moan: I found it genuinely amusing, and genuinely stupid.

Audience: a room of 20 people who have been unemployed for 6 months or more, have a 3rd level qualification and some management experience, most with young families, rough age range late 30's to late 50's. 

Speaker: a qualified accountant and financial 'life coach', sub-contracted by the state training agency. 

Session title: 'Personal financial planning for unemployment and reduced income'.

Actual advice given No. 1 [stupid thing the person actually said]:  "One great tip for making ends meet when things are tight: when Marks & Spencer have one of their €12 2-person meal-deals, buy 10 of them at one time and freeze them: that way you get 10 free bottles of wine!!!" 

Comment 1: So that's my worries over, then.  The solution to having no money is to bulk-buy luxury desserts in M&S to get at the 'free' gargle.  The government sent a man to tell me so.

The idea, the very concept, that I might ever have €120 in my hands to spend on food at one time, never mind that my kids might thrive on a diet of Stilton Tartlets and Luxury Port Mousse...

Actual advice given No. 2 [stupid thing the person actually said]:  "You only have one life to live, so you have to take a holiday, even if it means lowering your sights [Fair enough observation].  Cut right back, but do it:  even if it's just 3 weeks in a tent in France".

Comment 2: Three weeks in a tent in France.  That was (I kid you not) my honeymoon, and it was bloody fantastic. Right now it literally would be my wildest, fondest dream.  But sure I'll my lower my sights to that, then.

Questioned on how to pay for this, the advice was to 'put away €100 a month'.  i.e. €1,200 all-in. Entirely coincidentally I optimistically costed this very holiday earlier this year, albeit for 2 weeks.  The absolute cheapest i could make it work for a family of 4 was €2,500. Funnily enough we aren't going.

Oh, and as a final hurdle, as a Jobseeker you presently aren't permitted to take 3 weeks consecutive holidays without permanently losing your benefit.   
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: O Lucky Stevie! on 03 May, 2012, 11:15:04 AM
Because Stevie brings his own lunch.

Manager: "Do you eat the same sandwich every day?"

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 03 May, 2012, 12:30:13 PM
Holy COW, Tordelback - that is some first class stupidity in that last post!

It's the sort of 'divorced from reality' reasoning that makes me cry with laughter. I used to hear BS like at the student parties I went to all the time.

Personal favourites of mine from those dismal days are:

'No, no - you're wrong. The problem in Ethiopia was never that there wasn't enough food. It was EDUCATION. There was plenty of food. It's just that nobody knew how to COOK it.'

and:

'If your business is struggling and you don't have money coming in, why don't you just pay yourself a salary?'

The last one came from a trained and qualified accountant. She was also of the 'very pretty, but proportionally dumb' variety.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 03 May, 2012, 12:32:07 PM
Quote from: O Lucky Stevie! on 03 May, 2012, 11:15:04 AM
Because Stevie brings his own lunch.

Manager: "Do you eat the same sandwich every day?"



Maybe he thinks your digestive tract works like the Mouse Mill:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyNs27kxolM
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: johnnystress on 03 May, 2012, 12:37:02 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 03 May, 2012, 11:12:25 AM
Please find below the latest gems from my government-mandated 'Becoming A More Compliant Drone' unemployment course.  There's a whole book to be written on absurdities from this Tuesday's classes alone, but I'll restrict myself to just two.  Please do not take this thread as a moan: I found it genuinely amusing, and genuinely stupid.



grrrrrr
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: O Lucky Stevie! on 04 May, 2012, 08:22:18 AM
Quote from: JamesC on 03 May, 2012, 12:32:07 PM

Maybe he thinks your digestive tract works like the Mouse Mill:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyNs27kxolM

That'd be hunger in Ethiopia sorted if it did.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 05 May, 2012, 12:12:17 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 03 May, 2012, 11:12:25 AM
Please find below the latest gems from my government-mandated 'Becoming A More Compliant Drone' unemployment course.

Appalling. Please tell me there were people there (yourself?) who openly scoffed at/ otherwise challenged this idiocy. The great absurdity is that governments have to put on charades like this so they can satisfy voters and taxpayers that people without work are being kept busy and under pressure. That's far more important than that the whole pantomime should produce any useful results.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 05 May, 2012, 11:16:19 AM
Had a script submission recently that was clearly written by a frustrated film student

"Panel: sudden jump cut to advancing soldier, he is grimacing as the girl escapes the tent fleeing his grasp. She screams as he grabs her shoulder"

.................. you're not even thinking about this as a comic are you?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 11:30:32 AM
There were a few panels like that in last week's Age of the Wolf...   ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: BPP on 05 May, 2012, 01:07:02 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 05 May, 2012, 12:12:17 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 03 May, 2012, 11:12:25 AM
Please find below the latest gems from my government-mandated 'Becoming A More Compliant Drone' unemployment course.

Appalling. Please tell me there were people there (yourself?) who openly scoffed at/ otherwise challenged this idiocy. The great absurdity is that governments have to put on charades like this so they can satisfy voters and taxpayers that people without work are being kept busy and under pressure. That's far more important than that the whole pantomime should produce any useful results.

If you scoff you are liable to be kicked out. Remember than under the mantra of post-foucault late-liberalism it is YOUR fault you are unemployed, your refusal to take responsibility and act upon yourself as a member of the community. These courses are in ensuring you regulate yourself, not scoff at the experts. Scoffers are refuseniks who wont learn. Cut off their benefits! Refuse them Scottish farm-fished salmon in a ginger and chilli dressing! Its notnthat there are no jobs, its that there is irresponsibility!

Everytime I read party policy papers and think-tanks on employment I bash my head against the desk.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 06:14:11 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 05 May, 2012, 12:12:17 AMPlease tell me there were people there (yourself?) who openly scoffed at/ otherwise challenged this idiocy.

In fairness there was a bit of spirited debate (the folks running the course are actually pleasant enough sorts, idiotic statements aside), and I argued withseveral more major points raised (believe me, I haven't even scratched the surface of the stupidity with those two examples, but those were easily summarised and life is short), but I'd say that 60% of the class appeared entranced. 

At one of the (many, many) breaks I commented to my neighbours that I found the whole thing immensely depressing and was rounded on fairly smartly by several of same, who apparently found the insights, err, insightful and heartening.  There were however a few other vocal dissidents, and I would note in particular that the gentleman sat in front of me, a pleasant man in his late 50s who had previously been a senior manager in a financial institution (as yet unnamed, so presumably one of the more catastrophically incompetent ones), said not one word nor wrote a single note throughout.  Perhaps he was overhwlemed by the 2 hours spent imparting the revolutionary new strategy that one should make a list of all one's income, then all one's outgoings each month, and if the former was less than the latter, reduce your expenditure.  Glad I didn't miss that one myself. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 07:04:09 PM
ADDENDUM:  A few late-afternoon glasses of homebrewed wine later, I feel I should qualify my mocking of the whole unemployment/training system I find myself enmeshed in. 

I'm coming at this with the baggage of someone who was fortunate enough in life to reach the ripe old age of 40.5 without ever being unemployed, since the age of 15, indeed on occasion I've simultaneously had 1 full-time and 3 part-time jobs (plus a full-time college course), some of them surprisingly well paid.  I'm also very lucky in that my wife still has a job, albeit an increasingly poorly paid one.

I'm finding the whole experience frustrating, amusing, depressing, de-humanising, and most of all worthy of comment in unequal parts probably because I'm coming to it fresh so late in life.  I'm sure there's no bloody novelty about it for folk that haven't been as insanely lucky as I have, and I'm sure my bleating and snide remarks come across as crass and superior for this reason.  If so, I apologise, I'm an insensitive privileged bugger, but I am what I am.   

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 05 May, 2012, 07:59:57 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 07:04:09 PM
I'm sure there's no bloody novelty about it for folk that haven't been as insanely lucky as I have, and I'm sure my bleating and snide remarks come across as crass and superior for this reason.   

No and no.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 05 May, 2012, 08:54:28 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 03 May, 2012, 11:12:25 AM
Please find below the latest gems from my government-mandated 'Becoming A More Compliant Drone' unemployment course.  There's a whole book to be written on absurdities from this Tuesday's classes alone, but I'll restrict myself to just two.  Please do not take this thread as a moan: I found it genuinely amusing, and genuinely stupid.


I remember FÁS Director General Rody Molloy being interviewed after the the fallout of the expenses scandal and the economy, and how he boasted how well the unemployment authority were doing that they could afford to spend -never before seen- Herculean pots of money on courses for the jobless and expensive junkets/holidays for themselves during the boom- a time of nearly full employment.

The interviewer proceeded to ask Rody what were FÁS - the unemployment authority going to do now -having wasted all the money- in a time of rising unemployment when that money was needed most. He could barely answer.


Rod Molloy now has a nice pension.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 09:05:15 PM
Quote from: JOE SOAP on 05 May, 2012, 08:54:28 PM
Rod Molloy now has a nice pension.

Indeed.  I, Grud help me, actually worked for Fás in the mid-90's (as an archaeologist on several of their castle restoration sites).  I have still never seen anything like the corruption and waste I saw then, and I've spent the last 15 years working with developers and planners.  I used to witter on about it in the pub at the time, and I don't think anyone believed me.  I had a 5 year contract, and left after 11 months.  More precisely, I went on a short holiday, and the view from outside was such that I couldn't face coming back.  I always said I'd write a piece about it for Phoenix and name some names, but naturally I never did.  Now I'm back in their clutches, I bloody wish I had.

To pick just a few examples, one of the foremen had used the qualified tradesmen and materials to re-roof and re-wire his house, while one of the co-ordinators had used them to build a boat and another had had his entire garden paved and edged with hand-cut and punched granite. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 05 May, 2012, 09:07:35 PM
Dere's more to Oirland den dis.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 05 May, 2012, 09:08:58 PM
More'n you could handle. Big hands and Big Wangs.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 05 May, 2012, 09:31:20 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 05 May, 2012, 09:07:35 PM
Dere's more to Oirland den dis (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdBuOFqA4Lg).

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 05 May, 2012, 09:38:32 PM
For Roger:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVr4UP9ntLs&list=UUfJOsk44wjzby9H64jDd4Nw&index=1&feature=plcp
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 05 May, 2012, 09:42:46 PM
I think one roger in enough Joe.





V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 06 May, 2012, 02:05:55 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 06:14:11 PM
I'd say that 60% of the class appeared entranced. At one of the (many, many) breaks I commented to my neighbours that I found the whole thing immensely depressing and was rounded on fairly smartly by several of same, who apparently found the insights, err, insightful and heartening.

I am appalled.

Quote from: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 07:04:09 PM
I'm sure my bleating and snide remarks come across as crass and superior for this reason.

No at all. I recognize most of it from experience. I think I have been unemployed 6 times in 25 years, and three times I had to attend mandatory workshops and 'Job Clubs.' One of the stupidest things I remember being told repeatedly is that 80% of job vacancies aren't advertised, and on that basis one should speculatively contact every employer in the phone book: the taxpayer will cheerfully foot the bill for stationery, stamps, photocopying and phone calls. When the service providers are being paid to promote this orthodoxy they aren't going to be receptive to the suggestion that if an employer isn't advertising then they probably don't have a position to fill, or the suggestion that employers don't advertise when they know they can fill positions through their network of contacts.

It's never about helping people to get jobs. It's about making sure they are kept busy in pointless activity and not enjoying themselves too much in the time it takes them to find work. When I left the Job Club in Brighton it was to take up a postgraduate course elsewhere. The provider counted that as another client off the books, which presumably counted towards their targets, regardless of the fact it just moved my benefit claim to another town.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 06 May, 2012, 02:15:08 PM
Tordelback - Speaking as one who had years on the dole in the 90s and who also had the misfortune to have to work at the dole straight after* ("you want a job here? Mind if you say no we cut yr dole off for refusing work...") I've seen (and felt) your frustration and anger many times. The system is not set up to cater to the professional classes as in normal times they don't tend to stay claiming for long. However, that's no excuse for the fact that we get depression and recesssion again and again and they still don't learn how to target people and provide support efficiently. There's no political will to do so at the top. People who don't work are defficient as human beings according to those in power and deserve all they get.

That's why I've never forgotten the people who are left to moulder in their own humiliation since life got easier for me and I will never fall into the tabloid trap of blaming them for their own misfortune. I get increasingly angry as life goes on rather than less. I just wish there was someone to vote for who felt the same.

*the men who had worked in skilled industrial jobs were still claiming the dole after losing their industries in the 80s and were too depressed and humiliated (and in some cases old and ill, or illiterate) to get another job in the wonderful world of computers and call centres. They broke my heart those blokes.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 06 May, 2012, 03:26:03 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 06 May, 2012, 02:15:08 PM
they still don't learn how to target people and provide support efficiently.

"It says here you're a researcher. There's a job going at the university as a researcher in microwave telecommunications. Do you want to apply for that?" and "You've done teaching and lecturing. There's a lecturing job going in the school of dentistry. What about that one?"

F***'s sake. I've got a mortgage to pay. Instead of pissing about trying to match my skills, which you don't understand, to jobs you don't understand, how about you let me know if there are any admin or retail jobs going?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 06 May, 2012, 03:30:59 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 06 May, 2012, 02:05:55 PM
It's never about helping people to get jobs. [...] The provider counted that as another client off the books, which presumably counted towards their targets.

Too right.  After a period of unemployment in the mid-'90s, I got a job training long-term unemployed people in PC maintenance.  We were pretty successful -- a quarter of the students got jobs before the end of the course ... which meant that we lost our subsidy funding because so many "failed to complete the course."

We then found an alternative funding source (different arm of the same Government department) who paid by the number of sessions attended.  Next thing the JobCentre told our students to stop attending, because the different funding source meant that the students stayed on their books while training, which messed up their targets.  (Eventually they gave in to our argument that we were helping get them into real jobs and off the books permanently.)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 06 May, 2012, 04:25:13 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 06 May, 2012, 02:15:08 PM
That's why I've never forgotten the people who are left to moulder in their own humiliation since life got easier for me and I will never fall into the tabloid trap of blaming them for their own misfortune. I get increasingly angry as life goes on rather than less. I just wish there was someone to vote for who felt the same.

Well said -I totally aggree.

Quote from: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 07:04:09 PM
I'm sure my bleating and snide remarks come across as crass and superior for this reason.

It probably does to some of the people in the class! I understand your utter frustration and if I had ever been forced into a re programming job seeker training course when I was on the brew, I think I would've ended up sweating it out in the boot, me boys, an un payin guest of the queen. On the brew - great hours, shite wages I always said.

M.



Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 06 May, 2012, 05:26:01 PM
Given the general air of resentment and awareness that it was just a hoop to get through to be left alone (comparatively) I experienced in similar courses, I suspect the majority of Tordelback's fellow 'students' will feel the same rather than inferior. There is often a divide between those who know perfectly well how to do all this crap but there are just not enough jobs out there for everyone and those who are sadly unable to cope with the processes of getting a job and keeping that job for a variety of reasons. Either way the course usually fails both groups.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emperor on 06 May, 2012, 06:19:03 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 05 May, 2012, 06:14:11 PMAt one of the (many, many) breaks I commented to my neighbours that I found the whole thing immensely depressing and was rounded on fairly smartly by several of same, who apparently found the insights, err, insightful and heartening.

Oh dear, you have the horrible feeling they'll be off down to M&S to snap up those bargain meals, only to realise a few weeks down the line that they've solidly shot themselves in the foot.

However, the idea that you are unemployed because you haven't completely applied yourself properly does have a certain appeal, as long as you don't think to hard about it, as it means you can get a job and turn your life around by buckling down, when the problem is the economy is in the shitter and there aren't that many jobs to go around.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 06 May, 2012, 08:26:22 PM
Being totally honest, and please Grud no-one from social services ever reads thus, I probably could get "a" job if I put my back into it.  I've done just about everything at one time or another, from kitchen porter to wine waiter to shed-painter to college lecturer to AV technician to toilet cleaner, I'm sure I could find something.

The real problem is I'm quite keen on getting a job that doesn't mean starting from scratch at 41: a 'Job Bridge' position (that's €50 plus dole) or minimum wage job with long hours* would literally mean (after transport costs) paying all of my wages to strangers to look after my kids.  I'm sorry, but I don't see the appeal, or the future, in that. I've got two kids under 6 and 30 more years of (potential) work ahead of me - I need to do something viable in the long-term.

Instead, I've been 'upskilling' (-bleurgh-) frantically since my business went under, doing several computer courses and other professional training (at my own expense) and self-taught projects, and I had thought I'd be able to get by as self-employed doing casual bits and pieces - despite innumerable proposals and quotes, various nibbles and too-much on-spec work, this just hasn't worked out.  Yet.  All this is with a view to getting back into the heritage area, where at least I'm experienced and frankly good at what I do, and know the ropes and the pitfalls.

This ghastly course I've committed to was the least-worst option, promising as it did to address the 'professional' markey and get me back into the interviewing/CV/application/online networking swing of things, which after 12 years in the same job and a grand total of two job interviews in my entire life (both for the same job, as it happens), it seemed like a least-bad idea.  It was certainly better than the first options put in front of me: re-training as an Architect (archaeologist, architect, do you see what they did there? Never mind that architects are about the only profession as completely screwed as archaeologists), or a 10-week Introduction to Microsoft Office (a package I've been reluctantly using daily since before it was Microsoft Office). 

So I'm complaining a lot, but believe me, it could be worse: I had to do a course, or lose my benefits, there were 60 applicants for this 20 place course, and I've been on a waiting list for 3 months.  It's just the basic aimless box-ticking crapness of the reality it, despite the decent folk involved, that leads me to this endless whining.

Anyway, up later this week, it's Psychological Profiling and Aptitude Assessment time!   I'll keep you posted.


* There's also the seemingly endless problem of responsibly dismantling my previous company, which occupies most of my evenings and many weekends in solitary archiving, labeling and spreadsheet contemplation.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 06 May, 2012, 09:07:50 PM
Giving old men sponge baths counts as "heritage" in my book.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 06 May, 2012, 09:12:16 PM
Quote from: Roger Godpleton on 06 May, 2012, 09:07:50 PM
Giving old men sponge baths counts as "heritage" in my book.

As long as I'm the old man in question, I completely agree with you.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 06 May, 2012, 10:40:11 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 06 May, 2012, 08:26:22 PM
Anyway, up later this week, it's Psychological Profiling and Aptitude Assessment time!   I'll keep you posted.

Roll on the Myers-Briggs half-baked Jungian codswallop!  :P
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 06 May, 2012, 10:41:54 PM
It's good you showed up, David. Tordelback needs a bath.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 06 May, 2012, 10:44:29 PM
Respect my heritage!  Respect it rhythmically, with a soapy flannel.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 07 May, 2012, 12:12:01 AM
But Roger, Mr Tordelback was asking for you specifically. He's heard you're good.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 07 May, 2012, 12:20:25 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 07 May, 2012, 12:12:01 AM
But Roger, Mr Tordelback was asking for you specifically. He's heard you're good.


and he uses Fairy Liquid.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 07 May, 2012, 12:27:33 AM
All of my nemeses are in one place. Time for a lemon party. I shall be elsewhere, playing some sort of videogame.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Modern Panther on 07 May, 2012, 09:44:38 AM
From my manager whilst working in an understaffed office of a large highstreet bank:

"Try to be less helpful with the customers...if your nice to them, they just keep coming back".

Left the banking industry soon after.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Greg M. on 07 May, 2012, 10:14:56 AM
Quote from: Temponaut on 07 May, 2012, 09:44:38 AM
From my manager whilst working in an understaffed office of a large highstreet bank:

"Try to be less helpful with the customers...if your nice to them, they just keep coming back".

Left the banking industry soon after.

Getting flashbacks to 'The Incredibles now: "Are you saying we shouldn't help our customers?" - "The law requires that I answer 'No'."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 07 May, 2012, 10:21:30 AM
In fairness to your former manager, it has been explicit banking policy to discourage walk-in customers since at least the late 80's (when I briefly worked in a bank, and our manager exploded into a spittle-flecked red-faced profanity-spouting rage when he learnt that counter staff hadn't been charging commission to little old ladies for putting their change jars through the coin sorter: "if it doesn't cost them, they'll keep doing it!"*.  Depositing their money in his bank, he meant).


*EDIT: I should have added that the manager accused one poor young cashier of theft for this - by not charging commission, she was stealing from the bank, and he'd a good mind to call the police.   This during one of his after-hours motivation sessions, where he lined us all up and shouted at us.  I didn't like working in a bank very much
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 07 May, 2012, 11:11:47 AM
- "We want you to create a process quality measurement tool."
- "What is a 'process quality measurement tool'?"
- "We don't know. We want you to research it, find out what one is, and create one."
- "How do you know you want one if you don't know what one is?"

- "And we want you to do it all in three months."
- "But when I was hired, the project was timetabled to run for ten months."
- "We've spent too much of the budget already. We've only got enough left for four months now."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 May, 2012, 11:20:54 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 07 May, 2012, 10:21:30 AM
*EDIT: I should have added that the manager accused one poor young cashier of theft for this - by not charging commission, she was stealing from the bank, and he'd a good mind to call the police.   This during one of his after-hours motivation sessions, where he lined us all up and shouted at us.  I didn't like working in a bank very much

Bastard motherfucker.  Now I've got past my 'angry young man' stage, I think I can say with reasonable objectivity that banks truly are the enemy of the people (including the decent staff who work for them).  What bank was it?  Because if it was the AIB or the Ulster Bank, and probably the Bank of Ireland if it's ever proven, it's a bit rich talking about stealing when time and time again their 'higher-ups' (hierarchically if not morally) have been caught doing exactly that and not getting punished. 
Not to mention throwing an entire country's next two or three generations into debt out of stupidity and greed.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Modern Panther on 07 May, 2012, 11:41:55 AM
I had the privilege of working with a variety of characters who should never have been trusted with other peoples money, such as the sales manager who called me a "hippy" for refusing to commit fraud by falsifying a signature on a loan contract, or the senior director who insisted that thethat the whole financial crash crash happened for "mysterios reasons and no one is to blame".

My personal favorite was in about 2008, on the day when the banks shareprice fell through the floor, there were rumours of a takeover, customers were calling and literally screaming that they wanted to move their money, and an office filled with hundreds of fairly low paid staff are just waiting to be told to clear their desks.  Suddenly, every computer in the office beeps as an email arrives...its marked as urgent and its from the department head...the office holds its collective breath as we prepare ourselves...

Will staff please ensure that coats are hung in the cloakroom and not on the back of their chairs.  This is a serious health and safety issue, and any breaches will be dealt with severely.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 07 May, 2012, 12:58:13 PM
I'm reminded of an article from the 1990s, pointing out the subtle symbolism of UK bank logos at the time:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 07 May, 2012, 01:00:49 PM
And people worry about the eye on the pyramid.  It's the non-secret societies that control our destinies / fuck us over.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 07 May, 2012, 03:58:54 PM
Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 07 May, 2012, 11:20:54 AMBecause if it was the AIB or the Ulster Bank, and probably the Bank of Ireland if it's ever proven, it's a bit rich talking about stealing when time and time again their 'higher-ups' (hierarchically if not morally) have been caught doing exactly that and not getting punished. 

