Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[mogzilla]

"a newly qualified nurse was sent over to our stores for a set of fallopian tubes"
They tried that with me when i had a brief stint as a student nurse..The "long stand" BUT! one of the third years in our nurses home told me about these shenanigans so i went on an extended break,and later returned with a drip stand i'd found on my travels ,put it up as high as it would go and told the smug cow"this is the longest one i could find"
   She natuarrly had it in for me for the rest of my placement.

[Dark Jimbo]

One of the girls at work got very annoyed back when Yorkie brought in its 'Not for Girls' wrappers off the back of that old advert.

'It's not fair,' she'd whine, 'I don't think they should be allowed to discriminate like that. I used to really like Yorkie too.'

They've still got the same wrappers and I don't think she's dared to have one since.

[Funt Solo]

Hotel Manager: "You treat this place like a hotel."

[Peter Wolf]

  " Who do you think you are !!  ?? " Half  question -  Half exclamation.   A bit of a stupid question i always thought .Do they mean do i think i am someone i am not ? Do they think i think i am myself ? Do they mean am i acting like someone i am not ? Do they think that i have some sort of personality disorder or multiple personality disorder that is constantly changing ? The more you deconstruct that remark , the wider its implications are.


 

[House of Usher]

On a recent weekend trip to London I went to see 'Wicked,' the musical based on the novel that depicts the events of The Wizard of Oz from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Wicked depends for a lot of its impact on the audience's familiarity with L. Frank Baum's original story. How can you get the most out of an entertainment that depends for a lot of its impact on the subversion of a well-known text unless you've had prior acquaintance with that text? Bear in mind The Wizard of Oz is more than a hundred years old, it has been around as a film musical for seventy years and it's on television quite often.

Anyhow, sitting behind a row of teenage girls I heard "who was the little girl with the pigtails the Wicked Witch had imprisoned in her castle?"

[Paul faplad Finch]

Why were they even there?

I like this thread mind, not seen it before. It reminds me of the first few weeks at the now defunct builders merchants I worked for.  I got the nail holes and tartan paint gags, which I fail to see how anyone could fall for, but I did slip up with the long stand one. Hands up, they got me.

One other one they got me with was 'sky hook'. I maintain to this day that that isn't a fcking gag. I feel no shame for falling for that one. It sounds like a perfectly reasonable name for a product in a shop that sells 1000's of varities of thingumys and whatsits involved in the construction of houses. I told them that as well, which didn't go down well in a place where you are supposed to accept mental and physical torture without complaint for at least a couple of months as the 'young yt lad'.

Anyway, stupid things people have said to me. A fellow worker at said merchants once told me not to fill the kettle from the hot tap. Because that water  "doesn't have as much oxygen in it" 

[Christov]

" Who do you think you are !!  ?? " Half  question -  Half exclamation.

Oh gawwwd, I hate when people say that. I just tell them my name and expect them to shut up.

It works. Well, most of the time anyway.

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Even now after years of being out of the forces, people upon knowing what I did ask me, "did you know (insert name) as he was in the army?" As if I would know every fucker. Jesus I didn't even know half the bods in my own Regiment

[HdE]

Somebody once said to me 'my granny lived to be 88 years old! That's amazing! Imagine living to be 44 and realising you still had half your life to go!'

D'OH!

[Cthulouis]

One other one they got me with was 'sky hook'. I maintain to this day that that isn't a fcking gag.

Used to work on a building site where they did this to one of the other people I was working with. As I watched him walk off in search of the hooks, I thought, 'hmmm, I suspect Sky Hooks don't exist, but that really doesn't work as a joke.'

I really despaired at their sense of humour when they sent the same guy off for a 'long weight'. Then they looked at me and said "hurr hurr, do you see what we've done there, you can't get long weights, how heavy something is isn't the same as what shape it is..." I tried to explain that something can be both long and heavy at the same time, but they just didn't get it.

Thankfully I don't work there any more.

[Peter Wolf]

"Are you in the queue ??"

Well WTF do you think ??

I like to kill time by hanging around in shops with stuff i want to buy and waiting in a line.

[Dark Jimbo]

"Are you in the queue ??"

Well WTF do you think ??

I like to kill time by hanging around in shops with stuff i want to buy and waiting in a line.

In fairness, Pete, a lot of people do just sort of hang around at tills and queues, gazing into space. Christ knows why. Then they seem surprised that you've asked whether they're in the queue, despite the fact that they're standing at the end of it (or, sometimes, right in the middle of it).

"No," they reply, blinking stupidly, as if to say 'Why on earth would you think that?'

"Well then, erm, would you mind... y'know, getting out of my way?"

And it's only at this point that they turn, stare at the queue around them with dull, bovine curiosity and realise where they are. "Oh," they say, "sorry. I didn't realise."

[Peter Wolf]

"Are you in the queue ??"

Well WTF do you think ??

I like to kill time by hanging around in shops with stuff i want to buy and waiting in a line.

In fairness, Pete, a lot of people do just sort of hang around at tills and queues, gazing into space. Christ knows why. Then they seem surprised that you've asked whether they're in the queue, despite the fact that they're standing at the end of it (or, sometimes, right in the middle of it).

"No," they reply, blinking stupidly, as if to say 'Why on earth would you think that?'

"Well then, erm, would you mind... y'know, getting out of my way?"

And it's only at this point that they turn, stare at the queue around them with dull, bovine curiosity and realise where they are. "Oh," they say, "sorry. I didn't realise."

Well yes thats very true but its all i could think of.

Most of the stupid things i have had said to me are comments that were posted on another forum.

[House of Usher]

"There is a queue."

Four words that get my back up every time. Told "there is a queue," I look around, see a pole with a sign on it which reads Please queue here, and say "no there isn't." Really winds me up when people mistake the point at which a queue is expected to form with an actual queue. A queue is a line of people waiting to receive goods or a service.

If I'm the only customer waiting to be served I don't need to queue.

[Dandontdare]

I work in a call centre that has several different 0845 and 0800 numbers coming in. We get lots of wrong numbers - the benefits/national insurance one is a common one (as is Argos Pet Insurance and the Recycling dept in Newcastle for some bizarre reason) and it never ceases to amaze me that some people simply won't believe you if you tell them they've called the wrong place, or they get arsey at me as if it's somehow MY fault they're too stupid to dial a number correctly.

The height of madness however are those occasional souls who seem to accept that it's the wrong number, but STILL EXPECT YOU TO HELP THEM WITH THEIR QUERY ANYWAY! I was sorely tempted the other day to just make up a National Insurance number for someone as they were very insistent.