Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[TordelBack]

I wasn't keen on the assessment for senior research staff, which involved having to make recommendations based on documents they deliberately didn't give you enough time to read.

Along those lines, there was (what I thought was) a really good test as part of the government Archaeological License oral exam when I took it many years ago.  It was couched in a bit of role-play where the (rather intimidating) four-person panel played the role of a local authority planning board, and threw you a map with three alternative routes for a new road, and asked you to recommend one.  There was a scary few moments where I pored over this map trying to identify the area and dredge my memory about it, then tried to identify and assess sites and areas of potential from the OS mapping background, before copping to what the test was really about:  not making snap decisions without sufficient information because you feel under pressure to do so.  Instead you were supposed to take them through all the steps of further assessment that would be required to give them a proper answer.  Very clever, I thought - more so when I found out how many charlies from my intake had felt obliged to pick a route and argue it.

Mind you, nothing was as awful as the final test, the Tray of Terror: a tea-tray filled with odds and ends that you had to identify, date and provide references/authorities for, which sat on the table throughout the exam under a cloth, menacing you with its unknowability all the while.

[Rog69]

A couple of my faves -

The wife and I were on a plane on approach to the Dominican Republic and I looked through the window down at the clouds and I remarked that I hoped we get some sunshine as I had heard that the weather can be overcast there. The wife looked through the window and said "Well, it's out now and has been most of the way here"



A couple of years back a group of us went out for a carvery meal and we were standing in line to get our food and I overheard the following conversation between the chef and the woman in front of me who was getting served at the time -

Chef - "Hi xxxx, long time no see. How are you?"

Woman - "Fine thanks, I haven't been here for a while, I think the last time was when I was still pregnant"

Chef - "Oooo congratulations, what did you have"

Woman - "The beef I think"

[TordelBack]

Chef - "Oooo congratulations, what did you have"

Woman - "The beef I think"

Great first post, Rog!  Arf!

[mygrimmbrother]

Idiotic woman boasted at work the other day that she had 'a fifth sense about these things'. I wonder which one she's missing.

[House of Usher]

Chef - "Oooo congratulations, what did you have"

Woman - "The beef I think"

I think she's a great wit. Must have been taking notes from Oscar Wilde!

[Hoagy]

The beef thing.. that's a three panel strip in the guardian in the making. Ha! :-D

[Cthulouis]

Overheard in the greengrocers this morning, a gentleman was informed that he was 10p short, he ferreted around in his pocket for some change and asked 'is it a silver or a bronze coin?'

In fairness, I have seen this happen when people are from places that use different coins.

The other day someone tried paying me with a euro. He seemed surprised when I chalenged him, but I still think he was just trying to pull a fast one.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Yeah, it's 74, but

That's more like it.

[Peter Wolf]

Agreed. I worked, for a while, with the two guys who wrote a lot of the IQ paperbacks that were popular fifteen or so years ago, designing the actual IQ tests. They were very odd men, whose behaviour I can now see was something indicative of where my later career would take me. Those who know what I do will know what I mean. Perfectly pleasant, they were, just very, very strange.

Basically, once you crack "how to do them", there's no "intelligence" involved, it's just a skill to learn. I regularly score 141plus on IQ tests, and was a member of Mensa for years, simply because I knew how to do them. Believe it or not, I once saw one of these gentlemen fail massively to work a coffee machine and then put his Anorak on inside out. They also could not grasp "dressing appropriately for the weather".

SBT

Just my little joke....

I wonder if they are anally retentive ?

[Dandontdare]

Overheard in the greengrocers this morning, a gentleman was informed that he was 10p short, he ferreted around in his pocket for some change and asked 'is it a silver or a bronze coin?'

In fairness, I have seen this happen when people are from places that use different coins.

An American lady who'd just arrived at Heathrow once asked me how many shillings there were in a pound. I explained the whole pound shilling pence thing in great detail, including farthings, bobs and half-crowns.

I just 'forgot' to mention we'd decimalised several decades previously! I only wish I'd been able to see the hilarious misunderstandings that ensued later!

[Mike Gloady]

An American lady who'd just arrived at Heathrow once asked me how many shillings there were in a pound. I explained the whole pound shilling pence thing in great detail, including farthings, bobs and half-crowns.

I just 'forgot' to mention we'd decimalised several decades previously! I only wish I'd been able to see the hilarious misunderstandings that ensued later!
[/quote]

I like it. 

If only i knew/cared about our ancient coinage I'd consider doing this myself were I ever asked (unlikely).

[wild-seven]

Overheard in the greengrocers this morning, a gentleman was informed that he was 10p short, he ferreted around in his pocket for some change and asked 'is it a silver or a bronze coin?'

In fairness, I have seen this happen when people are from places that use different coins.

The other day someone tried paying me with a euro. He seemed surprised when I chalenged him, but I still think he was just trying to pull a fast one.

I got the feeling that this bloke still thought in pounds, shillings and pence...

[HdE]

I dunno if this really counts as on-topic, but here goes...

While shopping in Tesco one night, I realised I'd saved a pile of money and decided to survey the DVD aisle.

While I was browsing there, an elderly couple there turned up and started rifling through the movies there.

'What about this one?' the old dear said to her husband.

'No.' He said 'My Beautiful Launderette. It's all about poofs!'

'What about this one?' the old lady said.

'No.' The old man said again. 'Cabaret - hff! Poofs again!'

'What about this one, then?' Asked the old lady, adding ' you like westerns, don't you?'

The old man looked at the case for a few seconds and said 'Yes. Let's have this one.'

And off they went to pay for their copy of Brokeback Mountain.

[Roger Godpleton]

Genius.

[House of Usher]

Incredible! Except that I have faith in your integrity, that sounds totally made up. Well done for being there to witness it!


Pre-Christmas an older couple were rummaging in the DVDs in Asda and couldn't believe the title 'Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus', and wanted to share their amused disbelief with anybody who happened by, and that person happened to be my partner. "What do you make of that then?" the old geezer asked, "Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus!" - "I haven't heard anything good about it, to be honest," she replied.

"No, I wouldn't have thought so," was his response, but he was still obviously delighted to have spotted something so improbable. I wonder what he made of Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town?