It was indeed AIB.  As I'm sure I've said on here before, I've never seen staff treated the way I saw them treated in AIB, not in busy restaurant kitchens, not on building sites, not in contract cleaning.  For, I suspect, the simple reason that anywhere else the manager would have been greeted with two fingers and a rapidly-turned heel as the staff headed for either the shop-steward or the door.  But in the banks, you kept your head down and your mouth shut and a wonderful job for life was supposedly yours.

My experience was however way back in the late '80s, and I worked briefly in 3 branches (I was holiday relief) and while none were overly pleasant, I witnessed the real awfulness in only one.  The offending branch was supposedly the most profitable one in the group at the time. 

My old man worked in the banks for 42 years* (not as a manager, I hasten to add for fear of the sins of the father being visited on the son) and he tells some even more incredible stories of stupidity.  My favourite of his was when there was a push on for the bank to sell life insurance/assurance policies in the mid-90s.

As my Dad puts it, their manager insisted that every time they saw a customer, every time they answered the phone, they had to push life insurance on them, whether it was suitable or not - and when that dried up they were told to cold-call all their customers and push again.  Every passing stranger and their dog were flogged life insurance, by folk whose financial advice they were supposed to trust**. 

Eventually, the branch my Dad was in recorded the highest level of policy sales in the country, and there were bonuses and celebrations and so forth.  The very next year, the branch recorded the lowest increase in new life insurance policy sales.  Now, a normal person might have an inkling of just why that was.  But not the bank.  The same staff who had been feted for their comprehensive zeal were hauled in and reprimanded for laziness.   



*How I got the holiday relief job, my one and only foray into the wonderful world of nepotism. 

**Which immorality has subsequently been the subject of several investigations and compensation programmes.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 07 May, 2012, 04:17:13 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 07 May, 2012, 03:58:54 PM
As my Dad puts it, their manager insisted that every time they saw a customer, every time they answered the phone, they had to push life insurance on them, whether it was suitable or not - and when that dried up they were told to cold-call all their customers and push again.

I had a stupid boss who was a university professor. He commissioned a long and poorly designed questionnaire (he specified the content) to be completed by 'businesses,' notwithstanding the fact that a business is not a person, and the data you get back will vary depending upon which of the business's 30 senior employees answers the questions. A postal survey was sent to every business in an entire industry, which ran into triple figures. Double figures of completed surveys were returned, about 4% of the sample. He insisted we telephone each company, then email them, then telephone them again to increase the response rate. This met with limited success but he insisted we carry on with the exercize for two whole years. Finally he took his results, based on a 5% response rate, around the international conference circuit, on expenses.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 08 May, 2012, 10:08:11 AM
QuoteThe very next year, the branch recorded the lowest increase in new life insurance policy sales.  Now, a normal person might have an inkling of just why that was.  But not the bank.  The same staff who had been feted for their comprehensive zeal were hauled in and reprimanded for laziness.   

Jesus wept, the mind boggles.  Glad to hear about the investigations and compensations though - one of the few positives arising from the crisis in Ireland is that people now recognise the enemy for what they are.

As I said, people if people stopped looking for the Illuminati / lizards from space / Keen Ark*, and look instead to the real evil conspiracies that unfold in plain view.

*That one doesn't exist outside of my imagination yet, I merely lucid-dreamed that I joined it while I was half-asleep and hungover. I may yet found it and control the world.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mikey on 08 May, 2012, 11:04:53 AM
I saw this and thought of this thread;

"While unemployment rises and work dissolves into boundaryless insecurity the language of 'employability' is now all-pervasive, colonising culture and media and threatening to take the place of scholarship in higher education. This emphasis upon individual employability heralds a compulsory curriculum of entrepreneurial self-promotion, generic adaptability and Apprentice-style competitive teamworking.

This talk will approach employability not as a positive, empowering goal, as its proponents suggest, but as an oppressive ideological term which serves to institutionalise precarity and intensify the biopolitical duties of 'jobseeking', subsuming all intellectual life to the demands of the flexible labour 'marketplace'. In current circumstances it is more urgent than ever to meet this discourse not with enthusiasm or acquiescence but with scepticism and hostility."


Ivor Southwood, what is doing a seminar Mrs Mikey is going to tomorrow.

M.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: WhitBloke on 08 May, 2012, 12:30:53 PM
Mikey, thanks for that.  I needed a non-fiction fix and intrigued by that post, I bimbled about on the web for a bit to acquaint myself with Ivor Southwood and have just ordered his Non-Stop Inertia book.  Which, most fitfully from the info I've seen, I intend to read at work.   :ssh:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 28 May, 2012, 11:32:05 AM
On Facebook:

"Someone I work with wants recommendations for reading for 12-year-old girl, coming up for thirteen, who is going to be spending a long time recovering at home from an accident. Any suggestions?"

The eighth reply: "The Diary of Anne Frank."

:(
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 28 May, 2012, 11:36:14 AM
I've had some great ones from work colleagues.  One of my faves was when listening to a particularly rousing piece on Classic FM - it might have been Mars from the Planet Suite. One of my colleagues exclaimed 'Here come the baddies!'

:lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Satanist on 28 May, 2012, 11:38:03 AM
Me : Where's Dave

Them : Visiting his twin sister

A stupid person : Oh are they identical?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 28 May, 2012, 11:43:46 AM
"What's your background in?"

- anthropology.

"And what are you studying?"

- housing.

"Oh. That's unusual. Well, I suppose anthropods make houses too, after a fashion."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Noisybast on 28 May, 2012, 12:22:15 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 28 May, 2012, 11:32:05 AM
On Facebook:

"Someone I work with wants recommendations for reading for 12-year-old girl, coming up for thirteen, who is going to be spending a long time recovering at home from an accident. Any suggestions?"

The eighth reply: "The Diary of Anne Frank."

:(

Misery?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Pyroxian on 28 May, 2012, 01:03:08 PM
A friend of mine broke her wrist quite badly and was laid up in hospital for a few days, and I decided to buy her a Graphic Novel to read - so I (without thinking much), got her 'Bone'...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 28 May, 2012, 07:32:03 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 28 May, 2012, 11:32:05 AM
On Facebook:

"Someone I work with wants recommendations for reading for 12-year-old girl, coming up for thirteen, who is going to be spending a long time recovering at home from an accident. Any suggestions?"

The eighth reply: "The Diary of Anne Frank."

:(

Well, obviously: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Turning-Tiger-Special-Edition-Moore/dp/1926914872
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 28 May, 2012, 07:43:37 PM
Me: "so you're going in for your operation as a day-case on the 31st?"
Elderly Irish* gentleman "No - I'm going in on the 30th, they're operating on the 31st and I'm coming home on the 32nd"

I kept a straight face.

*I make no judgement, it's just funnier with the accent
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Link Prime on 28 May, 2012, 10:41:41 PM
2 for the price of 1 today:

1) My girlfriend- "That Kings of Leon DVD you're looking for is going cheap in HMV". I told her I wasn't really that into the Kings of Leon.  We argued for about half an hour. Turns out she meant 'Sons of Anarchy'.

2) (For Irish boarders only). My sister- "Is Wexford in Wicklow?"

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 28 May, 2012, 11:53:45 PM
Quote from: House of Usher on 28 May, 2012, 11:43:46 AM
"What's your background in?"

- anthropology.

"And what are you studying?"

- housing.

"Oh. That's unusual. Well, I suppose anthropods make houses too, after a fashion."

I thought your're background was roads.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Roger Godpleton on 29 May, 2012, 02:41:32 AM
Read this on CollegeHumor:

QuoteI work at a popular italian restaurant as a food/kitchen runner. Sucks. A woman ordered a salad. She sent the salad back complaining that the vegetables in the salad were too "crispy and fresh." She asked for us to put it in the microwave with butter.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 29 May, 2012, 06:37:56 PM
During a conversation about old kids' shows: "Yeah, it used to be on after Wes Craven's Newsround".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 29 May, 2012, 07:50:44 PM
Quote from: bikini kill on 29 May, 2012, 06:37:56 PM
During a conversation about old kids' shows: "Yeah, it used to be on after Wes Craven's Newsround".

I would've LOVED to see Wes Craven's Newsround.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 29 May, 2012, 08:30:23 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 29 May, 2012, 07:50:44 PM
Quote from: bikini kill on 29 May, 2012, 06:37:56 PM
During a conversation about old kids' shows: "Yeah, it used to be on after Wes Craven's Newsround".

I would've LOVED to see Wes Craven's Newsround.

It always terrified me when the sleeves of Craven's polyester shirt extended out so far that his metal fingers drew sparks from the walls of the TV studio as he ran towards the camera. That, and reports from Lebanon and Northern Ireland. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 01 June, 2012, 04:51:51 PM
Actually overheard in work today by someone talking about thier grandchild,

"Jonathan got his hair cut yesterday, he looks so grown up now,"    (harmelss enough you might think)
"Oh What age is he now?"
"Thirteen months,"

Thirteen months!!!!!


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 01 June, 2012, 08:05:32 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 07 May, 2012, 10:21:30 AM
*EDIT: I should have added that the manager accused one poor young cashier of theft for this - by not charging commission, she was stealing from the bank, and he'd a good mind to call the police.   This during one of his after-hours motivation sessions, where he lined us all up and shouted at us.  I didn't like working in a bank very much

No joke, I have found through experiences that I am not necessarily proud of but crucially do not regret that the positives from punching abusive co-workers in the mouth far outweigh the long-term negatives from not doing so, up to and including loss of the job in question.

Quote from: House of Usher on 07 May, 2012, 04:17:13 PMI had a stupid boss who was a university professor. He commissioned a long and poorly designed questionnaire

(yadday yadda yadda)

Finally he took his results, based on a 5% response rate, around the international conference circuit, on expenses.

I hate to be the one to break this to you, Ush, but this does not sound remotely stupid.  This guy should be your goddamn hero.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 01 June, 2012, 08:11:15 PM
Quote from: Professah Byah on 01 June, 2012, 08:05:32 PM
This guy should be your goddamn hero.

I guarantee you, if you'd met him, and had to work with him for three years, you'd have punched him in the face.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 01 June, 2012, 08:35:00 PM
If you knew me at all, you'd know it would not take three years.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 25 July, 2012, 07:57:23 PM
http://youtu.be/_e3xyt9zjFk

Nuff said.
I have to LIVE with this woman.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Funt Solo on 04 September, 2012, 08:59:44 PM
My boss has some amazing power-saving notions:

---

Boss: "To save power, the lights switch off automatically 30 minutes after you leave".
Me: "So we could save 30 minutes of power by switching the lights off when we leave."
Boss: "No! They're automatic!"

---

Boss: "To save power, don't print any posters - project the information onto the wall".
[a few minutes later]
Boss: "Switch off the projectors when not in use - the bulbs are expensive."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 06 September, 2012, 12:27:58 PM
My Boss was trying to explain a breakdown of percentages to some of the staff. He dismantled his nokia phone into 3 pieces (back/front and battery), he then held up the phone/pieces and said " right, this phone as a whole represents 100%. the back represents 10%, the front 70% and the battery is also 10%. how much percentage is that?" to which I replied 90%. He glared at me and started his percentage speech again pretty much word for word and asked again how much? Again I said 90% ( I repeated his nonsense back to him putting much emphasis into the figures he had given us.

Upon realizing his mistake he changed the subject entirely and started waffling about empty shelves!

He reminds me a bit of Ace Rimmer (What a Guy!)
:D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 06 September, 2012, 01:15:41 PM
Quote from: Funt Solo on 04 September, 2012, 08:59:44 PM
Boss: "To save power, the lights switch off automatically 30 minutes after you leave".
Me: "So we could save 30 minutes of power by switching the lights off when we leave."
Boss: "No! They're automatic!"

Ah Funt it's good to have you back.  That's now one of my all-time favourites.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Charlie boy on 06 September, 2012, 08:25:12 PM
Not sure if this fits in with the rest, but it happened this afternoon so I thought I would mention it. I was walking into town and, having a cigarette, I walked by two women sitting on a step as they shared a can of super-strength lager. One of them asks "Hey mate- have you got a spare ciggie?" (it sounded more 'eyyyyy mmmate, have you got a sssssspare sss-iggie?)
"I haven't, sorry" I politely said on passing (I had a number of cigarettes in my pocket but in this day and age, I'm one of many people who can't afford to go handing them out to random people on the street).
"Where are they," her friend called after me, "up your ass?"
My feet actually stopped moving for a moment as I tried to make sense of that response.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: klute on 10 September, 2012, 07:51:48 PM
Quote from: Charlie boy on 06 September, 2012, 08:25:12 PM
Not sure if this fits in with the rest, but it happened this afternoon so I thought I would mention it. I was walking into town and, having a cigarette, I walked by two women sitting on a step as they shared a can of super-strength lager. One of them asks "Hey mate- have you got a spare ciggie?" (it sounded more 'eyyyyy mmmate, have you got a sssssspare sss-iggie?)
"I haven't, sorry" I politely said on passing (I had a number of cigarettes in my pocket but in this day and age, I'm one of many people who can't afford to go handing them out to random people on the street).
"Where are they," her friend called after me, "up your ass?"
My feet actually stopped moving for a moment as I tried to make sense of that response.

As a none smoker i'm surprised at how many smokers look at you as though your stupid when asked if you smoke or have a cigarette and you respond that you don't smoke...............

i've spent many years struggling to get some sleep imbetween a few hours on a good night and nightmares that would literally scare our own Judge Dredd

I remember the cunt that gave birth to me trying to reason the sleep problems by asking me if the reason i had nightmares was down to listening to Heavy music???yeah sure it was the music that was the problem.....

During a visit home from uni back in the 90's her demented husband popped into my room as the end of Rage Against the Machines Killing in the Name of was playing out to be asked is your record stuck???
Yep my RATM tape is skipping lol
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Charlie boy on 10 September, 2012, 10:28:10 PM
Quote from: klute on 10 September, 2012, 07:51:48 PM
As a none smoker i'm surprised at how many smokers look at you as though your stupid when asked if you smoke or have a cigarette and you respond that you don't smoke...............
I'm trying to quit smoking due to the increasing number of somewhat cheeky smokers. In the last few months I've had the incident I mentioned earlier AND
Walking home one night (not smoking)-
STRANGER ON STREET: Do you have a ciggie?
ME: I haven't.
STRANGER ON STREET: Let me check your pockets then.
?!
AS WELL AS-
Walking along lighting a cigarette.
YET ANOTHER STRANGER ON STREET: Do you have a spare ciggie for me?
ME: This is my last one.
YET ANOTHER STRANGER ON STREET: (some 20 seconds later when we're some space apart but loud enough for me to hear) Wan**r.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SquashedFly on 11 September, 2012, 12:44:05 AM
Last time I got asked if I had any Cigs was a few weeks ago at a bus stop by two scrotes.

I politely said no and one of them proceeded to call me a fat faggot or something along those lines. Me and the GF turned around to laugh at the absurdity and he then threated to "bang my bird out" who is a rat apparently.

Takes every ounce of restraint in that situation to not introduce the chavvy fucks to bus stop glass.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: darnmarr on 11 September, 2012, 01:34:02 AM
.."Yeah, the film was alright but it's not really Dredd from the comics is it? Stallone did it way better like when he blows-up yer man's red car?-that was classic Dredd that was... What are you gettin' annoyed about? you think you're the only one who read the comics! I read the comics too and I'm tellin' you Stallone nailed it...No listen to me...where are you going? Jesus Christ man, I'm only havin' an opinion! -You think you're the only one who knows anything! I read the same comics you did you narky article!- Stallone nailed it: Stallone nailed and I dont care what you say! There now!"

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: radiator on 11 September, 2012, 08:00:12 AM
"Prometheus is grown up, intelligent sci-fi".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 11 September, 2012, 09:03:25 AM
Quote from: radiator on 11 September, 2012, 08:00:12 AM
"Prometheus is grown up, intelligent sci-fi".


I thought Prometheus was a boring load of crap to be honest, but what you've said reminded me about my mate-"you gotta watch the Hunger Games; it's sooo good".

Turns out my mate was over-egging the pudding a touch  :)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 11 September, 2012, 01:59:49 PM
Quote from: NapalmKev on 11 September, 2012, 09:03:25 AM
Quote from: radiator on 11 September, 2012, 08:00:12 AM
"Prometheus is grown up, intelligent sci-fi".


I thought Prometheus was a boring load of crap to be honest, but what you've said reminded me about my mate-"you gotta watch the Hunger Games; it's sooo good".

Turns out my mate was over-egging the pudding a touch  :)

Heh.  I thought about watching both on a long-haul flight yesterday, and ended up watching neither.  Instead I watched an interesting documentary about Bob Marley, another about Stan Lee, and a couple of episodes of The (U.S.) Office.  I believe I won the in-flight entertainment.

On the downside, I'd watched half of Captain America the week before, but thankfully landed before it could finish.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tombo on 13 September, 2012, 09:03:14 PM
I've not had it myself yet, but apparently for the last two days the customer service desk at work has been overrun by people coming in and complaining their TV's have stopped working, only to be asked "have you re-tuned your Freeview yet" (We're in the Tyne-Tees region, one of the last to switch over).

The most common reply has "oh, is that THIS week" (and one bloke gave us "Oh is that THIS year").  I mean it's not like it's been advertised much!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 14 September, 2012, 02:03:38 PM
There's always some.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Sherman Kid on 14 September, 2012, 11:15:01 PM
On a quiz show today-

Q Name an element from the periodic table

A Unobtainium    :lol: priceless
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: klute on 16 September, 2012, 08:43:54 AM
I once had the misfortune of doing a favour for a lady down the street were i used to live in my teen's as her own teen son was a useless rogue

Anyway at some point he'd tried latching onto me walking to the the shops when he said.

"I bet you feel like a gangster walking with me"

I replied "Mate you run around in the middle of the night robbing people's homes in their sleep"

Hardly brave or honest work now do me a favour and fuck off.

Not long after he was back in prison probably to enjoy manly hugs in the showers
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Sherman Kid on 16 September, 2012, 03:37:02 PM
TRUE STORY

Went into the Halifax Bank and took five plastic money bags of coins all correctly counted to pay into my account ,only £22 in total.Having quequed I placed them on the counter.

'Are they all correctly counted', she asked already seemingly annoyed
'Yes'
'Sorry be we can only take four bags at a time', she said
'What?'
'Four bags only'
'So if I gave you 3 now queued again and gave you 2 ,that would be okay?
'Erm.. yes sir'
'What if I took them all out of their bags, got rid of the bags, after all they are legal tender'
'Well ....',
'Even better, what if I took them out of the bags and put them into the one big bag here I have, thus not breaking the five bag rule.Everyones happy?'
Tumbleweed.
'I'll just pay these into your account now ,sir'

One tiny victory in this maddening world we live in
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 September, 2012, 09:38:44 PM
From a family member I won't name:

"You don't mind me making a bit of noise in here while you're writing your script, do you?"

YES I BLOODY DO! NOW F*CK OFF!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 17 September, 2012, 06:55:32 PM
A couple of classics from work:

'there's a warehouse in Bristol - have you heard of it?'

'What can you get for a pound in Poundland?'

'That's the first sausage I've had in my mouth for years.'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Enigmatic Dr X on 17 September, 2012, 08:15:35 PM
Not so much stupid as inadvertantly deeply insulting:

Office colleague (a nice (well ex-nice) lady in her late 50s): Can I borrow your tie?

Me: Eh?

Her: I spent a few hours going 'round all the charity shops at the weekend looking for one just like it.

Me: Um...

Her: Only, you see, my son is going to a fancy dress party on Saturday and they've to wear ties like that.

I gave it to her, silent and sad.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 18 September, 2012, 12:56:51 PM
A customer picked up a case of a well known 'creamed rice' and then started moaning about the price (was 89p, now £1.05). My response was "yeah, money grabbing bastards". He then gave me a speech about rising prices of Rice trying to make it sound like he knew what he was on about. When he'd finished moaning I pointed to the cases of Custard on the very next pallet (same company, same price increase) and I said-"so what about the custard then? I suppose there's a world shortage of THAT as well"

His stony silence spoke volumes.

Like I said-money grabbing Bastards!

Cheers  :)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 18 September, 2012, 06:14:56 PM
Overheard earlier when I was having a coffee in the local coffee shop type place: "Can I have a black coffee. With milk. White milk."

Also, form a few days ago, an old couple, who had just walked out of a shop. The man said to the woman (and this is true): "Could you understand what that ni***r was saying?"
Now, I'll cunting swear with the best of them, but that word..? Couldn't believe it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 18 September, 2012, 06:19:02 PM
It's time you left Mississippi.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 18 September, 2012, 06:24:56 PM
Quote from: JOE SOAP on 18 September, 2012, 06:19:02 PM
It's time you left Mississippi.

I've been to Mississippi. Bloody loved it there... one day I shall return. Oh yes... one day...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 18 September, 2012, 07:31:55 PM
Ive had cause to work with more than a few elderly people over the last few weeks, and ive heard that word more times than you'd hope. Usually followed by an "oh, but im not supposed to say that, am i?". And the really awful thing is the ones who use it the most are the ones who in all other respects are the nicest and most lovely of them.

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 18 September, 2012, 07:41:40 PM
Not to me but overheard on bus couple of weeks ago.

Man of Afro-Caribbean origin to white woman: "Are you enjoying the weather? You have a good tan."

Woman: "It's not as good as yours."

:o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 18 September, 2012, 08:20:33 PM
Quote from: SmallBlueThing on 18 September, 2012, 07:31:55 PM
Ive had cause to work with more than a few elderly people over the last few weeks, and ive heard that word more times than you'd hope. Usually followed by an "oh, but im not supposed to say that, am i?". And the really awful thing is the ones who use it the most are the ones who in all other respects are the nicest and most lovely of them.

SBT

Yeah, it really is a generational thing. I blame 'Mind Your Language'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Third Estate Ned on 18 September, 2012, 08:48:47 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 18 September, 2012, 08:20:33 PM
Yeah, it really is a generational thing. I blame 'Mind Your Language'.

I used to work for a local paper in the midlands and part of that was interviewing elderly couples for momentous wedding anniversaries. Once, after finishing an interview with a perfectly pleasant elderly couple, we got chatting about mutual acquaintances at the paper. A name came up and in the politest conversational tone the woman said, "Oh, is she that p**i?"

She must have registered my horrified expression because she qualified that with "Well, we're old" as if it were a valid excuse. Such an odious, nasty little term, that. It changes my opinion of a person completely if I ever hear anyone use it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 19 September, 2012, 12:13:32 AM
A couple of years back working for the Royal Mail over the Christmas period I heard the way a couple of the guy spoke about African co-workers. These were middle aged guys. I suppose it's not that surprising really, but I was, just the same. The guy may have been speaking about new temp workers, but there were plenty of regular working ethnic minorities too!

