Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[Rog69]

I overheard at work today a manager explaining some new process to one of his minions and he said he would have it printed off and marinated for everyone.

[TordelBack]

Here was a guy who bludgeoned his wife, left her bleeding to death and hid his bloody clothes in the attic (!)

I partcularly liked his defense - if he'd meant to kill her by bashing her skull in with a brick, he wouldn't have done it on the decking where they could be seen from the lane.  And anyway, she was nagging him about not putting food out for the robins, and not (as you might imagine) the fact that he was shagging someone else.  Could happen to anyone, really.

What a piece of shit.

[TordelBack]

Crap, I'm double-posting, ah well.

Just got a text message from a site foreman from Cavan who I'm working with at the moment, and discovered he texts EXACTLY as he talks, and I quote:

"De machen will b dere in de monin".

(Translation: The machine will be there in the morning)

Can't decide if he's a genius or a total eejit.   

[House of Usher]

I heard at work about an Irish contact called Keith, who used to tut about the London office being unable to say his name properly. His name's not 'Keef' after all. "No, of course not," said a Welsh colleague with perfect received English pronunciation, "it's obviously pronounced 'Keith'."

Keith then paused, non-plussed, not entirely certain that was right either. I am informed he pronounces his own name, quite correctly, as Keit'.

[Goatilocks]

According to Dylan Moran, the English 'do' the Irish:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4MwblcGZbI&feature=related

[HdE]

I have a friend who won't look at my DeviantArt page because ''deviant' is a bad word'.

Actually more charming than stupid.

[Peter Wolf]

I have a friend who won't look at my DeviantArt page because ''deviant' is a bad word'.

Actually more charming than stupid.

I have never been quite sure why its called DeviantArt anyway unless it was something that came out of the tattoo subculture.

[HdE]

I'm just releived she didn't say ' i won't look at your DeviantArt page because your work is sh*t!'

[wild-seven]

Me: "ah such a display of rapier sharp wit"

Them: "and there's no-one rapier than me"

Me: ".........!"

[Mike Gloady]

Anon: "Jesus hasn't got a green face and a fucking telephone dial glued to his forehead!"

[Cyberleader2000]

Not so much what was said to me but it was a notice in a curry house window it said and I quote "Try our curry's you'll never get better"

[House of Usher]

Me: "ah such a display of rapier sharp wit"

Them: "and there's no-one rapier than me"

Me: ".........!"

I say, that's jolly clever, albeit very sinister. Is it not what they meant to say?

[HdE]

Reminds me of Sam Goldwyn's comment on a Hollywood script having 'warmth and charmth'.

[johnnystress]

The Keith thing reminds me of the conversation I had with a guy from Limerick, where I tried to explain to him that the words "Death" and "Debt" do not in fact sound the same.


The Irish equivalent of this boards Waugh/War debate I suppose

[TordelBack]

Waugh?  What's he good for?  Absolutely elegant biting satire.  Waugh.