Oh and earlier this year I heard a lot of shouting outside only hear my Nigerian boss receiving a racist tirade...

I'm sure they're not linked to that particular man (that seemed as much road rage as anything) but I think there's quite a right wing presence in Eltham where I work. I've seen a couple of racist slogans etc, at the bus stop on my way home, including a swastika sticker with "England for whites, blacks go home" or words to that effect. Seeing that symbol I actually felt really annoyed. Didn't many of our grandparents/great grandparents' generation die fighting those guys? Using that sign as a symbol of England is insulting.

Anyway, I did my bit and peeled the sticker off and through it away. Afterwards I wondered if that was the best thing. Maybe ethnic minorities should see it. A heads up to keep an eye out for dodgy characters, if that makes sense.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 19 September, 2012, 01:20:05 AM
Quote from: Mardroid on 19 September, 2012, 12:13:32 AM
I've seen a couple of racist slogans etc, at the bus stop on my way home, including a swastika sticker with "England for whites, blacks go home" or words to that effect. Seeing that symbol I actually felt really annoyed. Didn't many of our grandparents/great grandparents' generation die fighting those guys? Using that sign as a symbol of England is insulting.

I wonder how many of them realise that particular symbol originated in ancient India.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 19 September, 2012, 09:34:22 AM
Quote from: M.I.K. on 19 September, 2012, 01:20:05 AM
Quote from: Mardroid on 19 September, 2012, 12:13:32 AM
I've seen a couple of racist slogans etc, at the bus stop on my way home, including a swastika sticker with "England for whites, blacks go home" or words to that effect. Seeing that symbol I actually felt really annoyed. Didn't many of our grandparents/great grandparents' generation die fighting those guys? Using that sign as a symbol of England is insulting.

I wonder how many of them realise that particular symbol originated in ancient India.

I saw a dog in China with a swastika shaved into its side.  Thought it was a Buddhist thing, till I saw the word 'police' (in English) on its other side, then realised the poor creature was a living protest banner.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Eric Plumrose on 20 September, 2012, 10:24:10 AM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 18 September, 2012, 07:41:40 PM
Not to me but overheard on bus couple of weeks ago.

Man of Afro-Caribbean origin to white woman: "Are you enjoying the weather? You have a good tan."

Woman: "It's not as good as yours."

:o

To be fair to the woman in question, that might have been banter on her part. Insensitive, perhaps, if she didn't know the guy but not necessarily stupid.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: klute on 24 September, 2012, 07:18:12 PM
I once had an interview for a job where a prospective boss turned up dirty trainers and jeans and a shirt barely on his back.
Who then spent the next 45 minutes ignoring my CV and talking to me about how much dope he smoked,his collection of horror films.And then about his antics out on the town the night before our interview.

As a result i turned down the job which turned out to be a stroke of luck as a few months later his business went belly up.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 29 September, 2012, 06:13:51 PM
A reporter on Radio 4 covering the unionist march in Belfast today just informed me that it is a celebration of the Ulster Covenant preventing the introduction of Home Rule in Northern Ireland, and its introduction in the South.  I don't think that'd be much of a cause for celebration so, since exactly the opposite actually happened, and NI had Home Rule from 1920 to 1972 (and arguably until 1999) and the South never did.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 29 September, 2012, 07:35:00 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 29 September, 2012, 06:13:51 PM
A reporter on Radio 4 covering the unionist march in Belfast today just informed me that it is a celebration of the Ulster Covenant preventing the introduction of Home Rule in Northern Ireland, and its introduction in the South.  I don't think that'd be much of a cause for celebration so, since exactly the opposite actually happened, and NI had Home Rule from 1920 to 1972 (and arguably until 1999) and the South never did.

He was probably English and therefore didn't care. ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hoagy on 29 September, 2012, 09:11:57 PM
Someone said on here the other day, don't know who. And nothing personal to the poster but I think saying that using comic media in place of a more expensive film media is not okay is pretty stupid.

Both now thrive off each other and for as far as I can see, since film has evolved from moving pictures, it has fed off the visual language of illustrative medium and vice versa.

The thing about comic medium is, it is universal in it's adaptation of and textual ideas and ideologies. So, why shouldn't someone work with the materials they have, to see an idea visualised.

I think the statement, albeit a stoical opinion came over a bit constraining.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: ChickenStu on 01 February, 2013, 04:02:34 PM
Many years ago, I got a Nintendo 64 and Goldeneye 007 game off my parents for Christmas. My (devout Christian) Aunt and Uncle came round for dinner that day and my Aunt came upstairs to have a look at it.

I was showing her what you have to do in the game - mainly shoot people. At this point she turned to me and said "Stuart, you do realise that these people had families?"

IT WAS A FUCKING VIDEOGAME.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Albion on 01 February, 2013, 06:24:12 PM
At Christmas I was in the Brighton & Hove Albion shop wearing a Brighton & Hove Albion hat and a Brighton & Hove Albion badge and an assistant came up to me and said......

"Do you support Brighton?"  :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: radiator on 01 February, 2013, 06:31:25 PM
This twerp:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c125jYepxPM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c125jYepxPM)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Karl Stephan on 01 February, 2013, 07:46:48 PM
I recently had to deal with a receptionist couldn't spell the name of the doctor she's supposedly administrating for. This is the same surgery that effed up my my own name so badly that I've had to re attend on two further occasions for tissue samples, wasting everyone's time.

I'd sooner not have the NHS to be honest.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 01 February, 2013, 08:09:34 PM
"I've never had a relationship with a Cancer that has lasted."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 01 February, 2013, 08:12:36 PM
QuoteI'd sooner not have the NHS to be honest.

Really? Really? I don't think you've thought that through...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 01 February, 2013, 09:19:52 PM
as someone who works in private healthcare, no you don't. The same administrative cock-ups happen, they just cost you more.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 01 February, 2013, 09:20:48 PM
Quote from: Sparkonaut on 01 February, 2013, 07:46:48 PM
I recently had to deal with a receptionist couldn't spell the name of the doctor she's supposedly administrating for. This is the same surgery that effed up my my own name so badly that I've had to re attend on two further occasions for tissue samples, wasting everyone's time.

I'd sooner not have the NHS to be honest.

as someone who works in private healthcare, no you don't. The same administrative cock-ups happen, they just cost you more.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 01 February, 2013, 09:21:27 PM
shit - double (triple) post - curse this malfunctioning quote button!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Charlie boy on 01 February, 2013, 10:35:57 PM
^^but it was such a valid point, it can't be said enough times^^
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 01 February, 2013, 10:48:58 PM
Quote from: radiator on 01 February, 2013, 06:31:25 PM
This twerp:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c125jYepxPM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c125jYepxPM)

This is brilliant and pathetic...."I'm more concerned about video games as video game affect people,"...i really can't remember the last time i heard of a hostage situation involving GTA or a robbery where someone waved a copy of Duke Nukem about :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: judda fett on 01 February, 2013, 11:58:08 PM
Quote from: Emp on 01 February, 2013, 10:48:58 PM
Quote from: radiator on 01 February, 2013, 06:31:25 PM
This twerp:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c125jYepxPM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c125jYepxPM)

This is brilliant and pathetic...."I'm more concerned about video games as video game affect people,"...i really can't remember the last time i heard of a hostage situation involving GTA or a robbery where someone waved a copy of Duke Nukem about :lol:

In fairness though video games have affected this guy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KT1pWo0WZJE&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 10 February, 2013, 12:14:25 AM
Have patience, this may take a while.

My six-year old has a friend who lives round the corner, the only boy of his age that we've run into in the estate.  This fellow (we'll call him A) is a bit of a whiny proto-nihilist pain in the backside TBH, but kids need other kids and  anyway when they're that young (and not so young) what tends to be driving their attitudes is their parents, so I smile and have so far managed to refrain from teaching him manners with the business end of my boot.

Anyhow, both my lad and his mate A got Wii Skylanders from Santa, and since then have been scurrying back and forth between their respective machines most evenings upgrading their figures and swapping hats and all that Nintendo jazz, and for once playing together in a co-operative and convivial way. 

This evening a tearful A appear at the door, accompanied by his mother, who announces, by way of a hello, that "this game is the work of the Devil".  My wife* met this news as you would, with a sympathetic chuckle, while I, safely out of sight began banging my head on the kitchen table. Because, you see, she was deadly serious: "It's all he talks about for weeks, I think it is controlling his thoughts.  He is banned from playing it again, you must not let him play it in your house." 

Now feck knows that this game is a bloody money pit backed with relentless targeted advertising and I wish I'd never laid eyes on it, but the work of yer actual Enemy?  Have you seen it, a floating fairytale world with cute steampunk mechs and chubby dragons and plant people?  The child is obsessed with it because he's a 6-year old boy, you religion-addled moron




*Who incidentally is credited with saving their family's lives when she got them all out of bed when the floor above theirs caught fire (although realistically it was the occupant of said upper floor she saved, dragging his unconscious form out of his burning flat, but who's counting).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 10 February, 2013, 12:25:07 AM


Hopefully this game gets banned under the blasphemy law.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 10 February, 2013, 01:59:16 AM
That's god bothering,hard of thinking cretins for ya..
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 10 February, 2013, 02:30:08 AM
A video game *AND* a toy, you say?

Can such an ungodly combination be the work of anything but Beelzebub, his horned self?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 10 February, 2013, 11:17:17 AM
Hey, Mr. Elfman, what do you have to say to this?
(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-jc78HrrN6cU/TYwoM6PGUqI/AAAAAAAAAQk/VFvGgB_yelA/s400/DannyElfman.jpg)
Thoguht so. What a loud of tosh!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Karl Stephan on 10 February, 2013, 11:42:10 AM
I have family like that.

By way of illustration, I have bible thumping aunt who won't let her son do Karate because it is from the east and therefor of the occult. She said when she discovered this she burned his kit, tournament photos and everything related. I quickly pointed out that Christianity was also from the east and should therefor also be discouraged. All I got was a blank stare. This just hadn't occurred to to this sad sad woman. Wish I'd had a pack of matches handy to offer  :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 10 February, 2013, 12:02:40 PM
Quote from: Sparkonaut on 10 February, 2013, 11:42:10 AM
I have bible thumping aunt who won't let her son do Karate because it is from the east and therefor of the occult. I quickly pointed out that Christianity was also from the east and should therefor also be discouraged.

The process for manufacturing paper originated in China and the system of letters and numbers which we use today arrived in Europe on the same ships as the saffron and cardamom. That copy of the King James version is going to weigh a ton and take up more room in her pocket when she has it re-inscribed as runes upon stone tablets. Apparently, Jesus was some kind of Jew from The West Bank, but that doesn't seem to be important.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Old Tankie on 10 February, 2013, 12:07:23 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 29 September, 2012, 07:35:00 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 29 September, 2012, 06:13:51 PM
A reporter on Radio 4 covering the unionist march in Belfast today just informed me that it is a celebration of the Ulster Covenant preventing the introduction of Home Rule in Northern Ireland, and its introduction in the South.  I don't think that'd be much of a cause for celebration so, since exactly the opposite actually happened, and NI had Home Rule from 1920 to 1972 (and arguably until 1999) and the South never did.

He was probably English and therefore didn't care. ;)

Or, maybe even, Scottish or Welsh!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 10 February, 2013, 12:13:14 PM
Quote from: Old Tankie on 10 February, 2013, 12:07:23 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 29 September, 2012, 07:35:00 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 29 September, 2012, 06:13:51 PM
A reporter on Radio 4 covering the unionist march in Belfast today just informed me that it is a celebration of the Ulster Covenant preventing the introduction of Home Rule in Northern Ireland, and its introduction in the South.  I don't think that'd be much of a cause for celebration so, since exactly the opposite actually happened, and NI had Home Rule from 1920 to 1972 (and arguably until 1999) and the South never did.

He was probably English and therefore didn't care. ;)

Or, maybe even, Scottish or Welsh!

Not on Radio Four. They like Naughtie and Humphries in the studio, where they can keep an eye on them.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Patrick on 16 February, 2013, 07:31:42 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 29 September, 2012, 06:13:51 PM
A reporter on Radio 4 covering the unionist march in Belfast today just informed me that it is a celebration of the Ulster Covenant preventing the introduction of Home Rule in Northern Ireland, and its introduction in the South.  I don't think that'd be much of a cause for celebration so, since exactly the opposite actually happened, and NI had Home Rule from 1920 to 1972 (and arguably until 1999) and the South never did.

To be fair, "Home Rule" as campaigned for in the late 19th and early 20th century meant devolved self-government of Ireland as a whole, which would have left northern Protestants as a minority in a majority Catholic country. That's what the Ulster Covenant was opposed to, and it didn't happen. So the report was only slightly confused.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: MercZ on 16 February, 2013, 08:29:23 PM
"That seems like a waste of money"

A friend of mine complaining that 2000 AD's digital subscription rates are too high. Not that he doesn't have the money, he still holds a subscription to some MMO, but still...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 16 February, 2013, 08:48:39 PM
Quote from: MercZ on 16 February, 2013, 08:29:23 PM
"That seems like a waste of money"

A friend of mine complaining that 2000 AD's digital subscription rates are too high. Not that he doesn't have the money, he still holds a subscription to some MMO, but still...

Grrr... 'as a writer' this one annoys me a great deal. I mean, yes, digital should be a wee bit cheaper, but the writers and artists do still need to get paid...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 16 February, 2013, 11:02:29 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 16 February, 2013, 08:48:39 PM
Quote from: MercZ on 16 February, 2013, 08:29:23 PM
"That seems like a waste of money"

A friend of mine complaining that 2000 AD's digital subscription rates are too high. Not that he doesn't have the money, he still holds a subscription to some MMO, but still...

Grrr... 'as a writer' this one annoys me a great deal. I mean, yes, digital should be a wee bit cheaper, but the writers and artists do still need to get paid...
And the most populare response on any Jeremy Kyle episode will be "Get a proper job!*". Bastards.

*This one pisses me off no end, define 'proper job'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Link Prime on 19 February, 2013, 08:35:59 PM
Was away last week, so almost missed my Toothy fix.
Just got a text from My Mother declaring that she got me "last weeks 200AD".
Ah Mam... :-*
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 21 February, 2013, 09:22:59 PM
In work today I overheard the ultimate in management talk bollocks.

"We need to manage our own shadow..."   ::)

What the fuck does this even mean?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: von Boom on 21 February, 2013, 09:26:03 PM
Sounds like arse covering double-speak to me.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Link Prime on 21 February, 2013, 09:29:12 PM
Quote from: Emp on 21 February, 2013, 09:22:59 PM
In work today I overheard the ultimate in management talk bollocks.

"We need to manage our own shadow..."   ::)

What the fuck does this even mean?

In the fictional world of 'Locke & Key', a cautionary warning.
In the real world- absolute bolicks.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tombo on 22 February, 2013, 06:51:18 PM
nah, surely it just means they need better lighting in the work place.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tjm86 on 01 March, 2013, 06:31:19 PM
Standing at a check in desk at Brize Norton many moons ago, next to a scale, stood behind a desk with a large computer, with a large board listing flights and piles of baggage behind me.  Hanging from the ceiling above me a large sign saying "Check In".  Passenger walks up to the desk and says "Is this where I check in?" 


Came within a hairs breadth of sending the aforementioned passenger to talk to the lass serving tea over at the NAAFI stand!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Buttonman on 01 March, 2013, 06:46:10 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 16 February, 2013, 08:48:39 PM
Quote from: MercZ on 16 February, 2013, 08:29:23 PM
"That seems like a waste of money"

A friend of mine complaining that 2000 AD's digital subscription rates are too high. Not that he doesn't have the money, he still holds a subscription to some MMO, but still...

Grrr... 'as a writer' this one annoys me a great deal. I mean, yes, digital should be a wee bit cheaper, but the writers and artists do still need to get paid...

Of course they do but the savings made on paper, ink, printing, distrobution and the shop's take (50%?) should make it a lot cheaper than 'a wee bit'. If they made the digital prog a quid sales would soar and that would have obvious knock on benefits for merchandise and advertising. Will always get me my paper Prog however.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 01 March, 2013, 07:34:33 PM
Digital publishers take 50 percent of the profit, usually - for basically hosting a file the same way Photobucket or Zippyshare do for free, only they host a fraction of the amount of files the free sites do.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Molch-R on 01 March, 2013, 08:36:32 PM
Quote from: Buttonman on 01 March, 2013, 06:46:10 PM
If they made the digital prog a quid sales would soar

And bankrupt the comic in about three weeks. As I've explained elsewhere, the physical artefact is actually the cheapest part of any Prog, you're paying for artists, writers, letterers, colourists, editorial, dev work, tech support, hosting, PR etc.
Title: Re: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Noisybast on 01 March, 2013, 08:39:50 PM
Wait, they're *paying* for PR? ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Molch-R on 01 March, 2013, 08:40:23 PM
*finger hovers over the ban button*
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SKD on 01 March, 2013, 09:22:50 PM
 While picking litter the other day (I'm a Street Cleansing Operative, a Litter Picker, or if you prefer, Womble.) a member of the public came up to me and said "You've got a thankless job..." Well, say thankyou then! I thought to myself, it wouldn't be bloody thankless then would it.
Another favourite is "You've got a job for life picking up all the rubbish around here." This one especially makes me smile as we have been asked for volunteers for redundancy. Good old government cuts.

Stew.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 01 March, 2013, 09:32:51 PM
SKD - used to do that very job myself - bloody loved it! Apart from the public, of course...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 01 March, 2013, 10:31:13 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 01 March, 2013, 09:32:51 PM
SKD - used to do that very job myself - bloody loved it! Apart from the public, of course...

Me and all.  Then I foolishly moved into the more lucrative world of public toilet cleaning. Then furniture moving and groundskeeping.  Then retail footfall survey.  Then canteen skivvying (best job I ever had, still miss it: free nosh and interesting conversation, and occasional responsibilty for thickening (add flour) and thinning (add water) the sauces).  The one constant was the unfathomable wit of the public.  What a shower of wankers.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SKD on 02 March, 2013, 02:27:57 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 01 March, 2013, 09:32:51 PM
SKD - used to do that very job myself - bloody loved it! Apart from the public, of course...
Yes, 'tis a great job (apart from the public) My only gripe is nobody notices the litter you pick, only the litter you haven't got round to picking. :D

'The more lucrative world of public toilet cleaning'  :lol:  Now there's a sentence I wasn't expecting to read TordelBack.

It's nice to know that there are fellow (former) Wombles on the forum.

Stew.


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 04 March, 2013, 08:14:40 PM
Not actually said to me, but still..
In light of the recent events surrounding Cardinal O'Brien, on Radio 2 today the topic for discussion was 'are some vehemently anti-gay people perhaps themselves secretly gay?', a certain macho caller from Brighton - who finds gay people digusting, who likes looking at all women, who has fathered six children, said and then repeated again ' i dont want all things gay rammed down my throat'.

Vanessa Feltz said something later on about those that protest the loudest...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 04 March, 2013, 08:22:21 PM
Quotenobody notices the litter you pick, only the litter you haven't got round to picking.

y'got that right.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: qtwerk on 04 March, 2013, 08:44:37 PM
Quote from: SKD on 02 March, 2013, 02:27:57 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 01 March, 2013, 09:32:51 PM
SKD - used to do that very job myself - bloody loved it! Apart from the public, of course...
Yes, 'tis a great job (apart from the public) My only gripe is nobody notices the litter you pick, only the litter you haven't got round to picking. :D

'The more lucrative world of public toilet cleaning'  :lol:  Now there's a sentence I wasn't expecting to read TordelBack.

It's nice to know that there are fellow (former) Wombles on the forum.

Stew.

My brother worked as a bin man after graduating. Summer in Toxteth on the bins. He loved it.

Does that count as a Womble?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 05 March, 2013, 01:57:44 PM
Not to me but to someone I sometimes work with.

"Should we be using semicolons? Will people understand what they mean?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 06 March, 2013, 09:04:57 PM
Quote from: Molch-R on 01 March, 2013, 08:36:32 PM
As I've explained elsewhere, the physical artefact is actually the cheapest part of any Prog, you're paying for artists, writers, letterers, colourists, editorial, dev work, tech support, hosting, PR etc.

Which in the book world never really used to be mentioned to the public, instead it was all cost of printing, hardback costs over paperback etc. so when digital started people were only going by what they were told were the reasons behind the high costs. Even if they were inaccurate it was an easier thing to say to people and they would 'understand', noone ever realises what work actually goes into producing something, whether it be a comic or a book.

But then other things go the other way. Open Access publications with mainstream publishers now, oh we're losing lots of money from you keeping your copyright (that you used to give us for free) and editorial work (a big chunk often done for free by scientists, not to mention peer review) means we now have to charge you $4000 to publish a 3 page article.

Plus VAT, always interesting people don't realise digital products attract VAT.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Colin Zeal on 07 March, 2013, 03:49:57 PM
More silly business talk at a meeting today. Rather than ask me to move to a different table, my manager said "can you migrate to that table over there?" Utterly stupid way of phrasing it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 07 March, 2013, 03:57:34 PM
Quote from: Colin Zeal on 07 March, 2013, 03:49:57 PM
More silly business talk at a meeting today. Rather than ask me to move to a different table, my manager said "can you migrate to that table over there?" Utterly stupid way of phrasing it.

Should have told him yes, but you had to wait until autumn.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 07 March, 2013, 04:22:36 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 07 March, 2013, 03:57:34 PM
Quote from: Colin Zeal on 07 March, 2013, 03:49:57 PM
More silly business talk at a meeting today. Rather than ask me to move to a different table, my manager said "can you migrate to that table over there?" Utterly stupid way of phrasing it.

Should have told him yes, but you had to wait until autumn.

Arf!  He's not going to like it when Colin treats his new habitat as a breeding ground.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 07 March, 2013, 04:47:51 PM
Quote from: SKD on 01 March, 2013, 09:22:50 PM
While picking litter the other day (I'm a Street Cleansing Operative, a Litter Picker, or if you prefer, Womble.) a member of the public came up to me and said "You've got a thankless job..." Well, say thankyou then! I thought to myself, it wouldn't be bloody thankless then would it.
Another favourite is "You've got a job for life picking up all the rubbish around here." This one especially makes me smile as we have been asked for volunteers for redundancy. Good old government cuts.

Stew.

How'd i miss this post? Im a council man myself, more grounds work, but we all have to chip in where needed.
And yes, ive heard all the "job for life" and "thankless job" comments a million times along with the usual abuse that people seem to think is OK to shout at someone, as long as their a council worker.

Remind me again what Sid Vicious said about the man in the street....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 15 March, 2013, 06:03:40 PM
Stupid? Plain daft? Personally i think both examples are kinda sweet, in a funny sort of way..

Said by a workmate;
1.) Whats the big deal with all this Pope business then? I dont think ive ever met a Catholic before, do people still go in for all of that? I mean, there's not that many of them about, is there?

Which reminds me of;

Said to a former workmate, when he lived in Northern Ireland for a while;
2.) Do the English actually believe in God then?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 15 March, 2013, 06:14:35 PM
Quote from: Judge Jack on 15 March, 2013, 06:03:40 PM
Do the English actually believe in God then?

Not if they've got any sense!  :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 15 March, 2013, 06:28:48 PM
One of the girls at work left today, allowing everyone to reminisce about the time she handed a retired couple a form to sign, on which she had listed their occupations as retarded. During a phone conversation, she asked a woman "is your husband married?"

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 16 March, 2013, 03:39:31 PM
Not to me but to a friend, who I got a lift from yesterday. After having children about 25 years ago she suddenly became such a nervous driver she went to see her doctor. As she was not keen on taking medication the doctor recommended that she started smoking to calm her nerves. According to Doctor ****wit five cigarettes a day are fine. So thanks to that idiot, she has been a smoker since then (and smokes about 10-20 a day). Not only could she damage her health but she also runs the risk of crashing her car while she has the distraction of lighting up and smoking fags while driving. Nice one. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 16 March, 2013, 07:55:03 PM
What in the actual--?

That's right up there with Newspaper Agony Aunt X advising people to have an affair!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Patrick on 16 March, 2013, 08:35:02 PM
"It's a simple arsenous monoxid nicotinal preparation taken bronchially as an infumation." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrPdDEutlMw) (Fry and Laurie sketch)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: ChickenStu on 16 March, 2013, 11:12:33 PM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 16 March, 2013, 03:39:31 PM
Not to me but to a friend, who I got a lift from yesterday. After having children about 25 years ago she suddenly became such a nervous driver she went to see her doctor. As she was not keen on taking medication the doctor recommended that she started smoking to calm her nerves. According to Doctor ****wit five cigarettes a day are fine. So thanks to that idiot, she has been a smoker since then (and smokes about 10-20 a day). Not only could she damage her health but she also runs the risk of crashing her car while she has the distraction of lighting up and smoking fags while driving. Nice one.

:o

NO SHIT!?!?

Call me old fashioned - but shouldn't a doctor be struck off for giving dumb advice like that?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: COMMANDO FORCES on 17 March, 2013, 12:26:39 AM
As far as I'm concerned this should dwell within this thread!

As I was down the town with Sam earlier and talking via my mobile to another forum member, I saw a 'homeless' person in a shop doorway and the only reason he didn't ask me for money was because he was on his mobile phone and from the angle I was at, I could see it was an iphone.
On the way back past him, he did ask for money and his phone was out of sight. I told him to ring his mate on his phone for a few quid!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Link Prime on 17 March, 2013, 01:15:37 AM
Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 17 March, 2013, 12:26:39 AM
As far as I'm concerned this should dwell within this thread!

As I was down the town with Sam earlier and talking via my mobile to another forum member, I saw a 'homeless' person in a shop doorway and the only reason he didn't ask me for money was because he was on his mobile phone and from the angle I was at, I could see it was an iphone.
On the way back past him, he did ask for money and his phone was out of sight. I told him to ring his mate on his phone for a few quid!

Was probably an iPhone 4S CF, sure who'd be seen dead with that tat these days?  ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 20 March, 2013, 10:24:00 AM
This guy has never said anything to me, but a speaks alot of shite in the space of a few seconds. Oh, and he's and nasty piece of work as well.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2295833/TJ-Lane-case-Ohio-school-shooter-wears-KILLER-T-shirt-flips-judge-finger-getting-THREE-life-sentences-parole.html
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 20 March, 2013, 11:39:43 AM
dm;dr

=

"Daily Mail, didn't read"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 20 March, 2013, 12:03:40 PM
Quote from: CrazyFoxMachine on 20 March, 2013, 11:39:43 AM
dm;dr

=

"Daily Mail, didn't read"
Oh,I usualy don't. But...they can't fabricate this. This guy is a vile creature.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 20 March, 2013, 01:04:19 PM
Mother: " That picture ( the one I use as my Avatar... Drawn by Carlos but you guys all know that ) you showed me looks nothing like you... And is ugly."

WHAT? No one else thinks that... Every one else I have asked confirms that it is a good likeness... Is she mad?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 22 March, 2013, 11:49:28 AM
It's not ugly at all but maybe she sees you as a paragon of angelic beauty that no earthly artist could capture. She's your mum.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 22 March, 2013, 06:43:40 PM
More office speak twaddle......

Blue sky ideas and windowless basement ideas..................these came in an email, one that I immediately stopped reading on seeing the above phrases.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 23 March, 2013, 09:41:14 PM
This isn't really a stupid thing to say because a) the girl in question isn't stupid at all and b) not knowing stuff isn't inherently stupid. We all have gaps in our knowledge after all. Massive in my case. Try telling me about famous football players or even the current crop of famous pops stars and there's a good chance I'll never have heard of them.

Anyway, I happened to mention the actor Christopher Lee to a work colleague the other day.

She looks at me, a genuinely puzzled frown on her face.
"Who?"

She'd genuinely never heard of him. Okay, she is very young (24 I think) and she isn't a horror fan but I'll admit to thinking "Really!?" (I know mixing exclamation marks with question marks can be annoying but I think it's applicable in this case.)

She has seen the Lord of the Rings films however, but even then she wasn't sure who I was talking about. (I.e. when I said 'evil wizard' I wasn't referring to the the Big Eye.)

I reiterate, she isn't thick at all. In fact she is quite a bright girl, but it is interesting to see the gaps in people's knowledge. Although as I said at the start, I have those gaps as well.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 23 March, 2013, 11:10:44 PM
Someone who is that age was only born around 1990. Then they have to grow up, so say 10 years. The world since 2000 is not one that would have had a lot of what you or I have seen in the last 30 odd years.
It is amazing how little anyone born in the last 25 years actually knows about compared to 'us' :P

It's very obvious when you spend a lot of time with younger people.
They really don't know what the hell you are talking about!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 23 March, 2013, 11:18:40 PM
Quote from: opaque on 23 March, 2013, 11:10:44 PM
They really don't know what the hell you are talking about!

We all scoffed at getting old, and now we are old! (itll happen to them as well, though  :lol:)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 24 March, 2013, 01:24:52 AM
I think that's more of a background thing than an age thing. About 20 years ago an apparently not unintelligent girl asked somebody I know about the name of his dog. "Bit of an unusual name, why's it called Merlin?" she asked.
"Like the wizard", interrupts my brother.
"What wizard?" asks she.

She'd never heard of him.

Never heard of Merlin.

Merlin.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 24 March, 2013, 11:59:52 AM
I blame the parents
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 24 March, 2013, 03:55:41 PM
Quote from: opaque on 23 March, 2013, 11:10:44 PM
Someone who is that age was only born around 1990. Then they have to grow up, so say 10 years. The world since 2000 is not one that would have had a lot of what you or I have seen in the last 30 odd years.
It is amazing how little anyone born in the last 25 years actually knows about compared to 'us' :P

It's very obvious when you spend a lot of time with younger people.
They really don't know what the hell you are talking about!

Some of the gaps in their knowledge are just crazy though. One of my colleagues got me a 'Dark Side of the Moon' poster for my 40th.  There was at least one person in my team who asked 'what's that then?!?'

How can you NOT know about that album?!?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 24 March, 2013, 04:09:31 PM
Because it's something from the past. Pink Floyd isn't something you are likely to come across in normal life in the last 20 years. Very easy to miss out a lot of music basics if it's never been part of you or your parents life.

It's like lots of people might know who Ozzy Osbourne was but have no idea who Black Sabbath were.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: darnmarr on 24 March, 2013, 05:15:07 PM
"What do they teach them in these schools?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 24 March, 2013, 05:55:59 PM
So, the generational divide is fast becoming a gaping chasm across which no-one can cross. Thank god I saw a teenager in a 'Trooper' Iron Maiden t-shirt the other day. I live in hope that some things are ageless.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Greg M. on 24 March, 2013, 07:45:57 PM
Quote from: darnmarr on 24 March, 2013, 05:15:07 PM
"What do they teach them in these schools?"

Well, personally, I've got the 2000AD 35th anniversary poster up in my classroom and frequently find myself educating kids on who Dirty Frank and Zombo are (without fail, those are the two characters from that image who seem to capture pupils' imaginations.) I could write a book on things kids don't know (we had a teenage girl recently who didn't know who Hitler was) but once I've taught 'em, they know about Judge Dredd, damnit!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 24 March, 2013, 07:51:34 PM
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 24 March, 2013, 05:55:59 PM
So, the generational divide is fast becoming a gaping chasm across which no-one can cross. Thank god I saw a teenager in a 'Trooper' Iron Maiden t-shirt the other day. I live in hope that some things are ageless.

As the Drive By Truckers would have it:
QuoteCaught between a generation dying from its habits,
And another thinking rock and roll was new
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: darnmarr on 24 March, 2013, 07:54:30 PM
Quote from: Greg M. on 24 March, 2013, 07:45:57 PM
Quote from: darnmarr on 24 March, 2013, 05:15:07 PM
"What do they teach them in these schools?"

Well, personally, I've got the 2000AD 35th anniversary poster up in my classroom and frequently find myself educating kids on who Dirty Frank and Zombo are (without fail, those are the two characters from that image who seem to capture pupils' imaginations.) I could write a book on things kids don't know (we had a teenage girl recently who didn't know who Hitler was) but once I've taught 'em, they know about Judge Dredd, damnit!

:D  I just can't help imagining that situation   a bit like this.... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4sWSD9eMq0)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 24 March, 2013, 08:06:28 PM
Quote from: Greg M. on 24 March, 2013, 07:45:57 PM
I could write a book on things kids don't know (we had a teenage girl recently who didn't know who Hitler was)

A 32 year old asked me, in all seriousness and without the slightest hint of embarrassment, what the Second World War was about. Considering the amount of time she spends on her phone, you would think she could could have googled that one for herself.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 25 March, 2013, 04:48:47 PM
Punk Grandad's. (http://punkgrandad.com/?page_id=125&gclid=CO_-2_CkmLYCFUTItAodfBMA6g)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: darnmarr on 25 March, 2013, 05:00:15 PM
What was the name of that british kids sci-fi show where the Grandad was a punk-rocker (cos it was the future)?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 25 March, 2013, 05:13:44 PM
Quote from: darnmarr on 25 March, 2013, 05:00:15 PM
What was the name of that british kids sci-fi show where the Grandad was a punk-rocker (cos it was the future)?

Luna (http://luna.randomstatic.net/images/season1-big.png), with a jailbait-y Patsy Kensit and Mr Bennet from Take Hart.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: darnmarr on 25 March, 2013, 06:29:40 PM
Wow! Ta, Sauchie!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 26 March, 2013, 11:52:05 AM
My school completely skipped the world wars in history GCSE lessons. If you weren't interested you could easily have gone on blissfully unaware of the events and causes and that was the 1980s. The schools picking and choosing what to teach was one of the problems the national curriculum was supposed to cure. *hollow laughter*
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 26 March, 2013, 12:01:22 PM
It is the interest bit isn't it. Thing is people think if the schools don't teach it it can't be important. I blame the parents.
I'd say most of the things I learnt through my education was in addition to my schoolwork. I read books, I took an interest in the world around me, later on I watched documentaries, read newspapers, watched the news.  I did that all on my own but my parents had instilled the reading bug in me from an early age.
The librarianship thing was all me years later :P
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 26 March, 2013, 12:10:37 PM
Quote from: opaque on 26 March, 2013, 12:01:22 PM
It is the interest bit isn't it. Thing is people think if the schools don't teach it it can't be important. I blame the parents.
I'd say most of the things I learnt through my education was in addition to my schoolwork. I read books, I took an interest in the world around me, later on I watched documentaries, read newspapers, watched the news.  I did that all on my own but my parents had instilled the reading bug in me from an early age.
The librarianship thing was all me years later :P

Yeah, good point.  My colleagues continually ask me 'how do you know that?!?' and my answer almost always is 'I read it in a book.'

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 26 March, 2013, 12:14:28 PM
Indeed so. I think sparking the interest wins the battle because most people will self direct their learning if they are motivated enough. I had similar encouragement from my parents, the local librarians and some really great teachers. It's so easy to get hold of information (good or bad) now too. I am having the best time of my life in terms of feeding my head.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mattofthespurs on 26 March, 2013, 01:21:06 PM
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 26 March, 2013, 12:10:37 PM
Quote from: opaque on 26 March, 2013, 12:01:22 PM
It is the interest bit isn't it. Thing is people think if the schools don't teach it it can't be important. I blame the parents.
I'd say most of the things I learnt through my education was in addition to my schoolwork. I read books, I took an interest in the world around me, later on I watched documentaries, read newspapers, watched the news.  I did that all on my own but my parents had instilled the reading bug in me from an early age.
The librarianship thing was all me years later :P

Yeah, good point.  My colleagues continually ask me 'how do you know that?!?' and my answer almost always is 'I read it in a book.'

I read a book once. It were green.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Ancient Otter on 26 March, 2013, 07:44:01 PM
Quote from: Mattofthespurs on 26 March, 2013, 01:21:06 PMI read a book once. It were green.

You read the political philosophy of Colonel Gaddaffi? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Green_Book_%28Libya%29) Wow.  :lol:

[According to Wikipedia there's loads of serious books just called The Green Book (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Book), which I never knew]
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 27 March, 2013, 12:04:20 AM
Quote from: Mattofthespurs on 26 March, 2013, 01:21:06 PM
I read a book once. It were green.

A friend studying at Nottingham University once told me that their library introduced a system which allowed you to search for books by colour, because so many students went in saying "Well I took it out last year and it was dark red..."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 27 March, 2013, 01:55:29 AM
That reminds me of this. (http://youtu.be/nGlN_EaEgPQ)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 27 March, 2013, 05:27:25 PM
Quote from: staticgirl on 22 March, 2013, 11:49:28 AM
It's not ugly at all but maybe she sees you as a paragon of angelic beauty that no earthly artist could capture. She's your mum.

Ahh if that was only true.

But like myself mother is under no illusion about my lack of physical attractivness.

Why else do I on;y get hit on by the drunk or the ... hard of thinking?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 27 March, 2013, 06:57:25 PM
This one never gets old:

Family are visiting, and wanted to know what I've been up to for the last three months that has kept me so occupied.

"I've been drawing my graphic novel," I explained to them, knowing full well what the reaction would be.

BUT NO! To my shock and awe, they expressed interest!

"Have you finished pages yet?" they asked.

So I retreived the 7 painstakingly pencilled, corrected and inked pages I had in my miniscule workspace, and handed them over for inspection.

"Wow, this is rubbish" they declared. "There aren't even any words on it!"

BECAUSE THEY'RE ART PAGES, YOU CRETINS! NYAAAAAAARGGGH!!!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: darnmarr on 27 March, 2013, 07:05:24 PM
My Dad asked me what do they put in food that makes it organic.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 27 March, 2013, 07:08:57 PM
Quote from: HdE on 27 March, 2013, 06:57:25 PM
This one never gets old:

Family are visiting, and wanted to know what I've been up to for the last three months that has kept me so occupied.

"I've been drawing my graphic novel," I explained to them, knowing full well what the reaction would be.

BUT NO! To my shock and awe, they expressed interest!

"Have you finished pages yet?" they asked.

So I retreived the 7 painstakingly pencilled, corrected and inked pages I had in my miniscule workspace, and handed them over for inspection.

"Wow, this is rubbish" they declared. "There aren't even any words on it!"

BECAUSE THEY'RE ART PAGES, YOU CRETINS! NYAAAAAAARGGGH!!!
Is it wrong I laughed at your misery? Yes? Oh well, at least you have us to appreciate your art.  :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 27 March, 2013, 07:54:05 PM
Quote from: darnmarr on 27 March, 2013, 07:05:24 PM
My Dad asked me what do they put in food that makes it organic.

Genuine LOL there!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 27 March, 2013, 09:32:59 PM
Quote from: A.Cow on 27 March, 2013, 12:04:20 AM

A friend studying at Nottingham University once told me that their library introduced a system which allowed you to search for books by colour, because so many students went in saying "Well I took it out last year and it was dark red..."

And this is why you need Librarians ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: HdE on 28 March, 2013, 07:05:18 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 27 March, 2013, 07:08:57 PM

Is it wrong I laughed at your misery? Yes? Oh well, at least you have us to appreciate your art.  :lol:

I encourage people to laugh at The Misery of HdE. ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 28 March, 2013, 07:12:16 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 27 March, 2013, 07:54:05 PM
Quote from: darnmarr on 27 March, 2013, 07:05:24 PM
My Dad asked me what do they put in food that makes it organic.

Genuine LOL there!

Secondary lols. Apparently, someone's working on a US remake of Father Ted; your Dad needs to be on the writing team.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: von Boom on 28 March, 2013, 07:46:35 PM
Quote from: sauchie on 28 March, 2013, 07:12:16 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 27 March, 2013, 07:54:05 PM
Quote from: darnmarr on 27 March, 2013, 07:05:24 PM
My Dad asked me what do they put in food that makes it organic.

Genuine LOL there!

Secondary lols. Apparently, someone's working on a US remake of Father Ted; your Dad needs to be on the writing team.

Ugh. I bet it'll go over 'bout as well as the US Red Dwarf.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 28 March, 2013, 08:40:08 PM
Quote from: von Boom on 28 March, 2013, 07:46:35 PM
Quote from: sauchie on 28 March, 2013, 07:12:16 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 27 March, 2013, 07:54:05 PM
Quote from: darnmarr on 27 March, 2013, 07:05:24 PM
My Dad asked me what do they put in food that makes it organic.

Genuine LOL there!

Secondary lols. Apparently, someone's working on a US remake of Father Ted; your Dad needs to be on the writing team.

Ugh. I bet it'll go over 'bout as well as the US Red Dwarf.
And US Inbetweeners...and US IT Crowd...swagerjackers.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 28 March, 2013, 09:00:19 PM
It maybe would work if it was about a buncha bumbling rabbi. But a show about narraback priests would be terrible.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: vzzbux on 05 April, 2013, 05:36:32 PM
Chalk another one up for the Daily Mail.
There is missing the point and there is being in another time zone.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2304168/And-crime-hate-Sex-Pistols.html






V
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 05 April, 2013, 05:58:49 PM
I swear, if The Daily Fail's articles themselfs didn't give me a migraine then the comment section certainly would. >:(
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Albion on 05 April, 2013, 06:07:41 PM
Richard Littlejohn is a complete drokking idiot.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 05 April, 2013, 06:26:40 PM
Quote from: Albion on 05 April, 2013, 06:07:41 PM
Richard Littlejohn is a complete drokking idiot.
And a homophobic bully, anyone familier with the Lucy Medows situation?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 05 April, 2013, 07:00:44 PM
In fairness to the commentators, if you click on "best rated" or "worst rated", you'll find the mood thankfully errs more towards tolerance and noticeably against outright idiocy even on the Daily Mail's website.

However, I am shocked - shocked - that Richard Littlejohn is annoyed at laws that make bullying minorities illegal.  If they make that against the law, how can an honest man engage in hounding someone until they commit suicide?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: CrazyFoxMachine on 05 April, 2013, 10:56:56 PM
I'd love to be wrong but as far as I'm aware they're still yet to even say anything approaching "we're sorry" about that. But then saying that would be admitting something I suppose and they know it was probably their fault.

I don't have the words for how John LittleRichard makes me feel. It makes me want to punch something for a very very long time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL81QClpLaA
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 05 April, 2013, 11:05:56 PM
This was the response a petition I signed recieved a few days ago;

"It is regrettable that this tragic death should now be the subject of an orchestrated [attack on us], fanned by individuals... with agendas to pursue."

Fuck them.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 09 May, 2013, 01:43:17 PM
I'm currently gritting my teeth and training myself in as a coach-tour tour guide (like my father before me), which is usually part-time rostered work with 14-hour days, allowing me plenty of off-time to keep pushing for 'proper' work and allowing me to be flexible enough to keep the kids out of impossibly-expensive creche (although I do not fancy the gig at all, I come fully equipped with the necessary heritage-based verbal diarrhea and have contacts through my Dad, and I'm getting nowhere with getting the kind of full-time work I do want).  As part of this I've been lucky enough to do informal ridealongs on tours when there are empty seats, in order to allow me to cog some of the required patter and get a feel for the lunchstop and toilet logistics. 

Anyhow, I got a letter from Social Welfare giving me an appointment to come in and get a new 'services smartcard', which clashed with one of my scheduled off-the-books training trips.  I tried to phone and request a new time, but two afternoons of automated switchboards later and nobody knew anything about it, which is par for the course.  So I girded my loins and queued up at the sweltering SW office, fractious kids in tow, initially for an hour before stupidly missing my number flashing up while I was writing down jobs vacancies info from the noticeboard and having to wait another hour (my own moronic fault that one).

I got one of the helpful people this time (there are now three I dread to the point of coming back another time if I see them at the windows), and I explained why I would prefer another time, and she went off in to the back to talk to someone about changing my appointment.  She came back and told me that it was fine, but she had to inform me that if I missed another appointment my benefits would be stopped

Now regular readers of my tedious whining may remember that I've been here before, and in fact did have my benefits stopped when I went through the same process to get a SW appointment rescheduled so I could attend my son's school play, but nobody had bothered to tell the person I was meeting. The difference this time is that while I'm still registered as a jobseeker (which I actively am) I've used up my time and now don't get any benefits (because my wife works, which is fair enough, although a wee bit annoying after 25 years of paying Social Insurance contributions). 

So this time I thought feck it, in for a penny, and pointed out that I hadn't  "missed an appointment", I'd asked for it to be rescheduled a fortnight in advance so that I could continue with my plan to get some bloody work, or to put it another way, to seek a job

The response (and here I don't blame the lady I was dealing with, who couldn't have been nicer, but rather whichever backroom policymaker had issued the edict) was that jobseekers had to be available for work at all times, and if I couldn't attend a scheduled appointment then I was not considered to be available.  No exceptions, other than documented job interviews or serious medical issues.  At this point I thought I had fallen asleep in front of League of Gentlemen:  "I'm sorry Mickey love, you can't attend your job interview, because you have to complete your course on how to get a job interview".

I pointed out that I was trying to improve my skills so that I could get a job interview that I'd actually have a good chance of getting, and further that I'd had the decency to come in and queue up and ask politely in advance so that I wouldn't be wasting anybody's time, and further again that this was just an appointment to have my photo taken for a card, and thus not exactly critical in getting me back to work, and all I got for my trouble was a threat to take away benefits I'm not actually receiving.  "Sorry, no, that's the policy I'm afraid.  Just don't miss another appointment and it'll be fine".

Jovus wept.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 09 May, 2013, 02:29:28 PM
The short version of my last dealings with the Jobseeker people is this: they sent me on a course to teach me to get a job, but the course clashed with an actual job they'd sent me to, so first it was explained that this was my fault, then I was asked how I was going to fix it.  I won't lie, I did not handle this with my usual grace and impeccable good manners.

TB: the easiest way to move an interview with the SS office is to get one of your mates who runs a business - any business - to sign your jobseeker sheet and say you had a job interview with him at the exact time of your SS interview, putting the responsibility of moving your SS interview on the attending clerks.
The turn of phrase you put in their mouths suggests they have you pegged as a troublemaker, though.  I know from several people who work in Social Services claims that the place is a hotbed of petty, bickering arseholes who run the average office floor like a high school common room*, and they will fucking ruin you if you let them hang something like a missed interview on your shoulders, so make sure they acknowledge that as their mistake and not yours.  You've already had them throw it in your face once, and they will do it again and again.


* and in recent years, they've apparently added the delightful atmosphere of anti-immigration sentiment.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 09 May, 2013, 03:16:47 PM
Quote from: Professor James T Bear on 09 May, 2013, 02:29:28 PM
TB: the easiest way to move an interview with the SS office is to get one of your mates who runs a business - any business - to sign your jobseeker sheet and say you had a job interview with him at the exact time of your SS interview, putting the responsibility of moving your SS interview on the attending clerks.

I know, I know, but it just seems daft to be telling porkies when I feel I have a legitimate reason to reschedule an appointment to have my photograph taken, since I'm trying to retrain myself into a pretty shit minimum-wage but eminently viable job in a growth industry at my own expense (since they don't offer and won't fund the relevant highly expensive heritage guiding qualification course: which I used to teach a module of!). 

Also, I'm pretty sure an appointment requires the agreement of two parties.  So I don't see how I'm missing an appointment by requesting a different time prior to giving my agreement.  An assumption of my unconditional agreement as a condition of my engagement with jobseeker services when my own contact times with them are deeply conditional seems to me to represent an unequal contract provision, and thus an invlaid one.  But I digress.

And yes, I do suspect that I'm on the proverbial naughty step and have been for a while, which is hilarious when I never went near them for a quarter of a century (except when I was briefly employed as a trainer by the state training agency!) and I'm not entitled to dosh from them anyway, and am only continuing to bother to sign-on at all because of the putative chance of subsidised/free access to courses to help me get a job

It's just hard not to rail against the inflexible stupidity of a service whose sole stated goal is supporting the jobseeker in finding employment.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 09 May, 2013, 03:20:44 PM
Quote...a service whose sole stated goal is supporting the jobseeker in finding employment.
Perhaps signing people off is the actual goal and supporting the jobseeker to find employment is secondary.

There are many committed people working at Job Centres who genuinely do want to help people back into work. But they are under extreme pressure to sign-off many 'clients' and are penalised for not doing so, despite not having official targets (that would result in bad press for the UK government).

A couple of years old but still very relevant:
"Jobcentres 'tricking' people out of benefits to cut costs, says whistleblower
Soaring number of sanctions against unemployed amid claims that DWP staff are being told to trip people up with paperwork"
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2011/apr/01/jobcentres-tricking-people-benefit-sanctions
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 09 May, 2013, 03:31:05 PM
Quote from: SuperSurfer on 09 May, 2013, 03:20:44 PM
There are many committed people working at Job Centres who genuinely do want to help people back into work.

No argument there - I've met plenty of good guys there, some of whom even greet you with a smile: for example the lady I was dealing with today was polite and helpful and looked mortified on her return from receiving the party line In Back but still managed to be pleasant and apologetic in delivering the madness.  Most of my issues have arisen from explicit policies and simple backroom bureaucratic cock-up.

I have however over the course of my dealings identified three characters out of the whole cast who are terrifyingly hostile and/or intimidating: the pink blouse lady who appears to deliberately misinterpret every single sentence as if you were unintentionally uttering profanities in a new language; clinically depressed lady who never rises above a monotone and assures you that whatever it is you want is almost certainly impossible even though you did it last week; and inappropriately aggressive mad-hair lady who simply shouts at you to go to another window, which when you eventually get to it is always the wrong window. 

I'm sure they all have ghastly life-stories and authoritarian edicts informing their behaviour, but when I happen to see my number synching with any of those folk's imminent availability I just go to the back of the queue and try again.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 09 May, 2013, 03:43:34 PM
Yes, I also meant to add that there are Job Centre jobsworth staff whose mission, it seems, is to make the difficult task of looking for work in a recession an even more miserable experience.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 09 May, 2013, 04:08:53 PM
The one who sent me on that unnecessary course was not only truculent and hostile, but she actually hid in the back of the office when the course manager sent me back to have her explain to me what she'd done wrong - which I know because a friend I've known since high school who works in that office - and who is a lovely person by all accounts - told me all about it.  I am not the first to get the five-star treatment, and it's common consensus I won't be the last.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 09 May, 2013, 04:33:43 PM
Agreed, however nice the poor beleaguered staff are, the driving motive from top-down isn't helping people just getting 'em off benefits. Thatcher pioneered this technique by changing the method of counting every 6 months so it looked like the jobless total was falling when actually they just stopped including certain categories of people. Nowadays the method seems to be making things so ridiculously complex and contradictory that you either get shafted or give up and go away.

Have you heard the latest about the lying survey from the 'nudge' unit? http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/apr/30/jobseekers-bogus-psychometric-tests-unemployed (http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/apr/30/jobseekers-bogus-psychometric-tests-unemployed) and an update here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/may/06/jobseekers-psychometric-test-failure (http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/may/06/jobseekers-psychometric-test-failure)

Anyone who can remain in the system, for any length of time must have great bureaucratic, problem solving and negotiating skills, so are ironically very employable!

I once had a restart interview (remember those?) with a lovely, burned out middle-aged chap on the verge of retirement. he guided me through the form advising the best things to say and which boxes not to tick (" that one's a trap - if you tick that one, even if it's true, you'll automatically get cut off and have to appeal")
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 09 May, 2013, 08:14:58 PM
Bloody hell, Tordel. This almost makes me relieved that I'm looking for work in a country where I don't qualify for benefit payments at all. In fact, I barely know a soul here, I'm on a learning curve so steep that it defies belief and - as I discovered this morning - when I do get an interview I can't even drive to it without getting horribly lost. (Edited to add: it wasn't a disaster after all, although it nearly was!)

Good for you for working out a solution! Soon you'll have all the elderly ladies you can handle!  ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 09 May, 2013, 10:05:35 PM
With this and the bank thing I can't figure out if you're living in some strange Borgesian farce or a Kafkaesque tragedy. Either way, my sympathies.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 09 May, 2013, 10:48:04 PM
Quote from: Trout on 09 May, 2013, 08:14:58 PMSoon you'll have all the elderly ladies you can handle!  ;)

I'm already at saturation point with 'none', but thanks! 

You're a braver man than most, Trout.  Just goes to show it isn't true what they say about bullies and other tyrants.

Aye Cosh, 'farce' covers it nicely, although as should be apparent it is largely one of my own making.  I'm hoping it turns out to be one of those ones where I get caught wearing the vicar's wife's negligee and could give a perfectly rational explanation if only my teeth weren't superglued together after a mix-up at the bakestall. 

I do regularly think that I've plumbed the depths of stupidity available at this end of things, but I'm always amazed to find I'm only a novice. 

(In breaking news this very afternoon I did finally get an e-mail reply from my bank branch (where I've had my main account since 1989, customer loyalty fans), informing me that the all-new 'mortgage resolution liaison' person I had been directed to a fortnight ago has actually been on leave since mid-April and won't be back until 27th May.  This is the person who is filling in for my previous contact, who was on leave so long that no-one in the branch remembers her. No alternative contact was provided, and no suggestion of what I should do in the interim.  One might conclude they don't give a sh*t, so it's hard to feel otherwise).

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: maryanddavid on 10 May, 2013, 12:47:14 AM
Soul sapping as it may be TB the only thing they understand is the Squeaky wheel.
Keep ringing, when you get someone ask for their supervisor, at the start of EVERY phone call tell them you are recording the call (Like they do on their TaC). People dont like hassel and will pass it up the line, it has worked for me on a few occasions.

David
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 10 May, 2013, 12:55:48 AM
Kill them, Tordel.  Kill them all.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 10 May, 2013, 01:01:18 AM
Quote from: Professor James T Bear on 10 May, 2013, 12:55:48 AM
Kill them, Tordel.  Kill them all.

Finally, I can put a name to the voices!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 10 May, 2013, 01:08:22 AM
With fire.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 10 May, 2013, 10:35:44 PM
I had a casual job at the jobcentres in the 90s and even then we had targets to put people 'into administration' (the euphemism for cutting them off) which were higher than the targets for getting people into a job. As I knew I wouldn't be working for them past 9 months I didn't give a feck about the targets and was like that retired bloke guiding people through the forms minefield, especially the holiday forms which were worded in such a way that the slightest wrong move and the person would be cut off as not available - sometimes people's mums would buy them a wee holiday in Spain and they would tell me so then I would try to convince them to put down they were in Cornwall as one step outside the country and they were in the bin. Some of these people really deserved a break.

It's probably so much worse now. I know the morale in the DWP is absolutely terrible and they fear the Universal Credit scheme because of how it is being operated just in the small pilot area.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 13 May, 2013, 10:16:04 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 09 May, 2013, 03:16:47 PM
Also, I'm pretty sure an appointment requires the agreement of two parties. 

Nope, it's an arrangement between you of course but if you want something that someone is offering they expect you to do what they say. You can always say no to it but then you could lose out. In other circumstances a company could loose out if they didn't allow flexibility, if they were trying to sell you something for example.

Quote from: TordelBack on 09 May, 2013, 03:16:47 PM
So I don't see how I'm missing an appointment by requesting a different time prior to giving my agreement.

Because your existing agreement with them is that you appear when they say so. Unless you are actually at an interview nothing else matters. They simply think if you don't want to accept these rules then bugger off.
If you are not available for an interview etc then you would not be available for a job so screw you.
Very basic ideas of course but you can see how it's also true, if utterly stupid when you can prove you are actually doing something useful to help get a job!

I had similar issues years ago and ended up taking the risk and dropping out totally rather than having to do useless stuff for no money and luckily I managed to get a job not too long afterwards. But you just have to stick to the rules to keep going.


Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 May, 2013, 01:17:46 PM
You're exactly right there, Opaque, wisdom matched only by your taste in pages of art.

Again and again I find myself getting irrationally frustrated because I subconsciously expect employment services to act as if we were partners or colleagues, adults working together to get something done, when it is essentially an adversarial relationship, or at best one in which I am penitent supplicant, rather than someone who stayed out of and happily funded this system for a quarter century and hopefully will do so again.  I think I felt better disposed to this relationship when I was actually suckling at the teat receiving benefits - now that all I can hope to look for it to do is (the as yet unrealised potential) to assist with training and business setup, I'm finding it pretty grating to still have to present myself as a beggar.

The replacement of trust and compromise with suspicion and inflexibility is probably an inevitable consequence of running an exploitable social welfare system, but it is a difficult mental adjustment for me to make, and I suspect ultimately one that encourages deceit, belligerence and obstinacy rather than engagement and progress. Oh, and whining on unrelated internet forums.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 13 May, 2013, 01:35:28 PM
It's easier for them to have a standard response than it is to actually deal with people individually as well.
Easier to manage and record details if you're not fiddling around with things. For every 'missed' appointment there's a tick in a box somewhere that they don't want to have to deal with. Somewhere along the line in a freedom of information request there will be a figure of 'missed' appointments that someone could use for political gain, or in the case of the Daily Mail, 'scrounging benefit thieves working illegally instead of attending job seekers interviews' type stories!

Hopefully things will change for you! :)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 May, 2013, 01:45:59 PM
Quote from: opaque on 13 May, 2013, 01:35:28 PM
Hopefully things will change for you! :)

Nah, I've got used to this scrounging lark, work is for suckers. 

;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 13 May, 2013, 02:49:31 PM
Quote from: opaque on 13 May, 2013, 01:35:28 PM
It's easier for them to have a standard response than it is to actually deal with people individually as well.

the company I work for is subject to a FSA requirement called "treating customers fairly" which often precludes this - if you bend the rules for one person, you're not treating everybody else fairly, which is often the reason why huge regulated organisations must be inflexible on some things. If we do not abide by this rule we can face massive fines from the regulators.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 13 May, 2013, 03:30:33 PM
Makes sense.  Although removing active human judgement seldom actually improves anything, other than in certain types of machinery.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Cyberleader2000 on 17 May, 2013, 09:28:08 PM
I got a good job center story of incompantans. It took me 3 years to get a apoiment with the disabilitys job adviser wish I had not bouthered the women there had this belife that all people with disabilitys were only capable of being cleaneres I knew 3 outher people who saw her and that all the jobs she would give them arfter 3 months of trying to convinses her that a cleaning job was a bad ider as I dont evan clean at home till I can no longer see the floor she then serjest resepenishenst (yea that will be a great ider espechily with my spelling skills) from what I could tell from what outher people thort she basickily hated her job and thort if she could not have a beter jobe people with disabilitys shoud not get a a beter job eaither.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mabs on 17 May, 2013, 09:35:49 PM
Quote from: Cyberleader2000 on 17 May, 2013, 09:28:08 PM
I got a good job center story of incompantans. It took me 3 years to get a apoiment with the disabilitys job adviser wish I had not bouthered the women there had this belife that all people with disabilitys were only capable of being cleaneres I knew 3 outher people who saw her and that all the jobs she would give them arfter 3 months of trying to convinses her that a cleaning job was a bad ider as I dont evan clean at home till I can no longer see the floor she then serjest resepenishenst (yea that will be a great ider espechily with my spelling skills) from what I could tell from what outher people thort she basickily hated her job and thort if she could not have a beter jobe people with disabilitys shoud not get a a beter job eaither.

If she's not happy in her job maybe she can give it to someone who needs it more or will do a better job (god knows there's quite a few out there who'll be more than happy to relieve her off her 'burden').
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 18 May, 2013, 03:22:34 PM
Oh she won't do that.... your forgetting that she is no doult looking forward to her loverly pension.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 18 May, 2013, 04:40:19 PM
A woman was trying to force money into an ATM at HSBC today. Wearing legings and an Adidas jumper of cause. I worry about the folk of Bolton sometimes.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 18 May, 2013, 04:56:04 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 18 May, 2013, 04:40:19 PM
A woman was trying to force money into an ATM at HSBC today. Wearing legings and an Adidas jumper of cause. I worry about the folk of Bolton sometimes.

I once went out with a student at the London School of Economics for a couple of years. Despite being incredibly intelligent she couldn't cope with or get her head around everyday concepts. Her mum posted cash to her, and she tried to pay it in at a cash deposit ATM. Instead of putting the cash in one if the envelopes with a slip for her bank details, and then lifting the lid to pop it in, she thought she had to slot each note in the space between the lid and the hinge.

After stuffing the third note in it became clear she was doing something wrong. She had jammed the mechanism, rendering the entire deposit ATM useless. The bank manager had to arrange for a repairman to service it, and Kerry was then able to collect her cash later in the week, and try again.

Do it's not just the people of Bolton who struggled with them!

On an semi-related note, I went out with a research scientist for a few years. She was another incredibly intelligent woman, but she thought tv adverts were there to inform you. When I tried to explain to her they only exist to make you part with your hard earned cash, she didn't believe me!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
My girlfriend doesn't believe in gravity.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 18 May, 2013, 06:00:28 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
My girlfriend doesn't believe in gravity.

Intelligent falling? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/)

Cheers!

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 18 May, 2013, 06:11:02 PM
Quote from: Cyberleader2000 on 17 May, 2013, 09:28:08 PM
I got a good job center story of incompantans. It took me 3 years to get a apoiment with the disabilitys job adviser wish I had not bouthered the women there had this belife that all people with disabilitys were only capable of being cleaneres I knew 3 outher people who saw her and that all the jobs she would give them arfter 3 months of trying to convinses her that a cleaning job was a bad ider as I dont evan clean at home till I can no longer see the floor she then serjest resepenishenst (yea that will be a great ider espechily with my spelling skills) from what I could tell from what outher people thort she basickily hated her job and thort if she could not have a beter jobe people with disabilitys shoud not get a a beter job eaither.

I don't know which moderator has been telling you that you have to pay money every time you use a full stop or a comma, but they are lying.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Enigmatic Dr X on 18 May, 2013, 07:06:58 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 18 May, 2013, 06:00:28 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
My girlfriend doesn't believe in gravity.

Intelligent falling? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/)

Cheers!

Jim

I wish this was a piss-take.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 08:55:09 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 18 May, 2013, 06:00:28 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
My girlfriend doesn't believe in gravity.

Intelligent falling? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/)

Cheers!

Jim




That's at least sort of interesting, if bonkers.

Georgie's reasoning is 'why should I believe it just because some man says so?'

The subject of many a frustratingly one sided argument. There's no arguing with that kind of non- logic.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 19 May, 2013, 12:14:18 AM
Quote from: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
My girlfriend doesn't believe in gravity.

Reminds me of a Stephen Fry quote re certain chess grand masters who over specialize at the exspence of every thing else... " They are the kind of people you wouldn't trust to sit the right way round on a toilet seat."

It does seem that some of the smartest people around can be incredibly dumb when it comes to the ordinary every day stuff as if their common sense part of the brain has been lobotomized... Or overwritten...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 19 May, 2013, 01:42:09 AM
I was in my car with a girlfriend ( many years ago ) when I got a flat tyre.....
Usual circumstances, it's raining and getting dark ( I've never had a flat tyre on a nice day, ever ) so I set about changing tyre...
Girlfriend got out of car to watch what I was doing...and said ....honestly....."But its' only flat on the bottom "......I mean ...WTF !! :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 19 May, 2013, 10:00:36 AM
Quote from: The Doctor Alt 8 on 19 May, 2013, 12:14:18 AM
Quote from: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
My girlfriend doesn't believe in gravity.
It does seem that some of the smartest people around can be incredibly dumb when it comes to the ordinary every day stuff as if their common sense part of the brain has been lobotomized... Or overwritten...

Through the coarse of my work I get to meet and work with some very interesting people, many of them are Professors, Doctors, Design Engineers etc, all highly intelligent people at the top of their respective fields. I often wonder how some of them manage to get up, feed themselves and find their way to work in the morning though.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 19 May, 2013, 12:46:03 PM
Quote from: Rog69 on 19 May, 2013, 10:00:36 AM
Through the coarse of my work I get to meet and work with some very interesting people, many of them are Professors, Doctors, Design Engineers etc, all highly intelligent people at the top of their respective fields. I often wonder how some of them manage to get up, feed themselves and find their way to work in the morning though.
You'd be amazed how many of these type's of people are autistic. Geniuses maybe but often a factor in a general lack of common sense.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 19 May, 2013, 02:18:47 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 18 May, 2013, 06:00:28 PM
Quote from: JamesC on 18 May, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
My girlfriend doesn't believe in gravity.

Intelligent falling? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/)

Cheers!

Jim

Thanks very much for that link Jim...I've just read that article as I'd never heard the phrase 'Intelligent Falling' before....I have to say I was absolutely and completely 'gobsmacked'...... :o
A branch of Evangelical Physics based on the 'literal translation' of the Bible.....I mean, seriously,  WTF !!??..
It was like reading something based on a premise from medieval times.....

I must admit it takes a lot to render me 'speechless' but that is ju....... :-X
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 19 May, 2013, 02:55:34 PM
The Onion is a parody news site. The 'Intelligent Falling' article's not real, (though it does kind of fail as parody due to being all too believable and no worse than some of the actual intelligent design/creationist argument guff).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 19 May, 2013, 03:01:49 PM
M.I.K,
Thanks for that....I actually thought it was a serious article as I didn't read ( the source document or News article heading )  anything other than the article itself....FFS !! What a TWAT !!... :-[

To be honest with some of the things I've read recently regarding design / creation / religous stuff ( not excusing myself for being gullible here ) I wouldn't have been at all surprised if it was real ....Which I obviously thought it was !! ..

Off to 'hang my head in shame' now,  for being such a gullible twat.... :-[
You're a very bad man, Jim ... :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 19 May, 2013, 03:25:37 PM
Someone once told me they knew someone who was studying to be a solicitor who thought that WWF wrestling was real.

Now I don't mean to dis those wrestlers. Of course their antics are real in that those are true to life dangerous stunts that are feats of great skill, strength and stamina. But solicitor student man did not suspect that their bouts are acted out or pre-planned. He thought those are real fights, real arguments etc.

Who knows if he made it as a solicitor. If he did I pity any poor chump he represents as he would only be lining them up for a slam dunking into the cells.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 19 May, 2013, 04:03:24 PM
Someone once told me that there was another theory about Gravity,  called Intelligent Falling by Evangelical Physicists based on  the literal teachings of the Bible...
And I believed it....and it wasn't even April 1st... :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 19 May, 2013, 04:13:20 PM
You... Didn't marry her?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Patrick on 19 May, 2013, 06:20:14 PM
Poe's Law (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_Law): "Without a blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of extremism or fundamentalism that someone won't mistake for the real thing."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 19 May, 2013, 07:19:05 PM
Thanks Patrick,
I'm definitely using that as my excuse....
I actually approached that article thinking 'this is complete twaddle', and it coloured my thinking towards it.......But I didn't see any 'blatant humour' and thought it was real....
And, the really sad thing is, if there was such a group and they did believe that,  'it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest'.... :(
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 19 May, 2013, 07:30:45 PM
If it makes you feel better Bob, I thought it was real as well. (And I've come across the Onion before, and I wasn't paying attention.)

I actually AM a Christian* and I found myself mentally shaking my head* despairingly.


*Although not a very good one.
**My head in my head, so to speak.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 22 May, 2013, 12:38:30 PM
Whilst discussing travelling through time zones from Bulgaria (+2hrs) to UK, my wife told me "there was no time" on an airplane. She couldn't offer any other explanation for what she meant.

Luckily I realised I was putting the hours on the wrong way in our discussion, which meant I could quickly sweep the conversation under the table...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 23 May, 2013, 10:42:43 PM
We were in Lake Tahoe, American Resort for a Ski-ing and Snowboarding holiday.....As we had arrived late in the afternoon,  we thought we would go up the Mountain in the chairlift, have a walk around, get a coffee, a few beers etc,  and check out various locations and facilities, as well as enjoy the views...

When we arrived at the Chairlift there was a sign which said.....No Strollers....
My mate, Gordon,  turned to us all and said.." Can you believe it...All this way and we're not even allowed to walk around !! "..

Apparently he didn't know that in America 'Strollers' are what we call babies buggies....He thought they meant no walkers, strolling around... :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 23 May, 2013, 10:58:56 PM
Quote from: Sideshow Bob on 23 May, 2013, 10:42:43 PMWhen we arrived at the Chairlift there was a sign which said.....No Strollers....
Ha. I stayed in Heavenly myself some years ago and the welcome bumph in our chalet included the following advice on what action to take should you encounter a mountain lion. "Make yourself big."

I opined that I may find it difficult to become aroused under the circumstances.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 23 May, 2013, 11:08:06 PM
QuoteI opined that I may find it difficult to become aroused under the circumstances.
But it might have been a sexy mountain lion...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 23 May, 2013, 11:09:24 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 23 May, 2013, 11:08:06 PM
QuoteI opined that I may find it difficult to become aroused under the circumstances.
But it might have been a sexy mountain lion...

You must never go there, Simba.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 23 May, 2013, 11:15:45 PM
Quote from: Trout on 23 May, 2013, 11:09:24 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 23 May, 2013, 11:08:06 PM
QuoteI opined that I may find it difficult to become aroused under the circumstances.
But it might have been a sexy mountain lion...

You must never go there, Simba.

:(
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 23 May, 2013, 11:16:40 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 23 May, 2013, 11:08:06 PM
QuoteI opined that I may find it difficult to become aroused under the circumstances.
But it might have been a sexy mountain lion...
It is just a big pussy I suppose.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 23 May, 2013, 11:17:36 PM
Quote from: The Cosh on 23 May, 2013, 11:16:40 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 23 May, 2013, 11:08:06 PM
QuoteI opined that I may find it difficult to become aroused under the circumstances.
But it might have been a sexy mountain lion...
It is just a big pussy I suppose.

:o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 24 May, 2013, 08:01:53 AM
Heavens to Murgatroyd!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 24 May, 2013, 09:59:50 AM
Quote from: Sideshow Bob on 23 May, 2013, 10:42:43 PM
Apparently he didn't know that in America 'Strollers' are what we call babies buggies....He thought they meant no walkers, strolling around... :D

We hosted a young American visitor once whose father was a high school football coach. He was at first shocked, and then found it hilarious, to see the signs at motorway service stations saying "no football coaches*", and insisted on getting photos taken in front of every one he found.
*i.e. a big bus full of footballl fans
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 24 May, 2013, 10:32:24 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 24 May, 2013, 09:59:50 AMHe was at first shocked, and then found it hilarious, to see the signs at motorway service stations saying "no football coaches*", and insisted on getting photos taken in front of every one he found.

Magnificent.  Reminds me of my father-in-law who can't drive past a 'Heavy Plant Crossing' sign without shouting 'look out, Triffids!'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 24 May, 2013, 10:40:46 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 24 May, 2013, 10:32:24 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 24 May, 2013, 09:59:50 AMHe was at first shocked, and then found it hilarious, to see the signs at motorway service stations saying "no football coaches*", and insisted on getting photos taken in front of every one he found.

Magnificent.  Reminds me of my father-in-law who can't drive past a 'Heavy Plant Crossing' sign without shouting 'look out, Triffids!'.

A man after my own heart..!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: I, Cosh on 24 May, 2013, 11:06:31 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 24 May, 2013, 10:32:24 AM
Magnificent.  Reminds me of my father-in-law who can't drive past a 'Heavy Plant Crossing' sign without shouting 'look out, Triffids!'.
This was a favourite in my family too. Right up there with complaining at the lack of variety at the zoo as every enclosure was labelled "These animals are dangerous." [Pronounced to rhyme with the boxing marsupial.]
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 24 May, 2013, 11:15:28 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 24 May, 2013, 10:32:24 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 24 May, 2013, 09:59:50 AMHe was at first shocked, and then found it hilarious, to see the signs at motorway service stations saying "no football coaches*", and insisted on getting photos taken in front of every one he found.

Magnificent.  Reminds me of my father-in-law who can't drive past a 'Heavy Plant Crossing' sign without shouting 'look out, Triffids!'.
My grandfather was fond of this one. Very amusing to say the least, seeded my love for sci-fi early.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 24 May, 2013, 11:51:11 AM
Quote from: The Cosh on 24 May, 2013, 11:06:31 AM"These animals are dangerous." [Pronounced to rhyme with the boxing marsupial.]

Filed away for future use.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 24 May, 2013, 06:08:30 PM
Quote from: The Cosh on 24 May, 2013, 11:06:31 AM
Right up there with complaining at the lack of variety at the zoo as every enclosure was labelled "These animals are dangerous." [Pronounced to rhyme with the boxing marsupial.]

My Dad's version of that gag involved the victim of an animal attack reporting he'd been savaged by a dan-ger-oos-kee-pa-wey.  That was almost as good as his joke about the cowboy who keeps wiping his mouth across his horse's arse to combat the effects of the dry desert heat and sand being blown in his face. His buddies ask him if the moisture of the horse shit stops his lips drying and cracking; no, he replies, but it stops me licking the fucking things.

Dad jokes are the best when you're six, but the implicit racism of those gags (the victim of the animal attack was called Paddy and the cowboy with the lips was black) and his rib-tickler about the Mexican who shat himself justify their inclusion in a thread with this title.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 24 May, 2013, 09:25:02 PM
So now that you've teased it, do we get to hear the joke about the Mexican, or what?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 24 May, 2013, 11:41:11 PM
Not said to me...( heard it on a programme on TV ) BUT....told to Billy Connolly by the late Great Chic Murray...

Chic had consumed a few drinks,  and when walking home along the street,  fell over.......A wee woman came up and asked him......" Ohh, did you fall, son ??"
His reply " No Mrs, I've got a bar of chocolate in my pocket,  and I was trying to break it !!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: von Boom on 25 May, 2013, 02:31:43 PM
Quote from: Sideshow Bob on 24 May, 2013, 11:41:11 PM
Not said to me...( heard it on a programme on TV ) BUT....told to Billy Connolly by the late Great Chic Murray...

Chic had consumed a few drinks,  and when walking home along the street,  fell over.......A wee woman came up and asked him......" Ohh, did you fall, son ??"
His reply " No Mrs, I've got a bar of chocolate in my pocket,  and I was trying to break it !!"

:lol: Tea all over my screen! Priceless.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tombo on 31 May, 2013, 10:43:49 AM
Heard just now, not to me but to her six year old who has learnt, from somewhere, the phrase "fuck you".

Quote"Stop swearing or I'll clout you, you little fucking shit"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Colin Zeal on 31 May, 2013, 12:03:58 PM
My sister and I were looking after our young nephew once when she asked "is it ok if i let him suck on this battery?" I should point out that my sister is a teacher.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 31 May, 2013, 11:32:06 PM
Not said to me, but too good to pass over, from a University History exam script marked by a friend of a friend only last week - a fine example of someone who attended the lectures but didn't do the reading:

"The Penal Laws were largely the result of a Protestant fear of pot pourri."

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 31 May, 2013, 11:56:58 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 31 May, 2013, 11:32:06 PM
Not said to me, but too good to pass over, from a University History exam script marked by a friend of a friend only last week - a fine example of someone who attended the lectures but didn't do the reading:

"The Penal Laws were largely the result of a Protestant fear of pot pourri."

but smells so good!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goaty on 01 June, 2013, 12:01:04 AM


"So you're deaf, so can you hear?"

Every day...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 01 June, 2013, 02:20:17 PM
True story ( but I wish it wasn't ) ....Heard one day at my work....

A guy who stammered was asked...." Do you stammer all the time, or is it just when you speak " ?? !!!.....

I mean, seriously WTF !!.... :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 01 June, 2013, 03:40:29 PM
Quote from: Goaty on 01 June, 2013, 12:01:04 AM
"So you're deaf, so can you hear?"
Every day...

To be fair, I've known a few people who describe themselves as deaf but have partial hearing (in sections of the audio spectrum; couldn't hear speech clearly but they could recognise a phone ringing).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: opaque on 01 June, 2013, 03:49:19 PM
And people medically registered as blind can have some sight as well.
Still a generally stupid thing to say though isn't it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 01 June, 2013, 05:22:51 PM
Quote from: opaque on 01 June, 2013, 03:49:19 PM
And people medically registered as blind can have some sight as well.
Still a generally stupid thing to say though isn't it.

Michele Navarra was a doctor in Sicily, also a part of the Cosa Nostra and also known as 'The First Godfather' (being the local doctor, he was also the prime candidate for Godfatherhood). He used to rig elections by using his position as a doctor to declare any opposition medically blind, so that the nurses on his payroll could cast votes in their place.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 01 June, 2013, 06:38:32 PM
When looking at the snaps I'd taken of my drama groups dress rehusal... "Why aren't there any pictures of  you?"
Followed by... "Who took a photograph of you while you were taking photos?"
answer " Me."

Mother "No... Who was it who photographed you while you were taking a photograph of them?"

answer. " I told you. Me... I used a mirror."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 01 June, 2013, 10:35:13 PM
Not so much stupid as baffled due to old age. A well-spoken old lady came in the hardware shop for a natter and a sit down while she tried to remember what she came in for. She went on about immigration and the importance of the English language and how it has changed over time, talking to me and the shopkeeper.

Old Lady: "Well, of course, it was Chaucer, you see, whose writing had the greatest effect on standardizing the English language."

Me: "It's funny you should say that, because I have an exam on Chaucer next Thursday."

Old Lady: "Really? What's the book?"

Me: "The Wife of Bath's Tale."

Old Lady: "I don't know that one."

Me: "It's from Canterbury Tales."

Old lady: "I haven't heard of it. I expect it must be very good though."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 01 June, 2013, 11:17:39 PM
Caught this story (http://mariamuir.com/will-your-arm-grow-back-soon-one-armed-garys-shock-at-disability-benefit-quiz/) in the papers the other day...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 01 June, 2013, 11:51:58 PM
ATOS are a shower of useless twats....trust me, i have to deal with the fucktards. A prime example being they asked a 50 year old spark who broke his arm if he couldn't find some other work while his arm mended.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 02 June, 2013, 12:59:41 AM
Arse scratcher?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 02 June, 2013, 01:04:46 AM
His or someone elses? Theres checks to be done ,,,,
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mark Taylor on 02 June, 2013, 01:44:17 PM
A work colleague, viewing some of my photographs on a tiny smartphone screen: "Wow, these are great photographs, you must have a really good camera!"  ::)

---

After having a perfectly reasonable conversation with a customer about their personal pension plan, the conversation proceeds in a slightly bizarre direction:

Customer: Thanks. Also, I have a policy with <well known insurance company>, I need to ask you some questions about it.

Me: I'm sorry sir, I can't really help you, it's a different company.

Customer: No, but I just have some questions, it won't take long.

Me: It's a policy with a different company sir, I can't tell you anything about it.

Customer: It doesn't matter, you can bring it up on your computer screen.

Me: Err, no I can't.

Customer: Why not?

Me: We don't have any access to policies with other companies, sir. You will have to phone them direct.

Customer (angrily): Okay, well, thanks for nothing then! (hangs up).

:o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mark Taylor on 02 June, 2013, 01:44:41 PM
Also, one I just remembered, in a certain well known chain store that happens to stock a range of plastic storage boxes.

Me: I need a box to store some old 12 inch LPs.

Assistant: Okay, how large are they?

:lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 03 June, 2013, 02:42:35 PM
My dad used to work in a local hardware shop and was once famously asked: 'Will this hose reach to the end of my garden?'

His response was 'Go away, think about what you've just said and then come back to me'.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tiplodocus on 07 June, 2013, 12:57:23 PM
Quote from: The Cosh on 24 May, 2013, 11:06:31 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 24 May, 2013, 10:32:24 AM
Magnificent.  Reminds me of my father-in-law who can't drive past a 'Heavy Plant Crossing' sign without shouting 'look out, Triffids!'.
This was a favourite in my family too. Right up there with complaining at the lack of variety at the zoo as every enclosure was labelled "These animals are dangerous." [Pronounced to rhyme with the boxing marsupial.]

Stop taking MY family anecdotes to use as your own!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JayzusB.Christ on 09 June, 2013, 02:27:05 AM
Quote from: Tiplodocus on 07 June, 2013, 12:57:23 PM
Quote from: The Cosh on 24 May, 2013, 11:06:31 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 24 May, 2013, 10:32:24 AM
Magnificent.  Reminds me of my father-in-law who can't drive past a 'Heavy Plant Crossing' sign without shouting 'look out, Triffids!'.
This was a favourite in my family too. Right up there with complaining at the lack of variety at the zoo as every enclosure was labelled "These animals are dangerous." [Pronounced to rhyme with the boxing marsupial.]

Stop taking MY family anecdotes to use as your own!

And mine...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 09 June, 2013, 10:31:36 AM
I was on a training course last week and the instructor noticed a 3d cad model of a dragon skull on my laptop screen. He asked if it was a scan of a real skull or just something made in a cad package  :o.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 10 June, 2013, 06:08:14 PM
Overheard several women talking in work today about the egg throwing incident on BGT, when one of them asked the following.

"Were they cooked?"

Why this was of concern I still can't work out!

Mind you the same woman when using the phonetic alphabet today decided on "x for xylophone :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 10 June, 2013, 11:22:44 PM
Quote from: Emp on 10 June, 2013, 06:08:14 PM
Overheard several women talking in work today about the egg throwing incident on BGT, when one of them asked the following.

"Were they cooked?"

Why this was of concern I still can't work out!

Maybe she was worried poor Simon got a bruise.

(Yes, I watched it. I don't usually, but I was at a friends out and they wanted to watch it. Not that it was bad to watch. I quite liked the ventriloquist.)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Taryn Tailz on 14 June, 2013, 12:46:03 AM
Heard by me whilst queing in Edinburgh Waverly branch of Burger King.

Customer: Can I have some brown sauce please?

Staff: Sorry we've ran out.

Customer: Do you have any tomato sauce?

Staff: Yep, here you go.

Customer: I don't want any tomato sauce.

Staff (to me after customer had left): Why ask then?

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 14 June, 2013, 11:25:04 AM
Couple of classics from our cleaner at work.

Telling a joke -

'There was this woman and she was waiting for a lift...no, hang on,that's wrong...it wasn't a woman and she wasn't waiting for a lift'.

A general inquiry -

'James, you like things don't you'



I like some things - less keen on others!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 14 June, 2013, 11:54:02 AM
Just been listening to Tommy Robinson of the EDL doing a phone in on the Asian Network and now have far too many stupid things someone has said to report...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 14 June, 2013, 05:08:40 PM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 14 June, 2013, 11:54:02 AM
Just been listening to Tommy Robinson of the EDL doing a phone in on the Asian Network and now have far too many stupid things someone has said to report...
Oh aye. Mind bendingly simple, that "chap" be.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 16 June, 2013, 09:38:14 PM
My daughter and her ( now ) husband, were out hill-walking last year,  up to the top of Ben Lomond ( in  Scotland )...
After about an hours' walk she began to get really tired,  and said......
" Is it uphill all the way to the top ???  "... ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 16 June, 2013, 10:06:50 PM
Quote from: Sideshow Bob on 16 June, 2013, 09:38:14 PM
" Is it uphill all the way to the top ???  "... ::)

Oh I've been up plenty of mountains that were uphill, then downhill, then uphill, then downhill, then uphill etc.  The worst kind.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: House of Usher on 18 June, 2013, 10:03:14 AM
At an examiners' meeting....

Me: I'm applying for secondary school teaching jobs.
Teacher: What are you doing now?
Me: I'm a home tutor.
Teacher: Oh! That must be really nice.
Me: It is, but it doesn't pay well. I'd like to earn twice as much as I earn from home tutoring.
Teacher: [incredulous] So why do you want to be a school teacher???
Me: Because if I were a school teacher I'd be earning twice what I earn now.


And she's the school teacher. Your kids' education is in very safe hands. Really.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 June, 2013, 10:50:38 AM
Love it! 

A cover-flagged story called 'Mapping Gaelic Genes' in  Ireland of the Welcomes magazine caught my eye and fell within my area of interest, so I had a quick read.  To my horror-slash-delight, I discovered this magical sentence: 

"As I woman, I get all my DNA from my mother".   :o

'Ah, some stupid sub-editor dropped the 'mt-' from that sentence', thought I, charitably, before realising that that it couldn't be a simple typo, because everyone gets their mtDNA from their mother. Maybe this is too much to expect from what is in all probability the official newsletter of the Darby O'Gill fan club, but this in an article about genetic markers and heritage: no-one forced them to write it.  Clones: it's not just a town in Monaghan.

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/1000435_10151669707291578_206125724_n.jpg)

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JOE SOAP on 18 June, 2013, 11:47:43 AM


I can imagine the rest of the content:

The Magic of Howth: The art of the heroin addict at the end of the line, by Gay Byrne.

The Irish Dracula: Anglo-Irish Bank/Noonan.

Holy Mountain: Knacker drinking and child-abuse on Croagh Patrick.

Tracing Irish Cops: 'Kiddie's Corner' - putting large sheets of see-thru over a Mick from New York.



Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 18 June, 2013, 11:50:12 AM
Quote from: House of Usher on 18 June, 2013, 10:03:14 AM
At an examiners' meeting....

Me: I'm applying for secondary school teaching jobs.
Teacher: What are you doing now?
Me: I'm a home tutor.
Teacher: Oh! That must be really nice.
Me: It is, but it doesn't pay well. I'd like to earn twice as much as I earn from home tutoring.
Teacher: [incredulous] So why do you want to be a school teacher???
Me: Because if I were a school teacher I'd be earning twice what I earn now.


And she's the school teacher. Your kids' education is in very safe hands. Really.

And people wonder why I say that all school buildings should have the following sign on them...


WARNING! MOST GROSS DANGER ! THIS BUILDING CONTAINS TEACHERS. KEEP AWAY!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 June, 2013, 01:57:20 PM
An Irish news site today reported that Ireland only approves 8% of asylum seeker applications, as opposed to the EU average of 25%, and that when we have only 0.34% of the EU's total new applications for asylum: we granted some form of right to remain to just 140 people last year.  The comments thread contained all the usual I'm-not-a-racist-but suspects, but I was particularly amused by the juxtaposition of these two:

"Percentages mean nothing, we're only a small country!".

and

"It's not the same as Irish illegal immigrants, we're a highly educated country!"

Of course we are, dear.  Of course we are.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 June, 2013, 04:09:03 PM
On the same thread, here comes one of those well-educated people, a 'man' called Niall:

"Ya, wanting to put own people first! us bad."

Can you guess what all-round humanitarian Niall's avatar is?

(http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/1621071353/anon3_bigger.jpg)

Wonder what Glycon would have to say about that?  One way trip out behind the chemical sheds, hopefully.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 18 June, 2013, 04:26:53 PM
To be fair, I don't think his avatar reflects his political thoughts, it's probably more to do with his liking that superhero film V for Vendetta that was about a English Batman.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 June, 2013, 04:28:29 PM
You're an old softy Bear, I hadn't considered he might have thoughts.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 June, 2013, 04:39:41 PM
Strikes me that it's odds-on Niall identifies himself as Christian too, so that's Alan Moore and Jesus he's misrepresenting: that's a bad brace of enemies, especially if you're afraid of facial hair.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 18 June, 2013, 04:46:13 PM
I have found the deliberate use of the nebulous identifier "Christian" - as opposed to the more specific subcatagories thereof - to almost always signify a bad 'un.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 18 June, 2013, 04:57:07 PM
I was trying to make my contempt an ecumenical matter
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Professor Bear on 18 June, 2013, 05:06:50 PM
Yes.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 18 June, 2013, 05:08:29 PM
That would be ecumenical matter
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 18 June, 2013, 05:18:00 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 18 June, 2013, 10:50:38 AM
"As I woman, I get all my DNA from my mother".

It's a typo; that's meant to read "as a nematode, I get all my DNA from my mother", and the article's a clever pastiche of Flowers For Algernon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowers_for_Algernon). The nematode's one of the four most studied species in the world (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b02qt7wq).

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 20 June, 2013, 02:24:47 PM
Overheard this conversation in Poundland....( where everything costs ....yep £1...)...While standing in the line waiting for a vacant till,  2 days ago....

Young man asks cashier....how much is this ??
Cashier replies....3 items, so that's £3..
Young man says.....But I thought it was everything for a £1..?
Cashier.....Yes, it is, but you have 3 items so that will be £3...
Young man...But it says everything is £1...
Cashier replies.....Yes, but you have 3 items, so that's £3....
Young man....But it says everything for £1.....

At this point, I lost the will to live, and imagined that working there must be like Dante's levels of Hell....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: von Boom on 20 June, 2013, 03:07:20 PM
Quote from: Sideshow Bob on 20 June, 2013, 02:24:47 PM
Overheard this conversation in Poundland....( where everything costs ....yep £1...)...While standing in the line waiting for a vacant till,  2 days ago....

Young man asks cashier....how much is this ??
Cashier replies....3 items, so that's £3..
Young man says.....But I thought it was everything for a £1..?
Cashier.....Yes, it is, but you have 3 items so that will be £3...
Young man...But it says everything is £1...
Cashier replies.....Yes, but you have 3 items, so that's £3....
Young man....But it says everything for £1.....

At this point, I lost the will to live, and imagined that working there must be like Dante's levels of Hell....

This sort of thing makes you question gun restriction laws.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 21 June, 2013, 12:18:59 AM
Quote from: von Boom on 20 June, 2013, 03:07:20 PM

This sort of thing makes you question gun restriction laws.

After paying at another till, I walked out the shop thinking, .....Is it me ?? and shaking my head......The guy was still talking to the Cashier.....
Then thought...Shit, I'm turning into my Dad........before I know it I'll be saying things like....
" In my day..." and....
"When I was growing up we didn't have......" and,
" I remember when this was all fields...."
What a depressing day...I mean it isn't as if it's a difficult 'concept' to grasp......Everything is £1...Is it ??
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 21 June, 2013, 04:04:19 AM
Think about it.
That person is allowed to VOTE...


That person is allowed to DRINK


That person is allowed to.... BREED

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Sideshow Bob on 21 June, 2013, 10:30:23 AM
Yes, I know.....

Makes you wonder about 'Natural selection'.......... :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 21 June, 2013, 10:48:19 AM
Quote from: Sideshow Bob on 21 June, 2013, 10:30:23 AM
Makes you wonder about 'Natural selection'

Well, we're not allowed to leave 'em on a hillside and let wolves* thin the herd any more, are we?

Cheers!

Jim

*Plus, y'know, no wolves. And all the foxes are in the cities. And the Govt wants to shoot all the badgers. Can't imagine there's that much of an overnight threat from slugs.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 21 June, 2013, 10:52:11 AM
When you look at the mess the highly-educated politically-engaged folk who have never darkened the door of a pound shop are capable of, even enthusiastic about, making, I wouldn't worry too much about the arithmetically challenged.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 21 June, 2013, 11:10:28 AM
I read a report somewhere (may be on the BBC website but i can't find it) about the population growth in different areas of the country.
It's pretty cut and dried that the more deprived areas have a higher rate of growth than more affluent areas.
I guess it's because the more upwardly mobile you are, the more likely you are to put off having kids until your thirties or so. Meanwhile, your contemporaries who became parents shortly after or even before leaving school are potentially entering Grand-parenthood!

Not sure what that has to do with pound shops, but the conversation got me on a train of thought.   
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 21 June, 2013, 12:19:21 PM
Do you really want a program of sterilisation? Take control of the population BOOM.

Aside from the push and pull  factors behind increased rates of reproduction (lack of other opportunities for developing self worth, the difficulty of being unable to return to work with one child so why not have more, insurance for your old age, lack of relevant education), there's an argument that differential growth in affluent/poorer populations is essential to prevent societal stagnation - if only-child Fiachra Blennerhasset-O'Toole MBA FRSCA has everything he could ever need in terms of short-term access and future inheritance, where's the incentive to change or grow or reach out beyond the cosy nursery? (Anecdotal evidence gathered in pubs and on public transport suggests: none) 

In the cruel realities of the numbers game, I'd prefer to see what little population growth there is take place in those areas of society with a pressing need to strive and innovate, as well as a better sense of the benefits of a supportive community structure.  Or something.

On another note, I'd love more kids me (great heaving piles of 'em), but I can barely feed the two I have, and nor can the world.  Apart from the various emotional horrors I've visited on a handful of women, my main regret in life is that I didn't start breeding earlier.  Big families seem great - while I have a fine brace of brothers I grew up with no cousins, and my own kids' only living cousins are in Australia, and boy do I feel the absence.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Emp on 22 June, 2013, 01:36:50 AM
Sterilisation is not all bad...to be fair if there was an IQ test for wannabe parents there would be a lot less cretins in the world and it might stop people choosing benefit sponge as a career choice  :D
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 22 June, 2013, 09:32:31 PM
I love her to bits but my 80 year old mother is a professional worrier, she still has all her marbles and is pretty sharp but its getting to the point where I feel as though I am walking on egg shells whenever I have a conversation with her, she will jump on any small detail to use as worry porn.

I'm usually pretty good at biting my tongue but I had to call her out today after her latest revelation, she was asking about the colour of the new car I'm getting soon, I told her its a dark metallic grey. She has asked if I can change the colour because its the same colour as a road so other drivers won't be able to see me  ::).
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 22 June, 2013, 11:23:40 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 21 June, 2013, 12:19:21 PM
Do you really want a program of sterilisation? Take control of the population BOOM.

Aside from the push and pull  factors behind increased rates of reproduction (lack of other opportunities for developing self worth, the difficulty of being unable to return to work with one child so why not have more, insurance for your old age, lack of relevant education), there's an argument that differential growth in affluent/poorer populations is essential to prevent societal stagnation - if only-child Fiachra Blennerhasset-O'Toole MBA FRSCA has everything he could ever need in terms of short-term access and future inheritance, where's the incentive to change or grow or reach out beyond the cosy nursery? (Anecdotal evidence gathered in pubs and on public transport suggests: none) 

In the cruel realities of the numbers game, I'd prefer to see what little population growth there is take place in those areas of society with a pressing need to strive and innovate, as well as a better sense of the benefits of a supportive community structure.  Or something.

On another note, I'd love more kids me (great heaving piles of 'em), but I can barely feed the two I have, and nor can the world.  Apart from the various emotional horrors I've visited on a handful of women, my main regret in life is that I didn't start breeding earlier.  Big families seem great - while I have a fine brace of brothers I grew up with no cousins, and my own kids' only living cousins are in Australia, and boy do I feel the absence.

Although sometimes they take care of it themselves...

http://themuseumofincompetance.yuku.com/topic/766/Suddenly-VACectomy
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 26 June, 2013, 05:17:37 PM
not actually said to me, but as we don't have a thread for general boneheadedness - how about pork laced bullets to not only kill moslems, but send them to hell. FFS  ::)

http://www.complex.com/city-guide/2013/06/pork-laced-bullets (http://www.complex.com/city-guide/2013/06/pork-laced-bullets)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 26 June, 2013, 06:11:04 PM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 26 June, 2013, 05:17:37 PM
not actually said to me, but as we don't have a thread for general boneheadedness - how about pork laced bullets to not only kill moslems, but send them to hell. FFS  ::)

http://www.complex.com/city-guide/2013/06/pork-laced-bullets (http://www.complex.com/city-guide/2013/06/pork-laced-bullets)

Fail! Unless their targets are eating those cross-cut 9mm rounds they're not going to hell. All those high capacity magazines full of the armour piercing rounds American hunters assure us they need to give them the stopping power to murder ducks are really going to stink in hot weather if they're full of ham.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 02 July, 2013, 10:53:01 AM
That is officially the most depressing thing I've seen this week.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 02 July, 2013, 11:47:28 AM
Quote from: Theblazeuk on 02 July, 2013, 10:53:01 AM
That is officially the most depressing thing I've seen this week.

Not me.  I read this (http://selinadee.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/racists-dump-rotting-pig-heads-in-bradford-garden-as-told-by-sophia-ditta/).  Makes me want to thump people, some of them policemen.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SuperSurfer on 02 July, 2013, 11:58:01 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 02 July, 2013, 11:47:28 AM
Not me.  I read this (http://selinadee.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/racists-dump-rotting-pig-heads-in-bradford-garden-as-told-by-sophia-ditta/).
Depressing reading.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 03 July, 2013, 10:38:30 AM
"Stupid things people have done and should be thoroughly ashamed of"

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 03 July, 2013, 11:54:47 AM
Quote from: TordelBack on 02 July, 2013, 11:47:28 AM
I read this (http://selinadee.wordpress.com/2013/06/29/racists-dump-rotting-pig-heads-in-bradford-garden-as-told-by-sophia-ditta/).  Makes me want to thump people, some of them policemen.

"As Muslims, we are not supposed to eat pork. Those dead pigs in my garden only offended my nose and good sense of hygiene. For the record my family loves Peppa Pig, we just wouldn't eat her"

Ha! Why do rednecks imagine prosciutto is kryptonite for Muslims? Their superstitious stone age antecedents issued commandments forbidding them from doing all the same relatively innocuous things as their Abrahamic counterparts in Judaism and Christianity, for no particular reason; if modern Christians aren't outraged at the thought of their neighbours' oxen being coveted, why would Muslims lose their shit over crackling?

And why is it always that particular prohibition? Islam forbids usury too; why not just make a very loud public phone call to Wonga outside your local mosque and save yourself a trip to the abattoir?

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 03 July, 2013, 12:04:38 PM
Quote from: sauchie on 03 July, 2013, 11:54:47 AMAnd why is it always that particular prohibition?

From Berlin to Bradford, every averagely stupid scumbag has heard of pork.  Basic morality, not so much.

Mmmmmm, pork.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 07 July, 2013, 10:47:29 AM
"Andy Murray is a hero", or even "the UK Lions rugby team are heroes".

No they're not heroes. They are lucky enough to get paid for something they ENJOY doing, there's nothing heroic about it!

Rant over, Cheers
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: A.Cow on 07 July, 2013, 11:56:09 PM
Quote from: NapalmKev on 07 July, 2013, 10:47:29 AM
"Andy Murray is a hero", or even "the UK Lions rugby team are heroes".
No they're not heroes. They are lucky enough to get paid for something they ENJOY doing, there's nothing heroic about it!

They must be heroes, shurely?  After all, they've neglected their kids so they can instead spend time practising hitting a ball around, and laid the seeds of future crippling arthritis & joint damage so they could get their name engraved on a lump of metal for five minutes.  If that's not heroic I don't know what is.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 08 July, 2013, 01:22:15 AM
Quote from: A.Cow on 07 July, 2013, 11:56:09 PM...so they could get their name engraved on a lump of metal for five minutes.

I understand that there is some small emolument accruing to these titles as well.  Most likely an inconsequential trifle.

I know I'm basically a pimp for the late David Foster Wallace at this stage, but his long essay 'The String Theory' (http://www.esquire.com/features/sports/the-string-theory-0796) is a fascinating, if vaguely horrifying, insight into the world of professional tennis. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 08 July, 2013, 07:06:37 AM
Quote from: A.Cow on 07 July, 2013, 11:56:09 PM
Quote from: NapalmKev on 07 July, 2013, 10:47:29 AM
"Andy Murray is a hero", or even "the UK Lions rugby team are heroes".
No they're not heroes. They are lucky enough to get paid for something they ENJOY doing, there's nothing heroic about it!

They must be heroes, shurely?  After all, they've neglected their kids so they can instead spend time practising hitting a ball around, and laid the seeds of future crippling arthritis & joint damage so they could get their name engraved on a lump of metal for five minutes.  If that's not heroic I don't know what is.

I know! I mean, who the hell would want to be the best in the world at doing something? How the hell would ever want to push themselves to their absolute limits? What's the point in that? It's hardly action that defines our species, is it?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 08 July, 2013, 07:17:42 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 08 July, 2013, 07:06:37 AM

I know! I mean, who the hell would want to be the best in the world at doing something? How the hell would ever want to push themselves to their absolute limits? What's the point in that? It's hardly action that defines our species, is it?
The wisest yet most cynicle words i've read all day. Saying that it's 7:17 in the morrow and i'm still shit faced. That aside, I do agree with you, people will do what they love and no amount of online bitching from some stranger will stop them.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 08 July, 2013, 09:26:27 AM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 08 July, 2013, 07:17:42 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 08 July, 2013, 07:06:37 AM

I know! I mean, who the hell would want to be the best in the world at doing something? How the hell would ever want to push themselves to their absolute limits? What's the point in that? It's hardly action that defines our species, is it?
The wisest yet most cynicle words i've read all day. Saying that it's 7:17 in the morrow and i'm still shit faced. That aside, I do agree with you, people will do what they love and no amount of online bitching from some stranger will stop them.

Hardly bitching. The thread title is 'stupid things people have said to you', and people keep telling me that sports personalities are heroes. Again, they're not heroes.

That's not bitching; it's a perfectly valid comment.

Cheers, you heroes ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richmond Clements on 08 July, 2013, 09:57:33 AM
Of course it's bitching! Is that not the point of this thread? ;-)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 08 July, 2013, 10:05:22 AM
Quote from: Richmond Clements on 08 July, 2013, 09:57:33 AM
Of course it's bitching! Is that not the point of this thread? ;-)

Fair enough I suppose.

Cheers



Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 08 July, 2013, 04:29:36 PM
As my best chum said one time. "Football, a game for gentlemen. Rugby, a game for the unintelligent . Football, a game played by the Unintelligent . Rugby, a game played by gentlemen."
Actualy, that make'a alot of sense.

That is to say, Murry has put alot of effert into his work, and to many that make's him a hero (to me included), he's a long shot from those soppy-doppy excusses of human life we call the England Football Team, whom i'm actualy embarrased to be represented by. You'll never see Murry pretending to be wounded to make up time.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 08 July, 2013, 05:27:25 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 08 July, 2013, 04:29:36 PM
You'll never see Murry pretending to be wounded to make up time.

To be fair, not being a contact sport, tennis has slightly less opportunities for such shenanigans, and "AAAHHH!! I've inadvertently caught myself in a bear trap which someone has carelessly left in the middle of the centre court and seems to have gone completely unnoticed by everyone present until this precise moment!" probably wouldn't cut it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 08 July, 2013, 05:42:49 PM

Didn't Goran Ivanisevic go off-court to have a shit, once? That's got to have put his opponent off his game, although not as much as if Ivanisevic hadn't gone off-court, I suppose. Sorry to bring down the tone of the conversation after Tordelback's fascinating Foster Wallace piece.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 08 July, 2013, 05:52:09 PM
Quote from: sauchie on 08 July, 2013, 05:42:49 PM

although not as much as if Ivanisevic hadn't gone off-court

That's what used to happen in the old days and a ball boy would swiftly scoop it up with a small trowel.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 08 July, 2013, 06:19:16 PM
Quote from: sauchie on 08 July, 2013, 05:42:49 PM
Didn't Goran Ivanisevic go off-court to have a shit, once?

As Paula Radcliffe would no doubt say; When you got to go, you got to go...

(http://i.imgur.com/FrM6mrj.jpg)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 08 July, 2013, 08:50:05 PM
Quote from: M.I.K. on 08 July, 2013, 05:27:25 PM
To be fair, not being a contact sport, tennis has slightly less opportunities for such shenanigans, and "AAAHHH!! I've inadvertently caught myself in a bear trap which someone has carelessly left in the middle of the centre court and seems to have gone completely unnoticed by everyone present until this precise moment!" probably wouldn't cut it.
S'true.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 09 July, 2013, 11:58:38 AM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 08 July, 2013, 04:29:36 PM
As my best chum said one time. "Football, a game for gentlemen. Rugby, a game for the unintelligent . Football, a game played by the Unintelligent . Rugby, a game played by gentlemen."
Actualy, that make'a alot of sense.

The way I heard it was "Football is played by gentlemen and watched by thugs, while Rugby is played by thugs and watched by gentlemen"

Although that doesn't really apply these days, because now football is played by overly-entitled little boys. All that rolling around the ground clutching at themselves and crying out?

A) You look like a sissy
B) If you were REALLY seriously injured, all that carry on is just going to make it worse
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 09 July, 2013, 04:44:57 PM
S'True Pops.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 06 November, 2013, 10:16:51 AM
My housemate said that you need to watch out around wasps, because they'll bite you.

We all laughed, and his brother arrived at the bar. When we told him why we were laughing, he looked at us weirdly and said "Yeah man, they've got those big ****in teeth".

Heh
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tombo on 06 November, 2013, 05:25:38 PM
Quote from: Theblazeuk on 06 November, 2013, 10:16:51 AM
My housemate said that you need to watch out around wasps, because they'll bite you.

We all laughed, and his brother arrived at the bar. When we told him why we were laughing, he looked at us weirdly and said "Yeah man, they've got those big ****in teeth".

Heh

I can attest that wasps do indeed bite.  A few summers ago a wasp landed on my hand when I was in the garden, I moved my hand away from my cuppa (on the arm of the garden bench) and clearly saw which end of the wasp inflicted a searing amount of pain onto my finger tip.  The bite was sore for several days.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: von Boom on 06 November, 2013, 05:34:20 PM
Quote from: Tombo on 06 November, 2013, 05:25:38 PM
Quote from: Theblazeuk on 06 November, 2013, 10:16:51 AM
My housemate said that you need to watch out around wasps, because they'll bite you.

We all laughed, and his brother arrived at the bar. When we told him why we were laughing, he looked at us weirdly and said "Yeah man, they've got those big ****in teeth".

Heh

I can attest that wasps do indeed bite.  A few summers ago a wasp landed on my hand when I was in the garden, I moved my hand away from my cuppa (on the arm of the garden bench) and clearly saw which end of the wasp inflicted a searing amount of pain onto my finger tip.  The bite was sore for several days.

The the wasp look like any of these?
(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcToUq9jD5qVW8GDAwcW9PJIhFs5Ad1dFu5UOf4Myyu1GyZLeoNeFmLk5J3Y)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: SmallBlueThing on 06 November, 2013, 10:18:10 PM
Reading through this thread for wont of something else to do, I am moved to mention that I found someone else this week who had never heard of Christopher Lee- and this woman, in her mid thirties at least, even googled him in front of me, and STILL was none the wiser, claiming not to have ever seen anything he might have been in. The mind, she fucking BOGGLES like a boggling boggley boggler.

But the real reason I was here, was that I got in a taxi today, clutching a bag carrying some shopping and some comics for the kids- and the taxi driver said to me, with a sneer: "A bit old for comics aren't you?".

Anyone who knows me, may well realise that, aside from slagging off my wife, calling my children foul names, criticising our parenting skills or claiming to be anything other than the Leftist of Lefties, there isn't much else guaranteed to piss me off as much as that.

Taxi driver, at the end of our journey (which I suggest may have been slightly more uncomfortable for him than he anticipated) said "I didn't expect that, I was only making a joke, I think it backfired a bit."

I imagine, somewhere on the Internet (at whatfuckergotinmytaxitoday.com?) there is a thread similar to this one, where he posted of this uncomfortable journey, from his point of view. And I don't care.

SBT
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 07 November, 2013, 10:22:59 AM
Quote from: Tombo on 06 November, 2013, 05:25:38 PM
I can attest that wasps do indeed bite.  A few summers ago a wasp landed on my hand when I was in the garden, I moved my hand away from my cuppa (on the arm of the garden bench) and clearly saw which end of the wasp inflicted a searing amount of pain onto my finger tip.  The bite was sore for several days.

Wasps do bite, but only if they think you're something tasty. Which is generally unlikely, tis the sting they use as a defence mechanism as this contains the venom whereas the bite is just a painful injury.

Its not so much that wasps bite as what did my friend's think the big pointy thing at the other end was for

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dudley on 07 November, 2013, 12:56:40 PM
In appearance, I'm something like a vaguely slimmer Johann Hari.

One of my students recently told me that I "look like Aretha Franklin."
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Ghastly McNasty on 20 December, 2013, 12:44:25 PM
At work talking about the price of shipping things to European destinations, the guy (aged 30) sitting next to me just said "I thought Scandinavia was a country"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Chris Tresson on 20 December, 2013, 01:08:43 PM
When Bernard Matthews died, a bloke at my work thought we were all taking the piss. He thought Bernard Matthews was a fictional character, used for advertising and therefore incapable of dying. We had to explain to him that he was real (he fought the facts for a good, long while) until he gave in and accepted it.

After he'd had a while to think, he came back and asked if it was the same thing with Captain Birdseye.

We blew his mind.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 20 December, 2013, 01:38:39 PM
A colleague said recently 'Since watching Stargate I've become much more scientific.'

I can't find an emoticon that sums up my reaction to that statement.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 20 December, 2013, 01:44:33 PM
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 20 December, 2013, 01:38:39 PM
A colleague said recently 'Since watching Stargate I've become much more scientific.'

That is beyond brilliant.   :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 21 January, 2014, 12:49:27 AM
Assisted a rather annoying colleague with a small bit of manual surveying today.  I talked him through some basic trig, and we got the whole thing done in jig time.  However, as soon as we were done, rather than saying 'thanks' he felt the need to observe:

"Of course I don't need to to know any of that stuff, what with differential GPS".
"Oh, you have a GPS?".
"No".
Title: Re: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: radiator on 21 January, 2014, 08:57:20 AM
"I don't like it when they sing" - overheard at a performance of The Book of Mormon.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Trout on 22 January, 2014, 01:44:54 AM
Love it.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 22 January, 2014, 11:48:10 AM
A man arrives at at desk i'm working on and announces : 'The computers sent me' then awaited my response
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 22 January, 2014, 12:57:21 PM
Conversaion with my Grandfather on Russia, Sochi 2014 and Homosexuality. A brief snippit where I gave up the argument.

"Thing is with your generation is you'll believe anything the government or some activist group tells you. I watched a documentary the other day saying that Russia especially Moscow are far from draconian, so whats the problem."

And...

"Now im not religious, but if the scripture says man shall not lay with man then who am I to disobey?"

I love this man as a member of my family, but sometimes I want to throw him through a window.....or maybe this should be in the politics thread.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: radiator on 22 January, 2014, 12:58:26 PM
Sounds like textbook trolling.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 22 January, 2014, 01:05:22 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 22 January, 2014, 12:57:21 PM
Conversaion with my Grandfather on Russia, Sochi 2014 and Homosexuality. A brief snippit where I gave up the argument.

"Thing is with your generation is you'll believe anything the government or some activist group tells you. I watched a documentary the other day saying that Russia especially Moscow are far from draconian, so whats the problem."

And...

"Now im not religious, but if the scripture says man shall not lay with man then who am I to disobey?"

I love this man as a member of my family, but sometimes I want to throw him through a window.....or maybe this should be in the politics thread.

show him this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSXJzybEeJM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSXJzybEeJM)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 22 January, 2014, 01:07:15 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 22 January, 2014, 12:57:21 PM
"Now im not religious, but if the scripture says man shall not lay with man then who am I to disobey?"

Ask him how he feels about prawn cocktails and mixed fabrics...

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 22 January, 2014, 01:12:20 PM
Quote from: Jim_Campbell on 22 January, 2014, 01:07:15 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 22 January, 2014, 12:57:21 PM
"Now im not religious, but if the scripture says man shall not lay with man then who am I to disobey?"

Ask him how he feels about prawn cocktails and mixed fabrics...

Cheers

Jim

That was pretty much my response. Well, I pointed out he was wearing clothes woven from several sources. He didn't seem to get my point.

Now probably a good time to point out that my grandfather is in his 60's, has never left the country, reads The Mail, refuses to vote come each election while still maintaining that foreigners are simultaneously stealing out jobs and our benefits, and wears HIS FATHERS medals despite having never been part of the army and speaks of the, as if they where his own. In short, a typical middle aged northern man from Horwich.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Jim_Campbell on 22 January, 2014, 01:21:01 PM
Quote from: Hawkmonger on 22 January, 2014, 01:12:20 PM
That was pretty much my response. Well, I pointed out he was wearing clothes woven from several sources. He didn't seem to get my point.

Ah, well... worth a try, though!

Cheers

Jim
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Recrewt on 22 January, 2014, 01:56:37 PM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 22 January, 2014, 11:48:10 AM
A man arrives at at desk i'm working on and announces : 'The computers sent me' then awaited my response

HaHa!

You should have typed a bit on your Keyboard and then said:

"Computer says no"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Colin Zeal on 22 January, 2014, 04:44:21 PM
My sister once asked me if she should get her car windows fixed as every time she got in it there was water on the inside. I thought 30 something was a bit late to have finally noticed condensation but there you go.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 22 January, 2014, 07:44:25 PM
Foreman on site today refused point blank to believe that I had ever dug up a skeleton.  I've been working as an archaeologist for 27 years: I even worked on a site with the very same guy about 13 years ago.  There have been over a thousand bodies excavated on projects I've been on, and I've surely accounted for more than a hundred of those.  Cripes I've personally found three whole cemeteries, and I've dug up at least 25 babies alone.  I'm sick of the bloody things, I never want to see one again, I'm insisting on cremation for myself so I never inflict the hassle on anyone else.

But apparently: "if you'd found a skeleton it would have been on the news, and I never miss the news".
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 22 January, 2014, 08:00:42 PM
Quote from: TordelBack on 22 January, 2014, 07:44:25 PM
Foreman on site today refused point blank to believe that I had ever dug up a skeleton.  I've been working as an archaeologist for 27 years: I even worked on a site with the very same guy about 13 years ago. 

There's no point digging up old bones jokes.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 25 January, 2014, 01:53:25 PM

"Fish cannot get infections because they live in salt water".

Cheers
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 26 January, 2014, 03:03:23 AM
'What can you get in Poundland for a pound?'
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 26 January, 2014, 10:56:41 AM
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 26 January, 2014, 03:03:23 AM
'What can you get in Poundland for a pound?'
Heh. Although I can sort of see what the person means. "What quality of stuff is available in Poundland?" Or "What sort of stuff do they sell?" Everything is 1  pound, but what kinda item will I get for that, in other words.

But people are seldom as wordy as me.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: staticgirl on 26 January, 2014, 02:13:31 PM
Sometimes Poundland has money off offers....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 26 January, 2014, 02:27:13 PM
'Why do they call The Valleys "The Valleys"'?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 27 January, 2014, 10:18:59 AM
"It's ok to pee in the sink - urine is sterile".

My best friend. I'm glad I'm not one of his housemates and I'm never using his sink again.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 27 January, 2014, 04:18:17 PM
But he IS right. Urine IS sterile.


But good manners means you shouldn't use the sink....


(at least not when there is washing up I it.)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Frank on 27 January, 2014, 05:04:19 PM
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 26 January, 2014, 02:27:13 PM
'Why do they call The Valleys "The Valleys"'?

So you and your Samoan attorney don't confuse them with the eccies and the speed.

Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 27 January, 2014, 05:09:38 PM
Quote from: The Doctor Alt 8 on 27 January, 2014, 04:18:17 PM
But he IS right. Urine IS sterile.

Urine is. What it passes through on the way out is not.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 27 January, 2014, 05:18:30 PM
 :lol: :lol: :lol:

depends on the person....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 27 January, 2014, 05:54:23 PM
I have, on occasion, elected not to wash my hands after urinating in a pub toilet, being convinced that my cock is about the cleanest thing in the room.
Sometimes, if you can get out without touching anything other than the door with the sole of your boot, it's the best thing to do.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 27 January, 2014, 06:13:08 PM
Quote from: Theblazeuk on 27 January, 2014, 10:18:59 AM
"It's ok to pee in the sink - urine is sterile".

My best friend. I'm glad I'm not one of his housemates and I'm never using his sink again.

I did a first aid course in the scouts and we were told if you had to sterilise a needle or blade and had no water, you should piss on it as urine is sterile.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Spikes on 27 January, 2014, 06:26:12 PM
That band in Russia that got arrested. You know, The Pussy Kittens....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 27 January, 2014, 10:54:32 PM
Quote from: The Doctor Alt 8 on 27 January, 2014, 04:18:17 PM
But he IS right. Urine IS sterile.

And its only sterile whilst its inside you... pon entering this blighted world, it quickly festers with all the greedy little things of the microscopic realm. Your waste products are their bountiful feast.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 28 January, 2014, 08:00:46 AM
"I thought 'subvert' was a skateboard ramp."

Mind you, I can hardly talk.  Folk were talking about a 'manual' the other day, and I thought they were on about pulling tricks on a skateboard.   ::)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Goaty on 03 February, 2014, 02:21:05 PM
"Neck Nominations" I never see so many stupid people did it. :(
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 03 February, 2014, 02:48:54 PM
Yes the spread of this across my not-really friends is incredible.

I liked it when I thought it was something that they'd come up with between themselves but this whole viral thing is ridiculous. Funny how at some point someone has added the stage of taking off your clothes too.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: shaolin_monkey on 03 February, 2014, 04:16:22 PM
What's a neck nomination?!?
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 03 February, 2014, 04:27:33 PM
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 03 February, 2014, 04:16:22 PM
What's a neck nomination?!?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-26013063 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-26013063)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Link Prime on 03 February, 2014, 11:19:50 PM
Quote from: shaolin_monkey on 03 February, 2014, 04:16:22 PM
What's a neck nomination?!?

Something utterly moronic.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 04 February, 2014, 07:05:50 AM
It sounds to me like natural selection just doing its thing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 04 February, 2014, 07:11:19 AM
I know three friends who have done it, though I wouldn't say it to their faces because, if they want to do it, they have every right to. But yes, I agree it's utterly moronic.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 04 February, 2014, 10:08:08 AM
It's just necking a beer. The idiocy is in the 'special' things they do during the filming. Such as jumping in a river.

I mean there is something slightly sad in all the film of people necking a beer, it is not like that is the most INSANE thing anyone has ever done. A round of pub golf would see you do this at least twice to have any chance of meeting par.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Link Prime on 04 February, 2014, 11:45:07 AM
Quote from: Theblazeuk on 04 February, 2014, 10:08:08 AM
The idiocy is in the 'special' things they do during the filming. Such as jumping in a river.


That's the moronic bit.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 04 February, 2014, 11:47:13 AM
Yeah so far all the people I directly know who've done it just got naked or semi naked.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Link Prime on 04 February, 2014, 11:49:20 AM
Quote from: Theblazeuk on 04 February, 2014, 11:47:13 AM
Yeah so far all the people I directly know who've done it just got naked or semi naked.

Nuthin really wrong with a bit of harmless fun, it's the dopes jumping into slurry tanks you've got to wonder about...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 04 February, 2014, 02:18:41 PM
QuoteA slurry pit, also known as a farm slurry pit, slurry tank, or slurry store, is a hole, dam, or circular concrete structure where farmers gather all their animal waste together with other unusable organic matter, such as hay and water run off from washing down dairies, stables, and barns, in order to convert it, over a lengthy period of time, into fertilizer that can eventually be reused on their lands to fertilize crops.

:-\ :-X
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Doctor Alt 8 on 04 February, 2014, 04:24:33 PM
And then there is this...
Pervert:caught pleasuring himself in slurry for third time
.
4:03pm Wednesday 2nd March 2011 in News .

Falmouth Packet: David Truscott pictured at a previous court appearanceDavid Truscott pictured at a previous court appearance

UPDATE: The man branded a slurry pervert has appeared back in court after threatening to kill a farmer. Click here for more

A man found naked in a field amongst cow dung and mud had been sexually pleasuring himself, a court has heard.

It was the same farm he had returned to over a period of seven years.

He was discovered on Saturday by a child of the family on land at Woodbury House Farm, Tolgus Mount, Redruth.

When police officers arrived soon after, they found him covered in a large amount of slurry and mud, in a quagmire, surrounded by tissues.

This is the third time that he has appeared in court for this kind of behaviour.

David Truscott, aged 41, of Pengegon Parc, Camborne, was sent to Truro Crown Court for sentence by Truro magistrates after he pleaded guilty to breaching a restraining order and to causing harassment to Clive Roth, of the family living on the farm.

Jill Wilson, prosecuting, said the restraining order had been made in 2009 prohibiting Truscott from entering the farm for any reason.


"There is a history of his visiting this particular farm seeking sexual gratification while immersed in cow dung and mud," she said. "This is the only place he seeks to gratify himself in this particular manner. It goes back seven years."

The Roth family had suffered because of his behaviour, she went on, as it had affected their quality of life and their children who had been part of what was going on.

"The family have to regularly check their livestock, outbuildings and equipment, as he has masturbated in a muck spreader and set fire to outbuildings, killing livestock in frustration when they cleaned out their farm equipment in an attempt to stop him from this lewd and obscene habit."
.


Related links
•Sex slurry pervert is at it again
..
  .
On Saturday, a son of the family had become aware that a man had been seen climbing over a gate to the property, and since the family were expecting this to be Truscott they went out. The child came across him naked in a field amongst cow dung and mud.

His previous convictions included arson, burglary and harassment, and he had a caution for possession of extreme pornographic images in relation to animals. He had breached the restraining order before, quite soon after it was made, and for which he was sent to prison.

The magistrates sent Truscott to the crown court on March 23, saying the case was unsuitable for summary hearing.

He was remanded in custody.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 04 February, 2014, 09:28:43 PM
Maybe it was this chap looking for his love, Pat. (Bear with him. He has a broken heart.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H_HKHcGmK4

Joking aside, that's pretty disturbing stuff. Especially that a child found him...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 04 February, 2014, 10:55:28 PM
Quote from: Theblazeuk on 04 February, 2014, 02:18:41 PM
QuoteA slurry pit, also known as a farm slurry pit, slurry tank, or slurry store, is a hole, dam, or circular concrete structure where farmers gather all their animal waste together with other unusable organic matter, such as hay and water run off from washing down dairies, stables, and barns, in order to convert it, over a lengthy period of time, into fertilizer that can eventually be reused on their lands to fertilize crops.

As any fieldwalker knows, it's not just animal waste that goes into the slurry.  Unless Always have greatly expanded their client base.

As to NekNominations, a good number seem to involve drinking a hell of a lot more than a pint of plain before aforementioned stupidities.  Not that we haven't all done silly things involving alcohol and dares, it's just as usual with 'the young generation' it's all recorded and disseminated for all and for always rather than being fondly regarded through the rosy haze of middle-aged reunions.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: JamesC on 05 February, 2014, 08:14:06 AM
I once read about a guy who was locked up after repeated offences of having sex with the hole in the top of road traffic cones. He was doing it in the middle of dual carriageways so kept getting caught.
After his release he developed a new habit of having sex with people's shoes while they were swimming in the sea.
I think it was in Devon.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Theblazeuk on 13 February, 2014, 11:07:55 PM
A French girl I know: "i was an english teacher today for a week"

Je suis confuse. Bless her, her English is better than my French but... I am not sure she is in the right position in that school.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: paddykafka on 11 October, 2014, 04:01:38 PM
Not quite said directly to me but as related by a guy I know: He and a friend are discussing the current Ebola situation. His friend announces - in very strident and admiring tones - that there was a headline in a newspaper, about how rock band "The Who" are in Africa trying to assist the people suffering so terribly over there.

Needless to say, "The Who" in question was the World Health Organisation.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Hawkmumbler on 11 October, 2014, 06:04:09 PM
Diving student today.

"I can't! Everytime I breath out it flood my mask!"

"....Are you breathing out throug your nose?"

"Yeah!"

"Well thats why!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 11 October, 2014, 06:13:05 PM
Quote from: paddykafka on 11 October, 2014, 04:01:38 PM
Needless to say, "The Who" in question was the World Health Organisation.

That's quite beautiful.  I hear he's on First too.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: NapalmKev on 11 March, 2015, 11:30:08 AM
"When you eat food the World gets Heavier!"

Yeah, right. Hard-core knowledge straight from a bottle of Cider.

Cheers
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rog69 on 11 March, 2015, 05:04:11 PM
I recieved an email from one of our sales team today that started -

QuoteHi Roger

Hopefully you have this by now – if not, look in junk mail.

:crazy:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: ZenArcade on 11 March, 2015, 06:06:20 PM
Napamkev and Rog69....mind boggling! Z
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Funt Solo on 05 February, 2019, 08:16:21 PM
In an email: 

QuoteThe UPS (Uninterruptable Power Supply) went down...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Heath C Ackley on 06 February, 2019, 02:31:16 PM
I once overheard a conversation between an infant son his Mum and Dad at Paignton Zoo:

BOY points to large spotted predator in its enclosure.
'What is it?'

MUM: 'I dunno. Let's ask Daddy.'

DAD reads sign on wall.

'Its a cheetah.'

MUM: 'What's a cheetah?'

DAD: 'I dunno.'

:o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: DaveGYNWA on 06 February, 2019, 04:06:48 PM
A work colleague struggling to remember the name of something comes up with the following:

"What do they call those boats that float?"

[spoiler]The answer he wanted to hear was 'Hovercraft' but the answer he got was "That would be a boat"[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 08 February, 2019, 04:35:11 PM
Quote from: Heath C Ackley on 06 February, 2019, 02:31:16 PM
I once overheard a conversation between an infant son his Mum and Dad at Paignton Zoo:

BOY points to large spotted predator in its enclosure.
'What is it?'

MUM: 'I dunno. Let's ask Daddy.'

DAD reads sign on wall.

'Its a cheetah.'

MUM: 'What's a cheetah?'

DAD: 'I dunno.'

:o

One for the Darwin awards...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Proudhuff on 08 February, 2019, 04:36:27 PM
'Mary Queen of Scots last letter, is that a recent thing?'   :think:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: sheridan on 09 February, 2019, 01:06:17 AM
Quote from: Proudhuff on 08 February, 2019, 04:35:11 PM
Quote from: Heath C Ackley on 06 February, 2019, 02:31:16 PM
I once overheard a conversation between an infant son his Mum and Dad at Paignton Zoo:

BOY points to large spotted predator in its enclosure.
'What is it?'

MUM: 'I dunno. Let's ask Daddy.'

DAD reads sign on wall.

'Its a cheetah.'

MUM: 'What's a cheetah?'

DAD: 'I dunno.'

:o

One for the Darwin awards...

Nah - you've got to get yourself killed before breeding to properly qualify for the Darwins*







*taken literally, anyway...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rackle on 09 February, 2019, 02:43:04 PM
About five or six years ago, I was working for an advertising company as a data analyst (I know, shame on me) and a member of IT needed to get in contact with me but emails kept bouncing when he tried to email me.  You'd think if someone's working in IT they'd know how to use the global address book if the email is bouncing at the instant they try to send it to me.

I get a call from said IT Bod and he complains he's trying to send an email and I must have done something to my email account. It turns out he just kept mispelling my firstname and the email address format at this place was firstname.surname@company.com

Me: well I am recieving emails from other staff fine - are you sure you are contacting the correct Rachael?
IT Bod: Is your last name <uses my last name>?
Me: yes. Hmmm. What email address are you sending it to?

IT Bod spells out my email address with a typo - basically he missed out the second a in my first name.
Me: Ah that's why. You've missed out a letter. My email address is <insert correct one>
IT Bod: Oh, you spell your name wrong
Me: Oh you sweet summer child, I've been spelling my name this way for over 30 years, it's MY name. I think I know how to spell it!  You could have looked it up in the staff directory  ::)

Thankfully I don't work there any more.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tjm86 on 09 February, 2019, 02:52:41 PM
My normal response at that point is "you aren't planning on having kids, are you?" ....
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Apestrife on 09 February, 2019, 04:26:34 PM
Once upon a time in a math class during a test, a classmate asked out teacher: "How many sides does a dice have?".

Our teacher said she refused to answer that. 
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tjm86 on 09 February, 2019, 04:54:53 PM
To be fair, that is not a completely unreasonable (albeit incorrectly phrased) question.  There are enough gamers on this site to be able corroborate this.

That said, I have had a pupil ask me how many sides there were on a six sided die in the past.   :o
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Apestrife on 09 February, 2019, 05:07:39 PM
Quote from: Tjm86 on 09 February, 2019, 04:54:53 PM
To be fair, that is not a completely unreasonable (albeit incorrectly phrased) question.  There are enough gamers on this site to be able corroborate this.

That said, I have had a pupil ask me how many sides there were on a six sided die in the past.   :o

You're right. (even if it's not that long ago I actually saw a dice which had anything other than six sides to it)

But the dice in question was a six sided one. But when I think of it, said student wasn't the best when it came to maths. So I wouldn't put emphasis on "stupid".

Haha, and the answer to that was?  :lol:
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Rackle on 09 February, 2019, 05:17:42 PM
Quote from: Apestrife on 09 February, 2019, 04:26:34 PM
Once upon a time in a math class during a test, a classmate asked out teacher: "How many sides does a dice have?".

Our teacher said she refused to answer that.
She should have told him to roll for knowledge check (using a D20) ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Apestrife on 09 February, 2019, 05:29:18 PM
Quote from: Rackle on 09 February, 2019, 05:17:42 PM
Quote from: Apestrife on 09 February, 2019, 04:26:34 PM
Once upon a time in a math class during a test, a classmate asked out teacher: "How many sides does a dice have?".

Our teacher said she refused to answer that.
She should have told him to roll for knowledge check (using a D20) ;)

If we only were that clever. Can be said that where I grew up Ludo was the norm when it came to table top gaming ;)
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actu...
Post by: sheridan on 09 February, 2019, 06:44:02 PM
Quote from: Bolt-01 on 20 October, 2004, 03:47:14 AM
Taking the topic on a tangent:

A newly qualified nurse was sent over to our stores today for a set of Fallopian tubes. :)

Cue hilarity and laughter.

Bolt-01


That's scary - not somebody just starting a nursing course, but somebody who has actually qualified!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tjm86 on 09 February, 2019, 06:45:46 PM
Quote from: Apestrife on 09 February, 2019, 05:07:39 PM

Haha, and the answer to that was?  :lol:

... 42!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: paddykafka on 16 February, 2019, 05:37:35 PM
A neighbour's girl-friend was astounded to discover that there were "...Homosexuals going back as far as the 18th Century
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Mardroid on 16 February, 2019, 07:03:26 PM
I overheard a lady at work saying she wasn't keen on pork because it tasted too much of pig.

To be fair, she isn't stupid at all, (and I kind of get what she means.), but she comes out with amusing things.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: M.I.K. on 19 July, 2020, 12:04:52 AM
Three examples of what is technically ignorance rather than stupidity, all uttered by people in their fifties, all within the past few years...

Example one : I was having a conversation with someone I was volunteering alongside in a charity shop when I somehow got onto the subject of meteors and comets.

"Yeah, what are they? I mean, where do they come from?" asks co-worker bloke. It transpired that he wasn't just wondering about their chemical makeup but had absolutely no clue about them whatsoever. When I told them they originated from outer space he went "Do they?" with genuine surprise.

Example two : I was talking to a neighbour who'd lived in the area for over a decade, when I made some mention of the "monument" down the road.

"Aye, what is that thing exactly?", enquires she.

The monument is a war memorial. It is very obviously a war memorial. It looks identical to thousands of other war memorials dotted up and down the British countryside. It has a wreath of poppies placed upon it every year. She drives past it every single day. When she asked the question it had poppies on it.

Example three : A couple of weeks ago, my brother and I were out for a walk when a local farmer stopped his vehicle to talk to us. The conversation somehow moved on to the time my brother was volunteering in Greece moving baby chameleons from one area to another, away from a busy road.

"What are chameleons?", asks the farmer.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Richard on 19 July, 2020, 01:17:06 AM
That's too depressing.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: The Mind of Wolfie Smith on 19 July, 2020, 09:38:05 PM
Someone on the phone trying to convince me why Boris and Britain had been doing "incredibly well" during the Covid crisis.

I pointed out that (at the time of speaking) only 21 people had died in New Zealand as opposed to umpteen tens of thousands here.
"You can't compare us with New Zealand. Nobody wants to go to New Zealand."
So what about Japan? I protested.
"Nobody in Japan shakes hands. We shake hands. We're friendlier. You can't compare."
Germany then? I suggested.
"You can't compare the British with the Germans."
Unable to respond to this telling argument I then suggested that perhaps our excess deaths had been worryingly high.
"But that's because we haven't had a flu outbreak this winter. So those statistics are meaningless."

So get your logical chops round that.
And I'm sorry to say both that the above conversation really did happen and also that, outside our echo chamber, it really is reflective of some very widely held views.

There is no hope.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Funt Solo on 19 July, 2020, 10:15:47 PM
I've been hoping that Covid could magically just kill all the idiots as they breathe stupidly in each others' faces whilst ranting about how masks are an impingement of their human rights.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: von Boom on 19 July, 2020, 10:17:20 PM
It's not just Britain and such. I had a conversation with an old dear from Denmark who steadfastly refuses to wear a mask. She said it was not a big deal and when I mentioned the dreadful death toll she said that was 'just statistics'. Her granddaughter was standing next to her and I said if your granddaughter had died I doubt you'd be saying that it was just a statistic.

There are idiots everywhere.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Tjm86 on 21 July, 2020, 04:47:04 PM
Quote from: von Boom on 19 July, 2020, 10:17:20 PM
Her granddaughter was standing next to her and I said if your granddaughter had died I doubt you'd be saying that it was just a statistic.


Well, if Stalin is to be believed you'd need 999, 999 more deaths for that ...
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: paddykafka on 06 August, 2020, 10:41:29 PM
Wasn't actually said to me - I heard this one on the radio - but it was too good not to mention. A woman was talking about a friend of hers who thought she might be pregnant. Wanting to be a good, supportive friend, she bought four pregnancy test kits just to be certain. All four tests proved to be positive. Her friend burst into tears when the fourth test proved conclusively that she was indeed pregnant. The lady was somewhat confused at this reaction, considering that her friend and the husband had been actively trying to conceive.

"I know," said her friend. "But how will myself and the husband be able to afford to raise four children?"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Dandontdare on 07 August, 2020, 09:10:11 AM
Working in medical insurance we have to ask people about their symptoms, what treatment they're having and with which doctor or hospital. My favourite conversation was:

- My GP's referred me for an ultrasound scan
- That's fine - where will the scan be taking place?
- My Testicles. (long pause) errrm... London Bridge Hospital.

Others I've heard about include:
- My wife's been referred to a gynaecologist
- What are her symptoms?
- She has a lump on her lobelia

And the famous call when someone got very angry that we wouldn't fund an ultrasound scan for his dog "I've got my policy document here and it clearly states you cover PET scans!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Bolt-01 on 07 August, 2020, 11:40:55 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 07 August, 2020, 09:10:11 AM
And the famous call when someone got very angry that we wouldn't fund an ultrasound scan for his dog "I've got my policy document here and it clearly states you cover PET scans!"

Guffaw!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: milstar on 14 February, 2021, 11:45:32 PM
I honestly heard so many stupidities which sadly I haven't put them all down on paper. But some I still remember.

-Communism/socialism is utopia
-Every scene in a movie with bare chests and butts is fanservicing.
-Covid is no worse than flu.
-This I heard once (or read in newspaper, I can't remember) about Brexit. One gentleman said, to paraphrase:"We won't the war. We won ww1, we won ww2. We don't need those bloody Germans telling us what to do. We won the war.
-Trump advising people to drink bleach.
-When I said that it's bad to lead the country like a businessman, which Trump does. Someone replied:"And that's why he was a good president. He didn't run the country like politicians".
-Okay, this is fairly subjective, but "Morrison's Batman run is the best."  :)
-Bergman's movies are characters all shouting at each other.
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Definitely Not Mister Pops on 14 February, 2021, 11:47:45 PM
Quote from: milstar on 14 February, 2021, 11:45:32 PM
I honestly heard so many stupidities which sadly I haven't put them all down on paper. But some I still remember.

-Communism/socialism is utopia
-Every scene in a movie with bare chests and butts is fanservicing.
-Covid is no worse than flu.
-This I heard once (or read in newspaper, I can't remember) about Brexit. One gentleman said, to paraphrase:"We won't the war. We won ww1, we won ww2. We don't need those bloody Germans telling us what to do. We won the war.
-Trump advising people to drink bleach.
-When I said that it's bad to lead the country like a businessman, which Trump does. Someone replied:"And that's why he was a good president. He didn't run the country like politicians".
-Okay, this is fairly subjective, but "Morrison's Batman run is the best."  :)
-Bergman's movies are characters all shouting at each other.

Cool
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: Funt Solo on 14 May, 2021, 04:11:55 AM
Dentist, on emplacement of the first stage of an implant:

"Now, it's important that you don't sneeze for three months!"
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: TordelBack on 14 May, 2021, 08:18:52 AM
Quote from: milstar on 14 February, 2021, 11:45:32 PM
-Okay, this is fairly subjective, but "Morrison's Batman run is the best."  :)

Stick around, you may hear this one again from sources sharing spatial co-ordinates, volume and appellation with yours truly.!
Title: Re: Stupid things people have actually said to you.
Post by: milstar on 14 May, 2021, 08:48:14 AM
Quote from: Dandontdare on 07 August, 2020, 09:10:11 AM
Working in medical insurance we have to ask people about their symptoms, what treatment they're having and with which doctor or hospital. My favourite conversation was:

- My GP's referred me for an ultrasound scan
- That's fine - where will the scan be taking place?
- My Testicles. (long pause) errrm... London Bridge Hospital.

You want to kill me by laughing?

Lmao